#so theres no good outcome we either dont talk and she doesnt care or we do talk and she doesnt care
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when am i gonna learn that opening up to people never works out cause i finally say what i wanna after a billion messages or 20 minutes of talking but at that point they're already so OVERwhelmed they just give me a lackluster yeah. i need to save the self analyzing for therapy but idk intimacy is being known so like....Wtf.....wtf!!!!! doesn't anyone i know know how to validate someone and like active listen lmfao. come on people. y'all can do this
#blah blah blah#its called overshading for a Reason#especially lyla cause i go PLEASE listen to me i am.....venting or opening up now#and shes like. uhhh okay. but doesnt say no#and im like. so i can i guess. ok#and then im like heres all my life and feelings and selfhood issues and my fear and my pain#and shes like#yeah : ) i hear you! and then says something literally not applicable at all which ofc makes me spiral bc now im scared everytime i talk or#am vulnerable shes just over it but she wont TELL me#its so anxiety inducing legitmately#i cant jusf ghost her either she wont care lol#she doesnt give a shiz if we dont talk#so theres no good outcome we either dont talk and she doesnt care or we do talk and she doesnt care#its....DEPRESSING#ugh whatver vent over
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Relationships: WayV
MaeKun
if it werent for the the laws of ncity he wouldve asked her to join wayv and stay in their dorms
Since they don’t live together or are part of the same unit they don’t really spend a lot of time together but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to be with Mae
Large parent/protective older brother energy
not as protective as 127 hyungs but you know
Yeah she’s a menace when she teams up with other WayV members but she doesn’t clown him as much as they do it’s cause she saves that energy for doyoung lmao
mae claims she visits the wayv dorm for him but he’s 50% sure she’s just there for the animals
the other 50% is because she wants him to cook for her which he does even if she doesnt ask
hes like those parents who insist on giving you leftovers to bring home to your family
he taught her to do magic tricks bc she was insistent on wanting to learn at least one
okay but honestly she thinks he really cool despite all the clowning she does to him
like singing? dancing? cooking? visual? magic? and he can fly a plane????
one of the reasons she has high standards ngl
MaeTen
ten has unofficially adopted her whether people like it or not
he has fought with taeyong and doyoung about it she is his baby
if mark and johnny are his brothers, mae is basically his younger sister
if you look at his photo gallery he has a folder dedicated to mae and mae only
any photo or video of them together is basically ten clinging to her like a koala
he looks at her like she put all the stars in the sky but the same goes for mae
she has admitted in an interview that ten is one of her role models because of his talent and work ethic
whenever she needs help with dancing he’s one of the first people she asks
xiaojun once asked him who’s his favorite between yangyang and mae and you could see him malfunction for like six seconds before jokingly scolding him
“yah how could you ask me that type of question?”
fun fact! ten was the person she asked to go with her when she got her first tattoo!
he arranged the appointment at the place where he got his and held her hand when she was getting it
Lowkey considered getting matching tattoos but never really took the time to think of what tattoos they’d get
MaeWin
another top ship among czennies
these two are so soft for each other omg
just one glance at the two and you’re already melting
You can see Yuta screaming about MaeWin whenever the group is together and they’re interacting
And if you can’t see it you’ll probably hear it
MaeWin: casually talking
Yuta: is this what heaven looks like
MaeWinMark is just yuta’s weakness and he doesn’t even bother to hide it
Okay back to MaeWin before I get ahead of myself and make an entire post about Yuta and MaeWinMark
If they’re gathered in a large group their interactions aren’t really noticeable unless you’re actively looking for it
While the others are talking you can just see Mae playing with his hands or winwin giving her a soft smile while patting her head
They talk more when they’re either in a small group or just the two of them
MaeWin shippers were devastated when they got separated so when nct 2020 happened they went feral
Every once in a while they go out for hotpot and talk about what has been going on
LuMae
this man right here
they first met when she was visiting NCT U dance practice for BOSS with food and she heard him from the hallway
its one of the reasons why she wasn’t intimidated by him even though hes a giant
she was excited to see what kind of energy and personality he would bring to nct
and she was not disappointed at all
personal hype man
whenever they’re on a variety show together and mae is asked to do something he just yells “FIGHT HAEYADWAE”
of course the same goes for mae but less loud bc last time she kept yelling she lost her voice and couldnt talk for the rest of the show
He just has this energy where if he’s hyped up about something she feels energized to be hyped up well so you just hear the both of them cheering loudly
its always interesting to see because you just see a gentle giant cheering loudly with this smol girl next to him trying to match his energy
he always makes sure she’s comfortable when they’re at a schedule
like we know how he’s really silly on camera but he’s also very observant and caring
one time mae complained about how her feet hurt from the heels she was wearing so he just picked her up bridal style and walked to the van without a word
XiaoMae
They’ve heard abt each other from Kun and ten and greeted each other when they passed by each other in the halls but they never really had a chance to grow close until nct 2020 happened
Mae wasn’t in the Make a Wish unit so there weren’t a lot of chances to get to know each other while promoting either but it doesn’t mean they’re not friends
ten also hogs her attention when she visits the wayv dorms but we dont talk about that
these two arent as close as the others but not to the point where they actively avoid each other
whenever they’re together they just vibe
theres no awkward silence or small talk they just talk about random stuff
“no lucas, i dont hate xiaojun hyung we just dont hang out as often as we do”
“yes hendery we do have each other’s numbers we just don’t talk often”
WayV is lowkey tempted to lock the two of them in a practice room together and do a vlive to see what’ll happen
prime candidates for “It’s Awkward but It’s Okay”
their dynamic is kinda DoRen where they pretend to be awkward around each other as a joke
like they went out together once and everyone as excited bc omg they were interacting
XiaoMae shippers are starved for content and will accept any crumbs that come their way
HenMae
the duo people didnt know they needed until they met
its not like people didnt want them to become friends its just that theyre energies match well
these two are such a vibe
you know how there are ppl who don’t see for long periods of times but you still want tackle them in a hug whenever you meet? yeah its like that
kun sometimes wants to separate the two bc of how much chaos they cause together
they’re the duo where they think something is a good idea at the time but ends up as something bad at the end
kun has banned the two from the kitchen bc of a fire they started
HenMae shippers are thriving because of all the stories of the dumb shit they’ve done
lowkey considered doing a series together on nct daily but then the channel stopped uploading vids so it was never mentioned again
one time he was on call with his sister when she walked in and accidentally mistook her as his gf and now they jokingly have each other as bf and gf in their phone contacts
ten nearly had a heart attack when he saw the contact name pop up and mae picked up the call
yangyang has the whole thing recorded on his phone and refuses to delete it
MaeYang
(A/N everytime i see this gif i need a moment to pause and try and remember my ideas cause my head goes empty when it comes to yangyang)
okay if HenMae are chaotic, MaeYang are worse
kun doesnt need to dye his hair gray bc of all the stress these two cause him
czennies thought they didnt interact much bc of different schedules and groups but once nct world happened they changed their minds
MaeYang slowly climbing up the ranks of nct ships
during one of his lives yangyang mentioned how he spoke a lot with mae and that she wanted to add him to the 00liner gc
czennies lost it that day bc 1) holy shit theres a 00liners gc and 2) why tf hasnt yangyang been added into it yet
insists that she calls him oppa/hyung even though theres only a one month difference between them
Mae and Yangyang: whispering in the corner of the room
kun: theyre either talking shit about someone or world domination and i cant tell whats worse
he tried teaching her some german once and she now knows like three sentences
“Hallo, Ich bin Mae. Was geht ab? Mir geht’s gut.” (A/N this is the outcome of my three years of german lessons everyone)
and basically all the swear words but we dont need to talk about that
haechan jokes that he’s stealing mae away from the dreamies so he wont be the maknae in wayv
#nct 24th member#24th member of nct#nct female addition#nct female oc#nct au#kpop female addition#nct addition#nct dream female member#nct dream female addition#nct 127 female addition#nct 127 female member
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@rockformed replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...
what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀
WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)
it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.
ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)
so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy
however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.
eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.
the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.
the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit
he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh
the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry
but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao
he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it.
and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said
THIS BITCH
said
“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”
so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT
anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????
so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.
bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me
"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."
me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"
me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"
#babbbles#just like#fuck that guy?#legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.
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Its so hard to figure out which people are good and which ones arent
In college i really wanted to be friends with this one guy - he was in my friend group - ... he talked with me personally. We hung out one on one. He invited me to things. We joked around. But i always felt this wall between us. Like all signs pointed to us being friends but i coupd feel his deep rooted dislike for me. Of course its not like he ever hid it
Apparently my temples move when i chew... he asked me why they do that... i didnt know they did until then
He made fun of my clothes
He always told me i was doing stuff wrong or inappropriately
He told me i wasnt good at art and basically that im not smart
He outright told me no boy would ever like me because im ugly
Stuff like that
But when other people were jerks to me he stood up for me
Everyone else in our friend group would yell at him for the things he said to me... and they hurt everytime... but all the other things i mentioned. I convinced myself he was actually just being honest with me and calling me out? That we had a good relationship and i was just paranoid. After all he didnt even like people. I was one of the only people he talked to
But
I was friends with his ex. I became friends with her and then they started dating and she broke up with him and he never got over her. Turned out after 3 years he just talked to me to stay close to her. The moment he became interested in another girl - he stopped hanging out with me. And the second the ex stopped hanging out with me - he stopped talking to me
And any one of the mean things he had said yo me over the years should have clued me in to the fact that we werent actually friends. That the wall i felt was there
But then. Like i have this one friend. She super judgmental. She doesnt like a lot of the things i like and will go into tangents about why theyre bad. Shes a bit full of herself and things the stuff she likes is superior. She has a very black and white view of the world and shes not very sympathetic- mostly taking the “i told you so” route to most things.
But shes literally one of the only people in this world i could 100% trust and genuinely cares about me. Like shes proven this over and over again and shes probably the most selfless and generous person ive ever met
Its so hard for me.... to protect myself. ... i dont have a black and white view of the world but i do have it in regards to people around me. And its because i am INCAPABLE of liking a person without trusting them.
Once i get beyond aquaitance level with someone i cant help but be all or nothing.
Ask me how my day was - ill tell you everything
Ask me for help - ill drop most things and give you my all
Its not like i cant talk to aquaintances like a normal person. But the moment we start hanging out and texting or have a really good conversation where we lay out some serious thoughts - for me the floodgates are open
After that intial break through aquaintance i either like you or i dont. And honestly. Most of the time i like people. I don’t expect everyone to be the same and so long as you dont say a bunch of bigoted bs or act like an asshole (or a creep) - ill probably like you.
Lol i say that as though i dont dislike a lot of people. Idk thing issssss i dont even get to the regular talking with most people cause i kinda observe people before i even talk to them. Sounds weird. I dont like legit watch them. But i take notice. And i listen. Ill look at them when everyone else looks at them. And most times. I do decide - i dont wanna talk with them.
But when they talk to me or i dont dislike them while observing them. Then aquaitance talk.
So yea. Idk. I talk to jerky people who are a bit awkward and ill be like - eh. They dont mean to sound like an asshole. Their social skills are just a bit off
Or theyll start oversharif about intimate things and im like - theyre excited to talk to new people. Just an open person. Thats good ill know them better faster
They say some kinda jerky things about other people i just assume theyre going through a rough spot
What im saying. Is. I make excuses for people subconsciously once i decide i like them.
I cant tell what are red flags. And even when i can i just count it as them making a mistake. Especially if they apologize for it. I make mistakes all the time too- im sure they didnt mean it
Then maybe theyll do it more and ill take it as them feeling comfortable enough with me to know i wont judge them
I never end friendships. Other people end them with me.
Theres only one person in my entire life who i talked to but didnt want to and i tried to stop talking to her a couple times but she had a literal army of people obsessed with her who would come after you if you upset her at all
But yea otherwise... ive never ended a friendship with anyone...
Then after they stop talking to me im like
Hm. Well. There was that time they basically admitted to hating me. I really should have picked up on this outcome back then
And i think about all the times they hurt me and am like. Why did i put up with so much bs?
Because i hate being alone. Thats why. Idk i like people easily and i dont wanna go eat alone.
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