#so then it became an issue bc i couldnt get out of the housing contract despite trying everything
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#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT#uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#so like my sister means well but shes ALWAYS so bitchy#like she cant figure out when its NOT her place to talk#EVER#so like heres the deal: i live very close to my college but i dorm there for this first year bc i was CONVINCED that i needed to bc itd be#fun and more exciting and easier and i ‘needed the college experience’ etc#but all it turned out to be was lonely and sad and boring#it became a place for me to wallow in my own negative thoughts and feelings in between forcing myself to do extra work bc there was nothing#else for me to do and ill cut to the chase#i have NO friends either AT ALL. NONE.#so i hate staying there it makes me very uncomfortable for these reasons and more#so then it became an issue bc i couldnt get out of the housing contract despite trying everything#and like the AWFUL person i am im not just sucking it up and staying there.. im staying home most of the time#and i feel so so guilty#bc my parents are spending SOOOO much money for my boarding#AND i feel like im making myself look so bad and ungrateful to my roommate and her friends#bc im just never there and i dont wanna make them feel bad bc they cant just go home whenever they want ya know#but i also wanna cry everytime i have to go back to my dorm#and the last thing i wanna be in ungrateful and difficult but i actually HATE staying there in my dorm#ANYWAYS MY SISTER....#im supposed to be going back to my dorm tonight but like i have so much work to finish and i hate doing my work at school + everything i#mentioned already so i keep asking to stay home instead and just be brought back in the morning for class#sooooo i do this and my sister starts screaming abt how awful and ungrateful i am#and then she says ‘mom if i had a daughter like her i would want to die’#and im gonna be thinking abt that now for like weeks lol#like i was ALREADY guilty enough abt this but now i just wanna quit#like i dont wanna do any of this anymore and i dont know what to do#personal#mine
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