#so the answer is yes because drugs are a core part of developing their character dfghjk

[skekheck]

Have the heretic skeksis and his mystic counterpart smoked a drug, and gotten high from it?

To quote Jeffery Addiss:

“We had a strong image of [skekGra and urGoh]; they're trying to look into the future but they're not tapped into Thra, so the way they do that is by doing a large amount of drugs. So we thought of them as very much Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, except one was on uppers and the other was on downers”.

[hopeymchope]

How would you rank the 18 Class Trials from THH, DR2, and V3 from worst to best?

This is... virtually impossible for me, lol. Comparing the trials from each game to each other?

How about I just rank them within each game? That'll make it a little easier for me to deal with...

DR1

6) 5th. It's driven by lies and ultimately rushed to its end before the characters can draw any solid (pointless/meaningless) conclusions. So of course it's last for this game, and it’s probably last for the entire series as well. If there are any saving graces to this trial, it’s the surprise when your closest ally is willing to let our protagonist die... and that this trial contains the fake/bad ending route.

5) 3rd. Although the main culprit is pretty obvious from the jump, it requires some surprising twists to explain how everything got to be the way it turned out. But did I always find those twists plausible? Errrrm... not really. 

4) 2nd. Pretty good trial that's hurt for me by the fact that there'd barely be any need for a trial at all if a certain third party didn't dick around with the evidence for no reason. Also, the dual nature of Toko is an incredibly predictable reveal. Without those two aspects dragging it down, though, this could easily go higher.

3) 1st. Sure, the major hint given and, subsequently, the eventual culprit are pretty obvious, but this one establishes so much about how the trials work and how much the details you observe will matter that it’s still pretty fun that first time around. The initial surprise of the first victim makes for a great way to keep you invested in the trial experience. This trial is damn near iconic now, so it feels almost mandatory to respect it.

2) 6th. DR1 still has the best "final trial,” easily. SO MANY great reveals, and they all totally work for me. Nothing rings false or disappointing, and it also features Makoto finally coming into his own and taking the lead. I nearly labeled this my top pick for DR1, but...

1) 4th. It's easily the most emotionally dramatic/satisfying for me, and there’s something weirdly inspirational for me about Hina’s incredibly harsh stance during it. This one GOT ME IN THE FEELS, and in part that was because I saw so little of it coming. After the more predictable elements of the first and third trials, this felt like the writing was firing on all cylinders. 

DR2

6) 2nd. You have to accept a couple leaps of logic to make this trial keep flowing, and the fact that trial is ultimately reliant on someone noticing a candy that’s very small and hard to see while the person is also in a stressful situation and they are groggy from being drugged/asleep and it necessitates the person retaining this seemingly useless detail inside their brain .... that’s always bugged me.  The “escape route” conversation even retroactively raises questions about the first trial. Oof. On the upside, the reveals it brought us about Fuyuhiko and Peko were incredibly important, satisfying, and legit surprising turns. And it’s pretty cool how it’s basically a two-for-one combo trial because you have to solve the Twilight Syndrome case before you solve the current case. 

5) 3rd. Other people have pointed out the leaps of logic and missing pieces of this trial, but at the same time, the candlelight hanging is so intense and the ultimate reveal of the culprit is such a brutal turn that I have to give it some props. The culprit’s primary plan is ultimately one of the most ingenious in the series, IMO, and definitely one of the most twisted/fucked-up, which earns it some points. 

4) 4th. This is probably the single murder case in the franchise that I understood the absolute least about when entering the trial, for better or worse. On the one hand, that made it really fun to see the mystery gradually unfurl, but on the other hand, it made it tough for me to provide the right answers at certain points in the trial, leaving me fumbling. A big part of those issues was how it was initially hard for me to wrap my head around the nature of the funhouse via the provided 2D graphics... but once I eventually got there, I had to respect the creativity that went into devising such a “weapon.” Also, it can be hard to tolerate Komaeda in this trial. He’s even more of a know-it-all-but-reveal-none-of-it jackass than ever before, and his turn towards overt cruelty towards the others (and Hajime in particular) left me raging. The culprit reveal is good, but the motive does beg the question of why he didn’t just come forward from the jump.

3) 6th. There are a lot of great reveals in the final trial that totally reframe how you see the characters, and some of them are deliciously twisted. There’s also a ton of great dialogue provided, and in retrospect, it’s actually sort of neat to have one endgame mastermind reveal in this franchise that doesn’t involve the “They were hiding among us this whole time” trope. All that plus the surprise return of our surviving heroes from the first game! However, this is also where they officially reveal a core element of DR2 and its setting that I've never liked. This knocks the trial down a few pegs for me. Of course, by the time you reach the trial, I'm sure 99% of players have already figured that particular "twist" out. There’s adequate evidence to predict it in the first freaking chapter, and I know this because I DID predict it in the first chapter of my initial playthrough... which further hurts the supposed “reveal” of the island’s true nature when it comes around. 

2) 1st. Probably my favorite of the “first trials,” there are lot of components that go into this one. There’s a combination of two premeditated killers plus one spur-of-the-moment accidental victim, there’s a satisfying (though admittedly maybe too easy) reveal of the killer being one of the most unpleasant people to be around during the first chapter, and I really dig how audio became a very important component of the mystery due to the total blackout. This is also the part of the game where we learn just how twisted Komaeda really is, which is HUGE both in terms of its immediate shock factor for a total newcomer and in terms of its impact on the game as a whole. Of course, since it’s a “first trial,” it can’t be too complicated... but they still manage to confuse so many of us with “MEAT ON THE BONE” :P

1) 5th. Again, I will almost always give the most emotionally intense one the top slot. The “traitor reveal” is obviously THAT MOMENT in DR2. I also love how this one used the strange internal logic established early in the game RE: Komaeda’s luck to develop the eventual solution. And forcing us to make use of evidence gathered in multiple locations outside of the immediate site of the body/murder? That more complexity of that type that I see relevant to a trial, the more I appreciate it, and this one has loads of that stuff. Although I guess the investigation isn’t technically part of the trial itself... but it’s still very relevant to it. 

DRV3

6) 4th. I found this whole trial to be just... extremely predictable. Maybe it’s because I was so far into the series that I’d gotten used to its tricks by this point, but this was the most predictable trial for me since the first one in the first game. The whole looping/rollover map setup of the VR? Obvious. The murder weapon? Obvious. Our culprit’s ongoing confusion at everything discussed? Obvious. There were only a couple of points I didn’t have already figured out when I walked into the trial room, and those turned out to be basically irrelevant (such as the bottle of poison). The eventual motive is at least a surprise, but I also found it hard to accept that this culprit would really kill people over it. Overall: Super lame. 

5) 3rd. Another double murder trial, and once again one murder overshadows the other. The séance murder is definitely clever. Sure, you know the culprit pretty early on, but the methodology is the good part. However, the real fascinating one for me is the art lab “locked room” murder. Going into the trial, I couldn’t fathom how they were going to explain that one, and I found the answer both smart and satisfying. It’s funny to imagine how many times the culprit had to try that stunt with the lock before it actually worked, heh. This is probably the best of the three “double murder” mysteries in the series, but the trial isn’t as emotionally affecting as the 3rd trial in DR2 to me. Moreover, the trial loses points for the most infuriating Hangman’s Gambit of the series and especially for the motive reveal. When the killer’s motive can be boiled down to “they’re basically just a psycho serial killer,” it’s not very interesting.

4) 6th. The first part of the trial, which deals with re-assessing the first case? It’s pretty damn on-point. That leads to the mastermind reveal, which... isn’t great, really. It’s not a terribly interesting character to make the mastermind, they have no interesting motives or characterization to unevil, and they’re ultimately just a pawn behind another, off-screen group of masterminds. But then things get uproariously funny to me. The metatextual stuff is just so goddamn ridiculous. It’s frustrating and annoying how much of our not-mastermind’s explanation is clearly full of lies and half-truths that we’ll never have complete answers on, but that’s also part of what makes it all fascinating. We get to swap protagonists like four times! There’s a fake-out Game Over! These are really cool things. But it all leads down the road of our protagonist arguing that fiction does affect reality (yes, good), that fictional people can still matter (definitely) and that... fictional lives are equal in value to real ones? Uhhhhh slow down there, champ. That only works for YOUR universe, where fictional people can be made out of living, breathing individuals. But in light of the metatextual stuff you’re surrounded by, you kinda sound silly AF right now?

3)  2nd. Look, this is still incredibly irritating to me. Also, if you go down the alternate “lying” route at one point, you are forced to accept that these piranhas were somehow trained to only eat dead things, which is just... so deeply dumb.  But what is good is the entire ropeway conceit (which is a very significant part of the trial!) and the idea of the partition inside the tank. This was a murder with an elaborate, intelligent plan that is very well-executed. And the motive reveal? It’s one of the best in the series! I respect that stuff. (If I had the right to toss the execution in as part of the soup, I’d say that it’s also one of the series’ best. Let’s call it the icing on the cake.)

2) 1st. The writing that made this trial work is undeniably clever. The way the narration told us exactly what was happening without really telling us what was happening? It was a masterstroke of both great writing and perfect localization coming together. When it becomes clear during the trial what is about to happen, it’s a huge shock. The transition to another protagonist with the lights flickering out and back on is beautiful. Even the core concept of a protagonist who was willing to step up and try to kill the mastermind immediately is just deeply interesting. And obviously this one made my emotions run high. HOWEVER! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kaede Akamatsu was a more interesting, unique, and compelling protagonist than Shuichi Saihara ever was. Ultimately, the protagonist-swap, no matter how well-written, was a mistake because they shifted us from a unique character with an interesting new perspective to a character who is, in many ways, “Makoto Naegi with even less self-esteem.” Yes, I know he has aspects that make him distinct as his own person, but there’s still just too much there that feels like we’ve done it before, and he never fully escapes from that. It feels like a massive waste and a huge missed opportunity to ditch Kaede like this. Now, if they had just done the protagonist swap in reverse — making us start out with Shuichi before flipping things over to Kaede — we could’ve had ourselves something amazing here.

1) 5th. I know I decided that I couldn’t rank all among each other, but if I did do that, I feel confident that the 5th trial in DRV3 would rank very high indeed. You go into the trial unable to even determine who the victim was due to the fact that two people are missing and there was nothing left of the body that spoke to an identity. Going into it, you naturally figure that one of the two missing parties has to be the victim and the other one is probably the culprit. But even with just two friggin’ suspects, the amount of turnabouts in the case that made me rethink all my assumptions was insane. Sure, the explanation for how the person inside the Exisal can maintain “character” is pretty damn thin, but once you get past that, I don’t think there’s a single false note in the trial. It even breaks unprecedented ground by continuing into another Non-Stop Debate after everyone has already voted. And of course, it culminates with a lot of intense emotion. Even the execution is emotionally satisfying! ..... although I’m not sure if I should count the execution as part of the trial, but hey, still. As far as Dangan trials go, the fifth one in DRV3 is basically a masterpiece.

[loneewolfe]

anonymous sent... ( ‘ technical machine character development questions ’ )

toxic — does your muse have any unhealthy coping mechanisms? what are they? do they know that they’re unhealthy or not?

HA do you even need to ask. yes, holy shit. while most of max’s drug and alcohol use is solely recreational, he absolutely has used it as a coping mechanism, trying to use enough that he doesn’t have to feel anything. and yes, part of him knows it’s a terrible thing to do, but in the moment he doesn’t care.

horn drill — are there any personality traits that would stop your muse from pursuing a relationship with someone?

yeah, absolutely. he wouldn’t ever want to be some someone manipulative or like, a genuine asshole. like, yes, he’s an ass, his friends are asses, but there’s big difference between being a petty bitch and being abusive, and he’d never put himself into that.

take down — is your muse competitive? is this competitive nature specific to one activity (ie sports) or to everything they do?

i almost said no. i did. and then i remembered him not taking no for an answer from rafa because he wanted to prove to himself and everyone else that he was better than him. so, yes, but only some things, the things that are important to him. games, no, proving he’s what he thinks he is, yes.

double-edge — does your muse have any personality traits that are a double-edged sword?

his hedonism is a big one. for the most part, he does the things he does to enjoy himself, but again, sometimes those things can go too far, and he’s going from what makes him feel good to what makes him feel good and nothing else, refusing to feel anything else.

ice beam — is your muse usually cold to others? if so, what does it take for them to warm up? if not, what could make them turn cold?

he’s not necessarily cold, but he’s very indifferent to anyone that isn’t his core circle of people, and it takes him a while to warm up; he’s lived his life with the same clique of friends, and he has zero intention of widening that circle.

hyper beam — does your muse have any paralyzing fears?

fears, yes, paralyzing fears, no. not unless he would potentially lose his dads or something like that.

submission — are there situations where your muse is more passive than others (ie talking to strangers, with their boss, etc)?

god, no, not at all, while max is relatively casual with his friends and dads, he’s very dominant in interactions, taking charge an not letting the other person get anything over on him. he gives them due respect, sure, but only that he feels like they’re worth.

counter — is your muse capable of coming up with quick comebacks in an argument?

absolutely, he’s great at it. i’m not, but he is. he’s not always very interested in arguments and tends to get bored pretty quickly, but if it’s called for he can absolutely hold his own.

rage — what’s one thing that makes your muse inconsolably angry?

people hating his dads!!!!! he doesn’t even care about what people think about him but he is ready to commit crimes when it turns into them.

mega drain — what wears your muse out the most (ie work, socialization, etc)?

not too much, because max loves being out and experiencing new things, but when things are out of his control or his feelings get too strong, then that absolutely wears him out. drama, feelings, fun things like that.

thunderbolt — are there things that your muse would find shocking (ie a random factoid, that someone liked them, etc)?

absolutely that someone likes him romantically, actually wants him around for who he is and not just for sex. max being wanted as a person and not a sexual conquest isn’t something he tends to think about outside of family and friends, so for someone to want him romantically is just so wild to him.

earthquake — does your muse know any secrets that could ruin someone’s life?

max knows all sorts of shit that i am not at liberty to say. he doesn’t care a whole lot for gossip, honestly, but when things come up, he listens and keeps them in mind. not to mention the amount of people he’s been with that willingly and happily have slept with and provided drugs and alcohol to a minor, because i highly doubt this is a brand new within-the-year development for him.

fissure — does your muse have any relationships that they’d like to fix?

now that he’s back on good terms with aki and audrey, he really wants things to be okay with him and pops again. they are, for the most part, he took him to where he grew up and talked to him and he’s clearly working on forgiving him and being around him again, and he wants to continue that.

dig — when your muse makes a mistake, are they quick to own up to it or will they ignore that they’ve done any wrong?

somewhere in the middle. when max makes a mistake, he plays it off as if he didn’t, until it gets through to him that he’s hurt someone in the process or needs to apologize, and then he will, or at the very least try to make up for it.

psychic — does your muse have any intrusive thoughts? if so, what are they?

hmm, no, no more than the average person, not unless he’s spiraling.

mimic — what are some mannerisms that your muse has picked up from others? do they recognize that this is the case or not?

there’s probably some things he does that his dads do too, but for the most part i like to think that there’s not much max picks up, because he honestly doesn’t always pay that much attention to other people or what they’re doing.

double team — does your muse act differently when they’re around people vs when they’re around others? is this intentional or subconscious?

“around people or around others” i’m going to pretend this is asking about close people and people he is not close with. yes. he is not as caring and as warm with people he has not deemed Important to him, he does not want them around and he doesn’t much mind letting them know.

reflect — is your muse able to self-reflect? do they use this reflection to improve or not?

he is but he doesn't want to <3

bide — is your muse more patient with some things than others?

for sure! max can be very patient, especially when it comes to looking after or spending time with someone he’s close to, while he doesn’t have much patient for other people or the dumb things they do, or traffic. he hates traffic.

metronome — what kind of music does your muse listen to? does it change depending on their mood or what they’re doing?

he listens to gay people music. i’m sorry to be stereotypical but look at gideon. he listens to records of musicals and showtunes.

self-destruct — what does your muse look like when they’re angry? do they explode, are they quiet, do they bottle it up, etc?

he bottles it up until the right time, and that point he will definitely yell, and i feel like he might cry when he’s angry sometimes, too, depending on what it’s about. like he will be yelling but also he is crying a little bit because his emotions need somewhere to go.

fire blast — is your muse a good cook? what would they consider their “specialty”?

oh my god i thought this said cock and i was like hell yeah he is ( i’m sorry ). but good news he is also a good cook! and a good baker!! he would probably consider his croissants his specialty which is why he made them to try to win pops over.

swift — is there something your muse will never miss (ie an ex friend, a place, etc)?

hm. that is a good question. i don’t think so. like it or not he’s got a soft side to himself and does tend to miss things and people that were close or important to him.

skull bash — what does your muse do to focus?

well. takes an adderall.

soft-boiled — does your muse have a soft spot for anything? if so, is there a reason?

the answer he has given me is: MISS LUNA LA. he adores her they have a trans woman pansexual man bond.

sky attack — is there something your muse finds attractive about themselves? does this extend to other people?

a lot of himself, honestly, he knows he himself is a very attractive person, his jawline, his eyes, his muscles, and he definitely thinks those things are attractive in other people too.

thunder wave — does your muse like to take things slowly, or do they tend to rush?

i wouldn’t say he does one definitely over the other, he follows his own speed depending on the situation, although he’s happy to go at a different pace if the person he is with in this situation wants it.

psywave — is there an important memory your muse has that they wouldn’t like to forget?

a lot of memories growing up with his dads, tbh, his first memory with saskia, getting to know her too, cooking with rocky, going to shows with his dads.

rock slide — does your muse prefer outdoor or indoor activities?

max just loves Activities, tbh, depends on what’s available for him! he loves to be in and party and drink and have fun, and he likes to be outside and go to events and shit like that, he’s happy!

tri attack — does your muse work well in groups, or do they prefer to work alone? does this change depending on who they’re working with?

depends what he’s doing and who he’s with, for sure. group projects with people close to him, with friends, scheming with saskia, he loves that, but like, a school group project he cannot stand.

[bonesliketambourines]

top five of ‘20

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank you @xanthippe74 for the tag!

well! it’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? 

i hadn’t written fanfic at all since like 2012 prior to this year, and that was in a completely different fandom; when drarry grabs you, it grabs hard, eh? i wrote 51 fics this year and there’s still time for more 😬

picking my top five is hard! i already went a little too into my feelings about what are probably my automatic first choices here and here, so i’m going to exclude those from this list!

i always make the ‘i love all my children equally’ joke from arrested development about my fic, but for the most part i’m really telling the truth—i know not all my fics are incredible or excellent, but i put time and effort into all of them, and even the not as good ones are part of my journey as a writer, because i really feel i’ve improved by leaps and bounds this year. i’ve certainly gotten better at producing a quality fic at the eleventh hour, haha.

honestly though, there absolutely are some fics that are a little closer to my heart (besides the two mentioned in the links above), so i’m going to attempt to narrow that down into five!

in no particular order:

the best kind of bad: this was an expansion of a discord drabble, and is my first attempt at writing first-person, ever! it also was a bit of a tone shift from my previous efforts up to this point—a little darker, a little ambiguous, less focus on humor and snappy banter and more on making the atmosphere match the vibes i was going for. this was my first more ‘open ending’ fic that doesn’t answer all the questions it put forth, and i definitely have taken that and run with it in the intervening months!

push and pull you down: so i think by now everyone in the drarry fandom knows about this gifset, right? of course when a fest all about inspiration from gifs and images came out i had to use this one! i’ve always loved the idea of a totally unredeemed draco who isn’t trying to be nice and conform to post-war life, a draco who still uses his money and his name to get his way no matter what. and what better exemplifies that than drug-peddling and sex on potions? i also have a lot of thoughts about harry as an auror—i love writing him as confident and competent, of course, but equally do i enjoy writing him questioning himself and wondering if maybe this path isn’t for him after all. also, smoking is sexy and that’s that on that.

in knots: so, full disclosure; i didn’t like this one at all when i first wrote and posted it. it was kinktober and here i was writing a sad, strange little fic about PTSD and living up to our legacies and how our images of ourselves are based so much on our parents, and the adults in our lives, and the things we were told as children. what the fuck is that doing in the middle of all the relatively hot smut i wrote? but, up it went, and when i re-read it the next day, i completely changed my tune. it’s rough, sure—all of my kinktober things are as they’re not edited at all, but this one has probably more feelings per capita than almost anything else i’ve written, and it got right to the heart of a lot of the character motivations that i have in my head when i write these two, but don’t always articulate.

in His name: ahhhhh man. okay. so this one really, really got away from me as you can tell by the word count. i didn’t edit or revise any of my kinktober fics before posting them, but this one i spent a lot of time researching first, and i’m thrilled with how it came out. as someone who grew up watching buffy and had a long-time love affair with supernatural, writing something with sexy demonic possession has always been on my wish list, but it’s not exactly a common thing to work into the harry potter universe! i got to sprinkle this fic with all of my favorite tropes and i think i managed to maintain the intensity of the fic throughout the whole thing, even though it’s so dang long haha.

in charge: so anybody who’s read my writing knows that i have a pretty particular style of draco and harry that i write. even if i adjust their personalities, there are some core tenets that remain. i went a totally different route for them with this one, and i love how it turned out. forcing myself to step back and throw away everything i’m used to for characterization was so, so fun, and this dynamic and vibe is just so tasty that i may have to come back to it!

and yes, three of the five of these are from kinktober. i found that having to come up with new ideas every single day really stretched my writer muscles and forced me to go outside my comfort zone in so many ways; it was a challenge to not just write the same exact scenario with a cut-and-paste kink for the smut, but at the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, i really think i achieved that, and i’m quite proud of everything i wrote that month. it made me a better writer and i highly recommend that everyone participate in something like this if they’re able!

and hey would you look at that—you’ll get the chance! i’m going to take this opportunity to link to @hpkinkuary, which will be a list of 28 kink prompts i’ll be posting in mid-january and hosting throughout the month of february! there will be an ao3 collection and some very pretty graphics that i’ve yet to make, and there are no rules or participation requirements, so if you feel like you might want to give it a shot go ahead and give that account a follow!

i’m tagging @tackytigerfic, @dracoladon, @shealwaysreads, @maesterchill, @p1013, @quicksilvermaid, @pineau-noir, @peachpety, and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it; make sure you tag me in it so i can see your replies!!

[siren-theories]

Maddie Bishop's treatment by the writers in Season 3

(tl, dr: Maddie deserved better this season) SPOILER WARNING: This post includes spoilers up to and including Episode 308 “Till Death do us part”.  I apologise to the readers for - after a long hiatus - not writing another analysis post first. But I felt the way Maddie was written in Season 3 deserves its own post. So let us take a look at the the way Maddie was written in Season 3, the inconsistencies with her earlier established character traits and the possible justifications for this treatment of her by the writers. 

I. Introduction

I generally do not like to post about a show which has not finished its current season. That is because a lot of developments only make sense in retrospect and only then the viewer can know why the writers decided to emphasize certain developments. As such, I am usually trying not to write episode reviews and engage in wild speculation about what will happen next episode. I much prefer writing after the end of a season. 

Looking back on all the shows I have seen in my life, there are only a few that come to mind that had a great third season. The West Wing and the Wire are the prominent examples that come to mind. 

(Shameless West Wing Plug. I so miss this show and its intelligent characters, especially in the current political climate). 

Other shows meanwhile go completely off the rails (like Andromeda, which never recovered from its Season 3). So in general I tend to be very forgiving to shows entering their third season, not expecting much. Thus I would usually not write something like this. 

But: I worry about the treatment of a character I feel very protective of, the chracter who is my favourite character in the show: Maddie Bishop. 

(Vivat regina.)

Her being my favourite character might be surprising to the reader considering most of the posts on this tumblr are about Ryn (and to a lesser degree Ben), while I have written only sparingly about Maddie. But that is simply because Ryn and Ben are more interesting characters to analyze. Emotionally, they tick the "lets root for them" box for me, despite - and because of -  their character flaws. Those flaws always add to the story in a fascinating and dramatic way. 

But Maddie Bishop I RESPECTED right from the start. This is in no small part because I always felt drawn to her analytical, logical, scientific side. In cheesy terms, I felt a bond with her because I could easily think of me acting the same way she did in many situations. For me, she was easy to emphatize with, easy to like and very easy to root for. 

But this season has been hard to swallow in some respects.

In the words of the Godfather: 

(Tremble in awe of my awesome MS Paint skills) 

Note that this does not apply to all of Maddie's actions. In fact, the vast majority of her actions this season are no big deal to me and fit her character. Many of the actions Maddie seems to catch a lot of flak for on other parts of the internet seem perfectly justifiable to me as they do not go against the core traits of her character. 

I have no issues with many major decisions Maddie made this season, including but not limited to: 

She is totally right to re-evaluate her relationship with Ben. Everybody should probably do so when their boyfriend confesses that he let somebody intentionally drown. (It also is not the first time they have broken up. One breakup per season seems to be the norm with those two, not the exception.)

Her hiding the fact of Ryn being her girlfriend to Robb was the right and logical choice. Most people do not talk about their sexuality in face-to-face situations with strangers.  Let’s remember that they all agreed to hide their relationship even when having dinner with Ben's family...so why would people expect Maddie to refer to Ryn as her girlfriend to strangers? 

I am also okay with her deciding to pursue a relationship with Robb. Even though I view him as a giant waste of screentime he seems like a good guy in total. (I really hope his introduction pays off in future seasons because right now it feels as if he has taken double or triple the screentime he should.) 

I could go on but I feel the point has been made. What I am however definitely not okay with are the instances where Maddie acts like a complete idiot. Those show a massive failure to respect established character traits by the writers.

Because one thing Maddie Bishop is not is an idiot. 

She probably is the smartest character on the whole show. And she is definitely not a hypocrite - in fact, her strong moral core is what made her that great of a character in Season 1 and 2. 

Let me just highlight a few situation this season where I disliked heavily how Maddie was written.  

II. Revealing the secrets of the Sirens and their existence to a total stranger ?

“Remember this big secret people are literally getting killed over? I wonder if I should talk about it to this guy I met for a few coffees...not like letting other people knowing about it has ever hurt somebody....Ian? What is an Ian?”

Over the span of a few days, Maddie does the following in Season 3:

Reveal information about the Sirens to a total stranger, even going so far as to show him secret Siren history in the cave

Bring a complete stranger into the maritime laboratory (what exactly could have been her thought process here, what did she hope to gain by this?)

Doing the above despite being repeatedly warned not to do so

I can live with Ben being an idiot and refusing to heed warnings until it almost kills him because that is who his character is - somebody who lets his emotion, empathy and character flaws get the better of him at times despite his good intentions. Him taking stem cells is thus consistent with his character and at the very least a justifiable writers decision. To a lesser degree this also applies to Ryn and her total lack of impulse control. Ben and Ryn making bad decisions it is very consistent with their characters - and yes, this even applies to making stupid decisions. (For Ryn, agreeing to work with the military in Episode 207 “Entrapment” is but one example). 

But this is NOT Maddie and never was.

The Maddie from previous seasons was so very invested in keeping the secret that she hid it from her own father in Season 1. This led to the awesome scene between her, her father Dale and Ryn In episode 107: “Dead in the water”.

She hid this secret from her own mother in Season 2 (heck, she even hid her relationship with Ryn from her). She hid Ryn from her best friends, her former boyfriend and her coworker. And yet, suddenly some stranger from outside town waltzes in and within the span of a few coffee dates she goes and spills the beans to him? After being explicitly warned not to do so? Without even being in a relationship with Robb at that point and knowing next to nothing about him?  If you had held a gun to my head and forced me to pick somebody who would be dumb enough to just reveal the secret of the Sirens to outsiders, Maddie Bishop never would have been my answer. 

I could see Ben “Bad Judgement” Pownall and Ryn “No brakes on this train” Fisher doing so. I expect Xander and Calvin to be trash at keeping secrets because that is consistent with their past behaviour. But Maddie? No. Not Maddie. Not the girl who hid her mother’s addiction from the world as best she could. Not the woman who was okay keeping Ryn a secret from her own father. And not to a total stranger. 

This is Ben-level stupidity. Actually, it is worse than that. Blabbing about the mermaids to a total stranger without being under any kind of duress is by far the most stupid thing any character has ever done in this show. It risks not only Maddie herself, but also the Sirens as a species. It is even worse than Xander telling Nicole about Helen's family burials at the end of season 2. It is irresponsible and completely outside Maddie's established character traits and her past actions. It is unbelievable. 

III. Killing is different when my (animal) girlfriend does it 

Besides turning her into an idiot, the writers also turned Maddie into a hypocrite in stating Ryn letting Ian drown is different than Ben doing the same. Nevermind the fact that Ryn has actively killed people (and probably will continue doing so). 

(Why is it different when two people react exactly the same?Because.....reasons. The best reasons. People tell me they are the best reasons. My uncle went to MIT and invented these reasons. Big brain time.) 

So the writers had Maddie claim it is different when Ryn does exactly the same thing as Ben. It also is okay for Ryn to kill somebody who was no real threat to Ryn (or Maddie with Ryn being there). Remember when Ryn killed the drug dealer in Episode 205? Ryn was toying with the guy throughout the whole fight and clearly enjoyed killing him in a brutal manner. She even grins during the fight once she realizes the guy has no chance against her.

And yet, Maddie was okay with this. But it is not okay for Ben to let somebody drown who was  a) a homocidal maniac who used his car as a deadly weapon, having attempted to run Ben over twice previously b) somebody who could not be trusted c) who had just kidnapped a drugged-up Ryn.

I cannot remember when I ever groaned in frustration at anything Maddie had done or said throughout the course of the show. This must have been the first time and it is especially jarring in response to the following scene in 206:

(Ryn does not. The writers might.) As I said above, I am more than okay with Maddie evaluating her relationship with Ben, what I am not okay with is her immediate declaration that Ryn killing people is different...because she is Ryn? And I hate how it has one particularly ugly implication - that to Maddie, Ryn killing people is just what she does. The conclusion to be drawn from that is that Ryn is indeed a predator/animal first to Maddie than a human being. 

And this is obviously inconsistent with Maddie's earlier actions. 

First, she did not mind somebody eliminating threats before. She was okay with potentially having to hurt people in order to defeat the sonic cannon in Season 2. She was “willing to fight” to protect Ryn and her species. And several times Maddie carried loaded guns and was ready to use them herself in the series. 

She also always believed in Ryn's humanity. I am sure the many scenes between Ryn and Maddie in Season 1 and 2 are fresh in everyone's mind. Suffice to say that Maddie has always believed in the humanity of Ryn, starting with the car scene between the two in Episode 102 or the trust scene in Episode 103, which I have linked below. 

(and where did this dynamic go btw?)  Which ties in neatly with my next point: 

IV. The Marginalization of Maddie regarding Ryn and Ben  

Let me start by saying that breaking up the trio to focus on Ben/Ryn (and probably continuing to focus on those two) is not something I want to critize from a storytelling perspective. Final judgement on the storytelling will be reserved until the end of the series. As this issue is inextricably linked with “shipping” preferences, I think at this point I have to explain where I stand on the issue. I would prefer Polymarine as I think it really fits the characters best...but I can live with Ben/Ryn. This is in no small part due to Eline Powell and Alex Roe doing some of their greatest work on this show playing off each other. See for example how in Episode 306 they improvised with her hair sticking to his body after a hug and turned that into a tender gesture...great impromptu acting without breaking character. If the writers want to explore this (or any other) relationship  further I can respect that decision from a storytelling perspective because I think the payoff will be satisfying to me as a viewer.  Even though I feel it would have been better to explore Ben/Ryn in the context of Polymarine I begrudgingly accept the right of the writers to tell the story the way they want to.  

And If nothing else it leads to stunning visuals - image credit to @crayonboxhearts, more gifs from this scene at the link. 

But I dislike the way in which the writers set it up and executed it this season because (as outlined above) it sacrificed some of Maddie’s core character tenets and had her acting out of character. 

Having the trio become a duo on its own in an organic way without the above would have been preferable IMO. There were enough angles the writers could have chosen to facilitate that in a believable manner. They could have focused on the connection Ryn has with Ben, they could have had family reasons...et cetera pp. And they also could have used some of the issues Maddie has in her own past to justify a breakup. All of this would have been (IMO) preferable to what we got. 

What we got was something that felt as if it was written to check some boxes to set up the future plotlines and in doing so marginalized Maddie with regards to her importance to Ryn, Ben and the overall story. 

Granted, the show tried to show Maddie and Ryn's feelings for each other and they spent some time showing Ben moping after her - but in light of the significant strides made in the Ben/Ryn dynamic these scenes feel more than a bit hollow. 

And anybody who has watched episodes 308 could just see the role of Maddie as it relates to interacting with Ryn and Ben getting smaller by the minute. Ryn and Ben now have their own little circle, one which only seems to include Maddie on the periphery. Nowhevere was this stronger on display than in Episode 308, with Ben and Ryn making lifelong promises to each other.

Ryn: “I will live on Land. With you.” Ben: “On land. You mean, stay human?”  Ryn: “Yes. Here. Together. Human.”  Ben: “What about Hope?”  Ryn: “She can be with us. As a family.” Ben: “I can’t ask you to do that.”  Ryn: “It is my choice. When it is time, I will be human with you.”

Notice how Maddie was not even mentioned once during that conversation? And yes maybe it would have been a bit weird to include her in the dialogue . However this is not an isolated incident.  Later on Maddie is not even in the same frame when Ryn and Ben actually exchange a wedding ring and make a “til death do us part” promise. Let me repreat this: They are exchanging wedding vows and Maddie is not even in the frame.

(Yes, technically not wedding vows, but only due to the circumstances surrounding them - the sentiment and meaning was there. FFS, she is even wearing white). 

And sometimes it is something as simple as Ryn in 308 kissing Maddie on the cheeks and Ben straight on the lips. 

There could not have been a more clearer message than the contrast here.  And this was clearly intentional on part of the director considering these frames followed each other immediately.  

And then of course we get the followup scene on the docks where Ben is literally standing in the middle between Maddie and Ryn, before turning and following Ryn, both leaving Maddie behind. Observe the contrast between that scene and the pier scene in Episode 203. 

203: 

308:

(Ngl,seeing her standing alone there in the dark hurt) And some of that can be viewed as a logical development of Maddie no longer being in a relationship with Ben (and whatever kind of relationship Maddie has with Ryn, it is clear that Ryn is not staying at Maddie’s place at all). Siren has always been about the relationship of the main characters within the tight-knit circle and it is clear that at this point in the story Maddie is not part of the inner circle anymore. 

V: Maddie’s role in the story

And if Maddie would be doing something else, something central to the story of Bristol Cove, something that would valiate her character and make her essential to the plot in other ways, it might be enough for me or at least end up softening the blow. But is that the case? 

The side characters that have the closest connection with her (Dale and her mother Susan) have not even appeared once this season. And we had Xander replace her in her role as the gun-carrying backup which Ben calls first when stuff goes down in episode 306. So far there has not been a critical “Maddie moment” this season that was absolutely essential to the plot. She figured out the reason why the pool was not working in Episode 307 but it was Ben who came up with an actual solution to the problem.

(A caveat: Ben usually is the one who figures out solutions in the show (cf 208) so I might just be overreacting here.) But what exactly is left of the crucial role that Maddie had at the start of this season? Is she still as important as the other two main characters with regards to story development? I really hope the Finale will make me look like a fool for even asking that question. But I hate having arrived at a point where it even is a question once can ask legitimately.

VI: Previous acts of plot

This is not the first time the writers have decided to ignore established character traits in order to tell a certain story.  I have written before how it made no sense for certain storylines of Season 2 to play out the way they did in Episode 214 and 215 - except in the context of them serving the overarching plot.

Specifically, Ryn not knowing Ben's last name despite living together for weeks and months and suddenly going haywire after hearing it made little sense. And yet it was clear why it had to happen - because the writers wanted to tell a specific story. (A longer argument for what happpened and why can be found in the middle of this post if you do not want to take my word for it.) They wanted to do so because it led to great payoffs for the viewer:

1) We had an awesome discussion between Maddie and Ryn in Episode 214 

(Remember how emotionally intelligent Maddie was in that situation? Where did scenes like that go?)

2.) It led to several great scenes between Ben and Ryn and also provided further justification for Ben’s choices in 216. 

In retrospect,  the plot contrivances of 214 were done by writer's fiat to setup a scenario that would test the relationship of the trio. This created more drama and paved the way for a satisfying payoff at the end of Episode 215/216. In doing so, the writers allowed character inconsistencies and plot contrivances to steer the story towards a predetermined outcome, to the detriment of character logic and past character developments. 

And we can see a similar trend developing here. The end goal of the writers seems to have been the rock scene between Ben and Ryn at the end of Episode 308. 

And if you assume this to be the end goal in the current plot development...if the goal was to focus on Ben and Ryn...then there needs to be a breakup. Because huge parts of the storyline (stemcells, them going swimming, them making promises to each other etc.) do not work with Maddie in the picture. 

But was it necessary to sacrifice parts of her character and have her acting in a manner inconsistent with her established traits in order to do so? (Maybe they had to rush it because of lack of episode time, but then why waste so much time on Robb and Helen’s ghost stories?). 

And there is another problem: The success of this plot development will heavily depend on whether it will fit the personal preferences of the viewership. As I said above, while I would have preferred Polymarine I can live with and enjoy Ben/Ryn or Maddie/Robb. 

But for die-hard polymarine and Maddie/Ryn shippers, I feel the results might be somewhat different. And this is only made worse by Maddie being unfairly treated by the writers in order to facilitate the overall plot development. I suspect many Maddie fans (regardless of their shipping preference) will have been disheartened about how the writers made Maddie behave this season. 

I know I was. 

VII: The parallels between Episodes 108 and 308 - and why they worry me

And there is another meta-reason why I am deeply worried about Maddie and her role going forward. And this has to do with the way in which Siren’s previous ten-episode season has been set up. In Season 1, it was Episode 108 that cemented the character development happening in that season. Episodes 109 and 110 served to defeat the big bad of the season and to introduce temporary setbacks that had to be solved at the start of the following season before the characters returned to the dynamics establied in 108. 

In short, while Episodes 9 and 10 were exciting, Episode 8 of Season 1 is the pivotal episode of the season. Ryn’s desire to learn and to stay on land, her first steps into human society...all those happened in that episode. There are also strong parallels in the way 108 and 308 treated Ryn’s relationship with Ben, even ending their screentime in the episode with a impactful scene between the two (”Will you sing to me” / “Til death do us part”). Other parallels include both episodes featuring an important event in a human’s life (a wake/a marriage), both episodes involving the whole Bristol Cove community etc. 

And like 108, 308 was (IMO) a near-perfect episode in terms of performances, pivotal scenes and dialogue. Just by the sheer number of extras, costumes etc. involved the writers clearly wanted it to be important. And it was important.  It greatly drove forward the plot and I personally rate it as one of my favourite episodes of the show on its own for that reason. 

But there is one major difference that seperates 108 and 308: Maddie was very much still in the picture (literally) and a plot-driving force in her own right.

And this worries me. 

I expect the final two episodes will be about defeating the big bad of the season, as it was with Season 1. Maybe the season will even end the same way as Season 1 - with Ryn being on her own for a bit. Maybe she even goes back to the water for a longer time (or is forced to do so due to circumstances). But I also expect character development in season 4 to largely use 308 as its base. 

And now you can see why I am getting concerned here about Maddie’s diminished role. I really hope the writers have not forgotten what a wonderful character they created in her and find better ways to use her in season 4.

There are plenty of options within Siren to give her meaningful screentime again (her spending more time with Xander and Calvin for example would also give more screentime to those two, which I would love to see). But whatever the writers chose to do in the future, I really hope that it does not involve Maddie acting out of character again. 

Conclusion:

The way the writers wrote Maddie in Season 3 is not something that I agree with, nor does her diminished role in the central dynamics of the story sit well with me. Did it completely ruin the show for me? No. The mysteries of the sirens, the Pownell family saga, the question of whether Ryn has to permanently return to the sea, her child and the whole Ryn/Ben dynamic kept me entertained - and will do so in the future.  

But Maddie being this off-base and not being in the main picture definitely does diminish the show for me - and I think I am not alone in this. When I look at the failed opportunities for her character it saddens me in a major way. Even though Season 3 is still an enjoyable and entertaining season for me, it could have been much more. 

[mulderspice]

have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files?  Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head.  I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..

upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..

#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine.  Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away.  For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998.  However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair.  The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring.  Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”.  The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.

#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3.  All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening.  This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.

#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you.  Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are.  Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it:  this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories.  Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven.  Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.

#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes.  Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime.  In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.  You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.

#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it.  Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips.  But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate.   This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.

#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”.  A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.

#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair.  Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again.  What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place.  Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).

#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post.  And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today.  By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth.  Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..

#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC.  Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot.  This just makes me unhinged.  50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.  

#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live.  I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude.  Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses.  What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽‍♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this.  I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image.  Nothing means more to me than this.  1000000/10 no further comments.

and the honorable mentions go to....

s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business.  Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left.  Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too.  He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL.  An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....

I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history.  Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated.  BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair.  If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes.  He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves.  (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.)  For this we say…..; Whore rights.

s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely.  Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma.  This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.)  What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it.  Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)

[bluekaddis]

You almost mentioned Cullen as the best written character, but tbh he is written quite bad, his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition and he is made victim by narrative, while he was the very problem why Chantry sucks. Even his fans admit that. He is mostly liked because of romance.

Ugh.

I was waiting for that moment when admitting I like Cullen’s character and story arc will bite me in the ass.

TL; DR (for those who don’t want to get through my long rant) 

Let everyone enjoy any characters/romances/game choices they want. I have my reasons for having Cullen as a fav DA character and liking his story arc and I don’t think there are more problems with writing of his character than the majority of other companions in DA games. 

Full answer below

First of all – I don’t want to argue that everyone should like or dislike the same elements of fiction as I do – it would be stupid. We all have different tastes, like different character archetypes and have varying opinions on what makes a good story. I’m trying to keep my blog character positive and unless someone asks me directly to share my opinion on a certain character or plot element I prefer keeping my critique to myself. I also don’t feel entitled to confront fans who, in their own posts, state they find Cullen boring, unredeemable or overrated, even if I personally disagree with all these statements. 

If your ask, anon, stated the words “i think” or “in my opinion” I wouldn’t probably bother with such a lengthy answer, HOWEVER, you write your personal opinion like it was an objective statement, like you were in position to tell me how I should view the certain character. What did you expect, that I would suddenly realize “oh crap, NOW I see that a character and plot I had liked for my 200 hours of gameplay is actually bad, I was just too stupid to notice it!”.

Haha, no.

So, let’s go through your comment.

“tbh he is written quite bad”

In. Your. Opinion. There are people who don’t like Cullen’s character development. Some like the general idea but would make some changes if they could. Others (like me) don’t have problem with his story arc and just like to add some headcanons to fill the gaps.

It is understandable that when years pass between games, fans have time to develop their opinions and wishes of what they’d like to see. And because none of them actually writes the story it is very easy to feel disappointed and say “well, I would do it better (= my way)”. But the truth is - your way is not necessary a better way. It may be the case that “your version” would be even more hated by the fandom. Some opinions are just more popular than others and therefore may seem like they are objective but it’s an illusion. A well designed pool, with large sample size and good statistics may be objective. Opinions, on the other hand, are like farts – you always think yours are less stinky than the others’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I digress.

Yes, I think Cullen is a well written character and yes, I like his story arc. Cullen’s redemption works for me because I see it not as much about atonement for his actions as for his lack of action.

Let me explain.

Anti-Cullen fans tend to assume that he personally did a lot of atrocities, but when you look not at fandom assumptions but at his actual actions we see in games or WoT, you can see that he caused most evil by not doing shit.

He should have protected the mages.

He didn’t.

He should have questioned Meredith’s actions.

He didn’t.

He should have noticed she’s going mad.

He didn’t .

He should have stopped her before she evoked the Rite.

He didn’t.

He was very passive and basically let either Meredith or Hawke make all the choices for him. If he let Meredith decide – people died. If he listened to Hawke (based on player’s choices) he voted for whatever Hawke had proposed.

Why was he behaving like that? Probably because he had lost faith in his own judgment so he put all the responsibility on authority figures (Templar Order and Chantry teachings). Cullen’s core motivation throughout all games was to protect people and it never changes. What changes is his belief of what methods are moral or necessary to achieve that goal and whether he, as an individual, should be in a position to decide it.

In Inquisition Cullen does the opposite. He is a workaholic. He makes his own decisions (leaves Kirkwall, stops taking lyrium) and takes full responsibility for them. He doesn’t follow his leader blindly but openly states his own opinions and advice (whether they are correct or wrong is another topic). He gets really furious when someone in position of power lie to or sacrifice people under their command (like in case of Samson or Rainier). Finally, he dedicates his life, health, skills, basically everything, for a cause - to stop the war that can be blamed mostly on his former organisation, without complaint or asking for forgiveness.

And I love that aspect of his character.

In Inquisition Cullen is still a work in progress. He tries his best but his templar past comes back sometimes - and it’s good. If he was completely free of his biases, it would be damn unnatural. 

I would never say that Cullen is a flawless ray of sunshine. He can be stubborn, biased, narrow-minded, hypocritical, bitter, aggressive and vengeful. But guess what – so can all the other characters. That’s why they are interesting.

“his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition”

It is, at least for the standards of this particular game. DA:I doesn’t have full developed friendship-rivalry mechanics like DA:2 and you can’t even get approval points from advisors. The Inquisitor basically has far less options to condemn the Inner Circle’s actions or change their worldviews than Hawke (you don’t really argue with Dorian about slavery or with Iron Bull about Saarebas or Reeducators either).

But even if the Inquisitor has limited dialogue options to confront Cullen’s actions directly, Cullen himself brings the topic to the player. Cullen’s dialogue and actions in DA:I show that

he is ashamed of the person he became after Uldred’s uprising    

he knows he needs to atone for his actions and he wants to work for it

but doesn’t really believe he can fully atone for what he did

supports the reform of the Chantry, Templar Order and Circles rather than agreeing to their traditional methods

That man already hates himself, give him some rest.

And if you still think he needs an extra punishment for his crimes - Cullen is actually one of only 3 companions/advisors in DA:I whose life you can literally ruin through your choices (the other two being Blackwall and Iron Bull). If your Inky thinks that Cullen’s actions are unredeemable and he deserves nothing better than to forever be chained to the templar life he has chosen as a kid - they can order him to take lyrium again. For me it’s a heartless and morally wrong choice, but anyone can play their game however they want.

„he is made victim by narrative”

Ok, that part really bothers me. Are you saying that it is a bad thing that a narrative treats a person who has been physically, mentally and sexually abused for weeks as a victim of that abuse? Or encourages empathy towards a character fed drugs, manipulation and propaganda? Acknowledging Cullen’s PTSD doesn’t automatically result in ignoring or diminishing traumas and abuse that happened to Anders, Carl or any other character. Empathy doesn’t have to be reserved to people you personally agree with, just saying.

„he was the very problem why Chantry sucks.”

I’d say he was an example showing why Chantry sucks. A symptome, not a cause. Chantry benefits only high ranking members of that intitution + some nobles and rich dudes. Mages are abused and denied most of the rights because of the Chantry. Templars are drugged and brainwashed because of the Chantry. Common folk can’t freely benefit from things like healing magic because of the Chantry. Non-humans are treated like heretics and barbarians - because of the Chantry. The Chantry, as we see at the beginning of DA:I is a corrupt, powerful institution that has forsaken almost all ideals it had been built upon and desperately needs a reform. Everyone can see that. I have NEVER met any fan who said „yeah, Circles, Templar Order, the Chantry – they were perfectly alright, no need to change lol”. Same goes to characters labelled by fandom as pro-Chantry (like Cassandra, Cullen or Vivienne). They all see that major changes must be done, they just believe the reformation is better than abolition.

„Even his fans admit that.”

Some, yes. Others don’t have a problem with his arc. Personally I don’t think there are many Cullen fans that would agree with every single point you made.

„He is mostly liked because of romance.”

Um, no. The reason why the game developers even bothered with making Cullen a romance option in DA:I is that he was already quite liked and popular among fans, despite being just a secondary character. I’d agree that the romance plot made Cullen even more popular, especially among players who didn’t play previous games, but it is wrong to assume that the only reason people enjoy his character is because he’s a pretty boy. I played the games in order and Cullen was one of my fav characters in DA2 - I just like paragon anti-villains with redemption potential. Fight me. 

To conclude this overly long rant - I’m generally under impression that some DA fans tend to point certain aspects of Cullen’s character and story as “stupid excuses made by Bioware and fans to redeem a son of the bitch” and then use almost exactly the same arguments to defend their own favs. It’s the topic for maybe another discussion, but I think it’s a good thing to confront your own biases sometimes.

P.S. I also recommend watching this video about writing redemption arcs. Just for fun.

I rest my case. 

(thanks, Ania, for the high quality picture to sum up my feelings)

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

Send a number | Answers

Thanks again for 250 followers!!!

What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A penguin. I love them so much.

Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Sometimes I wear one of those “drug rugs” or baja hoodies. With shorts. And sometimes knee high socks. I HATE pajama pants. So if I’m cold I find alternatives. 

What song really gets you going?

Right now, Drinking Alone by Carrie Underwood. But usually Tranz by Gorillaz.

Where do you usually eat your meals?

At my dining table or in the family/living room with my mom.

Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

BRUNCH

Most embarrassing habit?

Sometimes I’ll pick my nose at the most inconvenient times like a child.

Chocolate or fruity candy?

Chocolate

Soft or hard tacos?

When I ate meat regularly, soft, with carne asada. 

Worst way to break up a fight?

Throwing a pan at them? Dude I don’t know. Wrestle them to the ground? I feel like either of those are terrible.

Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

“You’re all probably wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

What color/design are your bedsheets?

Teal. And my comforter is a black/white diamond pattern.

Any hidden talents?

I was a dancer for roughly nine years. So I’m pretty good at that.

Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

My Star Wars Luke Skywalker lightsaber water bottle. 

Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet man. Those who wear shoes in the house are weak and will not survive the winter.

 Favorite board game?

Clue!

Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

I don’t even own a fan.

Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Heat at 67.5 and a sweater. Perfection.

Do you sing in the shower?

Who doesn’t?

Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Tranz by Gorillaz. All time favorite song EVER.

Last thing you cried about?

Watching Zack die YET AGAIN in Crisis Core. I don’t think I’ve ever watched that scene WITHOUT crying.

At what age did you first have alcohol?

15ish. Wine.

Relationship status?

Single

What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

249$ A Guess coat that I absolutely adore.

What do you typically wear to formal events?

A modest dress. Heels. And a Louis Vuitton bag to match.

Favorite memory?

Probably almost getting arrested with my friends back when I was 17. We were at a closed park, after hours, past curfew, and it was like 3 am. We bought 64 tacos from Jack in the Box and pigged out in the venue. Super rad.

Gum or breath mints?

Gum

Favorite shoes?

Probably my Guess sneakers. I don’t wear them often, but I love the design.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My chubbiness. I’m not fat per say. But I’m not skinny either, but I want to look more like a classic, 1950′s pinup model more than anything.

What is the natural state of your hair?

My hair has very soft curls. Naturally, there more like “beach waves”

Have you ever had braces?

YES. WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE

Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Ghost hunting. I was illegally trespassing, and the building was real sketchy. 

Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

I’m just an embarrassment through and through. What haven’t they caught me doing. But I guess writing porn is a close first.

Last time you had an orgasm?

I’m a virgin who has never experienced anything remotely sexual. 

Celebrity crush(es)?

Sebastian Stan, Bill Skarsgard, Sam Claflin, Karl Urban, Sebastian Stan

Windows or Mac?

I’ve never owned a Mac, so I’m biased when I say Windows.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Six, seven? I was still quite young.

Makeup or natural?

MAKEUP

What color do you wear the most?

I wear a lot of neutral colors like gray.

Favorite season?

Winter.

Umbrella or rain coat?

Umbrella.

Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

No

First car you ever owned?

A 2002 Toyota. Super old, and the chip was painting off. My trunk also broke. Oil leak. Y’know, a traditional first car.

What time do you usually go to bed?

Anytime between 11-1 am.

Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

Least favorite color?

Orange.

First pet you’ve ever owned?

A cat :)

Sweet or salty?

Sweet

Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli 

Favorite kind of chips?

Cheetos

Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Writing. I love being able to put my ideas on paper, let my thoughts and emotions run free in a world where I have to act a certain way. I can be anyone while writing!

What are some of your hobbies?

Writing

Drawing

Watching too much television

puzzles

Caffeine? If so, what kind?

I’m a tea gal. But I LOVE coffee. Especially mochas and caramel. With extra pumps of espresso. Hell yeah.

Favorite kind of pizza?

Ranch and Chicken or just plain cheese.

Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

Sit-down

Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

I love having a large circle, but I choose my best friends wisely. I only have about two or three of those and they’re the one’s I keep close to my heart.

Something that ruins your appetite?

This is a bit more dark, but my dad and I don’t bond outside video games. And he’s the type that believes it’s his way or no way no matter what. So if you get him angry he acts like a two-year-old who just got a toy taken away, and will try to push your buttons until you’re the same way. I saw the signs years ago, but whenever his anger is targeted at me I just don’t want to eat. I write instead. 

Favorite labels about you?

As in names? It’s near 1 am while writing this so I might have just gone stupid. But I love it when my friends call me cutie. Or my good friend Charlie calls me Smarties. And he’ll pull out a smartie from his pocket when he does it. I also get called Reid, as in Spencer Reid, a lot.

Are you a religious person?

Yes. I try to be at least. I’m Christian.

Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Night out. I spend too much time indoors with one friend as is.

What size shoe do you wear?

9

Favorite thing about yourself?

My confidence, or my keen fashion sense. 

Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

No.

Have you ever had sex on the first date?

No.

Heroes or villains?

Villains. (Sephiroth, Bucky Barnes, Loki, etc.)

Favorite fruit?

Pomegranates. 

Least favorite fruit?

Bananas. I’ll eat them, but there are a lot better choices honestly. 

Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli

Least favorite vegetable?

Brussels sprouts

How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

About a good three. First is salad. Second is fruit. Third is desert. 

Favorite dessert?

Ice cream. Bubble gum flavor is my favorite!

Do you play any sports?

Nope.

Age you learned how to swim?

Seven or eight.

Tell a funny story.

Maybe this is just funny to me, but earlier today my cat was trying to lick her coat but she set her front paw on a piece of paper and anytime she bent over to lick herself she slid and she would have to readjust herself. She did this like four times before she decided to move.

What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

As someone who is a part of the Navajo tribe, something neat is the more fat you have on your bones the more people respect you because they believe you have money.

What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

We can’t touch cold-blooded animals. It’s said if you touch the scales of a snake, or even breath in the same air, you’ll get the same skin as them.

What job would you be terrible at?

Accounting. I can’t do math to save my freaking life.

Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

TV shows.

What’s your favorite compliment to give?

“Cute Outfit!” or “Love the Hair!” You have no idea how many people light up on either of these, male/female/nonbinary. Looking good is a happiness found across all the spectrums. 

What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

“Cute hair.” Or “Love your makeup/nails.” 

Has your opinion changed on something recently?

I can’t remember. Like I said, it’s close to bedtime where I’m at and boi, it’s hard to concentrate right now.

Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

I order the same. 

What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

This sounds awful, but I’ve always wanted to try ecstasy. I have buddies who’ve taken it and say, if you do it right, the first time is pretty bomb. 

If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Singing. I can’t carry a tune.

Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My eyes.

Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My wide hip/waist ratio. If my waist was thinner I wouldn’t mind as much.

What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

OKAY. I scored a strike on Wii bowling while i was on the toilet one time. Two rooms away and not even looking at a screen. Just using my heart and determination and it was SUPER COOL AND I WISH PEOPLE COULD HAVE SEEN THOSE SKILLS.

If you could change your height, would you?

Yes. Everyone is a good foot taller than me. So I would most definitely want a few more inches.

What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Final Fantasy 7 Remake’s Character concept for Sephiroth. The eyes, the height, the hair. WOW. In love.

Heels or flats?

Heels

What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Politics. I want to get more involved but every time I do I get so confused.

Would you want to be famous?

I wouldn’t mind. But I value my private life.

What’s something you would get arrested for?

Well I already almost got arrested for eating tacos in a closed park at 3 am. So maybe that.

What’s your spirit animal?

A cat. 

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

The fact that I graduated high school. I was developing anxiety and literally had no idea what the frick was happening with me and no one told me what it was. So I ended up skipping loads of school for that reason. 

Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Organized mess. Or just a mess. 

Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

The future.

Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Planner. I hate when things are sprung on me last minute. I have to emotionally prep up before a social event so 5-10 business days are needed.

Thoughts on the oxford comma?

I was taught to use it, but it’s literally so useless? I found myself either not using it or just doing it on instinct. So in one story you could probably find multiple instances where I use it and where I don’t use it, maybe in the same paragraph. I just do whatever fits that moment I guess.

What do you hope never changes?

My squad. I love them to pieces and it would break my heart if at some point they’d want to split.

How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

Something extremely dangerous like skydiving or zip lining across a canyon. 

[claymorecut]

Journey of a shipper: Kontae and how I fell for this ship?

OKAY! SO I'M FINALLY DOING THIS. Writing a long ass meta about this ship because hell, I love them and this ship is beautiful and I just need more content for this ship, so I'm making some myself! Before I start, it's just my opinion and I don't mean to offend anybody and second, I'm not a great analyst. I'm just going to ramble about stuff here and it's pretty long. So, enjoy!

I remember making this post about gintama ships back when I first started watching Gintama and I remember mentioning Kontae there. The sweet and kind guy falls for the hard-core and strong willed woman. A ship dynamic I really love. And their interactions, so damn funny I can't even say! And the 10 years gap didn't look like a big issue to me; they are both adults so I was okay with it. This ship looked funny to me, Kondou blushing, asking her to marry him, butt hair and all xD but also made me feel like "it may not get too far". But Idk why, I decided to stick with it. Because i was just so much in love with Kondou and Otae's characters. But in between all that, I really didn't see any kind of romance happening between these two and I was like maybe in an AU, they'd make a really good couple. It's not happening in Gintama 'cause I really don't see any kind of romance happening in this universe (and yet, I continued shipping xD)

But, I was wrong.

When the Yagyuu arc came and I watched episode 81. And my faith in this ship was restored. I know there were some ship-tease moments for gintae in the benizakura arc and the yagyuu arc but then this scene came:

I know, I know, it wasn't literal but what if it was? Well, that's not the question here. I was pretty surprised to hear this myself. Gintoki saying "She'll make it up to him" and Hijikata saying "She loves him. She's just playing hard to get" and all then Otae comes and saves Kondou from his Gorilla marriage. I got the verdict here tho. Maybe it was just for comedic purpose, maybe not. But still, it was enough for me to continue shipping them coz they looked hella cute and I just thought I'd just stick to it. Maybe, I'm gonna find something big soon. I found other ships like Hijimitsu and Gintsu! But that's a topic for another day.

AND, YES. I DID!

The pool arc came, which is like ep 217 and yes, nothing huge happened but remember how Gintoki was a making fun of Otae's breasts and how he wasn't interested in looking at her flat chest but Kondou, who was, like always, stalking her, then says he's ready to explore every part of her to find the nipple xD and Otae just punches him. Yeah that was funny. And then Tae later again comments that she can see right through Gintoki's actions and Gintoki retorts again by saying that he's not interested in her camel toe. Then this scene happens:

Kondou says he has no interest in camel toe and Tae again punches him while yelling "YOU DON'T?!"

Weird, right?

I know, it was weird for me too! But what can I say, these short details were what made me feel like maybe, JUST MAYBE, Tae has a thing for Kondou. Just look how offended she is. I know Kondou didn't mean to disrespect her neither was he rejecting her but I think Tae feels like he is. And so she goes like "what do u mean u don't?! Don't you love me!?" Even if it was just a sexual reference, it made me think that maybe, Hijikata was right. She does try to play hard and that there is something.

Then came the love choriss arc and I got a major hint.

How Sayaka-chan was Kondou's virtual girlfriend and how he introduced her to everyone in the Shimura residence. Yup then this happens.

This was stupid and weird and funny and my Kontae heart screamed "YER JEALOUS TAE!"

Just look at her going all dramatic while getting worried about Shinpachi. Well, of course she'll be worried about Shinpachi's well being and how her brother is just drowing into his own virtual world but Why. Throw. Kondou's. Game? If she really doesn't feel anything for him then there's no reason for her to throw Kondou's game. Why not let him stay in his own virtual world with his own virtual girlfriend? What were you planning, Sorachi-sama?

It was the very first time when it looked very evident to me that Tae has something for Kondou deep inside. That whole dramatic scream "THIS CAN'T BE!" just after Kondou introduced Sayaka-chan. I listened to that dialogue very closely and it first started with Kondo introducing her then Gintoki saying something like you're in this shit too? And soon was followed by Tae's dramatic "this can't be! Is Shin-chan going to be like this too!?" while throwing Kondou's game out and Kondou screaming "Sayaka-chan!!"

Tae's jealousy is still a mystery here but I still feel like, somewhere she was.

Moving on!

They went out on a date, which was a disaster and then alongside Kyubei in the Beam Saber arc, how Kondou fought for Otae I started to feel a lot more from Kondou's side. Yes. The stalking is a running gag but Kondou's feelings were given more comedic effect rather than highlighting it in a very serious tone. But that's how Sensei does his work. Gintama is supposed to be funny and this ship is supposed to be funny and I really wasn't expecting any intense and serious Kontae moment in the series.

Well, Sorachi-sama proved me wrong. AND I THANK HIM SO, SO VERY MUCH!

The Genderbender arc came, Kyubei is now this handsome hunk and Tae is blushing furiously and Kondou is this blond bombshell which is his too good! It's been shown over and over again that even if Kondou is a stalker, he just wants to see Otae happy. That's what he always wanted even if he isn't the reason for her happiness. When Jyubei and Tae starts meeting frequently, Kondou comes and encourages Jyubei to stop worrying about other and enjoy himself with Tae. He even says that he's happy with just being her friend and I think this proves how much he cares for her. He gives them those movie tickets telling he actually wanted to ask her out but now that he's like this, can't be with her like the way he always wanted to and now Jyubei is the only one who can take care of her. He was genuinely hurting but what matters most to him is Otae and so he leaves them while saying "if you make her cry, I'll arrest you". Even Kyubei later mentions it that it was him who was hurting and crying and he just happily sacrificed Otae so that she can be happy.

Then came the roach motel arc and OTAE WEARS THE KIMONO THAT KONDOU GAVE! Yes, not in the episode but in opening 15 she does and even in the manga cover! Ah..the feels. Well, coming back to the point, this episode was basically everybody bullying Kondou but the good part here was the ending of this episode. Kondou knowing that he was getting bullied and that Tae was a part of all this but he still says "that's how Otae-san is. This is what makes her, her." That was beautiful; he accepts her for who she is. He knows that she's brash and manipulative and even abusive but she's also kind and strong and beautiful; even after all her flaws he still continues to accept and love her. That's true love. And then comes Otae's part. She slowly starts to learn more and more about him, I think she knew he wasn't stalking her. And then she finally admits that she actually had fun with Kondou and that she got to see a new side of him while hugging that roach mask. She was happy to discover a new side of him, no stalking attached. I was so amazed to see this happening coz like I said, I wasn't expecting all these serious Kontae moments but these were actually happening. It was a breath of fresh air and I was really happy to see a developed relationship between these two characters which just made me ship them even more.

Then comes the love incense arc which was just....bizarre. What was Sensei thinking while writing this arc? Why would you do that to my poor kokoro!? But whatever, nothing is properly explained here, everybody is falling in love with everybody, Kondou turns gay, Gintoki just loses his senses and is sleeping with practically everybody, Tsukuyo's feelings for Gintoki starts to go havoc. But then, Tae and Kyubei comes in the picture. And they're in love with Gintoki too. But then, things change. Take turns out to be in love with Kondou! Hell, she was actually JEALOUS! Yes, it was the love incense and yes, this arc is just too crazy to explain anything properly but hear me out. What if, the love incense actually triggered some of Tae's hidden feelings for Kondou? Just like Tsukuyo's. Coz she actually saw Gintoki's dick first when she inhaled that smoke. Not him. But she ended up discovering her own feelings towards him. So what if this was the same case with Tae? We all saw that she was under the effect of that drug and was in love with Gintoki so Sensei, why this change of plans?

No answers, right? I don't have them either. It's just the little theory I came up with. What was Tae's real feelings? But soon the Shogun Assassination and the Farwell Shinsengumi arcs are followed after this.

And GOOD LORD! Sensei actually proved me wrong! By giving one of the most beautifully written scenes between these two characters.

It isn't always when Sorachi-sama actually decides to go for the romantic plot but in Kontae's case, I felt like he actually hinted a LOT. The very first ship in Gintama where I felt like no, this isn't just one-sided but actually, feelings were shown from both the sides, especially Tae. Like everyone, she misses him. But Tae remembering him like this and crying when she's about to get her neck slashed:

"A real man, a real samurai would never do something like this. That man, would never do something like this."

She knows him, she knows what kind of a man Kondou really is. And even at a time like this, Kondou is the man who comes in her mind. A true man, true police, a true samurai who not for once tried to force himself upon her. Not for once showed any kind of disgrace towards any other people or her. All this time, she comes to learn more and more about him and you know, it was worth the time.

Even Shinpachi sees it.

"I'll bring that man, and everyone, back to you for sure. So wait for us with the same old smile on your face, Sis."

Why exclude him from everybody? There has a meaning behind this and a deep one and tbh, I see a romantic meaning behind this. Shinpachi addressing Kondou like this, it was new. It's not always when Sensei uses such points to evoke a romantic gesture but when he does, it sure leaves an impact.

And this is not the last time he used such implications for KonTae. Fast forward to ep 316, Tae is at Kozenigata's place and she's now leaving. Haji and Konzenigata both tries to stop her because it was dangerous outside and the police organisation isn't working properly and she replies,

"That's exactly why police need to go back to their jobs, and cabaret girls have to go back to their job."

It's like foreshadowing their relationship- the police and the cabaret girl. And then Kozenigata just simply puts a cherry on top.

"They must have come back. Her police."

And Kondou pops out of that dustbin!

FREAKIN' POETIC CINEMA!

And then come the dialogues.

"Don't you think it's high time you stop doing this....You'll catch a cold."

"Why did you have to say that out of all days? I wish you had acted like always, called me a perverted stalker and hit me like you always do. You're....making it hard to say goodbye."

The voice acting, the dialogues, the animation, honestly everything screams romantic here. And yeah, the close-up happy-sad faces, if you've seen/read romantic anime/manga, you should know it's a shoujo trope used to display romantic feelings between two characters. And if I'm just making speculations, they're sharing the same umbrella...

Two people, especially a man and a woman, sharing an umbrella in rain is considered as a symbol of romance in Japan.

This kinda proves that romance is present in this scene.

And then finally this.

ANOTHER SHOUJO TROPE. THE CLOSE-UP EYES!

These eyes literally says it all. It's like Tae saying I'll wait for you and when you come back, I'll happily welcome you and then we can go back to those old days. Just like how Shinpachi said.

And I think, this is the very first and the only time, Sensei used this gesture. And this is just too much for me to not ignore it!

The way Kondou looks at Tae while talking to her, it almost feels like he's telling her to not look so sad. Like I've mentioned before, Kondou wants to see her smile. And i think, in this scene it's crushing for him to see her with such a sad smile on her face. That is the last thing he wants to see. That's why he said he wanted to see her react the way she always did. And Tae not acting like that and instead showing such emotions towards him, it's too overwhelming. Just think how Kondou would be feeling there. Tae seeing him off, her eyes glistening while she sees him walk away but also waits for his arrival in the near future, its simply poetic.

The reunion between these two is as funny as ever, Kontae was back in its own color. When Okita said Kondou was always okay with their usual type of setting, he meant to say that Kondou was happy in those old days. That's what he said in the FS arc, he wanted to see her in her usual self, no sad face, no crying, just a happy Otae who loves to beat the crap outta him but also respects him. Things really were pretty intense in the SA and FS arcs but I don't think Sensei wanted to continue this for long. It was like Sensei saying, we're back to the old days, happy days. The Silver Soul arc and the ongoing arc isn't as intense as these two arcs and that's what Sensei wants to say "we're back to those good ol' day". But that doesn't mean he threw away all those meaningful moments between these two; it was so heavily implied. Just because of a troll scene, one cannot disregard the whole development and say "it was never there" because of course there was something which was very much visible to the viewers/readers, even if it isn't present now doesn't mean it was all a joke or just some i-just-wrote-it-but-now-it-doesnt-mean-anything bullshit. Yeah, the ship isn't canon but that also doesn't mean it sank. I mean, Kondou is not gonna marry that gorilla anymore so....

Imo, KonTae is the only ship in Gintama where romantic feelings are implied from both the sides. It really didnt look unrequited. It's not only Kondou or Tae, it's both of them and both of them have actually shown interest in each other in a way which I won't say is completely ambiguous. The FS arc was the part where it is shown how far their relationship has come and how they have come to learn and respect each other, maybe even love each other. I'm not forcing these ideas on anybody, these are facts and I'm sure even non-shippers must have noticed these moments as well. Honestly, the romantic implications were heavy here, the scenes, the dialogues, the "Take care" which is just too beautiful to not to be ignored. Even if I don't see canon pairings happening here, I still somehow hope for this ship.

My love for Gintsu is eternal but Kontae, this is the only ship where I feel like has come a lot far. And even other characters have mentioned their relationship and in a serious note. Check all those subtle hints, pick up the whole FS arc, it's there. A relationship that started with a gag but now is fully developed where I can see loads of potential. It's a ship that's been here from the very beginning of the series and it didn't look rushed at all. Another universe of how I met your mother lol.

People can ship whatever they like and I'm really not trying to push my thoughts onto anybody here.

But KonTae, this ship is no gag or joke and it deserves more love.

It's stupid, it's hilarious, it's beautiful and it's properly developed and that's why I fell for this ship so hard.

[gibsonmusicart]

Turning Your Story From Pain to Profits

People often ask me how I got started writing one-person shows and I’ve never been able to quite, definitively nail down a concrete answer. Oftentimes I’ve said, "out of artistic necessity," and while that is an absolute truth, it’s only part of the answer. Although I had been a professional actor in Los Angeles, for many, many, many years, I felt like I wasn’t landing the caliber of roles that showcased my unique set of skills. I was an actor who could sing. I had superb comedic timing and I could conjure up such emotional depth in characters that allows me the ability to be totally present, and if need be, authentically cry on a dime. I also possess the rare ability to portray many different walks-of-life from the seediest of characters to the noblest of gentlemen. Why wasn’t I working? Early in my career I had booked a few leads in several independent films, and guest-starred in many television shows, but most of those roles did not lead to more fulfilling parts or a steady acting career. I was at a stalemate and did not know how to dig myself out of the trenches. It wasn’t until a former acting teacher, who knew I was also a writer, asked, "Why aren’t you writing material for yourself?" I thought about the question a while, and honestly didn’t have a concrete answer. So, I responded by saying, "I don’t know." I had never really thought about it. I had written a few books, articles and plays for others, but the thought of writing something specifically for me never crossed my mind. In fact, my first thought was that it seemed a little bit egocentric. Then I started thinking about film actors/directors I admired like Sylvester Stallone, Robert Townsend, Matt Damon, Barbara Streisand, and Spike Lee. These artists had the tenacity to create film projects for themselves when Hollywood wasn’t banging down their doors. But I didn’t have any money or the knowledge of how to get a film script made into a movie. However, I did innately understand theatre, so I set out to develop a stage play for myself. That turned out to be a daunting task as well. It wasn’t until I was introduced to the works of Roger Guenveur Smith, Whoopi Goldberg, Lilli Tomlin and John Leguizamo that a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, "I could do that." However, that "Ah ha," moment was easier said, then done. First off, who wants to perform an hour and a half long monologue? The thought of trying to memorize pages and pages of the dialogue was intimidating enough to make me want to give up before I even started. Especially since, even though I was an actor and trained to memorize lines, I didn’t have the best long-term memory. As I continued to "toy," with the idea, I relaxed my racing mind and finally got around to, "What would I write about?" What I discovered was; I had a lot to say and even more to write. I started thinking about the essays and emails I had written and the topics I passionately spoke about with family and friends. Then it became clear that I would write about the plight of urban education. Alas, my first solo show, Did You Do Your Homework? was born. However, crafting it wasn’t easy. I knew I had something important to say and that getting it out of my head onto the page would be vital in developing the story, but I really had no clue how to start. Everything seemed to be jumbled up and every time I sat sit down to begin, I always found myself getting stuck in a "brain freeze." Frustrated, because I knew I had a story to tell, I almost allowed myself to give up. Then I thought to myself, "I need to approach writing this piece from a different perspective." I can’t start by simply writing the story from beginning to end. I have to first, alleviate my frustration by purging my head and hashing out all the ideas I have in it. Then I thought, "How do I do that?" The answer, "brainstorming." Once I got all my ideas on paper, I could physically see them and go about organizing and arranging them, piece by piece, into an "outline," that was cohesive and chronological. It was only then, that I could begin writing my story. But it didn’t stop there, because what I found, after my first couple of drafts, was that even though my story had a lot of content and interesting characters, it had no heart. It had no deep, pressing purpose or reason why I was telling the story and what made this story so uniquely personal to me. It had no depth. What I discovered was that I had not made the story deeply personal to me. It did not contain what made me a uniquely giving and passionate individual and artist. Even though I intellectually knew that by doing so, would make my story stronger and more affable to audiences, I didn’t want to be that vulnerable. I didn’t want to risk opening up my heart and letting complete strangers in. I wrote, Did You Do Your Homework? out of a need to talk about urban education. Most importantly I wrote this show so that educators could recognize, that although urban kids sometimes come to school with a myriad of social, economic and physical issues, at their core, many of them want the same things out of life as everyone else. They just may not know how to access their own feelings and ambitions because of the trauma they may be dealing with on a daily basis. They haven’t been taught to dream. I was once one of those urban kids who had gone through and survived trauma. I was physically and mentally abused and as a result used drugs and alcohol to numb my pain through middle and high school. In high school, I would go to school all bruised up and sleep through my first-period class because I had been up all night, taking extreme blows to my chest, in order to keep my step-father off of my mom. I would then sleep through the sixth period because I needed the rest and the strength for the night to come. I suffered in silence. My ninth-grade teacher would constantly kick me out of class if I showed up late or slept in her first period. It wasn’t until I got to tenth grade and had a teacher by the name of Jim Underhill who recognized that there was more to me than just the appearance of defiant behavior. He lifted my spirits by encouraging me to be and do more than what I thought was physically possible. He, along with my mom, constantly reinforced the notion that there’s greatness inside me, even when I didn’t believe it. Once I actualized my perspective on why I needed to tell this story and how teachers needed to remove all preconceived notions of who and what urban students are, then I had a way into the hearts and minds of my audiences. They could relate to the struggles and pains of physical and substance abuse and how a man struggling with his own demons is trying to make a difference in the world. At first glance Did You Do Your Homework? is a 12-character solo show about the bureaucracy of urban education and one substitute teacher’s journey through the inner dealings of an urban classroom. However, once you peel back the onion, it becomes a human being’s way of recognizing pain and using it as a catalyst to heal and inspire students going through seemingly insurmountable odds. I wrote this play having been a former teacher. Initially, it was a means to an end. A way to showcase my talents as an actor, singer, and writer. It was also a way for me to use social commentary to perform and talk about issues that were important to me. What I discovered during the writing process was the more it became deeply personal the more authentic and profound my script became. The result; a show, that was slated for one weekend, ran 9 months at the Beverly Hills Playhouse, making it the longest-running show in the history of that organization. It also amassed national and international, critical acclaim, and garnered several awards, including an International Gala Star from Bacau, Romania, a Roar of the Crowd recognition from Goldstar, and an NAACP Theatre Award. This came to fruition because I made a conscious decision to open my heart and let the story I had inside me out. By telling my own deeply personal narrative, from my perspective, in a voice that was uniquely mine, I unleashed my own power, motivated others, and authentically moved audiences. I said, "YES!" took a leap of faith and jumped. It is the best decision I have ever made involving the empowered trajectory of my career. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way and forge your own path in order to fulfill your true passion. You’ve got to, "Jump without a net, and let your conscious passion guide your subconscious dreams into figuring out how you are going to fly." Everyone has a story. What is yours? Whether you feel your life has been ordinary, extraordinary or somewhere in between, you have a life experience that warrants the probability of connecting with and inspiring others. Most people think they have nothing to say. They think their lives are boring, monotonous, or mundane. That there is nothing special about them that would warrant people paying attention, let alone paying money, to sit and watch their story unfold. When I hear people say, "I don’t have anything to write about," "I have nothing to say," or "My life is boring," it drives me nuts because those statements cannot be further from the truth. They’re unreal and firmly rooted in fear. Storytelling is an art that encourages personal narrative. How many people think they do not have anything to write about? How many think they have nothing to say? How many think their lives are boring, meaningless or mundane? Millions! Saying, "I have nothing…," connects you with a community of folks who feel invisible, isolated, undervalued, and even worthless. How many of us have felt this way at one time or another in our lives? I know I have. How many people have said, "There, but for the grace of God…," in recognition that other’s misfortune could have been our own? That statement alone connects us with the experiences of others. So, instead, start with, "I have nothing to say." What you will discover is that you will instantly connect and draw in people who will hear that statement tugging at their heartstrings. The reason; so many people feel that way. It is that simple. What is the story you want to tell and how do you authentically want to create it from your perspective? You are unique. Whatever the topic or subject matter, no one has your life experiences or point of view. No one can tell your story, from your perspective, better than YOU. The real purpose of your life is to fulfill your dreams. Your only responsibility in this process is to fully commit to your own joy and challenge yourself to go beyond what is comfortable. The time is "now," to develop your creative abilities and finally step into your true artistic greatness. Exercise your mind to get out of its own way and turn your "pain," from "passion," to "profits."

Source: ArticleBiz .com

[locke-writes]

i need books to read what did you go looking for and what did you buy today

I went in for Good Omens as well as Genetics in the Madhouse. Ended up buying the following:

Supermarket - Bobby Hall

Summary: Flynn is stuck—depressed, recently dumped, and living at his mom’s house. The supermarket was supposed to change all that. An ordinary job and a steady check. Work isn’t work when it’s saving you from yourself. But things aren’t quite as they seem in these aisles. Arriving to work one day to a crime scene, Flynn’s world collapses as the secrets of his tortured mind are revealed. And Flynn doesn’t want to go looking for answers at the supermarket. Because something there seems to be looking for him. A darkly funny psychological thriller, Supermarket is a gripping exploration into madness and creativity. Who knew you could find sex, drugs, and murder all in aisle nine?

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness - Susannah Cahalan

Summary: When twenty-four-year-old Susannah Cahalan woke up alone in a hospital room, strapped to her bed and unable to move or speak, she had no memory of how she’d gotten there. Days earlier, she had been on the threshold of a new, adult life: at the beginning of her first serious relationship and a promising career at a major New York newspaper. Now she was labeled violent, psychotic, a flight risk. What happened?

Ohio - Stephen Markley

Summary: One sweltering night in 2013, four former high school classmates converge on their hometown in northeastern Ohio. There’s Bill Ashcraft, a passionate, drug-abusing young activist whose flailing ambitions have taken him from Cambodia to Zuccotti Park to post-BP New Orleans, and now back home with a mysterious package strapped to the undercarriage of his truck; Stacey Moore, a doctoral candidate reluctantly confronting her family and the mother of her best friend and first love, whose disappearance spurs the mystery at the heart of the novel; Dan Eaton, a shy veteran of three tours in Iraq, home for a dinner date with the high school sweetheart he’s tried desperately to forget; and the beautiful, fragile Tina Ross, whose rendezvous with the washed-up captain of the football team triggers the novel’s shocking climax. Set over the course of a single evening, Ohio toggles between the perspectives of these unforgettable characters as they unearth dark secrets, revisit old regrets and uncover—and compound—bitter betrayals. Before the evening is through, these narratives converge masterfully to reveal a mystery so dark and shocking it will take your breath away.

Good Omens: The Nice And Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

(Yes that’s actually the full title for anyone who doesn’t yet own a copy of the books)

Summary: According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655, before she exploded), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. Just before dinner. So the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon—both of whom have lived amongst Earth's mortals since The Beginning and have grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture. And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist . . .

A Darker Shade of Magic - V.E. Schwab

Summary: Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. Kell was raised in Arnes—Red London—and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see. Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they'll never see. It's a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

You Were Never Really Here - Jonathan Ames

Summary: Joe has witnessed things that cannot be erased. A former FBI agent and Marine, his abusive childhood has left him damaged beyond repair. He has completely withdrawn from the world and earns his living rescuing girls who have been kidnapped into the sex trade. When he’s hired to save the daughter of a corrupt New York senator held captive at a Manhattan brothel, he stumbles into a dangerous web of conspiracy, and he pays the price. As Joe’s small web of associates are picked off one by one, he realizes that he has no choice but to take the fight to the men who want him dead.

Heart Of Darkness and Other Stories (Barnes & Noble, Soft Leather Collectors Copy) - Joseph Conrad

Contains: Heart of Darkness, The Secret Sharer, Youth, Typhoon, Kerain: A Memory, Falk: A Reminiscence

Summary (Heart of Darkness only): It is a story within a story, following a character named Charlie Marlow, who recounts his advanture to a group of men onboard an anchored ship. The story told is of his early life as a ferry boat captain. Although his job was to transport ivory downriver, Charlie develops an interest in investing an ivory procurement agent, Kurtz, who is employed by the government. Preceded by his reputation as a brilliant emissary of progress, Kurtz has now established himself as a god among the natives in “one of the darkest places on earth.” Marlow suspects something else of Kurtz: he has gone mad.

This is a re-read for me.

A Tale of Two Cities (Barnes & Noble, Soft Leather Collector’s Copy) - Charles Dickens

Summary: After eighteen years as a political prisoner in the Bastille, the ageing Doctor Manette is finally released and reunited with his daughter in England. There the lives of two very different men, Charles Darnay, an exiled French aristocrat, and Sydney Carton, a disreputable but brilliant English lawyer, become enmeshed through their love for Lucie Manette. From the tranquil roads of London, they are drawn against their will to the vengeful, bloodstained streets of Paris at the height of the Reign of Terror, and they soon fall under the lethal shadow of La Guillotine.

This is a re-read for me.

Norco ‘80: The True Story of the Most Spectacular Bank Robbery in American History - Peter Houlahan

Summary: Norco ’80 tells the story of how five heavily-armed young men—led by an apocalyptic born-again Christian—attempted a bank robbery that turned into one of the most violent criminal events in U.S. history, forever changing the face of American law enforcement. Part action thriller and part courtroom drama, Norco ’80 transports the reader back to the Southern California of the 1970s, an era of predatory evangelical gurus, doomsday predictions, megachurches, and soaring crime rates, with the threat of nuclear obliteration looming over it all. A group of landscapers transforms into a murderous gang of bank robbers armed to the teeth with military-grade weapons. Their desperate getaway turned the surrounding towns into war zones. When it was over, three were dead and close to twenty wounded; a police helicopter was forced down from the sky, and thirty-two police vehicles were destroyed by thousands of rounds of ammo. The resulting trials shook the community to the core, raising many issues that continue to plague society today: from racism and the epidemic of post-traumatic stress disorder within law enforcement to religious extremism and the militarization of local police forces

What can I say. I love to read.

[peachriffer]

Review: Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

On his fourth album, Logic proves himself to a rapper but fails to be an artist.

Confessions isn't as conceptual as Logic's previous two efforts and that isn't necessarily a bad thing because Logic's concepts don't tend to be fully fleshed out anyway. The Incredible True Story features skits that don't tie into the songs at all and Everybody attempts to be more topical but fails because Logic only really knows how to rap about himself or how he's biracial or something to that effect. It's hard to understand the creative decisions that led to Logic making Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and why it's so disappointing without some context first so let's get that out of the way now...

Let me be clear: Logic is an incredible rapper. He's technically proficient, his vocals are easy on the ears, he's likable, charismatic, and expressive. He can sing (unlike most rappers who believe they can sing). He has always shown incredible potential but, in the years since the release of his debut, Under Pressure, he's failed to capitalize on that potential artistically. He borrows his style from his contemporaries, namely Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Kanye West, and Eminem. This is fine on it's face. It's okay to have influences but Logic tended to take this a little far. Under Pressure saw Logic wearing his influences on his sleeve to the point where I half expected to hear Kendrick's 'Sing About Me' refrain on the title track. Still though, I was optimistic about where Logic's career would take him, especially since he was so great at emulating other artists so early on.

The Incredible True Story brought us more of the same but also carried with it some of the best beats Logic would ever rap on in my opinion. Not only this but the album also brought with it a space theme that completely failed to tie into what Logic was even rapping about. Overall it was fine but it wasn't Logic's masterpiece yet. He still needed to develop into his own voice, sharpen his focus, and deliver a unique perspective on more topical things. I could sense a masterpiece in him. All of the pieces were there, this just wasn't the right time yet.

Then we had Everybody, another concept album and another failure to quite hit the mark. This album brought with it Logic's signature 1-800 Suicide Prevention song, a track with a solid message that would be dumb to argue against. Aside from that however most of the tracklist is loaded with duds and the messaging is inconsistent. This wasn't the masterpiece fans had been clambering for quite yet.

This finally brings us back around to the subject of this review, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and why it's such a failure overall.

First off, after listening to this thing I struggle to understand why this album is titled "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" because Logic isn't confessing to anything, he isn't dangerous, nor is the album thought out well enough to have a 'mind' behind it at all. The project's title is irrelevant to the content of the record and was seemingly just tacked on because it sounded interesting or something. The Incredible True Story suffered from the same problem too as the Story it tells wasn't Incredible nor was it true.

Titles aside though, Logic's Confessions of a Dangerous Mind is terrible from start to finish. Individually the tracks aren't so bad but, when listened to all at once, I struggle to see how anyone could believe they'd made a cohesive album.

The title track kicks us off and carries little weight. Logic occasionally reaches to make a point but never does. He talks about things and makes observations that are fairly rudimentary about himself, his culture, and caring for one's self. And that's it. The track just leads to nothing substantial and continues to the next track. The dissatisfaction is overwhelming.

Homicide with Eminem is a major highlight for me, even if it's an isolated one. Eminem handles himself surprisingly well considering his abysmal output as of late too. The track introduces itself with Logic's father joking that his son is the greatest alive because he came out of his balls. Not only is this not funny but it doesn't connect to anything else in the song at all. Over the course of the song nothing notable in particular is said. This circles back to one of my core problems with Logic as a performer. He raps well but overwhelmingly finds himself without anything to talk about. He struggles to stay on topic for longer than two or three bars before changing the subject or providing a throw away line that carries no weight. Every word is low impact because each line is just filler to fill time until the next track where you could responsibly expect more filler.

On the off hand, however, when Logic does manage to say something consequential, the line usually borders on questionable to downright inappropriate. Take for instance the track 'Pardon My Ego' where Logic wishes he could have bipolar disorder so he could make an album as genius as Kanye's Ye. I could rant about this line forever. This is ridiculous on it's face and Logic's intention with the statement is unclear. He should understand having bipolar disorder won't help him to make better music but says the line anyway. He's weirdly complimenting Kanye but gives credit to his disorder for the success of the album. The two aren't necessarily related. Sure, Ye is, in part, about kanye's struggle with mental illness and how these experiences helped to form him into the man he is today. Though it's important to point out that Ye is more about Kanye prevailing despite the illness and not about how his mental illness helps him to make great albums. This point seems totally lost on Logic who seems to believe that mental illnesses are somehow like the real life equivalent to superpowers and that, if you're just mentally fucked up enough, you too could be a creative genius. This is a huge misconception.

This segways nicely into another thing that rubs me the wrong way about Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. It's an amalgamation of several ongoing tropes in hip-hop right now:

- Illusions to being different, being politically conscious, or woke.

- rapping about bitches, money, drugs, or being better than everyone else.

- Society being bad or expecting you to act a certain way.

- Social Media is addictive and is something you should ignore.

- Logic is 'killin' the game. He's a 'game changer'. He's a self-proclaimed Genius. He's biracial. He's this. He's that.

It's all just noise at this point and, truthfully, I no longer believe that Logic has the same potential to create the masterpiece I once believed he would. His latest album isn't about anything in particular. The tracklist could be ordered in any way and carry the same weight, which is next to none.

On the upside, the beats are well-produced and Logic is a proficient rapper. He sounds great over these instrumentals but this is about all the credit I can give the album before checking out completely. Nothing of substance ever happens on Confessions. Logic never has a topic and seems to just spit whatever he wants to in that moment. The best line he manages on this album is: "Scarecrow Flow, I'm outstanding in my field". It's a stroke of brilliance that never manifests itself again on Confessions.

Overall, the more I listen to the album, the more I struggle to find it's appeal outside of just being background music. The whole album is filler, loaded with Hip-hop's most rudimentary tropes and tracks that take up space rather than generate interest. There's no artistic vision to be found here, no plan, no surprises, no concept. The whole album just feels empty, without tension, conflict, purpose, a driving force behind it's creation, or anything to provide appeal or intrigue at all. Logic lacks depth of character and has nothing interesting to say. No new perspective or anything even remotely noteworthy to tell his listeners. Why was this album made? The answer to that question still eludes me and, for that reason, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind is one of the worst, most uneventful hip-hop albums I've ever heard. I definitely recommend you sit this one out even if you kind of liked Logic's music up until this point. His charm is just non-existent on this project.

Highs: Homicide, Mama/Show Love

Lows: Pardon My Ego, The Title Track, Commando, Icy, BOBBY

[bowiemonroee]

The Interview

 William Monroe has been ordered court-mandated therapy following a DWI and drug possession conviction. Here is his intake interview.

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

What? Your cheap paper doesn’t have that information already? Christ. My name’s William Monroe but I never introduce myself as such or any variation. I go by Bowie and that’s it.

Where and when were you born?

Again, more information you should have. August 11th, 1994 in Manhattan.

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

My father, if you can call him that, is the CEO of Monroe Pharmaceutical. Yes, the same Monroe Pharmaceutical that charges you an exorbitant amount of money for your medications. My mother, Viviane Monroe is a socialite. Her wealth is from steel. They look like they have a perfect marriage but it’s far from it. He sleeps with his secretary and hookers and she downs Valium to keep that perky little smile up. They make it work. To be fair a divorce would not only harm their social credit but their financial standings as well. As parents, she’s better than he is. She can genuinely fake interest in our lives. He can’t be bothered. She owns her awfulness. He thinks he’s father of the year.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Ugh, my fucking sisters. The middle one, she’s following in my mother’s footsteps. She’s a “classy philanthropist”, prim and proper. The good egg, if you will. A complete angel compared to me. So selfless and kind and blah blah blah. Give me a break. She only does that stuff because it makes her feel good about herself. Where’s the selflessness in that? You can’t complete acts of kindness for the gratitude and expect to still be a good person. She also drinks her daily three bottles of wine and complains about how father never came to her dance recitals. Give me a break. And then the youngest. Her life revolves around flowing trends and making them or whatever. She’s one of those girls on instagram posting about skinny fit tea and hairy gummy bears or whatever. Companies send her thousands of dollars in products in the hopes of getting attached to some stupid picture that’ll get thousand of mindless likes. probably all the attention she needs since father never gave it to her Their lives are both shallow and purposeless.

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

I live with my two dogs in a Penthouse apartment near One World Trade.

What is your occupation?

I’m a filmmaker, an artist.

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

What is this? A dating profile? I’m 6’0, 181 pounds, black hair, green, like a hipster Steve Jobs as my sisters would say, no tattoos, minor scars from falling as a child, no distinguishing marks. I’m boring. What can I say?

To which social class do you belong?

The polite answer is upper class. The real answer is “the richer than you” class.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

I’m allergic to pollen and red dye #40. Well, red dye is more of intolerance but whatever. I still eat it because I’m not a little bitch. Physical weaknesses? I had a torn rotator cuff when I was younger but I still have pain in that shoulder.

Are you right- or left-handed?

I’m always right.

What do you have in your pockets?

Money, Black Card.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I’m perfect.

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

Eck, I mean, I had everything I wanted, right? I’d sound like a complete scumbag if I said “oh, my childhood was sad because my parents weren’t there and they didn’t pay attention to me and I was raised by nannies and sent to a $13,000 summer camp every year instead. Poor me.” I’m sure you’d love to hear some sob story about how all of that lead me to using drugs for fun. Yeah, fuck that whiny shit. My childhood was great.

What is your earliest memory?

I don’t know how old I was probably old enough to read at least. I was at my Nana’s house and she was watching this film Festen or The Celebration by Thomas Vinterberg. I can’t recall what it was about the film but I fell in love with filmmaking in that moment.

How much schooling have you had?

I went to the Dalton School from K through 12. Then NYU for college…which hasn’t ended yet, but whatever. Perfection takes time.

Did you enjoy school?

Elementary to 12, eh. High School got interesting when I could take more visual art classes. College was better because once those well rounding core classes were done I could get to the good film classes.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

I mean, good filmmaking isn’t taught. I can’t pinpoint where I learned things. It’s just stuff you see, like, then add to your repertoire. 

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

Role models? Please. Role models are pointless because people will always let you down.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

As kids, my sisters and I were alright I suppose. As good as siblings can be. My father and I never really got along. I guess what the feminists are calling “toxic masculinity” was an issue with him. He didn’t think the arts was a place for a male. I was meant to run a business. Wear a suit. Manage over sheep. Blah blah blah. My mother, I tried. She tried. We cohabitate. It works. The only person I’d consider myself close with is Nana.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Oh for fucks sake, I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be what all little kids want to be. A doctor. A police officer. A firefighter. Then I grew up.

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

I liked art or rather, painting on the walls and floors, reading, making models and dioramas, causing trouble, having tantrums.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

I was an extrovert. Very loud and talkative. Charming from what I’ve been told. I could talk my way out of trouble and into extra cookies, etc.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Of course I was popular. Throughout school, my best friend for a lack of a better word, was Edmond Hamilton. He was a good kid. Strong and a good listener. He was the bronze to my brains. His father was a senator and his mother a pediatric surgeon. His parents weren’t home much so we through a lot of parties at his house. He had this cousin too, Anthony. He wasn’t wealthy like the rest of us. The senator’s brother, Anthony’s father, had a gambling problem and his mother, a drinking problem. As a result, he just wanted to find people he felt he ‘belonged’ with. Well, of course we’d ues that to our advantage. We could usually convince Anthony to steal stuff for us, do our dirty work. Edmond’s a big wig hedge fund manager and Anthony’s in prison. In high school, I fucked around with Rei you know, just as something to do. I outright told her that but you know, I’m not responsible for her feelings. I also fucked around with Alana Kingsley too.

When and with whom was your first kiss?

I think I was 10, give or take, and it was with…what was her name? Victoria Calloway.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

Mmm, a little personal aren’t we doc? Well, if you must know, I followed in the tradition of all the male Monroe’s before. On my 16th birthday, my father got an escort and that was that. I know what you’re thinking, how problematic it is. How a child that young can’t make a choice like that, yadayadayada. Save it. I’m fine.

PART 3: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither. Both are ridiculous concepts. You can’t generalize yourself in that way. Do I have a brighter outlook on some experiences, sure. Grimmer on others. I’d say I’m more cynical than anything.

What is your greatest fear?

Why bother with fear? Fear is what you have when you think you can’t do something or that you’ll fail. I don’t do either of those things.

What are your religious views?

Religion is awesome. Think about it. The very few have the power over the masses all because they claim to be a voice for some divinity. How genius is that? They can control these people under the guise of a better afterlife? Sign me up to be the leader of that. That and also look at the drama it incites. How would you not love it. 

What are your political views?

I don’t care either way but I was raised Republican.

What are your views on sex?

It’s a fun necessity.

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

No, absolutely not. That’s just a ploy or something that society has made up in order to get people to marry and procreate in a specific set of parameters. It’s absolute bullshit.

What do you believe makes a successful life?

Realism. Being real will lead you to success. But then again, I’m also a chronic, pathological liar. But I’m real about the characters I develop.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

I’m always honest.

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

I think comics are low art. I don’t know if that counts as a bias? And I think I’m smarter than everyone so that might be one too.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I don’t put limits on myself.

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Maybe my dogs but that’s about it. No one deserves my death.

PART 4: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

I’m polite to everyone however, our definitions tend to differ I suppose. My politeness is truth centered. I’m not going to sugar coat my words to spare your feelings. That wouldn’t help you grow as a person. All these people with thin skins need me.

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Me, myself, and I. Should be self-explanatory.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

If I have to pick someone, I’d say Lars Von Trier. Excellent filmmaker.

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Eck, best friends. I try not to have friends like that because again, people let you down.

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.’

That’s a joke, right?

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

I love myself.

What do you look for in a potential lover?

I don’t look for potential lovers.

How close are you to your family?

I talk to my sisters at least once a week. My parents maybe once a month. About as close as oil and vinegar. We exist in the same salad dressing bottle but like never really together.

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

I mean, not that I know of but who’s really to say. I’d assume if I impregnated someone she’d probably try to sue me for child support or something. But as of right now, I don’t have any desire to have kids or a family for that matter. If we haven’t noticed by now, I’m selfish as fuck.

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Rich probably. Or Mr. Franklin.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Rich, because it’s his job.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Probably my dogs, Benedict and Constance.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Declan Wentworth. That son of a bitch tried to embarrass me in front of the entire school by pulling my pants down during the student body elections. Jokes on him. Not only did I win president, which I didn’t even want because I was only running as a joke, but it made a rather good impression among the girls in our grade if you catch my drift.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

I don’t argue. I state facts and people get butthurt. That’s not my issue.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

I’m naturally charismatic, what do you think?

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

I wouldn’t say I particularly like it. I could go either way. But I do enjoy being in charge of them and making them do stuff so.

Do you care what others think of you?

Fuck no.

PART 5: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Ugh, I hate this question. People always ask this when they don’t know what else to ask. As if what I like to do says a lot about who I am. Please.

What is your most treasured possession?

My Varicam, my Minolta.

What is your favorite color?

Black and I don’t care if that’s a shade.

What is your favorite food?

The Tomahawk Ribeye from Bowery Meat Company.

What, if anything, do you like to read?

Mostly things about cults or charismatic leaders.

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

I enjoy a good film, watching people argue, lying, etc.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

All of the above and absolutely not. I’m no quitter.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Typically Saturday night? There’s no such thing for me. I’m either out gallivanting the city or throwing some sort of getting together at my place. 

What makes you laugh?

People falling.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

The stupidity of others although I shouldn’t be surprised.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

I’d go find some shit bar to sit in. Maybe cause a fight or something. Not between me and someone. Between two other people. It’d be interesting to watch.

How do you deal with stress?

Drugs.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Spontaneous.

What are your pet peeves?

Ignorance. Goody two shoes.

PART 6: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Routine? I don’t believe in routines.

What is your greatest strength as a person?

Everything.

What is your greatest weakness?

Nothing. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Again, Nothing?

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted.

Are you generally organized or messy?

Messy is a sign of weakness. I have no weaknesses.

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Just three? Fine. Filmmaking, pissing people off, talking. There’s nothing I’m bad at so that question isn’t valid.

Do you like yourself?

No. I love myself.

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

I’m pretty accomplished right now so I’m good. Thanks. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Still rich. Still causing trouble.

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

In a blaze of glory probably. Something dramatic of course.

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

Have a final meal at Bowery Meat, do a fuck ton of coke, set my apartment on fire.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

I don’t care if people remember me after I die. 

What three words best describe your personality?

Amazing. Perfect. Talented.

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Again, Amazing, perfect, Talented.

[sheithauzine]

Stargazing Zine Contributor Spotlight

Get to know the contributors that are a part of Stargazing: a Sheith AU Fanzine!  Next up is @amorremanet​, who did a roleswap AU fic!

A special thank you to Andromeda Zine for allowing us to borrow this concept!

Amorremanet

“Keith says, ‘Nothing is worth Shiro’s pain.’ I say, ‘Yeah okay, honey, you can take care of him when I’m done’”

Amorremanet on AO3 @amorremanet​ on Tumblr

Your piece for Stargazing has Shiro and Keith with their roles reversed: Keith on the Kerberos mission and Shiro as the half-Galra Garrison washout.  Without giving away too much beyond what has been shared in previews already, can you give us some insight into the inspiration behind this AU, and how you picture it changing up the events and interactions of canon?

Role-reversal AUs are a favorite trope of mine. All AUs offer the opportunity to explore pieces of the characters that might not come out as easily in more canon-adjacent fics. What I love about role-swap AUs, though, is the creative challenge of exploring how the “cores” of the different characters can both change and not when they’re literally placed into another canon character’s shoes. As for how the swap in “The Oncoming Storm” changes things, the Galra reveal would also go very differently, because Champion!Keith would fight Allura harder in defense of Shiro than canon!Keith does in defense of himself. But most of the changes that I see coming in this AU are subtler at first, and end up having some cumulatively huge effects. For instance, I think Shiro would still be the Black Paladin at first, while Keith would still be in Red. But that changes the eventual build-up to the Galra reveal: Shiro can’t fight Zarkon head-on and hear the, “You fight like a Galra” line, as canon!Keith did; he would have been ejected by the Black Lion. That line is easy enough to transfer onto Sendak during their fight in “The Fall of the Castle of Lions,” because it’s something that he’d say (and with Sendak, he’d probably mean it as a compliment). But the significance of that fight changes if Shiro is running into a fight with someone who has such a huge advantage because Sendak hurt Keith, Shiro’s beloved. This changes Shiro’s astral plane confrontation with Zarkon, and it all adds up to a very different Galra reveal. The worst part of it for Shiro, though, would be feeling responsible for Keith’s trauma. He blames himself for “pushing” Keith onto the Kerberos mission, but for him to be a member of the species that harmed Keith? In canon, Shiro doesn’t blame Keith and loves him fiercely. But sadly, Shiro wouldn’t show himself that same understanding. So, yeah. A mix of obviously big changes, and little ones that add up to big ones.

I was going to ask you about your favorite minor character in Voltron, but given the contents of this fic, it's not exactly hard to guess!  Tell us a little bit about why you chose Iverson as a major character in this fic, and how you went about developing his character.

A: In fairness, I love a lot of the minor characters! That said, I do have an Iverson bias, and I feel like he gets a raw deal. He can be abrasive. His first scene is him chewing the Garrison Trio out. While doing so, he says things about Keith and Shiro that can sound pretty negative. This makes it easy to write Iverson off as a jerk, even a villain. That reading of him doesn’t hold up for me, though. There are several reasons why not, but his relationship with and treatment of Shiro are the most telling, for me. He doesn’t blame Shiro while talking about the Kerberos mission. Iverson doesn’t mention Shiro at all, which is strange when he’s so direct about everything else. Then, when Shiro crashes, Iverson is present in the med-tent for unexplained reasons (which could be personal). When speaking to him, Iverson uses the name, “Shiro.” This isn’t a super-intimate nickname (Lance uses it despite not knowing Shiro personally before Team Voltron). But if Iverson were sticking to protocol, he’d call Shiro, “Lt. Shirogane” (or similar). Before anything else, Iverson tries to reassure Shiro that he’s safe. He only makes the call to put Shiro under because they don’t know what his prosthetic arm can do or not (which is a fair concern). The way Iverson talks about this sounds regretful, too. He doesn’t like drugging Shiro, but his options are limited. That’s how I see Iverson in general. He’s in some difficult places, facing dangerous and high-stakes situations. He isn’t a monster; he’s just a man who’s trying his best with very limited choices and seemingly insurmountable odds. Which is how I tried to portray him in this AU, too, Also, I have a Shiro bias, and canon!Shiro doesn’t have very many non-Keith personal connections before Team Voltron. The way Iverson treats him makes me think Iverson might have been one of them. And I liked exploring that possibility in this fic.

After reading that, definitely consider me a convert.  It's always fascinating to see different trends and countertrends in fandom.  Related to that, you've mentioned that you've been indulging in fandom between frantic work on your thesis, which is… also about fandom?  What's the premise there, and and how are you bringing your own experiences as a fan into your academic work?

A: My MA thesis is about fandom, yes! It’s been through a few different versions before ending up where it is. First, it was going to be a more traditional academic paper, focused about how fans write about LGBTQ experiences and issues in fics/headcanons, and focused on trans and/or non-binary representation in particular. (I worked on this version in 2013-14, so there were even fewer trans fics/hc’s than there are now. Also, the main fandoms in it were Supernatural and Teen Wolf, not VLD.) But my school’s program in women’s/gender studies has three options for the final project: the thesis; the practicum (basically, an internship where you write a paper at the end); and the creative project (which still has a research component, but isn’t). In a required class, our prof had us list ideas for how we could pursue our interests in all three of these options. The creative project that I came up with was, “I mean, I write fanfiction? I guess I could do that.” I expected my prof to tell me how ridiculous this sounded. Instead, she got excited about that idea, which got me excited. Which got my poor advisor excited (especially because my original fic ideas were for HP, which is her pet fandom). Then, everything got derailed by IRL drama for a while. But now, I’ve written my fic (“But boys spring infernal,” my overgrown monster of mutual pining Sheith) and I’m finishing the paper about it. In general, the project is about the LGBTQ and feminist potential of fanfic, with a focus on hurt/comfort and AUs, which are sadly under-researched. Aside from canon-divergence fics, AUs especially get a raw deal. Most fan studies scholars write them off as original fic with fandom characters pasted on. That bugs me both as a fan who loves AUs, and as someone who sees the field of fan studies stagnating because we aren’t adapting as fandom evolves. So, I’m bringing my fannish experiences into my project because they are the project (or a pretty big part of it). In addition to the research that went into this, there’s an autoethnographic element to the paper. I have to write about the process of writing BBSI, as well as the different personal experiences that went into the fic, and it’s been fun but incredibly challenging. On the other hand, I got to cite Legit Sources™ like Michel Foucault while justifying my love of long-haired Shiro. That’s probably my personal peak of questionable academic arguments, and I probably shouldn’t be so proud of it? But I am.

Long-haired Shiro, the Shiro we all deserve.  Also, I am totally jealous that you've gotten to write fanfic for a school project. Final question!  After reading your piece, I think I ascended to another plane of existence.  I absolutely loved it.  So I have to ask for your blessing: may I have your fic's hand in marriage?

Oh my god, fgkdhf, thank you! For that compliment, for letting me babble about this fic, and for giving me the chance to write for this zine. As much as I love this role-swap AU idea, “The Oncoming Storm” might not have gotten to exist without Stargazing giving me the push to actually write it. (Which I could write another long answer about, because I find the different levels of communal writing/collaboration that go on in fanfic so fascinating.) With that said? You absolutely have my blessing to marry this fic. I’m so glad that you’re so excited about it, and I’m excited about getting to read everyone else’s fics and see the art pieces when the zine comes out! <333

You can pick up your own copy of Stargazing here!  All profits will go to the Center for Victims of Torture.

[nanyoky]

AWWW YEAH KIDS. I am HYPED. I woke up stupidly early for zero reason, Infinity War trailer came out, I talked to my leasing agent, steamed some tablecloths at work, came home, shotgunned one on an empty stomach and now i’m READY WITH SUSHI AND CIDER

oh my god we have a fucking saw/blair witch/every shitty horror movie from the 90s and 00s “this is REAL people” intro i’ve only had one piece of sushi i’m not PREPARED for this

i’m assuming these pairs are all just people who have just boned. bughead. varchie. josyle. ....mackler?

jughead’s like “don’t blame yourself babe let me offer emotional comfort in this trying time” and betty’s just “shut up i’m solving a MYSTERY.”

((this is the exact point i paused to jump over to tumblr and type that last i’d like to thank not only god but jesus))

he just called her poirot they definitely banged. changing from cute nicknames that imply your gf is a fresh faced young lady detective to “lol babe you’re such a mustachioed old man” is def one of those comfortable, intimate signs you’ve touched each other’s business 

me, @ penny’s bangs: you again

“messed up that pretty face of his” fp jones was the town bicycle and worked his way through literally everyone in his age demographic before 30, confirmed

jughead is such a sweet bean. so sweet. such a bean. fully realizes that violence is a regular part of his dad’s life. has experienced some of this violence himself (the gauntlet). still spirals into a panic at hearing his dad got beat up.

penny peabody is the shadiest person on this show and that is SAYING something. she is just- LOVING the powertrip. she LIVES for this. jughead- wide eyed, panicked, offering all he has and anything else she can think of- her black little heart is beating out a samba

i can’t fucking WAIT to find out that fp is fine and hasn’t been hassled one bit but the goulies in jail and penny just came up with this story for the  LEVERAGE

cheryl pushes her way between jarchie with josie in her wake because they have gay things to do that require the full span of the hallway

there is a CHAIN on this box

archie’s fantasy for their future is the gayest thing i’ve ever heard is he about to propose

“where are betty and veronica in this?” because jughead knows he’s about to get a marraige proposal and fully intends to say yes but doesn’t want the core four to get weird. “they’re roommates” because archie supports beronica

of course the tire goes out and the old guy from every horror flick of the 80s pulls over to offer some folksy yet sinister help

“you’re not seriously going to go with this guy alone, are you?” archie keeps whiplashing from “pretty but dumb” to “only person with any fucking sense in this town” so fast i have a headache

“you’ve come this far. we’re all good. okay?” oh my god. oh my god. jughead is REASSURING archie that he hasn’t failed him in this favor. now. as he is about to drive off into the night with ol man smithers who definitely has a suspicious amount of rope and knives in his glovebox. this what he takes the time to communicate. i am feeling DELICATE.

“don’t look under that tarp boy” DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY?? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY??? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY????

YASSSSSS. what did i say a few months ago huh??? what did i say? i said “god i hope season 2 doesn’t abandon the mega creepy trend of people comparing archie to jason.” and lo. the creepy dude on the road delivers. my savior.

oh fuck me sideways was that the title card i’ve been drinking on an empty stomach don’t judge me

there is so much about this episode that’s giving me a heavy Jeepers Creepers vibe

jesus christ riverdale has had MULTIPLE SERIAL KILLERS in this guys lifespan. the town with pep. has had two serial killers. currently has two active gangs. HOW MANY PEOPLE EVEN LIVE HERE?!

whut the fuck why is archie seeing good trip bambi

honestly jughead i feel like if someone says “don’t look under that tarp boy” and you’re SURPRISED when you see blood leaking out of the tarp at least like 20% of this is on you

i feel like jughead probably went from “oh phew it’s a deer” to “nope definitely a sicko” in the second it took for this guy to assure him that his hunting does not make him comparable to a serial killer

jughead perks up at “slaughtered family” because he’s read in cold blood 50 times and can’t wait to bring it up again

archie came back for his boi i’m so proud right now my heart is so full

teh crate says “wiscatonic ((as in whiskey-tonic)) university via h.p. lovecraft” and “polar expedition january 13 1923″ because this show loves me and wants me to be happy

PENNY IS MAKING A POWER GRAB WITH THE KING IN JAIL HELP I’M SO ALIVE

great soundtrack choice

these boys are just being so TENDER rn this is what i signed up for i need to lie down

fucking told you fp’s fine

“or raise your voice to me ever again” HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. PENNY. FUCKING PEABODY.

“fp made me a promise he didn’t keep” oh my goodness. oh my golly. oh my goshdarnit.

JOSIE SIDEPLOT

again it’s really hard to remember that these characters are kids cuz none of the actors look like teenagers but a mom being like “honey there is a serial killer on the loose and yo’re the mayor’s daughter can you maybe not go walking alone after dark” is a pretty fucking reasonable request. get a walking buddy jos come on.

oh yes that is not a remotely sinister gift tag “i’ll be watching you” is a totally normal harmless crush thing to say

“are you the one putting things in my locker” “well i can be” “ew.” ICONIC EXCHANGE.

“i don’t date” yes my love for josie just increased

“Chuck asked me out” “im assuming you said no” “of course.” “good because our wedding is next year and i’ve already got way too many deposits out”

no the supporting cats are back only to break things off with alpha kitty nooooo

oof chuck’s turnin a new leaf OR IS HE

also this begs an interesting question about loyalties because clearly josie is all about supporting other women, and season one cheryl is very much okay with aligning herself with season one chuck, but cheryl and josie are very tight from day one so do they talk about these kinds of things? did season one cheryl downplay her combativeness and full ability to step on every woman around herself to lift herself up around josie because she wanted kisses?  i need answers.

okay so chuck is trying to be a better person and i guess this is sweet but last episode i was half committed to hitching my wagon to josie/reggie???? what am i supposed to do now?! i’m not fickle! but this is getting more time and development and i’m so tired of fighting the tides of canon. my life is HARD okay guys.

“You’re in here doing THE TWIST” this woman deserves an oscar for saying that with a straight face

okay but WHY keep this from people. unless she’s getting further communication. unless she’s being threatened. GOD I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE BEING TOLD TO HUSH UP BUT WE’RE NOT SEEING IT ON SCREEN I CAN’T WAIT IF THAT GETS REVEALED

josie has the exact same hairdo three days in a row because it’s the same SUBPLOT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE A DAMNED SHOULDER PAD PENNY IS THAT YOU

OMG PARALLEL PLOTS THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON WOW I’M DRUNK THAT TOOK ME AWHILE TO CATCH UP

okay so now cheryl is all about condemning misogyny- i mean it makes sense with her season 2 subplot but like kinda some 180 here no?

like why why is she so quick to say it’s him when it doesn’t fit. what gain. other than a smokescreen because she’s being threatened by the real perpetrator to throw suspicion I AM SO TIRED BUT I NEED ANSWERS

“there’s no evidence” “well keep looking” mayor mackers is such a sleeper shady person in this town

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK CHERYL

CHERYL CHERYL CHERYL

WHAT THE FUCK

Kevin: “my dad’s been acting shady” beronica: “SUSPECT. TUMBLR WAS RIGHT.”

“he’s the black hood” “he’s having an affair” “Maybe he’s having an affair AND he’s the black hood” JESUS CHRIST

oh no what are you going to do veronica please don’t try to seduce your friends dad i don’t think i can handle that

sheriff k seems REAL ready to share details of an ongoing investigation with the school newspaper. maybe betty has just worn him down

KEVIN IS A CLOSET TABLETOP NERD HELP ME I NEED TO KNOW MORE HOW DID HE GET INTO THIS DO HE AND BETTY PLAY THIS DID HE MAKE JOAQUIN PLAY THIS I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE

why is THIS the comedic subplot of the episode i mean i love it but HONESTLY!?

oh god please don’t tell me these are sex grunts stop grunting sheriff k

he is so uncomfortable veronica stop

OOOOOOHHHHHHH kevin’s mom is miliatary. gotcha. that had been nagging at me.

oh frick oh dang. it’s too early in the season for this but DANG SHERIFF K GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO

“i’m in. for kevin’s sake. and also to keep you in check” every friendgroup needs a veronica I desperately need a veronica

oh god no this is a trainwreck betty stop this

FUCKIN CALLED IT  MACKLER SAILS YASS

GAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Episode Scorecard:

# of sick beat drop editing sequences: none that i counted- nice use of retro tho.

do i still miss joaquin: yes. even moreso now that i’m reminded of the missed opportunity of he and the sheriff meeting. can you fucking imagine how awkward? IMAGINE IT. also i miss polly. either bring them back or write me a fic where they’re chillin together safe from harm.

episode hair mvp: Melody’s confrontation afro

episode outfit mvp: cheryl’s very bisexual romper. honorable mention to veronica’s very veronica pjs

cast and crew mvp: editing. some really nice throwbacks and genre motifs as well as use of comedic editing style. it all felt natural too which is hard to pull off. well done in the cutting room. also whoever made the stamps for that drug crate. and gave the shady truck dude that hat.

[movieswithkevin27]

Only the Brave

Joseph Kosinski's Only the Brave is a tearjerker of the highest order, in its telling of the story of the Granite Mountain Hot Shots. A team of firefighters who fought fires head-on across the nation but were based in Prescott, Arizona, the all but one of the men in the group were killed in the Yarnell Hill Fire of 2013. Building up to this eventual tragedy, Kosinski's greatest achievement in this film is firmly established long before the men ever report to Yarnell Hill. Through the nearly two hours before this fire, Only the Brave pain-stakingly develops the men as individuals in their private lives and on the job. Though this film is about a tragedy and contains many scenes of firefighting action where the men are able to return home, Only the Brave is a film about these men in life and a celebration of who they were, instead of a film about this disaster. In essence, it is a story of the men and the wives/girlfriends/parents/children/siblings impacted by this tragedy, which allows Only the Brave to be an achingly human and powerful viewing experience.

From the very beginning, Kosinski begins to signal that this is not a typical "based on a true life tragedy" film. Typically, these films include a brief scene of family followed by some brief bonding before jumping right into the tragedy. Kosinski, instead, takes a unique approach with nearly two hours of family, friendship, and the forging of a bond through fighting fires, before finally reaching that somber day. In the course of this, he introduces us to men such as Eric Marsh (Josh Brolin) and his wife Amanda (Jennifer Connelly). Many character building scenes are devoted solely to Amanda, showing her as a horse loving woman who rehabilitates ones that are neglected and teaches others how to care for horses properly. We see young Brendan McDonough (Miles Teller) do drugs, get arrested, and kicked out of his mother's home, only to learn he is about to become a father. We see Brendan join the group of firefighters, forge a friendship with Chris MacKenzie (Taylor Kitsch) and care for his daughter. In quiet moments, we see the men goof around, make fun of one another, and act like the young men that they are in their private lives. We see them fight fires with great success, even sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon watching the dying embers of the fire they just fought off pour over into the canyon itself. While much of the focus is on Eric and Brendan to be sure, this is a film about the brotherhood between the firefighters and the people they will eventually leave behind as much as it is one about fighting fires.

Never skimming through this character development and consistently taking the time to establish even the most peripheral of characters into enjoyable and recognizable presences in the film, Kosinski manages to make Only the Brave into a celebration of these men as they lived, not how they died. By the time the tragedy happens, these men feel as though they have become part of our own families and our hearts, making the tragedy all the more impactful and emotionally resonant. This is a film that builds great pathos, relatability, and depth in its characters that allows this film to work not just as an action or tragedy film, but as a fully-fledged drama with well-rounded characters across the board, protagonists you identify with and root for, and wife characters who are not just there as background noise instead strong, developed characters in their own right. In having watched many action films - let alone ones based on true stories - Only the Brave stands as one of the rare entries that values every single person it puts on the screen. It treats each with respect and care, capturing the essence of every single person mentioned and allowing the audience to understand who they really were, both in action and in the quiet times.

While the film's strong writing certainly helps to bring light to the real men behind these characters, it is often the film's acting that lifts the film up. As superintendent Eric Marsh, Josh Brolin shines in one of his best performances in recent memory. As we see him express doubt over his life, uncertainty about having a kid, and whether or not he wants be a family man or a firefighter, Brolin transforms into Marsh with all of his emotion, authenticity, and inner conflicts. The bond between Miles Teller's Brendan and Taylor Kitsch's Chris is palpable with the two becoming these two men who, after having so much animosity between them at the beginning, became like twin brothers. In traversing the life of the recovering addict Brendan McDonough, the new fatherhood, and the eventual survivor's guilt he experiences, Teller similarly delivers one of his best performances in a truly moving performance. Delivering lines with great feeling and emotion, Teller similarly becomes Brendan. As Eric's wife, Jennifer Connelly is similarly excellent, capturing the emotion felt by this woman as she fought for her husband to choose her over firefighting and eventually how she copes with his loss. As a character-driven work, it is imperative that Only the Brave has great acting and it has performances of the highest order that will likely be overlooked by the time Awards season comes around due to the content of the film, but it will be true misfortune when that occurs. These are not actors portraying real people, but rather actor becoming real people and being able to communicate their emotion, beliefs, and personalities, through their every world and interaction.

It is this authenticity that really makes the film so affecting, with Kosinski managing to overcome any predictability or sentimentality not because it is a true story, but with how invested the audience becomes. By making the dialogue so natural, the characters so real (yes they are real, but many non-fiction films still fail to do this), and allowing the audience to feel the pain of their loss in our very core, Kosinski creates a film that truly hits home. By the time we realize these men will truly die - a fact we try to convince ourselves will not actually occur - our heart sinks, our gut wrenches, and our eyes well up. Through allowing us into their lives and minds through such authentic and natural dialogue and writing, Only the Brave becomes a film that is never just a tearjerker or an emotionally manipulative work, but rather one that is authentically emotional and resonates with the audience on a deeply human level.

MILD SPOILERS By the time the Yarnell Hill Fire arrives at the very end of the film's second act, Kosinski handles the moment with such grace that he is able to instill thrills, dread, and poignancy, with relative ease. Building tension and anticipation through the scene as the men fight the fire and experiences multiple miscommunications with air support, the camera places the audience right in the midst of the action and we feel the fire closing in on the men. As Brendan, the looker, gets away, we feel his yearning to be with the other men and the tension of the moment as his escape route is cut off only for his rescuer to arrive just in time (not Hollywoodized either, it actually happened). As we see the other 19 men of the Granite Mountain Hot Shots get surrounded and forced into prone positions under cover, Only the Brave the speed of the fire, the horror of the moment, and odd beauty of watching the fire whip over the covered bodies of these men. Though a long scene, the actual tragedy of the moment occurs rapidly and largely off-screen, instead focusing on Brendan as he listens to radio communication as medics reach the men. A quiet, poignant, and traumatic moment in the film, this climax of the film sneaks up on you in how rapid the fire spreads and entraps these men, showcasing just how dangerous it can be to fight fire and how, no matter what you believe the situation to be, everything can change in an instant. While the entire film builds one's respect for these wildlife hot shot crews, it is this rapid and striking moment in which all of these men are quickly wiped out by this fire that truly demonstrates the power and the horror possessed by these wildfires.

The heart sinking feeling of knowing these men died is truly cemented once the grief is portrayed. With a gut-wrenching scream, Amanda sets the tone for what is to come. The display of anguished anger as Brendan learns of their death on the radio followed by his face of pure guilt and devastation face as a member of a different hot shot group drives him back home further solidifies this feeling. Gathering all of the family members in the local high school, you can feel the tension in the air as these families wait to learn the fate of their loved one. All begging local fire chief Duane (Jeff Bridges) for answers, the wives cling onto one another and their children, desperate to discover if it is true one man survived and who that man is, holding out a sliver of hope it is their loved one. When Brendan walks into the gym, we see the anguish and guilt on Teller's face. The pained reaction shots of the wives tell the story and communicate the emotion. We feel for them, but we feel the gut punch to Brendan as he knows that, as he walks into this room, nobody wants to see him. They all want it to be their loved one and, instead, it is just him who made it out alive. Using a somewhat hazy shot to capture the moment, we feel the disorientation felt by Brendan as he nervously walks into the gym and faces those left behind and then his all-consuming guilt as he rushes out. As Amanda runs out to console him, the audience feels the shared pain between the two, admire Amanda for her selflessness and strength in the face of losing her husband, and completely identify with Brendan's guilt while fearing his possible relapse into drugs. This poignant, powerful, and deeply affecting display of grief, anguish, guilt, anticipation, pain, and nerves, all combine to make the film's third act one that is the cinematic equivalent of a hobbling gut punch, bringing the audience to our knees. Gracefully presented by Kosinski with marvelous emotion and delivery from Connelly and Teller in this moment, Only the Brave makes you feel and live this moment first-hand, which makes it all the more impactful. END SPOILERS

Visually, Only the Brave is quite strong. Repeatedly, Kosinski seems to return to a few shots: overhead and close-up. As the firefighters traverse the terrain, Kosinski repeatedly returns to overhead shots that are terrifically framed, but really show the size of the team moving into the fire and, often times, the devastation they are walking through after a fire has passed by. Close-up shots come repeatedly in the film, particularly on Brolin, Teller, and Connelly's faces. As Eric pours his heart out to Duane about his hesitations in becoming a father, the camera get high-and-tight on Brolin's face, making the scene all the more intimate and personal. The same occurs to Teller throughout, namely in the aforementioned scene of him walking into the gym and the camera focuses in on his reaction to seeing everybody break down at the sight of him. However, perhaps the most powerful use of close-up comes after the tragedy. Showing Amanda riding one of her horses, the camera shows a silhouetted image of four wild horses just over a hill (a gorgeous shot in its own right) before cutting to Connelly's face with a close-up. With a shimmer in her eye from the sun, there is a certain beauty to the shot that is hard to quantify, which demonstrates the power a simple image of a human face can have, especially one that has been through so much in the course of this film. Other shots such as the fire jumping through trees and brush as it races towards a town, the orange-hues of the fire as Teller and Brolin walk through it, and the embers of the fire falling on the men as they successfully fight a fire, are similarly excellent. However, one of the more powerful shots has to be one of Connelly and Teller. Both on their knees as Amanda consoles the heartbroken and guilt-ridden Brendan, the shot is quite dark with the two of them at the center of the frame, embracing with Amanda holding his face to talk to him. It is a powerful image that truly captures the power of the moment in its simplicity and stripped down approach to capturing the moment. Kosinski shoots it as it is with no added pomp or circumstance, which is often undervalued, but it lets the emotion, words, and actors do the talking.

A powerful journey through the lives of the men of the Granite Mountain Hot Shots, Only the Brave is gripping, thrilling, and emotional. It is a film that never becomes manipulative or cloying, rather its dedication to developing its heroes allows the audience to experience authentic emotion and feeling, as we develop a great bond and connection to these men. We root for them, hope against hope they will survive, and our hearts are broken when they die and one of them is left to live survivor's guilt. It is a film that cares about the men and not the action, which is perhaps the greatest compliment a film about a true story of bravery or heroism could be given. Only the Brave is not about the death of these men or even their line of work as hot shots, but rather it is about them. It explores what they liked, who their families were, what they were afraid of, their pasts, and what they hoped the future would bring. The tragedy does not come because they die, but because of what they leave behind, whether it be the memories, the people, or the unfulfilled dreams.