#so thats kind of also an answer here but i think everyone here has heard void does photo editing so its not the fun answer

[red-dyed-sarumane]

whats an activity void likes to do that most wouldn’t expect of them?

beyond photo editing void is not an artistic type they cant draw they dont write they cant play any instruments nor do they have any real interest in it BUT when they feel like treating themself they attempt latte art although more often than not its hot cocoa art than coffee art & also they arent particularly good at it & it doesnt often look like anything but its a little task that gets their mind off things for a moment & they like doing.

[itsss4t4n]

Hi!! Could I get some harry hook x male!reader where reader is the eldest child of Anna and Kristoff please? Also maybe reader looks just like his mum but acts like his dad? Thanks and sorry if it's too specific fjdjdjvjs

Always - Harry Hook x male!reader

a/n: I honestly think that reader personaliy is more like anna han kristoff. somehow i really struggled wih that. i lowkey hate this but i still hope you enjoy his <3

warnings: no use of y/n, making out, small fight/angst, ew emotions, I love some good drama, i hate this tbh, not proofread

When Mal decided to open the barrier forever, it was cerainly an adjusment for everyone.

The Vks that came over to auradon were enrolled into auradon prep and all assigned an auradon student to help them settle in and answer any questions they might have.

You weren't the biggest fan of that arrangementt. Not because you didnt like or trust the vks, you were actually quite close with all of the cour four. You just werent a big people person. So having to share your dorm with someone you dont know and most likely having them at your side 24/7? Not ideal for you.

Especially when you heard who you were going to be paired with. 

But Mal had basically begged you to help. 

"Please. I know you dont like this but he is kind of difficult and i know that you could handle him. I dont know anyone else that could."

So you reluctantly agreed.

Mal was right. Harry Hook was certainly difficult. He was really stuck in ways and refused to change. He refused to follow any rules, he was mean and he hated school. And the worst thing? He was stupidly hot.

Now, you hated school just as much, and you did skip a few lessons here and there but you had respect for your teachers and your peers. And you knew that unfortunately school was important for your future. 

Usually you couldnt care less if other people got on trouble but harry was your responsibility now, so everytime he got into trouble, you were getting dragged into it. And you hated it.

So thats how you ended up in fairy godmothers office for the 7th time that week (it was thursday) sitting next to Harry, who just looked bored while you were about to beat him up.

This has been happeneing for almost 3 months at this point.

"This can not keep going on. Harry If you cannot follow the rules and integrate yourself into Auradon then we might be forced to take stronger action." 

Back in your dorm Harry threw himself onto his bed.

"Well that a tad overdramatic aye?"

You couldnt hold it in anymore. 

"HARRY! THIS IS NOT A GAME! YOU KEEP GETTING IN TROUBLE SIMPLY FOR THE SAKE OF IT AND YOU HURT OTHERS. ARE YOU AWARE OF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BASICALLY A FEW OFFENSES AWAY FROM EXPULSION?! AND IF THAT HAPPENS YOU BASICALLY HAVE NO CHANCE ANYMORE TO DO ANYTHING! NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU RUIN MY REPUTATION WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR AS WELL. JUST THINK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE THAN YOURSELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN LIFE!"

Without looking at him you stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind you.

The rest of your day was spend ranting to Mal and Evie about Harry.  Mal hat texted Uma during your rant, telling her to speak with Harry. He would probably listen to her. She was his best friend after all.

You dreaded going to bed that night. Just being in the same room with him.

Uma left your Room just before you arrived, so when you entered Harry was sitting on his bed, a conflicted expression on his face. 

You decided to ignore him, just grabbing a pair of sweatpants and heading to the bathroom to change for bed.

When you exited the beathroom agin harry had also changed into sweatpants. GREY sweatpants.

Fuck. Was he trying to kill you?

His head perked up at the sound of the bathroom door. 

"Hey..."

You looked over at him.

"What Hook?"

He looked a little conflicted still, which confused you. Why the sudden change in mood?

"Look... I'm nae good at this but- fuck..." He sighed exxasperated. "I wanted to apologize."

You head snapped to him again In surprise.

"What?"

"I acted like a total dickhead." He started ranting, trying to get it all outbefore he mentally talked himself out of it. " I didnt care how I might hurt ya. And I don't even have a good reason for that. I was just scared. I was scared of being vulnerable. All I have ever known was the Isle. I am used to hiding myself behind a Tough outside and I was scared to change from that."

Harry quickly wiped his eyes of the tears swimming in them, hoping you wouldnt notice. But you did.

You were shocked by his sudden and surprisingly honest outburst. For a few very long seconds you just stared at each other.

"Harry...." You took a slow step towards him. "I'm sorry. I should've realized how hard this would be. And I know it will be difficult, but i promise you that from now on you wont have to hide anymore. You're safe here." 

Now, standing right before harry, you layed your hand on his shoulder. Harrys eyes met yours, once again swimming with tears but a small smile gacing his lips.

"Thank ye."

You reached up to wipe the tear that had fallen from his eye, your hand resting on harrys cheek, his head leaning into your touch.

You noticed how close you two had gotten. Your eyes flickering from harrys eyes to his lips for a split second.

"Harry?" Your noses brushed against each other ever so slightly.

"Yea?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"I really hope I'm not reading this wrong," You voice matched his. "but can I kiss you?"

Harry was silent, and for a few excruciating second you truly thought you were wrong. Harry was into guys, you knew that much. He didnt hide that part about himself. But did he like you?

"Yes please." 

A small sigh of relief left your mouth as you leaned in, your lips moving against his. Harrys hands moved to your hips, gripping at the exposed skin, thanks to your lack of shirt. In turn your hands wrapped around his neck, your fingers gripping onto his hair.

When you parted for air, you kept your eyes closed, your foreheads leaning against each other. 

For a few seconds all you could hear was you heavy breathing and your own heartbeat, loud in your ears, before Harry leaned in and kissed you again. His hands pulling you flush against his bare chest by your hips.

Once again you pulled back, this time a little more, looking into each others eyes.

"Thank ye, darlin"

"Always."

[the-s1lly-corner]

HI there, hate to bother you but i was wondering if you could do the amazing digital circus head canons for a gn! reader who acts a lot like ena

if you have never heard of it you can check on the ena wiki but i would really love if you did something like this so thanks

TADC x ENA type!GN!reader

typically i would do all the characters in one post, but its starting to get late and tumblr wont let me save half answered asks in my drafts for some reason TToTT so im gonna split the cast in half, if you want the rest of the characters you can send in a second ask so i can remember to do everyone else :0! also my apolocheese for any personality mistakes, i think i watched ena a long time ago but was confused/didnt watch the whole thing so uh uh!! relying on a character wiki for this (on that focuses on season 1 so uh uh, idk if that will impact anything) little bonus bonus incorporating enas color thing into this cuz uh we can say its digital world stuff ooo that gives me an oc idea; oc whos like the mayor from nightmare before christmas who has a spinny head/face thing that relates to their emotions

CAINE:

caines is going to be shorter because hes just your number one fan regardless of your personality, in fact he probably has a silly shirt with your face on it somewhere

will do everything in his power to make sure youre happy and content, and will do everything to cheer you up when you switch over to your sad side

takes you to wherever it is that he 'sleeps' when you get overwhelmed by stuff and keeps you there until both of you are sure that youll be okay and your blues are long gone

you and him easily match energies, sometimes he will even try to one up you with using fancy intricate words

POMNI:

writing pomnis part first but oh funny is it that pomni and ena have the same VA

anyways

absolutely loves you, but she is so so worried about stressing you out and switching to your 'sad form', tries to (often times unsuccessfully) cheer you up

honestly you both need a break, things in the circus are hectic and insane, and considering pomni just got here she is going to need your help to get used to things

not much to be said since i think pomni is another character i struggle to write

JAX:

initially teases you for how fast you switch up, its almost like gangle being more upbeat with her comedy mask and more sad when its broken

tones it down a little when you explain you cant really control it whereas gangles case is just her being more confident with the comedy mask (at least thats my hc)

sometimes give you weird looks when you use an unnecessarily long set of fancy words to describe something mundane

bro is fighting the urge to mimic it

surprisingly does the kind thing, he takes you off to the side when something stresses you out so you can have a minute to compose yourself

RAGATHA:

optimistic sweetheart meets ray of sunshine, you two are an unstoppable force of good and kind of rub off on some of the others

similar to jax when you get stressed out or upset about something, usually when its an in house adventure, she sweeps you to the side and helps calm you down. she probably knows some breathing techniques, i think

ignoring the fact they probably dont need to breathe but thats asides the poin

[paper-starz]

WELCOME HOME THEORIES AND ANALYSIS! FRIDAY THE 13th EDITION!

HUH?? A surprise Welcome Home Update???

WITH LORE AND SECRETS?!?!?!

Ohohohoho! You know yours truly loves lore! And oh boy... Theres a lot to unpack here.... So buckle your seatbelts folks! I might've discovered something BIG

WARNING! THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE HALLOWEEN UPDATE! OH AND THIS IS GONNA BE VERY VERY LONG!

Ok, first things first, THE THEORY

I might've figured out who the main antagonist could be, and it's not Wally or Home. In fact, it has been staring at us the entire time, we've just never realized it.

I think the main villain of Welcome Home could be the spooky swirly void living inside of Home.

"WHAT?!?! This early on in story??" I hear you say! "This couldn't be possible!"

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE DEAR VIEWER! And truth be told, there could be multiple antagonists in Welcome Home, but all evidence points to this swirly guy being the source of everything wrong thats happening. Also, from now on, I'll be calling it the Entity. (Spooky swirly man sounds so silly!)

EVIDENCE 1: It makes people sick.

It seems like the Entity emits some kind of black "ink" that makes people sick once you touch it. It also seems like the WHRT knows about this too! Going into great lengths to order everyone to wear gloves.

Writing on sticky note atop vinyl glove box reads: Put on gloves before handling ANY art. Call me if we run out!

Not to mention that think ink also seems to effect anyone psychologically, making them want to discover more about Welcome Home, even if it harms their own health.

In the ABOUT US page:

When I unwrapped the first letter, I felt it. I heard it. Open. Open. Open. I want it out. I’m going to get it out.

In the STAFF ONLY page:

Everything is so disgusting to touch. Sometimes the mail doesn't come for weeks. I want to rip into everything I have. My head feels so muddled too. Ever since I opened the envelope.

I keep getting phone calls, now. Or at least, I assume that's what's happening. I keep hearing it ringing. All day, sometimes. I check my phone and there's no new messages. I thought maybe some of the site staff were pranking me, but I tore up the workspace and couldn't find another phone that might be ringing. All that was there were the toys for the exhibit, and obviously those couldn't be ringing. But I kept hearing it anyway. The phone ringing and ringing... ...I keep digging and digging. I've poured over every recovery the WHRP has given me access to, every inch of their website, and the things I find make less and less sense. If I didn't know better I'd say everyone was coming together to pull an elaborate prank on me. I can still hear the phone ringing now. I don't know how to answer the phone. I need to answer the phone.

The NEWS PAGE also mentions ringing! (This could be the same person who has been affected by the ringing)

So many guest signatures… So many of them are trying to communicate. What are you telling me for? Do you think I can answer? What are you trying to do to me? I’m closing that guest book, I’m not playing this game anymore. The ringing is enough.

And even affecting them physically as well!

NEWS PAGE

What is it, I hear you pleading! Clawing at your screens just as we have! Coughing, headaches, nausea- I know. I know. It will take a lot of cleaning, preparation, and polishing on our part, but it is a worthwhile labor of love.

Coughing, headaches, nausea.... The Restoration Team is growing sick, yet they are completely obsessed with restoring more evidence for Welcome Home.

They even know that they are growing sick, they wear gloves, they clean, they prepare, they polish the artwork over and over and warn anyone NOT to touch the ink, but it's not enough. They need to restore Welcome Home, even at the cost of their own health.

Heck, the entire page (and studio) is literally dowsed with black ink!

And it seems to be growing too...

Theres more stuff on the walls I keep hearing phones ring.

"More stuff" as if he's surprised, as if there were less ink on the walls than before. And he keeps hearing phones ringing... Its growing...

And it made its way into the real world....

EVIDENCE 2: SALLY'S HORROR STORY!

Ah yes! Some evidence from the Halloween Update! This time, from Sally Starlet’s Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief Making! Specifically, I want to analyze the "noticeable gap" in the audio, the only part where the WHRT did NOT transcript. (This was written by yours truly btw!)

SALLY: What?! No, no, and no! …It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent… Just that it arrives here. So many stories have risen about their origins… But I know what it is searching for. It is looking for neighbors who have stayed past the daytime, to gobble them up whole. That is why so few live here. It moved through the streets at night, but it doesn't break into homes. However, on rare instances, it will find itself with an appetite left…. unsatisfied by its aimless wandering. Even the occasional unfortunate insect that has crossed its path is not enough… Those who have lived through the night say it isn't quiet about it either. They always say you can hear when it gets closer to you. Do you know what sound it makes? I hear it. Every. Night. You can hear it too, if you listen. Especially if you wait next to your window. First, theres rustling in the bushes. Then, A scratching on the pavement and the walls as it crawls up. Finally, if you're quiet, you can hear its guttural sound…

Now, I know what you're asking. Why even bring up this little story at all? What does this story have to do with the Entity?

Context, my dear viewer. If you listen closely, the audio is too clear. No static, no nothing. This segment is also the only part where it didn't get transcripted because it was "inaudible". Which is strange, because you and me and you and that guy and me can hear it just fine! And THAT is why it got me theory senses tingling.

Plus, the story is about a monster too! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

So let's analyze!

"…It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent… Just that it arrives here."

This could be talking about the Entity. We don't know what exactly the Entity wants, just that it looks like it's determined to reach a goal that we don't know much about.

"It is looking for neighbors who have stayed past the daytime, to gobble them up whole. That is why so few live here."

It feels like this is talking about the portal-like properties the Entity has. "Gobbling" up neighbors whole and sending them to another dimension, ours.

Sally also states "That is why so few live here", which makes me question how many neighbors used to live here before. Perhaps Julie's siblings, Howdy's family, Barnaby's mom? Were they sent to another dimension? Where are they now????

Not only that, but Sally makes it clear that it goes after neighbors at nighttime. And what time does Welcome Home usually update? 7 PM (*Now, this time could be different because of timezones, but the updates usually happen during the night)

"It moved through the streets at night, but it doesn't break into homes. However, on rare instances, it will find itself with an appetite left…. unsatisfied by its aimless wandering..."

"First, theres rustling in the bushes. Then, A scratching on the pavement and the walls as it crawls up. Finally, if you're quiet, you can hear its guttural sound…"

I think Sally is giving us an EXACT description on how the Entity managed to break into Home.

1st, theres rustling in the bushes. Home does have bushes surrounding him.

Then, a scratching on the pavement and walls as it crawls up. The Entity could've broken into Home by either climbing through the window or through the roof.

Finally, a guttural sound. Now... where did I hear a guttural sound in Welcome Home before.... Oh yeah! Wally. <- Click this handy-dandy clip and you can hear something quite monstrous right below Wally's voice!

"Wait a minute.... Did you say Wally has a guttural voice???"

I did, dear reader. I did.... Which brings me to my next point:

EVIDENCE 3: POSSESSION AND PUPPETEERING!

Throughout our inspection of the Welcome Home website, we've seen countless times of Wally becoming more and more distressed as each update comes out.

But we've also seen a lot of inconsistencies regarding our lil' Darling! In fact, I even compiled these into a theory in which there could be 2 people hacking into the website!

And while that I still do believe there are more than 2 people hacking into the website... I don't think the Question Answerer is the one doodling. He's still hacking onto the website, but unlike Wally, he writes it out.

The last piece of evidence just proves its the same guy writing this! The Question Answerer!

I want to rip into everything I have. My head feels so muddled too. Ever since I opened the envelope. (see above)

Ok but if the Question Answerer isn't the other guy doodling... then who is making all of the inconsistent doodles??

Why, the ENTITY!

Not only are the doodles inconsistent, but even the sound of Wally's voice sound... quite off if you compare enough audios.

For example! Compare the interview audio with the newest Happy Haunting audio, do you notice anything peculiar about Wally's voice? Especially in the Happy Haunting audio? (If you have trouble finding it, compare these few timestamps below)

4:08

4:51

8:45

13:39-15:29

It sounds... off. Robotic even! It's slow, and the articulation is way different from the interview audio. In the interview audio, you can hear how happy Wally sounds! Even in this audio (and this one too), you can hear Wally growing increasingly frustrated. Yes, its still monotone, but you could hear emotion!

But the Happy Haunting audio, it's neutral. Yes, it IS monotone, but it feels like someone doing an impersonation of Wally rather than Wally actually speaking himself. In fact, the audio reminds me of the phone audio right here. It has the same pauses and neutral tone, save for the very audible growl right underneath Wally's voice.

But speaking of the phone audio.... Did you catch that?

...Do you know who I am? [The heart beat and ambience resume.] [Gasp.] Oh no. Well that’s not neighborly at all. We’ve never met before. But don’t worry. Even though you and I haven’t spoken before, I’ve seen you... Every time you have looked into my eyes. I want to know… What did you see? [Silence.] I hope you saw a friend, but I’m not sure you saw a name... Stand still. Let’s start over. Ring ring ring. Click. Hi, I’m Wally. I’m so happy to finally meet you, I think you’re the absolute most.

...That's strange, isn't it? We definitely HAVE met Wally, not formally, but we do know about him (this fandom is proof of that!) So how come Wally is saying that we haven't?

Especially when in another audio, he says that we DO 'know him'.

…Why won’t you answer me, neighbor. Why can’t I hear you. You know me. You do. Please open. Let me in.

Contradictory, isn't it? We can't both know Wally and NOT know Wally at the same time. That's impossible....

Unless the phone audio Wally isn't our Wally... its the Entity.

Technically, we DON'T know about the Entity. It's not a character in Welcome Home and the things that we do know about it are just mere theories and speculations. It is our 'first' formal meeting with it.

Then why did it introduce itself as Wally? WELL BECAUSE ITS POSSESSING HIM! It's trying to convince us that it is Wally, using his signature catchphrase and even saying 'I hope you saw a friend'. Besides, if you were a weird portal monster, I doubt you would introduce yourself as one if you wanted to trick someone.

And if this possession theory does turn out to be true, it does explain the major inconsistencies happening in the website! Such as the doodles!

The Hearts!

THE HANDWRITING

THATS NOT WALLY'S HANDWRITING! He writes in CAPITAL LETTERS and in RED (not all lowercase and in blue!).

WALLY CAN'T DRAW HEARTS SO WHO'S DRAWING EM???

AND BOTH OF THOSE BARNABY DRAWINGS SURE DO LOOK INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER. ALMOST AS IF SOMEONE WITH LITTLE DRAWING EXPERIENCE DID IT.

But if you still need a bit more proof to convince ya, here's some more!

W a L L y: You won't write back Wally: You're looking for me. Silly. Silly.

I think W a L L y is our Wally! He's getting desperate, but he knows that we won't be able to write back. Wally on the other hand is the Entity, it knows that we are looking for the main big bad antagonist, and it knows. It even mocks us.

And I think we've seen evidence of these possessions before. Look at none other than the bug audios!

In every single one of these bug audios, we are in the perspective of Wally himself. But in these bug audios, Wally doesn't say anything at all. Rather, he sits unmoving, listening into the conversation whether he has been invited there or not!

In this bug audio, Wally has been listening in on Sally and Howdy's conversation the entire time!

But thats not all! All of these bug audios are connected according to the conversation between Barnaby and Home! Which means that all of these bug audios are happening on the same day at a very short period of time, which is concerning on just how frequent Wally appears to be disassociating. Or if that's even Wally at all!

If that is the Entity controlling Wally, it feels like he's observing them, studying them. Perhaps that's why the audios always cut out whenever a neighbor says Wally's name, it snaps him out of that trance and reminds him that he is in fact the real Wally!

Which brings us to our latest bug audio (and by far the most worrying one), the Candy Spider! The Halloween Bug?? Idk it's this one <-

We've just gotten proof of Wally munching on an apple. This would've been fine and dandy in any other situation, but remember viewer! Context matters! Especially if we put into consideration that that is not Wally.

BARNABY: ‘Ey, how’s my little devil doin’ over ‘ere? You guardin’ my apple for me, pal? [There is a brief pause. What is he doing.] BARNABY: Oh— heh, I guess ya didn’t do a very good job at it. [Barnaby calls out to the room] Hey! Who took a bite outta my apple? I think I see some fang marks, Frank!

Yeah that SURE is definitely not worrying. Nope, none whatsoever!

Oh boy... I think that's everything. Well, not everything everything. I still don't think the Entity is the only bad guy, just the main one! The Playfellow Workshop is very suspicious, and while I do believe Wally and Home are most likely victims of everything that is going on, I don't think I should say that they are quite innocent yet.

In the banner, they are the only two NOT separated by hearts! It seems to me that they are working together to give out more evidence to the WHRT.

And Marlo... another company that is VERY suspicious. What did their logo look like again?

A house logo with an eye in the middle.... Why does that look so familiar?

AH.

Well that's clearly not suspicious!

[raschuuuu]

Summary: Y/N is a famous YouTube vlogger and Ruben Dias a famous professional football player. They've been friends for a few months but never met. Now it's finally time for them to meet but what happens when one of them falls in love?

PART 1

Rating/genre: fluff, friends to lovers

Pairings: Ruben Dias x female reader

Word count: 1289 words

Author's note: Hey guy's. This is my first ever footballer fanfiction. First of all: I AM SORRY ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. I'm bored at work tbh, thats why I started this and I have no idea how to continue. So if you like this and want to read more please let me know how to continue or how you would want it to end?:)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was finally time. I'm on the train from London to Manchester. I took a few days off because I was invited. From Ruben Dias. I'm a Vlogger/Youtuber and apparently Ruben often watched my videos and decided to slide into my DM's a few months ago. We just started small talk, he told me he liked to watch my videos every Sunday and that I should keep doing what I do. I was honored. In the beginning we only had small talk but over time we've been writing more and more and more and also making phone calls and facetime. The only problem was that we never met because he's very busy and so am I. A few days ago Ruben asked me if we didn't want to finally meet and I said yes. And now I'm sitting here and I'm all excited.

Hey, I'll wait for you outside in the car. See you in a minute!

He texted me. I got off the train, it had already been dark. I told him not to come and I'm gonna take a cab, but he insisted.

I realized how nervous I got, I mean, we've been writing for a long time, but we've never met in person, and he even offered me that I could sleep with at his place. We didn't have a romantic relationship, we just texted as friends, but I mean the guy is pretty hot and everyone who doesn't think so must be blind.

When I was outside, I was out in the parking lot, I didn't even know which car he was driving. Do you know this embarrassing situation when you stand there looking for someone and the person most likely has already discovered you? I heard someone calling my name from a car standing a few meters away from me.

I ran to the car and he got out. He smiled at me very cute and he gave me a hug. His body felt so strong. He smelled good and we looked each other in the eye. He was a little taller than me, so I had to look up.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you in person," he said, and I noticed my cheeks turning a little red. "Me too, Ruben, we finally made it after so long," I replied.

He packed my things in his trunk, and then he opened his car door for me, and we drove off. The ride didn't take long, he asked me how it was and if I was hungry. I was so hungry but I couldn't eat because of all the excitement.

When we arrived, he parked his car and we went up to his apartment. His apartment was huge, clean and tidy, and above all, it was comfortable. He took me to the guest room and showed me where I‘ll stay for the next few days?

In the guest room, I remembered that we never agreed how long I was supposed to stay. I was uncomfortable staying with him anyway. I've told him several times that I'm going to take a hotel, but he insisted that I stay with him.

"Ruben, thank you, wow, this room looks so great, but I just remembered, we didn't agree how long I'd stay. I really don't want to bother you.", I said desperately. "Y/N, are you crazy? Stay as long as you want. My home is your home, I want my guests to be comfortable." he answered.

That feeling he gave me felt so domestic. I mean, I've known him for a little while, but how often do you have situations in life where you get along with a person very well, but once you get together, it gets kind of weird and uncomfortable? I was afraid that we'd end up in a similar situation, but on the contrary, it felt like I'd always visited him, as if we'd always been friends, as if I'd stayed with him several times.

For the next two days we spent together, he showed me Manchester, we went to dinner together, or we cooked together, he introduced me to his brother Ivan, everything was just so beautiful. We talked a lot, and we had deep conversations at night in his living room. He opened up to me, he told me some of his secrets, and he talked about his fears. I was very honored that he saw a close friend in me.

But I had a feeling I couldn't get rid of. Ruben was a very attractive and handsome man. I know I said that before, and I'm gonna say that again. If there's an attraction between a man and a woman, you can't be friends in my opinion. I tried to come up with other thoughts or convince myself that he wouldn't be so attractive, but that didn't work. Above all, Ruben has told me several times that he thinks that he has now found a best friend that he never had, and I don't want to break that feeling just because my pussy always gets wet when I see him.

He showed me some Instagram models that didn't even look like me that he's currently finding attractive. I mean, Ruben, he follows a lot of Instagram models, and he's also written with a lot of them and met a few of them, but he couldn’t imagine a relationship with them and those he thought might have been serious, turned out to be a gold digger. After a nice five days I spent with Ruben, it was time for me to leave Manchester and go back to London. I have taken a little break on Instagram while I was with him, so people wouldn't get suspicious of me meeting someone because when you have 5.6 million followers on Instagram this can happen fast.

I had to shoot content again and entertain my followers, so I packed my bag in the morning and Ruben was waiting for me so he could drive me to the station.

When we were in the car, I noticed a strange silence I'd never felt before between the two of us. Do you know that there are once pleasant silences and once unpleasant silences? And this was definitely an unpleasant one.

"Are you all right?", I asked him. He was looking at the road. "I'm fine. I'm just sad that you have to go," he said, turning his head to me for a moment. "I'm sad too, Ruben, it was nice five days, I had a lot of fun, maybe I can come visit you again, or you can come to London," I tried to cheer him up. He just nodded his head and kept on driving.

When we got to the station, he parked a little far away so he could get off with me. He took my suitcase out of the trunk and handed it to me.

"Thank you for coming, Y/N, I really appreciate it. You're a great person and I'm very happy to have you as my friend." I realized how emotional he got and sad. I hugged him and stroked his back. „Ruben this feels like a goodbye forever“ I said smiling at him. „It’s just that when I get used to a person I don’t want them to leave anymore. Please visit me again Y/N“ he said. „Of course Ruben! We’re in the same country. I can always hop in the next train and visit you. And if you should be in London again let’s definitely meet“. „Yes we should definitely do that. And the next time you should come visit my game and maybe I can introduce you to someone how you wanted to“ he said hitting my arm in a playful way. „You‘re really trying to set me up with someone huh“.

And with that we said our last goodbyes and I took my train back to London. I‘m so happy that I found a friend like him now.

[jolyfics]

𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙨𝙚𝙚

𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

summary: trish has just met up with your gang, being the only other girl her age, you try and connect to her

notes: first fic on here is done!! feel free to send requests in, they’re open right now!!

you and the rest of your gang were at the grape vineyard base, bucciarati had given orders for narancia to go out and buy what trish had requested earlier. you were sitting on the stairs alongside abbacchio and giorno, watching fugo try and get it into narancias brain how important this was. you sighed, you weren’t exactly paying attention to what they were talking about. if anything they were too loud, distracting you from your train of thought. thats when you heard footsteps come from the top of the stairs, you ignored them, assuming that they’d be from mista.

“(name)?” bucciarati spoke out, causing you to whip your head around to look at him. you then stood up, to show respect towards him.

“yes, bucciarati?” you asked, you had absolutely no idea to what he would want from you, you thought that all you had to do was stay here with abbacchio, giorno and fugo and protect the base.

“come with me, please” his voice had a hint of hastiness lying within it. you nodded as he began to walk back up the stairs, you followed in suit. mista was gone, you assumed he went to the bathroom or something? bucciarati then stopped, turning his head towards you.

“i need you to be trish’s personal guard, (name). i want you to be by her side at all times.” his voice was serious, his eyebrows were ever so slightly furrowed, he didn’t look angry though, just earnest.

“..okay” you spoke, you wouldn’t dare go against bucciaratis orders. he glanced at the door of the room trish was in. he was signalling you to go in now, to speak with her. you nodded. understanding what he wished of you. you walked up to the door and twisted the doorknob. trish sat by the window, looking longingly outside. you thought she looked breathtaking right now. how her pink hair only seemed brighter in the sun, her blue eyes shining, but they also looked sad, how you wished to know what she was thinking about right now.

you stepped further into the room, silently closing the door behind you. trish still hadn’t noticed your arrival into the room. she seemed to be lost in thought, no wonder, given the situation she’s in. you gave a small forced cough so she could notice you. immediately her head snapped around towards you, a small hint of fear in her face.

“when did you get here?” she asked, you hadn’t actually heard much of her voice yet, only the demands she spat at everyone when you two first met.

”a few seconds ago” you responded, too quickly for your own liking. something about her mesmerised you, it pulled you in towards her. she gave a small hum as she turned back to the window. it seemed she didn’t know what to say next. for all she knew you two had nothing in common. you had to find a neutral ground.

“so.. what are you into trish?” you spoke up again, she turned her head to face you once more, this time slower. she thought for a few seconds. in those seconds you only felt more embarrassed, what if you said that and she just shrugs and turns back around?

“i like fashion. and singing..” she mumbled the last part, avoiding your gaze. you sighed in relief. fashion, you knew a good amount about fashion, you would go as far to say buying clothes was a leisurely activity for you.

“fashion? what kind of fashion do you like?” you asked her, you were interested in her, obviously. though you noticed the way her head perked up when you asked her what she liked. she smiled slightly

“valentino, or gucci. though i like prada too. how about you?” she seemed interested in this conversation, yes! you did it! before you could give yourself a pat on the back, you had to answer her question

“vivienne westwood. definitely!” you grinned, happy to talk about one of, if not your favourite designers. trish smiled at your enthusiasm.

“really? i like some of vivienne, though im not too into punk fashion” she responded, hearing her talk so freely made you smile too. you moved over towards the window, sitting beside her. you could see all her features now, god was she pretty

after what felt like hours, the sun had begun to set. you had no idea if narancia was back or not, though right now you didn’t care. you and trish seemed to be having the time of your lives talking about fashion, the conversation even strayed towards giving eachother makeovers. at first you wondered why bucciarati picked you to be trish’s personal guard, you understood now.

[jesus-is-an-ally]

How do you get past feeling stupid when you believe in God? Like, how do you ignore the feeling that you should be an atheist and not believe in God and that all this is just, a fake made up religion meant to control people? And obviously when i say you i mean i. I want to believe but i feel so dumb for it. I know im a smart person but every time i get involved with christianity i feel like im taking to an imaginary friend because thats how everyone refers to it. I feel like im feeding into an industry that colonized people, when i dont even go to church.

And ive had experiences with God that feel so unlike any religious experience ive had, but my brain always forces me to logic it away. Like ill feel an immeasurable level of calm and happiness and then my brain will go 'those are just endorphins'. How do i get past that?

Long read ahead, but I encourage everyone to read it, because I did my best to answer this and I think there's some good stuff in here.

Hey anon. First I'd like to say that I am not professionally trained, I do not possess a biblical degree of any kind, nor am I a pastor or a priest or anyone like that. But I have been a Christian my entire life, so that should count for something, Lord willing.

I also want to say that I think this is a very good question and I thank you for asking it, as it gave me a chance to think deeply on my faith in order to put it into words.

I always find it really hard to explain faith. I struggle to explain to fellows Christians, to non-Christians, and especially to people who aren’t religious or spiritual in any way. This is probably because faith is very much not a thing of this world, so it is nit easily translatable. But I will try my best.

I too have dealt with doubts in my life. I have felt the need to logic it away. All Christians have one doubt or another, and if they say they haven't, they are lying or potentially believing in a watered down, more palatable version of Christianity.

Either way, let's face it, the world is designed by the devil to make you doubt. The good news is that there is no question or doubt or critique that is going to make God start shaking in Their boots, realizing They hadn't thought of that. They are omnipotent, and anything you are wondering can most likely be found in the Bible, if you know where and how to look.

There are many books that explain the logic of Christianity, such as “Person of Intrest” by J. Warner Wallace or “The Case for A Creator” by Lee Strobel, who has also written many other books similar to this. Fair warning, it’s been forever since I’ve looked into either of these books, so there’s a chance there’s questionable stuff in there that I don’t remember.

However, I do need to say that faith is very much NOT a logical thing. It’s a belief in something that you cannot see, touch, hear, or otherwise sense except with your soul. It's the trust that God is out there, even when you lack concrete evidence.

I believe a person cannot become a believer by force, whether their own or someone else's. You have to truly open up your heart and let the Holy Spirit in. You must confess with your mouth that you believe in the Son of God who died and rose again, that you are a sinner, and that you need forgiveness and guidance.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there are a bunch of verses on how faith is not based in the logic of this world. Here are a few.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For we live by faith, not by sight.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There's a story I heard when I was a kid about a pastor being asked if he can hear God speaking to him in his prayers, and the pastor responded "no, I can't hear Him, it's much clearer than that". Faith is something practically unexplainable in earthly concepts or words. But it is solid, even it doesn't feel like it.

Hebrews chapter 11 is all about faith and what people have done by it, and I encourage you to read it, but I'd like to specifically call attention to Hebrews 11:1, which says,

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

This is the verse often pointed to when people discuss the biblical definition of faith, and it's the best I can offer.

However, it sounds like science and reason is not the only thing you are struggling with. As for morality, how can we be Christians when Christianity was used to abuse, colonize, and murder innocent people all throughout history and even today?

I'm not going to use the bullshit excuse of "oh they just weren't real Christians" because that is unhelpful, defensive, and probably not even true. All Christians are sinners, and hatred, murder, and all of that other stuff are sins, so it is possible that many or all of those people were true believers.

The simple answer to this question is that sometimes you just have to accept that your people did bad things and swear do your best to stop it from happening again (without spending so much energy on it that you burn out). I have had a lot of practice at this since I'm also white.

In German elementary schools, when they teach the children about WW2, what they basically say is “hey, this is our history, you didn’t do it so you don’t have to feel guilt, but you do have a duty to never let it happen again”.

I think this sort of thinking should be taught to the descendants of all oppressive people. I will also add that we also need to check ourselves that no nasty thoughts have slipped their way in. Often, you can continue the hurt without realizing. But this doesn't mean that Christianity is secretly evil or that Christians are inherently going to abuse others or any of that.

At the end of the day, there's nothing I can truly say that will instantly make you believe.

Like I said, it's not something I can force nor is it something you can logic your way into. No amount of evidence, even if it's the most rock-solid thing in all of the universe, can make someone have faith.

I hope there is something in here that can help you in some way, anon, and I pray God blesses you and keeps you safe.

[poppinlovemp4]

what are your thoughts on each nct member

im crying there are 22 of you here thats fewer people than nct. who's sending me this. anyway im bored so ill answer... really long obviously there are so many guys

i dont have any thoughts on the wish members ive never streamed idk any of their names and i'll keep it that way bless their hearts. or not idk

jisung: idgaffff his dancing is overhyped and he's charmless to me and i hate deepvoice rappers forever

chenle: probably nicest voice in dream but that's a really low bar. dont really have other thoughts. i've heard he cares a lot about basketball which can either be charming or offputting i dont know enough about him to say

yangyang: thats OOMF top 3 in ncity to me <3 i really did not care about him all when i was first entering weishenville sorry for my anti-kpop rapper bias but he's soooo fun to watch onstage. imo the only one other than ten obviously who's got a good handle on #It. and he has the cutest smile ever probably. and i like him :-)

jaemin: idgaf i literally cannot think of a single thing to say here

haechan: seems like an unsavoury bloke from what i've seen of his scandals and i hate his voice so so so badly like when i first listened to 127 on purpose i had to pause and look up a lyric video to see whose voice i hated so much. good performer though

jeno: least fave nct member and i dont like many of them. disband

renjun: hope he's feeling better these days. no further thoughts

hendery: thats OOMF but kind of less than the rest of wayv sorry.. he's like one of the only idols ever i think is genuinely funny the way he speaks and acts is so 😭 i really dont know how he comes up with any of it. was sincerely baffled when i found out he wasnt wasian

xiaojun: he's all right

mark: ive literally never been impressed by any performance ive seen from him idk WHERE people get the all rounder genius idol thing from it's not showing #ToMe!!! the originator of many fave reaction images though so he's okay in my book

jungwoo: idgaf. wait no back when djj was announced people kept comparing him to xiumin in cbx to justify his place there (as in 2 main vocals / guy who isn't a main vocal) and he is not xiumin he could never dream of having my beautiful sister's charisma uniqueness nerve or talent! other than that idgaf

winwin: saw the news today hope he heals all righttt and it's nothing too serious... as an idol he brings nothing to the table except cuteness and that's not very important to me so i hope his career in cn thrives bless

jaehyun: tbh when nct first debuted i hated him so badly for literally no reason like his face just made me so mad. and look at us now <3 he is my entire 127 tag. i liked his debut so i'll continue following his solo career and he's also funny to me but i can't say that without feeling like jaehyun tote bag tweet

ten: thats OOMF another top 3 member <3 he's EVERYTHINGGGG imo the only nct member who's like absolutely a star & built to be a soloist.. i cannot wait for his second albummm i love his vision he is so so so so insanely talented it boggles the mind. and also so cool... i rarely think idols are cool but he is so cool

doyoung: he's a crazy ass hater with an evil spirit but i kind of fuck with it idk if i had to pick a second fave 127 member it would probably be him he's funny to watch. i streamed from little wave a few times also

kun: thats OOMF every time he's mentioned that he was the one who pushed for a certain song/production choice (new ride being in gmt, the strings at the end of omy) it's been one of my favourite parts of whatever the final product is so i really appreciate that. ten's kinda right about him he's so old but it's really charming to me

yuta: idrgaf. i thought his solo debut was interesting ill be giving his future stuff exactly one stream and perhaps more if the execution improves

taeyong: i think it's so funny how everyone buys the cutesy act he started going hard on immediately after his bullying scandal came out😭 loved his work on baby don't stop & call d. hated his work on everything else. every time his verse on rv's cover of be natural comes on i take a moment to curse him out

johnny: from chicago and yet so deeply charmless he gives this beautiful city a bad name. disband

[sshireens]

2, 6, 8, 12 👉👈?

THANK YOU YINNIE 💓💓💓

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

this requires me to narrow down my favs, which is so much more difficult than i ever could have expected. yin if i don’t answer the ask quickly this was why. catelyn tully would never top because ned lays pipe and she’s a freak like that. saw a ss of a reddit post that was like ‘my wife likes to get blitzed and then come home and have me fuck her brains out’ and thats her. brienne is never bottoming and jaime is never topping because jaime has some kind of reversed gender thing going on that makes him want to be a girl but not to another man. and brienne lives to serve. she literally is a sword. and thats a penis metaphor as we all know. margaery is never topping men because despite being the first ally in westeros she thinks thats weird. these are compelling arguments to me! daenerys stormborn is NEVER. NEVER NEVER NEVER. never bottoming because A). thats the prince that was promised B). jon likes to get dicked down C). i personally believe that being sold and traded will lees her to discover (amidst her several trysts with irri jhiqui and doreah (bc u cant tell me otherwise. irri is canon first of all)) that she, as the breaker of chains and mother of dragons and khaleesi of the great grass sea, is not inclined to experience things at the whim of others but rather the opposite. is that appropriate to say.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

oh god. SORRY PLEASE DONT SHOOT ME EVERYONE! daemyra (this might be biased bc i just dont like daemyra) some sansan ppl really get under my skin…. LUCEMOND JESUS CHRIST. almost forgot about them (was almost free). wow sorry lucemond shippers first place for annoying. its not that im an omegaverse toxic incest yaoi anti its just. Its the people it truly is i cannot even enter that circle. there is a blog on here though i can’t remember the url of that makes cute sfw art that doesnt frighten me and ive been known to browse, even hit like once or twice. lucemond still stay away from me please

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

daenerys is not going to be queen of the seven kingdoms NOR SHOULD SHE BE. if daenerys takes the iron throne the whole series is pointless

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

what qualifies as unpopular. also what do we consider like. because i consider like as in ‘this is a fun character to see interact with the world’ and NOT!!!!!!!!! ‘i support this guy’. just to clarify for any other viewers at home. a character ive seen a lot of people Dislike but i think deserves to be heard out is criston because he’s funny and thats it thats why everyone should like him. but i dont consider him unpopular? hmm tough tough …… will i get flayed if i say larys like i mean he’s just sick i love wondering what is going on in that head. in regards to characters i think are not given enough attention: jaehaera targaryen. ‘she’s a little girl shes a non-character’ SHUT UP. she’s a little girl exactly. she didn’t get the chance to be her own person she is alicent’s pain helaena’s pain and her own. GOD MY BABY GIRL….. she names her dragon death…… AUGH DONT EVEN TALK TO ME DOONNTTT EVEN. um also rhaella, daughter of rhaena the lesbian AND! mother of daenerys. bc first of all rhaella and aerea switches thats true. so like. rhaella septa rhaella wondering if that was meant to be her. wondering if maybe it would have never happened if she hadn’t traded places. is it kinder to force her twin into the faith or to let her die? Augh. also daenerys’ mommy just… why dont we know about her i need more people on here like me willing to band together to make up canon. i guess thats not really a reason why people should like them. ALSO SHIREEN BARATHEON I DONT KNOW IF YOU CAN TELL BUT IM THE BIGGEST SHOOTER FOR SHIREEN THATS BABY THATS MOTHER THATS THE PRINCESS THATS MY DAUGHTER THATS ME I LOVE HER SO BAD OH NY GOD SHIREEN PEASE COME HOME THE PEOPLE MISS YOU. and i know everyone dgaf about baby boy bowl cut brown boba eyed broken bran. but i gave birth to him. and thats why you should like him.

i don’t consider myself a targ girlie and then it comes to questions abt asoiaf and i can only answer in reference to them 😔 tried to be diverse 🤞

[neongreenllama]

okay here are some random german antifa wolfstar thoughts for u:

remus grew up working class, he was in SJ (sozialistische jugend... is that a thing in germany too? either way, i think the name is pretty self-explanatory), they had a karl marx reading group there and he actually enjoyed reading marx.

he hates pretentious academic leftists who have read karl marx and get their university degree financed by their parents who are upper middle class, you know the kind that study philosophy or sociology and will spend hours debating you on gramsci, lenin or bakunin but have never once tipped a taxi driver or greeted the person cleaning the hallway of their university building. remus hates them with a fiery passion.

he knows all the lyrics to die internationale and whenever he hears bella ciao he forgets everything else and needs to dance & sing along, it doesnt look good bc his limbs are so long and dangly and uncoordinated but there is a strange kind of beauty in him dancing so completely uninhibitedly (idk if thats a word, youre getting direct brain to keyboard word vomit here sorrynotsorry!).

so that's remus.

now sirius?

sirius grew up rich rich. like, his family doesn't just own the appartment in whatever is the most expensive district of berlin he grew up in, they own the whole fucking building and they have a villa on sylt. sirius and regulus have spent most of their summers there. idk anything about sylt except that's where rich people go on holiday in germany and that it would actually be beautiful if the rich people weren't there.

anyways so sirius grew up with conservative ideas all around him and had to educate himself on everything left wing in secret. obviously james had a big influence, he introduced sirius to lots of new ideas and encouraged sirius's curiosity about social justice and left-winged politics.

sirius has also read karl marx, in his 2nd semester at university, in a pretentious student reading group with other pretentious students. sirius is a radical antifacist, and he fights with so much passion it sometimes consumes him. he has had to unlearn all the things he was told by his family and the people they surrounded him with, and he fights with every fiber not to be like them.

sometimes, especially in the beginning, he still slips up. he makes mistakes, forgets that the way he was brought up is not the norm for everyone. sometimes he even tries to hide how he grew up, especially because he doesn't have any access to his parents money anymore, but then he also realises he shouldn't hide the privileges their money let him have access to in regards to education etc. when he was younger. it's something he spends a lot of time thinking about, and having working class friends, and friends from different backgrounds, and friends who are immigrants is so eye-opening to him, it's like this whole new world has opened up once he entered university. he's doing his best, he's still learning, and sometimes he messes up and assumes everyone has done a spontaneous trip to a different continent to visit a friend or spent 200€ on a night out because they were too drunk.

so when remus and sirius meet for the first time in their early 20s? sirius is immediately so intrigued by remus and falls in love with him quickly, remus thinks sirius is incredibly hot but he also hates him with a fiery passion at first because who is this rich guy who most likely lives off daddy's money and probably just goes to protests to post pictures on his instagram when real antifascists know you never take photos at a protest.

It took me forever but I am finally answering to this!

I have not heard of sozialistische Jugend before but Remus reading Marx and actually really enjoying it is perfection! Mark is probably completely unironically his hero for a little while there. And he walks down the corridors of his uni, all judgy and quietly loathing everyone who doesn't understand Marx like he does.

Remus doing a terrible and awkward dance to bella ciao every time he hears it??? I didn't know I needed this but I do!!!!! (everyone is just like 'who tf is this guy? ' but sirius sees it once and is immediately completely gone -> starts listening to Cordula Grün on repeat)

Sirius' family owning a villa on Sylt is canon! I have never been there either but I agree with your assessment.

And yes, Sirius is such a little radical!!!! He still makes misguided mistakes in the beginning but he definitely knows what he stands for and believes in!!!

Him slipping up and trying to hide how rich he grew up bc he's ashamed ??? 🥺🥺🥺 that's so important to me now actually

Remus judging and hating him when they first meet! Yessss!!! He's like *scoff* who is this guy acting like an antifascists bc it's 'cool'? He thinks he's one of those exact people he loathes at uni! But Sirius is immediately gone for him and after a while Remus has to admit that he is too

And then they can hold hands at protests how romantic jdajkhag <3

Thank you so much again for sending this to me I love it so much!!!! <333

It's not exactly a coherent answer but I couldn't hide this in my inbox from the public any longer, even if no one else cares about this

[natsmagi]

i was typing this in the notes to an ask but it gogt waaaay too long lol sorry. prefacing it with you know i love your artwork & i have nothing against what you choose to draw. also possibly worded weird cus i didnt write it in the sense of talking only to you alone

there is certainly this conflict between artists as random individuals and artists as a collective when it comes to how to approach this issue… as a hobbyist you can draw whatever you like but also when you have trends like a lack of fatness thats going to be disheartening too. i think the answer is getting more people into making art (& like general societal change of course since its an issue baked into bigotry.)

because as much as i agree with the sentiment of "there is significant under representation of fat women" (or characters in general) at the same time fandom is a hobby space and i dislike the notion of badgering individual artists to draw any particular thing especially when the source material does not have that thing. if you are looking for artwork of fat women thats great but i would not ever recommend something like enstars that has 1. no fat characters and 2. no women, barring a few exceptions. i think expecting to find fanart of fat women from a source entirely composed of thin men is unrealistic, even with the relative popularity of femstars.

plus there are other complications such as the typical modern fandom f/f scene sometimes being very strict and even vicious at times with their standards of what's enough diversity or what content is appropriate. ive heard a lot of anecdotes about people who WERE contributing to these things but whom were still harassed or got threats from other users over it not being good enough, and that's just not conducive to creating the environment or diversity you want. nobody is going to want to be in a fandom space where they have to walk on eggshells all the time. and i bring this up because of how you were clearly harassed by randos. accusing you of misogyny or shaming other womens' bodies as being "unrealistic" is not the way to go

the only reasonable solution i can think of to this is, again, to just encourage more artists to start drawing in the first place, or even better start contributing yourself. individuals should have the freedom to draw what they like without getting flamed for it AND people should be able to see themselves represented in artwork. i would like to see some more fat characters too, this is definitely something ive thought about before myself

(personally all the fat people i draw are ocs or portraits of people i know that i dont want to post online but maybe if i get some inspiration i will draw the long-sought chubby mugi myself. i am not super interested in femstars though so whether or not itd actually be fem mugi is up in the air. but all the talking here about this topic has had me thinking about following my own advice and putting what i want to see into the world.)

OUGHH THESE ARE ALL GOOD POINTS!! and i agree! the main thing we should be doing is ENCOURAGING people to add more diversity, not harassing them into it! people who only draw for fun arent really obligated to draw anything outside of their comfort zone, which again is why i think its better to simply uplift the idea of trying out new things and new appearances that you dont often draw

theres also SO MUCH room for more femstars artists too! and like ive said before if you wanna see something done right you gotta do it yourself. and i kind of like that. i like that everyone gets to craft their own little femstars variant of the enstars cast, and you can make them look however you want! and honestly? you SHOULD! seeing personal touches to designs always brings me joy, so even if you dont feel very confident in your art, if you have a specific vision for a character that you want brought to life please go ahead and draw it!! (or if you really dont want to you can always commission someone)

i also wanna highlight one of ur last points too bc yea. its unfortunate but often times whenever i see someone try adding diversity to their art for the first time they end up getting flamed because its not an accurate depiction of what they were trying to represent. and that really sucks! obviously we should strive to have accurate representation, but if its an artist that hasnt tried their hand on it before, ESPECIALLY a beginner artist, we shouldnt flame them for it. rather we should educate them on what went wrong and how they can improve for the future. these are people who actually WANT and are TRYING to add diversity to their art, but because in animanga circles theres a lack of education on how to draw more diverse features of really any kind. which is why trying to educate is far better than shaming. because if you shame these artists theyre gonna be too scared to try again, giving us less diversity once more

so yes basically what im saying is i want us all to encourage diversity and to help each other out by sharing resources and tips when it comes to drawing it!! one person is Obviously not gonna be able to do every single thing, which is why i want more people to pick up the pen and bring life to their visions!! also i really want more femstars food pelase pick up the pen i am a starved orphan and only femstars yuri can satiate me!!!!!!!!!

[cold-r-ain-in-june]

so a few weeks ago @steadfast sent me an ask wondering how i manage to gather the pieces of media for my web weavings

unfortunately,  it just happened that when you sent me that ask i was one foot in the grave with a fever and ever since i got better i've been procrastinating writing you a reply since i wanted to give you my best answer

double unfortunately, tumblr decided to delete the post and your ask when i was almost done, so i'll try to write it again even though i'm frustrated over the original getting deleted so bear with me

so to start off, i happen to suffer from the horrible condition called sometimes-i-feel-things-so-strongly-i-want-to-cut-open-my-skin-to-let-them-out. a horrible illness really. things like anger or missing my ex or chronic sadness. sometimes, rarely, it happens to be love, though much less often then i would like.

basically, i bottle things up to the point in which i cant help but see them everything. i see a random poem on my instagram feed, i listen to a song on the bus and one of the lyrics clicks like it never had before, a scene from a movie a watched 3 years ago comes to haunt me at night when i cant sleep.

so i gather them, sometimes, i make new folders for them, other times i am so lazy and messy i just let them get lost and rot with the other 10k of screenshots i have on my phone.

obviously, i also have to outright search for things, but i dont even do it for the sake of creating a web weaving post at first. i just feel one thing so deeply i have to look up proof that people have been also feeling this thing for thousands of years and theyve all dealt with it. i mostly search them here on tumblr and sometimes pinterest. words like "friendship", like "medea", like "toxic siblings", they can all open doors to pieces of media you have never heard of before, but which contain a three line dialogue youd kill for from the first time you read it. this all very tricky, evidently, at times, things simply dont match with the way you actually feel, no matter how much you search for them, but stitching them together can give you this almost perfect thing that mirrors your soul.

i also happen to be the kind of person who screenshots everything they think its relevant. and its good that i have really low standards for relevance. thats how i end up diving in my screenshots pile, when i feel like my web searching is failing, and sometimes i get lucky enough and i find a line i collected 2 years ago that matches exactly how i feel in that moment.

you've also mentioned the question of whenever i memorize book passages, and the answer is somewhere between yes and no. while, when i read i heavily annotate my books, im not a big fan of memorising outright passages (my brain is mush lets be honest, i cant fry it even more with overloading), and i dont write them down or anything, but i do however manage to memorize the overall idea of passages that stick to me. liek i can tell that x book has some quote about y thing even if i dont remember it outright. then i try to look it up, i use goodreads mostly (which is a bitch on mobile but you can work your way around if you search shit on web AND THEN you open it with the app) and google books when it decides to be helpful every once in a while, and if neither of those work, THEN, i open my edition and try to look for it because im lazy like that.

another site i really like, and its obvious in my web weavings is gentle.earth!! which, now that i say it, i actually havent visited it in a while but since i remembered it exists ill probably stalk it for the next few weeks. it's an anymous site on which everyone can confess things that hang heavy on them and some of them get to be displayed on the page after the entires are curated. its a really pretty thing to look through

now that i covered the bases of obtaining the materials for the web weaving, which i think i can boil down to 1. hysterical search mission and 2. hoarding every piece of media you come across, i will also add that at least for me personall, putting them in order for is a pain in the ass (which is also the maine reason i havent made a web weaving in almost a year even though i have the materials ready). i dont know if other people who do this kind of things are as press as i am about the order in which each post go and the way the different shades of the same idea interwine and bullshit bullshit or if im just mental. but yeah its also a really important step for me, its basically the polish of the post ig

also the biggest problem with the hoarding strategy is spending 2 days looking for a source because your past self was too lazy to also screenshot the source. thats also a bitch

anyway, i honestly i have no idea if youll find anything helpful here, or if i just used your ask to moan about my struggles but its 3 am over here and honestly this is the best ive got. thank you for the ask though, i do love getting ask even if it takes me two decades to answer them <3

[nex-os98]

🗡-Bored so im doing this ask game thing from here

🌫️- How many people are in your system

from what I(🗡) know about 18 at the moment.

🌊- What's everyone's favorite colors?

I like black, green and red, one little like pale green and another likes pink, i know 🌿 likes greens, blues and white/cream and for anyone else i think most of them like red

☂️- Most common fronters?

its hard to tell bevause its been changing so much and been pretty quiet recently but i think 💉,🚭 and 💥 seem to be the most active or atleast come around more frequently besides me since im the host

☔- Collective pronouns?

they/them just to keep it simple

💦- Everyone's pronouns?

fuck this is ginna be a nightmare to list

🗡(me) they/he/metal/grunt/it or no pronouns

🚭he/they

💉he/it

💥she/he/they/it/any (yes she likes all of them listed)

🌿it/he

⚓️he/they

⚫️no pronouns/neutral terms

and theres a few more i dont feel like listing since theyre inactive

💧- Most common age group?

ageless or atleast adult orientated

💨- Do you have any fictives?

most of us are fictives or introjects of some sort

❄️- Are there any romantic relationships in your system?

its complicated, a mix of yes and no.

🌧️- Does anyone have a favorite number?

not really. besides 🚭 and 💥 who likes the classic 69 and 420 for obvious reasons. 💥 also likes 666

☁️- Are any of your alters neurodivergent?

all of us are, but I hold alot of the autistic traits along with 💉, and 🚭 has a lot of out adhd and then 💥 is almost always triggered by our manic episodes and other shit

🌤️- How many people are LGBTQIA+

i dont thinkt heres a single non-queer guy in here

☀️- Do you have any non-human alters (including hybrids)?

none of us are human

🌈- What are some common hobbies?

art, animations, gaming. i know I have the most hobbies though.

🌪️- What is the most liked food between everyone?

meat and sweets i think

🔥- Current hyperfixations?

madness combat for the most part, but thats more of a special interest at this point.

☄️- Do you guys have any collective interests?

madness combat, old tech, 1.0/old web, minecraft, roblox, biology and science related shit, and other things i cant remember atm

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one)

its really hard to access but so far its just a small building with a couple rooms

✨- Does anyone have a pet?

we have a pet named Sadie, I love her very much. dont know if this means a headspace pet or something but ive never heard of that before, migjt look into it.

⭐- Does your system have a name?

not really, just nexus operating system and just nexus for short. we usually just go by the bodies name or my name(🗡) deoending on if its someone irl or online. not many people know we are a system.

💫- Does anyone wanna share something about their source? Feel free to ramble, anyone can answer too!

most of us come from my source, i have several memories of that place the texture of the ground, all the times ive died, vauge memories of interactions, and generally just missing my body and my voice (even if i never spoke, or atleast when i did which was very rarely)

🪐- Most chaotic group?

not really group but i know 💥 and 🚭 are chaotic

🌎- Any demon/angel/god alters?

mainly ⚫️ is like an omnipitent being and 🌿 kind of is, and 🩸is aswell to some extent even if ive killed him before(source wise)

🌙- Who is the oldest?

for existence wise, 💥 is the oldest and longest lasting who hasnt gone dormant/inactive but i think more agewise i think ⚫️ is? not sure we dont really have agrs so its hard to really tell.

🌓- What type of system are you?

not sure, used to think we were osdd-1 but concidering new information and learning shit its more likely that we have DID

🌗- (For traumagenic systems only) Are you diagnosed? If yes, was getting one difficult? If not, do you want one & why or why not?

god no, we arnt diagnosed at all. we arnt out at all to anyone irl let alone anyone whos working eith our mental health. I dont think its wise for us to try and get diagnosed concidering how we are still grappling with it and how difficult it is tk get diagnosed. I dont want our right taken away and have to deal eith the lains of the mental health system anymore than we already do.

🌕- What is your system dynamic (ex, family, friends, complete strangers, etc)

weird mix of friends or semi-strangers. its hard for us to communicate but we're friendly to eachother (besides 2 assholes)

🌻- What's a normal day for you as a system?

trying our hardest to exist, dissociating a lot, taking our medications the best we can and lots of dissociation. latrly been going to therapy more often and sometimes experiencing seitches but latrly its been inactive and just me(🗡) fronting for the most part

🌸- How do you keep track of your system? (Members, switches, etc)

entirely with SimplyPlural, its easy for us to remember

🥀- Any childhood things that should've tipped you off to being a system?

not exavtly childhood but more teen / young teen, having tons of alt accounts and stumbling upon accounts we dont remember at all. changing usernames and personas and havung ocs that have "pocesssion" related things. the ocs werent negatively pocessed for the most psrt it was usually like guardians that eould sometimes take over the body if the oc to protect them.

💐- Do you like being a system?

mixed feelings, feels good to know whats "wrong with us" but still in heavy denial and struggling with the doubt and etc. onky discovered it a few months(??) ago

🐚- Do you know any systems IRL?

not at all, barely know anyone irl from moving so much recently hard for us (at least me) to make friends and socialize in the first place.

🍄- Do you prefer in-system dating or out-of-system dating?

im more on the aromantic/asexual side(most of us are) but more out if system since communication between us is so so difficult.

🍁- What's the most annoying thing about being a system?

the memory issues for sure, its a fucking pain needing to write down everything while also forgetting everything all of the fucking time and then being punished in some way for having a terrible memory whike si many people expect us to have a better memory.

🎍- How bad is your amnesia?

im not sure, still figuring out the amnesia part.

🌿- Best quote from an alter?

too many to list, most of them are from 🚭 and 💥

🌳- Do alters have separate accounts for games or do you all share an account?

some of us have different discord accounts and tumblr blogs but for video games its usually shared

[baeddel]

Please. Please can you tell me what a baeddel is and why people (terfs?) used it in a derogatory manner on this website for a hot minute but now no one ever uses it at all

you asked for it, fucker

[2k words; philology and drama]

baeddel is an Old English word. i have no idea where it actually occurs in the Old English written corpus, but it occurs in a few placenames. its diminuitive form, baedling, is much better documented. it appears in the (untranslated) Canons of Theodore, a penitential handbook, a sort of guidebook for priests offering advice on what penances should be recommended for which sins. in a passage devoted to sexual transgressions it gives the penances suggested for a man who sleeps with a woman, a man who sleeps with another man, and then a man who sleeps with a baedling. so you have this construction of a baedling as something other than a man or a woman. and then it gives the penance for a baedling who sleeps with another baedling (a ludicrous one-year fast). then, by way of an explaination, Theodore delivers us one of the most enigmatic phrases in the Old English corpus: "for she is soft, like an adulturess."

the -ling suffix in baedling is masculine. but Theodore uses feminine pronouns and suffixes to describe baedlings. as we said, it's also used separately from male and female. but it's also used separately from their words for intersex and it never appears in this context. all of this means that you have this word that denotes a subject who is, as Christopher Monk put it, "of problematic gender." interested historians have typically interpreted it as referring to some category of homosexual male, such as Wayne R. Dines in his two-volume Encyclopedia of Homosexuality who discusses it in the context of an Old English glossary which works a bit like an Old English-Latin dictionary, giving Old English words and their Latin counterparts. the Latin words the Anglo-Saxon lexicographer chose to correspond with baedling were effeminatus and mollis, and Lang concludes that it refers to an "effeminate homosexual" (pg 60, Anglo Saxon). this same glossary gives as an Old English synonym the word waepenwifstere which literally means "woman with a penis," and which Dines gives the approximate translation (hold on tight) male wife.

R. D. Fulk, a philologist and medievalist, made a separate analysis of the term in his study on the Canons of Theodore 'Male Homoeroticism in the Old English Canons of Theodore', collected in Sex and Sexuality in Medieval England, 2004. he analysed it as a 'sexual category' (sexual as in sexuality), owing to the context of sexual transgressions in the Canons. he decides that it refers to a man who bottoms in sexual relationships with another man. i don't have the article on hand so i'm not sure what his reasoning was, but this seems obviously inadequate given what we know from the glossary described by Dines. Latin has a word for bottom, pathica, and the lexicographer did not use this in their translation, preferring words that emphasized the baedling's femininity like effeminatus, and doesn't address the sexual context at all. Dines, however, only reading this glossary, seems to decide that it refers to a type of male homosexual too hastily, considering the Canons explicitly treat them separately. both Dines and Fulk immediately reduce the baedling to a subcategory of homosexual when neither of the sources to hand actually do so themselves.

by now it should be obvious why, seven or so years ago, we interpreted it as an equivalent to trans woman. I mean come on - a woman with a penis! these days I tend to add a bit of a caution to this understanding, which is that trans woman is the translation of baedling which seems most adequate to us, just as baedling was the translation of effeminatus that seemed most adequate to our lexicographer. but the term cannot translate perfectly; its sense was derived from some minimal context; a legal context, a doctrinal context, and so forth... the way Anglo-Saxons understood sex/gender is complicated but it has been argued that they had a 'one sex model' and didn't regard men and women as biologically separate types, which is obviously quite different from the sexual model accepted today; in any case they didn't have access to the karyotype and so on. the basic categories they used to understand gender and sexuality were different from ours. in particular, Hirschfield et al. should be understood as a particularly revolutionary moment in the genealogy of transsexuality; the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft essentially invented the concept of the 'sex change', the 'transition', conceived as a biological passage from one sex to the other. even in other contexts where (forgive me) #girlslikeus changed their bodies in some way, like the castration of the priestesses of Cybele, or those belonging to the various historical societies which we believe used premarin for feminization [disputed; see this post], there is no record that they were ever considered men at any stage or had some kind of male biology that preceded their 'gender identity.' the concept of the trans woman requires the minimal context of the coercive assignment at birth and its subsequent (civil and bio-technological) rejection. i have never encountered evidence that this has ever been true in any previous society. nonetheless, these societies still had gendered relations, and essentially wherever we find these gendered relations we also find some subject which is omitted or for whom it has been necessary to note exceptions. what is of chief interest to us is not so much that there was such a subject here or there in history (and whatever propagandistic uses this fact might have), but understanding why these regularities exist.

a very parsimonious explanation is that gender is a biological reality, and there is some particular biological subject which a whole host of words have been conjured to denote. if this were the case then we would expect that, no matter what gender/sexual system we encounter in a given society, it will inevitably find some linguistic expression. if, like me, you find this idea revolting, then you should busy yourself trying to come up with an alternative explanation which is not just plausible, but more plausible. my best guesses are outside the scope of this answer...

anyway, all of this must be very interesting to the five or six people invested in the confluence of philology and gender studies. but why on earth did it become so widely used, in so many strange and unusual contexts, in the 2010s? we're very sorry, but yes, it's our fault. you see apart from all of this, there is also a little piece of information which goes along with the word baeddel, which is that it's the root of the Modern English word bad. by way of, no less, the word baedan, 'to defile'. how this defiled historical subject came to bear responsibility for everything bad to English-speakers doesn't seem to be known from linguistic evidence. however, it makes for a very pithy little remark on transmisogyny. my dear friend [REDACTED] made a playful little post making this point and, good Lord, had we only known...

it went like this. its such a funny little idea that we all start changing our urls to include the word baeddel. in those days it was common to make puns with your url (we always did halloween and christmas ones); i was baeddelaire, a play on the French poet Baudelaire. while we all still had these urls a series of events which everyone would like to forget happened, and we became Enemies of Everyone in the Whole World. because of the url thing people started to call us "the baeddels." then there was "a cult" called "the baeddels" and so forth. this cult had various infamies attatched to it and a constellation of indefensible political positions. ultimately we faced a metric fucking shit ton of harassment, including, for some of my friends, really serious and bad irl harassment that had long-term bad awful consequences relating to stable housing and physical safety and i basically never want to talk about that part of my life ever again. and i never have to, because i've come to realize that for most people, when they use the word baeddel, they don't know about that stuff. it doesn't mean that anymore.

so what does it mean? you'll see it in a few contexts. TERFs do use it, as you guessed. i am not quite sure what they really mean by it and how it differs from other TERF barbs. i think being a baeddel invovles being politically active or at least having a political consciousness, but in a way thats distinct from just any 'TRA' or trans activist. so perhaps 'militant' trans women, but perhaps also just any trans woman with any opinions at all. how this was transmitted from tumblr/west coast tranny drama to TERF vocabulary i have no idea. but you will also find - or, could have found a few years ago - i would say 'copycat' groups who didn't know us or what we believed but heard the rumours, and established their own (generously) organizations (usually facebook groups) dedicated to putting those principles into practice. they considered themselves trans lesbian separatists and did things like doxx and harass trans women who dated cafabs. if you don't know about this, yes, there really were such groups. they mostly collapsed and disappeared because they were evildoers who based their ideology on a caricature. i knew a black trans woman who was treated very badly by one of these groups, for predictable reasons. so long-time readers: if you see people talking about their bad experiences with 'baeddels', you can't necessarily relate it to the 2014 context and assume they're carrying around old baggage. there are other dreams in the nightmare.

the most common way you'll see it today, in my experience, is in this form: people will say that it was a "slur" for trans women. they might bring up that it's the root of the word bad, and they might even think that you shouldn't use the word bad because of it, or that you shouldn't use the word baeddel because it's a slur. all of this is a silly game of internet telephone and not worth addressing. except to say that it's by no means clear that baeddel, or baedling, were slurs, or even insulting at all. while Theodore doesn't provide us with a description of how we can have sex with a baedling without sinning, and it may be the case that any sexual relations with a baedling was considered sinful, sexuality-based transgressions were not taken all that seriously in those days. there was a period where homosexuality within the Church was almost sanctioned, and it wasn't until much later that homosexuality became so harshly proscribed, to the extent that it was thought to represent a threat to society, etc. and as i mentioned, there are places in England named after baedlings. there is a little parish near Kent which is called Badlesmere, Baeddel's Lake, which was recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Domesday Book (as having a lord, a handful of villagers and a few slaves; perhaps only one or two households). it's not unheard of, but i just don't know very many places called Faggot Town or some such. it's possible that baedlings had some role in Anglo-Saxon society which we are not aware of; it could even have been a prestigious one, as it was in other societies. there is just no evidence other than a couple of passing references in the literature and we'll probably never have a complete picture.

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

[unoriginalmess]

A Second Mask: Chapter 4

Did that just happen?

Hello guys! It's me. I'm finally writing again. Sorry about the delay. I'm going to explain more at the end of the chapter, but I'm just going to keep the beginning short. So here is chapter 4:

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To say Adrien was concerned would be a huge understatement. He was downright disturbed. Its been weeks and still Marinette hadn't changed back to the happy, peppy, nice girl that he knew. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

He tried to talk to her for a whole week after her original trasformation, but after the repeated firm rejections, he stopped altogether. He figured that maybe with some space, she might be able to work through whatever she was going through, but at this point, he's losing hope.

When he is feeling this distressed about something, he usually turns to his lady, but she has been acting weird too. Ever since she suggested they start sparring, she's started to show that she is going through kinda a rough time as well. She is the same ladybug when everyone is watching, but when it's just the two of them, she looks sad and tired. She has also started saying some concerning things while they are sparring. She has started talking about how she has started taking being Ladybug and the Guardian more seriously, and how she has less distractions now, which would be a good thing if she didn't say them so sadly.

The good thing is, the sparring has given him a chance to get out his aggression because of the whole Marinette-situation and his anger at his father in a safe environment. He didn't like the idea of hitting Ladybug at first (especially in the face) but with her not holding back on her hits, he felt more comfortable doing the same. It has helped them fight better too. He hopes that whatever Ladybug is going through in her civillian life will work itself out soon, but until then he will be there for her. He just needs to figure out how to be there for Marinette.

•••

Felix was making good progress with Marinette. After they first asked marinette about (insert fashion question of your choice here, I legit know nothing and I didn't have time to research anything for this chapter), she had started answering their questions on a daily basis. After a couple of days of that, she had started to rant to them about different things in the fashion world that were bothering her, exciting her, or confusing her that particular day. In response to that, they had started to respond to her rants with their own opinions on the subjects and even start their own rants.

It had gotten to the point where Felix would now consider them to be friends, though they know that Marinette would never call them as such, it was fine with them. They know she has trust issues, and they can understand why, so they are fine with being friends in everything but a name.

Felix was looking forward to their daily banter as they waited in their seat for Marinette to arrive. When she did, she was followed by a very pissed-looking Alya. Felix turned to look at her and noticed that she had what looked to be tears forming in her eyes. What they didn't notice was the little black butterfly that had entered through the window in the back of the room, and was making a beeline towards her.

•••

Marinette walked to school in yet another one of her newest fashion creations: a pair of oversized grey ripped jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. She was actually really liking her new look, and the comfort that it offered was just an added plus.

She was actually feeling excited to talk to Felix about Gabriel Agreste's newest fashion flop. They were the only person that she had met that actually cared about fashion as much as her. It made her happy to talk to them. It kind of scared her how excited she was. Shouldn't she be distancing herself from everyone? she thought to herself. No. Felix isn't my friend, they aren't close to me, they are just someone I talk fashion with. Like a coworker, yeah. Totally. Felix is just a coworker. ("Liar" says the inner voice in her head)

She was shocked out of her thoughts when she was pulled to the side by someone as she entered the courtyard. Her mind immediately thought of an akuma, when the person spoke.

"Marinette! Girl," Oh it's just Alya. Wait Alya? "How long are you gonna keep up this cry for attention? Are you really THAT jealous of Lila? I know that Adrien likes her, but that doesn't give you the right to act like this! And you are hanging out with Felix, who accused her of sexually harrassing Adrien on their first day here-?" She looked absolutely furious at her, but Marinette had heard enough. She cut Alya off in the middle of her presumably long rant.

"ALYA!" Said girl jumped at both the inturruption and the tone of voice used, "First of all, this isn't a cry for attention, if anything its a cry for leaving me the fuck alone. Second of all, I'm not jealous of Lila. I'm not in love with Adrien anymore, and haven't been for a while. You knew that I was dating Luka right? Why would I care who Adrien likes? Lastly, I am allowed to hang out with whoever I choose, whether you like them or not. It's none of your fucking business Alya, and if you think that I'm just some jealous, attention-seeker why do you even care?" With that last question she stormed off to the classroom, leaving a speechless Alya behind her.

When marinette sat down in her seat, she just kept thinking about how Alya was just talking to her. How could she think that about her? They used to be best friends, and Alya wasn't even concerned about her not talking to her anymore, she was just concerned about her being "jealous of Lila". It made her so furious that she could feel tears trickling down her face. She sees the black butterfly out of the corner of her eye and without hesitation grabs it out of the air.

(Next part is taken from this post by @bigfatbreak)

"Go ahead and akumatize me- See what happens, Hawkmoth!" She screamed the words with a slight madness that the energy of the akuma was giving her, "Every leash has two ends! I just have to pull until I find where you're holding it!"

At this point, the entire class was frozen in place watching her and listening to her crazed-sounding voice threaten an actual terrorist. Marinette felt Hawkmoth's confusion and terror through the bond. What in the- She's sensing me through the Akuma?! The akuma then started to fly away, and when it couldn't it zapped her hand like it was made of lightning and fluttered through the same window it came from. Marinette felt like she had failed yet again and collapsed down on her desk, muttering, "Uuuuggghh. It escaped anyway... What a waste. I didn't realize that Hawkmoth was such a coward. He usually likes grandstand..."

She was startled when her hand was picked up by Felix's, "You likely scared him off by managing to locate him like that... A risky move, I should mention. I would ask that you not attempt that a second time. No one knows what his akuma is truly capable of. You'll want to keep off of this hand for a while, too."

"Oh, are those the doctor's orders? Why, Felix, it almost sounds like you care about meeee." Marinette was all too amused by Felix's concern for her. She also liked to tease them... AS COWORKERS DO.

"I have an investment in your presence. Now don't be cheeky and let's get you to the nurse's office," They said while holding her wrist and gently pulling her in that direction.

Marinette scoffed, "'An investment in my presence'??"

Felix chuckled while still semi-dragging her by the wrist towards the front of the room, being careful not to hurt her injury even worse, "What did I just say about being cheeky?"

On their way out of the door they passed a VERY distressed-looking Adrien. He seemed to be sharing the sentiment with the entire class of: Did that just happen?

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And thats chapter 4. It is VERY LATE! I know. I've been swamped with work, and when I went to write it, I had zero ideas on how to write this chapter. I never ended up getting those ideas. I just went where my writing took me, so if it doesn't really match the characters that's why. I will try to be better at updating regularly, but it probably won't happen. Sorry to everyone with a normal sleep schedule, but this is the time that I write things. Also I didn't have my outline with me while writing this chapter, so it might not have everything I planned to write in it.

I would like to thank you all for all of the support I've been getting on this fic. Despite all of the chapter delays, you guys have stuck with me through all of it, so thank each and every one of you. I love seeing so many people loving this au as much as I do. Without you guys this story wouldn't exist, and I would've stopped writing it after the first chapter.

As always, constructive criticism is always accepted. I love being able to improve my writing whenever possible.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day/night/whenever you are reading this. See ya next time guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Taglist

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