#so that when my gender does change (genderfluid check lol) it can be a bit more seperate in my head

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

no but i get it they clash SO HARDD. honestly if it was a specific shade of green it could be fine but you'd have to like choose the Right Shade to match with your red clothes it sounds like a hassle

yeaaaaaah

and there are also multiple shades of red so. i might fuck around and look for Actually good one day temporary dye. one time at target i found some rlly great stuff and i have some left but it’s red so. doesnt rlly fix the problem

it’s almost like red is one of my favorite colors??? it kinda sucks tho cause my three favorite colors are red green and purple, but those are all main character colors. like of u wear something with those together (two or three colors) it’s just not a good thing.

at least for me lol. i rlly like the idea of wearing all black except for one color and it just. pops. i have the sides of my hair bleached rn so if i had more clothing comor variety and temporary hair dye my dreams could be realized and i wouldnt have to choose one color any more

[silver-chasm]

A week ago, I made these icons of all my fursonas with all these pride flags (cause they're all trans lol). Two have a few extra flags/symbols on them, representing me

Two of the symbols you see here aren't lgbt ones. I'm not saying that what they represent should be part of the lgbt community, just that they're just as much a part of me as my queer identity

An explanation of who my fursonas are and what the flags are under the cut. I tried to be brief but some of these are a bit lengthy

1. Toxic Chasm

They're my main fursona (and the namesake of this blog). E is something called a Monsuno Sapien, a human mutated by alien essence (the species comes from the Monsuno series). She is me but more grounded and more at peace than what I was when I created him. Despite the grotesque and intimidating appearance, xe is compassionate and gentle. Chasm means a lot to me

The flags/symbols:

The bandana - genderqueer:

Genderqueer is a term that encompasses anyone who not only fall outside of the binary but also gender nonconforming people (those who "queer" their gender)

Chasm is genderqueer, partly because they contain the colours of the flag. Ze also challenges the idea of anthropomorphism with hir existence, much like how I seem to challenge the gender binary with my own existence

The garland - bigender

Bigender people have two genders. These two genders can be binary or nonbinary. A bigender individual may experience both of their genders simultaneously or shift between the two

In my case, I'm a man and a demiwoman at the same time ^-^

The hearts - bisexual and asexual

Bisexual is when you're sexually attracted to more than one gender. Asexual is when you don't experience sexual attraction. Asexuals may also still experience romantic attraction

Biromantic asexuals, like me, are physically unable to experience sexual attraction but are able to experience romantic attraction to more than one gender

The infinity symbol - neurodivergence

One of the non LGBT symbols. Neurodivergent people are those with neurodevelopmental conditions (such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc) and mental health conditions (such as BPD, bipolarity, OCD, etc) and similar conditions, like schizophrenia. The infinity symbol is prominently used by autistic people, representing both the diversity of autism and neurodivergence

I'm 90% sure that I'm autistic. The other 10% is my anxiety keeping me in check

2. Korong

She is the fursona who I've had the longest (and was my primary fursona before creating Chasm). They're a giant monstrous dropbear with squid tentacles coming from her back and a second mouth on their belly. She is an absolute glutton. They are also the kind of being who would gloat about her power before trying to devour you

The flags:

The bandana - demigirl

Demigirls feel a partial but not complete connection to being a girl or woman. It is a nonbinary identity

Korong represented a past version of myself. Naturally, as I realised more about myself, she would change with me. They were never really "womanly", more monstrous than anything else

The flowers - a former vore pride flag

No, you didn't misread. This is the other non-lgbt symbol. Vorarephilia (shortened to vore) is a fetish where pleasure is derived from the idea of one being eating another (eg. snake eating a mouse, a giant holding someone in their mouth, etc). It's quite broad and typically fantastical in nature. The colours you see there belonged to a flag designed by a user here on tumblr, a genuine attempt at creating a pride symbol for vorarephiles. It wasn't a flag used outside of here. The creator has since deleted the post describing the flag, almost effectively wiping it from the internet

Korong is an embodiment of my vorarephilia. Her monstrous appearance also reflects a deep-seated shame toward this part of me I've had for years (and all for what? Strange thoughts?)

When I saw that flag and what it meant, I guess it gave me permission to feel something else towards this part of me. On top of the, the creator was reblogging vore positivity posts and posts where people were using their flag and being proud

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. They showed that it's okay to be like this

Originally, I was going to draw the flag itself. I pivoted when I found that the original post (and the positivity posts) had been deleted. I drew it as hyacinths (flowers that represent grief and sincerity) because, as silly as it seems, I was dismayed that the flag and the little, safe, accepting corner of the internet had vanished. After all, what is left is a blue and purple symbol of mockery, with people disgusted that someone would think like that

I'm tired of feeling shame. As I said before, they're just strange thoughts that I cannot control. Nothing more

3. Hognose

They're a friendly Goodra, a slug dragon Pokemon. Much like the snake they're named after, Hognose has an upturned snout and a forked tongue. They're quite the skilled baker, with their favourite recipe being apple pie. They like cooking for their friends

The flag:

The bandana - agender

Agender people lack a gender, have a neutral or indefinable gender or don't identify with the concept of gender

Hognose doesn't have a gender. I forgot to give them one when creating them. Their gender expression does lean somewhat to femininity

4. Lantern

They're a baki, a goomba-like enemy from the Drawn to Life series. Technically, they've existed longer than Korong but I never considered them as a fursona. They were the mascot of my old blog thelanternwielder. They're a quiet being, tending to watch from a distance. Their eyes can cast light when its dark. They don't mind being carried by their handle (just don't swing them around too much)

The flag:

The bandana - nonbinary

Nonbinary people are those whose gender identity falls outside the man/woman binary. It's an umbrella identity, as there are many ways of not fitting in the binary

Lantern is another fursona I forgot to give a concrete gender to. And when I remembered, it didn't really make sense to gender them. They've always been a little bit unknown and mysterious, so their gender is vague and undefined to me

5. Aster

They're a fantail centipede/bee hybrid from space. Their hive lives in a moon above a resource abundant planet they collect and harvest from. Aster was one of the workers who became curious about what was beyond their planet and moon hive. So, they left and became a vagabond explorer among the stars

The flags:

On the left - agender

As it was stated, agender can mean 'genderless' and it can refer to those who don't identify with the concept of gender. Aster falls into the latter category as gender is a bizarre and foreign concept to them

On the right - intersex

Intersex people are those who were born with variation in sex characteristics that are 'atypical' from male and female sex characteristics. This can manifest in a number of ways, as sex is made up of several components. Intersex people can have any gender identity

In Aster's case, they are completely sexless. Their anatomy does not conform to the 'typical' sexes of humans (male and female). They are typical for their species, as many workers tend to be sexless

6. Hugs

He is a spotted hyena pyromancer who dances with fire. He's all about having fun and showing off his skill. He's easygoing and relaxed. His power comes from cinnabar he's imbued with

The flag:

The bandana - transgender

Being transgender is not identifying with the gender assigned to you at birth. Contrary to what some may assume, this does include nonbinary people (what do you think the white stripe in the flag represents?)

Hugs is trans guy. He's the only one here who has a binary gender

7. Alezan

He's the only child among my fursonas and the only one who was designed by someone else. They were designed by chibitacolord (here on tumblr!) He's an elfish fox child whose design is based on the raposa from Drawn to Life. Alezan mostly lives in the woods by themself, proclaiming himself to be 'the prince of the woods'. They're quite mischievous and playful. He loves flowers. They would be a florist if he was older

The flag:

The garland - genderflux

This is when the intensity of a particular gender changes. It can be considered a type of genderfluidity where the gender changes between something and nothing

Alezan is boyflux. The intensity of being a boy changes for them. Being so young, he doesn't quite have all the words to describe how he feels sometimes

8. Lasso

They're a strange being who has the body of an ox, the head of a humanoid crab and draconic wings. Their design is based on lamassu, ancient Mesopotamian guardian deities, and my Chinese and Western zodiac signs. Lasso was a being who was created at the edge of reality itself. As a result, they're incredibly inquisitive. They are also quite protective once they get attached to you

The flag:

The bandana - aitherogender

This is a xenogender. Some people feel that usual language around gender isn't able to describe the gender identity they experience, so they use metaphors to describe it. Aitherogender is an ethereal and otherworldly gender that is almost impossible to describe with written or spoken medium. It was originally intended for neurodivergent people but anyone can use the term

Given where Lasso came from, it would be likely that their gender wouldn't conform to human expectation or understanding of gender, let alone be able to be described in human language (or any language). I just thought it would be neat for them to have an otherworldly gender when they themself are otherworldly

[therubyjailcell]

Name shenanigans

So... I need to ramble for a bit, about names and stuffs. You don’t have to read. It’s just a long ass post about me and how I wanna be called lol.

My birthname starts with a V. My parents, my family, they refuse to call me by anything else than my birthname, and they don’t use the correct pronouns. At first, I was okay with it. Then, slowly, oh so slowly, my birthname (I won’t call it deadname. It’s not a deadname, it’s a really pretty name, and I love it. It doesn’t suit me is all.), well, it started making me feel weird. Bad weird. I started not feeling comfortable with my birthname and the pronouns my family used. And when I mentionned it, my parents said “But you’re our daughter for 18 years now. We can’t change the way we talk now.”. It hurt. A lot. I started asking people not to use my birthname anymore at all and use male pronouns in french (I dislike the neutral ones, they sound weird to me, they’re a combination of male and female pronouns), even in front of my parents. My friends agreed.

Now, let’s be clear: I’m genderfluid. I’m non-binary genderfluid, I change gender depending on a fuckton of factors and variables. I’m proud of who I am. The reason I use male pronouns in french (and a few other languages), is basically a choice of aesthetic and sounds.

I’ve watched the videos from Thomas Sanders for a while now. Sometimes I stop and then I catch up, but the point is, I was watching them before the Anxiety character appeared in the Sanders Sides vids. And as soon as he appeared, I could relate to him a lot. If you ask me, I’ll say I’m a fusion between Logic and Anxiety (and I’m not using their names for a reason btw, just you wait). But Anxiety is really close to who I am, me who has so much anxiety issues that I spent a year locked up in my room, barely going out, and who has at least 1 panic attack every week. I loved the character right away, even when he was often depicted as a bad character. Because it was me. And then, Thomas revealed his name, his actual name. Virgil.

Now, let’s look back at my birthname, shall we? It’s an Eastern-European name, doesn’t really exist in my country (apart from the North-East that belonged to the germans at some point, hm), it’s really common in my other country (I’m half french, half german), and it’s a common name in my grandpa’s home country (Hungary). It’s pretty uncommon to hear it, when you can pronounce it properly, you can’t write it properly, and when you can write it properly, you can’t pronounce it properly. It starts with a V, and it is actually close to Virgil, to me.

I immediately became confused. I didn’t know how to feel about the name. It was pretty, sure, but... Did I like it? It reminded me of my birthname. And I was at a moment of my life where I hated my birthname because my parents wouldn’t let me be myself. So. Virgil. I didn’t know how to feel at that point.

Cue to a year or so? After? (Just checked, and yep, around a year after) At the beginning of this school year, new school, new city, new people. A friend of mine (@/morporkianhobbit) gets into the Sanders Sides vids, and talk about it a lot. I watch them all all over again, to remind myself of the details, because my friend tends to ask a bunch of questions about very specific stuffs, and I want to be able to help her understand what she might’ve missed. I met her as I arrived on my first day, we spend hella lot of time together, she’s super supportive, and honestly, going back to an old fandom to have more discussion subject with her is one hell of a good idea. My old rp group gets sort of back together, 3 of the other 5 people who were there before agree to rp with me again. This time I rp a side as well. I look at more famders blogs, meeting new people in the fandom. I stumble into @/sugarglider9603 (I’m not tagging anyone bc I don’t wanna bother people tbh), and I fall in love with her Mario AU. After a while, she and @/galaxy-lilies make the Spiderverse Sides AU. I love it, and I love the Into The Spiderverse movie. I created a bunch of AU the past few months. I enter the Spiderverse discord.

Now, about my name, in the meantime, I’ve learned a bit. I don’t hate my birthname anymore. My family still isn’t supportive of my gender (and my parents still aren’t convinced the ace spectrum exist, but at least I can date whoever I want, as they don’t care wether I like a gender or another, and my own mother tells me she’s pansexual). But my birthname is pretty, I don’t live with my parents most of the time, and I’m meeting new people, people who respect my pronouns and name. As for Anxiety’s actual name, I like it. Virgil is a pretty name, an amazing name, and it doesn’t sound that close to my birthname anymore. It isn’t painful to hear it anymore. I made peace with both this name and my birthname.

On the discord server, we start rpying. I call on Virgil, so I get to rp as him. I cannot remember anyone’s names, to be honest, unless the person repeats it to me several times, and I’m always convinced imma mess up, hence why I give people nicknames. Our Patton starts calling us by the name of the character we rp. I join her in on that. They all call me V or Virge. And I’m okay with it.

I actually like it. I feel like it fits, even.

I talk about it to my best friend (@/hecking-garbage). They say it’s because V refers to “Virgil” and not to my birthname anymore. It does, but that doesn’t explain why I feel like it fits. I ask another of my friend (@/angels-and-dreams), who says (and I quote there) “Maybe you can just call yourself V, with a spelling like Vea or Vee or something like that“ while I see what I’d like to do with my name. I like the idea of being called V or Vee for now, and see how it goes from there. That’s my choice. And I add that “Vee. Huh. I like it. And I could actually ask my teachers to shorten my name to Vee, as  it is the beginning of my birthname, and wouldn't seem as strange as Aky.“, which is true. I decide I can actually go see my formation manager, to ask her if I can change my name in the school papers, so the teacher would gender me properly.

This is what I’m going to do next week. I’m going to ask my teacher to call me Vee, and see how it goes from there.

My name is V. And I like it.