#so special to me fr.. really one of my fave scarian fics i had soo much fun writing it!

[tunastime]

“Maybe Pearl was right! You’re afraid of feeling anything, so you just don’t!”

Grian deflates.

“Scar—” he tries, moving forward. Scar shakes his head.

“No—"

“Scar, please,” Grian tries again, desperately searching his face. “That’s not true, you don’t—”

“Please, don’t—” Scar pleads.

“Please—” Grian reaches out, and, like so many times before, he almost reaches the edge of Scar’s sleeve, almost, but not quite. Scar jerks back reflexively, as if he’d been burnt, and the two freeze in place. Grian’s eyes, wide and uncertain, flick from Scar’s face to his hand, waiting. Scar’s hand stays drawn back, in fact, he doesn’t even look at him again. 

“Please don’t try to convince me,” Scar says. “I think you’ve tried to cover up enough.”

Scar leaves. He leaves and when he leaves he watches Grian and Grian stays still, his eyes blown wide and fixated on Scar’s bowed face and when Scar turns away he shuts his eyes and turns like his whole body wills himself away rather than out of his own choice. 

And Grian stands alone in the middle of his home, a shroud of glowing now dark around him.

thoughts? -🔥📱

man oh man burner cell, this sure is a paragraph!

so! this is from Prove to Me That Angels do Love Us, and if i'm not wrong I think this was the first thing I actually wrote for this fic. I have a habit of writing something right in the middle of a fic, or imagining a scene I really want, and then building up and around it to make it work.

I think in this, grian's main motivation for not telling scar (up until this point) that he was a watcher, that the boatem hole liked scar because grian liked scar, was that he wanted to do it on his own terms. he was scared of what scar would think of him, even if it was kind of a well-known secret. scar here felt betrayed--he completely ignored the fact that grian confessed to him and instead focused on the fact that he had to learn second hand something huge about his (current) best friend.

pearl's comment was completely taken out of context--grian fears emotions because he doesn't understand them yet. I think my version of watcher grian when I was first writing him (almost 2 years ago when this first started!) struggled a lot with his newfound humanity. watchers as they stand don't have to deal with human emotions or beliefs or structures, so having such a complex emotion like love or care or trust can be extremely scary. it's almost easier to shut it down completely. he's trying to tell scar that he's scared of hurting him with something he doesn't understand, and in doing so, caused the boatem hole to reflect his own emotions, but scar is only hearing the fact that grian kept a secret from him ("...you've tried to cover up enough"). scar doesn't want to leave, but at this point, his hurt overpowers how he feels about grian, and he forces himself to turn away from him.

this one took a lot of fiddling! I didn't want grian or scar to sound out of character while fighting or for them to come off too aggressively. it was originally a lot rougher and angrier, but as the story progressed, I knew it wouldn't work to have them so mean, so sometimes a compromise is necessary!

AUGH, anyway! thanks burner cell! this was super fun!