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chaotic-orphan · 21 hours ago

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Intoxicating Fear (XXIX)

The difference between Abuse and Power

Read part one // Master-post // Continued from here

Sorry it took so long!!! But I made this chapter extra long to make up for it guys!!! I hope you enjoy💛

Merry Christmas and Happy New year!!! I hope you all have a great time and mind yourselves. Thank you all for your words of encouragement during the rough time and making me smile and laugh while I was stuck in the dreaded prison of writer's block, but we are back babyyyyyy.... enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*

Kit heard Ambrose walking behind him. He tried his best to ignore him, but it didn’t really work because Ambrose’s stupid socked feet padded close behind as Kit walked the length of the first floor, away from Nathan and Jude. Away from the stairs Jude threw him down. Away from the abomination of healing and power that Nathan possessed.

“Kit,” Ambrose said eventually. Kit continued walking. He went through the next door on his left which opened up into a nice cozy looking library or study, or something, and walked over to the soft, navy plush couch in the far corner. He dropped into it, deflating like a balloon or a marionette with its strings cut. That’s all he was really, wasn’t it? A puppet.

Black eyes appeared in front of him, pleading, dark brows falling over them like a pitiful, sad puppy. “Kit, listen to me, everything I said and did before… I—”

“Don’t want to hear it?” Kit suggested, his shoulders bunched up around his ears. He felt his eyes water as he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to stop it from quivering like a child. He raised his blue, bloodshot eyes to meet Ambrose’s stupid fucking demonic black ones.

“I don’t—” Kit said, scoffed, shrugged and ran his hands through his hair until his fingers tightened on the strands and started tugging on them just to show the kind of storm that was roaring in his mind outwardly. Not that Ambrose had to see a physical representation of his desperation. His blue eyes burned and red flashed across them like the glint of moonlight off a blade. Ambrose shrunk away from his crouch. His eyes widened slightly. “I don’t want to fucking hear it! Any of it. Your apologies, your guilt, your fucking excuses!”

Ambrose sat back onto his heels, even his stupid chocolate curls bounced perfectly, and Kit scoffed exasperated, ran a hand down his face, and wiped furiously at his tears with his thumb and index finger.

“I don’t give a fuck if you feel some kind of fucked up bond to me or whatever, Oskar!” Ambrose flinched. Good, Kit thought bitterly. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to fucking affect this bastard somehow. “I don’t care if you feel bad now, because trust me, we both know you didn’t give two shits when you thought I was just some random hero to terrorise!”

“Kit—” Kit lurched forward, getting his face close to Ambrose’s, his nose curled up in disgust.

“What happened to puppet, huh? What happened to a dog that only exists to obey? I would rather you looked at me like… like I was some fucking plaything for you to break and discard, instead of whatever fucking way you’re looking at me now. You’re—” Kit sucked in a breath, struggling not to hyperventilate. “You’re fucking sick, Rosey. You disgust me. And now I’m on house arrest from your crazy ex-boyfriend, who you seem to hate, but let’s face it, Rosey…”

Kit said. He licked his lips as if he had to prepare them for what he was about to say as he leaned in ever so slightly closer, lowering his voice to a whisper as he got close to Ambrose’s curls covered ear. “What kind of sane person would love you anyways?”

The door to the room swung open. Kit slunk back from Ambrose, his eyes dead and lifeless, expecting to be hurt for daring to insult Nathan’s precious toy but he didn’t care. It was worth it to see Ambrose flinch… to see him crestfallen for once.

But then why didn’t it feel good?

Why did he feel worse than before?!

Why has he become this cruel, hard thing? Was he always this way? Did Ambrose just hold up a mirror and reveal that to—

A flash of hands. Kit didn’t flinch, but his gaze snapped up to cold, furious silver eyes and eyes as cool as a lump of coal. “No,” Ambrose said, his voice soft.

“But—”

“No.” Kit’s eyes flickered back to Ambrose because that wasn’t sad, pathetic guilt-ridden Oskar speaking, that was Omen; commanding, controlled, even. A smirk slid its way onto Ambrose’s face, his black eyes turned even darker, glinting like light off a shard of onyx or jet, filled with humour and sardonic knowing and cruelty. A shiver ran down Kit’s spine as Ambrose used his leverage on Nathan’s hand to raise himself to his feet.

He didn’t break eye contact with Kit as he stood to his full height, which Kit only remembered was a good head taller than him, and then there were two sadistic giants looming over him. Kit fought the urge to shrink back and swallow. He wasn’t going to show them he was afraid. What would they do? Kill him? That would give him his first peaceful night’s sleep in weeks. Months?

“Oskar…” Omen tightened his fingers around Nathan’s wrist and brought his hand to his lips. Nathan stilled as Ambrose wrapped a second hand around Nathan’s long fingers, curling them as he lifted and pressed a kiss to Nathan’s knuckles.

“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, darling,” Ambrose said, his voice roiling like smooth velvet. Black eyes slunk towards Kit’s. “Especially not with the likes of washed-up heroes before their prime.”

Nathan stepped closer to Ambrose, his back to Kit. “I could kill him for you. Make you a scarf out of his entrails.”

Omen chuckled. Kit’s blood ran cold at the sound. He forgot how silently terrifying Omen could be; how terrifying Ambrose could be.

“You’re sweet,” is all Ambrose replied. He leaned up on his toes to kiss Nathan. Soft, sweet, short, before he pulled away. “But no. He’s used up already. I thought he would be fun to play with, but you can see as well as I can…”

Kit swallowed audibly, his fingers tightened into fists on his thighs as he looked away from the statue staring him down, making him feel two inches tall. “He’s got nothing inside worth taking anymore. He’s given up. He’s not worth the effort.”

Kit stared furiously at the bookshelf to his left, eyes skimming colourful titles trying to ignore the stabbing pain of betrayal in his chest. Isn’t that what he wanted? For Ambrose to stop pretending? Isn’t that why he poked and prodded him until—

“Kit,” Kit’s eyes widened as he felt Omen’s ability ghost through his mind like brain freeze. He shot up off the couch, and grabbed Ambrose’s arm, tightened, pleading.

“Rosey, don’t, pl—”

Ambrose grabbed Kit’s cheeks in one hand and squeezed tightly until Kit’s lips were forced to form a small ring. Kit’s hand shot up and grabbed Ambrose’s wrist, about to beg and plead again. Weren’t they past this? Was this all his fault? Was Ambrose really—

“I think you need a nice, long nap, Kit, don’t you?”

“No!” Kit protested.

“Mmmm, your eyes are feeling so heavy though, aren’t they? And your limbs are exhausted, and you need a really good rest to recover and fight again when you wake don’t you?”

Kit let out a small whine in the back of his throat… because yes, he was feeling tired, and a blissful sleep sounded so fucking good right now. At least then he could turn off the blaring voice in his head screaming danger, danger, danger at him.

“What danger, Kit?” Ambrose asked, his voice so soft and so, so far… away, as if it was a distant melody floating through the air in the other side of the house. Kit swayed on his feet and fell into Ambrose’s open arms. What danger was right, what was he thinking about? His thoughts were liquifying quickly in his mind and sliding slowly away from consciousness. “There we go,” Ambrose cooed, putting his fingers through Kit’s hair. “That’s it, just relax. You want to sleep, don’t you, Kit?”

“Yeah,” Kit mumbled. He went boneless against the villain as Ambrose sat the two of them on the couch again. Ambrose sat down where Kit was before and dragged Kit down with him who was too tired to resist. Kit curled up on the couch as Ambrose gently put Kit’s head on his lap which was as comfortable as a luxurious pillow. Maybe shutting his eyes for a few minutes would be okay, wouldn’t it? He needed his strength after all and… he yawned as Ambrose brushed a hand through his wild, uncut hair.

“That’s right, just a few minutes sleep, and you’ll feel amazing when you wake up.” Ambrose said. Kit didn’t really hear him, but he hummed in reply as his eyes shuttered closed, blissfully unaware of the scorching silver eyes glaring down at him.

***

Ambrose continued to stroke Kit’s hair as the hero’s breath evened out. Ambrose felt his weight droop heavier against him, drifting deeper into sleep in a matter of moments. He could feel Nate’s eyes on him, but he didn’t bother to look up at him, keeping his eyes fixed on the boy’s sleeping head and soft breaths. It was easier to ignore the questions in Nathan’s head and eyes and just focus on the sleeping Hero on him.

God, if only Kit would stay this way forever.

Not that Ambrose would want that, but it would be easier. Why did he have to fight him on everything? Even things that were good for him! It was… exhausting. If this is what having children felt like, Ambrose was almost certain he didn’t want any of the vile things… especially not if Kit remained in his life after all this was over.

He was enough of a handful as it was.

“Why Oskar?” Nate asked, his voice suddenly, terribly vulnerable.

Ambrose didn’t look at him. “I don’t know, Nate. I guess… I told you already. I took too much from him already.”

“That’s a cop out. We both know it.”

Ambrose shrugged. “Think what you want.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Ambrose knew it the moment it left his lips in a tired, defeated sigh. He could feel Nathan’s demeanour shift from confused to defensive in a second, his stance tensing, the air changing around them, becoming thick in Ambrose’s throat.

“Well, if you won’t give me any straight answers, how about I wake him, and ask—” Ambrose’s head snapped up, black eyes catching silver in their void stare.

“You’ll do no such thing.”

Nathan scoffed and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “You’re impossible when you’re protective. This is like the Catherine situation all over again.”

Ambrose stiffened. “Don’t talk about her.”

Nathan smirked. He crossed his long arms over his torso, silver eyes gleaming. “It’s true,” he said with a shrug of a shoulder. An attempt to be casual that was anything but. “You always liked to collect strays, Oskar, it’s like a passion project of yours.”

Nathan’s eyes went to Kit in Ambrose’s lap, his fingers wound through the boy’s hair. “Though,” he continued, his voice dipping as his eyes caught Ambrose’s again. “This one you and your father have to share.”

Ambrose’s nostrils flared. “You’re just being cruel for the sake of it now, Nate.”

“So, what if I am?”

“Well, what about you, then?”

Nathan blinked.

“You and all your posturing and grandstanding, how you can absorb so many people’s abilities— mine, Jude’s, my father’s, Kit’s…” Ambrose listed, shrewdness possessing his weighted gaze as he tilted his head at his ex. “How you pretend it doesn’t bother you to hold all that power inside and maintain it there.”

“It doesn’t bother me.”

It was Ambrose’s turn to scoff. The edge of his lips quipped up. “You say that, but I saw how weak you were after healing his wounds. You went pale after, dearest. If you think I wouldn’t notice that then you don’t know me at all.”

Nathan stared down his nose at Ambrose and the sleeping Hero. His eyes softened. “No… maybe I don’t anymore.”

Ambrose swallowed as Nate unfolded his arms. He walked a step closer and leaned down. Ambrose barely suppressed the flinch, but it didn’t matter because Nate could feel Ambrose’s stiffness when he pressed a kiss to his forehead. He smiled against the skin and pulled back.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He said, one hand still lingering on Ambrose’s cheek. He froze midway, and his touch turned bruising as he tilted Ambrose’s head to the side and forced him to look into his swirling, silver eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid, darling. You know how much I hate bruises on your pretty face.”

Ambrose stared as Nathan released him, watching as his psychotic ex walked away, grabbed the door and slammed it shut on the way out. Ambrose couldn’t suppress the flinch that time as he stared down at Kit. He didn’t stir. Still sound asleep. Unaware of Ambrose’s tremors of fear at Nathan’s farewell threat.

Oh, he knew how much Nathan hated bruises on his face alright… he knew all too well just how cruel he could truly be.

***

Six years ago…

Oskar and Max stumbled out of the University pub and down the streets back to their apartment in Old Town. God, what a night. What a glorious night, and how long had it been since Oskar could just let loose with Max like that? Get absolutely hammered. He laughed as he threw an arm around Max’s shoulder.

“I love you, Max.”

“That’s really gay,” Max replied, and the pair burst into snorting laughter. Oskar craned his neck down and pressed a wet kiss to Max’s hair as they walked towards Fagan’s lot. They didn’t notice the group of four guys approaching them until one of them shoulder checked Max.

“Woah!” Max said and Oskar turned, about to tell the dicks to watch it when one of them muttered something that chilled him to the core and froze him in place.

“Fucking fags.”

Max grabbed at Oskar’s arm, sensing the shift in his posture. “Oskar come on. They’re small minded—”

“Excuse me,” Oskar hissed. The men stopped and turned. Oskar shrugged Max’s hand off.

“Oskar, just leave it.” Max said.

“No, I won’t just leave it. What did these pricks mutter but not have any fucking balls to say to our faces, huh?”

Oskar went towards the tallest, broadest guy and shoved him back. “Huh? What the fuck did you say?”

“Oskar!”

“You better back off, lamppost and listen to your boyfriend or you’re gonna get hurt.” The tall— well, tallest of the group — broad man stank of beer and had a truly hideous beard. Both of which Oskar personally took offence to.

Oskar straightened to his full height, a good head and shoulders taller than this piece of shit and grinned sadistically down at him.

“You tell him Mitch.” One of the others said.

“Yeah,” another chimed in, “run back to your boyfriend, faggot.”

Oskar’s head snapped to the offender. He was the shortest of the group, blond – obviously he was fucking blond – with tiny pubic hairs tweezed onto his chin in the mock shadow of stubble. He was stick thin and looked like a fucking weasel with a sharp pointed nose and tiny squinting eyes.

“Number one,” Oskar said, holding a bony finger up. “Ew. I wouldn’t date this man if he was the last man on earth,” Oskar said.

Max blinked behind him. “Uh, ouch?!”

Oskar glanced back over his shoulder. “Hush. You know I love you.”

“Fucking queers, I swear to—”

Oskar turned back to glare at the men again. “Two, it’s fucking homophobic to use the words faggot and queer in a derogatory manner towards my friend and I, and I think you should fucking apologise. Right now.”

“Or what?” Mitch challenged stepping forward.

Oskar’s eyes darkened. “Or else. You only get one chance to do the decent thing.” He said, holding his index finger up, his dark eyes searched Mitch’s face, trying to convey how serious he was. “One.”

“Show this fucking princess what real men do.”

Oskar sighed, his head dipped, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “I did warn you.”

Mitch went to throw a punch and Oskar stepped back. He caught Mitch’s arm and punched him in the face before shoving him back and kicking him away. Oskar brushed away the curls that fell into his eyes before throwing his arms up in defence of his face from another of the dick’s punches.

“For,” Max began, punctuating his sentence with punches, “fuck’s” punch and the guy went down, “sake, Oskar.”

Oskar grinned. “They’re little bitches, Max, what do—”

Oskar’s head whipped to the side suddenly. He didn’t see his attacker come upon him until he was already hit, fire raging in his cheekbone and someone was cursing as a fist drew back. Another blow came from below, knuckles cracking against his jaw. Oskar stumbled back. His head turned skyward as his bottom teeth snapped against his top and ricocheted through his skull.

He didn’t see the third blow come for his solar plexus. The fist landed and Oskar shot forward as he wheezed a startled sound. A hand caught his cheek and slammed a palm against his nose. Oskar cried out as blood gushed down his face, gasping as he stumbled back again, the world dizzy with tears as his eyes watered reflexively.

Then.

Heat in front of him.

Oranges and yellows licked against the air, standing between Oskar and the homophobes. Warm blood turned cold as it poured from Oskar’s nose and trickled down through his fingers and onto his clothes.

“Yeah, who’s the little bitch now?”

Max scoffed. “Fuck off, asshole.”

“Should’ve known you were freaks too,” one of them said. Oskar’s eyes narrowed, tears spilling over his eyelids as he straightened. He could feel his eyes go the same red as his blood and he put a hand on Max’s shoulder, stepping past him.

“Oskar,” Max said. Caution coloured his voice as Oskar stepped around the human fire ball. “Don’t.”

“Fuck it, why not?”

“Oskar! You can’t—”

“Mitch,” Oskar said. The words sounded as sweet as a melody. Irresistible, and why would you want to resist? He knew the moment it hit Mitch’s ears because he paused as the honeyed words swam into his ears. “Kiss the best looking of your friends.”

Mitch obeyed without question.

He chose the second strongest of the four, grabbed his cheeks and slammed his lips against them. The other two, including the little weasel looked a little annoyed more than angered by the fact that Mitch didn’t find them attractive.

Oskar tilted his head to the side and grinned horribly at them. “Aww, feeling left out, uglies? It’s okay. The two of you kiss too.”

“Itch… off…” the good-looking one said, trying to shove Mitch off of him.

“Oskar! Stop it!”

“Why should I?” Oskar demanded, his little finger twitching as rage consumed him. “Maybe I should make them fuck each other in the street like dogs. Maybe then they’ll learn some fucking manners.”

Heat singed the edges of Oskar’s ear, burning away the stray baby curls. Oskar gasped, jumping to the left and cupping his ear with his hand. He looked over his shoulder to see Max glaring up at him.

“What the fuck?” He hissed.

“What the fuck yourself! Tell them to stop! Tell them to forget!”

Oskar straightened. His pride getting the better of him. “Why should I?”

“You know right well why Mr Law major! You know how unethical this is?! I’m serious. Tell them to stop right now, or else.”

Oskar kept Max’s burning stare for a moment longer before the rage dissipated like smoke in the darkness. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Fine,” he said, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he turned back to the group of dickheads.

He walked over to the group and told them, “okay loverboys. Enough.”

The group pulled away from each other disgusted. The good looking one, the one that had gotten the punches in on Oskar’s face wiped furiously at his mouth. “What the fuck, Mitchell? Why did you do that? What about Diane?”

Mitch stared at his hands, his face a putrid shade of red. “I- I… I don’t know why I did it… I-” He looked up then at Oskar who stood smugly, hands in his tailored trouser pockets, reeking of expensive cologne and tangible satisfaction. All a farce, a fake, a falsehood, the Oskar that Oskar created after his departure from his legacy role as a hero. “You…” Mitch said, raising a shaking hand. “It was you! You told me… and I- I couldn’t…”

Oskar tilted his head to the side, his smirk widening, exposing his teeth in a wolfish grin. “Couldn’t resist? Maybe you just really fancied him.”

A sharp slap to Oskar’s arm and he yelped as Max stepped up beside him, smog rising from his ears and Oskar felt his blood run cold. “Ow!”

“Tell them to forget. Now.”

“Forget?” The weasel one asked, looking just as terror struck as Mitch and the others. “Make us forget?!”

“You’re a monster!” The other one said.

Oskar bent low and said: “boo.”

The weasel actually flinched. Oskar would have laughed if Max wasn’t about to roast him over the grills of hell, so Oskar clapped his hands together. “Okay, idiots, listen up. You will forget you ever met me or Max tonight. You will forget our faces. You will forget you called us faggots. And…” Oskar glanced at Max sideways and grinned. “Whenever you think of calling someone queer or gay, or faggots, you will remember kissing your friends today. And you will also donate your life savings to a charity for LG–”

Oskar flinched when he felt a lick of heat against his face. “Okay. Not your life savings, but you will donate a small donation fee to any LGBT charity in the city and be general allies to the queer community from now on, capiche?”

The four men nodded dumbly. Oskar straightened with a clap. “Good. Wonderful. Later losers.”

Oskar walked off down Fagan’s lot whistling a happy tune. “Happy with yourself, are you?” Max asked behind him.

Oskar laughed. “Yup. Pretty damn satisfied.”

“That was fucked up, Oskar.” Oskar paused, his smile dimming. Max walked around to his front. “You know that was wrong.”

Oskar let out a huff of breath. “They were fucked up, Max! I’m sick of walking around like I don’t have this power! Something I can use to–”

“To ruin people’s lives?”

“You’re being dramatic.” Oskar said, waving away Max’s dramatics.

“No!” Max protested, gathering Oskar’s attention. “I’m not! Did you hear that guy? Mitch had a wife, or a girlfriend, what if he had kids?”

“Poor kids.” Oskar replied coldly.

Max grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him back against the wall. Oskar’s black eyes widened with surprise at Max’s force. “Don’t you see how fucked up that could be? Telling him to donate his life savings to a charity? What about his wife? His bills? His kids?”

“Maybe being a shitty person means you deserve to have your life fall apart!”

“Is that why yours did?” Max demanded, eyes ablaze. Oskar stiffened under Max’s knuckles. Max may as well have slapped him for the reaction his words caused. Max’s grip loosened. “Oskar…” he said softly.

“No,” Oskar replied. He ran a hand through his hair that had fallen over his eyes, casting them in shadow. God, he really needed a haircut. “No, you’re right. I… I was reckless and I was irresponsible and… you’re right. I’m sorry.”

A silence fell between them. After a minute, Max let go of Oskar’s shirt and let him stand up properly. A grin cracked Max’s handsome face then. “But… it was satisfying to see how horrified they were after kissing each other.”

Oskar grinned and let out a little laugh. “Right?” And just like that they were back to normal and walking down to their apartment block, laughing up the stairs and into the dingy apartment, Max struggling to open the door, having to kick it once, twice, three times, but it stayed stubbornly closed.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Max cursed, and shouldered the door open. The door slammed in and Max stumbled and nearly hit the floor if it wasn’t for Oskar grabbing his arm at the last second, laughing as Max cursed.

“Fucking door!”

“About time you got home.”

The two boys straightened at the voice. Oskar helped to steady Max before he went looking for his boyfriend in the apartment. “Nate? What’re you doing here?” Oskar asked with a big smile on his face. When Nate turned his expression immediately darkened and he was in front of Oskar in a second, hands cupping his cheeks and tilting his head up.

“What the fuck happened to your face?”

Oskar waved him away and went into give Nate a kiss, he missed him he realised. It had only been a few days since they had seen each other, but still. Oskar was drunk and his boyfriend was here, and he was happy.

Nate’s strong hands stopped Oskar from kissing him and Oskar let out a small whine. “What’re you–”

“What. The fuck. Happened to your face?” Nathan asked again and Oskar shrunk under the tightness in his tone. His fingers dug uncomfortably into Oskar’s cheeks and Oskar grabbed Nathan’s wrists and tried to pull them off, but he didn’t budge.

“Nate… Nate,” Oskar said, gasping, eyes pained and pleading. “Nathan, you’re hurting me!”

“What happened to your face?”

“Get off me, Nathan!”

Max appeared between the two and Nathan released Oskar. Oskar took a heavy step back; betrayal pinched his features tight on his face. Oskar shrunk under Nathan’s glare, horribly aware that he had done something wrong and now Nathan was mad, and he hated when Nate got mad.

“Just some douchebags, Nate,” Max said, cutting through the thick tension in the room. “It’s fine. We gave as good as we got.”

“Whoever laid a hand on you…” Nathan said, his voice small, but holding back the ferocity of a storm on the sea. His eyes bright with a cold fury. “Whoever dare hurt you…” he said, his expression softening as he stepped forward and cupped Oskar’s face in his hand again. Oskar flinched when Nathan put his hands on him and wanted to curl up at the look of hurt that passed across his boyfriend’s face. “Your poor face…”

“I’ll live,” Oskar whispered and stepped out of Nathan’s hold.

Max looked between the two. He threw his hands up. “Yeah. I’m also fine, Nate, thanks for asking.”

“Oh shush,” Nathan purred, waving Max away. “You’re like a cockroach, you’ll never die.”

“You could still show some concern. It wouldn’t hurt.”

Oskar excused him as he walked down the hall to the bathroom, his hands shaking violently as he slammed the door shut and locked it. He put his back against the door and gasped when he saw himself in the mirror above the sink. Fuck… fuck… fuck…

Fuck, tears welled up in his black eyes and Oskar felt sick suddenly. A warm feeling climbed his stomach, and he lurched towards the toilet and threw up into the bowl. Not a second later a knock at the door and Oskar froze.

“Osk? Babe, you okay?” Oskar had to tighten his fingers on the toilet to stop his hands from shaking.

It’s fine, he told himself. It’s just a crash from the adrenaline of the fight. It’s fine. He’s fine.

“Oskar?” A rattle of the doorknob and Oskar flinched hard again.

Yeah… the fight, totally what he was afraid of…

The next day when Oskar was walking back to the University, he passed a bloody crime scene that made his skin prickle and crawl, and his blood run cold. “Do we have an ID of the bodies?”

“Good thing we had their IDs, or they’d all be John Doe’s.” One of the investigators said. “I don’t know what did this, but it looks too violent for an animal, too… vicious. Calculated.”

Oskar stopped walking. “Mitchell… Dawkins…” One of the lead detectives said and Oskar turned back, and half ran home and up the stairs to his apartment. He had to throw up again as he stumbled into his apartment, sick to his stomach as nausea climbed thick up his oesophagus. All he could think of was Nathan’s hands on his face, the fury in his eyes… the… oh god… no… there… Nathan couldn’t have done something like that… but somewhere, somewhere deep down, Oskar knew he was lying to himself and that thought made him hurl more than the crime.

***

Ambrose stared down at the sleeping Hero in his lap, his bony fingers gently running through his matted hair, combing out the knots of dirt and blood. “Don’t worry, Kit,” Ambrose whispered. “I won’t let him do that to you. I promise. We’ll get out of here. Together. I promise. Just give me time.”

*~*~*~*~*

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starlightomatic · 3 days ago

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this thing (the christmussy) appears and you slide down it

mazel tov you're now in an alternate universe.

you go on facebook and you see a post in the group for an app you have. every month there's a new theme announcement, and you see march has just been announced. it's cherry blossom themed; a cherry blossom dress for your avatar, a backdrop of cherry blossom trees for your virtual room. you think it's beautiful and really well-done.

you glance down and see the comments. there are many people upset that the theme isn't purim, with others reassuring them they can still get purim items in the shop and explaining that the app already did purim for the march event two years ago and doesn't want to repeat. but people are still upset, because they'd been saving up their in-game currency to buy purim items. this doesn't totally make sense because the event items don't cost any currency. but it's clear everyone expected a purim event, and that they feel a cherry blossom event would have been more appropriate for april because flowering trees are more of a pesach thing. a couple commenters mention that they don't celebrate purim and so they really appreciate that the team chose an inclusive theme, and that they think the cherry blossom theme is beautiful.

one thread goes something like this:

chana: ah, i was hoping for something more silly and purim-y

maryam: sorry, but not everyone celebrates purim. besides there are actually five different holidays celebrated in march, including purim. even then, not everyone celebrates those holidays. it's not all about one group of people. everyone needs to feel included.

chana: i'm fully aware, thanks. the silly purim is not the same as the religious purim, anyway. hamentashen are not in the torah. i know muslims who celebrate the commercial purim. i'm a jew who has done lots of interfaith work, by the way.

you notice it seems like several of maryam's responses aren't showing up: facebook glitch or were they deleted? or maybe chana is just so worked up she's commenting many times?

chana: in short i was asking for a springtime theme not a full-on megillah reading. you could have sought to understand before jumping to that conclusion. peace.

chana continues in this vein, even accusing maryam of "attacking her," and also makes a weird dig about maryam's islam.

golda: try not to let this person upset you. you should be allowed to make such a statement without being lectured on religion -- this is not the place for that, or at least it shouldn't be. people are here to encourage and support each other. i also wish it was a silly purim theme. hope you have a great day :)

elkie: i agree. i would love to get a grogger.

rachel: admin! this is stressful.

tamar, the admin, jumps in. she doesn't mention chana's weird comments about maryam's islam, but merely asks for the conversation to stop. it doesn't.

ari: there is a grogger from one of the previous march events! it'll be in the shop all month. my family celebrated purim and mardi gras, so i have an outfit with a grogger and mardi gras beads!

chana: rachel, i'm so sorry.

chana: tamar, thank you and my apologies for my part in this.

zelda: chana, you can still buy jewish purim/wiccan ostara/mardi gras/etc type items in the store :) even a pineapple costume! lmao! your outfit can be as silly as you'd like it to be :)

katie: hi chana! i hear you saying it's disappointing there isn't a silly purim theme, and it's frustrating that anyone would push back on that because it's not religious so there's no way anyone would feel left out. i do just want to gently mention, for a lot of folks who are from other faiths and cultures, silly purim also isn't something that we celebrate. if the app had gone that route, we would of course understand because that is what the majority wants and we respect it, but it's true we would still feel left out. the app isn't obligated to change anything for us, of course, but the fact that they did is very sweet (well -- i'm not sure if inclusion was the intent, but it was the result!)

chana: just checking you've seen this. *includes screenshot of tamar's admin comment*

chana: can i also clarify one final time that i mentioned nothing of religion, nothing about faith, nothing about megillah, esther, or anything. i was simply hoping for a silly theme with funny hats and a cotton candy machine. the first person to mention anything to do with religion was NOT me. my initial comment has been taken wildly out of context and i am deeply upset that this conversation is continuing despite admin asking for it to stop. i'm done.

chana: tamar, i really don't want to leave this group, but this is past unacceptable at this point.

you don't see what happens next because you decide it's time to log off. you close your computer and go outside and touch some grass. you're free.

It's Black Friday and you know what that means: It's Christmas discourse season!

There's a disconnect that comes up every year in these conversations, and I've never seen it illustrated as clearly as in the conversation below.

Context: This is a community group for an app that involves themes and items, and this year's December theme is winter-y but decidedly not Christmassy.

Some people were upset about that, which isn't unexpected, and then this conversation ensued:

What is.... what is going on here? Why is red so upset? Why are they struggling to understand that "cozy" Christmas is still not universal? Does it feel threatening to them?

I mean, maybe green had a bunch of comments and then deleted them or facebook was glitching, but I can't find anything wrong with their initial comment. Is red just annoyed because it's unkind to challenge someone who's just saying they're sad? I don't think that's the only thing though because red doesn't seem to understand either green's or blue's comments and it's a misunderstanding I see every single year.

Also, I don't understand what the issue was with blue, or why that also upset red that much. Is it just because blue ignored the mod's request to close the thread?

Like.... either there's something I'm not getting or there's something red's not getting. I suspect it's red, tbh, because they started talking about how they never mentioned anything about Jesus, the nativity, or religion -- but blue actually addressed that in their comment.

Outside the context of someone getting pushback on just saying they'd wished something different had happened, which I recognize feels shitty, are there ways people like blue and green can phrase things so that it clicks for people like red, or is it a lost cause?

And what am I missing about red's perspective?

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got-into-worm-by-mistake · 21 hours ago

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Okay, I've Read Worm: A Retrospective Part 5: What Was I Fucking Surprised By?

So, as you may remember, I got into Worm thoroughly spoiled by the wiki and Wormblr and r/parahumans and r/Wormfanfic and actual Worm fanfic. I knew pretty much all the basic details of all the plot twists. And yet, of course, there are things I didn't expect, things the fandom or the wiki mislead me about, etc. Things I was surprised by.

So let's talk about a few:

Taylor Hebert: As I've said, I kind of worried, before reading Worm, that I'd find Taylor insufferable. The sort of character that tries to be a hero and then convinces themselves to do all sorts of bad stuff while telling themselves they're still a hero/good person/etc is hard to write well without being really unpleasant to read/watc/etc. Self-righteousness in general is hard to enjoy for me. Taylor, honestly, stops thinking of herself as a good person partway through the post-Levi period, in most ways, and she never gets self-righteous about it. So Taylor was much more sufferable than I thought. Which is good, because I would have dropped Worm like a hot potato if she'd been insufferable as the main POV.

Eidolon & The Endbringers: (Sounds like a band name). The whole 'you needed Worthy opponents' thing, and the way people talked about Eidolon (seriously, this fandom as a whole is hugely unfair to the guy, istg) really gave me the impression of like, this vainglorious piece of shit guy who wants adulation and doesn't care how he gets it. And like... I don't get that impression from his Interlude at all? He doesn't seem to give two shits about fame, just about knowing what he did mattered. And he knew that well before the Endbringers. Obviously, he subconsciously created them, and then [High Priest] got all goddamn malicious in his compliance but he's not the vainglorious asshole who charges off to face Scion in single combat or w/e the way the fanfiction gave me that impression. Also, like, maybe it's just me, but I define 'Worthy Opponent' as 'something the person could have a reasonable chance of defeating in a solo fight'. So for me, a worthy opponent would be a rowdy 12 year old with maybe a white belt in karate. the Endbringers are not solo-able opponents for Eidolon. So absolutely not doing what he actually wanted. I really think the fandom is unfairly hard on Eidolon.

Interlude 15.x: Look, at the risk of starting discourse - I'm sorry. I've read 15.x Backwards and forwards and there is just Nothing pointing towards rape in the text, even looking for it as I was. I really expected I'd see some line, some implication, some fucking hint and there's just... absolutely nothing. The text of Worm as written, whatever Wildbow claims he meant and whatever he did mean, does not support a rape interpretation of events. And that sure as fuck surprised me.

Extinction 8.6: The way people - and even some fics - talked about the scene where Amy messes with Taylor post-Leviathan made it sound like Amy straight up ripped off Taylor's mask or something extreme like that, and then Taylor sees unmasked Sophia while trying to run and hide after being unmasked. What we got was Amy being a bit of a bitch, deliberately refusing to answer a question Taylor asked because she knew not answering would upset the girl (not cool), Amy's bedside manner being shit, and Taylor's own paranoia (and the godawful choice of the heroes to handcuff her to the bed) filling in the blanks. And this absolutely tepid-ass shit is pointed to by people as proof that 'Amy was a bitch the whole time'.

The Leviathan Fight: It was a lot shorter than I expected. I enjoyed reading it in ways I was worried I wouldn't.

Cauldron: Now, here's the thing. Characters that do bad things, knowing they're bad, but in pursuit of a greater good? That shit is my goddamn jam. I fucking love characters like that. They're my catnip! And I went into Worm sympathetic as FUCK to Cauldron. and I come out of Worm going 'Jesus Christ what a bunch of fucking idjits!' Their shoestring illuminati was run by a bunch of teenagers who never grew up and a college student who's a worse control freak than Taylor. Their incompetence appears to be the whole point (until Wildbow's WoGs turned everything into Cauldron social engineering and he went out of his way to make a big thing about how Cauldron was totes necessary for making things better. Man just cannot shut up). They try for decades to put some final fight against Scion together, and they fail epicly. No groundwork, no real success, and they turned to ACCORD for their post-apocalyptic plans. And apparently had no plan for a mass Case-53 breakout/attack. Which is... sure a choice. Dumping the Case-53s the way they did. The choice of which Case 53s to dump (Sveta sure was a choice of who to just... let out into the world. Like, not an issue with her personally, but you don't release that kind of uncontrollable murder tentacle out into the world, maybe? Just maybe?). I went into Worm thinking I'd be on Cauldron's side, at least a little, and I came out just... god no, you people are stupid.

Amy's Birdcage Arc: I really thought we'd see more of Amy's time in the birdcage, but 16.z really was all we got.

Alexandria's Death: I don't quite know what I did expect, but I didn't expect Alexandria's death to be so goddamn Darwin-award worthy. The woman died like the biggest of CHUMPs and that was much funnier than I expected.

The Drugs are Fantastic line: I knew it was being taken out of context, but it wasn't quite in the place I expected, I'll be honest. Not sure what I did expect.

Taylor's Weaver Arc/The Timeskip: I expected... I dunno. Less of an abrupt transition, I guess? I thought the timeskip would be like, a series of small scenes skipping ahead over two years between them? Instead, right in the middle of Arc 25, it just jumps ahead two years without ceremony. Did not expect that. At all.

Slaughterhouse Nine: I was not prepared for just how goddamn boring the Nine were. I don't think I read any spoilers about how Jack Slash being boring af was the point until I'd already started the S9 arc, but I especially didn't expect how pathetically bland as characters Manny the Kinless and Burnscar and Crawler and Sibby the Friendly Neighborhood Cannibal would be. Cherish managed to be interesting by being such a failure, and Bonebitch, to my eterntal frustration, managed to be funny, but the rest? Also, I thought Manton would die in the Bay, rather than be killed unceremoniously offscreen while in Boston.

The Butcher: For a character who appears in all of two chapters, the Butcher has a much larger presence in the fandom. But that is Worm for you, because groups like the Elite and the Fallen also show up more in the fics than their presence in the main story merits (Though the Fallen have more of a presence in Ward, even if I gather Ward kinda sorta retcons like half the details or at least presents irreconcilable visions of the organization)

Empire 88: They were way out of focus, compared to how much they appear in fics. But it is fun in fics to see Nazis get beat up all the time, so this is valid. But also, like, even their post-Levi remnants were weaksauce af. Someone in a server the other day said that taking out Marquis took out an entire faction, and that Levi proved that taking out Kaiser (or Allfather before him) doesn't stop the Empire, gesturing to the Aryan's Chosen and the Pure as proof but like... lbr. Both groups were pretty damn pathetic in the post-Leviathan bay. Regardless, I expected to see more of the Nazis getting beat in Worm itself, and we really didn't. But this is one time where I don't care, because as I said, seeing Nazis get beaten up over and over again in the fanfic is fun.

Ward: I was worried reading and finishing Worm might make me want to read Ward. Thankfully, it did not. *whew*

Now, there are probably others, but nothing else as major. But there are also some things I just plain wasn't surprised by.

Amy Dallon: I went into Worm expecting her to be my blorbo, and that didn't change. She's definitely my character type. I feel the same about her storyline in Worm as I did going into it.

Tattlebitch: I expcted to hate her, and I stayed hating her. Lisa sucks. Like, she has her redeeming moments and features, but overall, I still hate Lisa.

Carol Dallon: My Sympathy for Carol remains about as theoretical as it always was.

The PRT/Protectorate: I suspected the PRT/Protectorate was not as useless and incompetent and ACAB as a lot of fics painted it and... I was right.

My Ultimate Opinion: I went into Worm thinking it wasn't really for me, but that I'd probably find it well written and that many characters would be engaging. I figured it would have massive gaping plot holes and that I would never find it to be the 'amazeballs perfect wonderful' that some people seem to find it. And yeah, I was right about that too.

#Okay I've Read Worm: A Retrospective #Wormblr #Worm Parahumans #Worm Web Serial #Worm Wldbow #Kylia Reflects on Worm #This Is A Carol Dallon Hate Blog #Anti-Tattletale

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wangxianficfinder · 22 hours ago

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Fics Still Missing part 6

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These fics are still missing suggestions!

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1. 1st is a Golden core reveal fic which also included Wangji telling Wuxian about the marriage ribbon and the two of them serving tea to Jiang Cheng and Yanli after it. #9 of post

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2. Hi I’m looking for a fic where Wei ying is obessed with marrying a rich man, so he goes to parties with meng Yao looking for one..Meanwhile Lan Zhan his room mate is rich and hiding it. He detests those who seek money. They have chemistry. But Wei ying never wants to risk being back in poverty. And Lan Zhan he into him a lot but he doesn’t want Wei ying to be with him for Money.Wen ning is also a roommate. @/imgonnablogtheworldtodeath #12 of post

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3. hellooooo I’ve been looking for this fic but I can’t find it all I remember is Thant lwj goes back in the past after wwx’s death (during the cloud recess study arc) and it ends withe a threesome with him wwx and younger lz. also at the end he goes back to the futur to wait for 'his’ wwx can you help ????? thanks for all that you do !!!!!✨✨✨✨✨✨#16 of post

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4. Hello, this is an FicFinder request.

I don’t remember much, but it was a rare-pairing of WRH and WWX. I’m not sure if it was a time travel fic. When bunny was 14 or something, a water deity came from the waters of Yunmeng and told him of his powers/potentials. Bunny then was take. To kunlun mountain or smth like that and found out that he controlled the void, darkness, some elements as well. He meditated and became immortal and had lived for more than 200 years in another realm. In Yunmeng, he was still a kid and went to seclusion to complete his meditation or something. He also had a wife/lover in underworld and it was a mix of Greek mythology and others as well. @/tinyfoxpeach #19 of post

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5. Hey, I have been looking for this fic for a very very loooong time, and still unable to find it. I hope you can find it for me

Here is all the things that I remember of that fic:

- modern setting

-lwj is an actor or singer (not sure which one 🤔)

- established wwx/lwj-i think wwx is a reporter/paparazzi

-there is a part where other reports think that lwj is dating mianmian

That’s all I can remember so far. Hope you can find it 🤞@/mayavsworld #6 of post

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6. Hi! Please help me find this fic. It was post canon. LJY night hunting with LSZ, but only LJY come back to Gusu with LSZ’s head ribbon. WWX took the news hard that i think its mentioned that he fall sick after that. I think LWJ went to where the night hunt happened and kill the snake yao to at least find LSZ body to have a burial but come out empty. I think it was chaptered fic but im not sure. At near the end of the story, in LP, LSZ turn up and make JWY shocked. He than tells JWY that the snake yao didnt killed him and he get lost when he is trying to go home. Thats all i remember. Thank you! @/idontknowwhattowriteforusername #7 of post

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7. There’s a fic I can’t track down. It was a bottom Lan Wangji one. I think wwx had been fantasizing about oral sex for a while and I have a rather distinct memory of Lan Wangji sitting down next to him at his desk and sucking on his fingers. The situation may or may not have had something to do with some p0rn Huaisang sent them, my memory is very hazy :’D #10 of post

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8. Hello! Jealous lwj au. Wen ning and wwx are friends. wwx loves making lwj jealous because he gets railed so hard when lwj is jealous and angy. then one time it got too much, wwx suggested hugging or doing something sketchy with wen ning during a party. wwx promised wn that it’ll be the last time. then lwj saw it, but sadness was seen in his face not the usual anger that wwx wants from lwj. lwj runs away from the party and lwj throws their ring. then wwx ran after him crying begging. THANK YOU! @/jamebyeol-blog #11 of post

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9. Hi, sorry to bother, I have two requests for finding a fic. I wanted to know if anyone remembers A) a fic where A Yuan goes with Wei Wuxian to Jin Ling’s A one month celebration. This someone changes the way things go. B) Also another one where A Yuan shows up with Wei Wuxian when he’s discussing the Wens being prisoners so people see that there are children in the prisoners camps!! Any story where A Yuan changes things for the better before Wei Wuxian’s death. Thank you, be well @/monicaop21 #13 of post

Hi, thanks for your help but is not the fic I’m looking for, I think it was complete and I do remember A-Yuan is in Koi Tower, he arrives with Wei Wuxian there. Be well!!

Not FOUND I whatever you, I will stand by your side by Lizziewriter07

Not FOUND! The Core Issue by Hauntcats

FOUND? Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, WangXian, canon divergence, yiling wei sect au, demonic cultivation, farming, found family, pre-slash, politics, fix-it of sorts) (works for both a and b iirc)

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10. Looking for a fic that was on ao3. I remember there was two versions, one where WWX was a man and another where he was a woman and he decided to fake his death I think? And leave the cultivation world behind. He/she had twin sons that were A-Yuan and Jingyi I believe and then in the end LWJ who is the father of the twins but he doesn’t know it, fakes his death and finds them by an anonymous tip *cough cough* NHS who had tried to get WWX to rejoin the cultivation world earlier when NMJ died. @/bigmeatycl0ws #14 of post

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11. Hello, thank you guys for all of your hard work! Don’t remember if this was book or cql canon but im looking for a fic where post WWX death lwj travels to another world where wwx is still alive during the cr lectures and older lwj, young WWX and young lwj end up sleeping together and then nhs comes and brings lwj back to their og world fulfill his grand plan #17 of post

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12. Hi! Can you help me look for this fic (cause its been months since the last time I read it) wherein WWX is LWJ’s husband and he is teaching in gusu wearing gusulan robes? I remember students likes wwx that one sect leader went to Cloud Recesses to insult wwx for seducing his son.

Btw, the fic includes photos of WWX wearing gusulan (white robes) (I think they got the image where Xiao Zhan was Shi Ying) #1 of post

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13. Twitter thread fic wherein nyancheng went to book signing of his fav author zewujun. I remember after the book signing, lxc reach out his hand for handshake and when they shakehands, bolts were felt and they went into heat/rut. Apparently they are soulmates. Nyancheng was embarrassed because his ears and tails pop out due to heat. (I actually forgot lxc animal trait) #2A of post

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14. The second one is really vague and I’m sorry for that but I remember a WangXian fic where Wei Wuxian is part Veela and maybe he’s a Slytherin or Hufflepuff? I can’t seem to remember anything else besides there being a focus on Wei Wuxian’s volatile nature and battle prowess due to his Veela blood. He may have also killed a guy, or at least severely harmed some guy in self defense. I loved their world building and I’m so upset that I’ve lost both of them. Thank you for the help in advance. #7 of post

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15. Looking for a fic, please help! the wens had won the war years ago. I only remember a scene where lan wangji and the juniors were in a shop or restaurant of some sort and wen xu comes in and intimidates lan wangji to where the juniors defend him. He thanks them later saying it’s hard for him to deal with wen xu. (he had lan wangji in captivity during the war, lan wangji still has Nightmares about it). I don’t remember where wei ying is or if he “died”. Thanks!!!! #10 of post

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16. Hi

Firstly, I want to say thank you, this blog is awesome, and I have found so many good Fics to read as well as find ones that I have lost or forgot to bookmark.

Secondly, I would like help to find a fic, from what I remember Wei Ying was drunk on the rooftop when someone approached. In his drunken state, he thinks it was Lan Wangji that showed up so he goes on saying things like are you here to punish me again. He also asks why Lan Wangji hates him so much, but the whole entire time it was actually Lan Xichen he was talking to. I think it takes place after he got punished for drinking in Cloud Recess, and then something happens and he almost falls off the roof but Lan Xichen catches him. Lan Wangji had apparently witnessed the whole thing and tried to apologize but Lan Xichen coldly tells him the apology should be given to Wei Ying instead when he wakes up.

Again, thank you so much in advance. #13 of post

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17. Hi! I’m looking for a fic which was about LWJ and his feelings about relation WWX&LSZ. It was post-canon fic. LWJ felt hurt because Sizhui was formal while speaking to him meanwhile he treated WWX like parent, calling him Baba (or other word but with the same meaning)or joking with him etc. LWJ haven’t told anyone. I remember that they were going to nighthunt but LWJ fainted and that’s how WWX noticed that sth is wrong. WWX told Sizhui sth like “your father miss you” #1 of post

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18. Hi, I’m trying to find a fic where its female wei ying who becomes pregnant with twins and is perilously I’ll so lan zhan volunteers to marry her but something about a caravan attacked by jin and her becoming so I’ll happens.. any idea #14A of post

FOUND? Could 18 be Pancho's hidden fic 'A Home, Not a Prison?'

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19. Hi could you help me find this fic, I think it’s been deleted

I know the summary went like this

Wei Wuxian begins weakly, but Lan-laoshi, cruel as he is, continues speaking.“Well? I have provided you with three choices. You move, you act, or you let Wangji tutor you after school.” Lan-laoshi raises an eyebrow. “I, of course, recommend option two, as it would solve everyone’s problems, but alas. Teenagers.”He should choose to move classes. Lan-laoshi is right – it would help him focus, and it would help his grades, and Madam Yu would be less disappointed in him than she usually is. And Lan Wangji would be rid of him, which would undoubtedly make him more comfortable in his own damn class.But Wei Wuxian is weak. And horrible, and selfish, and so he chooses the third option. “Lan Wangji,” he says, turning to him with pleading eyes, “Lan-er-gege, light of my life – would you terribly mind tutoring me after school?”

Any help would be appreciated @/imgonnablogtheworldtodeath #15 of post

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20. Hi so i read this fic but i cant remember its name.this is a fic in which wangxian adopt a abused ayuan .he was abused by xue yang i think.and they adopt him and ayuan still has that trauma but slwlu overcomes it @/rosy1324 #16 of post

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21. Hello! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3 where WWX and LWJ were both wolf shifters. I think there was a mating run in the beginning and LWJ ended up rejecting WWX and he fell very ill as a result. They eventually moved past it but they didn’t get together until one day JGS I think it was drugged WWX and he was sent into heat. LWJ ended up protecting him and guarding his door throughout his heat. They did end up together in the end. @/bigmeatycl0ws #2 of post

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22. I’m looking for a fic, modern AU, where WWX is a Hannah Montana style idol. Only he was at the audition because JYL was supposed to be there but she got sick so he panicked and took her place. So he’s a female idol, & LWJ is starting to feel like WWX has gotten bored of him at school &lowkey panicking. HeTakesSolaceInHisNewFavorite idol (WWX)&dreamsOfGiving‘her’FootRubs He gets to meet ‘her’ only while he does WWX’s skirt gets flipped. WWX uses his real voice to whisper Lan Zhan in his ear. @/any-mouse #19 of post

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23. can you help me find that fic where lwj thinks that wwx’s prank with the porn book is specifically making fun of him for being a cutsleeve? (wwx of course didn’t know) looking for cr+homophobia didn’t turn up any results sadly. thank you!!

hi, im 11 on the FF. the recced story is very close to what im looking for and its very good thank you! i think it may not be the exact fic tho.

trying to remember details- i think lwj does kick wwx out from the library first and then he’s alone, dealing with his hurt about being subject to homophobia? then the hurt carries for a while and during his confronting wwx about it… #11 of post

NOT FOUND! don’t close your eyes by howodd5ever

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24. Help please? I think it was on tumblr here. Modern day fic where Madam Lan is alive and LZ and WY get together as teens but the Jiang’s kick WY out and he comes to live with the Lans who all love and adore him. Later on LX brings Meng Yao, who he is dating, to met the family. Meng Yao doesn’t get a warm reception and gets jealous of how the Lans treat WY. LX then explains WY history with the Lan family which Meng Yao tries to use against WY. The family then gets mad at LX for telling. Thanks! @/isis-moon #6 of post

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25. Hi! Please help me find a series -- This one is more mature because it’s of wangxian teaching xicheng how to spice up their sex life by teaching them foreplay and so on @/thatperson0-0 #12B of post

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26. Hello, me again! 😆 I’m looking for another wangxian fic that I would like to re-read. What I remember is: Jiang Cheng kills Lan Zhan in some sort of time travel ritual (?). Jiang Cheng then goes back to the past, but the ritual has erased Lan Wangji from existence. Even so, in this new timeline both Lan Xichen & Wei Ying feel that something/someone is missing. JC eventually reverses the ritual, LZ comes back, and LX & WY are NOT happy with the revelations. Please help me find it! 😢 @/dreammaiden21 #14 of post

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27. Hi! A friend recommended me a fic and neither of us can find it anywhere. I really want to read it and am hoping you or your followers can help.

it’s jiang cheng-centric, set largely at lotus pier, he does embroidery (and it *is* complete, so it’s not The Fic You Can Find By Searching For Embroidery), definitely post-sunshot and i think probably post-canon, and he *might* have been like cursed or something

Thank you for all the work you do! @/cadencekismet #18 of post

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28. fic where wwx had an accident that is severe and LWJ said something about learning to love wwx and he doesn’t want to unlearn and jyl is dead here because she saved wwx from an armed robbery #2A of post

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29. Hi! Love your work! I was wondering if you knew of a fic where Sizhui suddenly remembers more of wwx and what he was like in the burial mounds, and becomes a bit scared of him, because he remebered how angry and terrifying and frankly, very unstable wwx was during that time? iirc it featured a scene where wwx apologized #7 of post

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30. Hi! I remember reading a fic where as far as I remember lwj either died or married someone else, and wwx had hallucinations and was a single parent to SiZhui? And he kept saying lwj was busy working and that’s why they can’t see him, but as he grew older sizhui realised lwj is not there at all. And there was a friends meeting where jingyi pointed out wwx was talking to thin air , but SiZhui told him wwx is hallucinating that lwj is still there, and to not burst his bubble.

I really really cannot remember the name of the fic, and I hadn’t completed reading it, so no bookmark or kudos either 😞 @/maskdmafia #11 of post

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31. Hi, I was reading a series about Lan Zhan being chronically ill with explosive vomiting and diarrhea. Wei Ying is taking care of him. Unfortunately I lost it.

Thanks @/deb709 #14 of post

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32. hi! for fic finder, i remember one detail about a story i read a long time ago i think. there are a lot of good flavors of yzy’s awful parenting, but in this story i think the common people (or someone else?) were side eyeing yu ziyuan for picking a 9 year old as her mortal enemy. can’t remember if the distaste made her acquire some shame or not… thank you! #19 of post

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33. Hi! So this one is a mix of itmf and ficfinder request, but I remember reading a fic where WWX got pregnant via talisman. Do you know a fic like this? Because I can‘t find it for the love of god, but I want that plot and more of it. Thank you so much! @/desperation-is-my-middle-name #20 of post

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34. tw//nsfw it was a twt soc med au, wy was a singer/idol, got laid in a party(bday mayb), finds lan zhan later, lan zhan is the man. towards the end, he releases a whole song/album regarding his story, from getting laid to falling in love with lan zhan. in the mean time when he was preparing it as a bday gift, he gave less time to lz and he thought he was ignoring him. that’s all i remember sorry, its stuck so bad, i cant forget it. there was a cover for the single/album too i dont remember @/dee-s085 #6B of post

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35. Twitter Wangxian socmed au, they r teleported to modern world, wei ying finds lz through a guqin post on insta with bunny dp. They meett….. xue yang is the villain who harms xiao xichen using suibian so the blame is diverted to wy but lz trusts him and song lan is angry from wy sonwy goes undercover. Lz tried to find him, helps him get the truth to song lan. xue yang acts like a good friend towards song lan but at the end, truth is revealed, xue yang is the villain, jin guangyao too is oresent, the mastermind behind xue yang. Its happy ending. @/dee-s085 #14 of post

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36. hi! do you guys know the fic where cultivators can exchange hearts? iirc lwj had taken out his heart after the events at nightless city and switched it with wwx’s without wwx’s knowledge @/betafibiiiiiivviiixiiixxixxxiv #4 of post

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37. hello thank all the mods you for your hard work, you’re all amazing and i am so so grateful this blog exists!!

i’m looking for a fic where married wangxian somehow time travel and meet their past selves, who are both shocked that they end up getting married. i remember older wwx being annoyed at his younger self because he can see how he’s hurting younger lwj and older lwj mostly sitting in companionable silence with his younger self, because they mutually understand their love for wwx.

much appreciated 🫶 #19 of post

NOT FOUND! The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda

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38. Hello mods! Thank you so much for all of your hard work. I’m looking for a wangxian fic that is set in the modern Omegaverse where WY is an omega and LZ is an alpha, and they’re already an established couple at the beginning of the fic. The fic starts when both of them wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of chaos, as an omega uprising against the alphas has started, and their is a coup going on against the government and they’re assasinating alphas. Then Wangxian meet up with Sangcheng and XuanLi to a safe house where they plan to move to another country for safety. I remember a WY thinking or saying something along the lines of, “It’s my turn to protect you” to LZ. #4 of post

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39. Xicheng where Lxc and jwy are lovers but they got into fight to the point jwy thought it was better he was gone. Then, i remember jwy doing sacrifice soul summoning (like how MXY summons Wwx) to summon MY/JGY. It was successful. #10B of post

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40. looking for a fic where lwj gets tortured, and is rescued. one thing I remember is that it was second person pov, and it was relatively short. also, lwj kinda had amnesia- as in the torture made him forget or something. thanks! #12 of post

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41. And also a fic where ylz ends up as a Jin and he’s usually in a garden surrounded by guards

Jiang Yanli is still alive and I think Jin zixuan too, but when wwx talks to JY he’s always formal and she can tell something is going on, there’s also wangxian and I think JGY is the one behind everything under his father’s commands #15B of post

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42. hi so I am looking for this one fic and all I remember is that some of the wen remnants were bloodline jiangs

Thank you @/princess-nettle #18 of post

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43. hi, I want to search the fanfic about the junior and maybe wwx and lwj travel back to qionqi path and stop by at banquet at jinlintai right after past wwx ask jin zixun about wen remnant. Also if I not mistaken, lwj cut tie with lqr. I read this at wattpad and not sure if the writer post this stories at other platform. #4 of post

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44. Hello! I’m trying to find a fic, likely on ao3, where JYL was a reincarnation from Dongying/Japan, like a crossover between a period drama anime? I think she was still Yanli, but her previous spirit wanted so badly to have a family that the desire followed her to her next life, so she had paper white skin & maybe red eyes as a sign of haunting. I remember it was a well known anime but not one I knew, so I haven’t been able to find it. She might’ve unlocked memories & found her reincarnated hubby #6 of post

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45. Good day! Thank you all for your help/time/effort. Im here for fic finder. Im looking for the the fic where jgy had talisman that he sew to the other cultivators’ clothes/robes—lwj, lxc, jwy, etc. Like he gave it as a gift, if im not mistaken. That talisman made them hate wwx so they said some hurtful words towards him. In result to that, wwx left and traveled alone. Then, I cant remember if its nhs who figure it out, but someone knew about the talisman then after that, they changed their wardrobes and started to look for wwx. If i remember it correctly, I found that fic via angst tag but since there’s a lot of fic with that tag, I cant find it anymore. Thank you in advance! @/httpskaixx #8 of post

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46. Hello and thank you for all you do to this fandom, mods, you’re so great.

I’m looking for two Very Explicit fics that I read AN ETERNITY ago (I think it was 2020?) and I really hope they still exist. I’m very sorry but the horny demon in my brain has been LOUD about them. They’re both one shots.

canon setting, hard BDSM, lwj has wwx tied up (suspended?), wwx goes into subspace and lwj makes him cum from eating his ass which apparently is not something he can manage to do usually. #15B of post

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47. I’m looking for a story, I believe it was a multi-chapter, where WWX and LWJ keep trying to experiment with bondage, but it keeps going wrong. I know that the last time it went wrong, LWJ fell down a ravine and seriously injured his leg. It was also a modern AU, and they got married (or were in the process of getting married) at the end. Any help would be appreciated! Thank you! #16 of post

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49. LWJ timetravels and is preparing to support WWX’s resentful cultivation but because he changed things WWX never looses his core and don’t have to invent resentful cultivation. #17C of post

not FOUND💖 Resilience. by Vrishchika

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50. Good day! There’s this fic that I’ve read before and I forgot what tag/s I used to bookmark it. I only remember bits of details. So, the scene that I remember is during the sects were trapped in the burial mounds—that chapter when the juniors were kidnapped—yiling patriarch wwx was sleeping (or dead?) at the blood pool(?). Then the present wwx came to dead/yp!wwx to wake him up (something like that) so they can save the others from the puppets. It is before they go to Lotus Pier. I think there’s also a scene where they tried to save him (yp!wwx) that they cant leave him alone at the burial mounds or smth. Im sorry, that all I can recall but I really want to find it again. Thank you! #7 of post

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51. ficfinder request! modern college au where Wei ying is a student that arrived late to a class that lab qiren should be teaching but instead lan zhan is, and Wei ying is sassy/rude to Lan zhan. I think it’s rated E but I can’t remember anything else. TIA! @/the-marathon-continues-nip #9 of post

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52. Hello, I am looking for a fic that focused on lsz feeling worried that wwx will feel disappointed that he grew up lan. The fic references what he told lsz the first time lwg left the wen settlement. This fic has been stuck in my head but I can’t find it, I would rlly appreciate some help! 😭 @/fox1023 #10 of post

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53. Hello, this is the first time I do not know if this info will be enough. I read a modern au short fic before in which wwx have a terrible eye sight and memory. Every time he goes to Lan house he will go somewhere different from what he is looking for. Like he is supposed to go to a restroom but ended up in a kitchen. Lan Qiren then said to LWJ that his boyfriend might be a thief because he is always found somewhere he did not say he will go. Then when lqr visited lwj and wwx’s house, he found out that wwx got lost even to his own house. Like he cannot even find the mug and lwj has to say where it is. Lwj then said to lqr that it is because wwx got into an accident when he was a child, the same day he lost his parents. That is the reason for his terrible memory and eye sight. After that, lqr became soft to wwx. And every time Wangxian visited the Lan house. He will help wwx find what he is looking for.

Thank youuu @/yunshenlianhua #16 of post

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54. B) I don’t know where I read this fic …and don’t knew if fic like this exists where after Wuxian’s death he is in ghost city but in child form with having same mind as child he later get adopted by hualian they raise him once again he remember nothing till the day in his (new )16 year old body he sees the newly ascended God lwj

C) I don’t remember much but I guess it mpreg and has twin lsz n Jingyi but they have lwj because he is busy ? Or just not there with them..I am confused

Sry to ask this many at once but help me ..this half reads are living rent free in my mind @/selflovingmedj #17BC of post

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#Wangxian Fic Rec #The Untamed #wangxian #MDZS #wangxianficfinder compilation post #long post #missing fics #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder

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fellow-fandom-fruitifier · 22 hours ago

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This is a part two to this post, because @/senseless12 asked for one, so here you go!!!!!

After the cemetery scene Niko catches up with Edwin. He's still riled up and emotional and having someone so kind and understanding next to him has him finally opening up about everything. She finds out that Edwin is so convinced it's his fault he's in Hell, that if he could just like girls everything would be okay. But instead he went and fell head over heels for his BOY best friend.

Niko, as wonderful as she is, is only sixteen. She can't help him. Not in the way he needs. So instead she hugs him in the dirty grass under withering trees and tells him it'll be okay. Let Edwin cry 2k24.

Back with Charles and Crystal is dead, dreadful silence. Neither feel good, not at all. Crystal can't believe she assumed Edwin did something horrible enough to deserve Hell when, in reality, it was a tragic incident. She feels like everything David ever said she was.

And Charles can't believe Edwin never told him -- which makes him feel like the world's biggest hypocrite -- and he can't believe he ever doubted his best mate. He never should've doubted Edwin. Not for a second. Not the boy who he's spent over 30 years with, the boy who read to him as he was dying despite his fear of Death.

The contemplative, guilty silence is broken by Maren calling Crystal. Everything gets shoved aside to find Niko and Edwin and continue the case. (Crystal doesn't comment on their state -- not the protective, scolding furrow to Niko's red, watery eyes; and certainly not Edwin's defeated, disheveled slouch. The way his bowtie is more crooked than normal, nor the way his eyes aren't any better than Niko's. She sucks in the guilt and holds it somewhere close to her heart. Hard and heavy and deserved.)

(Charles tries, he opens his mouth, closes it, and tries again. But what can he say to make this better? He can't make anything better.)

So they continue the case, everything goes pretty much the same if more stilted, and job well jobbed.

As I'm sure we all know, the Monty kiss is this episode. It would happen the exact same way, but now Edwin's thinking he's just undone all his progress in begging for leniency. Maybe they could forgive him if he never gave into these sinful urges, but if he did? He wouldn't stand a chance.

AND! Because Niko went with the gang last time, there was no Jenny x Maxine date!! (Sorry guys but the poor girl can only be in one place at a time. If you can find a way to fit it in, go ham!!) So there's no reason for her to rip down her love decor.

Crystal still loses her powers and shit. Then Monty appears with his Glady's case and Edwin is caught between wanting to fix it and worried about further damnation. Niko tries to insist that her and Edwin stay back, and neither Crystal or Charles feel like they can argue, Monty tries but the look on Niko's face shuts him right up. In the end it's Edwin who tells her it's okay. She should stay back and rest, he understands work doesn't help her the same way it helps him.

And so, reluctantly, Niko let's them go off. (She winds up pestering Jenny so much out of worry, so Jenny still snaps at her. Niko has her whole thing but instead she feels like no matter how hard she tries, she can't be a good enough friend -- and what if she makes everything worse? -- and should just hide away. Jenny helps.)

The Glady's case goes very similar but Crystal is actively trying not to be as mean to Edwin, and Edwin is trying to pretend like everything is normal and that yesterday didn't happen. Unfortunately, there's not much to change with the Monty-Cat King-Edwin and Charles-Crystal-David scenes. Nor Teeth Face.

After all is said and done, they get home. And Crystal finally pulls Edwin to the side for an apology and he laughs because she's not any better at apologizing. But he reluctantly admits that it's not like he gave her many reasons to like him, and they both agree to try and be less hostile.

The next day Edwin finally decides he's had enough keeping secrets from Charles so, with the help from an over-the-moon Niko, he gets all dressed up and heads over to Crystal's. Niko drags Crystal off excitedly whispering that she'll explain later, but they need to give the boys some space. Insert the Night Nurse. WOMP WOMP

Edwin, down in Hell, has a second to think. He's been hiding this from Charles for thirty odd years and the secong he finally confesses is when he gets dragged off. Maybe he deserves it. To be down here. I mean, it could just be a cruel coincidence, but with Hell there's no such thing as coincidences or mistakes. The Night Nurse said so herself.

The scene with Simon and Despair goes very similar, the biggest difference is that Edwin doesn't truly believe what he's saying but. Niko does. And maybe that's enough.

Charles comes down and, as I mentioned in this additional post, Edwin confesses on the stairway to try and convince Charles to leave him. That someone of his predisposition doesn't deserve to be saved by someone as good as Charles. Charles says fuck that.

He doesn't give a shit who Edwin likes, he's actually honoured it's him, and anyone else Edwin ever likes should feel the damn same. And Edwin should never ever feel ashamed for things outside of his control, and if Hell truly wants to take him for liking boys then they'll have to go through Charles first. (Knowing Edwin's gay -- and loves him -- snowballs Charles bi awakening bcz, like, if Edwin's queer then it can't be wrong. Bcz it's Edwin. And nothing about Edwin is wrong or bad, obviously.)

So they escape, Niko badasses all over the place, and hugs go all around. Crystal takes her memory balls and oh God, time to run away!!!! Niko absolutely told Crystal about Edwin's attempted confession in this AU so I don't think she would kiss Charles goodbye. At least, not in front of Edwin. She wants to be a better person and is viscerally aware how dickish it would be to kiss her friends crush in front of them, even if he's hers too.

Fuck Esther, Niko dies (As Edwin would say, "NOOOOO!! NIKOOO!!!!!!") Edwin would maybe kiss the Cat King's cheek? In this AU Edwin is still not very accepting of himself even after everything, so if he does kiss Cat King it's very tentative and unsure, but hopeful. He's nowhere near as confident and cunty about it as canon. They go back to London and Night Nurse Night Nurses all over the place.

Post canon Cryland could go a couple ways, but the way I imagine it is this: Charles needs time to think, which Crystal expected. She's not happy about it but she did expect it. She feels like a third wheel a good chunk of the time until something happens that brings her and Edwin closer. Where Niko helped Edwin start his journey accepting his queerness, Crystal will help accept his femininity. They are such big gossips, they love RuPaul's Drag Race, and she slowly works him up into allowing makeovers.

Now, Charles is supportive, but feeling kinda left out. He has no idea what goes on in their sleepover, just that Crystal says no straight boys allowed. (With a meaningful, challenging glint to her eye. Emphasis on straight.) Finally, Edwin and Crystal fold to his puppy eyes and allow him in on a sleepover. Now, if you know a single thing about girls/gays inviting straight boys to sleepovers, you know exactly what happened. They use him as a dress up doll but he can't even be mad because they're getting along and LITERALLY GIGGLING. Also he's never seen Edwin with lipstick before and it's Doing Something™️ to him.

More angst because nothing can stay happy for long. Charles is confused and trying to figure himself out, and while Edwin can wait forever, Crystal can't. She might start to push him for answers, get impatient, etc. In the end they have a fight or something and Crystal decides she can't do this on and off situationship anymore, so she takes a break from the agency.

Now it's Edwin's turn to be caught in the middle, comforting both Charles and Crystal to the best of his abilities. But this isn't something he's used to. Maybe he messes up, says the wrong thing, and now one of them is angry with Edwin. (I personally think it would hurt more for it to be Charles. Edwin could try and explain Crystal's side of things, and Charles could take it as Edwin blaming him. So now the entire agency is in shambles. Night Nurse is also probably breathing down Edwin's neck.)

Crystal, as hurt as she is, isn't going to let Charles misinterpret Edwin and take their argument out on him. So, despite how hurt she is, and Edwin's protests, she storms over to the agency and confronts Charles. Which is ironically how they finally figure their shit out because, as upset they may be at each other, they both agree it isn't fair to give each other the cold shoulder and force Edwin to take the brunt of their frustrations. They realize that Edwin has also been taking the brunt of the Night Nurse and both decide to give him a break. Crystal deals with the paperwork for a month and Charles deals with the meetings and Night Nurse directly. (They don't understand how Edwin did this single-handedly for weeks and swear to never fight again.💀💀)

( @mirabel-on-a-bicycle also asked for more so here u go!!!!)

#tetris belies it’s wisdom upon thee #dbda #dead boy detectives #edwin payne #charles rowland #crystal palace surname von hoverkraft #niko sasaki #if u see any spelling errors #no u dont

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slimybeth69 · 2 days ago

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Que Será, Será: Part 6

Rating: Explicit- Smut, violence, drinking/drug use. MDNI!! Summary: It's almost twenty years after some weird outbreak almost happened but the CDC took care of that...Now you're living in Austin, Texas as an adult.What happens when you meet Joel Miller who hasn't been hardened and ruined by twenty years of murder and loss?

Warnings/Tags: DaddyDom!Joel/ you. no use of y/n. No physical description of the reader besides one tattoo. Reader has a background story. Drinking/drug use. Slow burn. Smut. Angst. Cheating. Graphic depictions of violence. Eventual loss of virginity. Use of nicknames/pet names (lil girl, baby girl.) DD/lg dynamics. BDSM play. Unbeta'ed. WIP. Cross-posting from my Ao3. chapter warnings/ tags: embarrassing situations, porn, thigh fucking, teasing, Joel snoring.

“Hey! I’m so fuckin’ sorry! Jeeeeesus, I feel like such an asshole.” Joel is speaking fast and with apologies all tethered to his words. “I’m real sorry. I left my phone n’ keys in my brothers truck after he dropped me off from the bar last night. Feel like a dick. Didn’t get my shit back ‘till just now when he dropped ‘em off t’me.” Joel sighs loudly. “I’m sorry. Hope yer’ not mad at me.” He sounds fretful. Worried.

“No. Not at all. I get it. Shit like that happens.” That does come out of you very casually.

“I got worried as hell when you didn’t text or call. Nothin’. I thought fer’ sure you were gonna think the worst, block my number. Never talk t’me again.” Joel chuckles nervously.

“Nah. I was hanging out–”

“Readin’ yer’ spooky stories?” Joel asks before you can finish and now… you might be in love with him. Fuck.

“Yeah… I was actually.” You smirk against the phone like an idiot.

“You wanna… come read ‘em here? I just watch football on Sunday… but, I wouldn’t be mad if you wanted to just come, I dunno, sit in my lap and hang out. Could smoke, drink a lil.” Joel speaks quietly and almost bashfully. You dunno.

You’ve done worse things in your life behind the wheel of a car, okay? You’re not even drunk. Not even a little. Nope. Feel bad for driving under the influence? Absolutely. But, you’re fine. You took your time packing your lil spend the night bag with your stuff for work tomorrow because he said you should stay the night. Okay. You’re calm and cool. Not overly excited. You brought your laptop so you could comfortably read your ‘spooky stories’ aka real life murders that have taken place. Joel is so cute. Fuck.

When you get to Joel’s house it’s almost two in the afternoon. You guys still have most of the day to spend together and hang out before you have to really go to bed. No more all nighters. Neither of you were children. He’s sitting on his front porch in one of those nice wooden rocking chairs. He has two of them. They’re big and sturdy and look kinda cozy, actually. He is at your door, opening it for you before the truck is even off. He doesn’t let you get out, he runs his hands along your thighs as you turn to face him in an attempt to jump down.

“Sorry.” Joel smiles up at you apologetically and continues moving his hands up and down your legs softly.

“Should be.” You tease him but lean in and give him a small, fast kiss. He hums happily in response and holds his hand out. You go to put your hand in his but he pulls it away with a sucking noise on his teeth. You pinch your brows together at him and he holds his hand out again, saying nothing. You look and he wants the two bags you have in your hand.

“Lemme carry ‘em.” He says after a second you you hesitating. You eye him up and down.

“Why?” You’re not suspicious or anything. You know he’s being a gentleman… you just… dunno. It’s weird.

“Y’serious? Really?” Joel grabs the bags and the gentleman leaves him as he abandons you in the truck and starts towards the house. You roll your eyes and follow him inside. He’s walking upstairs already and you’re chasing him up, touching the backs for his thighs and his ass and he’s swatting your hands away.

“S’no fun, is it?” You tease him and squeeze his ass playfully through his jeans. He jumps and glares at you over his shoulder.

“S’fun when I do it to you.” he grins as you get to the top of the stairs. “Real fun.”

“Oh, I bet it is.” You grin back at him as he walks into his bedroom. He sets your bags on his bed and turns to you.

“Football’s on. Wanna come sit n’ smoke with me while I don’t pay attention?” He asks, chuckling softly.

“Why wouldn’t you be payin’ attention?” You bat your eyelashes at him and smirk.

“‘Cause my team sucks— what do you mean?” Joel gives you his goofy, dumb smile and wraps an arm around your waist. “I am real sorry. Feel bad y’probably waited up fer’ me n’ I didn’t call. I sat here all night just feelin’ bad.” Joel whispers before he kisses you softly. “Don’t wanna make y’sad.”

“I wasn’t sad.” You lie. You lie so hard because you’re not gonna let him know you were sad. You don’t get sad over boys. You already cried once because you thought he went home after he ate you out. No. He won’t know it.

“Well good. I’m glad y’weren’t cryin’ in bed. I don’t want ya doin’ that over me.” He kisses you again softly. You kiss him back but are thinking about a casual way to ask if he’s interested in marrying you really quick. You just wanna know what it feels like to be married to him and then everything can just, go back to normal.

“I was a lil disappointed but, I didn’t let it ruin my night.” You lie again. Joel smiles and kisses your forehead now.

“Good.” Is all he says. “Get yer’ spooky stories n’ lets go smoke n’ I have a bottle of somethin’ downstairs.” He smirks as he walks towards the door but he waits for you. You grab your laptop and follow him down into the living room. He has a nice big, brown suede couch and a matching recliner. An ottoman to put your feet on. A table on either side of the couch. You set your laptop down and follow him into the kitchen just so happy to be here and be with him. You weren’t expecting to see him ever again. So, this is exciting. You’re not trying to hide that. You want him to know you’re happy to see him.

“Did you have a good day yesterday after you dropped me off?” You ask as he grabs a cup and a decently priced bottle of whiskey and sets them next to each other.

“I did. Groceries n’ normal bullshit. Had to get my laundry from the cleaners.” He explains.

“You don’t do your own laundry?” You are slightly entertained by this for some reason.

“Hell no.” Joel shakes his head and grabs ice from the freezer. “Haven’t done laundry since Sarah moved out.” He’s chuckling now as he puts the ice in the glass.

“Did you… make her do your laundry before that?” You squint your eyes at him.

“Hell no.” Joel says again but he laughs now. “I did mine n’ she did her own when she got old enough.” He laughs and pours whiskey into your glass half way and looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Do you need… a coke or somethin’?” He says it with a wrinkled nose. You laugh at him.

“Are you a whiskey snob? If y’are… I got a good story for ya… it’ll piss ya right off.” You smirk and lean against his counter. “I do want a coke.” You grin. Joel groans loudly and goes back to the fridge.

“Let’s hear this good story, lil girl.” Joel rolls his eyes and doesn’t sound amused already.

“You ever heard of The Reach—” You start but Mr. Miller finishes.

“81? I sure have. Why? Y’know ‘bout it?” He pulls his head back from the fridge and stares at you with heightened eyebrows.

“I do. Have you ever had it?” You ask curiously. Joel shakes his head no but stays quiet. “There is some back at my house– Cody is a huuuuuuge whiskey guy. I had no idea. None. Just thought it was like… expensive, ya know?” You nod at him and he nods back and then frowns before you can finish.

“You put that into a Coke?!” Joel is so upset with you. So hurt, and so disappointed.

“I didn’t know how much it cost!!” You exclaim.

“Almost more than my house!!” Joel almost shouts at you but it’s funny. “Jeeeeesus.” He shakes his head in disappoint again and pours Coke into his semi-expenisve whiskey and groans.

“Oh god. Guys and their shitting on things girls like.” You sip your drink as he rolls his eyes.

“I’d shit on anyone who did that.” Joel grumbles at you but is pulling you into the living room. He sits right beside you on the couch and hands you your laptop. “Let’s see these scary stories you’re talkin’ ‘bout.” He sighs and puts his feet up on the couch. He says it like you ran in here trying to show him this blog. So excited about it. You smirk and open the laptop.

As the screen resumes the last internet browser page you were on… you snap the computer shut and do absolutely nothing else. Nothing. You freeze but you know what he saw. You were looking right at it… with him. So. You both know what you saw. He’s silent. It’s just very quiet minus the TV in the background. Finally, after so long of no talking and not even looking at him or moving, even… the man speaks.

“What…what was that?” He asks very curiously. You’d be curious too, if you were him. You are dead on this couch. The first person to ever die of real embarrassment, honestly. You forgot what you did before you cried yourself to sleep in bed last night. What you used this computer for… You’re going to pass away right now. This is…not happening. No. Can’t be.

There is no way that the last browser you had open on your computer was a fucking porn website. And… porn is so normal, Joel probably would have laughed about it with you but what you had in the search bar… and what you had pulled up on the screen wasn’t alarming or even unnatural. No, not at all. So natural. Two natural bodies. A man and a woman…

The man… might look like Joel… a little bit. And the girl… might look like you… a little bit. The search bar definitely didn’t have the words ‘hot gray fifties man younger girl’ in there. No. It fucking can’t. You are trembling. He’s not going to see the search bar. No. Only you know what you typed in last night but the resemblance between those two actors and yourself and Joel are… uncanny. Honestly. You were… so excited when you found it– kind of nervous because for two seconds you thought Joel made a porn with you while you were sleeping. The two people were not you guys. Looked a lot like you guys though. Just enough differences and also too many fucking similarities for it to not do what you wanted it to do. So, that’s even more annoying. It didn’t even work. You were too upset about being not ghosted. So. You’re dumb and embarrassed.

“Hey, what was that?” Joel asks after what feels like an hour of you just looking at your closed laptop.

“N–”

“Don’t say nothin’.” Joel barely lets you even start. So. He knows.

“What did it look like?” You ask, snapping your head to him now. He has the smallest smile on his face, leaned in trying to see the screen you snapped shut. You wonder right now if Cody would buy you a new laptop if you smashed this one. No. He wouldn’t. He’ll buy himself $125,000 scotch though. So. Cool. You swallow hard.

“Uh… it kinda looked like me?” Joel flicks his eyes between your closed computer and your almost tearful eyes. You’re not crying. Just haven’t blinked in eight minutes.

“That’s crazy you think that.” Is all you can come up with because you’re stunned that this is happening to you right now. Joel shakes his head in bewilderment.

“I know what I saw.” He points to the computer. “Open it.”

“No.”

It’s a standoff… a staring contest… a who can hold their breath the longest competition. You lose and blink first and when you do— Joel takes the computer from you, so quickly. You didn’t think that’s what he was going to do. You freeze and Joel freezes too, his hands are about to open it.

“Do y’wanna show me yer’self or… do I need t’look?” Joel is smirking over at you. It might be less worse if the computer is in his lap and not right in front of you. You can at least not look then, feeling less shame for a moment until he shames you himself.

“Do it.” You whisper, shielding your eyes from the monstrosity that is about to unfold. Nothing bad is going to happen. Nothing. You know this. It’s just going to fucking make him way to happy. Way too happy. Like when you told him your sex toys didn’t do what he did to you. UGH.

“Y’sure?” Joel raises one brow at you.

“I’ll… never open that computer myself.” You speak with no emotion because he’s already doing it. It takes three seconds for the screen to come to life.

There it is. Joel’s fucking body double… railing some fucking twenty five year old. Hard. You turn away. You can’t look and see what he thinks of this. It’s too much. You hear the computer keys click and then the video starts to fucking play. Loudly. It’s…porn sounds. Moaning and skin slapping together. This guy is talking dirty. The girl is calling him daddy… You feel like you could throw up.

“Damn.” Joel whistles after. “I don’t really watch porn but…this is good.” He speaks to the computer, apparently, because you’re facing the complete opposite direction now. You’re thinking about putting your hands over your ears, but Joel wraps his arm around your waist and pulls your back into his chest a little. “Watch it with me.” He whisper.

“I’m too embarrassed to be turned on.” You groan and close your eyes.

“So… we’re not gon’ do nothin’ today. I have self-control. I can teach y’some if y’need me to.” Joel isn’t teasing when he says this. He’s so serious. It for some reasons calms your nerves and also offends you a little bit.

“I have self control.” You roll your eyes but lean into him and put your head on his shoulder and reluctantly watch the screen of your laptop with him.

“Ok.” Joel snorts at you but holds you against him when you try and move away. “Tell me what you like ‘bout the way he fucks her.” Joel whispers into your ear quietly. You snap your head up to him with wide, questioning eyes. “I know why y’picked it… wanna know why y’kept watchin’...” Joel whispers again and his breath in your ear gives you goosebumps. You swallow hard again and watch the screen.

Joel’s twin has your look-a-like on her knees with her chest pressed into the mattress. Her back is arched so dramatically that it looks like it might hurt, regardless, the guy in the video is…hammering into her and she is begging him to make her come and he keeps telling her no. He’s spanking her with some fucking sex thing. You dunno. It honestly looks like something that would come on the handle of a child’s bike. Buncha lil tassles! But!!! This one is leather and all black and he is… spanking her.

“I like all of it.” You shrug your shoulders not wanting to say thing specific because you don’t wanna sound silly or inexperienced. Your answer isn’t enough for him.

“You like how she’s layin’ on the bed?” He asks, holding his hand up to her like you cannot see.

“Yeah, sure.” You nod and shrug your shoulder closest to him. He respires through his nose quickly and then points to how he’s holding on to her hips and slamming into her from behind.

“Do you like that?” He sounds so curious to know if you really did like it, and almost like he knows you didn’t. But you did.

“Yeah. He’s really givin’ it to her.” You whisper this now, because saying it in a regular volume feels dirty. When Joel speaks, he also whispers.

“Do you like how he’s tellin’ her not t’ come?” Joel isn’t looking at the computer anymore, he’s looking right at you and you’re trying not to look at him. You shrug your shoulders and say nothing because that sounds horrible. Being denied a come??? No thanks. You’re good with coming freely whenever you want. “Why dontchya know, lil girl, tell me?” He coos to you softly and sweetly.

“I dunno. Do you like being told not to come?” You do look up at him now and he’s already nodding.”

“Yeah.” Joel smirks a little. “Not always n’ not forever… but yeah.” He speaks in his normal tone again and looks back at the screen. He points with his finger to what the porn star has in his hand. “Do you like that ?” Joel looks back at you now. Emotionless. He doesn’t want you to know if he likes it or not. What a fucking ass.

“I dunno. I’ve never… been spanked befo—” You’re casually explaining your inexperience to him when he cuts you off.

“No one’s ever spanked you? Not even foolin’ around or nothin’?” Joel sounds shocked. You shake your head.

“No, I just… I dunno.” You avoid his eyes.

“S’wrong?” He closes the laptop and suddenly this has turned into a serious conversation.

“Nothin’.” You’re just being shy. This is weird. You hate that he’s probably slept with thousands of women and you… are you. So. You’re feeling intimidated.

“Tell me.” Joel pushes but not angrily or aggressively. He’s trying to figure you out.

“I don’t even know what’s wrong! I’m just embarrassed.” You sink into his couch and rest your head back on his shoulder.

“Of what!?” Joel points to the computer “That? Don’t be. That’s fuckin’ normal. Hot. Guy kinda looked like me, huh?” He says this like it’s supposed to comfort you. “You watch that last night? Missin’ me?” Joel whispers now and still speaks too comfortingly…almost condescendingly, but not quite there. It’s making your lower stomach flutter though. You nod silently. “Awhh ain’t the lil girl real sweet, you come?” He is grinning but whispering and still talking so nice.

“No.” You whisper.

“S’how you wanna get fucked? Or y’watchin’ it ‘cause I told ya I liked it like that?” He asks softly, turning to speak against your forehead.

“Lil of both.” You mewl quietly. Joel lets his head fall back against the couch and he sighs softly. “What’s wrong?” You pull your head off his shoulder and look at him.

“Not one single fuckin’ thing.” Joel chirps happily and pulls you into him tighter. “Go n’ read yer’ scary st— or finish yer’ lil video if ya want.” Joel lifts his head and is grinning at you playfully. “Dirty Bird.” He pinches your side, puts your laptop on the couch beside him and stands up.

“Where ya going?” You watch as he walks towards the kitchen. He holds up his empty beer bottle and then disappears.

Holy fucking shit. You open your laptop and close out of that shit so quickly and open your blog. Oh god. That wasn’t too bad though. Pretty good actually. Kinda hot. You wonder if that’s a normal thing to do. Watch porn with the guy you wanna fuck. You don’t really want him looking at another naked woman… so… you dunno. Might not do it again.

Joel comes back with a joint behind his ear. He’s so fucking hot. Fuck. His jeans and his t-shirt. Shit. He said nothing’s happening tonight… why? You don’t ask. No. Enjoy this. Live in the moment. He sits down practically on top of you and looks at your laptop to see what you’re doing.

“Okay… these are the spooky stories..” He nods his head and reads a couple words and then pulls his head back and looks at you. “That’s– uh.. That’s not spooky, babe. That’s a graphic description of someone bein’ murdered… it looks like.” Joel checks the screen again and then looks back at you. “Yeah.”

“It’s a true crime thing.” You explain. “It tells you al the horrible details of crimes that they normally leave out of the podcasts…” You nod sadly. “I like reading though…so it’s not too bad.” You shrug. Joel is blinking at you.

“Y’wanna know all this shit? It doesn’t make y’sad?” He is confused.

“I mean… sometimes ‘cause, yeah it is sad. It happened though– I dunno if that’s disrespectful but the lady who does this blog is always real nice. There are certain cases she won’t talk about ‘cause the families had said they don’t like when people do stuff like that.” You explain but Joel isn’t swayed.

“Yeah… that’s kinda weird t’exploit someone’s murder.” Joel shrugs his shoulder.

“She doesn’t make money. Those weird podcasters do. Not her though– at least I don’t thin. She’s never gotten a red cent from me. Never asks.” You shrug.

“Eh, I don’t give a shit enough to argue with you ‘bout it.” He shrugs, kisses your cheek and watches the TV. You have to sit with that statement for about three minutes before you decide you also do not give a shit enough to care and don’t fight with him.

Football is… fun? You dunno. Not a real fan. Some of the guys on his TV though are CUTE! What!? Jeeeesus and they’re just running around hitting each other?

“Why don’t they do that all the time?” You ask, holding your hand to the TV. He doesn’t look away from the screen when he answers you.

“Do what?” He is interested in the game. His team must be doing good or something.

“Uhh– the sounds— the player sounds.” You nod and look over at him, ripping your eyes away from those men on the screen.

“What’re y’talkin’ ‘bout? He still doesn’t look at you.

“Okay, so they’re always talking. Blah blah blah– like we aren’t watching the fuckin’ game they’re talking about!? Stupid. Tony Romo’s voice is fucking annoying. I’d rather hear the players!!” You exclaim.

“The players aren’t sayin’ nothing. They’re just gruntin’ n’ talkin’ shi-”Joel stops and looks over at your innocent face.

“It’s better!! Better than Tony fucking Romo. Jesus.” You roll your eyes and go back to your blog.

What a great time for Matt or as you put him in your phone as ‘matt cat cute tattoos’ decided to go ahead and text you. The message– as well as his name– pop up in the corner of your computer and you get a notification ding, a loud one.

Looked cute yesterday. Wyd today?

As soon as you get it, Joel’s entire body stiffens besides you but he says nothing, doesn’t move. Nothing. You don’t know what to do. Bringing this computer into Joel’s home has been nothing but bad— just bad. It was bad at first..then kinda good again…now so bad. So, so bad again. Shit. Joel still doesn’t speak and you don’t know what to say so you just exit out of it– and then sit there.

You watch the TV and the clock on the screen was at fifteen minutes when you looked and it stops so many times. So many times that clock stops and starts and they add time to it again once. It’s not until there are only two minutes left in the quarter that Joel speaks.

“So… who is Matt?” He asks so casually.

“Just a guy from the cat shelter.” You explain innocently.

“Oh, gotchya.” He nods his yeah slowly, you can see him nodding out of the corner of your eye. “He that cute?”

“Oh god.” you put your head in your hands. “I gave him my number yesterday after you dropped me off because I didn’t know if you like– really wanted anything to do with me.. Like actually? Ya know.” You don’t look at Joel because you are too scared. “Kinda the same reason you liked Ava’s picture before we hung out that night.”

“Yeah…I see what yer’ sayin’...” Joel sighs but he sounds like he has more to say. He does. “We had hung out though…” Joel is not looking at you either. You both are just speaking facing the TV on the wall in front of you.

“I know…” You’re shaking and you wonder if he can feel your trembling body literally touching his.

“Did you go see him last night?” Joel asks emotionless and now you turn to look at him because no you didn’t. Didn’t even think to text him because you had already forgotten about Matt. If you had even fucking remembered in your sadness… you might have gone to see him.

“No. I didn’t.” You say so confidently and now he looks at you. “I swear I didn’t.” Your eyes scan all across his face and he stays emotionless, doesn’t smile…nothing.

“Why?” He is still so calm.

“What do you mean?” You’re stunned to say the least. What the fuck? Did he want you to? Is this a trick? You’re so confused and wanna know what the fuck is going on.

“Why didn’t you go see him? I blew you off last night n’ you still didn’t go see him?” Joel asks, now a little curious.

“Blew me off?” You wrinkle your brow at him and he panics for half a second in his eyes and then goes back to being calm.

“Didn’t call or text you.” He defines being blown off to you like you don’t know what the fuck it meant.

“No. I know that… but I don’t think that’s what you meant to say. What happened last night?” You turn it around on him and wait for his response.

“Tell me why you didn’t go see that guy and I will.” He pulls away from you a little and you do it too at the same time and read his face. You dunno. It’s just handsome Fucker.

“No. Did you really forget your keys and phone in your brothers truck last night?” You ask quietly and Joel groans.

Doesn’t matter. You’re off the couch and running up the stairs to get your stuff. He lied to you. Lied right to your fucking face and then continued to fucking lie. Are you kidding!? He’s chasing you, faster and with more desperation this time. You’re flying up the stairs and into his room. You cannot slam the door in his face because its his house and his bedroom so you run in and grab your stuff off the bed but he’s in the doorway when you turn around. Panting.

“Move.” You snap at him but he shakes his head. “Then I think I’m officially being kidnapped or being held hostage and I will fight you off. I will fight you so hard.” You point at him but you will not fight him. He could kidnap you and you’d be fine with it. Unless he was with Ava. Then you’ll just kill him. Skip the fighting part.

“No.” Joel shakes his head again. “Not fuckin’ kidnappin’ you. Grow up.” he snaps at you and is still panting. You roll your eyes.

“Old!” You snap back at him. “Fuckin’--- just old! Fuck!” You are so pissed and do not know what you’re saying.

“Stop it.” Joel waves his hand at you and pinches his brows together.

“No. Tell me what happened.” You bobble your head from side to side and cross your arms over your chest with your bags still in your hand. You purse your lips together tightly.

“Got more drunk at the bar with Tommy than I usually do, n’ he dropped me off. I just fell asleep ‘fore I could call you. Got in bed and had the phone right there in my hand…just passed out.” He sounds ashamed of himself.

"That's same shit excuses the thirty year old's I stopped talking to would use. Awesome.” You roll your eyes and think about what Patti said. You’re not asking him shit and don’t care anymore.

“We had just’ finished a big job the day before– bunch’a guys from work were there.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“Why not just tell me that?” You press your lips together again.

“‘Cause of what you just said. I don’t want you thinkin’ that’s the kinda guy I am.” Joel sighs. "We were just celebratin'. Made good money on that job. Drank more than normal."

“Well… now I think you’re a liar. So, that sucks. You could have just said that to me last night when we were texting. Could have just sent me 'At Bar'... I would have figured it out." You sigh loudly and work up the courage to try and leave even though you don't really wanna. You're gonna though. You’re leaving. Lyin’ aint your flavor baby! You don’t play that shit. No. You can deal with emotionally unavailable. You can deal with distant– love that apparently… but you won’t be lied to.

“I’m not a liar– look.” Joel pulls his phone out and shows you the screen after he pulls up some bullshit. It’s a picture of him and his brother at the bar. Cool. Who cares.

“Okay, I dunno that you came right here after. You were so quick to lie to me.. Which is what I have the real problem with– not you getting drunk. I don’t give a shit about that. I’m not dumb and naive.” You go to push past him through the door but he doesn’t budge.

“C’moon.” He sounds sad but you don’t care.

“No. You’re willing to fuckin’ lie to cover that shit up…something soooo stupid and meaningless. Something I would have been mad about? Yeah I would have. But would have gotten over--- in a couple days! ‘Cause ya were honest with me. Not lying to get me to your house. Ugh. Fuckin’ gross.” You scoff.

“You wanna go home?” Joel asks now in a very firm tone. You don’t. You were having so much fun before stupid Matt. Having fun pretending to watch football and snuggle with him!!

“Not really!! I was having fun!!” You exclaim in frustration.

“So stay!” Joel exclaims in matched frustration. “I just didn’t want you fuckin’ bitchin’ at me ‘bout my drinkin’ with my brother! Sorry!” He is still frustrated.

“Um. No. That sounds stupid.” You roll your eyes at him. "Lie to me to keep me from being upset with you about something?"

“You really think Imma liar?” Joel sounds so hurt now and you see in his eyes that he actually is a little hurt by this.

“Welp, seeing as you lied. Kinda.” You huff angrily. Joel rolls his eyes. That’s the straw on the camel's back right there. “Fuck you. How are you going to be annoyed? I told you the truth!” You snap at him.

“Fuck you, too!” Joel snaps back for… no reason. Just said it to say it. It’s kind of cute but also incredibly annoying. “How do I know yer’ not lyin’ ‘bout going to see that guy. You lied to me about being a virgin that first night... told me ya weren't... why?” Joel flicks his eyebrows up to you.

“BECAUSE I WAS ASHAMED!!?? DIDN'T THINK YOU'D WANNA SEE ME AGAIN IF I TOLD YOU!!??” You shout. Joel's shouting is much different from yours. Very loud. Much louder and deeper and bellowing.

“SO WAS I!! SAME REASON!!” Joel shakes clenches his jaw tight. "I’m fuckin’ ashamed I got that drunk." Joel exclaims at you in frustration-- much softer now though. but then he just groans before he speaks again. "Fuuuuck. I hate this shit. Stupid shit.” Joel throws his hands up in the air and huffs. “I’m goin’ to watch football.” And then he marches his stupid ass right downstairs. You flick him off for two full minutes now that he is out of sight. He is kinda right. Sonofabitch. You hate when men are right. Hate it. You don’t even wanna go back downstairs. But you do. Joel is sitting where he had been before and doesn’t look at you when you come down– with no bags. You feel so uncomfortable.

“Do you want me to stay?” You grumble. Joel snorts.

“Do you want to?” He scoffs at you softly still looking at the TV.

“If you’re going to talk to me like that, no.” You roll your eyes. Joel flicks his head to you now, with soft eyes and small smirk... and pats his lap. “What?” You're confused.

“C’moon.” Joel nods you over to him.

“You want me to come…sit on your lap?” You raise one eyebrow at him suspiciously. He silently nods. Then he beckons you again with another patting of his muscular thigh with his fucking big, strong, stupid hands. You say nothing and don’t even look at him as you shuffle to him. He holds your waist and sits you down on to him. The back of your thighs is right on top of his and you’re more on the couch than in his lap. He looks down at you and smirks.

“I won’t lie t’ya anymore. I’m real sorry. Didn’t wanna look like n’ ass. N’ I did anyway.” He runs strong hand across your legs softly and scans your face. “N’ I believe y’didn’t go see that Matt fucker.” He grumbles his name and makes you chuckle. “Why’d ya think I wouldn’t want nothin’ t’do withya?” He’s somehow leaned in and now only inches from your face. How did this happen?

“I dunno– you’re kind of established n’ I’m not.” You whisper softly. “N’ I thought maybe all you wanted was... the only thing I got to offer.” You chuckle but there are other emotions brewing inside you. Shit. You’re not gonna cry. No. You will not.

“Stupid.” Joel leans in and kisses you softly, his tongue flicks across your bottom lip but doesn’t enter your mouth or do anything else. You whine softly when he pulls away. “Football.” He nods his head to the TV.

Fuck. He does have self control.

Joel leads you upstairs for bed later after locking all the doors and windows, checking the thermostat and making sure all the blinds were shut. You cant help but wonder if he does it ever night as a cute lil routine and now you are in love with him. No you’re not. Stop doing that. No. He’s a man and just regular. You keep telling yourself that as he walks you into his bedroom and pulls his shirt off over his head and tosses it in the hamper.

“You got pjs or do you need something?” he asks, knowing you have a bag of clothes… he carried it in.

“I have —” You’re trying so hard not to smile at him for no reason as he grabs a t-shirt from his dresser and tosses it on to the bed near where you’re standing.

“You could use that if you wanted.” He’s being so serious. If he’s being cute and flirting he isn’t showing it as he works on his belt. Your body jolts into gear when you become fully aware that you’re just standing there staring at him. You pull your own shirt off and unclasp your bra around the back and let it slide down your shoulders and arms. You half expect Joel to be staring at you stupidly like an idiot, but he just walks behind you, brings his rough, strong calloused hand to your waist, squeezes softly and walks into the bathroom.

You throw on his t-shirt and pull your shorts off and walk into the bathroom with your toothbrush feeling…so silly for some reason. You shouldn’t!! He wants you here. Gave you the stupid shirt without you asking. He knew you wanted it. Or he wanted you to have it… which was even cuter and made you even more nervous and feel even sillier.

Joel hands you toothpaste as you stand in front of the vanity mirror. It’s a good mirror. You’re thinking about how good it would be to sit on the sink and pick at your face in this fucking thing while you brush your teeth. You might if you ever get an opportunity. You brush real good and follow Joel back into the bedroom, he waits for you at the door of the bathroom and extends his hand to you. To walk to his bed. Six feet away. You do not give one single fucking shit. He could hold your hand into the zombie apocalypse if he wanted. You’d let him lead you right into that shit. Fuck.

He pulls the sheets back for you and walks around the bed as you crawl in.

“Hey.” He growls once he’s in bed. You’re so far away from him. There could be three more people in here.

“Hi.” You have to speak with your real talking voice to make him hear you.

“You could come closer.” He chuckles softly.

“Why is it so big!?” You smirk at him as you have to take several hands and knees over to him.

“I’m a big guy.” Joel shrugs.

“Not this big!” You snuggle right up into him and now there is… still an entire queen sized bed left over where you had just crawled from. You giggle excitedly and wiggle around beside him. He is warm and perfect and smells like Joel and this is exciting. You're so happy to be here.

“What’re you wormin’ around fer?” Joel looks down at you, smirking.

“I dunno. Just happy to be here, I think. Got the sillies or something.” You giggle up to him. “Do you not get in bed and get all excited to be in bed n’ snuggly next to someone??” You look up and him and suddenly feel kinda dumb but he doesn’t let you for long as he wriggles down beside you and wraps you up in his arms.

“ Shiiit… no. I’m a grown man.” He sounds offended that you’d ask him that. “But you can squirm n’ worm all around next to me whenever ya’ want..” Joel chuckles and kisses the top of your head.

“I got a cat yesterday. S’why I was at the cat shelter.” You whisper up to him. “Her name is Agatha Christie.” You add quickly after a second of silence. Joel tries and fails to stifle his laughter.

“What!? Did you pick that name out? Poor cat.” He’s still laughing and jostling your whole body around as he laughs heartily. “Why’d ya get a cat?”

“I’ve wanted one for a while.” You snap at him. “And her name is good!! I like spooky stuff… Agatha Christie wrote creepy detective books!! Death on the Nile!! So good!” You’re semi offended. Joel rubs his hand all along your back and shoulders. You're running your hand all across his soft n' smooth stomach except for a lil trail of hair that leads down into his boxers. He's so soft n' pudgy but firm and tight at the same time. You wanna run your tongue all along him. Shit. Talking about cats. Fuck. Okay.

“Issa good name fer’ you. Yeah, yer’ right.” Joel is still chuckling.

“I didn’t even name her that!” You poke him in the sides and he grabs your wrist gently.

“I’ll spank you into next week. Don’t.” He growls it.

“Next week? For a poke? Seems excessive…” You roll your eyes at him but, you want him to. Want to poke his soft and pudgy and perfect tummy. It's calling for you.

“Don’t…” Joel is warning you.

“Are you super ticklish?” You’re not going to tickle him…because you don’t like being tickled. Hate it even though it...tickles and makes you laugh.

“Just don’t.” He sighs loudly and lets your wrist go. It was never tight to begin with. You just like him holding onto you.

“Fine.” You feign annoyance as you kiss his shoulder softly. He sighs softer now and rubs your back gently again.

“Roll over.” Joel whispers quietly. You do exactly as he says and might never question him ever again. He molds himself into your back and ass and his legs are pressed into yours. He is engulfing you. His mouth is right beside your ear now. “Glad you stayed.” He murmurs softly.

“Me too.” You breathe out softly.

“I’m gon’ tease both of us a lil now, don’t get too worked up, ‘kay Cricket?” He snickers so softly in your ear as he pushes his groin into your ass softly. “Love teasin’...” He keeps speaking as he grinds against you. “Feels fuckin’ good, don’t it?” His voice is so soft and if his cock wasn’t getting hard against you, you’d fall asleep he’s so calm and soothing.

“Yeah…” You sigh because it’s all you can do. His hand is moving all across your stomach and down between your legs for… milliseconds. It makes you groan and him chuckle each time. His strong fingers pinch and tug at your nipples softer than the first time he touched them.

“You like this? Want me t’stop?” He kisses behind you ear gently and then breathes out against you as he works his cock into the V between your closed legs and pussy. “Shit.” Joel chokes it back and pushes into you harder. You can feel his searing hot length against the skin of your inner thighs and through the fabric of your panties. “I gotta stop.” He chuckles but does not.

“Keep going.” You whisper to him and pause for a moment. “Please?” You really want him to keep going…you’re not really sure why. It doesn’t feel like much of anything to you other than something hot and hard between your legs. “Don’t stop… Mr. Miller.” You bite your bottom lip and cringe and how awkward you are and then Joel reacts to this.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He spits the words out and pulls you back against him even tighter, his forearm between your breasts and now his hand is around your neck softly, he’s breathing into your ear. “What did you say?” He whispers but there is force behind this whisper.

“Please don’t stop, Mr. Miller.” You whimper softly as his hand tightens around your throat. “I’m sorry?" You’re kinda scared because this giant man has his hand around your throat… but is still doing whatever it is he’s doing between your legs. Fucking your thighs? Dunno. He’s still doing that but faster now. And choking you moderately.

“Fuckin’ naughty, lil girl.” His voice is so deep, fuck. Okay. Is he mad?

“Do you really like that?” You ask nervously but his body is already telling you that he does… his voice is saying.. Maybe? His hand leaves your throat and his body stops moving against yours.

“What’d I do?” he holds his hands up and freezes. You look at him over your shoulder and he’s panting, sweating a little, but looking at you fearfully. “M’sorry fer’ whatever it was…”

“What? You didn’t do anything..” You blink at him. He blinks back at you.

“Huh? Then what’re you talkin’ ‘bout ‘cause I love all that.” Joel sighs softly and relaxes.

“Me calling you Mr. Miller?” You raise your eyebrow at him. Joel snorts and lays back in bed.

“Uh…yeah. I fuckin’ do.” Joel shakes his head. “S’fuckin’... I dunno. I dunno why I like it. Yer’ the first woman t’ever call me that in bed...damn... I liked it though fer' some reason.” Joel sighs loudly. “Sorry. I ain’t mean fer’ it t’go that far. I snuck right outta my boxers.” He rubs the sweat off his forehead and looks over at you. “Y’like all that?”

“You weren’t mad at me?” You’re still blinking a little. Joel looks like he’s replaying the last four minutes in his head to think if you did something to make him mad.

“No.” He says after a moment and then looks over at you. “What’d I do t’make y’think that?”

“Uh… choked me? Sounded real mad?” You gawk at him.

“Didn’t like bein’ choked?”

“Well now that I know you’re not mad at me… I think I did? I dunno. Let’s do it again.” You suggest eagerly but he just laughs.

“Nah, ‘cause then it wouldn’t be teasin’.” Joel shrugs his shoulders.

“That is terrible.” You groan. “Don’t like teasing.” You whine and then face the other way again, annoyed.

“Lose yer’ attitude, lil Bird.” Joel spanks your ass softly over the blankets. “T’cute to be all ‘tudinal.”

“I thought you liked a bratty lil girl.” You mock him gently and smirk, getting comfortable in the bed next to him.

He chuckles beside you and rubs the fat of your ass over the blankets now. “Yeah… I do.” Joel sighs loudly and rolls back over to be behind you again. “Goin’ t’sleep now, really.” Joel kisses behind your ear and the the back of your shoulder and the top of your head. His arm drapes over your side and then it’s quiet.

You’re too excited to sleep!? What!? Why did you not feel this way the last two times? You slept fine. Mr. Miller!! This sonofabitch gets you all horny for thigh fucking and then is sleeping behind you first? Unfair. Not cool. Okay….without that real loud fan from your place…his snoring is kinda loud. Real loud. Right in your ear loud. Is he being so fucking for real right now? This has to be a joke.

No.

He is so fucking for real. And the man…sleeps like he might be dead. If it wasn’t for the snoring…you’d think he was how he reacted to literally nothing you did. He had to be faking and pretending. You eventually weasel your way back across this football field sized bed and…the snoring isn’t too bad over here. Still kinda loud. You’ll be fine. You’ve slept through worse. Fighting parents (screaming dad) all night sometimes. This is nothin’.

It was not nothing.