#so sorry if this scares / rattles you horo

[deathfavor]

   Guilt and sorrow weigh on Earl’s shoulder’s with the same weight of the Earth upon Atlas’s shoulders. Has he done so poorly to make Horo think he wants to be away from her? Does she think he resents her? He never could no matter how tired or frustrated he might be – never once has he ever resented her or having to be the one to try to raise her. Not through her tantrums when she was little or cries for parents. He only regrets he could not do more. He’s a man who knows exactly what he wants to say and how to say it; he feels hopelessly lost in this moment as he scavenges for words to erase such thoughts from Horo’s mind. It’s not her fault, she’s done nothing wrong. How could he fuck up so bad that she thinks he WANTS to leave her here? 

  Earl lifts is head when he hears her frantic movement, a surge of panic flaring in his own chest. If she runs away, he won’t be able to catch her other than eventually finding where in the MBCC she might go to. But she doesn’t run away. Instead he feels her weight against his back, her arms wrapping around him as best as they can. When was the last time she’d hugged him before all this? It doesn’t matter because she is, here and now. 

   His throat bobs as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat. Feeling her tears and hearing her sobs feels like hundreds of knives being plunged into his heart. He hates being the reason she cries. “ Horo. Horo, come here. “  His voice shakes and wavers with emotion as he moves, coaxing her from clinging to his back so he can pull her against his chest and hug her in kind. He wants to speak but the words get caught in his throat, and the unshaking pillar that is Legion’s advisor trembles as he presses his face against her hair, a few tears falling down his own cheeks. And even now in the midst of his own tears he still tries to be the good older brother, a hand soothing through her hair with gentleness seldom seen by others. 

   “ I don’t want to be away from you either. “ He whispers, eyes still squeezed shut. “ That’s the last thing I would ever want.” He listens though to what she has to say, the same way he always has. But he can't stifle the wounded noise in his throat as he clutches onto her just a bit tighter, his strong form trembling just slightly. " You think so? " His voice is rough, choked with emotion that even he can't suppress. " I'm sorry...Sorry Horo. " he rasps, face hidden though he doesn't elaborate what he's apologizing for as he falls quiet. "...I'm not very good as passing off things. I.... I am going to need your help, Horo. " It is a rare admission said on shaky breath. " Just not yet. But I promise... I will need it. " 

the truth was, horo knows what she said isn't the truth. she knows earl wants nothing but the best for her, to protect her, to keep her bubbled as much as possible. but it's not what horo wants, and that's all she's been thinking about since finding out his big escape plan. she's not really considered what he's feeling, what he's sacrificing. because she's never really had to, he's always held himself together so well that it was rare she saw him make a mistake or mess up. that just wasn't like earl, not in recent years. but standing here, across from him now, she sees his facade easily shatter, and emotions that she never knew he felt surface onto his visage, her throat dries up.

guilt grips at her, it takes her breath away and feels as intense as a heart attack. he responds and she barely takes any of it in, far too focused on the look on his face as he breaks in front of her. at some point during his response, her eyes prickle with tears, and her lower lip begins to tremble. and the minute an apology is voiced, horo is rushing out from the table.

she moves easily around to his side within a few short seconds, small, yet strong arms wrapping around her brother from behind, engulfing him as much as she can considering their height difference and width difference. horo wasn't tall like earl, and while he wasn't particularly muscular, he was broader than her. her face buries into his neck, nose tickled by the same shade of hair she had. " i'm sorry! " it comes out as a panicked yell as her heart continues to constrict in her chest. it was painful, just as painful as seeing his face moments ago.

no sooner than later does she feel the tears she tried to keep tamed soak his hair, but it's not something she cares about. her hold on him is strong, but not too strong - she doesn't want to hurt him. " i didn't mean that! i just- i just don't want to be away from you. especially now, after this! " after he almost died, again. it's not something she thinks her little heart could handle. her lower lip continues to tremble, and she takes a moment to sob quietly before continuing. " you're the best big brother in the world, okay? mom and dad are so proud of you, i know it! and they probably agree with you, which pisses me off a little... but you've done great! i just don't understand why you can't let me help, earl... "