#so so so in love! the first big piece of steri strip came off and i got to see the incision for the first time and i love it!!

[shleemies]

1 week post op!!!!

[loadingluke]

Stage 3 4 days post op update

Hi all, today I’m 4 days post op stage 3. I thought I’d do a little update as I’m out of hospital now.

I was discharged on Saturday afternoon. That morning I had my catheter removed (finally, bloody hate those things and I was starting to feel some bladder irritation). I had to do a void trial, so I had to pee into a bottle and then have my bladder scanned 3 times. If I wasn’t able to pee or I was retaining a lot of urine I may have had to be catheterised again, so I am very glad that that didn’t happen 😅. I had my canula removed as well, and was switched to oral antibiotics instead of IV. I was able to get up and wander around, albeit very slowly and carefully. Dr Goossen came in and removed all my dressings, including the large amount of padding on my penis, so I could actually have a look at it all, and it looks amazing! The prosthesis is VERY rigid, a lot more rigid than I expected, and the testicular implant and pump bulb have filled out my scrotum very nicely- only issue is that I am currently very swollen so it’s hard to really imagine what it’ll look like once it settles- but for now I am very happy.

I ended up getting the coloplast titan touch 3 piece prosthetic with one cylinder. Goossen said that he had to use an 18cm cylinder, which is a little longer than what he normally implants. This prosthesis is VERY rigid, and I have no concerns about the future with it and whether or not it’ll be hard enough. Even with one cylinder the rigidity I’ve gotten is very impressive. I can feel the harder end of the cylinder when I touch the tip of my penis, which also will provide some control down the line. I was initially concerned that the cylinder was too close to the end of my penis and that I was at risk of erosion, but apparently this is normal and as long as I can move the skin around the tip I should be okay. I’ve not noticed any pressure points or weird colour change due to it, so I’m not too concerned.

Goossen also managed to squeeze in a medium sized testicular implant in my right side. I was ecstatic hearing this, as I thought I’d only be able to fit in the smallest implant possible as he was uncertain if I could get an implant at all due to the size of my scrotum. So yay! Upon inspection he noted that both the pump and implant are sitting a touch higher than he wanted them to, but that is mainly due to all the swelling and hopefully I’ll be able to coax them down a little once the swelling dissipates. If they don’t budge, I can either leave them if they don’t bother me, or I can have another surgery to move them down again. I’m just gonna wait and see how it goes, I’m definitely not in any rush to have any more surgery unless I really have to.

I have two incisions on either side of my groin, one for the pump and one for the implant. I’m changing my dressings every couple of days, and they’ve actually been staying pretty clean and aren’t weeping much. I’m dressing them with steri strips and a large cutifilm dressing. Because of the location and the swelling, it’s a touch difficult to actually apply them, but we did our best.

Pain wise, I’m managing pretty well. As long as I take my ibuprofen and paracetamol regularly, I can usually tolerate it. I’m taking targin in the morning when I first wake up (when the pain is at its highest once everything wears off during the night) but I don’t need anything stronger during the day. I’m also taking oral antibiotics twice a day, which is a lot easier to remember compared to the 2 part regimen I was on after stage 2.

My only concerns at the moment are that I’m keeping my penis straight enough, as I don’t want to influence how it’ll heal, and infection. I’ve had no sign of infection at all, but it’s definitely scary as the consequence of the implant being infected is so huge. Im just monitoring myself, but I definitely am anxious about it, even though I have no real need to be.

One other thing to note is that I definitely can’t leave the house looking like this. The device is very obvious, and I am very conscious of it. I’ve just been wandering around carrying a strategically placed empty tote bag specifically to cover myself up, and that has worked like a treat. It’s way too hot to wear extra blankets anyway 😂 I’m just currently rocking my surgery pants, which are gym shorts a good 3 sizes too big, and a long T-shirt. I’m not planning on leaving the house anytime soon though, but even hanging out at home with my family friends feels awkward. my partner Maddy arrived on Saturday, and has done an excellent job at fetching me things so I don’t need to move, and checking to see if the coast is clear if I forget my decency bag. Honestly, this must be true love 😂🥰

I’ve got an appointment with Goossen on Tuesday morning, and I’ll probably make another update after that. All things considered this recovery has been worlds smoother than stage 1 and 2, and I’ve felt pretty comfortable.

Let me know if you have any questions as usual and I hope you have a good day!

[chromecutie]

Not A Ghost - part 19

A/N - Multi-part fic. Colossus x OC where OC has come home after being wrongfully imprisoned in the Icebox. Warnings for whole fic - references and flashbacks to harsh prison environment, including various types of abuse. Takes place shortly after events in Deadpool 2. Whole thing will end up on my AO3 eventually.

Taglist: @emma-frxst  @ra-ra-rasputiin  @holamor ​  @empressme-bitch  @marvel-is-perfection  @hazilyimagine ​ @marvelhead17 @rovvboat @angstybadboytrash ​ @whitewitchdown ​ @master-sass-blast ​ @mori-fandom @mooleche @dandyqueen . Wanna be added or removed? Holla at me.

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In Rhonda and Piotr’s shared bathroom, Yukio spread her dye supplies across the countertop. She kept a lot of pink on hand for her own coloring needs, but also had small amounts of almost every other bold color imaginable. Rhonda sat on a little stool, tense and seething. That boy Russell had caught her off guard, calling her by her prison moniker as if it was some harmless nickname. It turned her stomach to be called Guestbook in front of her family.

Staying upbeat, Yukio said with a big smile, “I keep asking Ellie when we’ll get more girl time with you, so this is really exciting!” Picking up each of her colors to consider them, she continued, “It’s so sad you’ve been spending so much time by yourself -- I think you’ll feel better spending more time around us.”

“Yeah,” Rhonda said distantly.

Turning to her girlfriend, Yukio asked, “Bunny, will you go get the Bluetooth speaker? Let’s have some music while we do this!”

Ellie hesitated. Yukio only called her Bunny in private. She supposed it was okay to count Rhonda as close enough to “in private,” since it seemed to barely register to her at all. “Yeah, Sugar Bean. Be right back.” As Ellie was walking out, Yukio arranged the dye colors according to her decisions.

“I’ve only known you from pictures,” Yukio said, “and every single one I’ve seen, you have some bright hair color. I think that’s what you’re missing here.” Digging in her pouch of tools, she took out a comb and some scissors. “We gotta do some cleanup first, though.” 

Rhonda frowned slightly, “You know how to cut hair?”

Yukio took in a big breath and pursed her lips before answering, “With all due respect, Mrs. Rasputin, veteran X-Men, I can’t do any worse than this,” she fluffed Rhonda’s hair. It was chopped in uneven chunks. The shortest pieces fell about the right length for a bob, if it was possible to do a bob on one third of her head. The longest sections fell to the middle of her back, but the ends were so damaged it seemed like it would be a better mercy to just shave her whole head and start over.

The reality check stung, but Rhonda couldn’t get mad at Yukio for being right. “All right,” she shrugged. “Have at it.”

“You should take off your hoodie so we don’t get hair all over it.”

Rhonda hesitated.

“If you don’t, it will be super itchy until you wash it, like at least twice,” Yukio insisted, with a pointed look.

With a sigh, Rhonda pulled her hoodie over her head and laid it on the counter. She hated having her prison tattoos visible, and tried not to squirm for how uncomfortable she was.

Ellie returned with the speaker and paired Yukio’s phone. After a few taps, some music started playing--

My lover’s got humor--

Yukio’s eyes shot wide and she beamed, “YES!” She tapped Rhonda on the shoulder, “You’re in for the real treat now, listen!” Ellie smirked and leaned against the wall, watching and scrolling on her phone.

As Yukio snipped and combed Rhonda’s hair, she hummed along to Hozier’s “Take Me to Church.” It was light and atmospheric, while also rich and deep like it was made from all the oldest forces on Earth. Rhonda’s troubled expression softened as she listened. When the song was over, she held up her hand, “Hey...can I hear that again?”

Yukio happily wiggled her shoulders, “We can put it on loop until you want something else.”

Ellie was already tapping the loop buttons as her girlfriend said it. “Told you,” she said simply.

Ellie was right -- Hozier was objectively good. As Rhonda listened, she felt her tension ease in places she hadn’t realized she had been carrying it (or how long she’d been carrying it). The sound made her want to stand in an open field between some mountains and cry...or laugh, or shriek, she really wasn’t sure. The vocals and backup chorus were full of raw emotion and she felt her chest opening up, as if she had forgotten how to truly breathe and this music reminded her.

On one loop of the song, Yukio belted at the top of her lungs, as if the song was made from her own soul. Even Ellie smiled and hummed along, no longer able to hide that she liked it too. 

Clippings of hair ghosted over Rhonda’s shoulders and arms, tickling and itching. She tried not to glance in the mirror, but finally looked up and saw Yukio was almost done cutting a decent shape that didn’t quite touch her shoulders. There were even some shorter pieces in front that she had to admit looked good with her jaw line.

“Are you good with this one?” Yukio asked after the ninth loop of “Take Me to Church” ended. “There’s others on this album you’ll love too.”

With a sheepish little grin, Rhonda nodded. She gestured loosely at her hair. “This is looking a lot better already, thank you.”

Confident and playful, Yukio replied, “I’m just getting started.”

Rhonda eyed the different colors Yukio had arranged on the counter. “Wait, you’re gonna mix these? How?”

Ellie piped up, “It’s better to just shut up and trust her. I’ve never seen a color job from her that wasn’t amazing.”

Fixing her head straight forward, Rhonda tried not to watch what Yukio was doing in the mirror. She felt Yukio’s fingers as she gently ran them through her hair, testing the texture and the way it fell. Yukio slipped on some gloves, and humming along to Hozier, got to work covering Rhonda’s mousey grey-brown hair with something much more vibrant.

--

The women laughed and chatted as they waited for the dye to take, and when Rhonda rinsed it all out, Yukio lent her a blow dryer and some hairspray so she could style it how she wanted. When Rhonda was done, she had volume to make an 80s rockstar jealous -- and now with color an 80s rockstar could only dream of. Near the roots, her hair was a muted teal, melting to bright emerald green, and finally ending in electric yellow. 

“No way,” Ellie breathed, smiling wider than Yukio had ever seen her. “You look so badass!” Slipping an arm around her girlfriend, she added, “You did great, Sugar Bean.”

Rhonda’s lips quirked -- she supposed that with the bright hair, steri-strips covering the nicks on her face, and visible tattoos (including the tear drops) she did look like a young person’s idea of badass. As amazing as it felt to have color in her hair again, Rhonda’s smile faltered looking at the Xs on her arm in the mirror.

“They bother you bad, huh?” Ellie asked. She had her guesses for what they might mean, but for how angry and hurt Rhonda looked whenever someone brought them up, Ellie was afraid to ask anything specific.

Rhonda reflexively ran her left hand up her arm, like she could hide or wipe off the ink with the gesture. “Oh...I mean--”

“Would you get laser tattoo removal?” Yukio asked, guileless.

“Huh,” Rhonda thought a moment, “Doesn’t the laser just make the shape of the tattoo look like a scar?”

Yukio gave an exaggerated shrug. Ellie brushed it off, “Probably hurts more than it’s worth anyway.” She stood beside Rhonda in the mirror, fixing her with a hard stare. “Besides, I think you shouldn’t hide them. Nobody else here tries to hide their scales, or fur, or blue skin. Why hide this?”

“It’s…” Rhonda debated whether she should explain, and realized even if she should, she couldn’t do it. “This is different. It means something different.”

Stubborn, Ellie pressed, “But you’re the only one who knows what it means, right? So fuck what anyone else thinks.”

Russell knew. Wade knew. If Wade knew, Cable might also know. As well as any other telepath. Plus whoever they felt like telling. Rhonda’s stomach turned. “It’s not just me,” she shook her head.

To keep Ellie from poking further, Yukio cut in, “Well, if you feel like you need to cover them up, it’s the middle of summer. It’s too hot to wear hoodies and cardigans all the time.” She turned to her girlfriend, giving her the most angelic puppy eyes, “Hey Bunny? Can you go get something for me?” Yukio whispered in Ellie’s ear and in another minute, Ellie headed out and down the hall again.

Rhonda fluffed her hair and eyed Yukio in the mirror. “You really got her wrapped around your finger, huh?”

Yukio tried to contain her smile, and blushed a little anyway, “Maybe a little. She likes everyone to think she’s so edgy, but I know better.”

Nodding, Rhonda added, “She acts so tough until you get to know her and realize she’s a sweetheart, yeah.” She had learned that herself with the rough and tumble child Ellie had been.

Yukio chewed her lip like she wanted to say something, then suddenly blurted, “You were my favorite X-Men for a long time. I really wanted to be like you...Voltage.”

She hadn’t been called by her codename in ages, and it stirred up a lot of old feelings. And while she wasn’t Ororo or Scott or Hank (or Piotr), it was funny and strange for someone to tell Rhonda she was their favorite. “Why?”

Yukio flicked an electric spark off her fingers, “You were like me. And you had fun hair. And you always did cool poses in all your photos.” She laughed, “Cool poses were a must when I was nine.”

“You had good taste,” Rhonda smirked.

Ellie was huffing when she came back to Rhonda’s room. “I wasn’t sure which one you were talking about,” she said to Yukio with an edge of annoyance, “I had to hold them all up to the light one by one to check.” She handed off a pair of green tights.

Yukio held them out to Rhonda, “These were more opaque than I wanted, but maybe you can wear one leg as a sleeve? So you can cover your arm without being too hot.”

With a thoughtful frown, Rhonda nodded, “We can try it.” They looked around the room to see where Piotr kept scissors these days, and they found them in a container of other office supplies under the little table by the window. Yukio quickly snipped one leg off the pair of tights and twirled it at Rhonda like a big ribbon.

Surprisingly, the leg fit fine over Rhonda’s arm. It wasn’t too loose, certainly wasn’t restrictive, and her tattoos were invisible under the green nylon-poly blend. Not much could be done for the Xs that peeked out of the leg at her shoulder, but she was satisfied with the rest. With the foot still intact, there was nowhere for her fingers to come out, and she flopped her hand uselessly at Yukio. “Help,” she said with an exaggerated fake pout.

Yukio laughed and obliged her. Two more quick snips and Rhonda stretched her fingers and thumb through the slits. Rhonda checked the mirror again. 

What she saw was...tolerable. She could live with a small portion of her ink showing if the rest was covered. Her neck felt bare and vulnerable and she wasn’t sure what to do about it, but her new green sleeve went great with the green in her hair. For the first time in years, she mostly recognized her own reflection. Amazing what a little hair dye can do. Relief eased over her and a smile bloomed over her face. “This looks,” she took a big breath, her smile even bigger, “really good.” She turned and held her arms out. “Thank you!” Yukio quickly swooped in for a tight hug and Ellie eased in as well. The three of them were a tangle of arms and giggling when they heard the bedroom door open.

“Sladkaya, are you in here?” they heard Piotr call. “Wade wanted to visit with Russell, and I finally got him to--” he stopped when Rhonda and the girls came into the bedroom from the bathroom. His mouth fell open, and then pulled into a goofy, lopsided grin, like he was seeing his wife for the first time. Slowly, he crossed the room and just barely touched her freshly dyed hair with his fingertips. “You look…” he brushed a yellow-tipped curl, “you look wonderful, my love.”

As if he had forgotten about his former trainee and her girlfriend, he lifted Rhonda by the waist and kissed her, circling one arm around her and burying the other hand in her hair. 

Yukio quietly squealed, barely containing her excitement. Ellie rolled her eyes, but smiled in spite of herself. 

Suddenly remembering himself, Piotr broke the kiss and set down his breathless wife. He cleared his throat, “Ah, Yukio strikes again, I see.”

Rhonda glanced at the younger girls, “It’s the best color I’ve ever had, for sure.”

Piotr stared, still smiling, and practically speechless, having forgotten he wanted to ask Rhonda about Russell.

Picking up the Bluetooth speaker, Rhonda asked Yukio, “Is it okay if I borrow this? Maybe for a couple days?” Hozier still swirled through her head and she needed to get some place where she could see how to dance to his music.

“You can keep it!” she chirped, gently elbowing Ellie, “I’ve been wanting an upgrade anyway.”

Ellie gave a halfhearted eyeroll, hint taken. She took her girlfriend’s hand and they left the room. Yukio stole one last glance over her shoulder and waved at Rhonda.

Rhonda returned the wave and picked up her phone with the speaker. “Um...do you mind?” she looked at her husband apologetically. “I wanna...go play with something. I might be a while.”

“Of course,” he replied wistfully. 

She grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, and in another second she was out the door, walking briskly down the hall. 

Alone, Piotr chuckled to himself and shook his head. The color in her hair added so much. It was the most his wife had looked like herself since coming home from the Icebox.