#so she assumes that cash doesn't exist anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ladamedemartel · 2 years ago

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✔

Send me ✔ and I’ll bold what my muse would do with/for yours

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#lordofthestrix #what's funny is that some of these just don't apply #like i'm pretty sure if aurora held the door open for tristan he might actually combust because /he's/ supposed to hold the door for /her/#and the vacations are only cheap because compulsion is free #as i've been answering all of these i always laugh at the money ones because aurora literally doesn't know what money looks like these days #she does not know how much money she has or doesn't have #tristan probably gave her a credit card at one point in case she wanted to use money #so she assumes that cash doesn't exist anymore #she also probably lost the credit card #;;out of lavender

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semi-imaginary-place · 3 months ago

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ffxv episode ignis, ardyn, dawn of the future

episode ignis: what awkward placement. this explains why ravus turned against niflhiem and the ring deal but it's got so many endgame spoilers and assumes players have played the ending. see this is an argument for why dlc is a bad thing it reminds (ha!) me of kh3 where games now days are designed to be incomplete and dlc is story mandatory so one game for the price of 2 but worse i actually prefer smt digital devil saga and persona 2's duology format which are each complete story arcs instead of this 93% 7% dlc deal. ff15 in general isn't the best (or the worst) at explaining what is going on so it's hard to follow why things are happening without this extra material. ffxv isn't even that bad the story is coherent without the dlc mostly, but it still bothers me. dod3 goes so much in the opposite direction it's funny it's not even a videogame anymore it's a multimedia project gotta rake in the cash.

anyways ignis is the devs favorite isn't he. alternate end is well done and i loved the lore but im not sure it should exist. first choices i dont think ignis would give up if it was for noct. if chosen ignis pays his life to surpass his limit and draw from the ring's power why isn't he dead. look i get that the crystal is a giant magic plot breaking plot device but there's got to be narrative limits. deus ex lunafreya. things went a little too well sure they got some ardyn-less free time but he's shown by the throne so he's out againwhy hasn't he killed ravus or something. which btw wow ravus is the one thing holding the universe together and the darkness from taking over should have tried harder to keep him alive huh (also this isn't how genomics and inheritance works like if every generation has 2 kids that's exponential number of oracle descendants). and why is noctis still alive did they just not destroy ardyn? if they didn't permanently end ardyn great job kicking the can down the road and passing over the super special chosen king, who knows if any one else in the future can do it. the main problem though as with any alternate route in any story is the risk of cheapening or downgrading the main story. mostly it just comes off as the writers being indecisive.

it feels like the writers are relying on lunafreya and the crystal to just be miracle workers and move the plot however they want. it also cheapens making the player choose between not using the ring and losing to ardyn, using some of the power at the cost of eyesight but that not being enough, and trading your life for the power to take down ardyn like it's suppose to be a hard choice but the writers take the consequences away

episode ardyn: i get that they're trying to do a whole oracle king romance parallel but well actually ffxv already has no respect for how ancestry and genomics actually work so why do i bother. oh aera is the og oracle. flueret and the oracles are her descendants but she was betrothed to ardyn and died so did she have kids before marriage or what is going on. really with the whole absorbing and (kinda) neutralizing the starscourge and healing people of it ardyn should have been the oracle and the ancestor of the flueret line and if they wanted to avoid the incest undertones just make it them not brothers so that caelum and flueret were political rival families both trying to get the throne. (except isn't tenebrae on another continent... eh it doesn't matter tenebrae being 200 mi closer to insomnia wouldn't have made a difference to the story). maybe it's the insomnia (ha!) but im liking this idea more and more like maybe the original prophecy wasn't a savior/warrior king so much as just a savior/fighter of darkness and so ardyn almost became the oracle king

yeah the writers have lost me i've stopped caring. the whole ardyn thing always felt messy like the want this embodiment of darkness and evil but they also want him to be tragic but they also want him to be noctis' foil but also luna's foil and the writers don't juggle all this narrative weight well, something has to give. Like somnus sucks but the narrative treats him as having divine providence and ultimately doing the right thing when no that was neutral at best. ffxv is so stuck in this binary of good and bad unwilling to truly transgress the boundary they have drawn between good light divine, and evil darkness taint. and then bahamut comes down and tells ardyn that his role is to bring darkness. and like what this is such a major reveal either it shouldn't be here at all or it should be in the main game. because this proves that the 6 aren't on humanity's side like much of the cast believes, bahamut isn't acting for the sake of humanity or the world they're acting to bring forth this prewritten script. i think this is my least favorite dlc, it's very messy writing wise.

skimming through the cancelled dlc and dawn of the future, the dlc since episode ignis seemed to have been veering off in a new direction probably best that it was cancelled because this new thematic direction would have been better tackled in a sequel or side game. in main ffxv the gods are distant and fate is a reassurance a comfort that one has purpose in life. where as the dlc episode ignis and ardyn are about the flipside of that how destiny and fate can also be a shackle, it's about defying the gods.

Like they wanted ardyn to be this kind self sacrificial healer but then dropped that character trait with no continuity like they could have made it that he had a savior complex and ego but that didn't come through or they could have made it about how he felt the people owed him and now feels betrayed by everyone but i didn't get that either. btw quarantine and prevention and vaccination are scientifically better than curing individuals when it comes to infectious diseases irl. so ardyn's characterization is someone who cares about the small scale and individual even when it's to the detriment of the greater whole, and that characterization got dropped. there's also how ardyn's turning evil only happened in the last like 30 years so his turn towards revenge narratively feels rushed it would have been nice seeing the daemonification and memory reading eating at him in stages. or i mean there was 2000 years could have had him conscious the whole time and stewing in misery turning over the same thoughts over and over reliving aera's death and having that drive him insane. oh yeah and bahamut pops up out of no where. bahamut is so plot breaking it begs the question why he didn't intervene in main game more.

dawn of the future great lunafreya is alive again. see this is the problem of having plot breaking super gods you cheapen their original deaths by making death meaningless. now that can be an interesting story in of itself but it contradicts xv main game's themes. this is also the luna ardyn show where as in maingame these two are barely secondary characters. noctis, gladio, ingis, and prompto are the main characters of ffxv butt they aren't plot important so don't show up here at all. all this definitely should have been a separate game. yeah all of this dc should have been a separate story imagine if we got lunafreya as the main character. like hey remember what i said earlier about ardyn absorbing miasma as a parallel to lunafreya? also wasn't the oracle bloodline holding back the darkness aka the apocaylse happened when ravus died well since the writers brought luna back shouldn't that change. i think the writers didn't think through killing luna. she's so lore important but she does nothing in main game. see they flip the script of noctis being the chosen king instead he just happened to be the dude around when ardyn woke up which is interesting but again very very different thematically from main game. wow the writers really went wild with this, kinda cool really good concepts but this and maingame are separate stories.

see fiction needs rules that's how you build tension when you throw the rules out the window things just become a mess with no stakes. which can be interesting and also very post modern absurd but that's not what's happening here. like so much emphasis was put on the cost the ring of lucii and king powers have. that regis is aging faster than he should that it took noctis 10 years to absorb the ring's half of the power and then to throw it out or how ardyn was showed to have daemonified pernamently with no way to cleanse the miasma and then haha jk there's no consequences because gentianta healed them! that's such an asspull you build up all these stakes only to say last minute that they don't matter. which again can be done for a thematic point like the writers could have really leaned into how humanity are just playthings and the gods have absolute power and decide the facts of the world (like yeah get meta and absurd with it kill luna 45 times and bring her back, nothing has meaning nothing matters!) but the writers didn't succeed in this and also this type of story is very difficult to tell.

thinking about this more and totally could have been a side game or compilation of episodes. Persona 2 did it where Eternal Punishment overwrote the ending of Innocent Sin and the two are rather tonally and thematically different.

#ffxv

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floripire · 1 year ago

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re: douglas "doug" carson.

it started out as a bet. to see if he could charm the pants off of floribeth dalisay. it's cliche: the popular kid going for the quiet (and often invisible) teacher's pet; the straight a student; the one who would do your homework for you for a bit of extra cash. but that's exactly what doug did and honestly, he didn't really mean to string her along for as long as he did; it's just that he liked the genuine attention and adoration she lavished upon him. in the end, though, the relationship obviously meant far more to her than to him. because it was too much. the guilt was too much. she was too much and soon afterwards, doug sought out misao's company, accompanying her to parties of all sorts. doug was flori's first kiss - her first love. the first person she introduced to her parents and the first person she took to bed. she thought he really liked her and never expected him to break up with her shortly after their first and last night together. he wanted something real and what they had wasn't real, he'd insisted, blatantly ignoring the fact that it had been real and true for flori. when flori grew closer with his sister, part of doug was relieved. another part of him hated it. hated flori. hated that, maybe, he wanted what he couldn't have anymore. he threw himself into other relationships because he never was good at being alone; first joe flowers (whom he genuinely loved) and then, when that relationship fizzled out (but the strong, lifelong friendship remained), he started something with tami bryce - his forever girl. then his sister's birthday rolled around and things went downhill from there: doug was the one to find sue's mangled body; flori was nowhere in sight and later, his parents told him that mr and mrs dalisay had passed away and that flori was presumed dead too. doug's parents made him attend mr and mrs dalisay's joint funerals, but doug didn't attend flori's. neither tami nor joe did. maple hollows was content to forget the dalisays ever existed. life went on until one day, joe clocked that doug's mind had been wiped by a witch. his, and tami's, and a bunch of other people's, too. as a courtesy, he decided to un-fuck doug's mind, restore his memories, and allow him (as well as tami) entry into the world of the supernatural. after joe inducted him into the supernatural world, doug never bought the animal attack story again; he only pretended to for the sake of his parents, who quickly learned not to bring up sue around him. they assumed it's due to deep seated grief. after sue died, doug's entire world shifted; his entire point of view shifted too. in his opinion, things were black and white and very simple: either you're a normal person that doesn't suck people dry or you're a monster and you must be dealt with. he became obsessed with revenge and swept tami and joe up in it. to doug, supernatural creatures aren't people. the minute they change, they forfeit the right to call themselves humans. they're mindless killers who will give in to their baser instincts, one way or another. the general public and the regular people ought to be protected and if doug's the one who has to do it, then fine, so be it. yes, there are stronger creatures out there like the tribrid, but in doug's eyes, flori is the worst of them for what she did to sue. therefore, she deserved the harshest punishment. teaming up with triad industries and with derek machado was only natural.

#dehumanization /#death /#ask to tag /#floribeth dalisay / headcanons; metas and world building.#queue.

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fandom-hoarder · 4 years ago

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listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

#ask #@princessconsuelapark #stanford era #sam winchester #pre-stanford era #sam n dean #john winchester's a+ parenting #long post

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bookio · 3 years ago

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My Wandering Warrior Existence (2022) by Nagata Kabi

The biographical manga of Nagata Kabi continues! ★ We basically follow the author crawling her way out of a hikikomori anxious self harming lifestyle, in search for happiness, very inspiring! In this volume she discuss and wonder why she's unable to connect with people. It touches upon gender norms and sexuality.

The solo wedding chapter was soo relatable as i've just had this discussion with a friend, how i imagine marrying myself one day! But this book made me rethink that i must love myself first and a wedding won't make all my problems go away at once. You have to feel happy and comfortable first! 5/5 stars

- - - - -

List of my Desires (2016) by Gregoire Delacourt

One of my favorites books before the pandemic, so this is a re-read BUT coming back to it i felt.. hm, it isn't my favorite anymore. It's just an interesting and enjoyable read, and that's ok!

A sweet old woman lives in a small village in France, owning a sewing store and a popular blog. One day she wins € 18 000 000 on lottery, however she doesn't tell anyone!

When she secretly reaches the lottery headquarters to receive the check, they provide her a psychiatrist to warn her of the upcoming drastic changes. She's told that people will try to hurt, manipulate and befriend her just to get their slice of the cake (cash). This amount of money makes people crazy. The psychiatrist goes deeper into this, a really mesmerizing chapter about lottery winners in general. Things i never thought about before!

The woman scared to lose her friends and current habit of life, decides to NOT cash the check yet - but instead hides it in a shoe, in her wardrobe. She continues on with her every life, with the blog and store growing more popular. Soon she earns enough to make a decent living!

Main part of the story is the woman's relationship to her husband. They married after a one night stand turned into a pregnancy. She later gave birth to a second child, and was suppose to birth a third, but it died..

This made her husband "mad with sorrow". He started to physically and mentally abuse her. Blaming that the kid died because she's "too fat", and took to drinking where some nights he would even rape her. Disgusting human!

However, now when she's making good money from the store, her husband have suddenly turned into a new kinda person. He only drinks alcohol-free beer, compliments and caress her. He says he will find a job (oh he's been unemployed through the whole book btw) and they'll travel somewhere together.

The woman slowly counts down the days for him proving to have changed for the better, enough for her to tell him about the millions.

She writes lists of things she would like to buy btw! Most of it is just useable everyday things like potatoe peeler and new lightbulb for the hallway. She doesn't dream of expensive things.. which makes me sad that she maybe feel she can't celebrate herself? :(

One day the husband is to travel to another city for a new job at a famous ice cream factory. She packs him a lunch and wishes him well.

A day later she pass by her wardrobe and notice the shoes has been moved. The check is missing !! She suddenly remember that the husband fixed a shelf there some month ago and must have found it.

She realize his sudden "good changes" been right in que of him finding the check. When calling the ice cream factory, the staff only laughs at her because they haven't hired anyone for months. He literally stole her money and left!

Understandably, she's sent into a vertigo of heartbreak, but unable to tell anyone the real reason of his departure. The village, friends, adult kids and customers just assume he ran away with a younger woman.

Days go by, even months. The popular store and blog keeps her going, and she can even afford to travel with her friends now. She feel content in life. Nothing physical has really changed with her life since receiving the check, only mentally.

We learn that the husband moved to Germany and bought expensive sport cars. He payed for prostitutes every day and drank a lot. At one point he sets up a meeting with one of his children, but only uses the time to cry about missing his home, wife and whines about "making a mistake" without mentioning the stolen money at all.

He eventually dies alone (probably because of alcohol poisoning) in his expensive apartment, where his body isn't discovered until the neighbors notice a "foul smell". What happens to his economic inheritance isn't told except that he only spent 3 million out of the total 18. 3/5 stars

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