#so rip to me for missing it the first time but I did manage to stay awake to watch it properly lmao

[keeps-ache]

little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world

[andypantsx3]

IF YOU LET ME : TODOROKI SHOUTO x READER

SUMMARY: Disguised as a eunuch in the imperial palace, a mistake on your part leads to your unmasking before the prince. By rights it should mean your death, but Prince Shouto seems to have another plan in mind... CONTENT: Prince Shouto, AFAB fem reader, identity reveal, class differences, slight gender fuckery, historical sexism, implications of past sexual threats, vaguely Heian-era historical Japanese setting, deep historical inaccuracy, SFW (2.2k) NOTES: This was a barely-edited unplanned little thought demon I had to exorcise lol, thank you for being patient with me. Back to our regularly scheduled programming soon.

Your breast bindings were missing.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

You flipped your sleeping mat again, clawing through your blankets frantically, hoping you’d somehow missed them the first time. But only the tatami floor stared back up at you—strands of woven rice straw pale and bare.

You muttered a curse under your breath—you’d definitely forgotten to extract your bindings from where you’d shucked off yesterday’s robes, forgotten to squirrel them away before sinking into bed. And now they’d been whisked away by a palace maid to be laundered. Or worse, discovered.

Your eyes darted through your small sleeping chamber frantically, seeking a solution. You were already late for Prince Shouto’s first lesson of the day, and you needed all the time you could get with him today. You’d promised the Minister of Rites that you’d have a word with the prince, to try to persuade Shouto to accept the wife he was so persistently putting his advisors off on.

You were, after all, the prince’s closest confidant—his personal secretary and calligraphy tutor, an unthreatening eunuch from the lower classes with whom Shouto was clearly most at ease. And at least most of that was true—you did have Prince Shouto’s trust, friendship, and respect, as much as a member of the imperial family could bestow on a commoner, anyway.

If he was going to listen to anyone on the subject of taking a wife—at the very least one concubine, if not his future empress—it would be his trusted friend the eunuch.

There was just one very important detail that everyone, even His Highness, was mistaken about on that account.

One blasted detail that could get you killed at best were anyone to figure it out.

Your eyes fell back to your blankets, and you immediately grabbed two fistfuls, yanking as hard as you could until you felt the fabric give, the rip and tear echoing in the small space of your sleeping chamber. You kept ripping until a strip came free, a little smaller than what you usually had to work with.

But you were not about to complain, not at a time like this.

You flung the strip down to scrabble with the tie of your underrobe, unknotting it with fumbling fingers. You were just about to fling it off of you when there was a careful knock against the screen of your door.

You didn’t manage to stifle your reflexive scream, stumbling through a half-executed turn towards the door. The screen was suddenly thrown back with alarming force, Prince Shouto’s figure filling the doorway.

You yanked your shirt closed again, panicking, as you caught sight of the concern on his handsome face. You barely registered the other details, mind tripping over excuses, unable to appreciate the way his shoulders looked all the broader in his sokutai the way you normally did.

“Are you well?” Shouto demanded, his normally soft tone a little ragged. You watched his mismatched eyes dart quickly around your chambers, as if seeking a threat, only to drop back to you when there was none.

“Your Highness,” you said, lost for anything else.

“I heard—there was a scream,” he said, his eyebrows scrunching the tiniest bit.

He always looked his most beautiful when he was confused, you thought, focusing hard on a particular problem. Not that a common woman had any business thinking anything about the crown prince, never mind a woman masquerading as a man. But it was hard to ignore a face that beautiful, the way his gaze sharpened with focus, full mouth pursing as he thought through a problem.

He looked like that now as his gaze darted over you. And then suddenly his eyes dipped to your collarbone, and his features went perfectly, horribly still.

An elegant hand reached back, and he immediately drew the screen closed behind him, eyes never leaving you as he took another step into the room.

You stumbled back, almost tripping over your bedding. You did not dare to turn towards him or away, scuttling sideways instead like a nervous crab.

“Your Highness,” you began again, heart shooting into your mouth when Shouto’s long fingers tangled in your undershirt.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, his tone softening. You gripped your shirt closed as hard as you could against the tug of his fingers. “Did something happen?”

“N-nothing,” you stammered, not liking the way it made him clearly more suspicious. “I was just changing.”

But Shouto’s beautiful, cursed eyes dipped to your bedding, where the torn strip lay across your blankets in plain sight. You could almost see the calculation as his eyes widened the tiniest fraction, and his grip tightened on your robes. Of course he’d seen it, and of course it looked like a wound dressing you’d just been about to apply.

He took another step closer, too close, until you could feel the heat of him through your sleeve, smell the sweet blend of dried herbs the servants kept his clothing stored with.

You tried to twist out of Shouto’s grip without rucking up your shirt, but his hold was too strong.

“Let me see,” he ordered in his soft, low tone. Your heartbeat kicked up higher, hammering in your chest so hard it could have broken a rib.

It was a death sentence to ignore an order from a member of the imperial family. It was also a death sentence to reveal what you’d been these many years. You hoped Prince Shouto, something of a friend to you, would let you off lightly for ignoring him.

“Please, Your Highness,” you said, clinging even harder to the closure of your shirt. “I will be ready in just a moment, I am simply running late. I beg your forgiveness.”

But if there was one thing about the crown prince, it was that he was stubborn, bullheaded when it came to the ideas and goals he took seriously. And he had always made it clear he took your friendship seriously.

That perfect mouth shifted into a frown. “I order you to let me see,” he said, his tone still soft but firm. “You will let me.”

You froze under his hands, muscles locking up in panic. Shouto was still between you and the door, and your chambers were not wide enough for you to slip around him without him being able to easily catch you. He was also, unfortunately, extremely quick with sharp reflexes honed by years of swordsmanship. There would be no escaping this situation.

Fuck. Fuck, you were out of ideas.

“Hold still,” Shouto commanded gently, long fingers prying your stiff ones away from the shirt ties. You watched his face in mute panic, not wanting to see the flash of betrayal and disgust, but unable to look away as he prised your robes aside. Shame heated your cheeks.

Shouto’s long eyelashes dipped, before his gaze froze on your chest. For a second, he went as stiff as you. Then he was yanking your robes closed again, a watercolor of pink washing across the bridge of his nose and those high cheekbones.

His eyes darted back to yours, his expression perfectly still though his face was flushed. “You never told me,” he said accusingly.

The right thing to do in this situation was to go to your knees in a kowtow and beg for his mercy, but Shouto still had a grip on your robes and did not look like he meant to let go. You ducked your head in as much of a bow as you could manage, your face warm. “Your Highness, I have no excuse. I have betrayed you.”

When you had concocted this scheme, you had wanted to put yourself beyond the reach of a local official back in your home village. His advances were becoming increasingly aggressive, and as a common woman, you had no recourse. You could only escape into a place where his rule was circumvented by a superior one, where no man would think to have an interest in you.

You had not intended to become Prince Shouto’s tutor, had not anticipated the true risk of your gambit until it was already too late. But you would still rather die than be returned into the hands of your village’s preceptor.

If this is how it ended…

“I have compromised you,” Shouto’s voice startled you out of your memories.

You glanced up at him, befuddled.

Shouto’s fingers twisted in your robes. “Just now, and—all the many times we have been alone until now. I did not know.”

Honor and compromise were the least of your concerns right now, and would matter even less in the event of your death. You did not know where the prince meant to go with this.

“Your Highness, you were not expected to know,” you said, shame coiling in your belly. You would make the same choices you had made over again, if given the chance, but you had never meant to betray Shouto. You had genuinely liked him, and you would regret losing the chance to be by his side in the years to come.

Shouto’s eyes flicked over you in some kind of assessment. He lifted one hand from your shirt, gasping your scholar’s cap and tugging it free from your hair. You felt his fingers tangle so very gently in the strands of your hair, seeking out the ties and pins.

Your own eyes traced over him as he did, drinking in the firm planes of his chest in his sokutai, the dark blue a beautiful contrast with his pale skin. You heard pins dropping to the ground beside you, as Shouto rubbed a strand of your hair between his fingers. He seemed to be evaluating you in a new light, relearning your appearance though a clearer lens.

Disgust and betrayal were not evident in how delicately he was handling you. You did not know what this meant.

“They will put you to death if they know,” Shouto said, eyes slowly moving from the hair between his fingers to your face again. “You cannot hide like this forever.”

You did not know what other choice was to be had. If Shouto did not plan to put you to death himself, then what other choice did you have than to go on pretending?

Shouto’s gaze dropped to your mouth and you realized you’d spoken the thought aloud.

“There is one other way to put you beyond the reach of the court,” he said slowly.

You felt your eyebrows raise in question. “I cannot think of it, Your Highness.”

Shouto absently curled the strand of your hair about his fingers, the little crease between his perfect eyebrows appearing again. He looked the way he did when he played games with his strategy tutor, or when he was thinking hard on a new sword form.

“The ministers wish for me to take a wife,” Shouto said softly. “My household is mine to manage alone.”

Outside the laws of the court, he meant. A strange flutter went through you, heat spotting your cheeks again. Shouto’s presence before you was suddenly magnified a hundred fold, and you became singularly aware of the breadth and height of him, the heat of him almost against you.

“You do not want a wife,” you said, well aware of the many years he’d spent bullheadedly resisting the idea.

“I do not want any the ministers have selected for me,” Shouto corrected.

Your whole body felt flushed again. He meant he was amenable to you.

You had never let yourself think it but he was more than amenable to you as well.

“I would keep you safe,” he promised.

You almost slumped to the floor in relief, only Shouto’s grip on you keeping you upright. You would not die. You would not be returned to your village. You would, through all of this, it seemed, keep Shouto’s friendship.

“I know you would,” you said.

Shouto understood your acceptance. Slowly his fingers untwined themselves from your hair, and he drew your robes more firmly around you. Your body burned hot, still, stomach fluttering under his renewed brand of regard.

“I will arrange it quickly,” Shouto said. “You must stay here. I will send someone for you.”

You nodded.

Shouto looked regretful as he stepped back from you. “We will do it properly, later,” he said. “I will pay my respects to your family.”

You waved a hand frantically, shocked by the idea of the future emperor making his bows in your family’s rundown hut. It was not as though you would be his first-ranked wife or empress! He did not need to pay any respects to the family of a concubine out of a common family!

“There is no need,” you insisted, but Shouto was already turning towards the door. You could see by the set of his shoulders this was another thing he meant to be stubborn about.

“I will honor my first and only wife,” he said, turning to pin you with that heterochromatic gaze.

Your mouth dropped open in shock, but you had no time to reply before he was sliding the door closed behind him again, leaving you alone with the sudden weight of the statement. It had all happened so quickly, you had never expected that Shouto meant what he did.

You wondered what it meant that Shouto had made such a promise so readily, when he had known the truth about you for only minutes.

And you wondered if, like your original entry into the palace, you were getting yourself into something far beyond what you initially understood.

[prkhaven]

YOU BELONG TO ME -p.js, p.sh-

The one who warms your bed and gives what you’ve never had before—love is suddenly overruled by his brother whose willing to show you what true love is

pairing— fwb’s brother!jay x fem!reader x fwb!sunghoon

genre: smut minors do not interact, beauty behind madness, angst, slight fluff, friend with benefits au, friend with benefits’ brother au, park twin brothers, sibling rivarly, love triangle, p with plot, p with feeling

wc: 27.2k

-all warnings below cut-

warnings: morally ambiguous characters, profanity, toxicity, manipulation, possessiveness, arguing, kissing, mention of family member passing

smut warnings: unprotected sex (uh don’t do that), multiple sex scenes, p in v, dirty talk, marking, praising, degradation, creampies, fingering, riding, handjob, some spanking, cum eating, slight choking, dry humping, oral(f rec.), usage of nicknames(princess, baby, slut, good girl)

You don't know how long you've been standing staring at the large portrait on the wall. Your body was achingly sore and the only piece of fabric you were wearing was your friend, Sunghoon's oversized shirt.

You somehow managed to slip away from his bearlike hold as he was sound asleep to use the bathroom but you stumbled upon the portrait dead center on the wall in the hallway that you walked through countless of times nevering noticing until now.

As you analyzed it, you wondered how you never paid attention to it earlier. You tilted your head to the side, zeroing your focus to the other person beside Sunghoon in the portrait, Park Jongseong or how Sunghoon referred to him the very few times he did talk about him, Jay, his twin older brother.

His sharp jawline, the butterfly shaped birthmark on the side of his neck, the earrings on his ear, his sharp piercing gaze and slicked hair with an undercut made you furrow your eyebrows feeling the slight downward frown tugging at your lips as he felt all too familiar but you couldn't seem to place a finger on where you've seen him before.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand creeping onto your waist, pulling you as a kiss was planted on the side of your face, "What's in that pretty head of yours princess?" Sunghoon's deep morning voice whispered into the shell of your ear which usually made you weak but this time it didn't as you were too preoccupied by the portrait

"You never talk about your brother Hoonie" Your gaze remained on Jay's stoic face which didn't go unnoticed by Sunghoon who normally would soften to mush by the nickname only you were allowed to use

However, the mere mention of his brother falling through your lips fueled something nasty within him.

Sunghoon took a glance at the portrait you never once looked away from even when he appeared next to you. He stared at the photo remembering how his father proudly put the portrait up when it first arrived.

His expressionless face now held a deep scowl the more he looked at the picture or more so at his brother beside him in the photo whose gaze he interpreted to be nothing more than pure judgment and disappointment towards him and that angered Sunghoon.

His grip on your waist tightened as he ripped his eyes away from the picture to begin planting desperate kisses from your cheek down to your neck to get your attention away from the portrait, off his brother.

"Let's go back to bed mhm?" Sunghoon hummed against your neck causing you to giggle from the ticklish manner, he smirked in satisfaction that he was able to garner your attention back onto him where it belonged, not on his brother

You tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge as you thought he would've, "You need to go get ready, you have class toda-" You were interrupted by his lips capturing yours in a haste to shut you up

"I think I'll miss class today" Sunghoon mumbled against your lips as he fully wrapped his arms around you as he turned his back to the picture as he ushered you back to his room

You smiled in the kiss allowing yourself to be guided right back into the very room and bed you knew far too well to just be considered Sunghoon's friend.

Your hands ruffled in his hair as the kiss grew more feverish and when his lips detached from yours to trail back to your neck with hopeless need to mark you for everyone to see, you let out breathless gasps as he sucked on your neck running the wet stride of his tongue against the burning blemish slowly growing on your neck to soothe it before moving to an unmarked patch on your neck to continue his burning desire to completely devour you up.

He kicked open his bedroom door and not wanting to let you go for even a second he used his foot to close the door because if the portrait was out of sight, it was out of mind.

Yet, his harsh tug on your skin through his teeth made you unconsciously open your eyes, your gasps became louder from his growing desperation and through your half lidded eyes and the few seconds before his bedroom door closed, you caught a glimpse of the portrait once again.

You didn't know why Sunghoon avoided any conversation involving his brother however, what ate you up the most was why Jay seemed so familiar to you.

But the thought ended the moment Sunghoon's bedroom door slammed shut, his mouth going further down your neck to your collarbone as you were led right back into his bed.

ᥫ᭡.

Before the start of you and Sunghoon, you lived in the peaceful life you worked so hard to create for yourself, forgetting mostly of the taints of your haunting past but it wasn’t until he showed up that there was a shift in your said peaceful life. 

You never anticipated crossing paths with him and yet one day you found him waiting outside your lecture for you. At first he spewed nonsense that went through one ear and out the other but he brought your attention to the failing paper shoved in your face.

You looked between him and the paper wondering what his failing grade had to do with you but when he asked if you could tutor him, you kindly declined offering someone who would be more than willing to help him but he was adamant on having you as his tutor. 

And it didn’t stop there. You didn’t know how stubborn he was at the first but you were quick to realize; Sunghoon wanted, needed, you to be his tutor for whatever reason that he always made sure to greet you whenever he saw you, would even offer to hold your bag noticing how you rubbed your sore shoulder because of it or how he would randomly gift you things that he oddly knew you liked.

You weren’t sure if he was doing this for you to convince you to become his tutor or simply because he was bored and wanted to meddle into your life but after weeks of him following you around like a lost puppy you finally caved in and agreed to become his tutor. 

When his bright smile showed the two teeth like fangs that peaked out hearing the agreement fired something causing a twinge tingle in your brain. 

You thought that would be the end of it. However, instead of only seeing him during the tutoring sessions, you began seeing him everywhere.

Your life was suddenly becoming immersed with him that soon enough you were able to spot him in any crowd.

Now you weren’t sure if it was because of an illusive spotlight beaming down on him or if it was just the reflectiveness of the bracelet he seemed to always wear shimmering in the light but in every and any sea of people he shone brightly making it easy for you to spot him from a mile away.

Even when you were out late, Sunghoon would glimmer in all his glory after magically appearing out of the shadows since he happened to be out too and would end up tagging along wherever you were going, abandoning his own plans to be with you. 

It was awkward and quiet at first not knowing what to talk about outside of the sessions but whenever you spewed something to get rid of the silence, he listened even when you deemed it pointless because to him it wasn’t. 

Inching closer to Sunghoon the more you saw him to the point that he began picking you up and dropping you off at the university every time you had class even when he didn’t.

And if you ever needed to go somewhere, all you needed was to mention it to him and he’ll bring you there no questions asked.

He was also now never empty handed when he knew he would be seeing you, especially when you were seeing each other practically everyday. He’d have gifts ready to be left in the passenger seat you always found yourself sitting in or in hand waiting to be directly handed to you.

Sunghoon is stubborn yet he is more confusing than ever. You wondered how he suddenly appeared in your life out of nowhere, seeming to have a greater goal in mind that went beyond just simple tutoring and far beyond a regular friendship.

He would always move you to the inside of the sidewalk to let him walk on the outside. Making his own way that he deemed the only efficient way to garner your attention was by poking your cheek whenever you weren’t giving enough attention to him. 

And what confused you the most was when he picked up a fallen eyelash off your cheek giving a soft smile looking at you and for a split second you caught his eyes shifting to your lips before blowing the eyelash away in hopes of making his wish come true.

Sunghoon was confusing and slick that you never knew what his next move could be.

There was just so much of him to unravel that you needed time to dissect every inch of him to understand a little piece of him and without realizing it, you were becoming so accustomed to his presence in your life that you couldn’t remember what it was like without him in it. 

ᥫ᭡.

On a late afternoon you were sitting next to Sunghoon in his room zoning out as you waited for him to finish the assignment questions. It’s been over 5 hours you’ve been over trying to help him understand the material and you felt like your own head was going to fall off. 

Coming back to your senses when feeling a poke to your cheek, “What’s in that head of yours?” You blinked realizing how you were staring at him instead of the wall like you thought you were

Sunghoon, playing with the pen that poked your cheek, smirked smugly as he watched your faltering gaze quickly move from his, choosing to ignore his question as you now looked over the various photo frames on his desk.

There was a family picture, a beautiful one at that. You looked over and saw how Sunghoon resembled the woman in the picture greatly.

But when you caught the person on the opposite end of the Sunghoon who looked similar to him looking straight ahead both on each end of the man in the middle, not a single emotion on their face or in their eyes made a shiver run up your spine the more you looked at it. 

You tried to look away but you couldn’t. So to avoid any more awkwardness, you innocently were going to ask if that was his brother, whom you’ve never seen around, in the photo but he spoke before you could, “I have something for you”

Your eyes looked away from picture to Sunghoon seeing how he fully turned towards you opening a necklace case that you didn’t notice he pulled out, “I found this the other day” He softly said but it felt muffled in your ears

Your jaw dropped as your eyes trailed up from the case to Sunghoon’s worried expression that was replaced with a shy warm smile when you looked at him. 

It was the very necklace you mindlessly mentioned once during a late night call with him that you never managed to get after it was sold out right when you had just enough money to buy it.

And yet here it was being presented to you by none other than Sunghoon. 

“You didn’t”

It was common for him to get random gifts for you that surrounded what you liked even when you told him it wasn’t necessary but this gift… It was different, it laid heavy on your heart. 

Sunghoon carefully pulled out the dainty necklace, placing the open case onto his desk with the discarded assignment and unclasped it, getting up from his seat and walking behind you.

“But I did.” His voice low and stern making you weak in the knees that you were grateful for the chair you were sitting in for holding you up

You felt the cold metal against your skin as he placed it around you, your breathing silently shuddering seeing the reflection in the mirror at the corner of his room.

Sunghoon standing behind you, the necklace you’ve been wanting is finally around your neck.

You unconsciously touch your necklace, admiring its simplicity but now great value. 

Sunghoon leveled his head next to yours, his eyes looking directly at you through the mirror, “Pretty” He softly whispered, a faint smile ghosting his face 

Unable to remove your eyes from him in the mirror, you let yourself get captivated by the moment, the necklace, him. 

With small hesitance he pressed his lips against your head. There was a harsh thump against your chest. What is he doing?

But you recklessly turned without realizing how close the two of you would be. 

His nose bumped with yours as he continued looking at you. You couldn’t look away. You knew Sunghoon was attractive but seeing him upclose made you realize he always had been and forever will be. 

He looked deeply into your eyes, making you gulp harshly trying to rationalize your mind and body but you were betrayed by your heart and the desire you’ve been pushing away from wherever it came from and when it started even though you weren’t sure when that was. 

Slowly easing in closer he heard the light shake of your breath as your lips grazed before finally landing on each other.

The kiss started off with your lips solely on each other but he felt when you melted right into it, your mouth beginning to move wanting more and he held back a smile, this was exactly what he wanted. 

In your mushed mind you comprehended that you were far past the blurred line to the point of no recognition of what you thought was a friendship with Sunghoon as it now became more. 

Your hand balled into fist to stop the itch from entangling it in his hair but like he sensed it, he grabbed your hand prying it open with his fingers to place it at the back of his head as it grasped his hair igniting a soft groan from him. 

Rising from his leveled position he grabbed your chin tilting your head up in order to provide access to your neck where his hand gilded up and down as he continued to kiss you.

As your neck was craned up, too engrossed in his lips you didn’t notice him sitting back on the chair until you felt his hands travel from neck down to your waist as your fingers raked through his hair, loving how it slotted right through as you pulled him closer to you than he has ever been. 

Allowing you, Sunghoon let you contort his body in any way you want, as long as you kept your lips on his. 

The kiss became desperate as your teeth clashed together, the lack of air making you both lightheaded and the harsh tugs to his hair with his guidance making you sit on his lap. You slotted your legs on each side of his hips as you trapped his head in between your arms as he kissed all the oxygen out of you. 

“Let me take care of you” The foreign intimate words fell from his mouth landing right through your ears to your hazy mind and beating heart

When you pulled away from the kiss not sure if you heard him right you saw a desperate gleam in his eyes that sent you afloat straight into the gripping lustful cloud that’s been waiting to grasp you and hold you. 

Not saying anything, you allowed yourself to be pulled in by him like a magnetic pull as you landed your lips right onto his again. 

Sunghoon smiled pleased by the response even if there were no words spoken, your actions spoke louder than any words that could possibly be said. 

He wrapped a strong arm around you to flush your chest against his as his freehand inched higher until it reached your neck to softly grab it.

You squealed, feeling the tight squeeze on your neck providing him the access he needed for his tongue to slip past your mouth and into the territory he’s been waiting to explore.

His arm that held you went to play with the hem of your shirt before slipping under it, letting his hands roam free on your bare back.

The tighter tug on his hair and the feeling of goosebumps on your skin was his direct sign, his finger massaged at your neck, feeling the structure of it as he tugged on your bottom lip to slip his tongue back in. 

Push and pull feel on your neck made you arch your back feeling his other hand traveling higher up your back finding the clasps of your bra and playing the metal.

He pulled his lips away from your swollen ones making you pout that he pulled away. He looked at you with a small smile, finding you cute. 

So needy, he placed a long kiss to satisfy you just enough until he kissed in between your jaw and neck, having you throw your head back to provide him all the access in the world. How easily you did this was more than enough to show him how you must've been waiting for this.

He felt bad depriving you for long but it’s okay now. He’s here. 

When he easily found your sweet spot, gasps fell from your swollen lips. His fingers playing with the skin of your neck when his mouth sucked on some other part.

If it weren’t for him holding on to you, you would’ve crumbled right to his bedroom floor.

“Already weak” He mumbled as he sucked on your sweet spot wanting to emit the noises that were muffled before by his mouth 

Your mouth slacks as soft moans fall out, your body curving to his teasing touch, his lips trailing all over your neck from right to left to left to right, always stopping in the center to kiss all the way up to catch your lips for a moment before going back to your neck. 

The woozy feeling coursing through you had your hips rocking in his lap whenever he’d suck on your sweet spot harsher to hear you squeal. Getting lost in the sensation that was taking over your body, you were hot all around.

Your panties clung to your soaked entrance easily from the fast rocks of your hips, telling what you want or how your body interprets it, what you need.  

Sunghoon’s hands rested at your rocking hips guiding them faster, “Such a dirty slut, humping all over my lap” He chuckled but his words made the sensation in your stomach grow more

You landed your head in the crook of his neck as desperate whines spilled out of you. The clothed friction against your soaked self made you feel such a pleasure you’ve never felt before.

It jolted you to land on top of his hardened cock that was kept in the restraints of his pants, making him hold back a deep groan feeling you right on top of him.

“Please” You breathlessly pant hoping the single word plea was enough for him to understand what you mean 

But Sunghoon liked seeing this foreign side of you, seeing how desperate you are– willing to dismantle yourself just to get him, “Please what?” He halted your rocked making you whine pathetically 

“Anything… Just Pl-Please” You knew what he wanted from you, to beg for him but wanting to save the last bit of dignity you had you didn’t want to give in, you tried to grind your hips again but he only sent a slap on your ass making you yelp 

“I asked for clarification slut” He tsked loudly pushing you off his lap only to have you tightly wrap around his body to stop him, shaking your head but you needed clarification yourself 

Did you not want him to push you away or was it that your pride wouldn’t allow you to speak out on what you were begging for?

Feeling the shaking of your buried head in his neck, he scoffed a smirk before slipping his hand between your meshed bodies to wrap around your neck holding your jaw in the process to push you away to have you face him. 

Your eyes looked away from Sunghoon but with his hand tightening around your neck, it finally made your hesitant eyes meet him only to see how he was completely unphased as he stared right past your strong facade to see you. 

It felt like he was looking deep into your soul and reading every single thought that ever crossed your mind, seeing and judging the burning desire in you that needed to be free to soar, “Go on, tell me what you want?” He huskily chuckled

“Want me to teach you just what fast is? Mhm?” He raised a teasing eyebrow, his fingers playing at the sides of your neck seeing how your eyes flickered away from his

Content with your lack of response, it wasn’t nearly enough to make him satisfied. He selfishly wanted more. “Or are you looking to get fucked hard?”

He smirked when he heard you incoherently mumbling. He pulled your head next to his by your neck to have your mouth grazing the shell of his ear, “What did you say?” The dark rumble of his voice made your body weak

You tugged at the bottom of your lip having to decide to throw away your pride, to accept his terms and with a mumbled as loud as your voice would allow, “Please fuck me Sunghoon” 

His grin grew wider while his mind now filled with demand to give you everything that you could possibly ever want, needing to spoil you in the way you asked him for. 

“Good girl” He whispered letting go of your neck tapping the side of your hips, the echoing sounding throughout the room telling you to move your hips again

You started grinding again on his clothed cock as your hands landed on his shoulders, eyes shut tight shivering from the sensation of your clothed core rubbing to the dent in his pants while his hand slipped past your shirt to unclasped your bra. 

Sunghoon moved your bra away just enough to cup one of your breasts with his hand, his thumb creasing your hardened nipple before tugging on it making you jump.

Your grinds grew frantic chasing the familiar build up in your stomach, “Sunghoon- Sunghoon” You breathlessly chanted his name as he was all that you could think of

He liked hearing his name coming from you, he thinks he could listen to you forever when he was the one making you feel this way. Your hips stammered in their movements as you could feel the nearing of your climax. You couldn’t believe you were getting off on his lap this easily but your body reacted the way it wanted to him. 

Your fingers deep into his shoulder blades as he altered between your breasts roughly pinching them to then soothe the burning sensation while his other hand laid on the base of your ass, helping your weakening ruts on his crotch to help reach your high.

Whenever you dared to stop even just for a moment, he’d smack your ass harshly making you whine loudly, pushing your tired body to continue further if you wanted to come. 

“Keep going. Come in your pants for me” He teased and the soak of your panties beginning to seep through to your pants made your cheeks burn from embarrassment but it felt too good to care about it

The movements of your hips only grew faster chasing the feeling until you were overwhelmed by it, your loud moan and his low groan mixed together as you came in your pants making you cringe at your pure desperate action. 

Sunghoon fondled with the material of your pants moving your hips again having you shudder on his lap, shaking your head unable to handle the overstimulation and he had to stop himself from laughing. You were so cute like this. 

He stopped the grinding movements and placed a kiss on the side of your head as he hiked your shirt higher and higher, tapping at your skin to put your arms up to let him remove your shirt and bra in a single motion, throwing them somewhere in his room to be forgotten. 

Yet, he didn’t think this through. This was the very first time he’s ever seeing you like this, so compromising, so needy, so perfect just for him.

Your pretty face flushed, the perk of your nipples rose up and down following your pants and how the necklace he bought you rested against your collarbone glimmering in the dim lighting, he slipped just for a second.

Noticing his eyes never moving from your exposed body, your cheeks burned more as you covered yourself with your arms which he quickly stopped before you could completely do so, “Don’t cover yourself…” He couldn't bear not being able to look at you

He looked up to see your eyes looking at him, a slight frown on your face, “You’re beautiful” His words melted the frown off your face making it flip.

Your lips tugged upwards allowing your arms to be pulled away as he leaned in to peck a soft kiss at your jaw before lowering to your breast. He followed the curve of your chest, he wanted to memorize every crevice, curve, dip, you had. 

His hands roamed freely on your body soothing your goosebump filled skin while your hands traced over his shirt before threading lower until you were between the hem of it and the waist of his pants. 

He softly grunted, nodding his head noticing your silent asking and without wasting time, you moved yourself away from his crotch. Unbuttoning his pants, you tugged at his belt loop and brought his pants along with his boxer in a teasing manner until it was just enough for his aching cock to spring out and hit his stomach. 

His angry tip leaked with precum with faint twitching every few seconds showing its desperate need made your body burn.

You may have underestimated him big time. He was big, really fucking big. 

You tried to hide your wavering eyes and harsh gulp as you stared at him before grabbing him at the base, softly dragging your hand up and down in a pace that didn’t meet his standard in the slightest but he was too occupied with how your hand felt wrapped around him, it was just perfect.

Sunghoon threw his head back when your thumb grazed his slit, smearing his precum all over his tip as your thumb was coated with it without a care in the world.

His chest rose and fell with each heavy pant. Your hands were pure magic. You were wonderful. His mind is filled with your hand, the strokes you were giving him, your soft hums, just you. 

You smiled seeing how the roles were easily reversed and you had him falling apart for you.

Moving your hand in the slow jerking motion made Sunghoon grow frustrated, he grabbed your wrist to move your hand faster on his cock, “Taking so long” He spat, “Never jerked someone off before?” His eyes screwing shut when you picked up in pace sending immense pleasure throughout his body 

The more he twitched in your hand the more you knew he was growing closer to his climax, you pushed away his holding hand on your wrist, continuing the same pace he was guiding you in.

His now free hand lazily rested on your hip playing with the fabric of your pants and you knew what it meant. 

This time you were the one smirking from the scene before you. Through half lidded eyes he saw your egotistical smile, the outline of your body illuminated by the lamp on his desk making it feel like you were sent to him. 

Even when he was the one searching for you, you were the one who found him ready to save him. 

His attempts to unbutton your pants wanting nothing more but to absolutely devour you whole were futile as you pumped him with a faster pace.

His hands shook unable to get a proper opening to get your pants off, “F-fuck” He groaned when you squeezed his cock every few times then teasing his tip with achingly soft pinches, hiding your smile

You stared at your working hand, admiring how he looked in your hold before trailing up to look at his half lidded ones trying to look at you barely being able to hold them open from the pleasure.

Without any warning, you felt the spurts coming out of his tip landing all over your hand and some even landing on your bare stomach.

Sunghoon shuddered, his cock twitching at your continuous pumps even through his orgasm on his still hard on, “Sh-Shit, you milking me or wha-What?” He grunted, his body beginning to shake from the stimulation 

You were making him fall apart for you just by your hands and he hasn’t had someone make him like this before, ever.

When you finally stopped, pulling away from his mess covered cock from your cum covered hand, you brought your hand to lick it clean.

You gruntled tasting the salt bitter taste of his release but it still managed to satisfy your taste buds. He heard you. The opening of your mouth and when he focused just enough he heard the stride of your tongue gliding.

Fuck you were licking your hand clean and he was missing the entire thing because he couldn’t open his damn eyes.

He gulped trying to catch his breath trying to recollect his puddle of a mind. There was never a time he orgasmed by hands alone.

So when it came to you ripping one out of him just like that, he was shocked, confused with his own body and possibly his own mind. 

“Sunghoon?” Hearing your voice soft and careful erupted something in him and his twitching cock

Without opening his eyes, he memorized your body on his lap far enough to successfully unbutton your pants without a single peek with the intention to rip them off of your body. 

You lifted yourself off his lap just enough as he finally opened his eyes to look at you with hungry eyes making your insides twist and turn into a bundle of knots.

Helping his hastiness, dragging down your pants along with your soaked panties until they somehow were able to drop to your ankle before kicking them off to the floor. 

Sunghoon pulled your body back down, the feel of your bare soaking pussy landing right on top of his cock made him groan and you whine.

He muffled the noises by crashing his lips onto yours, holding the back of your head to hold you close to him. There was a thump against his chest from the building excitement. 

Rocking your hips, feeling his cock slip in between your wet folds made you cry in the kiss from the delicious feel, “Can’t fucking wait, can you?” He bit your lip making you squeal but you didn’t stop kissing him

You hungrily continued, shaking your head innocently as you rocked your soaking core against his hard self. 

“Hoonie” You breathlessly spoke 

He hated being called nicknames, he despised every single one he was ever given but surprisingly not yours. Instead the singular nickname melted right through the cold facade he kept up for his entire life and burned him whole in a matter of seconds.

Normally he held himself highly in maintaining his rationality but now it lay long forgotten about in an empty abyss.

Stilling your pitiful grind, he grabbed his cock from the confinement of your folds to tap it against your bare stomach, insinuating you to lift your lower body for him. 

Without a second thought, you raised yourself watching how he aligned his leaking tip to your welcoming entrance.

The tingling feeling in your stomach of your nerves going haywire was replaced by the stretch of Sunghoon’s tip protruding slipping past your pussy walls inside of you. 

You hissed loudly as he started sinking you down, “W-Wait” You whimpered feeling the new stretch but he didn’t stop, resuming coating his shaft with your enticing walls

“Take it slut- Couldn’t wait a few seconds ago- Shit” His harsh words only fueled your arousal making it easier in between the crevices that were soon covered and filled by his cock being sucked in by you 

Clenching around him, he weakly slapped on the side of your ass followed by a harsher one after not being pleased with how quiet the first one was. 

His slaps made you jolt on his cock making you moan from the waves of pleasure that shot straight to your stretched out core. Gripping your neck, he brought himself to the shell of your ear, “Bet you’ve been waiting to be split open on my cock” He whispered, “Admit it slut” 

You couldn’t respond, only able to let out loud gasps as his long cock slipped deeper into you, filling you up in ways you never felt before, “Mhmm” You delirious rumbled making him frown, displeased with the minimum response 

“Hoonie- Want your cock…Please”

He froze. His hand on your neck loosened for a moment as all he could focus on was your soft pleas and whines. His mind clouded just for a moment before shaking it away.

You expected him to do all the work and that made him laugh, he let go of your neck to stroke the side of your face tooting his lips, “You wanted my cock, now work to please yourself” He tried to ignore just how perfectly you were engulfing him as he lazily lied back in the chair but each squeeze you gave around him made him feel good, so good. “Start working” 

Having to see the smug tug of his lip made you frown but too overcome with need to put up any type of fight, you slowly raised your lower body up his length before sliding back down making him let out a loud sigh of pleasure while turning his head to side as he watched where he disappeared inside of you only to reappear to just disappear again. 

Trying to get used to the stretch and fullness you felt, you let out pathetic wails as you bounced on him, swaying your hips around feeling how he moved inside of you and soon the pain was replaced by a pleasurable sensation. 

Your slow pace turned into a faster one. The sound of his low grunts and your louder moans, the meet of his crotch against your skin as you rode him filled the room. 

His hands dug into the flesh of your hips giving guidance to your bouncing self on him, watching how your breast moved with each of your hops, “Hoonie” You mewled 

You’re going to call him that every single time, he was going to make sure of it.

“The only one that could ever make you feel this way” Sunghoon wanted to plant that thought deep into your mind to make sure you never forget, only he could ever make you feel like this.

The feel of his tip kissing your cervix as he slipped in and out of you made you fall apart all over him, throwing your head back from the pleasure, your hands holding onto his shoulder for support, bouncing up and down at an arrhythmic pace just to keep some type of sense of having him deeply buried in you engraved in each crack of your brain. 

Sunghoon’s fingers grabbed your necklace forcing your thrown back head up to lift to see him through your heavy eyelids.

You mewled loudly as you felt his sudden fast thrust meeting your weaker ones, “Open your eyes… Look at me” He sent a spank to your ass making you yelp in the mix of your moans and mewls

“This is what you wanted, right slut? To get fucked hard by me?” Through your heavy lidded eyes, you saw his crazed filled ones watching your gaped mouth as endless noises fell out because of him. 

You furiously nodded. Through the perception you had for yourself and others to see and believe, deep down this was all you ever wanted. And Sunghoon saw all of it. 

He held your limp neck by your necklace, his thrusts reaching to where it could, sending you to height. Your lower body contorted, grinding up and down in an attempt to feel more of him in you, which you didn’t even think was possible, “Sunghoon- Please!” 

The loud smack of your ass made you cry as you could feel the burning sensation, “Not my fucking name” Sunghoon grunted

“Hoonie! Hoonie” You expressed the nickname you made for him, “Please Hoonie” You pleaded not sure what you were asking for but somehow Sunghoon knew 

He brought your body to press against him as he snapped his hips harder making you wrap your arms around his shoulders to leverage off of him.

The obscene noise of your leaking entrance meeting all the way to the base of his cock made your stomach flutter and your mind short circuit as you could only focus on the knot forming in your stomach.

You scratched at Sunghoon clothed back, your moans falling directly in his ears as you clenched harder around him as he easily glided in and out of your welcoming hole.

Chanting his name like a prayer as he was the only thing that you could ever know. His mind was being overtaken by you. 

“Taking me so well. Fuck princess” The new more endearing nickname made you flutter all around him, enjoying it more than you should’ve 

He let go of your necklace wrapping his arm over your back to hold your crumbling body sending another harsh slap sent to your ass making you whine as he rubbed his hand over it to soothe the reddening area, “Gonna fucking ruin you” 

Now that didn’t sound too bad.

With your foggy mind, you couldn't register the sentence that followed after, “Never letting you go”. You were too focused on the build up of pleasure in your stomach daring to snap at any moment that you only moaned louder at the words. 

His tip hitting the same spot in repetition without stopping for a second made all thoughts in your head useless unless it was about him, “Hoonie!” You repeated after yourself like a broken record and he could tell the way you tried to meet his thrust in attempts to savor the feeling

Noticing how your thrust became sloppier, the seeping arousal leaking everywhere below you and onto him, he grinned placing his hand at the back of your head, whispering loud enough for you to hear, “Make a mess on me you slut” 

Fuck, you felt good, Sunghoon made you feel so good. Through his relentless thrust, you clenched tightly around him feeling the wave of pleasure wash over you like a tidal wave unlike ever before. You took care of yourself every now and then but never once did it ever dismantle you like this.

Burying deep inside of you to help ride out your high and you came all over him more, the mix of your wetness and cum lathered around.

Watching your agape mouth and your tight shut eyes, Sunghoon admired your thrown back head as the relief your body felt washed over reaching the heights you’ve never felt before. 

This must be the universe's way of repaying him for everything he’s suffered through. Allowing him to have you and see you like this, so beautifully for him.

You soaked his cock in your cum, you were heavily breathing however the air got sucked back in as a loud wail erupted from your throat as you felt Sunghoon begin slipping in and out of you again.

Running a hand up and down your back to soothe your sensitive body, he whispered. “You can handle it right?” You were originally going to shake your head, the soreness of your stretched out walls was too much but the pleasurable feel was far greater than anything

You gave a weak nod unable to say a response, your mind gone in the cloud. Sunghoon felt beyond proud of you, he planted a kiss on your head before delivering a harsh snap reaching deeper into your walls that were molding to him.

With his arm holding around you, his shirt crumbled under your fingers as you held on tightly, supporting your stimulated body on his lap as he took over, allowing your body to lay on him as he did all the work now.

Something embroidered itself into his mind at that moment. His hand fondling with your ass, gripping onto it tightly before releasing it only to crease it sending a harsh slap making you yelp as his thrust met with your very faint ones, “Such a good fucking slut” He groaned as the mixed of your arousal and cum made it easier for his cock to ease out of you 

You whimpered feeling sudden emptiness but let out a loud gasp, your body moving forward pressing further against his when he reenterned you making you feel the fullness of his cock deep in you.

Your attempts to say anything to make him know how good he was making you feel were in vain as all that came out were strained moans, your voice becoming scratchy by how much you’ve been letting out. 

Through the muffle of your ears the lewd noises from your soaked self meeting with the base of his cock had you all over the edge again, the build up in your stomach forming. 

Sunghoon’s thrust became sloppy and irregular, the grip on your ass becoming harder that you could feel his fingers digging deep into the flesh of it, the connection between the two of you disappearing before reconnecting quickly, the build up daring to snap, “Sh-shit, almost there. Gonna be a good girl and take everything I give you” 

You gave rapid nods, your scratchy voice filling his ears, the tight clench around his aching cock. You’ll take everything. You’ll make him proud. 

“The most perfect pussy- Fuck!” Sunghoon’s mind too far gone to realize what he was saying, “Make you- Going to make you mine… Just for me” 

It didn’t soak into either of your minds to fully register, but there was a silent agreement of some sort. 

His sloppy thrust came to a stop as you felt the warm spurts inside of you painting your velvet walls pearly white of his cum.

Sunghoon screwed his eyes, the loudest groan rumbling out of him as your embrace around him grew tighter as his own climax prompted your third one.

Never before have you released not just once or twice but three damn times. 

As you and Sunghoon held onto each other feeling the sticky thin layer of sweat covering both of you but neither cared about it especially not when Sunghoon shallowly thrusted up to push his cum further inside of you.

His hand that tightly held your bottom now let go of the flesh, soothing the burning area by slowly rubbing in a more gentle manner. 

Your aching neck landed onto his shoulder, heaving trying to forbid yourself from crashing due to exhaustion. But oh was it really hard. Your body was more than willing to surrender as a warm feeling filled your insides. 

With his softened cock buried deep inside of you, he managed to let out a few praises, “You did so good, ‘m so proud of you” 

“Let me take care of you now” 

Somehow Sunghoon managed to read you like an open book that he didn’t even have to pry open. All he needed to do was crease the spine and you opened right up, welcoming him into your world. 

Your tensed body now softened in his arms, your heavy eyelids finally closing and your pants grew softer into slow deep breaths. He placed a sweet kiss on your temple allowing you to fully let go for him to take care of you.

“Rest princess”

You weren’t Park Sunghoon’s girlfriend and he wasn’t your boyfriend, you’re friends who happen to know what the other tastes like now.

ᥫ᭡.

In the passenger side of Sunghoon’s car he held up his phone to show the yet again 100 percent on his exam that you helped him study for.

His chest filled with pride as you showered him in praises. He worked hard for this so to be recognized by it, it made him feel good. 

You suddenly stopped your praises when you felt Sunghoon’s threading fingers fall from the side of your face down to your jaw to your neck where he began playing with your necklace. 

Admiring your necklace, he softly smiled to himself making you roll your eyes knowing he was filled to the brim with confidence, “Whoever got you that necklace did a wonderful job” He complimented

“Should thank my sugar daddy, he wastes all his money on me like it’s nothing and bought it for me” You shrugged your shoulders like it was nothing earning a laugh from him 

Looping your necklace with his fingers he raised his eyebrows amused by your choice of words, “Daddy?” 

From the entire sentence you said that was the only thing he picked up on. You looked at his crazed filled eyes and you held back a smile.

There was a prickling feeling in your heart seeing his expression, there was more than meets the eye and you wanted to delve straight into it.

You shoved Sunghoon back to the driver seat sneering at his response, “Nasty” 

He laughed heartily landing back in his seat, “You’re the one that said it” Raising his hands up in innocences but he was far from it well in bed at least

“I said other things too-” You were interrupted by him grabbing the back of your head to kiss you. Your eyelids felt heavy as you entered cloud 9, melting into the kiss. Your eyes closed as you were insatiably dragged into Sunghoon

He smirked, feeling how you easily gave up any control and handed it to him.

He adored you, he really did. Everything that he could ever wish for and it was you, “I really have to go” He murmured, he had to be at the airport in less than 5 minutes to go pick up his father and it was at least a 30 minutes drive, 40 minutes now because of rush hour 

He needed to leave now but he couldn’t seem to let go of you just yet, his lips messily clashed with yours. His hands falling to your cheek to cup it to deepen the kiss. Your heart filled with glee and warmth as his mouth perfectly moved with yours.

“Then pull away Hoonie” 

The damn nickname that made him surrender to you. He wasn’t going to pull away. His father can wait until he arrives.

Sunghoon shifted his body to face you as he ate away at your lips, he sucked at your bottom lip which easily gave him access to slip right on through.

Mind filled with haze and craze for you, he could do this forever. But you pulled away before he could fall too deep. 

He chased after your lips making you giggle and hearing you, he opened his eyes letting out his own disappointed sigh, “Make sure to drive safely” You soothed out his disheveled hair back to its somewhat regular state

Even though he was disappointed the kiss lasted so short, he was grateful for it, for you.

He smiled dumbly, nodding his head at every word you said even when it went in through one ear only to come out the other. 

You chuckled warmly seeing his dazed expression as you retracted your hand away from his regular styled hair, “Let me walk you to the door at least” 

But the moment he helped you out of the car, you were pressed up against his car as he hurriedly slotted his lips onto yours before you could say anything. Not even 5 minutes ago he told you he needed to leave but your mind slipped only focusing on him now.

Your hands found their way to the nape of his neck as his hands rested on your waist, rubbing his thumb on your side, “Thought you needed to go” You giggled as his mouth trailed to the marks on your neck left by him

You let out a satisfied moan as he sucked on the sensitive marks, “I really do need to go” He mumbled but not once did he show intentions of stopping

“You should really stop then” Sunghoon laughed, him stopping? What a joke. 

You’re like an addictive feeling that he will cling onto forever, he’ll never allow anything or anyone to come in between and take you away from him. 

“I don’t think I ever could.” 

ᥫ᭡.

Sunghoon arrived an hour late to the airport.

He was going to receive an earful from his father for being late but it was worth the hassle of being later when he was able to spend some extra minutes with you.

From the moment he shifted the gear to park, he texted you and patiently waited until you responded back before even thinking about texting his father where he was in the parking lot. 

Others would see this as unfair but Sunghoon had his priorities. He got out of the car and leaned up against it to be able to greet his father first thing when seeing him after being away, but his mind went to how not even an hour ago he had pressed you up against it, kissing you silly until you forcefully had to shove him back in his car and send him on his way. 

He felt the buzz of his phone and he looked to see you texted him to let you know when he made it back home even if you were taking a nap which he knew was going to be highly likely.

His lips tugged upwards, chuckling out a smile of pure happiness as he texted back a response to not miss him too much and that he’ll visit you in your dream which he knew you scoffed at but secretly enjoyed.

“Hoon” 

The call of that damn nickname made his throat and mouth dry up like a desert.

His smile dropped immediately, pocketing his phone and straightening out his posture because instead of seeing his father who he came all this way to pick up in the first place, he saw his brother with luggages in hand. 

Seeing his twin brother in the flesh again made his heart drop to the pit of his stomach because staring right at him was his worst nightmare. 

“Jay?” 

・・・・・

Outside on the balcony, Sunghoon tightly held his phone over the rails, his head low and eyes shut trying to ignore the painful pressure against it.

His father’s single text flashed in his head on repeat. Not only would he have to bear unknown months again which he never minded, always enjoying being by himself with the exception of you staying over, keeping him company.

He had to deal with someone else now.

Groaning as he kept his eyes closed feeling like at any moment he was going to disintegrate into pure matter and then to nothing. 

Thinking the fresh air would help get rid of sticky tar slowly slowly surrounding him but it quickly engulfed him whole when he heard the aggravating voice of his brother, “Hoon?” Jay softly knocked on the balcony door frame and Sunghoon stopped everything in his will to not launch himself at Jay 

The headache growing and the clawing of his stomach eating him right up each second Jay is in his presence.

He continued to have his back facing Jay who knew he had every right to be furious at him yet hoped the time apart from each other would ease the unresolved tension between them just a little bit. 

“Dad told me you have a tutor” Jay hoped to lighten the already dark mood from the moment he stepped foot onto the balcony, “I was shocked that you, the ace student, needed a tutor but he said your tutor is able to put an equal if not greater of a fight than you” 

“I’m glad you have someone pushing your limits, exceeding your already high expectations”

Sunghoon scoffed in his head. His already high expectations? Jay will never come close to understanding the struggle of expectation from anyone let alone from their father.

For as long as he could remember, he’s been living in Jay’s shadow, never able to escape it until Jay left for university. That was the only time Sunghoon understood what true peace was.  

While Jay expected some type of retaliation, he received nothing, only noticing how the spinning of Sunghoon’s phone came to a sudden halt hearing the mention of you, his oh so wonderful tutor. 

From Sunghoon’s hanging phone held by his fingers Jay saw his lock screen, though unable to see it properly, he was able to make out Sunghoon’s arm that had the Tiffany and co. bracelet their late mother gifted him that he finally grew into after all these years draped over someone whose face he couldn’t see but could notice the very dainty necklace. 

Sunghoon despised taking pictures whenever they were forced to for family pictures or solo portraits.

So seeing him display a picture taken by a digital camera boldly—so proudly. He wondered what was the depth behind it.

But even past his curiosity, he felt a sickening gnaw at his stomach the more he looked at the lock screen but he didn’t know why.

It wasn’t until Sunghoon caught Jay’s attention on his phone screen that he quickly flipped his phone over before putting it into his pocket, clenching his jaw.

Jay hasn’t been back for an entire day but was already slipping too deep back into his life for his liking.

Jay watched the sudden shift of mood from Sunghoon, noticing how he became more defensive, placing the already high walls higher than ever before.

One of the main reasons why Jay even took up his father’s offer to finish his studies back home in the first place was because of this.

Longing to be back in his brother’s life again, just like how he used to be. He hated how things fell apart between Sunghoon and him and he needed to make things right, for that to happen the first thing he needed to do was address everything from the start. Just not the very beginning yet.

Too caught up in his own head Jay didn’t realized nor expected Sunghoon to be the one breaking the suffocating silence, “Thought you were supposed to finish your studies abroad” 

His eyes flickered a hint of surprise in them but he quickly pushed that away, “Dad came to visit, mentioned how it was pointless for me to be studying abroad while you stayed behind,” Jay sighed, placing his back against the rail feeling the cold steel seeping through his shirt to his skin

“He was right… We were supposed to go abroad together” He looked over to Sunghoon who only looked ahead of him an unreadable expression on his face

“You know I always wondered how many strings he had to pull just to secure a spot for you” Sunghoon sneered, “I mean you purposefully flunked your way out of the academy to live your fantasy normal life and somehow still managed to get accepted” Sunghoon shook his head letting out a mocking laugh after the harsh spat of words

Of course their father would do everything in his power to make sure his twin sons received the highest achievements and education, especially if it was Jay on the line. 

Ever since they were young, their father realized Jay’s natural leadership, his way of obtaining and retaining knowledge and being unafraid of learning from others or speaking out about his opinion.

It was determined from the very start that Jay would be the righteous heir to their father’s company and brushed it off to be because Jay was the eldest out of the two by 3 minutes which Sunghoon knew was a lie and it infuriated him. 

Why wasn’t he allowed to prove himself? He was more than capable of doing what Jay can do and could do it even better than him.

Sunghoon worked day and night after declaring he would attend a university abroad instead of staying. All just to prove himself to everyone, especially to his perfect twin brother Jay that he was capable of doing great things just like him.

Whatever Sunghoon wanted, Jay would unintentionally snatch right from under his nose in the blink of an eye. Their father's attention, the ease of academic intelligence, the endless showers of praises and love and sweeping the one he liked off her feet without even realizing it.  

“Hoon” Jay softly called out and Sunghoon hated that he still used the nickname

Hearing the nickname from his brother’s mouth, it didn’t ease his heart or comfort him, it only aggravated him more. 

“It doesn’t matter either way, I didn’t feel like going abroad” Jay let out a loud scoff

If there was one thing Jay knew for certain about his brother that would never change is that Sunghoon was determined to go abroad for university. It was all he ever worked towards during their school years, having sleepless nights, setting high expectations just to ensure he was the top student each school year and not only did he achieve it but he set the curve.

Jay knew Sunghoon. 

“You went on that plane with intentions to go” 

Sunghoon shook his head, the sickening smirk still on his face, “No, I went on that plane with the intention to leave you before we took off”

“I knew you wouldn’t leave if I said I was staying behind from the start so I went along with it until the time came. I just wanted to make you believed we were actually go to university together” 

There was a strong ringing in Jay’s ear. All this time Jay believed, trusted, Sunghoon boarded the plane with the intention to leave, for them to attend the same university together but just couldn’t overlook what happened only to find out now that he was never going to leave in the first place. 

This was when Jay realized he did not know Sunghoon. 

Jay wasn’t as prideful as Sunghoon at least not anymore, he is now willing to admit when he is wrong, when he’s made a mistake. It took him a while to reach this point but he was finally there, he just hopes he isn’t too late. 

“I’m sorry” 

A sudden apology. The apology Sunghoon waited so long to hear. But it only caused the said male to look over to his brother with narrow eyes, deeply frowning, bringing his hands to grip the balcony rails tightly. “What are you apologizing for?”

“For everything” Jay sighed pitifully feeling the glare Sunghoon was sending him, “I’m sorry” 

The apology did more harm than good in Sunghoon’s eyes, his grips around the rail burned more feeling the indents forming on his palm from it, “I don’t need your pity apology” He spat feeling the anger that was stowed away rising after the years

“It’s not a pity apology when it’s coming from my heart-”

“Shut up Jay” Sunghoon cut in not wanting to hear his brother’s words anymore, unable to forgive or forget and sweep everything under the rug just because Jay finally decided to apologize

“You still think you can have everything you want without having to break a sweat” Jay flinched from the roughness of Sunghoon’s voice booming to the quiet outside world into his ears “You think a lousy sorry is just going to fix everything?”

The raging build up that has been bubbling in him for all these years that all he needed was Jay’s attempt to apologize for his emotions to burst.

“Keep your apologizes, I don’t need them”

All these years of trying to outshine Jay’s shadow to just be seen by others only left Sunghoon tainted with heartbreak and he’s tired of all of it.

“Hoon-” Jay attempted to meddle in Sunghoon’s growing frantic state wanting to ease his younger brother but was cut off again before he could do so

“Do you still talk to her?” There was a defining moment of silence at the sudden mention of Sorin, the girl that cornered Jay and Sunghoon of no escape to the inevitable fall out between them

The reminder of Sorin’s existence left a bitter taste in both of their mouths. Sunghoon found it hilarious remembering how the only reason she tried so hard to get close to him in the first place was because she had ulterior motives for Jay, not for him. 

Sunghoon who liked her so much was left in the dust after having Jay chosen over him even when his brother was off living in his fantasy life at another school and didn’t even know about her until Sunghoon idiotically introduced them because no matter how hard Sunghoon tried to escape Jay, he would always linger in the dark corner of his life haunting him. 

Jay’s mouth opened and closed eager to deny the obvious truth but his silence spoke louder than anything that could’ve been said. 

Sunghoon lowly chuckle from amusement, there was a twinge of disappointment underneath everything but it diminished because what did he expected from Jay, “That’s all I need to know” 

There was a punch straight to Jay’s gut that was filled with disappointment in himself more than anything else. He knows he can’t go back in time to stop himself from kissing Sorin that night when he was well aware of Sunghoon’s feelings for her.

He knows he’ll never be able to get rid of the regret that’ll live with him forever and he’s okay with that, he’ll let himself live in regret for the rest of his life if it meant a possibility of reconciling with Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon’s hands suddenly loosened around the rail, something immediately taking over his body when he felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket knowing deep down it was you.

There was one thing Jay could never get, to have what Sunghoon has with you and he’ll make sure Jay could only ever dream of it. 

Sunghoon gave a tight lip smile, “Don’t stress over it. There’ll never be a single grudge towards you” He bumped shoulders with Jay before disappearing back into their house dropping his smile just as quickly as he gave it

Digging his hand into his pocket, taking out his phone to see the message left by you. 

You: Have a goodnight

His stoic expression was replaced with a fond smile that only you could ignite from him. He took a moment to admire his lockscreen, you panning his digital camera towards the mirror, his arms gracefully draped over you and the obvious necklace he had gotten you on perfect display.

Without hesitation he grabbed his keys before rushing down the stairs and walking out the front door not forgetting to slam it shut.

Sunghoon: I’m coming over 

Sunghoon: Missed you way too much princess

Jay, who was left on the balcony, heard the echo of the door slamming shut. There was pure silence in the house with the occasional gust of wind swaying by, he looked where Sunghoon once stood. 

He leaned himself against the rails again, running a hand down his face letting out a loud groan, repeating Sunghoon’s words in his head, there'll never be a single grudge towards you. Of course there was a grudge towards him and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Jay tried to look on the bright side, he should be grateful Sunghoon listened to him for longer than 5 minutes but now all alone with his own heartache, he hoped that if he covered his face long enough it would be enough for him to be forgotten. 

But when he heard his phone ping from a notification it ended his moment of self wallow to bring him back to reality. He pulled out his phone from his back pocket and in growth was the faintest smile. 

He tapped on the notification to be redirected to your new post. 

Skimming through the two scenery pictures, he got to the last picture that looked like it was taken by a digital camera. Only then did he finally see your sweet smile as you looked directly at the camera. 

Whoever took the picture of you knew just the right angles to capture the essence of you. Oh to be able to know you like that. 

Jay felt the harsh tug of his heart as he stared at your picture. You were still as beautiful as he remembered.

He wouldn’t voice this out, how could he, so it laid deep in his heart. When taking his father’s offer to come back home, you lingered in the back of his mind. Did you stay right where he left you? Did you ever find him?  He knew it was reckless and irrational for him to think this. 

But something in him will always crawl back to you.

・・・・・

Sunghoon walked through your unlocked door for him and entered your place. The immediate sense of home washing over him as he slipped off his shoes and placed them next to your neatly placed ones.

Making sure he locked the door behind him, he dragged his body all the way to the cracked open bedroom door and peeked his head inside to see you laying on your bed, scrolling through your phone waiting for him.

From the creaking of your door, you knew it was Sunghoon. You smiled softly before placing your phone on your nightstand to see your bedroom door fully opening and there stood Sunghoon looking at you, a slight pull of his lips towards his cheeks making you find him cute, “You look exhausted” You opted to say instead of what you really thought

Choosing not to respond, he stepped into your room crawling into the familiarity of your bed that he had the luxury of knowing inside and out especially since he was the one that put it together. You welcomed him with open arms as he slotted himself perfectly in between them, his head resting against your chest as he let out a relieved sigh.

The tension in his shoulders dropped as he found his haven in you. 

“Staying over tonight?” You softly asked and with the tickled of his hair on your neck as he nodded you giggled

Your thumb softly creased his head against your chest, “Rest Hoonie” You told just like how he always tells you

However, he had other plans in mind. Sunghoon tilted his head just enough to have his lips graze over your neck before planting feather-like kisses on it. Your hand began holding onto his hair as he slowly sucked on your skin, contrasting his usually hard demeanor. 

His hands ran up your side, slotting them under your back to hold you fully in his arms. Through instinct your body melted, eyes fluttered shut, “Thought you were exhausted” You breathless let out feeling his teeth pulling at your skin making you squeal

“Have a better way to get rid of it”

His mouth trailed all over your neck wanting to mark the unblemished skin he left behind. He wanted to add more to show physical warning for any that dared to get close to you. To keep them far away from you. To make everyone know that you were claimed, that you belonged to him.

You were Sunghoon’s. 

The burning sensation soothed by his tongue gliding over it makes you melt deeper into his touch. Your body surrendering itself to the only person that it can ever fit deep in your heart.

The kisses moved from your neck up to your jaw before finally crashing onto your begging lips. You hummed happily to finally be able to kiss Sunghoon.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he adjusted himself to mold his body into your laying one, melting your bodies together.

His cold hands roamed under your shirt feeling your hot bare skin making you shiver from the temperature difference but his hands never stopped until they reached your breasts.

He smirked realizing you weren’t wearing anything underneath your shirt. “Seems like you were expecting this” He chuckled, your mouth continuing to move together in sync already knowing how the utilize your lips for the other after many times of being in this very position

His finger teased closer to your hardened nipple before pinching it making you squeal allowing enough room for his tongue to slip in to explore your mouth.

You couldn’t think of anything, not sure if it was from the lack of oxygen or if it was because of him but you didn’t want any of it to stop.

There wasn’t much effort Sunghoon needed to do to have you become a needy mess for him. All he needed to do was give you attention and everything you want and the rest will fall into place.

Your noises were muffled by his mouth as his hands knew exactly when to pull and twist your nipple to send shards of pleasure to surround you whole.

He tried to pull away from the kiss, but you were quick to grab him by the neck chasing after his lips. Loving every moment of you simply falling apart for him, he could live like this forever.

“Needy princess” He whispered into your ear after managing to escape your mouth making you to whine that he stopped kissing you

“Stop teasing- Finish what you started Hoonie” You blabbed through your swollen lips, “Unless you want me to find someone else to satisfy me-”

Sunghoon didn’t allow you to finish your sentence, grabbing your face to make you look at him as he hovered over your body, “Don’t test me” His voice dropped from the teasing tone into something darker, “You know, no one else can ever satisfy you. At least not as good as me”

His hands tightening, squishing your cheeks as he looked dead into your eyes with a smug smile. You looked up at him like he was the only person that existed in your life, the one that cared for you in ways no one else would and his heart swelled.

“You’re mine” 

Underneath the fragile facade lay something greater, something warm and sweet. 

“Say it princess. Who do you belong to?”

Your body became weak, your quick attitude dissolving. He moved your head side to side ushering you to say the possessive words. You weren’t Sunghoon’s but if someone were to ask you on a deeper level you would tell them without hesitation, of course you were his. 

“Yo-you Hoonie… I‘m yours” You murmured through your squished lips and he let go of your face with a pleased gleam

You let out the breath you were holding but it was sucked back in when you felt his hands slip into your pants past your panties and rubbed the pad of this thumb against your throbbing clit.

Immediately looking at him like an animal caught in headlights, you saw his smirk that infuriated you to the point that you always looked forward to it.

Throwing your head back, your mouth fell slack as his fingers grazed your wet entrance in a teasing manner. Your impatient whines grew louder, you needed him to do something, anything to satisfy you.

“Such a good girl” Slipping two fingers past your folds, you loudly gasped at the intrusion 

His pace started out slow even through his hazy mind of just wanting to feel you wrapped around him, he wasn’t a monster. He will always take care of you the way you are meant to be taken care of because if not him, who will?

Feeling the pump of his fingers in and out of you, curling every now and then sends your body to jump, your sheets crumbling under your hands and thrashing body as you let out heavy pants.

Sunghoon always took his time as if to study the inside of your body wondering which move would alwaysbsend you more over the edge.

Slipping his fingers out to deprive you from the sensation a little bit, letting them smooth over your small bundle of nerves before easing them back into you. 

In a scissoring motion, he carefully opened you. With the opening he managed to slip in a third finger making your hand fly across your mouth to stop the loud moans daring to slip through.

Sunghoon’s jaw clenched, shoving his fingers knuckle deep into you making you wail into your hand. “Why so quiet princess? Y’know I love hearing you” He snickered seeing how hard you were trying to keep quiet

“Don-Don’t- w-ant peop-people to hear” You pitfully let out clenching around his fingers the moment they curled into you. He can’t have that

He tooted his tongue shaking his head, “Oh no, let them hear know how good I’m making you feel”

“Let everyone know I’m the one making you feel like this” He whispered into the shell of your ear and your body and mind flared 

You reluctantly let go of your mouth noticing how Sunghoon’s finger picked up in pace as he smiled seeing you listen to him, “Hoonie…Hoonie-” Your gasps was frequent as you rested a hand on his shoulders for support feeling the familiar tie forming in your stomach daring to snap 

“Let go for me princess” His fingers continued to bury themselves as deep as they could in you as his thumb found a spot right on your neglected nub making you snap in half

His moving fingers in and on you made clench around his fingers until your orgasm crashed like a tidal wave over you.

Your body shivered as he continued to use his fingers to help ride out your high. In a weak attempt you tried to stop his moving fingers yet, he kept going. You let out a loud whine, picking at his bracelet to garner his attention. 

Smiling at your soft pulls at his bracelet, he brought his free hand to pick at your necklace. Your dazed expression was enough to have him pull out his fingers and out of your pants to see how you drenched his hand with your juices.

The side smirk changed into him opening his mouth bringing his fingers to taste you. He groaned the moment his fingers made contact at his tastebud, loving every second of it.

Instead of cringing, you softened to mush as he licked his fingers clean, popping his salivated covered fingers out before shoving them into your welcoming mouth.

Without words being exchanged you wrapped your lips around them, faintly tasting yourself mixed with his saliva on your tongue. “You’re the sweetest, don’t you agree?” He chuckled as he wiggled his fingers in your mouth having you gag by how deep they were

Sunghoon admired how you looked. How you took anything he gives you without hesitation. His heart fluttered.

He pulled his fingers out and the faint string of your saliva connected his finger to you made him let out a low groan.

Your legs squeezed together as you could feel the trickling of your leaking hole pouring out, “Please” desperate pleas fell out of your mouth like a broken record, “Please. Please. Please” Whining loudly, you looked up to Sunghoon with pathetic eyes

“Words princess. I’ll give you anything. Just tell me what you want” 

It bothered you because he knew exactly what you wanted but he wasn’t going to give it to you unless you said it out loud for the confined space of your room, the world watching, and him to hear. 

“You. I need you” 

Sunghoon’s lips tugged upwards hearing you. His smile was different from other times. He smiled at you and he could feel the look—the pure emotion pooling in his eyes towards you. He gulped harshly, closing his eyes shut before you could notice how he was looking at you. “Then let me take care of you”

His hand played with the waistband of your pants before tugging them down, the cold breeze hit your now bare core when your pants and panties were discarded somewhere in your room. 

You closed your legs tightly because no matter how many times he’s seen you like this and worse, you still felt shy. “Nu uh let me see you” Sunghoon’s hands bent your knees before prying open your legs open and there he saw your glistening entrance

The magnetic trance brought him in and he placed a soft kiss onto your covered stomach before slotting his head right in between your legs feeling his hot breath breezing your wet covered hole for it to be replaced by his tongue gliding over your swollen clit all the way down your folds. 

Your hands flew to his hair feeling how he opened his mouth wide enough to gather as much of your arousal as possible. He didn’t care if his senses were being all filled with you, he rather it be you than anyone else. 

Repeating the motion over and over again, his tongue lapped before teasingly protruding at your gaping hole knowing how much you loved to be filled by him in any way. 

As he tugged on the sensitive nub with his teeth, you screeched, your hands pulled at his hair harsher as the more he ate you out. The longer you felt his warm mouth closing and opening with his tongue gliding all around making a mess, the more your back arched while he kept your legs wide open for him.

“Taste so fucking sweet” He groaned against your core as he dragged his tongue all over as you continued to spill all over his mouth

He rarely came up for air, losing himself in you and the more he lapped at your leaking pussy, the more it led to the twisting of your daring to squeeze out the build up in you again, “C-close! ’m close, Ho-Hoonie” 

“Come on my tongue” He said in one breath before attaching himself back onto you 

He sucked on your clit using his tongue to soothe it, only to do it all over again while his fingers slipped into your gushing hole, pumping in and out of your in an irregular place to help elevate you closer.

Feeling the tie becoming done the more you lost yourself on his tongue, you whimpered as you came all over him, your body shaking with a loud moan and a harsh pull of his hair as he drank up all of your release in satisfaction that he ripped yet another orgasm out of you. 

His humming vibrated up from your core all the way to your mind in a split second making your body have an immediate reaction. You tried to pull yourself away from the sensitivity, already too much for you to handle but Sunghoon locked his arms under your knees holding you in place giving one last drag of his tongue on your smeared covered pussy. 

He pulled himself back up just enough to face you which showed the bottom half of his face covered fully by your release.

You felt the warm blush creep onto your face from embarrassment seeing the mess you left on him but his reassuring smile bloomed something else in your heart. It’s the very thing you’ve been trying to ignore whenever you’re with Sunghoon. 

Noticing how your eyes trailed off somewhere else he softly stroked your head gaining your attention back onto him easily, your confused eyes stared at him before leaving as you saw the same reassuring warm smile still on his face.

You smiled loopily up to him and Sunghoon felt the thud of his heart against his chest. 

You barely could keep your eyes open making him chuckle and ultimately deciding to ignore his own problems, “Get some rest princess” His tone soft and mellow as he soothed your sides but he let out a yelp when you suddenly wrapped your arms around his neck and dragged him down to your lips

Vigorously shaking your head, you cringed at the taste of yourself but with how easily he reciprocated the kiss your mind washed that feeling away.

With his body flushed against yours, you tiredly rubbed yourself against his obvious hard on making the hold on your waist tighten. 

He groaned louder than he wanted feeling the friction again his erection, “You don’t have to” He tried to reassure you but you only pressed your lips harder together to shut him up

Your hips moved faster, feeling his clothed cock rubbing your aching core, soaking his pants and bulge. You were going to drive him insane but you’re the only person he’s willing to give up his sanity for. 

Pulling himself away from the kiss, he fumbled with his pants as he hastily tried to remove them as fast as he could. He needed to free himself from the aching hold from his pants right now. 

Kicking them off somewhere, he easily removed his shirt and right before you was Sunghoon in all his glory. Admiring his build and the muscle definition from all the time he’s at the gym told you that after the chaos that was your family, you were finally being rewarded with the peace of what's yours. 

Looking all around, you saw his raging cock standing all high and mighty, desperately begging for you to send him to the only place he could ever reach with you.

The fire in you ignited when his hands grabbed the ends of your shirt to lift it just enough to display your upper body to him.

Your neck glowed with his old and new hickies all over your neck and he felt satisfaction grow more knowing you were marked all for him. Trailing down to the in between of the crevice of your breasts before engulfing one of them in his mouth and the other in his hand. 

Hoonie. Sunghoon. Mine. 

Your mind was compromised and that’s exactly what he wanted.

Not realizing how one of his hands let go of your breast it wasn’t until you felt his tip slipping into your entrance making you realize he was distracting you from the sudden stretch of his cock opening you like how it always did. 

You hissed never able to get used to how he stretches you out no matter how many times you’ve done this with him. “Hoonie” You whimpered

Sunghoon’s hand let go of his shaft that was guiding him to softly engulf yours.

He rested his head in between the crack of your neck and shoulder as you sucked him into your hole, “Taking me like such a good girl” His mouth let out a strained groan feeling you wrap around him

“My good girl” He whispered for himself when he knew you couldn’t hear

Your shudders far too loud to pick up on what he said trying to adjust yourself to his size already feeling him so deep inside of you.

It wasn’t until you gave him a weak nod that he could move did he feel the wonders of your pussy again.

Sunghoon adjusted your falling shirt to make sure your beautifully marked breasts were displayed as his index finger traced over each of his marks on your skin before having it land on your hip stabilizing himself to shallowly move in and out of you causing the little ounce of control you had left snap as his tip hit the same spot he knew to have you unravel for him. 

Sunghoon knew you far too well, he knew how to take care of you, to hold you in the palm of his hand. 

He worked day and night memorizing everything he could learn about you. 

The slow drags of his cock in and of you made you grow increasingly needier for something harder, faster, you moved your hips to meet his slow steady thrust, to feel him deeper. “Oh?” He chuckled out raising an eyebrow noticing your action 

Putty. You were nothing but mere putty in his hands. “Faster Hoonie please” Your voice cracked with each word, “Can take it like a good girl promise” Your delirious state made him swoon and how could he ever deny you of your pleas for him

“You’ll be a good girl for me?” He hummed, one harsh thrust sending you further into your dazed out state before having it replaced by the precious shallow ones, “Take everything I give you?” He huffed out as you weakly nodded your head

You’ll be his good girl forever.

“Don’t regret it princess” The wind knocked out of your lungs with his instantaneous change when a harsh thrust followed after another hit your insides

You moaned loudly as his hands held your body in place he slammed his hips harder and faster into you in a pace that made you euphoric.

Even though he couldn’t see it, he could feel it and he knows you must feel it too. You just had to. 

His hand that engulfed yours soon slotted in between, interlinking your fingers together and instantly you held his hand back with equal force that he held yours with. 

This was something neither of you initiated before but it felt right. To hold each other like this. Giving up for each other.

The sounds of your arousal making it easier for Sunghoon to glide was obscene but to him it was perfect.

His tip kissing your cervix had your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you held tighter on his hand holding yours, never wanting to let him go “Hoonie. Hoonie!” You chanted your nickname for him as it was the only thing you could ever know 

“Look at me” He told but no matter how hard you tried to open your eyes they would close the moment they opened, the pleasure taking over you 

But just as easily as he gave you that pleasure, the easier he was to take it away from you from the still of his movement. Your hand loosened from his but not enough to let it go.

Letting out a whine trying to move your hip to continue the motion of his cock slipping in and out of you

The harsh grab of your chin turned your head to him, “I said look at me” Sunghoon’s chilling voice made your glassy eyes open, the beads of sweat forming on his forehead making some of his hair stick to it that you weakly pushed away.

You wanted to see Sunghoon, all of him, nothing blocking you regardless of whatever state you could ever be in. 

His and yours eyes locked, your held hands gripped onto each other harder. This moment was too much, far too intimate to just be friends but maybe because it was more than that.

Maybe it was always just more than that, something beyond casual friendship and deep down there was possible reciprocation. 

He wasn’t helping as he let out a warm smile landing a kiss on your lips that wasn’t like the other kisses you’ve received from him before. This being more passionate and dare you say loving.

It was unclear what this would entail for you and Sunghoon but there was a desperate search for something unknown that hadn’t been completed. 

In this moment, there was an underlying fear eating at Sunghoon and it was his damn brother, Jay, in the back of his subconscious mind.

But knowing Sunghoon the way you did, you were able to feel what he felt. All his fears, worries, needs, etc. You felt them im you.

In your attempts, you allowed him to kiss you however way he pleased. Harsh tugs of your lips before becoming easier and softer letting your lips get lost in each other, memorizing the familiar world that neither of you ever wanted to leave if it wasn’t for the reason to finally address the pittering of your hearts. 

Sunghoon rested his sweaty forehead with yours when he pulled away from the kiss with a heavy pant.

Neither of you looked away and you gave a weak smile, warming his heart that he nearly slipped out the few words that tugged on his heart that he couldn’t dare say out loud at least not yet. 

Still buried inside of you, he began moving his hips again catching you off guard at the sudden movement. You were too caught up in the moment and the fluttering of your heart.

“Say my name” Sunghoon softly told, slipping fully out of your only leaving his tip in you before slamming right back into you

His previous pace came back as a carnal desire in him drove him forward, he continued the snap of his hips against you wanting to embroider himself external and internally of your entire being, he gripped onto the hand he never let go of, digging his fingers into your knuckles “Say my name princess. Fucking say it” 

You mimicked his action, digging your own fingers into his knuckles holding onto his hand for the only support you ever needed, “Sunghoon” The singular call of his full name, not his nickname of any sort but the fullest form of him snapped his breaking point as he rammed into you with the intent of making you his.

“Don’t stop. Keep saying it” He groaned, “I’ll make you all for me” Those words made you clench around him, feeling the arousal seeping out of you more that had him slipping out by just how wet you were

“All for you Sunghoon” You wailed not caring how deep down you meant those words 

“Mine…” He murmured the words to himself as it settled into the furthest crevice of his mind, “All fucking mine” His relentless ruts made your insides tingle in need as the build up in your stomach grew more

“Gonna come Hoo- Sunghoon, going to-” You cried out feeling the build up daring to snap in that moment

“Come for me princess. Cream on my cock” He roughly spoke in your ear, “Give it to me” Your walls clenched around him the closer you reach your climax, he groaned as you hugged him that made his mind zeroed on reaching his orgasm with you

His thrust got sloppy and messy as he was nearing his climax, “Almost there, just a little more princess” 

“Going to take everything I give you like how you always do” He said

Your hands holding each other’s, the sounds of his hips meeting yours, the lewd sound with the unmistakable smell of pure sex in the air surrounding the two of you was ecstasy. 

His mouth hangs opens, strained noises beginning to twist his tongue as his mind tried to catch up to his heart, “I-I L-L…”

What is he thinking? What he is so sure of saying that it’s at the tip of his tongue, ready to fall at any moment. “Fuck Princess” He deeply sighed out instead

What was he thinking of saying to you?

You felt the twitch of Sunghoon’s cock bury as far as it could as he stilled his messy thrust to allow the spurts of his cum shoot into you making you moan at the feeling prompting your own orgasm.

You covered him in your arousal as Sunghoon left all the sides of your walls covered with him.

The tightening hold on your hand, you screwed your eyes shut, your mind too hazy to pick up the sincerity of the almost said words, “So perfect for me” He said which didn’t feel right to say leaving a bitter feel in his mouth when there was something he rather say, express what his heart screamed

Because his heart knew what it felt. 

Not wanting to let go of him, you weakly wrapped your arm around him, the uncomfortable feel of your shirt bundled up over your chest didn’t bother you in the slightest as you cared about your bodies stuck together.

You felt the weak thrust he gave to push his cum further into you making you shudder through your heavy pants but when he was slipping out you tugged at his body to stop him, “Stay inside please” 

You don’t know why you suddenly spoke your mind. Usually you would’ve been okay just sleeping in his arms but this time something, you just wanted him as close to you as possible.

There was something kindled in you and you trusted Sunghoon, you knew him. Like how he always promised, he’ll take care of you.

Even when you didn’t know where, who or why you needed saving, Sunghoon would know exactly what to do and he’ll be at your beck and call. 

The exhaustion catching up to you, your eyelids felt heavy as you slipped in and out of your daze. Sunghoon drowsily chuckled, nodding his head leaving the same ticklish manner against your making you weakly giggle.

“Anything for you” He kissed the side of your face before wrapping his arms around your sore body to cradle you close to him

“Rest princess” He whispered warmly 

Your heavy eyelids finally close, allowing you to be completely surrounded by Sunghoon as you stay in his arms, his fingers making small circles on your back.

Too far deep into consciousness and unconsciousness, he whispered something so low that you weren’t able to pick up on it, but the soft place of his lips against your forehead made you smile. 

Your fatigued body rested in Sunghoon’s embrace just like how you always did. Your breath evening out as you could finally rest.

“I’ll give up everything just for you princess. Just say the word and I’m yours…” 

ᥫ᭡.

Today was an exceptionally hot humid day. Jay was supposed to be out for the rest of the day but he couldn’t bear the heat any longer, it was making him irritated so he made a u-turn to head back home deeming he could deal with everything later. 

And the moment he walked through the door, he expected to be greeted with silence as always but instead he heard fits of laughter and loud screams following the splashes of water from their pool.

He furrowed his eyebrows quickly taking off his shoes rushing over to the patio. He didn’t think anyone dared to use the pool, the wound of their mother’s death still being too deep but times are different, people change and old scars could become healed. 

He stopped dead in his tracks hearing Sunghoon raw true laughter, his eyes peeking through the small crack of the opened door to see the wide smile his brother had showing all of his teeth with his teeth like fangs peeking through.

He’s never seen Sunghoon smile like this. 

When Sunghoon disappeared from sight it brought Jay back to his senses, he made his way to the patio door prying it open, “Hoon?” 

Now Jay wasn’t sure what to expect when he pushed open the door but you were at the bottom of the list.

Sunghoon’s arms wrapped around your shoulder holding you close to him, his head resting in the crevice of your neck and shoulder, your wet clothes clinging to your body leaving little to no imagination of your figure.

Sunghoon felt chills run up his spine at the call of the nickname he hated so much. His eyes traveled up to see the horror in Jay’s face. His arms tightened around you to keep you close to him, noticing how your laughter came to a sudden stop, your shoulders tensing at Jay’s sudden appearance at the door. 

The moment you caught sight of Jay, you instantly pried off Sunghoon who was beyond reluctant to let you go but you somehow managed to succeed.

Your eyes caught Jay’s and he felt his world come to a complete stop unable to singly comprehend what you were doing in front of him, in his house with Sunghoon or even why Sunghoon had his arms wrapped around you with his head resting on your shoulder as if you were his. 

Past the quite literal horror on his face like he had seen a ghost, you could feel the sharp gaze from him staring right at you before noticing the earrings on the side of his ear and the butterfly birthmark on the side of his neck.

“Hi, you must be Sunghoon’s twin brother, Jay, right?” You don’t recall any news of Jay’s return from Sunghoon, it must’ve been a surprise for him when he went to the airport that one time

Jay tried to find any type of coherent way to form his sentence but whenever he tried to speak, it would either be muttered gibberish or straight up nothing, just like always.

You nervously gulped at the silence, adjusting your wet clothes to at least have it stick to you less as you gave an awkward smile towards him. 

Realizing that he hasn’t looked away, not even sure if he’s blinked the entire time he was staring at you. He gave a quick nod, not trusting his voice to come out.

Yet, upon seeing your awkward smile being replaced with one more genuine did he feel the flip of his heart. 

“What are you doing here?” The question directed at him brought some sense back into him to reality

Jay managed to look away from you to the harsh glare sent his way by Sunghoon. He jumped but narrowed his eyes to mimic his brother’s glare towards him because why was Sunghoon looking at him like that when it should be the other way around. 

You looked between the brothers noticing how the tension was rising higher the second neither of them spoke or looked away from each other, “Uhm-” You tried to say something, anything that could help ease the tension but Sunghoon grabbed your wrist before you could say more

“Let’s go” Sunghoon walked past his brother grabbing a discarded towel to wrap around you escorting you back into the house 

“Wait Sunghoon-” You tried to gain back your balance confused why he was acting like this in the first place so you pulled your arm away with a loud huff

You held the towel close to your body, staring at Sunghoon with confusion and seeing the look on your face caused his skin to crawl in unease. 

You turned your back to Sunghoon to look at Jay whose been watching your every move, “It’s nice to finally meet you Jay” Your smile that Sunghoon swore to be the only one to receive it was now being shown to the very person he never wanted to experience it

“It’s nice to finally meet you too…” Jay’s response was short and gentle but it felt as if there was underlying meaning behind it

You thought of how he didn’t ask for your name but Jay didn’t need to know your name. He’s already thought of it countlessly to the point that it’s engraved into his mind forever.

It wasn’t until now that he realized the dainty necklace on your neck was the same exact one on Sunghoon’s wallpaper. 

That bastard.

There was a tug at your fingers that made you look away from Jay back to see Sunghoon looking at you with pleading eyes, you let out a sigh of defeat before waving goodbye to Jay.

Pleased to finally see you walking into the house Sunghoon’s hand hovered over your back wanting to put as much distance between you and Jay as quickly as possible.

When he stepped one foot into the house, he stopped in his tracks, “Sunghoon” The usage of his full name had his head turning to the side just enough to see his brother

He knew what that call of his name meant, the challenge it raised.

Turning his head back to see you waiting inside of the house for him, he didn’t say anything, stepping into the house to leave Jay alone on the patio. Jay determined he was starting to get sick and tired of seeing the back of Sunghoon’s head. 

“Thanks for the heads up” You sneered just loud enough for Sunghoon to hear you 

Choosing not to respond, he just ushered you up to his room, closing the door behind him hoping that it was quiet enough for Jay to hear the faint click of him locking the door. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that your brother was back?” You asked earning a heavy sigh from Sunghoon who unwrapped the towel around you after finding a new change of clothes for you

“He was supposed to be gone for the rest of the day” He muttered more so himself rather than for you, “It wasn’t important for you to know so why bother telling you about useless stuff” Able to clearly hear him this time your lips tugged downwards as he handed you his clothes for you to change into

You deeply sighed taking the clothes, “That’s not the point. The point is that you tell me beforehand to avoid these type of moments” 

Sunghoon’s eyebrows creased downwards, a side tug of mouth down at your words, “Type of moments?”

The moments that made it seem like you and Sunghoon were something more than just friends who fuck, that you were his and that he was yours.

If others believe facade that surrounded you and Sunghoon then there was bo possibility of getting confused of what you are Sunghoon are.

If no one was confused then there was no way you could be confused by it. 

You should’ve been more careful of your words to avoid this topic but too caught up in it, you hadn’t realized what you were getting yourself into, “You know…” Your voice faded off unsure if you wanted to even finish the sentence

“No, I don’t know. What do you mean by it?” His already agitated voice only grew more, he wanted clarification but you kept your mouth shut placing the set of clothes on the nearest thing that could hold it, “What do you mean by it?” Sunghoon asked again which only made you regret ever saying anything

Wanting to move on from the topic you dismissed it, “Nothing Hoonie” You murmured picking up the set of clothes again to walk out of his room into the bathroom passing by the same portrait of Sunghoon and Jay hanging on the wall 

You looked at it now being able to see the portrait in its entirety. Seeing how both Sunghoon and Jay looked ahead, the same stoic and empty expression on both of their faces.

There was something Sunghoon wasn’t telling you, you knew that much but you trusted him more than you should’ve, your heart only seeing the good in him.

You just didn’t know if that was your biggest mistake.

“It’s excessive, isn’t it?” 

You whipped your head to the sudden deep voice to see Jay standing right next to you copying your stare at the large picture.

Seeing Jay without the interference of Sunghoon or the feel of any suffocating silence and tension were you then reminded of the gnawing thought. Why did Jay feel so familiar to you? 

He could feel your gaze on him and hesitantly he looked at you. Seeing you in person reminded him of just how deep in the pit he was in because of you and it was like no time had changed.

He noticed you holding a change of clothes and he could instantly tell they were Sunghoon’s and it felt like a punch to his stomach. His nails tugged into his thumb noticing the necklace peeking out of the damped shirt, “That’s a nice necklace” He softly commented 

Your fingers unintentionally played with the said necklace, softly smiling to yourself at the reminder of who gave you the necklace and the deeper meaning behind it “Thank you, it was a gift from someone…Very special to me” 

The words very special to me dreaded something in him but he tried to look past it, he knew if he questioned further he might get an answer he doesn’t like but seeing the soft smile on your face as you spoke of it, if it meant having a conversation with you, he’d be willing to put up with anything. 

“So how did you and Sunghoon meet?” 

The question made you drop your necklace to fall against your neck. It was a simple question filled with curiosity, you knew that but you feared you’d slip deeper than you wanted to.

You nibbled on the bottom of your lip trying to find the proper way to answer his question. “Well he uh…” Your throat becoming dry “We became friends through some tutoring circumstances”

You didn’t notice Jay’s frown hearing your answer. Sunghoon must’ve insisted you to become his tutor just because of who you were, to him. It made his hands ball into a hard fist.

Deep down he knew it wasn’t as simple as that, there was more to you and Sunghoon’s ‘friendship’.

Through the clench of his jaw he gave a smile, “That’s surprising to hear that” Jay mumbled making your raise an eyebrow

He knows better than to have his emotions get the best of him but why should he cover for Sunghoon? Because he was his brother? No. Jay’s morals are greater than that.

“Sunghoon was a straight A student his entire life so just to hear he needed a tutor is a little shocking…” When Jay was going to say more he stopped, he saw the innocent oblivious look in your eyes as his words were conflicted with everything you could have possibly known about Sunghoon

His eyes looked around before landing on the ground before looking back up to you. It wasn’t for Sunghoon’s sake but rather for yours. He didn’t know the full story and he couldn’t risk hurting you simply based on his assumption, which he knew deep down are to be highly true.

He sighed out a tight smile shrugging his shoulder, “It must’ve been a burnout after all those years finally catching up to him” Jay gave a comforting smile to ease your tensed shoulders

You shoulders dropped, a silent relief washing over as another moment where neither of you said anything took over until you broke the silence, “I heard you’re studying abroad, that’s amazing” You smiled making his heart twist in itself because even when you were so close, you were still out of reach

He let out an airy chuckle, tilting his head to the side enjoying the compliment you gave him because to you, it may have been something so small but to him it meant the world.

“How is it? Do you enjoy it? Where do you study? What do you study?” There was a certain gleam in your eyes after each question that made them sparkle, the curiosity you now have for him was the same that he had for you made his heart warm

But the bubble popped the moment Jay heard the click of a door opening turning to it to see Sunghoon walking out catching you and him in front of the very same picture he caught you the first time you saw it but this time, you had Jay beside you.

Sunghoon clenched his jaw in distastefulness before harshly moving his eyes from his brother onto you without saying a single word only to walk back into his room, closing the door behind him.

You deeply sighed, rubbing your forehead in some type of annoyance with Sunghoon’s confusing temper but still managing to have the greatest patiences to deal with it just because it was him.

“I think it’s time we end it here” Jay softly spoke causing you to dryly chuckle showcasing a small smile making something tickle in his brain

“Yeah, I think so too” Your eyes trailed after him as he turned around to face you with a side smile that caused your own smile to grow on your face

Instead of walking towards the bathroom, you walked towards Sunghoon’s room having Jay watch you with a deep frown. He hated that you were walking towards his brother’s room, being stuck to know that Sunghoon knew of you in ways that he dreamed of ever knowing.

“Hey” You turned hearing the soft call out to see Jay giving you a closed smile that more than enough to show a vulnerable side to him

“Next time we catch each other like that, let’s learn about each other”

ꨄ︎

It wasn’t until a few hours later that Sunghoon drove you back home, only for him to return past midnight. He was aware of Jay’s deep precision and care for his sleep schedule that he expected him to be long asleep when he returned home, but to his surprise, Jay sat dead center in the hallway, arms folded watching the door until Sunghoon walked through the door. 

“What the- What are you doing?” Sunghoon jumped back seeing the dead blank stare his brother was giving him and even more surprised to even see him up this late in the night

“You’re a fucking bastard but you already knew that, didn’t you?” The chair screeched against the tile floors as Jay stood from it, an obvious ache in his body for how long he was sitting there but there were greater things that mattered

Sunghoon’s jaw tightened watching his brother. He knew exactly what Jay meant, he expected this reaction, he worked for this very moment, this is what he wanted? But underneath the harsh glare he was being given, he saw a familiar craze, one that he knew far too well. 

He was caught off guard when Jay’s hand suddenly grabbed his collar, “How did you find out about her?” Sunghoon’s eyes widen just for a moment before dropping his initial shock to show a stoic expression instead 

He’ll gladly meet his brother halfway, to push and corner him to the edge. This wasn’t some unresolved fight between them from the past waiting to be fixed. The wound was fresh this time, open and gushing for immediate attention, “By finding and meeting her” 

Jay bit back his tongue with a shake of his head, he let out a laughing scoff before lightly shaking Sunghoon by his collar, “How did you find out about her Sunghoon?” Instead of using the usual nickname he always used to address his brother, he used his full name, this time Jay’s tone was much darker and lower than any other time he spoke to his brother

“Should’ve thrown away your pathetic diary” The mention of the sacred notebook made Jay shove his brother harshly knocking him off his balance

“You were waiting until I was gone to go through my stuff” Jay laughed almost manic as the pieces slowly fell into place, “Should’ve thrown your pathetic dignity with it when you found it” He sneered making Sunghoon scoff

Sunghoon grabbed Jay’s wrist, tightening around it to forcefully remove Jay’s hold to push him off of him, “You’re one to talk” He muttered under his breath noticing how his brother looked away from him, eyes set on the floor 

“You’re going to regret ever thinking about going near her” Jay quietly warned making Sunghoon sarcastically laugh

“Oh no, you’ll be the one going to regret coming back” Sunghoon gave a tight smile that was too menacing

“Should’ve stayed right where you were” Each word he said, the taps against Jay’s chest only grew harsher “You didn’t have to come back” Sunghoon looked at Jay’s eyes dropping the menacing smile 

Realizing now that taking the harsh approach towards Sunghoon would lead nowhere, he needed to think of anything that could make his brother realize what’s at stake, who's at stake but it hurt him.

Jay never wanted this to happen—any of it but he thinks he can live with that for the rest of his life because now it was you who was at stake, “You’re going to hurt her Hoon”

Ignoring the use of the nickname again Jay has been using ever since they were kids, those simple words made Sunghoon loosen his hold on Jay’s collar, a ringing in his ear muffled everything else around him making it feel like he was submerged in water.

His breathing became heavy, his chest rising and falling with each heave. Hurt you? He’d never dare let alone even think about it.

“I would never hurt her” He mumbled to retaliate his brother’s words, his voice growing weak

“And what do you think you’re doing? You’re using her Hoon just to get back at me because you know it’s the only way to get to me” Jay’s soft voice filled the defying silence that Sunghoon didn’t dare to break, he couldn’t defend himself to say it wasn’t true when it was nothing but the truth

But he’d never admit it, afraid of the consequences of his own actions coming to haunt him, “No… You don’t know anything! You don’t just get to swoop in and mess with my head like this”  

“Just because you didn’t get what you wanted doesn’t mean I should be deprived of what you lost” 

Jay can’t let his emotions get the best of him, he knows that but he can’t hold himself back anymore, “Sunghoon, get it through your thick skull that she is not yours to have!” He snapped

“You could never care about her nearly as much as how I care about her, you only care about getting back at me in the worst way possible” Jay harshly patted his chest, “I like her! I care about her! You don’t” 

“You only care about yourself” Jay spat making Sunghoon let out a loud laugh to stop his rant from going on anymore

Having to listen to Jay was like cats scratching a blackboard, it was driving him mad. His chest was tightening, it was getting harder to breath, “No Jay, you’re the one that needs to get it through your thick skull that it fucking hurts doesn’t it?” 

“The betrayal, the feeling of losing what could’ve been yours”

“How does it feel Jongseong?” 

When was the last time Sunghoon referred to Jay by his other name? He can’t remember.

Maybe it was when their mother was around or was it all in his head, a dream that he had that Sunghoon for once called his name warmly 

“I’m sick of having to fill the void that you left behind just to please others to reach their expectations” The conflict in Sunghoon’s mind cleared and at the end of the dark tunnel surrounding him, there stood you waiting for him with the smile he could never live without

“Did you ever think that maybe you’re the one that could never care for her the way I do?” Sunghoon raised an eyebrow seeing how his question affected Jay, how it settled in his mind as his face contorted into a sour expression

“You’re no good for her Sunghoon” Jay gritted through his teeth raising his head to meet Sunghoon’s cold gaze

Now unfazed, not a single spare of remorse in his eyes, he felt lighter, “And you’re just so perfect for her?” He asked staring directly towards his brother to get an answer out of him 

The question made Jay think. If Sunghoon, his own twin brother was no good for you, was he any better than him? He didn’t have any answer to the question. 

Sunghoon’s rested face now plastered a smug smile as he looked at Jay who was yet to say anything. He patiently waited for his brother to say anything but to his amusement, he didn’t have anything else to say.

For the first time in a long time, Jay was silenced. 

“She’s mine Jay. This time make sure to stay the fuck away” 

・・・・・

When you peered open the door, you didn’t expect to see Sunghoon. You had just seen him not even 2 hours ago after he left your place but seeing him back so soon confused you. But when he lifted his head, you saw the pure exhaustion in his eyes.

Your confused demeanor melted right then and there fully opening the door with your arms wide open for him. 

From any previous exhaustion, this was different. It was something you saw in the mirror for many years after finally breaking free from it, mostly thanks to Sunghoon.

You wondered what made him like this, now it was rare for Sunghoon to be vulnerable around others but with you, it always came naturally. 

But even still, it worried you during the very few times he got like this. 

Whenever he needed comfort, he knew he had you. You’ll welcome him into the haven he grew far too comfortable in. He just hopes it was the same for you, that whenever, wherever or however you needed him, he’d do anything in a heartbeat. 

He didn’t need to say anything, crashing his body into your welcoming one, his arms snaking to cling onto your body afraid he would lose you to the unthinkable.

Damn Jay coming in and messing with his head. He would never hurt you, never would think about it in a million years. 

You were his friend. No. You were more? You meant something to him. You held such a high value to him that Jay could never reach. He couldn’t.

You softly creased his back, immediately noticing his shoulders dropping, the loud relieved sigh coming out of him as his head dug further into your neck.

The haunting thoughts finally left him alone. Whenever he was with you, all his worries washed away.

Even though he wasn’t your boyfriend and you weren’t his girlfriend, in these moments all could be forgotten and what wasn’t remembered didn’t destroy anyone.

Yet, why did it feel so wrong to think of it like that? Even if you weren’t, you were his, there was no denying it.

He wants to be selfish for once, he wants things in life too. He’s grateful and thankful for the greatness that is you in his life.

But he wants something. He needs anything that wasn’t what the two of you already have together. Maybe soon, he can consider it.  

Even since you met, you saw him for him, not as one of his father’s notorious sons or in the shadows to be forgotten of and most certainty not as Jay’s twin brother.

You knew him in his purest form as Park Sunhoon. 

And he didn’t need the validation of his father anymore. He doesn’t need to be healed from the scars left behind from Sorin. And he most certainly doesn’t need Jay’s apologies.

All he needs is you and he’s set for life.

ᥫ᭡.

Jay pranced around his room. Sunghoon’s words played in his head on a constant loop even long after he left. She’s mine Jay. No you weren’t. 

You were meant to be his.

But instead, you only knew of his brother, not knowing a single thing about him. 

The spiral of his mind only became worse the more he thought about it. There were times, much easier times, when Sunghoon didn’t have a single clue about your existence and you were the center of Jay’s life. 

How different life could’ve been if he didn’t care and only gained the courage to go up to you back then. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to go to sleep every night picturing a life where he and Sunghoon got along. That you remained the center of his life. But he could only dream. 

He scrambled through his drawers and every single crevice of his room until he found the intacted notebook stored in the very place he left it years ago. Jay didn’t think Sunghoon had the decency of leaving it right where he found it. 

Flipping through the pages, he felt the pull of his heart strings as he read over his scribbled handwriting ranting on countless pages. Sunghoon managing to read his handwriting let alone understand it when he couldn’t even understand it himself was amusing.

There were far too many words, expressive words at that and so many uncompleted thoughts and feelings that never got shared. 

Your soft hand wrapped around his wrist, dragging him through the unfamiliar grounds of the school on his first day saving him from the consequences of arriving at the new school late. 

He never got to tell you how grateful he was for you that day, it was more than you could ever imagine.

He searched for you all over the new school grounds in hopes to find you and when he did, he thought it’d be like any regular interaction that the gratitude words would fall from his mouth easily but he couldn’t even move his body, his feet glued to the ground, his throat drying up and the palms of his hands clamping from sweat as he only looked at you from afar. 

He couldn’t even approach you without breaking down. Now times are different and he can somewhat hold a conversation with you but back then the only way he could even attempt to talk to you was through sticky notes he’d leave on your desk everyday.

It started off with simple words of affirmation telling you to have a good day, etc. but it soon grew to him leaving the notes you missed on your desk to his attempts in making you smile or even better laugh whenever he noticed your mood dropped. 

He’d take care of you the way you took care of him and it was until later he noticed his care for you changed into more, beyond just being grateful.

It was the way you would smile softly at his sticky note, quickly pocketing it before anyone could see what he wrote for your eyes only or how your eyes would drop from the lack of sleep trying your best to stay awake but would jump wide awake whenever someone managed to get your attention. 

It must be nice to experience your attention, something his own brother was able to know but not him.

When he stopped on the very last entry he ever wrote it was a reminder of his first and only unrequited heartbreak. The basket endlessly filled to the brim of things you liked, a handwritten letter which he poured his heart into and in the middle with clear bold letters, ‘May I please take you out?’.

It was meant to be given to you the day you finally knew of Jay, that you saw him for his pure dedication to you, for what he can be to you.

Yet, he stupidly got distracted. Too focused and caught up in someone else that was never meant to be his in the first place. 

Before he realized it, he already lost before he could even start.

He should’ve left the house earlier, he should’ve ignored Sorin who was waiting outside the front door. He never should’ve invited her in to catch up after so long of not seeing each other.

He should’ve done nothing.

And yet, he was leaning in to meet her halfway, to catch her lips with his even when he knew, when he fucking listened to Sunghoon confess his feelings for Sorin during the few times they every truly talked not as friends or strangers but rather as actual brothers. 

Jay has many regrets, of course he does, no one is perfect. But he sure as hell was not going to add another regret to the list. You don’t belong to Sunghoon, you weren’t his. 

You belonged with him.

You belonged to Jay. 

ꨄ︎

Jay walks over to the door, opening it after hearing the singular doorbell ring and he was surprised to see you on the other side, “Oh” Your resting face soon bloomed with a polite smile as you registered it was him 

He should’ve been happy to receive your smile, but it felt too formal, too forced. It was the smile that Sunghoon didn't receive but everyone else did.

“Hi Jay, I hope you’ve been well. I’m sorry for suddenly dropping by. I’m just looking for Sunghoon” You peered over his shoulder into the house before looking back into his eyes

Something dark consumed Jay whole and there was a recurring thought in his head that was driving him to the brink of his morals and sanity.

You always thought about Sunghoon and he believed Sunghoon didn’t think of you the way you thought of him.

It may be cruel for him to even think this but Sunghoon didn’t deserve your unconditional care and love, he was sure of it, especially not after what he was doing, why he even approached you in the first place.

You didn’t deserve it but it’ll hurt you to find out but it would only destroy you completely if he allows Sunghoon to continue on with this. To use you for his own benefit.

“He’s using you” 

You blinked rapidly trying to understand what Jay had suddenly said, “What?” You awkwardly chuckled 

“You’re too good for him” He heavily sighed, “You don’t deserve this. Any of this” 

“What are you talking about Jay..?” 

Honestly, you didn’t want to know. Your mind tells you to walk away without waiting for a response and wait in the comforts of your bubble for Sunghoon to come to you.

“I’m so sorry” Jay rubbed his forehead, clear angst forming on his face as the conflict in his head grew more 

His eyes looked up from the floor to your eyes and that is where you see the pitiful look in them. Your hands unconsciously balled into a fist, for some reason you’re always seemed on the receiving end of it.

You hated being pitied. “What are you apologizing for?” 

“Sunghoon” The single name that could make your entire word stop left Jay’s mouth, “He never needed any tutoring. He’s been a straight A student his entire life and he didn’t experience some type of burnout”

“He just said that to make you feel bad for him to have you tutor him” 

You shook your head. You came early morning to late at night just to help him study, to retain the material he was supposed to be struggling with, “With all due respect Jay, you weren’t here”

“You didn’t see him… Any of it. He was struggling, he really was” Clinging to the very hope you had left for Sunghoon you defended him even against his own brother because it’s always been you and Sunghoon

Even though you weren’t together, he must’ve felt something, anything, when you and him were together. 

Jay hoped you trusted his words over the ones that Sunghoon planted into your head but it was a losing game. “He’s a good liar”

“Why?!” You suddenly shouted, your tears rolled down your cheek, you frustratedly wiped them away, there was no reason to cry. “Tell me, why would he lie about it?” 

Jay took a moment, he wanted to console you. You shouldn’t waste tears on his brother who wasn’t worthy of them. “To piss me off” His voice barely above a whisper, “Sunghoon and I tend to clash a lot and there just some times where one of us gets what the other wants so badly”

“Why use me to get back at you? I have no value to you” You scoffed loudly but through your confusion like a montage Sunghoon flashed through your mind

His vampire smile you grew to love, the way he’d hold your body and his fingers tracing over your back, his lips that felt like they were solely made for you melting against yours.

You knew Sunghoon but creeping in the back of your head, it was starting to feel like you didn’t know him in the slightest.

Because how could you, just his friend, know him better than his own twin brother? 

You didn’t know the effect your words had on Jay's heart. You held more value to him than words could even begin to express but he couldn’t express it.

He only remained silent, unable to say anything to rebuttal your previous statement without exposing the buried feelings he’s had on you for years. 

In the silence, you looked away from Jay to the ground. It’s far too much for you. Turning your heel towards the front door you left without another word and Jay didn’t try and stop you.

This was it. You’d realize just who Sunghoon is and you’d be gone from their lives forever. A piece of dreaded it but anything was better than you and Sunghoon together. 

As you left, Jay could only watch your back before it disappeared behind the closed door. 

Your lips quivered. You didn’t know why you were crying, there was no truth to Jay’s words but deep down there was always suspicion. It was too good to be true even though you weren’t officially together.

Sunghoon was like your knight in shining armor, a haven you never seemed to be able to escape from even if you tried to leave and he didn’t mind having you there even when you weren’t his. 

He treated you like you held the utmost importance in the world but he never once said he liked you, you just assumed he did even when you never heard those words. You were the idiot that chose to believe your delusions. Actually believing Sunghoon liked you. 

What trick your mind played on you to ever think that.

ꨄ︎

Sunghoon has been staring at his phone for far too long. It’s been 5 days, almost 6 days in the next 26 minutes, 43 seconds, since you’ve last talked and this was the longest time he’s gone without seeing, texting or hearing you. 

Roughly grabbing his phone and keys, he rushed out of his room, down the stairs and out the door. He’s tired of telling himself that he’s worrying over nothing, he was going to see you. 

Around 30 minutes later, when the sound of the doorbell rang echoed throughout the house, Jay peeked his head at it before opening the door.

His resting face contorted seeing you fiddling with your fingers and at the sound of the door opening you raised your head showing your puffy red rimmed eyes just.

You cursed under your breath seeing Jay, there was a 50/50 percent chance that either of them would open the door. You just wished it were Sungoon instead of Jay though. 

Reverting your eyes somewhere else, you softly cleared your throat, wiping the imaginary tear stains off your face. You haven’t spoken since you suddenly left the house almost a week ago and you didn’t feel like talking. 

“What… What are you doing here?” Jay broke the silence taking in your disheveled state, something he used to see back then whenever you were in a down mood during school

“Is Sunghoon here?” You managed to ask

There was a quietness that was suffocating, the question hung heavy in the atmosphere, “Why are you doing this?” You looked at him after hearing his question only to see his outraged expression, “Why are you looking for him?”

You rubbed your forehead hastily, “Just tell me is he here or not?” You were exhausted and you wanted nothing more but to crash in the only comfort you knew of

You knew it was stupid but you’ll deal with Sunghoon– with everything after properly resting but for now you just wanted him to hold you the way that made you believe the unsaid things feel real. 

Jay scoffed, gaining your attention, he shook his head as he looked at you with amusement, Sunghoon had already casted his spell all over you, “Are you kidding me?”

Your arms wrapped around you in an attempt to console yourself. You looked away from Jay, unable to face him. Suddenly Jay grabbed your shoulders making the safety hold you had for yourself break apart as you stared at him with a widened expression. 

“Snap out of it” Jay realized it’s already too late, “Do you hear yourself?” 

“Why are you crawling back to him?” You roughly pushed his arm off your shoulders letting out a frustrated huff

“It doesn’t concern you Jay!” You angrily said

“Don’t you realize he’s already messed with your head? He has already hypnotized you!” He didn’t realize the build up that would soon lead to his own demise, “Why can’t you see that he is no good for you?!”

This time you scoffed loudly, “And you would know what’s good for me?” You raised an eyebrow, “Give me a break Jay” You laughed shaking your head

“At least I have a better idea than the two of you” Jay said, “He doesn’t care for you” His words were harsh, mean but it was the only way he could think would be able to get his message through 

“You deserve more, someone far better than him” There was more to Sunghoon and it was right in front of you, “I-I… I’d never do what he did to you” His voice going quieter with each word 

He wasn't sure what he was hoping to achieve but he hoped he was able to do something at least. 

“I’d cherish you the way you deserve to be” He chuckled out a faint smile before dropping it, everything was pathetic, he was pathetic. “If you were just with me from the start… You never would question anything” He said more to himself but you managed to pick up on it

You didn’t understand a single thing Jay was spewing but his words seeped through the small cracks that were bare and exposed waiting to be filled with what you longed for. 

“You’re too good for this world, far too good to be dealing with him–Any of this” Jay heaved before running a hand through his hair forcing it away from the frame of his face making you able to see it fully for the first time, “I can’t bear to have Sunghoon ruin you- Just because he could” His voice cracked with every word

Freezing hearing the break of his voice, you hesitantly pushed aside your own heightened emotions to look at Jay’s distraught state. There was more to meet the eye when it came to Jay and this was it. Built emotions finally crumbling down.

You hesitantly pulled Jay’s hand away from his hair which he easily let you but kept his eyes to the ground unable to look at you. 

“Jay” The softly calling of his name leaving from your lips made his body burn and mind hazy, he shut his eyes trying to shut away the thoughts in his mind, “Jay” The second call of his name broke him

He let out a pained noise crashing straight into your arms. You stopped, your eyes went wide at the sudden closeness but nevertheless you wrapped your arms around holding him close to you.

He shuddered, feeling the piercing touch of your touch of his body but he eased shortly afterwards. Jay clung onto your body as if he were to let go, you would disappear to his brother once again. You didn’t say anything as you held him, rubbing your hand over his back to ease him. 

You didn’t know why you felt the need to take care of him like this. It must’ve been because he was related to Sunghoon or maybe even because he reminded you of yourself. Seeing the same breakdown in him that was in you before you met Sunghoon.

He carefully pulled away from the crevice of your neck, your arms fell onto his shoulders while his hands rested on your hips.

His eyes threaded up to you, he gulped harshly feeling how the line between rationality and irrationality were blending together where he didn’t know where one began and the other ended. 

There were more said when neither of you were speaking than when the two of you spoke and that scared you.

You looked deep into Jay’s eyes and you could see how he held his entire world in there and you were dead center of it. Your mouth moved to say something, anything would suffice in this moment.

Jay’s eyes shifted from your eyes to your agape mouth and found himself looking longer than he intended to. When he looked to your eyes again, he noticed your eye trailing between his lips and eyes and like a familiar trance he found himself leaning straight in to capture your lips with his. 

With the single taste of you after longing for it for so long felt like a drink of cold water on a hot summer night. It was like a wave chilled his burning body as he was brought into the deep end already too far gone to comprehend anything. 

There was a sickening sensation in his stomach but it was overcomed with desperation for you. 

Your mouth moved with his and the hands on your waist brought you closer, meshing your body with his. Your loosened arms wrapped around his neck for support as you felt your body resting up against his.

He smiled in the kiss before carefully guiding you into the house, taking off your shoes, kicking them, discarding them somewhere near the door.

As you were led into the house you were too familiar with, there was a sensation of unsettlement. However, it was swept away in the daze you seemed to be under as you continued to kiss Jay who kissed you like a starved man having his first supper. 

Guiding you up the stairs, his lips still connected to each other as you felt him softly tug at the bottom of your lip, asking, pleading to let him in.

When you gave the slightest opening, he slipped in and explored your mouth as if he had been searching decades for it. Your hands went to the play with his hair, your feet walking backwards from his guidance. 

Yet, when you opened your eyes feeling the thug of your bottom lip through his teeth was it then did you catch sight of the familiar painting hanging in the center of the wall in the hallway.

Your eyes landed onto Sunghoon this time. It was the sudden reminder that you needed to wake up from the daze to realize what you were doing, where you were going and who was guiding you down this path. 

But Sunghoon can’t judge you. He doesn’t have the right to. He didn’t like you. You were just convenient to him whenever he needed you to be. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care. He was just using you.

You screwed your eyes shut. Out of sight, out of mind.

Your hands harshly tugging at Jay’s hair as you continued to let Jay guide you to his room, walking straight past Sunghoon’s. 

The moment of entering Jay’s room was there was a switch flipped, the desperate kiss became toned down to a more sensual one, memorizing how you felt molded with his. Contrasting how Sunghoon usually is with you. 

Your legs bumped against his bed as he carefully placed you onto his bed, slotting himself in between your legs before folding them to bring you dead center of his bed as he hovered over you, never letting his lips off of yours. 

Jay’s prayers were finally answered, for the first time in his life, he was finally listened to. You softly moaned in the kiss feeling his hands running up your sides in a loving manner that easily fooled you and pulled you deeper.

Feeling the smile you pulled away only for Jay to chase after you. He wanted,needed more. He didn’t want it to end. You weren’t able to get out a single syllable as he attached his lips back onto yours.

“Why are you smiling?” You managed to say through the swollen of your lips as he continued to kiss you even past your question

“Because I’m happy” He murmured a response because it was the truth, for the first time in a long time, Jay was finally happy

He was launching himself head first into your world and that’s the highest peak of happiness he could ever achieve.

You felt the jumble of emotions rolling around you and the shivers made Jay finally pull away to look at you like you hung each and every single star in the universe. There was a loopy smile plastered on his face that made your eyes remain on him.

He stroked your face with the same fond smile, “We can take it slow” He spoke, his tone nothing louder than a whisper

You didn’t know Jay, not in the way you knew your friends, not how you knew Sunghoon but you felt a sense of security, desire and love that you hadn’t felt before from him. This was different, something new but you weren’t sure if it was real. 

But Jay was adamant on making it known you belonged right in the center of his life, with him. 

“Only if you say yes” His eyes looked deep into yours, “I’ll show you true ecstasy… One that comes from nothing but love and care” 

Your eyes searched over Jay trying so hard to find any deception but your mind leaned towards what is being offered to you, how you can be satisfied with what you’re ‘deprived’ of. 

Love.

You found it hysterical. What is love? Is it what you feel whenever you’re with Sunghoon or was it something Jay could show you? 

You weren’t sure what it was, never knowing how it felt or ever truly experiencing it, “Jay” You softly pleated clawing at his back, tears trickled in your eyes hoping that was more than enough to convey what you wanted, what you needed from him

The pure desperation written all over your face made him smile before softly chuckling. He only ever dreamed of having you, “You make me crazy over you baby” You didn’t register the nickname that rolled off his tongue so easily as his mouth captured yours in a desperate kiss

“But I need you to tell me” He murmured making your whine, the more he deprived you the more desperate you grew

“Yes! Anything- Just anything” You breathlessly spoke but your eyes never opened as you pleaded

You squealed when his hands were roaming towards the hem of your shirt only to stop. Feeling his shaky hands and hesitation, you weakly nodded your head grabbing his hand with yours to feel his cold touch against your bare stomach.

“Let me do all the work baby” He pecked a few kisses on your cheek and jaw as his hands rose higher making the goosebumps rise onto your skin

Taking in his words, you completely let your body become loose letting him take over. His head slotted next to yours as his hand reached your breast only to realize you weren’t wearing a bra.

He smirked, having his finger rub over your hardening bud, “Oh?” He whispered in your ear making you turn your head from embarrassment

His dark chuckle rumbled something in you pushing past your embarrassment as he engulfed your breast in his hand, fondling with it before his other hand bundled the rest of your shirt upwards before taking it completely off you to throw it somewhere in his room. 

You tried to cover your now exposed body but he stopped you before you could. His eyes never looked away from yours, he gave you a cheek kiss then brought his lips from your shoulder kissing the entirety of your collarbone until getting to the center only to lick in between the crevice of both of your breasts. 

Jay grumbled a satisfied rumble that tickled your skin but unable to let out a giggle you only raked your hands to his hair, your legs trying to muddle together to ignore the growing need in between your legs but there was something stopping you and it was in the shape of Jay.

He laughed noticing you growing more needy the more he took his time with you, “Plea-please” You whined making him freeze, this desperate plea shot straight to the restraint in his pants 

Popping one of your breasts into his mouth, his tongue gliding over your nipple making your body jolt at the sensation, throwing your head back into his pillows as your senses became filled with Jay. 

His free hand grasped the other breasts making sure you weren’t deprived in the slightest by him. He left your breasts covered in his saliva with the way he was messily eating it, his tongue dragged in between your breasts, unsure which side was his favorite, only to deem that both were.

Everything about you did he love. 

The clinging of your underwear became worse. With a popping sound of his mouth detaching from your breasts before trailing below your breast, leaving open mouthed kisses each stop as he lowered to your stomach until he reached the waistband of your pants. 

He looked up at you with his blown out pupils, asking for permission to let him ravish you, to let him in. Your mouth was dry, no matter how hard you tried to swallow you couldn’t, only feeling the dry scratches against your throat. You could only nod your head enough to have him looping his fingers under your belt loop before tugging them painfully to slow down. 

Your hands crumbled at his sheets under your grab as you and Jay never looked away from each other.

He pulled your pants down to your ankle before fully taking them off, only leaving you in your panties, seeing the way your legs squished together to hide yourself but he carefully put his hand on your knee, prying your legs wide open for him. The wet splotch center of your panties outlined your leaking entrance just for him. 

He felt his heart stop, his eyes zeroing on your clothed core and you noticed his gaze had you trying to close your legs again but he kept them opened.

He brought his head closer to your pussy making you attempt to keep him away feeling the beating of your heart in your ear the closer he got but his arms looped under your legs to keep you in place. 

A soft whimper fell from you falling deaf on his ears as he placed a long kiss on your knee before going further, deeper to your inviting self until he reached your inner thigh. Just a few centimeters away from him was paradise.

He planted a kiss on your clothed core making you jump at the contact, letting out a desperate moan in the process rocking your hips forward to his mouth wanting more.

Jay hooked his fingers around the side of your panties bringing them down, making sure to leave kisses on the bare skin being presented and with each kiss, the more he felt the hazy feeling in his mind getting worse. 

When you were completely bare, he had to take a moment to appreciate you. His eyes looked all over your exposed body for him and he burned this image forever in the depths of his brain to never forget it, not that he thought he ever could.

“You’re gorgeous” He softly muttered, his hands tracing over your bare skin trailing down to your aching core and when his long glided over your swollen bud you let out a sweet moan 

Jay could listen to you forever. Without thinking twice, he quickly brought his head to your soaping pussy, his mouth already salivating at the thought before latching onto making your mouth fall slack as you melted into his bed. 

His mouth opened wide, his tongue slurping everything to taste your arousal all over his taste buds allowing himself to get lost in it. You’re the best thing to ever happen to him.

His satisfied hummed shot directly into your core making it send a wave of pleasure into you. Your quiet moans became louder when his tongue protruded your gaping hole teasing it before dragging his tongue on your folds all the way up to your clit to suck on the bundle of nerves. 

“Wa-Please” You blabbed your head felt like it would fall off any second the more you entered in the trance making you forget everything that existed outside of Jay’s room, only focusing on him

Hearing you fueled Jay with a need to make you fall apart for him, to forget Sunghoon that already left his mark on you wanting to replace it with his own.

Jay lapped at your pussy like you were the best dessert to ever be offered to him, he didn't come up for air, he was so engrossed in your enticing core that he found oxygen overrated, who needed it when you were all he ever needed.

Your eyes clamp shut, the thin layer of sweat covering your body as you hold yourself back from your building orgasm, “Don’t hold back… I got you”

“Let go for me baby, I’ll take care of you” Jay slurred as best as he could continuing to take in everything that spilled out of you

Jay will take care of you. He’ll pick up in whatever Sunghoon lacked to give you.

Your hands found their way to his hair, tugging at them only to soothe his head as your whiny moans and the wet sounds of his mouth lapping at your core filled the room.

The sounds of his mouth leaving your wetness before going back in repeated like a broken record.

“Please… ‘m gon-gonna cum” Your words barely tied together as you snapped, your chest heaving as you let out a loud moan as you came all over Jay’s tongue without warning

“Sorry. Sorry” You emptily apologized for the mess you made but Jay didn’t care, why would he 

He helped ride out your high, never stopping his laps at your pussy. It wasn’t until he finally detached himself from you and did your arms landing onto your sides that he finally got a proper breath of air.

His chest rose and dropped with each pant but to see your your fucked out expression made it all worth it. 

Your eyes remained close, your body jolting from his teasing fingers at your entrance that he thought would better help ease your sensitive body.

You weakly shook your head in an attempt to save yourself from the overstimulation. He chuckled, giving one last kiss to your clit making you open your eyes to see him. 

You looked all over his eyes, the side loopy smile and the bottom half of his face glistening from your release made you cringe seeing it.

“You taste amazing baby” He praised but you didn’t expect him to easily remove his shirt, wiping away the smeared arousal on his face before throwing it somewhere to catch your lips with his

He happily groaned in the kiss. His body pressed against yours and there you felt it. The covered bulge grinding against you the more he moved, making you moan in the kiss catching his attention. 

Jay pulled away from the kiss to cup your face stroking your cheek softly with his thumb as he looked at you, the same loving gaze from the very start.

Your insides twisted and this time you were the one that grabbed the back of his neck to bring his lips back onto yours. 

With the little space you allowed him to be away from you he fiddled with his pants in one swift motion and with the spring, you felt the wet slap against your body from his hardened cock.

You pulled away from the kiss to gulp not daring to look down, simply wrapped your arms around his neck in an attempt to bring his body closer feeling the poke of his cock. 

His fingers found their way to your leaking entrance once again to gather as much of your arousal that he could before lathering it over his hard on. Smearing his precum with your arousal almost made him come right then and there but he knew it would be better inside.

“I know, baby. I know” He whispered in the shell of your ear

Jay knew something but you weren’t sure if you knew.

He hovered your body and the last thing he saw was your doe eyes looking up to him making his heart beat faster than ever.

It finally registered that this was reality, this was his reality. He no longer had to dream wondering what his life would’ve been if he had you from the start because now he did have you. 

Aligning his tip with your entrance, he let out a shaky breath “Take a deep breath for me baby” Your uneven breathing made it impossible for you to take a proper breath but when he carefully inserted himself the air got caught in your throat making a gurgling sound erupt from you

Your hands flung to his shoulders for support as he groaned, feeling the closed confinement of your wall wrapped around him. The deep breath had done nothing in preparing you to take in the daring stretching ripping you open on his thick girth.

Too big. Too wide. Too full.

Your fingers dug into his shoulder blades as he continued to slip in, tears filled your eyes as they trickled down the side. Your senses were too filled and far gone to comprehend anymore. 

Jay rested his arms over your shoulder to leverage just enough to lay his head next to yours. He kisses your salty tears away, his hand tilted your head to the side enough for his mouth to slot with yours, to distract you. 

You whimpered in the kiss as he stilled his size, feeling the contraction of your hole around him, engulfing him perfectly and he didn’t expect anything less from you.

He lowly groaned as he held your head in place as the kiss became needier, your noises muffled by his mouth while the tears fell onto his face from your eyes, “ ‘m sorry baby, so fucking sorry”

“Promise to make you feel good”

“You’re taking me so well, you’re absolutely perfect” He whispered praised into your ears as he strokes your head

The same perfect whisper in your ear by someone else. You clawed at his shoulder blades sure that you would leave indents by how you gripped him. You kept your eyes shut with the excuse in mind that you wanted the tears to stop from spilling. 

“You-You can m-move”

Jay looked at your face, your eyes closed with tear stained cheeks, your eyebrows knitting and the hold on his shoulders.

His first thrust was slow and shallow. Your loud gasp filled his ears as your fingers dug even deeper into his shoulders. He hissed quietly feeling how you took everything he gave you, “Perfect” He murmured dragging out his cock before plunging it back in

Each time he left, you sucked him right back in. Your arms wrapped around his back, feeling his muscles moving with his movements. You wrapped your legs around his waist to hold him, to have him take you away. 

The feel of your breasts squished in between along the drag of him sliding in and out of you made your head hazy, your held back moans shot into his ear.

Jay slipped his arms over your body to engulf your body like how you were doing to him. 

The meet of his hip each time releasing a splash of wetness to drip down messily filled the room the more Jay snapped his hip deeper into you. “Beautiful baby”

“The absolute best, was meant to be just for you”

“Meant to be for me” He blabbed right into your ear with each thrust following after every word

You clawed harshly at his back hearing his words, your whines becoming louder. Meant to be for who? For Jay?

“Right baby? You were meant to be mine” His sharp thrust made your body jolt after each one, “Perfect..- Fucking perfect” Any sense of control Jay had went out the window, any morals he had to reconcile with Sunghoon flushed down the drain 

But fuck. It felt so good. Too good. You were too good to him just for him to let you go back and get ruined by Sunghoon. 

Your only attention was on Jay who was providing such pleasure to you, the way your hands clawed at his skin knowing it would leave scratch marks made you feel sorry but with every grunt he let out each time you dragged his fingers across his back, you don’t think he cared. 

His hips continued to snap against you and the full pull of his cock before shoving it back into you made you too far gone to think.

When he managed to peel his body off yours just for a moment, he looked down to where you were connected. Seeing how he slipped in and out, he needed to see all of you. 

Moving enough to grab your hips as he thrusted deeper at the new position deeply into you. You threw your head back burying yourself in his pillows, turning to the side as you let out your muffled moans against them. Jay watched how your breast jumped from his harsh thrust.

His chest filled with pride but in a glimmer he caught the dainty necklace resting on your collarbone. 

It never moved from your collarbone and he felt sick. He was the one above you and yet, the necklace still laid on your bare skin like it was meant to be there.

 Sunghoon still managed to ruin this for him. He always manages to destroy everything. Jay grunted loudly, grasping the necklace and craning your neck up from his pillow.

Your eyes shot open to see him holding your necklace and like a cold bucket of water thrown, you froze. No. No. No.

Jay’s thrust became animalistic, filled with nothing but rage, jealousy, and most of all hatred. The love and care now long gone.

Your mouth fell wide open with nothing but louder moans leaving it as the sound of his hips harshly meeting yours. The familiar build up rose in your stomach and you shook your head, too much was happening and you couldn’t focus.

You tried to get him to let go of your necklace as the creeping orgasm was nearing. You couldn’t relax knowing you were about to break. But to your shock Jay’s thrust came to a sudden stop ripping your orgasm away.

Unknowingly letting out whine in your pants, you gulped harshly trying to properly breath as your eyes fluttered, the sticky feeling of your sweat covering your body as your hand tightly held Jay’s arm holding your neck up by your necklace.

Jay looked down seeing your pleading eyes looking at him, your hands weakly tightening to make him let go. 

He turned your necklace around until he found the clasp and without a second thought, he unclasped it, peeling it off your sweaty body.

There were very few times you felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach but this had to be at the top of the list. Jay on top of you, buried deep inside of you, dangling the necklace, looking at the material like some medal.

Sunghoon really outdid himself.

He scoffed loudly, wrapping the necklace around his wrist to mimic a bracelet, he isn’t one to wear bracelets, always preferring watches but he will proudly wear it for you.

“Don’t worry baby, I‘ll buy you a new one. A much prettier one” Jay stroked the side of your face with the back of his finger to soothe you your frantic self

You stared at him in terror. You didn’t want a prettier, nicer or better necklace. 

You wanted your necklace.

He caught your lips in a haste, the kiss now filled with desperation. You’re not Sunghoon’s anymore, as if you ever were. 

In the kiss, he moved his hips picking up right where he left off with the same harsh and deep thrust that jolted your body up to burn from the fire of Jay. 

You whimper in the kiss, feeling again how deep Jay was inside of you. His hands stayed at your sides and you shivered feeling the unease flip of your stomach feeling the cold metal on his wrist against your hot body. 

When he pulled away, your hands clamped onto him for support. Your moans and wetness bounced off his walls as he continued to ram deeper into you, having his tip kiss your cervix with each thrust making you see stars.

He planted messy kisses all over your face, “My pretty baby” 

“J-Jay” 

Hearing how breathless you sounded, how you held onto him, feeling you tightening around him as if to keep him buried inside of you until the end of time, not wanting to let him go. He’d go through anything if it meant to have you like this forever. 

“Fuck baby, keep tightening around me like that” He grunted feeling you sucking him whenever he dared to pull away more than halfway, “Take me… All of me. It’s all for you”

“ ‘m close. I’m close- Plea-Please… Jay!” You moaned louder as you felt the tip of your orgasm reaching, Jay’s hips continued to slam into you

Your head was full of Jay and the orgasm that he was about to rip out of you, forgetting all about the necklace against your hips wrapped around Jay’s wrist.

“Come with me baby-”

The sounds of your pussy slouching with his cock made an obscene noise that sounded like a perfect melody to Jay. His thrust became sloppy, he was slipping further out only having to guide himself back deep into you.

You let out a lewd moan, filled with rasp and wetness as you came all over his cock, covering all around it of your release. 

“Gonna make me- Fuck baby”

“Take all of it- I give all of me to you”

Jay held you close and firm while your arms loosely wrapped around him scratching his back as your velvet walls were now painted white because of him. 

Resting his forehead against yours, your chests heaving together soon finding the same rhythm falling and rising together.

Your eyes fluttered open to see the look of pure tenderness, warmth, love. 

You shiver seeing the look in his eyes, you felt something achingly burn in you. You weren’t sure if it was the sudden emptiness of Jay slipping himself out of your sensitive core or if it was the familiar look that made your skin crawl. 

Noticing your worry filled eyes he captured your lips with his in a slow kiss. He wanted to get rid of that look in your eyes, he wanted to make you melt for him

His hands run up and down your side as your hands tingle to move as they land at the bottom of his nape playing with the hair at your fingers as your lips move together. 

“My baby” He murmured in the kiss as he let his body rest against you. His roaming hands found your back to rub it as he pulled your body to him.

This was what he had always wished for. To finally have you. 

“Rest baby” Jay pulled away just enough to whisper for you to hear 

Rest.

Yet, the locked doorknob rattled furiously followed by harsh bangs against the wood door with the beyond angry voice of Sunghoon just on the other side knowing that you were in Jay’s room, in his fucking bed. 

 “Park Jongseong open the fucking door”

——

▐ taglist: @woniefull @notevenheretbh1 @matchaeyun @definitelynotherr @wonnienyang @strxwbloody @adoredbyjay @haelahoops @love4hee @deobitifull @jayrelics @enhalxvr @roslayy @nshmrarki @jayhoonvroom @capri-cuntz @woorcve @hveanlyanqelic @nikiswifiee @m1m1-70 @bunnihhoon @lyxnneee @stormy1408 @shiningnono @enmino @jamaisunoo @femmefqtqle

[thatnewweeb]

Childhood Sweethearts | Bakugo Katsuki

Summary | You moved to America when you were young, having to leave behind your childhood sweetheart. After moving back to Japan, you'll find out if things have changed between you two

Content | Fluff, honestly I can't think of any warnings for this so let me know if you see anything that needs a warning

Word Count | 1.7k+

A/N | I love the idea of Bakugo being in love with someone through his whole life, I have no idea why. At the time of posting, I wrote this forever ago

It had been almost 5 whole years since you moved away. You missed home. It wasn't like you'd wanted to move away in the first place, but your dad's job took you away from Japan all the way to America.

Finally, at 18 years old, you finally convinced your parents to allow you to move home. Having attended an elite hero school for the past 2 years, you managed to have some special arrangements made for your return home.

And so, that is how you got to where you are now, nervously walking down the halls of UA next to Principal Nezu. He had spent the first half hour of the morning before classes began showing you around and explaining a few things to you.

At the start of homeroom at 8:25AM, he walks you to the classroom of Class 3-A, the class you will be joining, starting today.

Everyone looks over as the door opens, the principal strolling in and standing at the front of the class. You follow nervously. These people have had nearly 3 whole years to get to know each other, and here you are, the new girl joining in the final year, not knowing anyone.

At least, you didn't think you knew anyone, until you force yourself to look at the class properly.

Your eyes immediately fall on a blond boy in the second row. His own eyes are widened, locked onto you. A moment later, you rip your eyes away from him, prompting him to look away also.

When you realise Nezu has stopped speaking and is now looking at you, you snap out of it and look at the whole class.

"My name is Y/N. I have two Quirks, which I am sure I will have more time sometime soon to explain. I look forward to spending this year with you." You say and bow slightly to the class.

Your homeroom teacher, Aizawa, points you to your assigned seat, so you sit down quietly, not saying another word.

It isn't until lunch, almost four hours later, that you say anything else, besides answering questions in class. Your fourth period was English with Present Mic. Having lived in an English-speaking country for almost 5 years, it was quite an easy class for you.

Almost as soon as you are dismissed from class, you're surrounded by people, wanting to talk to you, get to know you. You're fine with that, but you did have someone else you wanted to talk to. They already walked out the door though.

"Y/N!" Someone says, popping up in front of you out of nowhere.

"Izuku!" You smile, excitedly throwing your arms around your old friend.

You see a brown-haired girl blushing as she watches you hugging Midoriya.

"I can't believe you're here! I didn't know you were coming back!"

You nod. "I know, I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

He shakes his head, wanting to reassure you. "It's okay! We fell out of touch, that's not anyone's fault."

Izuku invites you to spend lunch break with him and his friends, being introduced to them all, him explaining a little about how he got into UA at all.

After classes have finished for the day, you don't give Bakugo the chance to run. As soon as you're dismissed from class, you walk over to his desk, standing in front of it and resting your hands on the surface.

"It's nice to see you again, Katsuki." You smirk.

He looks up at you from his chair briefly, quickly looking away. “Yeah, it is.”

You lean down so you’re closer to his height, him still avoiding eye contact. “Would you mind walking me back to the dorm? I haven’t actually been there yet, Nezu didn’t have time to take me.”

He tuts but stands up, picking up his bag and slinging it over your shoulder. Not saying a thing, he leaves the classroom, you following him. You know what he’s like, you know to follow.

As soon as you're out of the halls and outside, he decides to say something. "I didn't know you were coming back." He mutters.

You're just happy to hear him say something to you. "Yeah. I know."

He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

You pause where you are, stunned. You hadn't expected him to apologise to you.

When you don't say anything, he sighs and turns to you, also stopping walking. "I shouldn't have stopped responding. I was upset you were gone, and I went about things in the stupidest way. I... I regret it."

It takes a moment for you to say anything, blinking in shock. "It's okay." You smile brightly up at him. "I understand. It was hard on both of us, after all."

"Yeah, but I ghosted you. I shouldn't have done that. Not to you, you don't deserve that."

"I agree you shouldn't have done it, dummy. But I'm saying I understand, okay?"

He smiles a little, looking down at you. "Come on, let's go to the dorms." He tugs on your backpack, indicating that you should take it off. When you do, he slings one strap over his shoulder, carrying it for you.

"Since when did you become a gentleman?" You ask with a small laugh, making him grunt a 'shut up' to you, his cheeks going slightly pink.

Finally reaching the dorms, Bakugo opens the door for you, letting you into the large building.

Everyone else is already there, the people in the communal area looking at you as you enter. Other than Izuku, people seem a little surprised to see you with Bakugo, and even more surprised that he doesn't look as annoyed as he typically does.

With everyone staring, Katsuki shoves your bag back into your arms before walking over to the stairs to go to his room.

You smile a little as you watch him, shaking your head.

Izuku is the first person to come up to you, smiling. "Everyone wants to get to know you a little. If you have some time, come sit with us?"

You do what he says, walking over and taking a seat between him and a boy with a black streak in mostly blond hair.

You end up spending a couple hours with them, telling them about your Quirk and what it's like to live in America. When they ask about you seemingly already knowing both Izuku and Katsuki, you tell them that you grew up with them.

A girl with pink skin, who you learn is Mina, asks you for some stupid stories about them as kids, Izuku going red and telling you that you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, trying to save himself the embarrassment.

Even though you're unsure if Bakugo will be annoyed at you for telling them this, you also tell them a few stories from when you and him were dating before you left for America.

Everyone seems surprised, a small uproar coming from the class. No one had ever even seen an indication that he had ever been interested in anyone, yet alone had a girlfriend. It appeared to be a ludicrous idea to most of them.

Kaminari seems to deflate a little upon realising you dated one of his best friends. Guess he thought you were pretty.

Not long after, you go find your room, needing to unpack. Right before you close the door, a foot stops it from closing. A second later, Bakugo comes into view.

"Well, hello there." You smirk a little, looking up at him.

He smirks back, placing a hand on the doorframe, standing in front of you. "Hey. Care if I come in?"

You move out the way for him to come in but tell him it's a little messy because you're still unpacking.

He doesn't even look at the room, closing the door as soon as he's inside and standing close to you, essentially pinning you between him and the door.

That's when you really realise how much he's changed. He's so much taller now than when you last saw him, his shoulders broader, entire body more muscular, a few visible scars now. The whole thing makes you a little flustered.

"So, do you have a little American boyfriend now?" He asks with a slight snarl, expression turning into a smirk as soon as you shake your head. "No? Then, would you mind if I kissed you?" He whispers in your ear.

You don't verbally respond, but the look on your face gives him the answer he needs. He keeps one hand on the wall, the other coming to rest on your waist, leaning in and pressing his lips against yours. Your own hands find your way to his chest, gripping onto his shirt.

A moment later, he pulls away a little, smirking. "Guess we haven't missed a beat, huh?"

You laugh, not letting go of his shirt. "Suki, you're an ass." You say, making him laugh too.

"Yeah, but you love it." He whispers, leaning in to kiss you again. "It's starting to get late, and you haven't finished unpacking yet. If you wanted to stay in my room tonight, you're welcome to."

You look up at him, a little surprised by the proposal. When he sees the look on your face, he panics a small amount. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant we can spend the night sleeping together- no, not sleeping together! Not like that! I just meant- we- we can- I meant-"

You giggle at his nervousness, making him look a little angry. You move your hands to rest on his cheeks, standing on your tiptoes and smashing your lips against his.

When you finally break the kiss again, both a little breathless, he stares at you, mouth open slightly.

"Sorry, I had to find a way to shut you up." You smile. "I'd love to cuddle tonight, Suki."

He looks relieved, taking your hand. "Come on, let's go."

You spend the rest of the night in Bakugo's dorm, cuddling and eventually falling asleep in his bed.

Before he falls asleep, he spends a few moments just watching you, barely being able to believe that he got lucky enough to get you back into his life. He gives you a soft kiss on the forehead, holding you tighter, closing his own eyes and falling asleep.

[xazse]

So about the Shouki no Kami x reader, while we're fighting Scaramouche's boss we get injured and some pieces of our clothes are already ruined, causing Scaramouche to feel umm. Yk 🫣

HUMILIATION

Synopsis: Your ruined clothing definitely catches Scaramouches attention.

Notes: Hi I enjoyed writing this, I must tell you that it’s completely consensual and reader was free to leave whenever she pleased but chose to indulge in scaras antics! + I do have other requests but they are just asking for a part 2 of something, I’d love to work on it but id rather work on some new stuff.

Pairings: Scaramouche x fem!reader

Warnings: Pussy eating + crying + manhandling + mean!Scara + dom!scara + overstimulation + smut + not proofread + creampie + begging

“Die insolent woman, you’ve been a pain in my side for the longest.”

Scaramouche points Shouki no Kami’s hand at you, he can’t choose which way he wants to kill you, with all the elements in his very hands it’s hard. He wants to make you suffer for as long as possible: wants your screams to fill the room as you beg for mercy, maybe you’ll even cry he’d enjoy that the most.

He bares you one more final look your face dirty and ragged, coughing up your own blood, his eyesight falls a little lower and he pauses. Your shirt was ripped with large tear; exposing your bra, it’s white and basic but nonetheless he can see the fat of your boob spilling out: clearly the bra doesn’t fit you as well as you think it does. Your shorts are a tattered mess as well.

He halts the beam to stare and maybe even admire you a little, He won’t lie and say he hasn’t felt a little bit of attraction at just how desperate you are to kill him, every battle you’ve had with him ends with him fleeing after taking a damaging hit or he’s managed to knock you unconscious, why he hadn’t killed you those times is because he’d wanted you to live with the humiliation, but now that he’s in the final steps of his plan he no longer sees the need to toy with you.

Looking at you longer starts to stir some of those lewd feelings he knows he shouldn’t have for you, it’s merely sexual nothing romantic, he deems you aren’t on his level for him to see you that way, doesn’t matter you’ll be dead in a few.

But… Ever since becoming sentient and reaching the age of maturity, Scara hasn’t laid with any women. As a way of relief when he was alone he’d find himself grabbing and groping at his cock, such a thing had an impact on his body and mind it aggravated him that men had to go through that, it did feel pretty good though when he reached his peak.

He supposes in this moment that you’d be the perfect specimen for him to have sex with, you should be honored you’ll be the first woman to take what humans call his virginity.

You attempt to grab your pole arm but find it getting knocked all the way across the room with just a flick of the giant robots finger. You feel completely defenseless, at least the comfort of knowing you went down with a fight will provide some relief, you close your eyes as you await your death.

Footsteps can be heard behind you, the bastard wants to kill you with his own hands? His steps are slow and steady as he approaches you, when he finally does he kicks you over you groan in pain at just the force of the kick, you’re now on your stomach when he sits down and puts his entire weight on your back.

“I’d kill you right now but I have other uses for you”

“Just get it over with” you seethe through clenched teeth

“And miss the chance to further humiliate you? I don’t think so. I could kill you right now or I could fuck you then let you leave orrrr you can leave and run back to your family with your tail inbetween your legs. Your choice either way you’ll die sooner or later it doesn’t matter to me”

Your lip quirks upwards and you resist the urge to burst out laughing

“Not so popular with the women? Knew you were a hopeless virgin,” you giggle a little before continuing “is that why youre so hell bent on destruction? You just needed some pussy?”

Scaramouche’s expression darkens but you can’t see that, he won’t allow you to.

“You’ve got a mouth on you, always have.” “I think that’s why breaking you down has been so fun”

You shrug “I’ll indulge you Scaramouche” you huff out, “I don’t need to guide you through it right?” You tease.

“No need, I’ll have you crying on my cock begging for more.” He tears off the remainings of your shirt, your shorts are next as he descards the fabrics somewhere else, you aren’t getting those back you sigh loudly.

He places his hand under your stomach in a way you’re arching: ass up and face smooshed into the cold hard floor. You don’t process it as quickly as you should but next thing you know you can feel the cool open breeze on your parts, bastard even ruined your underwear. He admires you once again, staring at your cute cunt as it’s begging to be filled and fucked, he’ll give you just that.

First he decides that he wants to taste you, wants to figure out why people enjoy pussy as much as they do.

He bends down a little, having him eye level with your cunt makes you feel a little embarrassed and your body a little hot, you’ve never been eaten out before if he does- you lurch forward when his tongue licks a stripe up. He thinks he didn’t really get a good taste so he licks another, and another until he’s full on licking and sucking directly on your hole.

“Ohh..mnh-“ you use your hand to close your mouth, you don’t want to give him the satisfaction. But fuck does it feel so good, he hasn’t even found your clit yet and you don’t think you’ll be able to hold back anything.

He starts getting messy with his tongue work, it was messy before but now it feels dirty. You know you’re becoming wetter by the second and he isn’t wasting even a second to lick up the essence that leaks out. This position isn’t doing it for him anymore so he flips you onto your back, immediately he dives right back into sucking, when he accidentally brushes over your clit and sees the sweet whine that slips past he does it again to make sure he heard you right, tracing over the bud you once again make the noise but even sweeter.

“Scara-Ah..ngh”

His arms wrap around your thighs, he doesn’t even seem the least bit bothered that you’re caging his head in, he’s completely in tune with sucking on your wet sloppy clit. All you can do is take it and cry small whimpers of his names, you don’t know whether you want him to stop the pleasure or continue it.

His shorts begin to constrict as he starts to grow hard, they feel tight around him and he feels the need to loosen them up, his hand dips below his waist and into them, his fingers grope his cock roughly, the damn thing definitely has a mind of its own as established earlier. It’s already leaking precum into his hands.

He stands up on his knees, you obediently don’t close your legs, leaving them wide open, a little bit of licking has your eyes clouded and lusty, he thinks you definitely now deserve to feel the stretch of his cock.

He tugs his waistband just below his heavy balls, you stare openly too, he’s fucking big, you had never expected that from his small stature. He knows he is too with the condescending smirk on his face, clearly proud of what he has. It’s more thick than it is long, girth was not lost on him, you advert your gaze fully.

“What are you doing? Look at me clearly woman, none of that shy stuff now.” He leans in and pulls your bra down, useful for later he supposes.

He stokes himself a few times, making sure your eyes are trained on every stroke and every dribble of pre that cascades down his length. He taps his cock against your clit eliciting a sharp rise in your chest. His cock is placed against your wet hole and pushes in, he only gets a little past the tip before you’re whiny voice picks up and telling him to stop for a moment, he does obey to let you breathe.

As he sits and waits he can feel just how hot you are, he bets putting it even deeper will have him seeing stars.

He starts pushing in again, repeating the words relax as you tense up every so often, he isn’t going to fucking kill you. Your tight cunt starts to slowly adjust and pull him in, it gets warmer and warmer the deeper he goes.

“You’ve been- mhn..- fucked? How come you’re so damn tight?” It’s clearly starting to affect him, serves the dick right.

It’s not long before he’s got his full hard cock deep inside you, his chest is connected to yours as he lifts up his hips to slam right back down into you.

“So… ooh my god” his hips can’t stop fucking into you, your gummy walls just adds so much more stimulation, it’s filthy and gross the loud sounds of his balls slapping against your ass or your equally lewd moans of his name drive everything so much higher. His chest is rubbing against your nipples when he goes up and down, they feel raw and extra sensitive adding ontop of the pleasure.

He’s using you like a damn toy to reach his peak, it feels different than when he would use his hands, his balls feel heavier and he feels the need to empty them, empty them right inside your sopping cunt.

You take your fingers and begin rubbing wildly at your clit.

He’s been hitting a certain spot inside of you, but when he inches his hips a way, he hits it directly.

“Pleas- please again-“ “deeper-deeper Scara.”

It’s embarrassing how you’re full on crying it feels so good, too good, you can’t help but cry from the amount of pleasure you’re feeling, no man you’ve ever come across has had his size nor the way he keeps hitting that spot.

He gives you one more stroke and you whine his name the loudest since he had you bent over on all fours. Your pussy gushes and cums around his cock, that nasty white ring shines so much when he looks at where you’re connected for a slight moment but he quickly returns to your face: mouth slightly agar as you take wide gulps of air from just how powerful that orgasm was.

You weakly try to slide up and slip his cock out of you, he’s quick to slam right back in to the hilt.

“That’s not fair, I haven’t came yet, I think you can spare a few more hours” he taps your cheek lightly in a mocking manner.

“You can can’t you?” He purrs out so seductively.

“I’can” you slur out slowly looking so fucked out and In scaras terms ready for another orgasm just like that one.

He keeps fucking into you, even if his cock is soaked in just your cum, or when he switched positions to him standing and holding you with your arms wrapped around his neck whilst he fucks up into your pussy. The floor decorated with your juices just drive him to keep ruining you. When he finally does cum it’s mind-blowing, he bites down so hard on your neck that you think it drew blood. It muffles his loud groan as his balls constrict and he’s filling you with his load, you think the virgin will stop and be one and done but he isn’t, he pauses to breathe but starts bouncing you up and down on his cock all over again.

Scaramouche thinks he actually wants you alive, wants to keep feeling your hot pussy milk him nonstop, he’s interrupted in his thoughts with you weakly begging for more, you’re so fucking gross, wanting to be filled with more of his cum regardless of your hatred for him.

[jinwoosbabyboo]

"Safe and sound....Kinda" pt. 2

You went M.I.A. and the LADS Men are stressed!

Xavier

"It's been almost a week Jeremiah we need to check places the hunter association won't look" Xavier was already on the move heading towards the first No-hunt Zone of many. Jeremiah trailed behind him almost jogging trying to keep up.

"I understand that Xavier, but you're not in the right head space to-" Jeremiah swallows his words when Xavier whipped around abruptly getting in his face. "to what? Find the love of my life? I'm done waiting around twiddling my thumbs she could be out there dying for all we know"

Xavier turned on his heels and continued on his path "If your way of helping is planting seeds of doubt then don't follow me"

After two days of non-stop searching he did it. In the deepest parts of the forest Xavier found himself at the tip of your Hunters sword nearly taking his head off. His eyes widened in shock just as yours did when you realized who you were looking at "Xav......?" Your words faded as you dropped your sword and fell into his chest almost knocking him over.

"Where have you been? What are you doing in this zone its dangerous"

"I got pulled into a rift I've been fighting alone for five days" Your breathing was labored before you began to cough. Xavier flinched from the death grip you had on his arm as you tried to keep yourself upright. That's when he noticed your ripped clothes. Since when was your uniform so short and revealing?

It wasn't.

You'd been tearing your clothes to bandage your wounds, but they weren't doing so well considering they were soaked through in old and fresh blood. Your shoes were missing along with your socks. "I kept fighting because I knew...." A cough tore from your chest making your throat burn as you coughed up blood. "....I knew you'd find me" Your grip loosened as you went slack in his arms.

"Of course I'd find you" Xavier managed you wrangle you onto his back as he sent his coordinates to Jeremiah to come and pick the two of you up. "Just hang on a little longer"

Sylus

You dragged your shoulder along the wall of a back alleyway before dropping falling flat on the ground. You don't know how many days it's been since you told Sylus you'd be back in less than a day. Your vision blurred as your head swam from exhaustion and dehydration.

"I see her!" That voice sounds familiar....

You feel two sets of hands on you pulling you into a sitting position, but your head is so heavy. "Just let me sleep for a while"

"No you have to stay up Boss is almost here" Luke?

"Stay with us" Kieran?

You felt that comforting red and black mist engulf you and soon you were cradled in Sylus' arms. If you didn't know any better you'd say Sylus looked as if he'd been crying. His eyes seemed bloodshot, but what do you know you can barely keep your eyes open. You're probably seeing things.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I dropped my phone & a wanderer shattered my watch .... along with my wrist .... I figured if I got close enough to the N109 Zone .... you would find me" A weak smile graced your lips. "Looks like I was right"

"Let's get you home" He whispered and it was the last thing you heard before your head bobbed one last time and darkness consumed you.

Sylus made sure you had the best medical care money can buy while staying in the comfort of his king sized bed. He wouldn't leave your side as you slowly recovered. "Were you crying over me?"

"Shut up and take your pain meds"

Sylus is hard to write because that man got Mephisto on our ass 24/7

Zayne & Rafayel here ♡

[mooooonnnzz]

World/Insured Part 3

Stanford Pines x Sibling!Reader/Stanley Pines x Sibling!Reader

☆ hope you guys r liking it so far!! :p

☆ 4,4k words

✶ “Can we talk about [Name]?” Ford suddenly brings up one day. The waves of tourists have been moderately slow for the day, allowing Stan and Ford to kick back and relax for once. And in the midst of sitting down on the couch, his mind dwelled over to the thought of you. Stan let out a long sigh as he sat down, pitt cola in hand. Stan was trying to break free from his alcohol addiction, Ford noted. “Sure, what do you want to talk about?” The causality held in Stan’s words made Ford uneasy. He was so unnaturally calm with his words, at least the last time he brought you up, he can sense the agitation in his words, but he couldn’t find any dripping anger from him now. Mustering up all the courage he had left, he asked; “How were they?” He felt his mouth run dry. Out of everything he could’ve asked, he asked that? All the questions he had were out the window and off into the woods, leaving him scrambling for words. Taking a sip from his soda, he said, “Do you want to know how they felt immediately after they left with me?” Ford nods. “Well, being fifteen and a rage of hormones, they pretty much hated you.” Stan’s eyes glance over to Ford whose face could visibly read hurt. “I’m just kidding!” Stan cackled, shoving Ford. “They were ripped apart. I remember they told me how they felt everything and nothing at the same time, real poetic than one.” He takes another sip. “They missed you so much while I hated your guts. I couldn’t think of you without seeing red and they couldn’t think of you without crying.” He swirled the drink in the can, looking down to his shuffling feet. “What did you guys do to survive?” 

✶ “I enrolled them into a high school. I didn’t want them to be stupid like me, ya know? And while they were in highschool, I started my business which earned us money to get by.” Stan told him. “Would you even call what you did a business?” Ford said with his eyebrow raised. “Hey!” Stan rolled his eyes, placing the can of soda down on the floor. “Once we got banned from a few states, [Name] put their foot down and encouraged me to get a job. And guess what, I landed a pretty good job! My history of stealing peoples money was long gone, until now,” Stan quietly said the last part. “And we were living pretty comfortably. I got us a nice house, a good car and [Name] graduated highschool and they got a job as manager of some sort, can’t really remember.” Stan scratched his chin idly. “They were on their way to move out and take their business elsewhere when you decided to show your face.” Stan cleared his throat, looking at Ford. “They talked about you a lot.” He softly added. “I saw how they lit up when they saw me for the first time. They looked so much older.” Ford said. “I mean, yeah, that’s what happens when you miss, like, 10 years of their life.” Ford ignored Stan’s comments and mulled over his thoughts. After a moment, he spoke up. “Thank you for talking about them, Stan.” Stan shot him a smile. “Of course, talking about them wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.” Since then, Stan would share stories of you whenever Ford asked, ranging from embarrassing ones, to one’s where it was a little harder for Stan to tell. But in the end, it brought them closer together and kept the memory of you alive. 

✶ Much to Ford’s dismay, the whole shack was rearranged to be a tourist trap. By day, they were busy ripping people of their money and by night, they buried themselves in their work, fixing what they could while simultaneously searching for the second book. And before they knew it, they were in their late 50’s. Adjusting his fez, he smiles at himself through the mirror. “Stan!” Ford bursts through his room, starling Stan. “Geez, Ford! A little warning next time?” Ford stammers over to him. “No time for that!” He huffs out. “The book! I-I can’t find it!” Stan’s face falls. “What?! What happened to it?” Ford opened his mouth to answer when Soos yelled out; “Mr. Pines!” Stan curses to himself, that must be the kids. “Do you have any idea where it could be?” Stan asks. Out of all the days something could’ve gone wrong, why today? “I think maybe the gnomes took it?” Stan was ready to scream again when Soos called for them again. “I want you to go and look for the book.” Stan insisted, pointing a finger at him. “I’m not coming with you to get Dipper and Mabel?” Ford gasped out, his hand slapping on his chest. “No! Because you lost the book!” Stan pointed an accusatory finger at him. “I lost the book? It was probably a gnome who took it!” Ford defended. “How are you so sure that a gnome even took it?” Ford scratched the back of his neck nervously. “They may or may not have knocked me out just a few moments ago.” Stan was so ready to deck him in the face when Soos came into the room. “Mr. Pines!” He pointed outside. “The kids are here!” “We know that, Soos.” The twins spat out. “But there’s this wolf mailman dude, and I really don’t trust him and he’s probably like eating the kids right now at the bus stop!” Soos rambled out. While Stan carried an unimpressed face, Ford’s face twisted to one of horror. “We need to pick them up now!” Unfortunately for Stan, both Soos and Ford have a rising suspicion that the mailman is a wolf in a human disguise. But the man was just hairy! Ford pulled Stan along and got inside his car. Starting up the car, Stan let out an exhausted sigh. “How did puny little gnomes knock you out?” He asked, backing out of his parking spot and onto the road. “I was busy reading when they knocked me out cold! I don’t think they intended to steal the journal, when I was waking back up they realized and grabbed the nearest object possible and ran out of there.” Stan sighed, tapping his finger on the wheel. “I really can’t believe you sometimes.” He mutters. “It wasn’t my fault, Stanley!” 

✶ Coming to a complete stop, Ford rolled down the windows, a large smile on his face when his eyes landed on his favorite great nieces. “Grunkle Ford!” They cheer, equally large smiles on their faces. “Hey, hey!” Stan watched as they stumbled into the car with their bulky backpacks skidding against the roof. “Where’s my love?” Stan exclaimed. “Right here, Grunkle Stan.” Mable giggled, wrapping her arms around Stan’s neck and nuzzling her face into his shoulder. “That’s more like it,” Stan grinned, gingerly patting her back. “Now where’s the sweaty one? I’m missing one!” Dipper sighed, a playful roll to his eyes. “I’m right here,” Mable pulled away from Stan and swiftly latched herself to Ford. “C’mon, give your old grunkle some sugar.” Dipper cringed. “Don’t ever say that again, Grunke Stan.” He said, hugging Stan. “I say what I want, kid! We live in a free country for a reason.” The drive home was full of conversation, the twins telling their grunkle’s stories from school and their home life. Stan and Ford made the conscious effort to comment and react to everything they said, if not Mable would make sure they did by repeating what they said over and over again. When the Mystery Shack came into view, they both shoved their face against the window, marveling at the shack. “Is this what Grunkle Stan is always talking about when we call him?” Mable’s hot breath fogged up the window. “Yup. And now you guys get to see it.” Ford gestured to the shack, smiling proudly. He had soon come to love the shack he and Stan worked on, he will never admit that out loud though. Parking in his usual spot, he turns to the kids. “Get yourself settled in, alright?” They wasted no time jumping out of the car and scampering off into the shack. “And don’t touch anything!” A jar crashing onto the floor was heard in the distance. “They don’t listen, do they?” Stan shook his head. “Alright, poindexter, what are we going to do about the book?” He started, looking at Ford who pulled at his turtle neck anxiously. “We have to wait till tonight to look for it.” Tonight came and they were too wrapped up with the twins that they couldn’t go out and search for the third book. Their schedules became so busy that a week had passed and they still were waiting to find an empty slot in their schedules to find the book but it never came.

✶ “Grunkles! Grunkles!” Mable came running at them at full speed. “Woah there, kiddo!” Ford swooped Mable up from the floor. “You almost bumped into me.” He laughed, putting her back down on the ground. “That was the plan.” She giggled. “But I have something to ask!” She shoved her hand inside the pocket of her skirt. She pulled out a photo, a very specific photo that Stan had kept in his room. She pointed at the person in the middle. “Who is this?” She asks. “Mable!” Dipper rushed to the living room. Bending over, he hoisted himself up by propping his arms on his knees. He wheezed out, his eyes locking onto the tense scene in front of him. “Did she already ask about the photo?” Silence was his response. Breaking out of his trance, Stan swiped the photo out of Mable’s hands. “Where did you find this?” Stan’s eyes flickered between the photo and Mable. “In your room.” A flash of emotions went through Stan’s face. Why was Mable in his room? Why did she pick this photo out of all the things in his room? He spiraled. He wasn’t expecting to speak of you to someone who had no idea of your existence. Stan’s heart crumpled into a pathetic ball. The twins had never met you. Ford took notice of Stan’s unnaturally quiet nature.  “Kids, why don’t you go to your rooms?” Ford said, kneeling down to their height. “But why?” Mable whined, pouting. “Because we need to decide if we are ready to tell you, okay?” Ford gave a knowing look to Dipper who understood that this wasn’t an easy topic. Dipper told something to Mable and with a worried look, she dejectedly followed him up to their room. “Stan?” He looks over to Stan who was shakily pulling out a packet of cigarettes. “I thought you quit, Stanley?” Ford watched sadly as he walked inside the kitchen and searched for a lighter, when he did he pocketed it and walked back out. “It’s either I drink or I smoke.” Stan said, heading towards the porch. Ford followed after him, shutting the door behind him. “You want one?” Stan offered the pack and he debated for a moment before denying his request. Stan brought the cigar to his lips. He cupped his hand around the cigar as he lit it up with his lighter. Taking a deep drag of the smoke, he allowed himself to relax, welcoming the familiar feeling of the smoke filling his lungs. “We don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to.” Ford spoke, watching the puff of gray smog lighty cover his vision momentarily. “I don’t think we have a choice here.” Stan takes another long drag from the cigarette. “We can tell them we’re not ready yet.” Ford reasons. “I think it’s time they should know about [Name].” Stan stares at the late afternoon sky. “It was just all so sudden and I didn’t know how to react. It all went downhill from there.” Stan twiddled his cigarette between his fingers. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Stanley. I know how you feel.” A comfortable silence blanketed the both of them warmly. “Do you ever wonder what [Name] would think about the twins?” Ford breaks the silence, glancing at Stan from the corner of his eye. Stan wistfully smiled, stubbing out his cigarette on the floor. “[Name] would have loved the twins.” 

✶ Stan looked between the twins. “So, whaddya wanna know?” He asks. “Who are they!” Mable shouted. “They are our younger sibling.” Ford said. Mable’s face exploded into shock. “We have a secret Great Aunt/Grunkle?” Mable couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Where are they?” Dipper questioned. “They’re somewhere,” Stan said with a strained voice. “Where is somewhere?” Mable cocked her head to the side. “They’re out exploring the world.” Ford horribly lied. Mable frowned. “You can tell us if they’re dead, Grunkles. You don’t have to hide it from us.” Stan took a harsh deep breath in. “They aren’t dead, pumpkin. We just have no idea where they’re at.” Mable nodded her head in understanding. “Did you guys fall out?” Dipper asked with a tiny frown. “Yeah. A terrible fight broke out and they left.” Ford gazed at the photo of the three of them when they were young, clueless of the world and just happy to be surrounded by one another. “I’m so sorry.” Mable’s excitement was no longer there and was replaced by sadness for her poor Grunkle’s. “It’s okay, dear. No need to apologize.” Ford assured Mable with a smile. “[Name] is a wonderful person,” This was the first time Stan had talked about you in a present tense and he couldn’t tell if he liked that or not. “I hope one day you get to meet them.”

✶ Unbeknownst to the two older twins, Dipper had found journal three when Stan instructed him to go out and put out signs in the woods. But they didn’t find out that Dipper had it until he had shown the book to Ford and Stan after the events that had followed them the past few days. “Gideon nearly destroyed the whole town trying to find it!” Dipper said. Stan pretended to feign interest as he skimmed through the pages. “I don’t know what it means, or who wrote it, but after all we’ve been through,” He looks at Mable and smiles, directing attention to his Grunkle’s who were trying their hardest to hide their actual feelings. “Maybe you guys should finally know about it too.” He grinned. “I’m glad you showed us this, Dipper.” Stan shut the book closed. “Uhm, Grunkle Stan. Why does Grunkle Ford look like he’s about to crap himself?” Mable looked concerned for her Grunkle. Everyone turned their attention to Ford who weakly smiled at them. “Excuse him. He’s still shaken–” Ford yanked Stan by the sleeve and pulled him out of the twins room. “We need to go to the lab now!” Ford whispered. “I know that, Stanford! But at least let us pretend we don’t give a ratsass for this book!” He whispered back. “We’ll be back!” Ford awkwardly excused him and Stan. The twins heard their Grunkle speedily walk down the stairs. “Do you think I’m ever going to get that book back?” Mable shrugged. 

✶ Placing the books right next to each other, Ford flipped to the pages containing the blueprints. He connected the books together, showing the full plan of the portal. Stan read the instructions and swung over to the controls, he flipped the exact switches that were told to be switched. The lights around the portal flickered on. “Oh my god!” Ford laughed out in surprise. “Is this actually going to work?” Stan and Ford rush over to the portal. Their hearts thrumming against their chest. Together, they pulled the lever. With a click, it moved to the other side and the portal hummed. Zaps of electricity emitted from the portal as it powered back on. A rush of wind blew by Stan and Ford as the portal swirled to life. Ford shook his head in disbelief. “Can’t believe we did it, huh?” Stan says with a smile. “I thought we were never going to get this portal turned on.” Stan claps his back. “Well, believe it!” 

✶ Ford was so sure they weren’t going to get caught. He was so absolutely sure. The plan he made to steal the nuclear waste was perfect, there was no room for error. But it seemed like the universe had other plans. He never imagined himself getting pinned to a cop car with cuffs around his wrists. This was more of a Stanley thing, and yet here he is, getting arrested. “This is all just a big misunderstanding!” Ford cried out, his cheek squished against the hood of the cop car. “Guys, can’t I give you some money?” Stan approached them with his hands in his pockets. They all watched him nervously, guns aimed and men ready to tackle him down. “Grunkle Stan, maybe you shouldn’t!” Mable grabs Stan’s hand and pulls him back. “You guys got the wrong guy, my brother is innocent!” Stan argues. “Oh, we’ve been watching your family all summer and we have seen some pretty disturbing things. Whoever you think your brother is, he is not what he seems.” They shove Ford into a car. “Guys!” Ford calls, the door slamming shut on him. Stan watches as they drive off with Ford, his head spinning. “As for you guys, we were removing you off the property.” The guy with a mustache said, directing them to another cop car that was beside them. “No, you can’t!” Stan felt helpless. He just wants you back, why is this so difficult? The chaos spiraled into madness and suddenly, Stan was in the lab, begging the kids to not turn off the portal. “This’ll end the world, Grunkle Stan. Why can’t you see that?” Dipper had his hands hovering dangerously close to the button. “Just listen to me, kid. It’ll make sense later, just don’t press the button.” He walked towards them but was soon taken off his feet. “Brace yourselves!” They all rise up, twirling and thrashing around the room. “T-Minus, thirty five seconds.” The robotic voice said. Dipper had grabbed onto a beam and told Mable to reach for the button. Using the cable wrapped on her foot, she inched herself close to the button. “Mable, wait, wait!” Stan pushed him off the wall and tried reaching towards her. Soos dove straight for Stan and wrapped himself around him, apologizing to him. “Soos, what’re you doing?!” Dipper followed what Soos did and yelled at Mable to turn it off. 

✶ “Stop!” Everyone looked around and they all gasped when their eyes landed on Ford. “Mabel, don’t listen to Dipper. Listen to me,” Ford pushed himself toward the nearest beam. He coiled his arm around it, securing himself. “Do you trust me and Stan, Mable?” Ford firmly asked, his eyes locked with Mabel. “I do!” She desperately said. “Then trust us when we tell you to not push the button.” Mabel looked to Dipper who was widely shaking his head. “Okay,” She raises her hands above her head. “I trust you guys.” She let herself float up, away from the button. “Mable, no–!” A white flash envelops them whole. 

✶ They all roughly made contact with the floor. With a groan, Stan rubbed his head, his head lifting up towards the portal. The portal flickered with wandering electricity. Ford held his breath, eyes fixed on the portal as he waited. A black figure barreled out of the portal, their head whipping towards it. “Close the portal!” You yelled, your hand wrapping around a gun that was hoisted in their waist. You turned their attention back to Stan and Ford. “Close the portal!” You repeated louder this time. In the distance, they all heard a loud distorted guttural grumble. Ford got up from his feet and rushed over to the control panel, flicking all the switches down. “Switch the lever off!” Switching the gun to your other hand, you aimed it at the portal and with your free hand, you pulled the lever. Before whatever monster was chasing you could catch up, the portal sputtered close. You held your chest, catching your breath. The rush of adrenaline you felt passed and you were immediately struck with pain. “Thank you.” You whisper, clutching your side. You think you can manage and to prove it, you take one wobbly step forward. You tried to take another but you collapsed to your knees,  blood splattering on the floor below you. “[Name]!” Stan yelled, he darted towards you. “Stanley?” You croaked out. You blinked in surprise. “Is that really you?” Your question falls on deaf ears as Stan yells for medical supplies. Ford comes rushing to your side, inspecting the upper half of your body. “Stanford’s here too?” You felt your body teeter from side to side. “Is Mom and Dad gonna pop up?” You joke, your body crashing onto Ford. “[Name], can….hear…?”  Stan’s voice fades in and out. “What did you say?” Your eyes squint at Stan. “Here, Grunkle…” You could hear a high pitched voice and you go to look for it but your vision has gone hazy. “They’re slipping…out of…” You really wished you understood what they were saying. And without even realizing, your eyes closed on you. 

✶ You feel a warmth tickle your face causing you to stir awake. “Oh my gosh, it worked!” A voice spoke. “Mable!” A prepubescent voice filled your ears. “What is with all this talking?” You sleepily grumbled out, peeling your eyes open to see two tween kids staring right at you with big wondrous eyes. “Hi, I’m Mable! I’m your great niece.” She introduced herself. “Great niece?” You groggily got up. “Where am I?” You ask, blinking as your vision comes back to you. “You’re in the Mystery Shack!” She tells you with a chipper attitude. “Mystery Shack?” You look down to see that your original outfit you wore was now discarded somewhere and instead wore a large baggy white tee and heart pajama pants. “What am I wearing?” You pinched at your clothes. “Kids!” A gruff voice was heard behind the doors. “Oh shoot!” Mable looked around the room. “Where do we hide?” Dipper whispered, his eyes darting under the bed. “Go under the bed!” Dipper said, diving straight under. “Please don’t tell Grunkle Stan that we’re here!” She pleaded. “Uhm, yeah?” She beamed and hid right under the bed. In an instant, the door was pushed open and your eyes locked on your brothers. Your brain processed it for a moment, wait… “Stanley, Stanford?!” A gasp leaves Ford. “Why are you awake! You’re supposed to be resting.” Ford scolded. You didn’t pay attention to Ford’s scolding, wrapped up in the moment of seeing your twin brothers living and breathing right in front of you. “Are you guys real?” You try to blink away the tears that were obstructing your view. “Of course we are silly.” Stan laughed, sitting down on the bed right next to you and wrapping you in a side hug. “Stan…” You cried. You had spent countless nights, shouldering the knowledge that you weren’t going to see your brothers ever again. That haunted you every single day from the moment you woke up to the minute you went to sleep. Here you are, proven wrong for once in your life. And it feels so good to be held by Stan again, feels so good to have a familiar feeling wash into your senses again. “How?” You ask, peeling yourself away from Stan’s shoulder, wiping the tears away. “We just kept trying and trying.” Ford told you, a somber smile on his lips. “Oh, Ford. Come here!” You grab his wrist and tug him into the bed. The action caused you to drag and flop all of them on the bed with you. Tearful laughter erupts in the room. “I apologize for the scare earlier,” You say, your hand pressing against your side. “Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault.” Stan said. “No, really.” You begin to unwrap the gauze around your waist, ignoring Ford and Stan’s protest. “I heal quickly.” You point to your already sealed up gash. The only thing left to prove that you were injured was the thin scar that spread across. Ford gawks in awe. “You need to tell me an in depth story detailing every single thing you have been doing for the past thirty years.” Ford said with so much seriousness you laughed. “Bu-but you passed out. Ford said it was from blood loss!” 

✶ “I only passed out because my body needs to shut down momentarily to heal up my wounds.” You tell him matter of factly. “Oh, great. Now we have another snobby nerd.” Stan joked. “Oh, stop it! You are too, considering you fixed the portal alongside with Mr. Branic over here.” You jabbed a thumb over to Ford who yelled out, “Hey!” in offense. “Hello family!” Mable popped out from under the bed. The three of you screamed loudly in fear, clutching each other. “Woah, didn’t mean to scare you guys!” She helped Dipper out from under the bed. “I just wanted to say that you guys are so adorable!” She squealed, pouncing onto the bed. “I can’t believe I have a Great Aunt/Grunkle who has traveled throughout dimensions. Isn’t that so cool?” She kicked her feet in excitement. “What kinds of monsters did you see out there?” Dipper asked, climbing onto the bed and settling himself between you, Ford and Stan. “A lot.” You respond with a smile. “I never caught your brother's name.” You say, booping Dipper’s nose. “His name is Dipper!” Mable pulls him close to her, cheek to cheek. “We’re twins.” She mentioned. “So it runs in the family, huh?” You elbow the two sets of other twins you had the misfortune to partially grow up with. “Guess so,” Stan smiled. “Let’s play a get to know each other game.” Mable offered. Everyone surprisingly agreed. “Okay, let’s start with Great Aunt/Grunkle [Name]. Tell us about yourself.” The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up with the family and when the game was over, the twins had left, leaving you with Stan and Ford. “Thank you guys for not giving up on me.” You say into the hug. “We’re family! How could we ever abandon you?” Ford replies. An awkward cough emitted from you and Stan looked off to the side. “Oh.” The last thirty years had been rough, for you and the twins, but it was nice knowing that it ended with the three of you once again reunited at last. 

IT'S DONNE, and again if you guys want more i'll write more but till then i think this concludes word/insured YIPPIE

Taglist: @boredwithlifeatthispoint, @lovexsage, @teddycricketdream, @theilluminatidragonqueen, @raventeen @cedarmoonzz if you wanna be added to my taglist, dm me or comment! <3

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。09:08 AM — GOJO SATORU.

contents. manga spoilers, satoru keeps the scars bc that’s character development ok, post canon, insecure! gojo / reverse comfort, you sit on his lap, ig angst to fluff, embarrassingly cheesy look away pls :,)

satoru, since he’s come home with those scars, has always evaded your hand. you’ve tried a few times, have reached out to cup those cheeks you miss holding—but he’s managed to grab your hand and kiss it every time.

it’s smooth—like everything else he does, satoru dodges your touch smoothly. with an easy grin. with a teasing glint. it’s slick and all too natural, and almost undetectable. but you know him better. you know him better than anyone has had the pleasure of knowing him, you like to think. and you know that satoru doesn’t let your hand meet his cheek, not even the edge of his jaw, on purpose.

“good morning,” you smile, reaching forward to lay a hand over his face. satoru, with his eyes still closed (as expected), grabs your hand and plants a soft kiss to the back as he hums.

you’re almost certain he can sense the way your lips tug into a frown.

“mornin’ sweetheart,” he says lowly, “watching me sleep? that’s a bit creepy,” he teases.

“i can’t help it,” you hum, “you’re too handsome.”

this is rare—giving satoru compliments easily is rare. usually, you make him work for them, keep him waiting on the tips of toes before finally giving him that praise you know will go straight to his inflated ego. but sometimes, like now, you think he deserves to hear it—unfiltered and raw and filled with truth.

satoru is handsome. always has been. always will be.

“aw,” he cracks an eye open, “maybe i should let myself get scratched up a bit more. maybe you’ll talk nice to me more often.”

“i mean it, toru,” you frown, insisting, “you’re handsome. so handsome.”

your hand reaches for his face again. he turns his head this time, feigning a yawn as he stretches before sitting up. there’s a slight bit of tension in the air now, his lips tighter in his smile as he hums before turning to you and poking your nose.

“well, aren’t you sweet,” he smiles almost bitterly.

you haven’t seen his smile reach his eyes for a while. he doesn’t meet your gaze through the mirror in the mornings as you brush your teeth together anymore, doesn’t wink at your reflection and make you roll your eyes. he doesn’t spam your camera roll with pictures of himself anymore when you’re in the bathroom, doesn’t leave you with those silly faces and smug grins that make good wallpapers. he doesn’t even crack those annoying jokes anymore, doesn’t whine for you to admit he’s the most handsome guy you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting as his face digs into your neck.

instead, satoru dodges your touch. he kisses you briefer these days, avoids looking in the mirror, smiles like he has to—not like he finds a reason to.

“you don’t believe me?” you ask gently, furrowing your brows, “you know i’d never lie to you.”

“i didn’t say that, did i?” he asks, waving a hand casually. “c’mon let’s go brush our teeth. you don’t wanna kill me with that morning breath do you—”

“satoru, you’re still handsome, you know,” you say gently. you decide to rip the bandaid off as you add, “even with these.”

for the first time, your hand manages to reach for his face without him pulling away. you think it’s more out of surprise than anything, that it’s because he wasn’t expecting you to be so straightforward instead of trying to be subtle like usual. for a second, you think he might just put his infinity up—but he doesn’t ever. not around you.

but you can see it, the way his knuckles twitch a little like he’s clenching them. the way he’s so still, it’s almost like he’s willing himself not to tense. the way he doesn’t even lean into your touch like he always does.

he doesn’t want your hand on his face, but you stroke a thumb over a scar anyway, cupping his cheek as you study his face up close.

it’s still him—still satoru with that sharp nose and those rosy cheeks, still satoru with those long lashes and perfect jawline. there’s rough, marred bits of skin that meet soft, supple ones. you feel over the dips of where each scar starts slowly, committing each one to memory.

they’re newer parts of him, ones you don’t know very well yet, ones that remind you of the ugliest parts of the world—but they’re a part of satoru now, and anything that’s a part of satoru can never be ugly. no matter where they come from, no matter what they’re a reminder of.

not if it’s him.

“you think so?” he asks with a tight grin, “is my money maker still money making?”

“don’t be greedy,” you quip, “you have plenty of money.” and then, softly, you add, “but i’d pay a good fortune or two to wake up to this every day.”

“good thing i give it to you for free,” he hums, “i’m generous, you know?”

“what a catch,” you grin, “generous, strong, rich,” you list, making an amused grin stretch across his lips, “handsome,” you add. his smile falters a bit at that. “satoru, i’m serious.”

“oh, i love when you get all serious,” he whistles. he’s deflecting—you expect him to, but you’re not backing down. one leg swings over his hips, and then you’re climbing onto his lap, right there where he can’t avoid you. but he finds his attention to your lips, still smooth as ever as he avoids meeting your eyes.

“satoru—”

“oh? you want to do this already? it’s barely—” he makes a show of glancing at the clock before turning back to you with a suggestive grin, “—nine am. but i guess we can have a little fun before—”

“i don’t care about these, you know,” you murmur, pulling your head back when he leans in for a kiss. your finger lightly traces the scar by his left cheekbone, making him frown.

“see? you’re basically admitting you have to look past them,” he groans frustratedly—it’s the first time satoru’s acknowledges his scars. it’s the first time he’s finally let himself look upset without trying to hide it behind a forced grin and a dry chuckle.

“i don’t,” you frown, “sure, they’re new,” you admit softly, “and i don’t like being reminded you got hurt. but they’re not ugly—you’re always pretty.”

“there’s so many,” he mumbles, “they’re everywhere.”

“i think they’re cool,” you shrug, “they make you look tougher. less like a spoiled princess.”

“hey,” he pouts, “i’m not spoiled.”

“you’re a bit spoiled,” you chuckle, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck—his lips quirk up, and you can’t help but notice how real it looks for once. “but i suppose you deserve it. not because you’re handsome though. because you deserve good things—just for being you,” you insist.

his lips are quivering a bit, and he’s blinking faster now. you ignore it, though, taking your sweet time as you lean down and kiss along the edges of every scar on his face, tracing your lips along where the old skin meets new.

“that’s cheesy,” he mutters, “now you sound like a therapist.”

“i mean it,” you say firmly, “and i meant it when i said you’re handsome too.“

“handsomest guy you’ve ever met, right?” he bats his lashes—they’re a bit hopeful, though, and you smile as you gently kiss the corner of his mouth before nodding.

“definitely,” you nod, “you’re the prettiest.”

“am i?” he grins, “now i’m more spoiled. who’s fault is that really?”

“i’ll allow it for today,” you snort, “today you can be spoiled. i’ll humble you tomorrow.”

“we’ll see,” he hums.

your hands cup his cheeks as you lean down for a kiss, and satoru’s hands clasp over them gently, holding them in place—and when you kiss him delicately, like the sun meets the moon as your lips touch, like your world revolves around him as you pull him closer, you think satoru is unfairly handsome.

and you’ll have to remind him that a bit more often.

he’s my liddol sourpatch :(

[kurooh]

Hii ! This is my first time requesting haha but if you can, can you make a one shot of when hawks comes home from a long mission and hasn't seen reader and one night hawks is at readers apartment and is just very clingy, apologizing for being away. (can be nsfw or not) I hope it made it sense 😭

♡ ‧₊˚ keigo’s always clingy after being away.

★ 18+, f! reader, lingerie, desperate sex, squirting, choking. thank you for requesting nonnie! this is such a cute idea <33

with a long sigh, keigo lands on the balcony, heavy wings rustling as they return to their resting position at his back. he can’t see through the flowing curtains, but assumes you’re asleep, considering how dark it is in your shared bedroom.

the glass door slides open with a groan, and he steps into the bedroom and frowns almost immediately. you’re fast asleep on the freshly made bed, body adorned with ruby colored lace and tight silk.

granted, he’d gotten home a few hours later than he promised he would, but keigo’s simply too excited to see you and announce his return. as he settles on the bed beside you and lightly shakes your shoulder, he doesn’t expect you to wake and be too enthused to see him although you’ve been separated due to a lengthy mission.

if anything, you’d probably say hello to him and go back to sleep, annoyed by his late arrival.

“dove, c’mon,” keigo tries, massaging your arm expectantly. “wake up, pleaseeee.”

you shift away from him, legs kicking a little.

“baby, i’m sorry i didn’t come back at the time i said i would,” keigo pinches the bridge of his nose, regretting not leaving the agency sooner. “wake up please, i wanna say hi to you.”

slowly, you gain consciousness, rising up into a hunched sitting position as you rub sleep from your eyes. then you become aware of keigo’s presence beside you and jump into his waiting arms.

“hi, kei! i missed you so much.”

“i missed you too, dove,” he says into your neck, then playfully snaps the delicate string of your panties against your skin. “i see you had a surprise for me.”

“of course i did,” you pull back and roll your eyes, tiredly settling into his lap and wrapping your legs around his lower back. “i’d been suffering without you for weeks.”

“i was too,” he sharply exhales, hyper aware of the thin fabric separating your pussy from his fingers and the way you’re not far from his cock. “not waking up beside you every day and going to sleep with you every night was genuinely unbearable.”

“prove it,” you grin, wiggling your hips and savoring the moan he lets out once your clothed cunt drags along his cock. he feels himself grow hard faster than he’d like to admit, but once you pull him into a kiss it doesn’t matter anymore.

it’s slow at first, then your lips are parting and his tongue is slipping between them, pushing against yours and by no means gentle. he moans into your mouth, eagerly lifting your hips and grinding you down onto his hard cock; there’s so much to focus on, but he still manages to feel the wet spot growing in his boxers.

“fuck,” keigo’s chest heaves as he pushes you away, rushing to rip off his suffocating clothing and hurl it onto the floor, planning to leave it for tomorrow morning.

“keigo,” your voice is low and sultry, fingernails gliding over your covered tits and down your body, to the lacy patterns of your thin underwear. you giggle, his eyes following every one of your movements. “take these off for me, hm?”

“turn around, dove,” his words are oozing with thinly veiled impatience and desire as he gestures for you to turn; when you do, he finds himself panting as he unclasps your bra as quickly as he can.

“i want it like this,” you purr, stretching forward, ass up and on your hands and knees.

“god, you always know how to turn me on,” keigo groans, gifting your ass with a slap before he unceremoniously yanks your panties down and off, then does the same with his boxers.

his breath hitches as he grabs his cock and drags his tip through your sticky folds, biting down hard on his lip at the glossy strings of wetness connecting you to him. he simply cannot help it, and swipes up some of your slick on his finger, then pushes it into his mouth with a pop.

“mmm,” keigo moans lowly at your flavor, cock twitching, “swear this pussy was made for me.”

you let out a giggle which breaks off into a desperate moan at the feeling of him pushing his thick cock inside you. your gummy walls are sucking him deeper and squeezing like a vice, tearing whimpers and whines from his throat.

“ughhh, you’re so fucking tight, baby,” he grits out, hand wandering to your tits and squeezing. “shit, where do you want me?” he thrusts a few times, and once you’re moaning, he keeps the pace.

“all over,” is your answer as you twist in the sheets, pushing back against him while your back arches.

keigo’s flushed, whole body sweltering with the heat of the moment and the overwhelming need to please you. all over, you said? he lets go of your tits and his hand slides to your throat, roughly pulling you up and holding you close while he fucks you hard. his gold chain bounces against his neck with a light tinkling sound, and you can only imagine biting down on it while kissing his neck.

“k-keigo,” you sob, blissed out. his cock’s so deep you can feel him in your lungs, head falling back while you arch against his muscled chest. “kei—!”

“i-i know, i know,” he says into your ear, grip on your neck tightening ever so slightly while the pace of his hips increases. keigo’s sides burn with exertion, but the squelching sounds of your pussy only get louder and wetter, and he knows what’s coming next. “gonna give you what you want..”

your hand races to your swollen clit, and you moan as you rub it roughly, clenching down on him. he feels a sudden rush of white hot pleasure from the base to the tip of his cock, and his wings push out behind him, spreading widely.

your body starts to tense against his, pricks of heat darting up your spine while your jaw drops and your fingers grow rougher on your clit. pleasure comes in sharp waves throughout your body, building until you’re finally falling over the edge.

“my pretty,” keigo’s hips slap into your ass as he punctuates his words, “fucking,” you’re cumming with a drawn out cry and he’s savoring every second of it. “girl.”

“k-kei,” you whimper as your pussy gushes against his pelvis, the sheer force of it all nearly pushing his cock out of you. but he pushes as far as he can, buries his face in your shoulder as his cock spurts deep inside of your awaiting cunt.

“baby,” he sniffles against your shoulder, overstimulated but not to the point of pulling out; he lets go of your throat and adjusts so the both of you can lay down together in a spooning position. “was that too much? does your throat hurt?”

“no, that was perfect, kei,” you whisper, throat not hurting from the choking but how loud you were.

“i have to shower, dove. care to join me?”

“don’t ask dumb questions,” you tease, curling into him so he can lift you easily and carry you to the shower. “i have to shower too, anyway.”

it’s extremely late at night and you’re both exhausted, but when he pulls out and you stand in the shower, cum running down your legs, he knows there’s sure to be another round.

[burning-omen]

Happy (Belated) Halloween!

Jason Todd x Demon!male!reader

(A/n: I'm tired, I've been getting argued at and pulled into fights that have nothing to do with me from the time I woke up- had a bunch of chores and shit to do and the fucking grocery store was packed and people keep bumping into me and all the fucking prices went way up since the last time I was there less than a month ago- I'm thoroughly overstimulated and getting home to edit and rewrite certain parts of this shitty little fic was a probably the best part of my day.)

Warning: crack fic kinda, blood, Demon!reader, murder, mutilation, and gore, summoning gone right technically, reader has TWO dicks, size difference, overstimulation, masochism, probably misspellings idk I'm not reading it again that's your job, dom/sub, ownership marking, sacrifice (rip that guy, ive been calling him marvin in my head), going missing for a lil while (consensually), OOC jason todd but this is literally porn who cares

word count: 1981 (short, i know, shut up/j)

Halloween parties were the worst. If the loud, drunk, half-naked crowd wasn’t enough to convince Jason, walking in on an honest to god seance was.

Being dragged to a party by Dick, only to lose him in the crowd of people within the first few minutes. He just wanted some quiet- and under the guise of looking for how brother he managed to avoid nearly every conversation that came his way- except for some incomprehensible drunk girl who insisted on holding a conversation with his even though she sounded like she was under water every time she opened her mouth.

He eventually managed to escape from her, finding the nearest room to recuperate in, only to be greeted by a room of chanting, drunk party-goers, kneeling around a shakily drawn yet intricate summoning circle. The chant was Latin- super old Latin- and Jason really wanted no part in this. He knew that demons were real, he knew a lot of shit that was supposedly fake was real- he had Batman to thank for that. So, after standing in the room for about 30 seconds, he decided to leave.

Turning on his heel, not saying a word to whatever party cult he just walked in on- deadset on leaving when he heard choking, and gasps from the mini cult as they clamored around the chanter who had suddenly collapsed.

Taking in a deep breath, cursing Bruce and the unwavering need to help he instilled in all of his children, before turning back to the group.

Laying, choking in the middle of the circle was a young man-

‘He’s drunk,’ Jason thought, pushing through the group surrounding him, their concern was nice- but unhelpful ‘probably choked on his tongue.’

Tilting his head back, the choking became louder- tears streamed down his face, his mouth agape as he clawed at his throat- his eyes desperate and afraid.

“It’s okay,” Jason tried, but he wasn’t exactly known for his bedside manner. “Just let me look.”

He peered down the man's throat- his tongue was wear it was supposed to be, but blood still filled the man’s mouth. Clearly whatever was happening here was internal, there's nothing Jason could do for him. Before he could ask anyone to call an ambulance- he saw something move at the very back of his throat. Even through the pooling blood, he could tell something wasn’t right- what the hell did he swallow?

His neck bulged as something made its way up- that was good- maybe. Slowly pushing up- whatever it was- caused the man to cry out in pain. He coughed and sputtered as it moved up and up until it pushed past the muscles of his throat and out of his mouth. A hand, clawed- drenched in blood, moving with so much force that a crack sounded through the room as more and more of the form inside him- whatever it was- came out. Breaking his jaw to finally reach out and grab his face- he cried out as pain and panic filled him- he turned to Jason for help as his friends fled but there wasn’t anything Jason could do but sit there in horror as an arm lifted from his broken and mutilated face- he cheeks tearing in as his mouth opened to unnatural length.

The bloody arm clawed at the floor, sharp talon like nails leaving deep wounds in the wood. Jason backed away- fear as well as guilt taking over. The basic instinct that anyone who had even taken the moniker “Robin” knew took over soon after, he needs to call batman- he couldn’t handle whatever this is, not on his own. He reached for his phone right as the candle lit room suddenly went dark. Jason, usually so strong and sure, didn’t know what to do. His communicator clattered to the floor as he stood.

He swore quietly- backing up until he was pressed against the wall- the sound of flesh tearing filled the room- still hot blood splattered across his face.

A soft growl came from the dark, deep and steady and growing closer by the second. Then,as if they had never been out, the candles were re-lit.

A massive beastly thing stood above him, horned and winged- a long tail trailing behind it. Soaked in the blood of the man that was scattered in chunks around the room. Despite knowing that he should definitely be afraid, a man had been ripped from the inside out right in front of him, something somewhere in his mind was saying, “would”. The thought immediately made him cringe at himself- he could not survive that- not only were you massive, you were also very naked. With not one but two just as massive, heavy cocks resting between your legs. He’d die, simply put, torn in half Terrifier style.

“Scared, human?” You asked, voice just as inhuman as your form.

Suddenly unable to find his words, Jason shook his head.

The action made you purr- something was so wrong with this man, not running or screaming, but instead sitting before you, his eyes wandering over your body, face reddened as his heart pounded in his chest.

He didn’t even attempt to move when you reached for him, his breath caught in his throat, but he remained perfectly still as you stroked his hair, then ran the backside of your claws down his cheek. All the way down to his chest, pressing just the tip of your claw in, watching as his shirt quickly became stained with blood.

“Not scared? How brave of you, human. “ You mused, “I require sacrifice.”

“Sacrifice?” he barely managed.

Trailing your claw lower and lower until the point of it rested over the growing bulge in his pants.

“A sacrifice of life is usually offered.” You pressed down, “But, another kind of offering will suffice.”

Jason breathed out- he can’t. Mentally, he could- he’s done all kinds of weird shit, fucking a demon wouldn’t even come close to the worse things he done- it doesn’t even reach top ten with the rest of his family’s track record for weird shit. But physically, that would kill him. One alone would shatter his pelvis and probably paralyze him- two would just straight up kill him. And you really didn’t seem like the kind of demon to go half way- you did come all the way from hell after all.

The obvious thing to do was to say no and call a fucking exorcist- but Jason didn’t do that, instead he speaks, so sure and steady as he spoke-

“Can you shrink?”

The entirety of your form became, your horns no longer scraped the ceiling, but you were still massive above Jason. You didn’t make it easy for him- pressing him into the floor with one clawed hand gripping his hair tightly, knees pressed into the hard wood and legs spread wide open, his cock- which you decided needed to remain untouched for the “sacrifice” to be valid.

Labored breathing, gasping and all encompassing sobs filled the room as both of your cock stretched him to the limit every time you thrusted into him- his nearly blunt nails leaving marks in the wooden floor below him.

With his mouth hanging wide open- he begged- muttering a broken “Please-’’ between moans-

You leaned down, pulling him up by his hair- resting inside him before speaking.

“You want more, human?”

Eyes brimmed with tears, feeling far fuller than felt natural- but so good and warm at the exact same time- deep in his stomach all the down to the very tips of his toes, every nerve so very alive.

He nods, shortly and without hesitation.

You grip on his hair loosens, and he sighs in relief as the burning pain in his scalp stops.

Only to flair up in his hips as you dig your claws into them, literally. Piercing through skin and drawing blood that slid over his skin and pooled beneath him on the floor. Jason, ever the masochist, only gets louder. With the party outside still raging on, you're sure the sound blended into the background- and any attendee lucky enough to have heard the high, whiny moans was listening far too hard.

Thrusting became painful, hard slamming- both cocks abusing his prostate with unnatural accuracy. Pulling out until the tips of your cock were just barely inside of him- then pressing back in so hard his entire body was pushed forward.

Jason’s mind was loud and incoherent - incomplete thoughts running through his head, cut short by either pain or pleasure every single time.

His body spammed unwillingly, muscles tightening and releasing, his hole tightened around you in an attempt to suck you in more- even if more would cause so so many problems for the man.

“So greedy,” you hummed in his ear, and you take cock so well.”

He didn’t respond, he couldn’t, overwhelmed and obsessed with the feeling. His orgasm- the first of many snuck up on him, his body overstimulated and oversensitive as hot, white cum shot straight onto the floor.

He gasped for air as though he’d been held under water- his body burned as he clenched around you- pleasure gone- replaced by what could only be described as fire destroying him from the inside out. He cried out in pain, his body writhes and contorts- and yet he never asks you to stop.

You grinned, “so cute, I might just have to keep you, human.”

You weren’t far behind him, cum seeping from both of your tips as you buried yourself deep inside him- it only added to the burning. Filling him so much until his hole, still plugged with your cock, leaks it back out. Down his legs and onto the floor, mixing with his own puddle of cum. You watched him for a long moment, letting him grit his teeth and cry at the pain, before showing your newest pet a bit of mercy and pulling out.

His body slouched onto the floor the moment you leg go. Jason was on the verge of passing out, eyes barely open, covered in blood, sweat, and cum. He has a high pain tolerance and his stamina was through the roof- but fucking hell he was so tired, and everything hurt, from his over used knees, to his damn near broken hole, and the small wounds your claws had made- coupled with an over bearing overstimulation making everything ten times worse- Jason, without question, was never doing this again.

—--- A couple weeks later—---

Dick realized that Jason wasn’t a party person, but for him to just disappear (and possibly kill someone at the party??? What the hell Jay???) for weeks seemed to be a bit of an overreaction.

But when he walked into the manor, happy as can be, after just being gone for three weeks, Dick knew something was very wrong- or very unusual- was happening.

“I had a date.” Was Jason’s only response, as he leaned heavily against the back of a chair, but never actually sat down in it.

“A date?!” Dick is so glad he questioned him in private. “With who?”

Jason shrugged, “met a guy at the party.”

“Jason you just dropped off of the face of the Earth with some guy for nearly a month?!”

Dick didn’t realize how literal that was- Hell has some pretty nice residential areas, it turns out.

“I was having fun.”

Jason, of course, was never going to tell Dick what he has really been doing- or what he will continue to be doing for the foreseeable future- but it was fun watching him freak out at every vague answer he gave.

The mark (brand?? Tattoo??) on his back still felt weird, sensitive from its spot hidden under his clothes, but how else would other demon, humans, and every other sentient being know that he was yours.

(a/n 2: AND I KNOW ITS LATE BUT I STILL FINISHED IT WITHIN A REASONABLE TIME SO EVERYBODY SHUT UP/j)

[a-hazbin-reader]

Eeek I love your writing it makes me so 🫶🫶🫶 Can I make a request?

If you do angst to comfort, can you make reader waiting for Alastor to come back (they're married) for seven years? Reader's friends has been pushing them to have a new lover—introducing them to new demons or overlords that the reader might like, but the reader only loves one; which is Alastor. Until Vox made the news that he was back, for months, without looking for the reader. Which makes the reader think Alastor doesn't love them anymore and tries to not be in his attention whenever they meet and pretends to not know him. What will Alastor do? :3 Thank yous!!!

Oh man...that ANGST!!!

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Reader is sad, Suggestive

Description: ☝️⬆️

When Alastor first dissappears, you assume he's just busy and will be back by the end of the day

And then you wake up alone...so maybe he'll be back tomorrow. Tomorrow turns into a week, a week turns into a month...

He's just gone, suddenly ripped away from you without warning and you didn't even get a proper goodbye

So you search for him, you ask everyone if they've seen him or heard about his whereabouts

You even ask Vox if he managed to kill your husband, knowing the TV head wouldn't be able to resist bragging about it

Instead, he looks surprised and uncomfortable with your obvious distress, muttering something about keeping an eye out for you

Rosie is worried too and offers her help but turns up nothing, she does her best to keep an eye on you

You never give up on finding him, knowing that he's alive out there

After the first three years your friends start trying to get you to move on, setting you up with available bachelors

Valentino has offered to help you get over your husband multiple times because he's just such a good guy

You don't give any of them a chance, you had already found the one man you wanted to be with for eternity and married him

He's just not here at the moment

The pain in your heart is just as strong as when you first realized Alastor was missing, crying yourself to sleep nearly every night

The only time you get to see him now is in your dreams, clutching one of his jackets with his scent still on it

You just feel so abandoned...

After the sixth year, your friends try to get you to move or throw out some of Alastor's things but you can't bring yourself to do it

He's going to come back to you, you know it, so you keep your wedding ring on and still present yourself as a married woman

Rosie makes sure you take care of yourself on the days when your sadness swallows you whole

"Wipe away those tears now, have you eaten today? No? I have just the thing for you.."

Seven years go by and nothing has changed for you

You're sad and miserable, running errands when you suddenly pass by an electronics store, seeing Vox on the TV

That's nothing new to you, you almost turn away and keep walking until you hear Vox say something about Alastor

You're suddenly frozen, listening to Vox bitch about Alastor's multiple offenses during these last few months

He's been back...for months..? And hasn't come to see his wife?

You're blinking away hot tears, the air in your lungs going sour and your stomach doing flips

Did Alastor really abandon you like that? You need to go see the one person who you know has been digging into Alastor for as long as you have

Vox literally screams like a child when you're suddenly bursting into his office and grabbing him by his suit

"How long has my FUCKING HUSBAND BEEN BACK!? And why didn't you tell me, Vox!? WHY!?"

"FUCK! Who let you in here!?"

"VOX!" You're shaking him now, making his screen glitch out

"A-at least a couple of months for sure! He's doing something with Lucifer's daughter and a hotel or some shit! I thought you would've been the first to know he was back!"

Vox is relieved when you finally let go of him, fixing his suit before suddenly giving you a cruel grin

"Wait wait wait-don't tell me-he hasn't come to see you this whole time!? You wait all these years for him and he's shacking up with Lucifer's daughter, a porn star and who knows who else!?"

He suddenly stops laughing when you slam his screen into his desk, storming out afterward so he doesn't see the angry tears in your eyes

"Don't get mad at me because he started a new life without you!"

Vox knew exactly which ugly worries to pull out of your head and you let him get to you

But you knew he was right, looking at all the evidence presented to you...it does look like Alastor is starting over

A small part of you is telling you that he's replaced you somehow but you have enough pride to doubt it

But that self pity comes back to bite you that same night, crying harder than you ever have before

By the end of the week, you've convinced yourself that he doesn't love you anymore, that he got bored of you

You still haven't taken off your wedding ring yet

Imagine your surprise when on your way home you bump into Charlie Morningstar, the princess of hell herself

She somehow managed to crash into you and knock down everything you were carrying, making you sigh and bend down to pick it up

"Oh my gosh, I'M SO SORRY!!" 🥺

You mumble something forgiving back to her, still picking up your things when you hear a familiar voice that makes your heart ache

"Charlie, my dear! What sort of mischief have you gotten int-Y/N?"

You're still as beautiful as Alastor remembers, if not even more so

You can hear the surprise in his voice, along with notes of panic and guilt

You just ignore him, gathering the rest of your things before walking in the opposite direction of them, you don't dare look at Alastor

You know you would break down if you did

He doesn't follow you, nor does he follow you the next time you run into him, or the time after that

It hurts you a little more each time, wanting to know if your husband ever loved you at this point

He doesn't know what boundaries to push with you anymore, he just misses you like crazy

Alastor knows he has to do something-

He tries cornering you the next time he sees you, standing in your way

"Y/N, please just let me explain-"

"I don't know who you're talking about, I'm not who you think I am."

He grabs your wrist, eyeing your wedding band with a frustrated expression

"You're wearing our wedding ring..."

"This is the ring my husband gave to me, and I haven't seen him in years."

You rip away your arm and walk away from him, crying to yourself over how much it hurts

You don't see how his ears lay low, and how he watches you with a regretful expression

He wishes he could just tell you everything, wants to run after you and hold you

But his deal doesn't allow it, he wanted to go straight to you when he got back-never wanted to leave you in the first place

But he was also too ashamed to face you, scared to find that you moved on or that you no longer loved him

He hates that he's hurting his wife like this and it sours his mood for weeks afterwards

Charlie and Vaggie start to understand that Alastor's sudden angry attitude always happens whenever he sees you

But they don't know who you are and they're way too afraid to ask Alastor because he's still digging his claws into everything out of anger

Niffty is actually the one who tells them that you're his wife but Husk explains to them that you're probably pissed at him for disappearing

Charlie is crying at the thought of Alastor and his wife being separated, Vaggie having to comfort her

So the two women get to work on finding you themselves, showing up on your doorstep one day and inviting you to the hotel

It takes a lot of coaxing and convincing from them to finally get you to go with them

You're a bit surprised to hear that Alastor is helping with a hotel centered around the idea of redemption

But you figure he's got some sort of angle, he always does

Alastor isn't there when you three arrive, Charlie having talked your ear off about everything Alastor has been doing to help

Which is unlike him, you're immediately suspicious

But you recognize Husk and Niffty, the little woman running to you and crawling all over you in excitement

"Y/N! Y/N! You're here! Are you gonna stay? Is your house messy? Do you have roaches for me to kill~?"

"Hey Y/N, you look like you need a drink.."

You almost start crying then and there, not having realized how much you missed them too, hugging Niffty tight as you take a seat at the bar

It almost feels like old times, the three of you talking late into the night until it's just you and Husker...

He takes a shot and seems to be preparing himself for something, uncomfortable suddenly

"Y/N...there's something I gotta tell you...about your husband..."

You're expecting to hear the worst, to hear that Alastor cheated, to hear that he's seeing someone new

But what Husk tells you is far FAR from that...you don't know whether to be thankful or horrified

Your husband's soul...owned by someone else? Just what did that man get himself into?

You don't even realize you're crying until Husk is awkwardly hugging you, patting your back gently as you cling to him

At some point, you must've fallen asleep because you wake up in an unfamiliar bed, your face buried in Alastor's neck

You almost relax and fall back asleep before your eyes suddenly pop open, jolting up and shoving him away

Even with what Husk told you, you're still mad at him, he never came back to see you

Alastor wakes up fast enough to realize he's falling off the bed, climbing back up with downward facing ears

"We need to talk, darling.."

"What is there to talk about? You don't want a wife anymore, is that it? Is that why you never came to see me?"

He looks so guilty and upset, his smile tense as he looks away, you have to resist the urge to rub his ears

You flinch away at first when he takes your hands before reluctantly letting him hold them, missing him too much to fight it

"I was too ashamed to face you...there's so much I can't tell you and I was...scared that you would be with someone new."

"Do you have any idea how much pain I was in? Alastor, it nearly broke me.."

He has tears pricking in the corners of his eyes, looking away to try and save face as he pulls you in for a tight hug

"Just please...forgive me and let me be your husband again. I'll do everything I can to fix this..."

It doesn't make up for all the pain you felt for seven years but it's definitely a start

You've missed him too much to continue being angry with him, so you just cling to him and cry

You cry until you both fall asleep again, eventually waking up tangled in each other's arms

He's kissing all over your face, ghosting his lips over your eyes, your nose, your forehead, eventually getting to your lips

You suddenly feel so full of emotion, like you could burst with happiness at finally having Alastor again

You had nearly given up hope that you would feel him, taste his lips, or smell his raw scent ever again

You dig your nails into him when he tries to pull away, forcing him to kiss you longer as his hands bruise your hips

You both are panting by the time you pull away, bodies pressed as close as possible out of a need for contact

His voice comes out like static, leaning in for another kiss as gazes at you with loving eyes

"I have missed you...so much..."

You could cry if it weren't for the fact that you were sick of crying, instead rolling yourself on top of him and kissing along his jaw

"You better prove it to me."

His pleased growl followed by claws digging into your clothes answered you well enough

You know he still has a lot to make up for but this is a good start

Sorry this one came out so long!! I hope you like it!!

[shellshocklove]

brat four: everything is romantic | joel miller

pairing/au: joel miller x brat!female!reader – no outbreak

summary: joel's brat summer has come to an end.

warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! age gap, enemies to lovers vibes? swearing, drinking of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes, use of pet names, angst, fluff, smut, brat tamed? reader, dom!joel, a hint of sub!joel? manhandling, oral sex (69-ing), cock worship, pussy pronouns, a little dacryphilia, degradation (whore, slut), multiple orgasms, squirting, creampie, some sub space territory, unprotected sex (don’t do it!), one (1) use of the word 'daddy', no use of y/n

a/n: here is the final chapter! thank you as always to @dustydaddyyy! 💚 without her i don't think would've been able to finish this.

main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3 / playlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.

He was used to being listened to, your father, his voice weighty although every word he spewed was superfluous. You watched how his jaw moved, up and down, up and down, almost like he moved in slow motion, the spit splattering in big drops.

"–I need you to smile with your eyes this time– the social media intern told me a lot of people on twitter said you looked like you didn't want to be there… are you even listening?" he spat.

Never in your life had you wanted to roll your eyes as much as you wanted to now. Something ripped deep inside your heart, at a wound that had never really closed. You were used to the feeling; a quiet rage simmering under your skin at yourself for feeling it still.

"Dad, I already told your secretary weeks ago that I can't be there–"

"I don't fucking care–" he cut you off, "I tell you to be somewhere and you'll be there, understood? Don't forget your place, now."

The threat didn't sting as much as it had a few years ago. What used to scare you in the past, now only managed to make you angry. You had packed your bags already. The summer was over, your last year of post grad was waiting, along with your new internship, you couldn't just miss the first few days because your father needed you to stand behind him and smile (with your eyes) at a fundraiser.

It was ridiculous.

Oh, how stupid you'd felt when he'd arrived at the house, thinking he was there to say goodbye, to be a father for once.

Turns out you were ridiculous.

"Or else?" you spat out so quickly you didn't have time to regret it.

His eyes hardened, eyes growing cold as he dug them deep into you. The words you'd spat out had hung over your conversations with your father for years, but never had you spoken them aloud. He made you feel so small, he'd always made you feel small, and you were done with it.

He stepped closer, the kitchen island the only thing separating you now, and raised a finger at you. "What did you just say?"

Behind your ribcage your heart beat out of your chest, pumping your rage throughout your body. Images flashed before your eyes, a supercut of your childhood, of the countless times he'd stood over you with poisoned words.

"I said: or else? You need a hearing aid or something?"

Your father stepped around the island, and a fear gripped around your throat, your legs backed off on their own accord. He froze then, a pleased smile tugging at his face, ripping it apart. You felt sick to your stomach.

"Or else…" he started, "I'll cut you off. If you're gonna be an ungrateful bitch like this, I ain't giving you a penny– I'll have you removed from my will, I'll disinherit you, you understand?"

"You wouldn't dare," you tried to argue back, but your voice lacked bite and your anger.

"Oh, sweetie, I'll do it with a smile."

Looking at your father, how pleased with himself he looked, you felt your whole body deflate. How could the man who gave you life, who put you on this earth have so much hatred in his heart for you? What was it about you that was so hard to love?

"It would be a relief," he continued, but his voice sounded far away, "to finally be rid of you."

"'m sorry to interrupt y'all talkin'," Joel's drawl cut through the room, "we're finishin' up out here 'nd we need your final approval."

Joel was looking straight at you, but it was hard to interpret his face. Something dragged across it, like he fought to keep himself in check, but softening at the edges as he looked at you.

How dared he? How dared he look at you like that?

“I’m paying for this nonsense so I’ll be the judge of that,” your father huffed, pushing past you to slip out into the backyard, leaving you alone with Joel.

Suddenly, the room felt awfully stuffy, something heavy growing between you and Joel. He must've caught the end of you and your father's conversation. A mix of anger and embarrassment simmered at the bottom of your stomach at the thought.

You'd done exactly as he'd wished; you'd slipped quietly out the door at the wedding and left your dignity behind. The summer never wanted to end, and seeing him day in and day out, working away in the backyard stung more than you'd ever admit out loud.

So you'd kept your distance, leaving early to mill about downtown, trying to fill your days with anything to keep you from thinking of him. Joel wasn't worth the energy. Joel was a bug under your shoe to crush.

(Joel was all you ever thought about.)

At night a childish desires would plague you. The dark conjured them forth, made your mind lenient with hope, hope that he'd storm into the house like some love interest in a romcom to beg for your forgiveness, or he'd kiss you, or fuck you, or everything all at once.

When morning came, and you caught his eyes as you slipped out the house, you were reminded of the coldness in his voice, and not the warmth of his touch. What was the real Joel? Maybe it didn't matter? Joel had been fun until it wasn't anymore, a fling for the summer, nothing more– never anything more, because you didn't fall in love.

Love.

What even was love? Was it the way Joel looked at you right now as he stepped closer?

No.

You hated him.

Tears pushed at the back of your eyes, a lump building in your throat as you held them back. How could you ever love someone who'd treat you like that? You needed to leave; you'd rather die than Joel see you cry. Your father you could handle, that old wound would never close and the pain was numbed long ago, but Joel was like a wound to the gut that wouldn't stop bleeding.

"Hey," Joel's hand wrapped around your wrist, holding you back from leaving, "You okay?"

This motherfucker.

"Why do you care?" you bit back through your tears, because why did he? Why did he care? He'd been pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with you. "You didn't sign up for my antics, don't you remember?" you tore at your hand, and you slipped between his fingers.

Pushing through the door, you ran up the stairs to your room. Joel didn't bother with a reply, and you hated how it stung in your chest. The door slung shut behind you, and you collapsed on the bed. Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you wouldn't let your tears fall. Instead, your curled your knees to your chest, and focused on your breath.

Breathe in, slowly, steady, and then out again.

Again, and again.

Breathe in, and out.

Again, and again.

A knock at the door startled you, and you couldn't tell if you'd fallen asleep or lulled yourself into a false sense of peace. Sitting up, you wiped at your eyes, before jostling to your feet when the door opened.

There he stood, Joel, in the doorway of your childhood bedroom, rough jeans clasped in by a tool belt. He didn't belong in here, you didn't belong in here – not anymore. He didn't say anything, only looked around the room, like he was looking for you. Maybe he was? This was where you'd been born – the girl who felt like a complete mess – the disguise masquerading like a brat.

"What do you want?" you spat.

A frown pulled at Joel's face, and his eyes tried to catch your gaze, which you desperately avoided.

“We’re all finished up out there,” he told you, fingers twitching at his side, “We’ll be out of your hair in a couple of minutes.”

Why was he even in your room? Your dad had been out there, he’d talked to him, probably gotten the okay from him. Everything was taken care of… so why was he here?

“Okay, that’s fine,” you nodded, keeping your voice cold and devoid of any emotion. Joel cleared his throat uneasily.

“... your dad, uh, left.”

His tone was difficult to read, something akin to pity legible between the lines. You gave him a dry, sardonic smile.

“Of course.”

You scoffed, wrapping your arms around yourself as you turned your back on him, looking out the window. Of course you weren’t even worth a goodbye. You wanted it to hurt, but you’d been rejected by him your whole life. Never ever did you want it to happen again, but now you braced yourself for Joel’s rejection, of the sound of his footsteps getting quieter and quieter as he walked out of your life.

“Goin’ somewhere?” Joel said quietly, and you couldn’t hold back your head from looking past your shoulder. His eyes had found your packed bags left by the door, the bags now fuller than when you’d arrived at the start of the summer.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” you countered. You wished your voice was harder, more accusing, but it just sounded meek.

“Looks like you’re leavin’ for good.”

“I am.”

A frown pulled at Joel’s face. Confusion and sadness? You couldn’t tell what it meant, couldn’t understand him– and maybe you never had. Maybe you’d just gotten ahead of yourself, put meaning where there wasn’t any. Confused attention with adoration.

“Then it’s my business,” Joel said, almost angry. “If you're goin' away for good then I’d like to know 'bout it.”

“Why?” you snapped, your voice biting, “So now you don’t like it when I disappear quietly? You should make up your damn mind, Joel.”

Your words seemed to stun Joel into a surprised silence. If he wasn't going to leave you alone, you'd be the one to walk out instead. You didn’t have to stay here any longer and listen to him pretend to care, not when he’d made it so clear he didn’t.

The thought gnawed at you, simmering down your anger and draining you of any substantial fight. You didn’t need to re-hash this. Tonight you were going home, to your real home, and you'd never see him again. What was the point in making this harder than it had to be? You’d always thought you were tough, you are tough, and maybe all this pain had its benefits; you'd built up a bit of a callus. You were tough skin where nothing could pierce through to the core. 

“Look, I don’t need to go over this again, okay?” you let out, your voice a strange mixture of anger and defeat, “I got the message, loud and clear, now can you fuck off?”

This was the first time you’d sworn at Joel like this. You wished your voice was angrier, or cold and calculated, like how his own voice had sounded when he kicked you out the door at the wedding. Instead, there was a raw undertone in your voice, a hurt you hadn’t intended for Joel to hear.

Joel's silence rubbed at you, rubbed your skin raw. You wanted him to scream at you, raise his voice and say something entirely too hurtful. At least then it would feel okay, you could leave with a good conscience. It just didn't work out. When Joel didn’t move, your jaw clenched, nose drawing an irritated breath.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

You turned towards the door, managing two or three furious steps before Joel spoke.

“Red,” he said suddenly.

It was just one word, but it was that word. Your word, our word. It stopped you in your tracks, turning to look at him with shock on your face.

“What did you say?” you asked him, and for the first time today, Joel gave you a look you could entirely decipher: he looked sad, almost in a desperate way.

“Red... “ he repeated, and you watched how his fist clenched by his side, “‘means stop, right? Can we just take a second and stop this, please?”

When you said nothing, he continued, “This ain't how I want us to be leavin’ things.”

“Us?” you echoed incredulously, “I’m pretty sure you made it very clear there was no us.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Joel let out in an exasperated breath, "Look… I should've never said those things to you, especially when–"

“Don’t,” you said, your tone and gaze full of warning.

Don’t bring him up.

This was not a topic of conversation you were open to having with Joel.

"No, listen to me," he commanded, "D'you realize the situation you've put me in? You're the governor's daughter–  d'you think I haven't seen him on TV? Seen his ads, and the pamphlets, and all his 'family values' politics? But I had you all wrong… How was I s'posed to know this was how he treated his daughter?"

Joel shook his head in anger, gathering a stuttering breath, "You don't deserve that shit, no one does. You're good, I can tell– even when you put on that little act that makes me want to fuck the daylights outta ya."

You fought it with every fiber of your being, but you felt something inside you soften as your eyes moved to meet Joel’s, the corners of his mouth twitching into the beginnings of a smile.

“You were an asshole to me,” you told him, trying to save any of the resolve and anger you had left.

“I was, and ‘m sorry 'bout it, 'nd I wish I could take it all back,” he told you earnestly, “But your behavior wasn’t perfect either... next time you want to be my date to somethin', at least give me a chance to ask you first, princess.”

“Next time?” you questioned, and you couldn't help the raise of your eyebrows.

"Well, at the risk of soundin' like a kid still in high school– I like you, okay?" Joel confessed, and you felt a heat coat your cheeks.

Joel was right – this felt like high school.

"Are you asking me to go steady with you?"

You couldn't help it, you had to push at him, but the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth made it worth it. His laugh sounded like home, and you felt yourself slip under.

Again, and again.

"Not yet," he answered, taking a step in your direction. "I wanna get to know you first, take you on a date. There’s something special ‘bout ya, I’ve seen it.” He took another step.

"You do know me," you told him.

Joel shook his head, closing the distance, "I know a brat with your name, but I know she ain't the real you." A large palm cupped your cheek, making your eyelids flutter at the touch.

"Stop hidin' from me," he whispered.

Inside, you felt something crumble as a tear made a river down your cheek. You felt yourself frown at the feeling, surprised by your own reaction. Joel's thumb rubbed over it, catching it, catching you.

"I don't know how," you confessed. The words tasted acrid on your tongue, and as you let them settle another tear ran down your cheek. Once a tear had broken free, you couldn't stop them.

"Oh, sweetheart," he cooed, your tears wetting Joel's hand as he wiped at your cheeks.

"Please don't, Joel," you begged through a shuddering breath, "I don't want your sympathy."

"It ain't sympathy. I fuckin' care ‘bout you– there's a difference."

His words hit you in the chest, knocking the breath out of you. I fuckin' care 'bout you. No one had told you something like that before; no one had cared for you or about you before. More tears streamed down your face, and this time you couldn't hold back your sob. Joel's arms were around you in a second, pressing you tightly to his chest, as a comforting palm held the back of your head.

"I didn't know," you whispered into his chest, staining his t-shirt with your tears.

"I know," he whispered back, pressing a kiss to your temple, "It's okay, princess."

His lips were so soft against your skin, so gentle, and warm. Tilting your head back, you caught his eyes, watched the deep whiskey color seeping with warmth. Without thinking you leaned forward, brushing your lips over Joel's in a kiss, a first kiss.

What his lips would taste like, you'd daydreamed about before; mint-y, sugary sweet or deep like embers? Joel didn't taste like either, he tasted like Joel, like a comforting hug, like the ecstasy of an orgasm, like a home. When you pulled away, you kept your eyes shut, not wanting to let go of the feeling of him just yet.

"Listen…"

The deep bass of Joel's voice soothed your eyes open where they stared right into Joel's. His voice had sounded steady, but his eyes gave his worry away.

"At the wedding–" Joel's voice stalled.

His eyes rested at something behind you, dancing back and forth as he searched for his words. With a shake off his head he let go of your body, taking with him the soothing safety he exuded. Looking around your room for a moment his eyes settled on your bed. He looked so out of place in your room, your mattress giving way for him where he sat at the edge.

Joel let your words sit between you, as his teeth caught on his lip, chewing. "Do you…" Joel trailed off, before he drew a deep breath. "I need ya to be honest with me now, no more games–"

"Okay…" you breathed out, your heart drumming in your chest.

Joel chewed on his lip again, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown as he searched for his words. "What was all this to you? That night at the club I thought you were pullin' my leg– why in the hell did you approach me?"

This time your face scrunched in a frown, "Why are you asking me this?"

"Just humor me, please."

Taking a deep breath you grabbed the back of your vanity chair, turning it to face Joel before you sat down. "Well, if I'm gonna be honest…" you started, "I was just looking for someone to buy me a drink. You were sitting there all alone so I thought why not. I liked that you made me work for it, it was fun, and hot, and I really wanted you to fuck me."

It was hard to interpret Joel where he sat, nodding his head with his eyes glued to the floor as he listened to you speak. "Why?" he said, looking up and finding your gaze.

"Why?" you couldn't help but chuckle, "Are you serious right now? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror– looked at your dick?"

A shy smile coated his face, and you swore you saw the apples of his cheeks flush pink. "I've looked at myself in the mirror, princess, and I ain't as young as I used to be."

"Is this why you're asking? Because you're older than me?" you wanted to know.

"I'm askin' because I'm old enough to be your daddy." In his eyes you could see a glimmer of something like shame. It was contagious, snaking its way into your chest where it squeezed around your heart.

"Are you ashamed of me?" This time you needed him to be honest, but still, you couldn't help but feel a nervousness trickle through your body as you awaited his answer.

"No," he said quickly, "It ain't that…"

"What is it then?" You almost didn't want to ask, your head swimming with answers before he could utter them.

"I'm ashamed of myself," he confessed, you felt the words run ice cold down your back. "I get that everythin' is different now– with datin' 'nd all. Nothin' wrong with a one night stand… but I'm too old to be someone's fuckbuddy. I can't be that guy for you."

"I d-don't want you to," you rushed, surprising yourself as you stumbled over the words.

The corner of his mouth twitched, a small smile telling you he didn't believe you.

"Well, you tell me nothin'. The little persona you put on is fun for sex, but it ain't fun when it has repercussions in real life. When you showed up at the wedding… I panicked, okay? For you it's all fun 'n games, but for me that's my family. What was I s'posed to say if they saw you, huh? Tell 'em that's the girl I'm fuckin'? Pretty sure my daughter would have a fuckin' aneurysm."

Joel shook his head as a shaky breath sifted through him.

"I shouldn't have said all that shit to you– I shouldn't have used that tone, but I couldn't let it continue like that… I don't want casual with you– I ain't got the energy for that sorta thing. I wanna know where I stand, I don't wanna keep guessin' what you're thinkin'… I can take your attitude, but at least be forthright with me." Joel's eyes found his hands folded in his lap.

"Okay…” you hesitated for a moment, “I think I might be falling in love with you," you confessed. The words fell out of your mouth before you could think them through, and you let them. Somehow, you weren't afraid anymore. You'd already lost the people who were supposed to be closest to you, supposed to be your family. There was nothing else to lose, just Joel, just a love.

He looked up from his lap, "You think or you are?"

Your teeth came down on your lip, chewing at a loose piece of skin as your eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "I am… I think–" you tried, your finger pinching the bridge of your nose, "I've never been in love… I don't know."

The heat rising in your cheeks had you look away from him. Across from you Joel rose to his feet and closed the small distance between you. A heavy palm found your cheek, turning your face slowly.

"D'you wanna find out?" he smiled, the rough pad of his thumb skating softly over your cheek. Joel towered over you, but you didn't feel small… you felt protected. The realization had tears press behind your eyes.

"Heyheyhey," Joel cooed, while his other hand found your cheek, "It's okay."

Drawing a shaky breath, you told him, "It's not, Joel, I'm leaving– tonight." A tear broke loose as the words left your lips.

Joel's thumbs wiped at your tears before he crouched down between your legs with a groan, his knees popping loudly. "You don't need to do anythin', princess. Y'can stay at my place until you figure things out–"

You shook your head as more tears ran down your cheeks. "I'm moving back to California, I was only supposed to stay here for the summer," you told him, "I have one year left of my engineering degree at Berkeley, and I'm starting a new internship job on Monday."

"Oh," Joel let out. If he tried to hide his surprise, he did an awful job at it; it almost made a smile crack between your tears.

"You should check your face Joel,” you told him, your tone as light as you could manage it right now, “I know you're old, but in this millennia, girls can be engineers too," you tried to jest.

He let out an incredulous breath, before he let go of your face, "I know that– but California… it ain't exactly a short drive."

In your chest, you felt a twinge, "And you don't exactly text."

Joel fell silent at your words, head dipping forward, and you swore you could hear the cogs turning in his head. With a groan he stood to his feet, backing up to sit at your bed again.

"Look," he started, his eyes catching yours, "I wanna give this a go, if you wanna give this a go."

"I do," you hurried, and Joel nodded.

"You leavin' makes this a hell of a lot more complicated…" he sighed, "If we're gonna do this thing, I wanna do it right… take you on a date– treat you right."

"I'd like that," you smiled, and you knew it was the truth.

Dating had been a means to an end; free meals in the exchange for mediocre sex for a month or three (or however long it took you to die of boredom). Dating Joel would be different; it would be real. At the start of the summer, you hadn't realized how starved you'd been for something like this, how you'd filled up on emptiness all your life and mistaken it for love.

"I got 'nother job lined up startin' next week, but I should be able to take the weekend off in a month or so," Joel told you.

Inside your chest, you felt like you'd swallowed a bag of butterflies. "You wanna come visit me?" you asked, a genuine smile tugging at your lips.

"'f you'll have me, princess."

Rising from your chair, you crossed the space between you on eager feet, slotting between his spread legs. Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you let your thumb run over his beard, the thick bristles tickling your skin. His face softened in your hands, and inside you felt the wound torn open by Joel, start to close up.

There wasn’t a chance in hell you’d give up the opportunity of being with Joel, but there was one condition…

"Only if you promise to never treat me like that ever again. I'll stomp on your fucking balls– is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," Joel said, a grin tugging at the side of his mouth.

Pleased, you climbed into his lap, locking your arms around his neck as you felt his large palms settle at your hips.

With your face only inches from his own, you commanded, "Say that again."

"Yes…" he grinned, his hands sliding lower to grip your ass, "Ma'am."

Pressing your lips against his, you felt something heavy fall off your heart. A weight so heavy if Joel's hands weren't on you, you'd float away. Joel licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss and exploring your mouth. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pressing him closer and closer to your body. You wished you could meld with him, become one, something strong and resilient.

When your hips started to grind against the hardening bulge in his pants, you mumbled against his lips. "One last time for the road?"

His laugh tasted sweet like honey, and you tried to lick up every sugary breath of it. His hands on your ass tightened as you rolled your hips again, his fingers making dents through the rough fabric of your jeans.

Pulling away, the sound of your wet lips smacked against the walls. Joel's grin looked infuriatingly cocky as he took in the state of you; your lips rawed and sticky with spit, and your eyes filled to the brim with lust.

"I ain't fuckin' you again until I've taken you on a date," he told you with a light smack against your ass.

"You can't be serious," you whined, head tilting as you pushed your lip out in a pout.

"Oh, I'm dead serious, princess. I'm gonna do this right, 'n that means you gotta be a good girl f'me 'n behave." Joel's voice dropped an octave as he whispered the last words in your ear, and a shiver ran down your back at the promise.

"But not too good," you told him, a smile coating your lips.

"No, I like you a little bratty."

"When does you flight land again?"

Propped up in bed, fluffy pillows soft against your back, you pressed your phone to your ear. A month had never passed as slowly as these past weeks. The new internship and settling into your new classes might've had something to do with it – you'd been overwhelmed with work – but the promise of Joel at the end of it had you longing.

"Five thirty– I already told ya yesterday, princess."

He did, right after he'd guided you towards a shaking orgasm just from his words. Joel had promised to text, but he was awful at it. You know he'd tried, replying to your texts sporadically throughout the day, but you'd quickly given up on anything substantial from him in that department. When he'd suggested a phone call before bed you'd grimaced at the thought, but hearing the deep bass through his drawl every night had you convinced without a fight – especially when you'd managed to tease him into spilling filth down the line.

"I know… but in my defense I was a little out of it," you reminded him.

Joel's chuckled, a deep rumbling laugh that dripped like honey in your ears. "Really? I couldn't tell," he teased.

"Shut up," you laughed.

"I don't think you want that," you could hear the grin coating his face.

He was right, you didn't want that. What you wanted was to talk to him all night, hear the static bass of his voice in your ear. It didn't matter what he said, what language he spoke, if the lilt was high or low, you just wanted to talk to him. But more importantly you wanted him in your bed – so you told him just that.

"What I want is: you here, in my bed, right now with your cock inside me," you pouted.

Your words pulled another laugh from Joel. "Well, then, you ought to be patient, princess."

"I'm very unfamiliar with that concept," you told him, a teasing lilt covering your words, "I'm used to getting what I want."

"Oh I know… but we ain't doin' this again, princess…" he told you, his voice dropping with sternness, "As a matter of fact, I don't want you touching yourself at all until I can get my hands on you. 's that clear?"

"Do you promise to punish me if I do?" you wondered, your teeth coming down to nibble on your bottom lip through a smile.

"I promise to keep my hands to myself and my pants buttoned for the whole weekend– does that sound like a nice punishment, brat?"

"Jesus christ," you sighed, "I guess I gotta be good until tomorrow, then."

"I'll make it up to you," he promised through a laugh.

"You better," you teased.

Pulling into the parking lot next to your apartment building, his words skipped around your brain. I'll make it up to you.

Now well into September, the days close to knocking on October's door, Joel had been a constant presence in your head ever since you’d left Austin. Your thoughts of him wandered away in your classes, conjuring him forth when you slipped a hand into your panties, and even filled up your dreams.

But the flimsy fantasy version of him was nothing compared to the solid form next to you. In the parking lot the sun slipped beneath the skyline and the golden orange light coming through your car windows kissed Joel's cheek, and bathed him in the last drops of the sun.

He was here, finally, his hand brushing against yours as you led him inside.

"It ain't how I pictured it," he spoke; the leather strap of his bag slipped from his shoulder.

You hadn't realized that you'd held your breath before it released at his words. It was like you'd been waiting for your bubble to burst, that he wasn't really here, forever a static voice speaking down your phone. But his voice was clear, and deep, and real; and Joel was flesh and blood standing beside you in your apartment. You didn't need to hold your breath anymore.

"How did you picture it?" you asked, genuinely curious as you led him deeper inside your apartment.

"I don't know…" he trailed off, his eyes darting through your space, "Bigger, maybe?"

You hummed, following his eyes as he took in your space – the furniture you'd picked out special, and the art you hadn't had time to hang yet – it was a one-bedroom, but it was enough for you. The previous year you'd lived with roommates in a fancier apartment closer to campus. Socially it was great living with your classmates, but they were all boys, and at one point when the apartment looked especially dirty, you'd considered hiring a housekeeper. But the downsides weighed lightly against the upsides, and you’d never felt lonely, not like you'd done home in Austin.

"I don't want that anymore… there's nothing lonelier than a big house." The words settled between you, a comfortable silence while you tried not to think about what Joel was thinking, as you felt his gaze burn at your cheek.

“Come here,” he said, slipping an arm over your shoulders, tucking you close to his chest. “Let’me look at ya.”

The rough pads of his fingers pushed at your jaw, tilting your head to look at him. A soft smile blossomed over his face, his eyes deepening with a soothing warmth.

"You see something?" you asked, your eyes flicking to his lips.

"You ain't lonely anymore," he told you before he leaned closer in a kiss.

The brush of his lips had your eyes fluttering shut, and the press of his lips against yours awakened a burning pit in your tummy – the flames licking at your insides and igniting your want. The words he’d promised you over the phone played like a broken record in the back of your mind.

I'll make it up to you.

Clawing at the hair at the nape of his neck, your desperate hand pulled him closer, eager to fill your tank up on Joel.

“Bedroom,” you mumbled, the word fanned against his lips, "It's been so long and I deserve it– I've worked all fucking week."

"Deserve it, huh?" he hummed, pulling away to catch your blown out and moony eyes.

"Yes, Joel," you whined, pressing your lips against his again. But Joel wouldn't have it, letting you get one good kiss in before he pulled away again, eliciting a pouty whine from your throat.

"Patience," he told you, teasing smile hanging off his mouth while the hand splayed across the side of your face tightened. "I already told ya, I ain't fuckin' you until you've taken me out."

Letting out an petulant huff, you stepped away, crossing your arms over your chest. "So, now I'm taking you on a date?" you asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

A smile tugged at his lips as he regarded you, a teasing glint in his eye. Hooking an arm around your waist, he pulled you closer, "Yes, you ought to wine and dine this old man after a long day of travel."

"Well you could've told me earlier," you moaned, leaning back in his embrace with drama, your arms still wrapped around yourself as you looked at him through your lashes. "All the good restaurants are probably full at this hour…" you trailed off, "let's just get take-out," you said, pleased at your work-around.

His other hand joined the other on your waist, "Nah-uh, princess, ain't a real date until we're eatin' out."

Raising an eyebrow at him, the innuendo wasn't lost on you. With a knowing shake of your head, you told him, "No, you just want me to beg."

Joel's eyes narrowed playfully at you, his head tilting in a playful scrutinized way, "Well, you beg so pretty f'me."

This time you were the one to narrow your eyes at him, your face scrunched together in the slightest frown. Staring at him like that, you tried to break him down, but Joel was used to your antics, and he didn't break.

Letting out another fussy huff, you said, "So… if I take you out to eat, you'll fuck me after?"

"If the foods good," he teased, one hand sliding down to squeeze your ass.

He was insufferable, you thought through a sigh, rolling your eyes at him as you slipped from his grip.

"Come on then, old man."

After a change of clothes and a visit to the bathroom to freshen up, you pondered over your usual 'rule': You didn't fuck on the first date. Sure, you weren't a stranger to a one night stand after a night out, but if a man were to take you out, you wanted to at least give it a shot before you gave it all up.

"Usually, I never fuck on the first date," you told him as the elevator hummed around you. Joel's hand rested comfortably at your lower back, and you found that you liked it– liked his casual show of affection. You didn't know why you said it. Maybe as a last resort to convince him to click the button to your floor and take you back up to your bed?

Joel didn't look at you as a smile that gave nothing away spread across his face. His response was cut off by the elevator dinging, and with his hand at your back he guided you out the elevator.

"Well, too bad for you then, princess," he hummed teasingly in your ear, which earned him a playful shove before you led him down the street.

Blitzes of red, green, and blue danced over Joel's face, the bright neon light tugging at his features in playful shadows. Overhead, the sky had darkened with night over the parking lot. It was empty, safe for the food truck parked by the entrance.

Before you'd moved back home to Austin for the summer, you'd been apartment hunting in this area. It was by sheer luck you'd found it, so close to your internship job with only a couple of blocks away. And when the sun hung high in the sky, this parking lot filled with hungry office workers eager for a well made burrito or taco. You knew because you liked to watch them from up high, the building where you did your internship giving you the perfect view of the small ants. Sometimes one of those ants was you.

The tired wood of the picnic table felt rough against your skin and it wobbled slightly if either of you put too much weight on it. In the background the truck generator hummed away between your bites, but somehow this felt perfect.

"How's your taco?" you asked, a smile hanging off your lips as you broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you and Joel.

"God damn good," Joel nodded, taking another bite.

"Right?" you smiled, a proud warmth settled in your chest. "Looks like I'm getting my dick wet later," you teased.

The laugh that rumbled out of Joel's chest, bubbled up inside you, feeding you more than the tacos. It almost took you by surprise, the feelings he'd conjured forth inside you, stronger now in his presence. Maybe all those #1 hits, and romcoms were right after all?

"We'll see," he winked.

Gulping down his second taco, Joel wiped his hand on a napkin before he wrapped a hand around his beer bottle. He watched you with a smile, how you tried your best to bite into your own taco without everything falling out.

"Too big f'you, princess?" he teased, "Shouldn't be a problem f'you, huh? You've taken bigger than that."

"Ah!" you exclaimed, mouth too full to say anything else. Kicking your foot under the table, you hit his shin lightly in a reprimand.

Joel only laughed it off, before taking a swig of his beer.

“That’s it,” he said, his eyes falling on you playfully, “Good girl.”

You couldn't hold back from letting out something between a snort and a sound. It resulted in an unceremonious amount of salsa to drip out of your mouth and onto the plate, which only made Joel laugh harder as you struggled to swallow down the huge bite of taco.

When you finally managed, you gave Joel a half-pointed, half-amused look, “Asshole.”

“You love it, sweetheart,” he said through a chuckle, and somehow the light words hit a little harder than you'd thought. Could you love Joel? Maybe you already did.

Shaking your head, you tried to rid yourself of your new discovery. “Don't be a brat Joel,” you said in a sing-songy voice, trying to hide your growing smile behind another bite out of your taco.

Joel chuckled again at the inside joke, and a sense of pride grew in your chest. “That a threat, baby?” he returned, raising a single eyebrow as he regarded you.

You gave him a nonchalant shrug as you swallowed down your taco. “Just a warning,” you told him simply, and now Joel’s lips curved into a smirk.

“A warning, huh?” he repeated as his eyes ran down the length of you and back up. He took his time, making sure you felt his gaze over your skin before he uncrossed his arms and leaned towards you over the table, “Thought I was the only one handin' out warnings ‘round here.”

“Roles can change,” you replied simply, your own smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. Joel crossed his arms under himself this time, still leaning on the table as he considered you, twinkle in his eye.

“Yeah?" he tsk-ed, "Y'gonna give me a run for my money, princess?” he asked after a second, his voice a fraction deeper than it was before.

“Shouldn't be too hard,” you told him with your sweetest smile.

Joel only looked at you as a smile tugged at the side of his mouth. The dark brown of his eyes coaxed you deeper, drew you in, like a magnetic force pulled you across the table.

God, you wanted him.

It was an almost overwhelming thought, Joel was too overwhelming. To settle your brain, your cleared your throat, looking away first.

“You, uh–… you want any dessert?” you asked, trying not to act flustered, "Their churros are really good."

“Y’haven’t even finished your taco, princess,” he pointed out with an amused lilt to his voice.

Right.

Continuing your act, you snorted as you picked up your last taco. “I meant after, obviously.” The smile on Joel's face had a hot flush of warmth climb up your neck to your cheeks.

“‘m alright f’now I think,” he said with a nod towards his plate, where he had one last taco left.

As you and Joel ate your last tacos, he told you about the lady he'd been sat next to on the flight. A real southern lady, he told you, "like sittin' next to the mouth of the south." The genuine tiredness in his voice as he talked about it, had a cooing laugh escape you, and you reached out your arm across the table to slot it in his.

When both of you were full and satisfied with tacos, Joel cleaned up your plates while you fished a cigarette from your purse. You offered one to him as he sat down, to which he shook his head, "You know those'll kill ya."

Tilting your head, you rolled your eyes at him with a smile, "I know."

Joel watched you light your cigarette, the flame brightening your face for a split second, before he spoke up, "I've been meaning to ask ya…"

"Hm?" you looked at him, inhaling the first tar-y breath and exhaling away from him through the side of your mouth.

"How'd everythin' go with your…" he hesitated, "Uh, your father."

Joel watched how your face changed at the mention of him, how you looked away from him like the words had stung you.

"I ain't gonna say I wasn't eavesdroppin' on y'all's conversation," he confessed.

Drawing a deep breath, you flicked the ash into your empty beer bottle. "It went like it always does," you shrugged, "He threatened me some more, and then I threatened him back. He's more concerned about his reputation than me, so I told him I'd post the truth about him if he disinherited me… shut him up real quick."

"I'm sorry, baby," Joel said with a shake of his head, "That ain't how you're s'posed to treat your kids."

"Well," you shrugged, taking another drag. "I'm used to it," you exhaled.

A silence settled between you, the only sound the sizzling burn of your cigarette as you took another drag, and the quiet humming of the truck generator. His words settled in your chest, and a curiosity you'd previously strangled resurfaced. Joel had a daughter.

"Was it hard, um…" you struggled to find the right words, pinching your eyebrows together as you searched. Joel leaned his elbows on the table, tipping it towards him, listening intently. "For your, uh, daughter when you got divorced?"

"Divorced?" he questioned, bushy brows pulling together in a confused frown. A second passed as he searched your face for answers. "Oh, right," he chuckled, his face smoothing out as he sat back, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "I was never married to Sarah's mom– I've never been married, baby."

"What?" Now you were confused, sporting the same frown he had, "But you said–"

"Yeah, I know," he cut you off, "But technically you put the words in my mouth, 'nd I didn't know where all this–" he pointed between you, "–was headin' so I… I just let you believe it."

"Oh."  

“Sorry,” Joel said after a second as he processed your answer, “Probably should've said somethin' but–”

“No,” you said, shaking your head, “I didn’t really ask, did I? Just assumed.”

Another silence fell over the two of you while you inhaled another breath of smoke. Joel watched you, studied you as he gulped down the last of his beer. Placing the bottle gently down against the wood, Joel continued.

“So no… Never got married, and never got divorced.”

“What happened?” you asked him gently, not sure if he wanted you to ask or not, “With Sarah’s mom?”

Joel looked down at his lap for a second, like the answer laid in his lap before he looked up with a shrug. “There ain’t much to tell, honestly… high school sweethearts, just a couple of stupid kids who made a stupid mistake.”

“But you kept the baby?”

“Yeah,” Joel said through a sigh, “We live in Texas darlin’, and back then it… it just wasn't an option for us.”

Joel shook his head, before he cleared his throat. “Anyway, we convinced ourselves we’d set up our own little family, neither of us would go off to college and we’d just work… I got a carpenter job, she waited tables– it was a total fantasy in hindsight, of course, but we didn’t know it then.”

You listened intently as Joel opened up, and noticed how he avoided your eyes. He played it cool, but you could clearly see from his body language, that this wasn't a topic he spoke about often. The realization felt disjointed, a happiness inside you at being trusted by Joel dulled by the pain hidden behind his words.

“Pregnancy was fine, even the job was goin' okay, but as soon as Sarah was born it all went to shit… we had no idea what we were in for and it was hard. We were overworked, broke, exhausted and covered in poop and puke, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Wow, you make parenthood seem like such a joy,” you told him sarcastically, trying to draw a smile across his face, but Joel only snorted.

“Whoever sells that lie should go to jail,” he said with a scoff, “Let me tell you– there ain’t nothin' harder in this world than raisin’ a child.”

This time you had to look away from Joel, the words tugging at something in your own heart; that wound that never closed. Was that why he hated you so badly? Why she didn’t want to see you? That couldn't be right, they never even tried. But you remembered those who did, the revolving doors of all the nannies who'd held you when you'd cried, blew on your knees when you scraped them, played with you in the tree house, and tucked you into bed. You were half-way through your twenties now, it was time to grow your old wounds – it was time to finally let go.

“It was too hard for her, I guess… one afternoon I came home from work and she’d packed all her bags, left Sarah in her high chair with a note– 'I'm sorry' it said. I never heard from her again, but her parents told me she’s livin’ up in Seattle now. They didn’t hear from her for a while either– almost had the police involved…”

Stumping out your cigarette, you reached across the table for his hand, “What did you do?”

“I was angry first, called her 'bout a million times 'nd got an out-of-service message, which meant she’d dumped her phone already… when it sunk in I wasn’t going to see her again I was scared shitless… here I was, barely twenty years old with a six-month old baby and no freaking idea what I was doin', and the one person I was s’posed to be doing it with had just disappeared into thin air,” Joel explained, before he let out a sigh, “Poor girl probably had some kind of postpartum depression, but we were so overwhelmed with the baby we could barely keep our lives together– 'nd I was so preoccupied with Sarah I never really addressed it… in hindsight, I feel like I failed her, y’know? I should’ve noticed, paid more attention to what she needed… I never wanted to fail my family ever again.”

"So you raised your kid.”

Joel gave you a nod, as he pursed his lips together. “I raised my kid… 'nd Tommy helped me a lot. He was just a kid, 'nd he didn't have to do it, but he moved in– watched Sarah while I was at work up until he joined the army 'nd I could afford a sitter…" Joel trailed off, his eyebrows knitting together as his breath stalled in his throat.

"I remember one night…" he started, "Sarah screamed so loud, kept on cryin' 'n cryin', and I couldn't figure out what she wanted. I'd walked around the whole house, carried her for hours until it felt like my arms were gonna fall off. It would be so easy to just give up right then 'nd there… but as I looked at her, at my perfect little baby I promised myself that I'd never make the same mistake again as I had with her mother– I'd always put my babygirl first no matter what…”

Joel let out a sigh as his eyes finally caught yours.

“I guess that’s why I was so mean with you, when you showed up at the wedding. This is my family, y’know? They mean the world to me, always been my priority, always will be… I didn’t want the decisions that I had made to affect them,” he sat up a little straighter, squeezing your hand before he looked at you intently, “I realize now that wasn’t fair to you either, so ’m sorry ‘bout that–”

You shook your head, biting down on the underside of your lip as you fought the tears that pressed at the back of your eyes. Never in your life had something so rudimentary as family mattered in your life. Family to you was something to escape, a randomized lottery that assigned you to people you had nothing in common with. Not once had it occurred to you that your actions could have had consequences for Joel's relationship with his family – and never did it occur to you that those relationships mattered.

“No, I’m sorry,” you told him, with an embarrassed shake of your head, “When I showed up at that wedding… I– I was only thinking of me and what I wanted, not about any consequences it could have for you… I guess I’m not really used to the idea of thinking about what or who matters to others… especially family.”

The last word died on your tongue as your eyes found your lap. The weight of what you'd said, penetrated through your heart, made you hear it for the first time. Across from you, Joel was silent for a long time as you sat with your confession, digesting it at your own pace.

"I know…" Joel suddenly said with a squeeze of your hand, "I forgive you."

His words had a finality to them you found hard to believe. There was no bite of anger, or falseness hidden behind sincerity, only the truth.

"I forgave you weeks ago, baby, after…” He let the words die on his tongue but you knew what he meant – after he’d seen you with your father. “Let's leave it in the past, ‘nd focus on enjoyin’ these days together.”

Joel didn't give you an opportunity to reply before he stood to his feet, reaching out a large palm for you to hold. Slotting your hand in his, he guided you past the food truck and out onto the street, holding your hand the whole way home.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," you said softly, leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom.

Joel was already under your covers, propped up against the headboard where he scrolled on his phone. He didn't look up right away, so you took your time to study him as you walked closer with slow steps. One graying curl hung over his forehead, his head tipped slightly forward as he tapped with one finger. His tanned exposed skin looked soft like silk, and you wanted to trace your fingers down the graying thatch of hair speckled down his chest.

At the sound of a quiet wosh! he finally looked up from his phone.

His glasses sat low on his nose where behind the glass his eyes rolled over you, and the brand new set of lingerie adorning your body. The transparent mesh was the perfect shade of green, one that complimented your skin so well it might as well have been made specifically for you. The bra was simple with embroidered flowers weaved through the mesh. The same embroidered flowers adorned the thong, barely concealing your mound. Usually, you wouldn't go for something like this, it wasn't your style– too cute, but there was something about it that made you feel so sexy. Maybe it was the mesh, the way the thin string of the thong split your cheeks in two, or maybe it was the small bow at the back.

You knew you looked hot, but you hoped Joel would like it anyway, you’d bought it just for him. 

Joel placed his phone slowly on your night stand, a wide grin spreading across his face. Then he leaned forward slightly, scrunching his face together in a playful squint, "So, this is whatcha look like!?"

You couldn't contain the giggle slipping through your teeth. Joel's smile hung loose, and he leaned back casually, silently inviting you into his lap.

"I like them… You look hot in them," you told him, climbing up in his lap.

"I use 'em only for readin'," he explained, taking in the sight of you before him with wandering hands.

His rough palms over your skin left goosebumps in their wake. You let him touch you, let him familiarize himself with the fabric as you leaned forward and slipped the glasses off his nose.

"You're somethin' else aren't you, princess?" The low timber in his voice had a wetness soil your panties.

"Do you like it, Daddy?" you wondered breathlessly as one of his fingers slipped through the thin band of your thong where it traced the skin underneath. "I missed your birthday… but I hope this makes up for it?" you asked, a lilt of innocence coating your words as you rocked your hips against his.

Joel's smile sat wide and toothy on his face; forming small creases around his eyes. Under you, you felt his hardening cock grow. You couldn't help but rock your hips again, chasing the feeling of him after waiting so long – you needed him now.

"Y'look real pretty, princess… so beautiful– how'd I get so lucky, huh?"

One large palm cupped your cheek and brought you closer to his face. His lips tasted fresh and mint-y when he brushed them over yours in a soft kiss. Under your skin your body buzzed with anticipation. His kiss was short; leaving you wanting more, always wanting more.

"Too bad you don't fuck on the first date," he teased, leaning back and letting his hands fall to your ass where they landed with a playful smack!

Jumping slightly from the impact, a breathy whine escaped your throat, "I can make an exception."

"Really?" he grinned, raising a single eyebrow at you, "Just f'me?"

Pushing out your lip, you gave him an impatient pout. "You promised you'd make it up to me if I didn't touch myself…" you moaned, "And I didn't."

Joel tilted his head in feigned sympathy; his hands on your ass drawing soft circles into the skin. "That's sweet, princess," he hummed before he let out a forced sigh, "I did promise ya, didn't I?"

"Yes," you nodded with a rock of your hips against his hard cock.

"Alright then," Joel said, his fingers finding the bow at the back of your thong, "Let me make it up to ya."

The silk bow keeping the thin strings of your thong together dwindled into scraps with one tug from Joel. Something drew your closer, like something bright and loud inside your chest clawed out for him. This time it would be for real – no more act to play, and no more hiding. The thought bubbled with nerves in your throat.

After discarding your thong in the bed sheets to get lost, Joel's hands cradled your face, bringing you closer. The crook of his nose grazed gently against yours before he pressed his lips against yours. 

You let yourself be explored by him, savoring the way his tongue tasted in your mouth, how he took the lead like it was the most natural thing in the world. Inside, you felt like you were about to burst; so many pent up feelings finally breaking free from his kiss. You couldn't help but grind against him; the fluffed duvet in the way of any real friction the way you wanted it, but you craved him either way.

"I know, baby," he hummed against your lips, "That pussy's aching f'me ain't it?"

"Yes," you breathed through a whine, "Please, Joel."

"Alright, princess," he soothed, "So polite for once, huh?"

"Yeah, you better savor it," you teased against him, "Because it's not happening again."

With a breathy chuckle, he pulled away to tap at the thick of your thigh. Twisting your eyebrows together in a confused frown you got off his lap. Between your legs you felt your arousal stick wetly against your inner thighs as you sat back on your knees beside him. Joel pushed the duvet away before he shuffled down the bed, exposing his body, before he laid his head down on the pillows.

"C'mon then," he waved his hand at your expectantly. "Let me take care of ya."

Not moving, your frown grew deeper at his words while your hands collected like a nervous tick in your lap.

"Sit on my face, baby, let me taste that sweet pussy."

Sit on Joel's face?

Your teeth came down to nibble on your bottom lip, as a small shiver of insecurity raced up your back. It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? You shifted on your knees unsteadily, the mattress dipping you forward where his body weighed it down.

You couldn't look at him, so your eyes found your hands in you lap. Why did you need to go through this again? What was his obsession with it exactly? To see you humiliated? And not in the fun way.

"Hey… you okay?" Joel asked, his tone low and soft. He sat up on his elbow, his body turned curiously towards you.

The way he looked at you, his eyes dark and warm and full of… something, had your cheeks filling with a blazing heat. Shaking your head, you tried to will the embarrassment away. You didn't want him to see you like that– it wasn't supposed to be like this, not this time.

"Yes." You pulled yourself together, lips tugging at a teasing smile you hoped would put Joel at ease.

Leaning forward – making sure to push your ass out and arch your back for him – you tugged at the waistband of his underwear where you could peek the outline of his hard cock straining against the cotton. Before you could pull them down, Joel's hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you. Tilting your head curiously towards him, you could see a smirk coat his face.

"'s that whatcha want?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and you nodded. "Greedy girl," he tsk-ed through his grin.

His strong hands were around your waist before you had time to think, manhandling your legs over his chest, exposing you and your wet center to his waiting mouth. A panic gripped your heart then, and you sat up with haste, slipping off his body.

"Don't do that, Joel," you let out, your tone laced with an unintended annoyance.

A frown pulled at his eyebrows as he sat up; his eyes bounced over your body and then your face.

"Red?" he asked, concern spilling across his face.

A sigh fell from your lips as a hand came up to rub at your face. When you didn't say anything right away, his hand caught your own, pulling it away while his other soothing palm found your cheek.

"Red?" he asked again, a little sterner – demanding an answer.

You shook your head in his hand, the words on your tongue failing you.

"What is it then, princess?"

The tenderness in his voice almost broke you down, hacking at the crumbling wall shielding you from him. Joel cared about you. He'd told you that, came all this way to make it crystal clear. So why couldn't you let him?

"Do you wanna get your dick sucked or what?"

Shaking off his palm you could feel ashamed later for slipping into your outdated disguise. This was how the sex with Joel was supposed to go – how it always went. But Joel wouldn't have it.

"Well, now I'm sayin' it– Red."

Inside, your heart sunk like a stone in water, and before you knew it you felt tears fight their way forward. You'd ruined it– your perfect day with Joel was ruined. Cautiously finding his face, you expected Joel to be angry, but the tenderness in his eyes as he looked at you hit you like a sucker punch.

"Let's stop for a minute, baby. Clearly there's somethin' botherin' you. I knew I saw it last time– what's goin' on?" he wanted to know. "Tell me," he grabbed your hand, slotting your fingers together as he held your gaze with an intensity that burned. "'n no more hidin', remember?"

No more hiding.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you managed to push back your tears as a stuttering sigh escaped you.

Okay.

Opening your eyes slowly, you gathered your courage. "I feel like I'm ruining everything," you confessed, your voice breaking a little as you told him the truth.

"That ain't true," Joel frowned, "'f you don't want this anymore, we can stop–"

"I don't want to stop," you cut him off, "I want this– you so badly! I've been thinking about it all day– all month long, b-but I…" you stuttered.

"But you don't like oral?" Joel finished for you, his frown deepening in confusion.

You shook your head, "I– um… no, not really."

Joel was silent for a second, eyes boring into you as you tried to avoid his gaze.

This was embarrassing.

“There a specific reason f’that, pretty girl?” he asked you as his hand holding yours tightened just a little while dipping his head to meet your eyes.

Your cheeks burned furiously as you looked at Joel, trying for a nonchalant shrug. “I-It just–… it doesn’t feel good.”

At that, Joel raised a single eyebrow in surprise, considering you.

“It doesn’t feel good?” he repeated, "I seem to remember you enjoyin' yourself last time…" You watched how a frown pulled at his face, his own words sinking in and replacing them with a sliver of doubt. "Or am I wrong?"

This time, Joel was the one who wouldn't meet your gaze, acting surprisingly bashful. Quickly, you shook your head, "No."

Joel's face twisted into a sad smile, and the way he looked at you told you he didn't believe you. "Y'can be honest with me. If I did somethin' you didn't like– you gotta tell me."

"It wasn't you who did it," you muttered, voice low like a whisper, the only way the words could leave your lips.

"You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me," Joel let out in an exasperated sigh, his tone backed up by anger. Squeezing your hand again, he demanded your attention. "Who did then? Tell me, baby– some twenty-somethin’ asshole say something he shouldn’t have?”

Your eyes widened slightly at his words, surprised that he wasn’t even that far off, and the memories pushed their way forward. It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? His mocking laugh echoed in your head. The way he'd licked your mound with a scrunch of his nose as you'd wished you could've sunk through the bed.

Even though you hadn’t uttered a word, Joel had read your expression telling him he'd hit the nail on the head, and now his brows knitted into a frown.

“Baby,” he told you, his voice so tender it made your head spin. One of his hands let go of your palm, bringing his fingers up to graze the pads softly over the edge of your jaw. “We’ll do whatever you want, it’s your choice… but I wantcha to know that I think you've got the prettiest fuckin' pussy I’ve ever seen– the sweetest tastin' too.”

Dropping your head, you squeezed your eyes shut. Joel's hand slid from your jaw to cover the side of your face, the palm covering your ear and half the world disappeared. You were silent for a second, before you took a small breath.

“You mean that?”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, princess,” he told you, tilting your head up to meet his eyes, “m’not lying either, you know… it’s the only fucking thing I can think about, only thing I wanna see when I’m fucking ya– wanna see just how good she looks wrapped 'round me.”

You couldn't fight the smile from breaking, your eyelashes fluttering bashfully as you turned your head. "You can't just say that… this is supposed to be a tender moment."

Joel's laugh rumbled through his chest. "I'm a contractor, princess, I ain't no poet. I dunno how to wax poetic 'bout your pussy."

"I don't need you to do that," you told him through a laugh, turning your head back to look at him.

"Good," he smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

He studied you for a beat, before he leaned back against the pillows with an inviting raised arm. "C'mon. Let's get some sleep, baby."

“Sleep?” you asked him, the disappointment evident in your tone, “But, I–… I haven’t even sucked your cock.”

“Y’gonna let me eat you out?” Joel returned, and you crinkled your nose.

“Joel,” you whined, dragging out the vowels as your hands covered your face. A small laugh escaped Joel, and quickly his hands came up to gently pry yours away.

“Baby, I don’t wantcha doin' anythin' that makes you uncomfortable, but I also wanna make you feel good,” he told you, “I don’t believe in one-sided exchanges, and if m’honest, the only thing I can think about right now is buryin' my head between those pretty thighs and makin' you scream my name for the next five hours.”

The casual confidence in his voice sent a shudder down your spine where it pooled between your thighs. He did make you come last time, you remembered, and it had felt really really good. Still, that old insecurity at the back of your neck clung to you like a poltergeist. After a second of silence, watching the conflict on your face, Joel drew a deciding breath.

“Tell you what baby,” he said as you felt his hands gently grab at your waist and pull you towards him, “Think I know a way we can both get what we want.”

“Oh yeah?” you asked grudgingly, “What’s that, hm?”

Joel leaned forward and slotted his lips against yours gently, pulling you deeper into a sense of safety. After a second he pulled back, teeth trapping your bottom lip.

“You still have to sit on m'face,” Joel told you with a smirk, “But I’ll level with ya princess, you can do whatchu want, and I’ll make sure to keep ya distracted… promise.”

A beat passed as you let his proposal settle between you. A thought of how you could always say your safeword if you absolutely hated it crossed your mind. He'd established it so early in your relationship, set the boundaries between you clearly and you knew Joel would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do.

Drawing a deep breath through your nose, you let out a breathy, "Okay."

Joel's smile brightened before he leaned closer to press another gentle kiss to your lips, "Attagirl."

Turning you around, Joel helped you swing your leg over his broad chest where his palms settled over your hips. Maneuvering your hips backwards he positioned your exposed cunt to his face.

Afraid to put your whole weight on him, you hovered, your knees digging deeply into the mattress on either side of his head. As reassuring as Joel had been, being this exposed still made you nervous, and you couldn't help the way your body tensed up. Trying to distract yourself from what Joel thought about you, you focused on your distraction; Joel's straining cock hidden away behind the woven cotton of his underwear.

Pulling at the elastic band, you slowly revealed the length of him inch by inch. A pleased smile tugged at your lips as you took him in your hand; his thigh reacting in a twitch at your touch. He still had the prettiest cock you'd ever seen, veiny and thick, and perfectly heavy in your hand. Leaning down, you pressed a light kiss to the skin right above the base; the dark and silver wiry hair tickled your skin as you inhaled the masculine musk of him – of Joel, your Joel.

Joel's greedy fingers dug deliciously into your skin, as his dominant hand glided up your back, pushing you to lay your weight on him. You couldn't see what he was doing, only feel the hot breath of him so close to the core of you.

"She looks so pretty drippin' f'me," his voice rasped, placing a fluttering kiss through your folds, "'n she tastes even better."

You couldn't help the stuttering breath that escaped you, your eyes squeezing shut as Joel licked a stripe from your clit to your hole, tasting you unabashedly with a content hum. His fingers dug deeper into your skin as you whined, holding you firmly against his mouth to keep you from squirming away.

Focusing back at your task at hand, you tightened your fist around his cock, gathering a blob of spit in your mouth and let it slowly drip down the length of him. You watched your spit run over your knuckles before you started to work your hand up and down his length, thumbing over the head to mix your spit with the precum sprouting from the tip as you wet his cock with slick squelching tugs. Against your stomach, you could feel his chest vibrate in a content hum.

Kneading your ass cheeks firmly, Joel spread you apart for him before you felt him spit harshly against your cunt. The spit ran down your folds, gathering at the flat of his tongue where he circled it around your clit. You tensed at the contact, your face pulling together in the slightest of frowns of pleasure.

"Shit," you let out in a breath.

Pleased at the reaction he'd pulled from you, Joel hummed against your cunt, wet and spread open for him to devour. "Yeah? That feel good, princess?"

"Uh-huh," you moaned, your hand stilled at the base of his cock, as he traced circles around your clit with his tongue.

Cocking his hips, Joel reminded you of your neglected job. Pulling yourself together, you tightened your fist around him again. Mesmerized, you lowered your head and dropped open your mouth, slapping the wet length of him against your waiting tongue. Pleased, you hummed at the first salty taste of him, the familiar heaviness of him in your mouth. Enveloping him in your mouth, you closed your lips around the mushroom tip to tease the head with your circling tongue, making him twitch in your mouth at the new stimulation.

The way his mouth had latched around your clit, sucking and flicking it expertly, made it hard to concentrate. So much was happening all at the same time, his tongue devouring you, urging you towards a long awaited orgasm, but judging from the way he started to buck his hips into your mouth, you figured the same thing was happening to him.

Trying your best to keep your focus, you started to bop your head. Relaxing your throat, this new angle made it easier to take the hefty length of him down your throat, and you found that you liked it. Pushing your head deeper, you gagged yourself on him, loving the feeling of how he filled up your throat with each bop of your head.

On his tongue your clit pulsed with need, and you found yourself moaning around his cock, making Joel's hips buck from the vibrations in your throat. Joel ate your pussy greedily, drinking up every whimper and moan your body produced as he coaxed you closer and closer with just his tongue.

You couldn't stay still, even with Joel's fingers digging harshly into the flesh of your ass, branding you as his. With your head clouded in lust, you didn't realize you started to push back against his tongue, chasing the high of the swipes and zigzags of his tongue through your soaked folds. "Feels so fucking good," you mumbled, lips pressed to the side of his cock while your head was clouded in cotton candy bliss.

Choking yourself on his cock again, you pulled yourself under the blanket of tranquil arousal, your head filled with nothing except the way Joel took care of you, and how good his cock felt in your throat. Your desperate hands found his heavy balls, cupping them gently before you rolled them in your hands, earning you a deep rumbling groan.

"That's it– play with my balls, baby– good girl," he moaned into your pussy.

His praise settled in your tummy like a warm cup of tea on a cold day. The wet breath of him against your throbbing clit was almost too much to take, and now you started to grind against this face, fucking yourself against his tongue as you chased your high that just continued to build, and build, and build. His rough hands on your ass guided your movements, and when your thighs started to tense with arrhythmic shakes, he latched onto your clit and sucked.

"Come on baby… that's it– good girl," he hummed, "Come f'me, princess."

Pulling off his cock with a wet pop, your head came to rest over the thick of his thigh as your body started to shake and wither with your orgasm. You felt him grunt against your cunt, his tongue never ceasing to assault your aching clit. He lapped greedily at you, tasting each drop of your blinding ecstasy. His cock sat heavy in your hand, small wet whimpers puffing against the wet skin of him as you rode out your high.

In your chest, you could feel your heart grow larger, bursting out of your chest for Joel, like it reached its hand out to intertwine it with his.  

When the tension in your body let go of you and your grinding hips faltered, you sat up slowly, sliding down his chest on shaking legs as you beared your weight on his thick thighs. His hefty cock laid heavy and throbbing against his stomach, smeared and glistening in your saliva. With a curious tilt of your head, you wrapped your hand around him, his hips bucking as you jerked him slowly.

"Fuck," he spat.

Looking over your shoulder, Joel looked a mess coated in your arousal. The coarse salt and pepper hair of his beard glistened in the dimmed light as he turned his head to the side, pushing it deeper into the pillow while you teasingly skated your fingers down the length of him. His moan vibrated through his chest, and a smile followed a pleased prickling feeling of pride in your chest – pluming yourself at having a man like him at your mercy, your eyes found his cock again.

In your hand you felt him throb; the thick vein down the underside of him protruded with need. His hands found the thick of your thighs, palms spreading over your skin like an afterthought before they settled at your hips. Leaning down, you longed to feel him fill up your throat again – finding you liked this new angle.

Placing a pouty kiss to the head, you licked at the pearling precum. Did it always taste this good, or was there just something so obsessively special about Joel? Humming contently, you hollowed your cheeks around the head, before you dropped your jaw to slowly ease him back down your throat.

Joel's hands on you tightened like he was holding on for dear life, as another pleasurable moan fell from his lips. 

"Shit– you love that cock don't cha– love sucking cock like a good whore."

His words had you whimpering around him – he was right after all, you loved sucking his cock. You wished you could see him, see the way his eyes squeezed shut as you took him deeper. A rush of arousal pooled in your tummy at the thought, ready to gush over the greying hair scattered over his chest.

Starting up a bopping rhythm again, an obscene gagging squelch escaped your throat at every bop, filling your bedroom with filth. Joel's mouth wasn't any better, rambling degrading praise that only urged you on. When your hands found his balls, slicked up with your runaway spit, his fingers dug harshly into your ass cheeks.

"Stop, baby… I'm so fuckin' close."

Pulling away, you dropped your head to his thighs, laying down gently with your hand still wrapped around him at the base. Tightening your grip around him, Joel's breath stalled in his chest, and you couldn't help but place a soft kiss down the length of him.

"Baby," he said sternly, and a bubbling laugh escaped your lips.

Loosening your grip, his cock slapped against his skin where the head wept onto the skin below his belly button. His hands on your ass pushed at you, and you slid your body off him, your thighs sticking together wetly as you sat back on your knees beside him.

Sitting up against the headboard, a soft groan fell from his lips. His gaze over you was blown out and wide, and his grin wide with teeth.

"Come here," he ordered, the crook of his arm open for your body to slot into.

His other hand fell at the top of your chest, sliding it up around the back of your neck, holding you. The heavy weight of his touch had you pliant and loose in his hands; your eyelids fluttering with desire. He could do whatever he wanted to you in that moment, and you'd let him, but the only scandalous thing he did was kiss you.

He tasted like you, and you as him, and nothing had felt more right. Somehow, he maneuvered you onto his lap, distracting you with his kiss as he positioned you how he wanted. 

His leaking cock pressed into your stomach, and if you hadn't been so distracted the visualization would spark a thought of how deep inside you he'd reach, would graze you. Instead, you licked into his mouth, your desperate hands finding his cheeks where his beard prickled your palms.

"You want that cock inside, don't ya, princess?" he nudged between kisses, slipping a hand between your bodies to angle the tip of his cock to rub through your folds, circling it around your aching hole.

The new stimulation had you pulling away from his mouth with a hitched breath, "Please– been so long."

Pressing your cheek into the crook of his neck, a sticky sheen of desperation clung to your skin as you lifted your hips. He slid the bulbous head through your seam where you dripped over him, coating him in your slick arousal.

"Go ahead, baby, sit on that cock, take what you need," Joel's voice rumbled against your skin.

Lowering your hips, the blunt fat head of his cock pushed past your folds and nudged at your opening. He let you take the lead this time, letting you control the pace at which you worked inch by inch of him deeper inside you. The stretch of him always burned deliciously, an aching pleasure that you didn't think you'd ever get enough of.

When you finally eased yourself down on him, your hips flush with his, a guttural moan fell from Joel's lips. Sitting on his cock like this, he reached deeper than he'd ever done before; a heavy pressure poking at the deepest part of yourself. It was almost too much, your thighs clenched as they fought to move back up.

"There you go," he cooed, "So fuckin' tight f'me."

"Joel," you whined out in a heavy breath, digging you face deeper into the crook of his neck.

"'s alright," he soothed, nosing down the length of your jaw, "'s all yours, use it princess– get yourself off on my cock."

You couldn't help the whimper you stuck to his skin as you felt him flex inside of you, your walls fluttering around him desperately as you rocked your hips into him. The wiry hair at the base of his cock nudged against your throbbing clit, the new angle prodded at the spot inside that made your hips stutter.

Joel let you do all the work as you lifted your hips, slowly at first, and lowered yourself down on him. Looking for more leverage, you forced yourself to sit up straight, your hands digging into his shoulders as you pushed back on him at an increasing pace, using him for your own pleasure.

"Such a good girl, keep goin', just like that," he praised from under you, watching how your eyebrows creased as your eyes shut at the increasing pleasure.

Moving your hips at an unabashed pace, Joel's hands found yours to intertwine with. "Come on, baby, don't stop now, ride that cock, bounce on it like a good slut," he encouraged, pushing back against your hands.

Lost in the fog of your own pleasure, desperate pleas and whiny breaths were the only coherent sounds falling from your lips, the feeling of him filling you up repeatedly, too good for words.

When your thighs burned with effort, you slowed down your bounces and fell against his chest to catch your breath. Swiveling your hips between chasing grinds, the desperation in you still chased your orgasm.

"Gettin' tired, princess?" Joel asked, his voice full of faux pity. His hands untangled from yours to fall at your back, his fingers teasing over the band of your bra. "Need me to do it f'ya, huh?"

Hooking his finger under your bra strap, he pulled, letting it smack harshly and quick against your skin in reprimand. You jolted against him, letting out a whine and a "Yes, please," as the end of him poked at your spot at the movement. 

Unhooking your bra, Joel cast it aside, getting lost in the duvet along with the rest of your underwear. Cupping your ass, he squeezed a good handful before a hand came down in a stinging smack!

What happened next was nothing short of instinctive. Keeping you steady in his lap, Joel thrusted up into you, setting a brutal pace. Bouncing in his lap, you felt like a rag doll. Rolling your head back, you met every thrust, felt every vein, and every ridge of him, as the fat head repeatedly hit the spot so deep inside you. When your vision started going spotty with pleasure, and Joel's lips spilled filth between his grunts, you  were tethering right on the edge.

"Keep goin'– good girl, earn my fuckin' cum."

"Y'want me to fill y'up don't cha? Have it leakin' outta you all night."

"Come on, princess, I know you're close, give m'cock a big squeeze."

The noises spilling out your throat were breathy and whiny, harmonizing perfectly with the deep guttural grunts out of Joel. When his hand reached between your bodies, the flat callused pad of his thumb putting pressure down on your clit, it was all too much.

With an arch of your back, he tipped you over the edge, the pleasure rolling over you like a blinding wave. Your body went rigid for a moment, your cunt squeezing around him like a vice, before the tension released in a stuttering shake.

"There she goes, my good girl," Joel praised, but his voice was far away, like someone had stuffed cotton in your ears, or pulled your head under water.

Prolonging your release, Joel never stopped his thrusts, only slowing them down as he sped up his fingers on your clit. Your mouth dropped in a quiet scream, your face twisted in pained pleasure as a stream of liquid gushed from your cunt.

You didn't notice the surprised look on his face, or the way he groaned out, "Fuck– you're amazin', princess– 'm comin'." But you felt the way his cock twitched inside you, pulsed thick spurts of his cum as he filled you deep and steady with his hot release.

Caught up in his own pleasure, Joel sunk down the bed, dragging you with him. The feeling of his cum filling you up, branding you as his, had you withering with another gush of release over his thighs. Your skin stuck to his, and with this new angle his cock slipped out of you from the force of your orgasm.

Everything was sticky, everything was hot. Riding out the last buzzes of your ecstasies, you could still feel how intensely your clit throbbed as Joel's heavy release dribbled out of you, making a mess over his wet thighs and softening cock.

You didn't realize you were crying until Joel peeled your cheek from his chest, two large palms cupping your head to thumb at the wet tears.

"'s okay, baby, you're okay," he cooed, wrapping his strong safe arms tightly around you, while you clung to him like a koala bear. "I'm here."

It was only two words, but it was just the two you needed to hear.

Joel was here.

"Thank you," you whispered, afraid your voice would break if you spoke louder.

"You did so good f'me," he cooed, as your heartbeats steadied.

Pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head, Joel turned to the side, dragging you with him. Your limbs were coated in your releases, and sweat clung to your skin, but it didn't matter as he pulled you closer. You didn't know how long he held you, how many kisses he pressed against your skin, but you could never get enough.

When he finally pulled away, you whined, your fingers digging into the flesh of his arm.

"Please don't leave," you whimpered, your brain scrambled with vulnerability.

"'m not leavin', pretty girl, but ‘m gettin’ you cleaned up. That sound alright?"

Getting out of bed felt like moving through molasses, but Joel was patient, helping you to the bathroom on your wobbly legs. Finding a washcloth in your cupboard, he dampened it with warm water before he dragged it down your thighs, catching the mix of your combined release where it had started to run down your leg.

"Made a mess didn't we?" he teased with a wink.

Shooting him half of a smile, you only nodded, tiredness pushing at your eyelids. Joel didn't push, only cleaned himself up before he told you to pee while he changed the sheets. When you finally emerged from the bathroom, Joel invited you back in his embrace, curling himself around your body in a safe weight as your eyelids started to droop to the feeling of his soft kisses against your skin.

When you woke, the bed was empty. Looking around the room a coldness ran through you as you started to wonder if last night had all been a dream. But then you heard a low hum of music coming through the open bedroom door, along with the smell of breakfast cooking, and the coldness melted away.

Grabbing your robe off the hook by the door, the music got louder as you padded into your kitchen. Joel stood with his back to you, already dressed as he pushed gently at the eggs frying in the pan. With a look over his shoulder, Joel noticed you and the smile that spread on his face as he took you in in all your morning glory, had a warmth tug at your heart.

"You ain't got no coffee in this house," he told you, turning back to the eggs.

"I usually go down to the coffee shop on the corner," you shrugged, sitting down at the table.

"That ain't real coffee, princess," he clicked his tongue playfully, sliding the eggs carefully onto two plates he'd set aside with two pieces of toast ready.

"Thank you serf," you joked as he placed one of the plates in front of you. It earned you a genuine laugh as Joel sat down opposite you.

"You're welcome, brat," he smiled.

There was something so romantic about the way he said it, all casual and smirking. And when you caught the way his eyes glinted as he looked at you, you found yourself thinking that if this was love, then you thought you could get used to it.

For the first time in your life, you wanted to fall in love. 

Again and again.

© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!

[prkhaven]

(TEASER) YOU BELONG TO ME -p.js, p.sh-

pairing— fwb's brother!jay x fem!reader x fwb!sunghoon

status: RELEASED. [READ HERE]

genre: smut minors do not interact, angst, slight fluff, friend with benefits au, friend with benefit’s brother au, park twin brothers, sibling rivarly, love triangle, p with plot, p with feelings

wc: est. 15-20k

taglist: open — send in ask or comment to be added

warings: kissing, usage of nickname(princess), full warnings and full smut warnings within actual release

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You don't know how long you've been standing staring at the large portrait on the wall. Your body was achingly sore and the only piece of fabric you were wearing was your friend(with benefits), Sunghoon's oversized shirt.

You somehow managed to slip away from his bearlike hold as he was sound asleep to use the bathroom but you stumbled upon the portrait dead center on the wall in the hallway that you walked through countless of times nevering noticing until now.

As you analyzed it, you wondered how you never paid attention to it earlier. You tilted your head to the side, zeroing your focus to the other person beside Sunghoon in the portrait, Park Jongseong or how Sunghoon referred to him the very few times he did talk about him, Jay, his twin older brother.

His sharp jawline, the heart shaped birthmark on the side of his neck, the earrings on his ear, his sharp piercing gaze and slicked hair with an undercut made you furrow your eyebrows feeling the slight downward frown tugging at your lips as he felt all too familiar but you couldn't seem to place a finger on where you've seen him before.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand creeping onto your waist, pulling you as a kiss was planted on the side of your face, "What's in that pretty head of yours princess?" Sunghoon's deep morning voice whispered into the shell of your ear which usually made you weak but this time it didn't as you were too preoccupied by the portrait

"You never talk about your brother Hoonie" Your gaze remained on Jay's stoic face which didn't go unnoticed by Sunghoon who normally would soften to mush by the nickname only you were allowed to use

However, the mere mention of his brother falling through your lips fueled something nasty within him.

Sunghoon took a glance at the portrait you never once looked away from even when he appeared next to you. He stared at the photo remembering how his father proudly put the portrait up when it first arrived.

His expressionless face now held a deep scowl the more he looked at the picture or more so at his brother beside him in the photo whose gaze he interpreted to be nothing more than pure judgment and disappointment towards him and that angered Sunghoon.

His grip on your waist tightened as he ripped his eyes away from the picture to begin planting desperate kisses from your cheek down to your neck to get your attention away from the portrait, off his brother.

"Let's go back to bed mhm?" Sunghoon hummed against your neck causing you to giggle from the ticklish manner, he smirked in satisfaction that he was able to garner your attention back onto him where it belonged, not on his brother

You tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge as you thought he would've, "You need to go get ready, you have class toda-" You were interrupted by his lips capturing yours in a haste to shut you up

"I think I'll miss class today" Sunghoon mumbled against your lips as he fully wrapped his arms around you as he turned his back to the picture as he ushered you back to his room

You smiled in the kiss allowing yourself to be guided right back into the very room and bed you knew far too well to just be considered Sunghoon's 'friend'.

Your hands ruffled in his hair as the kiss grew more feverish and when his lips detached from yours to trail back to your neck with hopeless need to mark you for everyone to see, you let out breathless gasps as he sucked on your neck running the wet stride of his tongue against the burning blemish slowly growing on your neck to soothe it before moving to an unmarked patch on your neck to continue his burning desire to completely devour you up.

He kicked open his bedroom door and not wanting to let you go for even a second he used his foot to close the door because if the portrait was out of sight, it was out of mind.

Yet, his harsh tug on your skin through his teeth made you unconsciously open your eyes, your gasps became louder from his growing desperation and through your half lidded eyes and the few seconds before his bedroom door closed, you caught a glimpse of the portrait once again.

You didn't know why Sunghoon avoided any conversation involving his brother however, what ate you up the most was why Jay seemed so familiar to you.

But the thought ended the moment Sunghoon's bedroom door slammed shut, his mouth going further down your neck to your collarbone as you were led right back into his bed.

——

[pellucid-constellations]

Hello, absolutely love your writing - Drabble

Something based on time traveler’s husband, but the reader is the time traveler and she can end up in bad places or beautiful places (you choose), Azriel all worried maybe, fluff and angst?

Sounds kinda long for a drabble, i don’t know haha 🤍

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Word count: 1k

Warnings: Angst, references to trauma

a/n: Hi! :) I made this sooooo angsty lol oopsie

Masterlist♡

____________________________________________

Never in Azriel’s life did he think it would come to this. 

He held you against his chest as sobs wracked your body, your fingers gripping his leathers with so much force he was surprised the material didn’t rip.

It had been a long one this time. 

Three weeks ago, you were sitting with him on a bench by the Sidra, a small bag of feed in your lap as you spread it out for the animals along the water. He had looked away, only for a moment, but when he turned back the feed was emptying on the ground and your body was gone—lost to a time and place he would not know of until you returned. 

Only, you did not return as you usually did. 

Most of the time, you were gone for a few hours, days at most. Azriel would spend the entire unspecified allotment with a pit in his chest and an inability to swallow, too inundated by preemptive grief and fear that eating and drinking and breathing felt impossible. But slowly, after being mated for some years, the time became more expected, more manageable. You would return exhausted but safe, and Azriel would give you a day before expecting a story. 

But this time, this time, you appeared before him as you always did—your home base, you had called him—and you collapsed into a heap of tears and gasped sobs.

Azriel had tried to parse out what was wrong. He had started with words—simple, easy-to-understand questions, but when it became clear that you weren’t even aware that he was speaking, he moved to touch. He pressed his hands along your back and hair, trailed his lips across your cheeks and dried the dampness there with his fingers. He held you, gods did he hold you, because you were in front of him and alive and every day felt as if that truth would be ripped from him. 

But you still cried. 

You cried to the point that Azriel was sure your head ached. 

“What about Rhysand?” Azirel stressed, eventually resorting to anything else that could help you. “Cassian? Mor? Who would help, angel?” 

Your cries mellowed some, but they were still awful, painful hiccuping breaths that tore a hole in Azriel’s heart. He collected your face in his hands and held you there, a panic in his gaze as he stared at your swollen eyes—at the redness that he had missed when you first fell into his arms. It looked inflicted and unnatural on your face. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked. “Where did you go, my love? Tell me.” 

You turned in his grip, eyes brushing over his fingers as they rubbed soothing lines into your face, and then you cried harder. 

It was all Azriel could do to hold you against him. 

When another sound started to leave your lips, Azriel strained his ears to catch it. Over and over. A repetitive loop that he could not make sense of. He leaned you away from his chest and the words became clear.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Azriel. I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” 

“My darling, what?” he begged, shaking his head along with his words. “My love, darling, please. What could you possibly be sorry for? Where did you go?”

You took in a harrowing, shaking breath. “It took me there. To that time.” 

It, you always called it, because you never got to choose what point in time you went to. Something else dragged you along at its whim, and that was why the act always filled Azriel with so much dread. He had feared this—whatever you had seen to render you so inconsolable. 

“To where?” he all but whispered, afraid that you would lose yourself again. 

“Your hands, Azriel. For weeks I watched—” Azriel stared back in horror as you clutched at the material of your shirt as if it burned. “I watched and I—I couldn’t do anything. You were so small and I screamed and fought but there was nothing I could do.” 

Something in Azriel fractured that he never thought would heal. 

Before him, his mate grieved a past he hoped would never fully be revealed. You lived through it and were made to watch, whatever power that sent you away cruel and vicious and unrighteous. A lick of anger flamed through him, but something stopped him from feeling it fully. 

“No,” you breathed out, staring down at your arms. “No, Azriel, I can’t go. I can’t—not right now.” 

Your fingers and hands and arms slowly morphed into a hazy glare, and Azriel stared down at them with as much desperation as you did. He reached for you, but his touch went through your limbs and he had to catch himself on the floor beside you. 

There was nothing he could do—absolutely nothing. He and Rhysand had enlisted the help of the Day Court not too long ago, and the entire curse-breaking legion hadn’t found a way to keep you from this fate. 

So, Azriel knew what came next.

He knew that this broken rendition of his mate was fading and he didn’t have the time to pick up the pieces. 

His breath came out in fast puffs as he gathered you into his arms and spoke low by your ear. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be right here when you get back. I’ll wait right here and you’ll be back so soon, okay?” 

You nodded against his shoulder, but Azriel felt the tension in your body as you went to speak. “Okay, yes. You’ll be here.” 

“I’ll be right here, my love. I’m safe here. You’re safe and you’ll come home. I love you. So much. 

“I love you—” 

Azriel’s arms dropped.

You were gone.

[little-diable]

Unspoken nicknames and lost loves – Dean Winchester (smut)

I crave Dean Winchester as if he's a drug. How insane. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The reader walked out on Dean and his lifestyle years ago, and yet she has never managed to let go of her love for him. Perhaps a nest of vampires in her town is exactly what needed to happen to bring them back together. Honestly, just pwp.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, mentions some heartbreak and talks about leaving, fluff tho

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader (3k words)

Darkness wrapped itself around (y/n), it crawled up her tired body like a snake slithering through Eden, knowing that chaos would unfold soon enough. The stone bench she was sitting on did little to shield her body from the cold night, leaving her trembling as she waited for his arrival. And yet she didn’t even know if he would show, if he had listened to the panicked voice message she had left hours ago.

Her eyes wandered over the rows of endless graves, trying to decipher the unfamiliar names to keep herself distracted. A part of her wondered why she was so sure that he’d show, after years of silence on her end – years of his calls she had ignored, of sober and drunk messages she had deleted. And yet a small part knew that he’d always come when she called, keeping the promise he had made years ago.

Dean Winchester had always been her enigma, the one she found herself clinging to for years, tied to him from her teenage years on, all until the day where she had packed her bag to leave the brothers and their lifestyle behind. A day that had flipped her life completely, luring her away from the places she had called her home for years on end, ripping it all out of her hands because her anxious overthinking mind had gotten the best of her.

And yet she didn’t regret running, at least not from the unstable lifestyle she had never managed to adjust to. But no matter how many years had passed since that day, she couldn’t shake her longing for the man she had once wanted to marry, the man she had hurt more than words could express, the man she expected to find her in moments of desperation.

“A cemetery, how fitting.” Dean Winchester’s raspy voice rang in her ears, forcing (y/n)’s glassy eyes towards his frame. He towered over her, letting his green eyes dance over her features while hers did the same, taking in every inch of the handsome face she’d never forget, no matter what may happen to her.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come, but I thought this spot was far away enough for you to at least consider meeting me.” Dean sat down next to her on the bench, letting one arm rest behind her back. It wasn’t the first time she was seeing him again after leaving him, they had run into one another every now and then, and yet it was the first time they were all alone, without Sam or any of her friends near.

“You know I’ll always come whenever you need me, (y/n).” The use of her name cut deeper than she thought it would, instantly missing the nickname he had once used, a familiar sound she craved like a starving woman in need of food. She had to avert her gaze for a moment, no longer able to get lost in the eyes she’d always find, no matter how big a crowd may be, lured towards Dean Winchester like two magnets made to fit.

“So, vampires, huh?” She was glad for the change of topic, all too aware of the doubts that began to grow louder, leaving her to wonder if this had been a mistake.

“You know I don’t want anything to do with this, but I knew I had to call you. I’m sure you picked up on the series of missing people around here, the second I saw them killing that woman, I knew you could help.” Her mouth felt dry, struggling to speak about the things she had sworn she‘d keep away from. But no matter where she was, no matter what she was doing, it seemed as if there was no way out of this mess she had once lived through.

“I will call Sam, we will take care of this.“ Dean‘s hand found her knee, softly squeezing it before he dropped it once again, instantly making her miss the soft touch. (Y/n) couldn’t stop herself from smiling at him, allowing her a handful of seconds to properly look at the man her heart was still aching for.

“You can stay at mine for the few days you two will be around, if you want.“ The offer had rolled off her tongue before (y/n) could even have tried to stop it. For a moment, Dean kept quiet, not speaking up while she silently cursed herself for making this even harder for her. But before (y/n) could try to pull the offer back, Dean let go of a soft hum.

“That would be nice, thank you.” A soft smile was shot her way before he rose to his feet, letting his hands disappear in the pockets of his trousers. Both allowed one another to have one last look, giving the moment an almost melancholic touch before Dean parted his lips once again. “Sam will call you once we’re on the way. Be careful, (y/n).”

And all she could do was watch Dean Winchester leave her side once again, taking another piece of her heart with him.

……

“Thank you for letting us stay, (y/n). I’m sure this isn’t easy for you.” Sam had his hand placed on her shoulder, holding her close while Dean was taking a quick shower. She had missed having Sam around, the one she had kept in touch with over the past years, desperate for updates on the man she still longed for.

“I’m happy to see you, both of you.” She didn’t manage to speak another word, didn’t want to dwell on the feeling of regret and anxiety simmering inside of her. All she could do was turn from Sam, focusing on the bottles of beer she had bought, very well knowing that some things won’t ever change when it comes to the Winchester brothers.

“Shower’s free.” Dean’s raspy voice lured Sam from her side, forcing (y/n)’s eyes to Dean who leaned against the door frame with wet hair and clothes that hugged his frame a tad bit too well. With heat clinging to her, (y/n) tried to busy herself with preparing some snack, anything she could do to keep her eyes from wandering back to Dean.

“It’s a nice place you’ve got here.” He plopped down in one of the chairs, shooting her a grateful smile as she reached a beer out for him to take. (Y/n) was grateful that he hadn’t commented on the pictures she had hung up around her place, old memories of her and the two brothers, of shared friends and long lost loved ones. She was grateful that he didn’t tease her about any of them, well aware of the way she had struggled without them close, even though she had been the one who had decided to run.

“It’s enough for now.” His hum rumbled through him, echoing through the kitchen like a cry she struggled to keep bottled in. “So, no boyfriend or roommate you share this place with?”

“Oh come on, Dean.” (Y/n) scoffed at his words while shaking her head. She knew that he couldn’t be this oblivious, unaware of the heartache she had caused them both and still hadn’t managed to overcome. Even back then, when she had left him, (y/n) had known that no other man would ever come after him, after the one she had loved more than life itself, the brightness to her darkest days, the air she needed to breathe. She was choking without him, dying a slow death she was to blame for.

“What? Don’t tell me you haven’t been with anyone, it’s been years, (y/n).” Dean’s words cut deep, dripping with spite. She couldn’t stop her body from turning towards him, from staring at him with glassy eyes that were filled with unshed tears. She wasn’t stupid, was well aware that Dean had been with many women, spending nights or even weeks with them, at least until another hunt called him and Sam away. And yet she didn’t manage to swallow her jealousy, the biting sensation that left a bitter taste on her tongue.

“I haven’t, and I doubt I ever will.” With her back turned towards him, (y/n) kept her eyes focused on the kitchen island she was leaning against, palms pressed flat against the cold material. She had to blink away her tears, unable to stop a few from rolling down her warm cheeks. The sound of his chair screeching rang in her ears, followed by the sounds of his feet softly meeting the ground, telling her that Dean was moving closer.

“Look at me, (y/n).” His hands found her waist, turning her front back towards him. His green eyes were filled with pain, a sensation so strong, it forced a sob right out of (y/n). Wordlessly he wiped her falling tears away while a soft smile played on the lips she had last kissed years ago. “Talk to me, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“It’s so pathtic, god, fuck.” Her eyes fluttered close, she didn’t endure looking at him any longer, needing a few moments to deeply inhale some new air. Dean kept his hand placed on her cheek, holding onto her while silence wrapped itself around the two ex-lovers who clung to one another as if it was their final moment together.

“I know it’s my fault. I walked away, I couldn’t cope with this life. But I left my heart with you, I knew that I won’t ever get to love another person the same way I love you. And for a while I thought I could live with that, away from you and that unstable life. But now,” a shaky breath left her as her eyes flickered back to his. “Now I am no longer so sure about that.”

Dean pulled her into his chest, letting his chin rest on her head while another sob clawed through (y/n). With every passing moment, it felt as if Dean was tightening his grip on her, scared that she’d run before he found the strength to reply.

“You know, I was angry at you for leaving, probably for years. But the older I get, the more I understand it. It wasn’t fair of us to drag you into this, to force you to move around and live without any perspectives while we were both so young. You deserve better and I’ve accepted that. But I also always knew that you were it for me, no other person will ever manage to make me feel that love we shared.” His words felt like another punch to her gut, forcing her through these memories she had tried to drown with the love she had once felt – unsuccessfully.

“I don’t want to let go of you, Dean. I know I have to, but I don’t know how much longer I can live with this pain.” With his hand finding the back of her neck, he pulled her tear-stained face away from his broad chest. She was high on his scent, the comfortable scent she had craved to smell for years. His thumb rang along her lower lip, feeling the bite marks her teeth had left behind while trying to stop herself from speaking up.

He didn’t have to ask for permission as he dipped his head down to kiss her, to press his lips against hers like he had once done numerous times each day. Instantly, she felt hurled back in time, letting herself fall back into a familiar routine as her arms found their way around his neck and his tongue met hers.

Only as the sound of Sam nearing managed to reach them did they pull away from one another. Breathlessly, they looked at one another for a handful of seconds before she turned back towards the snacks and Dean moved towards the chair he had been sitting on.

“So, how’s life around here, (y/n)? Is it as quiet as you wanted it to be?”

……

“Dean?” She mumbled his name as she woke to the feeling of someone slinging their arms around her frame to pull her against a broad chest. (Y/n) could instantly tell that it was Dean, wrapping her in his comfortable embrace as she shuffled around, needing to look up at him.

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said to me earlier.” His confession filled her bedroom, weighing heavy on both their souls. Slowly, she moved her hand up his shirt, letting it rest on his chest while her fingers traced his exposed collar bones.

“I meant it, every part of it.” The heavy exhale that followed her words interrupted their silence, drawing their eyes back to one another. It felt like a deja-vu, happening just like hours ago where he had finally kissed her again after all these years. Their lips melted together, hearts and souls intertwined while he pulled (y/n) on top of him.

“Do you want this? I need you to be sure, sweetheart.” Her heart skipped a beat at the use of his old nickname for her, leaving her dazed while a soft “Yes” managed to leave her slightly swollen lips. Without letting go of her, Dean flipped them around, hovering over her while he got rid of his shirt. He took his time, teasing her for a few moments before he exposed his upper body to her wandering eyes.

Dean allowed her to trace his marks, to explore the skin she had once been all too familiar with, needing a few seconds to adjust once again. But he grew impatient all too quickly, letting his hands disappear beneath her shirt to pull it from her frame. Within seconds his mouth found her chest, kissing their way to her naked breasts.

(Y/n)’s quiet moans were like fuel to the fire, begging him to suck on her hardening nubs while she bucked her hips, feeling his hardening cock press against her covered heat. Nothing could happen now to pull them away from one another, to stop them from what was about to unfold, they were too far gone, set on moulding a perfect mess they never wanted to get rid of again.

“It’s been too long, I need you, need to feel you inside of me, Dean.” She was proud of herself for even finding her words while he kept rubbing himself against her, leaving her bundle of nerves pulsing. His eyes flickered up to hers, filled with a teasing anticipation that shook right through her like lightning striking her body. All while she laid still, with her hands resting next to her as if she was scared to touch him, to mess something up.

“You’re still such a needy girl for me, aren’t you, sweetheart?” With her breath hitched in her chest it felt as if she was drowning, drowning in everything Dean Winchester emanated. He rose back to a sitting position, chasing the distance between them to pull her panties down her legs before he stepped out of his boxers. (Y/n)’s greedy eyes wandered up and down his naked body, thanking whoever was listening for giving her a second chance.

“I want you bare, let me feel you.” She trusted him, knew that Dean would never risk harming her in any way, and yet she didn’t dare look at him while speaking the words that drew a gritty moan from Dean. He found his way back to her, hovering over (y/n) while he dipped his head down to kiss her. The kiss seemed to wake her from her state, letting her hands find their way up his neck to his hair, tugging on the soft roots to wordlessly beg him for more.

Dean brushed the tip of his cock through her slit, spreading her arousal on her skin before he finally sank into her. A loud moan left the both of them in unison, a sound he tried to swallow with another kiss pressed to her parted lips. He gave them a few seconds before he started to fuck her with slow thrusts, enjoying every second of their all too intimate reunion.

It felt like a dream, a surreal experience she was only dreaming about but would never experience in real life. Having Dean oh so close, being buried beneath him while he fucked her with calculated thrusts that made black dots appear in her vision – a dreamy state she never wanted to escape from.

“Look at me, pretty girl. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.” Dean’s teasing words dripped with confidence, leaving her buzzing in heat as her eyes snapped towards his. They held eye contact while his thrusts grew faster, knowing that they couldn’t drag this out even if they wanted to. Too many years had passed, years they had been forced to spend without the other near, years they were now trying to make up for.

“I love you, Dean.” She wouldn’t have managed to stop the words from leaving her even if she had tried to. Words that left him chuckling in delight before he repeated them, making her heart flutter in her chest. A blissful state that only grew more prominent as she sneaked her hand between her bodies to rub her pulsing bundle.

“I want you to cum with me, don’t let go yet, sweetheart.” (Y/n) could only let go of a choked sound while she clawed her fingernails into his shoulders, trying to stop herself from letting go. They kept looking at one another until Dean finally nodded his head, allowing her to let go as his ferocious thrusts pushed them over the edge.

Both moaned in unison as they came together, breathless sounds they couldn’t care about. The blinding sensation felt as if they were burning alive, robbing them of their breath while they were certain that it had never felt this good before.

“I’m sorry for leaving, Dean.” (Y/n) mumbled the words into the darkness of her room. She clung to him as he slowly pulled out of her, only to plop down on the mattress right next to (y/n).

“I’m sorry for just letting you go. I will never be this blind again, sweetheart.”

[fragilefable]

nobody's son, nobody's daughter.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Rating: Mature (18+ minors DNI) Summary: When you and Joel get separated the night of the outbreak, you spend the next decade searching for him. Just when you've given up— a miracle occurs. Warnings: heavy angst, canon typical violence, character death (sarah), discussions of grief, very brief mention of suicidal ideation, alcohol used to cope, depression, suggestive language, lovers reunited, hurt/comfort, happy ending.

Word Count: 6.6k Currently Playing: Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey ♪

A/N: This piece has been months in the making, hours of rereading and rewriting. This is my love child. I'm possibly (definitely) planning a part 2 with smut... ;) I am a full-time college student who unfortunately has other responsibilities, so please be patient with me. My first lengthy piece in a while, so please be kind & enjoy my doves!

Sleep was the most convenient temporary escape available in the post-cordyceps world. Oftentimes, if you were lucky enough, with sleep came dreams—glimpses of a divine, utopian life. One without spores or fungi of any kind. There was, however, always the chance that with it came nightmares—Polaroids of the past, the uprising of the infection. Mothers clutching bloodied children, decaying men ripping open flesh with their savage teeth, and, worst of all— losing Joel Miller. 

Joel was... everything—neighbor, friend, lover. Joel hated that word— laughed every time it managed to escape your lips in a hushed whisper, but that was what you were to each other. It transcended explanation. You'd moved to Austin after college in hopes of starting over, a clean slate. Instead, you'd stumbled upon a single father and his then 11-year-old daughter. You fit into their life like the missing puzzle piece— you completed them. Sarah needed a motherly presence in her life. There was only so much Joel could do for the blossoming young woman. 

And Joel— Joel never knew what he was missing until you came along. Someone to be able to rely on, to love unconditionally, a fixed constant. To say he fell head over heels was an understatement, but it became so much more than physical attraction. It became something far more profound and terrifying— love. The kind of love only poets write about. It was fierce, at times agonizing. That's what made losing him all the more heartbreaking. 

You were with Sarah the night of the outbreak— Joel's birthday. Lounging around in plaid pajamas, waiting for Joel to get home from work. Despite being exhausted, Sarah was beaming with pride over her birthday present for her dad— his broken wristwatch now repaired and refurbished. You smiled mischievously, "And just where did you get the money to fix this, young lady?" Sarah grinned slyly, "Just lyin' around, it's not like he noticed it was missin'!" Hours passed, you and Sarah slumped against the couch: Fast asleep, soft snores escaping mouths, drool dribbling down chins. 

The sight made Joel's heart quaver in his chest. Kicking off his muddied work boots, he carefully plopped down in between the two sleeping figures, planting a gentle kiss on the crown of your head. "Hmm. You're home," you stirred awake, drowsy eyes met with a welcome sight: Weathered tan skin and dark chocolate curls. "Hey, Darlin'. You outta head up to bed. I'll be up soon." You nodded faintly, planting a chaste kiss on Sarah's forehead: "Goodnight, sweet girl." 

You fell fast asleep as soon as your body hit Joel's mattress, his scent engulfing you like a blanket of safety— a shield of sorts. The vague smell of sawdust and pine soap conquered your senses, a heavenly combination. An hour later, you felt the bed dip down, strong arms circling your waist.

Frantic hands shook you awake, calling your name weakly: "I can't find Dad. N' somethin' weird is goin' on outside." You sat up, Sarah's urgency pulling you from your hazy half-asleep state. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll call him. Go back to bed." Sarah ignored your suggestion and sat beside you as you reached for the landline. The call went to voicemail without hesitation: "Huh... That's weird." 

Sarah grew more anxious by the second, "I'm gonna go check the driveway for his truck." Sarah shot up from the bed, feet pattering down the stairs. "Sarah! Wait, I'll come with-" Throwing on your Converse, you hastily ran out after her. Your tired eyes scanned the pavement but found no signs of Sarah or Joel's truck. The Adler's door was wide open; you huffed: "Sarah?" 

The Adler's house was pitch black and eerily quiet, the family's dog nowhere to be seen: "Sarah? This is trespassing!" Tiptoeing through the living room, you halted at the sight of a ruby trail— blood. Grotesque, wet noises filled the previously silent house: "Sarah?" The teen bolted out of the kitchen, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the front door: "Run!" Mrs. Adler scrambled after Sarah, mouth dribbling crimson liquid, no longer bound to her wheelchair. 

"What the fuck–" Sarah's grip on your hand tightened as you passed through the door and stumbled onto the pavement. A pair of familiar brown eyes scanned Sarah's figure and then yours: "Sarah? Darlin'? Are ya'll ok-" Joel's words were cut off when Mrs. Adler dashed through the front door, her figure lunging for you. 

Joel struck the side of her head with a wrench as you made a feeble attempt to crawl away. His strikes were lethal, and yet the elder kept thrashing against the ground. "Joel, stop!" Only then did you notice Tommy, Joel's younger brother, behind you, coaxing Sarah into the truck. 

Joel exhausted Mrs. Adler with one final swing, dropping the bloodied wrench beside him and wiping his shaky hands on his jeans. His gaze softened when he saw your timid frame— shaking and unmoving. "Darlin'... Baby, are you okay?" His hands found your shoulders, rubbing soothing circles on a patch of exposed skin. You hesitated; Joel had just killed Mrs. Adler in cold blood— but she tried to kill you and Sarah first. 

Joel hurriedly hoisted you to your feet, "We gotta go, okay baby? It's not safe here." You clambered into the backseat beside Sarah, the girl's arms thrown around you tightly. Kissing the crown of her head, you reassured her: "It's okay, sweetheart, everything's okay." 

Neighbors began to exit their homes, baffled and disturbed by the sight of Mrs. Adler's bloody, lifeless body lying in the yard. Someone called out for Joel. He immediately instructed her to go back inside and lock the doors. Tommy beckoned Joel into the car, exiting the culdesac and taking off towards the highway. After a fleeting moment, you mustered up the courage to ask, "Joel, what's going on?" Tommy replied, "They're sayin' it's a virus- some kinda parasite." Sarah spoke up, tears forming, "Are we sick?" Joel shot the idea down immediately. 

Tommy and Joel continued bickering, your eyes glued to the road ahead: "Joel! Look- It's Jimmy's place." The two-story farmhouse was completely engulfed in flames, unrecognizable. Your hands clung to Sarah, burrowing her head into your neck: "It's okay, sweet girl." Police sirens rang out through the darkness, interrupted by soft pleas for help. A family was stranded on the side of the road, begging for aid. Tommy began to slow the car. "What're you doin'?" Joel firmly questioned. Tommy shot back, "Got a kid, Joel." 

"So do we. Keep drivin'," Joel spat. Tommy sped back up, eyes searching Joel's for an explanation: "Somebody else will come along." As Tommy approached the interstate, the sounds of disgruntled drivers grew louder: "Fuck! Everybody had the same fuckin' idea. I can't get through this." Joel gripped the dashboard, "All right, all right. Let's think it through," he paused for a moment, "All right, take the field! We cut across, and we pick up on the west side." Tommy steered right, the truck jerking on the uneven terrain. As he drove over the hill, helicopters and tanks came into view, "Shit. Fuckin' army." 

Sarah peered out from behind the seat, "Isn't that good?" Your voice was filled with hesitation, "That's the highway we need to get to." Joel and Tommy argued, eventually continuing toward a town just east of the highway. Sarah stilled, "Maybe it's everywhere. Maybe there's nowhere to go." A booming roar erupted, Tommy twisting his body to get a better look at the night sky: "What the fuck?!" Commercial airplanes flew overhead, merely hundreds of feet above the ground. You instinctively covered Sarah's ears with your hands, eyes wrenching shut at the deafening rumble of their engines. Tommy swerved to avoid a police blockade ahead, turning into a nearby alleyway. 

The streets were flooded with screaming civilians, running in every direction— no one sure who exactly they were running from. A hoard of people fled from inside a movie theater, causing Tommy to shift the truck's gear into reverse. "Dad?" Sarah called out, "Dad!" Joel turned; an airplane was rapidly descending— heading straight towards town, "Shit. Move!" As the plane made contact with the ground, a mushroom cloud of fire and smoke bloomed, causing Tommy to lose control of the truck. 

A strong hand shook your leg, "Darlin'? Stay right there, don't move." Your side ached, cool liquid flowing from your head. Beside you, Sarah quickly came to, her eyes shifting to the figure hunched outside of the flipped car, clawing at the corpse of an older man. "Sarah, baby, don't look. C'mere, put your arms around me." As Joel carefully unearthed Sarah from the mangled truck, you climbed out of the shattered window: Hissing as you shifted against your arm. Sarah tried to put weight on her leg, provoking muffled whimpers and cries at the attempt. Tommy, equipped with his shotgun, called out, "We gotta get off the street!" 

As you approached Joel and Sarah, a flaming police car crashed into the capsized truck, separating the three of you from Tommy. Tommy roared from the other side of the wreck: "Meet at the river! I'll find a way." Joel turned to Sarah, "Can you run?" She shook her head wearily. He scooped her into his arms, "Keep your eyes on me." Joel shifted towards you, "No matter what, you keep runnin'. Alright, darlin'? Promise me." You hesitated, desperate eyes meeting his, "I promise." 

The three of you stumbled through the alley until you came across a cluster of bodies scattered across the pavement, crouched figures grunting over the lifeless figures. The end of the passage was clear. The only problem was getting past the rotted creatures without being noticed. There was no way Joel could outrun them in his condition. One of the creatures shot up at the sound of a remote blast, eyes landing on Joel. His voice was firm, "Go." You grabbed his arm, "Joel!" He repeated his command, louder— frantic: "You can't carry Sarah w'that arm. Go find Tommy. We'll meet you there."  

You pressed a hurried kiss to Sarah's head, the deranged man scrambling to his feet before you could embrace Joel. You took off towards the other end of the alley, Joel and Sarah barricading themselves inside the vacant diner across from the pile of carcasses. Your body throbbed with every step, head burning with the fire of a thousand suns. Your feet carried you across town, weaving in and out of injured civilians and infected until you reached the river. The stream was pitch black, sounds of gunfire and cries rang out in the distance. 

Suddenly, a bright light blinded you: "Put your hands where I can see 'em!" You obeyed, raising them as high as your injured arm would allow. Your voice raw with distress, "M'not sick! Just trying to find my family!" The man stepped closer, seemingly inspecting your physical state. He was clad in military gear, "You hurt?" You shook your head eagerly: "Just a sprained arm." He nodded his head, "Alright. We've got buses that can take you to a decontamination zone." 

Your head scanned the vast field, eyes scouring for any sign of Joel or Tommy: "I- I can't. I'm supposed to meet someone here. At the river." The soldier looked dissatisfied and slowly lifted his gun, "The river goes on for miles. S'not safe out here." Your eyebrows threaded together in confusion, "What- are you- are you gonna shoot me?" The soldier's grasp on his automatic rifle tightened, "I'm sayin' you have two choices. You can either come with me or you can-" 

A guttural scream sounded from behind him. But before he could turn around, a pair of arms seized his neck and began ripping into his military garb. The soldier flailed wildly at his attacker. While he was busy fighting off the deranged beast, you took off into the darkness, wandering aimlessly and calling out for your family. That night was the last time you saw Joel Miller.

16 Years Later

The bitter winter air overwhelmed your senses until you were gasping for air, limbs numb and cold to the touch. You wouldn't make it much longer without shelter, without warmth. You'd spent the better part of the last 16 years searching for him— for Joel. Ever since that night, you'd scoured every independent civilization, every QZ, within mobs of infected. Each night, you silently prayed never to find him like that— skin pallid and overcome with fungus, head split wide open, cordyceps blooming from within. 

You'd trekked across the country with the sole intent of finding him alive and healthy. The journey was brutal— raiders and infected desperate for blood. But by far, the hardest battle was pushing away the nagging thought that, even if Joel and Sarah were somehow alive, you'd never find them. Now, after nearly two decades of searching, you were reaching the end of your journey. You'd officially trekked across the entire nation. If your estimations were correct, you were nearing Wyoming— hence the formidable cold front. 

You'd heard rumors about a small civilization located somewhere on the skirts of Jackson County— your last stop. You knew the chances were slim; that feeling only fortified with each city, each civilian who hadn't heard of or seen anyone by the name of "Joel Miller." But you kept searching— because the day that you stopped would be the day you lost everything, lost yourself. It was as though he held onto you with a leash. If you tugged hard enough, could you finally break free? What else did you have to live for? Maybe one day you'd have some sort of epiphany, something to make sense of all the death and suffering. For now, Joel kept your hope alive— the hope that there was happiness and safety beyond all of the pain. The very thought of him kept you alive. 

You stood in front of thick and rusted iron gates, your posture crooked due to exhaustion— Just one more stop. The sounds of cocking guns drew your attention to the top of the gates. A young man and woman stand there, rifles pointed at you: "Drop your weapon! Let us see your hands!" You obey. This is standard practice amongst civilizations— you'd done it a thousand times by now. Unsheathing and kicking away your pistol, you then throw your backpack towards the gate. Hands raised next to your head. Your voice wavers as you half-shout, "I'm not infected! Just looking for someone!" 

The woman searched your face for a bit, presumably looking for any signs of deceit. She nodded towards her companion, the corroded metal walls unfolding. Two men approached you and picked up your discarded belongings. The younger of the two roughly patted you down and checked for bite marks. When they were satisfied, they led you past the gates into the town square. The village was pleasant, a handful of people milling about in the slushy streets. 

A familiar voice erupts from behind you: "Please excuse the initial hostility. We need to be careful about who we let in... I'm Maria." She extends her hand. You accept it gingerly and introduce yourself. "Welcome to Jackson. You must be freezing. Come on, we'll talk inside." — Maria leads you inside a small building, the exterior reminding you of the Lincoln Logs you used to play with as a child. The inside is... quaint. A lone desk sits near the lit fireplace. Maria leans against the desk and motions for you to take a seat: "So... You're lookin' for someone. And you have reason to believe they're here?" 

You sigh, allowing your aching body to relax against the couch's plush cushions: "No... I am looking for someone, but... Well, this is my last stop." Maria nods sympathetically, tucking a lone braid behind her ear— "I get it. You've been looking for a long time. It's about time to stop. To rest." You can't help the tears that form on your waterline. Your gaze shifts to your lap. Maria continues, "Who are you lookin' for?" 

You swallow the fist-sized lump in your throat, "Joel. Joel Miller." Your attention snaps towards her as a wistful sigh escapes her lips. A tight frown dawns on Maria's face, "I'm sorry. There's no Joel Miller here." You nod; you knew it was a long shot, but hearing it aloud was something different entirely. You rise from the couch, "Thank you. I apologize for takin' up your time." Maria speaks up before you can reach the door: "Now what? You got a place to stay?" 

You honestly hadn't thought that far, about life beyond looking. For years, finding Joel was your only purpose— your rationale for remaining on this infested hellscape. You had no home, no roots. Maria's voice interrupts your thoughts, "There's room here. We've got food and water— shelter. Hell, we're even working on electricity." You turn to face her. Her words dripping with verity, "Jackson could be your home." 

Despite having just met her, Maria's words touched something buried deep within you— hope. Hopeful of a new life, of new beginnings. You forged a small smile, "Okay." Maria smiled, but it was much different from yours: It was toothy, genuine— "Alright. I'll give you the grand tour then." For the next hour or so, Maria marched you around town. She showed you the vast dining hall laden with maple furniture. The stables filled with mare and their young. 

Then she showed you the schoolhouse. It was a small brick building. The walls were filled with colorful crayon drawings. Tiny handprints were pressed onto the wall in various colors of acrylic paint. The dulcet sounds of innocent laughter erupted from every corner of the room. Children from the ages of 5-12 were scattered around: Some doing arts and crafts, some reading, and others playing with worn toys. A tear slipped down your cheek. You brushed it away quickly before Maria could notice. 

You couldn't help but think of Sarah. About the first time she knocked on your door— she was selling chocolate bars for some fundraiser at school. Her bronze complexion dappled with freckles, and her wide smile revealed a missing tooth. She was eleven at the time, eyes bright and full of wonder. Blind to the atrocities that loomed at every turn. Sometimes, you'd think about what she looked like now— did her curls still rest atop her shoulders? Did she still laugh until she was panting for air? She's thirty now... Has she fallen in love? That was considering she is still... 

You didn't entertain the thought. Sarah was fine, alive somewhere with her father to look after her. Maria's touch pulls you from your thoughts, "How about I show you where you'll be living? Get you settled in." As Maria exited the schoolhouse, you stole one last glance at the room. A little girl met your gaze. Her dark curls were pulled into two ponytails. Her burnt mahogany eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled, raising her tiny hand and waving it at you. You returned the sentiment, this time allowing the tear to fall down and onto the ground.  

Maria escorted you just outside of town, to a street lined with country-style two-story houses in relatively good condition. "This one here, the green one. It's already furnished. I'll have one of my guys come by later with some essentials from the pantry. Otherwise, you should be all set 'til tomorrow." Your eyes bore into the house. It was nice, but also... "It's big," you retort, "Don't know what I could possibly need all those rooms for." Maria lays the silver key in your hand, "You never know." 

You internally cringe at the connotation. Start over with some man? Have a big family and a white picket fence? You couldn't. It wouldn't be the same. You let out a shaky breath, "Thank you, Maria." She nods, "Come see me tomorrow, and we'll talk about where to go from here. Everyone in Jackson has a job, a role to play. Rest up... You deserve it." She departs, leaving just you and your great, big, empty house. 

3 Years Later

Jackson developed rapidly under Maria's supervision. The population rose from 50 to roughly 300 in just under three years. Jackson now had electricity, thanks to the Jackson County Hydroelectric Dam that Maria's team was able to get up and running. You'd become the head of patrol— in charge of organizing the schedules and determining the routes. You and Maria had become very close, practically family. She's the person who understood you, what you've been through. 

In an attempt to busy yourself and earn your keep, you'd thrown yourself into working alongside her. Not just with patrols but also with community relations and development. You'd completely reconstructed the greenhouse, built a jailhouse— that, luckily, wasn't used much— and helped fortify Jackson's defenses. Maria assigned you the title "community leader," but you much preferred what everyone else called you: "Maria's right hand." 

Your house was still too big, but now it felt homier— lived in. The walls were plastered with botanical paintings you'd found while out on patrol, vases of fresh cut flowers from the community garden placed upon every surface. Cable knit blankets were draped over the shabby leather furniture, the brick fireplace emanating warmth and bringing solace during the cold winter months. You'd even taken up baking in your spare time, frequently bringing baked goods to the schoolhouse. 

Nevertheless, when the sun set and the sounds of bustling downtown Jackson faded, your thoughts always returned to Joel. His bronze skin, tousled brown curls, and perfectly plump lips. Suddenly, it felt as though the house was mocking you, and the right side of the bed always grew colder. Perhaps it's why you worked yourself so hard; taking a day off was seldom. You couldn't escape the persistent feeling that Joel and Sarah weren't alive. That you'd failed to find them time and time again because somewhere, they were six feet under, buried in an unmarked grave. All it takes is one moment— one lapse between heartbeats— and suddenly, everything has changed.

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The spring air was crisp with morning dew. A gentle breeze slipped through the cracked bay window. Three heavy thuds woke you— the sharp knocks cutting through serene silence. Your voice was raspy with sleep, "Coming!" You quickly pulled on the worn terrycloth robe that hung from the bedpost and stumbled downstairs. You swung the door open to reveal Stanley, a young man who worked in construction: "I'm so sorry to wake you, but Maria sent me to get you. She said it's urgent."  

You sighed deeply, rubbing the remaining exhaustion from your face: "Urgent like, 'don't get dressed' urgent?" Stanley's eyes roamed across the dark fabric of your robe before snapping back to your face. His cheeks bright pink, "Oh, um... no! Just meet her in her office ASAP." Sending him off with a nod, you traipsed upstairs and threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before making your way downtown. It was early morning, the streets empty save the early risers milling about, getting ready for work. As you passed a group of older women sipping hot beverages, you overheard whispers of "an outsider." As Maria's righthand, you were expected to greet all incoming arrivals. How on earth that could constitute a crisis, you did not know. 

As you approached Maria's office, the woman in question exited swiftly, shutting the door behind her. You grew closer, taking note of her fidgeting hands. She was... nervous? "Good morning, Mar. What's the emergency?" Maria's face was sullen. You'd never seen her like this, not in the three years you'd known her. Your hands clenched at your sides, "Maria? What is it?"

She took a deep breath, "This may be a false alarm, but... This guy's last name is Miller. Says he's originally from Texas." Her words stole the air from your lungs, a pit forming in the bottom of your stomach. She said something else, but all you could hear was buzzing. Your vision blurred, the dark-skinned woman's features coming in and out of focus. Could it be him—had Joel finally found you? 

Maria called your name, pulling you from your trance. As your vision focused, you pushed past her. Your grip on the doorknob was bone-crushing, your knuckles turning white from the tension. You inhaled— don't get your hopes up. It might not be him. You exhaled, pushing the door open with a startling amount of force. You analyzed the man's figure, you recognized him— only it wasn't Joel. It wasn't the Miller whose calloused hands once traveled the expanse of your body, making note of each hidden crevice as though it may hold treasure. Whose lips once seared white hot kisses in the places he knew were the most sensitive— "Tommy?"

He looked dumbstruck, his lips parted in shock. Before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around his neck. It took him a moment to reciprocate your embrace, but once he did, his arms anchored you in place. He spoke your name quietly against the crown of your head: "I can't... I can't believe it." You pulled away, "I hardly can either." His hands rested atop your shoulders as his eyes searched your face in disbelief. His resemblance to his older brother felt like a gut punch. You were afraid to ask— fearful of the truth: "Joel? Is he..."

Tommy's hand squeezed your shoulder in reassurance, "He's alive. Last I checked, holed up somewhere in the Boston QZ." A warm tear slipped down your face, the salty liquid resting just below your chin. You'd checked Boston QZ, but recent "terrorist" attacks had made it impossible to stay longer than an hour without drawing the attention of every FEDRA soldier in that godforsaken city. Your hands trembled as you clutched your chest, "And Sarah? How's my sweet girl?" 

Tommy's face went cold— No. No. She can't— "She's gone." The taste of bile rose in your throat, "Wh-when?" Tommy removed his hands from your shoulders, "That night. Shot by some military fucker. She..." He hesitated, "Joel held her. It happened s'fast." Your kneels buckled, threatening to send you towards the ground. You fucked up— you let yourself get accustomed to the idea of her being alive. Repeated it over and over again until you believed it to be true. This was all your fault. 

Your shoulders shook silently, as if you were crying— but no tears emerged, "I have to… I have to find Joel." Turning toward the door, Tommy caught you by your wrist: "I can't let you do that, hon. It's a damn death sentence." You tugged at your arm, desperate to break free from the restraint: "Let go of me, Tommy. I'm doin' this." Maria stepped forward, her hand resting at the base of your neck— "No, you're not. Jackson needs you here. I need you here."

Your breathing became labored. Deep down, you knew they were right— you were in no shape to travel across the country again. You'd barely survived it the first time. Chest heaving, your free hand found purchase on your throat, tightly grasping and constricting the airway. Tommy wearily let go of your wrist, his eyes wide and filled with fear. You ran for the door; you could hear Tommy call out for you as you fled homeward. Sarah was gone. Joel was alone.

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Days passed, and despite everything, the sun rose in the morning and the moon at night. You weren't quite sure how long it had been. You'd stopped counting daybreak after the first five came and went. Maria checked in after the first couple of days, worried that you hadn't been seen around town— or leaving your house, for that matter. Your grief was debilitating, all-consuming. You couldn't eat, could barely sleep, only finding relief at the bottom of a liquor bottle. You were tired… The kind of tired that sleep didn't fix.

Tommy came once. Sat and talked while you stared straight ahead at the empty wall. He could sense your anger, your resentment. How could he not? You silently judged him for leaving Joel, leaving his brother after his only daughter died in his arms. Tommy told you that Joel had changed. He wasn't the Joel you fell in love with; he'd done terrible things— But so had you. You'd killed innocent people, people who were just trying to protect themselves. And you did it in the name of finding Joel and Sarah, of surviving for them. You'd convinced yourself it was kill or be killed, and you had to live with that. Come judgment day, you'd pay greatly for your sins. You accepted that, too.

You only dared to look at Tommy's face once. You saw Joel in his eyes— you saw Sarah. Maybe if you hadn't left Joel in that alleyway, she'd still be alive. You could've protected her, taken the bullet for her. You would have, without hesitation. You'd cross the fiery pits of hell for her, reside in Caina, and be tortured for eternity. You may not have given birth to her, but Sarah was your daughter.

If you closed your eyes hard enough, you could faintly picture her smile. The dimples that formed just below her bottom lip. You could smell the faint aroma of her strawberry shampoo. Hear the broken remnants of her grandiose laughter. You swore to keep those memories someplace safe. Take them out and remember when you needed to, as if they were photographs.

A part of you wanted to be happy that she didn't suffer. She was too innocent for this new, heartless world. She was everything good in life. She was sunshine, sugary syrup, and pure, unadulterated love. But you could not accept this bright side. Not when it meant a life without her in it. Innocence is beautiful, but life is for living.

Tommy stood up, slipping a piece of paper on the nightstand. You cautiously turned it over to reveal a creased photo: You, Joel, and Sarah posing after winning one of her soccer games. You stole one last glance at Tommy. This time, he did not see blinding hatred in your gaze. Instead, he saw gratitude. As your glassy eyes bore into him, he nodded knowingly and left.

Maria came a couple of hours later with leftovers from the dining hall. Setting them on the counter next to the empty whiskey bottles displayed like pathetic trophies. You were in the same position as when Tommy left. You held the photo in your hands, thumbs stroking its frayed edges. Maria quietly dragged a chair closer to the bed, sitting just within arm's reach: "I went to a really dark place after I lost Kevin."

Tearing your gaze from the picture, one of her hands finds yours: "He made life worth living… It took me a long time to start to feel human again. To feel something other than pain and sorrow. The grief never goes away. But slowly, it starts to feel less like loss, and more like love." She inhaled shakily, "I know what you're feeling right now. I know why you're drowning your sorrows in that shit, trying to drink yourself to death." A tear slips down your face, her hand squeezing yours gently: "But you have to understand… What you're feeling right now, that's love. You're not a bad person for how you try to kill your sadness. But it's not gonna work."

You're unable to contain the choked sob that escapes your throat. The tears come harshly, scorching saline against your skin. Maria shifts her weight from the chair onto the bed, holding your shaking frame: "It's okay… Let it out." Her hands cradle your head, smoothing over your disheveled hair. "It's all my fault," you gasp between sobs, "I never should've left them. It's all my fault." Maria shushes you, "No, honey. You don't really believe that. You want someone to blame, but you're not that person."

Eventually, the tears cease. Your breathing evened out as Maria held you, "I miss Joel, so fucking much." You could feel Maria nod tenderly, "I know Honey." A lone tear slipped down your cheek, "Do you think— do you think he'll find me?" Maria pulled away, her chestnut eyes meeting yours, "Truthfully, I don't know." With a deep sigh, she squeezed your hand— "But I know he wouldn't want you to live like this. Isolating yourself from everyone else. You're allowed to grieve, but please don't shut me out. You're my person." You clutch her hands, squeezing firmly: "Even at my worst?" Her arms curled around your torso once again, "Even at your worst."

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The warmer seasons passed with haste. A wintertide blanket of white gradually covered Jackson. Day by day, Maria and Tommy were able to pull you out of your depressive stupor. You had to admit, they made quite the team. Maria was ultimately right, Joel wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life a bedridden drunkard. But still, life without him was arduous. There wasn't a day that passed that you didn't think of Joel Miller. About where he was, what he was doing, who he was with, and whether he missed you as terribly as you did him. 

As much as you wished to focus on these melancholic thoughts, new developments began to bloom in Jackson. Tommy and Maria's blossoming love was hard to ignore and impossible to disapprove of. Watching two people whom you adored fall in love, it felt as though nothing had changed: No cordyceps, no raiders, just Jackson and all of its inhabitants. Perhaps you could find peace in that. When Maria told you that they were expecting, you were over the moon. Maria and Tommy deserved it, Jackson deserved it. Proof that the world is not over— that no matter the circumstances, mankind will prevail. 

You threw together a small wedding ceremony with the help of the florist and local bakery, the couple wanting to tie the knot before the baby's arrival. Joking about how "shotgun weddings" withstood the test of time. Something arose in you, a pang of jealousy— Envious that you and Joel never got the perfect white wedding. It disgusted you, so you buried it deep within the recesses of your heart. 

The winter was hard, the Wyoming chill threatening every crop that dared to sprout from the Earth. This resulted in you spending extra time in the greenhouse. You found gardening to be a rather soothing task, being able to nurture new life in a world marked by death and decay. It also provided plenty of time to think: Something that you did not relish. No matter how many times you pushed the thought of Joel away, it always returned. Whether it was at dawn or late at night plaguing your dreams. 

When you weren't at Tommy and Maria's house or at the Tipsy Bison, you were in the greenhouse. The small shack sat right on the outskirts of town, situated with the perfect view of downtown Jackson. The glass panes shut out the cold, trapping any warmth inside. You bathed in the basking glow of the sun, gravitating towards it as a Sunflower would. You weren't sure when thoughts of Sarah became joyous, memories no longer met with choked cries but instead with soft chuckles. Nonetheless, you welcomed the growth. It's how she would want you to remember her. 

You watched the clock that hung just above the door, a mere estimation of the time: 12:15 p.m. You carefully removed your dirt-caked gloves, setting them on the wooden bench beside you. Your stomach growled impatiently as you began the journey downtown. The air was frigid despite the sun's rays, the cold slowly numbing your fingers. As you ambled towards town, Stanley came jogging towards you: "Hey! Just got word from the gates that Maria's back. Brought some stragglers, two, I think." 

You nodded in his direction, "Alright. Thanks, Stan." The soft crunch of snow beneath your feet accompanied you as you approached downtown Jackson, an air of excitement and uncertainty radiating off of the townsfolk. It wasn't every day that Jackson came across people who weren't just blood-thirsty raiders looking for valuables. As you rounded a corner, you overheard a commotion, the sound of yelling. Strangely, it didn't sound angry or fearful. It sounded... happy. 

Midtown came into view; the construction that was being worked on was now abandoned. Immediately, your gaze fixed on two figures in the middle of the street embracing. That was... not typical. You could make one man out to be Tommy; his black curls contrasted starkly against his warm taupe skin. The other was taller and broader, his hair disheveled and graying. Behind them you could make out Maria on horseback, next to her was a young girl, who couldn't be older than thirteen. 

Maria's expression was borderline unreadable, a mixture of trepidation and relief. Until her eyes met yours, then her face softened. A look of tenderness emerged. Everything about this situation puzzled you— Until the two figures broke apart. The man stood inches from Tommy, his hands gripping Tommy's shoulders firmly. His face was sunken with exhaustion and hunger; a vast smile overtook his face. A smile you would recognize anywhere. 

He looked just as he had twenty years ago, only now his hair was significantly longer and his beard gray. His face was now littered with wrinkles, just as yours was. A telltale sign that time had, in fact, passed, that the world fell apart right in front of your eyes. Your fingers dug into your thigh. You surely would've drawn blood if not for the layer of denim protecting your skin. You knew you were grieving, but hallucinations seemed extreme. You took a hesitant step forward, still on the opposite end of the street. 

Maria beckoned for you. Your name seemingly catching Tommy's attention as he turned towards you. As the men stood side-by-side, it was impossible to deny. Their likeness evoked something in you— realization. You weren't dreaming, you weren't hallucinating. He was there, just a yard away: Joel Miller. His gaze found yours, eyes searching your face in disbelief. Your name left his mouth like a question, but it sounded like a prayer. 

He stepped forward as if he was testing the waters. You repeated his action, "Joel?" A smile broke across his face once again, causing you to break into a sprint. He jogged forward, careful not to slip on the icy gravel. Tears began streaming down your face, their warmth countering the icy chill. Before you could slow down, your body collided with his. His arms were tense, his hold fastening around you. You'd only dreamt of this moment for two decades. 

You weren't sure how long you stood like that. Head nestled firmly against his chest, tears staining his leather coat. His gloved fingers gently grasped your chin, pulling your face from its sanctuary: "Baby... Fuck, I can't believe it." His eyes searched your face for any sign of unease. He could find nothing but pure joy: "You found me. I searched for you, Joel Miller, for 16 years. And you found me." 

Joel let out a breathy chuckle, cut off as you captured his lips in a velvety kiss. At first, it was chaste.— A silent admission of consolation, twenty years in the making. You ran your tongue across his bottom lip, prompting him to groan as he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. After a moment, a loud cough erupted from behind you. You reluctantly pull away, your forehead resting against his. Your hands cupped his cheeks, eyes glassy with relief and adoration: "After all this time?" Joel leans forward to place a gentle kiss on the corner of your mouth, "Would wait forever f'you, Darlin'." 

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divider by @saradika