#so prosthetic horns would have to be carefully weighed

[hoofpeet]

Thoughts on broken horns / horn prosthetics and whatnot

[mintyfreshstories]

nothing time can't kill, except us ofc (dead by daylight request)

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Hope you like it Anon! I’m still kind of learning to write Ash.

“Om nom nom.”

“Ashley.”

“Ooom. Nommy nom nom.”

“Jesus H. Christ…stop…”

“Ooooooom. C’mon, lemme getta kiss! Please?” Ash’s annoying puppet voice finally made Bill cave. He’s been sexually harassed by that fucking puppet for about ten minutes now. He kissed the puppet’s ‘pursed’ lips and smacked his lips when the damned thing pulled away. He deadpanned at his lover as he tried pulling bits of grass and hairy fabric off his lips and out of his mouth. 

“See? That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

“...”

“Hmmhmm, yeah. Knew it,” Ash smirked, turning his head to the left and forcing Bill into a kiss which was hesitantly returned. Ash was still getting Bill used to affectionate touches. But cuddling and occasional kisses was fine for the time being. 

The ex-demon hunter snuggled deeper against Bill’s military jacket and breathed in the scent of that exact same cigarette brand that Ash had grown to be so fond of now. It just reminded him of Bill all the time, really it’d remind anyone of Bill since the veteran always seemed to have a lit cigarette in his mouth. 

They settled into a comfortable silence and Ash couldn’t help but let his mind drift off a little. He always had something new to comment on (it wasn’t his fault his mouth was as loud as it always was), and suddenly, while he was innocently checking out his soldier, the topic of their age came to mind. It always irked him when he realized how old he was getting, but at one point it had become a sense of pride and another thing he could toot his horn about. All the youngsters in the Entity’s realm were amazed by his (along with all the other old timers) ability to keep up with them and even out-do some of them. 

And thus, another comment conversation topic arose.

“We’re the only damn thing that time can’t kill.”

“Motherfucker. Don’t ya dare start with that horseshit,” Bill had been the unlucky bastard to get attached to this fool. So much, that he learned and knew every inch of said fool. He knew this conversation was going to end with Ash looking like an idiot, which Bill was accustomed to, and Bill having a major headache. 

“I mean, look at us, Willie. We’re still fresh out the oven and burnin’ hot! Even in our old age!”

“Yeah, sure,” Bill couldn’t help his scoff, “we’re the epitome of young an’ healthy, Ashley,” the small nod of his head towards the demon hunter’s puppet prosthetic and the old solider’s own hand gesture to himself said that there was a challenge being proposed; one that Ash was eager to meet. 

“But just look at us, me more importantly, but you as well! We’re definitely fit, I know you can’t argue with that!”

“...”

“Hah! See, ya ain’t got nothin’ to say to that, do you, hun?” Ash crossed his arms over his chest in his usually smug manner. He sat up a little straighter, slipping out of Bill’s side hug and straightening his legs out so they could stretch and get ready to push him off the forest ground. In an attempt to show off his ‘yOuTh’, he practically jumped off the ground.

Okay, maybe there was a pop or two from his joints when he did that too quickly, but that meant nothing. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. 

“Hmmhmm, sure. C’mon, ya sorry bastard, we’re goin’ to the campfire. S’cold out here,” Bill stood, moving carefully because he knew his own body’s limits. His body was something he learned to listen to from all his years existing; rather it be on the battlefield, working those dead end jobs, surviving the apocalypse, or surviving here in the Entity’s realm, his body was the voice he didn’t always follow, but at least heard out. 

“Ah-oOO-aaAH-oKaY, uh, ‘ey, honey?” Bill’s sigh could only be described as that of a husband who was 99.93% done.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Poor, helpless Ash had no choice but to wilt in his current standing position. He nursed his right leg as his knee was in I’m-burning-in-Hellfire pain and balanced himself awkwardly on his left foot, where he managed to somehow pull some middle muscle that made it difficult to move around and put weight on. The tree that they had been leaning against was his only safety net when he nearly wobbled over for the tenth time. 

“Er, mind helpin’ me out to the fire?”

“An’ why do I hafta help you? How did ya manage to hurt yerself by standin’?” Ash wilted further. 

“Heh, um, you see, my joints they, uh, kinda popped. An’ my foot hurts, so-”

“Yer on yer own,” Bill shook his head in marital disappointment and began to walk back to the campfire. 

“Honey! Willie! Babe, please! I’m actually hurtin’,” Ash pleaded, which he rarely ever did. His ego and pride were usually his biggest downfalls (and occasionally two of his biggest assets), so for him to put himself at Bill’s mercy…

“Ugh, fine. Yer a goddamn dumbass, just so s’clear,” Bill grumbled as he turned around. Ash’s eyes softened noticeably when he felt how gently Bill handled him. He kindly put Ash’s puppet arm over his shoulders to support Ash’s weight and let him lean almost all of his body weight on him, despite Bill weighing considerably less than him (the only person in this realm that ever saw Ash without his thankfully-very-convincing girdle was Bill). 

“Awwe, you don’t mean that, do ya sweetie?”

“I want ta divorce.”

“What!? No, I love you! Ya can’t- wait, we’re married?! How come this wasn’ official or nothin’?! Hun, we’re married?! Oh fuck yeah! I’m tellin’ everybody!”

Bill could only sigh again as he tuned out his husband’s cheerful but pained chatter. It was white noise to the old soldier, but a white noise he figured he couldn’t live without now that he had it. The small smile that formed on his lips, which still had hairs from the puppet fabric and the taste of dirt and grass, was immovable. 

While he wanted nothing more than to leave this realm one day with Ash and the others from the campfire (because despite the few survivors he formed rivalries with, he still grew to see those people as family) and, magically, end up in the same universe together where they could see each other and live normally, he also didn’t want to leave the Entity’s realm. Age didn’t exist in this realm; not really. If they were in the regular world, they’d have to leave one another behind at one point. One would end up dying first; but here? They could live together forever.

Ash is right, is what Bill realizes. There is nothing time can’t kill, but in the Entity’s realm, they’re the exception.

[angstgremlin]

Trinket Trove

Pairing: McHanzo

Rating: G

Summary: No shiny object is safe with Hanzo's dragons around. Not even something as important as a ring...

– – – – – – – – – –

Written for @mchanzo-week 2017, for Day 4 (Red/Blue) and 5 (Traditional/Unorthodox) 

Read on Ao3

Author’s Note: This has been sitting in my drafts for a long ass time but McHanzo Week finally kicked me into gear to get it done. Helped that it fit two prompts

Jesse McCree was a man who knew how to roll with the punches. Resourcefulness was a skill he had perfected over years of being on the run after he deserted from Blackwatch, and hell, even maybe before that.

This. This was not something Jesse could easily roll with.

Jesse had already torn his own room apart looking for the ring. It wasn’t a simple case of him simply forgetting where he had hidden it either. Yes, he had to have hidden it somewhere incredibly sneaky to avoid Hanzo simply coming across it, but he had checked every single nook and cranny in the room. Shit, he had even checked the ceiling tiles.

No matter how high or low Jesse looked however, the engagement ring he’d finally saved up enough money for was absolutely nowhere to be seen. He weighed his options, which were looking to be either: A) letting the cat out of the bag and asking Hanzo for his help or B) tear the entire base apart. The latter option was the one Jesse decided on, not quite ready to face the music. Hanzo always had said he was a stubborn man. Jesse just liked to prove him right time and time again.

He made it all the way to the rec room before Hanzo discovered him.

“Jesse?”

Jesse just peered over the arm of the couch, retracted his mechanical arm from where it had been half buried in the innards of the furniture to lean it on the armrest instead, “Hey, Darlin’. You’re lookin’ mighty fine this afternoon.” He flashed Hanzo the smile he knew the archer was particularly weak to, hoping to distract his lover from questioning the haste in which Hanzo had most likely witnessed Jesse tear the couch asunder.

Jesse considered himself home free when Hanzo couldn’t keep eye-contact without the faintest hint of pink dusting the archer’s ears while that smile was still present on Jesse’s face. Hanzo however, only peered at him curiously when Jesse had moved to set the couch back together as he had found it.

“Did you lose something?” Oh so innocent of a question, but the last thing Jesse wanted to hear right now.

“Nah, just lookin’ for spare change.” He lied, smooth as butter. Jesse approached Hanzo, unable to help the urge to steal a kiss or two before he continued his search.

Hanzo hummed in response to the kiss, affectionately rubbing his thumb along Jesse’s beard, “I could have told you that looking in the couch for spare change would have been a waste of your time. Any and all things lost have most likely found their way into the claws of my dragons by now.”

Jesse pulled back to study Hanzo for a second, “What makes ya say that?”

“They have always made trouble. Pair it up with their love for objects of value, and the lack of pearls on base, it’s a recipe for many things to go missing. I’m afraid I’ve had a few people approach me already looking for lost items.”

“Really?” Jesse silently cursed at the tiny spirits. He loved them to bits, but if they were indeed the culprits behind the missing ring, he’d have a few choice words to scold them with later, “I think ya told me once that they do the whole dragon thing? Stash the stuff away?”

“They do.” Hanzo sighed, exasperated, “Unfortunately, their hoards get harder and harder to locate every time I undo their previous collection. I have not yet found their newest hoard. I was actually trying to find it when I came across you. They are not sticking to their previous hoarding behaviour.”

That piqued Jesse’s interest, “They have a hoardin’ behaviour? What’s that like?”

“Usually, they stuck to areas where I was close, should I ever need to call them to my aid. Mischievous they may be, but they are my protectors. Making sure I am safe is their priority.  As such, their hoards were usually in areas I frequented. However, this time I was unable to locate it anywhere near my personal dorm. Even searching the dorms close by did not put me any closer to finding their hoard.” Hanzo paused to shake his head and sigh softly, “And I need to find it, there are members of our team rather cross with me. Apparently Soba and Udon have made off with innumerable objects this time.”

“I hope ya find it soon, Darlin’.” Jesse pressed close to Hanzo again, smooching his lover on the forehead, half because he loved to show Hanzo affection and half because he didn’t want Hanzo to see the gears turning in his head. His archer had gotten too good at reading him. “If I spot the little buggers runnin’ around, I’ll let ya know.”

“Please do. Hana is starting to get testy with me.” There was the briefest flash of fear in the archer’s eyes that made Jesse grimace in sympathy. Hana could be terrifying when crossed.

“I’ll try my best ta catch them dragons of yours then.”

Jesse parted ways with his archer after stealing another kiss— “For luck, o’ course~”— and made his way back to the dormitories as quickly as he could. Hanzo might not have been able to locate the hoard around his personal dorm for a variety of reasons, but Jesse had a hunch it wasn’t near Hanzo’s dorm because Hanzo hadn’t been spending much time there lately. He’d been spending a lot of time with Jesse in Jesse’s dorm.

The hoard had to be nearby.

With the base housing so few agents then it had in Overwatch’s glory days, it meant Jesse’s dorm was flanked by two empty dorms, with the three across the hall also devoid of occupants. When he’d returned to the Watchpoint, he’d picked the emptiest hallway, not used to being around so many people after so many years on the run. Jesse’d just have to narrow it down. The ones closest to his dorm might be the best bet.

“Athena, Darlin’, can ya do me a big favour?” Jesse asked, tipping his head up to the ceiling to be polite when he talked to the AI, “Ya wouldn’t have happened ta see dragons runnin’ around? Specifically near my dorm?”

“I assume you are talking about the elder Agent Shimada’s dragons.” Athena answered, her pleasant voice echoing in the empty hallway, “I have no way for scanning for the spirits, but I could go over the security footage from this hallway and look for anomalies in the recordings associated with them.”

“That’d be real swell.”

It took Athena only a minute, “The dragons have indeed been through this way frequently.”

“They been headin’ in an’ out of any of the nearby dorms?”

“I do not detect anomalies indicating they’ve been going into the dorms, but they have been coming out of them. Specifically, the one across from yours. It’s likely they've been using the vents to move about the base. Especially if they’ve been taking materials and items from the other agents. Winston wants his screwdriver back, by the way.”

“Noted.” Jesse tipped his hat up towards Athena’s speaker, “Can ya be even more of a peach an’ open the dorm up for me so I can get around ta gettin’ everyone’s stuff back?”

“Of course, Agent McCree.”

The door of the dorm across from his own opened with a muted whoosh, and Jesse tipped his hat in thanks to Athena for stepping through. The inside of the unused dorm was covered in dust, barren except for the furniture each dorm was issued. The standard twin-sized bed however showed signs of life, the blankets and sheets having been pulled from it to be squandered halfway under the bed. The pillow was missing too.

Jesse approached cautiously, lest the occupants wise up to his intent. He got halfway to the bed before two tiny horned heads popped out from under the bed, beady eyes gazing up at him in distaste.

“Soba, Udon.” Jesse knelt next to the bed to greet both of Hanzo’s spirit dragons, “You fellas are in deep shit, just so ya know.”

The twin serpents chirped in annoyance when Jesse started to pull the sheet, and by extension their carefully stolen goods, out from under the bed. Both dragons were coiled up on top of their nest of ill gotten gains, growling low up at Jesse.

“Don’t sass me.” Jesse warned, starting to prod through the pile for what he’d come for, using his metal prosthetic lest the dragons get snippy with him.

They’d stolen quite a bit, Jesse was surprised how large the pile was. He set aside Winston’s screwdriver at the very least to return to the gorilla when he got the chance. Jesse would tell Hanzo he found the hoard later, as soon as he located the ring, and Hanzo could deal with returning the goods. Jesse risked using his other hand to spread the pile out more, both dragons looking like they were seriously debating if the reprimand Hanzo would give them for biting Jesse was worth the satisfaction of the act.

Seconds later Jesse’s fingers brushed the outside of a velvet box, relief coursed through him as he worked to remove it from the jumble of what was most likely an entire set of Torbjorn’s wrenches. Jesse gave a cry of victory when the box was safely back in his possession, only to realize the box was the wrong colour. The box he’d gotten for Hanzo’s ring had been a deep blue to complement his archer, this one was a deep red.

“Y’all wouldn’t have another box like this somewhere in there?”

Both dragons stared up at him, unimpressed he’d ask them for their help after upturning their nest. Soba and Udon turned their nose up to him and climbed up the sheet still attached to the bed to curl up on the mattress to watch the proceedings.

“Fine then.” Jesse set the little red velvet box to the side to pick and prod at the pile for his ring box, “No marbles for either of ya for a week.”

Jesse found his little blue ring box deeper under the dragons’ loot, below what had to be Hana’s collection of metallic pink nail polish. Luckily none of the glass bottles had broken open over the box, and for that Jesse was thankful. Jesse lifted his head to tip his hat to the dragons.

“Thank ya both. I’ll let Han know ta keep a better eye on ya. Would ya mind callin’ Han’ down here, Athena?”

“I shall, Agent McCree”

As Jesse went to rise from kneeling his hand brushed against the little red velvet box. Now, he’s normally not one to snoop into other people’s business, but if someone else on base was going to propose to their sweetheart he’d probably need to get the box back to it’s proper owner. Curiosity got the best of him, and he popped open the little box to get a glimpse of the ring.

Jesse certainly was expecting it to be gold, what he wasn’t expecting was the rubies inlaid in it to be patterned after the design on his serape. Yep. This was definitely intended for him. Jesse looked up in time to witness the normally composed Hanzo slide bodily into the doorjamb of the still open doorway.

“Jesse! I did not expect for you to still be—“ His archer was in the middle of fixing his hair  and clothing from what Jesse assumed was running the entire length of the base when Hanzo realized what Jesse was holding. “Ah.”

“I uh… guess this is yours, huh?” Jesse at least had the common sense to look sheepish, having ruined what was meant for a tender moment no doubt. It’s what he’d been planning for his own proposal to Hanzo, after all.

The was a blush high on Hanzo’s cheeks, and he turned his gaze from Jesse, “Yes. It is mine. But… I was hoping for it soon to be yours.”

“I figured.” Jesse said softly, crossing the room to stand before his Hanzo. “Sorry I ruined your surprise, Baby.”

Hanzo just shrugged, “I had been hoping to locate my dragons before you had. You came across them first. It’s alright.” Hanzo stepped closer and set his hands over Jesse’s where they held the red velvet box tightly, “I suppose, if anything, I get to ask you sooner.”

“Yeah, guess so.” Jesse couldn’t help but dip his head to hide his giddy smile, “But first,” Jesse pulled his prosthetic hand from Hanzo’s grasp to pull out and flip open his own little velvet box, “got somethin’ ta show ya too. Or ask ya, rather.”

Hanzo’s eyes widened at the sight of the little box cradled in Jesse’s metal palm, eyebrows raised in disbelief before that feeling bubbled out as shocked laughter, “I guess the fact we had the same idea is answer enough.”

“I’ll say.” Jesse drifted even closer to brush his nose against Hanzo’s, “This mean we old geezers get ta spare our knees with that kneelin’ an’ askin’ business?”

“Considering we’ve thrown tradition out the window entirely, I’d agree that there is no need.” Hanzo mused, corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

“Well then, guess we should probably exchange rings an’ celebrate.” Jesse dipped to quickly place a chaste kiss on Hanzo’s lips, “You wanna do the honours first, Darlin’?”

“It will be my pleasure.”

Soon enough the ring Hanzo had gotten for him was safely on his ring finger of his right hand. Jesse couldn’t help but wiggle his fingers to watch the light glint of the ring. The way Hanzo was beaming with pride was contagious, and Jesse was pretty sure he was wearing the same expression when he slid Hanzo’s— a platinum band with a pattern of sapphires similar to the pattern of dragon scale— onto his archer’s finger. It felt right, to see it finally in its place on Hanzo’s left ring finger.

Jesse pulled Hanzo’s hand to his lips and placed a kiss on each of Hanzo’s knuckles, unable to stop smiling, “Genji an' the rest o’ them won’t let us live this down, y’know that right?”

“I know.” Hanzo hummed, “They can tease us all they wish, but we’re the ones engaged while they are not.”

Jesse’s laughter in response was loud and giddy, both dragons floating over to the couple to rest on Hanzo’s shoulders. Jesse’d almost forgotten the dragons were even present.

“We can tell everyone the good news when we take back their stuff!”

Both Soba and Udon made a disgruntled chirp in response.