#so professor b can die mad about it. if she even notices

[numinousnic]

professor A addressing me as "Ms. LastName"? a little annoying, but I'm not getting mad at him for it; we've only ever communicated through the discussion tool on the course reserves platform, so he's never seen my pronouns in my email signature. (plus he's been extremely gracious and communicative and making my job very easy in all other respects, so i'm inclined to give him a pass.)

HOWEVER. professor B bypassing the proper reserves request process (again) and sending me a direct email requesting The Matrix, "directed by [deadname] and [deadname] Wachowski"? go directly to death.

[fa-headhoncho]

Unlike The Rest: Part 2

George Weasley x Reader (eventually)

Prompt: The school year has finally begun and things already seem to be going wrong.

Word Count: 2555

Reader: Female

Warning: Let me know what I could work on and what you would like to see in this series. I expect this to be a longer one and I have a lot of ideas for the future but I’m stuck on some filler chapters. So, please let me know.

Masterlist Series Masterlist

======

The carriage ride up to the castle was very uncomfortable, to say the least. Cedric tried to get you to talk but once his friends started talking, they made you feel out of place. His friends talked about all the wild adventures they had this summer and reminisced about years past together. All stuff that didn’t include or relate to you. 

The only time Cedric’s friends seemed to have an interest in you when they spoke about Quidditch merely because you were a chaser on the team. And when you did talk, they just ignored you or rolled their eyes. You just wished you could do first year all over again and reintroduce yourself to everyone. 

Nonetheless, you did appreciate Cedric for trying to help you make new friends but you’d rather keep to yourself. Making friends is hard when all people see is your last name.

Walking into the Great Hall with the group, you gaze up at the tall ceiling. It’s bewitched to emulate the sky outside. Every year you are welcomed by it. You believe it helps with the new year jitters and the claustrophobia of hundreds of children in one room.

You start to trail behind Cedric and his friends, taking it all in. This is your home. The floating candles, the professors sitting at the front of the room, the natural warmth of the castle just screams belonging. A large smile appears on your face once again, something that only this place can bring. 

This year you are determined to focus on your studies… specifically Care of Magical Creatures. You’ve been reading all summer to get ahead in that class. Being a Malfoy, people don’t see your family as the caring or gentle type. They’ve proven that. Which, unfortunately, Care of Magical Creatures is all about. But, unlike the rest of the Malfoys, Hagrid has said you have a special talent when it comes to caring for creatures. You are gentle and caring. Hence the reason why you were put into Hufflepuff. So, you want to prove to everyone else, and your family, that a Malfoy can have a heart.

“Daydreaming yet again, Yeti?” Cedric’s chuckle interrupts your thoughts. He noticed you straying away from the group and saw you just standing there, staring up at the sky. This didn’t surprise him, you’ve always seemed to be in your own world or gathered up in thoughts. 

You shake your head fondly at the nickname. It originated one day when he was trying to cheer you up after he found you crying in the hallway. You had failed your team at the last Quidditch match, falling off your broom and knocking Cedric off along the way. Ultimately costing the winning catch that secured the team a tremendous lead in the rankings.

The team collectively decided that they didn’t need you anymore so they never told when practices were. The backlash from your house was horrid too. People who taunted you in the hallways or blamed the fact that “Malfoy needed to have all the attention”. Hufflepuff has always been known as the kinder house but oh were they brutal. 

It all led up to your break down in Charms when someone told you that maybe jinxing yourself to the broom might be helpful. Cedric, as big-hearted as he is, followed you out and comforted you. At first, you thought it was a sick joke, going off on him. In return he just called you a Yeti, comparing the fact that no one could ever get close enough to see the real way you live. Plus the fact that you were madly aggressive on the pitch. You knew that you made a friend after that. 

“I was just thinking.” You confess, falling into step beside him as you make your way to the Hufflepuff table.

“That’s never good.”

“Oh, shut it, Diggory.” You laugh, giving his arm a slight slap. “I’m just excited about this year… Hagrid told me about all the new creatures Professor Kettleburn has in store for us.”

“Well, that is good then.” He corrects himself, taking a seat next to one of the beaters on the team. “I’m glad you’re excited about something. I know you talked about how nervous you were about Draco coming this year in your letters.”

You sigh, in the few letters you and Cedric shared during the summer, you’d confide in him about what’s been going at home; The newfound hope in Draco to carry on the Malfoy name with pride and loyalty. How they'd just left you in your room all summer to survive on your own while they made sure Draco had everything he needed to do so. It made you feel like shit. At first, when summer began, you thought things were getting better at home when you were welcomed with kind arms. Unfortunately, it was cut short when the realization of Draco’s first year was in a few months.

“Hey,” Cedric, once again, cuts your thoughts off. By this point he knows when you’re spiraling in your own head. “maybe it won’t be so bad after all.”

Right on cue, the first years all file in. Either looking lost or excited, it brings back memories of your first year. Remembering being so terrified of all the older kids staring as you walked past them. Wondering how Draco would fall in, you try looking for him. He wasn’t hard to find since in the front of the crowd, a devious smirk on his face as always. He knows what house he’s going to be in and he’s probably been boasting about it all the way here. It’s been drilled into his brain that he belongs in Slytherin, the house of the most powerful and legendary wizards. Which, according to your parents, Hufflepuff doesn’t have the means to accomplish. 

Draco then takes a glance at said table. Seeing you looking out of place as ever and he rolls his eyes at it. Turning back to his friends and whispering something to them while pointing. They erupt into laughter and you frown slightly.

“Well, I don’t think your brother could be as bad as you were.” Malcolm Preece, another chaser on the team, decides to open his big mouth. He’s a fifth-year and he always has something to say. You grab the nearest thing and throw it at him, he dodges it. “Aye, I said were.” He defends himself and then casually goes back to his own conversation.

You bite your tongue and shoot daggers into the side of his head.

“Oh, I’ve missed you, (Y/N).” Cedric wraps an arm around your shoulders and gives you a small hug.

=====

“...this has to be a joke, Ced.” You whisper to him while Professor Quirrell goes on about the spell you’ll be learning this week. “How will this be useful in the eye of a duel?” You rhetorically ask him. “There’s no way this git is qualified to work here.”

“Oh, don’t be so harsh, (Y/N).” Cedric scolds as Quirrell commands the students to review their notes, “I’m sure he’s more than proven himself to Dumbledore to be here.”

“It’s a bloody tickling curse!” You stress, utterly dumbfounded on why you would be learning this. “In the midst of a battle, I don’t think my murderer would think of making me laugh to death.”

He just shakes his head at you, a small laugh escaping his lips at the image of it.

“It would be a good way to go.” Fred Weasley, the brute of all jokes himself, cuts in. Obviously, you weren’t whispering quiet enough. “Wouldn’t it be, Georgie?” He turns to his twin sitting beside him.

“I think so, Freddie.” He immediately agrees, you roll your eyes at the two. You know where this is going.

“Here we go,” You mumble.

“Imagine it,” George puts his hands in front of himself, widely gesturing with his quill. “Going toe to toe in battle, shouting wild curses at each other, wands waving, spells casting, and then, out of nowhere—” He suddenly stops, pointing his quill at you. 

“Rictusempra!” The other one continues, “And, boom! You’re on the ground within seconds, laughing like a complete mad man. Utterly painless.” Some of your classmates laugh at them, you shake your head at the show. “A bliss way to die.” They both stare dreamingly into nothing, a small smile on both of their faces.

“You both are morons.” You deadpan, George just smirks while Fred has an exasperated look on his face.

“Morons?” He gasps, “Then, how would you like to die then, Malfoy?” He probes, his eyebrow hitched up. “A slow, painful death at the hands of a Dementor?” A few laugh.

“Preferably, yes.”

=====

You try to keep up with the fast steps of the Deputy Headmistress. Almost tripping over your robe as she speeds down the corridors, her own robes whizzing behind her. The fact that McGonagall is even accompanying you in a class switch makes your mind boggle since your head of house is Sprout.

“But, Professor, I don’t want to change subjects.” You beg, “It must be a mistake, I chose to take Muggle Studies this year, what happened?”

“Your father, Miss Malfoy.” She suddenly stops, you almost bump into her. “He demands you transfer into a different subject that doesn’t ‘deteriorate the brain’.” She quotes, “And I have to deal with it because Professor Sprout refuses to read his letters after the terrible scriptures he sent her over the last two years. I’ve got enough on my plate with my own students to be worried about hers.”

Your mouth drops, of course, he would’ve. You knew your father was mad about your house placement but you never thought he would go as far as to berated your head of house. At Hogwarts, your house is supposed to be your family no matter what and your father disrespecting your head was utterly disgusting.

“You shouldn’t be surprised, Miss Malfoy.” She continues to speak, obviously furious. “You knew this would happen when you signed up for the elective last year.”

You knew this would happen when you involuntarily signed up to be a Malfoy.

You frown, knowing she’s right about the whole thing. You thought your parents were too focused on Draco to even think about you and your classes this year. Hell, they’ve been too focused on him to even acknowledge your existence during the summer so why did they care about your classes.

“I truly do apologize, Professor McGonagall.” You look down at your shoes, too nervous to look her in her eyes. “I didn’t realize my father was doing that… nor would he interfere with my schooling. I just…” You let out a long sigh. “I just thought the class would be interesting and a bit different, is all, compared to what I’ve learned about muggles at home.”

The woman’s face immediately softens. She knew that getting sorted into Hufflepuff was going to be an issue from the moment the hat shouted it. You were clearly unhappy and confused, mumbling curse words at the hat as you made your way to the Hufflepuff table. The Malfoys have been Slytherins since she was in her own school days so when she heard the hat say something otherwise, she knew something would come out of it. 

Your father had insisted it was a mistake in every letter he sent to Dumbledore talking about how the hat was a fake and it must've been a ploy against the Malfoy name. But Dumbledore was just as persistent with backing the hat and it’s house assigning criteria.

“It is out of my control, Miss Malfoy.” McGonagall puts a comforting hand on your shoulder. “As an underage wizard, you do not have a say in the matter. We must listen to your guardians.”

“I understand, Professor.”

=====

The scent of musty floral perfume hits you like bricks as you walk into the room. Following McGonagall between the risers, you hold your books tighter to your chest. You look around once you get into the “stage” area of the classroom. The curtains are drawn, giving the room a somber vibe. The different levels hold a bit too many tables for the number of students actually attending the class. Taking a glance at the students, some are either sleeping or staring at you, glad for the interruption. 

“Professor Trelawney,” McGonagall interrupts the short woman gazing into a crystal ball. Her large eyes immediately snap to the two of you. “I have a transfer from Muggle Studies.”

The eccentric witch gets up and looks over to you, the whole classes’ eyes follow her. “Ahhh,” She sighs, pointing a finger. “I knew you would end up here, (Y/N) Malfoy.” She gives a knowing smile, Professor McGonagall just rolls her eyes while she continues to go on about what she saw in the ball about a visitor here to stay.

“Well, I have other things to attend to regarding my Quidditch team if you would kindly show Miss Malfoy to her seat,” McGonagall commands with a firm nod.

“Of course, of course!” She excitedly affirms, putting a hand to your back and guiding you towards the front of the strange classroom. You give the Charms Professor pleading eyes as she leaves the room but she just ignores you and continues on her way.

“Now,” She turns you both to the whole class. “Who would like to do the honor of having Miss Malfoy as a partner? I sense she will be a great help in this class,” She asks, everyone sits in silence. There are a few students without partners but they’d rather be alone than be with you. 

“Well, a little unpopular we are, I see,” Trelawney mumbles to no one in particular, you immediately look down at your feet. “How ‘bout you find your own seat, love?” 

You go straight to the back and take the first seat in the row, not daring to look at anyone on the way up.

“Oh, what type of wicked witch did I cross to get a curse like this?” The familiar disgust of one of the Weasley boys hits your ears. Your head snaps to him, trying to quickly identify which twin you would be spending the year with. 

“Hush it, George.” You sneer, not in the mood for his shit. “Or are you Fred?” You squint, the dim candlelight not helping distinguish which. “No, Fred is much more clever with his insults.”

George just rolls his eyes at you, “He might have the brains but I’ve got the looks.” He leans back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head and his feet on the table. “Don’t you agree, Malfie?” He eggs, a smirk on his face.

You let out a scoff. “You both look like gnomes stacked on each other under a robe… Especially with that carrot top of a head of yours.” You push his feet off the table, setting your books where they were. The shove sends his balance off and he falls back onto the floor.

“Well, you were right about Fred having the brains, huh?” You stare down at him. The redhead sticks his tongue out at you like a five-year-old. “This is going to be a long year.” You mumble under your breath.

[hyuniebaby]

Focus (3)

Pairings: Baekhyun x Y/N x Junmyeon

Genre: a little smut

AU: College student! Baekhyun, Professor! Junmyeon AU, college!au

Warning: masturbation

A/N: This part isn’t as important as the previous part. I just wanted to introduce some of the friends of baek and oc. There’s not much happening, just their friends teasing them. This part also mentions that Baekhyun can’t get oc out of his mind 🤪

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Baekhyun is a big flirt but he does NOT sleep around. He likes stability. He likes people who are constantly there. So when he woke up after sleeping with you, he didn’t know what to do.

His previous experiences allowed him to stay in bed until his partner wakes up, but you two weren’t in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be too awkward if you woke up cuddled to him? Is he supposed to be a one night stand? He didn’t want to be a one night stand though. Sex with you was mindblowing. He would even dare say it was the best sex of his life.

Baekhyun also dislikes awkward situations. When he’s with his friends usually when something awkward happens, he’d be the first to break the ice. But in this case it was different. Yes, he flirts with you most of the time you’d cross paths but he doesn’t really know you well enough. It was all flirting and no getting-to-know-each-other-deeply. Will you be mad if he left? Will you freak out if he stays? He doesn’t know! It was driving him insane.

But still, he doesn’t like awkward situations so he opts to leave before you wake up. He doesn’t want to be a jerk and just go out and leave though. He wanted to remain friends with you because he’s going to have to spend a whole semester with you. With this in mind, he grabs a pen and paper and writes a note for you quickly, afraid that you’d catch him doing this. If you do, this situation will be more awkward.

When he’s done with the note, he places it on your bedside table. Then he grabs his clothes and quickly wears them. He spares a glance at you before he reaches the door. You looked so peaceful, so beautiful. As if a spell was casted on him, he walks back to your bed and places a kiss on your forehead. And then he leaves.

When he reaches his dorm, he was surprised his roommate, Jongdae was still awake. After all, it was three in the morning. Jongdae squints his eyes on him. “Where have you been?”

“Uhh... I... uh...” Baekhyun doesn’t know how to answer. He scratches the back of his head while he tries to come up with an excuse.

“Nevermind. Tell me about it tomorrow when you’ve gathered your mind.” Jongdae dismisses him. Baekhyun sighs with relief. He goes to his room and lies on his bed. Still tired from the activities that happened, he falls asleep with you in his mind.

Baekhyun dreams of you. He dreams of you sucking him off in his car. Your mouth choking on his dick while you massage his balls. You sucked him off until he came and swallowed all his cum.

He wakes up with a jolt and realized he had a wet dream about you. He stares at the clock and realizes it was already noon, good thing he doesn’t have classes today. He stands up and showers. Thoughts of you still running in his mind. His body instantly reacting to the thoughts of you. As if his body has a mind of its own, he reaches for his member and strokes it.

You were naked and on all fours. You were so wet for him. Baekhyun inserts two of his fingers at once in your pussy. You moan out his name. Once you were fully prepared for him, he slams his dick inside you. He fucks you hard and fast, the bed creaking as he does so. His hands go to your tits, pinching your hard nipples. One of his hands then travels to your clit while the other continues to play with your boob. You were both nearing your climax. You tell him to cum in you. His thrusts go impossibly faster after you say that. After a few thrusts, your walls clench on his shaft. You felt so good.

He moans out your name as he releases. You were driving him crazy. How was he supposed to face you after he masturbated at the thought of you?

When he finished cleaning and dressing himself up, he goes out of his room to grab something to eat.

“The prince has finally woken up,” Jongdae loudly says.

Baekhyun ignores him. He grabs some ramen from the cupboard and starts heating up some water.

Jongdae takes this opportunity to talk to Baekhyun.

“So, what happened last night?”

Baekhyun sighs, he knows Jongdae won’t leave him alone if he doesn’t start talking.

“Last night, you looked...” Jongdae’s eyes widened at the realization, “I know! I know! You got laid!” He exclaims.

Baekhyun nods in confirmation.

“Wait... You have a new girlfriend?”

“No!”

“But you don’t sleep around!”

“I know! That’s why I don’t know what to do in these situations!”

“You’re too pure,” Jongdae coos.

“Fuck off.”

“So who’s the girl?”

“I’m not sure if you know her. You don’t really interact with sophomores.”

Jongdae gives him a look that screams “So what?”

“She’s Y/N.”

“Y/N? As in Y/L/N Y/N? The one with friends who are always dressed to kill? I’ve worked with her before, we trained together for some Chemistry quiz bee or whatever.”

“She was in your quiz bee team?!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jongdae casually says. “But isn’t she too... plain for you?” Jongdae knows Baekhyun’s type. He’s been his friend since high school so he’s basically met every single one of Baekhyun’s past lovers. He knows that Baekhyun adores pretty women. Pretty, sexy, slim. Modelesque.

In Jongdae’s eyes, you were very timid. Smart, timid, simple. He has only ever seen you talk so much whenever you’re with your friends. You don’t even talk unless spoken to. You would never make the first move. Could it be? Could it be that Baekhyun made the first move?

“She’s cute okay!” Baekhyun pouts.

“Fine, fine. Geez. So how was it?” Jongdae moves his eyebrows up and down.

“Fuck off Jongdick.” He turns around to continue making his ramen.

Jongdae laughs out loud at Baekhyun’s lame attempt to insult him.

“Guess I’ll find out myself.” He teases.

Baekhyun has never whipped his head so quickly at a statement. “Don’t you dare!”

Jongdae raises his hands as if surrendering, trying to look serious but failing to wipe the smile off his face. It was either (a) the sex you and Baekhyun shared was amazing or (b) Baekhyun’s getting so whipped about you but he’s oblivious about it, Jongdae thought, but he doesn’t say anything.

He lets Baekhyun be, trying to come up with a plan to approach you. He’s free the whole day after all.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You wake up with a jolt, body feeling sore from yesterday’s activities. The first thing you looked at was your clock. It was 9:00 AM. FUCK, your classes starts at 9:30. You’re going to be late! The ride to your college takes up 20 minutes so you only have 10 minutes to prepare. As much as you wanted to skip shower, you can’t, you were sweaty and sticky. You already know your day is going to go wrong, great, just great.

You try to walk to the bathroom as fast as you can, as fast as anyone can move when their body especially the nether regions is sore. You opt to wear a skirt today, not wanting to go through the pain in wearing jeans. You grab a sweatshirt and put on your shoes and dash outside your house. Disoriented because you were running late, you didn’t even notice the note Baekhyun left on your table.

You ran so fast after paying for the cab, people gave you weird looks. You didn’t care though, afraid you’d get scolded by your professor in Analytical Chemistry. He was old and very strict about time. When someone comes in late, he “targets” them the whole day, asking questions that were far advanced than what should be discussed. It was scary and you don’t need scary today.

You opened the door forcefully and all eyes looked at you. Thank god, your professor wasn’t there yet! You release a breath of relief and sat towards your usual place. Your friends immediately facing you.

“I forgot to set my alarm!” You instantly said before they could ask. It was amusing to them, you were never late.

“It’s okay to be late you know,” Seulgi says.

“And be Mr. Jung’s target? No thanks! I’d rather die.”

Your friends laughed at your exaggeration.

“Look who decided to skip the jeans and finally wear a skirt to class,” Mina notes as she sits beside you. She came in a few minutes after you. She woke up late too but she lives just around the block so she looks a lot less haggard than you did. “You only wear skirts outside the classrom. You look better in it, you should do it more often.”

Before you could respond, all of a sudden Joohyun gasps and your group of friends look at her. “Is that a hickey?” she whisper-yelled while pointing at your neck. All your friends whip their heads to look at you.

Your hands immediately went to cover your neck. “It’s a mosquito bite!”

Of course no one believed your excuse. If you were them, you wouldn’t too. They bombarded you with questions. “Who did it?”, “How was it?”, “Home run?” You were flustered. As if on cue, your professor enters the room. Your friends immediately stopped talking and faced Mr. Jung but not before giving you a look that says “Tell us all about it later.”

You know there was no winning with them. They would tease you all day until you caved in. So you half listened to Mr. Jung’s lecture and half thought of how to tell your friends about it without telling them it was Baekhyun who you slept with.

You didn’t want to dwell so much on Baekhyun because, well, he left before you woke up. And although he had no obligation to stay, you considered him as a friend. And friends talk, right? Just to be clear on how they move forward after that...

You know your friends are crazy about Baekhyun, but quite frankly, they are crazy about all guys who have amazing bodies and stunning smiles like Kim Jongin, Park Chanyeol, even your professors Mr. Kim Junmyeon and Mr. Kim Minseok. You aren’t as vocal as they are but you have to admit, these men have a way of making you feel giddy just by looking at them. If your friends were to know you did it with Baekhyun, they’d be so jealous but they wouldn’t mind. They‘d be supportive. Boys are just boys anyway.

[parisian-nicole]

Aftermath: A RoLo Fic

Summary: Set after DOFP (movie version). Logan is keeping a secret from Ororo.

Rating: M for adult language and violence.

Date: Written 10/07/2019 but finally finished/posted online 12/31/2019

***

“Good Morning, Logan,” She greeted as she rounded the corner of the maze garden to stand before him suddenly. He stopped abruptly a little surprised that he hadn’t sensed her presence nearby. He had been out of sorts lately, his mind preoccupied and that was what he had chalked it up to. But the truth was she had been stalking him for a while, as she worked up the courage to confront him. She had also used her powers to shift her scent away to purposely throw him off guard.

 “’Ro,” Logan mumbled out a greeting as he dropped his eyes and began to step around her and continue on his way out into the back forest for his morning hike. She watched him closely and curiously. His entire demeanor was so off to her lately. The way he seemed to not want to talk much with her. Not that it had ever been his thing with others, but they would often have long and deeply intellectual conversations about any and everything, something Ororo enjoyed ‘before’. Now, he’d usually give her a nod or a mumbled reply whenever she tried to strike up a conversation. On the off chance she could get close enough to him to speak he would never look at her. It was as if he were cowering away, which is something Logan would have never done, ‘before’. But the most hurtful thing for Ororo was the fact that he seemed to go out of his way to avoid her. It had become so painfully obvious to her that she felt she had to find him, corner him, and ask him why, what she had done.

 “Logan, can we talk a moment?” She called out to his retreating back. She could see his shoulders stiffen as he stilled in his steps. He didn’t immediately reply or turn to regard her, and had he not stopped and not been who he is, she would have assumed he hadn’t heard her. She could hear the sigh fall from his lips the second before he turned back to face her, and it crushed her a little more inside. Why did he seemingly not care for her company when ‘before’ she would have attested that she was the closest person in the entire mansion to Logan. Dare to say that she was his closest friend and confidant, as she felt he was hers. In that moment as he stood in front of her looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else, she found that she had lost a lot of the courage she had mustered up to confront him about his change in behavior towards her. Now, she avoided his eyes as she fought to keep back the tears that suddenly wanted to overcome her. “Logan, are you mad at me?” She finally asked so softly, in such a meek manner she sounded pathetic to her own ears. And his barking reply didn’t help her any.

 “What?” He sounded harsh and irritated.

 “Have I done something to upset you?” Ororo rephrased her question. She lifted her eyes, even as her head bowed to him and she gripped her hands together in front of her. Again, Logan sighed as he closed his eyes a second while he shook his head. Then he opened his eyes once more and held her gaze, and something shifted as his hardened shoulders now drooped in defeat. The steely glare that was just in his eyes melted and they now held regret as well as concern.

 “Naw, ‘Ro, I ain’t mad at you and ya ain’t done nothing to me,” It was his turn to bow his head.

 “All right, then could we please sit and talk a moment?” She asked as she gestured to the nearby stone bench, one of many places throughout the gardens. Logan simply nodded in agreement and when she moved to the bench and settled upon it, he followed her actions. “I sense there is a strain between us, my friend,” She began and noticed the way he snapped his eyes shut and clinched his jaws. He looked as if he were battling within himself. “Please, Logan, please tell me what is wrong,” She reached out and placed a hand atop his, but he abruptly pulled his hand away. Ororo tried to not let her hurt show. “You say I have done nothing and that you are not mad at me, but it is very apparent to me that there is something going on.”

 “It ain’t nothing ya gots to worry about. I’m dealing with some personal things and they ain’t got nothing to do with you,” He offered.

 “I think that was the first time you have ever lied to me, Logan, and you are very bad at it too,” She replied as she frowned up a bit in offense. He threw his head back, looked towards the sky, and sighed. “And stop that!” She demanded as she jumped from the seat beside him, which alarmed him a bit. “Stop sighing like that and treating me like my mere presence or the sight of me annoys you. You’ve been acting this way for weeks now and I want to know why. Ever since your return … I don’t understand entirely all that the Professor told of you coming from the future or another timeline, that you altered. Honestly, thinking about the logistics of it all and how it’s even possible gives me a headache. But what I do know is that you were in a future that was horrible, so horrible that the future professor sent you into the past to change it. You did change it and somehow, you’ve changed the present too. Or maybe you haven’t changed anything. Maybe you are not you, not my Logan, but a you from that alternate future flung into another reality. From a reality where we are not friends, or maybe I didn’t even exist,” She spoke mainly to herself as she mulled the thoughts over in her head. She had seated herself back down beside him during her tirade and Logan sat silently watching her. He was slightly amused but also ashamed that he had caused her such distress. He had thought that by distancing himself it would make things easier for them both. He now realized it was mostly for himself.

 “I’m me and this is my reality, a new reality from the one I remember. Things have definitely change from how they were before, but better in a lot of ways. And if Charles is right, hopefully, it will be a much better future for the world. Billions of people human and mutant will live. And you will live ‘Ro,” He said the last part so gently and the way that he looked at her as he said them led her to believe that in the future he came back from, she had died. “But…” He trailed off not sure he wanted to continue. The Professor had warned him about discussing the future for fear it would somehow alter it and undo what he had done. Logan had just scoffed at him and jokingly told him to just send him back again to fix it like before. In truth he had already spoken with Jean about it some as well as Cyclops. But this conversation with Storm he had not wanted to ever have, it was just too painful.

 “But what, Logan, please tell me?” She asked but didn’t push him because she knew when cornered Logan would either lash out or get out. She also knew he wouldn’t purposely attack her and so he’d close himself off and walk away, and she didn’t want that.

 “I didn’t want to do it, go back to change the future,” He finally confessed to her what he hadn’t even shared with the Professor, though he supposed that he knew already.

 “B…but, the Professor said that we were at war with giant human made robots created to capture mutants, and that they ended up turning on both mutants and the humans who created them. That the world lay in ruins and only a handful of us were left. It sounded terrifying and horrible,” She said and he nodded in agreement.

 “Yeah, it was so bad that the skies had become so polluted from all the atomic dust from the bombs the Sentinels kept dropping on us, the sun hadn’t shone through in nearly a decade. Nearly all of our friends were gone. Every inch of the Earth was pretty much scorched. We had ta fight nearly every second of every day ta hide and survive it.”

 “Then why in the world would you want to remain in what sounds like a hellish existence?” Ororo questioned. In reply he dipped his finger inside the collar of his shirt and tugged on the chain he wore. Instead of the dog tags she had expected to see him holding, her eyes fell to a gold wedding band.

 “It wasn’t all hellish ta me,” He answered somberly. “I don’t even know how this survived,” Logan spoke again. “I mean I know I’ve altered the future and changed the past, so this shouldn’t have remained but it did. I thought about ask’n Charles about it, how it was possible, but I was too afraid that he would want me to give it up, destroy it, or something like that. I’d rather die. I’ve already given up everything, even the woman who gave me this ring. So, this I’m gonna keep come hell or highwater.”

 Ororo sat transfixed as she stared at the ring that glistened in the sunlight. It suddenly became so clear to her and she knew without a doubt she had given him that ring. It explained his recent behavior towards her. Why he avoided her like she had the plague. Why she would sometimes catch him staring at her in a way that made a heated blush creep all over her body and then in another moment his gaze would be one of sorrow.

 “My Goddess,” She gasped out as she reached out and touched the ring. “I was your wife, wasn’t I?” She stated with conviction as she knew it without a shadow of a doubt and he nodded.

“Yeah, darlin, you were my wife,” He affirmed as he dropped his head a bit and locked his sorrow filled eyes to the ground. “You were my everything. And I knew that if I went back ta change the future, I would lose you. It was like lightening in a bottle the first time around us gett’n together, and I knew there was no way in hell I’d be that lucky again. So, initially I had said no but you were so mad at me and you said you’d go if I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let you do that. Not knowing what might happen to ya. So, I went and did what I had ta do. Then, when time caught up ta me and I was back here everything was like it was but different too. Folks who had died before were alive again and that’s how I knew it had worked.”

 “Who had died in this present time, before?” She inquired momentarily forgetting the issue between them.

 “Scott, Charles, and Jean,” He answered and she bunched her brows in confusion as her mouth fell open in shock. “I could try to explain it to you, but do you really want that headache, darlin?” He asked and she quickly shook her head but knew that she would ask him to explain things another time. “Good, I’m sure you’ll have enough hella nightmares tonight just knowing that in some once upon a future time, you were married ta me,” He tossed out jokingly along with a sad smile.

 “Not at all,” Ororo replied as she shook her head a bit, her eyes still locked onto the ring. “I have often thought that you were my kindred spirit and I think we are quite compatible in many aspects, Logan. I just never thought that you would ever be interested in anyone other than Jean. But I suppose in that timeline she was dead and I was there so…”

 “No,” He quickly cut off her train of thought as he frowned up at her words. “It won’t like that at all. You weren’t a replacement or stand in fer Jean,” He spat out as if the words left disgust in his mouth. “Ya helped me heal from the guilt of killing her,” Her eyes enlarged in horror and shock at hearing this. “That’s a story for another day, but believe me when I say I had no choice. She’d already killed Scott and Charles and she begged me ta kill her ta stop her. Hell, you were the one that told me it was the only thing to be done… Look, it’s a long story and not one I’m even sure I should be tell’n you. Just know I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t needed,” He spoke with pleading eyes which held true remorse and regret that Ororo could see and she calmed herself and nodded.

 “Of course, Logan, I know how much you love Jean,” She replied honestly.

 “No, ‘Ro. I care fer Jean, but I don’t love her,” He confessed as he shook his head to deny her words. “I know I put up a good pretense from your recollection, but I’ve since had decades of living and experiences. I’ve had the love of a good woman. You taught me the true meaning of love and I ain’t never felt that kind of love or loved anything as much before nor since,” Logan declared and by the way she fidgeted nervously he wondered if he had said too much or scared her. “Look, I’m sorry ‘Ro,” He said suddenly as he stood from the bench which caused her to stare up at him in confusion. “I shouldn’t have told’ja ‘bout none of this shit.”

 “No,” She interjected as she hurriedly stood before him and placed her hand upon his forearm. “I mean, thank you for telling me. I am glad that you did,” She then noticed the way he looked at her with a longing gaze and she quickly snatched her hand away from his arm and took a step backward. She understood now that her presence was a painful reminder for him of what he had lost, and she didn’t wish to make things harder for him. “I now know that you have not been mad at me.”

 “No, never,” He said as he bowed his head and let out a heavy sigh.

 “And now that I know the secret of why you have been aloof, I hope you will stop it, please. Logan, it is quite hurtful to me to have you, the person I feel closest to, be so distant with me,” She pleaded and he tossed her the saddest look she could ever recall seeing on his face. Along with a crooked smile.

 “I imagine it is no more hurtful than to have you, my wife, be so close to me but not share my memories of us. And not being able ta talk ta you, touch you, or have you the way I want you,” Logan countered as he looked at her lovingly while he lifted his hand with the intent to stroke her hair. But he quickly fisted his hand and snapped it back to his side.

 “I am so sorry, Logan, I did not think before I spoke,” She stammered and silently cursed herself at her callousness. He had just confessed to her that in the future he had come from they were married, and that in is mind’s eye they still were. Yet here she stood seeming to care more for her own feelings than his. “Well, we have quite the conundrum, don’t we?” Ororo offered with a kind smile as she bowed her head a bit while Logan nodded fully understanding what she meant. “You cannot stand to be near me as it is painful for you, and it pains me deeply when you stay away from me. And I know that it must seem very selfish of me, but I do miss your company, Logan. I miss our friendship,” She said this softly as tears sprang to her eyes. “And I wish that we could be as close as we used to be, but I never want to cause you pain. So, I shall try to keep my distance, give you space, and wait for you to tell me how you want things between us to progress,” She stated and moved to him without thought and embraced him as she had many times before. She then tried to pull back but realized Logan still held a tight hold on her as he buried his face into her hair that fell across her neck. She felt heartless in this moment. After all he had just told her, and what she had just promised she still put her selfish needs before his needs. She had done something that was so normal and natural for them, and what she desired most in the moment. She had embraced him and likely invoked memories she could not share with him about a life and love they had some place and time ago. After a few seconds where they stood there embracing Logan finally released Ororo but neither stepped back from where they stood toe to toe and face to face. Something about the way he stared at her, the closeness of him, how what he had told her made her feel…all of these things stirred something within her that made her step back to him. She moved her face closer as she intended to place a kiss on his lips, but Logan’s sudden grip on her forearms stopped her.

 “Please, don’t,” He nearly growled out through gritted teeth as he stared off at something in the distance, purposely evading her gaze.

 “I…I am sorry,” She apologized as she took a couple of steps back from him and wrapped her arms around herself as if to shield herself from his rejection.

 “You ain’t done nothing wrong here, ‘Ro. Yer just be’n you,” He offered an explanation to try to ease the distress he could see he had caused her. “But if you kiss me, I don’t know that I would be able ta stop myself…” He let the words hang there and she truly understood and simply gave him a curt nod as a reply.

 “I promise I will try to be more aware of your feelings Logan, and work to not do or say anything that might cause you painful memories,” She declared.

 “None of my memories of you are painful, ‘Ro. It’s just the leav’in you that haunts me. So, you don’t need ta tip-toe around me or change the amaz’in person you are, not fer me,” He said as he tossed her a genuine smile. “’Sides, there probably ain’t nothing you could say or do that is gonna change this fer me,” He placed his right hand over his heart. “I’ll see ya later,” He added as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, bowed his head and continued on his way. Ororo turned and watched his retreating back as she thought on what he had told her and why it caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach. She watched on until she could no longer make him out in the thicket of the back forest, and then she made her way back up to the school.

**

Sometime later

**

“So, he finally told you, I’m glad,” Jean replied to the tale Ororo had just shared with her. Ororo had come from meeting with Logan and immediately headed down to Jean’s office in the medlab. She had needed some girl talk with the person, next to Logan, she was closest with. Ororo had cast herself onto the leather sofa in Jean’s office and shared what Logan had told her. From the outside it would have looked as if they were holding a therapy session, as Jean sat in the matching chair nearby listening intensely to her beloved friend.

 “Wait, you knew of this and did not tell me, dear sister?” Ororo asked as she leaned up on her elbows and threw Jean a surprised look.

 “Yes, Logan mentioned it in one of our talks, I think it has been eating him up inside and he needed to tell someone. And how could I tell you? It was not my story to tell, it was Logan’s,” Jean stated and Ororo knew she was right. “I am actually surprised he told you. He had been so adamant that you never know the truth. I had advised him that I think it would help you both, as I could sense your distress at how he had been avoiding you. But Logan can be quite stubborn,” Ororo only nodded to that very true statement.

 “Well, I cornered him and gave him little choice,” She said and it was Jean’s turn to nod and she chuckled a little.

 “Yes, and I did inform him that that would very likely happen, but he was so sure that he could play a better game of cat and mouse then you,” They both giggled at this. And then Ororo grew somber before she spoke again.

 “Did he tell you about what happened with you in the past, the past before he changed things?” She asked Jean and the way the red head dipped her head and dropped her eyes shamefully to the floor spoke volumes. Ororo could see it was a touchy subject for her. “I do not mean to pry, if you do not wish to share it is all right.”

 “No, it’s okay,” Jean shook her head and latched her green eyes onto Ororo’s blue eyes. “It is still so difficult for me to believe that I maliciously harmed the Professor and that I … I actually killed Scott,” She choked on a sob at those words, as she lifted her hand to her mouth as if to hold in a scream or her breakfast from getting out. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself and Ororo sat quietly and allowed her to recover. “But as he told me everything, I could see all of the things he had experienced, seen, and done in that time. He has retained it all. Even the Professor knows…remembers things, to some extent.”

 “It must be so difficult for Logan, having all of those memories of things that happened but now didn’t happen. My Goddess, it makes my head ache a little whenever I try to sort it out, I cannot imagine how horrible it must be for him. I know the Professor has the ability to deal with it better with his powers, but poor Logan.”

 “And what about poor Ororo?” Jean questioned and Ororo turned a puzzled gaze to her friend.

 “What about me?”

 “Well, how do you feel now that you know you were Logan’s wife and the true love of his life? And I must admit I am a little sore to discover I never really held that last title,” She quirked her brow with a smile as she teased a little.

 “I…I feel no…nothing. Why, wh…what should I feel?” Ororo stammered as Jean’s smile broadened over her friends obvious flustered state.

 “I don’t know. I just thought it might cause butterflies in your stomach at knowing you hold the heart and soul of the mighty Wolverine,” Jean countered and then laughed outright at the way Ororo narrowed her eyes accusingly at her. “Oh, sister, I didn’t need to read your thoughts to know that. I have experienced first had what it is like to have Logan’s attention. I recall the flutters I’d get sometimes when he’d say something flirty to me or I’d catch him staring. I would never act on it but I won’t lie, it had invoked some very intense and graphic wet dreams.”

 “Jean!” Ororo exclaimed around a laugh as Jean too giggled.

 “What? I am human you know and Logan is very handsome and damn sexy, and don’t you dare sit there and pretend like you have never thought and wondered about him like that,” Jean said as she arched a brow at Ororo.

 “I admit that I have. Maybe, once or twice … Or hundreds of times,” Ororo giggled and then squealed as she gripped one of the pillows on the couch and covered her face briefly with it while Jean laughed at her disclosure. Then Ororo tossed the pillow at her friend’s head, who effortlessly stopped it mid-air and gently placed it back upon the couch, just as Ororo knew she would do. “But it was easy for me to desire him from a far and have fantasies, because I knew Logan only had eyes for you, and that I never stood a chance of ever being able to act on any of it,” Ororo volunteered.

 “But you wanted to,” Jean stated as she gave a knowing smile while she quirked her brow.

 “Goddess, Yes,” Ororo hissed out as she laid back more and stared up at the ceiling with a dreamy look in her eyes and goofy smile on her face.

 “Well, I’d say your chances are pretty good now,” Jean replied. “And you could start right now…please come in Logan,” Jean spoke out as she kept highly amused eyes upon Ororo, whose own eyes doubled in size as she abruptly scrambled to stand up from the couch just as Logan opened the door and entered.

 “Oh, sorry, Red, I’m not interrupt’n nothing, am I?” He asked as he frowned up a bit and took note of the fact that once again that day Ororo’s presence had surprised him. Although, he figured it shouldn’t since she was all that he seemed to think about even more so now than when he had first arrived back in the present time. So, she had his senses on overload already.

 “No,” Ororo yelped out as he bunched his brow at her in slight concern. “No, we were just…” She looked to Jean for help.

 “Oh, just having a little girl talk,” Jean said with a smile. “You know, talking about the boys Ororo likes,” She added.

 “Right,” Ororo agreed with a nod and smile that faltered just a little as her mind played back the words that Jean had spoken. She wouldn’t allow herself to turn and glare at her friend as she longed to do, but she did send her a flash to her mind of how she was going to pay her back later.

 “Oh,” Logan replied as his face fell a little as he thought about the ‘boys’ Ororo might like and she somehow picked up on his train of thought and wanted to reassure him somehow.

 “I mean, no we were not talking about ‘boys’ I like,” She started to explain as she shot a glance to Jean again for some assistance and Jean was all too happy to oblige.

 “Right, I’m teasing. It wasn’t ‘boys’ in the plural sense. We were just talking about one, ‘you’, Logan,” Jean stated and Logan arched a brow, intrigued while Ororo tried to keep her plastered-on smile in place as she clinched her teeth and turned to Jean. She flooded Jean’s mind with all of the profanities she could think up along with vengeful, murderous thoughts. Jean found it even more difficult to contain her laughter at her friend, as she knew Ororo would never actually do any of the things she was thinking. However, seeing her usually composed friend throw such a mental tantrum was entertaining. Even still she decided to let her off the hook and help her out. “I hope you don’t mind Logan but Ororo mentioned that you have finally told her about who she was to you in the future. And I was just saying how it is good that the air is clear, and now hopefully you both can come together and find a way to work and live more harmoniously again.”

 “There has been no real discord between Logan and I,” Ororo argued.

 “No, not intentionally,” Jean continued making sure to broach the subject carefully as she could tell by the look on Logan’s face it was not something he wanted to be discussing with the current audience. “But I have become aware of a rift between you two, and please know that I have not and would never intentionally probe you, but sometimes you both ‘think’ very loudly,” She tapped her temple as she said this and both Logan and Ororo understood and felt remorse that they had allowed their thoughts to project onto Jean.

 “Sorry, Red,” Logan grumbled out.

 “As am I, I shall try to be more mindful, Jean,” Ororo added.

 “There’s no need to apologize, your thoughts have never cause me physical pain, though I find that it does still pain me to see my friends in such despair. Logan, I don’t know that any of us can help ease the pain of the loss that you have experienced. But I want you to know that I do realize the sacrifice you made, and because of it I am here alive and well, as is Scott, the Professor, and probably billions of others. And for that I will be eternally grateful and I will do whatever I am able to do to help make your transition into this ‘new’ reality and life easier,” Jean promised as she heard Ororo’s thoughts drift across the room. Ororo had said that she wished she knew of his sacrifice. As if she were a Genie granting a wish to her Master, Jean, in an instant telepathically sent some of the poignant thoughts and memories that Logan had shared with her about all that he had gone through. Normally, she would never had thought of doing such a thing as she knew it was a violation to Logan and his trust in her. But in this case, she was very sure that it could be a catalyst that would help both Logan and Ororo to find peace, and maybe something more. It all literally took Ororo’s breath from her as she gasped out and stumbled a bit. Jean helped to keep her standing with her telekinesis, while Logan looked at her in growing concern.

 “You all right, ‘Ro?” He asked as he fought to remain still and not reach out for her as he was longing to do. After their morning chat he had decided he would work harder to suppress any thoughts of a life he once shared with her. He hoped that it would at least make it easier to be around her more since that was something, she wanted from him, and he could never deny her anything as she never asked for much.

 “Yes, I am fine,” She smiled warmly at Logan and then rushed to Jean and embraced her, which her friend welcomed with a smile as she reciprocated the hug in kind. “Thank you, Jean,” She whispered and Jean knew it was thanks for sharing Logan’s thoughts more so than the chit-chat they had. She stepped back and then moved beside Logan. “I shall see you later, Logan? May…maybe we could have an evening stroll through the forest, after dinner?” She offered as she coyly ducked her head, lifted her hand to her hair, and used her fingers to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. Jean tried not to look like a fangirl as she internally rejoiced at how cute they looked as they stood before her like two teenagers who had a major crush on one another. A walk through the forest was something they had done quite often before this new Logan arrived, and Ororo had truly missed it. Now, that she had some glimpse into the life Logan and her future self had shared, she was very curious to know more about ‘them’ and how they had gotten together.

 “Sure, darlin, if ya want to,” Logan agreed with a nod as he thought that at this rate his plan to smother his thoughts and feelings for her was going to surely be shot to hell. But he recalled their evening walks and felt that they were the times when he felt most at peace. Alone in the darkened wilderness with a child of nature like himself whose night vision was just as good as his own. Sometimes they would walk for hours in silence relishing the sounds of the nature surrounding them as well as the other’s company. He did miss that immensely and if she wanted to talk and walk in the forest, he would give her that and bask in it as well.

**

Later that night

**

Once dinner was done Logan and Ororo had made their way out the back entrance of the mansion, through the back gardens, and then into the woods. It had been a full hour and a half of them silently walking as the full moon hung high in the sky, before Ororo had mustered up enough courage to speak.

 “I have really missed this,” She confessed with a sated sigh as she reached out her hand and looped it around Logan’s arm, and when she noticed no recoiling movement from him, she pressed her body against his side. This type of closeness between them was a completely, natural, amicable, and platonic way for them, but now it stirred a warmth within both of them that started in their bellies and fanned out down their legs. Both felt it instantly and intensely and both tried to ignore it. “I know that I am being so selfish demanding your time like this,” She said but he reached up a reassuring hand and placed it on top of the one that gripped at his arm.

 “Naw, you ain’t. Yer just doing what we’ve done a million times before,” Logan stated. “And I ain’t gonna lie, I’m being a little selfish too enjoy’in yer closeness. I know that this version of you ain’t my ‘Ro, you ain’t my wife, but at the same time you are my ‘Ro. You just don’t have the feel’ins that she had for me.”

 “But you still have your feelings for me, l mean, her?”

 “Yeah I do.”

 “And even though I am not her in the sense that I never had her experiences with you, you still love me just as you loved her?” She asked meekly and hoped that her line of questioning did not anger or upset him.

 “Yes, sorry but I can’t help it,” He said with a heavy sigh and then they both grew quiet. Ororo had decided she wouldn’t ask anything further from him as this revelation was mind-blowing for her. She was sure that he had nothing else he would share, and so she was stunned when he continued on several minutes later. “Yer still her, you know? You may not have all of her memories and may never have them but, it ain’t like you are a completely different person. Yer, you, just a you with a different perspective ‘cause ya never experienced what my ‘Ro had. And I probably ain’t making much sense, huh?” He tossed out around a smirk as he bowed his head. Ororo just stared at him seeing him as clearly in the darkness that currently surrounded them as she would were the sun hanging in the sky.

 “No, Logan,” She countered with a gentle smile. “That was actually the only thing that I have heard about this entire future past saga that makes any real sense to me.”

 “Oh, yeah?” He replied as he graced her with unsure eyes, while hers twinkled delightfully back at him.

 “Yes,” She affirmed and she nodded her head. “I am your ‘Ro, just ‘before’,” Ororo’s smile widened as she thought on it with a newfound clarity. “Before you swept me off my feet and made me fall in love with you. And I must admit I am very curious to know how exactly you did that.”

 “Did what?” He asked around a chuckle though he knew full well what she had meant. He was very pleased that she seemed to understand things more clearly, and ecstatic that she wasn’t rebuffing him completely. Instead she acted as if she wanted to not just know about his ‘Ororo’s experiences but somehow experience them for herself.  

 “How did you sweep me off of my feet, woo me, dare I say court me?” She asked teasingly as she poked at his side. This was familiar for them both this comfortable and easy camaraderie they had always had between them.

 “No, you shouldn’t say, ‘cause none of that happened,” He said with a slight smile as he nudged her with his elbow to let her know that though his words may have sounded harsh, he had no ill will about what she suggested. She understood but also thought maybe it was too touchy of a subject for him and she released her hold on his arm and picked at her nails.

 “I am, as Rogue would say, being too nosey, aren’t I?” She asked as she bowed her head a bit and some of her thick white tresses fell down across her face. Again, Logan found himself battling his urges for her as he had wanted to reach out and rake his fingers through her hair, instead he reached out and grasped her hand and once again looped it around his arm.

 “No, and I know you know me well enough ta know that if you we’re I’d tell ya ta-”

 “Mind yer gotdamn business, Storm,” She cut him off as she did a horrendous impersonation of him, though the words had been spot on. He couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out as his head fell back a bit while his body joyfully shook. She laughed along with him just from the happiness of seeing him so carefree and relaxed, as it had been a long while she could recall seeing this in him. And it tickled her pink that she was invoking this side of him. After a moment for them both to collect themselves she spoke again. “So, if you are okay with sharing then please tell me.”

 “Tell you what? What exactly do ya wanna know, darlin?” He replied as he yanked a thin long twig from a nearby branch as they passed and slid the end between his lips as the rest dangled out the corner of his mouth.

 “You know, how you first romanced me. You are not the wine and dine, bring a girl flowers and candy type. That’s more Scott’s style.”

 “Very true, but yer not the kinda woman to swoon and be impressed by all that sorta stuff, either. That’s more Jean’s style.”

 “Touché,” Ororo said and she smiled widely at the fact Logan truly did understand her better than most. “Tell me this, when did you first kiss me? And I know we have kiss probably a thousand times as friends, but I mean the first time you kissed me as a man kissing a woman he liked as more than just a friend,” The smile on his face disappeared and she wondered if she had crossed a line she shouldn’t have. But before she could take it back, he began to answer her.

 “Actually, it was here in the forest on a night just like tonight; a full moon in the sky, us walking arm-in-arm,” He said as he bunched his brows and looked to be contemplating something, while letting the twig fall from his mouth. Although this news probably should have made Ororo uncomfortable and racing back to the school it hadn’t. It only piqued her interest more as the butterflies stirred up in her belly again. “And for the record, as improbable as it might sound, you were the one who initiated that ‘first’ kiss not me,” He added that cliff note in the hopes to lighten the moment and not have it feel awkward for her.

 “Not improbable at all, I can totally see myself doing that, kissing you first,” She chimed in nonchalantly also hoping to make him feel less awkward. Logan watched her out of the corner of his eyes as she looked everywhere but at him. She was pretending to be more at ease than she really was. He could see the slight blush that spread across her neck and clavicle bone. The way her heartbeat increased and how the hairs on her arms stood on end. But it was the scent of her that stopped him in his tracks. She was aroused and it was heady and strong to his nostrils and senses.

 “We should probably head back now, ‘Ro,” Logan stated as he began to turn them but Ororo resisted as she pulled him back towards her.

 “Did I ask your permission first?” She questioned him further as if she had not even heard what he had said. Logan shook his head a little to push off his arousal as her delicious musk began to overwhelm him.

 “What?” He replied as he found it somewhat difficult to follow her line of questioning, never mind trying to think of a coherent response as his engorged member started to cut into his jeans.

 “No,” She answered her own question as she shook her head slightly. “I do not think I would have asked, not with you. Your spirit is too wild. I would have had to capture you,” As she said this, she reached out both of her hands and cupped his face. Logan stood stock still as he watched her every movement in anticipation and some fear. “And taken what I wanted of you,” She continued while she leaned into him and tugged him closer. Her movements were not rushed but meticulously slow. She stared directly into his eyes as she moved closer. She wanted him to see and fully understand her intention, and give him time to end things if he so chose.  Finally, she closed the distance and covered his mouth with hers. Logan welcomed the kiss as he opened his mouth and busied his tongue with hers. Ororo moaned out her pleasure as the kiss deepened and she wrapped her arms more snuggly around his neck and entangled her fingers in his hair. For Logan, although his mouth told of his insatiable and ravenous need for her, the rest of his body did not move. A deep growl emanated from his chest. When she started to involuntarily rub her body against his, the sound of metal scraping metal filled the air as his blades unsheathed. Ororo stopped and pulled back some as she looked at him nervously. “Is that a good thing or bad, do you want me to stop?”

 “Darlin, that’s me try’n really fuck’n hard right now ta be gentlemanly and not ravage you,” Logan hissed out through his clinched teeth. As she took him in, she could see how every muscle in his body seemed to be coiled up tight as he fought to keep whatever urges he was feeling in that moment contained. Just knowing that she had made him on the verge of hysteria with desire for her only made her want to give him whatever he wanted. And so, she leaned back into him, moved her mouth to his ear, licked his lobe before she spoke again.

 “Logan, I have never thought of you as the gentlemanly kind, and I know you can smell just how much I want to be ravaged by you.”

 “’Ro, you aint gotta do something you don’t wanna do, or wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. I do wantcha, but not like that,” He said as he retracted his claws, reached up and gently grasped her arms, and held her at a bit of a distance.

 “Do you think that I go around throwing myself at every man that crosses my path?” She asked though her voice and face showed no irritation or anger, for she knew he knew her better. “Right, and you also know that I do not tend to do things that I do not want to do. And no, these are not ‘normal’ circumstances. In this reality I want you just as much as I have always wanted you, Logan,” She confessed and he snapped his shocked eyes up from where he had been looking just off behind her, and locked onto her eyes. His face held a look of awe and disbelief to what she had proclaimed. “Except in this new reality you actually want me in return. You seem to no longer desire Jean’s attention and affections but you want mine. And I know I am not your wife, at least not yet,” He arched his brows in surprise to those specific words, ‘at least not yet’. “But as you have said I am still her, still your ‘Ro, and I promise you that I do desire you probably just as much as she did.  Would it be a terrible thing to explore something romantic between us? I would like to and I am willing if you are, Logan,” She said shyly as she bowed her head a bit, too embarrassed to face him.

 “We gotta go back to the mansion,” Logan spoke more gruffly and a scowl covered his face as he grasped her hand and pulled her along with him at a quick pace. Ororo was in tuned with his demeanor and she instantly knew that his curt action was not a rejection but that there was something seriously wrong.

 “Logan, what is the matter?” She asked as she hurried along with him.

 “We need to go talk ta Charles.”

 **

A short time later, back at the school

**

 “Charles, I think I have royally fucked up things here,” Logan barked out as he burst through Professor Xavier’s closed office doors. He already knew the man was inside and he had never been one for being courteous particularly when he sensed danger.

 “We are sorry for bursting in on you like this Professor,” Ororo apologized as she had been tugged along by Logan’s hand. He released her as he raked his hand through his wild hair and began to pace a little.

 “I knew I should’ve left as soon as I got back here. Gone up to the Canadian wilderness and just retired or something, let the future just happen,” Logan began to rant as he paced. Ororo stared at him wearily as she watched him devolve into a near manic state. It didn’t help her fears any when she looked to the Professor as he sat watching the flames that danced in the nearby fireplace, seemingly disinterested in their presence. Though she knew he was hanging on every word Logan spoke. “I think it’s all happening again. I might have changed or fixed some things in the past but the endgame is gonna be the same,” Logan stopped and looked at Xavier who in turned looked back up at him as well. “Just now when ‘Ro and I were out walk’n in the forest she … we,” He paused as he took a deep breath to try to calm himself and to find the right words. He didn’t really wish to say anything disrespectful of Ororo or cause her any kind of embarrassment but he knew now was not the time for delicacies. “We almost shared an intimate moment out in the woods,” He finally divulged and Ororo defensively wrapped her arms around herself as if to shelter herself from being exposed. “And I swear it happened almost exactly as it did before, the first time in the other timeline.”

 “It did?” It was Ororo’s voice that touched his ears with the question and he looked over at her shocked face.

 “Yes, some of the dialog changed but some was verbatim, and the scene was identical,” He confirmed. “And I don’t know if my telling you about us being married in the future triggered something but…” Logan now focused back onto the Professor. “But what if my telling any of you about the future somehow makes it happen?”

 “I do not think that to be the case Logan,” Xavier finally spoke.

 “You sound sure,” Logan countered as he frowned a bit at how calmly the Professor seemed.

 “Yes, quite,” Xavier replied with a slight smile and he opened one of his desk drawers, pulled out a newspaper, and tossed it across the desk towards Logan. Logan picked up the newspaper and read the headline, “Dr. Bolivar Trask Vs the Mutants”.

 “Dr. Trask announced today that he has found a solution to the ever-increasing Mutant population, which he will present to the U.N. when they convene next October in New York,” Logan read aloud. “I knew it,” He barked out.

 “Look at the date, Logan,” The Professor instructed and Logan did and his mouth fell open a little at what he saw. “That paper is nearly a year old and it was published long before you returned back to this altered time.”

 “Wait a gotdamn minute, Bub,” Logan practically growled out as the veins that had started to appear in his neck bulged. Ororo could feel the sudden rage sipping out of him and directed at the Professor and she carefully took steps to place herself between the two men in the room. She also telepathically called out to Jean to make her aware that there may be trouble and to come to the Professor’s office with Scott. “Are ya tell’n me that I came back here fer nothing. That I left my…” He moved his bloodshot eyes to Ororo just as Jean and Scott appeared at the door. “It was all fer nothing, it didn’t stop anything? Did you know even then that it wasn’t gonna make a fucking difference?”

 “I am sure that me from your future time suspected as much, but Logan, some things did change and we have yet to truly know of what the future might bring us now. Your wife died in that future fighting to keep the Sentinels from stopping what we were trying to do, sending you in the past. She understood how important it was for you to return here, that even if there was a sliver of a chance that it would change that future, it was worth it. And I promise you her sacrifice was not in vain,” The Professor said as he tried to calm the man before him who he could see was battling his berserker rage.

 “Wait, sh…she died while…” Logan questioned as the rage seemed to drain from him and was replaced with a mournful cutting sorrow. “While I was still there in that time and you didn’t let me go help her? You did nothing as she died, as our baby growing in her belly died?” Logan spat out around angry sobs. All the others in the room looked on in shock and could sympathize and almost feel his pain. More so Ororo than the others as she instinctively clutched a hand to her flat belly. It was her voice that offered him some sense of reason.

 “Logan,” She called to him softly as she moved slowly to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. He only dropped his head and clamped his eyes shut as if the mere sight of her was too much to bear in that moment. “This is not the Professor who did those things, you cannot lay your anger and blame onto him. Also, you know as well as I that I would freely sacrifice myself for the greater good. That is my nature. You yourself told me how hellish our future had become and I know that I would have done anything in my power to change that if I could have,” She gasped a little in surprise when he snatched her into his arms. His weight wasn’t heavy though she felt weighed down by the despair he was in. He took her with him when he crumbled to his knees and cried into her hair and shoulders. She just pulled him closer and held him tighter.

 “I’m sorry ‘Ro. God, I’m so sorry I left you, that I didn’t protect you,” Logan babbled out not caring that there was an audience who were witnessing him in this weak moment. He had lived long enough and seen so much in their war with the Sentinels that he long ago gave up keeping up some hardcore nothing hurts him façade.

 “But I am here Logan, I’m right here with you now and that future has not happened,” She assured him as she rocked him in her arms.

 “And it may never happen,” The Professor spoke again. “Logan, I truly believe that sending you back has provided us the potential for changing things. Just look around you, there’s Jean and Scott alive and well. You did that. Before you returned, I did not know of the true plans that Dr. Bolivar Trask had planned, that he was planning to build Sentinels. Now, thanks to you we know and we can better prepare,” The Professor’s words seemed to finally reach Logan who sniffed back his tears and cast a deadly glare up at the wheelchair bound man. “We can come up with a way to stop Trask and make sure the future you came from never happens, Logan.”

 “All right,” Logan replied calmly as he released Ororo, stood up, and then helped her to stand. He then turned and silently stalked to the exit. Jean and Scott both stepped aside to let him pass.

 “I will stay with him,” Ororo said as she was already following him.

 “I think it would be best to allow him some time to digest things,” The Professor suggested and both Jean and Scott nodded in agreement.

 “If you really think that Professor then you do not know him as well as you may think you do,” She replied as she paused at the door to look to her mentor, and then hurried down the corridor after Logan. She caught up to him a moment later just as he had opened his bedroom door and was about to enter his room. “Would you like some company?” She asked as she moved up beside him at the threshold and leaned against his door jamb.

 “Any other time-” He started to speak but she stopped him as she danced around him and made her way inside.

 “Great! I would love some company too, so shall we just keep each other company?” She said as she moved to the king-sized bed in the middle of the room and plopped down on it.

 “Look, ‘Ro, I’m really drained right now,” Logan spoke as he still stood at the opened door. “I just learned that my wife and unborn child were killed and I…” He paused, dropped his eyes to the floor, and then closed his eyes a moment. When he opened them again, he looked over at Ororo who looked back with concern plastered all over her face. “I just really want ta be alone right now. I’ll probably just sleep, I feel like I could sleep for days,” He sighed out as he rubbed his right hand against the back of his neck.

 “Oh, cut the shit, Logan,” Ororo spoke in a demanding tone as he arched a brow at her. “You are trying to get rid of me so you can sneak out, track down Trask and his secret lab, and leave a trail of blood and carnage in your wake. Am I right?” She arched her own brow as she folded her arms across her chest and stared defiantly back at him as if she were daring him to deny it. He scowled at her, let out a frustrated growl, and pushed the door shut as he fully entered the room. He moved to his closet to grab the gear he always kept ready for his secret covert getaways, which apparently wasn’t so secret or covert to Ororo he thought. He inwardly laughed over the fact that she always could tell when he was up to something.

 “Yeah, when yer right, yer right, darlin,” He didn’t bother wasting anytime denying it. “And if things ain’t changed I know where he’s build’n the Sentinels, and I’m gonna go there and I’m gonna gut that motherfucker and then chop his head off,” He proclaimed. “Ya know, all the shit he was always spout’n about how humans should fear mutants and how the Sentinels were human’s best chance ta save humanity, that fucker is actually a self-hating mutant,” He could see the horror his words had invoked in Ororo as her complexion paled a little. “That’s right, ‘Ro, it was one of us who decimated all of mankind, not the humans like we all thought it would be.”

 “Well, I know I cannot stop you when you get like this, so I shall not try.”

 “Good, ‘cause we ain’t got the time ta waste.”

 “Agreed, and so I will not try to stop you but I shall join you on your mission.”

 “Fuck that, nun-uh,” Logan shook his head at her words.

 “And why not?” She asked offended. “You and I have gone on many missions together Logan, and you have never had to carry me. I have always held my own in every single one of them and even saved your ass a time or two.”

 “Look woman, everything I have done up to this point has all been for you, ta keep ya safe. There ain’t no way I’m just gonna walk ya right into danger. You ain’t had the pleasure of meeting one of those Sentinels yet, ‘Ro and if I have anything ta say about it ya never will,” Logan declared and Ororo was a little scared at the thought of seeing one of those giant killing robots that it seemed may still destroy the future. Yet she knew there was no way she would allow Logan to face them alone, nor did she want to alert the others into it either. If she and Logan were to fail the world would need the remaining X-men to fight for the survival of mankind.

 “Logan, I am not your wife ‘yet’,” She stated as she stood and folded her arms across her chest and glared him down. Again, he found himself to be taken aback by her referring to the possibility of becoming his wife someday. “So, you do not get any say in what I do or where I go.”

 “Yer right,” He agreed with a nod as he looked down to the floor a moment before looking up at her again. “But ‘Ro please don’t fight me on this,” He looked at her and his eyes looked desperate and sad. “I don’t wanna lose you again,” As she took in his nearly defeated demeanor, she stepped up to him and cupped his face in her hand. He closed his eyes and turned his face more into her hand. He took in deep breaths as if to replenish her scent that he often feared was fading from his memory.

 “You will not lose me Logan, because as we do on any mission, we go on together, you shall have my back and I shall have yours. So, I have no doubt that we will be the victors. We have the RoLo Combo, remember?” She coaxed with a smile as she used the team name Logan had christened them with after their very first solo mission together. Because he had been so impressed with her fighting combat skills. When he had first said it to her, she had rolled her eyes and scuffed at him, but internally she had been delighted that the badass Wolverine thought she was a great teammate and could hold her own in battle. Logan dropped his head a bit and chuckled at the name as his mind flashed with some great and damn near perfect fights they had been in together. The way they moved together was like a dance, and they were so in sync every opponent they ever went up against always fell fast and hard.

 “Yeah, I remember darlin, and there ain’t nobody else I’d rather have watching my back than you, Storm,” He declared with such conviction in his eyes it made her chest puff out just a bit.

 “And I too feel the same way about you, Wolverine,” She announced and smiled inwardly at the fact they were using their codenames, which they always did when they were heading into battle.

 “Right, and I suppose you want to get everybody else, hop into the Jet, and go do this?”

 “No,” She replied and he furrowed his brow a bit in confusion. “I think it is best we do this mission secretly and on our own. If something happens to you or I-”

 “I won’t let nothing happen ta ya, ‘Ro,” He promised and she gave him a kind smile and a nod. “Never again,” He mumbled out the last bit but she still heard it and it touched her heart.

 “Still, it is best that the others sit this one out. In the highly unlikely event that something was to happen to us, they will be there to pick up the torch and continue the fight,” She stated and he could understand what she was saying and so he didn’t argue her point but instead gave a nod. She was relieved that he seemed resolved to the fact that she was going with him. “Now, please tell me this secret Sentinel lab is in driving distance, because I think it shall be very difficult to sneak out the Blackbird without anyone noticing.”

 “Yeah, Trask started in a lab just outside the city, about an hour’s drive,” Logan said.

 “He has been so close this entire time?” Ororo asked as she shivered involuntarily at the thought that this monumental danger was literally in their back yard.

 “Not fer long,” Logan assured her and she looked to him and nodded, and then they suited up, grabbed Wolverine’s special gear, and snuck out to complete their mission.

 **

A couple of hours later

**

“What is wrong?” She asked him with an amused look on her face as she watched him tug and stretch in the uniform he wore, which he had been doing since they left.

 “I had forgotten just how restricting these damn suits are,” He huffed out. “Ya’d think Charles could find a better design, I mean, leather, really?” Wolverine tossed her a disgusted look and she giggled.

 “Well, maybe you had gained a few pounds in the future,” Storm teased and was rewarded with a playful growl. “I have no complaints I think it fits me very well.”

 “Yeah, I think it does too,” He replied as he raked a hungry glance over at her. “But it ain’t never been very practical in combat. In the future I designed our suits and they had kevlar plates to help minimize damage to the body. All tactical and built for combat.”

 “Doesn’t sound very fashionable. I personally…”

 “You’d prefer to be as naked as the day you were born, I know,” Logan finished for her and she was stunned for a moment that he knew exactly what she was going to say. “You don’t change yer beliefs and views much over the next 20 some years, baby,” He chuckled out as his eyes remained fixed on the huge metal door nearly 40 feet from their position hidden at a side building. She blushed a little at his term of endearment, which flew from his mouth so naturally she was sure it hadn’t registered to him that he had even said it. He lifted his arm and checked the military grade watch housed there. He noted that it took the guard exactly 19 minutes to go around the entire building. “Looks like this place is set up so that is the main way in and out,” Logan whispered as he pointed at the large door before them.

 “That does not seem practical or smart,” She offered as she pressed herself against his back to get a better look.

 “Yea, well I’m sure Trask has some other secret way out, in case the shit hits the fan,” Logan offered. “And we don’t want that, we need ta find a way ta get in undetected so we can stop him before he escapes and we need ta shut the entire thing down.”

 “Well, lucky for you, you marry a master lock picker. We should go, I would say we have got about 15 minutes before those guards make their way back around, and if that lock is digital, I might need all of that time to break it,” Storm said as she moved around him and hurried to the locked door. It had only taken her 4 minutes and 11 seconds to break into the digital lock and get them inside without alarms blaring. “I hope that is a skill I have been able to retain in 20 years,” She playfully whispered to Wolverine.

 “Darlin, age has only improved ‘everything’ aboutchu,” He replied as he stealthily led the way down the corridor. She smiled in kind at the compliment as she followed him.

 “For this to be such a secret compound holding Trask’s prized Sentinels there is not much security around the inside,” Storm observed.

 “Yeah, I noticed that too,” Wolverine countered. He then lifted his head and sniffed the air. “Shit!” He exclaimed as he looked to a darkened door way to their right. Storm followed his gaze and let out a gasp as a red light suddenly illuminated the room.

 “Mutant lifeforms detected,” A robotic voice spoke out and they could hear the echoed steps of the yet unseen being as he moved to them.

 “Is that a Sentinel?” Storm questioned as she stared over at the machine that now stood before them in the corridor. “I imagined them to be much bigger,” She added as she stared curiously at the robot that seemed to be the same height as her.

 “Trust me, they get a major upgrade in the future,” Wolverine promised. “I’m talk’n skyscraper big,” Storm frowned up at the thought of it. “And they do more of the try’n ta kill us and less of the stand’n and stare’n,” He continued as he frowned up at the machine standing there seemingly void of any real threat to them.

 “It seems to be in some early stage of development then. Maybe all it can do is detect a mutant,” She offered and as if her words had been a reminder the red light in the Sentinels visor brightened.

 “Get down,” Wolverine barked out as he shoved Storm away just before the blast intended for her struck him in the back. The roar it pulled from his lips and the grimace on his face, told Storm it had really hurt him. But Wolverine’s recovery time had always been quick and in his next breath he had already turned and decapitated the iron beast, whose body remained standing as its head rolled back into the dark room it had ventured from.

 “Wolverine! Are you okay?” She asked as she rushed to his side while he leaned against a nearby wall.

 “Yeah, darlin, I’m all right,” He answered as he patted her hand which gripped at his arm. He took note of the fear and concern in her eyes and wanted to soothe her. “But I’d forgotten how badly their blasts burned. “But I’m all healed now, see,” He turned his shoulder a little and she was able to see a hole in the suit caused by the blast, and she also could see his fully healed fleshed underneath. She smiled and then surprised him when she swooped in quickly and captured his mouth in a kiss. It quickly deepened for a few seconds before they both remembered themselves and where they were, and they slowly pulled from the kiss.

 “Thank you for saving me,” Storm panted out as she pressed her forehead to his and stared intensely into his eyes.

 “I’ll always save ya ‘Ro, or die try’n,” He declared softly as he reached up and stroked her cheek and she blushed sweetly at him. “Now, how about we blow this place up and head home?” He said as he reached into one of the pouches in his suit and pulled out the advanced micro C4 patches that Forge had designed. They were lightweight and tiny but just a couple of ounces of it had the blast power of an atomic bombs. “I think there ain’t many security guards on the inside because they’ve got active Sentinels to protect things. So, stay alert,” He instructed and she nodded as she followed. As they made their way through the warehouse like building, they had come upon and dispatched four more Sentinels. And Wolverine would occasionally stick a C4 patch on a wall. Storm silently watched him and thought it was a bit of an overkill but remained quiet. She could see that the man before had lived a hard life and suffered many losses. Now, he had a chance to change things and he was determined to do everything in his power to ensure history didn’t repeat itself. They had scoured the entire building, which took nearly 2 hours given its size, but they had managed to allude several more Sentinel guards. Finally, they reached the end where there was another large metal locked door. It took a little longer for Storm to crack this door, which told Wolverine that what he wanted was behind it. When the door opened it showed a large lab where a couple of dozen people bustled about. All the people were either too busy or didn’t care to notice their new visitors. They all continued their work which was piecing together humungous Sentinel parts. “Master Mold,” Logan hissed out.

 “Master Mold?” Storm repeated curiously.

 “Trask’s Momma Sentinel. Its job is to create more Sentinels quickly and efficiently. He felt humans can make mistakes more easily than machines, so he eventually takes them outta the equation. In about 10 years from now, that thing is gonna become sentient and it’s gonna realize it’s at the top of the food chain and that humans should be eliminated just like mutants. It’ll want Earth to be Sentinel populated only. It’s definitely gotta go,” He announced as he smacked C4 patches against every panel he walked by.

 “Logan,” Storm broke protocol and used his name as she kept a quick pace behind him. “We have to evacuate these people before we blow the building.”

 “Why, these were the motherfuckers who build the gotdamn things, they’re the reason for everything. So, let’em burn.”

 “No,” She stopped as she reached out, gripped his arm, and pulled him around to face her. “You cannot be serious. I will not be a party to murdering innocent-”

 “Innocent!” Wolverine yelled and she jumped a bit as his rage brushed over her. Even a couple of the nearby workers had stilled and looked at the wild man they hadn’t noticed before. “They had a hand in the death of billions. They’re the reason yer…” He pursed his lips, shook his head as he closed his eyes a second to clear that last thought from it. “They cause it all.”

 “But they are not aware of what will happen, only you have the knowledge of that future. We do not know what Trask has told them about what it is they are building here. And I cannot allow you to be their judge and executioner, I will not,” She stated and her eyes whitened to let him know that she meant it and that she would fight him if she had to, to help protect these people from him.

 “Fuck, why do ya gotta be so righteous all the time, ‘Ro? It’s gotdamn annoying,” He growled out.

 “No more annoying than your ‘leave nothing alive’ policy. Why do you act so heartless when I know first-hand that you are not?” She countered but she could tell that her words nor the threat of a fight had swayed him. “Do you love me, Logan, love your ‘Ro I mean?”

 “Yes and yes, yer one and the same. Thought we’ve covered this already,” He answered around slight pants as his body shook with his rage and his hands itched to get started with some sort of destruction.

 “Then if you love me, please spare them for my sake,” She pleaded. “Because if you do not, I promise I will never forgive you,” She threw down the gauntlet and they began to stare one another down, neither giving an inch in their stance. All of the workers had stopped in their tasks and were engrossed in the stand down that was happening in the middle of the room.

 “If you sons-of-bitches wanna live, ya better get outta here now,” Wolverine commanded as he continued to hold his mad gaze onto Storm, whose hard-glaring back faltered a little as a pleased smile pulled at her lips. When he noticed nobody was moving, Wolverine grasped the gun he had holstered on his right thigh, rose it, fired off a couple of shots. “Get the fuck out,” He roared and chaos ensued as the men and women ran for the exit screaming and tripping over themselves. As a man and two women tried to run by where he and Storm still stood, Wolverine shot out his arm and stopped them. “Where’s Trask?” He asked as he turned to them mincingly. Fear filled all three as they shook with fear. “Well?”

 “W…we don’t know,” One of the females finally answered and Wolverine aimed his gun and shot it so quickly and the woman crumbled to the floor with her bloodied knee before Storm could even react.

 “I really only need ‘one’ of ya ta tell me what I wanna know,” Wolverine growled out the threat as he cocked the gun.

 “Dr. Tr…Trask’s office is through those doors and at the end of the corridor,” The jittery man was the one to speak as the lone female vigorously nodded her head and also pointed. “He’s in there right now if you need to speak with him.”

 “Thanks,” Wolverine muttered out as he shoved past them. “Storm, make sure everyone gets out safe.”

 “What? No, I will not leave you,” She attempted to argue.

 “Hey, you were the one with a conscience, I wanted ta blow’em all up,” He said as he kept walking. “So, they’re yer responsibility.” *SNIKT!* “I’ll take care of Trask,” He said as he disappeared through the opened labs door that led to where Trask’s office was. Storm stared after him for a second before the terrified man recaptured her attention.

 “C..can we leave now?” He asked as he stood stock still, too afraid to move.

 “Yes, I shall help you get out safely,” Storm replied and they helped the wounded woman up and all exited out the building. Once outside she had made sure all the workers had gotten through the locked security gates that encased the grounds. It hadn’t taken much convincing as most took off full speed as soon as they exited. All that remained were the dedicated security guards. She had told them that the place was going to blow up and in reply they had fired their guns at her, so she had to use strong winds to push the guards back and kept them from harming her or rushing inside to ambush Wolverine. Although she knew he would be able to smell them coming. Storm anxiously waited for Wolverine to come out. She found it distracting as well as draining to wield her powers while watching for Logan to walk out or for the building to blow up. A moment later Wolverine burst through the exit at full speed.

 “Fall Back!” He yelled as he fast approached where she stood. Storm rose herself up and drifted to Wolverine, grasped him, and lifted them to the sky and at sonic speed flew them away a millisecond before the warehouse and all the surrounding vehicles and smaller buildings on the grounds exploded. From the position high above they both could see the crater that now replaced the facility.

 “Was that not overkill, Logan?” Ororo asked.

 “I needed ta make sure there was nothing that didn’t burn,” He answered.

 “Is there a way to be sure? I mean, what if there are filed stored elsewhere?”

 “There ain’t, Trask was a paranoid fucker,” Logan stated. “He knew what he had and knew he would be of most value if he made it so no one could ever get their hands on his work ta copy it. So, he never wrote anything down, kept it all in that big head of his, which I cut off,” She cut her eyes to him in slight horror over how callous he spoke of taking someone’s life, and as if he had read her mind he replied. “And don’t give me any shit about it, ‘Ro. That fucker deserved ta die and he died more humanely than all of our fallen friends during the Sentinel war.”

 “So, it is done?”

 “I don’t know,” Logan said around a sigh. “But I do know that that had ta’ve changed the future somehow, and in our favor,” He added. “C’mon darlin let’s go home.”

 “Do you think we should? I am sure those workers got a good look at us. They may report us to the authorities. I do not wish to bring trouble to the school.”

 “Doubt it, that was supposed to be a top-secret military facility, the shit they were doing in there won’t sanctioned by the US government, just by a few powerful and power-hungry politician assholes. They ain’t gonna want any real kind of investigation into what happened ‘cause it’ll expose them too. I’m sure they’ll play it up as a mutant attack. But those workers will all be taken out before they are able to say anything about anything,” He stated and Ororo looked horrorstruck. “Ya shoulda let them all blow up in that place ‘cause now it is very likely their families will be killed too,” She found her heart clinch at the idea of it, and as she carried them to where they had hidden their vehicle she shed quiet tears of remorse and regret for those families.

 **

Hours later, back at the School

**

 Logan and Ororo crept back into the mansion as quietly and easily as when they had left. The darkened corridors attested to the fact that they hadn’t been missed. Ororo had noticed that during the drive back that Logan had been reserved. He was never much of a talker after their missions but it wasn’t his quietness that had her worried. She just knew that he was heavy in thought and that was what worried her. When he had walked her up to her loft door, and before he could fully turn to leave, she spoke to him.

 “There is something you are not telling me, what is it?” She asked as he stood with his back to her. He only turned his head slightly to regard her.

 “I’m leav’in, ‘Ro, and I ain’t com’in back,” He announced and Ororo felt as if he had punched her in the gut. She felt a panic wash over her which left her feeling hot in the summer dress she had changed back into.

 “W…why? I do not understand,” She questioned as her mind reached for ideas that would make him change his mind.

 “’Cause, I don’t know for sure if what we did tonight will change anything.”

 “But as the Professor said, us knowing what took place in the future is in turn changing it.”

 “We were married on New Year’s right down there in the back gardens,” Logan spoke this as he turned to face her fully, yet his eyes didn’t lock on her but to the large window at the end of the only hallway next to her loft. “Man, you were so beautiful, ‘Ro, and I was on edge the whole time think’n at any minute God was gonna tell me it was all a joke and take you from me,” He said as he looked to her with a slight smile which she returned. “I still remember it all like it was yesterday, and you gave me this that day,” He pulled out the ring he kept on the chain around his neck. “And it’s still here. This is why I need ta leave.”

 “Because of me, the memories of the life you had with the other me?”

 “If I changed the future then why do I still remember everything just as it was? Shouldn’t I have no memory of it if things have really changed? Shouldn’t this be gone?” He asked and he clutch at the ring and she looked up at him stunned, fully understanding what he was getting at. “So, maybe I’ve come back to do things different personally. Choose a different path.”

 “A path where you don’t love me or marry me?” She replied as she nodded her bowed head. She found that she couldn’t look at him for fear tears would fall. She couldn’t explain why this news broke her heart as it did. She had only just learned of the life some future version of herself had shared with Logan. She had experienced none of that life but the thought of him leaving and her missing out on that possible life and love pained her greatly.

 “I love you, ‘Ro, and that’s fact. Nothing I can do ta change that.”

 “Then, why leave me?” She asked as she let some tears slip out and Logan cursed himself inwardly at the obvious hurt, he was causing her. “If you do not want to have any kind of romantic relationship with me as before then we can forget what I said earlier. We will remain just friends as we have always been,” She offered and he smiled sadly at her proposition.

 “I know that wouldn’t work,”

 “Why not?”

 “I won’t be able to just be your friend, not now. Not knowing that there’s a part of you that wants me too.”

 “I never thought I would see you run away scared from anything, Logan,” She said bitterly knowing it would rile him up. And she could tell by the hard glare he threw at her in that moment it had been mission accomplished. “We do not know for sure that even if you and I never became involved romantically there would be any change to that future you remember. But I do know that if that future were to still happen those Sentinels would not fair well against the RoLo Combo,” She said with such conviction Logan instantly forgot her earlier put down. He knew she was right she usually was. “But you go ahead, run away from me, from the X-men. See if I care,” She then turned to her door and reached for the knob. “You would not be the first to do so,” She said so low he was sure that she hadn’t really wanted him to hear her. As she opened the door and before she could fully cross the threshold, Logan had grasped her arm and yanked her back around to face him.

 “This could cause the end of the world, and I honestly don’t even care. But dontcha say I didn’t warn ya, that I didn’t try to end things before they got outta hand,” He spoke as he pulled her closer until the weight of her chest pressed intimately to his.

 “Logan, whatever will happen we will face it together as we have since we joined the X-Men. Now, shut up and just kiss me,” Ororo commanded and he curled his lips with a smile. And as Logan leaned in to kiss her, he thought that was something else about her that didn’t change in the future, she sure was a bossy lady.

 The End

[sick-raven]

Ghosts of the past - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 + warnings

AO3

Previous chapter

Chapter 4

Miranda felt like after a week-long party. Sure, she had to walk off even worse before and even now she put up her brave face, but in reality, she just wanted to fall into bed and sleep.

“Would you tell me what happened?” asked her professor Crane. He took her to his house. They had to look ridiculous, if any neighbours have seen them, they had to thought Crane is bringing home drunk woman for sure.

He fixed her. Let her sleep whole day. Just once he attempted to touch the bell. She punched him. Went back to sleep. Now they finally had a chance to talk over a hot tea. He didn’t even have visible bruise. Miranda had to be very weak when she knocked him.

“It’s Gotham. Stray bullet hit me.”

“Please don’t lie. Little honesty should be in place after I saved your cute neck.” Miranda realized she likes his approach. Jonathan was straightforward, didn’t let her fuck around and had enough sass to not sound like a complete posh jerk. Just a jerk.

“Someone hit me,” she explained. “I didn’t ask. I don’t know who. They just want me gone.”

“What are you?”

“An assassin.”

“I figured so much.”

Miranda drank her tea thinking. She didn’t like what she said next, but what the hell. “Thank you for helping.”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“I think you had plenty of possibilities.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve read about your university research.”

No change in his demeaner or tone of voice. “When?”

“Before I moved here.”

“And you decided to visit me anyways?”

She shrugged. “Yeah. I don’t have much to lose. And I’ve dealt with… shady people before. Nobody died during your experiments. They just went completely bonkers.”

“Those are dangers of science. It got out of hand. I am changed man since.”

“Now you are the one lying. What about the wannabe Halloween costume?”

Jonathan smiled a little. Then he intertwined his fingers. “Are you willing to test a medication I have made?”

“After this conversation?” Miranda laughed. “Sure, I guess, I have nothing to lose.”

He nodded. “You say you don’t feel fear. I am going to make you.”

“I doubt it, but you are welcome to try.”

He walked away. Miranda has finished her tea. She wondered why she even agreed to this. She knew it won’t help. Nothing ever helped. No medication can make them go away. Her brain was fried. Maybe Crane will fry it some more. That might help.

And partially she was really interested in feeling again. Anything. Fear would be nice change of pace.

Jonathan returned with his stupid mask on. Miranda noticed his eyes through rough holes. Home-sawed potato sack you would put on dummy at farm. He carried a small vial.

“You don’t have to be so formal,” she said.

And then he opened the vial and out flew gas. Miranda coughed, the smell was terrible. Even rotten eggs are pleasant compared to this. “Damn,” she commented, “use air freshener.”

“What do you see, miss Bradbury?”

Her head started to spin. She looked up. Colours, shapes… The hallucination was there. It seemed so real. Scarecrow’s face was burning, heated wax fell from it on the ground. She felt the heat as if her skin was burning. His voice sounded like screeching.

But the feeling of fear wasn’t there. Her sensors were overloaded, her brain wanted to shut down, her flank hurt, and the pain spread slowly through the whole stomach.

“You look wild, burning,” she said. She looked around the room and yelped. There! The ghosts! Shadows, standing, waiting!

“What is it?” asked the burning man.

Miranda didn’t answer right away. It was weird. She looked in their dark faces. There were no details and yet she remembered perfectly. The grimaces of pain and death. Miranda didn’t see them go. But that didn’t stop her imagination. Dying in an instant, took away, crushed by rubble, expressions of hate aimed right at her. She tensed, expecting them to get her. Choke her, kill her, take her among them.

“They are here,” she whispered as if the ghosts couldn’t read her mind. “But they are not real.”

“No, they aren’t,” agreed the burning Crane.

“You don’t get it,” she continued silently. “The feeling… it isn’t… I have the bell.” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “It’s not them. Not really.”

She smelled the rot again. The pain increased and spinning worsened. The hallucinations got crazy. The shapes rotated all over the place changing into fractals, colours burned her eyes. She though she will puke.

No fear, just disgust.

She started to laugh.

“What’s so funny, Miranda?”

“It’s nothing,” she explained laughing. “I’m just high.”

***

The wound was healed. It took a week of doing nothing and few days of hating herself for doing things that hurt her.

Miranda was at Crane’s place every day. Only result of his experiments was constant headache and weird taste in her mouth. Drugs gave her symptoms but not feelings. She trembled – without fear. She cried – without sadness. Nothing helped. She didn’t feel different. When she took the charm down, she was still dying.

She was losing hope. She had fun, yes, she actually liked visiting the weird doctor. She loved looking in his eyes and catching sparks of excitement in his otherwise cold demeanour. The small talks he tried to avoid also cheered her. But what’s that good for? She wasn’t getting better. Or worse. The status quo was driving her insane.

And the random shadows… She thought the hit continued but every time she ran to face them… nothing.

She was a lost cause.

“I am a lost cause.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Jonathan.

“You can’t help me.”

Jonathan stopped looking at a new tincture and raised his eyebrows. “I think I can. You just need to be patient.”

“No,” she disagreed. “It’s impossible.”

“No wonder you don’t get better. You give up right away.”

Miranda sighed annoyed. “Let’s stop this. You can’t help me.”

He started to look visibly upset. She hasn’t seen him like that yet. Glimpse of negative emotions here and there, but until this point none of them were real anger.

“I can help. There are many ways…”

“Useless.”

“What did you say?” he raised his voice. Miranda blinked in surprise. She didn’t expect reaction like this about something as silly as research.

“I said…”

“I heard you!” he snapped. “You shouldn’t have come if you think I am useless.”

“I…”

“Crazy professor with crazy ideas, that’s what you think?!”

Miranda didn’t say anything. She felt attacked but at the same time tiny silent voice in her head told her the outburst was not aimed at her. You cannot argue against that.

“Let me remind you I could have killed you. Am I useless? Lanky, stupid Crane? You should thank me for sparing you!” His face was red from anger, his eyes weirdly distant. He didn’t argue with her. But she had about enough.

“I think you also need professional help, Crane.”

“You bitch!” He jumped on his feet a tried to hit her. She expected that. Caught his wrist, bended his arm. He screamed, more from annoyance than pain. With a little kick under his knee she made him fall on his knees. Pacified, he tried to wiggle away but she stopped him. Grabbed him by hair.

“No, you don’t, you crazy bastard,” she told him. “I don’t know what your problem is but consider our cooperation over.”

“You will be sorry, Miranda.”

“Oh, spare me the theatrics,” she rolled her eyes. “I’ve decided not to snap your neck. Who should be grateful now?”

Jonathan grinded his teeth but said nothing.

“Good boy.” She let go of him, took her bag. “Thanks for the tea.”

“Burn in hell.”

“See ya there.”

She left, feeling weirdly bummed. It wasn’t his behaviour that got to her. No, it was… She didn’t think he can help her. But she really enjoyed their weird talks. When was the last time she could have been open to someone? Yeah, I kill people. I like it. No, I don’t have insurance, can you get that as a murderer? Sure, I will take new meds, doc.

“Fuck you,” she mumbled.

At the lamp stood a shadow. She walked to it and realized it was only her eyes playing tricks again.

***

At home Miranda found an envelope on the table. She weighted it in her hand, thinking. Nobody had access to her place. This might be a trap. Or the information she wanted.

Who cares if she blows up?

She opened it. Nothing. Just bunch of papers and a flash drive with little bat symbol on it. She scanned fast through the documents – photos of old texts and transcripts.

“Thanks, B,” she mumbled. She made tea and started to read. The text made her angrier every second. It was nothing useful just description of the ritual and its victims.

Before suicide missions people performed this. They drank and ate together, swore an oath and then tasted each other’s blood. The bound was complete with hallucinogens and night of dancing and sex. Then the ritual was done, and the group went to die while fulfilling their task.

It was said that if someone broke this bond, they became hunted by their former fellows. Most of the survivals died within a year. It was like a countdown going down. If they didn’t kill themselves, it took year and a day, and they just collapsed.

Miranda bit her lip. Year and a day. It fit. That’s when she got her charm.

No mention of anyone surviving as long as her. No mention of anyone healing this madness. Miranda sighed. She didn’t believe in magic. These stories were only that – stories. The guilt made itself into psychosis, that’s all. No magical base.

She set the papers aside. The day started horribly and ended on even worse note. Miranda was tired and annoyed. Sad? She wished. She would let this sink deeper and cry, but it wasn’t possible.

She just didn’t want to die. This was her source of energy. She would do anything to keep herself alive. Degrade herself, betray, beg even. There was no dignity in death! She cannot let them take her, can she?

It made her remember. She didn’t always feel like this. Training and suffering clouded her mind. Death sounded much better than continuing the way she was. Running away wasn’t an option. Tundra in the middle of nowhere would kill her, if League members didn’t catch her first. Those deaths would be more painful than anything she could inflict on herself.

The knife was the best option.

“Kill yourself? You are crazy, girl. You are too weak to do that,” her master laughed when she found Miranda in her room prepared to end it. “You belong to us, so does your life, you cannot take it and you know it.”

That angered her. They never took her seriously, as if she wasn’t a person. Just a tool.

But fear stopped her hand.

“See,” master laughed.

And then Miranda stabbed herself in the chest.

She regretted it immediately.

‘I don’t wanna die,’ she realized.

“Idiot can’t even kill herself properly.” These words were the first she heard when she woke up. And that’s when she decided to run when she gets a chance.

Fucking ghosts won’t get her! She lived through so much shit, she won’t give up now! She wanted life! To have everything! She might be crazy, she might feel like shit, and nobody can help her, but she needs to get her marbles together and figure out how to fight those fucking ghosts.

“Fuck you,” she snapped at her imaginary master. “Suck a dick.”

***

Next morning was blurry for her. She got ready for work, she went there, she smiled at customers, she was pleasant, she sold some toys. She didn’t feel any of that. Her mind raced in circles. The ritual wasn’t magical. She was just crazy. But if so, why wasn’t she fixable?

Maybe she didn’t want to get fixed. If she felt, she would have to stop killing because she would cry over her victims. If she felt, she would tremble in fear under the idea of losing her charm. Maybe she was content, and she shouldn’t fight it anymore.

The door bell chimed. She smiled to welcome a new customer, but her expression grew cold quickly. Jonathan Crane walked to the counter, bouquet in his hand. Miranda reached under the desk to hold a gun.

“Miss Bradbury,” he started without greeting. “I’ve come to apologize.”

“Apologize?” she repeated.

“Yes, for my behaviour the other day. It wasn’t appropriate and I was out of line.” His expression and tone were sincere. She never heard so much colour in his voice and it took her by surprise. “I hoped you will accept this as a peace offering. And also, invitation for dinner tonight.”

She was speechless. Carefully she looked at the flowers – they looked legit, no poisonous strings attached. Miranda let go of the gun.

“Yes, you were out of line,” she agreed. “I don’t know what memory I awoke in you, but you should know I’ve never meant you when I said useless.”

“I am aware, miss Bradbury. I thought over our conversation and I jumped to conclusion. That’s why I wanted us to talk like two almost sane and almost moral adults.”

That made her smile. “Damaged seek damaged, am I correct? Thank you, professor, I accept your apology and I will gladly sit with you.”

“Brilliant. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“I’ll be ready for you.”

Jonathan smiled and Miranda wondered whether he understood the raised finger. If he didn’t, it will be one hell of an evening.

Whole day she couldn’t keep eyes of the flowers and she was smiling like an idiot.

Next chapter

[dregstrash]

I found and Reactivated this tumblr just to ask honestly. Your Zoyalai has gotten me through the first half of my semester. Caroline B-Side By all time low (on spotify or apple music but not on youtube). For a Zoyalai set in Ketterdam uni.

this??? is??? so??? nice?????? thank you for reading and for the request! Also for your very kind words.

Also this prompt is so unique and fresh I love. And here’s what I’m going to do: Still set in the Grishaverse, except Nikolai ended up going to school, but because he is a prince after all his parents sent a bodyguard with him and now Zoya is part bodyguard, part nanny, and 100% in love annoyed with her charge.

You’re such a pretty mess

Not for the first time, Zoya asked the saints why she had the most rotten of luck. Did someone curse her? Was her aunt right in saying that she should have said her prayers more when she was a child? Because that could be the only explanation as to why she, yet again, had to drag Nikolai out of another gambling house and back to his boarding room.

“I can’t ever lose your tail, Nazyalensky.” He exclaimed as he walked good-naturedly by her side. Which was a terrible decision. He should be walking in front of her, because if an attack came from his other side, she’d have less of a vantage point. But of course, after a year of guarding the second prince of Ravka, she has learned that terrible decisions and quick getaways were his particular specialty.

"Your parents didn’t force me to be here in this disgusting city just so I could do my job poorly.”

“You’d have more fun, if you weren’t so paranoid.” He said stepping off of the sidewalk and into the street. Zoya felt the regular prickle of annoyance as she watched him cross and head into the opposite direction of the university.

She was almost tempted to let him keep walking, maybe get swindled or attacked by the obscene amount of gangsters that Ketterdam let loose in the city, but then she was almost positive that would be considered treason. She watched his tall frame linger in the crowd for a couple more moments, before trailing after him.

Zoya was supposed to be watching out for dangers, or potential kidnappers mingling in the crowd, but she found herself oddly observing the way Nikolai was walking. He was different in the streets of Ketterdam. It wasn’t like when he was walking to classes with his head in his sketchbook or in some other book about mechanics. Or when he occasionally took girls out to dinner, those walks happened slower as if matching pace (which she found laughable, because he never did her the same courtesy). 

When he walked through the streets, his gait changed. There was a certain swagger that started with his posture and then melted to his feet. It was like the rogue nature of the people was melding onto his skin. And for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why she liked it.

Nikolai probably feeling her stare turned his head back in her direction and winked in a way that made her hands curl annoyedly. A burst of wind swept up through the streets causing him to trip, and Zoya couldn’t help herself she laughed.

“Absolutely ruthless,” He said when he righted himself.

Zoya came up to his elbow, “It was an accident.”

“You’re far too capable of a woman to do anything accidentally, Nazyalensky.”

“Then you can just take it as a warning. You have classes tomorrow, your highness.”

He scoffed as he once again kept pace beside her, “Tell me, Zoya. In the year that you’re forced to go to my classes, listen to all these professors rattle on about technology and the world, do you think it makes any difference?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does it make any difference? All this theory, there are actual dangers in Ravka right now. Dangers coming from our waters and our borders, and I’m here. Learning about ethical responsibility in governing technologies.”

Zoya pursed her lips, “If I’m being candid, your highness--”

“You always are.”

“You’re wasting your time here. You don’t care about anything your teachers are saying, you barely try, and you obviously have too much time on your hands if I spend most of my time chasing you out of gambling dens. So, if you mean to stay here, then no it doesn’t make a difference.”

They walked in silence for a while, until they had reached the dirty harbors of the city. When they had first gotten to this island, the harbor was worst for wear, but now there was major constructions going on in Fifth Harbor, making it a little bit more put together. 

“I want to leave.” He said so suddenly that she thought she had misheard him. 

“What?”

“I want to leave Ketterdam University.”

“When?” Zoya had meant to ask, “why?” but Nikolai hardly noticed her question.

“I found a way to shuffle around my tuition to get a ship, a crew. I know the general from my time in the army and he could probably get me the papers that I need to--”

“Nikolai!” Zoya snapped. He turned to face her, and she was struck by the fervor in his eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time he had been excited about anything. “When are you planning to leave?”

His brows furrowed, “You’re not even going to stop me?”

Zoya shrugged again, giving him her full attention, “My job isn’t to try to stop you. I just have to make sure you don’t die.”

He grinned, “That’s why I love you, Nazyalensky. We’ll leave within the month. It gives me enough time to get a boat and a crew.” 

“What are we going to do?” She tried to shove away the flutter that came with the first part of his sentence. 

“We’re going to be the bane of all our enemies’ existences. Right on the open seas, and keep Ravka safe.”

“You mean we’ll be pirates?” She raised her eyebrow.

“When the proper paperwork gets done, we’ll be privateers. Much more honorable.” 

She rolled her eyes at that, "Because dropping out of university and suddenly taking up a pirate ship is very honorable.”

“When you do it for a good cause it is.” He turned back to face the ocean. “So what do you say, Zoya? Ready to follow me across the seas?”

She crossed her arms, and considered his question. She could just go back home. Go back to the Little Palace and train with the Darkling. She could go back and abandon Nikolai to his own madness. But then he looked back at her with that joyful light and open smile. It suddenly struck her that he was serious, about helping Ravka, about wanting to make their shores safer, and he wanted to be better. 

She made sure to keep her face still, even if her heart started to pound.

“I’ve followed you into worse places, Lantsov.”

[brigdh]

What did you just finish? Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan. A shallow, wealth-porn, frothy bauble of a book, but one which is lots of fun. Rachel Chu and Nicholas Young are both new professors at New York University (Nicholas in history, Rachel in economics, which I have to say seems like a weird choice for a character who spends the whole book being shocked by wealth) and have been dating for about two years, when Nicholas invites Rachel to come to Singapore with him for the summer, so he can participate in his best friend's wedding and she can meet his family. Rachel does so, only to discover that Nicholas is not generically middle-class as she'd always assumed, but rich. And not, like, normal rich, you guys: crazy rich. The rest of the book consists of Rachel gawking at the possessions of Nicholas's family and friends: private jets, personal islands, hotel chains, uncounted maids and drivers and servants, clothes from every top-name designer you can image, antiques and art and mansions and skyscrapers and on and on. Not all is absurdly wealthy bliss, however: various unmarried women try to drive Rachel away so that they can claim Nicholas for themselves, and Nicholas's mother is determined to keep her out of the family. She's shocked enough that Nicholas would marry beneath himself when she assumes Rachel is one of the Taiwanese plastics Chus (such trashy new money!); you can imagine how she feels when she realizes Rachel is actually the daughter of a single-mother real estate agent from Palo Alto, California. Meanwhile, the wedding brings to town every cousin, aunt, uncle, old childhood friend, ex-partner, and business connection from around the world back to town (seriously, this book has an oppressively long character list), and Nicholas's cousin Astrid, who also fell in love outside of the Singaporean elite, is dealing with the breakdown of her own marriage. The whole thing is a bit of a forgettable guilty pleasure, the sort where most of the fun comes from watching people who have such a vastly different lifestyle than me or anyone I know, like Gossip Girl or that Downtown Abbey scene where Maggie Smith asks "What is a week-end?" – except for the fact that pretty much every speaking character is Asian. Still, even if it's silly, it's a fun, fast-moving read. I will confess that my favorite part ended up being the footnotes, where Kwan translates the occasional word or phrase in Mandarin, Malaysian, Hokkien, or other languages and explains references to Singaporean places and people. A few of the ones that made me laugh: Malay slang used to express shock or exasperation like “oh dear” or “oh my God.” Alamak and lah are the two most commonly used slang words in Singapore. (Lah is a suffix that can be used at the end of any phrase for emphasis, but there’s no good explanation for why people use it, lah.) Among Singapore’s upper crust, only two boys’ schools matter: Anglo-Chinese School (ACS) and Raffles Institution (RI). Both are consistently ranked among the top schools in the world and have enjoyed a long, heated rivalry. RI, established in 1823, is known to attract the brainy crowd, while ACS, established in 1886, is popular with the more fashionable set and somewhat perceived to be a breeding ground for snobs. Much of this has to do with the 1980 article in the Sunday Nation entitled “The Little Horrors of ACS,” which exposed the rampant snobbery among its pampered students. This led to a shamed principal announcing to stunned students (including this author) the very next morning during assembly that, henceforth, students were no longer allowed to be dropped off at the front entrance by their chauffeurs. (They had to walk up the short driveway all by themselves, unless it was raining.) Expensive watches, eyeglasses, fountain pens, briefcases, satchels, pencil boxes, stationery, combs, electronic gadgets, comic books, and any other luxury items would also be banned from school property. (But within a few months, Lincoln Lee started wearing his Fila socks again and no one seemed to notice.) The exotic Black and White houses of Singapore are a singular architectural style found nowhere else in the world. Combining Anglo-Indian features with the English Arts and Crafts movement, these white-painted bungalows with black trim detailing were ingeniously designed for tropical climes. Originally built to house well-to-do colonial families, they are now extremely coveted and available only to the crazy rich ($40 million for starters, and you might have to wait several decades for a whole family to die). Overall I'd really only recommend the book to someone in need of a mindless beach read. In particular the ending is left unresolved; I know there's a sequel, but even for a book in the midst of a series I'd expect more loose ends to be tied up than what we got here. That said, I haven't seen the movie yet, and I suspect it's the sort of story where good actors can make all the difference, simply by fleshing out these somewhat-cardboard characters. Driving to Geronimo’s Grave by Joe Lansdale. A collection of six short stories by an author mostly known for capturing the spirit of rural east Texas, both in historical and modern fiction. In the title story, a brother and sister run afoul of a bank robber in Oklahoma during the Great Depression. This one had an excellent first-person narrator and a great sense of humor. In the Mad Mountains is a surprisingly straightforward Lovecraft pastiche, with hints of the Titanic's sinking and Amelia Earhart's disappearance mixing with the cosmic horrors. There's no twists or revisionism here; you could almost mistake this one for actual Lovecraft, except that Lansdale is much better at writing well-rounded characters. Though that's a low bar. Robo Rapid is an old-fashioned, surprisingly cozy YA post-apocalyptic story – more Edgar Rice Burroughs than Hunger Games – with a girl heading out on an adventure across a vast and unknown desert. The Projectionist is darker than the other stories; a noir tale of mobsters and unrequited obsession. Everything Sparkles in Hell is probably my favorite of the six. It reminded me a bit of Django Unchained, having a similar sort of violent humor tucked into a revisionist Western. A black bounty hunter and his Native American buddy track down four murderers, at least until a man-killing grizzly bear and a massive snowstorm complicate matters. Wrestling Jesus is the only story of these that I'd before; it was published in the Dangerous Women anthology and I have to say that I really disliked it there. A bullied teen is semi-adopted by an elderly ex-wrestler, who teaches him how to fight in between preparing for his own big match – he and another man have a rivalry going back decades where they compete for the attentions of a beautiful woman. Read as a story explicitly about a 'dangerous woman' it's a disaster, since a) the woman only appears in one scene, where b) she's literally a prize to be fought over by men. Read by itself, it's a fine story about a father-son relationship. Or it would be, if Lansdale hadn't included a long afterword complaining about the bad reviews he got for the anthology. Don't write a story that so blatantly misses the point and then get upset when people say you missed the point, dude! I hate it when authors I like act like dingbats in their nonfictional writings. But with all that said, this is a very nice collection of stories, with a surprising diversity of tones and settings. I've long been a fan of Lansdale's Hap & Leonard series, but this book would make a good introduction for newcomers. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. What are you currently reading? Jade City by Fonda Lee. This book has been described as "Hong Kong gangster movie, but fantasy". I just started it this morning so I can't say more than that, but really, what more do you need?

[ikonislife]

My Professor 5

-Hanbin x Reader (Professor!Hanbin)

-1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

-It was universally known that friend with benefit between best friends would be a chaotic ride from the start till the heartbreak of either one or both party. No one says anything about being in one with your dear professor…

-Rated M for language, mention of sex (secretly rated B for bullshit 😏)

-a/n: I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW SHORT THIS PART IS... and how long it took to get written. Life is rough as always and I lost all my writing mojo so i took a step back and just let myself enjoy the excitement of anticipating their comeback. 

This part and the one after will just be story filler/ fluff to really build up to the climax of the series. I hope you guys won’t mind the story slowing down a bit before I can go full throttle with what I had in mind as to where our dear professor will end up.

Which of the most basic human emotions is the strongest? That’s a question you’ve always struggled with and more often than not, disagree with the general consensus. The large sum of the population seems to think it’s fear, While others think it’s love. You could certainly see how fear can drive people to do things they could never, or would never agree to had they not been under duress. You’ve had enough first hand experience with this particularly menacing emotion today to speak on the matter. Same with love you suppose, having gone though already a more than rocky start and Hanbin haven’t even got a chance to utter that question yet. 

However for you, it’s the combination of these emotions, when they so perfectly mingled and worked together to lull you into a spot so sweet, its effect is deafening.  That certainly is the case right now as you watch Hanbin figure trailing further and further away from your stilled one, fear runs deep within the veins of your incapacitated body. You both had been so careless, a sense of happiness produce by your new found love had left you both negligent of the possibility that someone might still be lingering about, even as high into the sky as the man in the moon is this time of night. Happiness, love, and fear created a perfect mixture of poison that set your heart ablaze, wanting nothing more than for Hanbin to turn around and let you fall into his protective arms, to listen to his soft cooing of assurance.  Yet at the same time, your mind scrambled from the thought of losing him forever if this messed up secret surface to take a breath of fresh air, body wanting to regurgitate your non existent dinner, leaving souring taste in your throat. 

But beneath it all, perhaps curiosity struck an even bigger impact as you watch your man near skipping toward the stranger, his mannerism... happy? How could he be so relax at a climatic moment, the wall that had been protecting his darkest secret, protecting you were about to crumble with the tick of the clock. What has he got going in his mind?

Cold sweats are now breaking over your stiffening body, your eyes so frantically searches for any sign that he had noticed your distress, to read your mind but alas his attention too focus on the person ahead with a strange cheeky smile on his lips. Then without a warning, his arms thrown up in the air as if he’s performing a flashy mating dance, similar to those magnificent birds in those documentary you love to watch so often, awaiting the arrival of the shadow man. 

“POOH” 

Yet another unexpected thing happening way too fast to add in the list of things happening so fast and unexpectedly, they’re leaving your head spinning in circle. 

“MICKEY!” And so the looming shadow  replies. Curses this old building and its less than standard lighting, you can’t even make out the other person’s face yet something, something is so familiar it’s on the tip of your tongue. 

It’s Jiwon. Crap.

Your mind silently gasp, he wouldn’t suspect anything, would he? After all, up till this point it was more likely you were fooling around with him than Hanbin going off on just public interaction alone. No way he’d suspect anything. You tell yourself yet you know deep down just how sharp the other professor Kim could be.

You must not be very convincing because as it tells itself not to worry, a monologue worthy of awards is being created simultaneously in your mind, the excuses to explain the fondness in your behaviors putting into a list. Your short barely qualify as a relationship relationship flashes before your eyes as the last chance to escape now being block by your dear professors

The two men crash into each other as if lovers reunited after a treacherous month long separation - dramatic, over the top, and down right unnecessary in the way they’re embracing each other so tight, Jiwon’s hands wandering in places that you hoped only yours had gotten the pleasure to feel. Hanbin was even worse in his touchiness, hands snaking around the other man’s waist, resting on his lower back before ruffling up his hair.  Chatting away happily, the pair has completely forgotten your lingering present, that is until Jiwon peeks behind their shoulders, an eyebrow raised in intrigue. Noting his expression, Hanbin also turn toward the direction of his curiosity, a warm smile beaming bright at you, near prideful. 

“Your girl?”

“Something like that.” Hanbin chuckles like a school kid, cheeks blooms like fresh roses in spring with a slight scratch to his head. His tone almost bashful, shy even as he repeats to himself softly under his breath Jiwon’s word. “My girl” a strange giggle you’ve never seen slips under the moonstruck smile. 

Who is this soft man in front of you and what had he done with your sex God?! Is this the kind of boyfriend he’ll be, giving you a full range of the rainbow from the softest to making you beg for mercy under the pale moonlight? If so, you’re about to be in for the ride of your life and truthfully, you’re all for it.

“Come. On. Man. Again with the “something like that” speech. Is she your girl or nah?” His feet planting firm into the worn out floor of the ancient building that had you bracing for the destruction of the infrastructure any second now. Well, if the building isn’t collapsing anytime soon then you will because Jiwon manages to shoot your a sly wink all the while looking stern as he grills his very clingy friend.

“DO NOT wink at her, I will murder you.” The sudden thought of your lie fills Hanbin’s mind with imageries that will probably send him into a murderous feat had he not has so much trust in both his girl and his best friend. A quiet “thank you” slips his lips as Jiwon abandons his teasing way at the piercing glares, feeling the wrath of a man who has everything to lose. “I was gonna introduce her AFTER, i make things official. You jumped the gun bro. Plus it’s not like you don’t know her, she’s in your class.”

“Alright, so protective already. I’m scare to know what you’d do to those boys that always flirt with her in class.” Yet another sly raise of the brows find its way into your peripheral, and yet again Hanbin looks as if someone had just insulted all his ancestors and his future children all in the same sentence. 

“No, Binnie, don’t kill me. I’m sorry, alright. I’ll leave you kids be then, I’ll go die all alone with my endless stacks of work.”

Honestly at this point you didn’t know if you have to worry about the witch or Jiwon because to any passerby, their intimacy level is that of an old married couple. The way their arms so naturally draping around each other’s bodies, the familiarity in their touches, and down right to the gentle whispering between the two. They even got the bickering down to an art... Oh lord, Jiwon is the one you really have to watch out for.

“I’ll see you around… sister-in-law!”

You stare incredulously at the disappearing Jiwon, laughing manically all the while trying to avoid Hanbin’s playful punches, not quite sure if you’re just having a strange midday dream or their bromance of a meeting really did just happened. Sauntering back your way, Hanbin couldn’t help but let a smile blooms on his lips at how adorable and befuddle you’ve become watching his interaction.

“Have I gone mad or did you and the other hot professor Kim are like bros...”

“You have not and you should only know ONE hot professor Kim, alright?” Near growling under his breath, Hanbin has his hand brushing against your waist, even if the contact lingering barely a second, you could feel the green with envy dripped fingertips.

“Yes, professor.”

Even with the desires burning deep within both your hearts to spend as much time as you could together, the sudden chatter lingering by the courtyard reminds you both of just how much is at risk. With one last smile, your dear professor begins his short trip to the confine of his office, a much happier man than this morning, heart grown just a bit larger at the thought of you cozy in his bed just a few hours from now, and many days to come.

Quite strange really to think of all the ups and downs Harbin and you have gone through, all the sadness and the pain even before the relationship really even got a chance to bloom. Out of all the nonsense and wonderfulness of it all, the only thing you haven’t managed to comprehend, to really wrap your head around is the how of it all. You’re mystify, so utterly lost at just how easily, despite all the tears and words of hurts of course, everything had fallen into place when it could have just as easily fizzles out, a romance snipped in the bud before it could bask in the bright sunlight to show off all of its vibrancy. Yet here you are, near skipping your way toward that dingy old room filled with endless stacks of paperwork, coffee in hands awaiting the end of his work hours.

Friends with benefit relationship is hard, no argument there, it rarely worked and more often than not ends up in a string of heartbreaks. But when friends and benefit get thrown into a professional world, a world where everything is grey rather than clear cut black and white. A world that require an intricate dance of not crossing the line all the while taking an axe to all other lines set up by society to differentiate what’s acceptable, that’s just something beyond any of your calculation, and Hanbin as well you suspect. 

In those days when you were just a bored student, just another face in the crowded lecture hall that seemingly there only for the gorgeous face and smooth voice, did you ever think this rollercoaster of a fuck up relationship would ever work out? God no, not even in your highest highs and wildest of vivid dreams of a horny college girl lusting after her professor. The thought of him even looking your way was even preposterous because lord know he got some on the daily. You have to admit, had he been any less handsome or charming, you would’ve said fuck the 5% of your grade depending on attendant, and maybe one day you’ll admit that to Hanbin but for now to yourself is enough. You were fine with that, showing up for a few hours to watch him dance and sing his way to the betterment of the future, it’s not like you won’t concede to feeling just a tad bit more encouraged when Hanbin offers up in a few lingering stares and a sweet, coy smile or two as you waddle your way out after class. 

The first time you had worked up the courage to storm into his office, it was vast different from tonight but in many ways, alike.  The bleeding sunshine so gentle and silky against your skin, basting everything in a near glittery tone not even filters could get such beautiful light. You didn’t know if it was your heart was beating just a bit faster but the brilliant hues of the sky was especially stunning, the golden ray bowing out for the day leaving the stage open for roses to overtake the pristine white clouds. You circled the building, three times, as any one would of course on their way in for some one on one help with homework, it’s a big deal, facing your professor. It wasn’t until the clock ticking close to 6 that you had realized professors do not in fact live in their office, that they do have a life outside of the university. You felt stupid, barging in so last minute and watched as his handsome features faltered just a bit knowing whatever his plan was that night was out the window. So in your insane delirious mind of hunger accompanied by the worst string of insomnia, you flirted. You flirted because if he’s to be kept here by your pestering self, the very least you could offer up some pleasant banter, because that’s exactly what your catch of a professor need… His student shooting heart eyes his way to make up for taking up his free time. It’s not a good plan but a plan nonetheless. 

The walk now, silvery moonlight grazing your skin with its cool wisps, nothing warming your soul aside from the warmth emanating from the scalding hot coffees and the excitement of once again retreating to the place where your heart longs for. Yet that distinct bubbling in your chest, the excitement of seeing that soul melting grin, that definitely cannot be misplace. Although the uncertainties, the hope that you were somehow more special than any other girls in his class long gone and was now replaced by just how loved you feel from his words, from his action, and simply just from the soft gazes accompany by the most adorable moonstruck smile. You want to sing to the world, to show everyone how amazing this man you get to call yours is but for now these private meeting at the most intimate hours of night will do so long as you get to be in his arms. Who know if you’ll both last through the trials of time in the future, or if there even is a future for you both but getting to see Hanbin in ways others can only wish to is definitely worth it all. 

As with any high, the come down of when reality hits you in the face with its bitterness is especially hard in the form of that ear piercing, gut wrenching shriek of a laugh from the one and only. With still nearly 3 doors to pass, her shrill laughter still pierce your heart, freezing it over with that haunting menacing tone. You know nothing will happen, you trust Hanbin with your future quite literally so there’s no questioning his action yet you couldn’t help that souring volcanic of a reaction deep within your gut. With a heavy sigh, your steps deter from the small door that holds your happiness, the single person that could make you feel a million buck with just a simple utter of your name… All of that was being stain by the stench of the enemy.

Is this what jealousy feel like? 

You have to see this, what the hell are they even talking about for her to be laughing so carefree. Loud grunt lost to the frigid breeze, you tiptoe toward the entrance with great care, flushing so tightly against the grossly stained wall. Boy did you blood curdle in anger at the sigh beholding, irritation drowns your body in its toxin and it pains you to physically be incapable of just dumping these cups of joe all over her goddamn inappropriate flaunting happening right on top of Hanbin’s desk. In what world did she thinks it’d be within the school code of conducts to be perching so precariously atop another professor’s desk, short skirt rising over her crossed legs so high just one more inch and you’ll be able to spot her intimates. Her back arches strategically, putting forth her most worthy assets as if Hanbin would really buys whatever she got to sell. Your lips nearly split open and her poison dipped fingertips brushes against Hanbin’s soft hand, she really crosses the line now. As much as it pains you, walking away is the only right answer and so before your heart could overpower your brain, your body slowly inches away.

[9:40] Well, I wasn’t expecting that

[9:40] Nerd 👓❤️: What do you mean, baby?

[9:41] You know what I mean. God, did she thinks that was appropriate, putting her ass on a place your students use to do work? Where you do work? Your desk! My desk! GOD!

[9:41] Nerd 👓❤️: And the work we do on it isn’t, huh sweetheart? 

[9:41] IRRELEVANT!! 

[9:41] How is that irrelevant, my God this girl. And anyways, since when is it your desk?

[9:42] Since I claimed it. Or did you forget how many time you fucked me raw atop it, professor?

[9:42] Nerd 👓❤️: I have no word for you… You’re lucky I love you.

[9:42]  Tell me when the witch is gone. I’m going over to Jiwon, I have homework questions.

If there be someone lost for words, it’s you. Yes, she’s his co-worker and co-workers are meant to bond but she had gone well beyond trust exercises, into territories of scandalous. Well, nothing nearly as dramatic as your relationship with Hanbin of course but that’s beside the point.   There’s no denying the guilt deep within your heart for Hanbin, caught in between a cry baby girlfriend and a person who does not seems to possess an ounce of IQ despite being parade as one of the best newcomer the school had seen since, well the recruitment of Hanbin and Jiwon. The two seconds you had the pleasure of passing by her during class changing was by far your least favorite experience so how could your man put up with her days after days, that piss indecent laugh and unnecessary mating dance… You’ve no words. 

The beautiful dance of pleasure and pain bestowed upon your quivering body so many nights and counting, that’s not something she ever going to experience, not in her wildest dream simply because you won’t allow it. The sweetheart you get to come home to, the absolutely breathtaking, caring man that could make you smile simply by looking your way, his heart, his soul, there’s no questioning the love he has for you and just how utterly infatuated you are with him. Yet this typhoon of jealousy, the green tinge of envy lurking its ugly head, winding itself around your heart like a python ready for the kill, there’s just no helping that. Is that wrong? Would Hanbin laugh if you share this with him, or would be be offended you have such little faith in the person you claimed to love. In truth, this whole whirlwind of a romance has you so wrapped around his slender finger, mind drunk with his whole being yet in reality, you know next to nothing about this person you call your man. Who is Kim Harbin really in the pocket of space and time when your present ceases to exist. Is he a kind son to his parents, what about siblings, aside from a vague mentioning of a younger sister, he speaks of nothing else in regard to family. What kind of bar does he and friends frequent, those trendy hipster one with more type of beers than there are hair on your head. Or are they the rugged type, pool halls and smoke filled dimly lit room while sipping on neat glasses of whiskey. So is it so wrong for you to have the tiniest bit of paranoia in your heart.

The bright light shining through the frosted glass boding gold lettering “134 - Kim Jiwon” and harsh yet quite beat of hiphop spilling through the crack of the door like a slap to your consciousness as your steps screech to a halt, the near 10 minutes walk from the room that left your heart torn like a missing piece of time, lost in the whirlwind of worries and guilt for even be worrying in the first place. With the softest knock you could muster while juggling two cups of pipping hot caffeine, your lungs finally let go of their clutch on a big puff of oxygen held in from the overwhelming emotion, waiting to be exhale only to find yet another lung full frozen inside. You clear your mind as best as you could but that in itself proving to be an impossible task… Kim Jiwon no longer just an innocent face you’re forced to lie to, he’s in this now, an important player judging by Hanbin’s decision to let him in on your secret. Will he be a trustworthy ally or an opponent lying in wait, only time can tell and for now all you can do is trust Hanbin’s instinct. For now the only thing you could do is play nice and observe.

a/n part 2: So many of you told me Hanbin and Jiwon from Konfidential night reminded you of this series so here ya go, something to aid your imagination.

[okayimoutofideas]

Different (Cedric Diggory)

Requested: Yes, also I wasn’t too sure if you wanted like Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff!Reader or something else but I’ve done Draco Malfoy a lot lately, so I hope this is okay!

Summary: Reader is a feisty Slytherin who has a crush on probably the nicest person in the world, Cedric Diggory

MASTERLIST

AN: Enjoy :)

~1st Year~

“Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” A boy asked, smiling kindly at you.

“Uh, no. Feel free to take a seat.” You said. He sat down across from you.

“I’m Cedric.” He said, holding out his hand.

“Y/N.” You shook it. “Do you know what house you’re going to be in?”

“No, I don’t really care, because I think all houses are good. Maybe Hufflepuff though. You?”

“Gryffindor probably, because that’s where everybody wants to go so can’t be that bad, right?”

“But is that what you want?”

“No, I don’t want to be here. I want to go home and pretend its all a dream.” You said and he looked at you.

“You don’t want to be here?” “No. I had to leave my family for school. School sucks.”

“Oh, well that’s okay.” He said an you looked at him. How could somebody be so nice and understanding. Not even your best friends at home were like that. but, the train ride continued slowly and the two of you continued talking.

Arriving at Hogwarts was much different than you expected. It looked nice and welcoming. You rode in a boat with Cedric to the castle and stood next to him the whole time. He was the only person you talked to. 

“Welcome, new students we hope you enjoy your stay for the next seven years. Let the ceremony begin.” The professor who announced herself as McGonnagall said. So one by one, students went up to the sorting hat and got sorted into their houses.

“Y/N L/N.” You walked to the hat and for the first time in your life,you were actually nervous. you looked over to Cedric and he gave you a sly thumbs up which made you smile.

“Hmmm, where to put you, you say Gryffindor, but I’m thinking…SLYTHERIN!” You noticed that some people were booing at you but most of them were clapping. You took a seat next to a girl who waved at you.

~2nd Year~

“Honestly, Cedric, I’m so sorry someone would do that.” You said,while you helped the boy pick up his stuff. “Oh, it’s fine Y/N. It was probably an accident.” He said and you were so confused how this boy would probably defend everyone and could never be mad at anyone.

“Okay the, let’s get to class.” the two of you had been friends this whole year and everybody was confused as to why a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff were friends.

~3rd Year~

“Y/N, I have a question of you.” Cedric said, sitting next to you on a bench where you were doing homework. The common room got a little too loud for you and your dorm mates were annoying you. “Yes?” You asked.

“Okay, so you know how we got the permission slips signed to go to Hogsmeade?”

“Yeah.” “Well, I was wondering, maybe, you’d like to go with me?” He asked nervously. You smiled at how shy he was being. “Sure.” You said and his eyes lit up.

“Great, I’ll see you Saturday, unless Sunday works for you, because Sunday is fine too.” He said quickly. “Saturday is fine.” You said smiling.

You met with Cedric and he was nervous. You were kinda nervous too. You were thirteen and having crushes were normal and that’s what you told yourself. The two of you went to The Three Broomsticks where some other people from school were, but it wasn’t too crowded. (A/N: Going over this, I just noticed I used “to”, “two”, and “too” in the same sentence. This probably isn’t interesting but I thought you should know) Madam Rosmerta sat you down in a booth and handed the both of you a glass of Butterbeer. That date went fine and the two of you talked about everything. That was when you knew that you definitely liked Cedric Diggory more than a friend.

~5th year~

“I don’t want to study!” You yelled, pushing away the textbooks which caused Madam Pince to look rudely at you and you stared back. “Come on Y/N, it’s your O.W.L’s. They’re important, plus you always do great. So, if we study, the you can guarantee that you’ll at least get one ‘O’.” He said and you groaned. You didn’t want to do anything anymore. Teachers were annoying you and your crush on Cedric only grew unfortunately. You thought this would be over with, but that was not the case. He was so nice to everyone, like one time a girl bumped into him and he apologized so many times and almost started crying. 

“Fine, but you owe me a Butterbeer.” You said. “Fine.” He said and you finally started working.

~Summer leading into 6th year~

“Come on Cedric, just get in the water.” You called to him as you, him, and a couple other friends were hanging out at the beach.

“But, what if I get water in my eyes?” He asked, worried. “Or what if I crush an animal- look a crab!” He exclaimed picking it up and smiling.

“Ced you dork, just get in.”

“Okay but let me get Dennis to a safer place.” He said and you rolled your eyes.

“Did you just name the crab Dennis?” You laughed. Finally he got into the water and you noticed a girl was looking at him. (A/N: This part gets really cringey and cliche but I wanted to show the readers feistiness) You rolled her eyes as she walked closer to you guys.

“Hi, I’m Morgan.” (Sorry if your name is Morgan)

“Cedric.” He said and they shook hands.

“Do you live around here?” She asked.

“Not really, how about you?” He asked and your blood started boiling. He didn’t even realize that she was flirting with him, because he mistook it for kindness.

“Oh well what school do you go to?”

“Ho-” He was cut off by you.

“Hansen boarding school. Hi, I’m Y/N, his best friend.” You snapped at her. She looked taken aback.

“Hi.” She shook your hand. Cedric was standing behind you, very confused as to why you were acting like this.

“Cedric, can you go get my hat? I think I’m starting to burn.” You asked. “Sure.” He said and wen to go grab your hat.

“Listen to me, stay away from him. He’s not yours and you don’t even know him so back off.” You snapped and she looked terrified.

“O-Okay.” She said, almost crying.

“Also, you might want to cover up, I can practically see your boobs.”

“Well, your ‘best friend’ didn’t seem to mind a minute ago.” She said,finding some courage. You turned back to her with steam almost pouring through your ears.

“Listen to me, don’t you ever talk about him like that! He didn’t even notice and if he did, he probably thought you should cover up. Don’t make me hurt you.” You said walking away. but, for extra measure, you muttered a spell and water came flying at her and knocking her backwards. Cedric came over to  you with your hat.

“I got your hat. What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Come on.” You said, pulling his hand and putting your hat on.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s fine.” You said angrily.

“You didn’t have to be mean to her.” He said and you turned around.

“She was practically throwing herself at you! How could you not see?” You asked.

“She was just being kind!”

“No she wasn’t! She was flirting with you!”

“Oh, so you’re jealous.” He said smirking and you turned red.

“I’m not jealous.” You said to him. “You are so jealous.” He said, laughing. “Come on Y/N, you know I don’t like her like that. Your still my favorite person.” He hugged you from behind. You rolled your eyes.

“Whatever. Cedric, did you put the crab on my towel?”

“He has a name.”

“Sorry. Did you put Dennis on my towel?”

“Yes.”

~6th year~

“You can’t be serious.” You said, walking away from him. “Y/N. Just understand-”

“Understand what? That you want to put your name in a potentially dangerous competition?” You asked.

“Look, I need to do this.”

“No, you don’t! I can’t let you do this.”

“Please, Y/N, just let me do this.”

“Fine! but I’m putting my name in too.” With this, his eyes widened.

“No, you can’t.” He said, going over to you.

“Now you know how I feel.” You said, tears starting well up in your eyes.

“No, please don’t cry.” He said, hugging you. You still refused to show your emotions and wiped your tears. “Cedric, you don’t understand. What if I lose you?” “Y/N. Only stupid people die in those things.” “That’s why I’m worried!” You said and he looked offended.

“Excuse you!” He said and you started laughing. He smiled.

It turned out that Cedric got in the TriWizard tournament along with Harry Potter, who’s underage. He had finished the first competition and the second one was coming up.

“Y/N, Y/N, I need your help!” Cedric said running towards you.

“Yes?” You asked. 

“I need to ask someone to the Yule Ball.” He said, taking a seat next to you.

“Okay. What’s her favorite color?” You asked.

“Silver.” Your favorite color was silver. “Okay, you should get a bouquet of flowers that are silver and just ask her. It’s simple, but will still show that you care.” You said. “Oh my god! Thank you Y/N! I hope Cho says yes.” He said and ran away. Cho? who the hell has Cho? It had just felt like your heart was stomped on. You immediately ran into your dorm and threw yourself on the bed. the tears just kept falling freely. You really hoped he would ask you but of course, you were the weird Slytherin girl with a temper.

“How stupid can a person be?” You asked yourself.

You were finally able to get a date for the Yule Ball, a boy named Henry. You were wearing a black dress with silver flowers decorated over it. To match, you also wore silver shoes. You noticed the champions dancing, specifically Cedric, dancing with their dates. Cho looked beautiful, wearing an elegant dress and Cedric looked handsome as always. after the first dance, everybody started dancing,but you didn’t want to. So, your date got angry and left you. There you were, sitting alone at a table, drinking punch. But that got boring, and you left to go into the corridors. You took a seat and noticed two different things going on. there was a girl who sat on the floor, bawling her eyes out, probably over some boy, and a group of girls yelling at each other, probably about a boy as well. You felt like both of those girls right now.

“What’s a pretty girl doing here all alone?” A random boy asked behind you. “I’m not interested.” You said and he groaned and walked away. There you were, alone in the corridor. You put your head in your hands and groaned.

“Y/N?” Somebody asked. You looked up to see Cedric.

“Ced, what are you doing here?” You asked sitting up. “Well, I noticed that my best friend wasn’t there.” He said, taking a seat.

“Shouldn’t you be dancing with Cho Chang?” You asked, anger lacing in your words. 

“No, she left. She said that I obviously had feelings for someone else.” Your head shot up.

“Who?” You asked.

“I don’t know.” He said and looked over to you. “Yes, I do.” That was when he kissed you. You put your hands around his neck and he grabbed your waist. And for the first time, you weren’t jealous of cedric because you knew you had it all.

Okay I hope you enjoyed. I was tempted cowrite a funeral scene, but I don’t want to kill you guys. :)

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 2: Academics and Debates

Due to DnD being scheduling hell, Clem the fighter is Definitely Standing Just Offscreen this session. Meanwhile, the DM introduces two mechanics he has been dying to try out: Corruption, and the Deck. 

There will be a full post about Corruption later (when DM tells us how the rest of it works, lol) but the point is this: the longer you stay in the cursed forest, the deeper you go, the more you experience there - the more cursed you become. It corrupts you. You can earn corruptions in various ways - cosmetic (looking more monstrous and less humanoid); psychological (e.g. feeling a compulsion for bloodlust or gaining a terrible phobia); or others I have forgotten about right now, at 9:50pm, while eating lasagna. 

Certain things that happen when in the woods give you points toward a score called Taint. (Heh heh heh.) We, uh, lost our Taint virginity this session. (No, DM, we will not stop. You brought this upon yourself.)

The Deck is a deck of cards used to determine encounters. Again, full post later, but it has such cards as “The Hunt,” “The Crown,” “The Wanderer,” etc. Each one can symbolize multiple things. For example, “The Crown” represents authority and government, so it could mean help from Duke Shieldeater’s forces - or it could mean a dangerous clash with enemy soldiers. 

ANYWAY, STUFF HAPPENED:

We woke in the Temple of Rack in the village of Ovruch, early in the grey dawn hours. There was brief scramblin’ around as the players did math to figure out how much starting wealth we all had and how much spare change those bandits had left lying around for us. Valeria spent some of the money overnight to make some Holy Water.

We scooted on out of the town without really saying much to anyone - the few people awake and the guards on patrol were definitely giving us Looks, but we didn’t really stop to chat.

Shoshana leads the way towards the ravine she had directed Sir Balderich to. Even in the 8 months since she’s been out in this direction, the woods have gotten darker and more foreboding, alarmingly tangled and twisted. A decent Survival check does right by us, and DM directs Shoshana, as the one rolling it, to draw a card from the Deck. She draws The Crown.

The Crown: Authority, government. A bit of good luck (and perhaps DM guilt?) leads us to a fortuitous find: an abandoned cart bearing the seal of the Royal House of Valdia, smashed and overgrown. There’s a strongbox off to the side, nestled in a hard-to-see place, miraculously untouched by bandits. Gral examines it, wondering if he might be able to coax open the lock...when the pommel of a shining sword just slams down and smashes the lock mechanism to smithereens. Thanks for the crit, Valeria.

We find: 100gp, 4 jewelry items of 25gp value each (1 mirror, 1 bracelet, and 2 rings), a silver dagger (given to Gral), and a bladeless sword hilt carved in runes. Gral and Shoshana determine that the sword hilt is not evil and probably magic, but hell if we know what it does.

We travel onward, and Valeria draws the next card: The Wanderer. The DM cannot suppress his glee, because he has an NPC he really really likes and it’s time to use him!

We hear shouting in a strange language - Draco-Aquilian, which only Valeria knows. Also generally crashing mayhem noises. We hustle on closer, and Valeria understands that the person is shouting “OH GOD! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WORK! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WOOOORK!”

There is a cart, drawn by two lizardlike beasts of burden. There is a Shambling Mound trying to engulf the cart and its inhabitants. Two Goliaths, a male and a female, are all tangled up in the thing, and there is a skinny, fancily-dressed blue Dragonborn generally panicking atop the cart. Being PCs, we attempt to kick butt. It eats Valeria (a helpful Goliath pulls her out), Shoshana sprays it with weedkiller, and we all go “???!?! WE ARE LEVEL 2″ but we don’t die. Valeria uses a Smite of some sort that looks like glowing vines snake through its plant form and burst into roses!!! It’s very Sailor Moon. Valeria gains 3 Taint for dropping to 0 HP while in a Cursed area.

The fancy Dragonborn hops down from the damaged cart and addresses Valeria in Draco-Aquilian, which nobody else speaks. “Greetings! I certainly must say, I did not expect to be rescued by a Knight of the Rose! I am Lucinius Galvan, Professor of Archaeology of the University of Aurentium!” He and Valeria chat a moment - “Argent? Oh I’m sure I’ve heard that name-” “Daughter of Renata and Bastion of the Silver Steppes.” “Oh, of course! The princess who became a knight! I’m merely an Earl myself-”

a) Yes, I wrote down your lore, feel free to correct my spelling; b) They’re speaking Fancy Dragon Words so the other characters don’t know any of this.

We also meet his Goliath bodyguards, Bjorn and Ingborg, who speak...not that much Valdian. They are Vangarians - part of a highly professional force of mercenaries rented out by the Draco-Aquilian Emperor. Extremely practical in the face of nonsense. Lucinius, meanwhile, requests them to bring out Tea! and Fancy Teacups! and Breakfast! and little stools to sit on! Bjorn complies, long-sufferingly. Shoshana is Awkward Turtle about fancy rich people things, and Gral is pretty suspicious but definitely has some jam and toast.

“I say! Are you local to this area, madam?” he inquires. Turns out he’s searching for some Aquilian ruins in the area, and Shoshana is able to give him decent directions to the spot she used to play in as a child. He describes his research - there’s a presentation, with visual aids. Bjorn tries to save us from having to sit through it, but academia cannot be stopped. Why did the Aquilian Empire never conquer the Greatwood? We must DO ARCHAEOLOGY about it!!!

Also, he identifies the mysterious sword hilt as, functionally, a scroll of Flame Blade. Neat! Due to a conversational mix up between etymology and entomology, he gives us a magic beetle that acts as a floating lamp. We love our Rune Beetle. (He pulls it out of “one of his many pockets,” and is immediately declared to be wearing the world’s fanciest Tacky Fisherman Vest.)

He’s ready to cheerfully forge on into the forest! Gral and Shoshana quietly pull Bjorn aside and warn him that the Cursewood is, like, super cursed? Did you guys not notice??? Bjorn and Ingborg thank us for the information, and continue on their way, almost certainly figuring out how to put a child leash on the adorable fancylizard.

Gral draws the third and final card of the night: The Outlaw. We come across a small camp: the bandits who attacked Ovruch the night before. Gral overhears them - their leader, the largest and most imposing, is threatening the others into compliance. They are uneasy - the wolves ran away last night after the werewolf was killed; can they trust the freaks in the ravine not to betray them? Doesn’t matter! The freaks in the ravine will eat them if they don’t cooperate, and they’ll get better loot by working with ‘em. 

Shoshana is like “welp,” and rolls up her sleeves, but Valeria very nobly goes “NO, there must be Another Way.”

“Uh, you do realize those are the guys who KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE yesterday, right?”

“And we just heard they’re being coerced! We don’t have to just kill them.”

Valeria strides into the bandit camp in a Nonthreatening Pose, weapons down. The bandits all jump to alertness, because Large Dragonperson In Armor, Oh No. She begins to offer them another option - we don’t know if she’s thought of one yet, but dang does she roll well on her Persuasion check to get them to listen. The bandits are going “...hmm, IS there another way?” but their leader, the madness of the Curse in his eyes, orders them to attack.

We kick their butts; Valeria deliberately nonlethals the bandit leader into unconsciousness. Gral offers the other bandits a harsh but fair option out: “Travel south, to where Duke Shieldeater’s forces are clear-cutting forest in order to hold back the Curse. Volunteer yourself for manual labor there. You will be treated fairly, if you work. In your spare time you will learn Orcish, for we have need of translators.”

The bandits, who have all gained Brooklyn accents, say, “Okay, deal, but...your friend there ain’t gonna kill us as we leave, is she?”

Because as they spoke, Shoshana had definitively Chill Touched their leader to death.

She agrees she’s not going to kill the bandits, but they better get the fuck out of here.

We also grill the bandits for information on The Hunt, which is what the “freaks in the ravine” call themselves. We learn that they sleep with wolves around them, and those that disagree with them are hunted for sport. There are traps set up around the perimeter of their territory - that’s how they captured the knight, who they are now keeping in some kind of cage. The bandits are unsure of the identity of the main leader - there was Lupo, the werewolf we killed last night, but they mostly listen to this Weird Guy In A Hood. Also, there is a huntress-woman, an archer girl. Shoshana freezes, and carefully asks who the huntress is, and what she looks like. They say she’s spooky; the shadows cling to her.

The knight is caged in the ravine, the part where it gets supernaturally dark. Most of the camp is outside The Darkness, but there’s a cave down there where the Huntress and the Weird Hooded Guy and Lupo lived. They bring the bandit leaders down there sometimes, to show them who’s in charge.

Also there’s this war-boar running around, with a dead Demish knight still strapped to its back?

We let the bandits (whose accents have swapped to Southern) escape, and then Valeria and Shoshana have what some folks call a “spirited ethical debate,” which in layman’s terms means they are PISSED at each other.

Valeria is shocked and appalled that Shoshana would kill an unconscious man. Especially when the bandits were surrendering and cooperating! Monstrous and brutal behavior. How could you?

Shoshana angrily stands by her decision. “How many people did those men kill last night?” she asks. “People I grew up with. And you think letting these bandits go free is worth letting them do that to innocent people again? Their leader was already Curse-mad. Too far gone.” (To be fair, she is too pissed off in the moment, and her player too awkward, to articulate her position this eloquently.)

Valeria erases 3 Taint for doing something so noble and heroic against the will of the Curse. Shoshana gains 3 Taint for acting in a way encouraged by the Curse.

With nothing to do but simmer at each other, and Gral diplomatically not choosing a side out loud, there is nothing to do but move on.

DM agrees that we could take a long rest now and reach the ravine by 4 or 5 pm. We jump at the chance to get our spell slots back, but each take 3 Taint for spending so long out here in the cursed lands.

All characters are now level 3.

[allrightsnaps]

The days in between

Little fluff and angst, but thought I would give writing ago again and see how it went. The first time, it was just sitting on top of her laundry pile. She assumed the house elves had mistaken it for hers and planned to return it to him when he returned from Quidditch practice. She set about tidying her school supplies away and changed from her robes into more casual clothing before heading off to Gryffindor tower to meet the girls; Mary had a date tonight and they had all been sworn in to help her prepare. "How can you possibly have a date, already?" Alice asked in astonishment, "we've been back for all of two minutes?!" "Hardly, try two weeks!" Mary replied. "That's definitely later than last year, she was dating Sam on the Tuesday after we arrived." Marlene replied flicking through her magazine, looking bored with the conversation. "Guys, you're here to help me prepare, remember?" "Mary's right, this isn't helping you two," Lily said sitting on the edge of Mary's bed, "let's see what you're wearing then." After a long few hours of preparing Mary, Lily return to the Head's dorm and attempted to complete a Charms essay due for Monday. She didn't see James for the rest of the night and hence forgot all about his jumper sitting in her trunk. The second time it was an accident, she was lying in bed and had awoken during the night from a bad dream; all these newspaper articles about death eater attacks had now invaded her sleep. She couldn't escape it. Glancing at the clock she noted the time, 5:27, she had to be up in an hour. Is it even worth going back to sleep? She thought to herself. After deciding it wasn't, she got out of bed and grabbed her latest novel to read in the common room. It was colder than she had expected at this time and rummaged in her trunk for a jumper to wear over the top of her pyjamas. She found the one she had forgotten about from last month and threw it on before heading to the common room. Despite being very obviously too big for her, she was unaware that this jumper was not in fact hers and sat reading The Great Escape until James appeared down the stairs just over an hour later. "Morning." He said smiling at her, "have you been up a while?" he asked. "About an hour, couldn't sleep," she replied. "How come?" he asked as he came and sat on the opposite end of the couch to her. "Just a bad dream. I got a 'B' on a potions essay and it was the end of the world!" She joked try to hide the fear she really felt. James laughed with her but didn't seem very convinced. She wasn't laughing the same way she naturally would but he didn't question it, despite being friendly for a while he was still never very sure when Lily was close to shouting at him again. "Oh well, I'm going to shower before breakfast. Meet you down here in an hour?" James asked. "Perfect! See you then," Lily responded as they both stood off the couch and headed to their separate rooms. It was just as Lily was getting undressed to go into the shower and she removed the jumper she saw the golden letters POTTER on the back of the shirt. The third time it was because she needed the comfort. She felt so alone and there wasn't anyone she could talk to. She wanted to talk to someone, but he was off on a date with some Tara-twit; not that she would ever admit to wanting to talk to him of course. Her friends had tried to help, but they couldn't understand and she just didn't want to explain her feelings to them, she just wanted held and she just wanted him. Lily pulled his shirt out from her bedside cabinet and put it on before returning to underneath her covers. She felt numb, her brain couldn't process what she just heard. It was too much. Professor Dumbledore's words still rang in her ears and try and she might she just couldn't shut them up! She felt angry, she felt hurt, she felt like her whole world had just imploded and there was nothing she could do about it. Why does it have to be like this? Why did this have to happen? She thought. She cried herself to sleep wearing James jumper, she needed to have something around her that belonged to someone she really cared about and someone that wasn't dead. The fourth time, was one week later. She had been absent from classes and everyone had noticed but only a few knew why. Feeling hurt and angry, Lily had yet to tell James what was wrong but took all her feelings out on him whenever he tried to help. It was straining their friendship, Lily knew that, but she couldn't help it. At least one of her friends was always with her, no matter what time of the day or night, as they didn't want her to feel alone and segregated. James tried to badger them to tell him what was wrong, but out of obligation to Lily they refused. One day Lily was lying on the couch as James return from classes, she was alone and reading yet another from her endless supply of books. "Hi," James said cautiously "Hi," Lily replied, she doesn't look mad James though, so he sat at her feet on the other end of the couch. "How was class?" "It was awful, as per, herbology is really not my thing." James replied, smiling at her. She smiled back before returning to read her book, she was wearing James' jumper again but he didn't notice. "How are you?" James tried "I'm embarrassed," Lily confessed looking at him properly "I'm so so sorry for how I acted. It was hurt and took all my emotions out on you, that wasn't fair and you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry." James saw tears forming in her eyes and without thinking he grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a hug. He rested his chin on top of her head and she buried her head into his chest. They stayed like that as she continued to sob quietly into him. It could have been minutes or hours that passed, neither knew, but when they eventually pulled apart James wiped his fingers under her eyes to brush her tears away. "I'm always here for you, no matter how big or small the problem is, please remember that." James whispered to her, he leaned in and gently kissed her forehead. That was all the encouragement Lily needed as she told him everything that had happened as he held her hand and wiped away her tears, almost as fast as they fell. She told him about the arguments she had with her mother and father because of her relationship with her sister and how they didn't come to see her off at the train because they had to go dress shopping for Petunia's wedding. She confessed all the problems she had at home with her sister and how was never truly happy when she was there. When she got on to the reason why she was so broken, James thought she was going to break in half because of how violently she was crying. But he just held her tight as she told him they had died in a car accident and how Petunia was arranging the funeral but Lily was allowed nothing to do with it. Petunia blamed Lily; there was no reason for it, but she was hurting too and this was the only way she could cope. Lily knew that, but it didn't make it hurt any less. With nothing needing to be said, the pair lay there until they fell asleep with Lily lying on James' chest still wearing his jumper. The fifth time it was a rushed attempt to cover up the previous night. They were late for class, very late, and professor McGonagall was not the teacher you wanted to be showing up late to class to, especially as head boy and head girl. Lily and James grabbed whatever clothes were nearest and threw them on as they ran out of their dorm and down to transfiguration. Professor McGonagall gave them a stern look when they both arrived over 10 minutes late, but James spoke before she could, "Sorry, Professor, we were finishing house point tallying and didn't realise the time," he lied with a cheeky grin. McGonagall knew he was lying but gave a curt "don't let it happen again." And returned to her lesson. James took his seat next to Sirius, Peter and Remus as Lily took hers two rows in front with Alice and Marlene. "Head duties, eh James?" Sirius asked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. Looking confused, Remus coughed and drew his attention to this jumper Lily was wearing. Looking at the golden POTTER emblazed on the back gave their lie away, James looked sheepish but Sirius just patted him on the back as the other three boys laughed. The sixth time she thought she was going to die. Her head spun whenever she sat up, she felt like she was going to vomit every time she opened her eyes and her nose was absolutely useless was it came to breathing. She was feeling very sorry for herself and James, being the very loving boyfriend that he was, sat beside her for the whole night after he returned from practice. "Why don't you go to the hospital wing" James asked genuinely concerned, "Because she might make me stay overnight and I don't wanna sleep without you here. So, no." Lily replied stubbornly. "Hellooooo?" Sirius shouted from the common room, "In Lily's room," James responded, "Enter with caution, she may throw up at any minute!" "Ew Evans, that's most unappealing." Sirius had now sat himself upon her chest at the end of her bed. "Get out then, didn't ask for you here," was Lily's response. "Ouch Evans! I know we aren't best friends yet but I thought you would treat me nicer than that!" Lily just rolled her eyes in response and pulled James' jumper over her nose so she could breathe him in as she tried to sleep. "I think I'm gonna be sick," she mumbled as she ran into the bathroom. James got up to follow her but Sirius just looked disgusted and asked, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" "Get OUT Sirius!" Lily demanded as she hung her head over the toilet seat. The seventh time was the final quidditch match of their Hogwarts career; she couldn't not wear it now. She roared and cheered with the rest of the crowd as the team flew high above their heads throwing the quaffle and chasing the snitch. At this point, there was no reason to hide it. Lily wore his jumper proudly with red and gold all over her cheeks and the biggest smile on her face. The game was close and the snitch had been seen. Whoever caught it would win the match, either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, and then the Quidditch Cup. Each side of the stadium screamed for their team as if they were competing against each other. With the final blow of the whistle the teams returned to the ground and the Gryffindor's celebrated their triumphant win. The crowd ran down to the pitch and as soon as he saw her, James ran toward Lily, picked her up and swung her around, her face beaming with nothing but pride. She pulled his neck down until their lips met and kissed him hard, for a moment they forgot they weren't alone. She wrapped her hand around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair as he wound his arms around her waist and picked her up until she was straddling his waist. If Remus hadn't pulled them apart the crowd would have seen another show that might not have been as pleasant. Lily remained in that jumper until very early the next morning when James was pulling it off her himself. The eighth time was the worst day of her life. Her heart was pounding in her ears, she couldn't hear what Mary was shouting at her. She felt nothing. There was blood, so much blood, all over her, all over Mary. There was so much blood. She looked around, people were running and screaming and she wanted to help. In her head, she knew she could help, but her body wouldn't move. Her best friend was lying on the floor, eyes open and glazed over. It was Marlene's blood. Mary dragged her with tears streaming down her face in any directions there wasn't flashes of green light. There was so much blood. She felt nothing. Mary almost collapsed with relief when she saw them. Remus, Sirius, Peter and James ran over to the girls and it was clear James was more freaked than he had ever been. She couldn't hear what he was saying, she saw his face and his lips moving but couldn't hear what he was saying. She felt nothing. James picked her up and threw her over his shoulder as he ran with the four others until they couldn't run any further. There was no one around and the screams and cries had been replaced with silence, an eerily deep and haunting silence. Yet Lily still saw blood, so much blood. They got home, she doesn't know when or how. But they got home. James pulled his jumper off her and threw it to the ground as he pulled her into the bath, he sat her facing away from him and against his chest as the lay there in silence. Lily hasn't said anything but the tears don't stop falling down her face, she's shaking and petrified. She doesn't know what's happening. All she sees is blood; so much blood. The ninth time it takes them by surprise. "Lily? Did you just wet yourself?" James asked laughing "No." Lily turns to him, "that was my water!" "oh, my god, oh my god! It's happening? Like now? What do we do? The hospital…we need to go there!" James responds as he grabs the baby bag and apparates, leaving Lily still standing in the kitchen. It takes him longer than she expects to return, "It would be good if I took you with me though, wouldn't it?" James asked "Yes," Lily replied laughing. She had never seen James look so out of it, it was the only thing distracting her from the pain. As the pair arrived at the hospital, together this time, the nurse began to check them in. "And your surname please?" she asked. James spun Lily around and he pointed to the back of her jumper. "Potter then?" the nurse asked laughing as she wrote it on the chart. "Well good luck to you!" Five hours later, she is still wearing his jumper until she takes it off, James charms it and dresses their new baby boy in it. "Welcome to the family, the newest Potter!" The tenth time is the final time. Harry is wearing it before he goes for a bath. Lily washes him and plays with the rubber broomsticks in the bath as James tidies his clothes away into his room. The jumper stays there as the family play downstairs and get ready for bed, Lily takes Harry upstairs just as the door opens. She hears James' voice and she hears the other, the flash of green light is that last thing she sees as she runs with Harry into his room. Lily comforts Harry as she puts him in his cot, she promises him that he is so loved and that she was always love him no matter what happens. As he enters the room she protects Harry with her life, in her last few moments she sees the jumper on the shelf and smiles as she remembers all the good times that jumper has seen. The memories almost distract her from the voice and the pain and the light. Almost; but not quite.

[killershot]

On the Verge of a Panic Attack

I don’t know why I took so long to get home I guess it was un mal precentimiento a bad feeling. I was wandering on Western and Wilshire hadn’t made up my mind if I wanted to go home or roam. Then I got the call my Tia said the cops were home.

They were looking for me.

I hit up a friend right away. Chad if you’re reading this you’re the real MVP (that and tarte cosmetics). He told me everything I needed to know the questions they would ask me how they would go about doing things.

He said be patient.

Be cooperative.

Stay calm. Composed.

He’d seen it all before. Been there done that. He was a master a pro at what cops called a 5150.

“They’re gonna try to intimidate you. To twist your words.  To keep you there. If you don’t feel safe just say ‘I feel like you’re putting words in my mouth.’”

That became a catch phrase.

Didn’t think I’d use it with such frequency.

I was also mad. Mad at the fact that I wasn’t gonna get my Buffulo Wild Wings as I had planned and mad that all of this which I had already decided to bury with a hatchet, was only the beginning.

I did send an angry text but that was it. Felt somewhat betrayed I mean how could you? I told you I was scared of being inside of a mental asylum.

Look I know the story by heart my aunt was locked up years ago for saying she wanted to kill my cousins her husband and then herself just to end the nightmare.

They put her in the looney bin for 3 days.

No one knew about her for those days my youngest cousin doesn’t even recall the incident. She was very little. As for my two other cousins they were new immigrants with little to no knowledge of the English language.

That 72 hour hold loomed on me like a dark cloud.

I never thought my own people where the ones to deceive me.

I arrived; there they were looking like Frank Poncherello and Jon from the movie Chips. Just your everyday comic relief cop character I could hear the song playing in the background bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when they come for you I tweaked the lyrics a little in my head until I arrived at the front of the house.

I felt at ease for a brief second. I thought wrongfully that I could trust officer Encino such a brown last name I’d be let go in a few. How wrong was I.

He wasn’t very tall or very fit just you’re every day stereotypical Mexican American 5 generations retired so really a Californian. Family had been in this land for generations unlike my parents.

Officer Carpenter was a tall lanky guy, freckly looking with redish hair. You could tell he didn’t want to be there he had other more important things to do like catch thieves stop killers and lock up rapists but no he was here dealing with a girl who just had a mini ataque de panico. Reminiscent of a film I watched in Spanish class Mujeres al Borde de un Ataque de Panico it was an old film from 1988 but for some reason we watched it. Our teacher was weird I guess.  

We chatted talked about the incident I reassured them I was ok and looking forward to having diner with my family and when I say family I meant my 7 cats. It was almost feeding time. I could see Canseco my newly beloved son and prized possession lurking under the car. His tummy rumbling.

Officer Encino just wouldn’t let me go tried to twist my words interrogated me made me feel stupid. I kept on repeating “I feel like you’re putting words in my mouth” he was offended, defensive every time I said that but I’m used to it by now. I know someone like him. He gets defensive too. At least he didn’t hit me with the; you’re slandering me words. It echos in my head sometimes. After I heard it I had to Google it to see what that word really means. Slandering.

I forget.

It was a 5150 and even after Officer Carpenter said “She’s fine just let her go” Officer Encino decided to arrest me.

Options I had none but I had a few.

After he said he would “have to arrest me” I played some scenarios in my head after all I am a quick thinker.

Scenario 1: I would punch him. Kick that smirk right off his face. They would be forced to shoot. I would probably die. I could see it now “Hispanic female in late 20’s shot right outside of her South Central LA home after resisting arrest.” I’d die a martyr. I think I smiled a little. People would hold vigilances for me I’d be another colored getting killed by the LAPD it sounded like a weird twisted fantasy until I heard my mom wailing. I snapped.

Scenario 2: I’d run. I don’t even like running but I could try to escape via running until I realized A. I’m terrible at running B. They would probably catch up to me and C. I’d get tazed half a block away from my house in front of all my neighbors to see. How humiliating. I couldn’t.

Scenario 3: Turn myself in which I did.

I was handcuffed in front of my family and a few chismoso neighbors. It was exactly how you see it in Cops. I don’t know if it’s protocol or what but I felt like a criminal. I was nervous I’m not gonna lie I wanted my phone my sense of security.

We drove down to the police station 3rd district South Central LA. I’ve been here before countless of times. Sometimes angry sometimes crying. I’ve been here to pick up my cousin Herberth who has a mental disability and Kevin his friend who is also mentally unstable. I’ve come here with my auntie when she got jumped and beaten in the corner of Western and 42nd right in front of the Snooty Fox hotel to file a police report. I’ve been here so often that for a second I thought a cop would recognize me.

Nothing I was just “The Nike Girl”.

I walked past those cells horrible things were in them. Can’t really go into detail I didn’t want to look to further traumatize myself.

I got my own little cell.

4 white walls. A female officer came to “pat me down” Officer Beadle she was…a bitch.

Even after Officer Carpenter told her I was “friendly” and “nice” she still treated me like complete garbage like a criminal and humiliated me in front of all to see. Dignity? I don’t know her. She stuffed her hand in my hair and ruffled it around violently I was steaming inside. I didn’t care much for the awkward crotch grab you just don’t grab my hair like that. If Larry taught me anything was “respect a black girls hair” or in my case my 4c hair type inherited to me from my David Ortiz looking father.

And there I was in my little cell surrounded by four white walls there was no clock to tell the time nothing to entertain me. I was slowly loosing it. My patience that is.

But everyone came to visit my cute face. Unlike my fellow inmates I was well dressed small young looking and cute.

Their visits entertained me. I was utterly bored and I thrived in that attention.

I liked being referred as a “pretty girl” although I don’t believe it I still liked that.

We talk about running. Look I’ve never sold a god dam shoe in my life but I can sure act like I do.

We talked about Free’s, Pegasus and Lunarglides each and every officer that came through and asked about their foot I gave them my recommendation. From a guy with wide feet Vromeros or Pegasus Wide to a guy with flat feet in need of more support to getting technical with work out shoes like Metcons? Metcons I didn’t know much.

Discounts?

I get 40 you? You my friend get...none. Unless you get me the fuck out of here I’ll send you a gift card or something.

I guess time went by quicker than I thought. They had dinner someone got shot and they left me alone for an hour. Many things happen among the worst was my need to use the restroom. Nature was calling I needed to pee and I swear I held it for as long as I could cause I thought they’ll release me soon they have to look at how well behaved I am opposed to the other inmates they caused a havoc. Could hear their screaming and cussing.

A female officer came to take me the bathroom, it was just as bad as a bathroom in a bar in the Tenderloin San Francisco. I am the worst squatter in the universe like my squatting abilities are atrocious. There was some toilet paper I lined the toilet was about to pull my pants down when I noticed the officer looking at me.

“Can you please close the door?” I asked sheepishly.

“No we can’t I gotta keep it open” and supervise me peeing she didn’t say that but actions speak louder than words she saw me pee and it was humiliating.

I could feel the pee trickling to my thigh like fuck now I got pee in my thighs I rolled my eyes a couple of times pulled up my pants in disgrace and attempted to flush the toilet. She’s lucky I shaved that day. It wouldn’t flush my urine and the urine of countless of other individuals laid there together.

I attempted to wash my hands. No soap. I was irritated. You know how you can tell if someone is sane is if they wash their hands after using the bathroom at least that’s what I thought. She sighed and smiled at me if I read her mind correctly she said something along the words of I wish all inmates were as easy as you.

So I sat in my cell for what felt like an eternity.

Officer Encino wanted the worst for me he wanted me to be on hold for 72 hours. The funny thing about my people is they don’t want to see you shine. They don’t want you to succeed I guess they envy that. They gotta put you down and demoralize you somehow. It’s funny all this time I thought we were suppose to stick together support one another be there for one another but I think that was just some brainwashing I had at San Francisco State University the only University with a building dedicated to the Ethnic Studies. There I learned how to embrace every single aspect of my Latinx heritage claiming my Indio as well as my African side. I thought we were all Raza but I guess my professors lied.

“Your job is to give back to the community” I could hear Professor Cordova’s words echo around the cell. Giving back to the community was priority number one and as a young college student that’s exactly what I wanted to do I wanted to help mi gente but not everyone wants to help us. I learned that the hard way.

They bickered back and forth let her go to no 72 hour hold they had to wait on someone much more qualified to make that decision I don’t remember her name or her partners name. She reminded me of my high school teacher awkward hippy looking white lady with her short black sidekick.

I answered all the questions correctly as I was told by Chad even if I lied on some. I cracked a joke and made them laugh brought them at ease.

I could see the frustration on Officer Encino’s face he was disappointed everyone had agreed I really didn’t need to be taken to the psychiatric ward.

He should be happy I thought why would he want me to go through so much unnecessary pain. But then I remembered that he wasn’t there to help me he was there to destroy me and to make this all the much unbearable.  That friendly Latino face I thought I could trust gone can’t trust my own people. They say they do it with the pretext that they care I didn’t believe it I could never believe it Cucarachas I muttered.

I got home roughly at around 9:20pm I’d been there for hours no BDubs for me.

I wasn’t even mad or irritated I was relieved. I sent you a text out of courtesy not because I thought you’d care. I could care less of me too. I responded to her text cause I felt like she cared or at least acts like it I mean I can act too. I’m not the best actress but I did play Iago in high school and very well at least that’s what Ms. Pilaf would have said.

I tucked myself in bed and was visited by my first born, Mjolnir. Cat’s are such mysterious creatures its as if they know; they show affection in a way people and dogs can’t. He cuddled right next to me grooming the bits of hair I had frizzled everywhere. I had forgotten what it felt like just this ball of fluff purring right next to me rubbing his head on mine. It had been a long day all I can say is I’m glad that shit’s over.

  PS:

I don’t want to brag but I got some badass skills to be a magnificent author I guess Ms. Vazquez was right I am a writer and I feel like I am a much more honest person with my feeling when I write. To those of you who have read this little piece thank you.