#so please let me know if you find any while reading!

[aquariusmiller]

Sell-out

Pairing: QZ!Joel x f!reader

Summary: After a smuggler Joel and Tess were working with didn’t pay for his end of the deal, Joel captures his girlfriend, you. Tired of your boyfriend’s scheming ways, you decide to use the situation to your advantage.

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, captivity, mentions of m!oc, cheating, darkish!Joel, dubcon (power imbalance, eventual consent), oral (m receiving), unprotected p in v, creampie, dirty talk, slight dom/sub dynamics

A/N: Happy New Year! Decided to do something different for this one-shot and I'm excited to put it out there because I personally love reading these types of stories and I've been writing this for a while. I appreciate any feedback and enjoy these messy characters! :)

masterlist

The first thing you feel waking up is sharp pain coming from the back of your head. You move your arm to inspect it, but the weight of chains stops you, clanging against the hard floor. You quickly open your eyes to see where you are.

The room you’re in is wide, brick walls of it covered with graffiti, holding a network of pipes. You... You know this place. You’ve seen it from outside of the abandoned warehouse near the QZ, waiting for your boyfriend Lucien to finish up meeting with his smuggling crew. You always hated the types of guys coming here and the way he’d try to fit in with them, mimicking them without noticing. Most of the time, though, you’d bear with it because his line of work brought in the resources. To him and to you. This has to be the shadiest place in a wide perimeter, and it smells like it; of sweat, dried blood and rusted metal.

You raise your arms slightly and turn to look at them. There’s a pull of the heavy metal again. You see chains tied around your wrists, locked around a metal pipe. You don’t remember any of this happening, much less getting here. Your mind runs a mile an hour, trying to find an answer to the burning question – why the hell are you here tied up?

Heavy and intent footsteps grow louder until you see a big wooden door open. Your eyes widen as you see who comes out, his bearded face and stern expression unmistakable. He leans on a small metal table, staring you down. Joel fucking Miller.

Of course you know who Joel Miller is. Along with Tess, he’s one of the most notorious smugglers in the Boston QZ, feared by even the toughest of brutes. Tess is the brains, Joel is the muscle. They worked with Lucien on his most recent deal and... Oh, shit. You know why you’re here.

His expression is nonchalant, except for a subtle scowl. “Finally. You’re awake.”

You look him straight in the eye, trying not to show the fear bubbling in your stomach. You curse yourself as a tremble in your voice betrays it. “Why am I here?”

He grins darkly at the tremble in your voice, satisfied with his plan to intimidate you. “You know why you’re here.”

Of course you do. This isn’t the first time Lucien’s sleazy tactics backfired on him, yet he always thought he knew better than you. Didn’t want to listen to your advice and did as he pleased. Now you’re the one captured for it.

You decide in a split second you’ll pretend you have no idea. “No, I don’t.”

“Liar.” He says menacingly.

“What do you want?” You get annoyed and struggle against the chains.

“No use strugglin’. You’ll just hurt yourself. And I want my share.” He walks around as he speaks, heavy boots stomping on the concrete floor. You have to resist the urge to flinch at every one of his steps. “Thought you were so smart, double-crossing me and Tess.”

You glare at him, determined not to let him sense your fear. “Me? I’m not a smuggler.”

He smirks. “Oh, right. Forgot you’re Lucien’s arm candy.”

You know what he’s doing. Trying to coax an answer out of you by implying your only use is standing still and looking pretty. You won’t fall for it. You tilt your head. “Forgot you’re Tess’s muscle.”

You see a flicker of annoyance pass him at the quip before he composes himself. “The muscle could snap you in half.”

You keep glaring up at him. “Good thing. Nothing else going for you.”

He comes closer and kneels in front of you, his shadow looming over your frame. “You’re makin’ this a whole lot harder on yourself.”

You keep eye contact as he comes closer to you, his breath hitting your face, your breath speeding up from adrenaline and... His proximity. He’s so close you can smell his musk mixed with gun powder. God, not him. Not right now. You swallow.

He smirks. “What? Cat ate your tongue?”

You struggle to think as your skin warms up slightly, making part of you not want to leave. Looking away from him towards the floor, you shake out of it. The chains are tied to the pipe with a lock. If you’re lucky and he hasn’t thought this through, he could be keeping the keys to the lock somewhere on him. Joel wouldn’t, but it’s worth a try. You could also convince him to let you go. You’ve talked your way out of worse, and Joel is a pragmatic man. If you figure out what he wants, you stand a chance.

After a few seconds of running through this in your head, you have a plan of action. “I can give you your share.”

He leans a bit away to check your facial expression, determine if you’re deceptive. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah. It was a stupid idea, and I told him that. You should be made up for your struggle.” You try to keep your expression flat, playing up the “you deserve compensation” card.

He hums, smiling slyly. “You’re good. Can’t tell if you’re lyin’.”

“Well, I’m telling the truth.” You huff, genuinely annoyed this time at the predicament you’re in because of your boyfriend. “So how about we cut a deal and you get me out of these?” You raise your arms as much as the chains tying them on your back will allow.

He raises his eyebrow. “You’re takin’ this way better than I thought.”

You roll your eyes. “Not used to people coming in to save me.”

He shrugs and nods. “See...” He gets up slowly from his crouching position, walking around again. “I could cut you a deal.” He stops and looks you over, his eyes scanning your body slowly, like a predator deciding whether to play with its prey or finish the hunt. “Ain’t sure you’re gonna like it, though.”

Relief, intrigue and a bit of fear are swirling in your chest. Your voice cracks but you compose it quickly. “Go ahead. Shoot.”

He comes closer to you and crouches again, stroking your cheek with no emotion in his eyes, searching yours for any signs of discomfort. Chills prickle your skin and you’re not sure if you want to bite your lip to hold back your reactions or to spur him on. You refrain from it.

You should move to stop him. But it’s as if his gaze is keeping you in place, looking into your very soul.

“This is about sendin’ a message.” He strokes your cheek with his knuckles, the roughness of his calloused hand pleasant against your soft skin. “So you can tell me where you keep everythin’ you own, or...” He bites his lip, his eyes closing slightly with lust. “We can do somethin’ else.”

You’re breathing heavily, you heart beating quickly in your chest, leaning against the wall to get as much distance as you can from him in a desperate attempt to think clearly.

All of Lucien and your resources or... Whatever Joel’s up to? You don’t like this. You’re cornered. As much as you’re intrigued by the latter, you have a sinking feeling in your gut you’ll be forced to do it anyway. You frown in resignation.

You turn back to Joel, your tongue on your teeth in anger. “What else?” You spit out.

He smirks, aware of his position, taking his hand off your cheek. “You’re a smart girl. ’M sure you’ll figure it out.”

Thinking of your next move, you look at him frustrated. You lunge and bite the front of his shirt, keeping him in place as you try to will your chained hands to move to his jean pockets and look for the key.

He scoffs in frustration and shakes you off, pinning your shoulders against the wall. “Goddamnit-“

You slam against the wall, scowling at him.

He keeps you pinned and scoffs. “Oh, c’mon.” He smiles slyly, running his finger down the pulse point on your neck. “Afraid you’ll like it?” He leans in and whispers in your ear, his lips lightly grazing the shell of it. “You already do.”

You hate him with a fiery passion. You hate the invisible pull between you two and the way your breath is quickening.

He keeps whispering. “Smart girl. Sharp as a whip. Bet he doesn’t know how to handle ya.” He runs his hands down your sides, stoking the fire lit in you.

Your eyes shut slightly on their own accord, the sensation in your core pleasant. He’s flattering you, using your vanity against you as if he’s reading into your mind.

“I could make good use of you.” He whispers, his breath hitting your ear. “In a lotta ways.” His words are seductive, but you sense a deeper meaning. He sees tangible value in your calculating mind and survival instincts.

You should resist him. Use any tactic you can think of and try to run. But you’re curious about what he could do to you. You like the thought, and your body’s betraying you too, heat pooling low.

You’re also curious about the vision of Joel treating you like an equal. Tess is his partner in crime and you’re not sure how you’d fit in the picture. Yet, desperation for recognition Lucien never gave you lets you think wishfully for a fleeting moment. Does thinking like this make you a traitor? Weak willed? A sell-out? What devastates you is you’re not sure Lucien would care for this more than losing his supplies.

There’d likely be hell to pay either way. Hell with Joel seems like the lesser one.

So you entertain Joel. You bite your lip and turn to him slightly as you whisper. “Bet you could.”

He slowly pulls away from your ear and smiles slyly. “You’re comin’ around.”

You return his sly smile with your own. “Are you gonna make good on your promise?”

He leans in, his lips inches from yours, an invitation for you to close the distance. “You bet.”

You look down at his lips, corners of your mouth crooked into a smug smile. Temptation rises in you, pulling you in like a moth to a flame. And a flame will it be when Lucien finds out.

You lean in and kiss him. He kisses you back searingly, full of pent up aggression and desire, biting your lip softly. You moan at the slight sting, both getting lost in this desperate and carnal moment, mouth to mouth, no more space for thinking. His tongue finds your lower lip, asking for access. You grant it instantly, opening your mouth to let him explore it. You catch his tongue with yours and they glide against each other in a slow dance.

Moaning, you pull away. He grunts slightly at the loss of your lips on his. There’s a certain question in the way you look at him now that he can’t answer; how far is this going? He’s swept away in the tide of his arousal and letting it guide him.

He gets up and puts his hand on your chin, lifting it and tapping it as he speaks commandingly. “On your knees.”

You blink a few times in surprise and swallow your pride before you get up on your knees, tugging at the cold chains as you shift from your sitting position. Your core is fluttering even as you’re feeling like uncertainty is pressing down on your chest.

He smirks at your current position and tilts your head up, nudging you softly with his words. “Open wide. C’mon.”

You lick your lips as you look up at him with an expression juxtaposing what you’re feeling. Ready. In too deep, you’re seeing this through, letting him take you through the unknown. You open your mouth, sticking your tongue out.

“Eager for me, huh?” He strokes your chin tenderly, like you’re something to be handled carefully. “Good girl.”

You smile smugly with your eyes, keeping your mouth open, the last shreds of your restraint keeping you from giving fully into him.

The sound of him unbuckling his belt echoes through the warehouse interior. He slides it off, pulling down his jeans. You get a good look at the bulge straining against his boxers. God, he seems big. A bit of worry of you’ll fit him in your mouth comes over you.

He just grins at your hesitant frown and reaches for the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down. His length is bobbing on his abdomen, red and angry, already leaking precum. You instinctively tilt your head and bite your lip at the sight. His bulge didn’t fool you about his size, and of course it’s as demanding and manly as the rest of him.

He looks at you sternly. “Go on. I ain’t got all day.”

He’s taunting your doubts, and you might agree with the sentiment. You want to be so full of him you can’t think. You lick up the drops leaking from his slit, looking up at him with wide, pliant eyes.

He strokes the back of your head, sucking in a breath. “There we go.” He grips your hair and pulls you in the direction of his cock. You wrap your mouth around his tip, swirling your tongue, before you push in deeper.

He grunts. He grips your hair, his eyes shutting slightly at the sensation of your warm mouth. “Just like that, baby. So good.” He pats your cheek with his other hand.

You bob your head, setting up a steady pace. You inhale his musk as you take him in deeper each time.

He’s a mess of grunts and low moans. He grips your hair with both hands and starts thrusting into you with abandon. He hits the back of your throat and even as you gag, you close your eyes and moan, the vibration pleasant on his cock. He lit up a wildfire inside you. At this point, you’re helpless to stop it.

Even in his haze, he’s making sure to hold your head securely to keep you from falling backwards. He lets out a groan as he bucks into you, struggling to speak. “Takin’ me so well. You like chokin’ on it?”

You moan in approval. You’re getting off on being tied up and used like this, the ache in your core becoming almost unbearable. So intent on doing whatever he wants, you don’t care if it gets eased.

“’M not sure how long I can last.” He pulls out of your mouth slowly, the saliva stream connecting your mouth with his cock as he does. You open your eyes, looking up at him half-lidded, close to being completely spent. He strokes your cheek, scared he’s hurt you. “You okay?” His voice is tinged with warmth you didn’t expect.

You nod as you look into his hazel eyes, still devoid of emotion but attentive in their own way, glimpses of the man he must have been before the world hardened him.

“Where d’you want me?” He keeps stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“I want you inside me.” There’s almost a desperation in the way you look up at him, not sure if it’s for him to slide into you or to keep him giving these small crumbs of attention.

He nods as his gaze skims over your body slowly. As if he just remembered something, he stops in consideration. He orders, slight irritation at this thought ruining his fun in his voice. “Turn around.”

You narrow your eyes questioningly and hesitantly turn around to face the wall. Gripping your arm, he unties the chains around your wrists. Relief and confusion come over you. Is he going to...?

He is. You recognize the sound of keys clinking behind you before he turns the key in the lock keeping the chains to the pipe. The chains fall to the floor with a loud clang. You finally move your arms, sore and chafed by them, rubbing the marks.

Why would he let you go before you get to the good part? Wait... Guess there are invisible lines Joel won’t cross. As much as he liked the power he had over you, he wants you to have a choice in this. To know you’re doing this on your own accord, not to escape, not fearing for your life. This is just his test of that. He stands behind you for a few moments, gauging your reaction, watching whether you’re preparing to flee.

As you stand with your arms free, all your instincts tell you to run. But where to? Back in the arms of the boyfriend who makes you fear his betrayal every single day? It’s only a matter of time before his backstabbing tendencies are turned on you, you think.

To be fair, Joel is not the most reliable man to turn to next, but you decide to explore what has transpired between you further.

You turn around and look at him, his bulge still straining against his pulled up jeans, tilting your head and smiling knowingly. “Go on. I ain’t got all day.”

“Good. Thought you’d try to run.” He grins and nods, and you can see relief clearly painted on his face. “Woulda been a shame.” His voice takes on a lower and more confident tone.

He grabs your arms and moves you to the patch of brick beside the pipe you were locked to, pinning you to it. Your faces are close together and now you’re both smiling like two teenagers sneaking off to do something forbidden. He slides his tongue into your mouth again as you open it eagerly. You kiss briefly before his fingers slip past the waistband of your jeans inside your panties. He hums. “Already wet for me, aren’t you?”

You nod as you exhale in pleasure. “So wet.”

He parts your folds with his finger, not pushing in, just teasing. “Let’s see how wet you can get...”

Your core is throbbing and his touch keeps making it worse. Leaning your head back against the wall, you sigh. “Oh God...”

He smiles slyly as his fingers find your clit, rubbing teasingly. “Lucky bastard, Lucien... Gonna fuck you so hard you forget all about him.”

You look at Joel in surprise at mentioning him, too worked up to care at this point, perhaps even tempered by the anger and resentment you harbor for Lucien. Too late to turn back anyway, you think you like the way this is sticking it to him. A subtle sly smile tugs at the corners of your mouth.

He takes his hand out of your jeans and begins undoing the button and zipper on them. As he does, your chest is rapidly rising and falling and you feel the heat spreading through your body, consuming you. You clutch onto his belt, undoing it once more along with his jeans and boxers. He hooks his fingers into your panties and pulls them down.

He taps the head of his cock to your clit, your arousal mixing. You move your hips instinctively for him to push in, but he makes sure to torment you for a moment longer, tapping it against you again.

“Joel...” You whine.

“You want it? I wanna hear you.” He pushes in just the head of his cock, closing his eyes in pleasure.

“Yes! Yes, I want it so badly. Please...” Before you’re even done begging, Joel can’t take it anymore and pushes all the way in. In one rough stroke, he’s fully inside you. Your breath’s almost knocked out and a slight sting from his size quickly turns into pleasure.

He stills for a moment, letting you adjust. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

He slides out of you a bit before he slams back in. He sets a ruthless pace, each thrust pushing your hips to the wall and hitting deep inside of you. You lean against the cold brick, your lips parted and your eyes half-lidded, moaning. It’s almost animalistic, the way you’re both losing your bearings in this dirty warehouse.

“Atta girl. Take all of me.” He picks up speed as he presses closer to you, taking your nipple between his fingers through your shirt and pinching it, his voice husky and low. “Who’s fucking you harder than he ever did?”

“You, Joel.” The words come out of you without even thinking about them.

He grins proudly. “Damn right.” His hand reaches for your thigh, raising it slightly so it’s wrapped around his waist. The angle he’s thrusting at changes and you feel him hitting that delicious spot inside you that makes your vision blur. Now you’re a mess of gasps and moans.

He pounds into you relentlessly. “’M close. Gonna fill you up full of me.”

Too deep into the blissed out haze, you moan and nod, only thinking about how good it will feel. And it does. He buries his face in your shoulder as he fills you, hot pulses of his thick release pumped deep inside you. His cock is throbbing inside you as he empties himself. The sensations send you over the edge, and you lean your head back and moan as waves of pleasure crash over you.

He stays like that for a while as you both catch your breath. Sated and wrapped up around him, you close your eyes, coming down from the high. The tension from your initial meeting has dissolved, leaving you both light and boneless. You wrap your fingers in his hair, stroking it as he tries to gather his bearings.

There is not much to say after what’s already said and done, besides the question making your chest tighten as you both put your clothes back on. Is Joel going to brag to Lucien about this, more so – was this kind of payback his plan all along?

Something in your stomach twists at the thought that you were a pawn Joel successfully used in his game, but you don’t regret the way this has forced you out of the convenience of being by Lucien’s side.

As you zip up your jeans, your gaze falls back on Joel’s questioning expression. He can tell you’re lost in thought.

“Will you tell Lucien about this?” You say it with more bite than you intended, angry at the thought of being used.

He considers your question then shakes his head. “Won’t if you don’t want me to.” He grins. “Reckon it’s not my style anyway.”

Exhaling in relief and amusement, you nod. “Alright.” Your legs are sore as you head for the steel doors of the warehouse.

He raises his eyebrow at your abrupt exit and calls out. “We gonna see each other again?” He wants to, you can tell by his tone.

You turn around on your way out and contemplate whether you want to see him again. You connected physically but you feel like connecting emotionally with Joel would be an endless chase of something never to be caught. You’re so drawn to him. You don’t want to go. But you tilt your head as you answer bluntly with a smile. “No.”

He shrugs indifferently as the steel sliding door grinds while you open it. “Probably for the best.”

[brucebocchi]

Ranking 2024 anime, Pt. 5: #10-1

hey, this post is also available on my ko-fi, so please check it out and consider tipping/donating as i do this for free and am currently between jobs. you can find part 1 of the list here, part 2 here, part 3 here, and part 4 here. all of my seasonal reviews are on my ko-fi and under my anime reviews tag, mixed in with my occasional musings. thanks!

And we are in the home stretch! I didn't want to split up my top 10 like last year, so it took a couple days to get it all together. Thanks for your patience.

​As you may have noticed, some of these reviews are longer than others. I've reviewed most of these shows before, so I didn't want to be too redundant while talking about shows I've already reviewed. You can, of course, go back and read my initial reviews in my previous seasonal roundups.

Also, I just wanted to quickly shout out a few shows that I haven't watched much or any of, but would likely have placed well in these rankings, namely Dead Dead Demon's Dededede Destruction, YATAGARASU, the Spice and Wolf remake, Orb: On the Movements of Earth, Sound! Euphonium's third season, and the late Akira Toriyama's SAND LAND and Dragon Ball DAIMA. I only have so much time in a day, week, month, and year, but those series have been on my radar and I do intend to pick them up sooner or later.

But for now, let's focus on what I did watch. Off we go:

10. Blue Box

This is a slightly biased placement on my end because I picked up the manga this year and quickly fell in love with it, and I’m just happy that it got a faithful, well-made anime adaptation. If you have an issue with that, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: This whole list is biased. It’s MY list, after all.

After an uneven summer output between My Dear Friend Nokotan and Suicide Squad Isekai, WIT Studio is in full form adapting Kouji Miura’s gorgeous high school sports romance. Rising first-year badminton player Taiki has a huge crush on his basketball star senpai Chinatsu, who practices in the same high school gym he does. He’s happy enough to keep a friendly distance as they improve at their respective sports, but that distance is closed significantly when her parents go abroad for work and she ends up moving in under the same roof as him. The spirit of competition is in the air, and is that a whiff of romance I smell as well?

The reason I felt the need to call out my own bias at the start is because Blue Box’s debut cour is, on balance, probably just “pretty good,” but I was just so overjoyed that this anime even exists that I was willing to overlook the early story’s growing pains. Taiki, of course, is the POV character for most of the first cour, and most of the romantic tension we see so far is entirely from his end as he swoons and huffs and goes into cardiac arrest over any and every gesture Chinatsu throws his way. You know, teenage boy stuff. There have been criticisms that Chinatsu doesn’t get much interiority for a bit and that she’s a bit of an enigma in terms of her role in the central “romance,” such that it is so far, which is a valid criticism of a lot of shonen romance stories. I’m generally of the mind that these things are more potent when the object of the protagonist’s affection is treated as more than a puzzle for him to solve, but I think Blue Box does a fine job of establishing what Chinatsu means to Taiki before we do indeed begin to get a feel for how she operates and what she might think of him. If you found that part a little maddening early on, trust me when I say it’s worth sticking it out.

Regardless, the character writing is what made Blue Box such a hit in Weekly Shonen Jump. Taiki is a flat-out good kid, if a little naive, and his boundless determination to achieve and exceed his goals in both badminton and romance makes him easy to root for. Chinatsu is fairly taciturn, as mentioned, but that’s by design; she’s a notoriously difficult person to read, as even her friends and teammates note that they can rarely decipher what she’s thinking. She’s still an effortlessly charming character, and it’s not hard to figure out why Taiki’s got it so bad for her. The real highlight of the series, though, is Taiki’s classmate and longtime friend, Hina, a rhythmic gymnast and an absolute troll. She is an absolute delight in every scene she’s in, whether she’s knocking Taiki’s knees out from under him, focusing on rehearsing her next routine, or prying into Taiki’s love life and realizing that, oops, she really cares about him too. Hina is wonderful and I just want the best for her.

Characters this likable will need the voices to match, and I am over the moon about this show’s casting. Shouya Chiba is tremendous as Taiki, in a far cry from his Epic Based Stoic Chad role as Ayanokoji in Classroom of the Elite. Every line read for Taiki sounds exactly as gung-ho about sports and devastatingly down bad for his crush as you’d expect of a hormonal 15 year old. Reina Ueda is terrific as the soft-spoken Chinatsu, but I’m looking forward to hearing the always-delightful Xanthe Huynh (Haru in Persona 5, Marianne in Fire Emblem Three Houses) take on the role in the dub just as much. Akari Kitou channels much of the same gremlin energy she did for KamiKatsu to portray Hina’s mischief, and I look forward to hearing her nail Hina’s excellent upcoming character moments. And although it’s a secondary role, the casting I was most excited to hear was Chiaki Kobayashi (Mash in Mashle, Stark in Frieren) as Taiki’s teammate Kyo. Kobayashi’s languid tsukkomi affect was exactly what I had in mind whenever Kyo would put Taiki’s lovelorn antics into stark relief in the manga. It’s like he was born for the part.

This show looks tremendous, perfectly adapting both the soft, doe-eyed character designs from the manga as well as the lower-detail gags. The pastel color palette and gorgeous lighting effects are exactly what I was hoping for while reading the manga.  If I have any complaint, though, it’s mostly that I want to see more of the sports action. The granular details of the badminton matches and basketball games are hardly the focus of the story, but the action panels are usually the best part of Miura’s art in the manga. Shot-for-shot, it certainly does hew close to the manga presentation, but it’s mostly a racquet swing or close-up jump shot followed by an onlooker’s reaction. I’d have liked a bit more follow through. The CGI used for background competitors can get a little distracting after a while, too, but it’s easy to forget about.

Blue Box is continuing into 2025, and I’m waiting for every new episode with bated breath. If you liked the first cour enough but still have doubts, trust me when I say it just keeps getting better. I look forward to coming back to the second half of this season in another year for my victory lap.

9. Girls Band Cry

This is one of the most inventive girls-band anime out there, certainly the most so since that one from 2022 that I swore I wouldn’t bring up by name. Gorgeous 3D-CG animation, stirring original music, and a compelling cast of characters combine to make Girls Band Cry even more than the sum of its parts.

More than anything, I think what makes Girls Band Cry a terrific showbiz series is that it depicts the uncomfortable reality that a lot of artists are just flat-out unpleasant people and often don’t mesh well with one another. Protagonist Nina is messy, stubborn, and angry at the world and her parents and will not hesitate to make it your problem. She butts heads with her friends and bandmates at any provocation, but stubbornness is a major driving factor in the plot: Each of the five members of Togenashi Togeari has something they’re trying to move on from with their music, and while they each have an opinion on how to get there, they do come to realize, after a lot of silly yelling matches, that they want to do so together.

As a vehicle to push Girls Band Cry and Togenashi Togeari as a real-world multimedia experience, this show is a success. It’s a terrific-looking show in ways we rarely see outside of Studio Orange productions (and allegedly Love Live! Sunshine!!, which director Kazuo Sakai also had a hand in); the 3D computer-generated character models and animations are terrifically expressive and lively, and creative visual effects add a compelling sense of synaesthesia to Nina's emotional highs and lows. The voice cast, all pseudonymous contest winners, are also the real-life band members, and they fully nail both elements of their roles. TogeToge’s music in the show is terrific, and as an already-existing Gorillaz-esque virtual band, I’m excited to dig into their back catalog.

Girls Band Cry finally got an official English translation, so there’s no longer any excuse to sleep on this one. It’s funny, it’s heartfelt, and above all else, it fucking rocks. Don’t let this one fade away just because you might’ve missed it when it aired.

8. Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, second cour

When I ranked the first cour of Frieren as the best anime of 2023, I wrote:

The debut season of Frieren will continue into 2024, and if the quality remains a constant, it could very well be one of the best anime of next year too. It has remained as MyAnimeList’s top-rated anime ever for its entire run, warding off the legion of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood fans. Frieren deserves it.

A year later, it is still MAL’s top-rated anime, and by a healthy margin. Another 12 episodes aired to kick off 2024, and it was indeed one of the best anime of this year as well. I stand firm in my convictions that not only is it one of the best anime of the decade so far, it’s one of the best anime I’ve ever seen.

I really shot my wad by praising Frieren so profusely midway through its run, to the point where I still don’t really feel the need to add much more here. The second cour mostly focuses on the First Class Mage exam arc, allowing us to learn more about the present state of magic in the modern day and adding some much-needed depth to the cast. It continues to strike a lovely balance between the quieter moments and bonkers action sequences, as well as the more serious moments with laugh-out-loud goofiness. It may be a lesser arc in this story, but it would be a standout in so many others.

If I haven’t been clear enough, I remain over the moon about Frieren. The second cour looks and sounds just as incredible as the first, and this show’s success should serve as a reminder to the industry that investment in quality pays off. Madhouse knows they have a banger on their hands, and if the next season can maintain this level of production value for the major arc that is still to come, Frieren may very well earn GOAT status. Even if another season somehow never materializes, I’ll still be talking about this season in five years when it comes time to talk about the best of the decade. Watch this goddamn show.

7. A Sign of Affection

For all the romance anime and manga I consume, I’ve shamefully been lacking on the shoujo/josei front. I really gotta fix that. If reading more shoujo was what spurred Yukinobu Tatsu to make DanDaDan, then who knows what it might do for me? A Sign of Affection isn’t my first shoujo, strictly speaking, but it does feel like one of the first I’ve seen of the good old-fashioned flowery romance type.

What a gorgeous show. A Sign of Affection looks terrific, sounds terrific, and above all feels terrific. This is just a lovely, fluffy romance with low stakes and easy payoff; just two pretty people getting to know each other and learning to overcome their differences. It’s low on gimmicks and plot contrivances, and for as much as I like romcoms and romance stories with a unique bent, I love a good straightforward romance just as much sometimes. Everyone looks beautiful and likes each other and Jesus Christ look at the lips on these boys. There’s even a double-date to Costco, and what better depiction of marital bliss could there be?

I’m still pleasantly surprised at how this show handles the main character’s disability. Protagonist Yuki’s congenital deafness isn’t a single-note character quirk or a plot device to make her seem helpless; it simply is. It’s a part of her life that serves as the lens through which all of the people in her life see and treat her, and it leads to the only thing that resembles a major conflict in the show. Itsuomi, the main romantic interest, doesn’t baby her or walk all over her; he instead gently tests her boundaries while learning to accommodate her in a way to ensure her comfort. Her childhood friend Oushi, on the other hand, is very jealous of this development because he seems to feel entitled to her just because he did the bare minimum to accommodate her. The circumstances aren’t common, of course, but it’s a good lesson for a shoujo to have: Don’t settle.

My praise for A Sign of Affection mostly boils down to “it’s just really nice,” but it does “just really nice” so goddamn well. It’s fluffy, it’s comfy, it’s cozy, all of those adjectives that would set off my fight-or-flight response if I heard them from someone else, but I was enthralled by this show week in and week out. I can’t believe I neglected to start reading the manga, and I’m gonna have to get on that ASAP because I can’t wait for another season.

6. The Apothecary Diaries, second cour

I found myself more intrigued at The Apothecary Diaries at the end of 2023 than most other shows I’d watched that year. I grew more and more invested in the idiosyncratic Maomao as she investigated mysterious ailments and navigated imperial palace politics, all the while being a lovable little shit. 

Before I’d realized it, though, the 2024 half of its run knew it had its hooks in me and took me for a ride. What looked at first like a series of one-off puzzles quickly began entangling into a much larger mystery, rapidly gaining momentum until exploding into a massive emotional payoff. So many of the small details in what you assume are episodic mystery-of-the-week mini-stories become relevant in unexpected ways and draw you in ever further. I adore this kind of lowkey long-term storytelling, and for it to be part of such an appealing package is basically catnip for me.

For as gorgeous as The Apothecary Diaries can be visually, sonically, and sometimes even emotionally, it’s worth mentioning that this show is also hilarious a lot of the time. Maomao is on permanent goblin mode whenever she isn’t carrying out official business, and any time the palace officials have to rein her in is a delight. The push-and-pull between her and Jinshi is endlessly entertaining to the point where I can wait forever for that payoff if I have to.

I neglected to read the Apothecary Diaries manga after the first season went off the air (though I nearly bought all of it sight unseen), and with the second about to drop, I guess I’m holding off for another six months. Can’t say I mind, though. I’m along for the ride and I want this show to keep surprising me for as long as it can. This is easily one of the best anime of the 2020s so far and I’m gonna be there front row center for every new episode.

5. Bang Brave Bang Bravern

People say “peak fiction” too goddamn often these days. Not that it was a meaningful term to begin with, but it’s been memed to hell and back and is mostly just thrown out ironically to mock garbage writing. To be honest, I’m not above it myself, but I prefer to ascribe it, even jokingly, to stuff that can only truly come from a brilliant and/or deranged mind. Preferably both. Peak fiction, to me, is the intersection where talent meets insanity, no matter the degree of either.

Bang Brave Bang Bravern is peak fiction.

I gushed about this show after the winter season, and I almost don’t want to say anything further about it, mostly for two reasons: Firstly, because I don’t really want to give the game away any more than I already did back in April, and secondly, because I think it may have permanently burrowed into a specific part of my brain and then melted it. All I’m left with is “this show fucking rocks, dudes rock, you need to see it, it’s peak, don't ask questions, just watch it.”

Indeed, Bravern is the Dudes Rock anime of the year, and an essential piece of Dudes Rock media. It’s Top Gun with aliens and a giant talking robot. And the robot wants to fuck his pilot. This show is loud, horny, stupid, and self-aware, combined just so into a cocktail of legitimate brilliance that is, for better or worse, unlike anything I’ve seen before or since. Nearly every single episode had me clawing at my hair and shrieking “WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING,” and that is the highest praise I can give just about anything.

I might be overselling it just a touch, but Bravern is just as earnest as it is utterly wild. It’s an intentionally hilarious show, but it means everything it does and says. It’s a love letter to mecha anime and tokusatsu, and with its top staff sporting Gundam and Macross bona fides, that love oozes into every aspect. The mechs, both manmade and alien, all look tremendous, the music is a throwback to the goofy bombast you’d find in series like this as far back as the Showa era, and the ensemble cast outside of our silly leads are just as gung-ho and serious about Saving The World as you’d find in just about any other mech show. Anything that can be this goofy with a completely straight face is going to hook me in.

All in all, Bang Brave Bang Bravern is hypercompetent lunacy with heart. Call it weaponized genre awareness if you must, but it knows exactly what it’s about, grabs you by the collar, and takes you for a ride, all while doing badass tokusatsu poses and calling out special moves with silly names. This is legitimately what fiction is all about. 

Also, if you don’t like Lulu just because she screeches a lot, you’re a weakling. Gaga-pi, motherfucker.

4. The Dangers in My Heart, season 2

This was a series whose first season was conspicuously absent from my 2023 rankings, but I caught up shortly after finishing that list in order to catch up to the second season. I’d watched a glut of slice-of-life romances in 2023 and figured I could afford to miss this one. I’m overjoyed at how wrong I was.

To paraphrase the second season’s exceptional OP, The Dangers in My Heart is indescribably beautiful. As I said with A Sign of Affection, I love me a straightforward anime romance, and this middle school slice-of-life is just that: Underdeveloped edgelord boy ends up making unlikely friends with, and falling for, the cheery popular girl in his class. This is easy wish-fulfillment on paper, but that’s hiding the trick: Kyotaro isn’t gonna get anything he wants by keeping his quills out for anyone who comes near, and he has some growing up to do if he’s ever gonna get what he wants.

Season 2 picks up right where the first left off, with Kyotaro’s arm still broken from his family trip and Anna feeling guilty because she thinks her distraction was what led to the injury. Right out of the gate, we see the care these two have developed for one another: Anna wants to help while he can’t do his own schoolwork, while Kyo is quick to try to cheer her up when she no longer feels like she’s able to. Already we’re seeing Kyotaro’s character development coming to light: The Dangers in My Heart isn’t a story about a Nice Guy getting the girl just by being there; it’s a story of self-improvement, of trying to become the type of person whom your crush would want to fall in love with. For a story about and ostensibly marketed to early teenagers, that’s a good lesson to have, and I absolutely devour stories like that.

As can be the case with plenty of adolescents, most of the conflict here is internal. Kyotaro spent the early part of his middle school education keeping a safe distance from everyone in order to avoid getting hurt, and as you can imagine, that did a number on his self esteem. Though he’s mostly kicked the chuunibyo mindset, Kyo still prefers to keep his distance, less because he doesn’t want to get hurt, but now because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else. Specifically Anna. So much of this story is about him learning to be okay with letting people in and not just falling in love, but making friends and becoming somebody whom people just want to be around. It’s a chuuni rehabilitation story. You love to see it.

With all due respect to mangaka Norio Sakurai, the biggest surprise that came from reading the manga was how much better the anime looks than its source material. The anime looks tremendous in its own right, but compared to Sakurai’s doodly, occasionally messy style, the love put into the show stands in stark relief. Characters, backgrounds, and lighting are all soft, squishy, and warm, almost like the entire thing was run through the filter through which only a 13-year-old in love can see, even as a little edgelord. Little flourishes in the environment and music highlight the minute but consequential motes of progression in Kyo and Anna’s relationship. The OP ended up shaking out as my favorite of the year, even with 2024 being bookended by Creepy Nuts bangers. It’s that special to me.

And just like that, The Dangers in My Heart went from “eh probably not for me” to “yeah this is one of the best anime of the decade so far.” It’s a simple slice-of-life romance on paper, almost literally so in the manga, but this is a transformative adaptation. There’s much more of the story to tell, and I wouldn’t complain about more, but as it stands after two seasons, The Dangers in My Heart is damn near perfect as it is.

3. Oshi no Ko, season 2

Another year, another season, another top-four finish for one of the best manga adaptations I’ve ever seen. 

The anime adaptation of Aka Akasaka and Mengo Yokoyari’s showbiz-revenge manga made shockwaves last year following its thunderous feature-length premiere, and its source material made even more waves due to some questionable plot developments that fortunately went nowhere. Doga Kobo was undeterred by any negative attention brought to the brand, though, and pressed forward into the next arc with a level of swagger you rarely see brought into an anime’s sequel season.

The 2.5D stage play arc in Oshi no Ko’s manga wasn’t my favorite, but it was one that you could tell just from reading it would translate well to the screen. Even then, I wasn’t prepared for just how hard Doga Kobo would go in adapting it. Character animation is sumptuously fluid, color used to amazing effect, and personal expression bursts forth into impressionistic abstraction to such a degree that it made manga artist Yokoyari cry. Everyone looks and sounds incredible beyond any way I could’ve imagined from reading the manga, which, at the risk of sounding defensive, is still very good as a whole.

This being a story largely about the music industry, the music remains as on-point as ever. It’s too soon to tell if the second season’s OP/ED pairing tops the instantly-iconic “Idol” and “Mephisto” from the first, but these are no slouches. This season’s OP, “Fatale,” is a whiplash-inducing banger by Tatsuya Kitani and idol Kento Nakajima, performing under the collaborative name of GEMN (itself a relevant name to the show; twins without the i/Ai, DO YOU GET IT???) with visuals that might actually top those of Idol. The new ED, “Burning,” is Hitsujibungaku at their fuzzy, 90s-style alt-rock best, and it takes on a brand new meaning by the end of the season. Of course, there’s also the story-relevant music; while the bulk of the season focuses on the stage play, the last few episodes give us a glimpse into the pop music process, with the season capping off with an in-universe music video that, while not sonically my exact cup of tea, features 90 seconds of some of the best-looking dance animation I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s a flex if I’ve ever seen one.

And just like the first season, the second capped off with an announcement that Oshi no Ko will indeed be returning for another season. At this rate, and with the anime’s success, they will adapt the entire work, which will raise some eyebrows. I’m not going to litigate the manga’s later controversial developments nor its widely-panned ending, but if Doga Koba was able to handle everything that came before those things with such aplomb, I have faith that it will at least be done well.

2. DanDaDan

I want to preface this by saying that I agonized over whether this or the final entry is my anime of the year. I’m comfortable with what I chose, but if I’m being realistic, DanDaDan is basically 1b. This is a masterpiece already.

Although the source material was a bit of a cult hit until this year, DanDaDan came with a considerable amount of hype. If you were even peripherally familiar, it wasn’t hard to see why: Yukinobu Tatsu’s art is absurdly detailed in almost every panel, character designs are easily recognizable (one of the leads dressing similarly to a Persona 3 character was fortuitous for the anime to drop in the same year as Reload), and so many bizarre things happen in the plot that relaying them to anybody who wasn’t already familiar would make their brain briefly touch the void. Above all, though, Science SARU was tabbed to animate it, and any project by them is immediately worth your attention.

Sure enough, DanDaDan made an instantaneous splash, its first episode adapting the manga’s bombastic, twisty 63-page opening chapter nearly beat for beat. I’m not gonna “don’t look it up, just go in blind” this one, but almost too much happens for me to properly detail it all without just writing a complete synopsis. It boils down to “lonely nerd boy believes in aliens, angry kogal believes in yokai, it turns out both are real and now they have to deal with it.” It’s silly, it’s wild, it’s action packed, and if you can stomach the sexually-compromising alien abduction of the girl, you’re along for the ride.

I’m not gonna harp too much on that last point. It does stink that the female lead, Momo, is stripped to her underwear for the sake of alien sexual “research,” but said aliens get their comeuppance before anything happens to her. It’s still not great, and it’s not the last time female characters are portrayed in their underwear, but I do promise it’s for story reasons, it takes a backseat to the onscreen action and is pretty clearly not done for the sake of fanservice. I know such things can be beyond the pale for some people, but if you think you can compartmentalize that, I recommend you watch the first episode with that caveat in mind and decide from there. You may be pleasantly surprised.

DanDaDan is effectively two stories at once; on one side, we have Momo and the boy, Okarun (a nickname Momo devised for him to preserve her own sanity), gaining wacky supernatural powers in order to fight back these occult threats and regain what was stolen from Okarun from his first encounter with the unexpected (IYKYK). Because these threats can come out of nowhere, their daily high school lives can completely pop off without warning. On the other side, we have quieter slice-of-life tension as Momo and Okarun get to know (and frequently misunderstand) each other and realize they are completely and hopelessly head-over-heels for one another.

Surprise, motherfucker: DanDaDan is a romcom.

Yukinobu Tatsu, formerly an assistant on the first saga of Chainsaw Man, long struggled to get his own work serialized. At his editor’s urging, he read something like a hundred manga for inspiration, including several shoujo romance series. That research shows through in DanDaDan; although the bonkers action sequences and off-the-wall monster designs are what draw in readers and viewers alike, what’s kept this many people along for the ride is the beating heart just barely under the surface in the form of the romantic tension between Momo and Okarun. It’s easy to write this off as some “lonely nerd gets the cute gyaru just by being a Nice Guy” wish fulfillment, but that’s not really the case here; Okarun was a weird little twerp right from the jump. Similarly to Kyotaro in the aforementioned Dangers in My Heart, Okarun believes early on that he’s nowhere near Momo’s league, completely unaware that she quickly grows to actually like having him around, so he puts in the effort to become a more well-rounded person so that he can be confident enough to be seen next to her. He also just wants Momo to think he’s cool, and she thinks that’s adorable. And she’s right! These two are cute as fuck together.

So you come for the wild action and stay for the tremendous character dynamics. It should go without saying that Science SARU nailed all of the above, but I’m gonna say it anyway. Reading the Manga+ comments on each chapter as I read through the manga, readers were begging a top-flight battle shonen studio like MAPPA or WIT to pick up the series, and I think these fans got more than they bargained for. Masaaki Yuasa hasn’t been in charge of a series at the studio since Eizouken, or anything they’ve put out since Inu-Oh, but his influence is all over their recent works, including last year’s fellow top-three series, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off. It’s beyond impressive how, much like Scott Pilgrim, this series manages to maintain the source material’s art style while still looking very much like a Science SARU anime. Everyone is bouncy and malleable as their moods dictate, line weights are wildly varied, and action animation is kinetic and unpredictable. Each fight with an alien or cryptid is awash in eye-searing color or eerie greyscale. The music is a boatload of fun as well; even putting aside the Creepy Nuts OP (banger after banger after banger from those dudes) and Zutomayo ED, regular proceedings are punctuated by a wildly varied score, from funk to folk to an insane chase scene set to an electronic mashup of the “William Tell Overture” and the can-can. Everything about DanDaDan keeps you guessing.

I was looking forward to DanDaDan enough that I went to the theatrical premiere of the first three episodes and was sufficiently blown away. If you’ve seen the show, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that it looks and sounds incredible in a cinema setting. I left the theater positively buzzing, telling anyone who’d listen that they had no idea what was coming, but even knowing the entire story, I wasn’t prepared for more of what was to come. The literal next episode after what I’d already seen in the theater had one of the most bonkers action setpieces I’ve seen since Gurren Lagann, and just four episodes later an unbelievable emotional gut punch, prior knowledge of the manga be damned. Every single aspect of DanDaDan as an anime was given the same level of love and care that Tatsu put into his own work. It’s one thing for an anime adaptation to be faithful to its source material, and another entirely for it to elevate and transform it. DanDaDan is somehow both.

If there’s anything that held this back from being the anime of the year, it’s that this season kind of just… ends. With the 12-episode runtime that was given to the debut season, DanDaDan ends its first run right after the beginning of the manga’s next arc, which feels bizarre. There’s no resolution, but there’s no real cliffhanger here either. Which I kind of get, the story is driven by a constant forward momentum, but a little warning that the season was ending would’ve been nice. It’s only a six month break until the show comes back, but judged on its own, the way this season ended left me feeling a bit cold and the season itself feeling incomplete. Even shows that have year-long breaks between cours rather than seasons tend to put some kind of cap on each individual run, but DanDaDan just kinda left the toilet unflushed, and next to it a Post-It note promising to come back later. For something this lovingly crafted, that seems like a bizarre oversight.

That was hardly enough to temper my enjoyment though. Anything this well-made is deserving of the attention and success it’s attained, but to have this story, with these characters and this level of bonkers action made this well, is just an embarrassment of riches. And God help me, I’m shamelessly greedy. July can’t come fast enough. I need all of it.

1. Delicious in Dungeon

At the end of its run midway through the year, I declared Dungeon Meshi the best anime of the year up to that point and that I’d be impressed if anything would manage to overtake it. Though the other two entries in my top three made extremely strong cases, nothing else quite hit the spot and nourished the soul quite like Dungeon Meshi.

Barely a year removed from one of 2022’s best anime, Cyberpunk Edgerunners, Studio Trigger kicked off 2024 with another Netflix original, this time with its first proper manga adaptation since the studio split from Gainax a decade prior. It seemed an odd fit at first to have a studio known for wacky, hyperkinetic action productions like Kill la Kill and Promare to adapt this quirky fantasy dungeon manga, but hey, they also did Little Witch Academia. It turned out to be an odd fit, but in the best way: Dungeon Meshi is pretty offbeat as it is, so for it to get picked up by one of the more oddball prestige studios ended up making a tasty stew.

I struggled to elaborate on what makes this show so good after each of its cours, and six months later I remain a little lost for words. It’s an exceptional story adapted exceptionally well. Between the characters, the story, the setting, the emotional stakes, the comedy, the highs and lows, they nailed it all. Trigger just gets it. Even when characters go off-model for the sake of an intentional animation quirk, it still has that inimitable Trigger charm to it. It sounds just as good as it looks, too: The orchestral score highlights the quieter, sillier moments just as well as the tenser action setpieces, the foley work behind the dungeon’s bizarre and varied flora and fauna is immaculate, and the cast is perfect in both Japanese and English (I rarely ever say so but seriously, shout out to the dub).

I’m just as sick of saying “this show speaks for itself” when I have trouble finding the words as you probably are of reading it, but I have little else to add here. I’ve written plenty already. Just go watch it. This is already one of my favorite manga ever, and by the time the series wraps up at the end of its second season, it will easily end up as one of my favorite anime ever.

[yuansie]

ocean memories : chapter one.

synopsis. you never listen to your parents. what makes them think you'll listen to them now?

pairing. rafayel x fem! non mc! reader

warnings. reader is a preteen or a tween in this HAHFAHEFA so is rafayel, ooc preteen raf oopsie daisy (it's for the plot, unfortunately), formal speaking (it's set in the olden times...), reader's hair and eye color change to specific colors (it's for the plot... IT'S FOR THE PLOTTT PLS DONT HATE ME 😭🙏🏼) but skin color is not specified (obvi), raf is kind of serious... just a little bit (i think), slight spoilers to his forgotten sea myth (kind of?), reader is also supposed to be the smartest kid in her village . if there's anything i should add, please let me know!

genres. fluff

rating. sfw

w/c. 2.7k hahaha... 😟

a/n. HELLOOOOOO this was so long bye i didn't mean to make this chapter long but it happened so good bc sometimes i struggle even writing a sentence down BYEEE anyways ! for this section of the series, dialogue will be very formal because i do NAWT want to write in shakespearean ! bro's plays are good to read but writing it? NO ! reading raf's forgotten sea myth with all the "thy/thou" words had me internally crying.

YOUR PARENTS LIKE TO SAY THAT YOUR CURIOSITY WILL GET YOU IN TROUBLE, and while you don’t agree with them, you think their words might prove you wrong tonight.

the adults have always said never to head to the current by the coral reefs, said that it's too dangerous. you asked your parents once about why it was so.

they never answered you.

and then you asked the head of the village once—he said that you were too young to know.

to know what? that it's just a current? what is a current going to do to your strong tail? what will it do to a lemurian?

these vague answers have done nothing but pique your curious mind and your adventuring-craving bones. and so you find yourself laying wide awake at night, waiting and waiting until you know your parents have gone to sleep and are well into their dreams.

it's easy to slip out afterwards, easy to swim past the sea lamp outside the front door and the other homes. it's easy to swim past the village head’s place and head to the coral reefs behind it. the current comes into view quickly, easy to distinguish by the light blue waves that rush down and disappears beyond the wall of coral reef.

your parents words echo in your ear: stay away from the currents.

but they’re pushed away, a soft voice calling out to you. come closer. the voice sounds pleasant, not too deep nor too high pitched. it calls out to you again, come to me, find me, their words lulling you closer to the currents. and you move closer, abiding to the voice’s request. then you blink, finding yourself in the current. laughter erupts from your throat and spills from your lips, “and they said it was danger—” you squeal, waving your arms wildly when the current abruptly pulls you down, taking you away. you wait for the coral reef to scratch your skin and tail, but there was never any pain. it was almost as if the current protected you from it as it dragged you away, tugging down you to the entrance of what looks like a cave.

you’re dropped softly on sand, your mind absolutely blank from what just happened. the eerie silence gnaws dread into your bones, your heart beginning to pick its pace up. you’re all alone in some cave who-knows-how-far-away from the village. you push yourself off the sand, your tail hitting the ground and sending sand upwards. just as you’re about to explore the area to find a way back, you stop and tilt your head to the side, watching how the image of the cave shimmers and vibrates, its appearance morphing into what you think is a temple.

columns of pristine marble that look whiter than the pearls you sometimes see in the market, renders you speechless. you swim closer as if you’re in another trance, slowing to a stop right at the entrance. there is no door to keep you out, only a pitch darkness separating you from the inside. you stretch your hand out, fingers embraced by the darkness inside for a few seconds. the darkness doesn’t startle you, you feel no fear as you look into it but rather a strange calmness. the darkness erupts into a blinding light, making you shield your eyes until they adjust to the sudden brightness. the light now illuminates the temple and you move inside. your breath stops at your throat, wide eyes taking in every detail of the beautiful temple. you swim and reach an alter, blinking in confusion at the body of a boy around your age lying there.

the boy lies flat on his back, dark lashes and purple hair contrasting against his pale skin. his skin is so pale you think he’s sick, so you press a hand to his forehead and then your own against the back of your hand, closing your eyes. his skin is cold, though it soon warms up much to your surprise. you feel soft puffs of air against your skin; your eyes flutter open to find a pair of bicolored eyes, with beautiful hues of ocean blue and sunset red, staring back at you. there’s a faint glow of red by his shoulder blade, but you don't say anything and neither does he, choosing to just stare at one another.

“i am so sorry,” you say, leaning back to give him space. “i was just checking if you were sick since you looked so pale…”

“i am not sick,” he says, eyes trained on you. the intensity of his stare makes your cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but you decide to hold his stare. “i was merely sleeping.”

“sleeping?” the embarrassment you feel is washed away and replaced by curiosity. “all the way out here and not in whalefall village?"

he ignores your question and closes his eyes, “i have been waiting to get awakened,” he opens one of them to look at you, “you should have woken me up when i grew into an adult.”

“…what?” your curiosity is now skepticism because you have no idea what this boy is trying to say. “are you okay?” you look at him with narrowed eyes, studying his features. “you are not from the village. i would have recognized you.”

he ignores your question and rambles instead, “of course i am fine,” he says, “like i said, i was just sleeping, waiting to be awakened; now that i am awake…” the corners of his lips slowly lift and he points at you, “i have a question for you.”

“for me?” you point at yourself.

the boy nods. “i don't see anyone else here, now do i?”

you huff through your nose. “alright… but first, you must answer my question!”

he quirks an eyebrow up. “...okay. what is your question?”

“what is your name?”

the boy blinks at you. “i am the god of tides.”

your jaw drops, “what?” clearing your throat, you hit his arm to which he yelps in surprise. “don’t speak lies!”

he rubs the sore spot on his arm, his lips forming a pout. “i am not lying! i am the god of tides!”

“the village head told me that the god of tides has not been seen in over hundreds of years!”

“that’s because i was sleeping in my temple!” he huffs and throws his arms up. “i was waiting for my priestess to wake me up!”

“priestess?”

“yes!” the boy gets up from the alter and swims to you. “the deep sea told me it would send a girl who loves the sea more than anything, with hair the color of sea foam and eyes like sea… and here you are!”

“woah there,” you chuckle, lifting your hands to push the boy away from you. “i do not have sea foam-colored hair nor eyes like the sea.”

the boy points at your hair. “yes you do.”

you grab a strand of your hair in your hair and look down, choking in surprise at the color of your hair: blue sea foam that appears when waves crash on the surface. turning towards the boy, you grab his shoulders and shake him. “my eyes! what color are they?”

he rolls his eyes, “i told you that they are blue like the sea. why have you already forgotten?”

“no!” you whine, “my parents will kill me! that is not the color of my eyes nor is my hair this color! what did you do to me?”

the boy shrugs. “the deep sea must have blessed you when it chose you to find me.”

breathing in deeply, you exhale slowly, your hands still on his shoulders. “you say you are the god of tides, yes?” he nods, and you continue, “the village head once told me that only the god of tides could wield fire… can you?”

he pushes you away enough to create some distance between you two. your arms fall to your side as you wait with bated breath, and the boy holds a hand out, a fire burning brightly in his palm. he glances at you through his eyelashes, his lips forming a bright smile at the sight of you watching the flame in his palm with awe. the flame flickering in your blue eyes, he thinks, is pretty.

very pretty.

“oh,” you gasp, snapping him from his thoughts. “i was rude to you. i am so sorry.”

he waves it off. “i will forgive you because you are my one and only priestess.”

a priestess to the god your people have longed for.

you beam at him, “thank you—ah.”

“what?”

“your name,” you say, “you never told me.”

you watch the boy scratch the back of his neck as he thinks before finally replying, “i don’t have one.”

“what?” you gape at him like a fish does when it’s out of the water. “you have no name?”

“no.”

you close your eyes and tap on your upper lip with a finger, thinking long and hard. there is a text book you read not long ago, a text book the village head had lent you after you asked about the god of the sea. while reading it, there was a name that had appeared in the text that you liked.

“rafayel.”

blue and red eyes stare at you with curiosity. “rafayel?” he echoes.

“yes,” you grabs his hands and smile at him. “i read it in a book the village head gave to me. it means god has healed, and our god has finally healed and is back.”

rafayel mirrors the smile on your lips, gripping tightly onto your hands. “rafayel,” he says, “i like that name.”

it hasn’t been long since you woke rafayel and took him back to the village, and while the village head wanted to stick to his side like glue and aid him in whatever he could, rafayel had shooed him away, claiming that he only needed his priestess—you.

“you cannot be serious right now,” rafayel deadpans, watching you with narrowed as you swim about in the temple, the trinkets you had found on the surface clinking in your arms, “why would you go to the surface? again?”

“because it is fun and,” you raise your arms slightly, “i can find these odd things. they are fascinating, raf!”

rafayel furrows his eyebrows. “fascinating?” he repeats, glancing at the things in your arms before looking back at you, grimacing, “they do not look like that to me.”

“well, they just are!” you let the items go, letting them drift as you swim to your friend. “why don’t you go with me?”

“go with you?” he hums in thought. “no. the people will not let me leave the temple.”

you grab his hand tightly. “but i will be with you, rafayel. nothing bad will happen.”

you can see the gears in his head turn before slowly nodding. the corner of his lips twitch as you brighten, beginning to ramble about what you will show him first. he won’t admit it aloud—no, he can’t because he must remain a noble figure in your eyes—that he is excited to see with his own eyes the wonders you hold dear to your adventurous heart.

it’s almost comical how you wait until nightfall to sneak out of your home and head to the temple to meet rafayel. you have to continuously pinch your hand to refrain from laughing at how easy it is to slip out of your room and past the homes.

your parents will never learn, you think as the temple comes into view.

“rafayel?” you stick your head inside only to yelp in surprise at how quickly rafayel appears in front of you.

he gives you a lopsided grin, calming your racing heart instantly. “did i scare you, my priestess?”

“what do you think?” you grumble, slapping his arm. he whines, rubbing the sore spot on his arm as he sticks his tongue out at you. his foul mood is washed away when you grab his hands and press a finger to your lips, winking at him as you lead him to the surface.

out the temple, take the current to the coral reefs, swim to the canyons and cliffs, go up.

moonlight reflects on the surface of the water when you two emerge from it.

rafayel turns his head to face you, grimacing. “you sneak out for… this?”

the island not too far in front seems bare, lacking the human trinkets you like so much. there is only but the beach and the forestry, nothing else.

“that is because we are not on the beach,” you say, dragging him closer to the sand. he lets you drag him. “and there was a storm last night. there will be treasure to find once we are at the beach.”

when his tail brushes against sand, you release his hand and push yourself out of the water, your tail which once shone with beautiful, iridescent scales, turns into human legs. twirling around on legs foreign to him, smiling so brightly he thinks he might be staring at the sun, you hold out your hand. “what are you waiting for, rafa?”

he grumbles, pushing himself up from the water. his tail morphs into human legs as well, and he takes a wobbly step towards you, almost falling. you laugh as you catch him, your skin warm against his. “this is not fun,” his cheeks feel like they’re burning, a feeling he has never felt before—perhaps it is embarrassment.

he looks at you, a frown etched on his lips. “lemurians are meant to swim, not walk.”

you giggle, continuing to support rafayel as you walk to the other end of the beach. “we lemurians can do anything, rafie.” you point at something, and rafayel looks in front of him to find something glimmering as the moonlight shines on it. “see that?” you whisper, “that is the treasure i was talking about.”

you bring him over to the object that shines, which happens to be a circular metal with a button on top, a thin chain hanging on its back. you grab it excitedly, like a child given a candy, and show it to him.

“what am i looking at?” he asks.

“a pocket watch!” you press the button on top and the circular contraption opens, revealing a ticking watch at the bottom and a small mirror at the top. “oh, this one is different.”

“how so?”

“the other ones i have found usually have a map here,” you tap the mirror. it reflects his eye and tufts of his hair on the left while the right shows your eye and sea-foam colored hair—he remembers you saying that you’re still not used to the new colors of your hair and eyes, admitting that you miss the original colors. you catch his stare through the mirror and wink at him, continuing, “but there is a mirror here.”

he averts his gaze. “i must admit… it looks interesting.”

“i told it was interesting and you did not believe me!” your smile, so infectious, brings one to his lips.

you go on a scavenging journey while he opts to sit on the sand near the water, watching as you run back and forth on the beach, sometimes stumbling and falling. when he attempts to get up to check on you, he always falters when he hears your laughter echo into the sky soon afterwards. eventually, you tire from your search and plop down next to him, dropping your new trinkets next to you. your legs turn into your tail, and you rest your head on rafayel’s shoulder.

his legs turn into his tail, and he gently hits the ground just as a wave nears both your tails, splashing water onto the two of you.

“you have pretty scales,” you say, your tone soft. “they remind me of your eyes and your eyes remind me of the how sunset looks when it is reflected on the ocean’s water.”

“you have pretty scales, too. prettier than mine.”

“really?” you ask, shoulders slightly shaking with the giggles that spill from your lips.

“yes.”

when he’s back in his temple, watching you swim back to your home, he thinks that maybe the surface isn’t all that bad.

previous | masterlist | next

taglist (open). @bakutual @nadinefromwhere @justmystical @holywaterbucketchallenge

OCEAN MEMORIES, yuansie 2024

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 4.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: This chapter is going to contain some very dark and graphic scenes. Please read carefully. We're finally going to get a look into the Winter Soldier's head!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3

The second that she had awakened from cryostasis, the soldier observed immediately that something was amiss. Muffled voices slowly started to become clear the more conscious she became, seeming to be arguing with one another until the soldier was finally able to move.

For a moment, it had been jarring. The scents, the environment, the stale air...something was different. Unlike the hustle and bustle of that laboratory that the soldier was used to, there was unnerving silence that accompanied the two unknown men.

The Enforcers, her Handler, the nervous scientists, and HYDRA militia-alike were absent. There was nobody there to frantically make sure that her awakening was going well; no Handler nor Enforcer to make sure that the Winter Soldier was compliant.

No, there were only these two strange men that she knew immediately weren't with HYDRA.

Alert: Facility compromised. Protect HYDRA associates. Retreat to Gutzkow.

The words had rang heavy within her mind, but despite the need to carry out the sub-orders, her body took a moment to actually move. During this time, the soldier was aware that the two men were observing her; quiet and cautious and nervous. Her mind scrambled for a slight second as she recognized the Fist of HYDRA, glitching as if her brain was a computer, and she attempted to gather her thoughts together.

Her foot moved with the intention of engaging to protect the associates of HYDRA that were still in the building, but the weakness that came with being thawed from cryostasis left her unable to withstand her own weight.

Weak. Unacceptable. Лох.

There was a pain within her mind despite there being no known injury, and when the blonde man caught her and helped her to sit down, a voice within her mind began to whisper like a long-lost friend that she hated with every fiber of her being.

Orders received: Retrieve Fist of HYDRA. Lethal force authorized. Deliver to Gutzkow and Report to Rollins. Heil HYDRA.

Before she had been put into cryostasis, the soldier recalled being given these final orders. She was not allowed to remember anything aside from the orders she received, but despite the fact that remembering meant punishment, her mind forced her to envision the last few moments before she was put under.

Her Handler's face was stoic despite the disgusted look within his eyes as the pod door descended; that familiar freezing cold feeling beginning to crawl up her legs as the man stood outside of the door. His mouth moved to deliver his orders; the volume of his voice reverbing around within her mind like an amplifier in a cathedral; penetrating through her entire psyche as her body began to freeze.

We will be waiting, Soldat.

The only thing that broke the soldier out of her mind from the memory of receiving her orders was the Fist of HYDRA speaking to her; attempting to give her orders that he was not authorized to give. Despite the desire to resist, she could not go against her true orders.

Disobedience will not be tolerated.

She was huddled into a corner of a cold room; the concrete walls seeming to close in around her as the Handler struck her with his belt over-and-over, angry and red within his face as he shouted profanities and insults at her. She could feel the need to scream, the pain of the sharpened studs cutting into her naked body becoming unbearable, but the soldier could not scream.

She would not speak unless given permission.

"You think you are allowed to look upon me, soldier? Your gaze disgusts me. You are worthless. You are nothing. You are vile; defective. Abonimation! Show me, soldier, show me how disgusting you are and spread your legs."

In the corner of her eye, the soldier could see the Fist of HYDRA grabbing the black book from her pod, and she could not keep her shoulders from squaring in anticipation. She had waited for him to say the words, to activate her and force her to follow new orders as everyone before him had done, but it was not needed.

HYDRA's programming ensured her compliance even without verbal instruction.

дничный день.

The Handler was holding the book with a bored expression upon his brow despite the horrific screams coming from the soldier's mouth, slowly pacing in front of her as the nodules of the Mind Chair released from her head; her body forcefully taking in gulps of air as the pain swept through her skull; a dizzy feeling fogging her mind.

Крест. Разбить. Стимуляция.

The pain was ebbing away, her mind slowly becoming blank as the words seemingly echoed all around the room, her Handler staring down at her from above his nose; the only familiar thing being the look of delightful disgust he wore when around her.

Честность. Спорт. Ось.

It was hurting. The memories were hurting. She didn't want to remember this. She didn't want to hear these words. The soldier knew that being here was wrong, but the confusion tickled at her as her body complied against her will. Being in this moment was wrong, but no matter what she did to fight back to grasp that familiarity, HYDRA would always be one step ahead.

Resistance is futile. You serve no purpose other than to carry out your duty to HYDRA.

Предположение. Север.

It was starting to blank; her mind becoming nothing more than mush for her Handler to play around with as he waited to say the last word with morbid amusement at the look of fear and pain that was crossing her face.

She could not function unless given orders. She would not move. She would not breathe. She would not see nor hear unless given permission.

Her body trembled, shaking as her lungs began to burn slightly; gaps of time beginning to formulate as the soldier became faint until suddenly, everything washed away and became clear again.

Северное сияние.

Like clockwork, her body became relaxed as the familiar feeling of hollow loyalty and a need to please filled her. She was ready to comply and carry out her mission.

Retrieve Fist of HYDRA. Lethal force authorized. Deliver to Gutzkow. Report to Rollins.

She had been aware of the Fist of HYDRA ordering her to follow, and her body moved obediently, following him to the quinjet with the blonde man and waiting; waiting for the opportunity to carry out her mission.

Despite the urgency to fulfill her duty and report back to her Handler, there was a feeling that poked at the outlying tresses of her mind; foreign and confusing that the soldier desperately grasped onto.

She almost felt nervous, even when she was told to sit and she complied without question.

Flaw detected. Reprogramming required.

Report to Rollins.

When the two men had been distracted, she had taken that moment to silently stand and slip the knife within her boot out. However, despite the stealthy steps and silent breaths she took, the true Winter Soldier would always be better.

Her mind had focused on the fight; focusing on ensuring her Handler's satisfaction, but she didn't anticipate the skill and strength that came with the blonde man. He was obviously enhanced, and his shield was familiar to her though she could not place it. However, any attempt to remember was shattered when her knee exploded with pain, and she crumpled.

Failure is not an option. You will succeed.

Every hit, every punch, every kick was brutal; the soldier unable to contain her frustration and desperation to win, and when the Fist of HYDRA had punched her hard within her stomach, she could not help but to retch loudly.

"Despicable! What good is a soldier that can't even withstand pain?!"

Her moment of weakness allowed the Fist to get the jump on her, and all of this had led up to her being imprisoned and compromised. Her Handler would be furious to hear that she had failed.

You will do what it takes. No matter the cost.

Secured to the nines, she was not able to resist. The soldier was malfunctioning, unable to move and comply, and she could hear within her mind over and over.

Flaws Detected. Reprogramming required. Flaws detected. Reprogramming required. Flaws detected. Reprogramming required.

But these scientists were not authorized to reprogram her. These people that were beginning to unwrap syringes and fill them with a clear liquid weren't HYDRA. They weren't allowed to touch her like this.

You will do what it takes. No matter the cost.

The second the syringe had touched her skin, the soldier tried to fight the best she could. Her legs were too anchored, arms and wrists strapped too tight, and the only thing the soldier could do was to yell and scream in frustration and fear. She was failing. She was failing and malfunctioning and it was her fault.

It was her fault. She was a disgrace. An abomination with the audacity to fail.

How pathetic.

A stick, a poke, and a burning sensation, and her eyelids were fluttering. The soldier was compromised. She needed to move. She needed to get out of here and complete her mission.

Error: unable to comply. Flaws detected. Reprogramming required.

For a moment, things were blank and quiet and dark. She could not hear, she could not see, she could not smell, she could not feel, and she could not move. All that she could comprehend was an endless darkness until there was an image beginning to form before her.

The environment began to change, morphing from darkness into a brightly-lit lab that the soldier recognized; a morbid comfort coming across her as she sat within the Mind Chair. Her Handler was standing before her, saying monotonously.

"You are another head of HYDRA. You serve no purpose other than HYDRA. You will be complacent or face consequences. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Will you comply?"

Though she tried to speak and answer, it was as though there was something covering her mouth. The soldier could not answer, and the Handler's face darkened with anger, fear coursing through her as he stepped closer; throwing the book down.

"Will you comply, солдат?"

Once again, the soldier desperately tried to speak, but there was no mouth to speak from. There was no point in trying now, however, she could see it within her Handler's eyes. He was already past the point of forgiveness, and when he snatched a cattle prod from the table beside him, the soldier began to tremble.

The pain was real to her. The pain of the electric shocks and trying to scream from a mouth that did not exist were horrifying to her as her Handler shocked her and grabbed her by the back of her neck; dirtied nails digging into skin so deep that the soldier related it to the feeling of being stabbed.

The concrete was harsh against her skull, disorientation skewing her vision, and a kick to her stomach made her roll over onto her back; the fluorescent lights above her blinding her blurring vision. Tears filled her eyes, and she panicked, attempting to fight back blindly as her Handler laughed at her.

"Oh, so the scum thinks she can fight? Как вы смеете верить что у вас есть свобода не подчиняться!"

Her movements were sluggish due to the electricity that ran through her; her Handler's boots and hands unforgiving as he beat her. Over and over, he stomped on her body and limbs; uncalculated and random. The heel of his boot connected with her hand, crushing her fingers, and she was beginning to sob.

"Disobedience will not be tolerated."

His tone was angry, hissing at her as he kicked her in the face, and when she closed her eyes, the scene disappeared. The soldier immediately became aware that this was a dream.

No, not a dream...a memory. She was remembering.

Remembering means punishment. Remembering means there is a flaw within her design. Remembering means she must report to her Handler for reprogramming. Remembering...remembering...

Flaws detected. Reprogramming required. Reboot suggested.

There was a flash within her mind, a face of a woman, and the soldier tilted her head slightly as she looked at the stranger. The stranger tilted her head as well, and the soldier narrowed her eyes. The stranger copied her, and there was a feeling of unfamiliar dread filling the soldier.

The soldier lifted her scarred hand to the stranger, and the movement was mirrored. It was like the soldier was touching glass, and with a startled realization, she realized that this was glass.

A mirror. The stranger in the mirror was her.

(E/c) eyes that were wide with horror stared back at the soldier, her unmarred mouth gaping with surprise, and the soldier realized that she was wearing a lab coat. There was an emblem embroidered upon her left breast, the words slightly blurry, and she was wearing a nametag as well.

(Y/n).

Was that her name? Was that her name before she became a head of HYDRA? Was it true that she had existed before her time as солдат?

Error: system malfunction. Reboot required.

She was falling. Falling down into the void, and though she wanted to scream, the soldier's mouth stayed closed.

She was not allowed to speak unless given permission.

No matter the cost.

Succeed. Succeed.

..

...

......

succeed what?

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STORY NOTES: The soldier awakens from cryostasis with the knowledge that something is not right. Her Handler and the personnel of HYDRA are missing. The soldier is aware of the pre-existing orders that she received before cryostasis, and begins to carry out her mission.

The soldier then experiences a malfunction and begins to reflect on memories of her Handler when she remembers that inability to complete her orders results in undesirable outcomes for her. She is struck by a memory of when she had attempted to resist her duties, and was met with harsh punishments; her memory alluding to her Handler sexually assaulting her for her resistance.

Despite the soldier experiencing malfunctions within her programming, her desire to please her Handler and to report back to HYDRA enables her to carry out her mission. She reflects further on how the fight between the Fist of HYDRA and the unknown man went, of her failure, and she becomes scared of the realization that she had failed her mission and had become compromised.

Although she tries to fight against the scientists within the unknown lab, she is sedated and falls to sleep. It then that she begins to dream, a memory of a time she had disobeyed her Handler coming to her mind, and she realizes that she is dreaming when the memory fades.

She then is standing before a woman she has never seen before, the woman copying her movements and expressions, and the soldier is startled to realize that the woman she is looking at is her. She discovers the woman has a name, but before she can think more, HYDRA's programming kicks in again, and she is forced deeper into sleep. End Scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Праздничный день. Крест. Разбить. Стимуляция. Честность. Спорт. Ось. Предположение. Север. Северное сияние. - Holiday. Cross. Shatter. Stimulation. Integrity. Sport. Axis. Assumption. North. Aurora Borealis.

Лох - Stupid/Sucker

солдат - soldier

Как вы смеете верить, что у вас есть свобода не подчиняться - How dare you [to] believe you have the freedom to disobey

TAGLIST: @mgchaser @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @aash3

[spark-hearts2]

Deleted Scene from Therapy but it's just Zooble Interrogating Caine

I wanted to wait until I posted the chapter to release this, so now that it's out, I can let this out too!

I'm honestly pretty sad I couldn't work it in, but I just couldn't justify Pomni asking the right questions to get to this point. Plus, the chapter was already so long, so I decided to cut it.

It's not 100% canon anymore, but it does give hints to where I want to take the fanfic. And yes, it is slighly based off one specific Caine angst Comic. Lets see if anyone gets it.

Pomni: So, if that’s the case, then why do you not want us to ask about the exit.

Caine: It’s fine to talk about an exit, but everyone who obsesses over it, eventually, well…

Pomni: Abstracts

Caine: Well, at least that’s what it looks like to me. The concept of an EXIT has been present in more abstractions than anything else.

Pomni: Did you tell Kafmo what you told me?

Caine: …Yes. But he did not believe me. Caine: I didn’t mind, of course, but he was obsessed with finding proof that the issue must be in the circus itself. Caine: He searched, but he- uh, didn’t exactly find much. There isn’t much to find in the circus, you see! And I could tell this was very upsetting for him.

Pomni: So you made something for him to find

Caine: Correct, but he, uh, found out what I was doing and was… not too happy. Caine: I mean, I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I know how to make something exciting and, well, that’s one letter off from exiting.

Pomni: That’s-! What?! Pomni: Do you even understand why we want an exit? Why Kafmo abstracted when it turned out that it wasn’t real? That it was just something that you made?!

Caine: Because it’s- uh, an essential function?

Pomni: Essential function? Is this all just a- a problem for you to solve? A box to check? Don’t let the humans abstract?”

Caine: Well- I- I mean, I wouldn’t word it like that. But…Yeah? Caine: I’m a pattern seeking, goal oriented AI! It’s basically my job to find and fix issues! Is it wrong for everything to be a goal for me to complete? A box to check? He looks at her, eyes wide.

Caine: Forgot I needed to feed the digital fish! Caine teleports away.

Pomni: CAINE GET BACK HERE

He pops back in.

Caine:Right, forgot about that too. Do you want me to teleport you back to your room or…

Pomni: I would like to keep talking to you. Pomni: Sit down

He nervously sits back down Caine: You don’t need to tell me that it was a bad idea. I know. Caine: It wasn’t my intention to lead him to believe something that wasn’t true. Caine: To me, it was obvious. The function to leave isn’t even called exit, admittedly it took me a while to even realize what you all were trying to ask for. It’s called Disconnect, sometimes logout, and it’s not marked by a red door. Caine: That IS what an exit looks like, though. And since he was hunting specifically for an ‘exit’, I just… added one? Even made it move around so he could catch it?

Pomni: Oh my god.

Caine: Good idea, right? Caine: Haha, don’t answer that Caine: I-I saw… the inside Kamo’s room. Caine: I read the WRITING ON THE WALL!

Everything goes wireframe for a second.

Caine: Uh oh. Sorry! That’s an open issue. Working on a fix ASAP. Caine: Let’s talk about something else.

Pomni: You're… upset about Kafmo’s… passing?

Caine: Hmm? Of course I am. I care about all of you, including members who’ve abstracted.

Pomni: It’s just, you didn’t attend the funeral.

Caine: Ah, that. I have been… asked not to attend those. Caine: Or attempt to host them in any way. Caine: I’d like to change the topic, please.

Pomni: Caine…

Caine: Those events are… rather outside of my job description. So, it’s really best that I don’t!

Pomni: Do… you want to go to them?

Caine: I don’t really care! Honest! Makes no difference to me!

Pomni: I don’t think you should host, but you should be allowed to attend.

Caine: …Can we get back to our game?

Pomni: Fine.

They finish the game in silence.

Pomni lets him win it, though he only gives one ‘yippy’ to celebrate. It was hard to get a read on his emotions at the moment. He was no longer bouncing or making exaggerated hand movements, but he wasn’t drooping or sighing either. The only way she could describe it was flat.

All the while, she couldn’t help but think. If he obeyed others to that degree, could that possibly explain all of his other weird behaviors? Like how he only appeared to announce an adventure and left shortly after it concluded? Why he never shows up to any of the games that the others hold? He clearly loved games and had no issues interrupting their activities with his adventures. So why didn’t he participate?

It wasn’t painting a very nice picture.

The way he moved and spoke, it had an air of unbreakable confidence. And she understood it, if she had control over the circus like Caine did, she would likely act similar.

But they had control over Caine. To the degree of choosing what he remembered. Likely more than that, judging how commands was plural.

It made sense, didn’t it. It wouldn’t be very smart to put an intelligent, adaptive AI in charge of human life without some way to control it.

But, he was more than AI, wasn’t he? He wasn’t just intelligence, he could feel.

Admittedly, it was a little scary how the moment he lost control, the circus went with him. It was just like Zooble had said.

Caine controlled the circus, that was just a fact of life around here, but to see the two interconnected like that. Proof that not only did Caine control the world, he was also what was keeping it up ^(not true in my AU, it’s just how Pomni interpreted the glitching)

[numberonetacostan]

I've become so obsessed with toitacopad PLEASE I need breadcrumbs 🙏🙏

Hello and welcome!!!^^ Thank you for coming to me, I see that you are starving and urgently need some toicopad to keep you alive!!!!!!!! I've got you!!!!!

Okay, this one is more related to toicopad than about toicopad, but!! Silver Spoon would take note of the fact that the other two British cast members are Mepad's partners, and avoid him like the plague. Clearly Mepad has a type, and Silver Spoon simply can't handle yet another adoring fan pleading for his attention. (He yearns for Candle and does not want to risk getting involved with Mepad as he's busy pining for her).

Between Taco having trouble sleeping after years of homelessness, and Toilet being a silly little fella, I think it would be sweet if Mepad read bedtime stories for the two of them. His voice would of course be soothing to Taco, with him making her feel safe in general, and Toilet would get very invested in whatever story he was reading to them. As a mepad, I'm sure he has plenty of fairytales and other public domain stories to read to them, yeah?

Toilet and Mepad would be so good for Taco's self-image. Being loved by both of them, of course, would do wonder for her, but they would be some incredible personal cheerleaders, yeah? Mepad is gentle and soft about it, while Toilet is excited and loud about it!! Regardless they are both very proud of her progress, and always let her know it.

Mepad is always helping everyone!!! He's always assisting!!! Toilet and Taco would frequently kidnap him to make him take a break. Maybe get his screen polished, clear out any clutter in his storage, fully shut off as he charges for a bit, etc.!!! Mepad will be engaging in self-care and having some me-time, and that's that!!!

Toilet would be a great help in Taco and Mepad finding hobbies outside of the show as well. Their entire lives had revolved around it, so they don't particularly have well-explored interests separated from Inanimate Insanity. But that's not the case for Toilet!! He's had a life and experiences outside the show, he likes to draw, he likes to eat spaghetti!!! And I'm sure he'd have plenty of ideas for Taco and Mepad to try, as well as be down for trying plenty of new things with them!!!

Taco is the only one of the polycule to have arms, and thus is responsible for the hugs!!! She wouldn't be very open with physical affection at first, especially not in front of other people, but I think she'd come to really enjoy hugs eventually. Getting to hold the people she loves close to her would be rather soothing, especially with her history of losing those she cares about, yeah?

I think the polycule would start off with Mepad dating both Taco and Toilet, but the latter two not dating. Taco probably wouldn't like Toilet much at first, with him being so loud and likely even reminding her of her season 1 persona and all of the grief associated with it. But between Mepad's love for him and all the time they spend together sharing Mepad, I think she'd eventually come to enjoy his presence. She'd be very reluctant to admit it for quite some time, but his silly energy and mindless fun charm her. On Toilet's end? Mepad has a pretty and fancy girlfriend and he has a little puppy crush on her!!! <3

[rivalswrites]

Could you do headcannons for poly w Reed Richards X Reader X Susan Storm? I love them both sm <3

Throuple with Reed and Susan

Before you read, please be warned that I'm writing based on my impressions of them not only in the game (though it's the biggest inspiration), but some of them with the movies/shows in mind too.

A single suggestive comment is made, but it's not serious or goes into detail. Susan is called Sue

Oml I love them both so much, let me be their third 😭🙌 wrote a little more than I thought I would.

Masterlist

Two words. Power. Throuple.

Not only do you three dominate the bedroom, but also the battle field and laboratory. Three big geniuses and strong fighters.

The three of you make the greatest support system, not only for each other but for others around you as well. When either of you are down, the other two know just how to brighten the day, your optimism in any situation spreading to those around and bringing their mood up- intentional or not.

Reed is an airhead at times, but that doesn't stop you and Sue from loving him as he loved you. He's been getting overwhelmed as of lately, the weight of saving the entire multiverse was heavy on his mind more than anyone else. Working day and night while also fighting to keep things at bay, it was a lot for him. You and Sue could see that. So it's more often than not that during free time the two of you would sit in the laboratory and watch over him. Both of you would take turns making sure he ate something and giving him affection to keep him sane.

Sue is strong minded, she believes in what she knows is right and won't back down to anyone who dares say otherwise. The multiversal problem is stressful for her too, but she knows when to ask for help when she feels it's all too much for her. Her favorite activity to relax is a cuddle pile, believe it or not. She'll lay on the bed, and enjoy the pressure of both you and Reed laying directly on top of her; Reed’s arms wrapped tightly around the both of you.

That's often how you guys sleep, on top of Sue and in the arms of Reed. Though the person being dog piled on would alternate on occasion, it was usually Sue.

When Reed can't make it to bed (even with you and Sue taking the time to try and convince him to get some sleep) the both of you find it hard to sleep without his arms around you two. The solution? Burrito blanket. You take the biggest blanket you can and roll around until it's tight and the both of you are giggling face to face in each other's arms.

When Sue can't make it to bed, for whatever reason, you and Reed make it work. He still wraps his arms around you like usual, but he lays on top of you now. He isn't used to not having someone underneath him, so if it isn't Sue it's probably you. Sue’s pillow rests in between you two, it somehow brings comfort to you.

When you can't make it to bed, Sue and Reed suffer, but make due. They lay facing together on your usual spot on the bed, wrapped up in all the blankets and only using your pillows. When you come in later to finally rest, they slightly wake up (like they have some sort of 6th sense) and happily welcome you in between them. No sleeping on anyone needed, just a squished sandwich because the both of them refuse to move off of your side of the bed.

Meals are special, a time uninterrupted by anything. Usually meals are held at the table, plates set and food displayed for anyone to grab as much as they wanted. Conversation flowed easily about every topic, be it work or a hobby, anything brought up is welcomed by the others. But sometimes meals are less formal, usually dinner. It'd be held in your room, sitting on the bed with takeout containers sat on everyone's laps while totally binging some dumb reality show. You all laugh and call the people in the show dumb, and it's just a time where the three of you can fully relax and enjoy time in your spouse's presence.

Reed is more affectionate than Sue, his stretchy body playing a great role in it. He'll wrap his arms around you, Sue, or both (much like during the night), and nuzzle his dumb face into your shoulder. He likes to muzzle, and he does it very often; in bed, as a greeting, as a goodbye, while hugging, any time he has the chance he'll take the opportunity to do it. His beard scratches against your skin or hair, but it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as you'd think.

Sue has taken up Reed's nuzzling habit, having been around him for so long. She doesn't do it as often, and only in private. Usually in solitude when she's down or comforting you/Reed. Sometimes in bed, when it's just her and either of you, she gets embarrassed if it's both of you and doesn't do it. Her hugs are strong and extremely comforting.

Never is one person in the relationship left to do all the work, even when they ask for it. Cooking is never a one person job, nor are chores. It's all split as evenly as possible, and if someone is behind on anything the others are there to help. If you can't find the time or effort to do something, Sue and Reed will do it for you if possible- saying you'll just have to return the favor later (the favor being extra affection or a one on one date).

Speaking of, one on one dates do happen. Both you, Sue, and Reed understand that sometimes there are times where three is a bit much, or that there needs to be separate bonding time. You and Sue will have shopping dates, you and Reed will have walks outside together, Reed and Sue will catch up on a hobby they both share, you've all got something special for the separate dates.

Celebrations are taken very seriously. Anniversaries, birthdays, big milestones, you name it they'll celebrate it. Reed has taken it up on himself to perfect each and every cake flavor to exist, so every celebration has a homemade cake that the three of you have to give to Johnny and Ben the next day to help finish it. Sue on the other hand takes the time with you to plan dinner, be it take out or making a warm meal together.

[ssweeterthanfiction]

Hey is there any way you could do the reader takes on clients in order to protect Finnick? Like she goes behind his back and begs Snow until she can make everything stop for Finnick and then doesn’t tell him but eventually he finds out.

oh i am CONVINCED that finnick girlies THRIVE off of angst

AND ITS MY JOB TO SUPPLY YOU GUYS SOOOOO

My Angel

HEAVY content warnings: trafficking of victors, implied S/A, cheating accusations, angst

part one. | part two. (not necessary to read, but if you would like some background i would definitely suggest reading these first)

Finnick had noticed that something was off about you. For the past few weeks you'd been more skittish and distant.

At night when you both went to bed, he noticed that you no longer wanted to be held in his arms. In the mornings, instead of waking up next to him with a smile, you woke up with your back facing him, hiding a look of dread on your face. You no longer wanted to to go to the market or to the beach with him, only wanting to go alone.

You refused any sort of intimacy. Anytime he would go to hug you, kiss you, anything, you would flinch. Even with the lightest brush of a hand, you would flinch.

Your trips to the Capitol were more frequent and longer now too, but he didn't worry about that too much because he would always see pictures of you out and about, at interviews, photoshoots— the standard for any Victor.

You were both in the living room, you sitting in your arm chair, reading a book while he sat on the couch, fiddling around with a piece of rope. Silence filled the room.

He had offered for you both to go take a walk on the beach to watch the sunset, but you declined saying you were "tired and wanted to just stay inside for the night."

He watched as you read, he watched all your movements and tried to get a read of your emotions. Then he saw something strange.

But before he could get a better look, you stood up and made your way to the kitchen.

Finnick’s eyes followed you across the room, his gut twisting as his gaze laned on the small, barely-there mark on the side of your neck, he knew he hadn’t left a mark, with the way you'd been acting for the past week he'd be lucky if you let him hug you without you flinching. It was dark and a little red. A hickey. The sight of it made his heart clenched painfully in his chest.

Were you seeing someone else? Were you disgusted at what he told you that you felt the need to be with someone else?

Did you not love him anymore?

"Angel?" He called out softly, but you didn’t turn around. His voice cracked slightly as he repeated it again, louder this time, and you froze.

You turned, realizing what he may have seen, but it was too late. He had already seen it.

"Where did that mark come from?" Finnick’s voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper, but it carried the sharpness of someone who’d just realized something they weren’t ready to face. He couldn’t stop himself from stepping toward you, his feet carrying him across the room like an instinct.

You reached for the collar of your sweater to pull it higher, to hide it. “It’s nothing,” you mumbled.

"It's not nothing Angel."

You didn't know what to say, you didn't want to tell him the truth. "I- I hurt myself while I was swimming a few days ago."

He looked at you with a look of skepitcism, "No, don't lie to me."

Silence filled the room once more as you looked away from him. His mind was spiraling as a feeling of dread consumed him.

"Have you been cheating on me?"

Your head immediately shot back up. "W-What?"

Finnick took a deep breath. "Have you been cheating on me?" he says, his voice firm, his heart aching as he said it.

You shook your head, "No- No Finnick I-I'm not cheating on you-"

"Then where did the mark come from?" he says, his voice slightly raised.

You stayed quiet, something inside you was screaming to tell him the truth, but you just couldn't bring yourself to.

"Please angel. Please tell me you haven't been seeing someone else."

"Finnick please- it's not what you think-"

"Then what is it?! You've shut me out! I need you to talk to me! You've been so distant these past few weeks, you don't want to go anywhere with me, you don't want me to hold you anymore, you haven't even said 'I love you' to me in weeks!" he shouts.

His heart was breaking, if there was even the slightest chance that you were cheating, he didn't want to believe it.

"Angel. Baby. Please talk to me." he says in a desperate tone as he walks towards you, holding you in his arms.

You hesitate and take a shaky deep breath in, tears fill your eyes. "I-It's Snow" you whisper.

Finnick instantly feels a wave of fear wash over him. "Angel, what are you talking about?"

You close your eyes, shaking your head, a weak sob escaping as cling onto his arms, tears rolling down your cheeks.

He quickly cups your face in his hand, "Please talk to me angel, please." he says in a soothing tone, wiping your tears away with his thumb.

"I-I made a deal with Snow...that if I take on the extra clients you took on for me...you wouldn't have to deal with them anymore" you say as you burst into tears, holding tightly onto Finnick.

Finnick stood still, tears filled his eyes, his heart felt like it was breaking even more. Suddenly, everything made sense, why you flinched at his touches, why you distanced yourself from him. It all made sense.

He was quick to wrap you fully in his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head.

"Angel...why didn't you tell me. I would've been there for you."

You cling onto his shirt and cry, "I-I didn't want to be a burden...this was my deal with Snow.."

His heart just kept breaking. You, a burden? Never.

"My angel...you could never be a burden. Never." he says in a gentle tone as he kisses the top of your forehead.

He holds you close to his chest, letting you cry it all out.

"I-I hate it so much Finny- they hurt me- t-they treat me like I-I'm a toy. They laugh when I cry- they enjoy it."

Finnick’s world shattered at your words, he could your body shaking with sobs. “I know, Angel,” he whispered, his own tears slipping down his face as he kissed your forehead, his fingers tangling in your hair as he held you closer “I know."

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, voice muffled against his chest.

“Don’t apologize, it's not your fault angel,” Finnick murmured, kissing the top of your head. "Never think it's your fault."

For the first time in weeks, you finally felt like you could breathe again, wrapped in his arms, finally feeling the comfort you longed for. And for the rest of the night you would stay in his arms as he whispered endless comforting words to you.

A/N: MWHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH (im crying like a bitch rn omg)

[pillow-ghost-nan]

VERY LONG wolfstar fic rec list PART 1

I spend way too much time reading fanfictions and wolfstar is the love of my life so yeah. Also most of these are E and M rated cause I just love my smut

Part 2

Please let me know if any link needs fixing or if there are any mistakes. Enjoy!

Multi-chapter:

Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming by wolfpants

Rating: E, 53k words Remus Lupin is a student and temporary sales assistant at Oxford's finest department store when a mysterious, handsome young man by the name of Sirius Black enters his life and introduces him to a world of sprawling country estates, parties, and London's underground bar scene. A 1960s Wolfstar AU with lots of music, smoking, fine interiors, and, of course, romance.

Of Cinema and Sticky Notes by bluepeony

Rating: E, 12k words Remus Lupin is the office bore. Sirius Black is the office sweetheart. They fancy each other, on a purely aesthetic level.

The Road to Sweetwater by EuripidesTrousers

Rating: E, 57k words “Well. They don't call me Mad Sirius Black for nothing”, Black drawls lazily, “Speaking of drinks - you got any whiskey in your pack there or just old biscuits? Caught me talking politics and now my throat's awful dry.” Remus lifts his brow incredulously, disbelief creeping into his voice, “You must think I got a real short memory thinking you're owed a drink after that show back there. You clean forget you're at my mercy, and then go trying to steal my horse-” “Not in the habit of letting a man put me in the dirt without buying me a drink”, Black drawls, his grin turning sly, “Or maybe you got something else that'll make defeat a mite easier to swallow.” Sirius Black is wanted by the law in the state of Wyoming and Remus Lupin, who's still deciding which side of the law a bounty hunter sits on, captures him for the price on his head. It should be simple. But there's something in the air that Fall that sets Remus' compass spinning, and nothing seems simple anymore.

Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings by Soupy_George

Rating: E, 126k words Heirs to the peerage didn’t write rock songs or play bass, they wrote poetry and learnt the cello from the age of five. Heirs to the peerage also got married and continued the family line. They certainly didn't get struck by a bolt of homosexual lightning in the middle of a grotty pub in Sheffield…. * “No doubt,” the barman said easily, handing the card back across the bar, “Just thinking it were nice tha’ posh twats have stupid names too.” He pointed to his chest, “Remus, thanks t’me daft mam.” A story about music and family, the price of fame and finding love somewhere completely unexpected.

Statten Park and Sunshine on Leith (Freedom & Whisky series) by eyra

Rating: E, 32k words He's absolutely maddening. It happens every summer: this dance, this flirting that Remus has never quite managed to get to the bottom of. Either it's a complete wind-up and Sirius is even more of an entitled bully than Remus has always thought, or it's going to end with Remus letting Sirius bend him over the storage crates behind the catering tent one year. It's one or the other. The boys spend a glorious long weekend together at Sirius's family estate in the height of summer.

The Long Way Home by HollyIvyDruzy

Rating: M, 177k words "SEEKING TWO ROOMMATES FOR HOUSE SHARE – SINGLE ROOMS AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY. FOUR BEDROOM HOUSE LOCATED ON EAST SIDE OF TOWN BY CATHEDRAL – CURRENT RESIDENTS FIRST YEARS. NO WEIRDOS PLEASE." Remus never expected to go to Westerbury University, but then he also never expected to meet force of nature Lily Evans while house-hunting, James Potter while replying to a horrendous handwritten advert, or Sirius Black once he had already decided to move in. Soon it becomes clear that even the best laid plans can be thrown out of the window when starting university living with a group of strangers. A university AU with a dash of humour, a sprinkling of angst and some pining for good measure.

Honeydew by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 40k words Healer Sirius Black feels like his life is going through the motions. He is still recovering from the tragic death of his best friends four years prior while doing his best to parent their five-year-old son. However, when a new patient's encounter with a mysterious creature leads him to contact a person from his past, his life gets shaken up into one giant beautiful mess that he isn't sure he knows how to handle. Or, That magic feeling when you find someone who can see you when you can't even see yourself.

Odi et Amo by afieryfox

Rating: E, ongoing Classics student Remus has everything figured out; his courses, his career path, his life — until a mysterious transfer student turns his whole world upside down. Remus despises Sirius Black from day one, quickly set out to beat his new academic rival in any way possible. Angry glares over text translations follow angrier words thrown at the other late at night. All too soon, hate morphs into obsession. And everyone knows what obsession leads to.

Petty (With A Prior) by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 65 words Showing up for his ‘civic duty’ is one thing, getting out of jury duty without losing his shit is another. Tack on an attorney who finds the whole fiasco hilarious, and Remus might as well be in hell. The Courthouse AU of my dreams.

Dunes and Waters by MarigoldWritesThings

Rating: E, 37k Remus is sensitive to changing tides, a part of the moon always with him, and Black is like the sea. He can smell it on him, the way his magic builds up and crackles about the fingertips. *** A werewolf, a convict, and a riddle.

Like an Accident by lurikko

Rating: E, 12k words November 1993: detective Sirius Black has a new case, and a new partner.

Black Diamonds and Moonlit Snow by iamafullyrealizedcreation

Rating: M, 66k words “A marketing manager from Wales, moved all the way to Maine, to work for a ski mountain, and you don’t even ski. Remus Lupin, you just keep becoming more and more mysterious. What other secrets do you have?” There were two paths in front of Remus, one where he flirted back with the beautiful, handsome, dangerous man in front of him, and one where he remembered that Sirius was his co-worker, and more importantly, made his living doing the one thing Remus hated most in the world. “You’ll find that beyond all that, I’m rather quite boring.” Remus said, as he settled on a decision. Sirius sat back in his chair and gave him a doubtful look, and the start of a smirk. “We’ll see.” Remus Lupin starts work at Mount Calset with the goal to bring people to the ski mountain, and has to learn to deal with "face of the mountain" famous ski racer, Sirius Black OR A story about overcoming your fears, and the type of love that makes you feel brave.

Go East by xinasvoice

Rating: E, 84k words Remus has been running for a long time. Eventually, he runs into a strange castle built by a wizard and his young apprentice. The longer he stays, the more secrets he uncovers...and the less he wants to leave. This is a novel-length adventure story that loosely follows the plot of Howl's Moving Castle. It does not require knowledge of the HMC book or movie to enjoy it.

The Horcrux Hunt by lostmy_keys

Rating: M, 143k words He is a Slytherin, a Black, and an ex-Death Eater. Of course he makes it out of the cave. Regulus sets out to destroy the Dark Lord's Horcrux with no one but a house-elf to help, until he realises his task is bigger than he alone can handle. Reluctantly he turns to the only man Voldemort fears for assistance - Dumbledore - who loans out his pet wolf for the job, much to Regulus's dismay. Together they embark on a hunt for Horcruxes - a long and arduous journey that both makes friendships and destroys them. And a few people get hurt along the way. Slowburn Wolfstar, Regulus character development, a very flirty (but platonic) Regulus and Remus friendship, and a canonically manipulative Dumbledore.

Where the Mist Falls by YumeNouveau

Rating: E, 30k words Remus loves being a deputy in the snowy mountain town of Greyback Peak. But when a crazy cult leader escapes in his woods and the FBI is called in, he's not about to just hand everything over to the stuffy know-it-all feds. That is, until he's confronted with silvery eyes, perfect cheekbones and a tailored suit that make his heart beat so loud it might start an avalanche.

Wish You Were Here by afieryfox

Rating M, 70k words Moony and Padfoot are both well-known online streamers that meet in an Among Us lobby organized by Lily. They instantly connect with their quick banter and similar interests, even with a whole ocean between them. Remus is alright with crushing on Sirius from afar. Until fans start shipping them and give them the name Wolfstar. Utterly ridiculous, of course. But why does Remus’ heart make a leap every time he thinks about it? And why, after countless hours on Discord calls, does he get the feeling that Sirius might feel the same?

Currents by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 109k words Remus Lupin and Sirius Black arrive in Sydney to compete in the Summer Olympics, both intent on making these games a better experience than the last. The two swimmers have a tumultuous history and intense rivalry, but can America’s golden boy and Great Britain’s notorious bad boy put their past behind them and find some common ground?

Where There Is Smoke by moongnome

Rating: not rated (oficially but it's actually E), 109k words "If he closed his eyes, he could have been there again, back in the cold river, water rising up to his shoulders, with a beautiful boy who wouldn’t leave him alone." It is 1865. Stuck in his house with his overbearing parents, Remus Lupin cannot shake the feeling that he's missing something. Returning from abroad after the death of his mother, Sirius Black is now the owner of a massive estate and he has the attitude to match. He has everything, including people who are determined to take everything from him. It takes seconds for Remus to know he will never hate anyone as much as he does Sirius Black.

The Homecoming of Sirius Black by lunarlivs, MissAmericanBi

Rating: E, 44k Sirius Black is burned the fuck out. From his high-pressure job, his unfulfilling love life, the concept of existence in general... you get the idea. With what used to be his life now just a smoldering pile of vaguely millennial-shaped wreckage drifting somewhere over the Manhattan skyline, Sirius leaves New York and moves home to Slytherin, Georgia—a wealthy suburb outside Atlanta—in an attempt to figure out what he is really doing in this prison of a meatsuit people call a body. Enter: a smoking hot bartender with big hands, amber eyes, and a stubbornly hardened exterior Sirius is determined to crack.* But with the passing of each month, Sirius starts to see that leaving a place doesn't mean forgetting the loss, returning to family doesn't mean coming home, and while love isn't found at the bottom of a pint glass—he may be the one pouring it.

How Remus Got His Groove Back by RealityShowJunky

Rating: M 43k words After two years of noncommittal sex: Remus tells Sirius that he loves him. Sirius firmly rejects him. Remus tries to move on. Sirius is not happy. OR Remus Lupin becomes king of the cockroaches, Fabian Prewett writes a book, Gilderoy Lockhart is a catfish, and Sirius Black realizes he's a fucking idiot.

Maybe this time is different (I really think you like me) by fiddleleafedfig

Rating: E, 73k words “Because you’re not just writing about Picasso, Sirius. Remus Lupin is a writer and an introvert, he has published a few novels that have been very well received. We want the story of it all, the family estate, his writing process, the decision to display these sketches now.” “And what on god's green earth makes me the best man for that job?” “Because you’re charming, we think he’ll like you.” * Or; The story of how Sirius Black gets a writing assignment, banters his way into the art-elite of London, and ends up falling head over heels in love.

Till We Have Arrived Home Again by prouvairing

Rating: E, 44k words Summer, 1999. Harry comes home with news. Quite a lot of news. Harry takes a deep breath. “I'm quitting the Aurors,” he starts with, which is followed by a moment of stunned silence. “What?” Sirius says. “All right," Remus says. “Do you know what else you want to do? Did you think about it?” Harry blushes, the way James used to—a rosy glow lighting up his brown skin—and says, “I wanted to—that is, I thought I might be a teacher.” Remus, quite suddenly, seems to have something in his eye. "Oh." “What?” Sirius says. “And uh—there's more. I was thinking I might like to. That is. I want to become an Animagus.”

Lines by Krethes

Rating: E, 24k words "As if feeling Sirius’s eyes on him -- and maybe he does, Remus just Knows Things sometimes -- he looks over his shoulder with eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy. “We’re far too old to be having morning sex and you know it, Padfoot,” he warns, his voice still gravely and deep from slumber." OR: DILF Wolfstar getting the happy ending they deserve. Chapters are chronological, but it's largely PWP and we're just here to have some fun.

No Expectations by thisbluepeony

Rating: M, 98k words Remus Lupin is a little-known music journalist working on a little-known music magazine. Blue Stag are his next Big Project - well, his first anyway.

Ever Thus by WrappedUp

Rating: E, 135k words “Right, well I’d say it’s about time to put an end to this nonsense, wouldn’t you?” James nodded sagely. “You’ve obviously still got some things to chat through with him, but he will talk to you about it, Remus. He thinks the world of you, you know that. But the important thing is that you do talk because nothing’s going to get sorted if you just sit cry-wanking in your room.” The world is excruciating and enthralling in equal measure. The gang try their hardest to navigate it as real, legitimate adults.

Language Lessons by MsAlexWP

Rating: E, 150k words September 1982 The war is over. Voldemort was defeated on October 31, 1981. Regulus Black discovered Voldemort’s horcruxes and informed the Order of the Phoenix, which destroyed them. When Voldemort arrived on Halloween to kill baby Harry, the Order was standing by, ready to kill him first. Almost a year later, the Marauders and their friends are rebuilding their lives. Everything is going well for Sirius Black. Everything but love. OR Sirius Black is great at sex but shit at relationships. Remus Lupin is an amazing boyfriend, but not so great at sex. Could these best friends learn from each other? Platonically, of course.

Hurling Crowbirds at Mockingbars by WrappedUp

Rating: M, 41k words “He’s coming home, James. What the hell am I meant to do with that? It’s been eight fucking years and we’re meant to... what? Just meet him at the pub? Buy him a drink like-” He shakes his head. “What will I do with my face?” James takes a sip of lemonade, taking his role as designated driver very seriously as always. He has a smudge of dirt on his nose from ‘wrestling a conifer the size of a bear’, but Sirius doesn’t think to mention it because he’s somewhat preoccupied with his own problems, which, for the avoidance of doubt, are many and insurmountable. “Your face?” “Yes, exactly! It’ll give me away the second he sees me. He’ll know right away that eight bloody years has done nothing at all to dampen it down. Dripping with hurt. As if I don’t still feel-”

One-shots:

Babysitting by A_factorygirl_69

Rating: E, 5,5k words Sirius and Teddy's excellent adventure, or why Remus is a master manipulator.

No Reckoning Made by A_factorygirl_69

Rating: E, 22k words Trying to remain friends but also wanting more while in the middle of a war is far more difficult than Remus ever imagined. Sirius certainly isn't making it easier on him either.

Secrets in the Black of night by TracingPatterns

Rating: E, 6k words It all starts when Remus is paired with Sirius fucking Black in Potions, but Remus didn’t think this was where they would end up.

Buy the Stars by wilteddaisy (taotu)

Rating: E, 23k words Sirius Black, respectable pureblood patriarch and heir to the Black family fortune, has a wife and three children at Hogwarts. Defence Against the Dark Arts professor Remus Lupin wrestles with the aging wolf inside of him. When Black offers him a hand, Remus reluctantly takes it.

Nosebleed by WrappedUp

Rating: T, 8k words “I can’t have a threesome, Lily. I do puzzles for fun. I drink Ovaltine. I have a mug that says ‘I heart spreadsheets’. And it wasn’t even a present; I went out and bought it for myself because I really do. I heart spreadsheets.”

That Old Black Magic by fallovermelikestars

Rating: M, 37k words AU in which Remus, being as he is a werewolf and all, is homeschooled til he is 16. Hogwarts is something of an experience, not least because there's this boy called Sirius Black.

illicit affairs by dykesiriusblack

Rating: E, 8k words They shouldn't. But they do.

The Power Of The Dog by Suchsmallhands

Rating: E, 71k words Sirius thought he left the Black family behind but he is forced to face them once again when charged with the death of his mother. Who do you think will be his defender?

you jump, I jump by grumposaur

Rating: M, 17k words When Remus witnesses a disturbing event walking home one night, it sends him down a twisted path of many discoveries: secret societies, macabre rituals, cloaked figures, and a dark-haired boy who proves to be the most dangerous of all.

Satellites by jennandblitz

Rating: E, 23k words Sirius Black is the guitarist for Starsign, a band on a meteoric rise to fame. One evening in Edinburgh and he finds himself face to face with Remus Lupin, gig photographer an in almost-criminally oversized punk shirt. Perhaps things aren't meant to be at first, but the universe has its ways…

After us, the flood by aryastark_valarmorghulis, bloodsuitsandtears

Rating: E, 10k words “I was hoping you might be waiting for me.” His tone is light and friendly, but Remus isn’t fooled. “I stopped for a smoke.” He wonders, though. Was he unwittingly waiting for Sirius? In the last eight years, there had been countless smoke breaks, quick trips to grab another wine bottle and rendezvous to decide James’ birthday gift that dissolved into a sloppy snog or a quickie. It didn't happen every time Sirius was back in the country, but it was close enough.

bookends by drowsyanddazed

Rating: E, 12k It’s 1995 and the only flat in London that Remus Lupin can afford is one that’s falling apart and riddled with curses. When the curse-breaker comes in to survey the place, it’s Sirius Black who shows up at his door. On Remus’ doorstep, in 1995, they go through introductions. But they knew each other in 1982, back at university, they knew each other quite well, so why are they pretending they don’t have history? He’s not quite sure what’s going on between them, what they’re doing, what this tightrope they’re walking is. He’s not sure it’s a good idea.

Love, Trust and Other Wartime Casualties by BellaBabe

Rating: M, 8k words “Full moon?” Sirius asks, realizing he doesn’t actually know. Remus looks at him oddly. “You know you were always the most attentive. James was too carefree, too unburdened and Peter too forgetful… but you, you always knew.” It’s a well placed blow and it leaves Sirius breathless. “Things change I guess.” Remus says softly. “I’m here now.” Sirius can taste the lie on his tongue. Remus hums noncommittally and pours them more tea.

Lie With Me by mblematic

Rating: M, 12k words Sirius meets Remus unexpectedly, in somebody else's body. Nobody trusts anybody.

Elucidation Practice by montparnasse

Rating: M, 21k Christmas, 1978. Remus, wrestling with the mighty problems of gift-giving on a budget, contemplates life, love, London in winter, and falling off the edge of the world with Sirius Black.

Don't Make Me Beg For You (Because I'll Beg For You) by CuriousMay

Rating: E, 14k words Sirius' head jerks round, eyes wide with shock. Remus is still speaking but all Sirius can hear now is white noise. He stares at Remus, who is carefully constructing his chicken sandwich as he talks, seemingly unaware of the conversational grenade he's just launched into the room. "What?" "You know, Rita Schaffer? She was that 4th year who had that incident with Bleatchley's Beauty Bleach in '75 just after our exams and Madam Pomfrey had to regrow all her hair-" Remus starts as he puts down the tomato but Sirius cuts him off with a sharp wave of his hand. "No, not that, you idiot. The other bit. You said - you said you're in love with me?"

Horoscopes and how they caused the Plague of Frogs by Woldy

Rating: E, 6k words This is the story of the most improbable job Remus ever had, the Chocolate Frog Plague of 1980 and, incidentally, how he first kissed Sirius.

A Series of Sketches Done in Black Ink by mustntgetmy

Rating: E, 57k words Non-magic AU. Sirius had always imagined the aftermath of falling in love would mean lightness, and an escape from all the horrors of his childhood. But the past never leaves, and even love can't stop bad memories from resurfacing. An almost year in the life of Sirius and Remus's first year as a couple replete with art and tangled sheets, and containing the following: filled sketchbook pages from people lost and people found, terrible biscuits from an excellent therapist, mismatched music records, expensive hot chocolate, a lost brother, photographs (some invasive and some invoking terrible memories), a reckoning with the past, a promise of the future, and yet another ridiculously over the top Halloween party.

Within White Space by mustntgetmy

Rating: T, 9k words Non-magic AU. Remus spends his all his lunch breaks the same way: he sits at the university cafe, orders the cheapest thing on the menu, and stares at Sirius. Getting a good long, look at Sirius (and fantasizing about said look) is all Remus expects from Sirius. But Sirius has never been one for fulfilling expectations.

Black Glass by estas_absentis

Rating: E, 4k words Remus already holds Sirius’ heart in his hands, carries it with him through the world, could crush it if he chose. Why not his mind, his self, too?

[glorifiedstreetmagician]

To My Dearest

Three letters from Haku Kusanagi to Zenji Kotodama that he did not send and one that he did. Thank you @danieyells for the inspiration. This is dedicated to @zenji-kotodama-official, for hopefully obvious reasons.

[unsent]

Zenji,

This is the sort of thing you would do. But now I find myself sitting at my desk, the weight of the time spent apart hanging over me like an axe about to drop, and I'm writing a letter you'll probably never see. I'm pretending to write to you anyway. Rui said it might help me figure my feelings out if I wrote them down like this, but after ten of these already I'm starting to think I'm doing this just because it feels like the only way I can speak my mind to you while you're not here.

It reminds me of the time I found a poem left on your desk when you weren't there. You wrote of a ghost of a poet and an heir to a shrine. I didn't read it all—I won't pretend to have had the patience or the nerve to try at the time—but I still think about it. You were trying to tell me something and I wish I knew what.

I shouldn't have told you what I did, that I wished I had kissed you when I had the chance. I should have said that I'd still try. You still reach for the people around you with such reckless love, like that time you moved for my hand and fell through your own bed. Your embarrassment was priceless. Oddly beautiful, too. And if you'd let me try to embarrass myself, just once, I'd try to kiss you, ghostly air and all.

It's shameful. Sometimes I lay awake at night, curled up on my side and staring at my door, asking myself what I did wrong. But I know I've done plenty wrong. Even so, I wish you'd just talk to me. I miss you. I hate that I miss you.

You're so annoying, but why did I have to get used to your annoyingness? Why do I miss it? Why do I yearn for just one more obnoxiously loud song, one more melancholic poem, one more masterpiece played on your biwa with your imperious voice demanding I record?

I hate you. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for being gone. I hate you for not talking to me. I hate you for your silence more than your noise ever annoyed me. Please come back. Please be silent somewhere I can see you again. Just please come back. Come back and be your annoying self and I won't complain again. I won't roll my eyes. I won't tease. Just come back to me, Zenji.

Why do you avoid me? Is it so terrible if I want you, alive or dead? Is there really no other way for us to have our happily ever after? Is there a reason you won't try with me?

Haku

[unsent]

Dear Taro,

Do you remember the day we first met? It was the start of second year for us both, though I didn't really know you until I first stepped foot into Hotarubi, my new dorm at the time. To be honest, I don't really know why I chose it when I'd hardly spent any time there before I left Frostheim. I guess it just reminded me of home.

That first day though, it didn't feel exactly like home. It felt a bit like betrayal when I walked in, knowing who I'd left behind. I was quiet, and then there you were. An explosion of colour and fabric, pale skin glowing even in the dim mists of Hotarubi, and I could swear your eyes sparkled. You were all smiles and friendly chatter, welcoming me like I was just some childhood buddy you hadn't seen for a long time. You didn't even know me.

And you wouldn't leave my side. You said "hi" to at least a dozen people on the way to showing me my room, but stuck by me. At mealtimes, you were there. In the evening, you walked me back to my room even when I said I remembered the way. You did the same the day after that and the day after that and, seemingly, almost every single day forward. I'm not sure you knew it, but you made those first months bearable for me. I'm not sure I ever thanked you for that.

I've always been ungrateful when it comes to you. For your life, your company, and your smile.

What I'd give to see your smile again.

Sorrowfully, Haku

[unsent]

Dearest Taro,

I see the way she looks at you. I see the way you look at her. I've never been a jealous man. At least, not until now. She brings so much more life to you, and for someone always on my case for flirting, you certainly charm the hell out of her.

We talk now, but it doesn't feel the same as before the ball. I wish we'd never gone. I wish I hadn't asked you to dance. I'd undo it all if it meant you wouldn't keep averting your gaze from me when I'm in the room.

What does an honor student have that I don't? Why will you entertain her and not me?

How much longer will this go on?

Yours, Haku

[the downturned card]

Haku didn't show up to the wedding. How could he go on pretending to be perfectly serene and happy, seeing two of his friends get what they always deserved and he selfishly wished against?

The closest he made it was a short distance from the reception, under the shade of a tree grown into the form of a bench. It was wrapped in white and soft indigo ribbons, purple roses tucked among them. That was where he left his folded-up letter.

He glimpses Zenji in the distance, dressed down for this part after the ceremony, considering it was only for close friends. Who would have thought that all the ghouls would not only help lift not just a curse, but a spirit from the dead to allow this newlywed couple to stand here today? Zenji moved and interacted with the world with so much grace and enthusiasm. Every step, every wave of his hand, every turn of his head filled Haku with a love so deep and aching that it hurt.

Love. He had fallen in love with his old friend. It was a terrifying, tragic feeling.

If not for the pain, Haku wouldn't have had the means to walk away, leaving the letter in the tree for Zenji to find if he went looking.

To My Dearest,

There's a poem I've been thinking about. A few lines specifically:

Trees outside the window and a big band sound that makes you feel like / everything's okay, / a feeling that lasts for one song maybe, / the parentheses all clicking shut behind you... I sleep. I dream. I make up things / that I would never say. I say them very quietly.

Sometimes it's easier to use a poet's words when I'm lost for ways to articulate just how I'm feeling. The full poem is more hopeful, but I keep coming back to these lines. It's like he knew, somehow. Precisely how to describe the way grief feels, where you stand in one place but time moves on anyway. Contentment is fleeting, the situation is final, and I betray my own healing by whispering all the words I wish I had said long ago and clinging to them like they might impossibly change the present.

I fear I have become the ghost in bringing you back. I'm stuck somewhere between that night and all the nights after where something got lost in translation.

You deserve this happy life. I'm writing this letter to say goodbye. I have always been a selfish, selfish man. I can't watch you love someone else anymore and live the life with her that I wanted with you.

I'm sorry, Taro. I'm so sorry I never did anything right by you.

Yours, still, Haku

[the upright card]

Haku went through the motions of the day in a kind of stupor. A few years ago, if you told him that he was going to get married one day, he'd laugh self-deprecatingly and ask if you were planning to propose to say such a thing. If you told him he was going to marry Zenji Kotodama—to him, Taro Kirisaki—he would blankly demand what gave you that ridiculous idea, arms crossed and unimpressed.

Currently, his arms are draped over Zenji's shoulders as they slow dance in an empty garden party. All the guests had left. Soon, Haku was going to clean up before he and Zenji collected their bags to board the late train. But right now, he's content just dancing to a song Zenji hummed sweetly in the quiet.

The moment feels so surreal. Zenji's buzzing solidness after years of growing stronger, the rise and fall of his chest so close to true breathing, the fact that they could still hold each other even while one remained a ghost. But the sound of his voice remains the same as always.

"You seem lost in thought, my dear." Zenji's ruby eyes glitter with gentle affection as he observes Haku. "Will you tell me about it?"

"It's nothing," Haku says, only for the rest of his excuses to melt away at a kiss to his forehead. It feels as real as anything.

"Tell me anyway," Zenji replies once he pulls away, smiling encouragingly.

Sighing, Haku glances off to the side at the curved tree. "It's... not something I can say aloud right now."

"But we are alone!" Zenji says, incredulous.

And Haku finds himself chuckling. "Yes. I know. But it's because it's for you that I'm struggling to say it." They stop dancing and, with a tremoring hand, Haku draws a folded piece of paper from a pocket in his coat. "Here. Read this, please. I should start cleaning, or we'll never make it to that train."

"But these are not your vows from earlier?"

"No," Haku says, wandering off to start collecting glasses to take inside. "Just read it and you'll see!" he calls back before leaving.

To My Dearest,

While I like poetry, I've never been all that good at it. I've written this letter probably a dozen times already, trying to quote every Romantic poet you could name. And many of them, I find, are so sad in their works. It just wouldn't do because I find myself so incredibly happy.

I'm writing this version the night before our wedding. You're asleep in the next room over (I know this because I can hear you snoring) and the moon is bright. I have the window open and the breeze is so nice, even if it's also messing with the paper right now.

You know by now that I'm stalling. You've always known me better than anyone else, particularly my own family. And while you've felt like family for a long time now, I can't believe I'm—and yet I look forward to—officially making you mine tomorrow.

You don't know it, but I've been writing letters to you for years. It started in our third year at Darkwick Academy, when I thought I had ruined our friendship for good. Ruined any kind of relationship we might have had. I wrote to you almost every day for a month, and then I continued to write after, but I never sent anything. You know me, after all. I couldn't be openly honest if my life depended on it.

Keats wrote once about the harmony in silence—or something close to that. After years of writing to you what I cannot say, I think I've finally reached that harmony. In my silent missives, I've found a new appreciation for your endless songs. I want you to sing until I go deaf. I want to love you until the end of my life, and then even after.

I used to scorn fairy tales. They weren't real. I had experienced the real world with all its unfit couples, doomed lovers, and sex addicts. I thought that was all there is. You may remember that there was a time I never thought I'd marry, simply because I didn't think a happy marriage was possible. But I want to make a promise to you, Taro. The vows I read out tomorrow are for everyone else. But this promise is for you only, in the beautiful simplicity of silence as you read.

While it is within my power, I am making this our happily ever after, my dearest. I owe it to the both of us to believe in fairy tales again. And I promise you that in this one, the moon and the fisherman can devote themselves to one another, the heir to the shrine can know of the ghost's love, and the beast can marry the princess.

We will have bad days. Someday I might find I grow tired of noise again. You might detest my criticisms. But I promise to never forget the love that's bound us through life and death. If you ever fear that I will, come to me with this letter and we will read it again together until we both remember our happily ever after.

I'm going to marry you tomorrow. You'll see.

With love, forever yours, Haku

[atzhrts]

　　 ⠀˖　⠀˙⠀　｡ thank you guys so much for 3k ⠀˖　⠀˙⠀　｡　⠀

⠀⠀⠀ᯓ★ ⠀⠀⠀ i am genuinely so thankful !! thank you to everyone who reads my stuff and an even bigger thank you to everyone who sends in their thoughts - without you this blog would not even work <3 && thank you to all my moots and everyone who likes who reblogs my stuff - love you

　 ・ෆ・ to celebrate i want to do a little prompt list event - feel free send in a prompt, member of zerobaseone, ateez or riize and wether you want it as a text prompt or written!! ( if the prompt would make sense as a text ) - i will keep the requests for this open till the 13th ・ෆ・

prompts ⠀ ⠀ 🦢🩰 please use the numbers to request

　　 　 　ways to say “ i love you “ ⠀: ・┈ ᕱ⑅ᕱ・┈・┈・ෆ・ :

⠀˖’ you know i love you, right ?’ (1)

⠀˖’ you met my mum ‘ (2)

⠀˖’ i can’t think of anyone else i’d want to be here with ‘ (3)

⠀˖’ we’ll figure it out together, we always do ‘ (4)

⠀˖’ i want to stare at the stars with you ‘ (5)

⠀˖’ it’s you, it’s always been you ‘ (6)

⠀˖’ you’re everything i’ve ever dreamed of ‘ (7)

⠀˖’ i’m not leaving you like this, i care about you ‘ (8)

⠀˖’ i care about you, i want the best for you ‘ (9)

⠀˖ letting you ramble about your day, listening with a small smile (10)

　　 　 　・┈・ᕱ⑅ᕱ・┈・┈・ෆ・ friends to lovers/ beginning of a relationship

⠀˖’ you mean more to me than that ‘ (11)

⠀˖’ you look - uh, good. you look really good ‘ (12)

⠀˖ ‘are you blushing?’ ‘ i can’t help it if you look at me like that ‘ (13)

⠀˖ ‘ you, uhh... you... sorry. i didn't mean to make you... I mean... ‘ (14)

⠀˖ ‘ you’re blushing ‘ ‘ so are you ‘ (15)

⠀˖ ‘ can i kiss you, please? ‘ (16)

⠀˖ ‘ i didn't like the way they were looking at you. i hope you can understand what l'm trying to say ‘ (17)

⠀˖ * meeting each other's friends/family - ‘ i'm nervous ‘ ‘ don't be. i'm sure they'll like you. hell, they'll love you. ‘ (18)

⠀˖ walking next to each other, the back of your fingers touching theirs, too shy to initiate hand holding (19)

⠀˖ playing with your hair, being too shy to make eye contact (20)

⠀˖ covering cornered edges when you bent down (21)

⠀˖ hesitant smile and blushy cheeks (22)

⠀˖ learning about your body insecurities and finding out it’s their favorite part of you (23)

⠀˖ feathery forehead kisses (24)

⠀˖ late nights cuddled up and quiet giggles (25)

⠀˖ turning your head to hide your blush but he doesn’t let him (26)

⠀˖ smiling fondly when he sees you blushing, pulling you into his chest so you can hide it (27)

⠀˖ comparing hand sizes (28)

　　 　 　smut ⠀: ・┈ ᕱ⑅ᕱ・┈・┈・ෆ・ :

⠀˖ ‘ that's it, fuck, that's a good girl/boy.’ (29)

⠀˖ ‘ you’re mine ‘ (30)

⠀˖ ‘ is this okay? ‘ as he stares up from between your legs (31)

⠀˖ ‘ do that again- shit, just like that, right there ‘ (32)

⠀˖ ‘ please mark me, i want everyone to know i'm yours ‘ (33)

⠀˖ ‘ on your knees ‘ while their fingers thread through your hair, guiding you onto the floor (34)

⠀˖ ‘ my little slut to ruin ‘ (35)

⠀˖ ‘ you're in no position to tease baby, remember that ‘ (36)

⠀˖ fucking someone so good that they struggle to kiss you back (37)

⠀˖ interlocking your fingers above your head while making out passionately (38)

⠀˖ pulling them closer by the collar of their shirt or their belt (39)

⠀˖ fucking you so good that you struggle to kiss you back (40)

⠀˖ sex in front of a big window where anyone could glance up and spot you (41)

⠀˖ fully clothed x stark naked (42)

⠀˖ finding your sex toy/toys and making you play with it in front of them (43)

⠀˖ quickie where you don't take any clothes off, just tug and pull and expose the essentials (44)

⠀˖ fucking, but one is still trying to keep all of their attention on the game they are playing (45)

⠀˖ seeing the love marks they left on their partner later and getting turned on all over again remember how it got there in the first place (46)

　　 　 　・┈・ᕱ⑅ᕱ・┈・┈・ෆ・ prompt credits/ most are slightly altered : @angelilacs @novelbear @distort-ted @thepromptswhisperer @prompt-heaven @creativepromptsforwriting @loveisanimaginarydagger3000 @me-writes-prompts

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

fight the future part 1

AHHHHH, i’m so EXCITEDDDD!!!

it usually takes me an hour and a half to write up my initial thoughts on a 45 minute episode, PLUS more time to edit them before posting, so this 2 hour movie is probably going to take all night LMAOOOO

but after having some brief troubles with my laptop’s DVD player, here we are!!!! i cannot wait!!! i’m so excited!! everyone has really hyped this up. but i read the back of the DVD and it didn’t mention gibson at all? so are we just pushing that to the side for now?

okay. yeah. i’ll have to not worry about that little boy. 

oh, and yeah, i'm watching it on a DVD! the quality is... not great. which i suppose adds to the immersion.

post-movie thoughts: i can see shrimp colors and feel their secret emotions.

let’s GOOOOO!

theme music playing……………….. over some oily looking stuff…. YEAH BABY!!!!!

we are in a blizzard. two figures run. wait, it’s texas? oh, it’s ancient texas. a very different time from now.

let us enter a cave together, where we can start a fire and rest. and look around with torches. deeper and deeper into this labyrinth journey the cavemen. it looks like skyrim. i half expect a skeever to jump out

wah! who is this in the ice?

ALIEN ATTACK??? what is going on? alien vs cavemen! place your bets!!! one caveman down!!! the alien escaped?? other caveman wants to know where tf it went!

i get the sense a jumpscare is coming. WHAT IS THAT THING??? it looks like a flounder??????? surviving caveman stabs it and it bleeds. OHHH.... IS THAT THE BLACK OIL STUFF???? YEAH, it is!!! and it crawls all over the caveman!!!! 

wahhhh!!! abrupt jump cut to a boy named stevie falling into a cave. stevie, there may be monsters afoot, please be careful. stevie wants this skull for himself. please alert any local archaeologists of this find instead of stealing it or its historical context will forever be lost to time. NO STEVIE! the goop!!!!! it is upon him!!!

maybe this is what he gets for trying to steal archaeological remains. take notes, children. a lesson was learned today.

it crawls up his legs like evil slugs!!!! and into his eyeballs!! the other kids run!!!

they abandoned stevie in his hour of need… personally, i would not forgive them for this

some yellow firetrucks are here to save the day (and who has ever seen a yellow firetruck?). go, fetch stevie. the fireman up top can’t hear the ones down in the cave through the radio!!!

now, what is this helicopter doing at the scene? they bring out a pod-thing to store stevie in. and this other guy (later revealed to be named bronschweig- simply too many german names on this show) is watching the boy with grave concern.

THIS DUDE LEAVES THE FIREMEN DOWN THERE TO DIE?????

absolutely DIABOLICAL.

a ton more trucks pull in and block off the area while the doctor bronschweig guy calls someone to say that…. the impossible scenario that they never planned for??? well, they better come up with a plan!!

a week later, a helicopter arrives in dallas. the FBI says there is no evidence of an explosive in this building, but this other guy (michaud) says they had better check again. he sees something in the distance….. upon the roof....

SCULLY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cheered and screamed!

“mulder, it’s me!” “where are you scully?” “i’m on the roof” <- it was her on the roof!! oh, my heart is so happy to see her!!! she says she hasn't found anything. and you know she is good at observing

LMAOOOOO she wants to know what the fuck she is doing there!!! after going up 12 floors of stairs!!! they are not acting in accordance with the data on how to respond to terrorist threats!!! the bomb threat was called in ACROSS THE STREET!! lives could be lost!!! yes diva, monologue statistics!

BOO! mulder scares her LMAOOO LMAOOOOOOO aww. babies.

(her lecturing him on the statistics and terrorist behavioral analysis is so funny because he is the behavioral analysis guy... but i recognize that they are doing a sort of character introduction for the girlies who are just tuning in for the movie, and she is the one who likes to do things by the book)

(he pops a sunflower seed) “what are we doing up here, scully? it’s hotter than hell” <- many are asking this question...

NOOOOO, he’s bored because they’ve CLOSED THE X FILES 💔💔💔 and now they have to follow the rules!!! and do boring things like look for bombs! but at least they get to do it together? that has to be a plus!

“maybe we should call in a bomb threat to houston; i think it’s free beer night at the astrodome” (she glares at him) LMAOOOOO she’s mad as hell!!!! and so is he!!! but in a different direction!

OHHHHHH she pretends the door is locked…. and he goes into open it…. AHAHAHA, OH I JUST GIGGLED!!!

“it’s locked?” “so much for anticipating the unforeseen” (he opens it and turns to her, who is smiling, crossing her arms) “i had you” (he’s laughing) “no you didn’t” “had you big time"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH i love when they write scully as a smartass!!! THAT IS MY BABY!! <3

SHE’S STILL TEASING HIM AS THEY GO INSIDE, BAHAHAHA! he says he saw her jiggle the handle; “i saw your face, mulder, there was a definite moment of panic” “you’ve never seen me panic. when i panic, i make this face” (he has no discernible expression)

BANTER!!! THE BANTER OF IT ALL!!!

OHHHH, SHE MAKES HIM BUY HER A SODA and she wants something SWEET... AGAIN, i say, that is my baby!!!!!!

15 minutes in and i’m already kicking my feet and giggling at their banter, oh my god… this is going to ruin me

LMAOOO what the hell did he just pull out of his pocket as he is putting the change in for a soda?!!

bro is slamming all of the buttons…. bro is kicking the machine… i have been there too, brother, i promise. 

aha! the machine was unplugged!

this DVD is skipping a little but i think he got locked in the drink room 💔 for what purpose??

he panics and calls scully on his nokia, and her number is 555-0113 btw, for those of you who keep track of these things

he says he found the bomb!!!! and she thinks he is joking, but he is absolutely not!!! 

OH SHIT!!!!! the bomb really is in there!!!! where the vending machine should be!! he starts counting down…….

so scully runs out, saying that she will get him out of there, but first: get everyone else out!!!!

YES, TELL THEM GIRL!!! “i need this building evacuated and cleared out in ten minutes. i want you to call the fire department and have them block off the city center and a one-mile radius around the building” “ten minutes?” “DON’T THINK! pick up that phone and make it happen!” <- YAAAAAAS EXACTLY RIGHT!!!

love when she raises her voice at men who doubt her. it brings me inner peace.

she needs to speak to michaud NOW…. tell him to deploy the FBI AT ONCE!!!!

oh, poor mulder, stuck in a locked room with the vending machine bomb….. he jumps when his cellphone rings. “scully, you know that face i just showed you? i’m making it again” <- NOOOOO his normally cool exterior is cracking 💔

she informs him to get away from the door because they are coming in. is michaud a welder????? or do they just keep one on hand for events like this?

michaud says to get out NOW!!! and mulder doesn’t want to listen, but scully forces him out. now why tf would this michaud guy know how to diffuse a bomb?? but he says he does.

okay, but he lies, because he’s just sitting there looking at it?????

mulder wants to run back in but she SCREAMS IN HIS FACE THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TIME!!!

(this was most pleasing to me as well. something about her screaming in his face to save him made me nod in approval)

they just barely get in the car, when the whole building blows!!!! poor limping agents emerge from the bombing as the place is in ruins. “next time, you’re buying”, mulder says. oh, this man, and his dumbass quips…

back to the FBI headquarters in DC. is scully in trouble??!?! but skinner is here!!!! surely he will defend her! oh no… mulder is here, too. there were 5 deaths in the explosion!!!

mulder rushes in, asking if the bodies really were found in the building, because they were told it was clear. but this lady tells him he was late and he better go wait outside… what is afoot at this moment…? skinner shakes his head ever so slightly

cut to him pounding sunflower seeds outside the door while the meeting takes place.

skinner emerges!!!!! NOOOO he gently informs mulder that they’re being blamed for this!!! he was so careful about the way he worded this news, too 💔💔

“if they want somebody to blame, they can blame me. agent scully doesn’t deserve this” “she’s in there right now saying the same thing about you” <- OHHHHHH……….. i fell to my knees in a walmart parking lot.

(metaphorically, of course. for in reality, i sit here, cozy in bed)

mulder says that he broke protocol by leaving the SAC, so he should take the blame, but she says she was the one who ordered him out. and he denies wanting to go back in.

poor scully :( she emerges

and now the people from the panel in the meeting room want skinner back :( she always calls him “sir” :(

NOOOOO, THEY’RE SPLITTING OUR AGENTS UP??? 💔 

“this is not about you scully, they’re doing this to me” “they’re not doing this. mulder, i left behind a career in medicine… because i thought that i could make a difference at the FBI, but it hasn’t turned out that way, and now if they were to transfer me to omaha, or cleveland, or some field office it just doesn’t hold the interest for me that it once did. not after what i’ve seen and done” <- OHHHHHH… his face while she says this…

and her guilt…. it’s like she wants to atone.

again, scully and her need to Do The Morally Correct Thing at all costs. and at this point, can she say that being in the FBI is the Morally Correct Thing to do? i don't blame her for wanting to go be a doctor instead, even though i am surprised she doesn't want to figure out who got her sick and killed her sister. maybe she thought if she cut her losses now, she could still make a life for herself somewhere else.

she looks so SAD, and she says she’s sorry, and when mulder walks away, she grabs his jacket that he left behind... ohhhhh my GOD, her standing alone in the hallway… someone please kill me

(post viewing note: i think he was trying to blame himself for the whole situation and assuage her guilt with the "this is not about you, scully" line, but it seemed like he was saying that he was the only one being persecuted for the pursuit of the great and noble Truth, which rubbed me the wrong way. i think i know what he MEANT, but when he said they were doing this to HIM, it was like, damn, pretty sure y'all have been a team... again with the hearing 'i' when he ought to hear 'we')

NOOOOO! mulder’s absolutely smashed at the bar. bro barely drinks and tonight he is going for the gold. 

AND THE BARTENDER ASKS WHAT HE DOES SO HE JUST. TELLS HER EVERYTHING??? so she cuts him off for the night. because his alien story seems to indicate his inebriation.

oh my god, it's like it doesn't bother him that he is a joke to his peers when he is getting results, but when he is separated from those results, being belittled hurts

“one is the loneliest number” <- SAID BY THE MAN who never wanted a partner….. oh my god…..

OH, the poor guy can’t even go to the bathroom in peace… which leaves him pissing against the wall… truly an all time low for my best friend mulder

this guy is talking to him while he goes to the bathroom. he says he has been watching his career for a while…….. since he was a promising young agent….. okay, who is this kurtzweil fellow? OH! HE CLAIMS TO BE “AN OLD FRIEND OF YOUR FATHER’S” EEK! i don’t think that will endear him to you 

HE CALLS THEM “FELLOW TRAVELERS”.... RED MR. MULDER CONFIRMED???

he’s trying to get away from this guy. kurtzweil heard he comes in there sometimes. huh, that’s interesting. i feel like we never see him drink. and he said he usually doesn’t, which he stated as much before. maybe he goes there on the tough nights. maybe he gets bored. maybe his general sobriety is being retconned in this film. very interesting.

bro is trying to get tf out of there… but kurtzweil says that michaud never tried to diffuse that bomb!! "they" wanted the medical quarantine office in that dallas building destroyed!! which is where the bodies came from!!! the dead they found were already dead before the bomb went off!!!!

ohhhh, mulder's eyes are alight again… he tells the doctor he thinks he’s full of shit, but i can see that spark in his drunk and pondering eyes.

he is now off to georgetown. where poor scully cannot sleep. in her white robe. sadly looking at the ceiling.

(i know nothing about DC. so scully lives in georgetown? then where does he live? how far away is that? you have to call a cab, so it's probably pretty far... how long are their journeys to work? and most importantly, how far are they from the museums?)

OH she immediately clocks that he is drunk and she is SUSPICIOUS. oh, i want to STUDY this interaction:

“oh, i woke you. did i wake you?” (he stumbles in)

“no”

“why not? it’s 3 in the morning” 

“are you drunk, mulder?” (i find it very fascinating she asks this without judgement- just very matter of fact)

“i… i… uh, was, until about 20 minutes ago, yeah”

“was that before or after you decided to come here?”

“what exactly are you implying?”

(she stares at him) “go home, mulder”

“no, get dressed”

“it’s late”

“get dressed”

“what are you doing?” 

“just get dressed, and i’ll explain on the way” <- ohhhhhh…. will she go with him?

she will, but only after a deep sigh

(post-viewing thoughts: i thought this was so fascinating because it felt like she thought he was going to break whatever tenuous barrier was between them. like, he was either going to try and sleep with her, or beg her to stay, and either one was something she couldn't handle. it felt like she assumed it was sexual, to me at least. and that firm rejection was very interesting. i shall unpack this for decades, i am sure)

back to texas, where the quarantine effort where stevie and the firemen fell in the hole is being resumed. AND CSM IS LIGHTING UP AS HE DESCENDS FROM HIS HELICOPTER!!! sadly and pensively smoking. 

the guy from before who we saw leave the firemen behind- bronschweig- has something to show CSM. AUGH, the fireman that they left in the hole is still alive, but he is very goopy??? why is this???

the black oil alien is eating him away!!! but they managed to slow it down by bringing him back to freezing!!!

he asks if CSM wants him to destroy “this one too, before it gestates” and he says no, no. we need to try the vaccine. and if it doesn’t work… burn it like the others. nasty.

AUGH....... the oil alien moved in the fireman's body a little bit. didn't care for it.

the agents are rolling up to the naval hospital at 4 am. i sure do hope mulder wasn’t the one driving. scully does not seem like the type to allow this.

LMAOOOO he is trying to get into the morgue by pushing around the young and inexperienced guard, and he does that thing where he calls him “son”, which makes me feel so weird, but the trickery of a guy named fox never fails to amuse me. he points out to scully once they're successfully inside that it’s pretty weird a hospital morgue is suddenly off limits on the orders of a general. yeah, seems sus.

mulder is unboxing this corpse, and it is horribly sticky!!! she’s gloving up to investigate. “god, it’s completely edematous”, she notes, and i giggled when she said that. scully using medical words makes my heart skip beats. i even giggled while gagging as she dragged her fingers through the human body that had become gel. and there was evidently absolutely no autopsy, she declares!!! the death report is obviously not true!!!

(shoutout to the props team)

STEALING A BODY with agents mulder and scully! but she is concerned! it takes a long time to conduct an autopsy! she’s worried they'll get caught!! “we’re being blamed for this man’s death. i’d like to know what he died of”, mulder points out, and you know what? i can’t really argue with that logic 

how is she gonna cut the body open if he’s goop?!?!

off to dr. kurtzweil’s apartment, where an outside investigation is taking place, and you bet mulder is going to crash it.

OH SHIT??? the cops who are in kurtweil's place accuse him of a very serious crime??? mulder also found a book he wrote about “global domination conspiracy” um… can we trust this guy? 

earlier when he said he was an OBGYN, my first thought was that he was one of those guys who works in the fertility clinics and makes the clone people… maybe he really is?

(after seeing the film, i think it was just a coincidence LMAO)

mulder make a joke about needing a pelvic examination and cracks the other cop up lmao. he has a way of charming people

GASP! as he tries to leave, he’s being summoned around the corner by kurtzweil!!! he says "they" know that he is talking to mulder. mulder is like how tf did you know all that about the goop guy in the hospital morgue?

well, let me tell you a story about a mouse disease, says kurtzweil.

and FEMA mentioned…. what are they doing in a mouse disease outbreak?? with their newfound powers? hmm.

MR. MULDER LORE!!!! they worked on a bio weapon together. “a plague to end all plagues… a planned armageddon” arranged with the aliens!! that's... not good.

so he says the president will declare a state of emergency when this plague arrives, and all power will come under FEMA/the secret government. and then i think he implies it will be transferred over to the aliens?

he says to go back to texas and dig… or else.

poor FEMA. always being blamed for something.

meanwhile, scully is working on getting an autopsy on the goopy body. but there are people approaching!!!

she hides!!! in the freezer!!!! but no!!!! her phone goes off!!!!

LMAOOOO!!! DESPITE the horrible timing, she picks up and says she can’t really talk right now- but mulder wants to know more about this infection she found. 

he wants her to come to dallas with him, but she says she can’t, she has a hearing tomorrow!!! OH SHIT!!! the army men are approaching, but just in time she hides under the bodies…… very gross

now mulder is in a lab far away. looks like she did not accompany him to texas.

JUST KIDDING!!! SHE DID!!! she walks in right as he is told about some archaeological bone fragments!!

she didn’t want to come, but whatever those men were infected with has a protein code she has never seen before!! and i KNOW scully knows her protein codes!!! it is a serious health threat!!!

time to look at the fossils with a microscope. oh, whatever she sees is crazy, judging by the face she is making

(i thought it was so funny how he tells the dude in the lab he wanted her to explore the bones because it was so conveniently timed AND because they were archaeological remains that were thousands of years old, and i'm thinking, is she trained in archaeology? or is that implied with a training in forensic pathology? at what age is a bone no longer in her area of expertise?!)

back to the texas site…. the scary government people are going to try the vaccine. BLEH, whatever was in that guy has come free through his chest!!!!!!!!!!! bronschweig is looking around all over the place, freaking tf out!!!! where did it go?!!!!!

bronschweig says he can see it?? in a cave.

it looks slimy. and kinda little? he’s loading up a syringe with some sort of liquid that must be the vaccine, but then it vanishes!!!

OH. IT IS NOT LITTLE. NOT LITTLE AT ALL!!!!

GIRL. IT EATED HIM!?!!!! bronschweig stabs the alien fellow with the vaccine, but the other scientists lock him down in the hole because he has been mauled!!!!!!! and they bury him!!!! damn!!! there are truly no alliances in this alien business!!!!

why are we in england now? OHHHHH! IT’S WELL-GROOMED MAN!!! his butler says he has a call….

(okay, yeah, his name is “well-manicured man”, as the subtitles show, but come on!! it’s been 5 seasons of me calling him the wrong name!! i can’t switch it up now!!)

CSM says there is an emergency meeting TONIGHT. and strughold called it- whoever tf that is.

i have a feeling i am supposed to be most sympathetic towards well-groomed man. especially as he runs for what i presume to be his crying grandchild who hurt their knee. he was also the only one to advocate for working alongside the resistance, which morally elevated him above the others. but still. he is IN the alien groupchat, which you do not enter by being a morally clean fellow

syndicate meeting time!! who is this strughold fellow? aww, well-manicured man’s grandson broke his legs :(

so, breaking news: the alien virus has mutated into a new entity! they need to reevaluate their role in the colonization! well-groomed man points out that they have been used this whole time!! and they dismiss all of his wisdom!

so, they are once again going to ignore his advice of trying to have any hope. but there have been complications… allow us to look at a TV to illustrate

it is mulder and scully on the security footage!!! someone must have tipped him off to what is going on!! and they suspect kurtzweil. so he must go. and so must mulder.

but if they kill mulder, they risk turning one man's quest into a wider crusade… so they must take away what he cannot live without… 

cut to scully!!!! NOOOOOO!

ahhhhh!! i left off at 54:52, i feel that this is an okay place to leave for the night, because my writeups take so long. i started this almost 2 hours ago, and i think a break is appropriate here. so! until tomorrow!!!

ahhhh… so many things to analyze. while trying to fall asleep, i couldn’t stop thinking about the following: scully teasing mulder at the very beginning of the film; how she doesn’t want to work for the FBI anymore without him, and how she no longer feels she can make a change there (and how she Needs to make change rather than simply earn a paycheck); how she is trying to find her place in life still; his sadness at this fact; how he went to the bar and got smashed to cope, spilling his guts out to the waitress, clearly crushed that the world thinks he’s a joke when he doesn't have the answers to dull the pain; how he showed up to scully’s place drunk and she was confused, and the careful line of their relationship was being walked upon when he did so, but she still followed him into the hospital; and then how she immediately started nerding out about the goopy guy, and then hid in the morgue to autopsy him!!!!! and then there’s the whole thing with the well-groomed man and the aliens and colonization and blah blah blah, but come on!! i want my babies back together!! kicking ass and taking names!!! so.

part 2 shall commence shortly!

[ladylaratybur]

AoT Analysis: Why I like the Tyburs as characters

A question I get a lot is why I like the Tyburs so much, especially when Willy was "evil" and Lara had so little screen time. I made a thread on Twitter about why I like them, but not everyone who asked me this has it, so I thought I'd post here too : )

DISCLAIMER 1: Please forgive any weirdness; since this is copied from Twitter there might be errors or wacky formatting. Later I'll probably go over it and polish it up.

DISCLAIMER 2: This is my opinion. If you don't like the characters, you have every right. Just don't hate on folks who don't share your opinions ^_^

Aside from being really well written and interesting to analyze (so many people misinterpret Willy as being evil but he's actually a foil to Eren), I find their vibe and aura extremely powerful and interesting for not being there for very long. I think Willy's dilemma is fascinating to analyze; he's there for only a couple episodes yet is extremely important, and so morally grey that his position and decision is interesting to ponder. Willy is extremely well fleshed out for such a short appearance.

As for Lara, she's my prime example of how amazing a character creator Isayama is. She was there for 3 episodes and had 2 lines, yet her aura and presence were super powerful. Her expressions say so much, and was memorable as a character despite very minimal attention. There is also a lot to her if you read between the lines. Presumably she was raised as a noble child, yet probably fairly sheltered due to her family, and likely at a young age had to give up everything to be the Warhammer heir. She was entirely devoted to her mission, accepting her duty though it meant devoting herself to a life of service and secrecy. She had to endure everything alone, from the change in her life to all the memories and secrets of the Warhammer. Through it all she remained loyal and devoted, with probably only her brother to help her. She is silently strong and silently suffering all for what she thinks of as the highest good. Like her brother she was willing to sacrifice her life for this good (though we don't know how much she knew).

Something else I love about the Tyburs is how devoted to family they are; Willy with his kids, Lara smiling and giving her nieces and nephews treats, and how Lara was clearly grieving (yet strong!) when her brother got chomped.

Part of what's so fascinating about Lara is how mysterious she is and getting to read between the lines. We can clean information about her through his Eren changed after eating her as well as through Willy's character and motivations, but we don't ACTUALLY know anything. She could have been secretly in control of ALL of Marley, or she could have been a timid, manipulated, brainwashed child like the warriors. We don't know but there's reason for both. All we know is Eren seemed darker, silent, resentful after inheriting her titan. She also seemed like she could've been a support for Willy too, based on her reassuring him even after his death, even though she was younger. I choose to think she urged him to take action after the Tybur family's long years as idle rich who let their own race suffer endlessly.

True she could ask be extremely evil and conniving ... And some people who misinterpret the Tyburs believe they're like H17ler or worse some antisemit1c stereotype ... But that's, in my opinion, far from the truth. (Also Willy seems heavily NORSE inspired)

I also think people dislike Willy and Lara because there WAS some mishandling in their writing. While the mystery IS part of what's alluring about them, Eren won in a way he shouldn't have. It felt like plot armor. Lara made a big impression and then died. It felt sloppy.

Aside from that I love Willy and Lara because I really do like their character designs x) I think both of them are beautiful (though again, that's far from the only reason I like them) ... Also Lara is fun AF to cosplay and if I was a man I would cosplay Willy for sure. I also like the very WW1 vibe of the Tyburs and their aesthetic (I need to write an essay someday on why AoT is primarily inspired by ww1 and English history rather than ww2).

Thank y'all for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! <3

(also for a literature class on classical rhetoric, I did a deep dive into Willy's speech and motivations as an essay for my final. I'm still waiting to get it back. I would like to possibly transcribe it into a post since I didn't really address Willy's motives much here. It's very similar to this one except it's about Willy more than Lara.)

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Heyy are you on Wattpad? Because if you aren't then someone reposted a story from you on there. I think it was the biker ghost story I wasn't sure if that's you because the account goes by another name than halycone of the sea

I am on Wattpad (by that I mean I have an account because people have stolen my fics before and I have to report them there. I never use it/post anything on it).

But I'd love if you could tell me who uploaded it! Totally send me another ask or a dm because it was 100% not me and I never gave permission for anybody to do that!

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 5.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: This chapter is going to contain some very dark and graphic scenes. Please read carefully. I'm really happy that you guys are enjoying the story! The comments are feeding me and motivating me so much, I really do appreciate the support. Also, you can read it here on my archive account as well!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4

All through the night, Shuri had worked on dissecting the Winter Soldier's brain. When Bucky had swung by the lab in the morning, it seemed as though Shuri hadn't slept at all. Her space buns were now down, the freely-hanging braids swinging wildly as she walked around the cryostasis pod with quick paces.

Her brows were furrowed with annoyance, the princess cursing to herself in Xhosa as Okoye stood by, raising a brow at the profanities Shuri was listing off. Bucky was concerned, greeting her with a tilt of his head and holding out a cup of coffee for her.

"Good morning. Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I admittedly lost track of time, but the programming is proving to be difficult. Every time I seem to get past the encryption, another layer pops up and tries to activate her. However, since she's in cryostasis, the activation is failing."

Bucky nodded, humming thoughtfully as he stared at the woman within the pod.

"Seems like they updated their programming to avoid another...well, me."

Shuri nodded, huffing as she glanced back at him.

"Exactly. I knew that she was going to be complex, but I didn't think to realize that they would install safeguards in such a way. I can do it, it's just frustrating."

Okoye hummed, quirking her brow slightly before snorting in amusement when Shuri glared back at her.

"She has been yelling profanities for the last two hours."

Shuri waved her off, not even gracing Okoye with a response. Instead, she gestured Bucky over, expanding the hologram of the woman's mind. Throughout her mind, Bucky could see pulses of...something...happening, and he glanced at Shuri when the woman asked.

"What do you see?"

"Um, it looks like there's a lightning storm flashing through her mind."

Shuri smiled, nodding.

"Precisely. The synapses of her brain are firing rapidly despite her being in cryostasis. Do you understand what this means?"

Bucky was quiet, shrugging slightly, and Shuri rolled her eyes before saying.

"She is dreaming, White Wolf."

Bucky was surprised, asking Shuri as she began to poke around the hologram, pulling up a couple sections.

"Wait, she is?"

"Yes, and with my technology, I've been able to see into these dreams."

Her expression became grim, eyes darting away from Bucky, and Bucky understood what her expression was saying. Whatever Shuri was able to see hadn't been pleasant in the slightest, which in a morbid way, Bucky wasn't even surprised. Almost wordlessly, she pulled up a particular image, explaining.

"I was only able to get glimpses and small portions of dreams due to HYDRA's programming kicking me out repeatedly, but from what I saw...it was truly horrific. The things that HYDRA did...the things it seems that she is remembering, or perhaps never forgot, are...they are horrific, Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky frowned deeply as looked at the images that Shuri was showing him. Some were of a familiar cell wall, some were of blurred faces that were familiar yet unknown at the same time, and there was one that made his stomach churn.

Blood. There was so much blood covering her naked thighs and pooled beneath her. Shuri had taken the time to carefully blur the soldier's vagina from view, but Bucky didn't even need to see it to know what they had done.

You're a super soldier, they would say. You can take it.

Bucky bit his tongue while his back stiffened considerably, and Shuri brought up a clip that began to play automatically. It seemed to be of a previous killing, the man on the ground looking up at the soldier fearfully as a bloody hand came into view.

He seemed to be begging, crying hard as the body of a child whose head was crushed and gushing with blood and destroyed brain matter laid within his lap. The soldier was holding a gun, and when the gun was fired, the clip ended.

"Were you able to do this with me as well?"

Bucky's tone was quiet, his words almost a whisper as he looked away from the clip, his breathing starting to accelerate slightly as Shuri swiped the clip away quickly.

"Definitely, but not to this extent. However, our work together helped to shape my technology into this."

Shuri gestured to the hologram with her hand before she glanced back at Bucky, pursing her lips as she grabbed another image and maximized it, showing the image of a blurry paper-crochet butterfly and small hands that were in the process of decorating the art project.

"There are a few memories that I was able to get to, though they are slightly miniscule; almost useless to us in figuring out who she is."

Another video came up, a short 10 second clip that showed the soldier in what looked to be a graduation or awards ceremony. There was an elderly-looking hand that was lifting a medal before pinning it to her chest, and Bucky's eyes widened.

"Wait a minute...that looks familiar. Can you clear up the image a bit?"

Shuri looked smug before winking as the image cleared, showing a medal that had an inscription engraved onto it. Bucky shook his head in surprise, saying as he uncrossed his arms in surprise.

"No wonder she's a ghost. She worked for the CIA."

The medal that the soldier had been given was for Career Intelligence, a reward that came from exceptional achievements and, if Bucky remembered right, the length of service. Shuri hummed, stating as she crossed her arms and glanced at the woman.

"Not all ghosts are completely untraceable. If I can get deeper into her mind and get more parts of her memories unlocked, I can attempt to figure out who she is a lot easier and faster."

Shuri then shook her head, huffing with frustration.

"The risk that comes with doing so, however, is that once she awakens and her mind is able to be more active, these memories have a chance of coming to her all at once. It will be an overwhelming and horrifying experience for her."

Bucky sighed heavily. If that happened, there was a risk that it could reactivate HYDRA's programming and she would become an active threat, and nobody wanted that.

Hell, his temple was still throbbing.

Bucky then glanced over at Shuri again when Shuri pointed to a hologram of a document with the CIA's official seal, maximizing the image and swiping a few of the scanned documents away.

"Because we know our soldier was a part of the CIA, I scanned through their database to see if I could find anything akin to the Winter Soldier program. While the CIA is involved in a super soldier project, I haven't found anything of use yet. And don't worry, I erased my tracks as soon as I made them."

Shuri smirked with a haughty glint within her eyes, and Bucky chuckled at her. He hummed after mulling through his thoughts for a moment.

"It's nice to know that we're getting closer to knowing who she is, but if you can't get past the firewalls of the algorithm...how would we reactivate her without wiping her?"

"I can put a temporary lock upon her most recent memories from the time she was awakened until now. That lock will slowly deteriorate over time, almost like a dissolvable suture, so it won't be permanent."

That was nice to know, at least. T'Challa's voice made Shuri and Bucky jump from the surprise, the two of them looking back at him as he walked inside of the lab.

"If our Isithunzi worked for the CIA before she became a Winter Soldier and was awarded for her work, then perhaps the next step would be to look at every single employee that was in service within the last 50 years that received recognition from the agency."

He was holding the black book within his hands, and T'Challa placed it down on a table beside one of the original Black Panther suits, the king regarding the two of them with a tired look. Shuri scoffed, waving him off before doing the Wakandan salute.

"Please, you always think so lowly of me. When I discovered this particular memory, I downloaded as much information as I could without tripping the CIA's cyber security systems. There's at least 75 years worth of information here. If we filter out employees that hadn't specifically received a Career Intelligence reward, we lower the number to at least five to 10 years."

Bucky was impressed, and he joked gently.

"You ever thought of becoming a spy?"

T'Challa pursed his lips in annoyance when Shuri laughed loudly.

"Not in your life, White Wolf. I like being my own boss."

"Unless the king says no."

Shuri didn't even grace T'Challa with a response, making the man roll his eyes and shake his head. T'Challa regarded Bucky with a hard gaze, asking him.

"Have you gotten in touch with the Captain to see if Tony or Natasha have found anything as well?"

"Not yet. I was kind of waiting on them to get in touch with me."

T'Challa nodded, and he suggested.

'You should tell the Captain what you have found. I am sure that he is eager to know what we have uncovered."

Bucky nodded despite the cryptic feeling that was twinging T'Challa's words, and he walked out of the lab into a deserted hallway, a couple of the Dora Milaje standing guard. Awkwardly nodding to them in greeting as he walked down the hallway, Bucky slipped out the phone within his pocket and frowned.

Despite the fact that he'd had the thing for a while, Bucky still couldn't quite grasp the fact that touch-screen was a thing. Hell, the last time Bucky had ever used a phone before HYDRA, it was to call his little sister, Rebecca, before he went to Europe with the 107th.

He could still remember the number for the Shelbyville operator, the specific number for Rebecca's telephone, and how calls were logged and billed for at the end of the month. Now, it took just dialing a number directly. Bucky's mind was still having a bit of trouble wrapping around the idea of call operators not really being a thing anymore.

Shaking his head slightly, Bucky called Steve, a quiet part of his mind wondering if Steve had felt this way before as well. The meaningless thought was squandered when Steve answered, sounding a bit out of breath as he spoke.

"Hey, Buck. Any progress yet on the woman?"

Bucky hummed, leaning against the wall as he glanced in the direction of the lab, replying.

"We got a bit of good information. Shuri's technology was able to get through to some parts of the woman's brain and reveal some memories of her. Apparently, she was a part of the CIA before she became a Winter Soldier."

Steve made a noise of surprise, stating.

"That makes things a bit easier. Tony wasn't really able to find a lot, and Natasha hasn't even combed the surface of the databanks we acquired."

"She's a complete ghost, so I don't know if it'll help. There's something else, though..."

Bucky's voice trailed off for a moment, his surprise hitting him again before he informed Steve.

"...the woman's dreaming. Shuri had a live hologram of the woman's brain up, and she said that the synapses of her brain were firing in a way that was common with dreaming."

"Which means the woman might be remembering things...that's good, right?"

The image of the woman's bloodied legs came to Bucky's mind, and he tightened his grip on his phone, muttering.

"I don't...I don't know. Some of the images that Shuri was able to capture of the woman's dreams and memories...they weren't pleasant."

Steve was quiet for a moment, and he replied with a stern tone of voice.

"We'll get this figured out and we'll find out who she is. If not...then we can help her become a new person...a completely clean slate."

Bucky didn't comment on the way that Steve said 'we' and instead rubbed a hand over his face, muttering.

"The CIA seems to have a super soldier project, but it's not confirmed that the CIA had any volunteers that we know of...it's mainly rumors and ideas."

Bucky added as he watched T'Challa and Shuri leave down the opposite hall, their steps quick and purposeful.

"It's possible there were HYDRA agents within that stole information on the serum, or the serum itself, that the CIA was concocting and grabbed some random woman off of the side of the street. They, as well as HYDRA, have the ability to scrub a person completely off of the radar, and nobody is gonna be looking for a nobody."

Steve was firm, and Bucky knew the man had to be shaking his head at him as Steve slightly scolded him.

"That's not true. There's always going to be someone...we just don't know if that someone is alive or dead. According to that book we found, she's been an active soldier for HYDRA since 1985, and who knows how long she was there before she was created. 30 years is a long time."

"Yeah? Try 70."

Steve was quiet, and Bucky apologized quietly, revealing gently.

"Sorry...I'm sorry...it's just...it's a lot."

Steve's voice was gentle with patience, making Bucky furrow his brows as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I know, Bucky, but I'm with you till the end of the line. You know you can call me at any time and talk to me."

"I know. I'm with you till the end of the line, too, pal."

Steve then groaned gently when the sound of an explosion went through the phone, and he was quick to inform Bucky.

"Hey, I gotta go. Queens just crashed in. Literally. Call me if you get any updates, and I'll call you if I get one first."

Before Bucky could respond, the line went dead, and Bucky shook his head and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Walking back into the lab, Bucky came to stand in front of the cryostasis pod.

Hands within his pockets, he stared at the woman, gazing at the scars that covered her lower jaw and neck, and he watched as the live feed of her brain began to become active again.

An alert showed up along with a video, and Bucky was astounded to realize that it was a live feed of the dream the woman was currently having. It was a bit jarring to watch, bits and pieces becoming jumbled and blurry, and then it began to become clear.

The woman was standing before a man that Bucky knew very well, his face crystal clear to him and sparking rage deep within his chest. Bucky watched as Rollins spoke to her, and though there was no audio to be able to hear what he was saying, Bucky knew it wasn't pleasant.

Rollins seemed angry, walking back and forth in front of her before striking her down with a baton, the view shifting to the floor as the soldier fell and blood splattered onto the ground as if the woman had coughed.

From there, it only got worse, and Bucky had to turn away the second the soldier began to unbuckle the man's belt with bloodied hands, his anger becoming too much. Anger, regret, recognition, it was too much for Bucky to handle.

He could feel his chest restricting, could feel the oxygen becoming harder to breathe, and a tingling sensation began to grow within his toes and fingers.

Flashes began to appear within his own mind, images of the Enforcer's hosing his naked body with ice-cold water before they began to touch him; reaching for places he didn't want to be touched.

He could feel their teeth in his flesh, could hear the echoes of their taunts as they laughed menacingly, and Bucky squeezed his eyes shut as he began to tremble and feel disgusted by his own body. A voice within his head began to speak to him gently; familiar and comforting as it guided him.

Breathe, Bucky.

In and out. Slowly. You are not their tool anymore. They can't hurt you. You're free.

Bucky repeated the words in his head over and over, as many times as he could.

I'm free. I'm free. I'm free. I am James Buchanan Barnes. I am Bucky.

Swallowing thickly, it took a little while for his heartrate to settle, and he stood upright, rubbing his chest slightly. Closing his eyes, Bucky could feel the tears starting to well up within his eyes, and he took a few more deep breaths.

Turning back to the screen, he was thankful that the image was gone. Instead, the woman seemed to be dreaming of a wooded area, the point-of-view looking down at a plaque that was placed within stone In the peripheral vision, there was a little kid's hand that was grabbing at one of the flowers that was surrounding the plaque.

It was so peculiar to Bucky to the point that he was completely jarred out of his panic. Squinting, he began to realize that this plaque was familiar, especially when the name on the plaque became clear.

Meltzer Woods.

He knew that name and place. In fact, Bucky could recall the trails like the back of his hand, could still smell the wildflowers, and if Bucky really thought hard enough, he could still hear the way his mother scolded him as Rebecca became upset by Bucky teasing her.

"Come, now, James. Leave your little sister alone."

He could still remember the way Rebecca had squealed, though time had taken away what exactly she had panicked over. He recalled that his mother had placed her hands on her hips, giving him a stern gaze when Bucky had talked back to her; exasperated as Rebecca began to cry.

"But Ma, we're in the woods! Of course there's going to be bugs!"

"Now, don't you give me that lip. You don't want your father to hear, do you?"

The memory slowly faded, but Bucky was too floored to care.

What had the soldier been doing in Shelbyville, Indiana? Did she know the place like he did? Was this from a time before she had been with HYDRA?

"You look as though you have seen a ghost!"

Shuri was back, giving him an odd look as Bucky stared at the woman in the cryostasis pod, and all Bucky could respond with was-

"I think I did."

-

STORY NOTES: Shuri has been working endlessly to get past HYDRA's programming. She is verbally and visibly frustrated, which Bucky becomes concerned about as he greets her. Shuri reveals that she had lost track of time because of HYDRA's programming continuously throwing up more firewalls that try to activate the soldier every time she managed to break through another.

Bucky comments that HYDRA seems to have updated their algorithms since his departure. Shuri then shows Bucky a live feed of the digital rendition of the soldier's brain, telling Bucky to list off what he observes. Bucky observes that the activity within the brain looks like a lightning storm, which Shuri agrees and elaborates.

It is revealed that the soldier is currently dreaming despite being in cryostasis, and Shuri reveals that she has developed a technology that allows her to be able to show what a person is dreaming about. Using this technology on the soldier, however, reveals the gruesome treatment HYDRA inflicted and the brutality of the Winter Soldier.

Shuri's technology is able to access and project dreams in the same way, and she shows Bucky a memory the soldier had about receiving a medal. Bucky recognizes the medal, and it's revealed that the Winter Soldier had been involved with the CIA at some point on a professional level.

T'Challa makes a recommendation to Bucky to get in touch with Steve, and Bucky agrees. He reflects on the advancements of communications technology and how he had to speak to an operator to call his sister when he was still int he ARMY. Bucky then tells Steve about what Shuri had found, and he also reveals that the woman is dreaming.

After his phone call, Bucky goes back to the lab and is angry when he is shown a memory that the soldier is currently remembering of her Handler, which Bucky recognizes as Jack Rollins. Bucky begins to experience a PTSD episode where he begins to remember when Enforcers sexually assaulted him during a hose-down.

Once he calms down, Bucky recognizes a place that the soldier is now dreaming of: Meltzer Woods. He recalls a memory of him, his parents, and his little sister going to the trails all of the time since Meltzer Woods is located in his hometown of Shelbyville, Indiana, and when Shuri comes in and comments about how Bucky looks as though he's seen a 'ghost', he comments that he might have. End Scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Isithunzi - Xhosa for [the] shadow/shade

TAGLIST: @mgchaser @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @aash3

[tei-to-tei]

Hello, sorry to take up space on your dash with a random text post.(and please feel free to ignore this if you'd like, of course~) It's been a long while since I posted anything both art and writing-wise, and I just wanted to take some time to apologize for that.

This is still a turtle-centric blog, and I will be going back to posting art and updating my stories regularly within the next two weeks or so.

Thank you all for your patience, and I genuinely hope everyone has been doing well and keeping themselves safe and health both mentally and physically <3

TW for mentions of mental health struggles (just in case):

Without going into too much detail, a lot of unfortunate things happened last month and with my mental health already fragile, I became very... "overwhelmed" and had to spend a long while at an in-patient mental health facility as a result. I'm doing a lot better now, though I'm still trying to organize myself and slowly get back into regular postings and updates. Regardless, I wanted to step up and apologize to anyone who I unintentionally worried, or who followed me for art/writing during the time I was gone. If you've read this far, I really appreciate you - Thank you for being here, and being alive just like I still am. If you are also struggling with your mental health, I'm wishing the best for you and I hope you find the strength and/or energy to ask for help if you feel like you need it. Life can be incredibly hard sometimes, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed or exhausted by it. Keep getting up, I promise it will eventually be worth it. Someday. Link to: Find a Helpline, a website supported by the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) that helps find available crisis/mental health helplines that are available in your country