#so on some level he probably DOES care about the sisters. but he's abusive and controlling to them. hes not safe for them

[perenlop]

tbh in my kirbyverse i might just nix hyness having genuinely been a great parental figure or family member to the mage sisters entirely and lean more into “the sisters thought he was their friend but really he just made them dependent and devoted to him” like the way actual cults lure their members in. like a twisted form of love that goes against the jamba hearts entirely. 

and its not just for that parallel between hyness’s controlled environment and kirby’s community of friends and former enemies he’s helped along the way, but also because it’d differentiate them from taranza/sectonia and haltmann/susie a bit more bc it wouldnt quite be another “i’m mourning my loved one who got corrupted and want them back” story, but “the person we loved never truly existed and we’ve been fighting for a man who never loved us and only viewed us as a means to an end”

[cuntylouis]

I'm getting tired of hearing the sentiment that Louis doesn't care about Armand's trauma or have any sympathy for him. In the museum scene his expressions and body language were almost exactly similar to the scenes where Claudia and Lestat talk about their respective assaults. And in all these scenes he's mostly quiet. So does it mean Louis doesn't care about Claudia's or Lestat's traumas either? Of course not. It's just how he outwardly reacts in situations like this. He tends to shut down and doesn't know how to express his empathy and distress. Dreamstat represents Louis' hidden thoughts, but at the museum he's actually next to Louis listening quietly for the most of the scene. It's only at the end when Armand compares Marius, Magnus and Lestat to each other that dreamstat reacts angrily. And it's not mocking what happened to Armand, it's a manifestation of Louis' discomfort, him fearing that he's being manipulated and being uncomfortable that Lestat is brought up and that his relationship with Lestat is compared to Armand and Lestat's disturbing relationships with their own makers.

What Louis says to Armand in San Francisco is incredibly cruel. He's on drugs and extremely upset and intentionally trying come up with the most hurtful words he can think of, they both are. He very obviously deeply regrets it later. When he wakes up after the sun scene and remembers what he did and what kind of things he said before it he's ashamed and distressed. He's crying (though partially because of pain) and immediately tries to apologize to Armand and reach out for him. He's not angry when Armand leaves him in pain, probably thinking that he deserves it. When Armand later says "after what you put me through here i deserve this" Louis agrees. That's not someone who doesn't care or have empathy.

As often with Louis, i think the things he says to Armand are as much about Louis himself as they're about Armand. He sees himself in Daniel, and his entire speech to Claudia in 2.01 is directed also at himself, and he's projecting his own self-hatred and insecurities onto Armand. Louis fears that he is boring and dull. His husband repeatedly cheated on him and laughed in his face when Louis asked isn't he enough. During his depression years Lestat complained about Louis just reading and not leaving the house and how he was drawing Lestat into his gloom. He felt his sister-daughter was more interested in the theater and the coven than spending time with him. The coven mocked him and his passions and didn't find him that interesting after he stopped being a novelty. He was told that he didn't have much artistic talent. In the 70s his life seems to be repetitive and meaningless.

Louis subconsciously detests the qualities he recognizes in Armand that he recognizes and detests in himself - including being a victim. The interview was interrupted when Daniel criticized Louis for going back to Lestat and for his passivity and suicidal ideation. When he's fighting with Armand that all is on his mind. What he says about Armand's "daddy vampire grooming him into a little bitch" actually brings to my mind such scenes as how he derisively said in the second interview that he had become an unhappy housewife living with Lestat, and how dreamstat called him a "little whore". The shame of having experienced abuse and all the feelings of emasculation and degradation that came with it have never left him. Even in the second interview Louis firmly says to Daniel that he doesn't consider himself abused and that he isn't a victim. I don't think Louis consciously thinks that being abused makes someone a bad or weak person, but on some subconsious level he probably feels like that - at least if it's about himself. Again, in this same episode we see Louis acting like he deserves how Armand treats him after their fight and his suicide attempt

[kittencomicslol]

How Gyutaro would like to cuddle

I spend an ungodly amount of time thinking about him and have so many cuddle headcanons so here we go

(Some of these were written at like 12 am in the description of literal music playlists durring my phones downtime but I did my best to spell check and make them fit)

• First off, Gyutaro would probably not be big on physical touch at first. He grew up his whole life only ever either giving his sister physical affection to keep her healthy/happy, and most physical touch he felt was abusive. So naturally relationships would be harder with him especially in the touch department.

• It will probably take months or years to get him ready to actually snuggle for hours, so work up to it!

• It would probably start off with hand holding. Gyutaro’s hands are pretty big, and usually rather cold. Even if they are a bit rough and calloused you still loved holding them even if it was just for a minute or two to help him feel comfortable.

• Like I said before it would take a while, but eventually after working up to hugs it would probably go faster after he realized how nice it was to be able to hold you.

• He will ALWAYS be a big spoon. Not just because he’s probably bigger, but for two main reasons. One being his spine, he knows it would most likely be uncomfortable and he doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable.

• He also likes being able to hold you close and have his arms wrapped around you. Gyutaro cares immensely for his loved ones and he always wants to be able to protect and or watch over them. So the same goes for you, he wants you close.

• it’s not always necessary but he also enjoys placing his chin on top of your head when he spoons you. It makes him feel closer, he likes being able to feel and smell you better to know you are close. You make him feel relaxed and comfortable.

• even if he is a demon and he doesn’t necessarily need to sleep (or maybe they just can’t?? Idk) he will lie there all night long just to make sure that you are close and safe while you rest.

• He gets nervous when you rest your head on/by his chest. Gyutaro was never upset about his looks after a certain amount of time and even took pride in how he could scare off or disgust others.

• But when he’s around people he loves he’s a bit more insecure about his deformities or different looks as shown when Daki yells at him.

• He doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable on his chest because of how skinny he is and his ribs. Even if you tell him you don’t mind, he will still internally worry. He knows it’s not his fault he can’t get any meat on his bones; but he still wishes his body was more comfortable for you.

•If there is any part of Gyutaros body he actually likes and or prefers with affection, it’s his hands.

• He has always been prone to hand holding since Ume was little and they were human in order to keep her close and safe. Hand holding lets Gyutaro know that you are close and safe, and that is something he appreciates down to an unconscious level due to his human life he had long forgotten.

• Another thing he likes is definitely how he can use them to rub your back, cup your cheeks, or pet you and run his fingers through your hair. Whichever thing you prefer, all of those are things he very much enjoys.

• He's a demon, sure, but with that spine and slouch? He gets back pain like hell and he never wants you to experience it so back rubs help him be at ease that you are comfortable.

• Cheek holding/caressing? Something he does with Daki to help her calm down and feel better when she is upset. It always helped her and even though she can be a bit bratty about touch when it’s outside of comfort or battle, he always appreciates how his hands seem to help both her and you calm down.

• He loves how comfortable you look resting your head in his palms, so please by all means if you want to do that then just tell him, he will love it!!

• Playing with your hair? He raised a little girl and still looks after her, of course he knows how to handle and care for hair. He is always super gentle, making sure to not tug on a single hair you have.

• Like stated before, Gyutatos top priorities are keeping you and Daki happy and comfortable. So if you want to be petted or have your hair played with? Consider it done.

• Speaking of hands, he LOVES yours. Making sure you are close and alive is of course one reason discussed before.

• It is no exaggeration to say Gyutaro grew up with no affection at all, the most he got was when he was parenting Daki. And becoming a demon only made those gestures more lacking.

• After getting comfortable with touch, his favorite things are when you scratch his head gently or when you run your hand along his spine.

• He doesn’t want to gross you out or make you uncomfortable with his monstrous form, but if you want too? He is more than happy to oblige.. he loves how delicate and soft your hands are, and how much care goes into you being so gentle with him. It helps him with his back feeling uncomfortable since he’s always slouching

• He knows you know he is an upper rank demon who would be fine even if you did accidentally hurt him.. yet you still did everything you could to make sure he never even felt the slightest bit of discomfort.

• His hair might be messy and dirty, so help him wash it out and brush it will you? He might complain but he does appreciate it and secretly enjoys every single second of the domestic care you give him. Such sweet and small gestures are foreign to him and make him feel so soo loved.

• He was usually the one running his hands through someone else’s hair or patting them, and it didn’t take long for him to realize he enjoyed receiving that treatment just as much as giving it.

• Gyutaro usually isn’t aware of when he scratches his skin, let alone when it bleeds. He could care less usually, as if it mattered. It would just grow back. But.. with you.. it’s different.

• Gyutaro knows how poisonous his blood is, he has seen how it harms others. Whenever you two snuggle or are even remotely close he is hyper aware of any scratching or urges.

• Even if in a situation you were immune or it didn’t hurt you, he wouldn’t want to risk it. He also wouldn’t want to risk upsetting you by getting you messy with his own blood or ruining your clothes.

• Gyutaro can and will do every little thing possible to ensure your absolute safety when he is with you.

• Despite his lack of knowledge on affection and or romance, he still has his own special ways of expressing his love.

• Just like he does with Daki, he understands that you might not understand why he does what he does or that you won’t even notice the effort he puts in. He doesn’t do it for your praise or approval (though those are things he would absolutely adore) he does it out of love and respect for you.

• He doesn’t expect any sort of praise in return since he never got any from his sister because she was too immature to ever understand how wonderful he was to her.

• But if you notice? Jeez, will he feel flattered. It will probably make him want to scratch himself since that is how he responds to overwhelming emotions. But he won’t, and you know why.

• Just a simple thank you would be enough to fluster him, knowing he made you happy and proud of him sends him over the moon.

• Some things that particularly fluster him are sudden kisses(especially on his birthmarks) and praise.

• He can’t and will never get over the weird sensation of your lips on his skin or against his own.

• You never seemed to find him disgusting, and even though he worried you might one day snap out of whatever you were in and realize how hideous he was; for the time being he enjoyed your kisses.

• Kisses on his forehead are comforting for him, kisses around his nose, mouth, cheeks and chin fluster him very much; especially if it’s targeted to his marks

• The feeling of your breath up against his neck, the way your lips trail soft little kisses up against his skin sends shivers down his spine. How did he get so lucky? He didn’t know.. but he would never want it to end

• Despite being easily flustered and or overwhelmed by kisses, he really truly does love them.

• And praise? Oh goodness..

• At first and earlier on in the relationship he usually will ignore or refuse any praise about his appearance, even if he visibly becomes flustered by the pet names of ‘pretty boy’ and ‘handsome’

• He ignores them because he knows they aren’t true; at least to him they aren’t.. and unfortunately they most likely never really will be exactly true to him. Though over time he becomes more accepting of it, finding solace and comfort in how at least you find him attractive and lovable.

• Comments about his skills and strength are not only an ego boost, but they make him giddy because it means you are watching. You pay attention to him enough to notice such intricate details about him, his fighting patterns, his skills in combat he’s so proud of that usually don’t get much positive attention.

• He also appreciates praise about his strength because he feels like it makes you feel more safe to know he can protect you. And even if you don’t particularly think that way, HE still feels more proud and confident because he knows he can protect and care for his beloved.

——————

BAHHHH RAHHH RAHHGGHHHH RAHH RAHHHHHHH!1!1!1!1!1!1!

That’s all :3

[nauseaspecters]

i don't enjoy the fandom depiction of chuuya being the 'second choice' character trope all his life.

unedited rambling under the cut. i'll structure my text posts better when it's not 4am

he's experienced and underwent through a lot of situationd of abandonment and betrayal, with unreciprocated attachments, definitely.

for the sheep, although they were almost like his family, since they were all he knew for 8 years, they viewed him as a weapon and a tool. stormbringer elaborates and adds complexity to this later but as a basis, it was true that they viewed this young teenager (chuuya) as more of an indispensably strong weapon to protect their survival, yet dispensable as a human if chuuya were to 'fall' to the other side. so much so that they jump to the chance to stab him (literally.) it's true chuuya does experience varying levels of not feeling he is doing enough.

however, to dwindle his character trope down to being "the other woman" type trope or the "constant second choice" is a misunderstanding of not only his character, but the characters around him as well. i see this seen most with dazai, mori, kouyou and the sheep.

in the case regarding dazai: chuuya is often labelled as the second choice to oda, and sometimes people use it as a point to pity chuuya in. however, it should be considered that chuuya and oda, and what they meant to dazai, cannot be compared. their relationships and significance to dazai were not in the same realm, and to think of it as "dazai chose oda over chuuya" ignores all the other factors as to what their relationship is built on. also, dazai choosing to leave the pm is not choosing oda over chuuya, it's hardly even related to chuuya, and especially not some decisive battle. it was dazai who was impacted by his dying friend's wishes and words, and he left for many reasons. ugh i will speak forever so i'll make that a different post. TLDR: chuuya is not the second choice to 'oda'

in the case regarding kouyou: i don't see this as commonly and i'm honestly a sucker for chuuya angst, but i don't think it's also right to think of chuuya as a second choice to kyouka in terms of kouyou's affection/care. firstly, kyouka is a young girl, and kouyou identifies herself in kyouka, with a deeper attachment of obsessive protection and instillment of what kouyou experienced. since kouyou was hurt by trying to reach the 'light', and she sees that same self in kyouka, kouyou shields kyouka in an unhealthy manner and isolates her from what she think will ultimately fail her. chuuya is a boy and from what we know, kouyou most likely does not see chuuya in the same style of projection and reflection. she's set to mentor chuuya in a very professional PM standpoint, and most likely does not form that deeper neurotic attachment that she has to kyouka. yes, chuuya calls her ane-san, but that doesn't mean they're necessarily also the closest. so to say that chuuya is the second choice to kyouka is strange, as it's not even a choice. chuuya is not in the picture for the type of internal bond that kouyou feels towards kyouka.

some additional stuff bdcause im rambling:

there's some weird extreme perceptions of kouyou as either someone that doesn't care about chuuya and a very close older-sister like doting on chuuya (the latter being a popular interpretation). i think kouyou cares to some extent, yeah. i think a lot of the pm that interact more extensively cares about each other to some extent. however, we do need to remember this is in the context of the PM. it's an inherently toxic and unstable environment, rooted in , well, Crime and power dynamics. kouyou was probably not the perfect mentor to chuuya, and nor are they some close healthy protective sibling-type dynamic either. the PM is rooted in abuse and a dark environment, it's unrealistic to think that a relationship we barely see much of is sunshine and rainbows.

ps: also sometimes it's not the matter of being a second choice he is just not a choice. as sad as that may sound.

[l0stfoster]

Can we hear more about Har-bit childhood? I remember you mentioned his dad being abusive and his mom ignoring it.

Does the gang know about his childhood?

How was he towards his sister during those time and if it effected their relationship later on?

Is there lasting effects?

I love people asking about the backstory/childhood stuff it's so fun. Alright, let's get to it! Everything is below the cut, sorry if some shit isn't worded right, I'm a little out of it today so I'll likely come back to edit this as needed.

General information

- As I've said, Two’s mom is a harpy and his dad is human. Neither Two-Bit nor Molly took after Mr. Mathews, and he wasn’t too happy about that. He left when Molly was around 3 and Two was 13. - I've always imagined Mrs. Mathews being a nurse, so she was constantly out of the house for long shifts and so on, and so forth. She trusted Mr. Mathews since he'd kept whatever malice he felt on the down low.. for the first few years. - I've already said it but I'll bring it back up; Two-Bit constantly had his needs and habits as a harpy repressed by his father. Feathers clipped, he wasn't allowed to preen, etc. Human social norms were super-enforced, and Two or his sister were disciplined harshly for behaving in any way a harpy would. - Harpies crave social bonds or a flock mentality; , something that Mr. Mathews was so thoroughly against agreeing to. He'd also treat them as if they should be human, then get all pissy if they didn't meet that expectation. - His dad was an alcoholic, and unfortunately, that's a trait Two picked up as well. - Mr. Mathews wasn't usually physical, but there were moments. It was mostly emotional and psychological abuse that the kids had to deal with; he'd make tons of derogatory comments about Two and his mom, call them monsters, etc. Neglect was pretty evident too, Two had to learn to fend for himself from a pretty young age and had to learn to care for Molly when she was born. - Speaking of which, Two constantly took the brunt of the responses his father held when it came to Molly's behavior as a literal baby. This is probably where the physical aspects of abuse got the most rampant since Two-Bit defending Molly was seen as having an attitude. - Two-Bit was forced to lie regarding how he was being treated as well, he was told for a long time that he wouldn't be believed, that he was being dramatic, or that Mrs. Mathews would leave. - Ms. Mathews was going to file for divorce once she could afford the financial issues that would follow it, but one day just came home to a quiet house, save for Two-Bit trying to ease a fussy Molly. They haven't seen him since.

Does the gang know about his childhood?

- The levels of knowing about it vary, but Dally and Ace definitely have the best gauge on Two's childhood. Dally had witnessed it a ton firsthand, and Ace got to hear it from Two himself. Darry's also pretty aware of it, as not only did he get glimpses of it while they grew up, but he vividly remembers the nights when Two-Bit would show up drunk and just,, talk. - Steve and Johnny are also pretty aware, they don't know the details, but they know that the guy fucked up enough for Two of all people to shit talk. Hell, Two doesn't hold the same malice that his dad faces towards Paul or even Bev. You need to fuck up bad for Two-Bit to despise you. - Everyone else doesn't know the full details, but it's not hard to make assumptions.

How was he towards his sister during those times and did it affect their relationship later on?

- Their relationship wasn't impacted, if anything their bond was strengthened as Two did everything in his damn power to keep her on the opposite end of their father's wrath. - He would've killed the man with his bare hands if he dared to lay a hand on her. Hence why he continued to defend her, even if he shouldn't have had to; babies are going to be noisy and need a lot of attention, and god forbid a father has to care for their own child.

Are there lasting effects?

- There's a good bit of remaining trauma from Mr. Mathews, yeah. Two covers a lot of his personal angst with his humor and loudness, but things shine through. His sister didn't experience it enough to have a grasp on how bad things were. - There was a lot of deep-rooted shame in Two due to his harpy nature and how his father responded to it. For a good long while, he hated being one. He still longs for his father's approval despite his abandonment but resents the neglect and abuse. The only reason it hasn't prevented him from forming bonds and relationships is because his mother did her damn best to turn it around. - Two-Bit absolutely hates that he drinks. He knows he shouldn't be doing it, and he knows it reminds people (and himself) of his father; but just because you know you're colorblind doesn't mean you can see the colors. Addiction isn't easy to deal with. - Two also gets really aggressive if anyone directs anger toward him or his sister; it's a reflex. His brain associates that loud and violent behavior with his father.

[owmylasagna-blog]

What do you think of this scene where Lee embraces Eddy near the ending of the movie, and then try to fight Bro to defend him? I found this really cute, and kind of conviced me Lee genuinely likes and cares for him (even if he don't return it, probably never will). I find a shame how many people don't talk about this.

You see… I start answering these questions and then I spiral out into analysis nobody asked for. Here goes!

I had to go back to rewatch these ending scenes of BPS to jog my memory and I can see what you’re talking about. Lee hugs Eddy, picking him up like a cat by the armpits. It’s brief but she’s drawn with little animated bubble hearts. This honestly surprised me, I’d sort of forgotten them from the scene. In this instance it does seem she is genuinely crushing on him. Or maybe she is enamored with how cute he is - I can’t overstate how comically tiny Eddy looks when she is holding him. I’d agree too that Eddy is less than thrilled. Very in character as usual.

Now Lee’s reaction to Eddy getting walloped by Bro is SO interesting. And not from any romantic or shipping perspective in my opinion. Honestly, all the Kankers witnessing Eddy’s abuse (EVERYONE witnessing Eddy’s abuse) is wildly transformational. I’m amazed by how much character analysis you can pack into this 2 minute scene just based on each characters’ reactions but I’m gonna try and stay focused on the task at hand. Lee.

I really admire Lee springing into action here. I think it speaks so much to her bravery, hard headedness, and role as a protector and leader of the pack. Throughout the show we see how she is the typical Oldest Sister and this shines through in how ready she is to defend Eddy. I always interpreted Lee as maybe the most hardened and cynical of men among her sisters, possibly because she remembers the most when it comes to her dad and stepdads. As the eldest, her mother probably levels with her the most about how men are good-for-nothin’, backstabbin’, two timin’, free-loadin’... you get the idea. I have no evidence of this but let's just indulge my inference.

Lee projects a lot of these ideas onto Eddy (the Kankers all do more generally with the Eds), often treating him more like a “boy toy” or thinking that through enough coercion and beating into submission he’ll become the semi-servile husband of her dreams. There is a lot to be said about the tension and toxic hetero relationship dynamic going on here but I can’t blame Lee for grabbing the bull by the horns, taking her control. Unfortunately for Eddy she chose Eddy, and she’s unaware and uninterested in how he feels about it all 99% of the time.

So you can imagine when she sees Eddy, the neighbor boy she has been tormenting because of all these mixed messages about men, getting abused by his brother, an older male family member. The pieces really have to be coming together for Lee of who the real enemy is in this situation. She has to relate and sympathize with Eddy at that moment. For the first time Lee humanizes Eddy, finally seeing him as just another kid that’s been wronged by the men in his life. Like, my heart aches thinking about this. Her blood must be boiling. She comes to his defense in a way we’ve only seen for her sisters. It’s very moving! I love her righteous feminine rage!

This brings up a bigger point of how BPS deviates in some ways from the typical dynamics of the show. The fact that the Kankers are banding together to protect their “boyfriends'' from the rest of the cul-de-sac kids is sort of new. Most episodes are Eds VS cul-de-sac kids or Eds VS Kankers or the occasional Eds VS cul-de-sac+Kankers. It’s nice to see one group of outcasts coming to the defense of another (despite likely not having the best intentions). It takes the Eds royaling pissing off the cul-de-sac kids to catalyze the solidarity between the two trios. And when Bro comes on the scene they get to redirect their antagonizing towards someone who deserves it a bit more.

I’d like to imagine after BPS there is a major shift in the way the Kankers treat and view the Eds. Maybe it’s the eddeddy blinders or maybe I’m still not 100% convinced Lee really has a crush on Eddy but this feels like it could be the start of a more amicable relationship. Or they silently respect each other from afar, Eddy still being tentatively terrified of her ferocity or ever getting on her bad side. But more generally Lee would back off on her antagonizing, and maybe unpack whether or not she likes Eddy or she liked the idea of Eddy. I really can’t see her being very interested in him romantically after BPS but she could have more sympathy and understanding than before.

Anyway it was nice to have a reason to talk about Lee more, so thanks for bringing it up!!! This is just my little interpretation that got way out of hand.

[hyperfixingfr]

I just had a 2 x Cree shipper try to follow me on main so I'm gonna say this bullshit again since grown ass adults can't get the damn point. Content warning for some mentions of weird proshipping stuff. Not in depth.

2 x Cree is a proship/comship. Aside from the disgusting age gap and role Cree has over Hoagie (most likely having babysat him and/or kids his age), she ASSAULTS him. With no reasoning behind it or comedy/playfulness to it. That's two different types of proship: abusive x abused, and authority x controlled. If you wanna say it for what it really is, much younger x much older.

I. Do. Not. Care. What. You. Change. NO ONE WITH A BRAIN DOES. You can't say, "but I made them adults", "but I made Cree nice" and expect people to take you seriously. The fact that you go as far as to change the canon character just to attempt to justify a disgusting ship should make you stop and think. If you need to change an aspect of canon to make it look better, your ship is disgusting and probably wrong. I don't know why you 2 x Cree shippers keep insinuating this makes it okay, because it doesn't. You don't look at siblings and decide, "how about we make them just really close friends so I can ship them!".

Cree is, as far as the canon has told, unwilling to change. She has no intention of it. She has "nice moments" with her sister, but that means nothing when you think about how people who act like that irl do it. They can't be all evil, or else no one would let them into their lives. It's completely unreasonable to change the very key villain aspect just for some stupid ship. If something were to happen in canon where she has a change of heart, then I would retract my statement. But she hasn't. And it doesn't seem like that will EVER happen, because Cree is supposed to be the villain of the Lincoln family. Her tendency to assault him alone makes it weird, but him being a very obvious abuse victim almost seems like a sort of non con justification/abuser support message. He has been hit and berated by his grandmother for at least since Tommy was a baby... His "feelings" for her in the show are most likely a trauma response at most (similarly to how S/A victims suffer from hypersexuality) and at least, they're just because he's confusing his feelings for Abby with Cree.

And that's just one reason why it's a disgusting ship. What makes it even more concerning is the gap. Look, if they met as adults with fully developed frontal lobes (aka 25+), I'd raise an eyebrow but I'd let 4 years slide. But they didn't. They met as little kids. Hoagie had been in the KND for a long while and most likely knew Cree ever since first grade - when she would've been in fifth grade. She has been there to watch him grow four years behind her ever since he was 7 (estimate). Not only that but the one episode implies that Cree frequently babysits for children of Hoagie's age, if not for Hoagie himself. Betty seemed to be extremely familiar with Cree and extremely trusting in her capabilities to babysit, implying it wouldn't have been her first time. Yes... I get that it was a dream. But the dream was also rooted in reality at the beginning. Hoagie thinking of her as someone to babysit him alone should make you feel weird about the pairing being together, even when they're adults. Because even as adults, they'll still have the same connection they had back then. Those connections don't go away. Normal people tend to always think of their babysitter as, well... Their babysitter. They would remember feeling that sort of connection with their babysitter, and vise versa. But even if she wasn't babysitting him, it would still feel weird. They have four years between them (for all we know, it could be closer to five due to uncounted months). That would make Cree in 9th grade (high school) while Hoagie is still in 5th grade (elementary school). That's such a big gap that Hoagie isn't even in the school level behind Cree, which would be middle school. He's so young, he'd still be in elementary school by the time Cree finally goes to high school. And to remind you once more... They know each other very well during this period. I'm sure they see each other frequently due to teens clashing with the KND. That, or visiting Abby and seeing Cree there.

I'm just gonna say it... It's ridiculous to ship them and try to justify it. If you're just proship and like pedo ships go ahead and just say it. I'm not gonna think of you any differently, but saying it out right is better than trying to hide it. There is NO REASON to want to ship them unless you like the problems the ship has. Abby is right fucking there, and she isn't abusive nor too old for him. It's the same family too - come on! If you personally don't ship 2/5 that's fine. But trying to ship 2/Cree instead is almost blatantly saying, "I wish 2/5 was more problematic". Cree is the older, more malicious counterpart of Abby. Aside from that, they're very similar. Cree is literally Abby's foil. There is no reason to think 2/5 isn't your flow, but 2/Cree is... Unless, once again, you like disgusting ships. And none of you hit me with the "but I ship Abby with someone else" because I don't recall anyone in this fandom bashing multishipping or polyamorous relationships. A matter of fact, most people in this fandom think of Sector V as polyamorous. Don't you dare use the fear of a harmless thing such as multishipping to excuse a creepy ship.

The maturity of you 2/Cree supporters/neutrals is shown very clearly through the amount of bashing and hatemail I've gotten from grown ass adults. None of you have acted any more mature than me and that says a lot.

To sum it up... I'm not a shipping wars person. I'm someone who has very reasonable evidence to support my feelings of disgust towards this ship. There's no reason to want to ship it unless you're proship with the existence of a near identical, canon, within normal age range, much more kind and loving character.

[tottis]

Blackbeard and The gentle(?) Beast.

One of my favorite disney princess movies is beauty and beast, only second to the princess and the frog (I ADORE princess and the frog you don't understand) and since we all collectively agree that Edward Teach has the most Disney Princess Doe Eyes in the media right now i just couldn't stop thinking about an ofmd disney princess AU and it happens that i was JUST listening to the abc b&tb musical thing SO. Yeah.

I like to think that Ed is Belle, I feel that some parallels just fit.

He's isolated from his peers, trapped in an image that isn't feeling like him anymore, probably never has. Daydreaming about something else, somewhere else, being someone else. Just. Living differently from this. From Blackbeard.

And he's hot as FUCK.

The major difference between Ed and Belle is that, in this really loose comparison, Belle craves adventure, she wants to see the world and experiment it but Ed already has. He has had all the adventures, all the treasures, seen so much of the world that the funny magic has already dissipated. I mean, of course he can still enjoy some of it, but he's not that young and naive to see the world with rose tinted glasses.

What Ed is craving is a life of softness, of leisure, of luxury and soft love and warmth and everything else that he has been deprived of because of his status, his skin, his gender and preferences.

I imagine that our Belle and our Beast get to understand each other in a more deep way with these roles. Both of them feel monsters, and both of them see the other as a Beauty.

Stede being The Beast is a little more combobulated, I'm afraid. I mean, yeah, he sees himself like a monster, or at least like something less than human. He has been abused because of his soft manners and soft preferences, soft self all his life. He has been too, like our Belle, depraved from being himself, but as the flower flowering from the asphalt, he has in some degrees, resisted. Learn to thrive in the harsh world of toxic masculinity, homophobia, i dare to say misogyny and from being fucking rich and white or whatever (check ur privileges stede ! lmao love u tho <3)

And he IS a flawed man, he has made mistakes, hurt people, being absent and negligent as some sort of copy mechanism from all of this. I feel empathy for him, of course i do, but we can't deny his damage. And he becomes The Beast because of that damage.

I like to think that he encounters The Witch while he is running away from his family. Seeking adventures like og Belle, and maybe because he wanted some pretty thing for himself in some Village, not thinking about the well-being of his crew first, The Witch sees that selfishness in him. He has to learn to really care about people. He cares on a superficial level, yes, but he can't really see beyond his privileges. He can't comprehend how a lot of his crew can't read. How important are the oranges for their health. He tries in his own way to care about them but, sadly, is not enough. Not for The Witch at least. Now, he's the reflection of what he sees in himself. He's a horrible beast that scares the humans away. He is trapped in a castle of pretty things he cannot enjoy. That hardly can be understood because of the grunts and the roars of his voice. He's too big for his pretty clothes and his hands too sharp to not shred everything in sad rags. To not defile beautiful things. He can't eat anything but raw meat. The Castle is maintaining all of them alive, especially Stede. He can't live, he can't die... He just... can't. He is trapped in his own guilt and trauma for eternity. That is his punishment. A one a little too harsh, imo but The Witch is probably the third badminton sister or something.

Ed being trapped (kidnapped) in the castle is not it, so we replaced it with Ed wanting time to himself away from Izzy (Gaston) and the other crew, maybe galloping with Fang (Maurice aka Belle's dad...?) and finding themselves in a fucking snowstorm. Looking for a place to survive the cold, they found a relatively small castle that seemed in good enough conditions. They enter, meet Lucius (Lumiere), Pete (some sort of Babette), Oluwande (Din Don / Mrs potts) and Jim (?) first. They got scared, obviously, so, they flee the fuck away, damn the storm. But oh, The Beast is slamming open the door. A Blood Covered Monster with fangs and claws, tall as 2.5 meters at least. It's grunting. "Don't. Run. Can't. Go. Out." that to Fang and Ed sounds like they're trapped and fucked, and to Beast Stede that the floor is covered in animal blood and melting snow and the climate is terrible so they're gonna get hurt. Fangs gets to escape thanks to Ed fighting with the Beast, Stede gets hurt because he isn't even defending himself, and because the curse is unpredictable, the crew lock Ed in a room and let Stede heal.

The curse being resolved with a Rose and True Love is cool and all but i prefer that the curse is influenced by Stede self image and relationships, and finished with Crew respect and Ed's love, the more he feels better with himself and the people around him, the more human he gets to be. At some point, he gets to fluidly talk, gets to walk in two legs permanently, gets to have less sharp claws, The Castle and the people cursed in it get to slowy get more human too until they really think that they're finally get free BUT. Fangs gets to izzy, he's so confused and can't remember too well why was escaping, where was Ed? Fuzzy memories, oh damn fuzzy memories... YES, The Castle affects the people out of its radio. If Ed gets to go... he forgets about Stede? Does Stede let Ed go knowing that he would not remember them? ... ohhhhh how is this gonna end??? Idk I'm just babbling out my ideas to everyone to take and properly write down. I'm not an English native speaker so, sorry for the grammatical horror that I just write lolz !

[outlaw-apologist]

Just seen the Charles x micah's sister reader, very cute :) !! Could we get some headcannons for micah and his sisters relationship? Like do they get along ? Thank you :)

Thank you for requesting, anon! It's a nice spring day. The sun is shining brightly and the mountain looks beautiful. I'm listening to the birds while the deer eat my bushes. This is a perfect day to write some HCs, so let's get to it!

Micah's Younger Sister - Headcannons

- Micah loves his sister but his version of love is very skewed. We know by the stories he tells of Amos he doesn't seem too fond of his brother; however, the letter Amos sends Micah suggests Micah cares enough about his brother, (and thought his brother cares enough about him), to inform him that he was not hanged and that he's doing well.

- This suggest to me that Micah does have some love for his siblings. I think he would really love a little sister. Especially if the age gap is big enough because he can probably easily get her to listen to him and do whatever he wants.

- We know that Micah Bell the II was an awful father. If Micah's sister grows up with him, I can't see Micah ever protecting her from their father's wrath. However, I do think he would offer to teach her how to stand up for herself.

- I view this in more of a 'sibling unity' type of way. He's not doing it to protect her, but because he wants his siblings to be at his level. They grew up the same way and endured the same abuse. I think Micah might feel as if his siblings are the only people on earth who will ever truly understand him.

- He teaches her how to use a gun. Probably buys her a gun specially engraved. Of course, his sister has a wicked quick draw, taught by one of the finest gunslingers.

- I also think Micah would gift her a hat that looks similar to his. It would make him swell like pride to see her in his image.

- They hang out a lot! Neither of them would admit it but they're best friends. His sister is his little buddy.

- It's odd having a brother who doesn't like women but likes you. It fills her with a sense of pride whenever Micah treats her better while simultaneously disgusting her.

- They'll go into town to see a show together every once in awhile or do mundane things like getting their horses shoed or stocking up at the general store.

- Of course Micah's favorite activity to do with his sister is to put her to work so he can rob folk easier. This is all she's even know, so to them it's more like a hobby and they always end up having a blast!

- Micah is clearly very bitter Amos didn't stick by him. After Amos leaves Micah would immediately sink his teeth into his sister, figuring out how to make sure she stays by his side.

- Because of this she ends up in the Van Der Linde gang!

- Micah has ways of being charming. Charming enough to eventually make a massive gang of his own. His sister is much more charming than Micah could ever be. She has a unique perspective on life. Being the youngest child of an outlaw, and a woman in a time where she had no rights. She knows a good sense of humor can be a matter of life or death.

- The SECOND Mary-Beth asks her if she likes to read they're immediately best friends! Micah's sister opens up to the other women of the camp easily and creates fantastic relationships with them.

- Despite being friendly with all the women, Micah's sister would be very weary of the men. Of course, she's probably out robbing with them. Used to violent misogyny all her life, it's much harder for her to connect with them even when she spends so much time amongst them.

- Javier would be the first one she opens up to, I think. And it's his music that lulls her into a sense of security. Every time Javier sits down to play his guitar or sing she comes to sit near him and listen until one day she finally compliments him and they start a very pleasant conversation. It also helps that Javier has befriended many of the women in camp. This helps her trust him more.

- Because she hasn't been treated the best by her father or other outlaws, Micah's sister has more empathy. I also don't think she'd follow Micah's footsteps when it comes to racism.

- Dutch repulses her. She's noticed his lingering eyes. His 'compliments' towards her spoken with hot breath. How many times had she been around men who've looked at her that way? Too many. She tries to avoid him the best she can.

- But Hosea???? She's shocked at how fatherly he is. He's kind, wise, and one of the first people to sit down with her to try and really get to know her. I think Micah's sister would yearn for a father figure who is gentler and more human than her father ever was. She opens up to him and wishes he would replace her father.

- The blow-out fights start when she develops a sense of security within the gang. No longer does she listen to Micah. She stopped dropping everything for his beck and call. She's beginning to form a better sense of self. She's safe here, secure, no longer does she have to do what everyone else wants her to do. Obviously Micah isn't very happy and it starts fights.

- Micah assumes it's just a phase and so he drops the subject after they scream back and forth for awhile.

- It isn't until Micah notices that his sister spends a lot of time with Arthur that he becomes furious and jealous. He begins to feel like she's slipping away from him. Their fights become worse and more viscous His sister refuses to back down because she can't understand why Micah is so threatened by her happiness. She doesn't realize, from Micah's point of view, she's abandoning him.

- Eventually Dutch has to step in and tell them to cut it out because they're disturbing the camp's peace. Micah and his sister hardly speak to each other after that except to give the other a snide comment every once in awhile.

- Despite this I think both siblings would be very broken up about it. Micah will feel abandoned while his sister feels betrayed.

- After awhile they're put on a job together. Things go south pretty quickly and they both manage to narrowly escape. While hiding in the forest, struggling to catch their breath, they look at each other and burst out laughing. Neither Micah nor his sister ever talk through their issues with one another. They simply decide they're okay with each other again and resume talking as if nothing ever came between them. Forgiveness is their silent apology.

- Sometimes you just have to accept your sibling chooses a different path but that bond can still remain.

- If she ever gets hurt or shot, Micah will go ape shit!!!! He loves an excuse to slaughter someone. That paired with the threat of his final family member being injured? Oh he'll wreck havoc on the poor soul that decided to fuck with his sister.

- As the days go on and Micah's betrayal becomes more and more clear. Some of the gang start projecting their feelings for Micah onto her. Watching her with great suspicion. This would hurt her deeply. She doesn't want to lose her new family and she'll struggle with this a lot.

- If she falls in love with anyone from the gang, she knows it needs to be kept a secret. If Micah ever finds out.... She knows her lover will "mysteriously" go missing one day.

- I think during the final showdown she wouldn't choose Micah's side. She decides to choose whatever life she started building for herself. Micah destroyed the gang that made her feel loved and accepted for the first time in her life. She's furious with him and can't even look at him anymore. If her lover survives, she'll choose to stay with the lover.

- After a few years guilt will eat away at her and she'll return to Micah, joining his gang. Despite her 'betrayal' I think Micah would welcome her with open arms.

- At the end of the day they're just two lost souls who accept each other in a very raw humanity type of way. No one will ever know them the way they know each other. After everything Micah and his sister have been through together they will always end up in the same place again and again.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

anyway for the Fucked Up Fire Nation Royal Family Analysis

i think it’s important to note that this is the last time in her life azula would have supportive adult guidance that wasn’t just flat out abusive, and it’s really sad to see, because she’s… a kid. a fairly normal kid. a mean one, but the reason is equally as sad to see- she idolises her father. she adores him, and kids at that age do imitate the behaviour of adults around them! azula's behaviour is an imitation of her father- she's so young it's almost certainly imitation of someone- and that behaviour is concerning.

she’s violent, callous, and you can already see a burgeoning manipulative streak within her (as much as it’s possible at her age- it’s transparently obvious bc she’s like. five or six years old she’s not really old enough to do it well). but she’s not the monster we‘ll see later on. most obviously, she seems to genuinely love her brother on some really messed up level. she drags him into her “games” (even if they’re basically just bullying) she drags him into her eavesdropping and she does genuinely warn him about the risk to his life- albeit in a cruel way. she wants to be around zuko! she doesn’t have a solid grasp on how to express that at all- since the person she admires and looks up to doesn’t even see her as a person but an extension of his own will- but she does care.

but by the time of the series, we'll see her actively just completely fine with killing her brother. even when she was eleven, she was happy to see his abuse. and the reason why, i think, is probably pretty obvious but also sad as shit and that’s the fact that the prior abuse zuko went through (and therefore, azula experienced by proxy- abusing one child in front of another is threat of harm and therefore abusive in turn) most likely started, or at least intensified, after the flashback seen in this episode.

which also means what we're seeing? the fucking sad scenes of baby zuko? yeah, they’re probably the happiest memories the poor kid had.

but yeah, anyway. while the children's mother was around, they at least had someone looking out for them- someone who would be able to do something to protect them and cares enough to do so. i absolutely think he was abusive before then- the fact azula, who idolises him enough to earnestly hope for him to become the fire lord, mimics abusive behaviour, is sign enough of that. for kids that young, bullying is in fact often an expression of a bad home life, because young children mimic what they were taught. but it had to be subtler, it had to be something that their mother couldn’t pick up on.

but once she was gone? once ozai was the fire lord, and not just a second son, a spare for if the heir were to perish? anyone who cared enough to stop it couldn’t. ozai had enough strength both martial and political it’d be essentially suicide. even iroh couldn’t do anything when zuko at thirteen was mutilated in front of him.

and from what we can gather, it seems a very clear scapegoat- golden child dynamic emerged. zuko was the primary victim of direct abuse, made to feel useless and humiliated for not living up to his sister, while azula grew up being made to watch this, internalising that she was superior to her brother and therefore had to be perfect else she’d meet the same abuse he did. and just. ughhh. poor kids. i mean this absolutely does not excuse either of them especially azula who's pretty clearly abusive towards her polycule but like. they were prisoners inside a gilded cage of a castle and treated like living extensions of a sadistic war criminals will. no wonder they became shitty people (and zuko is trying he's just mentally fucked from the abuse and believes he's the one in the wrong and therefore obsessively clings onto the excuse his father gave for abusing him and tirelessly works to change that into something his father would love because he sees approval and love from his father as a sign he’s doing good because he is sixteen. the latter part about approval applies to azula too but she’s also pretty clearly entirely uncaring about the morality side even if she does admire and love her father)

[julietasgf]

Why do you think Ma stayed with Strabo after seeing all the terrible things he did? I feel like she probably does love him on some level since she's still with him no matter what he does, but it's just like why??? While reading your fics on the Plinth family, I kept wondering why Ma didn't just leave Strabo. This isn't a criticism of your works, I just genuinely didn't understand why Ma kept staying with him even after seeing all the terrible things he was doing Sejanus. Like why was Strabo leaving Sejanus at school simply for being a few minutes late not a good enough reason for her to divorce Strabo's ass and take Sejanus away??? And when Strabo hits Sejanus, she still doesn't leave him??? Do you think D2 had more of a patriarchal culture where divorce was highly frowned upon and it was expected for women and children to just obey the father/husband and weather through the mistreatment/abuse? The line where Ma says that she's an adult who knew what she was doing when she accepted Strabo's love really stuck out to me because yeah, if she wants to accept that kind of terrible love, well like she said, she is an adult and it's up to her if she wants to be treated that way. But Sejanus is a child who didn't get the choice of choosing to be the recipient of his father's "love", he was brought into the world and had the misfortune to be stuck with a terrible father. Like it's one thing to be an adult and accept that kind of mistreatment, but to stand by and watch as a kid is forced to "accept" that kind of love??? Did Ma ever actually bring up divorce/separating to Strabo, or was that all just her internal thoughts? Would Strabo have made it impossible for her to leave him anyway? I know it's not easy to leave a toxic, abusive relationship, but I just keep wondering why it seemed like Ma didn't choose Sejanus over Strabo. Like why didn't Ma do more to protect Sejanus from Strabo? She keeps saying that she knows that Strabo is a bad man but it felt like she kinda just watched as Strabo destroyed Sejanus mentally and emotionally? But also what did Ma love about Strabo near the end? She knows he's a terrible person but still loves him? What are this man's redeeming qualities to have Ma stick by him through literally everything??? Also did Strabo just not care about the rest of his extended family in D2? Like he had to know that by siding with the Capitol, he was gonna screw over his own family in D2. To me, he seems like the type of man to not give a crap about his in-laws/wife's side of the family, but what about his own blood relatives? Like did he not care about screwing over his own parents and siblings (if he had any)?? And what if his own nieces and nephews were picked from the Reaping? Do you think any of Sejanus's cousins were sent to the Hunger Games? If Strabo could have some influence on Marcus being in the games, I want to believe that he could also influence it so that his nieces and nephews are safe from the games, but this is also Strabo we're talking about sooooo I guess I wouldn't also put it past him to not care if his nieces and nephews were reaped. this got kinda long, but i've been thinking a lot after reading your character studies and i think i'm kinda obsessed and in love with those works now lol

hi!!! so, first, tysm for reading my works, it's genuinely so sweet from you to tell me that you liked it and I'm so happy that you enjoyed them :((( <33

okay, so, I'm going to be very honest with you: I don't know either, and I wish I knew.

talking about the book, and not my hcs and not my works: I never understood why ma plinth stayed with someone like strabo. she clearly loves her district, she clearly holds her culture and traditions dearly, and she doesn't seem happy at the capitol. her family cut ties with her, only her sister still keeps contact. there's a part near the end where she says that when they moved to the capitol and got to the house for the first time, she felt like it was a disaster, she knew it was a disaster. ma is such a sweet person and it just didn't make sense to me. was she okay with what strabo did at the war? was divorce never an option? was she willing to choose strabo over her family? why?

I have two points regarding this (and now I'm also talking about my hcs and my works).

first one: what you talked about a patriarchal culture in D2. I think it's probably the most possible and strong option. it didn't seem like ma plinth worked or had any job or occupation besides being strabo's wife and sejanus' mother. her family cutting ties with her and her not seeming to have an actual option regarding moving to the capitol (because, to me, it seemed that if she could, she would come back, she would stay). I don't think that it's that frowned upon women working in panem, but I do think that when a man can sustain his family alone (especially after the war), it means status and power. ma plinth seems very dependant on strabo's money, and I wonder what would be her options if she left him; what would she do? where would she go? she doesn't even have a family anymore.

second point: apathy. now, the whole thg universe has very complex characters, and none of them are completely flawed or completely good. ma is lovely, she's sweet and kind and genuinely one of the nicest characters in the whole saga, but she watched her husband betray her district, her home, and did nothing. she watches fucked up shit happening and does nothing. it's not that she doesn't want to do something, but it's just so much easier to just let strabo do whatever he wants, even though it hurts, even though it goes against her morals. she did it regarding her home and leaving it, she does it regarding her son (even though for sejanus, she does put a little more of effort, but not enough to make actual changes, just to protect him from further harm).

I think ma fell in love with strabo once when he was a young, passionate man, ambitious but not completely bad, and then they married. the years passed by, and he got more and more ruthless, and more and more cold, but divorce didn't seem like an option, not really. I think ma still loves strabo as some sort of response, trying to keep in her mind more of the boy she met than the man she married.

(I actually have some hcs for how they met, why ma holds strabo so dearly to the point of trying to live with the fact that he's the worst, and my thoughts on sejanus just keeping the cycle going on with his ending with coriolanus but this is for later)

OOOH I HAVE SOME HCS REGARDING HIS FAMILY, but again, this is for later. but making it short: I think he had siblings, I don't think he cared about them, and this goes beyond just being ruthless. now, it didn't come to my thoughts the idea of one of sejanus' cousins getting reaped; even though it's a very interesting concept. I don't think it happened to sejanus' cousins from ma's side of the family; she would be heartbroken if that happened, and she's already devasted with having to move to the capitol, so I can totally see strabo playing his cards to make sure none of them actually get reaped. now, regarding sejanus' cousins from his father's side... the story is very much different.

thank you again anon, for your ask and for telling me that you enjoyed my stuff, it makes me very much happy <33

[ripgray-moved]

How does Peter feel about Charlie, and generally how is there dynamic?

so this is a really complex and layered question so forgive me in advance for waffling lol!

i haven't published my updated about on the site yet as it isn't ready ( it's very extensive! ), but i'll share this little snippet from it to give a good idea:

[...] Charlie, his little sister, is born. Due to Paimon's possession, it is believed that she is born with a multitude of learning difficulties and cognitive issues, though she spends her lifetime being somewhat of a medical mystery to the specialists that Annie and her husband Steve take her to see. The end diagnosis, though somewhat irresponsible in its delivery, is moderate to heavy autism— and from then on, Peter becomes her unofficial carer.

peter feels a deep sense of obligation to charlie from a very young age on account of how busy his parents are with their respective careers. he is largely emotionally responsible for her, and learns skills such as cooking and taking care of a young child when he himself is still just a kid. i think that's part of why he seems "regressive" in some ways, in terms of his hobbies and certain traits like the whole blanket collecting thing. also responds well to his dad calling him things like 'petey' and 'buddy': because in those tiny little things, he gets treated like the kid he never got to be.

that inevitably breeds a layer of resentment between them. peter himself ( if we're looking at the time charlie was alive, not the overall timeline explored on this blog as i play pete almost exclusively post-paimon as an adult ) is a child and an older male child at that. he'd very much like to have his own separate friends, life and hobbies, but there isn't much room for that. he can't develop 'normally' because he has so much to do, and most places he goes socially he has to bring charlie along with him. even though he knows it isn't her fault, he sometimes catches himself wishing she wasn't there; not dead or anything like that, just not present where he is in that moment. he wants some damn privacy. wants to go to the fucking mcdonalds on his own, like an average teenage boy.

there's also a level of trauma-bonding between them, though only from peter's side as charlie doesn't really retain the horror of the paint thinner incident courtesy of paimon. actually, that's a quick note i'd like to make: none of this is a representation of autism by the way; the whole point of it is that she isn't autistic, she's possessed by a demon— but you can't exactly get a diagnosis for that in most places lmao. this isn't meant to come across as "charlie can't do anything because she's autistic"; it's paimon hindering her so heavily, given his poor adjustment to a host so young and unfit for him.

the above being said? by and large, peter feels a deep love for his sister, in part because he feels so responsible for her, but mostly just because he's her big brother and as broken as their family is, he steps up to the plate. he doesn't want charlie to feel as alone as he does, and even though it can be difficult to connect with her because of her possession, he still tries his best.

charlie doesn't have much of a personality because of her possession, but her affection for art, though bolstered by paimon, is very much genuine. the two have some nice memories built on peter trying— and failing— to sculpt and draw like her. they also do have some genuinely positive memories of hanging out both in the treehouse and in the woods surrounding their home, as well as a couple on family outings / holidays when they were both younger.

their dynamic is probably best described as strained, though it's for reasons that neither of them can help, as well as their frail sense of family on account of their absent— and in annie's case, abusive— parents.

[cosmicjoke]

More thoughts on Levi and Kenny:

Continuing on in my examination of Levi’s childhood, I had a few more thoughts about Levi and Kenny’s relationship, which I got to thinking about more through my conversations with @justafrenchlondoner!  So shout out to them for being, as always, such a wonderful and stimulating friend to talk to!

It really does bother me when people allow their fondness for Kenny to blind them to the ways in which he abused Levi.  I understand liking Kenny, since he’s such a complex, obviously intelligent and multi-faceted character.  But I don’t think anyone can objectively call him a good person, and I don’t think anyone can objectively say he didn’t, in the end, cause Levi far more harm than he did him good.  Which is why I take so much issue with this notion that Kenny was the reason Levi turned out to be a good man  I will always, always contend that it was in spite of the way Kenny raised him that Levi turned out to be a good man, not because of it.

The particular thing I wanted to focus on here was Levi’s and Kenny’s altercation during the Uprising arc, and what that tells us about the way Kenny raised Levi.

Kenny tries to kill Levi during this altercation.  He isn’t pretending, he isn’t pulling back or going easy.  He isn’t faking it.  He’s genuinely, in earnest, trying to kill his nephew, his sister’s son.  He shoots at Levi multiple times himself with the intent of taking his head off, tries to sneak up on him and kill him, orders his entire squad to ambush and do their level best to murder him.  This is a real and concerted effort on Kenny’s part to end Levi’s life.  The only reason Levi doesn’t die is because Levi himself is so extraordinarily gifted in combat.  If he was even just a little bit slower, a little bit less capable, a little bit less aware, he would have died.  Kenny would have killed him, or the multiple people attacking Levi would have.

So what does this tell us about the way Kenny treats Levi?  What does this tell us about the way in which Kenny most certainly raised Levi?

We know from this that Kenny took no issue with being physically violent with Levi.  If he was willing to genuinely attempt to take Levi’s life, I don’t think it’s at all unlikely that Kenny was willing to beat Levi up, and indeed, I would say it’s a given, considering, during the few years he had Levi under his care, he spent all of it teaching Levi how to fight.  I would say there’s simply no way Kenny taught Levi what he knew without actually putting his hands on him to do it.  But it goes beyond that.  I would say it’s just as likely that Kenny had to have put Levi into a position at some point, likely more than once, in which Levi’s life was genuinely in danger from Kenny.  If Kenny put in such a concerted effort to kill Levi during the Uprising arc as some twisted way to test Levi’s skills, (or it could have just been the fact Levi was in his way and he needed to get rid of him to achieve his goal of attaining a titan’s power, which is just as sick), we can extrapolate from that, that Kenny probably did the same to Levi as a child, testing him to see if he could survive and take care of himself by placing him in genuinely life threatening situations.  We know from the fight Levi gets into just before Kenny abandons him that this is the case.  The man Levi was fighting there had his own knife, and Levi was beat up, his face scuffed and bloody from the altercation.  The man he was fighting was clearly somebody that wouldn’t have had any problem killing a child, who had been trying and in fact DID hurt Levi during their fight.  Kenny either deliberately put Levi into this situation by setting it up, or by simply encouraging it and letting it happen without his intervention.  So from all of that, we know Kenny wouldn’t have had any problem being, not just physically violent with Levi, but with actually threatening his life.  This is supposed to be a kid he’s taking care of and protecting, but instead he’s doing the exact opposite.  I’ve had people try to tell me that Kenny teaching Levi the things he did somehow instilled in Levi a sense of self-worth, which in turn would have translated to an appreciation of life in general.  This drives me nuts when people try to make this claim, because everything Kenny did to Levi would have and should have had the opposite effect.  By being so abusive toward Levi and constantly placing him in life threatening situations in which Kenny himself was never willing to help, and in fact, most likely, was trying to physically harm Levi himself, he would be sending Levi the message that his life isn’t worth anything to him at all.  He’s sending the message that if Levi can’t defend himself and show enough strength, then Kenny doesn’t care whether he lives or dies, and is in fact willing to kill him or let him die if he can’t fight back properly.  He’s telling Levi, essentially, that it isn’t his life that matters, but his strength, and whether he’s strong enough to impose his will on others.  That his life isn’t worth anything if he isn’t strong enough to protect it.  And then he only adds to Levi’s confusion and mixes him up all the more by abandoning him immediately after Levi proves to him that he is strong enough to protect his own life, which would have only further driven home for Levi that Kenny saw him as a worthless failure not worth his time or attention.  All of this on top of teaching Levi that other people’s lives are worthless too, through example, by killing for sport.  How anyone can look at this sort of treatment and come to the conclusion that Kenny taught Levi to value his own life and the lives of others is beyond me.  How anyone could come away from looking at this and not understand how severely this must have damaged Levi boggles my mind. 

And what makes all of this all the more remarkable, is the fact that Levi, somehow, against all odds, ends up with the exact opposite philosophy and belief driving his actions.  He constantly goes out of his way and puts his own life on the line to protect people who are weaker than him.  He constantly tries and does his best to save the lives of people who can’t fight back, who aren’t strong enough to survive on their own, who don’t have the strength to win in life threatening situations.  He does everything he can to protect normal people from having to corrupt themselves by taking on the burden of violence himself, in order to give them better lives and protect their dreams.  He became exactly the opposite of what Kenny taught him to be.  He became a hero willing to put it all on the line for “weaklings”.  Kenny would have and even did scoff at this idea, when he dismisses Levi and what he does by saying “What are you, some kind of hero?”.  But yes, that’s exactly what Levi is.  He’s a hero.  He uses his strength to help those weaker than himself, those who can’t fight back, those who need someone to save them.  Kenny used his strength to help only himself, and he tried to teach Levi to be and do the same.  He couldn’t understand or relate to who or what Levi was.  He couldn’t understand that kind of selflessness.   So, again, it wasn’t because of Kenny that Levi turned out the way he did, but truly in spite of it.

And one more note.  Kenny wasn’t just physically abusive toward Levi, but also verbally abusive.  He makes fun of Levi multiple times, calling him names like “midget” and “runt”, asking him if he’s “grown any” since the last time he saw him, etc...  So we know Kenny had no problem with making fun of Levi’s physical appearance and instilling in him an idea that he was physically deficient in some way, which we can see has an effect on Levi later in his life, with how obviously insecure he is over his height. 

I just take issue with this idea that Kenny was somehow a good caretaker to Levi, or that he did him more good than harm, because he clearly didn’t.  I feel like too many people tend to want to give Kenny the credit for how Levi turned out, but I think it’s the exact opposite.  Levi turned out the way he did thanks to himself, and in opposition to the harm Kenny actually caused him.

[notwhatyoucameherefor]

Family dynamics for my silly humanstuck au

Because having every family consist of two siblings and one parental figure felt really forced. All lussi are humanized.

Megido: Damara is the Handmaid's daughter, and Aradia is Ram Mom's daughter. The Handmaid is trapped in the clown cult and playes basically the same role she does in the comic. She gave Damara to Ram Mom because her position in the cult prohibits her from having kids at all and keeping her around was putting both her and her kid in danger. They were both raised by Ram Mom and told they were siblings, but Damara knows that's a lie because she was there for the cult stuff and Aradia knows because she has any level of observation skills.

Nitram: Nitram is in quotation marks because they are in no way related. Rufioh is a kid in the same neighborhood as Tavros who hangs out at the same places and shares a lot of interests and helps Tavros with his school work and personal issues. Their relationship is sibling like enough in nature that they just refer to each other as their older/younger brother when referring to them in conversation. Summoner is Tav's dad, Tinkerbull is Rufioh's dad who considers Tavros honorary family.

Captor: Captor is also in quotation marks bc they're not related either. The biclopse lussus has been split into two people for this au and Sollux and Mituna are honorary family by virtue of their dads hanging out a lot. Mituna calls Sollux his cousin for convenience. Sollux explains the situation once to new people and from there on refers to him with an extensive inventory of mean spirited nicknames.

Vantas: They actually are related so uhh here's a fun fact that is fun. The Signless (grandpa in this dynamic) was a pastor (and also the Dolorosa's adopted kid btw. This gives the Mariyams and the Vantases a really weird relationship) and bc of that Crabdad is super aggressively religious. Kankri will tell you he's Christian because "he believes in the message not the literal interpretation" and then explain to you why organized religion is evil in the same breath. Karkat is 100% atheist and pissed that it's even a thing he has to think about on a daily basis.

Leijon: They're also just regular ol siblings. Meulin has cut off contact with everyone but Nepeta and doesn't get invited to family stuff though, she had a really big falling out with everyone over her involvement with the clown cult. Nepeta was too young to get the full details of that and doesn't really care enough to ask questions. They talk daily and have a good cool relationship.

Mariyam: The Dolorosa adopted Grub Mom way late into her life which is why Porrim and Kanaya are the same ages as Kankri and Karkat. Kanaya and Porrim are both test tube babies. They actually have a healthy functional family dynamic so idk what else to say.

Pyrope: Once again not related. Don't even live close enough to physically meet up. They met online through epic gaming and Latula became kind of a sister figure for Terezi after they bonded over the shared experience of needing to raise yourself because your parents didn't. (Terezi's dragon mom is alive and loving and she gives the best advice ever but she's also too bedriddenly sick to do much actual work. And I'm thinking Latula grew up in foster care maybe.)

Serket: They're cousins who don't talk much but keep up with each other on social media and look up to each other in the way where they both go "wow she's so cool!!" online and then when they actually meet up they realize they annoy the hell out of each other. Vriska has Spider Mom (who is probably less murdery but still abusive) and Aranea has Mindfang (who is pretty absent and may or may not be deep in some really sketchy shit. Vriska and Aranea both idolize her way too much.)

Zahhak: I don't remember why I came to this decision so it may be subject to change, but I remember thinking it was clever as fuck when I did. They're blood related siblings, but they're both adopted. Into different households. They found out about each other because they went to the same school district all their lives and Equius's teachers kept being like "Equius Zahhak??? Is Horuss your brother" and after years of being like "Whomst" he eventually looked him up and realized that yeah I guess he is my brother actually. Equius stopped talking to him or mentioning him to anyone after like 3 Facebook messages but Horuss tells literally everyone he knows about it as if they actually has a sibling bond. Also the plotline of him deciding to get closer to Meulin because he saw what Eq and Nep have and went "I want that" remains the same.

Makara: I don't know (or really care honestly) if they're biological siblings or not but it really doesn't matter. Their dad fucked off out of their life when they were really little and Lord English indoctrinated them into the cult by giving them a home and family in it. (He did this solely because he was old and gonna die soon and he needed at least one trusted and devote member to raise his kid in accordance to the cult rules by the way.) Gamzee and Kurloz consider the Cult of the Messiahs their family and they live together with Calliope and Caliborn. They consider the two of them brothers and they have a secret cult dlc relationship to the Cals.

Ampora: Normal siblings so ummmmmmmm. Seahorse Dad is a rich and successful guy with a Reputation. He tried to raise Cronus super strictly but he chipped away at his willpower fast, so now Cronus is the most reckless entitled adult ever and Eridan gets everything he wants handed to him on a silver platter. Fun!

Peixes: They are siblings but they don't have a familial bond because their mom never treated the household like a family. Gl'bgolyb is also a rich successful girlboss (I mean like she inherited all of Condy's stuff and then didn't expand upon it or go out of her way to achieve anything more, but she still manages all of Condy's stuff, which is a lot of stuff.) She tried to raise Meenah to be the perfect heir but she was not down for that so all it accomplished was giving her the skills to more successfully do the opposite of whatever Gl'bgolyb wanted. As a result Meenah is kind of seen as a family disgrace. While she was trying to raise Meenah Feferi got shoved to the side as the Other Kid and was treated less like a daughter and more like a freeloader (which her constant insistence that the company's business practices were flawed did not help). But now Gl'bgolyb has no one to leave her company to except two kids she views as disappointments (She has her eye on her niece Jane though). Feferi and Meenah have started to bond a little bit (like a microscopic bit) over this, but Meenah still needs to unlearn the "you are competing against your sister for the company and if you trust her she will ruin you" mentality that Gl'bgolyb instilled into her. Also sidenote Condy's dynamic with all the humans she adopted is exactly the same as it is in canon, down to her marrying Colonel Sanders. Also the clown cult has serious beef with CrockerCorp.

Cals: As previously mentioned, Lord English (leader of the clown cult and considered to be god by his followers) is their dad and he left them with the Makaras. Calliope doesn't want anything to do with the cult but loves Gamzee and Kurloz as family nonetheless. Caliborn is her headmate and considered by the cult to be Lord English reincarnated, and boy howdy he sure is Caliborn.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Yesterday in therapy (I've been switching up my days since I've been super busy) I ended up talking about cruelty. I'm aware this is very emotionally driven or whatever.

It started with me talking about that person I think I mentioned before, who I don't want to associate with anymore. My therapist eventually asked what I think would be the least cruel way to tell them I can't tolerate their behavior, and it sort of? Triggered something (or someone) inside me. I said I wanted, on some level, to be cruel. That people don't change behavior without a little cruelty. I wish I could say I don't believe that. My therapist also asked what I would define as cruelty, and I had a hard time because I can't think of a definition of cruelty apart from "hurting someone on purpose," which feels far too broad. Like. If I tell someone that I don't like when they chew with their mouth open, I do that knowing that it'll make them embarrassed but I don't do it to embarrass them. That feels like cruelty even though some would say it isn't.

Anyway.

It was a hard conversation. I said that I'm willing to be the bad guy for the greater good. That's a duty I have, because I have the guts to do it and not everyone does. I don't want to, but I feel like I have to sometimes. Sort of "spare the rod spoil the child" type thing but without like. Actual abuse.

My therapist said it sounded like some part of me (I don't know if they meant little p or big P) is very, very scared of punishment. And that's why I'm like this. And why I have such a hairpin trigger tolerance for loud misbehavior. Because I think punishment is coming. And I do. I think that if I don't do it, someone else will, and in ways that are more cruel than what I could or would do. There will be consequences for actions unless they change, and I can serve that consequence out of mercy so that someone else doesn't serve it out of malice.

Afterwards I journaled. The first thing that came to mind was my little sister. I think I had to be cruel, on some level, to her. Even though I didn't want to be. I had to very firmly establish that in the household we grew up in, there were strong consequences for irresponsible actions. It's not like I hit her or anything, but I did instill what I think was a healthy amount (considering the circumstances) of fear in her. It's like a vaccine. If she's a little afraid of the consequence then she won't experience the actual consequence and the much bigger fear and trauma. It's like. I don't know. I experienced a lot of pain and a lot of trauma and I was trying to innoculate her from it. Like telling her to be careful about who she spends time with and shit like that. Sometimes I exaggerated risk a little bit because a fear of something a little unreasonable is better than experiencing a very real pain from a very real malicious cruelty.

My therapist asked me also if I ever do this to myself. And I think the correct answer is probably yes. But I can't really think of how. I feel like I'm trying to prevent what's happened to me happening to others. Like I think I don't need the little vaccine because I've already had the illness and already have the immunity.

I'm not sure how this is related. But when I, at one point out of stupidity, told my birth father that his current wife was very unkind to me/made it very clear she didn't like me as a teenager (and still is/does,) he said that I was a very difficult child. That I made myself very hard to love and care for. That most people would be unkind to me like that with the way I behaved. That feels like a similar merciful cruelty. Don't make me beg for kindness when instead you can cut at the root so I don't waste my time and just accept the truth. Waiting or begging for kindness from her is a moot point, because I am impossible for most people to love. I can move right on past that to acceptance. That's a mercy. I won't wait for kindness that never comes and be hurt by how long it takes while I'm waiting. I just get the one hurt of knowing for sure it's not happening. That's mercy.

I don't know. I know, on an intellectual level, that trauma often makes you think the world is more dangerous than it is. I think that's probably what a psychoanalyst would say this is all because of. But I do very firmly believe the world to be very cruel. Because I've experienced it firsthand. And I think that a lack of a healthy fear is just setting yourself up for more pain than if you're already prepared for it. I can't see things any other way, even if I try. I can't even intellectualize it away. This is a very firmly rooted core belief and I very truly believe that anyone that thinks differently about this is ignorant at best.

I also think that my cruelty is one of the things that makes it hard for me to relate to a lot of other trauma survivors. I feel like I have a visual. Like, other survivors curl up into a smooth round ball and grow a hard shell. Or sometimes don't grow a shell at all and are just soft and vulnerable. But it feels like my shell grew with spikes. I am cruel in ways other survivors aren't, or don't have the courage to be. And that ability to be cruel always feels like a heavy burden and a duty. Like I need to be cruel out of mercy. Like killing an animal caught in a trap. Someone needs to have the guts to be cruel to reduce suffering. And maybe that means I can't be as well liked or loved as someone else. But that's just how duty goes. No one can love an executioner. And that's beyond my control, so it's not something worth dwelling on. I've known from the start that I am on my own.

[cherryblossomsandhydrangeas]

Sk8 Rewatch Ep8

No, Adam, there is no one is the world who was created just for you. You’re looking for a doll/plaything, not a human being.

See, now that? That’s a moon. I don’t know what the hell that was from Ep6.

Wow, there are a lot of fruits at S.

Shadow: He’s [Reki] scared to race against Adam. *Laughs* Shadow, you’re the one who took him to the hospital and visibly sighed in the relief that he was okay.

Love how the people on the left are standing as far away from Adam as possible. Notice, how the people on Miya’s side are a bit closer as well since they’re not within Adam’s reach.

You know I think I’d be able to feel a bit more sympathy for Adam if his aunts version of love was the only one he knew. But that’s not what happened. He was loved by Tadashi, Kaoru, and Kojiro all normally, so it’s not like he doesn’t know other forms of love, this is all very much a choice.

Another reason I can’t feel sympathy is his pedophilia. Like, Adam believes that Langa is his Eve, right? Which means they’ll soon go to The Zone/Eden/The World Only For The Two Of Us. So, why is he excited for Miya to “bloom” so he can fall in love with him. Any sympathy you could have possibly gotten from me was destroyed with that comment.

Another post I’m gonna make is Cherry’s relationship with Carla and how fandom mischaracterizes it a bit.

I’m most definitely making a post on how Cherry couldn’t beat Adam, but he was able to match him. Like, I think it will be my life’s work for this blog. (other than the fanfics I’m planning)

Ah, Tadashi, this was you at your best. I’m so sorry about the ending you got.

Aww, my poor boys.

As a person who is also a little sister, I understand Koyomi on a fundamental level.

One thing I don’t like is how the show tries to present Ainosuke’s aunts as a consequence. Like, it’s formula is: Adam hurts someone or harasses a child, but he still has to go home to his aunts! Ainosuke’s aunts are not a consequence, they are his backstory. They don’t abuse him because of his actions, they are the cause of his mentality. The only consequence he might have gotten was jail for perjury and other illegal acts, but that was shoehorned away. Some of this can be explained by Sk8 being 12 eps long, thus not given enough time to add more fundamental scenes, but god, I would have loved at least one scene where Ainosuke does anything antagonistic, faces a consequence, and it isn’t brushed off by him or thrown away by the narrative, thus staying with him for the rest of the story.

I know Tadashi probably has/had romantic feelings for Ainosuke, but honestly I can’t see them as having anything other than a platonic or familial bond, or, at the very least an unrequited one where one has romantic feelings and the other has familial/platonic.

One day I am going to make a post about how Tadashi was abused by the Shindos (including Ainosuke) just as much as Ainosuke himself was.

Shout out to Joe for doing the work Reki’s father cannot since he has to work away from home all the time!

Mom of the year! Hasegawa Nanako!

Ngl, I want Harry’s backstory. My man’s made it to the tournament no problem. Note: he had to have been the second person from Cherry’s bracket to win since we never saw anybody else cross during that run.

Sometimes I feel like Adam dislikes Joe. Like he goes “...Joe” because he’s Langa’s opponent instead of him, but I wonder if that bled over into their adolescence. Like, he wrote Joe’s name on the 3 of diamonds. I can’t help but wonder if he was also subtly calling him a third wheel like he does Reki later.

Shout out to Joe for doing the work Langa’s father cannot since he’s in a coffin six feet under in Canada!

I actually like how Joe still has a sliver of hope left for Adam, even though he probably wants to punch him more for Cherry’s sake than his own, he still cares for his old friend a tiny bit.