#so now we have to wait until the first week of feb and idk how i'm gonna hold my shit together that long | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yaz-the-spaz · 5 years ago

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But I want to know your theory. :(

ok ok i guess i’ll spill…i was kinda hesitant to share just cause i’m still not all that solid in my belief in it myself but basically it seems like maybe ziam has made it a tradition to have some kind of couples trip most years (if not every year) in february ever since 2014…

(btw for future reference this ask is a continuation of this ask re ziam both being publicly in vegas earlier this year)

ugh sorry guys! hit enter by accident and posted this wayyyy before i was anywhere near finished lol…this will be updated within the hour (if it doesn’t take me too long to get my thoughts out)

narrator: she did not finish it within the hour.

…

ok so part of the reason i’ve been hesitant to share this is because a good portion of it is VERY speculative and just based on a lot of guesswork and assumptions, but also there’s the fact that it feels like this is something major that more people in the fandom (or at least someone, other than little ass me lol) would have noticed before now and it kind of freaks me out that maybe no one else has?? (unless ofc i just haven’t happened to see any other posts there are about it idk)…

also fyi a lot of what i propose throughout this is heavily based on info from this post just to make sure i remember to site my sources before we get into it lol

alright now onto the actual theory…

SO. all this started with me scrolling through old posts from late 2013/early 2014 and being reminded of the fuckery that was zayn’s bday that year (with the douche canoe crew and everyone pretending like liam was barely there as seemingly some sort of weird over-the-top cover-up)…the same party that seemed kinda like liam’s possible “introduction” to the malik family as more than just zayn’s friend/as his possible significant other. which was also only a month after that suspicious engagement-looking ring first showed up on zayn’s ring finger in december 2013 from bts midnight memories mv footage (and which stayed around as a necklace throughout january 2014 and early febuary 2014 right before the first appearance/debut of the mandala tat in mid feb).

bts midnight memories mv with the ring in view - dec 2013:

(suspicious?) malik family outing/celebration with the ring in view - dec (or possibly late nov?) 2013:

[putting the rest under the cut cause as per usual with me this got insanely long]

liam and aunt zileh at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

liam and one of the little cousins at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

then sometime in between late jan and early feb 2014 liam went on a trip to barbados with his whole family (and supposedly also sophia lol more on that later*) while zayn was SUPPOSEDLY still home and steadily “posting” pics of himself at home with various members of his family (with the ring on a necklace clearly visible in the pics lol), anddd as some have also pointed out his hair was suspiciously unchanged in these pics despite his claim of getting a haircut BEFORE most of the pics were posted lol

zayn in family pics with the ring on a necklace - late jan/early feb 2014 (sorry i’m not the one who cropped his fam out lol):

but yet we’re supposed to believe zayn - who had just gotten awarded the asian ambassadorship for the VERY FIRST time - mysteriously (and willingly) MISSED the ceremony on feb. 5th with absolutely no explanation. which…we all know how big a deal that was to him from the way he talked about it and how honored he was when he went in 2015…which begs the question if he was really just home not doing much of anything at the time in 2014 why in the world would he just pass/bail on that HUGE HONOR with no explanation??? mayhaps because he was actually already an ocean away with liam and fam in barbados celebrating his engagement (and getting his own “introduction” to the payne family) and literally COULD NOT ATTEND?

anyway so then, we have him getting the mandala tat around feb 18th 2014 - or at least this is the day he debuted it on his old ig, so the date may be a few days off from when he actually got it - but this still would’ve been shortly after they got back from the barbados trip when he debuted this particular tat (aka another solidification of the engagement??)

THEN we get the very first ig ziam likes from the famous and beloved aunt zileh (!!!) in this same month (still feb for reference, but she continues steadily and heavily liking stuff all the way through april when she seems to cool down again). fast forward to the 2014 brits at the end of february where we have the infamous moment with 1) ziam giddy as fucking ever, 2) zayn whispering into and practically mawling liam’s neck in public, 3) liam talking about how it was great to “fill each other in” on what they were up to during their break while zayn’s just steady standing there smiling like a loon and then 4) liam still later being like ‘you don’t wanna know’ when asked what he got up to (and zayn still grinning like a fool)

ziam being gross at brits 2014:

so to sum up so far: 1) one of them possibly proposed around nov/dec 2013 (or that’s my best guess anyway based on the evidence lol), 2) then zayn shows up with a suspiciously-engagement-looking ring in dec 2013, 3) then all the weirdness with liam’s attendance at zayn’s bday party a month later (possibly also liam’s formal intro to the malik family), 4) then liam takes his barbados trip with his fam (and supposedly sophia lol*) just a couple weeks later while “zayn” stays home and posts family pics (but is very likely secretly on the trip with liam lol which is also possibly zayn’s formal intro the payne family and a belated celebration of their engagement), 5) and then we get the beginning of aunt zileh’s likes, 6) the debut of zayn’s mandala tat, 7) and the 2014 brits wildness…all in the space of like 3 months. and most of it happening in FEBRUARY. what a wild fucking journey right?

*side note/fun fact: liam and his fam were posting stuff regularly throughout the duration of the barbados vacay but there were literally zero pics of sophia posted from this trip until like dec 2014 or sometime around then when like ONE random pic suddenly surfaced/was posted and lots of ppl had already speculated that sophia was never there in the first place so once this one pic came up that idea got upgraded to people theorizing that they maybe had some of the fam go back a second time later in the year just to stage take photos to retroactively prove/authenticate the narrative that sophia was there lol

but anyway so back to the actual matter at hand - most of that shit happened in february right? specifically the barbados trip (aka the possible engagement celebration trip)…and when i was talking about all this to a friend we realized ZIAMI WAS ALSO IN FEBRUARY. AND SO WAS THIS YEAR’S VEGAS SHIT. AND THEN. AND THEN. My friend did some research and there was apparently this little known/barely talked about article (or at least barely talked about that i’m aware of) about liam taking a TRIP TO THE MALDIVES IN FEBRUARY 2016… which coincidentally (or not lol considering these shady ass hoes) is also around the same time he got his 4 tattoo (I believe this was the first article, or at least one of the first articles, that mentioned the tat’s debut)

BUT WAIT.

THE INSANE SHIT DOES NOT END THERE FOLKS.

GUESS WHICH MONTH THE CARTIER BRACELET FIRST DEBUTED?

FUCKING FEBRUARY 2016.

specifically on liam’s wrist in preparation for the 2016 brits (photo posted to his brits stylist’s ig on feb 23rd). and he didn’t take it off till like june.

so. quick timeline:

february 2016 - maldives trip and debut of liam’s 4 tattoo (around feb 21st); debut of cartier bracelet via liam (feb 23rd); (there was also that valentine’s day roses pic liam posted feb 14th of this year which was quite interesting considering he and c hadn’t even been officially announced as a “thing” yet…ofc we know it still got retroactively attributed to her anyway but whatever, we all know who it was really for lol 😏)

february 2017 - i don’t have anything on this year, partly cause i stopped paying as close attention due to heavy ramping up of stunts, although if anyone has more concrete info on this period that hints at anything please do hit me up and i will add it in, but anyway just based on a little light research there does appear to be a good period of inactivity from both of them during this time (as in both of them had quite a bit of time in february where they were pretty inactive on sm, not being papped, and essentially mia and would have potentially had time to go on a private trip) - UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BUT THIS IS THE YEAR LIAM SHOWED UP AT THE BRITS WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING 25 ON HIS JACKET AND FUCKED SIMON ALL THE WAY UP BY SWERVING ON HIS UGLY BITCH ASS SPEECH IN FRONT OF GOD AND ENTIRE WORLD (and i think also thanked zayn in his speech if i’m not mixing that up with another year??) - all on feb 23rd to be specific.

february 2018 - ZIAMI OBVIOUSLY (which specifically started feb 22nd, or at least that’s the day i’m counting it as ‘started’ cause it’s the day liam joined zayn in miami, can’t recall the exact day zayn arrived but pretty sure it was only a couple days before that)

february 2019 - zayn starts wearing this distinctive fishhook earring in all his ig pics, which on the surface seems like a pretty small thing, but quite possibly commemorates their famous august 2014 fishing trip (directly after which he also started wearing a fish hook pendant on a necklace back in 2014); this was also another period they were pretty quiet/mia as far as i can recall, although again if anybody has more concrete info from this time that could point to something please let me know, but anyway point being they again would have had a good chunk of time to possibly go on a private trip together

february 2020 - VEGAS BABY

ofc i’m sure you all will notice one year was left out - february 2015 they were on tour with no breaks coming anytime soon so they obviously weren’t able to go on a trip that year. BUT. february 14th 2015 (aka valentine’s day lol) is also the day liam was famously papped with some small shopping bags that looked suspiciously but precisely like the type that usually come from a jewelry store, and then later that same night they had a performance (for otra tour) where we have zayn pictured wearing a new gold bracelet (as in he hadn’t been seen wearing it ever before on tour or anywhere else) - btw the op of this linked post actually marks this day as the debut of the cartier bracelet but there’s a lot of counter speculation that it’s not and given that it doesn’t quite look like the cartier bracelet looked in later pics (it’s more round and more gold than the cartier bracelet which imo looks more angular and more kind of a two-tone/silvery-gold than this vday bracelet) i’m inclined to lean more towards it just being a regular but still very sweet vday-gifted bracelet. but anyway back to more important stuff. now considering this was literally just a little over a month before zayn left - and one of my theories for zayn leaving was that it was possible he felt it was the only way to save his relationship with liam…i mean if they were still giving each other vday presents they were clearly still VERY in love at this point. like that’s not the kind of thing you’d expect from a couple that was on the rocks and on the verge of breaking up and i know a lot of ppl (myself included for a brief minute) speculated that zayn leaving the band meant he maybe left liam too/or things weren’t working out b/t them or whatever, but given this context of the vday gifts just a few weeks before him leaving that doesn’t really line up…what does line up though is him being so in love and so sick of the bs that he might be driven to just be done with it all (as far as the stress of the band and mgmt bs is concerned at least). and ofc liam did say that zayn is the most emotionally impulsive/emotionally driven out of all them so when you think about it it really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise…

anyway, in conclusion:

it appears quite possible ziam has made it a couples tradition (ever since that first honeymoonish vacay in 2014) to go on some sort of trip/getaway together around the end of every february (or at least do something special together/for each other when they can’t) and in further conclusion I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS REALIZATION OKAY THANKS BYE 😭😭😭😭😭🌈🌈🌈

#asks #anons #ziam #ziam february #ziam engagement #ziam anniversary #ziam theories #ziami #ziam vegas #(btw ziam vegas 2020 was feb 23rd but i didn't wanna ruin the aesthetic of the line by putting it in there so i just added it here lol)#ziam jewelry #ziam bracelets #cartier bracelets #aunt zileh #ziam tattoos #mandala tattoo #zayn's mandala tattoo #liam's 4 tattoo #ziam coincidences #ziam masterposts #zayn leaving #ugh i'm soooo sorry guys i did not anticipate this taking me a full 4 goddamn hours wtf #(i started this at 10:30pm and it is now 2:18am what in the actual hell is my brain whyyyy am i like this)#but anyway i really hope this gets a a good amount of notes for all the work (read: blood; sweat & tears lol) i put into #getting all this together in a coherent way lol #(cause y'all do not wanna see the mess of a convo this spawned from - honestly it is A PIPING HOT MESS lol)#anyway enjoy folks #(good lord what is wrong with me i literally just added a whole nother extra hour of work for myself by deciding to add gifs and pics #and more links...it is now past 3am...i have a PROBLEM)

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jett-dawson · 4 years ago

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i posted this story on my main instagram but i thought to share it here. it’s abt doll hunting for series 2 + kia hart

so i went to my local target. it’s basically the only target in my town but i’d like to think my town is very big and populated so... rainbow high dolls would be a must in my area. anyways. i asked my gma if she could bring me to target to search for the dolls. i mainly was in search for kia bc i have the money for her and shes a definite must. my next goals are krystal, stella & bella. anyways.

i didn’t have my hopes up too much. i figured that the website wasn’t lying when it said they had no series 2 dolls. plus it’s after the holidays, stores must be wiped out. ofc there were a ton of people there. so i get there and i check the RH section and it’s basically empty. there were only a few ruby’s, poppy’s, sunny’s and jades. that’s all. the rest of the shelves were empty. and same goes for the barbie section, the lol surprise section, the disney section & lego section. so i went off to get some food but i came back just to double check. maybe someone found a series 2 doll and just put it back on a wrong shelf.

so i was walking over and found a scanner and was like ooo! let me scan the DPCI codes i saved (thanks clawdeena!) and literally NONE of them were in stock or in the back. but like. they were in the system, so kia had to be coming soon. i went back to the RH section and read the little price tags on the shelves. they had ones labeled “fuchsia” “indigo” “pastel” etc. etc. and bottom shelf was labeled “Kia Hart”. i was like. OMG.

so i ended up asking a lady abt the dolls and she was like oh yeah bc of the holidays they are totally wiped out etc. etc. we probably won’t start to see new shipments up until feb. and i was like. oh?? what?? and i told her abt the DPCI codes and how there’s already sections for these dolls on the shelves. like. if they are to be coming in a month... they would not have the sections already labeled for them? idk

but she was like “oh rly? wait which specific are u looking for?” so i said kia. and we went over to the kia shelf and she scanned the code with her personal scanner. and she really said.. “oh! okay so we will be getting a shipment of 3 Kia Hart dolls on sunday! you can come early in the morning if you’d like so you could be the first to get one! the trucks come at like 4am so they might not even be in the shelves yet but you could always ask who is working here to check the back. tell them i sent you”

and like. okay yay this is so helpful! and i’m so happy to know kia is coming! but like. THREE? why only three? like ik people won’t be buying dolls as much as they would in comparison to christmas time and holiday season but like. you’re telling me you’re only getting three kia dolls? what does that mean? am i getting too into it? literally. what. but hopefully i can run over there super fast in the morning to get kia. my grandma ended up getting confused in the situation thinking we were talking abt “the other pink doll” (which is bella) and so now i’m rly unsure if the lady was referring to bella or kia. i mean she did say she suspects her to be coming for february but then scanned kia and was like oh wow we get her this weekend

idek. i thought this was semi interesting and i’m just trying to tell people abt my day sndndndt this has been the most eventful week day since like. ever. minus christmas lol

#rainbow high #rainbowhigh #rainbow high dolls #doll hunting #kia hart

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years ago

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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happymissy · 4 years ago

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Happy 2021! I’m just using these photos that my friend and i took this month, a day before I went to Manila to fix some things so I can FINALLY graduate on March! I’ve back read my old blog posts from before and I noticed that for the past 3 years, I only posted like once a year just to update you guys on what’s happening with my life. I mean, it’s not like I still have readers on this blog, but it’s nice to have something to look back on from time to time. I remember making a post before that I should update more on my actual diary than this actual blog because someday, tumblr will be gone and everything I ever worked on to post about, will be deleted. Well, let me tell you guys something, my aunt threw away all my journals from when I was in elementary until I was 18! I was devastated. But anyway, yeah, I’ll try to update this more and more!

So... 2020 huh? What a year!

Let me start from the top! I started the year with a broken heart and I remember being so sad that whole month because aside from being heartbroken, I felt like I was stuck, like I was in some sort of constant loop with my days. I would wake up really early because my aunt’s house is somewhere deep deep inside a subdivision of Greenwoods Pasig and getting out of there was hassle af especially if you’re a normal civilian like me who’s broke, doesn't have a car, and relies on the commuting system of the Philippines to get to literally anywhere. And then spend 10 hours at work because I was catching up with my OJT hours that would’ve been finished earlier if I just went to work everyday. Then I would spend hours in line for UV rides and another hour stuck in traffic during rush hour, AND THEN another 1 hour waiting in line for the tricycle to greenwoods and actually getting in. I was mentally drained. The city life isn’t for me, well at least the Philippine City life isn’t. Despite being sad and exhausted almost everyday, I couldn’t see my college friends because my ex lived with them and I can’t bare to see him be okay while I was dreading my life.

Then February arrived and I met up with someone from Bumble for the first time, it was a mutual from twitter. It was a new thing for me, like, using a dating app? Flirting with someone I didn’t know, meeting up, and then sleeping with them. So what happened was, your girl got attached! I was so used to guys taking me seriously me all the time that I fooled myself thinking that he was the one for me. Lmao, that cycle continued until I got used to it and I just realized that I wouldn’t and shouldn’t expect a real relationship come out of a dating app. Anyway!!! Bullet form for the summary of quarantine!

Feb ended

March happened

COVID-19 happened

Stuck in quarantine in Baguio, felt like shit.

Learned a few tiktok dance

Watched a few netflix series, movies, and animes

Started an alter account in May because I WAS BORED AS HELL

Found out I can earn money by having guys simp over me

WHAT THE FUCK

I earned more money in 1 week than I ever did in a month, working!

WHAT THE FUCK 2.0

Did that part time through out the whole quarantine.

Spent a shit ton of money on Shopee! I was overwhelmed that I was finally able to afford everything I wanted growing up lmao.

Discord saved my sanity throughout the lockdown.

Met Thana on there, he gave me his udemy account so I can study flutter and web development so I’ll have a proper job once I graduate! Bless himm <3

I TURNED 23!!! I made that blink-182 cake hehe:

Went back to Dagupan to finish my OJT hours.

I was finally able to afford a laptop (AFTER 7 YEARS!)

BRO I bought a Macbook Pro 2020 512GB, that’s how much money I get to earn as a SW! WHAT THE FUCK 3.0

Didn’t tell my dad what the fuck i’ve been up to with my life because how would i explain to him where I got all the money from. Besides, I wouldn’t reside to being a SW if he was supporting me financially. I’ve been paying and working for my own stuff and allowance ever since I stepped to college.

Mom and brother are curious where I get my money and I’d just answer secret and they’d just shrug it off because they know how much bullshit we got with our life.

I’ve just been hanging out with my friends almost every day ever since I got back to Dagupan and just drinking, eating, throwing up, and playing Among Us. Taking all the time I lost and squeezed them right in before 2020 ends.

Joined the Corpse Fandom, one of the things that legit made me feel alive after how many years!

So yeah, that’s basically it. By the way, I’m not planning on continuing my ‘job’ right now. I’ll be quitting soon because it really takes a toll on you. Being paranoid about my privacy and how people can expose me, being sexually harassed every single day, irl friends and mutuals recognizing me, and just basically being addicted to the attention I’m getting for the wrong reasons. Hopefully, I’ll graduate and actually find a decent job. I hope this covid thing will end soon. I also hope the current president can like, die. lol

Also, I’ve been studying Web Development for a while now and so much has changed with the CSS things! Who knows, I might finally be able to change my theme after idk 6 years! Some links and photos on my theme don’t work anymore lmao!

#journal #me #shots

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suhmayzooka · 5 years ago

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cursed child broadway, feb. 23, 2020

third time seeing cc in three months for one reason: my sister is, in her words, “in love with joey labrasca” (karl). she thinks he’s absolutely perfect. this past week i’ve endured her talking about how hot he is. i mean, i’ve gotten quite a bit of good lily luna material for my fics now, but at what expense? did i need to know that joey’s (very mild) acne made him look handsomer? did i need to know about how deep his eyes are? did I?

i teased her about what she’d do if he wasn’t on, and she said she’d be so upset.

we get to the theatre, i look at the cast…and james romney was karl.

my sister was shocked. the love of her life, who most likely has forgotten about her existence, wasn’t there for what looks to be our final time seeing the year 2 cast. she was devastated.

we also got to see antoinette robinson as hermione and tom patrick stephens as ron! and sarita amani nash was myrtle!! and kimberly dodson as polly!!

james!karl was great and i will bombard my sister with as much james romney content as i can in order to piss her off further :)

patrick du laney was the sorting hat and aaron bartz was the station master. we actually saw aaron walking into the theatre as we waited outside for part 2. he definitely has the draco swagger.

anyway let’s get to the good stuff!

~james snyder as harry! great as usual. i don’t think he did much differently than last time, or if he did it wasn’t very noticeable.

~diane davis as ginny – same w james. i think she held on to albus longer when they hug in godric’s hollow this time?

~jonno roberts as draco: okay this guy singlehandedly inspired me to start a fic back in december (that has…….yet to be finished………) with how his draco and bubba’s scorpius behaved and this was no exception. idk whether his mic got caught on something or if he was really bringing it all out, but when he shoves scorpius’s head against his desk in the dark world, he GROWLED the “you do NOT use her name in vain” line ???? i’ve never heard him say it like that, it’s usually more of a hiss. idk how to describe how he said it other than “growl.” almost like an animal.

then when he said “do it safely, i can’t lose you too” he’s looking directly at scorpius. it’s different from how i’m used to seeing him and closer how i picture him saying it; usually he’s looking away, like he’s afraid of showing vulnerability to scorpius. but here, with him looking directly at him, and said with so much emotion and love, even in such a dark place…oOOF

he refused to let go of scorpius when they met again in godric’s hollow. my heart…..always one arm around scorpius’s shoulders, or one hand on his chest, as scorpius clings on to him.

~kimberly!polly SMILED and giggled when she stepped in blood? “oh, potter, i’ve got blood on my shoe!” *delighted* and then as the staircase rolled away, she turned on her stomach to gaze down at scorpius, grinning flirtatiously. this is my second time seeing her as polly, but from what i remember, katherine!polly wasn’t as sadistic in the dark au as she was. i personally prefer kimberly!polly.

~sarita!myrtle!! like w kimberly!polly this is my second time seeing sarita!myrtle and i don’t really remember much about lauren!myrtle to compare, but sarita!myrtle was hilarious. she got a round of applause just for appearing. “girls….*turns around, stares directly @ albus* AND BOYS” *albus turns around, confused, as if she’s talking to someone behind him* UGHHH she’s so good and she’ll absolutely kill it as (main) polly, i can feel it.

~this was my first time seeing jack pravda as young harry! his voice is deeper than zell’s, and he was so adorably confused in the graveyard scene. “why are there so many flowers?”

~antoinette!hermione was a lot less playful than jenny!hermione. she does try for comedic effect, but she’s a bit more serious overall. she was so scary in the first timeline! when she waves her wand to dismiss the class and she’s standing all alone, she looks out with such a distant, despairing expression, then composes herself immediately.

~tom!ron was very funny! again, my issue with ron in cc comes down to how he was written. he may have been relegated to shitty comic relief (why……is one of the first things he says……a fart joke…..?), but it’s up to the actors do what they can to flesh out some semblance of a likeable character from the bs that the script gave us. and tom!ron was great!! he’s not as…dopey? dorky? as matt!ron, who’s very funny but a bit—childish? i guess? tom!ron feels more like an adult who still has a childish sense of humor, if that makes sense.

~ROMIONE. watching a new take on romione was like falling in love w romione all over again. tom/antoinette was a very loving pair. jenny/matt tease each other a lot more, but tom/antoinette are more tactile. their kiss was so sweet

~there’s hardly any love for sara farb’s delphi for some reason. i’m not sure why; her shift from delphi diggory to delphi riddle is so chilling. delphi diggory has a high pitched voice and is really goofy around albus. scorpius absolutely hates her lmao. as soon as she switches, her voice drops to a low growl and she’s downright terrifying. i’m sad to see her go!

~WILL CARLYON. is it possible to fall in love with the portrayal of a character in a handful of scenes? he’s got like five lines total but oh my god. one thing a lot of people note about nicholas!albus is the way he’s so obviously a fourteen-year-old child. will’s james sirius potter is SUCH a thirteen-year-old in the opening scene…it’s somewhat disconcerting watching this very-obviously-twenty-something-year-old man flap his arms going “WATCH OUTTT FOR THE THESTTRRAAAAAAALS” but it works? it’s believable?? he’s so close with lily luna. this is my third time seeing him and every time he pretends to pounce on her and hug her during the thestral line i fall in love?? ginny scolds him and he is sheepish, but he won’t stop making the troll face at albus. “SLITHERING SLYTHERIN STOP WITH YOUR DITHERING” *smacks albus*

~yeah i promised jsp content and i’m fucking delivering

~he’s sO excited watching albus get sorted. when the hat goes “SLYTHERIN” he’s absolutely shocked. he’s confused. he just stares at albus, confused, until yann (jonathan gordon, who once again gives us a delightfully dislikable yann) says some shit and james just turns to him and swats his hand at him. he genuinely looked ready to fight yann. i couldn’t tell but i think he tells him to stop?? it was hard to hear but his mouth definitely moved, i think to tell yann to cut it out.

~the scene with the students eavesdropping on mcgonagall’s meeting with the parents. oh my god i don’t think he did anything that much differently than last time but i need to talk about this because i didn’t do it justice in my last recap.

~they sit on the stairs (iirc) top to bottom craig, yann, karl, rose, james. i’m gonna ignore craig, yann, and karl since there are some serious family feels going on w rose and james

~jsp and rose begin the scene smiling, snickering as they hear that albus and scorpius fucked up. “ahaha they got into deep shit” but then when they learn that they wrote rose and hugo (??whom??) out of time and then killed harry, their faces fall. james’s eyes become vacant, far-off as he learns what happened to his brother. his breathing becomes heavier and faster until he’s a few breaths from hyperventilating. he leans his forehead against the stairwell/banister and shakes his head, mouthing/whispering “no…no…”

~nadia brown’s rose is such a little shit but she’s so good in this scene. when she learns that she didn’t exist in the new timeline, she grabs james’s shoulder and he grabs her hand. they don’t let go for the rest of the scene.

~i’m like half convinced that will got the part because of his amazingly expressive eyebrows. i think my sister calls it “back row acting?” his eyebrows can probably be seen from the back row. after the mcgonagall scene is over he sits on the stairs, raising one eyebrow at rose and hermione, then goes back to reading the scroll.

~i didn’t mean for this to become a will carlyon fan account but he deserves it. according to nicholas he’s the biggest potterhead in the cast. he’s a ravenclaw. he can sing. he’s so fucking valid and i’m so glad he’s staying for year 3. he’s got two followers on youtube and one of them is me. please guys like no one talks about him and i’ll fill this niche. same with the lovely sarita. she’s so kind and so beautiful and so talented she can sing so well and she gives everything during wand dance listen i spent the beginning of this thing making fun of my sister for liking joey so much but sarita……..

~cc nyc said straight girl/lesbian solidarity

~anyway…

~nicholas podany as albus. so. Many. Tears. i didn’t realize this before but his whole body trembles when he cries?? i first noticed this when he and harry were in the slytherin common room. i was like “are his pajamas vibrating?? is this an optical illusion (they’re striped pajamas)???” no, his whole body was shaking with suppressed crying. once i noticed i couldn’t un-notice and this continued for the rest of the show.

~bubba weiler’s scorpius didn’t seem much different from usual? i could go on about him but….that’s what my unfinished fic is for……one day……….

~okay so this is where i elaborate on the scorbus moments that made me want to YEET myself off the roof of the theatre (if you had to make sense of my typos on discord: i am Sorry)

~the slytherin dorm scene: scorpius tickles albus to wake him up. he then makes himself comfortable on albus’s bed and won’t stop rubbing and patting his thigh.

~in addition to being austistic, bubba!scorp is bisexual (jon case would be proud) and here is PROOF: to flirt, bubba!scorpius leans against objects, sprawls his body out, plays with his hair, etc all extremely cheesy, greasy, suave moves. he blows a kiss to polly as he’s sprawled across the stairs. when he ROLLS down the stairs (looked painful…) to see rose at the end, he plays with his hair, shoots her a finger gun (further proof he’s bi), and lowers his voice. but the comparison i need to highlight is THIS: when he says rose smells like bread, (1) he leans against the suitcases, trying to look suave, and (2) his face is instant regret. he silently bends back and mouths “WHAT WHY BREAD?? WHAT??? WHY???” and now…when he delivers his “ENGORGIMPRESSED” line to albus, he (1) leans against the sink, (2) grins, lowering his voice, and when the pun doesn’t land, (3) his face immediately falls, instant regret, the literal definition of “oH MY GOD WHAT WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT” the same expression he had when rose wasn’t impressed. coincidence? i think NOT. he’s trying so hard to flirt but he has no idea how to interact w people im --

~delphi in the church: when the adults have all surrounded delphi with their magic in the center of the stage, albus, ginny, and scorpius are huddled together. scorpius is behind albus, clutching his shoulder and hand. albus breaks free for “SHE’S A MURDERER I’VE SEEN HER MURDER” (an underappreciated line imo) and scorpius just watches him, clearly wanting to help but not knowing how

~the final hug. my initial, endorphin-fueled reaction was, verbatim: “THE FUNAL HUG NSCWR SEEN IR LAST SO LLNG NEVER SAW NICJ HUG HIM BACK NOSES ALMOST TOYCHONF.” not even this is enough to convey my reaction to the final hug, but i’ll try my best to transcribe it.

scorpius: runs up the stairs, grabs albus into a hug

albus: stunned for a moment, then wraps his arms around scorpius’s shoulders and hugs him back, burying his face into the crook of scorpius’s neck. this is the first time i’ve seen him hug back, at least so fiercely. they stand there for a good 3-5 seconds, then albus says, quietly, “what’s this? i thought we didn’t hug.”

scorpius, pulling back but still close to albus: “i wasn’t sure whether we should…” *looks up at albus, literal inches from his face* “in this new version of us…” *more gazing into each other’s eyes for a few seconds*

albus: “well…you better ask rose if it’s the right thing to do…” he sounded unsure? not as playful as before?

scorpius: *stares at albus for a few seconds* “a..aaha………..yeah right!”

he turns around and runs down the stairs. albus goes “i’ll see you at dinner!” and scorpius turns around, smiles at him, and walks off, albus grinning and gazing so lovingly as he departs i’m gonna c r y

i can’t think of anything else to say about the show itself? but my sister has given me a lot of material so i’m gonna talk about what went on with her because it’s relevant to our stage door interactions.

as we ate, she described how she would rewrite cc. she has valid and absolutely invalid suggestions. she would keep the father/son issues, make scorbus canon, remove or rewrite rose, and rewrite delphi’s backstory (valid). she would remove the sorting hat and the dark timeline (not valid).

during the intermission between acts 3 and 4, we started looking through the playbill and she started gossiping/venting about how much she hates the people in her school’s theatre (valid, since they’re bullying assholes). i brought up a meme i sent her that i saw on twitter about how no high school theatre guys can sing, act, dance, and not be sexist. somehow this discussion went back to nicholas podany? she was like, “i’ve been listening to his songs and deep blue is a low-key bop.” i asked if she heard his most recent song, telling myself. she hadn’t and she immediately went to soundcloud to listen to it. her reaction was PRICELESS. she absolutely adored it. she was dancing in her seat, going “okay this is actually really good??” like ofc it is? i don’t recommend bad songs? she tried to replay it but then her data ran out and the lyric theatre wifi is shit so she got very upset. then the lights turned off and she reluctantly took out her earbuds.

there was a little girl (around 6-7ish, i’d say) in the very first row dressed as hermione for part one--complete with a doll and a broom. for part two she was wearing a hedwig costume that looked homemade! she was very adorable, and bubba waved hello to her when he came for the curtain call.

stage door:

~sarita came out first! we told her that this was our third time at the show and second time seeing her. i congratulated her on being cast as polly and she was so happy! dare i say…..loml

~tom and antoinette were so happy to have been the first cover romione we saw! tom was like “ah, you saw the best ron (himself)!” we were in front of a man from the uk who had seen the london show five times, and he and tom struck up a conversation about where they were from.

~nadia brown was so happy to see us! she didn’t remember us lmao but she’s so friendly

~edward james hyland (amos/dumbledore) was…politically campaigning?? the people in front of us were from vermont and he was like “ah…vermont…do you support bernie??” just like that. they were caught off guard but i think they gave an affirmative answer, and he was like “and if he doesn’t get the nomination…?” they were still caught off guard and he just went “you’ll vote blue, right…? cause it’s the right thing to do….?” idk i’m firmly liberal but i thought this was a weird place to get political but okay

~EVERYONE was telling nicholas podany about how much they love telling myself. he was telling the people in front of us about how it was mastered/mixed by solange’s producer(?) and my sister and i exchanged :0 looks. she was getting shy, but i was like “tell him! he’ll love to talk about it, i guarantee it!” because even though i produce 0 content, i *am* an artist and i *do* know that we artists love validation

~so he came to us and she started talking about his songs! we’re fortunate that it was a more rock-y song so we’re…able to sound like we know what we’re talking about lmao. growing up our mom would play us classical music (check out beethoven’s wig yo) and our dad would play us the ramones. one of my earliest memories was arguing with my sister (probably around 4 at the time) about the lyrics to “i wanna be sedated” ahh… (she was correct btw)

~(don’t argue with me the ramones may not be poets but they’re valid)

~i was right! he was SO excited to talk to us!! my sister complimented the song and the production. she said “i ADORE your new song!! it’s a high key bop!” and he broke into the BIGGEST smile. she was like “i’m gonna play it until i hate it” and he said something along the lines of “i was in the studio listening to it nonstop for 8(??) hours i can’t stand it.” he was talking about how he made the song with his “own scorpius” but i forgot who…he said scorpius and my mind blanked lmao. he’s brought this person up before in interviews so i can probably find it. she complimented the fact that it was different from his usual stuff and he told us about how he had a rock band in high school. @nick where tf is your rock content pls deliver

~i actually spoke this time and cut in to tell him about how she was trying to listen to it on repeat but the signal gave out. she was trying to tell me to shut up but it’s my legal duty as the older sister to embarrass her.

me: “I told her about your song during the intermission—”

her: “don’t!”

me: “no, nO, i told her and she was listening and then she ran out of data—”

him: “aaAa noo!”

her: “I listened to it!”

~then i told him that we loved seeing how he played albus and that we’re going to miss him, that we were going to see the cast change show but we couldn’t get tickets (i kindly left off the reason why), and he was so sweet about it *clenches heart* he told us how much he loves being able to experience this, that we’ll be so lucky to have james romney take over, etc etc i kinda wasn’t listening bc I was too emo, but I remember going “…but I don’t want to say goodbye…” and he just. gave me a sad look like “I know.” there was so much pity in his expression. why is he leaving us.

~the uk guy behind us was talking about how he’d seen the london year 3 and 4. nicholas was like “oh, joe and dom? yeah i’ve spoken to joe and dom—wait, no, i haven’t met dom? i know he has an impressive social media presence” and they started talking about how different actors bring different things to albus and how the show allows them to explore different aspects to their characters and he just…wasn’t making any of this any easier for me lmao i’m mourning the loss of nick!albus and it’s not even march

~i feel bad that we weren’t able to speak with fiona reid (petunia/umbridge) because nicholas was talking to us.

~jonno roberts. this was the first time i’ve interacted w him at sd. his draco has made such an impact on me, he’s my favorite actor in the show, and what do i say? what great words come out of my mouth? “hi you were great.” my sister KICKED me with her heeled boots. good thing i’m a lesbian because my doc martens protected my feet from the force of her anger.

~james snyder was enraptured in conversation with the people in front of us and just took our playbills to sign as he spoke with them. then he went “hi,” passed over us to talk to the guy behind us. my sister was like “you were great!”

~tbh sd was kinda messy bc we were at the end of the line and the barrier things didn’t allow for the actors to get enough room to interact with the fans at the back. also jonno was standing there and he’s not a small man.

~saw several male actors leaving sd, waving goodbye at us and just walking away. MOOD. i was exhausted and i wasn’t the one running around on stage!

#ccsquad #cursed child #hp #i see cc

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itsjusta · 4 years ago

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TAAS2 NI DOEEE HEHEHE READ EVERYTHING HUUUH!!

Feb 15 (Mon)

i got so busy in da hapon doe 🥺 i cleaned da cr huhu im so kapoyyy and then i felt a little kulbaan doeee cos nag huna2 ko sako sched sa mon-wed dis week issa so busy doeee :((( i have to do pa today one assignment and then practice for our prelims then finalize half of my midterms theeeen study for ur philo HAHAHAHAH aissshhh i also feel very kahilakon doeee idk and my arms kay murag ga kurog2 doe :(( aish im too busy for these feelings!!!!

4:15 pm —— i was doing my assignment but idkkkk my heart is beating fast jd doeee and my arms feel numb and ga kurog2 and i have this kulbaan feeling :((( UGH issa need to take a break :(( also wanna cry but i cant cry doeee but i eventually cried na dayon doeee

i also didnt continue to work nalang doeee issa i dont feel well physically and emotionally hahahha 😟 im back to working doe and i cried a looootttt cos im writing about love HAHAHAH

but the practice was cancelled sooo i started na my surprise for u para mas less2 ako i do ugmaaa i started na the peanut butter bars unta lang di ma epic fail uyyy or basin di diay ta mag kita sa wed hilak ko!!!!

Feb 16 (Tues)

issa wake up ko so early kay gi wake up ko sako groupmates and aishhhh so busy na dayon mi prac and do sa amo midterms!!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ and i’m so sleepy na gyd doeee huhu

so kapoy ni nga day doe cos whole day atubang sa screen issa maka drain doe and maka labad sa head issa wa gyd ko na do nga acads kay mag utro pami reshoot so sayang effort but sge nalang doeee huhuhu alsooo excited for my surprise tooom hope u like it :((((

Feb 17 (Wed)

Woke up at 7:30!!! so early so sayo pd ko nag cook for your giftsss and for our lunch hehehe im always excited to cook for u doe and give u gifts 🥺🥺🥺 and aishhh im really happy doe that u still laag hereee issa when i’m with u i feel safe gyd doe 🥺🥺🥺 u give me so much comfort gyd doe thank u sooo much 🥺🥺 even though u dont say it, i know u care a lot for me gyd doeee (or maybe assuming lang ko hahahah) but aishhh thank u for keeping me in your life :((

i’m sorry i cried a lot doeee huhu idk also but aishhh its hard for me to let go of you gyd doeee and moments like this issa makes me realize na i still have so much love for u gyd doe :((( issa both tears of joy and sadness man to kanina!! hahahha im happy na u still make time for me doeee and im happy gyd that i get to be with youuu but also sad cos aishhh issa i know everything is so hard gyd doe and usahay ra au ta makauban huhu what i said was true doeee that i will endure everything basta its for ur happiness!! hehhe u know i’ve endured sooo much the past months but i never got angry with u gyd doeee cos i know u were happy man with your decisions!!! heheh i can never hold bad feelings for u gyd doeee my heart is just full of gratitude and love for u!!!! i just want u to be happy saimo life doeee career, acads, family life, with friends, and saimo gf doeee heheh even though its so sakit for me but i just want gyd na mahappy ka heheh and aishhh im happy gyd doe nga part pako saimo lifeee 🥺🥺 im happy that u talk to me pa doeee and that i still get to be with youuu heheh makes me happy that you’re there for me whenever i have chikaaa!!!! thankkkkk youuu eriiiiccc!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

and giving gifts is one way i can show how much i appreciate you doeee :((( and thank youuuu for making me feel cared for and special :((( issa u always make me feel lyk dat gyd doeee with ur hugs and kisses thank u :(((( and aish i get so soft for u gyd doe esp when u cry huhuhu dont cry na ok!!!! i’m happy this way man heheh i’m happy doe that u still let me show my love for u and im happy and grateful that u keep me in ur life doe 🥺 i just always hope and pray that my heart can endure watching u love another doe just until i can move on hehe and i think my heart is getting stronger naman doe but aish there are just times gyd that i cannot kaya it heheh but das okay ryttt!! thank youuu kaayo for coming here doeee thank u for giving me your time and for the effort!!! i appreciate it so much doe cos i know its hard gyd to come visit me with your situation now but u still make time for me gyddd thank youuuuu 😭😭😭❤️❤️

anddd how r u doe??? maulaw ko ask in person doe idk why :((( i hope you’re okay lang also haaaa maybe hurting napd ka there :((( i want u to be genuinely happy doeee and i will also get there soon!! apas rako!!! ❤️

Feb 18 (Thurs)

started my day early cosss we had to shoot sa gmeet doeee heheh its a nice day doe idk why!! the weather is nice heheh also i chika to u about khalid doeee hahaha shhh lang ok!!! 🤣 issa i got scared doe i just inbox zone him HAHAHHAHA di jd ko ga entertain ug mga laki doeee cos i dont have gana gyd to talk to others doe!! issa just want to be single lang gyd doeee cos di pako ready also wa pa gani ko ka move on!!! hahahahha

dis day was nice and chill lang doeee i did ur finman hehhe and had an exam dayooon and watched kdrama with mom!! pa tatt nako toooom OMGGG are u excited for me too?!!

Feb. 19 (Fri)

got my first tatt ommgggg it was sakit doeee but kaya lang!!! heheh i was also so excited to chika gyd to u doeee but i know galaag ka busa i have to wait doeee :((( aish issa ka cry dayon ko cos why am i so excited to talk to someone na naay lain priority :((( HMP KALUOY BA AYA!! HAHHAHA but aishhh issa i prefer lang like dis doe kesa i will pugos myself to entertain and talk to others issa cannot gyd doe cos i really dont have the gana hehhe just letting myself cry and maoy now doeee it’s just times like these when i realize how painful this situation is doe

also read this quote on ig dayon nga “I suppose I’ll just keep loving you, until one day it ends.” 🥺🥺 aish made me cry again cos i think this is what i’m gonna do gyd doeee and i hope u just let me love you until then doeeee 🥺 be happy and inlove with another doeee i’ll just be by your side loving you hehe and thank u for letting me love you and be in ur life!!! i dont think my love for u will end doe but u know what i mean hehe thank u cos u not shutting me out or pushing me away hehehe issa i’m sorry i always sorry doeee its just dat i feel like i’m putting u in a bad place :(( but ahhh i appreciate you so much doe and everything u do for me!! :((( thank u also for being so supportive and appreciative for meee aishhhh thank u for making me feel special 😭

Feb 20 (Sat)

happy marriage anniv to ur parents doeee!!! hehehe

woke up at 9:30 then cooked carbonara hehe gitiwas nalang nako pasta smol nalang maaan tired ko uy hehe issa rest day also today from acads doeee issa uban man ko there ila ate sweet and issa tambay2 lang ko there doeee tas pag uli so tayurd ko ka nap ko sa byahe and sa house kadjot hehe then at night watch lang ko kdrama sa room ni mom hehehe issa i like having no acads to do!!

Feb 21 (Sun)

soooo tugnaaaaw cos there’s a bagyo i woke up at 10 na!!! issa grabe ako kurog2 uy heheheh ion like dis weather issa so colddd dili ko ka lihok2 ug ayo cos tugnaw!!

issa also cried today cos aish i remembered our memories doeee and how we were so clingy with each other esp me 🥺🥺 issa like di jd ta agwanta not mag kita dugay doe and di pd ta sumhan sa each other hahahaha we were sumpay tinae gyd!!! aishh idk dali ra gyd kyko maka cry basta maka think ko about you or about sato past doeee issa aish cannot contain gyd emotions :((( and even if now i dont get the same effort from u doe its okaaay becos i chose this man pddd i chose to be in your life gihapon hhehe and aishhh lets just sulit dis doeee i want to sulit pd nga maka talk pako saimoha cos maybe a year from now dili na doeee!! maybe pila ka months imo nako i shoo shoo saimo life!!!! hhahahah but thank u doeee cos i know u want to keep me in ur life gihapon bahala lisod 🥺🥺 thank u im touched huh!!!

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lieutenantcupcake · 4 years ago

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I never did my usual survey thing at the beginning of 2020 so I’ll never know how 2019 was. Whoops. I guess here’s the one for the last year, for posterity.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Earned a graduate degree. Experience a pandemic.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I have no idea. I don’t think I made any. This year I wanna be more creative, but only in ways that will make me happy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Jonathan and his wife had a bb.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? lol

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? I’d like my confidence back. I don’t think I had realized that I’d gained some in my first two years of grad school until my new advisor kinda made me lose it all.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 131st. j/k Time wasn’t real so idk maybe Halloween when Sarah, Elizabeth, and I had a tea party in a historic cemetery and then watched RHPS on Sarah’s porch and ate Pho.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? MFA, I guess. Though it felt/feels fake because graduation and celebrations didn’t happen.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting shit get to me. To be fair tho, not letting shit affect me probably would have been unhealthy. Basically my thesis was fucking depressing as shit and not fun and I’m really glad I got to wing the last few months of grad school because of the pandemic (but I’d would rather have had a completely shitty time the whole time without the pandemic).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A new computer.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Fuck landlords.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? When it looked like Bernie was going to do well in the primaries before the DNC fucked everything up for him. Again. Getting into a relationship?????

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Idk probably something from Punisher.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter? Fatter?

18. Richer or poorer? Poorer

19. What do you wish you’d done more of? Telling people to fuck off.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of? Overthinking

21. How will you be spending Christmas? I got to be at my parent’s house after quarantining for over two weeks, so that was nice.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Too soon to say, but it’s something.

23. What was your best costume of the year? Probably Nadja from What We Do in the Shadows. I also liked my mostly closet Harley Quinn costume.

24. What was your favorite TV program? DS9! I watched all of it over the end of 2019/beginning of 2020, and tried to watch all Star Trek, which was really fun.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Probably some politicians. I definitely dislike a lot of people I didn’t before.

26. What was the best book you read? I read like 2/3rds of one book this year lol.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I guess Phoebe Bridgers? Or was it discovering that I actually liked Taylor Swift with Folklore?

28. What did you want and get? A cute boy who likes me?

29. What did you want and not get? To actually see that cute boy irl. I guess technically we saw each other like Jan 2nd or 3rd last year, but that barely counts.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I really enjoyed Birds of Prey. I’m bad at watching movies on my own. Oh wait, I def saw Parasite last Feb, so I’m changing my answer to that.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33. Heather, Kenny, and I had drinks and ordered appetizer combos from BDubs and Applebapple. For a quarantine birthday, it was pretty good.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having a global pandemic? The DNC not fucking Bernie? But besides that, my thesis not being a clusterfuck.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Goth athletic wear. Not enough tracksuits for health goth tho.

34. What kept you sane? Heather. Playing 430 hours of Destiny 2.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Went on another Hugh Dancy kick, but that’s about it.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? I worked for the Bernie data entry team which was really fun and did some text banking too. After he suspended his campaign I kinda gave up on politics, but still went to every BLM protest/march in Athens.

37. Who did you miss? Literally everyone I know. Especially Bianca.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Didn’t do a lot of meeting people this year. I enjoyed the brief period of time before my internship shut down with my supervisor. I ran an errand with him at one point and his car started playing a podcast he was listening to previously and it was William and Alaska from Drag Race and I was like 👀

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I've been running around in circles Pretending to be myself Why would somebody do this on purpose When they could do something else? Drowning out the morning birds With the same three songs over and over I wish I wrote it, but I didn't so I learn the words Hum along 'til the feeling's gone forever

#end of the year #survey

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flute-fields · 6 years ago

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Ooh nooo I did put animal crossing! I feel so dumb now I meant harvest moon. Sorry about that!

that’s fine! considering your mom wants one for her DS, i’m going to list the DS games available for Harvest Moon and offer my two cents on them since the DS games are the ones i have the most experience with lol so you’re in luck

to add another note, keep in mind that Harvest Moon has rebranded as Story of Seasons, so SoS is the same HM we all know and love; Natsume took the Harvest Moon title and released a bunch of horrible games to catch peoples’ interest with the familiar title, so the title shifts in this list. i only used the name Harvest Moon when discussing the games out of familiarity/force of habit; later on down this list, the title changes. i’m also adding the 3DS games.

i’ll link you to the games as well so you can go over them yourself/she can check them out herself to see what she’d prefer. i wrote a lot but not nearly enough to cover the controls/functions/story line/overall goal/townspeople in each game.

1) Harvest Moon DS/Harvest Moon DS Cute. considering one of your mom’s favorite HM games are AnWL, i think she’ll like this the best; the game is set in Forget-Me-Not-Valley with a huge amount of characters from AnWL! in DS, you can only play as Jack/Pete. in DS Cute, you can choose to play as either Claire or Pony/Jill. DS/DS Cute is probably one of my favorite title games because it’s so similar to AWL/AnWL, so i think she’d really enjoy this one. i don’t have much to say on the story/goal of the game since it’s basically AWL/AnWL for a DS. out of all the games i go over here, i think she’ll like this one the best.

2) Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness/Harvest Moon: Sunshine Islands. these two are very similar to Tree of Tranquility/Animal Parade because they’re essentially the same game with major differences. in IoH, the player character is washed up on a new island during a horrible shipwreck after a violent storm/lightning strike and sea and never makes whatever their original destination was; those who survived the crash make a new life on the island they washed up on (it sounds bleak but i promise it’s not).

however, in SI, the MC sails to SI for a new life and all of the villagers have an established life there. the two games have different goals and slightly tweaked characters, but are functionally relatively the same, with SI adding in more marriage candidates. this series is also one of my favorites, but one thing to add is that the art is very chibi-fied. not sure if your mom will mind it, but it kind of bugged me at times. i personally prefer SI.

3) Harvest Moon: Grand Bazaar. this was one of my first HM games, and it’s very cute and charming; the art, however, is more cutesy than the previous titles, so at times it kind of feels like everyone is a baby lol. the game is a little different from usual - there’s no shipping bin, because the goal is to sell everything you produce at a bazaar that’s held once a week (or at a shop in town if you don’t want to wait that long). you don’t mine in this game either, since you buy ore in shops or find them in rocks during winter. overall, it’s a cute game, but maybe not the most memorable? i remember enjoying it a lot, but i can’t remember that much about it. >_> it’s one of the more cutesy games as opposed to the little bits of realism/somberness in AWL/AnWL

i’m skipping Puzzle de Harvest Moon/Harvest Moon: Frantic Farming because neither of them are farming simulators, they’re puzzle/matching games

4) Harvest Moon: Tale of Two Towns. one of my favorite games! you play as a farmer starting in one of two towns situated on either side of a mountain, with a blocked tunnel connecting them. your goal is to bring the two towns together again through cooking festivals, which will unblock the tunnel; until then, you travel between the towns by climbing the mountain, which is great for foraging but eats up some time in your day. one town is focused on farming crops, the other is focused on farming livestock; you can do both in either town, but your farm will be devoted more to main export of either town. for example, in Konohana has a lot of fields for crops and a small barn. it’s the opposite in Bluebell.

your residency in one town isn’t permanent, though; i think at the end of every season you can choose if you want to move to the other town and you can keep doing that indefinitely. another addition to the game is dating, where you go on dates with marriage candidates rather than just leveling hearts and proposing! it brings a tiny bit more realism into the romance lol. this game is available for 3DS as well.

5) the Rune Factory games. i haven’t played a lot of RF (only 4 lol ._.) but they’re all titled as fantasy Harvest Moons, meaning you have a farm and farming is a major focus, but there’s also magic and elves and fighting monsters in dungeons to get good loot! RF title games for the DS are Rune Factory: A Fantasy Harvest Moon, Rune Factory 2: A Fantasy Harvest Moon, and Rune Factory 3: A Fantasy Harvest Moon. Rune Factory 4 is a 3DS title and the only one i’ve played but i liked it a lot and intend to play the other titles!

i don’t have too much to say on the series since i haven’t played a lot, but i really enjoyed RF4! the games are much more story driven than Harvest Moon, which i found really fun since it felt like i had more of a goal than just “farm for the town”. i will add though that i loved all of the bachelorettes(minus Amber)/bachelors up until gearing toward proposing, because a lot of their Marriage Events suddenly had like...weird stuff? i won’t spoil anything but suddenly things like possessiveness/jealousy/weird unhealthy relationship stuff came up and i was like WHOA WHAT WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM O_O because it was all SO drastically different from everything else up to that point. i didn’t romance any of the bachelors but it was there for the bachelorettes so idk if it’s the same.

there are more HM games, but these next ones are for 3DS. i’m not sure if your mom has a 3DS (i know u said DS but i call my 3DS a DS all the time so idk if it’s the same thing for you or not >_>), so i’m adding these next titles because i’m on a roll, but keep that in mind! i will also add that, with your mom’s preference in her favorite games, she’d probably enjoy the games i listed above waaaaaay more than these next ones, since that’s how i feel too.

1) Harvest Moon 3D: A New Beginning. this is the title where things feel... very different. i didn’t really enjoy it that much, if i’m being honest, because it brought in a weird focus away from farming where you reorganize the town and build new buildings and stuff. it felt a lot like the sims, minus making characters. this is the first title where you can customize the player character though! which i love! since your mom’s favorite games are AnWL and Animal Parade and MY favorite games are AnWL and Animal Parade and i didn’t enjoy this game much, she probably won’t either. the tutorial stage is also really, REALLY, horrifically long -- it stretches over a week in-game time of just basically doing nothing. most of the characters are REAL charming though imo, and they lose the cutesy chibi art which i was really happy about. the art and characters made me stick through the gameplay since i enjoyed them. they also brought in older characters and renewed their designs; i loooooved Witch Princess and Amir in this game so much i was so stoked to unlock them. but overall yeah one of my least favorite titles in the series since it brought so much focus away from farming to me and while characters/romance are nice, a huge draw TO the HM games is the farming

2) Story of Seasons. first game to be hit with the rebrand from Harvest Moon! any game after this was released (FEB 27 2014 in Japan) with the title of Harvest Moon is NOT Harvest Moon anymore! it’s Natsume up to their dirty tricks of using a great brand and stealing the name to release bad games.

anyway, SoS was... pleasant! i enjoyed it. it didn’t stick with me like the older games, though. but i loooved the art and the town, and the villagers were charming. you compete with other farmers in town for certain fields located in different places, all of which are best suited for certain kinds of crops. i liked the rival aspect, but it is very different from older HM titles. you can also select the difficulty to play in either Veteran mode or Seedling mode; i recommend Seedling mode, both because prices aren’t as high and because HM (to me) is a game to relax and have fun farming, and Veteran mode is just stressful.

3) Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns. i love this one. (well, for the most part). this is the first game that introduces your family! you start off as a young adult still living at home with your mother, father, and younger sister, and decide to move out and become a farmer. your father is furious at this idea but you are eventually set to live in the same town as your Uncle Frank, who is a farmer, to measure your farming ability. if by the end of three years, you haven’t proven to your father than you have what it takes to be a farmer, you’re leaving the town forever. the bleakness reminded me a lot of AnWL, for some reason; i loved the aspect of your father being strict and hard on you since it felt a little bit more somber than the super cute, super peppy titles in the series of recent years.

that’s where the bleakness ends, tho. i will say that, despite loving this game and the characters, i really, REALLY hate the three-town system. you start off on your farm to three crossroads that lead to three different towns that all unlock by summer in your first year. and yes, it’s fun! the different towns yield different crops and resources. but it doesn’t feel at all like Harvest Moon to me. it feels way bigger and with way more things to do. it also makes days a LOT longer, since you run from all of the towns to complete errands in part-time jobs. it needs more of your focus than other games. i haven’t finished the game yet, and while i love it, i love it separately from other HM titles. it doesn’t hook me in the way the older titles did, which i think is because of the modernity of it with three different towns and being bigger and and having such consistently bright colors as opposed to one small town and muted color scheme of, for example, AWL. it feels, like ANB, very different from the vibe Harvest Moon usually gives you. idk how to describe it. i feel like this game exists in a separate niche.

i like how your family feels more real in it, though; they periodically send you letters and visit you. it really feels like you had a life before coming to the town(s), rather than starting off as a blank slate at the beginning of the game.

anyway i hope that helped! lmk if you need any clarification or want to go over other things or want any other recommendations. i hope ur mom finds a game she likes! ^_^

#wat do i tag this as.#recommendations #?#Anonymous

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gjr1086 · 6 years ago

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Sometimes the hero needs saving...

So i don't really post much unless i have me feels going. But i think it's time u guys kno my story..

Since I was a kid my brother n my dad would always fight. I've seen my dad slam my brother through a wall when i was 14 n felt helpless... both of them are big guys with short fuses n thick skulls..

Throughout my teens i was picked on n bullied cause of my eczema (sever constant dry skin. Almost like having a heat rash n sunburn at the sme time). I wasn't popular but i made my own rep n was able to make friends easily. However, being so nice gets u taken advantage of.

I had a lot of messed up n abusive relationships to the point that being treated like a worthless piece of wasted skin. As hard to say all this it's time for me to let go of these heavy weight that I've been carrying around all my life.

When i got pregnant in 2008 my ex husband would cheat on me with random females (some from craigslist). The stress before n during my pregnancy landed me in the OR to have an emergency c-section cause my daughter's heart rate kept dropping (i wanted to have her naturally but my body only dialated 3-5cm. I spent the next 5 days in the hospital trying to learn how to walk n take a piss on my own with out having an accident. When we got home my ex husband tells me that with the complecations during surgery the doctor gave him a choice on who to save in the event that we both start crashing. He tells him to save his wife cause we can always make another baby.

After that he just kept abusing me mentally n emotionally by staying out at outrageous hours saying he has to work (as an electrician who's hours of operation end at 5pm. He leaves at 6am n cames home at 2am the next morning). I had enough n snapped on him tue daybafter my daughter's first Christmas. My mom took the baby out of the room so i could sleep n my ex runs his mouth about my mom invading our room n messing with the baby. (Mind u i am still pretty raw from having my daughter less then a month before). Idk what came over me but when he turned his bck to me in the middle of the conversation i saw red n pulled him back saying "don't turn ur fucking back on me again n look at me when i am talking to u" he seemed like he was gonna swing n i would have let him just to fuel my rage more.. something took over me n i fractured 3 or his ribs, gave him a black eye and a busted lip.. we split for bout 3 weeks but he would "try" to see the baby n ended up saying that he wanted to come home. But that didn't last long. We separated about a month later n he hasn't seen his daughter since she was 4 months old..

After that all my relationship were extremely difficult on both ends cause i seem to be attracting n am attracted to ppl as broken as I was.. thinking I could save them.. when really i needed to he saved. I was told by my over 5 yr ex that fairytales don't exsist n started believing that there will never be a happy ending for me..

In 2014 my mom, dad, daughter n i moved into a house with my brother, his wife n 2 bots who came from the Philippines. Here i was thinking it was to bring the family closer but i soon came to realize it was so that we could take care of his family while he was out at sea. Big mistake cause when he was home all he did was fight n argue with my dad. My dad started getting obsessed with his plants n gardening that he watered our big ass back yard n the front garden area for almost 3 hrs a day n running up the water bill. Then shit knocked us out one by one.

Feb 2015: daughter get pneumonia n had to he admitted to the hospital for 5 days with round the clock meds.

April 2015: my dad had a mild heart attack n heat stroke from being out with his plants n not resting nor taking his meds for diabetes, high blood, hypertension, n more.

May 2015: i slipped n fell at work messing up my right knee n was in a wheelchair for 3 months n crutches in between.

June 2015: i went back to work after my injury n the same day my mom had a massive stroke leaving her paralyzed on her whole right side, damaging the entire left side of her brain n compromising her speech.

I ended up quitting my job n staying home to care for her fulltime (but only got paid for business hours). Regardless of the pay i did it for her to not suffer alone in a damn nursing home like my grandmother. Little by little things changed but not for the good.

July 2015: my dad has a melt down n acted as if he ws going to hirt someone or himself. So i told my sister in le to take the kids upstairs n lock the door while me n my 5+ ur bf took care of the situation. My brother was on the phone with me during this n told me to call the cops. My dad acted like nothing was wrong n the cops said that cant take hime because basically nothing bad happened yet... smh.

I took my sister n the kids to my aunts for the weekend while my mom was still in the hospital to let things cool off in the house n family n friends were telling me that he may need mental help.. as much as i didn't want to betray my dad i had to do what was best n he agreed to do a psych evaluation. The things that cam out of his mouth was soo cold n morbid that it broke my heart knowing that he saw demon faces on his own family's faces...

He was admitted for 72 hrs but was sent back on another incident. (I kno I'm missing a lot in between but I'm just letting my fingers do the talking for me). He was evicted n homless living in his van for 2 yrs until my brother had the bright idea to sell the house n basically made it to ever man for themselves. He did me a "generous" favor of letting me n my 3 friends rent the house as tenants.

March 26th, 2017: my mom passed away the morning after I broke things off with my 5+ yr ex. I guess she was waiting for me to do that to let her kno that I ws ready to let her go.....

April 2015: I met my recent bf (who is now ... idk not apart of my life anymore i suppose) who was basically cheating on me while he was living with me because he got fed up of my trust n insecurity issues n literallysaid "fuck it.."

Before this crap with my dude, my daughter's god father (who is also my ex) got jealous n broke his lease agreement to move to Maryland. N my so called sister (my god daughter's mom) fucked me over as well by taking advantage of my generosity n kindness to get her n my god daughter off the street n in an actual home. I tried to give her another chance to be a good mom but took too much advantage of everyone. Those two got everyone evicted n not only was my dad homeless but me, my daughter n my bf for 4 months (it may not seem long but when u are going through it.. that seems like a lifetime). In that time I learned that my bf was talking inappropriately to other females n that door that was keeping the demons locked up had broken down n won't close. I ended up swinging at him on 3 different occassions n started cutting, ripping at flesh or smoking my life away slowly since.

Friday, Aug 13, 2018 we were blessed with a new home but it doesn't feel like it just yet. Stuff isn't fully unpacked cause finances are low to get a uhaul n lack of man power is making the process longer. Since the crap with my dude happened i guess he got tired of me bitching about his neglect n abuse towards me cause he really feels like he didn't do anything wrong..

It's ok.. i always turn into the bad guy when all i did was put in all my time n effort just to have it thrown back in my face...

So I'm just sitting here feeling worthless.. n wondering what the fuck to do now... i'm just soo lost... i just wana sleep n never wake up again...

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joonsoulmap-archived · 7 years ago

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tagged by @omfgbts (thanksssssss boo)

I’ve done one of these before but it’s 2018, gotta fill u guys in again.

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. (i def tagged more than 20, im sorry y’all are used to my annoying ass so too bad)

i tag: @illegil @drevoluti0n @heejis @gochujangseasalt @xmaliciousmochi @ellieljade @theseaisagreatplace @gimme-a-chocolate @honeyedmilks @letsflytoasiarenata @taepott @mygjhs @dailydoseofdia @taecup @rabonghee @lavenderbyun @seokjinings @1rapmon @yoonkmin @ilhoonies @exotoxoxo

last

1. drink - orange pekoe tea 2. phone call - my brother 3. text message - if u count KKT it’s @illegil - “I love science” if actual texts then my brother - “K, I’ll skip half my class and come home.” 4. song you listened to - bad boy by red velvet (i can’t stop) 5. time you cried - i don’t remember? (that’s a good thing isn’t it)

ever

6. dated someone twice - nope, im a once it’s over it’s over kinda person 7. kissed someone and regretted it - yeah lol 8. been cheated on - nah 9. lost someone special - yes 10. been depressed - lmao did it stop? 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - yeah back when i was a youngin

fave colours

12. purple 13. blue 14. green

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - tons, and they make me so happy! 16. fallen out of love - N/A 17. laughed until you cried - yes oh god it was so nice 18. found out someone was talking about you - lmao yeah (you would think this shit stops in HS) 19. met someone who changed you - not rly 20. found out who your friends are - definitely 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - yeah i guess lol

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - 95% (5% are the nerds i met on this website and i love and trust them) 23. do you have any pets - nope 24. do you want to change your name - never, there is a deep meaningful history behind it :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday - drank wine and went to dinner (it was pretty nice tbh) 26. what time did you wake up today - 7 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night - playing SSBTS (STUPID FRUSTRATING GAME) 28. what is something you cant wait for - TO GO HOME IN TWO WEEKS AND WATCH MY BFF GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!! 30. what are you listening to right now - nothing am at work 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - I have talked to a Thomas - does that count? 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - whiny attention-seeky people 33. most visited website - tumblr, youtube 34. hair colour - i just switched from brown to dark dark blue-black 35. long or short hair - medium length 36. do you have a crush on someone - ot7 but mainly namjoon and yoongi 37. what do you like about yourself - im pretty fun? idk lol 38. want any piercings? - i have all the ones i want 39. blood type - B+ 40. nicknames - JP 41. relationship status - yeah 42. zodiac - leo (explains a lot don’t it?) 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - i have way too many but mostly British comedy and Kdramas 45. tattoos - not yet but i want two and i have the designs and the tattoo artists picked out :) 46. right or left handed - right 47. ever had surgery - yes. several. 48. piercings - earlobes, inner cartilage of both ears. 49. sport - watching - cricket, playing - basketball 50. vacation - prague, seoul (depends on @littleemptyspaces‘ plans) 51. trainers - im an adult (jk Vans)

more general

52. eating - my workplace has this great breakfast bar so breakfast 53. drinking - water 54. i’m about to watch - radio romance ep 1 or hwayugi ep 10 55. waiting for - 17th of feb so i can get on a plane to go home 56. want - to be skinny for the weddings but alas 57. get married - lmao idk is namjoon asking? 58. career - currently lost in that aspect

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - both but hugs win by a smidgen 60. lips or eyes - eyes 61. shorter or taller - taller 62. older or younger - meh but i’ve only dated younger dudes so maybe older? 63. nice arms or stomach - arms for sure 64. hookup or relationship - relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - yes 67. drank hard liquor - yeah i used to live in a dorm lmao 68. lost glasses - nah i would’ve gone crazy, i’m practically blind without them 69. turned someone down - yes 70. sex on first date - no 71. broken someone’s heart - yes 72. had your heart broken - lmao yeah 73. been arrested - never im like jimin in that one run episode - an angel 74. cried when someone died - yes 75. fallen for a friend - yes, worst thing, 10/10 would not recommend

do you believe in

76. yourself - hahahahahhahahahahhahahahhaha 77. miracles - strangely yes 78. love at first sight - yes (i have my reasons) 79. santa claus - i grew up hindu so we had no concept of santa 80. kiss on a first date - maybe yeah 81. angels - yeah, they saved my butt a few times

other

82. best friend’s name - lmao im not gonna out them on tumblr but @littleemptyspaces is one 83. eye colour - dark brown 84. fave movie - K3G (if u don’t know what that is, i feel bad for u son) 85. fave actor - Gong Yoo and Ji Sung

#personal #about me #tag game #i did this one before but here ya go again #you guys don't have to do it if u don't wanna lmaooo

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rezilient-m3 · 4 years ago

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Feb 28

In case some of you were wondering what the happy thing was, I may as well type about it. Plus, I’m feeling in the typing mood. There’s lots I want to write about, but I shall start off with this.

When I go back to the beginning, it was right after I dropped off my sister S off at her friend’s house (the last time I got to hug her). My phone rang, and seen it was my son. (To jog your memory, at this time I was on my way to my dad’s house to surprise him, and my son didn’t know yet). Anyways, I automatically assumed he was calling for money, or to buy him something online lol. But here’s how that conversation went:

D, “Hi, mum, where are you?” M, “Idk, nowhere. lol, Why, what’s wrong?” D, “You’ll never guess what?” M, “What?!?! Tell me!” (a lil worried) D, “My grandma said I can come visit you for the break.” M, “Omg, Don’t lie.” (almost crying lol) D, “Do you want me to come?” M, “Of course! I’ve been waiting my whole life for this!” ....

Mind you, it was still a week away from happening, so I didn’t want to get to excited, or hopes too high. Just cuz she tends to change her mind all the time.

That whole week he was msging, or calling, so excided talking about what we were gonna do, asking where he would sleep, and just little things like that. It was just something so big and exciting to happen for the both of us, cuz that’s all we’ve been waiting for.

Anyways, right after the funeral, we all come home. Now, the plan was to keep him ere right until Sunday, that was 8 days. But he didn’t last lol. Now, it didn’t end on bad terms, or anything like that. It was just all new and too much, and too fast for him. Like, for one, he grew up practically the only child. So, coming here with 4 younger siblings, some that like to climb all over someone, ask for multiple hugs within minutes, or just don’t leave him alone. Then, the constant bickering between the younger ones, and me yelling and getting upset sometimes lol. I can see how it could get to him. Plus, my big boy was lonely for his grandparents.... and his Xbox lol.

It wasn’t all bad tho. I tried to do things with them. But I couldn’t do everything. I didn’t have much money. And I put this huge weight on myself, thinking I had to make this the best it could possibly be. It was a really unrealistic expectation, tbh. Given that I put too much pressure on myself and I just lost my sister. But it wasn’t like it was a completely horrible time. Or at least, I hope he doesn’t think that lol.

I even went to my bio mom’s city on the 16th. That was my half, older, bio brother. (Idk if I mentioned it, but he was hooked to meth for the past few years) I just talked to him, for the first time in over 2 yrs, when he called to ask about my sister S. (They were semi close when we were all younger. But, I thought, since I would have all 5 of my kids, I can take them to see that family. So, we went. I kind of immediately regretted it when I got there. I thought, “Omg, such a small space. Omg, what am I gonna do with my son. Omg, he’s gonna hate it here.” So many things lol. But it wasn’t that bad. Everyone get there and we played poker for $5 buy-ins and rebuys. My son liked it at first, cuz his stack was huge the first few games. But I had promised them a movie at 6, so, that would mean for us to be there 3 hrs.

That was it. But I should mention how that visit made me feel, real quick. I’ve never visited much since I got sober. Their house was where I went on a bender for the last time. When I was already over 2 months sober, but we there and drank for 8 days. So, to me, sitting there around them all drinking, in a dirty apartment, it just didn’t feel good. Like, I didn’t belong there. My kids didn’t belong there. It just didn’t feel right. I remember I was msging Alex saying this to him, and he was like, “It might be a good thing. Like, you are growing.” lol. Idk. So, I kind of decided that I’m not going back there. I’m done trying to make the efforts to go see them. I feel like an asshole saying that, but seriously, none of them reach out because they’re concerned, or miss me, or just wanna talk; they only fucken call when they need money. I don’t like it. So, I’m done. (With exception to my oldest brother, he helps me too, when I need the help. And he checks up on me. And he’s sober.)

Anywhoo, back to my son. I cried (without him seeing me) when he asked me to take him home. I think it was the Wednesday he asked, so I took him Thursday. I told him not to feel bad, and it was understandable that all off this was too much, too fast. Like, we should have done 2 days for the first time in his big kid life lol. And, next time, we will aim for just a few days. Plus, it will be warmer to do more shit outside.

I feel like, it also brought us closer, as mother and son. He msges me more often, even if it’s just to say he misses and loves me. And on our last night together, we just laid in my bed till 3am, laughing at snap filters, and telling each other jokes from the internet lol. It was a great time. He even slept with me. I was happy that night.

Next time will be better.

#thisisme #motherson #waited11yrs #cantwaitfornexttime

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gayhags · 7 years ago

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bruna tagged me and i gotta do it cus her life is on the line if i dont so like i guess ill tag some of u if ya wanna do it

(it’s supposed to be 20 but like i dont know 20 of yall so like ill tag @evelynebrochu @delphines @odetteannable @gaytiemcgrath mm yeh

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink - almond milk latte

2. phone call - i ignore all phone calls

3. text message - my best friend

4. song you listened to - monotonia // the growlers

5. time you cried - mmm like a month ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it - not really

8. been cheated on - not that i know of so like no

9. lost someone special - in a way i guess

10. been depressed - mmm yeh

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - yeah thas why i cant stand tequila

fave colours

12. light pink

13. black

14. white

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yep

16. fallen out of love - no ive never been in love so like lmao

17. laughed until you cried - yeh

18. found out someone was talking about you - mmm yeh

19. met someone who changed you - no not really

20. found out who your friends are - this is some tea but yes

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no facebook is for pussies

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - everyone except kate and soph ://

23. do you have any pets - no i fuckin wish bich i want a dog

24. do you want to change your name - in a way i guess...like i dont really think my name fits me like idk my name makes me uncomfortable but like im used to it now

25. what did you do for your last birthday - nothing bc houston thas when hurricane harvey hit and like everything was closed down for like a week so happy 20th to me thas mother nature saying fuck u bich

26. what time did you wake up today - 7:40 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - idk...i was probably crying bc of sendrick

28. what is something you cant wait for - for me to be rich and sex see

30. what are you listening to right now - the growlers listen to them theyre sexy

31. have you ever talk to a person named tom - no all toms are creeps

32. something thats getting on your nerves - a lot of things like life and being alive in general

33. most visited website - tumblr

34. hair colour - light brown

35. long or short hair - long

36. do you have a crush on someone - i havent had a crush on someone since last summer thank fuck

37. what do you like about yourself - sometimes i like her sometimes i hate her it depends on the energy that day but like shes pretty funny i guess like i make myself laugh

38. want any piercings? - yeah my cartilage

39. blood type - in case im like dying my blood is O- im that universal donor ass bitch

40. nicknames - my friends call me bitch or b or henny

41. relationship status - single lmao

42. zodiac - virgo

43. pronouns - she/dat/bich

44. fave tv shows - the office, parks and rec and ob

45. tattoos - no but like i might get one soon idk of what yet

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - no

48. piercings - yah

49. sport - no lmao i was tha lazy bich in high school i only started to get into like fitness and shit my senior year of high school

50. vacation - i wanna go to england

51. trainers - what does this mean idgi

more general

52. eating - i just ate some chickpea pasta w/ tofu

53. drinking - my 3rd coffee of the day

54. im about to watch - my life crash and burn bc i have nothing figured out and i feel like wasting my time lmao

55. waiting for - my lana concert feb 10th and then i can die

56. want - this moneyyyy

57. get married - no

58. career - i dont know!!! im a junior in college i should kno but i dont im gonna have a breakdwon

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - im a short as bich so taller

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - stomach bich i want this stomach to be flat like where are u bich im so tired

64. hookup or relationship - hookup cus like people are annoying after a while like leave me alone

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant is boring but like troublemaker is too much work so like neither

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no id never im a pussy

67. drank hard liquor - yes

68. lost glasses - i dont need glasses but ive left my best friends shades in an uber once bc he left us in the middle of the road at a festival and we had to run out the car cus it was illegal to stop there so like we ran out and i feel so bad bc they were expensive

69. turned someone down - yes lmao

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someones heart - i think...

72. had your heart broken - yeah

73. been arrested - no oh myg od i always have nightmares in which im arrested like i just want a mugshot but no

74. cried when someone died - ok but liek who hasnt

75. fallen for a friend - mmm lmao

do you believe in

76. yourself - yes i have to push myself tho like its just me and myself fighting all the time but yeah ultimately i do

77. miracles - yes like i really do after like me n my best friend almost got caught smoking we*ed in her house and like her mom came home early from a trip and like i really thought we were gonna die that day but im smart and lit a candle so like idk how she didnt smell it but like after that day i believe in miracles i do

78. love at first sight - yeah but like only in fiction like irl it’s lust at first sight

79. santa clause - yes i love her

80. kiss on a first date - yeh if im into it

81. angels - by the xx, gr8 song

other

82. best friend’s name - she dont have a tumblr

83. eye colour - dark brown

84. fave movie - silver linings playbook, prisoner of azkaban, and the polar express i said what i said

85. fave actor - anna kendrick and emma watson and like katie and evelyne

#i just saved bruna from killing herself so ur welcome #xx #about

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