#so now i have to take the whole figure out how to sew thing seriously because this is begging to be a dress. and a skirt.

[spilling-blood]

This has nothing to do with my luedor decorations but I got 4 yards of this fabric with zero current plans for it because I could not control myself.

[bittercideristaken]

I passed out fourteen times but here's my pointy objects fanart I've been working on for literally months and only now got a break from school and work to finish

(this is fanart from an ao3 fic called of gods, monsters, and pointy objects made for @gontagokuhara !!! I hope you're feeling better from covid!! I promise I won't feel bad about how long this took if YOU don't feel bad about the time this next chapter is taking, MASTERPIECES TAKE TIME!!!)

I had (have) more art planned but I didn't want to wait forever to post this, it's the reason as to why I haven't commented yet!! I was trying to finish this first and then I didn't have time LMFAOO I hope you like it!

Baby (giant) Gonta being raised (literally) by Nagito, distracted by a cool beetle!

2. Angie and her mom(s) off their island's shore....

3. Kaede in Chapter 10, after the RV explosion, in the bathroom of Mikan's cottage....

4. Ibuki and her daughter, Kanami, waking up in a panic after the attack

(Non)surprisingly, I think it'd be fun to also share some of my pointy objects headcanons in this same post! I wrote down a LOT of them in my notes app overtime, and they're mostly camp-based. But since this is long I'll just put it under the cut ;)

• Miu's hair used to be the exact shade of blonde as kaede, but she dyed it pink with manic panic and it's NEVER come out

• Nagito and Ibuki were already friends, but only started becoming close after the Tsumugi incident bc of their shared grief and self-doubts... she basically stayed at camp the whole time while the triplets healed up until Junko banned parents from seeing their kids

• Ryoma was a daily smoker before coming to camp, but Nagito encouraged him to switch to nicotine patches

• The counselors didn't realize Gonta needed glasses for a HOT minute until one day while Hajime was trying to set up a lesson plan for his schooling and couldn't figure out why Gonta's reading comprehension went way down when they used a chalkboard... and they're like "...can you NOT see it?😟" like "oh. well he needs glasses, thats it" *facepalm*

• Tenko goes to a lot of girl group concerts with Himiko and Peko! So when she comes to camp, Kiibo begs her to show them the videos 😭

• Sometimes someone gets sick and can't do dinner duty, and sometimes Nagito says "I'll cook" and everyone rejoices because they KNOW it's a pizza night 😭 they literally bet on how long he'll be struggling in the kitchen until they hear the car leaving camp

• Miu is a SERIAL clothing theif, even though she constantly hates on everyone's style/says their clothes are too big/small for her anyway. Kaede is a constant victim of this 😭 she'll tear up her closet looking for a specific top in the morning and then come out to breakfast to see Miu wearing it (it has caused physical fights)

• Angie and Tenko always show up with the cutest hair with all kinds of accessories. They're the best at braiding and most of the camp has had their hair braided at least three times in one summer.

• Kaede and Kirumi are pretty damn good at sewing! The long haulers bring Kaede things that need mending when Kirumi isn't there lol, and Kaede makes all her own Halloween costumes! (And trades her chore duties to help others with their own costumes)

• Rantaro is GENUINELY a tiktok star 💀 he did musical.lys to cringey music unironically when he was like 12 but ppl really started following him for his aesthetic travel videos, and "dying my hair/piercing myself at 3am bc I'm bored" videos (also some unfortunate thirst traps and dance videos💀) Shuichi shows up in the background sometimes and Rantaro teases him because ppl keep commenting "WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAACCKKKK" but yeah he doesn't take it crazy seriously or post very often

• Himiko has known Hajime/Nagito the longest of all the campers (they literally changed her diapers for Chiaki) but she used to hide behind her mom's legs as a toddler bc she was shy 🥺

• Miu works better with music on, it's like her only real psychological tie to her Godly parent (other than the attitude)💀 she dances around her room while working on projects and turns the music up REALLY loud in her cabin and makes everyone complain until she's gifted a pair of really good headphones for Christmas

• Angie also LOVES to surf, Sakura wasn't the best surfer before but she literally learned just so she could surf with her daughter 🥺 it makes her feel closer to Aoi

• Sometimes when the counselors are SUPER overwhelmed they literally say that they've been called to a meeting and just take the weekend off somewhere 💀💀💀 usually one stays behind but it's something they've NEVER admitted to even though the triplets have definitely figured it out after Hajime came back from a """""meeting"""""" with a trinket for his office 💀

• (KINDA NSFW) But Ibuki has had the most relationships with other gods out of everyone else followed by Makothoe 😭 This doesn't really say much it's just a record bc the gods have relationships with humans anyway 💀 if you account for humans it's probably Leon or Teru LMAOOOO (honorable mention to the imposter because LMFAOOOO but I headcanon he has like real relationships with humans and sticks with them for a while not necessarily uhhh yk)

• Most of the gods are used to acclimating themselves to their time, but like, sometimes they still don't catch up with EVERYTHING and they act like parents who struggle to get Siri to work or squint when they have to use a phone (The counselors got sick of a 12 y/o Kokichi asking if they had games on their phone and kokichi got sick of them saying "a telephone was made for calling people" so he got a phone slightly before the other campers 😭) (Byakuya and Makoto got a smartfridge that they STILL struggle to work 💀) (Taka's face turns red after the first 10 minutes he takes to connect a bluetooth device to his car)

• Vocal stims spread across camp like wildfire until Hajime nearly tears his hair out begging them to stop (vocal stims ALSO linger in MEETINGS LMFAOO I think the indubitably bit in sdr2 was so real and funny 😭)

• Baby rantaro was DRIPPED TF OUT💀 Makoto and Byakuya had him in designer clothes as a toddler, to the point where reporters/business partners were suggesting he go into junior modeling because he was such an adorable kid! Makoto likes to tease/brag to Rantaro about it lol. He still has the toddler clothes stored away and a bunch of photos of baby rantaro in formal wear😭

• Kaito has a scar on his stomach from when he tried to fight off the monsters that killed his grandparents

• Kaede is "talking smart", and so is her twin, Miu, but it SHOWS when she's talking trash about someone 😭 she has an Azealia Banks level of world-ending, life-changing reads at the tip of her tongue

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW BYEEEEEEE

[rui-drawsbox]

So I tried to write this last night and my entire outline deleted itself, so out of spite I’m making this specific episode even gayer.

no drawings for now rn, I’m gonna draw something tho.

anyways episode four

Arashi is in class, like usual

unlike usual she’s very on edge

She keeps seeing little dolls in her peripheral vision, they’re outside, on the windowsills, watching her, and no one else seems to notice them. (Also they are Minireena from fnaf sized :D )

when class ends she doesn’t stick around for long, she says bye to Mika and then rushes off to get the fuck away from this shit for a little bit

Mika isn’t too upset about being left alone today though cuz he gets to have lunch with Shu (after accidentally telling Arashi that he and Shu were friends Shu agreed to have lunch with him to keep up the appearance of normalcy)

Shu chose somewhere secluded to have lunch tho, so like, sir what??? How does this keep up appearances for anyone?? Idk man, seems like you just want to have lunch with Mika. Too bad Mika hasn’t figured this out yet.

they eat in their club room :):) anyways by they eat I mean Shu eats and Mika picks at his food cuz he can’t really eat

Shu talks about his newer sewing projects and Mika sits there like

Anyways after a little bit Shu notices the bandages on Mika’s hands and asks about them

Mika tells him about the kitty and then Shu demands to see his hands

Mika tells him not to worry about it and Shu rattles off some excuse about how it’s “my responsibility to take care of you” and “the bandages are sloppy and it upsets me”

Shu unwraps the bandages and takes care of the wounds

Mika just watches him and turns a bit pink, don’t worry about it,

fucker looks like this:

Anyways Shu redresses the wounds and the whole scene looks like an old shojo anime tbh

we cut back to Arashi who is eating lunch with Leo and Ritsu

she’s still a bit on edge cuz she’s practically living in a glittery horror movie but her friends are here to calm her down

Leo makes a couple jokes to calm her down “don’t worry, if any dolls show up I’ll deal with em, with these!!!”

“are those drumsticks?”

”yeah :D”

“Aren’t those expensive”

“Yeah D: I’m just joking though, in all seriousness you’ll be fine :) all the dolls so far have been pretty small, and the bigger ones are kind of slow so as long as you’ve got that cool sword you’ll be fine :):)”

anyways they move off the topic and they discuss inviting Tsukasa and Mika to their weekly karaoke

Ritsu is a little against it cuz he’s a bit iffy about including new people in their friend group tradition but Leo is all for it, so Ritsu agrees

after lunch school goes on, Arashi sees more dolls, she’s still a bit on edge but she has track after school so she decides to ignore it

we cut to after her track practice where she and her teammates that have cleaning duty for the day, also it’s raining outside so track is practicing in the gym today

she, Adonis, and Mitsuru have some funny banter, mostly just Mitsuru saying absolutely unhinged shit while the other two vibes with each other

Adonis and Mitsuru go off to put something up and Arashi is left alone for a couple minutes

After a few minutes she hears crashing sounds from where Adonis and Mitsuru went, and then the lights go out

there are golden strings all over the ground leading toward where they went

Arashi drops what she’s doing to go check on them

when she gets there she sees a couple odd things, first of all Adonis and Mitsuru are passed out face down on the ground, next up, there are a lot of small dolls, and third there’s this guy? No doll? No, what the fuck is he?? His face is covered by a veil and he moves unnaturally smoothly.

she tries to speak to him to figure out what’s going on but this guy immediately attacks, by which I mean he sicks the small dolls on her while saying nothing.

she transforms and starts fighting the dolls

shes winning but then this little asshat starts using the actual extent of his powers

Adonis and Mitsuru rise from the ground, propelled by strings to attack their friend. They are completely unaware of their actions and their eyes look hollow and devoid of life, the look like dolls.

Arashi struggles to fight them because she doesn’t want to hurt her friends.

So she’s losing, badly, the guy with the strings on his hands starts approaching her and she is straight up freaking out

he gets really close to her and actually starts trying to grab her sword

just as he’s almost pried her fingers off of it another knight rushes in and immediately cuts the strings tethering Adonis and Mitsuru to the puppet guy, he also gets the guy away from Arashi

He fights off the guy but every time arashi tries to help he brushes her off and forces her back

after the fight is over this other knight doesn’t stick around and he tries to chase the puppet guy down

Arashi is left to clean up the mess he left behind because her two friends are passed out and the gym looks like a disaster zone

episode 4! like 4 months later lol

anyways i love when girls r on the edge of a panic attack for some supernatural shit, shes just like me frfr

and Mika looking a Shu like he's the best guy in the world, he's so delulu i love it

edit i did with mouse in sai

also Leo being a real one, always ready to fight supernatural creepy mannequins for his bestie <33

+ track and field club being literally this meme

also Arashi is so pro for not hurting them during the fight??? like, i would hit them at least once for reflex. She's such a girlboss (lets ignore she was losing, shes winning in my heart)

and now who could be this mysterious knight?? my bet is on Izumi for no reason really, just a gut feeling tbh (gotta re-read the next outline)

now do ya think the broken dolls just become dust after a while or they just. stay there? bc shu's powers and all, like he just uses spare materials and puts magic on them to make them minions? i think i said this before? either way sounds like a pain to clean after the battle lol

and yeah that's kind of all i got to say lol, i really enjoyed reading this and the other outlines! is just i dont have a lot to add when theyre already this good, writing this took me a whole day cuz i didnt knew what to say lmao

[twistedwonderlandobsession]

Hello!! Could I request a match up? :)

I am non binary and use she/they pronouns; I am about 1,65 meters tall (I believe that’s 5‘5 feet?) with long, layered blond hair, very pale skin (like seriously, I am very close to paper white) and greyish-blueish eyes (like a stereotypical German hahaha)

Personality wise, I am ambivert; I absolutely adore Partys, especially village party’s, they hit different, and to hang out with friends a lot, but need an equal amount of alone time to recharge! I tend to usually have a lot of energy, despite always being really tired, and can get easily exited about the littlest things (like seeing a cat, or a store having my favourite snack in shop!) but I’ll admit that I’ll cry just as easily, even over stuff like a sad Poem or seeing a character, even if I don’t necessarily like them, suffer even in the slightest. I try to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I live by two very specific rules: treat others how you want to be treated, and treat others how they treat you. I will treat everybody with kindness and respect when first meeting, if they don’t return the favor, I’ll treat them exactly how they treat me (this includes teachers and old people). I am also very ambitious, I already have my future planned, and do my best to be good in school! I’m not the best with written exams but I always have an A for anything oral :)

I do have depression, because of which I struggle to properly take care of myself, and have days were I cannot even leave my bed, and it makes it hard for me to stay on top of things; my room is almost always a mess and I often have to do homework and similar last minute to avoid my grates falling. It’s not that I enjoy my room being a mess, in fact I hate it, but I am genuinely physically unable to clean it. Because of that, there are days where I’ll cancel last minute or I’ll act down the whole time, because of an especially bad episode; i also have trouble texting people first in fear of annoying them. I almost forgot, I also have insomnia because of it :,)

I also have highly suspected autism(can’t get diagnosed at the moment :[) so I’m very peculiar about my interests and the way stuff is; I hate doing group works because I already have a whole plan in my head on how I wanna do it. While I understand basic sarcasm and jokes, if I’m jokingly insulted or the sarcasm isn’t really obvious, I’ll take it seriously and to heart, and it can make me cry and/or avoid that person. This also means that I can go for hours talking about my interest, but the moment something doesn’t necessarily interest me and I don’t view it as important (like my Spanish lessons) i will just zone out

Hobby’s wise I’m a very creative person! I do paint occasionally, but it isn’t necessarily my hobby of choice;

I love to write! I currently have two books I’m working on, both thriller, that I’ll tell anyone that will listen about

I love acting and dancing: I’ve been apart of a musical group for quite a while now and ADORE it, especially acting!! Can’t say I’m much of a singer tho

Fashion design, I love designing and sewing my own clothes! So far I only know the basics but I am actively trying to learn more!!

Later in life I do want to do one of these full time; wether it is being an actress, an author or a designer doesn’t matter to me.

For icks, I cannot for the live of me be with someone who smokes; I have sensory issues and am sensitive to smells, not to mention I have already lost multiple people to smoking, so it’s an absolute deal breaker. I’m ok with drinking, I drink too, just not excessively

I need someone who is openly affectionate with me, wether through touch or words, and is okay with me being physically affectionate!

Also, please no Lillia, that man is a father figure to me haha

I think that’s it- thanks in advance and sorry for how long this got!!

I match you with Cater Diamond

The First Impression:

Honestly, Carter thought that you were cute your general enthusiasm about even the smallest of things made you super enjoyable.

Why He Fell:

Cater didn't fall for a while, trust, no matter how open or friendly this ginger may appear, there was always a distance he put between everyone. Even the closest of friends weren't all that close to him, knowing next to nothing about his childhood or upbringing. Though you had somehow managed to get beyond all that.

It was your kindness and respect for his boundaries that caused him to fall. Seriously. All of his life, the people around him (aka his sisters) have always forced their interests, likes, lifestyle and more onto him, pushing his boundaries and forcing him to do stuff he didn't want to do so to meet someone who one of their main goals was specifically respecting people was....nice

The Relationship:

When Cater had asked you out he had presented it in a playful lighthearted joking way to mask his way too deep feelings for you- after all how embarrassing would that be if he gave you his heart and soul aka actually expressed his feelings and you said no.

...but apparently you had said yes.

So now here you were, and Cater made sure to make it enjoyable. Constantly sending you magicgram videos of cute couple activities, ans surprisingly, he actually took you to places and did activities with you. The eye color bracelet trend, making cute little pottery together, painting, taking you to the latest trendiest restaurants and cafes on dates, study dates, movie nights, self care nights all the cute couple stuff. He totally gets it when your depression starts acting up and dose his best to help, having self care nights were he will convince you to take a bath with the cutest bath bombs ge you a change of clothes and a towl before gently shoving you into the bathroom and locking the door refusing to let you out till you shower or bathe. Don't think he was just sitting around waiting- oh no. He was cleaning your room for you hoping that it would help you feel better when you get out. Once you came out till fully dressed he sat you down drying your hair and doing your whole skincare routine for you. If you ever are feeling down and don't care for yourself properly cay-cay has you covered.

He loves all your hobbies and would love it if you allow him to watch or do it with you. He is also very encouraging of whatever you want to do as a hobby or a career-

In the beginning of the relationship, he treated it very casually in the "may as well enjoy it while it lasts before they eventually leave" but the further it went and the more time you spent together he was slowly becoming more hopeful and open at the idea of this being a permanent arrangement.

[infinitesimaldna]

Have You Ever Considered Killing Your Title?—Chapter 13

Masterpost

______

Remus was, at this point, seriously considering attending the ceremony in the buff. 

If he had to attend one more fitting ceremony, he felt like he was at serious risk of biting the tailor. It was one ceremony, he didn't need four outfits to choose from.

As he tugged open the door to his room, he made a silent vow to himself that if there was yet another new outfit waiting for him, he was throwing it out the window. 

Something else greeted him, however, sitting simply on the table in way too innocent a manner for how off guard it managed to catch Remus. 

It was the training dummy, the one from a couple weeks ago now. He had nearly forgotten about the whole incident, his interaction with Patton. In his defense, there had been just a bit going on since then, but still. Had it really been that short of a time? His talk with the older man felt like ages ago.

Then again, most things from before the announcement felt like a long time ago. 

He was hesitant as he approached the doll, somehow worried (if irrationally) that he would damage it again. Still, he picked the fabric up, examining where he knew he had ripped it in the shoulder. 

It was a very well done sewing job; Patton definitely had a talent if this was anything to show for it. The stitches were so small Roman had a hard time seeing them, only able to just find the edge of the thread because he knew exactly where the hole had been. They were even, perfectly spaced from one another, like he had measured each one. That, or he just had an immaculate sense of space. This dummy was better off for the fact that Remus hadn’t been the one to sew it, and he was hit with another wave of gratitude to the man he ran into that day. 

Speaking of which, there was a piece of paper that floated to the surface of the table when he picked up the dummy, landing gracefully on the wooden surface. Remus was surprised he hadn’t seen it in the first place. 

Despite how little he knew about the other, somehow it fit Remus’ perception perfectly that he would leave a note and not just the dummy. Plus, this was something to read that didn’t revolve around that stupid ceremony.

Hey Kiddo, hope this finds you well!

I took a while to fix him up, but I figured it wouldn’t bother you too badly with all the other kerfuffle you’ve had to deal with. Plus, he looks as good as new now, if I do say so myself! Maybe with a little more character, but I just see that as a good thing.

I know things have changed since the last time we talked, but I still wanted to remind you of a few things. Advice doesn’t necessarily have to change just because the situation does! 

There’s no right or wrong way to be the crown prince, just like there wasn’t as only a prince. You can do things your way, and being authentic and finding your way to do it is probably one of the best things you can do. 

And remember to let yourself have moments where you’re not the authority! Make sure you’re taking care of yourself along with the kingdom, kiddo. Giving everything for them and nothing for yourself will only end with you not being able to help either. 

You’re a wonderful crown prince, and an even better young man. You may still be a lost soul, but that won’t always be the case. 

The kingdom is gonna love you, kiddo. And if you ever need a break from all that love, you’ll always have a place down here. It may be past its hay-day (get it?), but it’s a pretty good place to get away. It’ll never be closed to a wandering soul.

Patton

It was perhaps the calmest Remus had felt in days, reading that note. There was just something so straightforward about the other man, something that made everything seem so simple despite how complicated his own situation was. Nevermind the fact his entire life had been a lie, and he was technically usurping the throne from his brother despite being the only one who knew that; anything could be fixed when put so easily to paper. Like he really could just find that place to get away, and everything would work itself out.

Removing himself from the equation wasn’t exactly an option, though. Not in his position. If he wanted freedom in that wandering soul way Patton mentioned, he’d probably have to be dead first. 

He looked at the note again, smiling at the other’s scrawl, so messy compared to his own that had been carefully trained into neatness. Patton seemed so sure he would be loved by the people, but he wasn’t even the one they should be giving their adoration to. That honor belonged to Roman, even if no one else knew. 

And then he considered the other part of Patton’s advice: the wrong way to do things. 

He couldn’t abandon the idea entirely—it had been so forcefully ingrained into him it fell as carvings in his bone, etched into the surface. As much as Patton may think there was no wrong way, Remus knew better.

What he might consider was that perhaps the wrong way wasn’t necessarily wrong. In a complicated, “it may not be the option they want but it’s the option they need” kinda way. Was it not on that very ideal that his father had called out his name instead of Roman’s? Doing things the wrong way in terms of lineage, but still doing as he saw necessary?

His parents were more than willing to utilize the wrong way, it seemed. He was sure if he really dug, he could find a dozen more examples throughout his life. What stopped him from doing the same?

The fact that they’ll disown you, that same whispering voice from before came forward. Or punish you, or something else along those lines. If you try to go down this path, you’ll lose them, probably forever.

You’ve already lost Roman.

Remus winced at that one, shaking his head to shake away the voice. Like hitting a pillow a few times to make sure the filling falls the way you want it to. 

He looked back at Patton’s note, resting carefully against the dummy. Freedom from the pressure on every decision he made, or the love of the only family he had. 

It was then that an idea sparked in his mind; first just a little echo of a whisper but growing quickly in volume. Threads started to weave together, the stitching coming together so tightly in his mind he was sure when it was complete it would rival Patton’s work. 

It wouldn’t be possible alone, that much he was sure of. But he had people on his side, had some for almost a decade now. They always seemed happiest when he was his authentic self; surely they would help him in his plan if it allowed that to happen more often. Maybe even permanently. 

The idea of permanence, of finality—here it felt right.

Perhaps… it could be better to be lost than loved, now couldn’t it?

~~

The next week was a whirlwind. 

Janus was running around more than he thought he ever had, and that was on top of delegating most of his ordinary chores to other servants. Luckily, he wasn’t questioned too much on it, being able to play it off as having extra responsibilities with his prince’s inaugural ceremony coming up.

He wasn’t entirely sure how that was working, since he was spending more time going down to the lower town than anything. At least his reputation for heading down there often was helpful now, providing a convenient cover to avoid suspicion. 

He had hit the tavern yesterday, so today he was scouting outside the brothel. Of course, not many knew it was a brothel, but that was practically Janus’ personality: knowing things he wasn’t supposed to. 

It was going to be a long day, he thought as he settled into a cranny across the way where he wouldn’t be easily seen. Every day would be long for a bit. When he thought about his friend though…

He stepped forward, just enough so the gentlemen who had just exited would catch sight of him, quickly disappearing back to where he was with enough of an atmosphere about it to draw the man in. 

The long days were worth it for Remus.

~~

Patton wasn’t expecting anything to be different when he got to the stables that morning, but there was something pinned to the door. He hummed curiously, honestly more used to random people stopping by than finding anything written. 

A crying kid or overworked servant? Normal. A note? Outside his area of expertise.

Luckily, the marshall was never one to turn away from surprises, and so he opened the note and began reading. It was several pages, rife with information and a blocky style of penmanship, as well as the occasional drawing. 

He tucked the pages in his pocket as he unlocked the stables, approaching the first horse and giving them a pat on the snout when they snorted. 

It seemed it was one of his kiddos, after all.

~~

Logan didn’t like talking to Prince Roman, and that alone proved how dedicated he was to this cause. 

That didn’t mean he would smile as he approached the man, though. 

“Prince Roman, I would like to discuss some of the upcoming assignments for the knights with you.”

“Oh, Sir Logan! Did Remus send you in his steed?” Roman chuckled. “He has been a hard man to track down this week.”

“You are quite right about that, your highness. If we could perhaps head somewhere a bit quieter?”

“Of course, of course.” 

The prince followed him back to the guest room Logan had previously checked was empty, looking perhaps a bit confused but not questioning just yet. It was only once Logan had locked the door behind them both that the prince chose to speak.

“You know, we typically just hold these meetings in the strategy room. It was a bit further but still an option.”

“I apologize for my deception,” Logan started, adjusting his spectacles where they sat on the bridge of his nose, “but it was imperative I get you by yourself with little suspicion being cast upon us.”

A crack in the prince’s cheery facade. “Sir Logan?”

“Your skills and services are going to be tested very soon, and it’s my job to make sure you play your role well.”

“I must admit, I’m very confused. This has nothing to do with the knights’ schedule?”

“No, rather another matter that holds a higher importance. Although, I do have a written list of the placements for the knights this next week to give to you, so that you walk out of here with the knowledge you supposedly entered to obtain.”

“I’d like to think there’s no ‘supposedly’ about it,” came Prince Roman’s reply, his shoulders rising and stature increasing from where he stood next to the table. “What are you hinting at?”

“I’m afraid I can’t get into many of the details.” Logan tried to sound apologetic as he said it; tone was never his strong suit. “Your role is simply critical, despite how you’re unable to know exactly how big a part you play. The most I can give you right now is to let you know a moment will come soon, and you’ll know the right thing to do.”

In front of him, the prince seemed flabbergasted, unable or unwilling to comprehend what he was being told. “Sir Logan, you have to understand how vague this is. Is there a threat coming to the castle? Is there some chatter of something in motion to disturb my brother’s ceremony?”

Logan sighed. He really didn’t want to have to resort to giving him more information, but it seemed he would have to. There was a reason he had befriended the other prince instead of this one. 

With his decision made, he stepped forward to make eye contact with Prince Roman. “Look, we both know I don’t like you—”

“You don’t like me?”

“—but this isn’t for me, it’s for your brother. That alone should prove I’m being earnest.”

There was a pause as Prince Roman seemed to search his gaze, looking for something Logan didn’t know, but he was certain he was conveying it anyway. 

“Did Janus put you up to this?”

“...He has a part to play as well.”

There was a sigh, and Prince Roman all but sunk into one of the chairs at the table they were situated next to. “I can’t know more?” he asked.

“Not without it causing trouble, for you and others.”

“That servant really will be the death of me.” Roman rubbed at his temples for a moment, placing his hand out a second later. “You said you had the plans for the guards this week?”

 “I do, but your—”

“Sir Logan, I understand.” Roman was quick to cut him off, his gaze sharp but not angry. “You said it will be a certain moment, and I doubt it to be this exact one. So, let’s see those guard routes, yes?”

Overall, this whole thing went better than Logan expected, and he was all too willing to draw forth the guard assignments, beginning the detailed explanation of where everyone was to be for their next rotations in the upcoming week. 

~~

Remus didn’t think himself the sentimental type, but before the ceremony, here he was, cross legged on the floor next to his wardrobe, old wooden sword in hand. 

He hadn’t used it in years, not since he and Roman had started proper training and had been given blunt swords instead. He wasn’t sure it had even moved from where it sat at the bottom of his wardrobe in the past 10 years. 

He wished he could remember where every chip in the paint came from.

Every edge of the wood seemed to have a gash in it, only the center portion of the blade still retaining its silver color. They really had always gone all out when they fought with these things, never taking it easy on the swords or each other.

There was a comfort in knowing that no matter how much they both had changed, their ability to be extra never had. 

And Remus… Remus was about to do the most extra thing of all. He gripped the small play sword like a lifeline, conveying to it everything he had wanted to say over the past 18 years, every comment he let slip away for the sake of being proper. 

He let his love for his brother flow towards it, so palpable he was surprised there wasn’t a physical manifestation. 

But no, it was just him. Him, and this old wooden blade. 

He left it on the windowsill, pointed towards he and his brother’s favorite spot to play, as he exited the room to take his role of crown prince.

------

Prev

Next

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty nice day. And we got to end it with our signed contracts and getting the inspections scheduled. It is starting to feel more real and I'm getting to feel a little more excited.

I slept okay but not as well. I had very strange dreams. About exploring the basement of our building and moving and all those things my brain is working though. I let myself wake up naturally again and woke up around 930 and didn't feel amazing but I felt okay.

I had things to do before Naomi and Kim came over. She had texted me asking if I had green fabric and I said I would pull out some cheistmasy fabrics for us.

I would have eggsalad again and would pick up some stuff. I would take a hair drto the tops of my candles to try and fix a few imperfections. This did not work as well as I was hoping but I still think they look great and I'm very proud of them. I'm excited to give them as gifts.

I would do a lot of knitting today. And was able to finish all the pieces for one whole side of the blanket I'm making and I'm thrilled about that. I would do that basically on and off all morning.

I did some cleaning and played with sweetp and just enjoyed being home where it was warm and not outside where it was grey and gross. I encouraged James to take the car to work because of the weather and I'm glad they did because it was gross today and would start raining pretty soon after I got up. It was just grey and sad outside all day. It's still pouring now actually.

Kim would text me a little after 1 when her and Naomi arrived. I came down to get them and Naomi was clearly excited. Rushed right upstairs.

Sweetp was being very friendly and lovey which was really cute. And I love how much Kim and Naomi love him. He would hang with us some of the time they were here but he also would just do his own thing.

We had lot of work today. And that was awesome. I didn't want to be belittling or anything but I wanted to go over some basics and skills that seem really easy but take some skills. Like cutting the fabric and threading the needle but also just using a fabric tape measure. And I was able to go over a bunch of my tools like tailors chalk and pinking sheers and it was fun.

We started with a shirt and that went really well I also had Naomi do a blanket stitch around the collar because it's fleece and it makes it look more finished. And she did an excellent job. We would next use some cotton and I showed her how to sew down the hems first and then attach the pieces and that one would be a little jacket.

Finally we would work on a little scarf for one of the plushies that just has to big of a head. But he looks great! And we were just loving the way this scarf turned out. Honestly I could seriously see all the progression Naomi is making and I was having so much fun showing her everything. And she was able to use the sewing machine almost completely independently. I am thrilled. I hope to show her how to use her own someday!

Her mom was also just really nice to talk to. Kim is very sweet and I told her about the house and she wished us luck and she made me feel a little more excited.

I am still trying to not be to excited but I won't lie, I am excited. I've been saving ideas of painting and furniture and all that fun stuff and I'm just really excited to start figuring things out. I dont want to be disappointed but I don't think I'm going to be. I think it's going to be great.

After they left I would clean up our stuff and would jump into my next project. I heated up some frozen Mac and cheese and started planning out the stand for my fish knife.

I knew I wanted to do a board like a billy bass. But as I was laying it out I was thinking about it being on a plate. And I really ran with that and I love it. It's not done. I want to add something else to the plate but I had so much fun figuring this out.

I even used some modeling paste to create some dimension to the things on the plate and I was just having so much fun over the day. Painting. Then letting it dry. And coming back and forth. And for real, Callie knocked it out of the park it's such a good gift.

I would go back to the couch to continue to knit while I was waiting for the paint to dry. And soon James was home and I was so happy to see them. And they were so sweet when they got home being so lovey. They are very clearly stressed about everything but I was still really happy that they seemed so happy in that moment.

It was decided we needed to go to the grocery store for a few things for the dinner I wanted. James said I didn't need to come with them but I wanted to be with them. And so we headed out into the gross night together.

The grocery store was fine. We got a few fun things. But we stuck to the list for the most part.

While we were checking out Harold called us. And said to check our email because he has great news. His email was so cute with lots of bottle emojis. But the sellers signed the paperwork and we can move forward with the inspection. We are getting an air quality test tomorrow and then on Tuesday afternoon we are getting the home inspection. I'm thrilled. I am excited that we will get to be there so while he's doing his inspection I can be measuring things and looking at specifics like closets and the back "yard" and measuring things. Just being more excited and it's just really fun.

We had some stress after we called Harold back in the car and got some answers about how things will go and what we need to do. He said we needed to wire the money for the deposit over. But we didn't know how to do that so we had some stress when we got home.

We couldn't figure out how to Google it and our banks websites weren't helping. Finally we decided we should just text Harold and he said we can go to our bank in the morning. Excellent thank you Harold.

I had some nachos while James made us some Thai curry rice. Which was really good but I mostly wanted to eat the naan James made which was very very good. Love my James.

They were kind of upset with stress. But we would talk and try to just chill. They had forgotten their laptop cord at work so they used my laptop to watch sports while they painted their nails and I continued to knit and paint.

It has been a really nice night. I washed my hair. And we talked about our Christmas travels. And now we are in bed and it's just nice listening to the rain. I feel happy. Tired and sore but happy.

Tomorrow we have many things to do. We have to go to the bank. James is going to make cookies. I have to go pick something up from awah. We have to go get food gifts. And then we have the Christmas party at the BMI. It's going to be a full day but I think it's going to be fun.

I love you all. Goodnight everyone!

[sheliesshattered]

So it’s occurred to me that I’ve got about 32 weeks until everything needs to be done for Dragon Con -- and for the first time since 2010, I’ll actually be working for most if not all of that. Work takes up a lot of time and energy (and I absolutely cannot slack on things like getting enough sleep and keeping up with self-directed physical therapy), and two months into this ten month contract it’s looking like I really won’t have much if any time to sew during the week. Maybe once I get to the handsewing stage I can fit that in here and there, but for the most part we’re just talking about 32 weekends to pull everything together

Which is to say, if I want to actually make anything new for Dragon Con, I need to get moving on it pretty quick here. I have a couple of cosplays I really want to make. One of them is lower priority, I’m not super into the fandom and it’ll still be recognizable a year or two from now. But the other one I definitely want to make for Dragon Con 2023.

So that’s what I’m going to be working on first. I’ve had a plaid shirt on my sewing table since like October (shortly before the new work situation suddenly happened) and I’m just not inspired to work on it, and it doesn’t have a deadline so it’s been easy to let slide. I’m going to pack that up to finish next fall, and shift gears into this cosplay that I am inspired to work on, and does have a deadline.

One of my all-time favorite Dragon Con experiences was when I cosplayed as Daenerys Targaryen in 2011, in her Dothraki outfit (complete with edible horse heart prop!). The show was popular and I was really into it, the GoT meetup was a blast, and random people shouted ‘khaleesi!’ at me in the hallways, it was fantastic. Twelve years later I’m still not quite ready to do another edible jello prop, but the whole cosplay was a lot of fun.

I’m not going to try to reproduce that moment in time or how popular that cosplay was. But it’s a good memory, and it helped me narrow down on what I want to make for 2023, especially if I only end up being able to make one new thing. 

I definitely want to represent the House Of The Dragon fandom and my love for Rhaenyra, and after going through all of her s1 outfits I’ve narrowed down on the red dress with the lace-on sleeves that she wears in episodes 7 and 8. I tend to think of it as the dress that best embodies when Rhaenyra is happily together with her soulmate. She’s still wearing it years after the events of Driftmark, even when she’s pregnant and the dress is starting to be just a liiiittle too small. It’s a dress that makes her happy, that represents happy moments in her life, and that’s the side of Rhaenyra I most want to portray.

It’s also a good project for my set of skills in particular. There’s enough interesting things going on with it, particularly trim and beading, that I know I can make it into something eye-catching. But the shapes are pretty simple, and I have a lot of experience fitting that sort of princess-seamed dress to myself. I can sink my teeth into it without having to first make a foundational corset or something. And it should be pretty comfortable to wear around the con, with simple comfy shoes. The only one of my cosplay-for-cons checklist that it doesn’t check off is that there’s no good place to hide pockets in it, but eh I’ll figure out something.

I’ve been thinking about this cosplay seriously for about a month now, and in that time I’ve gathered up a bunch of reference photos, done a sketch of where all the seams are, and sourced all the fabric (3 kinds), trim (2 plus lacing cords) and beading (3 different types, plus lacing rings and grommets) that I’m going to need. I want to make it as screen-accurate as possible, but also stick to natural fibers like silk, cotton, and rayon for the lining. Particularly with the materials, I want it to look like something befitting the future queen of Westeros.

Today I cleaned up the mess of Christmas stuff that had encroached on my sewing space, and then took a bunch of measurements of myself so that I can draft a new pattern from scratch. I do have some existing princess-seam self-drafted patterns that fit me, but they’re not quite right (7 panels instead of 10, bust seam curves towards the armscye rather than continuing up over the shoulder) and were made with a different bra in mind, so I figured I’d just start from scratch, and use those as reference as needed.

After that I needed to take a little sit-down break (it’s all about pacing for this working spoonie) and thought I’d throw together a Tumblr post to start to chronicle the making of this cosplay. Next up, I’m going to actually pack that plaid shirt project away in a shoe box for next fall, and then see if I can start in on drafting tonight.

Once I’ve got the pattern drafted, I’ll need to go out and buy some muslin for a mock-up, as I don’t have nearly enough on hand. As soon as I’m even mostly confident in the mock-up I’ll start ordering fabric, as some of it is coming internationally and may take awhile to get here. I can keep fiddling with the fit of the mock-up while I’m waiting on fabric -- really all I need to know at this stage is how much yardage to order.

Whew, okay. 32 weekends to go. Let’s do this.

[fallengirlbossyohane]

How to successfully steal you girlfriend's hoodie! (gone right).

Requested by anonymous! This originated from one of my head canons, please enjoy! ♥︎ As always, you can also find it on AO3.

“I’m off, then. I’ll see you later, hm? Love you.” 

“Sure! Love you, too.” 

Kyan calmly leans down to give me a quick peck on the lips, before gently smiling at me and heading for the front door with a bag in one hand and her coat in the other. I slowly wave at her, observing her as she steps out of the apartment, and remain still on the couch until the door is completely shut. I wait in absolute silence for a few moments, in case she forgot to bring anything with her, and when I don’t hear any steps or suspicious noises, I finally let out a sigh of relief. Now’s the time. 

I cautiously get up from the couch with a few small steps, trying to be as quiet as possible, even if I’m currently home alone. I’m quite paranoid about this whole ordeal, I’ll admit it without shame. But! It’s a dangerous mission, and getting found out would mean very harsh consequences. Aikyan is fairly intimidating as it is, so trust me when I say that she surely doesn’t get any less frightening when she’s mad. 

However, back to my initial plan. I reach Kyan’s (well, it’s practically ours, now) bedroom, and carefully rest a hand on the handle. A strange feeling that appears to be a mix of excitement and uneasiness dwells within me, but it’s too late to back out now. I open the door with a decisive movement, finally getting access to my final destination. I briefly look around without any particular reason, only to then locate my target: her closet. Found you~!

I lightly close the door behind me, just to feel a little less anxious, and stare with fascination at the many colorful garments hanging in the closet. These are Aikyan’s precious possessions that shall never be touched by other unsanitary and unworthy hands — her words, not mine. It’s not the floral, white blouses or the vintage leather jackets I’m looking for, however. It’s the puffy, soft and large hoodies she wears when it gets really cold during the nighttime. Since there’s a substantial height difference between the two of us, they end up almost reaching my knees. 

“Hm, which one of you am I going to wear…” I mumble to myself out loud, holding my chin between my fingers and contemplating this seemingly hard choice. In the middle of this mess of colors and figures, a certain piece of clothing catches my attention. It’s a black hoodie with a patch of two fluffy dogs sewed on the upper side. This is… didn’t she wear it yesterday? Wait — so it still smells like her? Looks like I’ve found the perfect one, then~! 

I grab it without thinking about it twice and quickly take my own pink t-shirt off, throwing it somewhere on the floor — I had to wash it, anyway. I hold Aikyan’s hoodie high-up in the air, admiring it some more, before finally putting it on with much ease. Yeah, just like I predicted — it almost arrives at my knees. Ah, but it’s so soft, and it smells amazing~! Just like Kyan. It’s as if I’m being hugged by her~ 

Even the sleeves are too long, as they cover my entire hands, only to leave out the barely-visible tips of my fingers. I contentedly smirk at the delicate feeling of the fabric against my skin, and I sit on the edge of her bed while kicking my feet in the air, since I can’t exactly reach the floor. I then throw myself on the bed, perfectly landing on her pillow, and bury my nose in her fluffy sheets, taking a good sniff of her scent. This thing is worse than an aphrodisiac, seriously…

I hug the pillow really tight and wrap my legs around it, ducking it under my chin. It all feels so cozy — her smell, her soft hoodie, her oh-so-comfortable bed — I could just sleep here fore the rest of my days. The only missing thing (or person) that would complete the picture is none other than my girlfriend. I don’t want to hold onto a mere pillow forever, I need to have her squeezing me tight and close, and maybe also tenderly kiss the top of my head like she always does. 

As my body gets progressively warmer thanks to the covers, I feel sleep slowly taking over my body, and at the moment it seems like a very inviting proposal. I’ll just rest my eyes for a few minutes… “Aikyan…” Is the last word I’m able to whisper under my breath, before finally giving in and begin snoring softly.

—

“Baby, I’m home!” I gently call out to Rikyako as I place my bag on the kitchen table, expecting some form of answer, but the whole apartment is suspiciously quiet. Maybe she’s just listening to some music in her room? However, when I pass by my own room, I hear the faintest sound of snoring. Did she seriously fall asleep in my bed? Again? What must I do with her…

I push the door and take a small peek, noticing that she’s cuddling my pillow with a happy grin on her face. I giggle in resignation at the sight, fully opening the door and stepping inside. There’s just one thing doesn’t look right — what is she even wearing? It’s unusual to see something black on her… right at that moment, however, I see the dogs (Laela and Chocola) that my mom sewed for me on the hoodie, and it all clicks. That’s my hoodie! 

“Rikyako.”

“Uh…?” She quietly hums against the pillow, clearly still half-asleep, as she rolls over and ignores my death-stare. I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration and look at my girlfriend happily sleeping in my bed.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, otherwise it wouldn’t have ended well for you.” I reach out to stroke her mess of brown hair, patting her head a few times and moving a strand behind her ear. Her eyelids then flutter open, as she shyly looks up at me with those innocent, brown eyes filled with concern. Is she scared that I’ll get mad? How could be anyone get angry at her when she’s this adorable? 

She lazily pulls the covers back just enough to signal that she wants me to come to bed with her, and I can’t help but oblige. “Just so you know,” I lovingly caress her cheek and maintain a calm tone. “all my clothes are off-limits from now on. Understood?”

“Yup! Now cuddle me.”

“As you wish, princess.” 

[leviasu]

levi and satan with a fem s/o who is kinda obsessed with sanrio or just cute things in general, and also she keep chanting "ruru" or "toaruru" the whole day out of boredom ｡◕‿◕｡

I have a few works up ahead but I couldn't stop myself once I saw that you requested SANRIO...(/pos) I love sanrio so much ahhhhh you don't understand.. (note at the end of post) n also I got carried away with Levi’s part, so sorry 😭

Sanrio Lover S/O (+ cute things/Fem!MC)

Leviathan

“Toaruru...” “Ruuuuruuuu..” “toaru..” -

Gaahhhh what were you doing to Him?! First you were wearing your cute (favourite character here) hoodie! and now you're making cute little sounds that Levi can't handle because of how cute it is?!?! Would it be rude to ask you what is you're chanting? Even worse, would it make you stop?! I don't think Leviachan’s MC meter can take it anymore ..

Okay, okay... In all seriousness, Levi finds it cute, really cute. especially when He heard it for the first time... He firstly thought you were just chanting the Subtitles of what you're currently watching or playing out loud, until it had hit Him that it was only out of plain boredom or you might’ve explained it to Him instead.

Don't get me wrong, He genuinely finds it cute but it could be a little distracting when He's playing games. But since now He knows that you're doing it out of boredom He gets you a spare controller, indicating He wants you to Join Him with His game! Or He might give you manga instead, but in all honesty He'd choose the game. Your intimacy level with eachother in the game needs a few more levels until you both unlock marriage anyway.

Or if it's a single player/online game, Even though this’ll make it hard to concentrate- He wants to hold you. So... Inorder to do so, He'll catch your attention firstly by making a few small clicks and “pssst”s. if His attempts work, He'll gesture you to sit on His lap while you watch Him play games. (He won't deny that He'll be red as a tomato when you sit on His lap. and will even get more redder when you stare at him to the point where it'll even rival the colour red itself. So... Keep your eyes locked on the screen for His sake of not overheating...)

He'll also love hearing you ramble about your interests and love with cute things! Levi would often ramble aswell about His interests, and He doesn't mind when you do it aswell, Infact, He loves hearing all about it!

He'll often see you scrolling through your DDD looking at cute and sanrio themed items while doing so, He couldn't help but see that you couldn't help but see a cute product on sale on Akuzon, making you slightly frown due to the price but later on kept scrolling.

You then proceeded to get an Akuzon package on your bed, seeing the same product that was decorated in your phone screen.

Since Levi is a huge Akuzon connoisseur, He'll often buy you Cutesy/sanrio figures, accessories, treats even going as Far as getting you a Hoodie of your favourite character everytime He's on the Site. Even if Lucifer scolds Him sometimes due to the sudden rise in Akuzon Boxes in the House of Lamentation. your happy face makes up for it, It fuels Him even more to do so! (he'll tone it down if you tell Him too, but He'll still sneak in a Teacup-themed choco box...)

But, Let's not forget His talent for sewing too, He puts it to good use as He sews you little plushes of anything cute and your favourite characters, clothes... His favourite thing was sewing you both a pair of Matching Lolita and Ouji style-outfits of His and Yours’ favourite colour combined. His Devilgram icon changed along with yours, matching with the cosplay that you both did together.

Image just in case you don't know the concept of Lolita / Ouji style.

But overall, He loves you so much !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~➢

Satan

Another day in the house of Lamentation, pure peace and quiet. Something that Satan thought vanished long ago, and Now... What’s better than living life, pure bliss reading one of His Favourite Novels while a cat is resting on His head, and being in the same room with His Cute Significant O-

“Ruruuuu.....”

What the

He's in shock, the cat is in shock. The woman on the front cover of the Novel is shocked

Okay, enough fussing around. But Satan wouldn't deny He got caught Off-guard at the Sudden noise that you made, He couldn't keep it to Himself and asked you, after a couple seconds of brief context. He offers to let you lay next to Him while He reads the book aloud, or.. you both could dress up the Cat laying in between you both?

Satan would find your traits and interests a Charming thing about you, He absolutely adores seeing you show Him cute decor or items of your liking! He especially liked it when you showed Him Sanrio, His favourite characters are the Cat ones obviously, but In all favour... he adores choco-cat alot.

He would argue with people that say books are boring, but you're an exception. If you're bored and continue chanting the same words that Satan is familiar with, He'd try to give you a book, or an E-book of your liking! But... If he has free time, you both are gonna explore His Go-to spots to have Fun, and most importantly... For you to know more about Him!

Also did I mention Satan absolutely love the way you put on cute little accessories when going out? You just look so cute...!!! You both were once at a Cat-Cafe for a date and to soothe your Boredom. Yet He suprisingly didn't pay attention to the cats. Instead He paid all His attention towards you instead.

He'd buy you both matching cat ears, no buts! You guys will be wearing them together, while aiding the Cat Satan snuck into the House of Lamentation. You're now officially a mom of a cute cat, and you're now the wife of the adoptive -father of the cat.

.

.

.

GODDDD I am in a Extra good mood today. I had so much fun writing this... Especially because I love Sanrio and Levi and Satan, Alot. But then i’m quite sorry if this doesn't match... Some few parts of the Request(?) or overall just missing a few things. I really just free-styled(???) this without thinking much since I was having too much fun. 😭 (But I'll try to add a few more things when I'm gonna edit posts. <3 )

[sweetsbfreex]

a father’s duty

Summary: brought to u by the wholesome picture of Cevans sewing up dodger’s stuffed lion 🤧

Warnings: Talk of trauma (nothing too in depth) and talk of sex

Pairings: Dad, Husband!Ransom x reader

-

You and Ransom were cuddled up together on the couch, some random movie he had chosen that you weren’t paying attention to. You wanted to cuddle, but he insisted on watching this movie so a compromise had to be made. And the feeling of his hand going up and down, inside your shirt, against your arm; Could only make you purr in contentment.

And you were meant to doze off if it wasn’t for the dramatic, high pitched scream of pure agony. You both shot up from your seats, looking at each other wide eyed before dashing up the stairs (Ransom ahead). 

Until you were in the doorway of an overly purple room.

“Mommy! Daddy!”

Ransom let a small, stunned gasp at the feel of a teary eyed four year old, Celeste bolting to his legs. Her small arms had tried to wrap around his legs as she sobbed into his jeans, fists tight as she clutching the denim. 

Confused you had leant down adjacent to her, Ransom peering down from his stance, lifting her arms to softly run circles over her back. 

“What’s wrong baby?” a fake pout on your lips.

“She’s dead!” she had sobbed, her puffy cheek making contact with his expensive jeans to make eye contact with you. 

“What? Who’s dead babe?” Ransom asked, tilting his head downward, eye brows stitched together. 

She propped her chin up against his leg, “Daffy” she blubbered, extending her arm behind her to point at the limp stuffed bunny a few feet away.

“Fucking––” He couldn’t finish his sentence a hearty laugh emitted into the otherwise somber air, still laughing (some tears streaking his face) he had picked up the once blubbering girl so she saddled on his hip. 

“Ransom! It’s not funny and language, god”

“C'mon” he dragged the n, “You gotta admit this is hilarious, she’s so dramatic...I wonder who she gets it from” he smirked, looking at you knowingly. 

“You” you appointed, holding back your smile. 

“As if” he scoffs rolling his eyes. 

“Daffy!” Celeste exclaimed, snapping the two from their loving trance. 

“Right!” you snapped yourself back into mom mode, making way to Daffy and your way back to the two, watching Ransom wipe the tears from Celeste’s face, calming her down in a hushed voice.

You sidle up next to Ransom lifting the stuffed animal, so the both of you could evaluate the state of her favorite buddy. You looked up to him, watching his face scrunch up, almost like disgust, but you knew he was just very confused.

“Jeez leste, what’d you do?” 

The light yellow bunny up front was perfectly fine, but once you had turned it around a tear in the fabric of the it’s “spine” was parted, the thread poking out along the hem. 

“I–– I was just spinning her around”

“Is that really what you did” you prompted.

“No..” she set forward shyly, resting her temple against her father’s shoulder. “There was a string and then I pulled it by accident”

“By accident?” Ransom asked, eyebrows raised. 

“On purpose” she mumbled, eyes tearing up slowly.

Celeste is probably the biggest liar the two of you know. You both have been working on that habit, reassuring her that it was fine and being honest is better most times (minus surprises, safety, etc). You both had even resorted to acting out examples for her. She was getting better, but ever the fibber she still found a way to slip into the habit. And when you had asked her why exactly she loved lying, she only replied with a quib “It’s fun!” giggling to herself. 

“Hey it’s okay, you were curious” he cooed, “Mommy will fix it don’t worry” 

You looked up at him mesmerized, not so surprised at the father he was becoming. Remembering all those nights he had kept the two of you up, even the day you were in labor, he had been worried. How was he ever supposed to love a kid properly–– let alone his–– when he never had that benefit. All these what ifs running through his head in a cycle.

He had even taken it upon himself to sign you both up for those parenting classes. The ones with the fake dolls. Dolls that he held gently as if they were alive.

“I will. You’ve had a long day, love, you wanna go to bed now?” you asked her, smiling. 

She nods silently, reaching her hands out to you. Ready for the familiar night routine to begin.

––––

After Celeste had been put to bed, it was not you and Ransom being the only two up. You were both in your shared bathroom, getting ready for bed. 

You groaned, catching the attention of Ransom. “Sewing that thing is gonna be some work” watching yourself in the mirror as you rub in your lotion. 

“You’re tying that thing together, how hard can that be?”

“I’m sewing it together” 

“Tomato, Tomahto” he responded. 

“Fine, since you think it’s so easy why don’t you fix it for her?” 

“Deal. I’ll take another night of anal as my end” he says this confindently, not expecting another word for you, as he saunters past you briskly but not before placing a kiss to your check and a rough smack to the ass. 

Ransom.

–––––

And god did he take this seriously. Making sure you were up this entire time as he achieved his new level of domesticity. 

And you did, sitting up against the headboard as you watched him sit shirtless across the sized room. 

He sits in the barrel chair. the stuffed animal in his lap, a spool of light pink thread to match the bunny in between his legs, and a packet of needles in his hand. 

“Babe you have to––”

He holds up a hand, stopping you from saying whatever you were about to say.

“I got this babe” he tells you, looking at you wearily as he pulls up a video (‘how to sew stuffed bunny animal together’) on his phone. 

You watch him watch the video,switching the show you were watching to make it seem as if you weren’t watching him too carefully. 

He squints, focused as he listens to the lady in the video.

“You look so cute”

“Thanks” he grumbles, placing a thimble on his pointer finger. 

He was like a cute grandmother. His eyebrows brought together and tongue poking through his cheek, which you teased him endlessly about. There was just something about watching a brawly, grumpy man like him knit. So you pulled your phone out wanting to take a quick picture. 

“Put. it. down.” he tells you, not even looking away from his task.

“Wha–– You’re really creepy, you know that. Smile” you demand of him. “It’d be so cute for the album”

He of course doesn’t smile instead raising the stuffed animal to cover his face from the camera, but you were quick enough to get something before that. Smiling fondly at the adorable photo of his concentrated face. Once you had your fill of serotonin, you closed the device and reached over to set it on your nightstand. 

“You gonna give me a kiss goodnight before you go?” he asks you stoically, head still looking down at his task. 

“Yes Ransom. Just give me a minute’ you respond, shimmying yourself from the soft sheets. You make your way besides Ransom–– naturally he wraps one arm around your waist to bring you–– leaning down and placing a kiss to his cheek (which he smiles at) then his lips. He pulls back first only to return again for a deeper one. Sending you off, finally, with a pinch to your ass. 

“Goodnight, Baby” you tell him over your shoulder on your way back to the bed. 

“Night y/n/n.”

–––––

“y/n” is whispered in your ear and the shaking of your shoulder is what causes you to wake up. You turn your head over your shoulder to see Ransom standing over you gleefully. 

“Ransom?” you rasp, turning your whole body over to face him, looking at the clock on your night stand. “It’s two in the morning!”

“Thanks captain obvious” he mutters, rolling his eyes. Yet, he lifts up the stuffed animal. Both hands on either paws, holding it up to show you. “I finished!”

You instantly noticed the band-aid wrapped around his thumb and the brightest smile on his face. Through it you could see how proud of himself he really was. He really was getting a hand of this dad thing he was still figuring it out. 

Ransom, however, could only think about how tired he was and how strained his eyes felt––probably rimmed red. With the amount of times he had to rewatch the video because he missed or didn’t understand a step. But, for his little girl it was definitely worth it. 

“Well, look at you. You did so good bub” you extend your arm up lazily to then loop it around his neck, bringing him down for a kiss. 

If only his conceited friends could see him now. Thinking about how Danver, one of the many friends he had dropped, would berate him passively. Calling it a women’s role most likely. 

“Thank you” he settles one more kiss, “Let’s go”

“Go where?” you chuckle

“Leste’s room...where else? She’ll need him to sleep the rest of the night comfortably” he explains, removing your arm from his neck. To gently tug your hand.

“You sure?” you ask hesitantly.

“Hundred percent, let’s go”

––––

You open the door slowly, the creaking sound it emitted making you cringe. And when you’re hushed by Ransom, you twist around instantly sending him a stink eye.

And you both stand against the side of her bed, you crouch down. Raising your hand to her shoulder. 

“Lesty” you whisper, your thumb running circles over her shoulder. 

She wakes up slowly, as always. The clear indication that she is awake being when she raises her hand to rub at her eyes.

“Mommy? She stops and gasps, “Are we going to Disney?” asking the question with glee, she sits up, her hands placed over her book patterned pajama pants.

You and Ransom share a short laugh. Remembering how you surprised her just like this months ago. The frown that overtakes her face makes you both want to laugh. 

“I’m going back to sleep” she tells you both, already reaching for her blanket. 

“Wait” you laugh, holding her hand. “There's a surprise for you” 

At your announcement, Ransom steps up holding out the sewed up stuffy. Her tiny hands covered the gasp she let out, muffling it.

“She’s fixed!” she’s astonished, running her fingers  along the stitches. 

Celeste felt like a jumping bean with all this happiness filling her body and she wasn’t sure how to express how happy she felt. So, she jumped onto her mother, arms latched onto her neck. Kissing her cheek incessantly.

“Thank you thank you thank you-”

“Actually––” you start.

“Woah! Woah! Woah!” ever the dramatic, “Momma didn’t do this. I did babe” he tells her, a gobsmacked, playful expression on his face. 

Ransom’s replica quickly unlatched herself from y/n, rocketing herself into his arms. He held onto her tightly. Falling in love with the toothy smile–– albeit it was missing a front one–– she gave him. He was rolling around in her appreciation towards his gesture. This was all he wanted. To be a better man for you to marry and be a better father for his daughter.

He brought her into him a little bit, placing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Anything for you Leste” he tells her in a hush. 

You rise slowly from your crouch, knees a bit sore from how long you were down there. Just in awe of the love they both exerted towards each other. Ransom’s hand lightly flying over the back of her head and Her tiny palm coddling his cheek.

“Time for bed?” you ask the two of them, your hand naturally going to Ransom and Celeste’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I’m tired” she tells you, dragging out the h. Setting her cheek to her dad’s muscled shoulder. Nuzzling her cheek against it lazily. 

“Yeah? Well let’s put you in bed first” Ransom responds. 

You walk behind the two, as Ransom sets her down gently on her bed.

He sets a kiss to her cheek then he pulls back, watching the way her arms tighten around the stuffed animal. 

“You love it?” he asks, a proud smile etched on his face. 

“Yes” she whispers, “Thank you, daddy” her palm caressing the top of it’s head. 

“Anything for you Leste” he reaffirmed. He needed her to know that he’d do anything. Anything. To keep a smile that bright on her precious face. He didn’t want her to doubt if he ever loved her or if she could ever come to him about anything. He especially didn’t want her to think that she’d be second to his work. 

He loved her too much and decided, right when you told him the news, he’d learn from his parents’ mistakes and trauma he had to deal with. 

“Goodnight, honey”

He gets up from his spot watching you lean over placing a kiss to her cheek, tugging the crocheted blanket to Celeste’s chin. 

“Night baby” you tell her sweetly.  

“Night” she replies to the both of you before snuggling into the duck more. 

––––

RIght when you shut the door, you expect to face Ransom’s back walking towards your bedroom. But try not to scream, startled, when your head meets with his chest.

You look up, probably not the smartest thing to do. “You ready for bed?” you ask nervously, each hand landing on his broad shoulders. 

With the way he was looking at you, you would assume you were the last stash of biscoff cookies he always keeps fully stored in the house. Especially, with the other Drysdale in the house, the cookies went by faster when they used to.

“Don’t think so..We made a bet. Remember?” he smiles

“RIght now?!” you hiss lowly. He must have lost his mind. “You woke me up at like three in the morning”

“It was actually two” you whack his arm at his smart mouth, of course he doesn’t react.  “Anyway. A bets a bet. Let’s go baby” he crouches down, lifting you up swiftly into a bride-groom like position.

“Ransom!” you whisper, taken by surprise. 

“A quickie and then we’ll drop her off at your parents tomorrow to get to the real stuff tomorrow” he asserts.

With that, he picks up his speed. Taking you both down the hallway. Once he’s arrived at his destination–– the bedroom–– he throws you on the bed. Laughing to himself with how stricken you look. You should be used to this by now, he tells himself. 

“Ransom!” is the last of his name he hears with a tone of scolding mixed with shock, before he gets to work. When he climbs on top of you quickly––like a lion to prey––biting your neck. 

-

if you enjoyed pls don’t forget to reblog or give feedback if ur up to it <3

[subtle-carrot]

My Queer Experience with Orchiectomy

Last Friday, after a wait of 8 months since a referral was sent, I had my testicles removed. Obviously I had been waiting for it for a bit longer than that. I think the first time I thought about getting an orchiectomy was... 7 or so years ago. And even earlier than that I wanted not to have testicles.

And it’s the only procedure I want done in that area. It’s not a mid point to a vaginoplasty, it’s not a “step on the path to be complete” or some such. In fact, I’d like to write how this whole experience was one of my most gender affirming ones with the Finnish health care system.

TW: some description of surgical procedure, American touching culture

So, for those uninitiated: orchiectomy is the surgical procedure to remove one or both of the testicles. This is probably most commonly done in cases of testicular cancer, but it can also be part of the queer person’s medical transitioning since the testicles are the major source of testosterone and not all of want that stuff around. Attack the problem at the source and all that.

There’s also a couple of ways you can get it done, but that’s not too important for my experience. The basics are: through the skin and tunica vaginalis (an actual part of the testicle) you go, snip snip, ice cream scoop, pop pop, sew sew.

For me the morning started with waking up far too early for my liking and I was actually more anxious about the busses than the surgery. We’ve recently had some trouble with the local busses, you know, not coming at all. I actually had to check the bus schedules again a minute before I had to run to the bus stop to make sure the bus second bus I had to take would actually run that day.

Another big source of anxiety was that you apparently can’t go to surgery of any kind, no matter where you’re being cut open, with makeup on. And no matter whether or not I pass with makeup, it’s something that other people will notice and go “oh this is a social signifier that’s related to this other thing I know about this person”. And doing my makeup is part of a ritual, it’s a way I communicate who I am with the world, no matter how the world around me might decipher it.

Not sure if this is too soon, but thank Jebusita for normalising masks. Being able to cover the more problematic areas of my face, ie. the ones with growth on them, in a way that doesn’t draw even more attention to me is a godsend. Seriously, masks all the way. Although I’ll probably revert back to cloth masks in the future when I’m just trying to cover my face.

But it seemed I didn’t have to be too worried after all. From the first moment I stepped into the waiting room, I felt like the nurses and rest of the staff knew how to react to me. No-one found it weird that I used the women's changing room, not the other patients, not the nurses or doctors. Which was great because going to a surgery for the first time ever, kinda spoopy.

And the surgery, well, I was high as a kite for most of it. This was the kind of fuzzy and warm kind of high and I feel like it just enhanced my feel good moments. Now, I’m not suggesting you go get drugs for your feelings of gender euphoria, but this experience of combining the feeling of being accepted and being on this very nice and warm drug-induced cloud was very, very enjoyable. Especially because it lasted long into the resting room.

While I was waiting to be released, I was looked over by this nice younger nurse who, yes, did fumble over some gender things, but they corrected themselves immediately. At the same time, I didn’t feel like they were walking on eggshells around me either. Just being a normal nurse person who just sometimes had to figure out what to say.

Honestly, this was one of my best experiences with the health care system here. No referring to me as a “young man on hormones” or anything like that. Only downside was the other nurse who filled in for the first one during their break. They were... I think They were actually an American judging by their accent when I heard them speak English. And to Americans who might be reading this: WHY DO YOU TOUCH SO MUCH? DON’T LEAN IN AND TOUCH MY LEG WHILE TALKING TO ME! Especially when I’m unable to get away. Jeez...

But yes, all in all, a great experience. And so far, the healing has been great as well. There’s some aches and pains but not too many. In a few weeks, I should be in tip-top shape and a few units of mass of your choice lighter.

Now, at the end of this post, I’m kinda trying to remember what was the thesis sentence I’m trying to get across. And I think... This is just a ramble. A ramble about a good experience I had on my gender journey. No thesis. Just good vibes.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to SIMPLEMAN

A day late but that's what happens when good subs aren't out until the next day, and you're busy that day. This episode is so sweet and wholesome that it was worth it, for sure. I'm still not sure which one is Ella and which one is Etta. They're always addressed together so I just don't know, but I'd like to. ;-; (Note: Looked it up on Wikia, the one in pink with seafoam earrings is Etta, the one in seafoam and pink earrings is Ella) See Nino knows. Nino's concerned about Marinette babysitting three kids already. He lives with one all the time, times that by 4 and WOO that's crazy. Sweet of her to want to ensure her best friend has some time to relax with her boyfriend. Oh. OH those poor Kwami! Especially Fluff and her ears being pulled like a game of tug-of-war! I can see it now, Fluff now traumatized by young kids. So if Alix ever has any in the future, they better grow up knowing about Fluff right away or she's in for a horror show. PV TRAILER AND MUSIC! I'm such a fan of the music and the PV that when my sister told me about it, it made me even more excited for this episode than I already was. And I was very excited already! Manon: So? Aren't you going to answer it? She knows what's up. So Adrien's calling asking Marinette to help sew on a wing? Because nobody else there can do it? I dunno, sounds kind of sus to me, Adrien. Are you sure you're not using that as an excuse just to see your "friend"?

Marinette's biggest problem is thinking so far ahead in her brain that when she goes to speak, she's either way far ahead of herself or gets everything mixed up as it comes out of her mouth. If she just lived in the moment and didn't plan (which being Ladybug that's probably very hard not to do outside the costume), she'd be able to do this and overcome that fear of rejection as well. She seems to have that part fairly taken care though. When Gina said she was in China to learn Kung Fu and met a girl that reminded her of Marinette, instantly thought about Fei. How could it not be her? Rolland gets asked to babysit, immediately is like "Let's do something fun and dangerous!" Tom must have had an interesting childhood with Rolland and Gina. o.o Clearly Rolland doesn't realize who the heroes are based on. Or just completely forgot he met them when Bakerix. xD Adrien's so sweet with Marinette, even if he can't understand a single thing she says. That's adorable. But a really good way to thank her could've been "Would you stay and watch the photoshoot, and then maybe we could go do something fun/get something to eat after?" BOOM. Problems solved. But I have a feeling this may come back later, and maybe that would turn out better. Marinette's grandparents tend to give Hawk Moth/Shadowmoth the most sass and trouble in comparison to other Parisians. XD Rolland is so sweet to these kids, and they are so caring towards him. It's so wholesome! Just think: if that helicopter wasn't crashing behind her, she would've screamed she loved Adrien. So close. Simpleman is the chillest akuma. Being all "Hey kids, even though I'm akumatized, let's go out into the city!" and the kids are like "Yeah, okay. Hey let's get ice cream!"

Him protecting them from all the flying pizza boxes that guy was throwing around everywhere was super sweet too. LB and CN: Things are complicated. So we should find Shadow Moth directly. Let's run around the city screaming for him to come find us so we can fight him! I seriously think if Chat Noir or Ladybug brought up the fact that their identities made things complicated, they would've revealed themselves right then and there. LOL at the old school fighting and them behaving like young children xD "NO!" "I'm NaNa, ClaCla is no longer with NaNa! Paris is really messy! BuggyBug, KittyKity, help us!" Oh this is going to be so hilarious in the English dub with the voice actress who also voices Nathalie. XDDD A bouncy ball is very complicated for Ladybug. That a literal 5 year old can figure out. Wow this villain's power sure did a number on her. xD I find it all the more stressful actually, that Chat Noir and Ladybug can remember what they were doing the whole time they were affected by the akuma. That means if Marinette said she loved him, or they revealed their identities, there would be no going back or being able to make an excuse for it. Can we just talk about how those kids could understand that the reason he wants things to be simple and is upset that the world is so different, is because it scares him and he doesn't think he's capable of learning and changing with the world? A majority of adults these days can't even take two seconds to try to understand someone else's situation(s) before judging and being outright nasty people towards them. Yet these kids were able to do so. And a lot of kids actually are like they are in real life. Some may see this as an episode just for kids to appreciate, but there's a lot in here that's aimed at adults, too. Adults need reminders and these lessons just as much, if not more so than young kids. It's adults that lose their way and needed to be reminded of it, as they have a greater immediate impact on the world. I've seen so many people judge Rolland, make assumptions about him which is almost always the very worst things they could think of. But this episode shows how caring and willing to learn and understand he really is, he was just hiding behind his fear of change and not being able to keep up with it. Some lessons in this episode for the adult viewers are: -You're never too old to learn, get over your fears, try new things, become a better person, and see things through new eyes. -Don't over-complicate or overthink, but don't be lazy and think keeping everything simple will actually in reality be the answer, sometimes it can make things worse! -Kids tend to see the world as things are, not what they think it should be, or believing they're the center of the universe like adults tend to do. -Being wise means knowing that regardless of your field, educational background, age, or lived experiences, you don't know everything, there is always more for you to learn about everything out there. The kids in this show are quite wise, as they know that there is so much they don't know and how they treat learning new things. They also know how adults tend to understand, or act like they understand everything, so we as adults aren't used to it when we don't and react negatively to that because it scares us when we don't know. In that way, this episode was very brilliant! Also that hug at the end, oh you can bet these kids are going to want to go visit Grandpa Rolland, and honestly I'd love to see bits of them here and there, their bonds are adorable and they've changed his life in such a positive way. Also the pure Ladynoir without another hero or Alya or any kind of upsetting situation was honestly such a breath of fresh air! Maybe not the kind of Ladynoir people wanted, but it made me happy. Marinette acknowledged her problem is she's scared of Adrien rejecting her. First step is admitting it! Can't blame her for not being able to do what she wanted, she only just realized the issue after all. It's going to take a little time now to work on it! Is it just me, or

does it seem Adrien's almost trying not to laugh when she was messing up and then asked if he liked fishing? XD Maybe it was the actors tone with the facial expression but it seemed that way! But the way he just watches her run away and does that adorable little chuckle... Oh Adrien, we really need you to start realizing why you keep doing that. "She (Ladybug) reminds me of your grandmother and you know what? You look exactly like her (Ladybug)." Well. Oop. He's onto you! Apparently Rolland isn't blind, as not a single character suspected her from her personality or appearance to be Ladybug so far. Even Adrien only began piecing it together due to circumstances (and his own personal wish that Marinette is LB, you can't convince me otherwise this isn't true). This is going to come back later, possibly Dearest Family? Overall such a good episode with a lot of things in it, if you decide to watch without high expectations or biases. After all the angst lately, it was certainly needed as a nice change of pace.

[radiorenjun]

my first and last || huang renjun

¤ pairing : huang renjun x reader

¤ genre : fluff, slight crack, major angst, romance, drama, slight fantasy! au, slight coming of age!au, first love!au, slight 1880s!au, adventure!au, painter!renjun x street singer!y/n. runaway!au

¤ synopsis :  Huang Renjun was born on the coldest day on earth, which causes his heart to be frozen solid, requiring a replacement. The makeshift Doctor, Madam Wendy, who provides midwifery and medical services to the poor and the desperate of Edinburgh, grafts a miniature cuckoo clock in order to save it.

However his newfound cuckoo clock heart was so fragile that it could end him in a terrible fate of death if he does not follow the three rules said doctor had provided for him. One of which was he must never fall in love. Do come and enter this adventure through Renjun’s eyes as he falls for a street singer who hates wearing glasses despite of her poor eyesight.

¤ warnings: character death, HEAVY angst, mentions of blood, loss of family member, reader has terrible eyesight and is painfully oblivious, Madam Wendy mentions about her abortion, maybe some swearing (do people even swear in the olden days?), historical inaccuracies is sexy, heartbreak, renjun is mentally exhausted, mentions of taking ones life (once), adults smoking, reader wears glasses at the end. shakespeare shaming because i have a grudge against that man. hISTORICAL INNACURACIES. Renjun gets slapped by Wendy once, renjun gets hypothermia. i feel like this was quite rushed idk

¤ word count : 29.2k

¤ heavily inspired by  La Mécanique du cœur (the movie, not the novel because I’m not that cruel)

¤ playlist: my everything - nct u, instagram - dean, wayo - bang yedam, francis forever - mitski mitski, anxiete - pomme, faded in my last song - nct u, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, moi cest - camelia jordana, my first and last - nct dream, beautiful time - nct dream, 

¤ a/n: special thanks to @lebrookestore​​ for making this sexy header

‘Love. What does that feel like?' Renjun would always wonder. 

As his paint brush strokes the canvas, eliciting a bright yellow mark on the object, Renjun continued to stare into his painting with a void of emotion. Whenever the occasional question 'what does it feel like to love or to be loved?' pops up in his mind, he would often furrow his brows and purse his lips in a small pout in confusion at the thought. 

Renjun didn't know what it felt like to love, for his caretaker, Madame Wendy, had always told him since he was a young boy that 'love is the last thing you need in this world, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.' Renjun didn’t care much for the aspects of love. How can he fall in love when he doesn’t even know what love is? What does it feel like to feel love? How can you feel love?

If you take one small glance at Huang Renjun, you would instantly have the assumption that he was a rather cold-hearted, emotionless young boy. Eyes so icy cold and void of emotion, it could send shivers down your spine. Though, fortunately for everyone else, it was quite rare of the young boy to walk out of his home. Some might say that he would step out of his home ‘once in a blue moon’ or whenever the sun shone brightly over the old town, which was quite rare considering it had been raining frequently these past few months in Edinburgh, France.

However, what they didn’t know was that the reason behind his infrequent appearance was quite tragic. He was an unfortunate young boy, really. Only a few people have known this, but long long ago, a sudden harsh snowfall hit his town on the day he was born. It was recorded as the coldest day on earth, for the snow had frozen everything in its path including the poor boy’s heart. Quite literally, not figuratively. 

Renjun’s biological mother had journeyed through the cold town to the house up the steeple. Rumors say, the quote unquote ‘witch’ of the town, who specialized in the medical department with her own unique ways that left doctors skeptical and poor. From what his caretaker had told him, she was holding her belly throughout the long journey as she tried her best to endure the cold without slipping on the frozen concrete. Muttering how if she could, she would’ve kept her child in her tummy safe and sound from the cruel world. 

How she slipped and fell unconscious in front of his current caretaker’s house with her tears frozen on top of her cold cheeks, how she was brought in and taken in just in time to warm up to gain consciousness and go through the birth process. He remembered being told how the moment he was born, he had to undergo intense surgery immediately for he almost didn’t survive. He remembered being told that his heart had turned cold. 

“Cold, not Gold, Renjun. A heart made of ice. As in cubes not cream,” as his caretaker would say. 

Since donors weren't available at the time as it was already way past midnight, he needed surgery before his heart stopped beating under the hard exterior of the ice growing around his heart. Luckily for him, Madame Wendy had improvised one with her excellent expertise. She built a small clock the size of her palm that nearly covered his whole chest at the time. Considering she was known for being a witch in town, (even though she tried to explain a countless amount of times that she was a mere mechanic with a medical degree) she miraculously provided him with a fragile heart made from scratch. 

However, the night of his birth was also the night his mother had decided to leave him with Madame Wendy, convinced that she would make a better mother for Renjun that she could ever have. It was quite a tragic tale. However, Renjun didn’t think much of it. Nor did he feel any sort of upsetting emotions like longing, curiosity and sadness. Why would he? He doesn’t even remember what his biological mother had looked like. He doesn’t know how to feel anymore other than the faux happiness his mother had taught him how to feel to ease the numbing feeling in his hollow, ticking heart held nothing but dust. 

A heart that was purely made out of strong wood, cogs and screws. One that makes soft, calming tick tocks that goes along with the soft pitter patters of rain drops with every beat, one that makes cuckoo’s every time it’s arrow struck 12. One that needs winding every single day with a golden key his caretaker had provided him ever since he was born. One with ironically three rules that he should always follow on a day to day basis. 

-

“Recite those rules once again, Renjun,” she ordered as she buttons up her adoptive child’s white shirt up to his neck. “Do I have to? I’ve been reciting this for years now,” Renjun would whine, looking down at his mother’s loving hands as she flicked her forehead softly with a face void of emotion. “It’s for your own good, Renjun. I can’t have you forgetting something this important, you know very well that your life depends on these three rules.” She tugged on the collar of her child’s shirt down. 

“Before I let you run off to town with me, I prefer that your heart would be much stronger,” she swiped her fingers through Renjun’s hair, swefting it to the side to make it neat. “Every beat of your heart is a minor miracle. You’re a fragile piece of work, far more fragile than glass,” the older woman explained, laying her hands on the boy’s shoulder with a grim expression. “I know,” Renjun replied with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders to release tension in his body. 

He sighed again, the young boy looked up at the ceiling to avoid his mother’s cold stare. “Firstly, never touch the hands of my heart,” he began, letting out an annoyed sigh as he felt his mother tucking his small key into the pocket sewed on his chest. “Yes, what else?” Madame Wendy asked, kneeling down to look at the child in the eye. “Keep your temper under control,” they recited in unison with the same emotionless tone. 

“And the last one?” 

“Whatever I do, I must never ever fall in love.” 

“Indeed, that’s why I’m so scared of letting you into town. You haven’t experienced love yet so far in your life, it is very important that you stay that way,” she said, standing up on her feet as her hand returned to Renjun’s shoulder. “I know,” he mumbled once again, looking up at his caretaker’s eyes as if to hide the fact that he wasn’t listening a total hundred percent to what she was saying. “It could be the very death of you, Renjun. Your fragile heart won’t be able to stand the emotional, mental and physical shock provoked with the feeling of love,” she explained once again, a worried expression glossing over her face.

“I know, I know. You tell me that almost everyday,” he muttered, playing with the small buttons on the clock that is his own heart. “My heart is not a toy, therefore it is not to be played with.” he almost rolled his eyes at the older woman, feeling her smack his hand away from his heart softly. “It is something that I want you to take seriously, Renjun,” she hissed, eyeing the small mechanic artwork on the boy’s chest. “How can I even fall in love when I don’t know anything about love?” 

-

To Renjun, today was like any other day of the year. The sun shining brightly against his skin, the cloudy grey sky accenting the sky’s beauty. His hair gelled to the side to reveal some of his forehead and leaving a few strands of his hair to tickle his skin perfectly, his calloused hand gripping his 60 x 90 cm canvas and his large box of acrylic paints to his side, his favorite paintbrush hanging against the skin in between his ear and his fluffy short hair. 

Spinning one of his smaller paint brushes in his free hand, right between his fingers as he walked down the sidewalk of his home town, trying to find a spot to sit and paint. It was his birthday recently, so his mother had delightfully just bought a fresh new set of acrylic paints, considering he finished them on his last painting which was the majestic dove fountain in the middle of the town less than a month ago. 

Renjun was only ten years old when his caretaker took him out to wander around town, which was on his birthday. It was then when Renjun was hitting the age of thirteen when his caretaker’s worry lessened when she saw that her child was nowhere to the point of Cupid’s next target. Therefore those annual town visits turned into monthly visits (under his caretaker’s supervision, of course) and when Renjun had turned thirteen years old, he had shown an interest in painting and drawing in his free time while Madame Wendy was working with a patient.

However, love can strike at any moment. And by the time Renjun became sixteen years old, he was finally allowed to venture into the town himself to paint landscapes and buy more art supplies at least once a week with a 5-6 PM curfew. Nothing more, nothing less. Cupid was cunning, therefore she believed that this was the best she could do. Considering he was a teenager, she couldn’t protect him as easily as she could back when he was still an infant. And that was what she had feared the most in her life. 

Renjun sighed heavily, looking around with emotionless eyes, a cold frown forming upon his lips as he leaned his chin on his palm, his elbow supporting on his thigh and his other free hand holding the canvas on top of his legs. He wondered if there was more to life than work and oil paints, eyes wandering on the busy streets filled with the latest carriages and the latest transportation vehicles. He felt as if his life had gone by boring and aimless without knowing how to express his emotions properly. Is this what life has come to in his 16 years of living? 

16 years of being almost completely isolated from this town without knowing what his caretaker was so worried about. Madam Wendy had absolutely nothing to be worried about. Renjun had witnessed love from time to time in the streets, watching a couple of different genders walking down the streets with loving expressions on their faces. Renjun could not decipher why you would be feeling such emotions. He had been venturing around town freely with his strict curfews for almost four months now. And all he’s done so far is wander around looking for something interesting to be his next muse or visit the local library to read books. 

One of the books Renjun was absolutely fascinated on reading was this book the librarian had recommended to him on his first visit, ‘The Great Expectations’ by Charles Dickens. It was a small story of a young boy named Pip who went through amazing life changing experiences and going through hardships with his rather abusive sister, his blacksmith mentor and falling in love as well with a girl named Estella. (He would always snicker whenever she comes up in a scene as her adoptive parent, Ms Havisham, ironically reminded him too much of Madam Wendy) 

He often wondered if Madam Wendy’s strong dislike towards the aspects of love was merely because of his fragile condition or was it because of something deeper? However, looking back at when he found his caretaker’s family albums which were mainly pictures of her winning awards and bragging about her medical degree, he highly doubts it. (It was still fun to imagine theories while it lasted, though!)

“Ms Havisham stares at Pip coldly, and murmurs to the girl at her side: ‘Break his heart, Estella. Break his heart!’” Renjun read, his eyes moving as he read the brief summary at the back of his book. Looking down at the cuckoo clock heart hidden under his cardigan, he clicked his tongue before chuckling bitterly to himself. “‘Break his heart’, huh? What utter bonkers, you can’t break someone’s heart. That isn’t physically possible,” he shook his head in amusement, placing his book on top of the box of acrylic paints beside him.

Just as he was about to leave and head back home, a peculiar merry tune reached his ears, causing Renjun to pause in his step, looking around to find the source with furrowed brows. If this was like those small street cat sketches he would draw in his free time, it would seem like his ears perked up in slight interest. The merry tune turned on a bright spark inside of the young boy’s chest, curiosity growing in his veins at the tune he has never heard before. It was as if the angels above had descended to the earth while playing a symphony of flutes and harmonicas, making soft high pitched catchy tunes in the air. 

Renjun felt entranced by the music, it was almost as if it was pulling him- beckoning him to come towards it, towards its source. It was as if his feet had a mind of his own as he fought with his own rational thoughts to either go back home or find the source of the beautiful merry tune. He couldn't help but walk to where it's coming from, curious of who was making such a wonderful tune. Sooner than later, he found himself walking down a small alley that led him into a steep staircase that led him to another part of his town. And with every step he took, the music grew louder and louder. Soon, finding light at the end to see the small part of town he rarely visits.

He put his palm on the dirty brick wall, ignoring the uncomfortable texture against his skin, head poking out as he tried to decipher where the majestic music was coming from. Squinting his eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight for the staircase was dim enough to be mistaken for a tunnel with the broken rooftops covering the ceiling, he took a step forward. His eyes widening slightly in awe as he watched a young man his age push away a stack of crates to reveal the true source of music. 

A young girl, who Renjun figures is around his age, was cranking up a barrel organ right in front of the fountain. A hand going in circular motions on the crank, twisting the lever as she pulls it clockwise. The hand on her hip was soon placed on her chest when the music went on, clearing her throat softly as she began to sing along and harmonize with the melody. 

Renjun stood still in his place, baffled at the daunting beauty presented before him. The girl standing a few meters away from him was singing along merrily to the tune of the phonograph record, cranking up the lever as the other townsfolk that was walking by began to gather around her, enjoying the harmony that goes along with her soothing voice and symphony of flutes and harmonicas being produced by the portable barrel organ. 

As he sat down on the last step of the staircase to listen from afar, he couldn't help but pay close attention to the lyrics coming out of her lips. His paintbrush spinning in between his fingers as his mind focused on the words of the intro, smiling idly as he began to understand the words she was trying to convey. 

My vision's not quite right

But glasses make me look a sight

Enough to give the world a fright, like a sprite wearing specs

Renjun couldn't help but tilt his head in confusion. 'A sprite wearing specs? What the hell was that supposed to mean?' he pondered to himself as he found himself sitting at the last step of the staircase, leaning his white canvas against the dusty brick walls before putting his palm against his cheek, his elbow supported right above his knees as he gazed in awe at the little singer. 

His pupils never moved away from the young girl who began to twirl around with her hands on her hips. And that girl was you. He watched as you danced and sang as if you were in your own little world, almost clumsily bumping into an old man carrying two heavy wooden crates in his arms. He chuckled at the sight, a soft smile stretching across his face as he watched the girl apologize for almost bumping into him, making Renjun realise that she might have some sort of blurred vision with how she was squinting at the older man. 

‘Or she might just be an idiot,’ Renjun thought with a deadpan expression, laying his chin on his hand as he let out a soft sigh. Renjun had been living in this town all his life, despite the fact that he rarely goes out of his own home. He’s sure that no one in this town would blast such a merry tune so shamelessly in public while dancing and singing around like a fool expressing themselves. And it was quite rare for someone to walk around with a barrel organ out of nowhere.

The music stopped midway when you let out a small yelp and clumsily tripped over your own feet as you turned to your barrel organ when the lever stopped turning, eliciting a soft giggle from Renjun. You let out a soft grunt, huffing as you ignored the slightly concerned looks of your audience. You stood up quickly, hands coming up to brush off the dust and debris off your skirt, tugging on your suspenders as you attempted to ignore the embarrassed red tint on your own cheeks as you tried to play it off as cool. 

Renjun couldn't help but giggle at the sight, his cold emotionless expression morphing into one filled with the slightest bit of amusement. Though, it quite took Renjun aback when he saw you turn your head from your barrel organ to his figure sitting a few meters away from where you were standing, turning your head rapidly to find the source, raising a brow when your eyes met Renjun's. He stopped laughing when your eyes met briefly, eyes widening in shock as he began to fidget in his place as you began to waddle over to him, dragging your barrel organ with you. 

Wait, were you going over to talk to him? How did you even acknowledge his existence? Did you hear him snicker at your silly antics? Even if you did, how could you even hear him with how busy your surroundings were?

You stood before him with hands on your hips, lips pursed at him. "What were you laughing at?" you asked, a slight pout adorning on your lips as you looked down at the boy who raised his brow. Renjun felt his words pile up in his throat, trying to think of something to say without offending or upsetting the girl before him, as his Seulgi and Irene (his caretaker’s weekly patients) had always told him that ‘once you anger a feisty lady, there’s no turning back!’. 

Now that you were standing only a few inches away from him, he couldn’t help but take a small moment to observe your appearance more clearly. Renjun's eyes couldn't help but wander towards your figure, examining your facial features in full detail. The way the sunlight reflected upon your pupils, how your figure stood out that he could barely decipher that other people were present around them. The way your dress framed your body, lips pursed with a slight pout, eyelids fluttering softly as you blinked at him as you were waiting for a response. Renjun wondered how someone could look this entrancing.

"Hello? Are you listening to me?!"

Renjun blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. His mouth opening as his pupils went back up to catch the intense glare that the girl in front of him was sending. He closed his mouth when he realized he didn't know what to say in response, his mind turning blank when he saw you quirked one of your eyebrows up suspiciously. "I don't- How can you even hear me laugh from such a distance?" Renjun's voice faltered nervously, trying to avoid your question, furrowing his brows.

Your expression lightened slightly at the nervous boy, a bright smile of your own stretching across her face. "Out of all of my five senses, my hearing has always been the best considering I don't rely much on my eyes," you shrugged, sitting beside him on the last step of the stairs. Stretching your legs out as you used your palms to smoothen your dress before crossing your arms on your thighs and turning your head to look at the boy. "I saw you staring at me from a distance, was I that good?" you smirked, raising a brow. 

“You saw me? I thought you said you can’t rely on your eyes that much?” he asked in a weak attempt to dodge your question once again. “I lied, some lady told me that you were staring at me even after this old thing gave up on me,” you huffed, kicking your foot lightly at the old barrel organ in front of you. “Stop dodging my question. I don’t want to assume that you were stalking me or something,” you turned your head back to the boy, pointing an accusatory finger at him, wiggling the finger in front of his face teasingly.

Renjun bit the inside of his cheek, a scowl forming on his lips as he rolled his eyes. "Don't get too cocky, I was just perplexed. I was baffled to see someone playing such a merry tune so shamelessly in this lousy, depressing town," he responded with a click of his tongue. "How so?" you asked, tilting your head in confusion at the boy before looking around at your surroundings. “This town doesn’t look that depressing to me. Just needed some lighting up, that’s all,” your positivity elicited another scoff from the boy.

Renjun turned to you, brows furrowed slightly, confused as to how you couldn’t see how this town was the literal epitome of the Great Depression itself. "You're not from here, are you? Come to think of it, I've never seen you around here before." Renjun asked with a curious expression, watching as a cheeky grin formed across your face. "You got me there." You let out a soft chuckle, shrugging shamelessly before gazing up at the cloudy grey sky. 

"My parents and I just moved in today. They told me to run off and go dilly dally-ing around town so as to not bother them as they set up the whole place,” you explained, nodding towards your barrel organ. “I think I made a great first impression as the new lady in town, don’t you think?” you asked, giving him a sweet smile, ignoring how Renjun gave you an affirming shake of his head to say ‘no’ bluntly. “Well I definitely knocked your socks off, didn’t I? That’s enough for me!” you exclaimed brightly, clasping your hands together. 

“You don’t even know me. I don’t even know you. And how would you know if I was moved by your oh-so-stupendous actions?” Renjun rolled his eyes sarcastically, gripping his canvas tightly as he spoke, looking down at his shoes. He had never spoken to someone his age before without being forced by his caretaker or having to meet them for the first time at Madam Wendy’s home. It was quite new for him to be talking to a lady as well, for most of them were too shy to even talk to the young lad for his cold glare struck shivers down their spine.

“The sound of your laugh was enough to convince me that my actions were indeed stupendous, good sir!” you shot back confidently, a proud smile on your face as you placed your hands on your knees. “Oh bother,” he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes once again at you, ignoring how the confusion he felt when the cogs and gears of his heart were speeding up in action. “I’m Y/n, by the way! It’s good to know I made a friend on my first day in Edinburgh. Perhaps my mini shameless performance wasn’t entirely fruitless!” you reached your hand out, gesturing for him to shake it.

Renjun looked at your hand for a brief moment, pupils gazing back up at your happy expression, raising a brow at you before sighing heavily. He pulled his hand from his canvas before leaning over to shake your hand gently, “Renjun. Huang Renjun,” he introduced, his tone emotionless. Your hand was warm and soft unlike his own dry ones. Your hand had small specks of dust, which he assumed were from the dusty lever of the barrel organ while his own was covered with dry acrylic paint from his previously wet canvas.

Upon the warm feeling surging through his body at the touch, he felt the tiny mechanical bird inside of his cuckoo clock heart burst out from his clock in response when his skin touched yours, the sharp wooden beak hitting the fabric of his jacket alarmingly. Thus making a small, almost inaudible ‘cuckoo’ that only Renjun (fortunately) heard.

"It’s lovely to be your acquaintance, Huang Renjun. Though, I must warn you, I might not be here for long. My family has been travelling from town to town for years, searching for something.” You told him, pulling your hand back to your side with a small shrug. “Searching? Searching for what exactly?” Renjun asked, watching your expression turned unreadable. You shrugged, leaning your cheek against your palm, your elbow supporting on your leg. “That’s the thing! I’m not quite sure, they won’t tell me.”

“A treasure chest, perhaps?” Renjun suggested, putting a hand on his chin in thought. “Perhaps so. Though, I’m searching for something myself, as well.  I haven't found it yet and I doubt I'm going to find it here." you sighed simply, leaning your head up to gaze at the cloudy sky. Eyes watching as the sun was barely visible due to the thick grey clouds layering over it, signalling that it might rain soon. 

"Well, what are you searching for exactly? Treasure? Money? Wealth is considered as a greedy sin in this town, so I don't think this is some place where you can find those." Renjun hummed, his hand going back to gripping his canvas as he felt the cogs and gears in his heart working faster than usual. Hell, he didn't know why he was so curious about this. This was none of his business, after all. This was your problem, why was he so keen on keeping the conversation going? Why was he so intrigued in a young foreign singer his age he’s just met?

You shook your head, sucking your lips into your mouth before pulling your bottom lip out in a pout. "I’m not a fool, Renjun. I'm not really interested in wealth or fortune. Though, telling you about my life goal appears to be too intimate for us, don’t you think? We just met after all. So all that I can say at the moment that what I’m searching for is for me to know and for you to find out," you send him a teasing smile, causing Renjun to frown and roll his eyes in annoyance, leaning back slightly before sending you a deadpan expression, 

"Does your extravagant search involve spectacles? You might look like you might need them, I know someone that could handle that," he mused, his lips quirking up into a teasing smirk, causing a frown to display on your face. A dead panned expression morphing on to your facial features. "I may have really terrible eyesight, but that isn't a way to talk to a lady, Renjun." you pressed your lips on to a thin line, rolling your eyes at the boy as you let out a soft laugh with a shake of your head. 

"Besides, I look terrible in them. As I said in my song, which I'm sure like all the other folks in this world that doesn't pay attention to the message I was trying to convey in my lyrics, it-"

"It makes quite a sight, enough to give the world a fright like a sprite wearing specs?"

You furrowed your brows as Renjun let out a sheepish smile with a raise of his eyebrow, teasing you as a baffled expression laid upon your features at his words. "You were saying, Y/n?" he mused, waving his hand, gesturing for you to continue with your words. Watching as your baffled expression morphed into an amused one. “Oh, that was quite charming of you, Huang,” you shot back with a flirty grin, causing the ticking of his heart to quicken against his chest, sending him small jolts of pain which he attempted to conceal with small chuckles.

"I’m surprised you were paying attention to my lyrics instead of enjoying my song like a normal human being," you huffed, pushing his face away with your palm against the side of his face, eliciting a small laugh from the boy beside you. "You really shouldn't play games with your sight though. They say a blurry vision will leave you in the dark," Renjun recited, remembering the words his caretaker had always said to him about the patients who come in their quarters using spectacles or glasses. 

You shrugged innocently. "I prefer life all a blur than to look horrendous for a living. You and your pretty face wouldn't understand. Also, I tend to forget my glasses frequently despite the fact that my parents’ constant nagging to bring them around," you , causing Renjun's jaw to drop at your bold statement. He has heard compliments about his dashing looks ever since he was a young boy from Madam Wendy’s relatives but ‘pretty’ wasn’t one of them, he should’ve brushed the compliment off and focus on the context of your words and stop acting as if he hadn’t been complimented before.

But however, something about this felt peculiarly different than the times where his family complimented him on his charming looks.

"Pretty? I haven’t heard that one before," Renjun spoke rather hesitantly, still quite bewildered that a woman his age had shamelessly complimented on his looks to his face. Yet again, said woman has a terrible eyesight so he couldn't be too sure that it was a compliment. You laughed, bumping your shoulder against his softly. "That’s the only thing you got out of my words? Are you an insecure lad, Huang?" you chuckled, giving him a slightly sheepish smile. “Are you sure you don’t need spectacles?” Renjun snapped back. 

"I’m just pushing your buttons! I assure you that even without my glasses. I can confirm that you are quite an attractive young man, and that’s saying something considering I’ve been travelling here and there for most of my life. I'm not as blind as a bat, you know." you giggled, clicking your tongue before adding on. "Besides, it won't make much of a difference, really. Even with or without glasses, I still see a very pretty boy," you joked, laughing lightly.

“Out of all the compliments you could’ve chosen, you decided upon the word ‘pretty’? Sounds quite feminine, don’t you think?” he asked, leaning his head to the side, looking at you with half lidded eyes. He realised that he didn’t mind being called pretty, he didn’t mind being complimented by you. Despite the fact that you two had just met. But he couldn’t help but wonder why you had decided to choose ‘pretty’ instead of the other synonyms of ‘attractive’. 

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing? I think pretty can be used for anything. It’s just a word after all, why do things have to be differentiated by the littlest of things? It’s just a synonym of ‘beautiful’,” you shrugged, watching as small raindrops started to pour down from the cloudy grey sky, reaching your hand out to feel the water drops hitting and wetting your skin slowly. Renjun raised his brow at you, perplexed at how you could be so nonchalant about your terrible eyesight considering his caretaker would endlessly bicker until he was forced to use spectacles until his eyes magically got better.

"What's that odd pitter patter?" you mumbled, snapping Renjun out of his thoughts once again. His eyes widened when he realised that the sound of his clock heart ticking had increased, blending well with the sound of the rain as water began to hit the surface of the concrete. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone other than close relatives about his fragile condition, so his anxiety spiked when you turned to look at him, expecting an answer. "It's the rain." Renjun replied after a moment, gulping down his nerves before turning to you. 

"Do you like the rain?" Renjun asked, gulping afterwards when he realised how your eyes softly bore into his with an unreadable expression, the eye contact making Renjun’s clock heart steam up a bit as the gears worked even faster than before. Sighing as you felt the cold breeze that comes with the rain send goosebumps across your skin, you rubbed your arms before looking back to the pouring rain. You shook your head, "getting wet? Not really."

"But the sound it makes? Yes. It always reminded me of how I used to play in the rain back when I was still in elementary school," you nodded with a soft smile. 

The sound of the church bell pierced your ears, making Renjun’s eyes go wide when he realised that the clock had struck 6 pm. Quickly, he got up to his feet, his brushes almost slipping out of his fingers as he stumbled to get onto his feet. “Are you okay?” you asked, looking up at him in confusion, furrowing your brows at the boy as he gulped nervously. “I’m fine, I shouldn’t be out this late,” Renjun shook his head, biting his lip nervously when he realized that the rain wasn’t going to halt anytime soon.

“I don’t think the rain is stopping anytime soon, I suggest you wait here momentarily if you don’t want to catch a cold,” you commented, standing up as well as you stretched your hand out once again to feel the raindrops hitting your palm, smiling softly at the nostalgic feeling that came with it. He clicked his tongue, cursing at himself for letting his curiosity get the best of him as he contemplated on running all the way back home soaking wet. He wouldn’t want to lose his new found freedom.

Muttering a small curse under his breath, he stuck his book under his canvas before hovering it over his head. “Are you going to run? It’s raining cats and dogs out there,” you exclaimed, eyes growing wide when you turned your head to see him taking a deep breath. “Pardon me, unlike you, I have curfews. My caretaker would have my head if I don’t go back home soon,” Renjun deadpanned, rolling his sleeves out as he felt shivers down his spine when the cold wind blew against his skin. 

Right before Renjun was about to take a step into the pouring rain, you grabbed on the sleeve of his shirt, holding him back. “Wait, when can we see each other again?” you asked, eyes boring holes into the back of his head. He paused, his cuckoo clock heart ticking loudly against his chest at the small action. He slowly turned back to you, furrowing his brows as he felt the small machine heat up against his skin, causing him to wince slightly. Noticing his small reaction, you quickly dropped your hand, apologizing abruptly before clasping your hands before your hand. 

“It’s just- I haven’t been in this town for very long and I really need a friend beside me. I’m not quite fond of being alone. I know we just met, but I hope that we could be acquaintances at least?” you grinned up, your bright smile sending ominous effects to his heart as he took a moment to process your words. Renjun started at your bright expression, small steam coming out continuously from his mechanical heart as the seconds went by. His eyes dart from the rain before back to your figure standing right in front of him, waiting for his answer. 

‘Acquaintances?’ 

Renjun has never had friends before. His caretaker would introduce him to her client’s children from time to time but (luckily for Madame Wendy) he had never shown an interest in making colleagues.  But for some reason, something inside him was pulling him to say yes to you. Something inside of him wanted him to try and get to know you even more. It felt wrong. It felt very wrong. But yet again, it felt so right. 

Biting his lip, he gave you a soft smile. 

“I have faith that we’ll be seeing each other again very soon.”

-

“I just think it’s quite preposterous!” you exclaimed as you laid down against the smooth surface of the fountain basin. Renjun chuckled, pressing his paintbrush gently against his wooden palette to get bits of his white paint to add more details to his painting. 

It's been a couple months since the day you met, and since then, you two have been growing closer by the day. Your friendship blossomed as the weeks went by. Madam Wendy wasn’t very fond when Renjun came home soaking wet after curfew, but she excused his actions when he told her that he just lost track of time at the library once again. A rare occurrence but it still happens from time to time, and considering Renjun barely lies to his caretaker, she believed him when he told her so.

Every once a week, the two of you would meet up on the same exact spot as the day you first laid eyes on each other. Renjun assumed that your house was closer considering you were always there first, twisting the crank of your barrel organ, kicking your feet as you sat on the fountain base to wait for him to arrive in your usual dark magenta dress (which he assumed to be the uniform of the school you were attending). The two of you would always walk around town, searching for spots to relax yourselves and talk about random things as you watch Renjun paint whatever that catches his eye. Overall enjoying each other’s company as if the two of you were in your own personal little bubble. 

“What’s so preposterous about the infamous Romeo and Juliet, exactly?” Renjun asked, chuckling as he dabbed the brush on the canvas, blending the colours of the sky on his artwork. You clasped your hands together, huffing as you scoffed at him. “Ever since my school made us all read Romeo and Juliet for the next literature exam, I just realise how horrible this trope is,” you tossed your book to the floor with a click of your tongue, hopping off of the fountain to walk closer to Renjun. 

“Do explain why you think so,” Renjun giggled, watching you dip your finger against the white paint on his palette and kneeling down to smear it against the title on the front cover of your book with a frown on your face. “Why are the females always quote unquote ‘damsels in distress’? It’s very misogynistic if you ask me!” you tsked, grabbing your book and leaning forward to show Renjun the front cover of the book. “Mister Shakespeare was truly a legendary fellow to create a piece of writing this famous, but why use poor unsuspecting 14 year old Romeo and Juliet as the female protagonist?” you complained.

“Why couldn’t it be ‘Romeo romeo, let down your hair!’ instead of ‘romeo romeo, where art thou?” It seems a bit more fair to me,” you joked, causing Renjun to furrow his brows at you. “It might be quite improper for a boy to have tremendously long hair, y/n,” he had to lay the back of his hand against his chest in an attempt to calm down his mechanic heart, feeling it heat up against his skin as he noticed how close the proximity between you were. You scoffed at the boy before you, standing up straight and letting the book hand in between your fingers.

Putting your hands on your hips, you walked in front of him, covering his view of the town. “Well it doesn’t give Mister Shakespeare a reason to give the story an unhappy ending. The despair it brings when you found out they both died in the end? Absolutely preposterous, why would anyone like books with such unhappy endings?” you added on, poking your book with a scrunched up expression, bringing a smile upon Renjun’s lips as he found your figure poking the book in your hands as endearing as watching an small innocent child playing with their own food. 

He sucked in his lip, taking a moment to admire your beautiful form. The gears in his mechanical clock worked faster as his eyes wandered to your slightly pouting soft lips, wondering how soft it would feel against his own. He cleared his throat when he felt a sharp pain scorching through his chest when he realised he was starting to imagine things, patting his chest softly as he tried to bite back a smile. 

“Maybe you just haven’t read true masterpieces,” Renjun responded after a pregnant pause, opening his little bag and pulling out the novel he’s been obsessed with for the past few months, placing it in your palms. “Read this, you can thank me later,” Renjun smiled, patting the book in your hands with a light chuckle, looking up into your eyes for a brief moment before looking back at his canvas. For he feared that if he stared into them any longer, he would simply get lost in your eyes for ages, wincing silently when his chest started to ache. 

“‘The Great Expectations’? This sounds like those tedious books my parents keep on their shelf,” you raised your brow, sitting down on the fountain again as you began to observe the book in your palms, squinting your eyes at the summary written at the back cover of the book. “‘Break his heart, Estella! Break his heart!’ That sounds so cruel of her to break an innocent boy’s heart,” you frowned, looking up at your friend with the adorable frown Renjun came to endear. 

Renjun laughed, shrugging simply as he went back to painting. His fingers twitching against the brush as he coloured white clouds on his piece, feeling your eyes curiously on his content form. “You didn’t want the female protagonist to be the damsel in distress, did you? I just simply gave you what you asked for,” Renjun shrugged, feeling his heart do somersaults as you let out a loud huff of breath, scooching closer towards him so you can begin reading the book. “I suppose so,” you muttered under your breath. 

“Do you carry books like this around with you as you paint or are you a magician who can pull out rabbits out of that bag of yours as well?” you asked jokingly, pulling the cover open and flipping to the first page. “I-Wait hold on, a magician as well?” he furrowed his brows at you, turning his head towards you and leaning his head to the side in confusion. You shot your head up, giving him a bright expression as you nodded eagerly. 

“You might have half of the town convinced that you’re some cold hearted teenager living with the ‘witch’ or the makeshift doctor, as you would like to say, but you can’t fool me, mister! We may have known each other for less than a few months but I know for a fact that you are a magician!” you pointed an accusatory finger at him, wiggling your index finger around, your fingertip hovering right above his nose before poking it with a small ‘boop; coming from your mouth. 

He furrowed his brows, gently pushing your hand away from his face with a raised brow. “Do you mind explaining why you have come to that conclusion?” Renjun asked, an amused expression spreading across his features as he dropped his brush into the cup of water set right beside him before crossing his arms against his chest and leaning back slightly. You grinned, “you’re one of the few people I’ve ever known who can paint so majestically. Have you seen your own paintings, Mister Huang Renjun?” you exclaimed, giving him a wide smile as you threw your arms up in the air. 

He chuckled, adjusting the beret on top of his head. “You don’t know many people, y/n,” he commented with a small smirk on his lips. “Let me finish before I usurp you, Huang,” you frowned, furrowing your brows and squinting your eyes threateningly at him. “I doubt that you even know what usurped means,” Renjun chuckled, shaking his head profusely at you. “Don’t doubt my low vocabulary, Renjun,” you crossed your hands, letting his book lay on your lap as he let out a soft laugh. 

“Alright, what are you going to usurp me from exactly?” he asked smugly, raising a brow at you. “That’s not the point of this conversation, what I’m saying is that you and your aesthetically pleasing art skills are magical!” you shot back in a snappy tone, avoiding the fact that you used a word that you don’t entirely know the meaning of. (considering you only heard it from your mother when she was talking to someone on the phone every morning whenever your father was off at work)  

He swore he could feel the ticking of his tock stop for a few seconds at your words. “Pardon?” he spluttered, putting his hand on his chest once again as he felt the gears in his cuckoo clock turn rapidly against his chest. “The way you carefully apply to each and every detail on every crevice of your canvas is like magic, the way you know how much paint you should apply to get just the right colours and the way you focus on shading or blending the paints together to achieve the small shadows or to adjust the lighting of the painting is just-” 

You paused before letting out a loud groan, “superb! I can’t even find the words on how to explain your magical abilities, the simplest way I can put it in my own way is that you are equivalent to a magician!” you waved your hands around at the canvas in front of the two of you, your eyes going wide in awe as you stared at the half finished piece as if it was the first time you had seen a rare jewel in person. 

Renjun’s jaw dropped as he couldn’t find the words to express how flustered he felt. However, the way his cuckoo clock began to steam up was another completely different thing. He couldn’t help but look down shy at his own paint stained hands, wondering how you could find awe in something as messy as his artwork. “And it is an absolute crime knowing that you aren’t some kind of world wide painter, your paintings are absolutely beautiful!” you exclaimed, smiling up at him as Renjun stared wordlessly into your eyes. 

He couldn’t help but notice how close you have gotten when you began on your unceremonious ramble about his art skills, he couldn’t stop his eyes from darting up your eyes and down to your plump lips. Gulping silently, he scooched back a little bit, gripping the sleeves of his button up shirt tightly as he tried to take the ticking of his heart against his ears, a fuzzy feeling overcoming the slight jolting pain in his chest as he did so.

He watched your eyes go wide at his actions, realizing that you moved too far. “Oh crumbs!” you exclaimed, taking a large step back as you realised the close proximity between you attracted attention from the people around you, eyes watching you like a hawk. Some held disgust to see two teenagers of the opposite gender oh-so-close to each other as if they were going to share a sweet kiss. Some held awe in them, adoring the sight of the two flustered beings cozying up to each other like that. Some held shock as they had never seen the mysterious cold hearted boy who lived in the little house on the steeple that close to someone before.

“I’m so so sorry!” you rambled, feeling your chest swell up as you grew flustered by your own actions. “I didn’t mean to get over excited! It’s just that I was so happy to talk about your art knowing how you don’t think much of it but I just really adore your art and the way you paint- oh god that sounds very inappropriate of me to say. What I meant was-” your short nervous ramblings were cut off when you heard Renjun’s laughter filling your ears, the angelic sound sending warm feelings into your heart. 

“Pardon me for laughing, but that really caught me off guard,” he threw his head back laughing, his cheeks flushing red from laughing too much as he held his stomach, wiping his tears afterward. Your jaw dropped at his amused laughter, embarrassment overcoming your nerves as you huffed angrily at him. “You absolute jerk, I thought I did something wrong and invaded your personal space or made you uncomfortable!” you exclaimed, putting your hands on your hips angrily, only eliciting even more laughter from the sweet boy. 

“It’s really endearing that you find my art that interesting, you really did catch me off guard with your little outburst,” he chuckled, lifting his beret off of his head before running his free hand over his hair, putting the beret back on his head afterwards. You couldn’t deny how pretty he looked with that beret, but of course, you weren’t going to admit it (again) for the sake of your own pride. “I was just expressing my opinions like a normal person, you didn’t have to laugh at me like that, you know,” you crossed your arms against your chest. 

“I wasn’t laughing at your outburst, I can promise you that!” he exclaimed, shaking his head at you, ignoring the searing pain in his chest as he stared lovingly at you. You furrowed your brows, you couldn’t help but notice the slightly sad glint on his pupils, but you chose not to ask about it, focusing on the topic at hand. “Then what were you laughing at exactly, Huang Renjun?” you asked, furrowing your brows at the brown haired boy, who smiled sweetly at you. Leaning his chin against his palm, elbow supported on his thigh. 

“I couldn’t help but laugh at how sweet you looked while talking about the things I do in front of you as if I were moving the sun and moon with my own bare hands.”

-

“You know you have a lovely smile.”

Renjun looked up from his book in alarm, eyes wide at your sudden bluntness. “Excuse me?” he coughed, releasing one hand from the book cover to lay it against the rough surface of his clock heart hidden underneath his coat. “I really like your smile,” you gave him a tight lipped smile, putting the Great Expectations book on the desk you were sitting before laying your hands over the other, placing your chin on top of them before gazing up at him with an innocent shrug. “You’re being quite expressive today,” Renjun chuckled, looking at you with a perplexed expression, his brows furrowed as he kept his hand against his heart, suppressing the little bird inside from letting out a loud ‘cuckoo!’. 

“I don’t like to lie, you know that, Renjun,” you pouted, raising your head up to give him a knowing look. Sitting up straight, Renjun shot you a boyish smile, looking back down at his book. “Why, thank you. That’s quite flattering,” Renjun chuckled, burying his nose in his book in a futile attempt to hide how flustered he felt. Putting the back of his hand against his mouth, he coughed to clear his throat before removing his hand and putting it on his nape to scratch on it nervously. “How are you liking the book so far?”

Renjun cringed at the slight waver in his tone, biting back his tongue as he heard you let out a small hum. “So far, it’s pretty engrossing. It perfectly depicts the image of a young male protagonist losing his child-like innocence through heartbreak and hardship,” you clicked your tongue, folding the corner of the page you were reading before flipping through the other pages to see how many you have left to read. “A compelling coming of age story,” you nodded with a slight shrug. 

“Though, I still don’t understand why you recommended me this book,” you closed the book and placed it back down on the desk, furrowing your brows in curiosity. Renjun gave you a sheepish grin, shrugging as he went back to his own book before replying with a, “you’ll find out once you finish the book,” under his breath. You huffed in response, leaning your forehead against the hardcover of the book, letting out a dramatic sigh. He let out a silent smile, adjusting his glasses as he continued to read the last paragraph of his own book. 

Your eyes glared holes into his head as if he was going to tell you if you glared at him long enough, but you realised that he was back into his own little world now that he was fully immersed into the plot. Your eyes wandered back to the canvas on top of the desk right beside him, his set of acrylic paints and brushes gathered up into a small pile. He had just finished his latest painting of the statue of the founder of this boring town, his artwork never failed to awe you. 

“When I finally manage to finish the book, will you give me one of your artworks free of charge?” you piped up, outstretching your hand as you poked the canvas, trying to pull the large object towards you with a single fingertip in futility. Ever since you started spending your time watching Renjun paint while he listened to you rambling, you had often asked him to draw something for you for free. In which he would always reply with a brief ‘buy your own, acrylics are immensely expensive.’ before rolling his eyes and going back to painting. 

He wasn’t completely wrong. Madam Wendy always grumbled on how paint prices are constantly increasing as time goes on. And whenever Renjun would make a quick trip to the art store just to buy another bottle of white paint, he would always suppress the urge to sigh heavily in front of the kind store owner who would grin innocently (despite the fact that they know full well that they were being absolute gooses for increasing the price as Renjun was going to buy their products nonetheless.)

However it came as a shock to the both of you when he muttered a small ‘fine’ under his breath. Eyes blowing wide as Renjun slowly looked up from his book and eerily turned to you, right before he could open his mouth to retract his words, you shot up to your feet. Catching the boy off guard as you leaned over to cover his mouth with your hands. “No! You are not taking that statement back!” you exclaimed, shaking your head aggressively as you gave him a wide mischievous smile. 

Renjun furrowed his brows, eyes glaring daggers at you to let him go despite the fact that his gears were turning at a rapid speed at the feeling of your skin against his lips. “I’m not letting go unless you say yes,” you mused in a melodious tone, earning a shake of his head in response as he continued to send you his typical cold stare.

Renjun always had a really mean resting face, his eyes always managed to send cold shivers down everyones’ spines. However, there was something comforting in the way he looked at you. A familiar warm feeling blooming in your chest whenever he turned his head to look at you, even though his eyes barely held any emotion, even though his small chuckles and laughs held no genuine happiness in them, you couldn’t help but let a fuzzy feeling grow inside of your stomach. It was exhilarating.

“Come on, you probably have billions of canvases somewhere in town. Giving one away to your dearest friend shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” you whined, still refusing to remove your hand from his lips. He was internally enjoying the close proximity between you, but as the seconds went on, he knew his clock heart was going to burst out of his chest if he didn’t do something. With a small curse in his mind, he pulled your hand away from his mouth. “I would if you paid me. But considering you are currently penniless, I have to politely decline,” Renjun snickered, giving you a disgusted expression as he felt the heat around his mouth disappear into thin air. 

You frowned, pursing your lips as you sat back down on your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “How could you do this to your most beloved friend?” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear as you kicked one of the legs of the table in front of you childishly. Renjun chuckled, “‘Beloved’ isn’t even a word I would use to describe your existence.” Now it was your turn to glare daggers into his skull. “You’re incredibly mean, it’s almost bonkers,” you scoffed. 

“I know,” he shrugged casually, pulling his chair back to stand up. “Now if you excuse me, I would like to wash up to remove whatever bacteria you have oh-so-unceremoniously blessed upon my skin,” he bowed, pushing the chair back in the table as he tugged on the cuffs of his coat, giving you a small grin. “My hands are squeaky clean, excuse me!” you retorted, putting a hand on your chest in faux offense. “Keep telling yourself that, Y/n,” he nodded, abruptly walking towards the washroom at the back of the library with a hand on his chest as the effects of his emotions finally took place inside his mechanical ticking heart. 

As soon as Renjun turned to a corner, out of your line of vision, his whole body started twitching in pain. With a shaky hand he pulled back his coat to reveal the state of his clock. The hands of his clock were turning at a rapid speed, the small bird popping out of the clock and letting out a small ‘cuckoo!’. It was steaming up. Smoke was coming out of the contraption as if it was caught on fire. He felt like his chest was on fire. Renjun leaned his back against the wall, shakily blowing the smoke away and fanning it away softly with his hand. 

What’s happening to him? 

This has never happened before. What was happening to him? Why was he in so much pain? Why couldn’t he call out for help? Why couldn’t he make any sound?

Renjun wanted to cry out in pain, his body twitched as the tiny mechanical bird popped out of his clock with a loud ‘cuckoo!’. He gasped, patting his hands around his pockets for the key to his mechanical heart. He could hear the alarming ticking sounds of his clock with every second that went by, warning him something’s going to happen if nothing is done to stop this pain as he twitched in pain once again, clutching the clock with one hand, he felt something inside the pocket of his shirt. With a small grunt of pain, he fished out the small golden key inside. 

He pulled his hand away from his clock, gasping for breath as the pain in his chest increased with every tick of his heart. He plunged the key into the small hole connecting the arrows of the clock, quickly turning it counter clockwise as the pain started to lessen. Once the pain subsided, he dropped his hand to his sides, panting in exhaustion as his eyes blew wide with fear, his gears were working at their usual pace once again. His chest felt numb, a small throbbing pain lingering somewhere inside of him. 

‘What the hell was that?’ 

His eyes were glossy as he felt his emotions overwhelm his mind. His heart felt like it was going through a spin, as if the big hand of his core was going to pop out of his skin. His bones felt weak, as if it was about to implode at any second. The cogs and springs in his clock felt like they were about to explode. 

The loud alarming ticking in his ears made him wonder if he didn’t pull out the key in time, would his cuckoo clock heart halt for good?

-

“I’ll be off now, Wendy,” Renjun announced as he hopped down the stairs eagerly, gripping his fresh, new, empty canvas to his sides with one hand and spinning one of his brushes in between the fingers of the other. “Oh, you seem in a bit of a hurry, Renjun,” a familiar voice cooed teasingly, her words followed by another giggle. Renjun paused in his step, mustering up the energy to form a small smile as he looked up at the two women giggling at him. “Good morning, Joy. Good morning, Yeri,” he greeted with a polite bow. 

Joy and Yeri weren’t related in any way to Madam Wendy, but they are regular patients who would drop by weekly. And as far as he knew, they were one of the very few people who knew about his fragile condition (which is probably why they visit so often). “You look brighter than usual, what’s gotten you in such a rush, young lad?” Yeri grinned, sipping on her tea as she crossed her leg over the other with raised eyebrows. 

“It’s just a small trip to town, I need to buy more acrylics as well,” Renjun lied through his teeth, feeling the gears in his heart work faster at the thought of meeting you at your usual spot. “You haven’t had breakfast yet, Renjun,” Wendy spoke up, attracting the attention of the three in the room with pancakes stacked on three individual plates. “Do sit down! It’s been quite a while since you had a chit chat with your lovely aunts!” Joy giggled, patting the extra seat beside her before looking at her friend, who nodded in agreement. 

“I really shouldn’t interrupt-” 

“Renjun, go sit down,” Madam Wendy coaxed, placing a hand on his shoulder and nodding towards the empty spot on the sofa. Renjun looked back at his caretaker before sighing heavily, placing his canvas and brushes on the table near the entrance door and walking to sit on the empty spot the women had saved for him. “I’ll be upstairs cleaning up, if you need me,” his caretaker informed before exiting the living room, leaving her adopted son with the other two women in the room. 

“Okay, she’s gone!” Yeri exclaimed in a rather quiet tone before grabbing her fork and looking back at the teenager sitting beside them. “So how are you, honey? I just realised we didn’t even get to greet you last week considering you’ve been so busy lately,” Yeri hummed, shoving a spoonful of pancakes into her mouth as she spared a glance at Renjun. “Indeed! I assume you found something interesting in your great adventure in the outside world,” Joy giggled with an enthusiastic nod, causing Renjun’s eyes to widen. 

Renjun let out a small chuckle. “You two make it sound as if I was a protagonist of some weird story,” he mused, digging into his own stack of pancakes as he felt a warm feeling in his stomach at the memory of the day you first met. “Don’t beat around the bush and tell us!” Joy rolled her eyes at the younger boy, grabbing her cup of tea and pulling it to her lips. “How was this great adventure you’ve discovered?” she asked, her eyes flickering from her tea to Renjun briefly. 

Renjun bit his lip, scanning the room to ensure that Madam Wendy was nowhere in sight. He knew he could trust these two, considering the countless times he’s gotten away with his lies and rants. He bit his lip, glancing down at his hands nervously before giving his aunts a genuine smile. “It was fabulous,” he sighed dreamily, a sheepishly wide smile stretching across his lips as he took another bashful bite of his pancakes. “Tell all! Tell all! Don’t miss any details!” Yeri squealed. 

“What made it all so fabulous?” Joy whispered, her eyes peering curiously at the boy who appeared to be in a dreamy state. “A little singer with glasses which she won’t wear,” he replied almost instantly without any hesitation, a little bit too fast for his liking. “She isn’t all that, is she?” Yeri gasped, leaning back slightly in shock to hear her little Renjun was talking about someone and not something. 

He shot up, straightening his back as he dropped his fork on his plate with a shake of his head. “She is! She really is!” Renjun nodded eagerly, his hands coming up to make grand gestures as he continued on with his words. “She reminds me of a… sparrow! Perched up on the toppest tree branch in it’s tiny little feet, it gives her this calming fragile aura like a twig falling off of a branch. Her voice- her singing is like listening to a nightingale singing a bird song but with words! Or those soothing musical numbers they would always play in the telly after a good show has ended,” Renjun described, his eyes filled with stars and his heart filled with passion. 

The two shared knowing looks, bewildered at how dazed the boy in front of them truly was at that moment. “And her smile it’s like a work of art! Far greater than all of my masterpieces combined, far greater than the artwork displayed on museums! Her laughter makes her seem so miniscule, I could hardly believe that such a light heartening sound could be elicited from a human being!” Renjun went on, his smile wide as he leaned back at the thought of your smile which made his stomach do somersaults. 

“Oh Renjun, I bet that once she catches the flu, you’ll change your mind. Whenever women like those who catch the flu, they cough up a storm and sneeze like a steam truck,” Yeri joked, earning a brief frown from Renjun who scoffed in response. “Oh nonsense! I bet if she does, it would sound like a majestic flute found in the mountains!” Renjun waved his hand off with a roll of his eyes in disbelief.

The two women laughed in response, shaking a knowing look. “So basically, to sum everything up. You went to town and instead of catching the flu, you caught a bug in town, you young lad!” Yeri raised her eyebrow suggestively at the boy, indicating that he’s very much caught the love-bug she’s always ranted about on a daily basis. “Oh deary!” Joy gasped before letting out another fit of giggles, cupping her mouth to ensure that her giggles weren’t loud enough for Madam Wendy to hear. 

“You know it’s forbidden,” Yeri lectured, her tone turning serious when she realised that Renjun was actually serious about this. “For-bid-den!” Joy emphasized with every wave of her finger with a disappointing shake of her head. “I know,” Renjun sighed, a frown forming at his lips as he sunk back against the seat he was sitting on, leaning his head back sadly. “It’s for your own good, you know,” Joy smiled sadly, sympathy lacing her tone as she patted the boy’s head comfortingly. 

“Indeed. Oh deary, I wish I could live without love,” Yeri sighed, pulling out a mirror from her purse to reapply her lipstick. “Oh no, here we go again,” Renjun chuckled, sitting up straight once again as he prepared himself for another sad tragic love story his aunt has to offer. “Every day, every time I fall in love with a patient here or a man, they would always fall for some other girl!” Yeri ranted with a heavy sigh, smacking her lips together to get an even coating on her lips. “I am not letting Renjun listen to another one of your sob stories!” Joy huffed, leaning over to cup Renjun’s ears with her palms. 

“You might taint the poor boy with your bad luck with love!” she exclaimed. “Isn’t my condition a symbol of this bad luck?” Renjun chuckled, gently tugging on the older woman's wrists to remove her palms away from his ear. “Oh hush you, I’m sure you’ll get over this little infatuation you have with this little singer,” Yeri waved her hand off nonchalantly, huffing slightly. “It’s not like you see her every day of the week, you’ll get over it in no time!” she added with an encouraging hum, watching as Joy nodded with her in agreement. 

Renjun bit his lip, biting back his tongue as he continued to shove pancakes into his mouth as quickly as possible. At that moment, Madam Wendy finally came down with a key in her hand. “Renjun, I’ve always told you to bring your key wherever you go. Why won’t you ever take my words to heart?” Wendy sighed, handing the key to his mechanic heart to the young boy, who gulped slightly and mumbled a small apology under his breath before tucking his key in his front pocket. 

He couldn’t help but shiver as the memory of him having a near death experience flashed through his mind, the image of the key plunging into his heart and winding it up to lessen the pain he endured had traumatized him. He was terrified of it happening again. He was terrified of what’s becoming of him. Was this the effects of falling in love? Was he falling in love with you? He hasn’t even known you for very long, he couldn’t possibly fall for you in such a short time.

Besides, why does falling in love feel so good but hurt so bad?

-

“So how was the book I lent you?” Renjun asked in an attempt to spark up a conversation. “Quite interesting, though, I’m not quite sure that I’ll finish it any time soon. I like to focus deep into the depths of the story, fully imagine the characters emotions and thoughts,” you exclaimed, pushing your organ barrel beside the tree Renjun was leaning against, sitting down beside him under the shade and crossing your legs, tugging the edges of your dress over your knees. You dusted the bits of dirt off of the fabric on your dress. 

“I understand, it’s the thought process, right?” Renjun nodded, flipping a page of his book as he hummed. “Indeed! Though, I can’t quite get the gist of why Ms Havisham is so devoted to making Estella break Pip’s heart. She should’ve just left the poor girl alone, besides, I really don’t want to see the poor boy heartbroken,” you frowned, clicking your tongue in thought. “I despise Pip’s sister, as well,” you added with an innocent smile. 

Renjun let out an amused chuckle. “Yeah, she’s a rather insufferable character, isn’t she?” he nodded in agreement, remembering how heartless Pip’s older sister was when it came to Pip and her own husband before she passed away in the book. “She’s exactly what my mother would consider as a bitch,” you added on, pulling your glasses out from your purse with a small giggle, earning a loud gasp from the boy beside you.  “Y/n, language!” he gasped, pulling his book back to gaze at you with wide eyes. 

You giggled, mumbling a small apology before fidgeting with the frames of your glasses mindlessly. Renjun watched you play with your glasses from the corner of his eye, internally wondering why you have never worn them despite carrying them around in your purse everywhere you go. Furrowing his brows, he turned his head back to his book, biting back his tongue before shaking his head at himself.

“You know, you really shouldn’t play games with your sight if it leaves you in the dark, y/n,” Renjun deadpan, not sparing you a glance as he licked the tip of his thumb to flip a page from his new book. You huffed at your friend, fidgeting with your new spectacles in between your fingers as you rolled your eyes at the boy beside you. “How poetic,” you scoffed, earning a soft chuckle from Renjun. “I think I prefer life all a blur, thank you very much,” you added on with a snappy tone. 

“What does that even mean?” Renjun laughed lightly, putting his book down on his lap to turn to you with a soft expression on his face. “I keep forgetting to wear my glasses and now my eyes are blurry, I can’t even see the outline of my hand,” you stated, raising your free hand up above to the sky and squinted your eyes at it in an attempt to get a clearer vision of your hand that was merely a few inches away from you. “Your glasses are literally in your palms,” Renjun pointed out, nodding his head at the hand holding the glasses in question. 

You opened your mouth to speak, slowly putting your glasses in your little handbag behind you before clearing your throat. “As I said before, I forgot to wear my glasses,” you repeated, giving him a cheshire grin in response. “Jesus Christ, why do I even bother?” Renjun muttered under his breath with a shake of his head, “won’t your vision get worse the lesser you wear them?” he asked once again, rubbing his temples in distress. 

Humming in confirmation, you shrugged innocently before leaning back against the tree the two of you were sitting against. “Though, I believe it won’t get worse as long as I close my eyes. My vision won’t get worse if I don’t see, right? Besides, it feels good to close my eyes,” just as you finished your words, you clasped your hands on your lap, leaning your head back against the tree bark and closing your eyes before letting out a sigh of content. Renjun let out an annoyed puff of breath, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

Your content expression was enough to send fiery sparks into his mechanical heart, he could almost feel it steaming up again. He couldn’t help but notice how close you were next to him, as if he were to make one little scooch, your shoulders would be touching. His eyes wandered to your beautiful figure laying right beside him, internally suppressing the urge to clasp you close to his body in a tight embrace. Your soft lips causing his stomach to do somersaults the longer his gaze lingers there. He imagines that he would scatter confettis on the both of you if he were to press his own lips against yours in a kiss. 

His mind couldn’t help but wander back to those times where you had to walk up close to the signs to see what street the two of you were heading, the amount of times you had to squint and lean over the table to read whatever paragraph he was trying to show you during your reading sessions at the library. He felt this sudden urge to protect you, to constantly remind you to wear your glasses in case your vision worsened. 

There was something inside of him screaming at him to not let you stray away from the happy path you were currently in. Something inside of him made him determined to be your only guide, to be your pair of eyes. In return, he knew you would ignite the flame in his heart. No, you would be the special flame that burns his heart. You’d be a conflagration in the night. A pretty arsonist. A fire blazing so bright you’ll see the light of the heavens itself. 

“Oh why bother. You know very well, out of my five senses, my hearings best. I’m pretty sure I’ll recognize you without relying on my eyes,” you waved your hand off carelessly, keeping your eyes closed, oblivious to the way Renjun was looking at you so lovingly. “Well I assure you, I don’t think you can rely on your hearing to walk down the streets without my assistance,” Renjun chuckled, recalling the time when you almost walked into the wrong side of town due to your poor eyesight. 

“You don’t know that! My eyes always lead me astray, anyways. Far away down the street, sometimes I can’t bear to steal a glance at the sun or even look the sky straight in the eye for fear that my eyes would deceive me as well,” you confessed dramatically, finally opening your eyes and turning your head to look at Renjun in the eye. Your eyes widened at the way Renjun’s eyes softened at the sight of your own pupils staring back at his in confusion. You straighten up your position, putting your hands behind you and leaning on them. 

“Then let me be your eyes,” Renjun replied in an almost hushed tone. “I won’t let you stray, I promise,” he gave you a sweet boyish smile, making your heart flutter in your chest at his words. “Aren’t you being a little flirtatious? That’s quite unexpected of you, Huang Renjun,” you said with a raise of your brows as the corner of your lips quirked up into a smile that mirrored his own. You turned your head, feeling your faces grow closer and closer with every second. 

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?” he hummed, turning his body so his shoulder was leaning against the tree bark, a dreamy smile stretched across his lips as he leaned closer to you. You chuckled, shaking your head softly. “I don’t know, what do you think? Maybe it could be a good thing?” you shrugged, closing your eyes and leaning your face closer to his. Renjun followed your actions, feeling the gears in his mechanical heart work at a fast pace. He winced in pain as his body jolted and twitched in pain, the mechanical bird inside of the clock rapidly hitting the door of his clock.

He felt your breath hitting against his face, your lips merely an inch away from his as his body twitched in pain once again. Letting out a grunt of pain, he felt one of the gears of his clock pop out of his chest. Putting his hands on his chest, he grunted once again as his body twitched uncontrollably in pain. There was the sound of fabric being ripped before his vision darkened and he fell back against the concrete floor, falling unconscious within a few seconds.

“Renjun!” a voice yelled out in alarm, causing your eyes to jolt open in shock. 

“Oh god, not this. Please, anything but this,” an unfamiliar voice gasped in a panic. Your vision was blurry, you couldn’t see much happening in front of you. You quickly fished out your spectacles from your purse, putting them on immediately before your eyes widened in fear and shock, your body froze on the spot. You could almost feel your heart stop beating against your chest for a moment. 

Right in front of you was an unconscious Huang Renjun in the arms of an older lady on the floor. He was leaning against her lap, arms wrapped around him tightly in a motherly way. His eyes closed in content, it almost appeared as if he was just sleeping peacefully. There was steam coming out of his chest, you couldn’t see where it was coming from considering the old lady had blocked your view of him almost completely as she pleaded for him to wake up worriedly. 

The lady in question snapped her head at you, glaring daggers at you as if you had committed some sort of arson. “What have you done to him?” she asked, her tone filled with malice and hatred. As if you were the cause of Renjun’s current state. Your eyes widened at her sharp tone, fear and anxiety creeping up in your veins as you couldn’t find the courage to even open your mouth, let alone utter a single word. You shakily got up to your feet, grabbing the strap of your purse before running off away from the two.

-

Slap!

The loud sound of Madam Wendy’s palm making contact with Renjun’s cheek pierced the room, causing his head to turn sideways at the harsh impact, wincing slightly as he laid against the chair, which was commonly used for Wendy’s patients, shirtless. His body jolted at the sudden contact, his heart making a loud ‘cuckoo’ sound at the shock it caused. “What were you thinking? You could’ve died!” Madam Wendy scolded, her fists balled up in her sides as she walked over to her table tray filled with tools. 

Renjun couldn’t speak as he looked down in his palms, his mind blank and face void of emotion. He felt numb at that exact moment, he didn’t know if it was the aftermath of the sheering pain he just endured in front of you or it was because of the feeling of his heart being fixed by his own caretaker. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Huang Renjun. Whatever bloody happened to rule number 3? Did you forget?” Madam Wendy exclaimed in an alarming tone, her voice strict and angry. “No,” Renjun replied before breaking into a small fit of coughs, wincing as his chest burned with every breath he took. 

“Do you have a pain in your heart when you cough?” Madam Wendy asked, her tone filled with worry, eyes filled with disappointment as she searched for a pair of pliers. Renjun nodded slowly in response, gripping the armrests of the chair as he leaned his head back against the pillow set behind his head. “Well multiply that pain and your suffering to a hundred fold and you still won’t understand the pain love causes,” she snapped, using some pliers to pull a piece of fabric from the arrows of his heart, placing the fabric on the small tray beside him before walking off to grab some more tools. 

“And the greater the love, the greater the pain,” she sighed, opening the drawers from across the room. Renjun’s eyes flickered to the woman frantically trying to fix his heart before his eyes moved down to the white fabric on the tray. He reached his arm out to grab it, quickly snucking it in his pockets before looking back at the window. During your near-kiss under the tree, the arrows of his clock must’ve pulled against the fabric of your dress. Your dress wasn’t made out of the most durable fabric, the pull must’ve ripped the top sleeve of your dress when he passed out. 

“First, your sense of ache, followed by pangs of rage and jealousy then incomprehension,” she started to explain, sipping on her coffee as Wendy’s heart ached at the thought of her own child going through that much pain if this goes on.  “Rejection, the agony of heartbreak,” she turned to point her tweezers that was holding a gear in between it with a strict motherly expression. One that Renjun couldn’t bear looking into for too long.

“Your mechanical heart won’t be able to withstand it, you know this! I told you countless times, this is why I’m always so worried whenever I let you go into town,” she barked, walking back to the tools to drop the rusted gear along with the other broken metals she pulled out and replaced from his heart. “It will overheat and explode, I transplanted it with my own two hands, therefore I know it’s limits,” she went on, her tone falling deaf onto Renjun’s ears as his mind wandered back to your figure. 

“A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!”

With eyes closed in thought, he wondered what happened after he fell unconscious, how did Madam Wendy find him in such a short amount of time? What happened to you? Did he scare you when he fell unconscious? He was worried you’ll  be afraid to talk to him now. Did Wendy say anything mean to you while he was out cold on the concrete floor?

Oh god, your presence isn’t even here and your existence is entering his heart and filling it with flames as if you were a little fairy wandering around looking for a new home to live in. A home which is his heart. He couldn’t help but let out a small smile at the vivid memory of sitting so close to you under the shade, how his skin burns at the feeling of touching yours, how your smile and laughter gave colour to his emotionless dark world. Oh how the thought of you made Renjun feel as if he was floating. It was as if you were carrying him up into the sky, he felt like flying by your side. 

“Do you know why I saved your life?” a voice snapped him out of his daydreaming.

His eyes opened, head turning to his caretaker who took a seat next to him, gripping her gloves in her hands. “You were the son I never had,” she confessed, giving him a small comforting smile. “Why couldn’t you have one?” Renjun asked rather hesitantly, his voice almost hushed as if he was whispering, despite the fact that it was only the two of them in the room. Madam Wendy shrugged, sighing heavily. 

“It was no one’s fault. It’s one of those tricks love and nature plays on us, you know that more than anyone,” she chuckled, gesturing to the cuckoo clock heart on his naked chest. “Though, the day your mother gave you to me felt like it was heaven sent. Oh god, I would lose my mind and my reason for living if I lost you,” she reached over and ran her fingers through her child’s hair, making Renjun feel some sort of guilt deep down in his chest. 

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry I fell in love and I don’t know how to get out.

-

Madam Wendy finally allowed Renjun out of their home a month after the incident. For the whole thirty days he was prisoned in his home, all that wandered in his mind was you. He wanted to see you, he longed to hear your sardonic humor, he longed to hear your angelic laughter flowing through his ears like music. He longed to ask forgiveness of what had happened between the two of you under the tree.

He wondered if you harbored the same feelings for him as he does for you. He doubted you’d still feel the same after the incident, however, a part of him had hope that you would wait for him all this time. He tried to prove himself wrong as he ran around town to all of your favorite spots. The library, the fountain, the art store, the tree. Anywhere his mind took him, his feet didn’t stop moving. His feet couldn’t stop moving. 

He wanted to see you again. No, he needed to see you again. He needed to apologize to you to release the guilt in his heart. He didn’t care if his heart would explode right then and there, he needed to see you and he wanted to finally embrace you in his arms. He needed to know if you reciprocate his feelings, he needed to know if you longed for him as much as he longed for you this whole entire time. He never got your answer, either. He asked to be your eyes, he wanted to be your guide. He wanted to tell you to rely on him if you can’t rely on your eyes, he wanted to hold your hand to keep you from straying to the wrong path. He wanted to feel his lips brush against yours, he wanted to feel love. He wanted to feel loved by you.

His heart fell even more when he realised he couldn’t find you anywhere. No one knew where you went, no one has seen you since the day he fell unconscious. It was as if you had disappeared off of the surface of the earth. The only thing he had of you was the fabric he accidentally tore off of your dress. He realised you left your barrel organ ride beside the tree. It was already collecting dust as leaves fell in between the spaces of the organ. 

You were gone. 

The owner of the library informed him that you had fled abroad. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach at the thought of you running away. You didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t even have the audacity to tell him you were leaving? Surely you would have informed him that you were leaving. Yet again, you did tell him on the first day you met that you weren’t supposed to stay here for too long. But was it too much of him to ask you to at least say goodbye?

-

Two years later, it was Renjun’s 18th birthday. Two years since he lost you, two years since he went back to the hollow shell he formerly was before he fell in love. He spent months wallowing in his own sorrow, he spent months wondering if you missed him the same way he missed you. He no longer looked forward to walking out of his home to paint, all he saw was grey. The places he spent with you made his vision dark and grey, it was as if the joy inside of him were stripped from his vision. 

He didn’t know what to do. His heart grew numb, he didn’t know how to make himself happy again. It was as if he had lost a part of himself. He had lost something precious. Which he did, he lost you. He didn’t know what to do. Yet, on a rare occasion, he would take small walks into town. 

Madam Wendy noticed how Renjun’s whole existence grew dull ever since that day, his eyes were always dark as if he hasn’t slept for centuries, a frown permanently placed on his lips, his movements weak as if he didn’t have the energy to move. At this point he admitted that he was barely living, he was just a human body existing with a cuckoo clock as a heart. His days were no longer as bright as they used to.

To Renjun, the days felt like it was repeating itself. He wasn’t allowed to go to school, for Madam Wendy feared that he would be made fun of and bullied by his peers. Everyday, he would wake up and wind up his heart, take a long shower, eat his breakfast, paint or read his books, occasionally talking to the patients who attempted to make small talk with him (however that wouldn’t last very long considering he had no interest whatsoever in interacting with strangers he barely knew), eat dinner, go to bed. Repeat. 

It was an exhausting cycle. His mind was growing dull. Whenever his mental health became worse, he would take a walk into town to clear his mind to try and lift his own spirits (despite the fact that he knew it’s futile. After all, he’s been trying this for the past two years.) Today was unfortunately one of those days. 

Renjun had decided to take a small visit to the library. He remembered how he had to apologize to the librarian for lending you the Great Expectations book when he remembered that you’ve never returned the book back to him. He still felt guilty despite the fact that the librarian didn’t mind it very much. The librarian lady took a liking to both you and Renjun, she thought the two of you would’ve ended up together if it weren’t for the fact that you had moved away without a goodbye.

But fortunately for Renjun, today was a different day. Today would be the day to end his miserable lifestyle. 

“Renjun! Renjun, my dear boy! How are you, honey?” the librarian greeted, putting a stack of books on the counter as Renjun entered the library with a bashful smile on his face. “Same as always, Mrs. Dust,” he bowed to greet the older lady politely, snucking his hands in his pockets after tugging on his coat. “Honey, I have lovely news for you! You remember your old friend, Miss Y/n, don’t you?” the lady giggled, walking over to the young adult with an eager smile on her face. 

Oh how Renjun’s heart perked up at the brief mention of your name. 

“Of course I do, Mrs. What about her?” he coughed, clearing his throat to prevent his voice from shaking. “I’ve received a letter from her! Oh hold on, dearie,” she giggled, squatting down to open the small drawer near her desk and pulling out a small postcard which had a familiar handwriting written on the back. “It must be your birthday soon. Happy birthday, my dear boy. The least I can do is give you this,” she smiled, handing Renjun the postcard with a hum. 

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Dust,” he smiled, gripping the postcard tightly in between his fingers as he looked down on it. It was indeed from you. You didn’t write much on the card, nothing more than a simple ‘happy birthday’ and a small ‘I missed you’. You had written your name at the edge of the card and a small ‘R’ beside the happy birthday, indicating that it was truly for him. Fireworks erupted in his stomach when he saw small hearts doodled all over the card with a red pen. 

You remembered him. 

You missed him. 

You thought of him.

Those words were enough to revive the spark in his heart. Those were enough to spread a bright genuine smile across his lips. His cheeks hurt from how wide his smile was, he felt like jumping for joy. He was so ecstatic he thought he could fly to the sky, he felt his fingers itching as his eyes wandered to the address you have written at the bottom of the postcard, giving him a hint of where you might be living. 

Andalusia. 

You were half across Europe. You were so far away, yet so close. He wanted to see you. He needed to see you. He couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste, he needed to get a move on and he needed to find you. He thought sending you a postcard back wasn’t enough. He wanted to see the girl who managed to turn his heart without the key, he wanted to see the girl who produced a spark in his heart with only a few mere words.

He ran all the way back home, encountering Joy and Yeri on the way back and shooting them with an uncharacteristically bright smile stretched across his face. “Renjun, lad, what’s gotten you all jumpy?” Joy exclaimed, causing Renjun to stop in his tracks. “I got a letter from her!” he informed them, his voice high-pitched as if he just got told that he had personally won the sun, moon and stars all to himself. In his case, he actually did. He actually did.

“A letter?” Yeri squeaked up, a smile stretching across her face at the sight of the younger boy’s. “From who?” Joy asked, giggles bubbling up in between the two ladies as they watch Renjun suppress the urge to jump for joy. “Y/n! She remembers me! She sent me a postcard from Andalusia,” he exclaimed, waving the postcard in their faces. Joy’s eyes wandered down to Renjun’s chest, watching as the hands of his clock spun rapidly, indicating how excited the young adult was feeling. 

“Y/n? Was this the young girl you went on about a few years ago?” Yeri asked, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Renjun himself. “Renjun, that’s great news! What are you planning to do then? Write her another letter?” she asked once again, clasping her hands in front of her at the delightful news. The boy shook his head eagerly, his smile never faltering. 

“I’m going to find her, I’m going to find her and confess my love,” he breathed out, his own words taking his breath away. The thought of seeing you again was enough to send him flying into the heavens, oh for all things that’s holy, he didn’t know how he was going to proclaim his love for you in person when he could barely explain it in words himself.

“To Andalusia? Renjun, that’s halfway across Europe! Madam Wendy won’t be very happy about this,” Joy informed him, a sympathetic smile replacing her previously bright one. Renjun’s smile faltered at the mention of his caretaker, looking down at the postcard you had sent him, your messy handwriting beckoning him to come to you. He sucked his bottom lip, his heart racing at the thought of rebelling against Madam Wendy’s orders.

Yet again, if he did end up dying from this, all of Madam Wendy’s efforts throughout the past two decades would be in vain. She was practically his guardian after all, but yet again, he was a legal adult now isn’t he? He’s 18 years old, he didn’t have to live under her rules anymore if he didn’t want to. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to flee Edinburgh just to see you again, something inside of him was screaming at him to run.

Maybe this time, he would listen to it.

“Joy, Yeri, will you help me escape Edinburgh?”

-

“Renjun? What are you doing up so late?” 

Renjun froze, halting his movements as he dropped another sweater into his suitcase. He shut his eyes tightly as his heart raced against his chest, taking a deep breath to compose himself before standing up to face his caretaker as he zipped up his suitcase tight. “Wendy,” he cleared his throat, gripping tightly on the saddle of his suitcase with a small cough, slipping the key to his heart in his front pockets. “Renjun, why do you have a suitcase packed? It’s past curfew,” she narrowed her eyes at the boy.

“Wendy, I am now a legal adult. I have turned 18 years old,” Renjun started, suppressing the urge to gulp down his nerves but he kept his ground. “Yes, I know that, Renjun. That still doesn't answer my question as to why you’re up this late with a packed suitcase,” she nodded, tone laced with confusion as Renjun took a step back towards the opened window, looking out at the moonlight. “Y/n sent me a postcard… from Andalusia,” his voice grew quieter as the seconds went by.

“I’m planning to travel half across Europe to see her again.”

“No, I forbade it.” Wendy shook her head, taking a step forward towards her adopted child, her hands balled up into fists at how Renjun’s determined expression didn’t falter at the slightest bit at her strict tone. “I expected you to say that,” Renjun sighed, walking over to the open window and looking up at the moon shining down upon the dark sky. 

“Nature was cruel to pray this silly little trick on me. I spent two decades wondering ‘what is love’? I knew I didn’t need to love in life, you showed me that throughout my whole 18 years of living here. I didn’t need love to live,” Renjun started, clasping his hands together as he held the saddle of his suitcase harder.

“But I realise, I’ve always wanted to feel love. To feel love, to give love and be loved back. Y/n made me realise that when I started falling for her two years ago, and if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have come to this realisation either,” he chuckled in disbelief, looking around at the decorations of his room, realising how much he’s going to miss living here. “I want to go out and explore the world, I know you have been dreading at the possibility of this day coming, but it has, Wendy.”

“Renjun, no. If you leave, this might as well be the last breath you’ll take! You have never travelled outside of town before, how are you going to survive travelling all across Europe for some measly girl? I won’t allow it, I can’t allow it,” Wendy shook her head, her eyes wide with panic as she watched Renjun walk backwards to the open window behind him. “I know you won’t allow it. But it’s time to let me go,” Renjun smiled sadly.

“Thank you for the 18 years you have spent trying to keep me alive. But the past two years felt meaningless to me without her presence, it felt aimless. I was honestly thinking about taking my own life at some point,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “But now, I realise I rather risk my life for love than spend the rest of my days here with an empty, cold feeling in my heart,” he shot his guardian a genuine smile, the first genuine smile she has ever witnessed from the young boy. 

“Goodbye Wendy.”

“Huang Renjun!” 

Renjun fell back from the open window, causing Madam Wendy to let out a cry of his name, quickly running over to the window to see if her child was okay. She gasped when she saw that Renjun had landed on a mattress Joy and Yeri had set before hand, a loud joyous laughter eliciting from the younger boy’s lips, a sound Wendy has never heard from the boy from his eighteen years of living. He got up from the mattress, grabbing his suitcase quickly before shooting a boyish smile to his aunts. 

“I’ll send you a postcard, Madam Wendy!” he exclaimed as he began running down the hill. 

“Renjun, no! Come back! Oh god, please no! Yeri, Joy, what are you doing?! Stop the young lad before he-”

“You can’t blame me for falling hard in love, mother!”

-

“Now my dear boy, what a lovely contraption of a heart you got there!” a man exclaimed, adjusting his monocle as he squinted his eyes at Renjun’s mechanical heart. “Oh, why, thank you,” he smiled politely, bowing at the older man as he gripped his canvas in hand. “Where are you off to? You seem quite young to be travelling all by yourself,” the man asked in an attempt to make small talk.

That night, Renjun had run off to catch the nearest train to Paris, he planned to take a trip from there to Andalusia. It was a 7 hour ride but he was willing to do anything at this point to get out of Edinburgh. When he finally arrived in Paris, he stumbled upon this man while waiting for his next train. “Oh pardon me, where are my manners! I’m Kim Doyoung,” he outstretched his hand for Renjun to shake with a toothy smile spread on his lips. 

“Huang Renjun,” he introduced with a sheepish smile. “Ah, So, Renjun, where are you going, my dear boy? You seem a little bit too young to travel,” Doyoung took off his monocle, wiping it against his tie before putting it back on. “I-I’m trying to get a replacement for my heart,” Renjun said, poking his little clock with the tip of his finger, grimacing at the small ticking sound it was making at the small touch. 

It wasn’t a complete lie. 

He had planned to get a replacement for his heart for so long, he figured that maybe if he changed into a new one, this wretched curse of forbidden love might be lifted. Maybe he didn’t have to part ways with Madam Wendy or Joy or Yeri. Maybe if he replaced his clock, he could live his life happily in love with you. Though, for now, it was just a small hope he held inside of him. All he could do now was find a clockmaker.

“I’m trying to find a clockmaker somewhere to replace my heart,” he spoke in a bold tone, looking down at his unfinished piece. He made it during his seven hour train ride while thinking of you just to pass the time, though, he was honestly considering giving it to you the moment you get to reunite with each other. “Do you happen to know one?” he asked, his eyes going wide with hopefulness.

Doyoung hummed in response, tugging on the tip of his tie. “Unfortunately, I’m not a clockmaker. But I do like tinkering in the mechanics direction! Maybe I could take a closer look at your heart to see if there’s anything I can do,” Doyoung suggested, pulling out a magnifying glass with a nod of his head. Renjun sucked his bottom lip nervously before taking out the key from his front pocket, plunging it into the mechanical heart and turning it to open the door of his heart. “Alright then.” “Oh! You say that this was grafted by the famous Madam Wendy from Edinburgh? She must be quite the genius to craft and piece this all for you with her bare hands to save your life,” he exclaimed, leaning closer to observe the small gears slowly turning with every small tick tocks his heart makes. “Though, I don’t know why you’d want to replace such a thing. Everything works just fine, clearly, she made this out of love. I could see it within every crevice of art she puts into this clock,” the older man clicked his heart, putting his magnifying glass back into his bag as Renjun closed his heart shut and pulled his key out of the clock.

“Love, huh? That’s the exact problem I have at the moment,” Renjun sighed heavily, tucking his key back into his front pocket before leaning back against his seat. “It’s very dangerous to me. At least that’s what Wendy said to me for the past eighteen years of my life,” he looked down at his shoes sadly, pressing his lips together in a tight line as he felt the guilt catching up to him at the thought of his caretaker’s efforts going in vain. 

“Tell me about it,” Doyoung grinned, putting his hand on his chin as a smug expression spread across his features. 

“You see, mister Kim-”

“Oh no! Call me Doyoung!” 

“Uhm- You see, mister Doyoung. There’s this singer I met in Edinburgh a long time ago and-” “Ah yes, I see. These things do happen quite often.” Renjun bit back his tongue when Doyoung interrupted him once again, but nonetheless he continued on with his story. “As time went on, we grew closer. And soon, I couldn’t help but feel as if my whole world was going through a life threatening earthquake. My head was spinning, I couldn’t breathe. The ticking tock of my clock sounded almost alarming as if it was going to stop at any given moment whenever I’m within her lovely presence,” he explained, making grand, dramatic gestures with his hands as he went on.

Doyoung chuckled, assuming that Renjun’s poetic explanations were purely symbolic. “And how did that feel, exactly, Renjun?” he asked, causing Renjun’s expression to soften. “Extraordinary,” he sighed, almost dreamily as he looked down at the postcard he was holding in his free hand that wasn’t holding his canvas. “There you go, my dear boy,” he chuckled in response, leaning back against the seat next to Renjun’s.

“I don’t know, Mister Doyoung. I fear Wendy might be right, though, what if love was just a trap and my ticking clock is just a bomb waiting to be triggered by it?” Renjun asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously as he kissed his teeth. “Renjun, if you fear of getting hurt, you will increase the chances of getting hurt,” Doyoung laid a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder comfortingly. “You should enjoy the thrill, the danger! That pumps through your veins at the thought of falling completely in love,” he exclaimed. 

“If you live your life worrying everything, you’ll get bored before you even die! Don’t you want to experience a life changing experience with this little lady you’ve been saughting after?” he asked, her tone encouraging Renjun’s spirit to get back up again. A smile stretched across Renjun’s face at the thought, he had flashbacks to the two years he spent without you. He couldn’t afford going back to the same depressing situation he got himself out of, and he’s definitely not willing to go back now that he’s almost there.

“If I can find her again. The last time I heard from her, she was in Andalusia,” he shrugged with a small laugh.

“I’d say,” Doyoung laughed. “When you’re eighteen and you’re travelling half across the continent for a girl, I’d say the rebellious genes in your DNA are highly developed,” he joked, retracting his hand from Renjun’s shoulders. “I bet I could make a whole film based on your cuckoo clock heart,” Doyoung whipped out an empty journal from his bag, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at his newfound friend. “Why not?” Renjun chuckled with a small shrug. 

“Young love, what a beautiful thing to see. You see, I never had any fond memories when it comes to being in love. All I do is invent and invent contraptions, and my former lover never appreciated my expertise. Life is far from easy when you’re in love, my young friend,” Doyoung sighed, leaning his arm against the seat with a heavy sigh. “Why don’t you come with me to Andalusia then, Mister Doyoung? I’m sure anything’s possible there and I wouldn’t mind having a bit of a company on my way there,” Renjun offered, the thought of making a new friend giving some light into his dark path.

“You want an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns following you in your journey to find love?” Doyoung’s eyes went wide in shock, a smile that mirrored Renjun’s appearing on his face. “I would love to have an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns in my quest!” Renjun laughed, nodding eagerly as he sat up straight to shake Doyoung’s hand to make a deal.

Renjun had  made another friend.

-

When they finally arrived in Andalusia, they stumbled upon a small amusement park where you were rumored to be staying in at the moment. “Well, first impressions?” Doyoung asked, looking around the ominous park filled with performers and eccentric workers setting up their tents. “It’s.. quite different than Edinburgh, I must admit,” Renjun chuckled, pulling on his suitcase eagerly as he scanned his eyes around in hopes that he might see your figure at the corner of his eye.

The park, unlike his old town, was way more colourful than Edinburgh. There were animals in colourful cages, happily interacting with their inmates. There were jesters and mimes practicing for their acts in the middle of the streets, happily entertaining a few visitors. There were food stands everywhere, Renjun swore you could exit this park penniless under five minutes if you really wanted to. 

“Come one, come all! For tonight we have special acts starting from 5 pm to-” 

He walked past whom he assumed was the announcer of the park, who was enthusiastically using a tricycle to spread his message all over the place. And upon walking around he stumbled upon what seems to be a horror attraction in the shape of a train, the owner standing inside of a coffin as she smoked her cigarette, eyeing Renjun suspiciously. “Looking for something, you little runt? A job, perhaps? Cause, I’m looking for a new employee to hire,” she asked, taking a puff of her cigarette in between her sentences. 

Renjun took his words back about Madam Wendy resembling Ms Havisham. Because at that given moment, he felt like Pip when he was first introduced to Ms Havisham in the book, clueless as to what he wanted with her. Renjun shook his head, no, mustering up the courage to give the older woman a polite smile. “I’m looking for a little singer?” he answered with an innocent smile. 

“A little singer? Here? The chances of that is equivalent to finding a snowflake in hell,” she rolled her eyes, taking another puff from her cigarette and blowing smoke into Renjun’s face. He coughed, taking a step back in alarm but he bit his tongue to snap back at the woman’s rude actions. “Listen, I’m just trying to find a little singer who sings like a lovely bird in the break of daw-” 

“Enough jabbering about her! Do you want the job or not?” she sighed exasperatedly. 

As Renjun was about to give the woman a piece of his mind for being so rude, the announcer cycling around him caught his attention with his words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, up next in our line of performers will be the young singing sensation, Miss Y/n! A lady who has travelled far and wide with her infamous street singing career,” the announcer said with a booming voice as he cycled to another part of the park.

“Miss Y/n?” he whispered with a soft gasp. “Well? Do you want the job or not?” the woman asked with a raised brow. He frowned involuntarily at the woman’s abrupt tone, clicking his tongue before running back to wherever Doyoung was. “I’ll think about it!” he exclaimed loudly before sprinting off, calling out his colleague’s name with a bright smile on his face. 

“I found her!”

-

“It is her!” he gasped, watching as you slowly come out of your little private trailer, music piercing his ears and your voice making its way into his heart like a knife throwing attraction. It hit right at the target perfectly. “It’s her, I can’t believe it,” Renjun could feel his breath being taken away. You had grown to be a beautiful woman, your features changed slightly due to the years but nonetheless, it didn’t do anything to stop Renjun’s heart from swelling up with adoration like a balloon being filled with helium. 

“Go into her trailer, no one’s going to notice you. Talk to her after her performance,” Doyoung encouraged with a slightly hushed tone. “Excuse me?” Renjun’s eyes shot wide at the unexpected encouragement, his eyes wandering to the trailer you came out of. “I can’t do that! That’s a lady’s privacy!” he exclaimed, shaking his head aggressively. “Trust me, it’ll go smoothly! Just believe in yourself and try not to let the conversation die,” Doyoung hissed, nudging on the younger boy’s shoulder.

Renjun got up slowly, gulping down his fear as he quickly got into your trailer, eyes wide at his own stupidity. ‘God, why did I decide to do this? This is very uncouth of me to do so,’ he thought to himself, wincing slightly when he realised that the music had died down. A bouquet of daisies were in his hand, he didn’t know what to do at that moment as he observed your trailer. It wasn’t very far from you. It was decorated according to your liking.

Your favorite colour was splashed all over the walls, a mannequin standing idly beside the entrance, your dressing table with a gigantic mirror showing his nervous presence. He froze for a brief moment at the sound of your enchanting humming and your little footsteps coming closer to the trailer, making him stand behind the mannequin on pure instinct as you walked into the trailer with a skip in your step.

You were humming the same song you sang on the day you first met. Muttering the lyrics under your breath as you removed bits of dust from your clothing from the performance. Looking up at the mirror, you gasped at Renjun’s awkward figure standing behind your mannequin. You stood up abruptly, grabbing a perfume on your desk and raised it up threateningly at him. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” you exclaimed in alarm. You couldn’t see his face very clearly considering you weren’t wearing your glasses.

“I’m sorry! I was tying my shoelaces when I fell into your floor,” Renjun shook his head, waving his hands around nervously to give off the message that he wasn’t some weird creep or stalker snooping around your belongings. “Do you always fall into a girl’s quarters when she’s changing?” you snapped, lowering your perfume hesitantly as you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at the boy. “NO! No! I would never, I swear! I don’t even know why I’m-”

“You look suspiciously familiar as if I recognise you from somewhere,” you mumbled under your breath, squinting your eyes at him. “You recognise me?” Renjun perked up, a smile stretching across his face as he took a step away from the mannequin towards you. You scoffed, rolling your eyes before turning to the mirror to adjust your appearance. “What do you want anyway?” you sighed, as if you were used to this sort of encounter.

“I’d like to give you a bouquet of daisies,” Renjun bit his lip, pulling the bouquet behind him and leaning it towards your direction. “Daisies? I can’t say they’re my favorite flowers,” you chuckled, looking up at him with a more relaxed expression. “I have no idea why, but peculiarly, daisies always reminds me of my glasses,” you confessed, putting the bouquet on your desk and standing up towards the exit. “I stopped wearing them a long, long time ago. They make me look like some weird bug,” you joked, looking back at Renjun, who chuckled at your words.

‘You really haven’t changed, huh?’

“It’s fine by me,” Renjun chuckled, walking closer towards you in comforting silence. The way your eyes made contact with his softly made his stomach do somersaults, the gears of his heart felt like it was powered by a burst of energy. “Could we see each other again?” he asked hesitantly, “I’d like to get to know you even more,” he added, snucking his hands in his pockets. “Perhaps,” you shrugged, giving him a smile that mirrored his own. “You’re not from around these parts, are you?”

“Oh, no! I’m not, I’m the-I work at the ghost train,” Renjun lied through his teeth, letting out a nervous laugh. “Oh, you’re the new scarer? That’s wonderful news to hear,” you exclaimed, clapping your hands to congratulate him on his new job. “Yes, of course! Exactly, I’m the new scarer,” he nodded, a little bit too eagerly if you asked him. “Can I come see you in action?” you laughed lightly, observing how fidgety the boy in front of you is as he stepped out of your trailer.

“Of course!”

“Tomorrow? Around four?” 

“I’ll see you then.”

-

As the weeks went by, the love between you and Renjun blossomed like a rose. You bonded over your love for art and music in general, rekindling the friendship you used to have. But unfortunately for Renjun, you didn’t recognise him, not a single bit. It was against his beliefs to hit a woman, for that was very impolite of a man, but whenever you mumble how you couldn’t put your finger on how you recognize him from somewhere then proceeds to drop the conversation, he couldn’t lie. He wanted to smack you upside the head for your oblivious self. 

‘Oblivious, rather ludicrous and as blind as a bat. Why did I fancy her, again?’ he would always ponder to himself on a daily basis before watching you run around to try the newest food from each of the food stalls with a bright smile on your face. ‘Oh, right, that’s why,’ he sighed heavily before going over to you with his hands clasped behind his back, mentally preparing himself to fall head over heels for you over and over again.

Today, he was giving you a tour of the ghost train. (yes, he took up the offer with a roll of his eyes just so he can stay here and spent more time with you) “You’re doing a wonderful job here, by the way. It looked like people are having a lot of fun riding the ghost train with your assistance,” you complimented, giving Renjun a soft smile as you walk along the dark train tracks.

“Why thank you, my boss can’t say the same, however,” he grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes at the thought of his boss being ashamed of him for ruining her quote unquote reputation. “Don’t mind her, she’s always been like that,” you waved it off with a small giggle, patting his shoulder. “Hmm,” he nodded, a pregnant pause settling between you two as you basked in each other’s company. “How did you like the glasses I gave you?” 

Everyday, Renjun would find the most ominous and peculiar looking glasses that were all twisted and broken to give to you, which always brought a smile upon your face knowing full well that you couldn’t wear them no matter how much you tried. “Awful, as usual,” you joked, clasping your hands behind your back as you skipped along the tracks, your shoes hitting the dark coal with a soft ‘tip tap’. “Wonderful,” he laughed lightly, shaking his head profusely at you.

“I still can’t shake over the feeling that I’ve been in this situation before, or maybe I dreamed of this moment before,” you blurted out, looking around the damp cave-like tunnel you were walking through. Renjun bit his lip sadly, suppressing the urge to tell you that he was the boy you met back in Edinburgh. Yet again, what if you left for a reason? What if you left because you didn’t want to see him again? He feared the worse as time went on. 

“I’m sure we’ve met before but I don’t know where,” you turned to him with a smile tugging at your lips. “Really,” Renjun looked down at his feet, kicking the coal as you both paused in your step and turned your bodies to look at each other in the eyes. You somehow found comfort in looking into Renjun’s eyes, but you couldn’t pinpoint why they constantly gave you a sense of deja vu whenever you stare into them for too long. “What’s that odd pitter patter?” you mumbled, hearing a familiar tapping sound in the tunnel.

He bit back a smile, “it’s the rain.” 

He knew those words all too well. “Do you like the rain?” he asked, putting his hand behind his back as he adjusted the top hat on his head. “Getting wet? No,” you shook your head, giving him a tight-lipped smile. “But the sound it makes? Yes,” you nodded enthusiastically, making Renjun laugh at your slight eagerness. “And I’ve heard that noise before somewhere,” you whispered, loud enough for Renjun to hear. 

“That’s because it’s my heart,” he couldn’t help but blurted out, putting a hand on his little coat. “Pardon?” you furrowed your brows in confusion, watching him tug on his coat to reveal a miniscule cuckoo clock on his chest. “My heart, they made it for me on the day I was born. It’s a bit cold and a little fragile, but it works,” he sighed, watching as you observe the small contraption on his heart with a curious expression, pulling out the key from his pockets.

“You can open me up with this little key,” he grabbed your hand and placed the key in between your fingers, letting you push the key into his heart and turning it to the left before opening the door of his clock. “Fascinating, do you always let other girls walk into the train tracks with you and let them open your heart?” you chuckled, raising your brow at the boy in front of you, whose eyes widened in surprise as you pulled your hand away from his heart. 

“No, not really. In fact, you’re the first one,” Renjun shook his head with a sweet smile, closing the door shut and pulling out the key before placing it back into his pocket. “Oh, thanks,” your eyes widened slightly at his blunt expression, putting a hand on your arm shyly. “You’re welcome,” he chuckled, patting the key in his pocket. Renjun’s eyes wandered from your eyes to your soft lips, his heart racing against his chest at the thought of finally picking up where you had left off all those years. He didn’t even realise that he was leaning his head towards yours. 

“Wait- no,” you pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him away as you turned your head to the side with guilt glossing over your eyes. “Don’t,” you shook your head as you took a step back. “I really like you. There’s a warm fuzzy feeling growing in my tummy that’s making me pull towards you like a magnet, but,” you paused, looking down at your hands nervously as they lay limp on your sides. “My heart belongs to someone else,” you gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“Someone I met a long, long time ago. You always reminded me of him. “I’m still waiting until the day we reunite once again, embarking on a romantic adventure with you would just be unfair,” you sighed heavily, rubbing your arms nervously as you slowly let Renjun down. A great pang of pain pierced through Renjun’s whole body at your words, he could almost feel his heart tear itself apart as he watched you walk away and out of the ghost tunnel. 

Away from him.

-

“Renjun! You’re back! So? How did it go?” Doyoung exclaimed, fixing his latest invention with a cough, dropping his tweezers in his bag as he wiped his hands on a nearby cloth. Doyoung had rented an empty building so that he could introduce his new inventions to the public and entertain them with them. “She loves someone else,” Renjun mumbled under his breath, tossing his top hat onto one of the seats they set up as he sat down on the steps of the small indoor stage Doyoung had built over the past few weeks.

“I travelled halfway across Europe for her for absolutely nothing,” Renjun laid his head on his palms, sighing heavily as he tried to keep himself from screaming in pain. His heart was hurting. It was way different than the pain he felt two years ago, it was a whole new level of emotional pain he didn’t know he was capable of feeling. “Did you at least confess your love for her?” Doyoung asked, taking a seat next to the boy as Renjun gripped his hair tightly in distress. 

“Why bother? Her heart’s filled to the brim, there’s no way I could empty it out like a sink,” Renjun pulled his head out of his hands, his elbows laying on his legs as he threw the golden key to his heart against the carpet floor out of frustration. “You can’t just let your efforts go to waste, Renjun. Did she at least recognise you?” Doyoung asked, leaning over to grab the key and place it back into his younger friend’s palm with a heavy sigh.

He shook his head, turning it to look at the older man who adjusted his monocle. “No, I’d prefer her not to remember who I am than to remember me and not love me in return,” Renjun leaned his cheek against his palm, eyes looking down sadly at his feet. “You can’t just give up like that, Renjun. Love is like a shooting star you’re supposed to seek after, a wish you must grant yourself with the fifty percent chance of getting the outcome you desire,” Doyoung encouraged, leaning back against his palms behind him. 

Renjun chuckled softly, a sad smile appearing on his lips. “I never felt so sad yet so happy at the same time,” he shook his head, pressing his knuckles to his temples hard. “Ah yes, two of the most powerful and impactful emotions of the human soul combined into one,” Doyoung mused, raising a brow at his lovesick friend. “If only she believed me about my heart, her expression tells me that she thinks it’s some kind of sick joke,” he scoffed, kicking the air with one foot as he let out a huff of exhaustion.

“Well, did she say who has captured her heart?” Doyoung asked, raising his brow, causing Renjun’s eyes to shoot up wide. 

The impact of Kim Doyoung’s words have never failed to get Renjun’s adrenaline rushing again through his veins as he walked into your trailer with a small push against your door. “Do I know him?” Renjun asked abruptly, wanting to get straight to the point as he was very eager to know who has captured your heart. “Could you stop barging into my trailer all the time?” you retorted, turning towards him as you put down your makeup brush on your desk. “The boy you’re in love with, do I know him?” Renjun repeated, the gears of his heart racing against his chest.

He doesn’t even know if he wants the answer to that question. “No,” you replied bluntly, adjusting the laces on your dress. “So you’re not in love with him anymore?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he crossed his arms against his chest and leaned against the door. “No, that’s not what I meant!” you huffed, feeling yourself getting frustrated the more he edged you on. “Look, it was a very, very long time ago when I first met him,” you rolled your eyes.

“It was back when my parents still made me move from city to city. Oh god, that city was practically made for him. The aura of the city radiated the same aura he had back when I first met him, cold and depressing. Nonetheless the more I got to know him, the more I realised that inside he was just a warm human being that needed someone to light up his perspective,” you sighed, clasping your hands together right in front of you. There was a loud ‘cuckoo!’ that pierced both of your ears, and suddenly, a small gear shot from Renjun’s heart and hit the wooden closet right beside you. 

“Would you stop playing with your clock? You could injure someone, it won’t hurt to take it off occasionally, will it?” you exclaimed with a gasp, looking up at him with bold eyes as you put your hands on your hips. “I can’t help it, it’s not some bloody toy! It’s my heart,” he snapped back, his hands balled up into fists as he felt his blood boiling in his veins at the sound of you talking so highly of someone else that wasn’t him. The way you talked about whoever this boy is was the same way he talked about you to everyone else. 

He took a deep breath to calm himself down when he saw your taken aback reaction, “I’m sorry.” You let out a deep sigh as you stood up from your desk, putting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the poor fellow. “Look, I would really appreciate it if we could become friends. How about we go down to the theater tomorrow? I heard Mister Doyoung made a new contraption to add to the cinematic universe,” you suggested, giving him a kind smile as you took his hand in yours to try and cheer him up a bit. 

“I’d really like to go together.” No matter how much his heart was telling him to rest for the rest of his life, no matter how much in pain he’s currently in, but the moment he looked into your eyes, he knew he couldn’t say no. 

-

“Would you care to share more information about your romeo?” Renjun asked, holding his wrist behind him as you two walked outside of the amusement park together after the show. “Oh, don’t call him that. I absolutely despise that specific work of Shakespeare’s,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you hopped over a pebble, grunting as you caught your balance. Renjun chuckled, “why so?” he asked, raising his brow at you. 

“The typical damsel in distress trope never failed to make my blood boil like a pot of water on high heat,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “I prefer to call him my Pip,” you giggled, climbing up a small hill before sitting on top of the grass and laying your head down with a content sigh. “Pip? Why Pip to be exact?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he took a seat next to your lying figure, leaning back against his palms. “A couple years ago, right before I left. We had this small debate on happy endings and shakespearean works,” you started, gazing up at the starry night sky. 

“I would constantly babble on and on about how women shouldn’t be the damsel in distress, then one day he whipped out this book out of nowhere like some sort of magician! It was called the Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, I finally finished when I left the city so I never got around to returning the book he let me borrowed,” you sighed, placing your hands on your tummy as you giggled at the thought of your first love possibly getting mad at you for leaving without a goodbye with the addition of not returning his book back. 

Renjun’s heart raced at your small story, his body froze as his ears grew a slight tint of pink (which wasn’t very visible, thanks to the dim lighting of the moon shining down upon the two of you) when he realised that you were talking about him. You were talking about him all along. “I realised why he let me borrow the book though, I asked for an unhappy ending without the female protagonist being the damsel in distress. It was a beautiful story, really,” you sighed, closing your eyes as you thought back to the times you shared back in Edinburgh.

“He would always listen to my rambles as he painted some random landscape in town, showing me his talents as well as listening to my words as I ranted about the foolish decisions of the characters. He reminds me of Pip a little bit. A bit childish, a bit foolish, a little bit misunderstood,” you went on, before pausing briefly, eyes opening to look up at your new friend. “Should I stop? I don’t want to bore you with my story, I tend to ramble a lot unintentionally,” you asked, receiving an aggressive shake of Renjun’s head. 

“No! No! Keep going, I’m getting very interested in your story, do continue,” he laughed lightly, looking down at his clock, biting back his lip to keep himself from jumping for joy. “The last day I saw him- oh god, I remember it every night before I go to bed. I never had my glasses on around him, so my memory of his physical appearance is rather blurry. But I remembered it like it was yesterday. Sure, I might not recognize him today with my own eyes but I remembered we almost shared a kiss,” a wide smile stretched across your face as a warm feeling bubbled up inside of you at the vivid memory. 

“Yeah?” Renjun couldn’t help but let a wide smile spread across his own lips at the thought, turning his head to the side to suppress the urge to tackle you in a strong embrace. You remembered. “He offered to be my eyes, he offered to keep me from straying down the wrong path. I never got a chance to say yes,” you giggled, rubbing your palms against your eyes as you felt a giddy feeling inside both of your chests. “Guess he was too eager to kiss you before you could say yes?” Renjun joked, grimacing at his own childishness. 

You chuckled, shrugging simply. “I guess so, I didn’t mind though. It felt exhilarating. I didn’t know how it happened but he also tore a little bit of my dress as well,” you shook your head, looking back up at the stars scattered across the sky. Oh how Renjun was using all the strength vested inside of him to keep his heart from going ‘cuckoo!’ right in front of you right now. “He might not remember me, I sent him a postcard a couple weeks ago. I never received one back. But someday, when we reunite, I’d like to thank him for the lovely book and for teaching me what love feels like.”

“Everytime I’m near his company I would always feel so safe. So happy, so loved. Genuinely happy and genuinely loved,” you sighed, closing your eyes once again as you took in the fresh air. “I’m sure he felt the same,” Renjun felt his cheeks hurting from how wide he was smiling. “Hey, can we see each other again?” he spoke after a moment of comforting silence. “Alright, when?” you opened your eyes, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him. “Noon? At the theater, I have something to tell you,” he grinned. 

“Alright then, is something wrong? Why the funny face?” you chuckled, sitting up from your laying position, cocking your head to the side as you raised your eyebrow at him. “Nothing, I’m just really excited to show you this,” he shook his head, he couldn’t hide his big smile from you any longer. 

Just like how he couldn’t hide his longing and love for you that he has been harboring for the past two years. 

“She’s in love with me,” he said to Doyoung, who gave him a proud grin in return. “Congratulations, my dear boy! You tamed the spark in your heart,” he gave Renjun a pat on the back, who smiled sadly in response. “But there’s a problem. She’s in love with the other me, the one back in Edinburgh,” he sighed, sitting down on one of the seats in the theater. “I don’t see why this is a problem. The ‘you’ back in Edinburgh is still the same ‘you’ now!” Doyoung furrowed his brows in confusion. 

“I assume so, but what am I supposed to say to her?” Renjun ran a hand through his hair in frustration. 

“Tell her how you feel! ‘It’s me! Renjun! The boy you loved oh-so-dearly for all these years! Your first love from Edinburgh, I have travelled far and wide all over Europe to find you, my love. So now let me take your hand and let’s venture and sail for the skies! In each other’s loving embrace!’” Doyoung boomed, throwing his hand in the air to make grand gestures as he spoke, standing up in the midst of his words. 

“Quite poetic, but I tried. The words are jammed at the back of my throat and I can’t let them out,” Renjun huffed, internally cursing at himself for holding himself back because of a small guilt lingering in his chest. “You’re still afraid of what might become of your heart once you fall completely, aren’t you?” Doyoung sympathized, putting a hand on his hip as he frowned upon his young friend’s unfortunate condition. “A part of me is still guilty for putting all of Madam Wendy’s efforts in vain,” Renjun laughed bitterly. 

“I thought you wanted to love and to be loved back, you mustn’t be afraid!” Doyoung encouraged, using the same tone he used previously to influence all of Renjun’s previous actions with a wide toothy smile. “You’re eighteen, you deserve the love you’ve been longing for, Renjun.” 

Renjun bit back a smile, shaking his head out of his insecurities as he stood up to his feet. “You’re right, I should’ve just told her who I was at the start. You have to help me come up with something.”

-

“Renjun? Are you here?” You called out, entering the theater bashfully. “Right here, Ms!” Naeun, Doyoung’s new friend, coaxed, waving her hand to tell you to sit on the front row, right in front of the stage. A familiar merry tune played in the background as the curtains were pulled back to reveal two puppets of what appeared to be you and a familiar little boy from Edinburgh. Doyoung came into view, clearing his throat as Naeun strummed the chords of the song you sang on the day you met your first love with a ukulele in her hand. 

“It was a lovely day in Edinburgh,” Doyoung began, looking towards the puppets. “Little miss y/n who was sixteen years old was dancing around in her dainty shoes, getting her feet all in a tangle before tumbling down to the floor due to her own clumsiness,” Renjun added with a small nervous laugh, moving his own little puppet around and towards the mini puppet version of yourself. “On the day they first met, she would ask ‘what’s that odd pitter patter?’ ‘What’s making that noise?’” Naeun hummed melodiously, causing your eyes to widen with every single word that comes out of their mouths. 

“It’s just the rain, do you like the rain?” Renjun asked, shooting you a short glance as if to say ‘sounds familiar?’

You furrowed your brows, lips pressed into a thin line as you silently watched the performance in front of you, taking every single last bit of information they were sharing into your head as took in the meaning of their words. “Miss Y/n adored the sound of the rain, but however, all this time she didn’t realise that the sound she came to adore came from the tick tock of Renjun’s mechanical heart,” Doyoung recited, looking down on his little card before sharing a knowing look with Renjun and Naeun upon seeing the flabbergasted expression etched on your face.

“Oh, how if he had told her where that pitter patter had come from, would she recognize him the instant they reunite? Would Renjun have to suffer the pain of travelling half across Europe to see her only to not be recognized for the little lady could not rely on her own eyes?” he added on, adding a bit of suspense as the settings on the puppet show changed slightly to the two of you sitting on top of a crescent moon side by side, sending you flashbacks to the last day you saw your first love. 

“Perhaps, if he had told her, would she have believed him and sampled the magical intimacy of blending dream and reality?” 

Soon, your eyes got glossy with tears. Your heart racing rapidly against your chest as you sat there in complete silence, the new information overwhelming your sentences as you watched the two puppets kissed on the crescent moon, the exact same way you were supposed to kiss two years ago. You sniffled, putting a hand up against one of your eyes to keep your tears from falling as Renjun walked up towards you and off of the stage with his hands behind his back. 

The curtains closed as he gave you a boyish smile, outstretching his hand to show you the piece of fabric he accidentally tore from your dress and the postcard you had sent out almost a month ago. You gasped, delicate fingers gently grabbing the postcard to inspect it. It was indeed the postcard you had sent, it was indeed your handwriting, it was indeed the same filthy postcard you sent a month ago. 

Within a few seconds, you fell unconscious as all this information was too much for you to handle. 

“Oh bloody hell, we killed her!” Renjun cried out in panic, taking a step back in alarm at your sudden concussion. Doyoung and Naeun’s head shot from in between the curtains, hissing at him to not panic and carry you back to your trailer. He sucked his bottom lip as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around your knees and your back, making you lean against his chest, your head so close to his. He gulped as he walked out of the theater, nervously praying to whatever God up there is watching him to not make him drop you in the middle of the streets. 

But fortunately for him, he managed to carry you back to your bed safe and sound. Laying your head on the pillow, he stood idly on the side of your bed, watching your sleeping features. You looked so content, his fingers itched to run themselves around your hair and to caress your cheeks. Oh how he longed to nuzzle his nose against yours lovingly and how he longed to press his lips against yours-

‘A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!’

He grunted as his body twitched as his guardian’s words flashed through his mind like lightning and thunder, Madam Wendy’s sorrowful expression couldn’t help but make its way through his mind, causing his body to twitch once again. He took deep, staggering breaths as he palmed his heart in pain, eyes moving over to your sleeping figure before Madam Wendy appeared once again in his vision. 

‘Do you know why I saved your life?’

“If you really are the boy from my time in Edinburgh, why did you wait all this time?” 

His head shot up at the sound of your voice, his eyes wandered to your figure as you stared down at the piece of fabric. “What can I say? You’re an idiot, I feared you won’t recognize me considering you’ve never actually used your glasses during our small encounters,” Renjun chuckled sadly, sitting on your bed as you sat up and leaned on the headboard. “You didn’t even say goodbye, I thought you left because you were in shock of my sudden concussion on that day,” he said half-jokingly, putting a hand behind his neck.

You gave him a sad smile, caressing the postcard with your thumb. “My parents were tricked that day. They trusted the wrong person and the police got a hold of them, my mother left me outside all alone so the police wouldn’t find me and take me away too,” you explained, pulling your knees to your chest as you leaned your chin on your arms. “I remembered being so alone, so cold. That’s why I decided to flee Edinburgh, we weren’t allowed to stay for too long. Our neighbour told us they were going to get us permits but the next day… unfortunately that happened.”

Renjun’s heart ached for you, he never wanted to see you sad. Even though you weren’t supposed to be in Edinburgh in the first place, he felt slightly selfish for it. If it weren’t for the fact that your parents had moved her, maybe your parents would still be by your side to this day. However you can’t change what’s been done, the past is the past. He couldn’t do anything to make the pain of losing a parent go away that easily. 

He placed a hand on yours, rubbing his thumb soothingly against your knuckles in a silent attempt to comfort you. You smiled at him, scooting closer to Renjun without hesitation. “I’m so sorry about that, I didn’t know,” Renjun spoke briefly, letting your fingers intertwine with his own tightly. He reached over to his pocket, pulling out the key to his heart and tugged your intertwined fingers together. “I can’t make the pain of losing your loved ones go away like a magician could, but the only thing I can assure you is that I’m not going anywhere and this key is the living proof of it.” 

He laid the small golden key in your palm, tucking your fingers against it. “This is the key that winds me up, without it, I would be knocked out for good,” he chuckled, gazing his eyes deeply into yours. “You can wind me up, open up my heart, do whatever you want,” he shrugged, watching you scoot closer to him and mirrored the same actions as the ones he showed you on the Ghost Train. “If it hurts, don’t hesitate to tell me,” you informed him, turning the key to the right slowly. 

“It doesn’t usually hurt,” he laughed lightly, eyes filled with love and adoration. He felt his heart spark up with the same comforting flame you manage to set. He found comfort in the love of his life gently caressing his fragile heart as if it was made out of the rarest jewels in existence. 

He found comfort in you. You really are the key to his heart. 

“There you are, you little brat!” the owner of the ghost train spat, entering the trailer quite rudely. “You there, what are you doing holding back my employee? As if he doesn’t slack off enough on the job,” she sighed exasperatedly, taking out another cig from her pocket before lighting it up. “You have ten minutes to get there, it’s almost starting,” she hissed, her tone filled with anger and malice as she made her way out of the trailer with a huff of breath.

You and Renjun shared knowing looks, giggling softly as you pulled the key out of his heart. “I think we should get going,” you said in an almost hushed tone as if you were to make a louder sound, you would break the comforting silence between the two of you. You outstretched your hand to give him back his key but Renjun shook his head at you, chuckling softly as he gently curled your fingers against the key in your palms and gently pushed your hand back towards you. 

“Keep it, I insist,” he shook his head. “What? No, don’t be silly! It’s the key to your heart, Renjun. It’s yours, I can’t keep it,” you shook your head receiving the same chuckle from the boy in front of you. “No, from now on, it’s yours,” he grabbed your free hand in his, intertwining your fingers once again. “Let’s run away together,” he suggested, squeezing your hand in his as he crossed his legs together. 

“Excuse me?” your eyes widened at his words. “After your show, run away with me and let’s make the world our oyster,” he gave you the widest grin he could muster, his cheeks was starting to hurt from smiling too much and for too long. He didn’t know where the sudden suggestion came from his mind but he wanted to do what he’s always dreamt of doing with you, to sail for the skies hand in hand with you by his side. (And maybe live a content life in a cottage with three cats and a whole art studio, but that can wait. After all, he’s waited this long to finally reunite with you)

“This is going to sound very cliche but where would we even go?” you giggled, finding his eagerness quite adorable considering it was a rare sight to see, even back when you were still in Edinburgh. “I don’t know, anywhere! The seas, the trees, as long as I’m with you I’m willing to make do with anywhere. As long as you say yes,” he squeezed your hand encouragingly against his, loving eyes pleading for you to say yes. And the smile you gave him was enough to give him his answer.

-

Renjun ran all over the amusement park with his suitcase in hand, the sound of your voice booming through the speakers as he felt the adrenaline rush through his veins, happiness surging through every part of his body. He was finally living, he was no longer going to live in the same, miserable hollow shell he had been living his whole entire life. A bright smile spread across his face as he entered the theater, panting heavily.

“Well then?” Doyoung pipped up, putting his hands at his hips as Renjun gained his composure as though Renjun’s wide smile hadn’t given him the answer he was hoping for. “She loves me, the real me,” he sighed exasperatedly, putting his hands on his chest as he could hardly believe it himself. “Congratulations, my dear boy! I’m delighted for you, absolutely delighted,” he gave Renjun a hug and patted his back as if he was his own younger brother. 

“We’re going to run away for the hills together after her show, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I’m sure I wouldn’t have done this without your help,” Renjun beamed, pulling away to shake his old friend’s hand enthusiastically, his mechanical heart racing rapidly against his chest at the thought of eloping with you all over Europe. “I’m going to miss you, Renjun. Do write to me from time to time,” he gave him a nod, a proud smile etched on his face, causing Renjun to chuckle and nod. “Of course.”

As Renjun was in the middle of packing, your show had finally ended. You snuck back in your trailer to pack your own clothes, but then you saw none other than one of your fellow performers, Choi San, sitting on your desk with a small piece of paper in hand. “San? What on earth are you doing here?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you took out your suitcases from your closet. “I heard you’re going to run off with that new boy,” he grinned, chuckling slightly as he smacked the paper against your desk. “Renjun? Oh! Turns out, he was the boy I fell in love with back in Edinburgh,” you giggled, shoving random clothes into your suitcase, your makeup bags, your shoes, anything you could possibly fit into one single bag. 

“I need to tell you something before you get into serious trouble,” San informed, giving you a hard expression before hopping off your desk to hand you the piece of paper. “I was doing my daily letter checking at the post office and I found this in the mail, it was from Renjun’s guardian from Edinburgh,” he sighed, crossing his arms as you opened the piece of paper to reveal a fancy handwriting underneath. “It tells you everything you need to know about Renjun.” 

You squinted, pulling your glasses from your purse and putting them on. “What are you going on about here, San?” you furrowed your brows as you read through the letter. It was indeed from the ‘Madam Wendy’ Renjun would always rant to you about during your days together back in Edinburgh. “That thing he calls a heart, it’s not what you think it is. It’s a grenade, a ticking time bomb waiting to be triggered, he’s dangerous, y/n,” San informed, his hard expression turning into worry.

“I'm just glad I came here before it was too late,” he sighed in relief, looking down at his feet. “No, San, you must be mistaken. Renjun wouldn’t hurt a fly, he’s absolutely harmless!” You shook your head, refusing to believe his words as you looked down at the letter. “For now, but until he loses control of his heart and therefore fails to abide by the three rules Wendy had given him on the day he was born,” San informed, his eyes narrowing at the letter. 

“The three rules?” you furrowed your brows at him, watching as San’s expression grew dim with sympathy. “Everything you need to know is in that letter, I’ll give you some time to yourself,” San patted your back with a comforting smile before exiting the trailer, leaving you with the letter and your own thoughts. 

-

“Are you trying to make me a murderer?!” you exclaimed, exiting your trailer with your fists clenched up tightly by your side. “Excuse me?” Renjun furrowed his brows in confusion, being taken aback as he took a step towards you with his suitcase in hand. “What are you even talking about?” he asked, letting the air sink back into his lungs from all the running he had to do all over the amusement park. “Madam Wendy told me everything in this letter,” you shoved the letter against his chest, watching as shock took over his features.

“Wendy sent a letter?” he gaped, his jaw dropping to the floor as he inspected what seems to be his caretaker’s handwritten letter. “She told me about the three rules, how you ran away against her wishes, everything! Were you not going to tell me these important details?” you hopped off of the first few steps of your trailer to come closer to the boy you love deeply in front of you. “Or did you forget to tell me something as serious as that?” you snapped, sadness and betrayal flossing over your eyes.

Renjun felt his heart sink into his stomach at your hurtful expression, he was so caught up in the fantasy of running away with you, he completely forgot about his fragile condition for a brief moment. “Who even are you, Renjun? I want to know who’s the man I’m falling in love with,” you gripped the hem of your dress to keep yourself from screaming at him out of pure frustration and anger, feeling your heart ready to explode at the fact that you had the potential to kill him if your relationship proceeded from this far on. 

“I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if you died,” you tried hard to swallow the lump in your throat, looking down to hide your glossy eyes as you tried your best not to think of what would happen to him if you hadn’t received that letter. 

Renjun froze in place, his eyes turning glossy with his own tears as he watched you speak, the words jammed at the back of his throat as he knew, deep down, there was nothing he could do to change your mind. It was far too late, he can’t do anything to change your mind anymore. “I refuse to love you, I refuse to be a murderer. That’s not my idea of love,” you shook your head at him, putting the back of your hand against your eyelids to wipe away the tears. Every word that came out of your mouth felt like a dagger into his mechanical heart. It hurt. Renjun was hurting. His heart was breaking right in front of you, and you both knew it. 

“It’s selfish,” you couldn’t help but splutter out. “No, wait. You got it all wrong, y/n,” he finally spoke up, frustration filling his veins as he found the courage to speak up. “Oh, so you didn’t escape your guardian’s home without permission, thus causing her to worry about you for the past few weeks with no information whatsoever?” you snapped, putting your hands on your hips after you wiped your tears away. “Yes, but that isn’t the problem here!” he shook his head, taking a step towards you as he groaned in frustration. 

“There you go! Oh, so now you’re going to disobey another rule and lose your temper?” 

“It’s not like that! Just listen to me-” Renjun reached his hand out to your face before his body started twitching in pain, causing him to drop on his knees as gears and screws popped out of his heart. You gasped, watching as your lover writhe in pain on his knees, letting out pained grunts for the next fifteen seconds right in front of you. Thus, giving you a brief image of what was going to happen if you continued on. 

“You’re scaring me, Renjun.” 

“I’m sorry.” he breathed out, putting his hand on his knees as he ignored the steaming state of his cuckoo clock heart. Your eyes softened at his guilty figure, your hands laying limp by your sides as you let out a sad sigh. “Goodbye, Renjun.” Were your last words before you walked away from him, leaving him to deal with his own pain. 

“I did the craziest things for you. My life isn’t always topsy turvy when it comes to love, but I put my life in your hands because I truly love you,” Renjun confessed, causing you to pause in your step. You inhaled deeply, not giving him a spare glance. “Yes, I agree, your actions are inhumane at this point, but count me out, Renjun,” you hissed back, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep yourself from shaking and breaking down right in front of him. “I’d prefer you to be hurt like this than dead, I can’t live with myself if I was the reason for your passing,” you sighed, looking down at your shoes briefly.

“Please just leave me alone. I’m not running away with you.”

You didn’t look back as you walked away, ignoring the sound of a distraught Renjun getting to his knees, holding his heart in pain. His eyes scrunched up in pain as he let out small grunts, trying to get to his feet back to make his way back to the theater. He collapsed back to the concrete ground as soon as he got to his feet, the ear piercing sound of his clock falling apart before him lingered in his mind as cogs and screws popped out of his makeshift heart. He wanted to scream out your name and plead for you to come back into his embrace, but he knew you wouldn’t turn back. 

So he did the only thing that came into his mind in order to stop this unbearable pain. He got up to his feet, putting two hands on his clock and pulled hard, ignoring the physical pain it brought him as he tried to rip out his own heart from his chest. Letting out a scream of pain as he collapsed to the floor, pieces of wood and metal scattering across the floor and drops of blood dripping from the doors of his heart. 

“Renjun!”

Doyoung and Naeun came up to Renjun as quickly as they could, holding him up as he coughed heavily. “I want to change into a new clock, I’m so tired of this one constantly falling into bits every time I feel the slightest bit of joy,” he mumbled almost monotonously, letting out another fit of coughs afterward. “Madam Wendy was right,” he added with a light painful laugh. “I suppose I have some spare parts to help you fix your clock from my camera, I’ll go get them-” Doyoung insisted but Renjun gripped on the older man’s wrist urgently. 

“No, I want a new heart. I’m tired of this one. One that works. I’ll never fall in love again,” he leaned over, cupping his mouth as he coughed once again, feeling more gears pop out of his clock like a confetti from a canon. “You’re running out of time, Renjun, you must seek help immediately. Is there anything you can do to salvage what’s left of your heart until you get back to Edinburgh?” Doyoung asked, furrowing his brows. “I can’t, I gave the key to Y/n. She left me, I can’t get it back anymore,” Renjun shook his head sadly, looking down at his own blood staining his fingertips.

“That key is your life, Renjun! You took a huge risk,” Doyoung shook his head at how deeply in love the boy in front of him was. “I know,” he mumbled, his words becoming more breathy by the moment. “You must return to Edinburgh and have Wendy patch you up again, it’s the only way to save your life,” Doyoung slung an arm around his shoulder, lifting him up as Naeun helped with carrying his suitcase. 

Doyoung led a heartbroken Renjun onto a carriage to the nearest train station. He insisted on coming with the young lad but Renjun wanted to face the consequences of his actions alone, he couldn’t bear to rip his friend away from the path of success he was walking into. So, with a heavy heart, Renjun rode the train back to Edinburgh with his eyes closed and his heart hurting like hell against his chest. 

‘This must be the same feeling Pip went through when Estella finally broke his heart to elope with some other man she didn’t love.’ he thought bitterly to himself.

-

“Madam Wendy what?” your jaw dropped as San shared a new bit of information. 

He leaned over, showing you the newspaper he was reading which informed you that Madam Wendy had passed in her prison cell. Apparently, she was caught for tampering with mechanics on a dangerous level with her other patients and was thrown in jail once again, but the disappearance of her adopted child had a great impact on her health, therefore she left her body in the cell she was staying in. 

“Oh, no. Oh dear god, no,” you hopped out of San’s performance tent, patting your pockets and pulling out the key that belongs to Renjun’s heart. “What’s wrong?” San asked, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth as he stood up as well, worried as his brows furrowed in confusion. “Renjun gave me the key to his heart, I forgot to give it back,” you yelled back, running as quick as you could to the theater, the only place where Renjun could be at the moment. 

You knocked as hard as you could, calling out the boy’s name in a panic. “Miss Y/n? What are you doing here?” Doyoung asked, opening the door as he rubbed his eyes from the lack of sleep. “Can you tell me where I can find Renjun? I still have the key to his heart,” you asked in an abrupt tone, showing the older man the key in your palms. “Nothing to worry about, Miss! He’s on his way back to Edinburgh as we speak, Doctor Wendy can patch him up in a jiffy!” Doyoung smiled. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of, oh god, no. But Madam Wendy’s passed away,” you informed, clenching your fists with the key in your hand. Doyoung’s eyes widened in surprise, his face turning pale at your words. “Oh boy, that isn’t good news. Go after him, hurry! Save Renjun before it’s too late, that’s what he wants more than anything. I put him on a carriage to the nearest train station. If you’re lucky, you might catch him on the train before it departs,” Doyoung rummaged through his bag, pulling out a random journal. 

“Here, take this. In case you don’t catch up to him, here’s something to read on the way. It’s a journal I kept ever since the very day I met Renjun,” he handed you the journal as Naeun called another carriage for you to ride to the train station. You sighed, your head filled with worry as you looked up at the two adults willing to help you save Renjun despite the fact that you were the main reason why he was in this mess in the first place. 

“Thank you.”

-

Renjun laid in the snow, near the house where he used to call home. Sniffling as he leaned against the tree at the bottom of the hill. Joy and Yeri had contacted him and brought him the news of his caretaker’s passing. Sulking as guilt took over his body, regretting every single decision he had made the past few months. And now he’s going to suffer the consequences of dying all alone. He couldn’t walk into his own home after the news, choosing to lay down under the snow to let himself slowly freeze to death and possibly hypothermia. 

So now, he was taking his last few breaths, enjoying the bright sky as he watched his skin froze, tears slowly turning into eyes as he laid there all heartbroken and damaged. His hair was white from the snowfall, with bits of brown peaking out in between as he sniffled and sobbed over the loss of his mother. Taking deep breaths to regain his composure, as his skin grew numb against the cold. 

“Renjun! I’m here!” 

It was as if the God above had decided to send an angel back to help him, he slowly looked up with half lidded eyes, a small shaky smile spreading across his lips as you fell to your knees to help him. “Renjun, oh dear god, no,” you whimpered, leaning close as you laid a hand on his jaw, making him lean his head up to look at you weakly. You grimaced at his cold skin, it felt like ice to you. It was as if he was turning into a giant ice cube right in front of you.

His appearance made your heart break. He looked so pale and broken since the last time you saw him. His eyes were red and swollen from the tears, snow gathering on his eyelashes, eyebrows, hair and clothing. Hell, he was wearing nothing but the thin coat he wore the last time you saw him. Dried blood was stuck to his cuckoo clock heart which was in a worse condition than it was back in Andalusia. You ran your thumb over his soft cheek, making him lean his face against your warm touch as you wiped the snow away from his skin. His breathing was slow, as if he was taking every breath he could before his last. 

With a shaky hand, you placed what's left of his heart back into their original place, your breathing becoming shaky as you held back your tears. It truly hurt you to see Renjun in this state, you knew he was on the brink of death. You didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if you had arrived much much later.

You pulled out the key to his heart from the inner pocket of your coat, leaning forward to press the key into his heart. But alas, his hand stopped you as he gently gripped your wrist and pulled it away from him. “No, I’m not too late. I’m not letting you die here, just let me turn the key,” you shook your head, blinking back the tears as you pushed your glasses up from the bridge of your nose. “I came back to save you, please just let me do this,” you pleaded, caressing his cheek with your thumb in a futile attempt to convince the love of your life to let you save him. 

“You came all the way back for me,” a tear streaked down Renjun’s cheek which froze under the cold atmosphere, sticking to his cheek. “That’s the most extraordinary turn you could ever give my heart,” he laughed slightly, half lidded eyes trying their best to stay open as his vision began to grow blurry and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was losing consciousness or if it was because of the tears he was holding back.

He tugged the key out of your hand before tossing it over the hill. “No, Renjun, what did you do?!” you panicked, your eyes growing wide at the key disappearing from your line of vision. “No, why did you do that?” you shook your head at him, pressing your body close to him as he leaned his back against the tree. “From now on, whatever happens to me,” Renjun spoke, giving you the same boyish smile he sent your way on your last day in Edinburgh two years ago. “I’ll only have myself to blame,” he sighed, intertwining your free hand with his icy cold one. 

“So now you can kiss me.” 

Your heart broke as you finally let your tears go, squeezing his hand tightly in yours as you sniffled. “As I said before, the things you do are absolutely inhumane,” you pushed your forehead against his, feeling your tears hit his wet clothes as you felt his other hand go to your jaw. “I’m just upset I never got to give you the painting I’d been working so hard on for all these years,” he chuckled, his eyes growing even more red as his tears streamed down his face like a leaking tap.

He caressed your jaw in his hand, eyes scanning your face one last time as he came with the fact that this was your last goodbye before he leaves for good. “If we were ever to be reborn again, I would still wish and pray for the gods to make you my first and last love,” he couldn’t help but laugh to stifle a sob that erupted from his throat. “And if we were ever to be reborn again, I hope you can always continue to smile like that until the day you close your eyes for good,” you nuzzled your forehead against his, sniffling hard. 

Thus with eyes clenched shut, you and Renjun pressed your lips together in unison for a passionate yet innocent kiss. You could hear the last strike of Renjun’s ticking clock, a loud ‘cuckoo’ piercing the quiet atmosphere as Renjun pulled you closer to him by wrapping an arm around your back and leaning his head to the side for a better angle. Your warm soft lips pressed onto his cold chapped ones, wet from the snow.  Your intertwined hands squeezing each other as you felt his mechanical heart put a ring on your own.

The next time Renjun opened his eyes, he was at the gates of heaven, standing in front of an actual angel with a bright expression on his face. “Huang Renjun, I assume?” the angel greeted, a soft smile spreading across their face as Renjun nodded. “You seem a bit too young to be up in heaven. Aren’t you just 18 years old?” the angel asked, pulling out a clipboard to look through Renjun’s life data. “I was almost nineteen, though,” Renjun shrugged, his wide smile never disappearing from his facial features.

“I’m so sorry you had to leave life so soon, young man,” the angel cooed, taking out a pen from their desk as they began to fill out Renjun’s form for his plans now that he’s in the afterlife. “Care to tell me what happened while I do the paperwork for you?” the angel asked, sticking their tongue out as they wrote Renjun’s life information on the glowing paper with a messy handwriting, reminding him of the postcard you had sent him less than a couple months ago. 

Renjun looked around the bright place he was in, sighing heavily as he stared up the gates of heaven with a content expression. He swiped his tongue over his pink lips as he finally felt his heart no longer empty, 

“I fell in love.” 

a/n: i didn’t like how this turned out lmfao but oh well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, HUANG RENJUN MWUAH

¤ taglist: @leetaeyonglover @lebrookestore @oifelixcmerebrou @vera-liscious @kunrengui @thats-a-jen-no-no

[itcamefromthetoybox]

Elvis Sighting In The Toy Aisle

I know I promised two reviews this week, and I do occasionally keep my word, so here’s the second review! Once upon a time, the gimmicks wrestlers had were absolutely nuts. One of the most famous wrestlers was an undead cult leader whose crazed brother burnt their house down, one was a US drill sergeant/beloved “GI Joe” character turned enforcer for a brutal Middle Eastern warlord, and then there’s today’s guy, whose deal was that he was “Elvis but an asshole.” When I first saw him at Walmart, I was absolutely delighted and knew I had to have him. The question is, though, do you need him too? So to answer that, let’s look at “WWE Superstars The Honky Tonky Man!”

With retro-style toys being huge these days, the WWE has decided to cash in on the trend by bringing back old toys with modern engineering. In this case, that means the return of toys from the 80’s and 90’s. I know, this is starting to sound familiar. That’s because it’s the premise behind our previous review, “Masters of the WWE Universe Macho Man Randy Savage.” The difference is that the “WWE Superstars” toyline is both still on shelves and is trying to recreate the original toys as closely as possible instead of combining pro wrestlers and He-Man.

The “Superstars” line is a Walmart exclusive toyline aimed at collectors, with each figure coming with a delightful amount of accessories, much like you’d expect from a collector-aimed line. The figures do use the “Masters of the Universe Origins” bodies, which makes sense, considering they’re emulating a toyline that looked very similar to the original “Masters of the Universe” bodies and are being made by the same company as “Origins.” What that means for us that they have absolutely stellar articulation and honestly do a great job of recreating the looks of those old toys.

Honky Tonk Man comes with multiple accessories, some of which are not immediately obvious from how he’s packaged: his jumpsuit and scarf, which are both removable, two extra sets of hands, and his guitar, which breaks apart into multiple pieces. From how he’s packaged, it’s easy to miss a lot of this. In fact, the way I found out about the guitar being able to break apart was I removed a plastic band from it and it fell into five pieces in my hands. So don’t open this guy where you can lose parts, is what I’m saying here.

Not pictured: The Ultimate Warrior coming to beat his ass.

Changing out Honky Tonk Man’s hands is very easy, just like it is with the “MOTU Origins” line. Just note that issues with individual figures and constant hand swapping can make the connection loose over time. He can also hold his guitar by the neck very nicely, which is great because it breaks apart really easily, so you don’t want him dropping it. Seriously, it falls apart at the snap of a finger and has to be reassembled in a certain order to make it hold together even as loosely as it does. It’s a real pain and I kinda regret removing the plastic band that was keeping the whole thing intact.

Later when I moved him into another room, I realized I had misplaced part of the guitar. Took about 5 minutes to find on the floor.

The accessory I have a problem with, however, is the jump suit. It is removable, and Honky Tonk Man does have his wrestling tights painted on under it. The issue is that it’s a real pain to remove. It’s a cloth outfit that’s surprisingly tight around the shoulders, so when I tried to take it off for photos, I ran into some challenges. In the end, I had to give up and settle for some open shirt pics because I was getting terrified of ripping the outfit. So if you grab yourself a Honky Tonk Man, be careful about that or learn to sew.

What started as the closest I could get to removing his outfit without fear quickly turned into the fanservice photo.

Honky Tonk Man and the rest of the “WWE Superstars” line are all Walmart exclusive figures and go for about $20 right now. So the question comes down to if he’s worth that. Honestly, I’d say no. Yes, he’s a good figure and fun to play with, like any figure using a “MOTU Origins” mold, but he’s not worth that big price tag, especially when you can find him right next to the “Origins” figures that use the same bodies and go for $10-$15, which feels like adding insult to the injury of spending that much on him. It feels like you’re paying more because of the accessories, which include a jumpsuit I was scared I was going to damage if I removed it and a guitar that will fall apart long before he can hit anyone with it. If you can find him on discount, though, then consider grabbing him. He is aimed at collectors, which makes a ton of sense since his mold means he won’t match most wrestling toys kids these days have and he’s a wrestler most kids these days won’t know. If anything, they’re going to think he’s the actual Elvis. So unless you’re a collector or just really like his gimmick, like I do, then I’d pass on him or wait for a sale. This is JL signing off and wishing you Happy Toy Hunting!

[raven-reconciling]

I’m seeing a lot of “How X characters would respond to the Coronavirus” posts but I haven’t seen one from my all-time favorite show Community yet so here goes:

Jeff: Blows the whole thing off for the first several weeks and mocks everyone else for overreacting. Until the company that produces his favorite skin cream is forced to close down over virus concerns and in being forced to deal with his aging skin he’s confronted with his own mortality and suddenly becomes extremely hypochondriac about the whole thing.

Britta: Gives everyone a bunch of horribly inaccurate medical advice that she swears is from the CDC but she actually Britta’d the Google search and ended up on an antivaxxer conspiracy website.

Annie: Does extensive prep work for the shutdowns, including spreadsheets outlining peak items to purchase and where to get them. Begins rationing squares of toilet paper early on. Takes social distancing very seriously and insists that everyone carries sticks to maintain the appropriate 6 foot radius.

Shirley: Insists that this is the end of days and her friends must get right with the Lord before it’s too late. Thoughtfully sews personalized, monogramed face masks for the Study Group.

Pierce: Will definitely not stop calling it the China Virus and has in fact come up with several, even more offensive nicknames.

Abed:  Spends a lot of time trying to figure out which apocalypse movie the situation is most like. Frequently calls out which characters from these movies each of his friends is acting like at any given moment, much to their irritation. Also works on some sweet customized hazmat gear with Troy.

Troy: Is completely convinced the the virus is related to Corona beer and that in fact there must be corresponding viruses for each other major beer brand. He figures that’s why his Jehovah’s Witness parents didn’t want him drinking.

Chang: Insists that he’s immune from the virus because he has the “Changtedote” but he isn’t sharing with anybody. Says he’s been systematically mixing his Chinese blood with bat blood for years now for such a time as this.

Dean Pelton: Is really stressed about Greendale having to go to online learning because the school’s computer system hasn’t been updated since 1986 and they don’t even have Wi-Fi because the budget to update the system was spent printing “It’s Corona Time” t-shirts after a memo misunderstanding. He announces this at a large assembly before realizing that it’s violating social distance guidelines.

[catxsnow]

YOU NOT HIM T.D.

Request: Can i request reader liking dick but he reject her because she is too young or something lol. But then tim has a crush on her and she slowly starts to fall for him. Then dick regrets it. Pretty please? 🙏 Thanks!

Warning: angst, mentions of blood, if you squint really hard mentions of sexual content, fluff

A/N: This might be one of my favourites 🥺🥺

Word count: 5.1k 

Bruce Wayne was somehow able to adopt all attractive children. Every single kid that he had living under his roof turned out to be ridiculously handsome later on in life. Dick, the oldest - a ladies man through and through. Jason had his whole 'bad boy' persona - though you knew him well enough to know he was nothing but a sweetheart.

Tim was nothing but lovable. He was kind and sweet to you since the beginning. Even Damian who was still young was going to grow up to be just like his father. They were all incredibly good looking people - all of which had made you weak in the knees.

You had been running alongside Bruce and his family for a couple years. Long enough to have known their identities and long enough to be an equal with them. It was had being a sidekick to the great Batman, but you had made do. Being partners with Tim worked fine, but the moment he left, you did too.

Years of training, hard work, and pining over Dick Grayson. The only problem being - he was twenty-six and you were just past the age of eighteen. Far too young for him and in his eyes, way too immature. That didn't stop you from liking him more and more every time you saw him.

You had even gone out of your way to move to Bludhaven to be closer to him. Working more cases in the night with him, getting every chance that you got to be with him. You were hopelessly yearning for him.

Dick Grayson was perfect. He was kind, patient, a total badass. In all your time of knowing him, he always took his time with you no matter the situation. If you couldn't get a proper training move down, he'd stay with you until you got it. Having trouble with your school work - he'd sit with you and figure it out.

He truly was the perfect man, and you wished nothing more to know if he felt the same way. So, the next time you saw him - you risked everything. You told Dick of your feelings for him, how you wished to be together and be the one to love him. You spilled your heart out to him, hoping that he would accept you.

As you should have known, he didn't. Dick saw you as nothing but a little sister he never had. You were far too young for him. His love for you was always there, just not in the way that you had hoped. Heartbroken, you assured him that you understood him and that everything was okay. As long as you didn't lose him forever, that was what mattered the most.

You were thankful that Dick didn't make things awkward between you. Every time you saw him it seemed just like old times - but now you knew not to get your hopes up anymore. Dick had made his choice, and he wasn't going to change it.

With a broken heart, you moved back to Gotham. Back to working with Batman and Robin- neither of which you were fond to be back with. Things weren't the same, Bruce and Damian didn't need you anymore. You would fly solo unless it was some sort of big raid - often times having to go home to an empty apartment where you would have to sew your own wounds.

You missed what your life was like in Bludhaven. Going back would be too hard, you needed to distance yourself from Dick, let these feelings simmer away until there was nothing left. At least, you hoped that was what was going to happen.

Another night of Gotham and another night of blood soaking through your suit. It had only been a few weeks since you had been back but it felt like a lifetime. Gotham was draining and you forgot how terrible it treated you.

"Heard you were back in town," a voice called out. You were in the bathroom, trying to stitch up the cut along your torso. The sudden arrival had caused you to jump, making your wound even worse. "Oh fuck, sorry."

Tim Drake stood at your door. He wore jeans and a t-shirt that showed just how much stronger he had gotten since you had last seen him. You glared at him between winces of pain. Tim carefully grabbed the needle and thread from your bloody hands, wordlessly taking your place and finishing the job.

"What the fuck, Tim," You snapped. Since being home, you were in no mood to speak to anyone of the Wayne family. It was nice being on your own for a while. Besides, he was supposed to be with the Teen Titans right now. "What are you doing here?"

"Heard you were back in Gotham," He repeated earlier. His stitching jabbed you a little too violently and you jerked at the pain. Without realizing you had latched onto his thigh to try to dim the searing hurt that ran up your body. You never noticed Tim's breathing catch in his throat and the heat that crawled up his neck. "Thought I'd come by and see you."

"How'd you find me?" You asked. You never told anyone where you had set up your new home. Tim only gave you a look - of course. He knew how to find you, he could find anyone if he so wanted to it wasn't too difficult. You appreciated him for going out of his way to meet up with you.

Tim finished the last stitch and wiped away the rest of the blood that stained your skin. He placed a white bandage over it and stretched his back from being crouched for so long. Without missing a beat, he followed you to your room, watching you rummage through your drawer to find a t-shirt to wear.

"I'm guessing you didn't just come for a visit," You continued. Tim leaned against your door, arms crossed over his chest. While he explained himself, you went out to clean up your weapons used from the night, something to keep you busy and your mind off the idea that he might bring up Dick's rejection.

"I came to see if you wanted to join me," He announced. You raised an eyebrow at him. So many times you had explicitly stated that you wanted no part of any team. After learning everything from Batman, you picked up on his undesirable trait of not wanting to be part of a team. Whether it was the Justice League or the Teen Titans.

You scoffed and pushed past him to retrieve your bloody suit. It would need to be fixed and cleaned up before tomorrow night. Tim followed you through your small home. He had wanted you to join for a long time, now that you were done your little escapade in Bludhaven, it was the perfect chance to convince you.

"Come on, you're coming home with wounds every night and I'm worried about you," Tim tried to change your mind. Your eyes narrowed at his words - this hadn't been the first time that he had seen you in Gotham.

"You've been following me?" You asked, but more so looking for confirmation. Tim hung his head in shame. He felt like an idiot for letting that slip - you shouldn't have known about it. It had been several days that he had been in Gotham. Bruce knew, he never told you until now.

"I was worried about you," Tim confessed. "I heard about what happened with Dick and I didn't want you to do anything drastic." More like he was hoping that he could be the one to swoop in and win your heart. You were only a year older than Tim, but while you were pining after Dick, he was pining after you.

Those years as being partners he had fallen in love with you. He loved the way that you were so excited to save people, how you were so easily able to solve problems, and the way you smiled when you were excited. This whole time, you hadn't noticed because you were so busy with trying to sway Dick.

You cringed at him revealing knowing about what happened between you and Dick. That was the last thing you wanted to hear come from him mouth - it was embarrassing. You didn't even want to think about what it would be like if Damian found out what had happened; he would never let you hear the end of it.

"I'm not going to work with a team of kids," you kept up with your answer.

"They - we - aren't kids. I just thought maybe you'd like some fresh faces," Tim argued. The selfish part of him wanted you to come just because he wanted to see you. He wouldn't tell you that, not yet anyways.

You had to admit, the idea of getting out of Gotham and seeing some fresh faces sounded a little too perfect to you. It would be nice to put Batman and Co. on the back burner until this stupid flutter in your heart for Dick went away. As much as you didn't want to join a team, it was your best option.  

The bloody suit in your hand dropped to the ground. Maybe it was time for a completely new revamping. New name, new suit, new team, new city. You had been the same vigilante for years - Dick, Jason, even Tim had all grown out of their original stage and into something new. Maybe it was time for you to do so too.

"You know what? Fuck it."

><

"Tim!" You screeched. Your face was bright red from all the blood flowing to it. Everything was viewed upside down and you were starting to get dizzy.

It had been well over a year since you had joined the Titans. They were all excited to see you there, many faces that you had never seen before and even more that you liked to consider friends. Bart, Kon, Cassie - you were all so excited to see them. Joining this team seemed like a pain but the second you stepped into the tower you knew you made the right choice.

Your new persona made you feel alive again and you were more ready than ever to get back out on the streets to kick some ass. This new life that you created here, it was something that you never thought you would be able to do. For the first time in a long time, you felt happy, at home. Something that never truly happened at the Manor.

"Tim! Let me go!" You laugh echoed through the massive room. The two of you had been training - though at that moment neither of you were taking it seriously in the slightest. Tim had grabbed you by the thighs and hauled you over his shoulder, running around and not letting go.

You slapped his ass, hoping that it would be enough to get him to let you go. Instead, he slapped yours even harder. Thankfully he set you back down on the ground, but didn't considering letting you out of his hold. Tim pulled you against his chest, kissing you long and sweet to make up for his behavior.

"Sorry, my love," Tim smirked. No he wasn't.

Maybe the reason that you were so happy with you new life was because of Tim. Tim Drake had been the one to convince you to change homes, and the one to wiggle his way in to mend your broken heart. He had stood by your side through thick and thin, doing everything in his power to make you feel better.

Along the way, he had also gotten you to fall in love with him. Dick was out of your mind, every thought now consumed by Tim. The first year you were there, it was incredible to see such a change within you. Everyone saw it - Bart making the most fun of your growing feelings for Tim. Feelings that you denied for a very long time.

Everyone could see how hopelessly in love you were with each other. You hadn't been able to believe if for a long time. Tim was your friend, your partner - not a lover. There was no way that you saw him like that, right? You had never been so wrong in your entire life.

Maybe these feelings for Tim had always been there. Maybe you were just too busy following Dick around that you didn't have the time to realize it. Or maybe he had brought out a side of him that you hadn't realized existed. You saw him differently than you had when he was Robin.

It was one night that the two of you were alone in the tower - a first since you had been there - that had gotten you to admit your feelings. The night was calm and you guys took the opportunity to play a movie on the big screen. Unfortunately for you, the whole movie you had been consumed with the idea of kissing him.

A perfectly timed sex scene had given you a strange amount of courage. You couldn't take this tension with him anymore. So, you had nearly leaped on top of him, pressing your lips against his. Tim didn't hesitate to react to it, kissing you back and pulling you onto his lap. You straddled him, fingers threading through his hair as he desperately tried to peel your clothes off.

After a very embarrassing, almost naked, confrontation with your teammates that had suddenly arrived, you and Tim became inseparable. Several months of dating and you knew that you had made the right choice with him. Tim cared about you in ways that you never thought a man would do for you.

"Yeah, yeah," You waved him off. Your face was finally going back to normal as the blood flow balancing out. "There's a lot of ways you could make it up to me, you know?" You grinned, hands trailing up his bare chest.

"Oh yeah?" Tim placed his hands on your hips, pulling you completely flush against him. He trailed soft kisses up your neck, eager to hear what you were thinking. "What'd you have in mind?"  

Suddenly, your foot hooked into his ankles and you pulled his legs out from right under him. Tim groaned as his back painfully hit the training mat and a disappointed look filled his eyes. "Buying me lunch."

Tim didn't let you get very far. He pulled the same move as you did and brought you down on the mat. Tim trapped you beneath him, his legs on either side of yours and hands by your shoulders. You could get out if you so wished - but you didn't.

You were thankful he let your hands free. You placed them on either side of his face and pulled him down so you could connect your lips. There were many times that you would be in the training room, Tim convincing you to make out and every time someone would walk in. This time you felt dangerously brave.

Tim gasped as your hands trailed down his chest and towards his shorts. "You really want to risk that right now?" He asked between kisses. You responded without words, and instead adding pressure to your hold. Tim groaned into your neck, there was no way that he could say no to you.

"Tim!"

You had never seen your boyfriend jump off of you so quickly before. The voice hadn't belonged to any of your teammates and the tone of it wasn't scolding, it was excited. Whoever it was, obviously hadn't fully seen what had been going on. You should have expected that you wouldn't get what you wanted.

"(Y/N)?" Dick Grayson faltered in his spot. It was the first time that he had seen you since he had let you down. Nearly two years without seeing how much you had grown.  He had heard that you had moved into the tower, but it had been a long time since you had gone home to Gotham.

Tim went without you, working with Bruce for a few cases here and there. No one had visited the tower while you were there and you had to admit that you were thankful for it. Leaving your past behind - besides Tim - it was refreshing. Seeing Dick again had brought back a tug in your heart that you thought was long gone.

"Dick," You half smiled. His hair was shorter than last time you had seen him. Muscles more defined than ever. The bags under his eyes were worse but his smile was still the exact same. Dick hadn't expected you to be with Tim, not romantically. You never seemed interested in him growing up.

Your breathing caught in your throat. After seeing him for the first time in a long time, you didn't realize the wave of emotions that would come. You were confused by everything flooding your brain - hope, guilt, desire, even anger.

"You look great," he complimented, bringing you in for a hug. It was true. You had grown a lot in these two years. Different hair, more fit than you ever been in your life. Being on this team had done you good in more ways than one.

"What're you doing here?" Tim asked. Dick stared as you interlocked hands with your boyfriend.

"I'm, uh, taking Kori's place as team leader for a little while," Dick explained. Kori had mentioned before that she was going to need to take some time away. She never said what for or when, but she must have had to leave sooner than anticipated. "You guys are together?"

"Yep," your voice strained. You never imagined that this reunion would be so tense. It was easier to see Dick right after he had let you down than it was now. For some reason, his appearance had created a tension. You weren't sure if it was from you, or if Tim was suddenly jealous of his older brother, or Dick was just uncomfortable with it all.

"Congrats," Dick nodded. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head. A sudden noise came from outside the room. "I'm gonna go see everyone else I guess. See you later tonight?" You and Tim both nodded in sync. It seemed like the moment that he stepped out of the room, you both let out a breath of air.

"That was weird, right?" You asked, staring at the door that Dick left from rather than up at Tim. You couldn't have been the only one to find that whole confrontation painful. Tim nodded in agreement. His jaw was tight and he glared at the door Dick just left from. "Wait a second, you're not jealous of Dick, are you?"

"No!" Tim defended. Unfortunately for him, you could tell that he was lying. "He was your first love! It's only been two years since he told you he didn't feel the same way. Besides, you didn't see the way he was looking at you. I just..." He trailed off, unsure if he was willing to say what was on his mind.

"You're worried I still have feelings for him," You finished. Tim wearily nodded. You placed your hands at the base of his neck, thumb brushing against his jawline. Tim was forced to look you in your eyes, as much as he didn't want to at this moment. "I love you, Tim. Only you. You have nothing to worry about."

You pulled him down for another kiss. Tim finally melted into your hold. He knew that you loved him, genuinely. However, it was still hard to have Dick be living in the same home as you once again. He felt childish for being jealous for no reason. Dick had already stated that he didn't have feelings for you - he didn't need to worry now.

At least he hoped.

><

Apparently Tim did have something to worry about - and it wasn't you.

Dick's time in the tower extended longer than he imagined it too. He was only supposed to be there for a week or two, now it had been nearly a month. While it was nice to have him around, especially on missions, Tim was eager for his brother to leave them again. He hated when the two of you spent time together.

Maybe it was just him being jealous, maybe he was paranoid. Either way, whenever it was the two of you alone, Tim got antsy. Kon was the first to notice. He assured his best friend that he had nothing to worry about - as far as his Kryptonian sense could tell, you didn't have any feelings for Dick.

Tim found himself spending more nights in your room, keeping you in bed longer than he normally would in the mornings. He even held hands with you more often; you had enjoyed his affection, even though you knew where it had stemmed from.

It was an afternoon of training did he finally have enough. Dick was using you as a partner to show off some new moves for all the team to learn. The two of you danced around the mat, anticipation running high. You were both drenched in sweat, breathing heavy from your previous spar.

"Come on, Big Bird," You taunted. Dick hated that name, it only reminded him of Sesame Street. He hadn't heard that name in a long time - not since he had seen you last. For some reason, it had caught him off guard enough for you to make your strike. Dick reoriented himself rather quickly.

Instead of you taking him down, he had roughly slammed you to the floor. Dick hovered over you, eyes soft as he met yours. Ever since he had been back with you in the tower, there was something eating him alive. Guilt? Shame? He tried to blame his feelings on those but he knew what it was: regret.

Dick regretted letting you go all those years ago. When he was asked to take over the Titans Tower, he was excited to see you. In two short years he had hoped that you hadn't moved on. Not seeing you nearly every day left a hole in his chest and he didn't realize what it was until seeing you again.

Upon realizing that you were with Tim, he felt his heart crack. Of course he had lost his chance with you - and it was no one to blame but himself. Dick pushed you away because he thought you to be too young, when in reality he was just scared of hurting you.

"Dick!" Tim's voice echoed throughout the training room. There was a harsh tone to it, full of jealousy and frustration. It had broken him out of his trance. Dick hadn't realized just how long he had been pinning you down. You tried to wiggle out of his grasp but he was far too strong to get of without hurting him. He had been completely lost in thought being that close to you again.

He shook his head to rid those thoughts, thoughts of you. Dick pushed himself up off the ground and stuck his hand out for you to grab. You didn't take it. Instead, you moved back to Tim's side. He instantly swooped down to kiss your lips. Dick knew what Tim was doing - he was being possessive of you. It was easy to notice with the glare that followed. 

"That's it for today," Dick announced. He left the training room, followed by the rest of your team. It was only Tim, Bart, and Cassie that knew about your history with Dick. Bart and Cass both gave you a weary look as they walked by you. For once, you felt uncomfortable under their gaze.

Finally, it was just you and Tim left. He stared at the floor, thoughts running through his head and keeping him in this trance. What was Dick thinking? Why was he acting like that? Like he regretted his choice with you? He was beyond angered at his brother for looking at you like he was.

You grabbed both of his hands, staring up at him as if he was the only thing that mattered in this world. Tim's gaze where Dick hovered of you wouldn't falter - and sadly you had known exactly what he was thinking. Dick was a ladies man, he knew how to flirt his way through everything and he certainly knew how to flirt with you.

If there was one person in this world that could convince you to leave Tim, it was Dick. He was the one to have your heart first, not Tim.

"Babe," you finally spoke. Your hands slid up his arms until cupping his face. Tim finally met your eyes with a broken look. "I love you, and only you. I need you to know that."

"I do," he whispered. It sounded as if he didn't believe himself, and in some ways, he didn't. All his life he grew up wondering how Dick got women so easily. Now, as soon as he finally gets you, Dick comes back with god knows what intentions. "I love you, too."

"Big Belly Burger?" You offered. Tim hinted at a smile, somehow you always managed to make a dark room light.

"You're buying."

><

You had managed to avoid Dick for the rest of the week. Patrol was exclusively with Tim, training you were paired with Cassie, even at dinner you would sit as far as possible from him. Whether it was because you were good at avoiding him, or if he was putting in the effort as well, you didn't mind the space.

It was your teammates that would catch Dick glancing at you at random points in the day. No one would ever say anything about it, but they all knew that something was going on between the two of you - or something had gone on. In all your time there, it seemed like Tim was the only one on your mind, they didn't think Dick had an important role as well.

It wasn't until the end of the week did Dick corner you. It was late at night, Tim was asleep in your bed and the others were all in their rooms. You found yourself in the kitchen for a late night snack and some tea. One of the few times that you were alone, he knew that he needed to talk to you and set things straight.

"(Y/N)," Dick startled you. Your back was towards him and the sound of his voice had caused you to jump - along with spill boiling hot tea on your hand. "Shit, sorry," he apologized. Dick ran cold water on the tap and gestured for you to put your hand under. Instead, you turned the water off and dried your warm skin.

You didn't want his help.

"What do you need, Dick?" You asked. Tired bags were under your eyes as you looked to him. What he had done at the start of the week had been keeping you up all night.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," Dick began. "I'm sorry for hurting you all those years ago, I'm sorry for the other day, I'm sorry for not realizing your feelings sooner... and mine. I didn't realize how much I cared about you until seeing you again, or I guess seeing you with Tim. I know that I'm a day late and a dollar short, but I needed to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Tell you that I love you," Dick revealed. His arms were crossed over his chest and he avoided your gaze. It took him two years to realize his mistake of missing out on you and he regretted it. He wished that he hadn't been so ridiculous to think your age mattered - now when in the grand scheme of things it wasn't even a big age gap.

Your breathing stopped for a second. Two years ago you would have been ecstatic to hear those words come from his mouth. That was all you wanted to hear from him. Now, now the words sent a chill down your spine and left you with a dry mouth. You didn't want to hear that from him anymore.

The grip on your mug tightened until you swore the ceramic was going to crack. You let out a huff of air, frustrated with his words. Why was he telling you this now? To ruin your relationship with Tim? To win your heart back? You loved Tim, and that was the end of the story. Dick was your friend, that was all.

"I think it's time you head back to Bludhaven, Dick," You met his eyes once more. The team would do fine without him or Kori for a few more days. Right now, you just wanted him gone. You didn't want to have to look Dick in the eyes knowing that he loved you and you no longer felt the same way.

The distance apart had done wonders on you, now he needed to do the same. Forget about you, find someone else. You wanted Dick to be happy, to be in love. He was still basically your family, you always wanted what was best for him. Being around you after this revelation? That was far from what was best.

"I'm sorry," Dick apologized once more.

"So am I," you placed a hand on his shoulder as you walked by. You paused at the doorway, debating whether or not to tell him that you wished him all the best. In the end, you decided against it and walked back towards your room.

Tim was still asleep in your bed. His back was exposed and the covers were down to his waist. Snores filled the silent room, muffled by the pillow that he was hugging. This was the love of your life. You were always meant to be with Tim, never Dick. It might have taken you over half a decade to realize it, but it was well worth the wait.

The mug of tea that you had made for yourself was set on your desk and long forgotten. Instead, you slipped into bed with Tim, who stirred at your appearance. The pillow he was hugging was replaced with you and he snuggled into the crook of your neck. Tim sleepily left a kiss against your skin, too tired to fully wake.

"I love you, Timmy. More than anyone," You whispered. He was already back asleep, unaware of the words you spoke. Unaware of the conversation that you had with Dick. It was best that he didn't know. You and Dick were adults, there was no childish rivalry needed. You didn't want to be the one to ruin a brotherly relationship.

Tim had you, that was all that mattered.