#so now he's started to bleed into my fandom characters LOL

[modernlovez]

For the NSR doodle requests how about your sona (Laplace) as an NSR character? (If you want, that is)

I love your art!!!

Tbh this is a crude doodle since Placebo has no proper ref sheet like Laplace does (I don't think I posted it here) - but considering they have the same inspiration that kickstarted the whole design(s) (The Normal Album by Will Wood - seriously one of my fave albums ever) I think ironically that Placebo would have to be the NSR version of him of sorts!

A mysterious rat-possum with unknown capabilities and fruitful, existential nihilism? An odd skeletal fellow who is being controlled by a parasitic (literal) earworm with existential nihilistic music? Well that overlaps enough for me!

[togament]

Hi Bibi, i just want to say you’re doing amazing and your post are literally ADDICTING. I was a little worried because I didn’t know if Wind Breaker would get a lot of attention on Tumblr yk? (Just because it’s new) AND YOU CAME AND SAVED ME. I love you, your brain, and your page. Please keep going and I WOULD LOVE to hear your thoughts on new episodes/chapters (only if you want). Thank you for feeding my delulu brain. Hugs 🫂

OH YOU SWEETHEART COME HERE YOU!!!! 🫂 I’M NOT CRYING I SWEAR.

thank you for the kind words dhdjkd i don’t know if i’m worthy of such praise too like—everyone leaving cute (and unhinged ofc) stuff in the tags and in my inbox gets me all giddy and blushy and!!!!!! Seeing you guys enjoying my stupid ramblings means the absolute world to me (i see you guys in the tags and i read every single one. Love you you freaks 😏) fun fact, I only started writing fics on this account and only for windbreaker so all the interactions and thirsty feedback I get genuinely, genuinely makes my heart do the boom boom. So smooches to every one of you!!!!!! (only if you want them. you could exchange it for a headpat if you want ig)

ok enough of the sappy stuff. WINDBREAKER TIME!

windbreaker blowing up on tumblr is so so so well deserved. i was genuinely shocked because it took a little bit for the hype to catch on???? the seiyuus are literal legends (in my eyes hehe), the animation’s SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HELLO!??, the op and ending song aren’t ass??????? I’m super excited for what’s to come for our fandom and the anime. ALSO fun fact, I have the fattest crush on Umehara Yuichiro so him voicing Togame literally brought me to my god damn knees, bro. I’m expecting Eguchi Takuya to secure a character too bc ofjfkdkd his voice would be perfect for a villain.

also may or may not have picked windbreaker up bc I saw a character named Kiryu and an eyepatched character and I 😮👈😮👈 YAKUZA REFERENCE!!!!! (probably not but the coincidence is silly to me)

I’m not super caught up on the anime (on episode 7 atm!) I wanna savor every episode and binge them back to back (also bc my hubby’s got so much screentime I wanna savor that him EVEN MORE YUM YUM YUMMY). Caught up on the manga though and I Have Thoughts.

(spoilers under the cut)

the endo fight’s scaring me, man. also super fucking worried about ume bc WE HAVEN’T SEEN HIM FOR SO LONG??? the chair throw spooked me. also worried about ume’s vegetable garden. I know it’s getting trampled to shit. also very worried about sakura. he’s getting all banged up by endo, his nose is probably broken now wtf he was bleeding SO MUCH.

chika’s scary too. both him and endo. i honestly don’t know what’s gonna happen next like, they’re both so unpredictable and unhinged that my butthole’s clenching in sheer terror.

I’m also very concerned about suo. WHY HAVE WE NOT SEEN HIM EATING (or maybe I’ve missed a panel lol) but with every food offer he’s ever been given, he turns them down. also the fact that we only know him on a surface’s surface level even when he’s one of the main boys is scaring me. we’re 140+ chapters deep and not one single suo morsel for us to nibble on. I don’t want a betrayal thing happening ok lol that would be my tipping point i fear.

OKAY I WAS RAMBLING TOO MUCH AHDHSHAHHA

if you guys want me to yap about a chapter or an episode or potential seiyuus for other characters or if you just want my thoughts on things (i am a Certified Yapper), i am directing you to the askbox! This was super fun!! Extremely forgetful too so this could help me remember all the stuff that’s happened so far.

thank you so much again for sending over an askkskfnnxnx heaven knows i needed a little pick me up today. you delivered and made my entire day, sweetheart!!!!! Ily!!!!!!! 🥹

[demented-tours]

hello!

i have been a fan of your works since almost a decade and it is safe to say that you’re one of my favourite authors to ever exist. i found your works through a03, specifically through the absolutely incredible dynamic of neji and kiba.

just wanted to come on here and say how much i adore all your works. especially the way you have written sai and captured his personality and autism so well, it holds such a special place in my heart (as do literally every character you have written)

i also wanted ask if there’s anything going to be added to the monoshizukanohi universe. it is beautiful and i am but ravenous for more. even if there is nothing planned, i have been and will continue to cherish the works you have put out there.

i have commented a few times on your works and also try to keep up on instagram but i feel too shy to actually come out here and say all this, hence the anon.

thank you so much for your service! (truly, and for free?! in this economy??? truly blessed)

- L

Well, hello there, Anon!

First off: thank you so much for sharing this with me. Notes like this remind me of why I do what I do, and that keeps me going through the chaos. All the virtual baked goods of your choice and many hugs, (if that's your thing; if not, then enthusiastic happy dances)!

Second: apologies for the small delay in responding; I've been under the weather. Also, if I've not responded to you over on A03, please bear with me, lol. I tend to do responses in batches. Sometimes interaction is difficult for me (neurospicy for the win).

NOW THEN! The good stuff.

Oh man, I love what you love! Writing Neji is just... so delightful. And Kiba's just the perfect foil for so many of my uptight/oblivious characters (ah, Gaara; you never saw him coming... until you definitely did, HA). And oh, Sai and Tenzou! I had no idea how cathartic that story was for me until the final page. I'm so glad you enjoyed those!

As for new Mono stories... Actually, yes. There is one in progress. It's another Origins story, like LET FREEDOM BLEED was. They're sort of the backstory/underpinning stories that star characters referenced and interwoven into what already exists. Keep in mind, I started writing Mono in 2008 (dear lord; where did the time go?); wrote pretty steady until 2014 or so; took a few years of unintentional break; came back to finish LESSONS IN LIVING; and then, well... The characters came knocking, again. I write Mono as a sort of... therapy, if you will, for myself. There's a freedom in writing fanfiction that just hits differently than the books/stories/etc. I write for paid publication. I don't think I knew I was doing that (the therapy thing) when I started, but I can definitely see it now, so this latest story is sort of... eh, a deliberate attempt? Or, like, I know it's helping me work shit out, if that makes sense? It doesn't impact the story, exactly; it's more just I know WHY I'm choosing to do this to myself, lol, lol.

I ramble. I do that. Point being: I AM working on something. I don't mind sharing that it's Itachi's story. It's called THE BELOVED MARTYR, and it is the longest thing I have literally ever written, and it's not done. Right now it's sitting at (are you sitting down?) roughly 900 pages, or 370,500 words. It spans Itachi's entire life (he's about 40 or so in current Mono canon) - so we see him as a boy, we see it when Sasuke is born, family, growing up, and just the sheer, unadulterated mayhem that is his existence. It has a cast of about 50 original characters (there's going to be an index of who's-who whenever this thing gets posted) plus all the usual Mono boys. It's basically my version of fandom canon--how the Uchiha family is old, powerful, and believes itself to be the shepherds of a new order under their control, but translated into the Mono world reality. Oligarchy, old Russian power, older Japanese power, the movers and shakers and often-criminal intrigue that affect global change and disaster... And in the heart of it all, one man who wants to stop the violence and heal himself and those he loves. One of my greatest loves in fandom is figuring out how canon could translate into my version of reality, and this one... considering Itachi's arch... is enormous and sad and lovely and aching all in one. I started writing it when my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer (she's in recovery), and, well... It's also MY healing journey, in a way, lol--not just from that, but in life.

Grand themes, I grant you, but there's also humor and OH SO MUCH kink and violence and that nitty-gritty-teeth-clench thing that I loved about Rhythm & Bruise. We also get Nagato's backstory (my version of him), and yep, we get to see how Sasuke and Naruto meet and fall in love. People have been asking for that for years, and I've never really been drawn to write it, but it's a part of this because Sasuke is such a huge part of Itachi's life and purpose.

SO. Yeah. Um... in progress. I don't post things until they're done--I learned that lesson with LESSONS IN LIVING. I'm working on this in and around other novels and stories, not to mention the day job, which is ALSO writing, among other things, so it might be a while, yet. Occasionally, I post on this Tumblr (which is basically the only social media I use, these days, as i HATE Twitter/X or whatever and Instagram isn't made for words, really, etc.), so if you feel like hanging out, please do!

This is probably more than you bargained for with your lovely ask, but hopefully that's not a bad thing!

Regardless, I am delighted that you enjoy the stories, and I thank you so much for letting me know you're here.

All good things to you and yours, <3Dee

[elsa-rain-world-stuff]

is Artificer your favorite Slugcat? is there a second favorite one? and why!

(Thanks for reading, love your art <3 :D)

Oh boi oh boi

Yeah Arti is my favorite because of 2 reasons: she reminds me of my other fav character (Undyne Undertale) and, well, ANGST

Yeah, the more angst the character has in their story, the bigger chance that they have to become my favorite

OH AND HEY, WANNA FUNNY THING? So, like, revenge theme was always, like, my thing. I wrote a THREE fanfics in HTTYD fandom with this theme. The first one was Hiccup killing people for Toothless' death, then vise versa, then (really funny) they both killed for each other, thinking that the other was dead. Fun thing that Toothless' style of revenge was similar to Arti's. I mean, kill everyone. No you can't read them (unless you know russian)

Sorry, i got distracted haha

So, you can guess that on the second place i have Hunter and Saint. Yes, both of them. Why Hunter isn't the first place? Weeell... Idk? When character dies, they just die, the end. When character loses someone they love... They get to live and suffer. Yeah. But still, being on a countdown? Angsty enough.

And Saint... Well, i like them mostly for their brainblast power. Yeah, if the character is strong and/or has some cool power i will probably also like them.

On the third place i have Spearmaster, and i should mention them because back in 2021 i thought they would be my favorite. Because that time we already knew many things about Downpour (which wasn't a thing yet, it was just More Slugcats, legendary mod). And there were like few gameplay videos and a whole stream with Spearmaster's campaign. And i remember that the person was told not to go to shoreline because of the massive spoilers (we were like WHY IS TGAT, IS IT BECAUSE MOOOON IS ALIIVEE???) (we were right lol). Instead they went to five pebbles and he ripped out the pearl from SM. And i was like OMG SO CRUEL I LOVE IT LOOK THEY'RE BLEEDING THEY'RE BLEEDING THEY HAVE FUCKING SCAR!!! and i immediately got few headcanons, that after the Wanderer (from Drought mod) failed their mission on bringing the gold pearl to Five Pebbles, SRS was mad so he took another slugcat, modified them without asking, sew a perl in them so they won't lose it and won't give it to Moon and sent to FP. And i was like OMG ANGST MM YUM YUM

And now it turned out that SRS is actually a good guy and actually cares about Spear and it's no fun ☹️ but the pearl episode is still great yum yum yum

Funny thing that about Arti we knew that she is, well, SHE, and that she fights scavs, has explody powers and cant stay underwater. And karma 1 locked. About Saint we knew that they have brain blast powers and were wondering if they gonna have it in the new version or no. Btw, i started shipping Artisaint in that time too. Like, strong, loud killer and weak quiet saint who can't even hold spears.

Oh well. I'm talking for too long now. Thanks for the question i guess 😅

[jackoshadows]

Sorry to send you a sansa ask lol I was just wondering if you could help me out. I'm trying to understand why people say sansa is a literal child right now but they also want her to be queen in the end. Are they assuming we will have a big time skip? I mean, if she should be excused for being dumb because she is a child then why do they want her to be queen, wouldn't that make her situation worse?

Welcome to Schrodinger's Sansa!! It's an asoiaf fandom phenomenon where the character of Sansa Stark is simultaneously many things at the same time.

No, they are not expecting time skips. They are arguing that Sansa is simultaneously both very smart and also she's a little child unable to understand when adults tell her things.

Exhibit A:

Linking to this essay because it's often send to me in discussions about Sansa being very smart.

But there’s no reason the readership should share those views. Sansa is a very clever individual who makes increasingly good use of several skills she started the series with, and develops greatly as an observer and an actor over the course of the story.

Same person then writing about Sansa pushing the Maester to drug SweetRobin with the dangerous SweetSleep despite the Maester warning her that it has long term consequences for SweetRobin's health:

I’ve said before that I don’t think Maester Colemon is doing nearly enough to actually explain the problem with sweetsleep to Sansa, so I’ll have none of that either, thank you. She’s thirteen with no grounding in any sort of natural science whatsoever;

More broadly, do we expect thirteen-year-olds to be able to take full responsibility for another’s medical care? Do we expect them to have a sophisticated understanding of, say, heavy metal poisoning, or prescription drug abuse? Even with modern resources? Sansa, who cannot head off to wikipedia and start researching for herself, is in a situation where she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know.

Sansa does not have wikipedia and therefore cannot double check on what a doctor is telling her about a drug is still one of the funniest things I have read on here about the character 🤣, right up there with Sansa being the 'embodiment of hope for the future' and 'flames coming off the side of the face' for a bnf when a blogger called out Sansa for bullying and mocking Arya's appearance.

Again, keep in mind that Maester Coleman is Westeros' version of a physician, a doctor who treats the sick. This doctor is telling Sansa all this in the text:

Give his lordship a cup of sweetmilk,” she told the maester. “That will stop him from shaking on the journey down.”

“He had a cup not three days past,” Colemon objected.

“And wanted another last night, which you refused him.”

“It was too soon. My lady, you do not understand. As I’ve told the Lord Protector, a pinch of sweetsleep will prevent the shaking, but it does not leave the flesh, and in time …”

I try, my lady, yet his fits grow ever more violent, and his blood is so thin I dare not leech him any more. Sweetsleep… you are certain he was not bleeding from the nose? I must speak to the Lord Protector. This feast… is that wise, I wonder, after the strain of the descent? Lord Robert mislikes strangers, you know that, and there will be drinking, noise… music. Music frightens him”

“This descent… my lady, it might be safest if I mixed his lordship some milk of the poppy.

And then when he gives her a final warning, she threatens him with Littlefinger because 'father and I have larger concerns' than SR's health and well being.

Very well.” They paused at the foot of the stairs. “But this must be the last. For half a year, or longer.”

“You had best take that up with the Lord Protector.” Maester Colemon cares only for the boy, though. Father and I have larger concerns” - Alayne, AFfC

This is what happens when fans self-insert and project onto a character and rely on fan made headcanons instead of actually interacting with the canonical text. They want her to be flawless, therefore she's a naive, innocent little baby. The same consideration is never afforded to the other children, even Arya who is two years younger to Sansa. And yet if one looks at their character endgames, Arya is always an assistant to Sansa, there to give her the information while clever Sansa puts together and uses the information to rule.

They want Ned Stark and Maester Coleman to explain stuff to Sansa like this for her to understand what they are telling her:

And yet she is also the smartest, most cleverest character in the series - smarter than Jon, Dany, Arya, Bran, Tyrion, LF etc.

One of the reasons for why we get so many of these bnfs thinking that 'Sansa Smart' will be queen/lady of WF and at the same time arguing that Sansa is naive/innocent/a little child is because they see her as this flawless symbol of kindness and compassion.

I already wrote about this here that in fandoms like asoiaf, virtues like compassion and kindness is seen through the lens of white, western liberalism and traditional femininity. I wrote that long ago and now with the rise of tradwives, it's even more relevant to this discussion.

It has always baffled me that the character trait most often highlighted in fandom for classist and sexist Sansa is kindness and compassion simply because fandom thinks that being polite and having good manners = being kind and compassionate.

This results in posts like this where they argue that Sansa is actually being kind to Jon Snow by treating him like a bastard when the author through Jon Snow is actually being critical of the character!!

Remember this is the quote from the books!

He missed his true brothers: little Rickon, bright eyes shining as he begged for a sweet; Robb, his rival and best friend and constant companion; Bran, stubborn and curious, always wanting to follow and join in whatever Jon and Robb were doing. He missed the girls too, even Sansa, who never called him anything but “my half brother” since she was old enough to understand what bastard meant. And Arya … he missed her even more than Robb, skinny little thing that she was, all scraped knees and tangled hair and torn clothes, so fierce and willful. - Jon, AGoT

We also have a bnf chiming in and agreeing that yes, Sansa was indeed being considerate of Jon's feelings here!

Even Jaime Lannister has had moments of kindness, where he tries to help Pia. And yet the only character in the series on whom these character traits are constantly pushed onto is Sansa Stark.

Sansa can actually be an interesting character if her fans let her be one. She's not a little child who does not understand what Ned and Maester Coleman tell her. She does understand and chooses to ignore it for her own selfish reasons - marrying Joffrey, whom she loved, and becoming queen or wanting LF's plans in the Vale to succeed. That's why she feels 'as wicked as Arya' when she goes and tattles all of Ned's plans to Cersei. That's why she thinks that while the Maester cared for the boy, she and LF had larger (more important) concerns.

Sansa is interesting in the way she deflects and refuses to acknowledge the unpleasant truths before her and lives in this alternate reality where everything is fine. She ignores Joff's sadism because it clashes with her idea of noble, beautiful princes. She ignores what is being done to poor SweetRobin because she thinks it is essential to her own survival that LF's plans succeed.

The reason her stans refuse to dig deeper into the character other than extremes of naive, innocent child and smartest character ever is because Sansa would then be as flawed as Jon, Arya, Dany, Bran etc. and they don't want that for her. They want her to be special in some way and this is it.

Arya killed the guard to survive - and she's portrayed as too damaged to ever live happily with her family. Jon and Dany face hard choices of doing the pragmatic or the morally right thing and are often called out on those choices, especially Dany. Pretty much most of our protagonists engage in morally grey actions.

And yet Sansa fans insist on her being this flawless character- it's everyone else' fault except hers. It's Ned's fault, it's Coleman's fault - they didn't explain properly. It's Arya's fault for trying to help Mycah, Arya should have tried to build a relationship with Sansa. Suddenly it's Sansa who is the outcast in Winterfell and Arya the favorite. Suddenly Sansa is Ned like and Arya 'bites people like Catelyn'.

This leads to her being interpreted as this idiot who cannot understand when a doctor is telling her a drug is dangerous. Which then clashes with their essays about 'Sansa Smart' and how she is going to be the best queen ever and change the system and bring about women's rights and all that.

It's the same with this 'pawn to player' stuff they write for the character. They expect her to be this smart player of the game and at the same time remain this good, idealistic, 'kind and compassionate' leader... How?! LF and Varys did not get to where they are by being good people. Sansa has to get her hands dirty, be ruthless and often times not be concerned about the well being of others - just as she does with poor SweetRobin. And yet her fans think she will become LF level of game player and do it while being kind.

Especially baffling because GRRM is deconstructing all these tropes of good knights and kind ladies. Brienne of Tarth is the embodiment of the perfect knight and yet she is not what one would expect a knight to be. This was part of Sansa's arc of growth - where she sees and experiences up close the brutality and lack of morals of these knights in KL.

The Northerners are loyal to Ned Stark, not because he was some beacon of kindness and compassion or because he had good manners and said please and thank you but because he ruled according to the laws of the land and enforced those laws in a just manner and was therefore an honorable Lord. He beheaded those who committed crimes, he put down rebellions, he took child hostages and he also kept the peace of the land.

And Ned Stark was as flawed as all the other characters. So this insistence that Sansa has to remain this caricature of 'kindness and compassion' - even if it's canonically untrue considering bigotry is not kind - is bizarre and one of the main reasons for why we have Schrodinger's Sansa. I can't wait to see all the excuses and justifications bnfs will come up with if we get TWoW and Sansa is doing all sorts of morally grey shite and going along with LF's plans.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Hello, dear writer, thank you for tearing my heart apart once again 😭

No, seriously, thank you. It was painful in all the best ways. I hope you know how beautiful it is when writing elicit so much feelings.

I want to smack Astarion for how he hurts Rose, but I understand where it all comes from, and it still makes me want to shake him and yell "don't you love her?!" because damn. That's so manipulative, and so in character. Every time I go through that part of the game Astarion makes me furious with the same words, while I know why he wants it so badly, it just... Yeah. You captured so well the devastation and helplessness of someone who loves him deeply and wants what is the best for him, while he is blinded by the bleak prospect of possible power that was absent in his un-life... It hurts so good. Like the words Rose said were very similar to my own thinking when Astarion brought it up in act 3, and that brought me so much deja vu I had to step away and breathe out of frustration and need to scream how dumb he truly is. I mean, I love you, stupid fanged elf, but my god you are stupid.

It's so devastating. And so unfair to poor Rosalie. I mean, yeah, there is some truth to Astarion's words, about her not knowing much hardship, but as once I've read - you don't need to live through things to know about them. At some point it felt like Astarion wanted Rose to live through the things he lived through, and just... Ugh. I hope he will see how fucked up this was. He already gets it, once the haze of his anger fades I see. I have tears in my eyes as I think just how hurtful those words must feel for Rose. It was so cruel, but so Astarion. Bite where it hurts, and keep tearing it apart before they hurt you? Yeah. I understand that, but condemn it.

It was such a good chapter. After so long of fluff, I knew there will be something that will hurt me, and I wasn't wrong. As much as I want them to be happy, I know there will be a long, long journey to get there for both of them. And I'm here for it. Thank you.

bonjour anon, thank you so much for such a lovely message!!

I've had a lot of fun with actually thinking about An Honest Lie going forward, and what I want to do with it, because obviously I wrote A Bleeding Heart first in Early Access, and I was really pleased with it at the time, but it also has a three-act structure where a conflict is resolved, and then I just... continue on into Full Access gameplay lmao. Where problems get worse.

So what I decided was that, A Bleeding Heart doesn't fix Astarion, but Rosalie thinks it has. This is why it doesn't occur to her that he would want to do the ritual. Like yes, she has that autism justice sensitivity in her, but she meant it when she said 'we've literally done this before at Ethel's'. Astarion has started doing nice things for her specifically, so she thinks the problem and his worldview is fixed. But of course, when that kind of belief is so deeply ingrained in a person, it isn't a 'one conversation and it's done' kinda deal. Also, being nice to your girlfriend isn't the same as being lawful good lmao (not that Astarion will ever be lawful good, that is not the aim of the fic).

So A Bleeding Heart was 'I think I fixed him' and An Honest Lie is, 'well now the real work begins, and it's not going to be as easy as one sexy argument in a field' lol.

And thank you!! I know there's a tendency in fandom to either make Astarion wilfully awful or never having done anything wrong in his life, but neither of those are for me. I think he's just well-mastered in knowing how to hurt someone, and it's a cultivated skill rather than a predilection, because he's been hurt a lot so that's all he's been taught. And I think someone being incessantly nice to him but also not being able to empathise with either the temptation of power or the darker thoughts he will inevitably have, would trigger his desire to bring her down to his level. Not because he actually wants Rosalie to suffer, or know what it's like to feel that way, but he just wants her to actually know him properly, and be able to understand.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3799

good lord.

the last, like, 36 hours have been so fucking stressful.

tw: friendship problems, toxic friendship. end marked by a meme or something.

i have had a fandom friend for about two years. she's been sweet and fun and silly and good to talk to, but any time i have taken more than 20 hours to reply, she has some at me accusing me of abandoning her when i reply. so i have had to spend many days in the last two years stressing over how to reply so she believes me that i have been just BUSY and not ignoring her or abandoning her.

this has happened multiple times. everyone i have spoken to about it has told me to block her. i have always given her another chance to be kinder and more understanding while resolving to be more communicative. i have done so. but this was my last straw.

i have done my absolute level best to be kind, respectful, and pacifying in my responses to not set her off again. but she's taken my words and actions in bad faith time and time again and i got tired of it.

so this time i told her point blank a few things, like i have done nothing wrong, she has impossible standards (of wanting to talk to me every single day and never going more than a day without messages), she should get therapy, and that i am capable of and allowed to feel more than one feeling at a time (just because i went to bed happy doesn't mean i'm not fucking upset about losing a friend).

but i told her that her needs and my abilities didn't match. i would not be able to live up to what she needed from our friendship.

i have spent HOURS crying about losing her as a friend. HOURS. time i will not get back. effort i will not get back. and while im happy i got to be her friend, i wish she believed me.

i've had to block her on all of the platforms where she and i were connected. if she gets better and owns her own shortcomings, separation anxiety, and abandonment issues, she can contact me somehow. until then, it's not my responsibility to worry about.

and yeah, i'm fucking sad.

but i still wish the best for her. and she's a good person, but she needs to get help. she's been toxic for me. i don't use that word lightly. but us not being friends is probably for the best for both of us. (the good news is that she's been making more friends recently, so her ditching me because i wasn't capable of living up to her needs won't leave her friendless. and that's good, because i know she worries about that.)

so. that's been most of the last day and a half for me.

anyway, after dealing with that, joel and i spent the day playing arkham horror. we finished the campaign we've been working on for a while, and it was both exhausting and frustrating because joel's character was defeated during either two of or all three of the scenarios we played today. my character was NOT built for fighting, so being the only investigator left and getting all the enemies on me at once did not work well lmao

also tmi here lmao

but also today, i have been feeling pressure on my bladder ALL DAY. i've felt like i've needed to pee but i haven't peed much when i've gone. and i started bleeding today, but it's not like a normal period bc the blood is all fresh, so i'm super concerned that my IUD has gotten dislocated?? which could potentially be reeeally bad 😅 so i gotta go to the doctor and check with some imaging that it's in the right place. i hope they can get me in tomorrow or sometime this week/weekend.

done tmi lol

and joel and i went out this evening after finishing our games and went in search of card sleeves, chips and dip, and dinner. we were successful in our endeavors, and we came back around 10:45. joel requested i wrap the gifts he got for our friends and i very happily sat and wrapped a bunch of gifts. i did GREAT. really proud of two of them. it's pretty impressive, i gotta say.

and now joel and i are in bed. my heart is still sad but my shoulders are lighter. gifts are wrapped, i've got one thing to worry about, and that's about it because my insurance will pay for my doctors appointments.

and i did talk to leo today on and off - his shift was today, so i talked to him while he was there a tiny bit and then after he left. man's horny on main and i fully understand lmao

so that's been my day. i'm so tired.

[hangmanbradshaw]

Okay first off- YOURE AMAZING! Your hashtag made me sad because you’re not semi good- you’re one of the greatest writers I ever read - full stop. Not just in this fandom, not just on A03, IN GENERAL! (And I read 50+ books a year like the nerd I am lol)

Second: what advice can you give to writers struggling to find that creativity and that drive? I know you’ve always been a fan of outlining but what else gets a plot and foreshadowing like you’re an expert at all?

EWAFEWAIFEJWAI OH MY GOD You can't just say that??? That's so sweet omg <3 <3 you are way too kind to me.

ooh I love talking writing. Honored you'd want my advice. Hmm so I think I'd say here's my writing advice (coming from someone who is most definitely not a pro but this is my opinion):

write your passion. whatever it is you love, write about that. The love bleeds through the story, makes you want to write, etc.

outlines are so important, but I am a huge proponent of breathable outlines. Give yourself structure, but room to breathe and be creative. Hugely helpful in an outline is to go to the future chaps and make notes about things to bring up again so it builds right and comes full circle/is closed.

figure out the theme, what you want to say, what the heart of the story and characters is and what they learn by the end and use the hints to build on this. Every single scene, building block, etc is an opportunity to be intentional about this and form a complete story. Also everything can add to it without straight up saying it. The setting (the sun rises. it's a new day after a character lets something go, etc.) (in iwtby- Jake's dad leaves him to mend the fence on his own. symbolic as he is left to do that in their relationship as well. bradley sits by him as he does this. which he has done in more ways than one. asks why they're there. it's just overflowing with multiple meanings beyond the literal.) (also play with double meanings ugh they're the best)

less is more? subtle hints are the best, let it build to build tension.

write the story YOU want to tell. what speaks to your heart. what world exists in your mind. Do it for the pure love of it. And when crafting the plot/world, just think about a reader's perspective and what would be cool to see. It helps come up with cool structure ideas (i.e. starting with after bradley and jake met in iwtby with hints and at the very end circling back in bradley pov full circle. or dlp- big reveal? next chap switch pov and backtrack. the reader thinks they know what's going on, but it's limited pov and then you have those OH WOW moments. Write in ways that are ambiguous or *seem* to be something because again...you're in a biased perspective. And then you slowly reveal the full picture to the reader and the character.) (Or playing with then the reader knows something but the character doesn't. like in dlp I jump back to bradley pov and WE understand now but he still fully doesn't and as a reader you wanna scream at him.) (also keeps someone on their toes and the story from being stagnant, and you know I LOVE that things mean more or take on a different meaning when re-reading then and it's so cool)

When I'm stuck, I take a break or I sit back, close my eyes, and just let my mind follow the story for a bit like a movie in my head

there is NO boundary to it! Let your imagination run as wild as you want, throw the rules out the window. Any world can be believable if you build it right and connect the audience to the characters. Santa land? Sure! Can believe it if Jake believes it. Spooky island with def some paranormal stuff going on? as long as it makes sense, absolutely. There's no rules.

Okay! That was a lot so sorry if you didn't want all that, but I love writing and story crafting so so so much and I'm always so happy to talk about it or give advice if you want it :) write what's in your heart and it'll be amazing.

[tenrousei-kuroi]

I did read Angel Sanctuary! I never finished it, though. I remember that what got me to start was the author’s art style. Her characters are so pretty!

I’m not familiar with A Cruel God Reigns, but by your description, it’s right up my alley (also, with a brief search, I see it has a very traditional style from the 90s/00s mangas that I find very nostalgic). I’ll definitely take a look into it.

As for the Black brothers, I think I discovered the ship around 2017-18, so there was a fairly good amount of work by then, but Blackcest has definitely grown a lot in the past couple of years. I’ve not read many James/Regulus works, mostly because many have a 'cleansed', fanon version of both – which also applies to the Marauders as a whole – and I have very picky views of Regulus’ characterization (my boy canonically had his own fan board of Voldemort 😭 and as far as we know, he never fully – or at all – quit his bigotry, yet in many works, his Slytherin friends and himself diverge completely from this).

But I do think Sirius/Regulus will remain somewhat popular for a long time. The Black family seems to have an appeal within the fandom that I don’t see as much with other families, such as the Lestranges, for example. Also, the idea of two good-looking, rich boys in a complicated family is intriguing (or at least I hope so; if not, you’ll see me signing up to your mailing list). On that note, I'm still hoping for the day Rodolphus/Rabastan gets popular lol

Anyway, thank you for the link, and I'm looking forward fest postings (ngl, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to recognize your writing style in anon fests. Sometimes I read a title and I think "this looks like a title ten would use". Is it a little stalker-ish of me? Maybe 😅).

Yeah Moto Hagio’s a bit more old school, she was most prolific in the seventies and eighties, and her art shows it. I could be misremembering but I believe her work “Sunroom” is typically credited as the first boy/boy manga kiss. And she’s one of the pioneers of the modern boy’s love genre. Real “culture award winning” sort of author.

Jegulus fics are hilarious to me and there’s a reason I call my stuff James/Regulus when I tag it, because that portmanteau has become its own thing. Whenever I read a Jegulus fic in my brain I’m thinking, “you know you can just write Timotheé Chalamet RPF, right? He’s not gonna’ come for you” 😂 And honestly that fanon “style” is bleeding over hard into the Sirius/Regulus section.

No shade, I’m glad people are having fun. Makes it harder for me to find the kinds of fics I like but I’ll survive lol. There’s just a larger selection now. And popular as it all is, I do truly feel people will move on. Because it’s less an attachment to the characters and more to these seriously altered fantasy versions of them, which can be easily grafted onto the next popular thing.

If you had told fifteen year-old me my weird incest and incest-adjacent pairings where two of the three characters aren’t even alive in canon would one day be as common as they are now I’d’ve thought you were high 😂 yet here we are.

I’ve dabbled a bit in Rodolphus/Rabastan but they always end up coming out so similar to my Sirius and Regulus that I don’t like it. I’ve kind of tabled the pairing until I can force myself to be a bit more creative with them. People already put up with all my Sirius/Regulus nonsense being basically the same, I don’t need to be grafting their dynamic onto other pairings 🤣🤣

When I pick prompts for fests I always try to ignore the promoter names until after I’ve chosen, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, roughly 80% end up being yours anyway. Talk about wavelengths.

And let’s blame 2009 LiveJournal for my pretentious and easily-spotted titles, shall we? Specifically a Sirius/Regulus fic from forever ago called “A Thousand Years Good Wine” which basically flipped something in my brain and I haven’t been able to title anything like a normal human since.

That was a stellar fic, by the way. And if anyone ever ever ever finds it back for me I’ll…I don’t know…write them a 100k commission of their choice or engrave their name on my tombstone or something because that fic is LOST beyond belief and it causes me literal pain sometimes lol.

I’m feeling rather inspired today so I might spend my Saturday night plinking away at one of my fics. Odds are it probably won’t be the one that’s due in three weeks but we can always hope TT.TT

[burinazar]

it appears the last time i wrote a significant chunk of fiction was the first half of may. as i was saying to people earlier what happens to me can't honestly be called writer's block because i don't think this is what most people mean by that? like i can feel what's happened is just falling out of a habit rather than some kind of impenetrable impasse or mental well running dry. i think i personally no more have Writer’s Block than someone who stopped jogging for a few weeks has Runner’s Block.

anyway it's really not good, because i'm happier when i'm writing regularly. same old mental bullshit of Not Doing A Thing I Actually Really Like Doing, For No Discernable Reason other than complete nonsense vagaries of executive function

i've started again now; let's keep it up. I wrote an eeny weeny amount yesterday and if I just do it again tonight before i sleep I'll be on the right track.

so what is this one about? well, one of my fandom idiots has impartial-but-correct-ish views of the future, right? which other people consider divine and godly, but he doesn't necessarily subscribe to this view. he has a lot of confidence in his own accuracy, though. (note for people who know Waz: it's Waz.) and another character has an outsize amount of faith in him and his visions. (note for people who know Belaf: it's Belaf.)

it's been my textually-appropriate-feeling headcanon for a while that the former character, because he has a feeling everything will be fine, can have a poor sense of self preservation regarding himself (what's the big deal if he knows he'll come out the other end alive and able to achieve your goals, right? isn't it easier to happily accept that whatever suffering and pain does occur was simply inevitable, and not fear it?*)

*note: very dire things start happening if you apply this to people other than yourself. more on him and that some other time.

so anyway in this one the first character gets really injured and the second character is trying to keep the faith that he will Be Fine but this is difficult when someone you care about is bleeding on you. the conflict of believing in someone’s goal while also caring about their personal well being in a way they themselves disregard as they pursue said goal...

(“you worry because you care” is the younger, less dire and tragic sibling of “love is the curse”, or perhaps one rung on the ladder that leads there) (note: be careful on ladders in the abyss)

mostly just taking my favorite muses and wringing them out like towels yknow. as one does.

previously only explored in one goofy drawing but i've had this idea for a while lol. i'll write out more of my fic (i really want to get Vooko in there and peer at the contrast in how both of them view him -- as you might be able to guess, Vue is better at dealing with this whole thing, not just because of her medical expertise but because of interpersonal factors....

more rambling about what i mean tomorrow maybe.

here is the silly drawing i just mentioned.

[bitegore]

dragstrip for 1, 23, and 26? @gaysontodd

Another long response, cut on account of how I can't shut the fuck up. Ask game here.

1. Canon I outright reject

I don't really like to reject canon, so I tend to instead go out of my way to incorporate elements of canon that seem contradictory to give me more wiggle room instead. But I'm mostly doing Sunbow G1/toy canon fusion for the Stunticons, with a few things taken here and there from Marvel G1 but not much. So I suppose you could say I reject the entirety of Marvel G1, but Marvel and Sunbow are basically two different G1 canons the same way IDW G1 is not the same as Sunbow G1 and certainly is not the same as G1 toy canon.

That being said, I'm not doing RID2015/Aligned with them, because that's an entirely different set of characters and I'm not particularly interested in them at the moment. So I also reject that canon, for a certain definition of reject (though I think "ignore" would be a little more accurate).

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

This is hard because I very badly want to take the literal approach. SO I'll do both.

Literally: gasoline, asphalt, electrical fire and hot metal (copper or iron both work but either way he should smell a bit like blood imo), with undertones of carnuba wax (car wax lol) and some kind of lysol-y air freshener. I know this sounds horrendous but I would burn this candle without question because to me that sounds like it smells very good.

More figuratively: Drag Strip is ruled by ego and a hatred for losing. He smells like a pale imitation of some more successful candle. So I googled best-selling candle scents and used this article - so chosen because it's by "the strategist" and that's the kind of stupid bullshit he'd buy into - and their best candle is fucking weed flavored. Like fucking cannabis. Which is really low fucking hanging fruit honestly to be like "my favorite character who is a loser smells like weed" but you know what. I did in fact say he was a pale imitation of something someone else thought was cool and then went to the first webpage with the right kind of stupid "cool" bullshit on it so I'm kind of locked into this now. So he specifically smells like, apparently: "Cannabis, suede, white musk, tulip, and amber" but like poor-quality imitations. He mostly smells like burning wax and chemicals, and the oils giving him his flavors are not very well-mixed, but he does smell like that some.

(what the fuck is white musk??? why does this site list the flavor profile as green amber?????? i hate candle scents so much)

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [insert character of your choice from the same fandom] Soundwave or Vortex?

With Vortex, I figure Drag Strip would kind of just shoot the shit until either he or Vortex says something annoying and then they'd start fighting with each other. Ten hours on when they finally get the elevator open both of them are bleeding and Drag Strip has categorically lost and is sulking in a corner.

With Soundwave... I imagine that while the elevator is still working he's quiet and awkward, but as time drags on he starts occasionally trying to give Soundwave like an elevator pitch about why he should be promoted, or put in charge of more stuff, or something... but every time Soundwave tells him to be quiet he shuts up for another, like, twenty minutes, so it's very slow going.

[drowninginblox]

Rewatching Voltron

Season 1

Season 2

— ~~~ —- _ — ~ }=>

Wanted to say this at the top: All of this is for fun. I haven’t seen voltron in a hot minute so I’d thought I’d go through and see if it was just as bad as we remembered. Below is my highlights and grevences, along with a few Head Canons! So stay if you want. If you don’t, I don’t care! This is just a me thing ^-^

Transition between season 1 and 2

Seamless!

So satisfying on rewatch but must’ve been a bitch on release (OGs I will never know your pain lol)

Honestly wouldn't do anything to change the start of the second season.

The evolution of the paladins language

Idk if I said it already- but I love how the paladins are using Altean vocabulary. V good detail. Hope this stays consistent

Ships: Yes we’re doing this again but Klance won’t be the biggest issue

There’s a lot of Aullura and Shiro moments in the beginning that would’ve been a great foundation for something more if it wasn’t for the fact that (spoilers) Shiro is gay. The vibes they have are very knight or mercenary x princess and I’m a sucker for that shit.

Allureith is born in this season. And all I can read from this is good intentions but no thought. Both in execution and in the actual relationship. At least right now, I may change my mind the further I go.

Allurance. To me. Is the most infuriating thing this show has to offer. Every time I see Lance take a shot on Allura, and I see her discomfort I always say something along the lines of “Can you shut the fuck up-!” Or “Can you actually stOP!” While pausing for a good moment to regain myself. Just- god. Why? She is nO T into you dude. If anything this would be wonderful character development for both characters. I can see a full ep dedicated to this issue of Lance not knowing when someone isn't interested unless they actually say it to their face while Allura is in this denial that one day lance would get the hint. And from this experience, lance either fucks off for the next few episodes or starts from scratch with Allura with the understanding that friendship should always come first. If she is comfortable with that ofc.

Klance as a whole is screaming enemies far more than rivals right now. If klance is gonna work regardless of being a bromance or romance, there should be an understanding shining through. However, with both parties actually fighting in the middle of battles, and little to no willingness to talk, Iis becoming harder and harder to see why this was the biggest ship the fandom had to offer (then again 2016 was a fandom fever dream to begin with soooo)

Platonic relationships

Give me more Coran. He needs friends. I’m volunteering literally any of the palidins. And ofc we need more of the daughter Allura dynamic since we DONT HAVE ANYY. This man is such a theater kid and we are blessed with his existence.

Keith needs more time with Hunk and Pidge! For the love of god I CANNOT see them as more then trauma bonding buddies. I already have a list of things the B team (thats what I call Hunk and Pidge together because they are the Best Team) can bond over with Keith

Tech- (for both) this is built on the fact that Keith litterally had that cork board set up in the first eps to find Shiro. (Sorry Sheith shippers. I read these two as brothers only.) I like to think that Pidge and Hunk would ask Keith for help with techy stuff almost in the same vein as Lance. The only difference being Keith knows slightly more than Lance dose.

Sports- This one is mainly for Hunk but this can bleed into Lance too. Even though he's a big nerd I like to think his family is big on Foot and Fútball. I think Keith is the same but he loves baseball far more (same with Lance). Almost like I'm projecting my I Dont Dance Au onto these two hahahahaha-

Family/ lack there of - this can go for everyone. The best way to start this convo would be at dinner in the castle. Everyone is having a very quiet time until Hunk asks "Guys, what were your family's like?" This would result in a beat of quiet as for the first time in a bit, everyone really thinks about earth. Not for a passing moment or anything. Like- seriously. Allura or Coran would encurage this, saying that they dont really now alot about the palidin's home planet. From there it would a hodge podge of stories and background. I have a few HCs bout this including Shiro not really having a family and going into the airforce for financial and emotional support only to end up on the Curburos mission to.. escape life *cough cough* Adam *cough*, Pidge would talk about their mom's cooking and how their brother helped them with homework to the point where it got annoying. Hunk would say his mom's cooking is far superrior and then talk about his dad and siblings. I want to make his dad a retired wrestler, now mechanic. Lance would take offense to Hunk's claim this his mom could cout cook his mom. But he would talk alot about how his siblings were always there for him after their dad left (YES I WANT DADDY ISSUES LEAVE ME ALONE) Allura would remark throughout these stories with questions of her own. We'd eventually end with Keith, who almost leave the table at the pressure to remark on his own upbringing. This. This would be interesting.

But ima leave it there lol

The tracking plot point and rant about season 2 ep 6

Before this ep we got sprinkles of shiro/black lion tracking- wich is great. Love that shit. I have a problem with how we figure that out tho

“Zarkon must’ve imprinted one me durring our last fight.”- Keith. My man. Explain to me wtf you mean.

Fr tho. Just because you’re half Galra dosent mean that’s how it works bro. Ik we’re not fully sure at this point but- cmon.

“It’s me.” Allura. Hunny. H o w? Why even?

Why would two people who think they’re being tracked- GO TOGETHER??? Why would you even leave in the first place?! Shirio is right. Splitting up makes y’all vulnerable! Voltron can’t be formed without Keith! Why would y’all do that?? If anything why not leave in separate pods and just so happen to crash onto the same planet the paladins are on! I’m sorry I just hate the beginning of “The Arc of Taujeer” while Keith and Allura are away there is an actual humanitarian crisis. I know it’s important but damn to the tracking idea but G O D

Allura and Keith should be shunned and punished for the stunt they pulled in this ep fr. Info learned be damned

Mall episode

God bless the mall episode. An icon. Truly. All hail. All hail!!

The Blade of Malora/ Keith’s heritage + the racism

Let’s get the great out of the way: The Blade themselves- Their introduction is great. That goes without saying.

Keiths trials- M W A H the character assessment I could make is TOO LONG ON G O D

but the actual workings of the BoM is so calculated and cold. It’s honestly so refreshing in a way I don’t know how to explain

I just love untrusting rebels because that’s the reality of rebellion. You don’t know who is for the cause and who is a gov plant

I personally want Keith’s Galra heritage more known physically. Both on him and in his upbringing. I want splotches of purple across his body that no doctor can explain (all of wich can be hidden with a change of clothes) and barely noticeable physical abnormalities (ie: longer and sharper nails, maybe purple tinted hai “I dye it…”, strange “scars” that are actually birth marks that stand out. But he passes as human. Through these excuses.

I also want flashbacks to his dad trying to pass on everything he knows about his mother’s culture. (The knife and stories)

Now- I wanna talk about the bad. Y’all know it, y’all seen it- the racism

Now- Allura, sure. She has a reason to hate the Gullra. They killed her people. That is valid and I think that the truama combined with the truth that she’s working with “the enemy” is a great conflict and is honestly wonderful character growth.

HUNK ON THE OTHER HAND- w t f. This is so out of character. Hunk is literally the heart of the group and almost as smart as Pidge. I think he would know better than anyone else that litterally nothing has changed about Keith. Hell- maybe Shiro would know that struggle of people seeing him differently better than anyone else because IDK HES GAY (unless I change that. Personally I saw Shiro straight but… audience interaction? Lol I’ll put a poll on the final season if I remember) TLDR- As Keith said: “I didn’t just turn Gullra!”

Finale (season 2, episode 12 + 13)

Aullara getting over her biases and apologizing to Keith is perfect

Shirio and Keith’s chemistry is amazing as well both in and out of combat

The spy. An icon.

The amount of tension around this plan not failing is delicious. Yummy yummy- give me more!

Emperor whomever the fuck’s obsession w/ voltron carrying over to battle

Hagar being the voice of reason aGAIN. Queen shit fr.

When I first watched this I thought the paladins died ngl. Then when I rewatched I thought Allura died. Voltron out here with the drama fr

Zarkon meka action figures. When?

ALLURA DOING SHIT- F I N A L Y (Tangent will be later I promise)

HELL YEA WINGS!!! The fursona is complete

“Shit she got tats too!” Only to be met with Deisex Machina because Allura is the main character apparently

Hands to the side of voltrons face. That scene. Fucking slapped.

EVERYONE RUNNING TO DAD ONLY TO SEE HES GONE TO GET MILK- W H Y????

oh also lotor revel lol

Smaller things

The spies for the rebelion

I’m such a fake fan I don’t remember their names, but both of them left a big impact on me with their sacrifices

The guy who died in the cluster field, was a real one. Making the big bad of the episode implode on itself with him at the center- dude

Also, the guy closer to the finale who was almost caught multiple times. What a fucking trooper.

Underwent torture and still didn’t reveal the plans

Both of these dudes need art made for them! Like- I swear to God they did so much for these fuckers and we don’t hear about them, their back stories, or their families ever. When I rewrite this, I want to include pieces of what these people are sacrificing, and who they are fighting for either before, during or after they sacrifice themselves for the revolution.

TLDR; 🫡 Real ones

Zarkon’s black lion obsession bleeding into his character

I like how hyper-focused the big bad is about controlling the black lion.

He’s kind of right in his thinking that by controlling the lion, he’s won. He���s right. But from this thought process he’s reckless and too assured in himself.

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy given layers with the later seasons

Slav

I-

Icon?

Let lance be the sharp shooter

I want more sniper man!!

I want more chuckles instead of groans

Overall- The show is still good!

This was a fun watch! Was there things I’d change? Ofc! But this season holds up just as, if not better than, the last! From what I remember everyone agrees that seasons 1-3 or 4 is the good shit and then everything goes downhill. Hopefully I’m proven wrong but I highly doubt that.

Scroll bat to the top if y’all wanna see my thoughts on Voltron season 1, thank you for reading my rambles, and, most importantly, FOLD YOUR FUCKING LAUNDRY! You’ve put it off all day-! DO IT!

[yandere-monoma]

good evening it is 4am and i have writer's block so imma reread one of my fave recent fics and reminisce about having the ability to write lmfao

so WHOO, eat your young: director's commentary:

the fuckin song gets stuck in my head every time i read the title HJGKFGS originally i was stuck between this one or another title from aNOTHER song but i forgot what that song was so note to self: edit this post when i remember LOL

lines like these are ones that potentially make me dissociate to reread HAHAHA. i don't even know if it quite portrays the atmosphere i'm usually referencing with lines like these (there's something about the lighting that accompanies irl traumatic memories for me that i always end up focusing on and trying to allude to in writing even when i'm not necessarily trying to project... being drenched in darkness with only one point of light to focus on... @_@) but idk its tasty and i love how i opened this fic teehee

this opening scene is very much a love letter (and quick summary of) all the FUCKIN stridercest fics i've read throughout the years, like one of the many things i love about any darkfic niche part of fandom is that there tends to be these few locations that everyone settles on and obsesses over for their ships. for todocest it's the dojo, for goyuu its the basement, for a lot of stridercest fics it's bro's couch/futon. i wanted something that was quickly recognizable for anyone who also has been reading their way through the tag like i have HJSKFG

one of those teeny tiny lil motifs that i had fun sprinkling in ghsdjfkg very fun to play with homestuck's use of color motifs and what it could provide for dave in this new context. it's also a reference to the epilogues, which i'm more obvious about when i bring the motif back later:

in the epilogues, there's a few moments where john waxes poetic about the slightly unsettling environment of earth c

and the thought of that drove me crazy. earth c and the way it's supposed to represent this unfitting paradise that's just a little bit wrong and a little too perfect and the way that perfection grates at you when you start to notice it. i love the metaphor of paradise being uncomfortable because of all the trauma and grief and fighting that preceded it. rly reminds me of how hard it is irl to adjust to happiness and love and comfort after being abused and hurt for so long 😩😩😩

don't even ask me where the bro drinks hibiki hc came from but it's something i carried over from the brorose pornverse because ~consistency~

nothing to say besides being proud of this LOL

...

...

...

man i have such a love/hate relationship with writing dave dialogue and by that i mean i hate it cuz i never think it's enough LMFAO. i envy anyone who can adopt homestuckian humor and wit easily because i can Not. like i try my best but just know every second i gotta write this idiot talking i'm screaming in agony and bleeding out my ass about it internally JHKFGS

wonder if i'd feel differently if his dialogue was in the pesterchum fonts tho...

CRAZY how much i like that better HAHAHFGKSDFG

one day i'll do a fic where the dialogue is done like the epilogues but until then i suffer and die every time i have to use proper grammar for dave's speech, anyway,

ANYWAY john being a terrible parent is one of the sexiest things that has ever been done with his character i'm so thankful for it godjskfgsdfg and i love thinking about dave's misplaced guilt on the matter. "You want to be on your best friend's side for this, sure, bristling with the instinct to defend him, but you can't commit to it. The sad kid in front of you, put out and missing his father's love, that's who has all your sympathy right now." dave being unable to keep from projecting onto harry from the start, unable to keep from instantly empathizing with the child's point of view in this scenario (partially because he can't unsee himself as anything but an abused child even despite his growing age) and immediately feeling himself distancing emotionally from john at the thought that he could be anything like bro as a guardian.

it's actually a shame i didn't rly get a chance to elaborate on this further because i think there's a lot of fun to be had with thinking about dave's reactions to john's parenting from this point on, like... GOD. when john tried to kidnap tavvy as a kid???????????? feel like that's a fucking GOLD mine of possibly triggering ammo against dave's psyche goddamnit

if harry didn't change the subject here, he would have started bashing john for his drinking habits and canon tendency to traumadump on him while drunk HJSKFG he's made harry incredibly uncomfortable more than a few times doing this and i think it's definitely made an impression on him, but harry decides not to because he doesn't want to do the same thing to dave. he also doesn't want to remind dave that they're doing anything 'bad' here

writing shit like this into a story rly is just for the purpose of practicing interiority in characterization hehe. i feel like it's also a side effect from writing for theatre, trying to mimic as many naturalistic structures of dialogue as possible. fun to fit in tangents that just never really get answered or directly referred to

THE WAY THERE WAS NO ROOM TO TALK ABOUT DAVEJADE FAILED MARRIAGE BUT GOD I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT DAVEJADE FAILED MARRIAGE SO BAAAAAAAD tfw you spend all your free time hanging out with teenagers to avoid having sex with your loving wife

...

this part of the fic is fun because originally this idea came from a discord convo

and it is SO FUCKING FUN to write prose around someone else's dialogue and thoughts 10/10 will recommend

it's especially fun too because all of dave's thoughts and dialogue from around this point on is mostly outlined by my friend, so it was so fun getting to work their insights and characterization into my own interpretation of his character

...

the build-up where dave and harry start snuggling drives me fucking crazy every time like every time i reread this bit i'm always biting on my knuckles and screaming goddamnit goddamnit dirty wrong awful intimacy that suddenly overwhelms you and crushes you and you don't even notice the way you're dissociating from your every action but you aRE

originally this paragraph was also supposed to have a davejade mention but i just couldn't figure out how to make the thought flow well with everything else. originally there was supposed to be something about the way he always shrinks away from jade's touches, how they always make him feel worse and feel colder than he did before she'd tried, but yeah... didnt fit... and ultimately i think the fic is stronger as is. jade being an afterthought that only vaguely gets talked around feels very ic for candy dave anyway HJGFK and rly everything that he feels towards her is more just a side effect of everything he's suffered by bro's hands. no need to focus on his discomfort about jade when his discomfort about harry is more than enough

that being said every time i remember everything i had to omit i WAAAAAAIL

"Syrup clogs your throat. Your throat burns dully, your tongue feeling heavy with that leftover numbing weight of sugar and liquor." lines i cant reread without rly badly craving booze

literally the biggest challenge of this fic was the fact that its secretly a johndave/daveroxy/daverose fic HAHAHGFJG like trying to balance the fact that one of dave's biggest driving forces when it comes to his attraction to harry is that he's just been hosting a million and one ultimately unrequited crushes all his life that he's now projecting forward and trying to showcase that without drawing tOOOOOOOO much attention away from the other main driving force (brodirk and the incest fetish he'd instilled in him)... so sooo hard to balance but i like to think i did a decent job

'let him escape this feeling like he might still be a good person' is such a fucking good line/thought/sentiment that i'm so upset i had no room for cuz it's so good HJGKFSGS who knows maybe one day i'll be able to figure out a way to squeeeeeeze it into an edit cuz god knows i still tweak this and all my fics every now and then

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love this part... go off past ricky... do find it funny tho that i was ~vibing~ so hard with the prose that i forgot dave's canon ages just a tad HAHA shhhh

these are some of my favorite kisses i've ever written goddamnit

literally the funniest and most inspiring words my writing partner has ever said like LEGEND... it was this phrase specifically that made me drop everything and start writing this fic cuz i KNEW i needed to slap that onto the summary pls JGKLFSG

(Did you ever have a chance? Did he?)

i feel obligated to speak on this line because it's like. one of the huge major themes of the fic HJSKDFGSFG the inevitability of dave continuing a cycle that he's been trying to avoid. really, what can i say, though. this fic follows a timeline that's alluded to but still has yet to be written out (and who knows if i ever actually will write it out, i'm kinda just updating this fic series based on impulses) where dave moves on to project all his trauma with bro onto dirk after they win the game. i love the thought of them trying their best to keep up the brother routine before dave's need to retraumatize himself and dirk's own fucked up inclinations results in them becoming sexually involved. like, honestly, i could go on forever about dirkdave and the ways they make each other better and worse but yeah. the second dave gave into that self destructive urge, he was done. and it's something that bled into his marriage, that bled into his inability to rly engage with karkat, that fed on his ability to be his own person and work on his own recovery. dirk died and the universe went stagnant and with it, dave's ability to grow out of the mold he was forced into by bro

so yeah. he's already at this huge disadvantage. and while this fic focuses on dave's perspective, there's a lot to be said about harry's mindset as well. the way he's egging this on, the way he's encouraging it, the way he's trying to poke into any sort of vulnerability that dave may or may not have. the way he wouldnt quite have the words to pinpoint and identify shit like emotional incest or grooming but he can see that there's something wrong and exciting about what they're doing that he wants to take part in. being set up to failure because of john's neglect, already thinking he's more mature than he is because of it, perhaps knowing just a bit too much about romance and sex because of whatever weirdass confessions about his own relationships john had unwittingly given him. not to mention his feelings for dave and the way he makes him feel like they're equals and the way he gets attention and affection freely from him without really having to fuss and fight for it like he does with vrissy.

so yeah. these two were doomed from the start 😌💙

'That saccharine sear of shame that washes over you then only makes it worse. You can’t fucking believe you’re popping a boner ten seconds into a make-out session.'

so like, i wrote this before getting deep into the show succession and thank god cuz this def would have turned into a ramble about how dave probably was completely unable to get it up during sex with jade. that absolutely was the case because i like to think that dave really is just hardwired into having rly bad sexual hang-ups where his body is just so conditioned to react to a lack of consent and boundaries and an abundance of incest but now thanks to my intimate knowledge of roman roy i also know now that dave occasionally (frequently) has rly bad erectile dysfunction in the face of anything '''healthy'''. thanks a lot succ

this isn't where the wordplay starts but it's where a good amount of it is HJGKFG i feel like 'bro' is a silly word to use in big deep serious prose sometimes HAHAH so my reluctance to use it here is part of why this wordplay started but the other reason is because i have a BIG stylistic thing(tm) about playing with pronouns and names and what omitting them can do for the narrative. blurring bro and dirk by refusing to name them but letting their actions speak for which splinter is being referred to was a very fun experiment (though, perhaps less successful than other iterations of mine where i did this same sort of pronoun play... OH WELL they cant all be perfect)

mentally dave switches from aggressor to aggressor. this possessive need to destroy harry starts to bleed in, inspired by bro and what he'd done to dave and what he'd taught him of sexuality and domination. a part of him resists that, reminding him of the terrifying impact of it all, the horror of initiating and acting on a fucked up desire, and then he switches to dirk, projecting that forward instead. dirk, who he is currently choosing to see more as a victim, who was just trying to help dave as he pushed and pushed at him. it's simultaneously a moment where he can start to blame harry just a little bit about what's happening instead of himself (because harry keeps pushing, he keeps begging to do this, he thinks it's what he wants and dave is just helping him because he doesn't feel he has a choice) and it's a moment where he finally puts himself in dirk's shoes and realizes (fears) that maybe dirk didn't want this as much as he might have acted. that dirk had likely gone through a similar internal conflict that started to kill him inside.

'Jade tries, but something about her touch disgusted you.' IT WAS SUCH A STRUGGLE TO FINALLY MENTION HER LMFAOHSDJFKG such a relief... altho the line after this one rly kicked my ass i could not figure it out for the longest time hjskdfgsg jadey i love you im so sorry

this was an interesting divulgence from the original thought:

which i couldnt rly fit in especially with how balls deep we're into dave's thoughts at the moment but i love it

this line is so stupid HAHAJFGSFG its so funny to me. its a shoutout to me realizing halfway through the initial outline that they're actually half brothers instead of JUST uncle/nephew AND it's a reference to this specific incest joke in the epilogues

(the way harry is there to witness this moment and also say the word incest right after dave... a ship made for mE)

i love this sequence so much i'm so proud of it like FUCK

some of my friends have started to use this line as a copypasta now and it cracks me the FUCK up every time they do HJSKFDGSDF

generally, whenever i write stream of consciousness fics, i'm always building up and waiting for the moment where the stream suddenly goes off track. there's always gonna be a super fun part where i get to just ramble out a bunch of run-on sentences and hopefully even format them in a fun absolutely-inspired-by-poetry way. and i can't stress enough how fucking SATISFYING it is to get there and have it come out (almost) exactly how you thought it would whee

THOUGHTS THAT GOT LOST BUT GOD HARRY CRACKS ME UP... and i love that part of john's personality... and i love the way it unknowingly grates on dave hjsdfg he definitely has a very clear image of victimhood and the way harry doesn't fit into that mold drives him fucking crazy.

one of my favorite parts of dave's unreliable narration, him projecting onto dirk because of his own guilt. it's the only way he can really bring himself to admit that, in that moment, after everything he's done, he's immediately feeling suicidal and bereft with his guilt on the whole situation.

i mention this in a comment as well but i love to think about ult dirk and dirk's internal corruption of his own character. i think it's a fun chicken or the egg scenario, trying to decide if dirk was still himself when he allowed dave to seduce him into this, if dirk's guilt helped guide him into his eventual instability, or if that instability is what lead to him acting on his incestuous urges. did his actions lead to him being labeled a villain, or did he decide to prove his villainy by lashing out?

and it is VERY fun to have this be something dave had done, knowing that in the future, he will be guided into his own metaphorical and literal suicide, abandoning a life he's more than ready to run away from =u= and the cycle continues nyehehe

final thoughts that may or may not be used in a future fic (i'm the black):

what the hell is wrong with harry in d e e d... stares at john

[tendous-whore]

Ur naoya fic had me shook tho, I literally had to make a new account to send this request bc my mutuals on my main have no idea I’m into smut fics lmao (Dw tho I’m not a minor, age is in my blog desc.).

If you’re accepting requests…nanami and breeding kink pls. I love how the fandom has like decided that he has one lol, I see him as the type to *seem* vanilla buuuuuut he can actually be rough (everything is consensual tho). But that dom side of him only comes out when he’s sleeping with someone he makes a commitment to. Sorry for rambling. I’m looking forward to whatever you have to share next!!

you are the first person to send me an ask so far (which are ALWAYS open btw) so you have no idea how much I smiled when reading your message 🥺

when i woke up to read some jjk fics today, I was so shocked at how many people liked my naoya x reader!!!? it’s so weird that people enjoy my work, especially since it’s my very 1st explicit fic!

ANWAYS nanami is one of my fav characters, aside from naoya, for reasons other than both of them being goDAMN SNACKs😤 so definitely will dedicate a more in depth story for nanami later on. but! your request gives me the perfect opportunity to share a little bit of my own take on him hehhehhehe

so enjoy!! <3

nanami + breeding

the embodiment of “gentleman in the streets, freak. in. the. sheets.”

with his job, he hardly has the time to indulge in relationships, so he’s pretty lax in the bedroom at first. just goes with the flow, ya know

but the longer you stay, the more comfortable he gets when he realizes you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

but nanami doesn’t rush to pull out the whips and chains, he’s gradual when it comes to sharing his interests with you in the bedroom.

until he isn’t.

so when the two of you are alone, and the doors are locked, the nanami in the day contrasts the man he is at night.

nanami is already dominant in all aspects of your relationship, to some degree. but it doesn’t compare when he has you crumpled, completely submitting beneath him, or bent over his knee after a long day of dealing with your shit

he’s more cutthroat than the first time you two had sex. yea, he has a soft side too but when the mood is right, he knows which to bring out

so when your spread for him, accepting everything he gives, how can he not indulge in all he wanted with his pretty little thing?

the act of pumping you full drives him wild, and at times in need, it keeps him going, until the next time

and on top of that, nanami definitely gets off on the size difference between you and him, and shows

when he purposefully pushes on your stomach, feeling the outline of his bulge, when you fold underneath him without resistance

don’t even get me started on how he loves to take you ugh

when he has you locked in a mating press, unable to move and just take. take. take.

probably likes it even more when he’s done his research, knowing how much more likely you could get get pregnant with his cum when he’s plowing into you

the thought alone is so dangerous. but that’s why he likes it. hehe.

Nanami is diligent with the way he works your body, he’s mesmerized every detail down to the bone like the back of his hand. He knows when he pushes you further into the bed, forcing himself deeper than before, how full he makes you feel. Your body is so honest when he does, how the way your legs tense and shake and your tummy bulges when he thrusts at that one angle.

It is a sight that has him breathing faster, and his tongue dipping out to lick his lips. He’s hungry, a thirsty and dying man before you. Feeling the way your walls squeeze him, coating his lower half in a layer of slick feeds him bit by bit, but the urging desire to already fill you up has his hips stuttering.

But right now, he wants to savor this. Savor the way your body lays beneath him, your mouth slightly ajar, hair tangled between his fingers as you cried with pleasure. You looked so pathetic with the way you choked on air, your hands pressed against his chest as you took everything he threw your way.

That’s why Nanami loved you. It wasn’t easy to submit yourself to someone, but you did, allowing him to give you all that he wanted. You were good for him, so good and so pretty. And prettier when his thrusts would finally come to a stop, when his body would pull away from your battered figure, his face pulled down and his eyes focused and just watch.

Watch the way your ass trembled, your body wracked with an uncontrollable shake as you came down from your high, better than the one before. And he’d groan, the deep guttural hiss audible in the quiet room that smelled of sex when finally, his cum slowly leaked from your twitching whole.

And Nanami smiled, his eyes brighter then before when his fingers pushed it all back into your cunt, carefully gathering every drop and slowly fucking his seed into you again and again. And he’d tell you in that sweet voice of his so quietly.

“what a waste.”

“it’s not enough.”

“one more time.”

as he takes you in bed, promising that the next wave of euphoria will be it for tonight. That your walls will finally taste nothing but of Nanami, his scent etched into your skin. But you know better. Once Nanami has had a taste, he can’t bring himself to stop, not when you’re crying for him, begging for his cock to stuff you full and breed you stupid.

so when you’re nearing you end and Nanami grows sloppy, his thrusts more frantic then before, he palms your stomach. His fingers trace the outline of his cock, dragging in and out at a delicious pace, his hand digging deeper and deeper until your writhing under his grip. It stings, but when his fingers press harder and harder, it forces him to hit that one spot that has your breath stuck in the back of your throat and thighs aching.

“gonna breed this pretty little pussy.” He breathes.

“til’ it’s full and heavy.”

He’s rational, logical and very decisive. But when he is high off of the adrenaline and pleasure that’s pumping through his veins, Nanami silently hopes that his cum will bleed into your womb, that your pill won’t repel his seed. That somehow, by some miracle, you miss your period.

And if you don’t?

Then the next time, he’ll look forward to doing it all over again.

[shessolovely-ao3]

Can we ask you what your opinions are on some MO fics? Kinda like a review

ooh yes! Sorry you asked me this like 2 months ago but I was in europe for a class and i didn't have time to pick through the ao3 page, but now I do! This isn't like a "top 5" list or anything, this is just listed in a non-consecutive way!

thorns (the blood that jesus spilt)

idk about you, but i love going to the very last page of a fandom tag. it's interesting to see what was written at the time of a show or movie or book's release, and MO is no exception. This one is an interesting, if not heartbreaking, take on what could have happened during "Nature" if Clay had accidentally aimed a little higher.

It's in Clay's POV and it's written beautifully, perfectly encapsulating his feelings of shame and self hatred, especially since he's watching the one good thing he's ever created bleed to death on the forest floor.

death is a door that love walks through

god, another amazing one. this is partially what inspired me to write my clay death fic. this focuses more on joe and his relationship with his father when he's nineteen. his father's dead, and he's not ready, and this is another fic that perfectly encapsulates what it's like to deal with an unexpected death - it shows how joe deals with the mess around him, and every time I read it i get sucked in all over again. reading joe's relationship with his mother, with daniel stopframe, orel, posie, everyone really, is so fascinating.

a pet sematary inside of your heart.

another classic. orel/christina centered, and in this they're teenagers still dealing with their parents and all they do (or don't) do. this has a more debated art posabule headcanon, and when i first wrote my MO fic in 2019 this is what i read before writing it.

it's short and sweet, and ends on a bittersweet note in typical MO fashion.

in the night the snow starts falling.

this one is much sweeter and lighter than the last one, i promise!! this fic focuses more on Christina and how she tries to get a Christmas present to Orel on Christmas Eve. it's the cutest damn thing ever and it has a permanent place in my ao3 bookmarks.

(i take my bookmarks very seriously. only if i love love LOVE a fic does it get there, and half of these are on my bookmarks page so you know that i adore what i'm putting on this list)

sing for the damage we've done

This is a look into future Christmas Eves with the Puppingtons and Orel + Christina. It's an interesting look at how Orel and Clay deal with each other and how their relationship (or lack of one) progresses over time. I like reading things like this because I know that everyone has a different opinion on what aged up!orel would be like when it comes to dealing with his trauma and dealing with his parents and this one's no exception! definitely one of my favorites.

Better

okay, remember how i said this isn't a top five list? lies bitch, lies. the author for this was anonymous but whoever they are, may god bless them in every way possible because holy fuck this is the best goddamn thing. i typically hate clay redemption fics because I don't see redemption in clay's character arc whatsoever - since i don't believe he can be saved - but i will always always always make an exception for this fic.

i love it. i love it so much i recommend it to anyone who asks. it's such a good and realistic take on what clay's redemption would look like and it doesn't shy away from the fact that everyone in town would be hella suspicious of him. it's so good if you ignore every other fic on this list fine idc but read this one

aaaand ofc i love the fics that @rosesandoleander puts out since they're always beautifully written and thought through.

anyways that is my list!! I'm sure there's one or two im forgetting but I can always get to that later lol let me know if there's anything else!!

[ladyluscinia]

i'm the prev anon who sent the ask about ed + woobification and just wanted to say thank you for such a detailed reply. this might be long again lol so please don't feel obligated to reply if you don't want to but i just wanted to say, def agree that a lot of the handwavyness regarding ed comes from the fact he's barely even started his character arc; deciding what to do with him is difficult and it's simply more comfortable to ignore some or all of his flaws. it also helps that izzy is intensely unlikable to a large amount of people in the fandom for various reasons that are mostly imagined, meaning that he is sometimes relegated to a badminton like character that it is fine to do violence to, so ed's crimes against him don't particularly matter to them. which, again, i think falls into that category of genre bleed that you referenced in your reply. the anachronisms in the show in terms of societal commentary and allegory sometimes have a tendency to blur together and can be confusing for individuals who have no historical context for the time period, but imo i feel like at this point a lot of fans are patently refusing to acknowledge just how low izzy's rung on the ladder of western society would have been at that time. and assigning izzy the role of colonizer or whatever it is they're calling him now in turn leads to a distorted version of ed and a misunderstanding of his character. stede is my favorite fucked up little guy out of all the fucked up little guys in the show which is why i'm usually searching for and attempting to read ed/stede fic + successfully reading steddyhands fic and enjoying blackhands on the side, and hard, hard agree that blackhands and steddyhands shippers usually understand ed the best and that is because they are able to understand izzy accurately and usually sympathize with him to some degree. izzy is someone important in ed's life who ed chooses to have in his life, and equating him to the level of ed's father or badminton is going to lead to a severe misunderstanding of ed himself, and imo i believe the same can be said for stede; treating stede as a victim of izzy is hilarious to me when stede hardly ever even acknowledges him. which i'm sure is something you're aware of esp if you main blackhands, but i've really realized in the last two months just how connected bad takes about these characters are to misunderstanding izzy and his purpose within the narrative as well as being unable to comprehend a plethora of other aspects of his character.

(Link to Previous Ask)

Nodding along, nodding along...

Izzy really is smack in the middle of all the different interpretations of the show, isn't he? Our very own Helen of Troy, starting wars over possession of his character, except one side wants him just so they can make sure he's dead. Whatever S2 does with him is going to raze sections of this fandom to the ground. 🤣🤣🤣

Good luck with your BlackBonnet fic quest. I'm rooting for you.

EDIT: Just going to tack this clarification on here because it's pretty straightforward (ID in alt):