#so not only is the loss devastating for her emotionally--but it's also physically painful in a different way

[solheimisms]

Miranda, Family, & Children

(tw for infertility, pregnancy loss) - this is an expansion of the Shadow Broker dossier entry for Miranda.

Miranda is incapable of becoming pregnant... and has tried many times over the years. Much of this started early on when she rescued Oriana and escaped from her father; while she was attempting to find somewhere that would home and raise Oriana, Miranda actually considered keeping Oriana herself, raising her from a baby. As a result, in the early stages of the adoption process Miranda was put in the role of caregiver for Oriana--only a baby at the time--and found that she had strong maternal instincts. After spending a few years with Cerberus, she missed that maternal instinct she'd had with her sister, and sought to change the fact.

However, after multiple tries, months of pain and treatments, Miranda finally got results... though not the results she wanted. Though she suspects it's due to her unique genetic makeup, Miranda is incapable of conceiving a child; her body cannot physically support it for unknown causes, and any child that is conceived eventually turns into a benign neoplasm--specifically, a uterine fibroid. This drastic change inside her body renders Miranda incapable of carrying a child on her own. Because her genetic makeup is so unique and Miranda is very meticulous about whom she approaches for such procedures, there is little to know scientific information as to why this abnormality occurs, although it's likely that it is, in fact, in relation to her genetic makeup. She suspects that her father was aware of this and this is the reason he genetically created Oriana as her replacement.

Though she has not tried it, Miranda is capable of using a surrogate with significantly reduced success; the problem is only partially in her own body. Whether Oriana carries the same defect or not is uncertain; it's possible that Henry Lawson was able to counteract this issue with Oriana, and she may not suffer from the same consequences that Miranda does. Though she has not tried it, she would also face struggles with an asari partner, as her genetic makeup is unnatural compared to that of other organics, and were she to attempt conception with an asari partner, even they would find difficulties.

Miranda's infertility is what contributed to the breakdown of her relationship with Jacob Taylor when they were growing close. Jacob, in an off-hand conversation, mentioned fatherhood; Miranda, not long after, found out the results of her own infertility, and cut her relationship with Jacob short after that. She believed that she didn't want her own defects--courtesy of her father--to ruin Jacob's chance at a family.

[acourtofthought]

"Elain draws away from Lucien because she doesn't like him and doesn't want him"

Really? An author who is notorious for hidden truths and "what you see isn't always what you get" yet some still believe she's resorting to something so simplistic for two of her future main characters? Two characters involved in Feyre's story from book 1 yet she's really gone the route of mating them in book 2 only to have them go absolutely nowhere together? To Elain ignoring her POC scarred mate because she's supposedly afraid of him though he literally does nothing but continue being as respectful as possible? Leaving her ex unharmed and not pushing her for anything?

This is the author who had Nesta push Cassian away time and again, looking to other males for physical release, only for us to find out she wanted Cassian from the first moment she met him and was terrified of what that meant.

But Elain definitely wants a relationship with Az because she was willing to kiss him and pushes Lucien away. 🤔

Wouldn't a more interesting reason for her behavior be something like this:

Elain was devastated by Graysens rejection.

She wept for hours at her father's headstone and continued to visit him at least once a month. We know she still mourned her lost life with Graysen in the novella as well.

Elain lost the two most important men in her life and it was very clearly a harrowing experience. She went from not eating, not sleeping, not drinking, and sitting silently in her room for months because of her lost humanity and separation from Graysen to Graysens rejection to the loss of her father.

And if those things felt that terrible, were that traumatic and she didn't even share a bond with either, then what do you think she'd feel if she were to open herself up to Lucien and he rejected her or he was killed?

In ACOWAR, she said that she could hear his heart, not just his heartbeat. And we know that part of what was in his heart at that moment was guilt over Jesminda's death and a feeling of betrayal towards her. .

If Graysens rejection of her stung as badly as it did, then what would a mates rejection feel like? Wondering whether she could ever compare to a female he pined for centuries after her death?

If her father's death was so painful, then what would the death of a mate feel like?

Certain parts of the fandom create a version of Elain that is so one dimensional rather than giving her credit for possibly having feelings toward Lucien that are deep and complex. That she could be dealing with the fear of opening herself up to him and is also in tune with his fears and his sadness and it's all overwhelming and scary. He's not scary but the intensity of what could be and what could then be lost is.

That maybe, just maybe, Az (for as nice as he's been towards her) was not a scary option because she knew any rejection would not cut deeply (evidenced by the fact that nobody noted her being sad after Solstice). If Elain is as observant as the characters say she is, then there's little chance she hadn't noticed the way he looked at Mor and knew on some level who his heart belonged to, though he's been starting to realize he isn't going to end up with her. Maybe Feyre was right in saying that Elain and Az might find peace and quiet together, but maybe it was never meant to last. Peace and quiet is not what legendary romances are built on. Maybe the peace and quiet was only meant to hold them over until she (and he) were ready to stop being afraid and finally face the things that scared them. Until she was finally ready to take a chance to truly opening herself up again, not just physically but emotionally.

[avikats66]

Regarding Touji and Megumi’s Early Childhood…

I really think that a lot of the fandom doesn’t fully realize or acknowledge that Megumi’s mother died “soon after he was born” and Touji was left not only devastated by the sudden loss of “the person he devoted himself wholly to,” but with a baby he was not properly prepared or equipped to care for and raise either physically, mentally, or emotionally by himself. We don’t get any details on exactly what happened, how Touji dealt, and what Megumi’s infancy and early childhood looked like up until he is about six-years-old and we get some flashbacks and narrative exposition (mostly from chapter 59) in the manga. Gege-sensei said that without Megumama, Touji “ended up like this,” which is described as “wandering from woman to woman due to not having much money” (Gege specifically calls him “a pro at freeloading off women”), and “earning lots of money with one job then spending it until it’s gone” (which includes gambling as shown in chapter 67) - so what exactly did that look like for Megumi? Probably a lot of Touji being away on said jobs and being left in the care of Touji’s current girlfriend/fling or a hired babysitter/nanny.

And plowing straight on ahead with headcanons, I think it’s very likely and probable that not only did Touji not know how to properly care for and raise baby Megumi, he also lacked the strength and willingness to really try and learn due the trauma of his own upbringing and the loss of Megumama. At the same time he can’t/doesn’t bring himself to fully care for and love Megumi as his son the way he would have with Mamagumi by his side guiding him - the way she would have wanted him to even without her - he can’t/doesn’t just abandon Megumi either, because that’s the child, the little blessing he had with the love of his life (and quite possibly the only person who ever truly cared for and loved him in return), and it was her dying wish that he take care of their son.

So here’s 24ish-years-old Touji, spiralling after the loss of his love and struggling to provide proper - or at least adequate - care for his infant son when he can’t even properly care for or about himself, let alone be responsible for raising a child. But he is, and he does try, sort of. I think he walks a line between not knowing how to form an emotional connection with and personal investment in his son - and being too hurt and overwhelmed to try - and feeling the need/responsibility to known and ensure that Megumi grows up - perhaps “happily” is a bit beyond what he can (or thinks he can) manage, but at least physically safe/healthy and not being outright hurt and abused in the sort of obvious ways that he was as a child. Because Touji was abused as a child (the exact extent to and details of which aren’t shown specifically), and it was this abuse which shaped Touji as a person and led to many of the problems/struggles he faced and the life choices he made, from his spending habits, to his use of and relationships with women, to his inability to fully connect with and care for his infant son without the guidance and support of Megumama.

So Touji wanders around with baby Megumi, grieving his love and struggling to care for a baby. He hooks up with various different women in order to receive help with caring for this infant he doesn’t know how to deal with and to have someone he can trust with Megumi while he works jobs - primarily bounty hunting and assassination, I assume - to earn money to provide necessary resources - as well as to fund whatever it is he does whenever he takes a break to try and cope with his pain/stress. Touji is frequently absent from Megumi’s life and emotionally distant when he is present. There are lots of different people - mostly the women his dad dates or has flings with and various paid babysitters or childcare workers - who take care of Megumi from infancy to the first five/six years of his life, some decidedly more caring than others no doubt.

Touji wouldn’t leave Megumi to anyone he thought would endanger him, but Touji also doubtlessly didn’t have high standards when it came to childcare given his own past/experiences. For some, taking care of baby or toddler Megumi might have been something they liked and wanted to do, whether as their job or as a young woman happy to look after her boyfriend’s baby; for others it may have been an unwanted or begrudging task - which is definitely something he would have picked up on, even at such a young age. Bottom line: Megumi does not have a stable parent or parental figure during the earliest years of his life, and he is subject to repeatedly changing conditions and environments. A lot of it he won’t explicitly remember, but even what he doesn’t remember will have still had a formative impact on him as a person.

Somewhere in this period Touji acknowledges that he cannot (or at least won’t sufficiently strive to) provide the care and connection Megumi will need as he gets older. He knows that he is distancing himself from Megumi and that he can’t (or again won’t) be able to form a proper relationship as a father or guardian with or raise Megumi: so now it’s his responsibility to find someone who can/will. Which is where the deal to have the Zenin take Megumi into the clan after his cursed energy/technique manifest comes in. Now, I’m definitely not saying that I agree with this decision, but I don’t think that it was made out of Touji’s own self-interest, i.e. the monetary exchange, at Megumi’s expense. Rather, I think Touji was taking the course of action he thought best for Megumi - and let me explain.

The fact that the Zenin agreed to pay such a large sum of money means that they wanted Megumi. As mentioned above, I believe Touji knew he was not suited to raising Megumi and was looking to find someone who could do a proper - or at least better - job. The thing is, let’s say he does find a suitable third party to take in Megumi: what happens as soon as Touji entrusts him to them and leaves? The Zenin swoop in and just take him. Touji likely anticipated exactly that happening, which is why he bartered with the Zenin in the first place - to see how much they wanted Megumi. And the huge chunk of money they agreed to pay confirmed that they very much wanted Megumi.

So now, Touji has two choices: either stick with and watch over Megumi for the rest of his childhood/youth and/or until he is capable of avoiding or fending off the Zenin himself (or possibly deciding he wants to join them), or let the Zenin have him, whether directly or indirectly. Since Touji has already made up his mind about him not wanting/able to be a proper father and raise Megumi, he’s already pointed towards the second option; but, can he really allow the Zenin to have Megumi in good conscience given what he knows about them and his own personal experiences as a kid? Well, here’s my thoughts:

Touji knows full well what kind of people the Zenin are and all the ways the abused him personally as a kid. Was he really going to condemn Megumi to that just to be rid of him? No, I don’t think so. As mentioned above, Touji looked after Megumi largely in part to it being what Mamgumi asked of him before her death, but he knew that the wasn’t a good father to baby/toddler Megumi, and that he couldn’t/wouldn’t fulfil all the additional responsibilities and care that would come with Megumi growing older and being a kid/teen - which is why he’s now seeking this third party to take over from him. And I don’t believe he would let the Zenin be that third party if he truly thought they were going to treat Megumi the same way they treated him as a child. He does care about Megumi - both as his son and in respect to Mamagumi’s wishes - even if he hasn’t been able to develop the normal intimate and emotional connects parents and children normally have.

Touji believes that Megumi’s circumstances with the Zenin will be different from his own due to his shamanic potential, which is pretty much all the Zenin care about. He states as much in the manga (cannot find the exact chapter, sorry). Does he believe the Zenin will be a good family to Megumi and that he’ll be well loved and cared for and this is the best path for Megumi and what Mamaguro would have wanted? Absolutely not, but he genuinely thinks that this is the best possible option he can give Megumi and that Megumi will be safe from horrific abuse by the Zenin. The fact that he considers this the best/only option rather than raising Megumi himself is a testament to both how he’s been traumatized and damaged by the Zenin and how that trauma and abuse warped his world view and emotional/social/mental capacities/ability.

Also around this time Touji marries Tsumiki’s (also unnamed) mother; it’s unclear which came first, the marriage with/meeting of Mamatsumi or the deal with the Zenin. We know that the marriage takes place when Megumi is in first grade - so about 5 or 6 years-old - and that within about a year of this marriage Touji and Mamatsumi both disappear (Touji having been killed by Gojou and Mamatsumi’s whereabouts unknown). So Megumi and Tsumiki have been step-siblings for less than a year when they are orphaned and then (semi unofficially sort of not exactly sure) adopted by teenage Gojou. By this time, Tsumiki had already become the most important person in Megumi’s life, as evidenced by Megumi not caring what being taken in by the Zenin would mean for him, but only whether Tsumiki would be happy.

What was this first year together for Megumi and Tsumiki like? I’ve already gone over what Touji’s parenting was probably/possibly like based on limited canon info, but we really have nothing of any substance - or just anything at all, really - on Mamatsumi. Personally, I imagine she and Touji got married for the convenience and benefit of their respective children, not romantic desire or attraction. They probably got along - or at didn’t actively dislike each other - and likely had a more casual relationship and camaraderie as partners of sorts (and they quite possibly had a sexual aspect side of the relationship too). They got married to take advantage of the legal benefits and pool their resources together; to the benefits of themselves personally but much more so for their kids.

As for what kind of person Mamatsumi was and her relationship with Megumi and her daughter I can’t really say. I can’t find/remember anything reliable giving us any more information on her, so, uh, she’s just a bit of a blurred out figure in terms of canon. Nothing regarding the relationship between Touji and Tsumiki either (at least as of yet, though probably not ever). We then get teen/young adult Gojou through the rest of Megumi and Tsumiki’s childhoods and early teen years, though we don’t really know much detail with what that looked like or how it worked either; really, just that one panel from recent chapters and whatever we can infer or glean from how Gojou and Megumi interact throughout the story.

I am super interested in that: Megumi and Tsumiki growing up together with teenage/young adult Gojou - whether we get more canon information/focus on it or not. Have you guessed that I really like the “found family” or “families of choice” tropes? At the same time, I’m also super interested in Touji and his time with baby/young child Megumi and their relationship. Yay character dynamics!

[cerseiwexler]

For whichever of your babies you feel like infodumping about most -- [4] How physically and emotionally affectionate they are? [13] What kind of sense of humor do they have, if any? [29] How do they deal with loss, stress and anger? [33] What are one of their fondest and most treasured memories?

HMM let’s do myrei!!!

4. extremely… i just talked abt this in the tags of another post a bit sry for being repetitive but she’s pathologically unable to be normal about someone lol. if she’s a hater the hate runs through to her core, but if she loves someone she’ll lavish them in affection and attention to whatever degree they can tolerate (and sometimes even more). she’s a big hugger, a big cuddler, a big forehead smoocher. HOWEVER. the mushy stuff is mostly in private. in some cases that’s bc it has to be lol ~*forbidden love*~ but in other cases her affection for her family, friends, and lovers just manifests in a different way — ironclad loyalty, backing her loved ones up unconditionally. which is important for morale once they have to go to war lol

13. she loves to laugh! her sense of humor is somewhat dry in a lannister-typical way, and a little bawdy. having so many kids also gives her an appreciation for the deeply silly things they can do and say when they’re young and still figuring out the world lol.

29. not well!!! loss utterly devastates her, she gets physical pains from the emptiness left behind and sort of oscillates between being overcome with emotion and numb. and sometimes really pissed off at this turn of fate. it makes her short-sighted. stress she tries to tamp down by overcompensating w/ an aggressive version of optimism, like (grits teeth) i am gonna be fucking happy if it’s the last thing i do. it doesn’t always work so well and often stresses her out even more when the happiness doesn’t come so easily. and anger makes her violent 💀 rarely does she act on it but she has a sick mind about her enemies. some of them deserve it! some of them don’t. when she does act on it, it tends to be in a less spectacular way than she fantasizes about.

33. she treasures a lot of childhood memories from before joanna died — they all have this warm golden haze over them. definitely a bit of rose-colored nostalgia glasses going on there, but it was a more peaceful time than she comes to be used to in life, and it was before she developed all her complexes (she only developed some of them lol). an easy to idealize time, yk.

[twistedtangledfate]

Nimerah Lannister - Game of Thrones Verse

Nimerah Lannister is one of the several children of Ser Jason Lannister, half sister of Damon, sister of Joanna (who prominently went on to marry their cousin Tywin), Myranda, Elia, Lionel and Benroy. Nimerah was born in 250AC and was, by all accounts, rambunctious and regularly had to be pulled back. Her station, her prospects, her position and what was expected of her had to be re-enforced multiple times but by the time she was ten, she had learned to temper a touch of her rebelliousness.

Nimerah followed the rest of her family to Court for the coronation of King Jaehaerys II in 259AC. Joanna remained as a lady-in-waiting to Queen Rhaella and a distance opened up between Nimerah and her older sister both emotionally and physically. When she returned home, her lessons intensified to better prepare her not just for marriage but to teach her the discipline required to make her a credit to her House and not a point of dishonour, a position occupied by the older Lynora Hill.

In 263AC, Nimerah attended the wedding of Joanna and Tywin and was, like many, shocked that Tywin actually smiled. He had a reputation among his cousins for being somewhat stern and serious which wasn't necessarily a bad quality but Nimerah found it boring and unappealing. The marriage of Joanna ushered in the betrothals and marriages for her siblings, beginning with Nimerah at the age of six and ten (266AC) when she married Elbert Arryn and moved to live with her husband in the Vale which felt so removed from all she had known.

Nimerah was not particularly content and her marriage with Elbert was one that brought them both discomfort as they fought regularly and often. Nimerah could never force herself to bend to what a husband would expect and Elbert regularly referred to her as the 'bane of the Vale'. Nimerah was regularly counselled by Jon Arryn to find her space and her place and when she did that, she would be happy. Nimerah thought highly of Jon and believed him to be rather wise. Courtesy of her marriage, she knew both Robert and Eddard and had very different feelings regarding both of them. Eddard seemed strong and solid and dependable as well as smart and quick. Robert was too brash for her liking but she could well see the appeal that he held.

Nimerah travelled often to Casterly Rock to visit Joanna and her niece and nephew. She doted on the golden haired twins and was happy for her sister but also somewhat resentful that her own marriage had not brought her happiness. She had been assured that it would but Nimerah had found only someone she could be discontented with. She envied Joanna but didn't let that cause a rift between them because her family was the only real support she had.

Nimerah had two children, Lysander in 265AC and Jocasta in 267AC, both of whom passed away from sickness in their infancy. Nimerah was devastated by the loss of her children. She did not wish for any others to follow claiming that her heart could not bear that pain again. She quarrelled with Elbert who demanded an heir to which Nimerah told him he had enough bastard children to choose from for that job. She did not care.

Further disaster occurred in 273AC when Joanna passed away after giving birth to her last child, Tyrion. Nimerah left Elbert and moved temporarily to Casterly Rock to act as support to Tywin primarily regarding the children who had lost their mother. This was a moment where the family needed to be together and Nimerah offered what comfort she could to her niece and nephews. It was clear from the beginning that Cersei in particular disliked her youngest brother and it was not surprising to her that Cersei blamed Tyrion for what was beyond his control. He wasn't the only one and Nimerah had particularly stern words with Tywin over that subject. They had one last fight over the issue in 276AC and Tywin told her she was not welcome at Casterly Rock. Enraged, Nimerah told Tywin that should the time come when he needed her support, she would deny him. She then promptly departed with Elbert to return to the Vale. This prompted a form of reconciliation between the married couple and in 281AC, Nimerah fell pregnant despite her wishes not to try again. Elbert was greatly pleased and reassured his wife that he did not care if his heir was a boy or a girl, that all he wanted was an heir born in wedlock.

Then, came the Rebellion and it cost Nimerah in that she lost a husband, widowed after King Aerys II executed Elbert in 282AC after riding with Brandon Stark in response to Lyanna being taken by Rhaegar Targaryan who had also snubbed Nimerah's own niece Cersei. More loss was to follow however when she gave birth prematurely. The birth took much out of her and she almost perished from childbed fever. When Nimerah recovered enough to understand what was happening it was to discover that her unnamed son had not survived.

Nimerah followed the directions of her family and of the Arryn's and when the Rebellion was over, she was on the right side. She was given the choice to remain in the Vale or to join Jon and Lyssa in Kings Landing after Jon was named Hand of the King. Nimerah agreed and followed. She was happily reunited with her niece and nephews and found that she was far happier in Kings Landing than she had been in the Vale.

Nimerah never remarried, choosing to remain a widow and stayed in Kings Landing for as long as she was welcomed.

[rhysdasiorarchive]

“You don’t need to thank me for anything, Ro. I mean that. Being here for you is the least I can do, especially with something like this.” It was blindingly obvious that the pain Roland felt was still raw no matter how much time had passed since the loss of Alix; it clearly hadn’t been dealt with or managed in any sufficient way throughout the years, undoubtedly shoved to the back of his mind, the pain of it too great to bear and whilst Rhys understood that doing so was the fastest way to deal with such agonising pain, he also knew all too well that it was the worst way to pretend to manage it. He could have taken the same approach with Corinne and the devastating side effects of her loss – it’d been tempting to deny it, to save himself from feeling as if his heart had caved in on itself entirely. Somehow, likely through the demands of the rest of the family, he’d worked through his grief in a significantly healthier manner. It also helped that the occasional scrying session brought her back to him in near-perfect clarity even if it always managed to drain a debilitating amount of mana each and every time, leaving him magically spent but emotionally fulfilled until the time rolled around again. 

Though perpetuating discussions pertaining to grief was a… risky decision given the delicate nature of such a topic, it seemed to pay off if Roland’s quiet admission was anything to go by. However, the obvious pain that reflected in Roland’s entire demeanour mere seconds later firmly told Rhys that dwelling on the topic any longer was only going to do Roland more harm than good and the sooner they shifted from it, the better. The vampire’s subdued sympathy prompted a dismissive wave of Rhys’ hand out of pure habit, the gesture aborted halfway as he moved to take a slow drag on his cigarette instead. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it’s just a fact of life. All mortals go through the cycle. No use in running from it or trying to deny it. Accepting that it’ll happen is all we– my kind, I suppose– can do. She could’ve granted herself immortality, she had the magic and the knowledge to. She just… didn’t want to. Past a certain point, sometimes enough is enough. Trying to persuade her otherwise would’ve been insulting to her. Would’ve been selfish of me, too. As hard as it was, accepting it was the only thing left to do even if it felt like a betrayal at the time.”

Rhys had been content to settle into the silence and let them both mull over and process everything once and for all but when it was interrupted, Rhys had been glad he’d refrained from fully mentally checking out like he usually tended to when matters of the heart were explored so thoroughly, Corinne’s laughter fading in his mind as Roland tugged him closer. Rhys hadn’t realised how badly he’d needed the familiar comfort of the vampire’s affection until it practically flooded every sense. He leaned closer without even realising it, instinctively satiating the need to be as close to Roland as physically possible. If nothing else, at least the proximity would give them both something concrete to cling to while emotions were running as high as they were.

Thankfully, Rhys accepted his decision on the matter, his inability to discuss Alix in any kind of regular setting outside of this one where he was explaining it all. It would likely be a rare occurrence that he brought him up at all but it had been important for Rhys to know about him. When you're the one left behind. Roland flinched a little at the accuracy of the statement, though he knew Rhys hadn't said it to be hurtful. He'd been the one left behind many times, from deaths or simply because he'd been left and it was...still difficult, sometimes, to reconcile that. "Merci. For understanding. I appreciate it." Rhys' kind words deserved some kind of response even if he could barely manage that. At least it was nice to know Rhys wasn't going to ask him for details which Roland wouldn't have been able to take, especially if it happened regularly. The respect for his pain and grief was greatly appreciated.

Roland looked at him when Rhys opened up about his own grief, pained to hear that he'd also suffered a great loss. It was different, obviously, the loss of a beloved family member different than that of a lover but the grief was clearly similar. A beloved person was still gone. They'd discussed Corinne once, who Roland had known during the war, but never in much detail and that was clearly who Rhys was referencing now. Roland listened, sympathetic, and nodded as Rhys described some of the actions he'd taken, smoking and feeling very much like he needed to as those descriptions reminded him of the things he'd done. "I wore his clothes." He added, softly, not interrupting just contributing further to their conversation about grief. "They didn't fit properly, they were too big for me, but it felt...like a way to be close to him." He swallowed, feeling that fist close over his chest and his throat tighten. Too much, he shouldn't talk about the details, that had been a mistake. Roland closed his eyes and fought it down, gritted his teeth until it passed and let out a slow breath, opening his eyes again and taking a shaky drag from the cigarette. That was exactly why he didn't delve into too much detail. Rhys seemed to okay it as he came back around to Roland and Alix, saying it was all right to keep Alix to himself and it didn't dishonour his memory. That was a small comfort. "You're right. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced anything even remotely similar. It's terrible, grief and the weight of loss. I would never have wished it on you." It obviously happened and Roland couldn't have done anything about it but he didn't like knowing Rhys had experienced anything even close to that pain.

There was a silence again, probably much needed by both of them, until Roland couldn't help but express how much he'd missed Rhys again. A slight smile tugged at Roland's lips as the witch agreed. "I feel the same way." It hadn't been right without Rhys, nothing had been and it didn't seem like it would be fully until they were together again. Using his grip on Rhys' wrist, Roland tugged him gently towards him and leaned forward at the same time, catching his lips and kissing him slowly though there was a hint of desperation in it as well. He needed him back, just needed him right now, still raw and sensitive from his grief but wanting more than anything to heal this breach between them and just be with Rhys again.

[theramseyloft]

You go on about how intelligent/emotional pigeons are, but you treat them like objects and that bothers me. You separate bonded pairs of these intelligent, loving animals so frequently as if they don't have any feelings. And then you wonder why these birds afterward do not just take a new mate instantly. You are continually traumatizing these animals and causing them to shut down because they probably begin to realize any new bond they make will only be severed.

I do that because they are.

There is a huge difference between treating a living being like an object and acknowledging that the feelings of a non-human will not often perfectly align with those of a human.

Different species are different.

They have different physical, emotional, and social needs, even if there are a lot of close parallels.

And there are certainly a lot of parallels between humans and pigeons;

They are self aware cooperative social learners.

They form societies.

Those societies have a culture that varies regionally and they have a base line of values...

But their society, culture, and values are different from a human’s because pigeons are not human.

Nothing specializes in preying on humans. We generalize in preying on everything, as a species, as a whole.

We change our environment to suit our needs as much as we are able, and we are more able with every generation.

While things, objectively, can happen to any human at any time, out of nowhere..

On the whole, we generally don’t expect them to.

As such, our monogamous relationships are, ideally, “Until death do us part” meaning “Until we both die of old age, preferably around the same time.”

To the extent that closely bonded humans are emotionally devastated by the loss of that life partner.

To many of us, a life partner is also counted as lost if they engage in sexual infidelity, and if this happens, we are just as devastated (if not even more devastated) as we could have been if that partner had died.

Pigeons are a prey species that evolved in a cheetah-and-thompson’s-gazelle-style arms race with the Peregrine Falcon.

Their monogamous relationships version of “Until Death do us part” can be better translated; “Until one or the other of us gets eaten on a foraging trip.”

And sexual fidelity does not enter into the equation for a pigeon unless their partner is treading or being tread by some one else at the exact moment that bird wants to tread or be tread by their partner.

A cock who wants sex will seek out his wife first, but if she is not interested, he will go asking all the hens away from their nest until one agrees and crouches for him.

If his mate changes her mind and wants him to tread her, she will seek him out and crouch to present herself.

He will tread his wife, and after they do the cute little “I just had sex” dance that’s reserved for mated pairs (side flings get neither this nor courtship. Just sex and separate.) she goes off to do what ever she wanted to do.

If the cock is satisfied, he goes with his wife.

If he still needs or wants more sex, he can tread as many hens as he wants. His wife will not care, because she has had her turn.

If a hen wants sex, she will seek out her husband, generally, but if he’s busy or away, she’ll present for who ever she likes.

Her husband does not care who filled the egg. He only cares that she lays it in his nest and he gets to help set and raise it.

Pigeons divorce partners they consider to be inadequate. Cocks who fail to fill eggs, hens who refuse to set eggs, partners of either sex that don’t spend enough time reaffirming their bond with their spouses...

Unrequited relationships and love triangles are also relationships that pigeons find themselves in.

A pair is considered to have divorced if one partner or the other moves in and spends their nights in the nest of another partner, not for mating with some one else.

Some times, divorces are mutual, and both birds move on to other mates.

Some times, they are not. And the partner left will pine and keep making overtures to reconcile with the partner that left them.

But when a mate just disappears and doesn’t come back, they are assumed by the remaining partner to have been eaten.

If they were closely bonded, the remaining partner may wait a week or so at most, in case they were lost, in hopes the missing bird will make their way back and reunite.

If, after a week, the remaining bird is keeping to them self and not socializing, something is physically wrong, and anthropomorphizing it as “depressed” can get the bird killed.

The veterinary term ‘depression’ describes an animal that is physically ill, be that from a pathogen attacking it to ingesting or absorbing a toxin or simple vitamin or mineral deficiency.

For example;

A week after I became aware that breeding pigeons could become salt deficient and gave the flock a salt and trace mineral brick, birds that had shown no interest in bonding or courting for months are suddenly flirting with everything that moves.

They were not too traumatized to before.

They had a mineral deficiency.

They did not court because they did not feel good.

With the addition of their supplement brick, lo and behold, they all feel better and are courting again.

I have an entire flock to take care of, and I am responsible for the wellbeing of every individual I bring into the world.

To avoid overcrowding, I have a cap of 10 breeding pair.

Because that is the number of adults and their offspring under 6 months old that my loft can comfortably house.

When ever a new breeding bird leaves quarantine or a keeper reaches 6 months, a bird of the same sex has to be retired and made available to avoid overcrowding and the stress and disease that come with it.

Who retires when is not arbitrary.

There are very strict criteria.

1. Physical health.

Regardless of whether or not I have a replacement ready, a bird who may be hurt by the physical process of reproduction or the strain of rearing young, or who may pass on genes that may be harmful to potential offspring is retired on the spot and adopted out with a strict nonbreeding agreement.

Gus is a sweet boy,

But this happens to him every molt, and we have since found out that it runs in both sides of his family, proving it to be genetic and cumulative.

As cute as he and Leela were together, I cannot let him breed.

Because I would have to be a monster to be willing to knowingly pass that painful condition on to another generation.

He has a forever family familiar with his condition to whom he is going on Monday.

2. Undesirable structure

I do not mean anything as stupid as “This animal isn’t pretty enough.”

Cody is not only gorgeous, but an excellent father who has served our program very well.

But his muffs are big enough to make walking uncomfortable, so while I like the rest of his traits, that’s one I want to breed away from.

Now that I have a brother and Sister of his with short muffs that do not cause them discomfort, 

Farthing 

and suki

will continue contributions to the project

and Cody is available.

3. Antisocial behavior that disrupts or disturbs their flock mates.

Indica

And Pookie 

Are the poster children for flock disruption.

They are a gay and bi mated pair of cocks, who are literally turned on by prying other treading pairs off of each other.

If they see another pair treading, Indica will grab the hen by the scruff, Pookie will grab the cock by his, and they will pull in opposite directions, prying the treading pair apart, and marching them in opposite directions towards the wall.

Indica and Pookie will then throw the bird they have at the wall and then run back to meet each other in the center of the floor, smooch-feed each other back and forth, and take turns treading each other.

On top of this, they defend 15 of the 36 total nest boxes in my loft, refusing to pick a specific one or let any other pair settle in a box to lay.

You may or may not have noticed that when I advertised the available birds on Thursday, I made a point of saying that I would prefer these two be adopted together because they are bonded and would be happier that way.

A prospective new family is coming to meet them on Monday.

But they are SUCH a violent disruption to their flock mates that if only one had a home lined up, it would be unkind to the rest of the flock to keep them both on the insistence that they go together.

4. Shitty parenting history

Parents who tend to ignore eggs or peeps, leaving all the work of setting or feeding to their partner.

This is a personality trait, and such a parent puts dangerous strain on their partner and stress on their peeps. 

Their partner will usually divorce them for that, so adopting the bad parent out isn’t “Splitting up a bonded pair”.

Their former spouse is usually looking for or has found some one else with out any interference on my part.

5. Too many offspring/grandchildren

This is to avoid any more inbreeding than necessary.

Betty is one of the best studs here.

He is an outstanding father who sits tight on his eggs, pumps his peeps full, and educates them carefully though weaning.

MANY are his children and grand children, and he has a strong preference for birds with faces like his.

He has already bred with his niece to produce Sherry, and I would like to avoid having him breed to any more of his kin.

Once his peep with Liang is weaned, he will be adopted.

Liang is very skittish, and she liked him right off the bat, so I delayed his retirement to give her more time to feel secure with the flock.

But with her egg hatching, she is allowing herself to be casually flirt with more.

Wukong still likes her. So do Cherub and Ginger, so she’ll have her pick when Betty goes to his new home.

6. Temperament

The Therapy Bird Project is working towards developing a performance breed with a temperament conducive to Therapy work.

All else being equal; The birds are all physically sound with no known detrimental genes, no embellishments too exaggerated, not overly aggressive to flock mates, great parents... Then the bird least interested in human company gets retired.

The ground work of physical and mental base soundness has to be laid first and foremost for that excellent temperament I’m aiming for to shine in their handler’s lives for as long as possible.

You probably have not noticed that when bonded pairs retire at the same time, I make a thing of them being bonded in hopes that they will be adopted together.

Dodger and Alex retired close enough to each other that both are still here, and I would prefer they be adopted together.

But if one of them gets a perfect home lined up where I think that individual will be happy, I will not refuse them that good home for the sake of not splitting up a pair.

You care about the idea of that a LOT more than the pigeons themselves do.

[thebadboyfanclub]

Let Me Have This (Henry Cavill x Reader)

This wasn’t requested by anyone but it is written to announce that HENRY CAVILL, NAPOLEON SOLO AND GERALT ARE ON OUR LIST. Enjoy!

T.W.

I will be talking about the subject of miscarriage, so please if you are sensitive to it scroll away.

(Y/n) and Henry met at an award show, she was presenting an award and performing her new single.

Henry had seen her on a few interviews and had heard her songs, he was a fan of your music and believed you were talented. When (Y/n) approached him at the after party to introduce herself and make small talk, he was very impressed. She was much younger than him but she showed so much kindness, joy and tranquility he felt like he knew her

Of course from her point of view she admired his work and his good looks, that’s why when she got the chance to talk to him she grabbed it and held on to it, which only benefited her.

The relationship came pretty quickly, there wasn’t really a “talking stage” since on the very first date Henry took the liberty of informing (y/n) that he is looking for something serious and stable and he would totally understand if she wasn’t interested in that. (Y/n) just smiled at him, came a bit closer to him and simply said

“I like big diamond rings, how much is your budget?”

-

Their wedding was a sight for sore eyes, she was always talking about how she wanted it to be perfect and on the extravagant side so Henry did not object to anything (y/n) wanted, as long as it made her happy he was as well.

The problem was that you wanted kids, he wanted kids of his own as well. The universe or whatever anyone believes in did not want to give it to them, at first you brushed it off thinking that you just need some time and eventually (y/n) got pregnant, three different times and she also had a miscarriage three different times.

It killed her every single time, the pain was unbearable emotionally and physically. She went to the hospital the first two times but at the third time she was so tired of it she had a bath and laid on her bed, crying her eyes out until Henry came and found her. As soon as he heard her crying he knew what happened, he didn’t go to her right away, he didn’t even announce he was home. He stayed at the garden for an hour, gathered himself and his emotions and walked back in to comfort his wife.

“Please Welcome, Henry Cavill”

Henry had just had his premiere for his role on The Witcher, which was already highly anticipated and his fans had fully supported it from the beginning. As he greeted the talk show host and sat down on the couch next to him smiling.

“So Henry thank you for being here, I know it’s been a chaotic few years for you”

“I wouldn’t say chaotic, just very busy”

“You are now married as well with the famous (y/n), congratulations”

“Thank you very much, Yes I am a very lucky fella, she is pretty much wonder woman”

Henry was not shy to talk about (y/n) on interviews or wherever, he was proud of her and he felt lucky he had her on his side. (Y/n) watched the interview from backstage already smiling as she rubbed her slowly growing belly.

“So I know that on your new series The Witcher which is available on Netflix, you have a few more spicy let’s say scenes, how did she react to that?”

“She understands that it’s strictly business but she is also unapologetically a jealous, she is also a performer and has a some sensual choreographies and lyrics she performs but I have to act out that I’m having an intimate moment with another woman and pretend that it’s real and kiss the actress so I understand her side”

“Was she there during the filming?”

“She was and what’s weird is that she told me it’s not the sex scenes that bothered her is how I showed I cared about Yennefer and how I was protective of her and stuff like that”

“Really? that bothered her?”

“My director told me she went up to him and told him “be honest with me, do they end up together at the end?” I was like honey, I am pretending to make love to a woman and that is what you care about?”

The talk show host burst into laughter and the crowd laughed and clapped as well. (Y/n) had this weird protective instinct over him, pretending to have sex in her mind was different than showing actual emotions and showing love to someone. The talk show host asked a few other things to Henry and then went back to her

“So your wife also recently published her memoir, which is very popular and has had some amazing critiques, she also mentions you and your marriage journey”

“She did, she worked really hard on it and I’m very proud of her for brunching to other paths and expanding her talent”

“There is also a part in there were she talks about you two trying to conceive and mentions she had quite a few miscarriages. May I ask how was that period of time for you”

“It was really hard to see your significant other go through such a difficult thing and you can’t really do anything about it, yeah I was also devastated by the loss but I cannot imagine how much she went through emotionally and physically, it also took a toll on our marriage we were heading to divorce if we kept going in that direction, yet she never gave up so we went through therapy and she just really showed me how strong and how truly amazing she is, I could never have that and then go out and perform and sing like nothing has happened so she deserves all the credit for saving our marriage”

(Y/n) started tearing up while the crowd clapped and the talk show host was pretty much speechless. She remembered so vividly that period of time where she was slowly drifting apart from him due to your wounds and grief of the children, she felt like she wasn’t doing her part in her marriage and took 100% responsibility for the loss even when the doctors told her there was nothing she could have done to prevent it.

“She is also very brave for writing about it and I’m sure she helped a lot of women out there”

“I think that was partially the reason she wrote about it, we are very private so a lot of people think everything is perfect, we are still regular people, we fight, we have problems, so she wanted to show that part of hers and seem human even when she is not cause I don’t see her as a woman anymore, to me she is a goddess”

“I wish you guys the best and ladies and gentleman give it up once again for Henry Cavill”

(Y/n) waited on her feet until she saw the doorknob twist. As soon as she could see him, she ran and jumped on him giving kisses all over his face.

“Baby, wait until I close the door and give us some privacy”

“I love you so much, you are the best husband”

“I love you too angelface, you are more that I could ask for”

Therapy really did help both of them to express their emotions to one another and they got stronger and more connected than ever. She hugged him tightly with her legs around his waist as she nuzzled on his neck and since he was a man of steel (…. y’all got that reference) he just walked with her clinging on to him and sat down on the couch. He soothingly rubbed your back and gave you kiss on the lips slowly and lovingly

“You should know that I’m proud of you, I always was proud of you darling”

“I know but... it’s different now that we are pregnant again”

“I’m not pregnant, you are darling. You are the one that will bless me with a child, I just did the fucking”

“YOU did the fucking?”

“Shhhhh just let me have this”

[prof-peach]

Hello professor, I have a pretty heavy question I’m afraid, but I’m running out of people to ask, so I’ll try my best to keep it PG13.

It’s my Mienshao, Daisy. Up until recently, she and I were members of a police task force tasked with rooting out illegal Pokemon smuggling rings and underground high stakes tournaments. We’ve been partners for a long time, me and Daisy, we grew up together, and I dare say we made a great team. But then things went wrong.

For the sake of security I can’t go into too much detail, but we were participating in a raid when we got ambushed. Someone must have tipped the smugglers off, because they were waiting for us when we got there. During the firefight, there was an explosion, a gas tank got set on fire by a charizard, I believe, and Daisy and I happened to be close. She got out with a few minor burns and scrapes, I... Did not.

I’ll spare you the gory details, but I have been confined to a wheel chair ever since, and I am due to be fitted for a prosthetic leg next week.

I won’t lie, the transition has been hard for everybody, me, my friends, my family. My other Pokémon have been hovering around me like over protective nannies for weeks. But I think out of all of us, Daisy has been taking it the hardest. Half of the day she spends locked to my side like a bodyguard, threatening to punch anyone that gets too close into oblivion. And the other half, well...

She’s started putting herself through some kind of hellish self training routine. Doing katas until she all but collapses from exhaustion, running laps for hours, fighting every Pokemon she can convince to fight, wild or trained. Daisy’s always been tough, and she’s always loved training, but this... This isn’t training, it’s a death march. I’m getting extremely worried, and that’s not even everything!

She’s stopped eating her favorite foods, deliberately choosing ones I know she hates, she won’t let me pet her anymore, she just steps out of reach, trying not to look at me. But most worryingly, she’s started cutting off her whiskers. She’s always been so proud of her whiskers, she groomed them every day, always got grumpy when I teased her for having a big ol’ mustache. Now anytime they get longer than an inch, she slices them off with her claws and throws them in fireplace, like some kind ceromony.

I’m almost certain Daisy feels guilty for coming out mostly unscathed, when I didn’t. She’s always been a bit protective, even before we joined the police, and she’s saved my life multiple times out in the field, but now she feels like she’s failed me, I think. I’ve tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault, but that only seems to redouble her efforts. I’m terrified she’s going to burn herself out if she keeps going like this, and I don’t know what to do.

I know this is a pretty heavy question, but I I’m not sure who else to ask. Is there anything I can do to convince her that she doesn’t need to hurt herself like this? Or, something? Just anything to help! Losing my leg was jarring, but losing Daisy would be unbearable!... I just... I just want my best friend to be okay.

I am sorry for what you’ve been through, I cannot begin to understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, but like all recovery, physical or mental, this will take a fair bit of time to get past, you both may never fully return to how things were, but it can get better and you can both return to a full life together with work and dedication.

I’ve certainly seen Pokemon go to extreme lengths after dangerous incidents to protect their loved ones or themselves, in this case it would be wise to assume your pokemons suffering with a hefty bill of PTSD, and needs some actual therapy to handle the feelings and thoughts they’re having. We have facilities to accommodate that if you’re local to Johto, but most Pokemon centres will be able to put you in contact with reliable and certified practices to begin unravelling the issues that now plague Daisy.

That she considers herself to have come away reasonably unscathed is not true, yes your life has physically changed, but she needs to step back and take a look at her life too. Everything’s different now, and more specifically how she’s treating herself and handling her feelings. If that’s not trauma and injury, I don’t know what else it could be. You both came away with damage that day, physical or not. The first step is to help her see that, and to begin to understand that despite this all, you can both continue to move forward together if you can overcome the injury together, it is an event you shared, and you two can aid each others recovery with time and care.

There’s some seriously gifted therapists out there, those who study for years and can help far more than me, they’ll take time to break down the events, and start to really get into the feelings that your partner is going through. The cycle for Daisy right now comes around to self-punishment, and seems to be stuck on a loop. She needs time and space to process her feelings of guilt, grief, fear and loss, facing them instead of burying herself in her rigorous training. While it is difficult to discuss, you two have a strong bond that means you could talk with her. Try to remind her who’s truly responsible, she may be blaming herself, which is pretty common in these situations, but at the root of it, you were doing your routine job, and the bad guys, the Pokemon smugglers and goons are to blame. THEY caused the issue, not her, and while it may not sink in right away it’s worth saying, and sticking to. You said you told her that it wasn’t her fault, which is the gut reaction, perhaps giving her a logical target instead of herself will work better for now. Reiterating the true issue, and taking the heat off of her may help with other tasks such as self care, later down the recovery road.

Her guilt will feel terrible, but it kind of works as a protector, keeping her distanced from the worse, more overwhelming feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. In fact the guilt that masks this all will slowly make things worse over time. That underlying intense emotion below the guilt is what you both need to work through, but more than anything, she needs to face it, in her own time, come to terms with it, and eventually (hopefully) come to an understanding that life is an endless cycle of events, things will happen, but you have to pick yourself up and turn the lemons into lemonade. She could have lost you that day, that you came away with your life is a miracle, and now you two get more time together because of that. Luck isn’t something that runs out, it’s not like there’s only so much of it to go around, it is like wining the lottery. Sometimes 20 people win, other times no one does. It’s hard to accept, but there’s no greater order to stuff that happens, but when we can come to this conclusion, it’s oddly freeing. I’ve seen a fair few Pokemon in a symilar state who can move on when they realise there’s an odd randomness to the world and everything that goes on.

This is a job for someone with far greater skills than I, but you must help her by also looking after yourself, laugh when you can, show her that your life is still very full, and that you have loved ones, and joy to share with others. You mentioned that you’re due a prosthetic, and though the transition will be long and no doubt a little difficult at first, getting yourself back on two feet (kind of) will show her, and your other Pokemon that you’re willing to move forward. I think there’s a lot to be said about talking during this all. She wants to fight, to be strong, if this is how she’s going to cope, fine. If she’s out training, sit with her, spend whatever time you can by her side, as she’s taking this the hardest. You don’t have to say a thing, just try to do your best, without putting yourself in too much discomfort or pain. Reminding her who would be devastated if it had been her who got hurt, if she was not around, may help ground her back in reality a bit. You both got granted a gift that day, you came away alive, if she works so hard she burns out, that gift was wasted. She can use her kindness, and strength to help you, she can pass her knowledge and skill forward, but it’s hard to help others, and do your best if you’re exhausted beyond reason. Kind of like trying to give people bread from a basket but the damn basket is empty yknow? You got to take time to refill so you can help those around you again, so you have some bread to give. I know, probably sounds a little dumb but it’s always been the way I remember it.

Another very useful thing I’ve found with trauma survivors would be meeting others who have been in the same position. There’s plenty of support groups for both people and Pokemon who have been through events that left them in a difficult situation, emotionally and physically. Even here at the lab we have many species who have been left without limbs, with life changing damage, and a lot of them also have the emotional trauma too. She would probably do well to spend time with them, you can send her to a resort to retreat and recoup erase, mix with others who were just as angry as she is now, or you can take time to go with her to groups to interact with others. It’s one thing to have humans help, but it’s a whole other level of connection when Pokemon can help their own. They bond quicker, trust faster, and generally are more open to listening when it’s coming from a place of mutual experience. If she had time to talk to pokemon who actually lost their trainers, or parts of themselves, she may find some peace, even if only temporarily.

Don’t mention the whiskers, and where possible don’t offer her foods she actively likes, but also not ones she actively dislikes. Just for now. Start the ball rolling with just plain simple things that are neither good or bad. Indifferent is better than bad right now, the punishment she’s inflicting on herself will need addressing further, so contact a therapist, they use Rotom or porygon to translate from poke-speech to human language, and the repair can begin with a registered professional. My advice is not sound proof, I certainly feel like I have missed something important, it’s a big response, but it’s a start in the right direction, and should you come up to any further issues, message back and update us with what’s going on. With work you two will be on track to recover. Remember, patience is the biggest thing here, you two have history, and a therapist will no doubt take the sessions as a pair, and work with you to help Daisy feel less guilty over time. I hope you both find peace, and that both of you repair in due time. Good luck with the new leg, a step towards recovery for sure.

[whoa-myninja]

Stephen Binder said in an interview that they wanted to get all of the cast back and do a funeral scene, similar to the one like Marvel did for Tony Stark. But that scene cost 80 million dollars — because a lot of the actors were working on other projects — and of course, NCIS doesn’t have that kind of money. And all of the actors would have to be paid for their cameos, even if it was just two minutes of screen time.

There were scheduling conflicts with MH, probably because he’s currently working on NCIS: Origins, which is going to air later this year — so it’s a very likely possibility that we might see a tribute/ode to Ducky in that show. Other actors who they reached out to declined to appear or too had scheduling conflicts working on other things, so trying to get everybody together was extremely difficult.

So after they couldn’t get their original plan to work (ie. all cast), they thought about what the episode needed. They then looked at what they had on paper and decided they needed levity or a little bit of comic relief to lighten such a heavy episode… and who better to do that than Tony DiNozzo?

I said this in my post about why Tiva didn’t appear together or get a mention, and I think it’s the same thing for why Mark didn’t appear in this episode: because it was a tribute to Ducky/David and doing so would have distracted attention from the purpose of it. It’s also why they chose the last two minutes for DiNozzo to make his cameo — as the attention would have completely shifted from “what a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man” to “OMG!” far earlier in episode. And also, after crying for 50 minutes at flashbacks and memories (not just on screen, but our own personal favourites too), it needed to end on a positive, lighthearted note.

Honestly, I’m actually glad they choose not to do a funeral scene because when they were shooting this, it would have been too close in time to David’s actual funeral/ceremony of remembrance/celebration of life. Not only would have it been physically hard to shoot, because they have to set up a proper funeral for it to happen, but it would have been emotionally taxing on the cast and crew. And if the cast/crew were then going to David’s funeral, that’s a whole lot of emotions in a short space of time. They didn’t need to sell the pain on screen because all of them were feeling it in their personal lives already.

Note: I remember Angie Harmon from Rizzoli and Isles saying that filming Detective Frost’s funeral after Lee Thompson Young died was beautiful, but the worst thing she has ever had to film in her career as an actor, because all of the emotions and tears were real — and what she chose to read for Frost were her own words about her best friend, Lee.

I know people are saying how different Kate’s funeral was to this — but remember that Kate’s funeral was for a fictional character whose actor chose to leave the show. Ducky’s wasn’t. Ducky’s/David’s was real. Not fiction. Being consistently reminded of that while shooting, and not being able to pick up the phone to the actor and be like “so, we just shot your funeral scene and that was hard but at least I can call you and tell you about it” would have been a devastating thing.

And we haven’t seen the future episodes yet, and I am positive that this loss is going to ripple through the team — past and present — but maybe not in the way we expect. We never know what the writers and producers have up their sleeves. They may have something else planned to honour Ducky later in the season. There may be little homages to him in episodes — something that was his, now appearing in Jimmy’s house, or on McGee’s desk. With the 1000th episode coming up in a few weeks time, Steven Binder said there are Easter Eggs to the past, so perhaps something Ducky-related may appear there too.

I agree that it would have been nice to see those people that knew him best mourning his loss, but I think that’s precisely why we don’t see them, or the funeral, on screen. As viewers, we can choose to believe that these characters were there honouring their dear friend too, even though we didn’t physically see them.

Both @justagibbsgirl and @i-run-with-scissors39 made a really good point about the Gibbs absence in the Ducky tribute episode- if we'd had a funeral scene, we would've gotten a much deeper emotional impact from a eulogy, the camera could've panned the gathered guests to show a myriad of former characters we've missed over the years, AND, they could've shown Gibbs in the back, unseen by the guests, paying silent tribute to Ducky. Brian Dietzen said Mark Harmon didn't come back because of 'scheduling conflicts', but as @i-run-with-scissors39 said, they could've filmed it separately at any time, because it would've just been him.

But none of this happened. In fact, what really happened in that episode that was memorable? Besides Tony showing up. (I'll get back to that in a minute.) McGee had 1 flashback, Vance had 1 flashback and Jimmy had 4. Jimmy also had the most screen time and was given the most emotional scenes. A lot of that is understandable- he was the only one left with the strongest connection to Ducky. But there were other people with connections to him, too. And we didn't get to see that. The only person outside of the regular cast of season 21 to show up was Tony. I mean, think about that, just for a second. No character outside of the current squad showed up. Not even Tobias! Instead, they handwaved the work/money (?) involved to make something more meaningful happen by showing flowers and Polaroids.

Even the Crime of the Day fell flat. So some girl we've never met is getting hassled by her college because her dead dad's getting slandered in the press by a senator. A senator who, I guess didn't get arrested at the end? Just stepped down from his position? Why did the senator pick that Marine anyway? (I know he served with him, but what was the point in naming that particular Marine?) And if I see one more reference to someone gifting someone a scholarship fund, I don't know if I'll be able to unroll my eyes. And yes, I know the MCSF was a big thing for David McCallum, so it made sense in this context, but the fact there's a Leroy Jethro Gibbs Scholarship Fund joke almost undermined the whole thing. (Would've been nice if they'd had a link at the end of the episode to the MCSF.)

Instead of this random girl and her dead dad, how about a cold case Ducky was working on? Maybe Jimmy sees it on Ducky's desk (or finds it in the secret spot behind a picture /eyeroll) and decides he's going to solve it. The team wants to help but are sceptical it can be done, but Jimmy's absolutely determined to do it, to the point of almost obsession. It would be his way of putting off dealing with Ducky's death while also making one last connection with him. They end up solving it because one of the flashbacks gives an indirect clue. You know, like Ducky's cryptic message to the team about where to find the nothing file behind the photo in his office. /eyeroll again

I loved the fact that Jimmy never took off his lab coat, even though he didn't do any lab work the entire episode. Him walking around the bullpen in his lab coat solving a case was just... well, I guess that's where the show is now, yeah? Sean Murray didn't want to step forward as the face of the show, so Brian Dietzen did. And you know what? Good for him. It's a hell of an arc over 20 years for him. But whether he meant to or not, he ended up making this episode about him. Every emotional thread went through Jimmy; every emotional moment was Jimmy's. When Diona Reasonover's voice cracked in the bullpen ("Any suggestions as to how to do that?"), it felt like the only real moment given to anyone other than Jimmy. Probably because 3 of the team didn't really know Ducky, so they could only experience the loss through other characters. It's why we got Knight reading Ducky's journal to bring up a Gibbs flashback, and it's why Torres did the same with McGee. It's why Parker was in charge of the flowers or something. And I try to remember they're new when I hear Knight say, "Dying quietly in your sleep isn't the worst way to go." JFC, lady.

I dunno. Kate was on for 2 years and I felt the show handled her death with so much more emotion. Her loss rippled through the team and we felt it because we saw the characters feel it. The Ducky episode was a lot of telling rather than showing, and what showing they did was through Jimmy instead of a handful of the hundreds of people whose lives Ducky touched in 20 years.

Oh, and Tony. Great to see one of the Originals, and Tony, in small doses, can bring the depth the scene needs. But being tacked onto the end of the episode made it fell exactly what it was- a surprise cameo to wow the fans rather than a true nod of respect to Ducky/David.

It should've been more. It could've been more.

[ritsushinbro]

My Critique of Rebuild of Evangelion's Characterization: I originally wrote this post on the Evageeks forum and decided to post it here. It discusses the relationship between Misato, WILLE and the pilots and whether it is realistic and in-character. Warning this post contains spoilers and is very long. Also has references to self-harm and suicide.

With each revelation that comes out regarding the measures WILLE take against Shinji and their own pilots, it becomes more and more unrealistic for me to the point where it's almost comical. Let's go through some of them here:

They wear the explosive DSS chokers 24/7 which will kill the pilots should they risk awakening an Eva.

They are kept in a single room rigged with explosives.

In Shinji's case, he is (intended to be) put in 24/7 solitary confinement with explosives fitted as well.

Shinji is escorted around the wunder whilst restrained on a stretcher. (NOTE: The only time he isn't, is when Sakura takes him to Ritsuko).

It is confirmed in another thread that Misato gave clear permission to the crew for them to shoot Shinji on sight if they suspect he is attempting to get into an Eva. 

Now let me attempt to deconstruct these measures one-by-one:

It is understandable that Asuka and Mari wear DSS chokers because after all they are pilots and there is a risk of awakening. However in Shinji's case, he is forbidden from piloting and so there is no risk of awakening (remember Ritsuko did not think NERV would come after him, so they had no reason to think he would escape). So why place the DSS choker on him? Well we have already established it is simply because they have a resentment against him; there is no special, pragmatic reason. Is this realistic? Well I would say no for reasons I will explain later but I can certainly understand why others may say it is.

I don't think I will understand why they would keep their two main "soldiers" if you will, in an explosively rigged room. I believe others have  stated that from a tactical point, it's an extremely dumb move on WILLE's part. After all, if Asuka and Mari didn't have plot armor, what's to stop Gendo from tricking WILLE into killing their own pilots with these explosives? How would WILLE stop Gendo then? Will they use Shinji? No, for reasons I will state later. And another thing, we know that their rooms were already fitted with explosives so why on Earth would they add extra after the events of Q (when they stopped 4th impact). What do they hope to achieve with more bombs? Make the pilots more "deader" than they already are? In my opinion, this doesn't even come across as paranoid but just plain childish. Is this measure realistic from a story standpoint? No not in my eyes.

We know they intended to put Shinji in a solitary cell as this is what they do in Shin. If it was solitary confinement on it's own, then I believe it would be a realistic measure that would happen in real life. However I believe the writers did not factor in the effects of solitary confinement (especially one that is rigged to explode) on fully grown men; never mind a 14 year old who's just come out of a 14 year coma. Many people think solitary confinement is a walk in the park so I made another post a while ago highlighting why that's not the case:

"I remember when before Shin came out people here theorized that if Shinji stayed on the Wunder, they would eventually softened to him and let him help in ways that wouldn't have involved piloting. However with these revelations it looks like they intended to keep him in an isolated room far from everyone else that is (presumably) rigged with explosives as well as keeping the choker on his neck. Not even allowed to freely leave his cell without WILLE's permission (it is unlikely they would let him out judging from these measures). 

Even though Asuka and Mari were treated like this as well, at least they had each other and were able to leave as they had responsibilities in piloting. But Shinji was forbidden from piloting and was to be kept by himself except maybe being checked up on by Sakura now and again. So judging from these leaks (we will have to wait to properly see the full context) WILLE intended to lock Shinji in solitary confinement.

I have copied and pasted some of the effects of Solitary Confinement from Wikipedia below:

“Psychiatric: Research indicates that the psychological effects of solitary confinement may encompass "anxiety, depression, anger, cognitive disturbances, perceptual distortions, obsessive thoughts, paranoia, and psychosis." The lack of human contact, and the sensory deprivation that often go with solitary confinement, can have a severe negative impact on a prisoner's mental state that may lead to certain mental illnesses such as depression, permanent or semi-permanent changes to brain physiology, an existential crisis, and death.

Self-harm: According to a March 2014 article in American Journal of Public Health, "Inmates in jails and prisons attempt to harm themselves in many ways, resulting in outcomes ranging from trivial to fatal." Self harm was seven times higher among the inmates where seven percent of the jail population was confined in isolation. Fifty-three percent of all acts of self harm took place in jail. "Self-harm" included, but was not limited to, cutting, banging heads, self-amputations of fingers or testicles. These inmates were in bare cells, and were prone to jumping off their beds head first into the floor or even biting through their veins in their wrists. A main issue within the prison system and solitary confinement is the high number of inmates who turn to self-harm. Many of the inmates look to self-harm as a way to "avoid the rigors of solitary confinement."

Physical: Solitary confinement has been reported to cause hypertension, headaches and migraines, profuse sweating, dizziness, and heart palpitations. Many inmates also experience extreme weight loss due to digestion complications and abdominal pain. Many of these symptoms are due to the intense anxiety and sensory deprivation. Inmates can also experience neck and back pain and muscle stiffness due to long periods of little to no physical activity. These symptoms often worsen with repeated visits to solitary confinement.

Social: The effects of isolation unfortunately do not stop once the inmate has been released. After release from segregated housing, psychological effects have the ability to sabotage a prisoner's potential to successfully return to the community and adjust back to ‘normal’ life. The inmates are often startled easily, and avoid crowds and public places. They seek out confined small spaces because the public areas overwhelm their sensory stimulation.”

And this is just for solitary confinement. There are so many other things going on with and happening (or could happen) to Shinji such as the things below:

Shinji being only 14 years old.

Shinji being abandoned and neglected by his father.

Shinji being coerced/emotionally blackmailed to pilot Unit 1.

Shinji seeing girls he cared for "die".

Shinji being in a coma for 14 years.

Shinji being told he has a bomb on his neck.

Being told it is because he is being punished.

Being told he cannot pilot the eva anymore (he is effectively "useless" now).

Have his former co-pilot and friend try and punch him after he thought she was dead.

[Potentially] being told he started NTI and devastated the world.

[Potentially] being told that the girl he tried to save is "gone" and that she was a clone of his mother.

Being imprisoned in a cell (presumably) surrounded by explosives and not being able to freely leave.

Be completely isolated from everyone except when being checked up by a girl who's father he got killed. (NOTE: Mari might want to see him so Shinji at least has her, maybe). 

Have his mother figure (the woman who made him pilot the eva the most) threaten to detonate the choker around his neck and blow his head off when he tries to leave.

With the above list, is it any wonder his head is so messed up? I understand the purpose of these films is all about growing up and taking responsibility but expecting Shinji to willingly allow himself to be subjected to the treatment WILLE had in store for him is pure, unadulterated masochism. Much of what was is written here can safely be considered cruel, inhumane and arguably, torture. 

There is a massive difference between taking responsibility for one's mistakes and just letting the whole world torture you because you did something bad. My main fear and problem with Q and Thrice is that their main theme, which is accepting responsibility, is equated with accepting unreasonably cruel treatment. And I just think that is an EXTREMELY unhealthy message to send to people especially if they are depressed or live in abusive relationships."

When you take all these into account, does it place into perspective how messed up Shinji would have been had he stayed on the wunder? This is assuming that they thought they would never have a need for him, but as we find out in Shin, they needed Shinji in the end to defeat Gendo. If Shinji never left with Mark 09 and Misato successfully kept him "protective" custody, then one of three things would have happened when WILLE actually needed him to save everyone:

A: He would not have been in the mental state to pilot Unit 1 and Gendo would have completely wrecked him due to shit synch ratios. 

B: He would have told Misato and co. to fuck off and die. We've seen this nihilism before from Shinji (after the 5th angel). His incarceration alongside the humiliation and guilt from wearing the choker will have ratcheted up by a million.

C: He wouldn't have piloted because he would have killed himself. There's only so much a 14 year old can take and when subjected to a fate that causes even hardened criminals to resort to self-harm, genital mutilation and suicide, then what chance does Shinji have? 

Now back to my original point, do I think this measure is realistic? I would like to say yes if it was the solitary on it's own, however when combined with the other things, then I think the chances of Shinji commiting suicide is extremely high to the point where it's not believable for him to continue as an anime protagonist. You have to make sure the protagonist goes through difficulty in order to experience growth and change, however if you make it too harsh (to the point of committing suicide) then it seems less believable that they live to continue the story. On a separate note, many people think that Shinji was immature for leaving with Mark 09 the first chance he got and that this is proof that he is, in Asuka's words, a "brat". But let's be realistic, if this story is about Shinji's growth and maturation, then how exactly would WILLE's treatment of him be conducive to that? The truth is WILLE's sheer hostility towards him would have completely stunted any emotional growth and maturation in Shinji and it would have destroyed the point of the film. Also no-one can argue that WILLE would have eventually "come round" or "softened-up" towards Shinji because even after 14 years they still don't trust their own pilots. So yeah, Shinji most likely would have been stuck in solitary with a bomb around his neck until he either killed himself or the war ended (but even this doesn't guarantee his freedom).

Regarding the stretcher business. I don't understand why you have to restrain Shinji on a stretcher when the kid has already surrendered himself and has come voluntarily. Maybe WILLE are just full of bondage fetishists; it would certainly explain the chokers as well. 

If the DSS chokers and the explosive rooms weren't enough, Misato actually gave orders to the crew to shoot Shinji if they thought he was trying to pilot again. At this point, I just think this is just overkill. I mean the kid has a bomb on his neck that prevents him from awakening an Eva, you intended to keep him locked up even though he can't really leave the wunder except with outside help and now you intend to shoot him if you think he'll get into an Eva. The problem with this, is that piloting an Eva requires all the bridge-bunnies to sortie the damn thing. Shinji cannot enter Unit 1 by himself, especially since the thing is being used as an engine so why do they assume that Shinji is capable of being Sam Fisher and sneaking into Unit 1? We see that Sakura and Midori are actually willing to shoot Shinji in 3.0+1.0 and do so when he merely suggests that he pilot Unit 1. But seriously what harm would Shinji have done in Unit 1 considering the fact that Gendo was already going to start another impact anyway? Why actively try and kill (or injure in Sakura's case) the only guy that can save your ass? One cannot argue that they were just being "desperate or panicking" because in Midori's case, she actually takes the time to confirm her orders from Misato. This shows that at least, she was still of lucid mind. This particular altercation just beggars belief in my mind and the fact that Misato actually gave those orders on top of all the other measures is absolutely extraordinary. So as you can imagine, I do not think this was realistically executed.

However, I can already hear some detractors say: "So what? Misato hesitated to detonate the DSS choker and also took a bullet for Shinji. She redeemed herself from putting the DSS choker on him and the kill-order for if they thought he would try and get into an Eva." 

And to those people I say….not really. There is an idiom attributed to Benjamin Franklin and it goes like this: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." How does this apply to Misato and Shinji's relationship? Well Misato wouldn't have had to hesitate to pull the trigger if she didn't put it on him in the first place. Misato wouldn't have had to take a bullet for Shinji, if she didn't give permission for the crew to shoot him in the first place. Let's take this following dialogue for example:

916-929:

Kitakami: "It's a good thing we got Major Shikinami back. But why'd we have to take that disease along with her?"

Aoba: "Just leave it alone. Better than Nerv still being able to use him."

Tama: "If he tries to get into an Evangelion, all hands have permission to shoot on sight. There's nothing to worry about this time."

Kitakami: "Come on, that's all for show. The last time he broke out of here, the Captain couldn't put him down. I've got zero trust about this time either."

Nagara: "He was a kid. I can understand why she'd hesitate."

Kitakami: "That 'kid' caused Near Third Impact and murdered my entire family!"

Hyuga: "Near Third was a consequence of what he did, not his goal. The Captain's doing her best to atone for that too."

Takao: "That's right. She's who Kaji entrusted with Wille, and it's our job to trust the captain."

We learn a few things from this dialogue. Firstly, the older WILLE members are much more understanding to Shinji and Misato's situation: Aoba and Hyuga understand that it's better to keep an eye on Shinji and that he never meant to start NTI, Takao is one who always trusts Misato's judgement and Sumire understands that Misato would have found it difficult to kill a child, especially one that Misato was close with. 

Secondly, it appears that the younger WILLE members (Midori, Sakura and Tama) are the ones that are fearful/hateful towards Shinji (NOTE: Tama is a strange case, he strikes me as the sort of kid that just follows what everyone else is feeling. He might not feel anything towards Shinji beyond what you'd expect). 

Finally it appears that most of WILLE crew members are actually reasonable people and are not the extremely desperate and paranoid individuals some people on the forum believe. Remember this is AFTER Shinji started the 4th impact in Q. The fact that some of the WILLE crew members speak of Shinji in this way, show they are capable of understanding. Most actually trust Misato and respect her judgement except for Midori, who questions Misato's capabilities in following through on her threats. 

Which brings me to my next point. Misato has had no hesitation in pulling rank in the past. In 2.0, she even has an altercation with Ritsuko, her best friend, right before they fight the 8th angel. Misato is a woman that will tell even her best friend to STFU, when it comes to doing what she wants. Having said that, (timeskip shenanigans aside) there's no reason why she couldn't have done the same with the younger WILLE crew members. She could have nipped all of it in the bud by telling Sakura, Midori and the rest of them that Shinji was groomed to cause NTI and it was not his fault.

Instead, despite being the captain that everyone loves and fears, she kowtowed to the crew's paranoia and had the pilots fitted with explosive chokers, put in explosively rigged solitary confinement and gave the order to kill Shinji if they feared the worst. This is the sort of thing that drives fully grown men to suicide, never mind 14 year olds that have just come out of a coma. Imagine if Shinji did commit suicide in his cell. Who would Misato and WILLE have turned to in order to defeat Gendo in the end? What if Gendo tricked WILLE into killing their own pilots with the explosives? They would be properly screwed then. If Misato actually cared, as we are led to believe from her hesitation to kill Shinji, then she would have told the rest of the WILLE crew to fuck off, instead of alienating and putting Shinji and the pilots in that much risk. Are we really expected to believe that Misato placed such extreme countermeasures on Shinji just to appease Midori and Sakura? Not likely. This is why I believe that Misato would not have put the DSS choker on Shinji in the first place, and her doing so in Q was extremely unrealistic and out of character, even with anything that happened during the timeskip.

Some of you will say: "Who cares about realism? It's a show about aliens and growing up." While this is true, Anno has proven that he is able to pull the themes off much better when you look at the NGE series. Disregarding the self-contained narrative, it is obvious that the purpose of Q was to bring Shinji to the same point he was at after episode 24 of the series. If we look at how NGE/EOE handled Shinji's depression, we see that it is quite realistic:

The neglect and coercion by the adults in his life, almost dying to angels multiple times, the sexual tension with Asuka, almost killing Touji, finding out Rei is a clone of his mother, Misato putting the moves on him and having to kill Kaworu all culminate towards Shinji's mental state during EOE. Shinji is passively suicidal but it's due to the *situation* and his own introverted tendencies instead of people actively trying to hurt and isolate him. He finds the will to live again due to his mothers words despite knowing just how difficult living might be. If you remove all the Evas and the Angels from the story, the themes that are touched upon (isolation, neglect, misunderstanding) still apply and the audience can still resonate with them. 

The rebuilds however go about it completely differently. They bring Shinji to that same suicidal state by having all the characters/plot actively harm Shinji's mental health by:

Putting him in a coma for 14 years so he is completely clueless. Imagine how groggy you are when you wake up in the morning and then multiply that by a million. 

Have Misato psychologically castrate Shinji by telling him he won't do anything with a look of disdain on her face.

Have Ritsuko make Shinji feel dread by telling him he has a bomb on his neck and it's because he is being "punished".

Not tell him why he is being punished when he asks Misato.

Have Asuka try to punch Shinji after he thought she was dead.

Tell Shinji the girl he saved is "gone”.

Have his "mother figure" threaten to blow his head off for wanting to leave with the girl you just told him is gone.

Have Asuka and Mari attack Shinji in Lilith's chamber even though Shinji was seemingly willing to listen to them had Asuka not kept attacking. (Watch that scene again and you'll see when Asuka learns what Shinji is trying to do, she stops attacking but instead of explaining that he's being manipulated, she just calls him a brat instead).

Even Mari was willing to potentially kill or cripple Shinji with the Anti-AT rounds. (We don't know what the AA rounds are truly capable of because the only time they are used on screen, they don't work. The round cartridges state that they are armor and AT field piercing and have explicit restrictions on their use. The fact that Mari requires Asuka's explicit authorization to use them imply that they are most likely lethal and would have killed/crippled Shinji had he been in a normal Eva). 

Have Shinji's friend's head explode with the device Shinji's "mother figure" actually meant for him. Imagine seeing someone's head explode and then remember that your "mother figure" actually meant that to be for you. That would certainly mess anyone up.

Have Asuka then kick and manhandle him when he is catatonic.

Have Asuka force feed him to the point where he pukes whilst he is still grieving the death of his friend. 

Have Shinji only be escorted whilst tied to a stretcher despite him coming voluntarily.

Have Misato place Shinji in 24/7 solitary confinement in a cell rigged with explosives.

Have Misato tell the WILLE crew to shoot Shinji on sight if they think he's getting into an EVA.

Have people tell Shinji that he's being a brat the entire time for reacting badly to all this.

By having Misato, Asuka, WILLE reject and "punish" Shinji so harshly so it kicks off his isolation and desperation, it makes Shinji's "recovery" seem less believable. Anno himself didn't even know how to make Shinji recover psychologically in 3.0+1.0 and he actually had to ask the voice actors on how to make that happen. The story made the WILLE crew go full scorched-earth and in doing so made Shinji's "growth" and his reconciliation with Misato seem impossible. 

I have already stated that I believe Q represents "Condemnation" and Shin represents "Compassion" and I think both films pull that off brilliantly. But that doesn't mean I think the characters acted in a realistic manner. I do not believe that Misato would have placed such harsh sanctions on Shinji in the first place for the reasons I have stated above. And if she did, I do not believe that Shinji would have easily forgiven Misato (even IF she took a bullet for him) as we see he does in the film. I do not believe that WILLE were merely "scared and desperate" because as the dialogue above shows, they are surprisingly understanding (but still disapproving) of Shinji's situation despite him literally starting another impact. I do not believe that Misato would have bent over to Sakura and Midori's resentment and taken measures against Shinji, just to ease their minds. 

In summary, my main problem with the post-timeskip rebuilds is that I feel they gaslight the audience in thinking that Shinji was just being a "brat" the entire time by having Asuka and Mari say: "You have grown a little/You smell like an adult now." However, the truth is Shinji's been through so much mental suffering perpetrated by the people he cares about, that it's a miracle he's not killed himself. It would certainly break most of us on this forum. The movies seek to show Shinji "finally" taking responsibility when the truth is, the plot went so above and beyond putting him down in such an extreme manner in the first place.

[firelord-frowny]

lmao just thinking thoughts about The Slap

ok is it just me or is people’s love and admiration for will smith causing them to pretend to care way more about alopecia than they actually do, and believe it’s a way more serious health issue than it actually is?? and that it was somehow Reasonable And Proper for a passing joke about hair loss to be met with a legendary bitch slap on account of It’s A Serious Medical Condition??????????

bc like.....

ok, my mom has alopecia. her hair used to be exactly as thick and long as mine, and it was her pride and joy for her whole life, and it DEVASTATED her when her hair started falling out. she’d been a model when she was younger. she was the envy of all her peers. she was ~the black girl with the long hair.~ I remember when I was little, she’d always wear it in this looooooong braid down her back, or in a ponytail, or sometimes she’d just wear it down and carefree. 

then it started falling out when I was maybe 7ish, I think? 

and I literally have only seen her uncovered head once since then, and that was a few days ago when she forgot to put her lil night cap back on after she finished moisturizing the hair she does still have. and when she realized she’d forgotten to put it back on, she got so upset and embarrassed that she almost cried. 

So like. 

I see every day what a vicious emotional toll alopecia can take on someone. And that should be respected.

BUT THAT’S LITERALLY ALL IT IS. 

It’s not cancer. It’s not heart disease. It doesn’t increase your risk of any legit health problems. It’s not physically painful. It’s not a skin condition that’s difficult to hide. 

It’s just hair loss. The only thing it physically affects is... how much hair you have! that’s IT! And though it can obviously be emotionally distressing to lose your hair, it’s also an easy issue to solve, aesthetically. 

You can just Be Bald if you wanna. Plenty of people are bald On Purpose for plenty of reasons, and most people don’t go around asking every bald person they meet to explain why they’re bald. 

You can wear wigs. Even people who Have Hair wear wigs! Nobody cares anymore if somebody’s wearing a wig! Some people like to wear wildly different wigs every day! A platinum blond pixie cut wig today! a waist-length, pin-straight, neon green wig tomorrow! everybody who sees you knows its a wig and nobody fuckin cares!

you can wear headwraps! bandanas! cool hats! there are endless ways to tie scarves/headwraps around your head to achieve all kinds of different aesthetics. You can be whimsical and cute. You can be reserved and stately. You can use elegant color schemes - neutrals, earth tones, whites and blacks. You can be ridiculous - a headshot of Bruce Lee polka-dotting your scarf. Rainbows. Tie die. 

You can put all kinds of shit on your head and no one needs to know that you’re experiencing hair loss. 

alopecia is only so devastating because of the amount of emphasis ~society~ puts on people’s appearance. Especially women. And women, especially, are Expected to have long hair (though that expectation, I think, is dying out AS IT WELL SHOULD). And when you’re used to yourself looking One Way, and if you’re used to being seen as beautiful, and if you’re used to your hair being one of the things about you that people say is beautiful, then yeah, it fucks you up inside. 

but it’s not because alopecia is a ~serious medical condition.~ because it’s NOT. 

it’s because many people are committed to maintaining a social norm in which people are judged by how they look. 

And although I totally get why jada may have still felt put off by chris rock’s lil joke, 

the joke itself really wasn’t even ~offensive.~ he didn’t make any judgment about the fact that she didn’t have any hair. he didn’t insinuate that it was bad to have short hair. he didn’t imply that it made her less attractive. he didn’t suggest that she should try to hide the fact that she didn’t have any hair. 

He just compared her close-cropped style to a fictional story about a woman who’s a Navy SEAL. a story that lots of people interpret to have a feminist message. 

I can imagine how, despite there being absolutely no malice in a joke about having close-cropped hair, a person with alopecia may still have a negative emotional reaction to it. 

but - and i say this with love and compassion - that’s YOUR problem! 

if you’re going through something that causes you to feel triggered by innocuous or otherwise non-malicious topics/words/phrases/etc, then it’s your job to figure out how to handle those emotions appropriately. 

BUT SINCE JADA WASN’T EVEN THE ONE WHO GOT UP AND ACTED A DAMN FUCKING FOOL, 

if your LOVED ONE is hurt by something innocuous that just happened to brush against their emotional soft-spot, it’s YOUR job to just give your loved one a hug, rub their back, and tell them it’s okay, and assure them that nobody in that room is seeing them as anything other than beautiful. and if you really just can’t help yourself, then it probably wouldn’t be out of line to address the person who said The Thing, and let them know that it’s a difficult and personal subject for your loved one, and that you would both appreciate if they could make an effort to be sensitive to that. 

but anyway, just. 

alopecia is not a terrible tragic illness. nobody gets sick from it. nobody dies from it. nobody needs to take medicine their whole lives for it. nobody has to worry about treatment costs. nobody has to worry about not being able to travel or move their bodies. beyond a (very legitimate) emotional strife that can and should be addressed by a mental health professional if necessary, alopecia does not prevent anyone from doing anything they plan to do in their life, except maybe wear an afro. like, if that was your one goal, then damn, that sucks I guess! 

it’s just hair. and i KNOW that hair is important in a lot of very real ways. 

but hair loss is a normal and common thing, and I think it makes more sense to encourage people to make less of a Big Deal about hair loss than it is to expect that people just... never ever ever mention that someone doesn’t have any hair on the off chance that the reason they don’t have hair is because of alopecia. 

like omfg with the way will popped off, you’d think jada’s hair loss was caused by cancer treatment or something. 

[ren-thewildone]

TW: Miscarriage

What I have learned so far - 2 months later…

No one told me that even the state of being pregnant is traumatic. I knew labor would be. They told me it is beautiful and it’s a gift. I might feel sick for the first couple of months but it’s worth it. What they didn’t tell me is how it all can go wrong. Maybe they just didn’t want to scare me or maybe they don’t want to remember…

I was pregnant for 3 months.

For the first month, I didn’t know I was pregnant, but I felt “off”.

The second month, I knew I was pregnant, but what I didn’t know was that 3 out of those 4 weeks, the baby was no longer alive but was still in me. My body didn’t recognize the loss.

For the first week, I felt excited and connected to my pregnancy. For the last three weeks of the 2nd month, I felt anxious and depressed but I didn’t know why. I blamed myself for being a bad mom who couldn’t love her child because of my anxiety and depression.

During my third month, I found out about my missed miscarriage and learned that my pregnancy was not viable. The anxiety and depression from the month before made sense now but I didn’t have time to grieve because I had to grit my teeth and decide how I was going to deal with my situation.

I opted for the medical procedure first and during i, I felt the worst pain of my life (emotionally and physically). After all the final contractions ended, I sat alone in the bathroom to let it all subside. I looked down and realized I was holding the baby in my hand. That image is frozen in my mind. All I want is to be able to go back and somehow make it better, but there was nothing I could do. It wasn’t like I could make their pain go away or sit with them while they passed. They had already passed and it was my turn to say goodbye.

It’s not supposed to be like that. That’s not how you are supposed to meet your first child. Your brain, body and soul all know inherently that it was not supposed to be like that.

Two weeks passed and though the pregnancy symptoms were mostly gone and I had passed the pregnancy, I found out I was still somehow fully pregnant. I had likely been carrying twins and only one miscarried to completion. Same news, same month, new cycle…

Once again, I had no time to grieve, I had to grit my teeth and get through making a decision for my situation. I chose to go through the surgery this time and was scheduled for the first available time that week because it was now reaching the point where it was dangerous for my body to continue. The surgery was successful yet there were painful side effects from being intubated that I was not prepared for. Though the pain was different, it was just as severe and left me unable to eat or drink comfortably for two weeks.

Just three months…

This was only what I experienced through my physical body.

I went from being eager and excited to devastated at the loss of not just one, but now two without the time to truly grieve in between…

The flashbacks are unbearable and the grief and shame are overwhelming.

Yet I returned to work immediately and by all appearances, I am functioning as normal. Miscarriage is unfortunately a taboo topic and women often don’t feel comfortable speaking about it. The number of women who came forward to inform me of their similar experiences after the fact was alarming.

Why don’t we talk about the risks of pregnancy more? Why don’t we talk about miscarriages…

I admit that I didn’t talk about it because this type of pain is unique to the human experience. My head was telling me that I had failed as a mom because I didn’t feel connected; I failed as a mom because I didn’t know I had lost the pregnancy; I failed as a mom because I couldn’t even successfully miscarry the first time; and I failed as a mom because when I held my child in my hand, I didn’t even know how to respond…

How can I admit that much failure? How can I explain that level of guilt and shame? How can I know how to ask for help or ask someone to support me in my grief?

I think women don’t try to prepare each other for this grief because it’s not something you want for anyone and if it is their outcome, it’s just something you have to go through…

There is no “fix”, there is only acceptance.

There is no reason to feel ashamed for going through a miscarriage. But it’s also completely normal and understandable to deal with those feelings of shame.

I’m working on forgiving myself for everything that has occurred this year, and I think the only way I know how to start is to stop hiding in the shadows and allow myself to tell my story, not as consolation for someone else’s loss, but for myself.

My story is worth telling and I hope it helps someone else in some way someday.

[captlok]

Pacifism Isn’t A Character Trait

Or: MLK Day is Upon Us so Let Me Do You a Learn

Or: As An Aang Stan I Got a Bit Over-Zealous But Lemme Explain Why For A Hot Minute

Plus some History and Tumblr commentary that even non-ATLA fans can chew on

And by ‘hot minute’ I do mean this is going to be a long meta, so strap in.  For those of you who just might be tuning into this debacle, I, a person who has not used Tumblr, much at all, except for the last half year, ran into some trouble. 

If you wanna skip the whole TLDNR interpersonal stuffs and get straight to Why Aang is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, I will embolden the relevant parts, and italicize the crit of Korra, if you want that alongside.

I was excited that ATLA was seeing a resurgence due to the Netflix remake. I wasn’t even trying to apply any steep expectations for it. (learned not to do that the hard way with the last live action adaption, and to a much lesser extent, ATLOK, since it had good . . . elements, *ba dum tsshh*) 

So, these are a couple aspects of the issue: (1) Even on the internet, I am extremely introverted and until recently mostly came for content, not socializing. My main online interactions thus far have been in forums and artist-to-artist on DA. Tumblr is still very strange to me because it splits up its ‘threads’ so you can’t see all the replies if a certain pattern of users responds in their own space. I’m not even 100% sure it’s in chronological order, and replies are not nested next to each other so you can look in the comments and someone will be replying to something you can’t see in that window. And also since it is a bizarre hybrid of a blogging system, posts are somehow considered ‘owned by’ or an ‘extension of’ OP in a way forum threads are not. (2) ATLOK was good in a cinematic and musical way, to be sure. It also had some good concepts. I can go into it just appreciating it for the worldbuilding and be somewhat satisfied. But the execution was terrible. I was on AvatarSpirit.Net for years, and If I had maintained my presence on ASN to current day and had gotten around to downloading their archive now that the forum is dead, I would include some links to other peoples’ detailed analyses on just how flawed both the plotting and Korra’s frustratingly flat learning curve was especially in the first two seasons. But, that is a task for another day, and only if people are interested. 

No, what I’m addressing today, on the issue of Korra as a writing exercise, is how Mike and Bryan said specifically they wanted to make her ‘as opposite to Aang as possible’ and in so doing, muddied the central theme of the original ATLA series.

Now, again, I was mainly an art consumer for my first major round of ATLA fandom. Tumblr is an alien beast to me. But, after I write my first major Aang meta, talking about how amazing it is that he has the attitude he does, and how being content in the face of this overwhelming pain and suffering is an ONGOING PROCESS and an INTENTIONAL DECISION and not a simple PERSONALITY TRAIT, I start hearing that Aang gets a lot of hate from the fandom. Now this would be bad enough if it were merely people not liking his crowning moment of pacifism because they don’t understand the potential utility (I’ll elaborate on that in another post) or the ethics involved.

Aang is easily the most adult member of the Gaang. But he apparently gets hate for his few moments where he actually acts his age, a preteen, and maybe kisses a girl in a historical timeframe in which ‘consent’ discussions were probably nonexistent. Even in the present day, we are still practically drowned in movies that reinforce this kissing without asking trope. And even some female bodied people complain that asking kills the mood! But somehow he is responsible and reprehensible for this, even though the first time she kissed him back. I’m only going to get into the pacifism discussion today, but that was just another layer of annoyance bouncing around in the back of my head.  Other peoples’ crit of Korra that was stewing in my subconscious, plus this Aang bashing, which thankfully I had not directly read much of, made up the backdrop of gasoline for the match that set it off.  Even that seems a pretty melodramatic way to phrase what I actually said, which was: Aang, on the other hand, lost dozens of father figures and was being steamrolled by Ozai who was gloating about genocide TO HIS FACE, yet he still reigned in all that quote, ‘unbelievable rage and pain’ (The Southern Raiders). We Stan Aang, the Superior Avatar. No I did not f**king stutter. #AangSupremacy In another meta, someone complained that I was too defensive of Aang as a character and didn’t apply literary analysis enough, which I quickly rectified.

What set this off? Someone was kind of indirectly praising the line from Korra,  “When I get out of here, none of you will survive” To them it was emotionally resonant or whatever, and I have to point out that no, it was a martial artist not having control of their state of mind, as is the bedrock of the practice. It was never addressed by the narrative, which is a severe oversight.  I had a conversation with someone in the chats, making this distinction between Korra’s character traits and life philosophy. If she were to kill people while enraged and she was fine with that, that’s one thing. But if she regretted it, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. People argue that she comes from a warrior culture, unlike Aang.

Never mind that warrior monks are a thing. That’s what Shaolin monks are. You can be a pacifist and skilled at fighting. Those things are not mutually exclusive, which is the whole point of Bagua, Aang’s style.  And also, Katara’s style. 

That’s one reason I like Kataang so much- their congruent styles. Both of their real world martial arts are dedicated to pacifism, even though ATLA specifically doesn’t spell that out for Katara and her learning arc. 

There was a meta where someone briefly tried to argue that knowing “martial arts” is against pacifism. No. Quite the opposite. I’d argue that you are not a true pacifist unless you know exactly how to handle yourself if someone attacks you.  If you are not in a position to make conscious decisions about how much force to use, rather than merely operating on survival instincts, that is not pacifism. Or at least, not any energy or effort towards pacifism as a practical everyday tool.  I’ve made a few attempts to learn some tai chi and aikido, and it’s improved my physical and mental health, but some other things have gotten in the way. #lifegoals

I’m not going to tag the unfortunate soul whom I was replying to, because they’re probably tired of all this, but I’ll be sending them a PM to say that I’ve made this into a different post, because as I mentioned before, threads are somehow considered “owned” by OP, so it’s been pointed out to me that I should separate it.  I also said, I have basically ZERO respect for Korra uttering violent threats when the writers already minted a far more emotionally devastated and yet still resilient and centered character earlier in their franchise. People always try to excuse away people who genuinely like Aang more.  As if it’s just nostalgia or whatever. For me, no, it’s absolutely not. It is respect for a character who stands toe to toe with real people who are kind in the face of overwhelming injustice. (I have another meta on that). 

Both OP and people in the chats try to make excuses that she wasn’t raised as a pacifist, and that would be fine if they had addressed it with Tenzin and she had stated outright that she was rejecting pacifism and mind training. As it is, we are left with this nebulous affair where the lines between ideology and personality traits are blurred. 

We are told she “has trouble with spirituality” but what does that even mean? Does she have trouble with focus? Does she have trouble relating to the canonically real spirits? And pacifism specifically nor inner peace that it flows from is never even talked about as an extension of spirituality, which is canonically tied to airbending.

“Aang didn't have to deal once with the loss of his autonomy in atla” OP claims.

This was after I had noted that Aang was getting kicked around by Ozai and was most likely going to die.  Similarly, someone in the chat rejected the idea that a 12 year old trapped in a stone sphere that is heating up under a cyclone-sized blowtorch feels powerless. 

Sorry but that’s flat out ridiculous.

No one wants to admit that both of these people were faced with similar situations, and when push came to shove, one showed his LIFE PHILOSOPHY through conscious effort, and the other was abandoning the basis of martial arts, which is, no matter what the situation, keep thinking. Hold the panic at bay. Non-attachment would have served her well in this situation. Tenzin should have told her this. Before, or afterwards. It should have been addressed in the writing.  

People see this as “bashing” Korra, and oh well, can’t help that. If I think the writers didn’t follow through on their themes, that is my concern.  OP said I was “offended.” No, not really. 

I wasn’t offended by the post itself, or its commentary. Thought I made that pretty clear.

This is not dramatics. Let me be blunt.

As a ideological pacifist, and an actual practitioner of meditation, based on Buddhism, NOT just the fan of some show, I am for calling out writers who write one way from the survivor of genocide, and then stray from that ‘thoughtless aggression is immoral no matter HOW hurt I am’ to ‘let’s not address this character’s aggression in the narrative whatsoever.’ OP attempted to derail by accusing me of being racist or sexist against Korra. Also ridiculous. It honestly should have set me off more, but it didn’t. 

Meditation is about reigning in your emotions. Managing your anger when it gets out of hand, and digging down to the roots of it. Being responsible for your own behavoir. Acknowledging ownership of your own actions. Not blaming anything YOU DO on anyone else or any circumstances in your life. Like an adult, or should I say, an enlightened adult.

Or at the very least, that is the ideal ypu strive towards while being imperfect in the present.

. . .

Now.

I’m going to quote a passage in a Google Doc of mine, even though I’d really prefer if you asked to read the whole thing, with context.

“What do humans do when it is necessary to, or greed makes a nation want to recruit?

They go to the army to get trained, right?

Granted, having someone scream and get spittle on your face is, in the grand scheme of things, poor preparation for having bullets whiz past your chest and grenades shatter your ears. And, what do you do to prepare you for the pain of getting your leg blown off? Hopefully, nothing. Like taking a test where you only got half the study guide. But, it’s about the most ethical way to go about it, right?

Not everyone even sees action. So any more more extensive mental preparation for physical pain than that, and you’d have people definitely protesting.

Well, as it turns out, pacifistic protestors themselves, if they were in the right time and place, also very intentionally do this type of mind training. Except, when they did it, they actually did sit still and took turns roughly grabbing each other and throwing each other down and in some cases, even kicking and bruising each other.

Turns out, those pacifists are, in some ways, more hardcore than the army.

Why is this?

Because a pacifist’s aim, unlike a unit, who wants to gain the upper hand in a situation, is to grit their teeth and grind their way through all those survival instincts, and totally submit.

In this, they aim to get the sympathy of the public, who clearly sees they are not aggressive, or a danger, no matter how much the footage is manipulated or suppressed.

In this, they hope to appeal to their attacker’s better nature.

Make them stop and think, wait a second, are these people a threat like we’re told they are? I’m attacking someone who’s letting me beat them up. Or a bunch of people. All forming a line, and letting us peel them off. Or sitting, and bowing their heads. If I’m on the ‘right’ side of things, the law, why am I doing this?

It’s not like a bully, who’s just a kid.” They’re more self-aware.

And might I add the situation influences a pacifist’s actions too. There’s no reason to let a single or a few random attackers beat you up if you can evade or disable without permanent damage.

Pacifism is a dynamic set of responsive actions informed by values. Not a proscribed set or a checklist.

But in terms of organizing against state power, and recording wrongdoing, which unlike during the Civil Rights can happen from all angles from smart phones nowadays, these are the motivations.

“So, the pacifist knows this, and that’s why they go through all that trouble of training themselves to, not only submit, but not turn tail and run, either.”

See, a character trait is something like being a morning person, or ways of handing information, or a given set of emotions a character feels. Once you cross over into actions, you must make the distinction of whether an impulsive character agrees with their own uncontrolled actions, or is embarrassed or remorseful. Those are life philosophy. Now sure, one type of person or character may be more likely to subscribe to pacifism, but there is no gatekeeping on what you have to feel or how you look at things. You can be easygoing, or feel all the rage in the world, but as long as you at least attempt to have a handle on those desires and feelings to where they do not cross into actions, you are still doing the work of metacognition, which is what martial arts and its accompanying mind training are for.

It’s what we see Aang do.

He’s informed us, during the Southern Raiders, on how much rage and pain he feels.

Pain points, TRIGGERS, that were directly struck at when Ozai gloated over him.

He joins with all the past Avatars for several moments, and just like every other time he is in the Avatar State, he is enraged. He wants to exact revenge on the unrepentant grandson of a baby murderer.

We see it when he turns his head away, face still screwed up in anger.

For another example, I could cite my difficulties in being aware and reining in my tongue sometimes. I know the roots of these issues and I seek to let them go.

It’s just that process takes way longer than Guru Pathik would have us assume.

In fact, I would even say that Aang’s portrayal throughout the three seasons is not strictly a realistic representation of at least the sad side of grief. I addressed that a little when I talked about real life figures. But what it IS, is a metaphor that cuts very deep to the heart of pacifism. As I showed in that Doc . . . There is no limit of suffering a pacifist is willing to go through, internal or external, for the preservation of peace.

This was demonstrated during the Civil Rights, and with Gandhi and all his followers beforehand, inspiring them. The pacifists’ method of swaying hearts is probably the reason BLM exists in such numbers as it does today. Will the types of narratives that correspond with their full stories of the way they collectively planned and trained for and approached conflict make it into fantasy media? I’d say, probably not. For a host of reasons.

It could be hoped for, I guess.

But we DO have Aang.

As for myself, whether speaking sharply is an “action,” per se is up for debate- certainly it doesn’t seem to violate the non-aggression principle put forth by the vision of a “stateless society.”

For another example, let’s take my explanation at the beginning. I am examining how circumstances affected my actions, and now am attempting to fix it, if indeed it needs to be fixed. 

At least one person said that it not so much what I said, but how and when I said it. I don’t actually think I’ve said anything “wrong” per se. So I have to figure it out. 

[I’m considering splitting up this next part into a second post, as it only slightly relates to pacifism itself and is just kinda some more commentary on Tumblr itself- Tumblr discourse, as it were]

[I’ll put more brackets when I’m done in case you want to skip this part as well]

An interesting social difference between Tumblr and other places is this command you often get, “don’t chat/reblog/message me back.”

This is interesting for several reasons. For chats and reblogs, other people may be following the “conversation,” so it’s actually pretty rude and presumptuous to tell a person not to respond to whatever you said, because other people watching still may be interested in your take.

In a forum setting, if someone involved in a conversation doesn’t have anything left to say, usually they just don’t respond.

This method would work perfectly fine for Tumblr, but for some reason, maybe its super odd format, probably due to the “ownership”/“extension of self” I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, people don’t tend to do this.

Now, in comment sections, sometimes you’ll run across an amusing sort of “mutually assured destruction” where two people both say this to each other. You’d better stop responding. Omg just give up. Why are you still arguing. Etc.

But see, no matter where this behavoir pops up, and no matter who starts in on it, those who do this usually want to have the last say on the matter.

Instead of merely not replying, they want to assert verbal control over the conversation.

Tumblr, in its weirdness, is also sort of like a mutant comments section. You can post comment section threads as your own post.

Which is one reason why I’m puzzled when people say ‘don’t read the comment sections’ when Tumblr is so popular.

I’m an oddball in that I browse comment sections for fun.

Probably due to alexithymia, I didn’t really comprehend the emotional toll it takes on many people, so the warnings to “stay out of comment sections” read to me like “hey don’t eat that dessert.” After I’m done with the ‘meal’ of an article or art, I like to see what lots of different people have to say about it. The fluff. Anything vitriolic I either blip over, or extract anything useful, or if I judge the person is reasonable enough, I might engage.

Sometimes I mis-judge on how reasonable someone is, and I shrug and move on after being cussed out or whatever.

In this, I suppose I succeed much of the time in being a verbal pacifist.

[But let’s get back to the more serious stuff.]

We’re talking about what is done in life or death situations, here.

For myself, I may in the near future be working more with dangerously mentally ill people. I’ve had a little exposure to it through various means. Nurses are obligated not to retaliate against patients, and those who have, have been fired in some situations. Again oddly, this is not primarily what triggers my anxiety. Unfortunately enough, this requirement has also resulted in nurses getting seriously injured and violated. I hope to influence whether “no harm” techniques such as tai chi and aikido and arm locks may be allowed. The voluntary philosophy I was luckily already on board with is enforced by bureauacracy, directly relevant to my potential profession.

Were someone to get involved in a dangerous profession, such as a police officer, their moral duty would also be to own up to any spur of the moment anger or fear they acted on. 

It’s just that their bureaucracy acts differently, in excusing their actions.

Ideally, they would be taking steps far in advance, to avoid this often-cited fear of death reaction. As training pacifists like Aang do. 

And yes, army people are trained differently than police officers because the army, often, even when threatened, is supposed to avoid engagement or deploy deterrents that are non-lethal almost all costs, unless ordered otherwise. Whereas American police are given pretty much complete discretion and often not taught de-escalation techniques. Even police from other nations are better trained in that regard.

Enter the ironically named @avatarfandompolice whose account description should really speak for itself. Combative, dismissive, and their attention-hungry bread and butter is to find people they think it’s acceptable to ridicule.  They basically tried to say trauma was a valid excuse to take out your anger on other people, and in this situation, potentially kill. 

Now, does this hold up in the real world? Yeah, sometimes. Especially if some law breaker or law keeper has not been given the anger management tools, they perhaps could be excused, or better yet, rehabilitated.

But especially if anyone finds themselves in dangerous situations, or intends to put themselves in such, it falls to them to do this preparation.

As an aphant, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, compared to an average martial artist, being unable to visualize an attacker. But I still attempt it.

As the main “police officer” of the world- the coincidentally blue clad figurehead that is supposed to keep order, it is apparently fine for Korra to not do the work Aang did to keep level. To blow it off as too much trouble: clearing the First Chakra of fear. For herself or others. And its resultant anger. Had she had access to the Avatar State, the authority figure pretty much would have killed people.  This is what the “fandom police” and a certain chat goer ultimately support. Maybe they didn’t understand it that way, and since the second had blocked me, they will also never see this explanation. Unless I were to share it in Google Doc form I suppose.

So, I responded. “Remember kids, you are not responsible for your own behavior if you have the excuse that someone else did something bad to you.” A frighteningly common sentiment on this site.

When it’s low stakes like CAPSLOCKING or internet fights, that’s not such a big deal. But what happens if this attitude leaks into the real world? This isn’t even about Korra or Aang anymore, it’s about toxic mindsets. I didn’t know fans taking pro-Korra posts as anti-Aang was a common in the fandom. I’ll say again I’ve only just gotten really active on Tumblr like the past few months. This is about pacifism itself. MLK and his hardworking, training followers (yes some of them sixteen and POC and not super-powered like Korra) facing down firehoses and staging sit-ins long trained for would shake their heads at this defense of reactionism. 

Pacifism is not a Personality Trait.

It is deliberate actions and preparation taken over a period of time.

Then the “fandom police” tried more of this, and these two conversations ensued, the comments with another user resulting in the title and main thesis of this essay:

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638777472806273024/avatarfandompolice-response-to-my-independent

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638806142933467136/the-plight-was-not-what-i-was-getting-at-it-was

[casualneonglitterpainterposts]

So I've been working on something over the last week and here's what I've been up to:

Meet my Robot Master/ Reploid OC Miss  "Ivory Plant" (Ivy for short or Ivory woman) and her adorable Mutant Venus fly trap buddy Ivan.

She was inspired by my pal

YellyDany

Robot Master OC Gardener Man (I though he could do with someone to love besides his sunflowers)

Here's her profile and her back story too (just her heads up her backstory is a little long but really good- I promise) I recommend you read it sometime to better understand who Ivory is:

Name: Ivory Marguerite Plant  or just“Ivory Plant”

Nicknames: Ivy, Rory, Flower bud (Gardener Man), Poison Ivy (by Professor Chaos)

Age: 20 (resembles a twenty year old human female)

DOB: September 2nd

Race/ Gender: Reploid / Robot Master/ Female

Height: “5’6” (167.3cm)

Eyes: Magenta  

Family / Friends: Professor Enigma (Creator/ father figure), Gardener Man (Love interest/partner), Ivan (Adorable mutant venus fly trap pet), Professor Enigma’s Team of fellow scientists / robotics engineers( close friends).

Occupation: Botanist, Biologist, Peacekeeper Environmentalist, warrior/protector

Personality/Traits: Tends to be very quiet, a to herself kinda person- mostly due to her past, fun, loving, a little awkward at times, smart, kind, spunky, badass very friendly, loyal, selfless

Abilities/Powers: Can talk/ understand plants (physically/ emotionally- i.e she can sense when they feel pain e.t.c), Fast/agile, quick reflexes, very skilled blades woman,

Likes: Nature, the environment, gardening, her special little green house, plants, taking care of others (including her plants and other people), Ivan (her mutant Venus fly trap), biology, chemistry, doodling, fulfilling her duty as a robot master/peacekeeper and protector, being a badass warrior, poofy baggy clothing (she loves her one piece she wears all the time the most), The colours royal purple, parrot green, bright magenta and gold, watching her plants grow (over time that is), growing flowers, the art of Bonsai, roses, sunflowers and a certain Gardener robot master (Gardener man) 😏.

Dislikes: Her past, being used and manipulated for others gain ( reference to her past), professor Chaos, bad guys, criminals, evil/ wrong doers, those who purposely harm the environment, being a bit clumsy around a certain someone 😏, being disturbed during her work, early mornings, ignorant/ thick headed idiots, people trying to take her research/scientific works (she does some pretty cool advanced stuff), those who go in her lab without her know abouts.

Profile/ Backstory: Ivory was designed as a Robot Master, not an ordinary one- A protector of nature and humanity …

Her creator Professor/Doctor Garin Enigma Wanted to take his time building his Robot “Ivory Plant '', he’d begun to slowly piece her together day by day, after all Ivory was his most specialist /advanced reploid designs after all . On the other hand jealous Evil Professor/ Doctor Kirk Chaos had heard about Enigma’s robot, so late one evening he broke into Enigma’s lab, stealing both Ivory’s blue prints and her unfinished built body- Chaos was too quick for the police and managed to run away with Enigma’s robot- He made sure to hide well so Enigma could never find him or his robot master “Ivory Plant ” ever again.

After studying her blue prints and what Enigma had built so far, Professor Chaos decided to tweak Enigma’s Reploid Master a little. As he continued to finish the last few parts (Enigma had 95% of Ivory made) to her internals- He implanted a very Powerful yet unstable (in the wrong hands of course - wink, wink) module inside her. Taking advantage of so, Chaos used Ivory or Ivy/ Poison Ivy (as he renamed her destructive self) for his own gain- using simple mind control he’d manipulate her into causing havoc and destruction. Though after returning to her true sweet loving self  after each time, Ivory felt ashamed and disgusted that this horrid man was making her do so- she couldn’t escape his control and if she tried to fight back, Ivory was only abused by his goons.  

Though after many months of this horrendance torture, shame and mistreatment Ivory learnt the truth about her creation/creator though one of Chaos’s minions she’s managed  to give a “talking to”. It was devastating and hurt her deeply to find out what Professor Chaos had done- Such a cruel cold-hearted monster he was…

On the other hand Enigma and his team had been searching all over the entire city for her, Enigma was losing hope and soon became quite depressed after the loss of Ivory- she was like a daughter to him- she was to be a great Master and protector.. But now.. Now he knew all hopes of ever finding her again were very slim- He knew Chaos would do whatever it took to hide her from him…

During one of his latest searches for Ivory (though still feeling quite depressed), Enigma found himself caught in the middle of a frightened and terrorised runaway crowd of people. Enigma couldn’t help but go forward and explore the situation, for some reason this seemed very suspicious …

When Enigma made his way in towards the commotion- his eyes must have been playing some horrid trick on him, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing… It was his lovely Robot Master Ivory in her armoured form- though she seemed different and was acting very dangerously.. Pulling out his x-ray tech specks, Enigma quickly analysed her internals- he was disgusted  at what he’d found. He couldn’t believe that Chaos put such a powerful (dangerously powerful) and unstable module inside his reploid. Enigma just couldn’t withstand watching Ivory (under mind control) cause so much damage, quickly pulling out a small device  which would break her free of the mind control/ stabilize the module- he targeted the device at her and hit her right on the upper arm. Ivory returned to her normal self, she collapsed to the ground out cold and unconscious. Enigma ran over to her side and picked her up, he carried her back to his vehicle and took her home to his laboratory..

In the course of his return back to his laboratory, Chaos and his Goons were locked up and taken away. Enigma couldn’t have been more pleased to hear the news.Now with Ivory back in his grasp and on the repair table of his lab- Enigma did a full body analysis scan on his reploid to see what damage Chaos did to her. After doing the Analysis, he found exactly where Chaos implanted the powerful yet unstable module- right beside her heart. Removing it from her body sadly wasn’t an option- Enigma knew once it was implanted in a reploid it would bond and become one with the reploid, also if he were to try and remove it it meant taking her fully apart and wiping her mind completely.  Professor Enigma knew his only option was to make a special orb that could control the stability/ use of power from the module, but still allow her alone to use the immense power through a much more controlled way. So whilst she was still unconscious and resting- Professor Enigma set out to make her this stabilizing orb. Half an hour later the orb was complete- it took the form of a choker (he didn’t want to just randomly put it on her neck). Removing the temporary one he’d put on her earlier, he placed the orb choker around her neck- The left Ivory hooked up to his analysis machine- keeping an eye on her systems as he allowed her to rest.

Twenty-four hours later, Ivory awoke- she was a little startled and panicky at first, but then she realised she was safe when Professor Enigma (her original creator) came bursting into his lab to help her .Enigma unhooked her form his machines, the took her outside. The two sat down on the slightly cold stone stairs- though Ivory felt so lost and so ashamed for what Chaos made her do under mind control, She told Enigma everything. After their talk- Ivory sat there looking off to the side, sad, ashamed with a few tears in her eyes- Enigma comforted her and told Ivory that he would help her get past this pain Chaos caused. She smiled sincerely, grateful for Professor Enigma’s kindness.

Many months onwards, Ivory soon began to feel like her true self and her past pain faded away- she didn’t feel like a monster no more. She was out and about fulfilling her destiny to be a great protector, she also was an amazing and talented scientist too. When she wasn’t doing so, Ivory would spend most of her time talking to her one and only mutant Venus fly trap buddy Ivan (he’s like a lil’ dog ^^). Ivory was special- she had the ability to communicate and understand nature/the natural environment. She on many occasions would also help out / assist Professor Enigma and his team with scientific research or experiments.

One evening though, on her way back to Professor Enigma’s Laboratory- with Ivan in her arm, something (More like someone 😏) caught her attention. A tall fair young male reploid wearing a big floppy straw hat, working in his garden and talking to his big beautiful sunflowers. She stood there watching him, slightly blushing- Ivory was surprised to see that she wasn’t the only one who could talk to plants or loved to garden. She just couldn’t help blushing deeper a little more- this mysterious man was quite handsome. Ivan was starting to feel a little bit left out, he made a small screechy whine noise which caught the attention of this stranger and Ivory. When Ivory saw the handsome stranger turn around, she went beet red-turning around quickly herself to run off- Ivory lost her footing and tripped- heading face first towards the ground. When this mysterious handsome reploid turned around, he saw this young female reploid awkwardly falling to the ground. Gardener ran over to her side just in time- Catching both her and her Mutant Venus fly trap. Ivory’s eyes were closed tight, then she slightly opened one, only to find that she had been caught by the mysterious young reploid man she was staring at..

Gardener Man: “Are you alright?”

Ivory (Blushing, but shaking it off quickly): “U..um.. Thank you. I’m alright. But where’s Ivan?”

Gardener Man: “You mean this little guy? He’s alright”.

Ivory (Smiling): “Aww, I’m so glad you’re safe too Ivan “

Ivan made this cute little happy squeal noise, gently licking the side of her cheek.

The mysterious young reploid man raised his brow in confusion/ in a questioning manner- then politely asked:

Gardener Man: “You can talk to plants too? (he says blushing a little).

Ivory with Ivan in her arms stood up, blushing still, looking off to the side and fidgeting about a little…

Ivory: “Y..Yeah.. I can talk to plants, I have the ability to feel what they feel and understand them like no other”.

Gardener Man (Blushing a little more): “O..Oh.. Nice I can talk to plants like that too”.

Ivory (Awkwardly blurting out/ all cutesy red in the face): “Y..yeah I saw you could do that, Um.. that’s the reason I kinda tripped over and fell”.

The mysterious young reploid man stood there blushing ever so deeply, then awkwardly introduced himself to her…

Gardener Man (Still blushing deeply): “Erm..W..Well.. A..Anyway, I..I'm  Gardener Man, It’s nice to meet a fellow Botanist like yourself”.

Ivory blushed all cutesy as she bowed her her:

“It’s nice to m..meet you Gardener man. And I..I’m Ivory, some call me Ivy l, though sometimes Professor Enigma and his team call me Rory”.

He came up close to her, holding her hand, he gently shook it in gratitude..

Gardener Man (Still blushing a little): “ It’ was a pleasure to meet you Miss Ivory, oh I mean Rory”

She smiled sincerely once more, blushing, then she looked down at the sunset…

Ivory: “Oh crap!!!, I’m going to be late. I hope Professor Enigma doesn’t mind. It was lovely meeting you Gardener Man, but I better get going”.

Reaching into the frog pocket of his overalls and pulling out a small packet, he placed them into Ivory’s hand..

Gardener Man: “Here, take these. For your garden.I hope we can see each other again miss Rory”.

Ivory (Blushing deeply, Nodding her head):  “Oh..um, s..sure, I would love to spend more time with you , that would be great”.

He bowed his head once again, politely tipping his straw hat to her..

Gardener Man: “Good bye miss Ivory, Until we meet again”.

Ivory (Blushing, walking off and waving back to him from a distance): 

“ G...Goodbye Gardener Man.”

Eventually she arrived back at Enigma’s laboratory (Her home), he was a little puzzled when she arrived back so late, it wasn’t like Ivory- but Then he saw the packet of sunflower seeds in the little satchel pocket on her utility belt-he smiled sincerely, Enigma instantly knew why she’d returned back so late now. When she finally got back into her quarters, Ivory placed Ivan back on her desk, then went outside to her small greenhouse- planting the sunflower seeds that Gardener Man had given to her. After she planted them, Ivory just stood there resting her cheek in the palm of her hand- slightly slumped over daydreaming about her next meeting with Gardener Man.

Over the next few weeks, Professor Enigma began to see change (Good change) in Ivory- she seemed much happier and enlightened. He was glad to see her well being improve, especially after all the crap she went through. Ivory, was spending many of her hours out and about with Gardener Man- Usually helping him with the nature reserve/garden, hanging about with him or just spending quality time in general with him. Each time she met up with Gardener, her feelings for him only seemed to grow stronger and stronger. He too after spending all this time with Ivory- Gardener Man soon felt himself fall for her too. As things in Ivory’s life began to improve, a disturbance from her past was arising once more …

Professor Chaos, with a little help from his two trusted Goons- Spark and Rust, Escaped from prison. Of course though, his first plan was to get his hands on “Ivy” again-but this time using a special mind controlling collar that he built secretly in prison,  so he could use that unstable module of hers to take down the city and build his empire of ruthlessness and take over the world of reploid robotics..

Late one evening, walking through one of the many beautiful moonlit gardens, Ivory and Gardener Man were out and about together, Tonight though Ivory knew she’d finally muster up the courage to tell Gardener Man how she really felt about him …

As the two came to a halt on the open pavilion (round circular path in the centre of the moonlit garden), Gardener Man turned to face Ivory, Looking deep into her eyes- causing her to blush ever so deeply.  From in the bushes behind, unaware, Professor Chaos and his two goons sat their watching in disgust as they got ready to put the plan into action.

Meanwhile, back on the pavilion …

Gardener Man (still looking into Ivory’s eyes and clutching onto her hands): 

“ Hey, Ivy.. Look I must say it’s been wonderful having someone like you to talk too”.

Ivory (Blushing): “ It’s been wonderful being with you too Gardener”.

The two stood there blushing all cutesy and looking off to the side a little- the Taking a deep breath in, slowly releasing, Ivory spoke once more..

Ivory (Fidgeting about nervously a little, yet still blushing): “ Well um,  Y..you see Gardener, there’s something I want to tell you”...

Gardener Man (Blushing a deeper shade of red : “Y..You can tell me anything you like Ivy”.

Sighing out loud and blushing deeper herself, Ivory spoke once more …

“W..Well Gardener, I.. I just wanted to say ….”

Professor Chaos couldn’t take this disgusting sappy reploid romance anymore…

Professor Chaos: “NOW!!! NOW YOU FOOLS, GRAB HER!!!!!”

Ivory (with a slight tremble of fear in the tone of her voice) : “Huh? C..Chaos?...”

Rust Violently shoved and punched out Gardener Man into the shrubbery, Spark on the other hand grabbed Ivory from behind aggressively holding her down in a choke hold- shattering her stabilizing orb into a million tiny pieces. Ivory gasped, gaging- kicking and screaming , fighting back, trying to break free from Spark’s grip. But alas he was way too strong- then out of the shadows, a bone chilling yet familiar voice spoke..

Professor Chaos: “Well, well, well it’s been so long since I’ve seen you my beautiful “Poisoned Ivy”. Come now.. I have a wonderful gift for you”.

Ivory’s eyes widened in fear, with a few tears trickling down her cheeks as her past trauma flashed back through her mind. When she saw the horrendous collar he pulled out from his lab coat- she kicked and screamed louder and louder as Chaos got closer and closer..

Getting up and out of the shrubbery, Gardener Man- a usually calm, kind man was certainly enraged and unhappy that these Goons and Professor Chaos were hurting his Ivory. Gardener Man ran up to them, pulling out his futuristic hedge trimmer shears in defense.

Gardener Man: “HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY IVORY OR ELSE” (he came closer with the blades to Chaos’s ugly mug).

Chaos with a disgustingly smug smirk on his face…

Professor Chaos: “Oooh, whatcha gonna do? Trim some hedges to torture us?”

His two goons (the idiots that they are) laughed.

Gardener Man (stepping forward, in an unusual stern tone): “ I’M WARNING YOU CHAOS, LET HER GO OR ELSE”

Still standing there with such a smug expression on his face, Chaos did so..

Chaos: “Very well then.. Remember now.. This is YOUR doing. SPARK!!  DROP HER.. NOW!!!”

Just as Spark slammed her knee first to the ground, Professor Chaos swung his hand with the mind controlling collar and aggressively let it automatically tighten to her neck. Ivory was on her knees screaming in pain as electrical sparks flew out of the collar..

Gardener Man’s eyes widened in shock/ horror, Chaos stood there chaotically laughing like a maniac- Poor Ivory did all she could to fight the power and pain, but it was too late it now controlled her mind- activating the true potential and darkness of the unstable module from within.

Professor Chaos: “Good girl Poisoned Ivy. Now You WILL do as I say. Your First order, transform and get rid of this pathetic reploid. Then go cause havoc and destruction in the city”.

The collar shocked her once more, she bowed her head, knelt down on one knee…

“Poisoned Ivy” (Under mind control): “Yes Master, I shall”.

She stood before them Transforming (Magical girl style of course) into her true yet powerful badass armoured Robot Master self..

Gardener Man stood there, blushing quite deeply- he never knew how truly beautiful yet badass Ivory really was- seeing her like this was causing his circuits to overheat a little 😳🥵.

Alongside Ivory, her weapon of choice- a long bladed bo staff covered in theory vines appeared. Chaos with such a manic smile on his face..

“NOW POISONED IVY, DESTROY HIM!!!!!!!”

Gardener Man snapped out of his daze, he backed away, though in fury yelled out at Chaos-

“YOU MONSTER!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IVORY? I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET EVER CONTROLLING HER MIND CHAOS!!!!!”

Chaos rolled his eyes and watched as his newly controlled “Poison Ivy” got closer and closer to the foolish Gardener Man- Swinging her bladed staff widely towards him…

As he walked backwards a little quicker, Gardener Man lost his footing and tripped- slipping. Though as he slipped and she wildly swung her blade- the tip scraped the top of his shoulder, only just cutting through to his internals- leaving some minor damage..

Gardener Man (holding onto his shoulder, gritting his teeth): “ ARGH!!! You’ll regret this Chaos”.

Gardener man got up holding onto his slightly damaged shoulder, staring into Ivory’s eyes.

Gardener Man (Sincerely speaking to his beloved): “I know you’re still in there Ivory, I’ll be back to save you”.

Poison Ivy Growled (she’s still wearing the mind control collar), just as she went to manically swing her blade once more, Gardener Man ran off clutching onto his slightly damaged shoulder. Poison Ivy was just about to go after him..

Professor Chaos: “NOW, Poison Ivy don’t worry about that pathetic reploid- go out and about- cause havoc and destruction in the city”.

Poison Ivy: “As you wish master”.

And with that she ran off into the city, taking down anything and everything that got in her way. On the other hand bursting through the doors of Enigma’s laboratory, still clutching onto his slightly damaged shoulder blade- Gardener Man called out for Professor Enigma. Some of his team (robotics engineers) took Gardener aside and repaired his damaged shoulder blade whilst Enigma came along.

A moment later and not too soon, Professor Enigma came running into his laboratory..

Professor Enigma (in a panicky tone): “What’s happened, what is it, where is Ivory?”....

Gardener Man looked off to the side, sighing heavily…

Gardener Man (in a sad yet disappointed tone): “ I’m sorry professor, but somehow Chaos has escaped prison, he ambushed Ivory and I, he destroyed that orb around her neck and replaced it with a mind control device”.

Professor Enigma: “CHAOS IS WHAT? AND HE’S DONE WHAT TO IVORY??.. Oh no!!!!”

Gardener Man (Sighing and looking to the ground feeling ashamed) : “ I’m sorry professor, I tried to protect her yet I failed to”.

Professor Enigma (placing his hand on Gardeners other shoulder): “ It’s not your fault Gardener, Chaos stole Ivory back when I was in the middle of completing he- he damaged her the moment he placed that unstable module inside her. But right now, all we need to do is stabilize that module once more and get her back..”

Gardener Man: “But how will we get Ivy to listen to us?, Chaos has turned her into a fully dangerous weapon of mass destruction”.

Enigma turned to face Gardener Man, with a sincere smile he replied: “You can talk to her, she’ll listen to you-for you see Ivory cares about you very much and loves you deeply with all her heart”.

Gardener Man (Wide-eyed and blushing): “ S..She loves me? O..Oh Um (he blushed a deeper shade of rose, looking off to the side).

Professor Enigma still stood there sincerely smiling. Then called upon his team and then finally turned his attention back to Gardener Man…

Professor Enigma (Gently tapping Gardener’s shoulder): “Come now Gardener, we have a reploid to save”.

Gardener Man (shaking it off): “R..Right Professor, Let’s go save Ivy”.

In the middle of town, a mind controlled yet deadly “Poisoned Ivy'' was causing chaos, causing havoc and destroying everything in her path. People and other reploids ran away in terror and fear as this mighty robot master unleashed such wrath and power from within. Professor Chaos and his two goons watched as their newly formed “Poison Ivy” tore up the town …

Professor Chaos (Evil Cackling): “Ha ha, Look at those fools run in fear, that unstable module certainly has such immense power. Ah she’ll have that city torn to shreds in no time”.

Spark: “He he you’re right boss. You’ll have your empire in no time”.

Moments later, back down in town, Enigma, Gardener Man and his team rolled up- Professor Enigma was hurt to see his beautiful reploid Ivory being tortured and forced to be violent…

Enigma (under his breath) : “You Bastard Chaos, you’ll pay for what you’ve done to Ivory”.

Then from his pocket he pulled out a small device, handing it over to Gardener Man.

Professor Enigma: ” Now Gardener, I need you to get close enough to Ivory so you can palace this small device on the collar- it’ll override the mind control she’s under and deactivate the collar - automatically separating itself from around her neck. Can you do that for me?”

Gardener clutched the small device tight in his hands, bowing his head to Professor Enigma.

Gardener Man: “I promise you professor, I’ll save her for you no matter what”.

Enigma sincerely smiled, nodding his head back in agreement. Gardener left the professor’s side and ran off to save Ivory. Sneaking up through the rubble, Gardener Man watched as his sweet little flower bud Ivory (under the control of the collar) tore the city to shreds with her mighty long-bladed ivy staff. He still couldn’t help blushing at Ivory in her armoured form, indeed she truly was a beautiful yet badass botanist..

Now though, wasn't the time to let one's circuits overheat again, Gardener had a mission, to save his sweet Ivory. Up on his perch, as he continued to watch “Poison Ivy” destroy the city, Chaos caught a glimpse of Enigma, his team and Gardener Man- This made his blood boil, he let out a loud cry in anger..

Professor Chaos (in Fury): “ARGH!!!! GOONS, GET EM, GET EM AND DON’T LET THEM GET NEAR POISONED IVY!!!!!”

“YES SIR!!!!!!” (Spark and Rust replied running after them).

The goons unleashed themselves and went on the attack- chasing down Enigma and his team- Spark and Rust on the other hand went after Gardener. They weren’t going to let him get near “Poisoned Ivy”. The two couldn’t wait to tear that little punk to shreds.

Just as he turned the corner to get to Ivory, Gardener was cut off by Spark and Rust..

Spark: “And where do you think you’re going flower boy?”

Rust (snickering and chiming in): “Yeah, why don’t you just run off back to that reserve of yours and plant some more seeds”.

The two goons stood there cackling themselves stupid at their poor mocking humour, Gardener didn’t have time for their crap- rolling his eyes he attempted running past to continue his mission.

Spark grabbed him tightly by the arm, slamming him up and against the wall

Spark: “You’re not going anywhere near her now flower boy”.

Rust: “Let’s break him Spark”

Spark: “Great idea Rust, here I’ll hold him down and you can throw the first punch”  

Gardener Man (getting frustrated as he tried to break free):  “ARGH!! I don’t have time for you idiots”

Spark: “Hit him now Rust. Go for that killer swing of yours”.

Just as Rust swung his arm, Gardener found the inner strength to break free from Spark’s grip- Dodging Rust’s punch. Instead Rust used his killer punch on Spark, right in the side of his left cheek.

“KAPOW”...

“ARGH, RUST YOU DUMBASS, YOU GOT ME RIGHT IN THE FACE”..

“Sorry Spark, that little flower boy punk dodged my punch”.

“GRRR, THAT’S IT, I’VE HAD ENOUGH, LET’S BREAK THIS LITTLE FLOWER PUNK UP”.

Gardener was concerned, he didn’t have time for this, nor could he back out from it either. So he decided to do the only thing he could do..

Stand his ground and fight back..

Gardener Man revealed a side of him he’d never thought or imagined showing others. Throwing his straw hat aside, he let his enragement unleash his power from within- he piled out his futuristic hedge trimmers, though this time they were long sharp holo- blades. Spark and Rust seemed a little intimidated but these idiots were willing to fight anything…

Gardener Man (in a smug tone): “So you two meatheads still wanna fight? Huh? Come on then, I’ll let you throw the first hit”. 

Rust ran towards to hit him, Spark went from behind and Gardener jumped up dodging their poor attack. They were furious- so they continued to fight- throwing whatever they had to stop him from saving Ivory. On the other hand, Enigma and his team were captured and taken back to Chaos …

Professor Chaos (with an Evil Grin): “Ah, lovely to see you Enigma, please sit back there all tied up and enjoy the show. Don’t worry Ivory is in good hands now”.

Professor Enigma (growling): “YOU FILTHY BASTARD CHAOS, ARGH YOU WON’T WIN THIS”

Professor Chaos (getting up close in his face): “Oh Enigma, I already have”.  

He said cackling out loud. Enigma sat there watching Ivory, then Gardener Man..

Enigma (to himself): “You’re our only hope now Gardener, I know you can save her”..

Back down on the ground, Spark and Rust were exhausted trying to fight Gardener Man- it was no hope, he’d dodged all their attacks and managed to throw a few of his own attacks in. Just as the two- with the little bit of energy they had left- swung once more, the side of Gardener’s Holo-blade skimmed across the surface of their arms- cutting the surface of their disgusting skin..

“ARRGGGH!!!!”  

The two fainted/ fell to the ground in exhaustion and pain. Gardener Man stood their for a moment looking over them, then putting his holo blades away, he pulled out the little device Professor Enigma gave him and ran off to save his beloved flower bud Ivory…

From his perch, Chaos slammed his fist in anger…

“ARGHHHHHHH!!! YOU GOONS ARE USELESS, I’M GOING AFTER THAT BLOODY ROBOT MYSELF”.

And with that Chaos jumped into his hover pod and went down towards Gardener man and Ivory. Gardener caught up to Ivory once more, in that time she’d managed to do a lot of damage in town- it hurt Gardener to see her doing this under Chaos’s control. He just couldn’t take it any longer..

Gardener Man took a deep breath in, slowly releasing he came close to face  “Poisoned Ivy”..

“IVORY!!, I mean Ivy”

She stopped swinging her blade and turned around..

“Huh?”..

“It’s me Gardener, Come now this isn’t you. Please stop this nonsense and come back to me-Professor Enigma and I can help you”.  

Deep down inside her there was still a small part of her that Chaos couldn’t control, her heart- that part of her responded back to her love…

“G..Gardener?”

“Yes, yes it’s me Ivy, come now take my hand, let us spend the rest of our lives together in my nature reserve”.

He put his hand out, she sincerely looked at it- with a tear in her eye- she then moved her hand closer to his …

Professor Chaos jumped out from his hover pod and ran over to Ivory with the control to her collar in his hot wrinkly hand. Just as Ivory’s hand got an inch away from Gardener’s, Chaos pressed the button on the control, sending painful/ dangerous amounts of electricity through the collar into Ivory…

Ivory fell to her knees Wailing and screaming out loud in pain…

“ARGHHHH, ARGHHH, ARGGHHHH!!!”

“You disobedient little brat, how dare you stop destruction, now get up and fight you worthless girl”

Gardener was so furious, he ran up close to Chaos and violently swooped the remote out of Chaos’s hands. The remote fell, shattering into a million pieces- now no one could control Ivory except for the collar still around her neck. The mind control collar still had control of her mind and that unstable module inside was still overpowering her too much.

Then Gardener Man chained him up, leaving Chaos chained and in the hands of the law. Then he did the one thing he needed to do was save Ivory. Dodging all the rubble and havoc, Gardener Man had reached his love again, grasping the small device in his hands. He knew the only way to get through to her was with his words- so he spoke lovingly from his heart once more…

“Ivy.. Ivy it’s me again”

She turned around once more, with a cute yet confused expression on her face..

“Now Ivory, take my hand and let us be together forever, just you me and our beautiful garden”

“Y..you a..and me?”

“Yes Ivy, just the two of us”.

Ivory’s eyes welt up with tears, she let her bladed staff fall out of her hands and onto the ground. Then in that very moment she fell into his strong arms- not only out of love but because the immense power had destroyed some of her circuitry/ internal. Gardener caught her, placing the small device on the collar- it deactivated it and ivory was set free. Then she transformed back into her normal everyday self. Ivory was stone cold to touch, Gardener Man stood there cradling her in his arms- he wasn’t ready to lose his special flower bud.

“You’ll be alright my dear sweet Ivory” (he says gently running the back of his hand down the side of her cheek).

The police- well prepared this time took Chaos and his goons away to a very specialised and inescapable prison. Professor Enigma and his team were set free. Enigma made his way over to Gardener and Ivory- When he reached the two, he smiled sincerely…

“Great job there Gardener Man, you saved her. Now we need to get her back to the lab for some repairs- both that collar and module have caused severe damage to her”.

“Very well then professor, let us save her”.

Not long after they arrived back at his laboratory, Ivory was rushed into the Professor’s personal lab with the team for immediate repairs. Gardener Man sat in Enigma’s office, awaiting the news that Ivory was alright. Three and a half hours later- Professor Enigma entered his office Gardener lifted his head up with a questioning look on his face..

“I..Is she alright Professor?”..

Professor Enigma (sincerely smiling): “Ivory is alright, her body is repaired and I gave her a stronger stability orb- this one though is made of Lothanium- it’s both lightweight and indestructible- only she can control the module and the power inside her”.

“May I see her?”

Enigma nodded his head in agreement and with that one of his team members took Gardener in to see her. There in her quarters, Ivory lay slumbered in a healing coma, wired to the analysis machine to keep check on her internal systems, until she awoke. Gardener Man sat by her bedside until she awoke, he gently held her hand in gratitude as he was grateful she was still alive.

As days passed and she still remained slumbered, Gardener stood by her side. He couldn’t help but put sunflowers by her bedside table too- he knew how much she loved them. Very early one morning, Gardener sat asleep in the chair by her bed- Ivory awoke from her healing coma. She felt a little wobbly at first, but slowly sat up- rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Once she’d fully awoken, Ivory looked over at her bedside table- there in the center was a vase of beautiful golden sunflowers- only one robot Master grew sunflowers that beautiful…

Then her memory came back, it was horrible and thinking about it brought her to tears..

“GARDENER, GARDENER MAN, WHERE IS HE?” (she shouted with a slight sobbing tremble in her voice).

Her voice echoed through the lab, Professor Enigma and his team came running. Gardener Man awoke startled, yet overwhelmed with joy to see Ivory awake..

“GARDENER MAN, WHERE ARE YOU?????”

He got up out of the chair and sat on the bedside alongside Ivory comforting her..

“SHHH,SHHH,SHHH, your alright Ivy, it's alright. I’m right here, you’re fine. It’s ok you're safe now, I promise”.

Ivory turned around, her face lit up- she nearly knocked Gardener man off her bed. But lovingly hugged him. Professor Enigma looked through the doorway sneakily, he too was glad to see her awake, but he told his team to head back to their work- he thought it was best to let the two have some alone time so they could catch up.

As she sat there cuddling him, Gardener Man wiped the small tear drops from her eyes-Ivory just averted her eyes cutesy blushing as he did so. The she sat up, blushing some more and fiddling with her fingers, then in a soft sweet voice spoke:

“U..Um, Gardener Man? “

“Yes Ivory?”

“Look, a.. About the other night..” (Ivory blushing redder than before)

“Y..Yes Ivy?” (he says going red and blushing himself).

Ivory (coming a little closer- like an inch from his face, now completely beet red and her heart racing):

“ I.. I just wanted to say, um.. I really love you, like a lot and I wanted to give you this..”

Closing her eyes and as red as a beet, Ivory leant forward and lovingly kissed Gardener Man on the lips. Gardner’s eyes opened wide and his face went as red as hers, but he just kissed her back. Moments later the two sat their unlocking lips, averting their eyes blushing- then Gardener Man grabbed her hand the two just sat there together being adorable. Then Gardener mumbled..

“Ivory, do you still want to come live with me on my nature reserve, just the two of us?”

“And Ivan?” (Ivy chimes in cheekily).

“Of course he can Ivy” ( he says all cutesy glowing and smiling sincerely).

Many months later, Professor Enigma and Gardener Man helped Ivory heal over her trauma. During that time Professor Enigma let her go off and live with Gardener- after all he brought out the true happiness inside her. Ivory though would always go back to professor Enigma and help / assist him with many of his botanic experiments / engineer research and experiments.

Ivory was finally set free of her horrid past and now she spent the rest of her days doing what she loved with the handsome robot master she loved- flourishing their garden, looking after the reserve and protecting the people.

The End!!!!

Anyways, I hope you like Ivory as much as I do. Hopefully soon I can do some doodles of her and Gardener Man- also a sketch or two of Professor Enigma and Chaos too ^^!!!

"Ivory Plant belongs to me !!!!!!"

"Gardner Man belongs to my pal YellyDany "

[captaincartervalues]

Season 5 rewrite

Imagine how great season 5 would have been if the Crisis lead up and Lena’s and Kara’s storyline had been the sole focus, front and center all season long:

We get Team Supergirl and the DEO learning a Crisis is coming and figuring out what exactly that means while analyzing the catalog of DEO alien records at their disposal and searching for any instance of the “Monitor” or “Anti-Monitor.” The team inevitably asking Brainy as he is from the future and Brainy explaining his knowledge or lack thereof concerning the historical event of Crisis while theorizing that Crisis must be the root of the loss of records and certain information in the future.

We get Dreamer trying to tap into the core of her powers to dream Crisis and interpret her visions. She gets stuck and has problems understanding what she is seeing until her mom comes to her and points her toward the solution she’s been ignoring: her sister. Her sister studied her whole life waiting to become Dreamer so of course she has more knowledge than Nia who avoided it her whole life. She is forced to reach out to her sister and work through their issues toward reconciliation so they can both help stop Crisis and become closer as sisters once again.

We get Kara having to face the possibility that her biggest trauma and worst fear may happen again if they don’t figure this out. We get her and J’onn discussing the loss of their worlds and how while their pain is shared the process of their loss differs greatly. Because while J’onn had to watch the gradual and torturous genocide of his people, Kara lost her people and her planet in an instant, forced to relive that firey blaze over and over in the phantom zone, literally and figuratively trapped in time. J’onn asks how she has dealt with that and Kara says she hasn’t, not fully and with tears in her eyes she turns to him and says how can I survive losing it all again? Losing more than what I lost on Krpton? Losing a home I chose to love? Losing a sister? Losing Eliza and you? Losing my best friends? Losing Lena?

We get Kara struggling with preparing for Crisis as Supergirl and not reporting on it as Kara. She struggles with not being able to inform the masses, not letting loved ones cherish the time they have now and say goodbyes they wouldn’t otherwise get. Alex tells her it’s for the best and for their security to keep it confidential but Kara isn’t as sure and resents having to keep yet another secret. She has seen how secrets hurt those you love and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to keep this one too.

We get Kara telling Lena all about Crisis after saying no more secrets and that Lena will know everything in 5x01. Lena works with the team trying to stop Crisis while also continuing her secret project thinking that the worlds won’t be worth saving unless people stop hurting each other first and that only once she gets them to stop hurting each other will they be able to truly come together to stop crisis. After all, the multiverse may be in physical crisis, but humanity is in a moral crisis. She has to stop both.

We get Kara having vulnerable and open moments with Lena about Krypton and how scared she is of Crisis taking another home. Kara shares more with Lena than she ever has all while Lena shares nothing of her true feelings and anger towards Kara as she continues to use her. Though unbeknownst to Lena, her own emotions are becoming mixed and blurred the more Kara shares with and confides in Lena.

We get Alex trying to bear the burden of DEO Director as the biggest threat to Earth, all the Earths, is before them. We see her second guessing herself and her decisions asking J’onn for help only for him to show her the answers within herself and to trusts her instincts, reminding her of the questionable and wrong decisions the DEO made under him and the times she instilled hope and compassion in him.

We get Alex sharing small and big moments with Kelly knowing they might be the only ones they’ll ever get. We get Kelly dealing with her fears of losing her loved ones and realizing loving someone and loving Alex is worth the fear of losing them and you can’t run from a crisis, you have to run towards it with the support of your people.

We get Kelly having individual talks with the team about coping with something as huge and stressful as Crisis. Kelly talks through some of Nia’s mental blocks so she can dream more clearly and more freely. Kelly talks with Brainy after he breaks down about not having the answers and not knowing which courses of action are statistically better. He becomes indecisive out of fear of leading the team down the wrong path before crisis which prompts him to realign with his original cold and calculating side. Kelly helps him embrace his emotions again reminding him that sometimes the statistically inferior choice is the right choice bc statistics can’t always replace instinct. Kelly talks with Kara about the struggles of living an every day life reporting on things that are trivial compared to the end of existence. Kelly helps Kara realize that in the face of such overwhelming catastrophe, it can be the mundane and the menial that grounds us in reality. Lena refuses to talk with Kelly insisting she is fine but Kelly senses the opposite becoming increasingly worried. She keeps trying to let Lena know she’s there but Lena keeps isolating herself as much as possible.

We get Kara repeatedly skipping meetings about Crisis strategy to help Lena or spend time with Lena and when she is at Crisis brainstorms (with and without Lena) Kara seems distracted at times. Alex talks with Kara about Lena and tries to be understanding but Lena says she forgave Kara and they have bigger things to worry about so Alex gets increasingly frustrated with Kara’s behavior until she explodes. Alex and Kara get into a big fight when Alex confronts Kara accusing her of not putting enough energy and focus into their Crisis prep. Alex demands her full focus and Kara yells back saying she can’t when her focus is Lena. Alex says this is more important than Lena and Kara saying nothing is more important than Lena. Alex reminding Kara there are literal worlds at stake and Kara saying Lena is her world and there is no world worth living on without Lena in her life. (You thought Kara choosing Lena over the world was gay? We could have had Kara choosing Lena over infinite worlds! INFINITE GAYDOM)

We still get the juicy confrontation with Lena and Kara but this time with more emotional stakes bc of all the extra intimate moments they have shared and time spent trying to stop crisis together while Kara thought they were also getting so much closer than they ever have. Kara telling Lena, she knows why she helped them with Crisis but why did she keep pretending to be her friend for so long? And Lena has less of an “I needed you for my plan excuse” and it’s purely ���because I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me” stab you the heart. Imagine Lena being able to complete her plan and steal myriad without pretending to be Kara’s friend bc under the guise of crisis she could manipulate Kara into thinking they need whatever from the fortress for Crisis and instead actively choosing to get closer to Kara emotionally just to devastate her as much as Kara did her.

We get another confrontation between Alex and Kara where instead of Alex doing a character 180 and using the “sHe’S a LuThOR” excuse, it’s her just saying Lena is my friend too and I care about her but we don’t have time to try to save her, Kara. We have to stop her now so we can get back to Crisis. And Kara refusing to accept that, saying they have to try bc it’s Lena and she can’t lose Lena. She won’t lose Lena. Alex trying and failing to convince Kara they don’t have the time and asking Kara if she’s really willing to risk the fate of the multiverse on a friend. Kara saying she’s not a friend. She’s Lena. I would risk it all for Lena. And Alex being like wait that’s like super gay my dude but we’ll chat about that later. Okay you useless bi let’s go save your girlfriend.

Bonus:

We could have still gotten some spicy Andrea+Kara conflict along the way as Kara tries to balance reporting with dealing with Lena and Crisis while establishing Andrea’s character as CatCo and Obsidian CEO more

Getting only hints and foreshadowing of leviathan and William’s investigation of them for an epic and surprising reveal of Andrea’s involvement in 5B

James deciding that his best role for Crisis isn’t as Guardian but as a photographer capturing human/alien moments on film and documenting the beauty of life while he can because sometimes it’s not just about fighting tooth and nail to survive but about living while you can. Knowing that his photos can later deliver some hints of comfort of pre-Crisis life during post-Crisis grieving

Alex introducing Kelly to Eliza bc they might not get the chance later

Alien/challenge of the week sent by the Monitor to test certain aspects of Team Supergirl and give each character a moment of reflection and growth before Crisis begins

Idk maybe an actual freaking conversation between Kara and her mom for once that actually deals with the shit she went through