#int -> roland. 07.

[rhysdasiorarchive]

Roland’s tone was enough of an indicator that this subject was anything but sweet and Rhys made a conscious effort to reel his commentary on the matter in. At the very least, Roland knew it was an option. If the possibility became more attractive to him in time, he knew where to find Rhys to explore things a little further. He smiled wider at the reference to Corinne, inclining his head as he chuckled lowly to himself at the most recent memory of her and the hours that had passed by like seconds as the two conversed from alternate planes of existence. Rhys nodded affirmatively as Roland spoke again. “Of course, Ro. As I said, there’s no pressure. The choice is yours to make. If that time comes, you know where I am. I’ll never need a big heads up or anything– never takes too long to set up. If the mood strikes, let me know and we’ll work something out. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too. Whatever works for you works for me with this kind of thing.”

With the physical overtaking the conversational in terms of rampant need, Rhys was more than happy to push less pleasant thoughts to the back of his mind to focus on how right it felt to have the other half of his heart back by his side again. Whenever they were apart, no matter how long for, it always felt as if a part of Rhys was missing until he had Roland back by his side again. The wry comment pulled a laugh from the witch instantly, the tender kisses against his neck that followed lowering Rhys’ defences enough that the blurred arrival at the bedroom felt more like a conceptual occurrence than any kind of reality. Blinking a couple of times to familiarise himself with the change in scenery, Rhys groaned encouragingly into the kiss, Roland’s hands against his hoodie stilling the experience until Rhys forced himself to properly focus as the kiss was broken, his brow lightly furrowed as his gaze flickered between his hoodie and Roland until his mind finally put two and two together, Roland’s explanation pulling another chuckle from him. “Listen–” there was no time to defend his laziness as the hoodie was tugged off and Rhys shook his head to fix some of the disheleved aspects to his usually pristine form that lingered from the graceless undressing. “In my defence, I was only planning to spend a few hours with Mateo and then call it a night. You don’t get to make any smart-ass comments about the slovenly approach.”

Rhys seemed so sure and it was clear from his certainty that being able to communicate with Corinne beyond the veil, as it were, had most definitely been comforting for him. Just having their voice...it had been so very long since Roland had heard Alix's voice outside of his memories. The timbre of it, the precise way he chose his words, just as selective with those as he had been with his movements. The longing for it was so sharp it felt like it was cutting him from the inside out and yet it still felt like it wouldn't be enough. His smile was ghostly as he tried to stay tied to the conversation and Rhys' information about Corinne. "Good to know she's still speaking her mind even from beyond the grave." She'd certainly been headstrong. Rhys seemed willing to accept whatever choice he made regarding contacting Alix but he would definitely need some time before he made a decision. "Merci. It's...a very generous offer. I'll let you know." That was all he could bear to say about it for now.

It was much better to focus on how good it felt to kiss Rhys, to have him so eagerly return the gesture, to be able to touch him again. While he was normally the one who liked to drag things out and tease he felt amazingly impatient and only needed Rhys' final permission to move them to the bedroom. Apparently, according to Rhys, that permission had already been granted. "Forgive me for seeking enthusiastic consent." The comment was a little wry even if he followed it with more kisses to Rhys' neck. In a blink they were in the bedroom and on the bed, Rhys lightly pinned beneath him as he kissed him again, rocking his hips down against him with a slight sound. He moved his hands down and was met with the soft fabric of the hoodie rather than the stiff dress shirt he was more familiar with. Roland pulled back from the kiss with a light laugh. "I'm so used to having to undo your buttons it's a surprise not to find them there. Are you wearing anything underneath this?" The question was decidedly mischievous, lightly teasing, and he pulled back just enough to hook the bottom of the hoodie and lift it over Rhys' head to find out. Impatient as he was, Roland still enjoyed the anticipation that came with undressing Rhys and being undressed, it seemed too important a part to skip over entirely.

[spy-in-the-house]

This Griessmühle BLN located heavy assault Psycho Thrill Cologne TECHNO throw-back from 2014!

PSYCHO THRILL [@] TALKING MACHINES BLN 08082014

08-08-2014: Another typical club mix in a pure Psycho Thrill CGN vein, played by Claus Bachor for “TALKING MACHINES” at GRIESSMUEHLE / Berlin. SRY here for a few slight rumbles due to a skippy turntable and a partially distorted monitoring which accounts either for some of the “lil'skips” during the mix. However, it used to be a huge night due to the brilliant audience hangin’ out there - movin’ into any direction on the cutting edge of Techno -, the super nice work by the “Talking Machines” promoters and the very cool atmosphere of the whole “Griessmuehle” club as well.

FULL TRACK-LISTING feat. 53 Vinyl-Only tracks by 

01 VELVIT: Chic Anatomy [ A-side from Exit Records | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK Promo-10” ] 02 PIP WILLIAMS: Analog Sequencer [A1-track from “Analog Sequences” SHAMELESS TOADY 007 | Veto Music Distr. UK 12" ] 03 DREXCIYA: Dr. Blowfin’s Black Storm Stabilizing Spheres [ B1-track from “Harnessed The Storm” Tresor Records 181LP | EFA Distr. EU 2xPromo-12" ] 04 PEVERELIST & HODGE:  Bells _ Dream Sequence [B-side from Punch Drunk 031 | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK  12"] 05 LIIT [PABLO MATEO & S.HOFFMANN]: Islando [ B-side from “Lungo Islando EP” Lack Records 002  | DNP Distr. EU Promo-12” ] 06 FRED P: Ram [ A-side from “Fred P / Kai Alce” Finale Select 001 / Final Sessions UK | Veto Music Distr.  UK 12" ] 07 SIGHA: Purita [ B1-track from “Living With Ghosts” Hot Flush Recordings LP 009 | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK  2x12" ] 08 L’ESTASI DELL’ORO: Dichotomous Life [ A-side from Flaneur Audio 005 | Hard Wax Distr. US GL-12" ] 09 ANDREAS GEHM: Fade To Spring [ A2-track from “Watch Them” Chiwax 011 | DBH Music Distr. EU Promo-12" ] 10 MODULA & THANKSMATE: State Of Mind [ B1-track from “Behind The Shapes EP” Rawax Ltd. 006 | DBH Music Distr. EU Promo-12” ] 11 CON-FUSION KIDDZZ [RON TRENT & ANTHONY NICHOLSON]: Stresskill _ Anger Mix [ A-side from Prescription Records 123 | Cajual Distr. US Promo-12" ] 12 PSYANCE [RON ALLEN]: The Answer [ A-side from Plus 8 Records 8038 | Intellinet Distr. CAN Promo-12" ] 13 STASIS [STEVE PICKTON]: Space 1993 _ Unbroken Dub Remix [ B-side from Only One Music 005 | DBH Music Distr. EU Promo-12" ] 14 SILVER SHOWER [IAN POOLEY]: Ice Fractions 2-2 [ A2-track from “Ice Fractions 2” Plus 8 Records 8061 | Intellinet  Distr. CAN Promo-12" ] 15 THE KVB [BURMA CAMP]: I Only See The Lights _ Shifted Version [A2-track from “Immaterial Visons Remixes”  Citi Trax 009| Complete Distr. US  WL-12” ] 16 FUNCTION [DAVID SUMNER]: Disaffected [A-side from “Anticipation” Sandwell District 010  |  Hard Wax Distr. UK WL-12" ] 17 THE MAGHREBAN [DR. ZYGOTE]: Amok Time [ A-side from Zoot Records 007 | Hard Wax Distr. UK 12" ] 18 LUKE SLATER: She Showed Me Heaven _ L.B.Dub Corp Remix [ B-side  from Mote-Evolver 010 | NEWS Distr. UK 2x-12" ] 19 MORGANISTIC [LUKE SLATER]: Leaf [ C1-track from “Fluids Amniotic” Input Neuron Musique LP 001 | EFA Distr. UK Promo-2x12" ] 20 PAUL WOOLFORD: Pandemonium _ Norman Nodge Remix [ B-side from Intimacy Plate 001 | Hard Wax UK 12" ] 21 PLANETARY ASSAULT SYSTEMS [LUKE SLATER]: Booster [ A-side from Peacefrog Records 029 | EFA Distr. UK Promo- 12" ] 22 LEONEL CASTILLO: Deep Blue [ A-Side  from “Deep Blue EP” Sushitech 024 | WAS Distr. EU 2x12" ] 23 RON MANEY [aka DJ SKULL]: Reconstruction [ A2-track from “2 Entities” Relief Reco0rds 761 | Cajual Distr. US Promo-12" ]  24 TENSAL [HECTOR SANDOVAL]: Aa2 [ A2-track from “Tensal2” Tensal 002 | Intergroove Distr. ESP 12” ] 25 THEMIS [NAIL TOLLIDAY]: Your Round [ A-side from Ideal Trax T-011 | EFA Distr. UK Promo-12" ] 26 HALCYON [COLIN MCBEAN]: Tribal Imbalanced Messed With … [ B2-track from Halcyon Daze 002 | Sonic Groove Distr. US Promo-12" ] 27 UNKNOWN ARTIST: Saver 56 [ A-side from Delirium DELS 95072 | Delirium Distr. EU 7" ] 28 AIR LIQUIDE: Zeitgeber [ A1-track from “Stroboplastics” Harvest 12P 519477 | EMI Distr. EU 2x12" ] 29 333 [PAUL SLATER] vs. FRED EX [FRED GIANELLI]: Burst [ A-side from “Backbreaker EP” Telepathic Recordings PSI-030 BS | Sonic Groove Distr. US Promo-12" ] 30 BORAI [BORIS ENGLISH]: Midnight Run [ B-side from Tasteful Nudes 003| WAS Distr. US WL-12" ] 31 FORWARD STRATEGY GROUP [Al MATTHEWS & PATRICK WALKER]: A Marvel [ A-side from “Levity” M-Records Ltd. 021 | Intergroove Distr. ITA 12" ] 32 THE NOISEMAKER [RICARDO PIOVESIAN]: Interface [ B1-track from Silent Steps Records 009| Intergroove Distr. FRA 12” ] 33 HODGE : Resolve [ A-side from Punch Drunk 033 | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK  12" ] 34 UNTOLD [JACK DUNNING]: I Can’t Stop This Feeling [ B-side from Hemlock Recordings  006 | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK  12" ] 35 HODGE: Amor Fati [ A-side from Dnuos Ytivil 699 | S.T.Holdings Ltd.Distr. UK  12" ]   36 THE 65D MAVERICKS [NICK DUNTON & RICHARD POLSON]: Estrangement Of The Past _ Surgeon Remix [ B-side from Surface Ltd. 003 | Rubadub Distr. UK 12" ] 37 JAMES RUSKIN: Return _ Regis Remix [ A-side from Blueprint Ltd. 002 | Neuton Distr. UK Promo-12" ] 38 TROLLIN DWARF [ROLAND CASPER]: Play Hooky [ A-side from Jakpot 009 | Intellinet  Distr. US Promo-12" ] 39 SDX: D3 [ B1-track from Reference 005 | Hard Wax Distr. UK 12" ] 40 MURAT [MURAT GOKSEL]: Pilgrimage B2 [ B2-track from “Pilgrimage” Method 11:11 005 | EFA Distr. UK Promo-2x12"] 41 SDX: D4 [ B2-track from Reference 005 | Hard Wax Distr. UK 12" ] 42 JEFF MILLS: i9  [ B-side from Axis Records 015 (1) | Axis Records US-Promo-12” ] 43 JEFF MILLS: “The” part 3 [ B1-track from “See The Light” Prt.3 Axis 038 | Axis Records US-Promo-12” ] 44 JEFF MILLS: Clark [ A1-track from Axis 019FV (1) | Axis Records US-Promo-BL-12” ] 45 JEFF MILLS: “Light” part 3 [ B1-track from “See The Light” Prt.3 Axis 038 | Axis Records US-Promo-12” ] 46 JEFF MILLS: B2F-7 [ B2-track from Axis 019FV (1) | Axis Records US-Promo-BL-12” ] 47 JEFF MILLS: Vertical [ B2-track from Axis 008 (1) | Axis Records US-Promo-BL-12” ] 48 DJ QU: Eden [ A side from Ygrec 002 | Underground Gallery Distr. JAP Promo-12” ] 49 ARCHITECTURAL [JUAN RICO]: Untitled B [ B-side from Architectural 005 | Rubadub Distr. ESP 12” ] 50 ARCHITECTURAL [JUAN RICO]: Untitled A2 [ A-side from Architectural 003 | Rubadub Distr. ESP 12” ] 51 RENNIE FOSTER: Call The Sun [ B1-track from Soiree Rec. Int. 158 | DNP Distr. US Promo-12” ] 52 FUNCTION: Variance 1 [ A-side from Sandwell District 013 | Hard Wax Distr. UK WL-12” ] 53 KEITA SANO: She Was The One [ B-side from “People Are Changing” Mister Saturday Night Records 010 | Complete Distr. US 12” ]//

This club-mix also contains parts from UNDERGROUND RESISTANCE: Kill My Radio Station _ Acapella by Mark Floyd [ B-side from UR7-072 | Submerge Distr. / Detroit Threads US 7" ]

More info and sounds from Claus Bachor/ Psycho Thrill Cologne/ SpyInTheHouse via LINKTR

[spy-in-the-house]

SpyInTheHouse 674 Fm Podcast 011 11272017

This 3hrs (also) video-streamed 674.fm / SpyInTheHouse all.vinyl November-jam (by Claus Bachor / Psycho Thrill Cologne) with featured tracks by Anthony Shakir, Dwele, The Advent, Chaos/ Mark Floyd, The Droyds, Morphology (2), Circadian Rhythms, Underground Resistance , Jean-Loius Huhta, Blake Baxter, Steve Rachmad (2), Fabrizio Lapiani, Sigha (remixed by Wata Igrashi & Function) (2), Akmé, Slam (remixed by Claude Young Jr.), Biochip C, Jeroen Search (4), Laurent Garnier, Cliff Hanger (2), Waajeed (2), Oniris, Delano Smith, Trevino, Broccoli Bros. vs. Righteous Men, Woo York, Roland Casper, Mark N-R-G (remixed by Roland Casper), Opuswerk, Integer, The Dusk, Philus, Echoplex, Murat, Tafkamp, Terrence Dixon, Klankman, Mode Selector, SCB/ Scuba (2), Egyptian Lover, DJ Roach, Rennie Foster, Timeline, John E.Collins, A Number Of Names, Sexual Harrassment, John D. (2), Roy Ayers, Lil'Justin, Drivetrain/ Derrick Thompson, Da Rebels, Funkadelic (remixed by Moodyman) in this mix. TRACK LISTING: 01 ANTHONY 'SHAKE' SHAKIR: Detroit: State Of Mind [ B2-track from “... Waiting For Russell” Frictional Recordings FRCT-008 US Promo-12" | 1998 ] 02 DWELE [ANDWELE GARDNER]: Early Morning [ A-side from “Detroit City” Rara RARA-003 UK 12" | 2004 ] 03 THE ADVENT [CISCO FERREIRA & COLIN McBEAN]: Insight 01 (Level Z) [ B2-track from “Standers” Internal CCCB-10 UK Promo-12" | 1996 ] 04 CHAOS [MARK FLOYD]: Afrogermanic [ A-side from “Crime Report” Underground Resistance UR-021 / Submerge US 12" | 1998 ] 05 THE DROYDS [ANDY CHATTERLEY & RICHARD NORRIS]: All I Ever Wanted [ A1-track from “EP 1” New Religion REG117 UK 12" | 2005 ] 06 MORPHOLOGY [MATTI TORUNEN & MICHAEL DIEKMANN]: Conductive Force [ A1-track from “In Between” Innerspace Records 001 CRO 12" | 2017 ] 07 CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS [CHRISTOPHE DE GROOT]: Insight [ A-side from “Silicon EP” Triad Recordings TRIAD 001/ Elypsia BEL Promo-12" | 1997 ] 08 MORPHOLOGY : Inversium Layer [ A2-track from “In Between” Innerspace Records 001 CRO 12" | 2017 ] 09 JEAN-LOUIS HUHTA: Viva La Differenze! [ A1-track from “Zoat Zingo” Hybrid Productions HP-1017 SWE Promo-10" | 2000 ] 10 UNDERGROUND RESISTANCE: Electronic Warfare _ Vocal Mix [ B1-track from “Electronic Warfare - Designs For Sonic Revolutions” Underground Resistance UR-033 US 12" | 1995 ] 11 DJ NAUGHTY: Boing Bum Tschak [ A-side from “Boing Bum Tschag / Innerwood” International Deejay Gigolo Records Gigolo-001 GER Promo-10" | 1996 ] 12 STEVE RACHMAD: Ubatuba Blues [ B-side from “Neo Classica” Sino SINO-102LP HongKong 3x12" | 2006 ] 13 BLAKE BAXTER: Energizer [ A1-track from “Energizer” Tresor 038 GER Promo-12" | 1996 ] 14 STEVE RACHMAD: My Tikkie Tik [ A1-track from “Neo Classica” Sino SINO-102LP HongKong 3x12" | 2006 ] 15 FABRIZIO LAPIANA: Weaving [ A1-track from “://about blank 002” ://about blank 002 GER 12" | 2017 ] 16 SIGHA [JAMES SHAW]: Black Massing _ Wata Igarashi 'Dusk Falls' Remix [ A1-track from “Metabolism Remixes” TOKEN-077 BEL 12" | 2017 ] 17 AKMÉ: Inner Islands [ A2-track from “://about blank 002” ://about blank 002 GER 12" | 2017 ] 18 SIGHA: Down _ Function Remix [ B1-track from “Metabolism Remixes” TOKEN-077 BEL 12" | 2017 ] 19 JEROEN SEARCH [JEROEN SCHRIJVERSHOF]: Without Abrupt Change [ A2-track from “Continuum EP” Odd Even ODD/EVEN 012 GER 12" | 2017 ] 20 SLAM [ORDE MEIKLE & STUART McMILLAN]: Dark Forces _ Claude Young Jr. Remix [ A2-track from “Dark Forces Remixes” Soma Quality Recordings SOMA-45 UK Promo-12" | 1996 ] 21 JEROEN SEARCH: Quantitative Transitions [ A3-track from “Continuum EP” Odd Even ODD/EVEN 012 GER 12" | 2017 ] 22 BIOCHIP C [MARTIN DAMM]: Quartz [ A2-track from “Cranefly Warriors Vol. 3” Dj.ungle Fever 2002.02 GER Promo-12" | 2002 ] 24 JEROEN SEARCH: Continuous Or Discrete [ B3-track from “Continuum EP” Odd Even ODD/EVEN 012 GER 12" | 2017 ] 25 CLIFF HANGER [DARREN PRICE]: That's How It Is [ A1-track from “That's How It Is” Underwater Records H2O-007 UK Promo-12" | 1998 ] 26 LAURENT GARNIER: The Man With The Red Face [ A-side from F Communications F-119 Romo X FRA Promo-12" | 2000 ] 27 WAAJEED [ROBERT O'BRYANT]: Shango [ A2-track from “SHANGO EP” Dirt Tech Reck DTR-11 / Submerge US 12" | 2017 ] 28 Cliffhanger: Who's Who? [ B1-track from “That's How It Is” Underwater Records H2O-007 UK Promo-12" | 1998 ] 29 WAAJEED [ROBERT O'BRYANT]: Winston’s Midnight Disco [ A1-track from “SHANGO EP” Dirt Tech Reck DTR-11 / Submerge US 12" | 2017 ] 30 ONIRIS [XAVIER JANUARIO]: Hope & Despair [ A-side from “Hope & Despair” Astropolis Records AR-02.2 FRA 12" | 2013 ] 31 DELANO SMITH: On The Run [ A-side from “Detroit Lost Tapes” Sushitech Records SUSH-039 GER 3x12" | 2017 ] 32 TREVINO [MARCUS KAYE]: Spin Away [ B1-track from “Tactical Manoeuvre EP” 3024 3024-020 UK 12" | 2012 ] 33 BROCCOLI BROTHERS vs. RIGHTEOUS MEN [GREGOR POTTMEIER, JOHANNES EHMANN, TOBIAS KOTH vs. KRISCHAN JAN-ERIC WESENBERG, THIMO U. SEIDEL]: Ruhrschnellweg _ Last Exit Stahlhausen Mix [ B1-track from “Catch It” Thee Blak Label BLAK-005 / Radikal Fear BEL Promo-12" | 1995 ] 34 WOO YORK [ANDREW VANZHULA & DENNIS ANDRIYANOW]: I Am Against _ Ø [Phase] Remix [ B-side from “I Am Against” Soma Quality Recordings SOMA-409 UK 12" | 2017 ] 35 ROLAND CASPER: Chance [ A2-track from “Sons Of Acido [Down With The Pig System #3.0]” Psycho Thrill PT-XTRA 003 Testpress-12" | 2016 ] 36 MARK N-R-G [ALEXANDER TROITZSCH]: Don't Stop _ Remix by Roland Casper [ B-side from “Don't Stop (The Remixes)” Overdrive OVER-062-R1 GER 10" | 1995 ] 37 OPUSWERK [HENDRIK VAN BOETZELAER]: Derzhprom _ Keith Carnal Remix [ B2-track from “Social Condenser” Arts ARTS-030 ITA 12" | 1017 ] 38 INTEGER [JASON ALEXANDER]: Kabbola [ A-side from “Kabbola / Patter” Dystrophic Recordings DYS TEN-001 UK Promo-10" | 1997 ] 39 SCB [SCUBA / PAUL ROSE]: Test Tubes [ A1-track from “Old Media New Society” Hotflush Recordings HF-047 UK 12" | 2017 ] 40 THE DUSK [ROBERT BABIZC]: Drugsky 0023 [ B3-track from “Tatort: 42” Essence 109 / Roadrunner GER Promo-12" | 1996 ] 41 PHILUS [MIKA TAPIO VAINIO]: Kuvio 3 [ B2-track from “Kolmio EP” Sähkö Recordings SÄHKÖ-014 FIN Promo-12" | 1998 ] 42 ECHOPLEX [PETER SLIWINSKI]: Equilibrium [ B1-track from “Entire Sound Spectrum EP” Speaker Attack spa-017 / Axodya CH Promo-12" | 2001 ] 43 MURAT [MURAT GOKSEL]: Photon #3 [ B1-track from “Photon” Data Records DATA-001 US Promo-12" | 1999 ] 44 THANOS HANA [HANA]: Jon Always At 1210 [ B1-track from “TH06” TH Tar Hallow TH-006 NL BL-12" | 2017 ] 45 TERRENCE DIXON: Midnight Hours [ D1-track from “Detroit : Beyond The Third Wave” Astralwerks ASW6170-1 US 2x12" | 1996 ] 46 KLANKMAN[MAARTEN EPSKAMP]: Rashond [ A1-track from “Klankman” TH Tar Hallow TH-002 NL BL-12" | 2017 ] 47 MODE SELECTOR [FANON FLOWERS]: Last Trip [ D2-track from “Detroit : Beyond The Third Wave” Astralwerks ASW6170-1 US 2x12" | 1996 ] 48 SCB [SCUBA / PAUL ROSE]: Freedom For The Fifty [ A2-track from “Old Media New Society” Hotflush Recordings HF-047 UK 12" | 2017 ] 49 EGYPTIAN LOVER [GREG J.BROUSSARD]: Girls _ Re-Mix-Long Version [ A-side from “Girls” Egyptian Empire Records ?DMSR-0664 US 12" | 1985 ] 50 DJ ROACH [RAUL ROCHA]: The Heads [ A2-track from “Universal Shift” Soiree Records Int. SRT-168 US Testpress-12" | 2017 ] 51 RENNIE FOSTER: Infrastructure [ B1-track from “Universal Shift” Soiree Records Int. SRT-168 US Testpress-12" | 2017 ] 52 UNDERGROUND RESISTANCE: Timeline [ A-side from “Millenium To Millenium” Underground Resistance UR. 2001 / Submerge US Promo-12" | 2001 ] 53 JOHN E.COLLINS: All We Need [ A-side from “All We Need / Yeah” Underground Resistance UR-080 US Promo-12" | 2009 ] 54 A NUMBER OF NAMES [PAUL LESLEY, RODERICK SIMPSON, SERLING JONES]: Sharevari _ Instrumental Mix [ B2-track from “Edits 1” Bass 001 / Submerge US WL-12" | 1999 ] 55 SEXUAL HARRASSMENT: You Are Myx Sexual Connection [ A3-track from “I Need A Freak” Heat SV-301 US Promo-LP" | 1983 ] 56 JOHN D. [JOHN DIAZ & CARMEN PADILLA] feat. CARMEN: Hot Spot _ Dub [ B-side from “Hot Spot” 25 West Records TFW-1019 US 12" | 1986 ] 57 JOHN D.: Electro-Bop _ Dub Version [ B-side from “Electro-Bop” 25 West Records TFW-1015 US 12" | 1985 ] 58 ROY AYERS: In The Dark _ 12" Mix [ A-side from “In The Dark” Columbia 44 05115 US 12" | 1984 ] 59 KERRI "KAOZ 6:23" CHANDLER pres. LIL'JUSTIN: Trace _ Club Mix [ B-side from “Ah Baby / Trace” Madhouse Records, Inc. KCT-1003 UK Promo-12" | 1993 ] 60 DRIVETRAIN [DERRICK THOMPSON]: One Love [ A1-track from “Universal Shift” Soiree Records Int. SRT-168 US Testpress-12" | 2017 ] 61 DA REBELS [CURTIS ALAN JONES & LIDDELL TOWNSELL]: Come To Me _ Night Mix [ A2-track from “Mello Madness” Clubhouse Records CHR-120 US Testpress-12" | 1992 ] 62  FUNKADELIC: Cosmic Slop _ Moodymann Mix [ B1-track from “Reworked By Detroiters” Westbound Records SEW3-158 UK 3x12" | 2017 ]

[rhysdasiorarchive]

“It is. Very.” There was nothing but absolute certainty in Rhys’ tone as he confirmed Roland’s assumption. “I’m fortunate, though. Corinne’s soul remains closely tethered to our plane of existence, so it never takes too long to reach her. After a while, you get used to the lack of a solid physical presence. Just having their voice can be enough of a comfort sometimes. God knows just how many times our little spiritual rendezvous have put me back on the straight and narrow.” Rhys had expected the offer to come as a surprise of sorts and naturally, it had. Roland’s shock was met with a professional calmness as Rhys nodded his agreement as the offer was questioned. It was reassuring to know that Roland wanted to mull it over first rather than launching straight into it. A little consideration went an awfully long way when it came to these sorts of things. “Of course,” Rhys replied smoothly, “I’m never going to deny you the opportunity. There’s no time limit to the offer, either. Take as much time as you need to think it over. If you wanna commit to it later down the line, great. If you don’t, that’s fine too. Whatever you choose, I’ll respect it. You’re the only one who can make this choice.”

Rhys felt a wave of pride wash over him at the reaction but he didn’t bask in it for long. He was too distracted by Roland’s words to revel in his momentary victory. He sighed approvingly into the kiss, practically melting against Roland as he lost himself in the hunger in it, the familiar weight of Roland’s palm against his heart causing his heartbeat to spike in fond acknowledgement of the gesture. The witch had been about to protest as the kiss was broken when Roland’s attention shifted and Rhys gave a soft whine in impatient anticipation as the far too alluring request was uttered. “Thought you’d never ask,” he teased, unable to help himself. “I’m waiting on you, Ro. Told you already that whatever you want is yours, didn’t I? What’re you waiting for?”

Roland struggled to understand family ties as his had been cut so early in his long life but he could understand not wanting to lose those you loved. In that sense, he supposed Corinne's choice made some sense even if it was still not one Roland would ever have made. Roland blinked, frowning a little as Rhys mentioned that he still spoke with her. What, did he commune with her spirit? Perhaps that was something witches could do. It seemed to be the case as Rhys explained. "I suppose that must be comforting." Roland wasn't sure it was, though. How would you not spend all your time clinging to that last scrap of someone, longing for something you couldn't really have back? The offer caught him off guard and he jolted, the shock obvious on his face. "Try it...with Alix?" On the one hand, he wanted to jump at the opportunity. To see him again, hear his voice....the longing for it was sharp and deep and he almost immediately wanted to say he would try it. But on the other hand, it would no doubt be incomplete and temporary. How much worse would it be to have him back for such a short time and then have to lose him again? Wouldn't it just make everything worse. "I'll...I'll have to think about it." The very idea shook him and threw him into turmoil.

Better to focus on Rhys for now, as he desperately tried to do and more or less succeeded. The longing for Alix was old and familiar, but the one for Rhys was fresher and he could actually do something about it immediately. The witch seemed to be on board with that given how he took his thumb into his mouth for a moment and Roland let out a breath at the sight and feeling of it. "You. All of you, every part I've been deprived of for too long. I need to feel you, taste you, be with you again." He followed the impassioned words with another kiss, rougher this time, the hand on Rhys' face sliding down and pressing firmly against his heart. He pulled away from the searing kiss after a moment only to trail his lips down Rhys' jaw and neck. "Let me take you to bed, cheri."

[rhysdasiorarchive]

“She told me that she couldn’t stand to watch any of us pass before her. Knowing that those of us who are content with our lifespan wouldn’t be eternally by her side was too harrowing a thought, according to her. She’d argued that she’d lived enough of a life, experienced enough, and that she was content with the path I was on at the time, even if I couldn’t properly see it for myself yet, she didn’t have to hold my hand through it any longer. I guess that was the last of her worries taken care of before her time came.” Corinne had always been a lifeline for Rhys in a multitude of ways and though he’d lost her physical form, he’d been fortunate enough not to suffer the same prolonged ache of raw grief for as long as Roland had with Alix. “I still talk with her pretty often. It’s what the psychomanteum’s for in my suite– y’know, the little space with the desk and the mirror? It’s an altar most of the time so you’ve probably ignored it and the mirror’s usually covered, but… yeah. That’s what that is.” Rhys paused for a moment to consider his next offer carefully, his gaze scanning over Roland’s face curiously. “It can be therapeutic. If it’s ever something you want to try, I’m sure we could figure something out. No pressure, though.” It could be a lot the first time around and given how much of a toll merely discussing Alix was taking on Roland, such an approach wasn’t recommended until he was in a much stronger mindset. “Just want you to know it’s an option.”

It dawned a moment too late on Rhys that it’d be all too easy to accidentally burn Roland’s far too expensive but still somehow outlandishly garish couch if he got too magnetised by the sudden show of attentiveness, forcing himself to think rationally for a second to stub out his cigarette and chuck it in the ashtray beside Roland’s as he was granted a brief reprieve to catch his breath once they parted. Rhys shuddered faintly as the vampire’s thumb traced over his lips, taking the digit into his mouth with a hint of a playful smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he hummed around it in contemplation, pulling off of it with a low laugh as he held Roland’s gaze. “Tell me what you need, Ro. Whatever you want, it’s yours.”

Roland shook his head slightly as Rhys tried to deny his appreciation. "It still wasn't required. After how I've treated you...well. You deserve my appreciation and more." He would drop it after that but it was important that Rhys knew it meant a lot to Roland, that he'd been willing to listen to the reason for his behaviour and being so understanding on top of it. Not everyone would have been and it was just further proof that Rhys was exceptional. Given how difficult it still was to discuss Alix in any detail it was likely fairly obvious that he hadn't exactly dealt with or processed his grief in any significant way but what else should he have done? He spent nearly sixty years drowning and the only way he'd been able to move on was to box it all away, both literally and figuratively. It was the only way he functioned and for the most part it worked so long as Alix didn't come up too much. Naturally, he was coming up a lot right now but even this was nearly unbearable and he hoped they could get past it soon. It had been necessary, certainly, but he couldn't stay in this space for too long or he risked falling back into the whirlpool of his grief and despair. Rhys didn't need that from him.

The witch tried to wave away his sympathy but it had seemed at least somewhat necessary, even if it was the natural way of things as Rhys explained. Roland blinked a little, slightly surprised Corinne had apparently chosen to die rather than continue. What kind of choice was that? Certainly not one Roland would ever make but they were rather different people. "I suppose you did what you had to, then. It's still a terrible thing. Suffering such losses, inevitable as they may be, it...takes things from you, carves part of you away and you never really get them back." Roland stared off into the middle of the room for a moment as he spoke, not appreciating this maudlin mood but he couldn't seem to shake it quickly, taking another drag off his cigarette. Losing Alix had felt like it had hollowed him out entirely and he'd had to fight hard to fill the space back in though he'd never fully succeeded. "I confess, I can't understand her choice but I'm sure she appreciated you respecting it."

They needed to move past this, to get beyond all this grief and celebrate being back together as Roland desperately hoped they were. Rhys kissed him and leaned into him so easily, so readily, that it certainly seemed like it. He reached over blindly to set his cigarette in the nearby ashtray so he'd have both hands free, cupping Rhys' face and shifting closer on the couch so there was little space between them at all. He deepened the kiss, tasting the smoke and the alcohol on Rhys but drinking it all in regardless, almost greedily. He wrapped an arm around Rhys to keep him close and only just remembered that Rhys did have to breathe sometimes so finally pulled back a little, just enough to be able to look at him. "Stay with me." Roland traced his thumb lightly over Rhys' lips. "I need you." In a number of ways, really, but he was fairly sure Rhys was aware of that.

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“You don’t need to thank me for anything, Ro. I mean that. Being here for you is the least I can do, especially with something like this.” It was blindingly obvious that the pain Roland felt was still raw no matter how much time had passed since the loss of Alix; it clearly hadn’t been dealt with or managed in any sufficient way throughout the years, undoubtedly shoved to the back of his mind, the pain of it too great to bear and whilst Rhys understood that doing so was the fastest way to deal with such agonising pain, he also knew all too well that it was the worst way to pretend to manage it. He could have taken the same approach with Corinne and the devastating side effects of her loss – it’d been tempting to deny it, to save himself from feeling as if his heart had caved in on itself entirely. Somehow, likely through the demands of the rest of the family, he’d worked through his grief in a significantly healthier manner. It also helped that the occasional scrying session brought her back to him in near-perfect clarity even if it always managed to drain a debilitating amount of mana each and every time, leaving him magically spent but emotionally fulfilled until the time rolled around again. 

Though perpetuating discussions pertaining to grief was a… risky decision given the delicate nature of such a topic, it seemed to pay off if Roland’s quiet admission was anything to go by. However, the obvious pain that reflected in Roland’s entire demeanour mere seconds later firmly told Rhys that dwelling on the topic any longer was only going to do Roland more harm than good and the sooner they shifted from it, the better. The vampire’s subdued sympathy prompted a dismissive wave of Rhys’ hand out of pure habit, the gesture aborted halfway as he moved to take a slow drag on his cigarette instead. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it’s just a fact of life. All mortals go through the cycle. No use in running from it or trying to deny it. Accepting that it’ll happen is all we– my kind, I suppose– can do. She could’ve granted herself immortality, she had the magic and the knowledge to. She just… didn’t want to. Past a certain point, sometimes enough is enough. Trying to persuade her otherwise would’ve been insulting to her. Would’ve been selfish of me, too. As hard as it was, accepting it was the only thing left to do even if it felt like a betrayal at the time.”

Rhys had been content to settle into the silence and let them both mull over and process everything once and for all but when it was interrupted, Rhys had been glad he’d refrained from fully mentally checking out like he usually tended to when matters of the heart were explored so thoroughly, Corinne’s laughter fading in his mind as Roland tugged him closer. Rhys hadn’t realised how badly he’d needed the familiar comfort of the vampire’s affection until it practically flooded every sense. He leaned closer without even realising it, instinctively satiating the need to be as close to Roland as physically possible. If nothing else, at least the proximity would give them both something concrete to cling to while emotions were running as high as they were.

Thankfully, Rhys accepted his decision on the matter, his inability to discuss Alix in any kind of regular setting outside of this one where he was explaining it all. It would likely be a rare occurrence that he brought him up at all but it had been important for Rhys to know about him. When you're the one left behind. Roland flinched a little at the accuracy of the statement, though he knew Rhys hadn't said it to be hurtful. He'd been the one left behind many times, from deaths or simply because he'd been left and it was...still difficult, sometimes, to reconcile that. "Merci. For understanding. I appreciate it." Rhys' kind words deserved some kind of response even if he could barely manage that. At least it was nice to know Rhys wasn't going to ask him for details which Roland wouldn't have been able to take, especially if it happened regularly. The respect for his pain and grief was greatly appreciated.

Roland looked at him when Rhys opened up about his own grief, pained to hear that he'd also suffered a great loss. It was different, obviously, the loss of a beloved family member different than that of a lover but the grief was clearly similar. A beloved person was still gone. They'd discussed Corinne once, who Roland had known during the war, but never in much detail and that was clearly who Rhys was referencing now. Roland listened, sympathetic, and nodded as Rhys described some of the actions he'd taken, smoking and feeling very much like he needed to as those descriptions reminded him of the things he'd done. "I wore his clothes." He added, softly, not interrupting just contributing further to their conversation about grief. "They didn't fit properly, they were too big for me, but it felt...like a way to be close to him." He swallowed, feeling that fist close over his chest and his throat tighten. Too much, he shouldn't talk about the details, that had been a mistake. Roland closed his eyes and fought it down, gritted his teeth until it passed and let out a slow breath, opening his eyes again and taking a shaky drag from the cigarette. That was exactly why he didn't delve into too much detail. Rhys seemed to okay it as he came back around to Roland and Alix, saying it was all right to keep Alix to himself and it didn't dishonour his memory. That was a small comfort. "You're right. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced anything even remotely similar. It's terrible, grief and the weight of loss. I would never have wished it on you." It obviously happened and Roland couldn't have done anything about it but he didn't like knowing Rhys had experienced anything even close to that pain.

There was a silence again, probably much needed by both of them, until Roland couldn't help but express how much he'd missed Rhys again. A slight smile tugged at Roland's lips as the witch agreed. "I feel the same way." It hadn't been right without Rhys, nothing had been and it didn't seem like it would be fully until they were together again. Using his grip on Rhys' wrist, Roland tugged him gently towards him and leaned forward at the same time, catching his lips and kissing him slowly though there was a hint of desperation in it as well. He needed him back, just needed him right now, still raw and sensitive from his grief but wanting more than anything to heal this breach between them and just be with Rhys again.

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Rhys nodded in understanding as the offer was politely declined. It was Roland’s call to make; if he didn’t wish to put himself through discussing such a raw subject again, Rhys had no intention of forcing it out of him. It’d clearly taken a lot out of him to share as much as he had. “And that’s fine too, Ro. You’ve gotta do what’s best for you. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. When you’re the one left behind, you need to learn to find ways to cope with and manage the pain that remains. If keeping Alix’s memory alive is something that you can only manage mentally, so be it.” Taking a moment to choose his words carefully, Rhys took a breath to steady himself before continuing.

“Although it’s on a slightly different level, I can empathise with you. When I lost my grandmother a few years back, I was a wreck. I couldn’t function as a person for months on end once she’d passed. I barely left her bed for the first few weeks. Wouldn’t see anyone, wouldn’t talk to a single soul. I refused to exist, basically. It felt like all the good in the world had died alongside her. She… she raised me, basically. Taught me everything I knew, took me under her wing without a moment’s hesitation when things really turned south back home... she was the only person who could ever truly get through to me. She’d talk me down through my worst moments and never thought less of me because of it. I’m the person and the witch I am today because of her. I doubt I’d still be here if it hadn’t been for her intervention and unwavering compassion. Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. It’s only over the past year or so that I’ve been able to talk about her without freezing up and shutting down but some instances are harder than others. But just because I don’t talk about her doesn’t mean that I love her any less. The same goes for you and Alix. Your love for him doesn’t dissipate just because you’re not speaking about him. You can adore someone with all your heart and keep them to yourself; those things can coexist and that’s okay.”

Taking a much-needed drag on his cigarette, Rhys’ gaze followed the plume of smoke and he smiled forlornly up at the ceiling as Corinne’s chastisement for the habit rang out in the recesses of his mind. Hypocrite that she was, it was every bit as amusing as a distant memory as it had been hearing it face-to-face every time she’d caught him hanging out his bedroom window with an ashtray haphazardly perched in his lap, her cigar tin sat on the table beside her armchair downstairs seemingly nonexistent as she’d playfully reprimand him from the doorway. The soothing touches against his wrist brought Rhys’ attention back to Roland in seconds and the witch smiled tenderly at the quiet admission. “Missed you too, Ro. Hasn’t been the same without you. Nothing’s felt right without you.”

Rhys' hand on his shoulder was welcome, a small physical comfort and tether that Roland could attach himself to so he didn't get too lost in the memories and sorrow. At least, that's what he hoped and he was grateful for it regardless. Rhys seemed willing to listen even if he was less than sober and in spite of his stalling, once Roland got started he was glad for few interruptions. There was the expression of sympathy, of course, which was entirely inadequate. It often annoyed him more than anything but Rhys couldn't know that, he was just trying to be kind so Roland just nodded as he expressed it, still mostly in the grips of the terrible memories and feelings that thinking and talking about Alix's death brought him to. It was likely because of that that he barely registered the removal of Rhys' hand from his shoulder and missed the small gesture entirely. It was taking most of his strength not to crumble under the weight of emotions that really should have been easier to bear after ninety years but somehow didn't seem to be. Perhaps it was because of the way he'd dealt with it, the boxing away rather than processing them, but that was neither here nor there. He'd done what he had to do and he was still here now because of it.

Roland did notice the surprise on Rhys' face when he once again spoke of his feelings even if he was trying to hide it. He might not have been so observant but he was trying to come out of the feelings and pay attention to Rhys so he noticed. The surprise seemed out of place but then Rhys had never yet reacted to the confession the way that Roland hoped he would. Perhaps he would just have to be patient. Surely Rhys felt something similar for him, didn't he? They likely wouldn't be doing this if he didn't so Roland would just have to wait though he couldn't help but be plain about how he felt now that he'd truly accepted it. He enjoyed expressing love, feeling it now that he allowed himself to, and Rhys would just have to get used to it.

Finally, it was all told and Roland immediately wished he had another drink or five but it didn't feel like he could get up for one just yet. He still felt exposed and a little raw as much as he'd tried to keep the pain in check it wasn't wholly possible, not with this. There was a long silence but Roland didn't really mind, gratefully taking the cigarette he was offered. He took a long drag, feeling like he needed it, and exhaled slowly, looking at Rhys again when he spoke. Roland swallowed at the words. "As am I." He agreed, softly, though part of him still mourned the fact that they hadn't had enough, that they should have had more time. Rhys was grateful and Roland tried a small smile and thought he just managed it. "You deserved to know." Rhys of all people deserved the story, the truth of it. All the councilmen who'd known Alix, who'd known Roland and Alix together, they weren't worthy of it, not really but Rhys? Rhys could know, should know, and it was the only reason Roland had been willing to be so vulnerable. If they were going to work it seemed important that he give this explanation. When Rhys reached over to tuck Roland's hair back he leaned into the touch, pressed against his palm and closed his eyes for a moment, like he needed it. It had been far too long since they'd touched each other and for a tactile being like Roland it felt like he was starved of it. His eyes opened when Rhys spoke again, looking at him though he practically winced at the suggestion. He was your whole world. Yes, he was, he had been, but Roland couldn't follow that thought too far or he'd drown again.

"I'd rather not." The words were soft and pained and he tried not to think about how he might be doing Alix a disservice by boxing him away so completely. "It's a generous offer and I appreciate it but I...can't." To talk about him, just randomly? No, Roland couldn't see how he could manage it. He settled the cigarette between his lips to free up a hand, curling his fingers gently around Rhys' wrist so he wouldn't withdraw his touch even as Roland leaned forward to put his glass on the floor. He settled back and took the cigarette out, just looking at Rhys and holding his wrist, stroking the inside of it gently with his thumb. "I've missed you." It was just as quiet as the last handful of words Roland had spoken and he seemed to remember already saying that since Rhys got here but he couldn't help it, it bore repeating. He turned his head and kissed Rhys' palm lightly, tenderly, but didn't break eye contact, his eyes still filled with emotion.

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Though Roland’s words were reassuring to hear, it would be his actions following the fractious period that would show if he intended to stay true to it all. It wasn’t that Rhys doubted him, not really. It was simply the most practical approach to adopt. If it occurred again, the cord would be severed entirely, no matter the initial ache. Still, such severe consequences didn’t seem likely; there was no hint of deception or doubt in Roland’s tone and the verve alone was enough to quieten any faint traces of lingering doubt. 

The teasing earned Roland a halfhearted playful shove in retaliation as he pulled away to fetch them both a drink. “Don’t need you to comment on it, just need you do it. Don’t dawdle, yeah?” The grin that had settled onto Rhys’ face amidst the bantering faltered when Roland spoke again and the witch fought to stave off the concerned frown that immediately threatened to fall as Roland’s aura began to shift at a more noticeable pace. The lightness to his tone did little to lessen Rhys’ rising perturbation and the witch gave a tentative nod of agreement. “...Right,” he replied slowly as he moved to settle into the couch, making sure to keep an eye on Roland throughout. Rhys took the glass with an appreciative nod and shifted to face him better, the frown finally settling into place as he watched Roland dejectedly stare into his wine. Resting his free hand lightly on Roland’s shoulder to wordlessly reassure him, Rhys’ expression flickered to unwavering compassion as the vampire spoke again. “Take as much time as you need to get through it, ‘kay?” Whilst complete sobriety was likely the most sensible state to receive whatever this explanation was in, Rhys was silently pleased to have taken the edge off of his rational thinking a couple of hours prior. Whilst eloquent emotional support was likely off the table, Rhys was willing to make an effort regardless. 

As always, the ethics behind mind reading – even in the simplest form of catching a glimpse of an entirely inconsequential fleeting surface-level thought – were perpetually tricky to find a healthy middle within. Roland had firmly stated his boundaries with that aspect of Rhys’ divination magic and, despite the occasional slip-up, Rhys’ magic had stayed put. But for a split second, the need to see for himself as Roland’s discomfort registered more explicitly across his features was almost overwhelming. Forcing his full attention to his own drink, Rhys focused on taking a generous few sips in preparation, the faintly burning warmth of the whiskey providing the required distraction for the urge to subside. Rhys listened intently as the full story was gradually uncovered, subconsciously rubbing small, soothing circles against his shoulder to keep him grounded whilst delving so deeply into such emotionally raw territory. The cause of Alix’s untimely passing pulled a sympathetic sigh from the witch and though Rhys knew there was nothing he could say that would fix that kind of hurt, he really wished there was something he could say that wouldn’t sound hideously cliche. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Ro. That’s awful.”

Roland’s recollection of their final moments together flashed before Rhys’ eyes before he had the chance to process what he was seeing. He lifted his hand from Roland’s shoulder as subtly as he could to cut the shared memory short before he saw too much, already feeling as if he’d imposed on a moment that wasn’t his to bare witness to. If he’d been subtle enough, Roland hopefully wouldn’t notice a thing and Rhys could forget he’d ever seen a thing, or try to, at least. Fortunately, the sound of Roland’s voice as he continued was enough of a reassurance that the moment had passed unnoticed and Rhys took a sip of his drink in relief, sitting a little further forward with the inebriated logic of such a gesture helping him to concentrate. The ache in Roland’s tone was palpable as he recounted the relentless agony of afterwards and all Rhys could do was nod understandingly as the vampire gestured the extent of his sufferance. When Roland finally managed to bring himself to look at Rhys, the witch made a conscious effort to try and mask at least some of the surprise on his face as his mind once again tried to process the admission of love. It certainly wasn’t the first time Roland had said as much since the ghosting period had drawn to a close but it still managed to catch Rhys off-guard every time it was uttered Still, he didn’t interrupt; it wasn’t his place to do so, not while there was still undoubtedly more to be said. As expected, the explanation behind his behaviour was offered properly and Rhys nodded slowly as he mulled it over.

Giving Roland a moment to himself once their gazes broke, Rhys downed the remainder of his glass and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he patted himself down with his free hand for his cigarette case and a lighter, plucking two out of it and lighting both before holding one out to Roland in silent offering. “I’m glad you had each other for as long as you did,” Rhys murmured after a long silence, finally moving to set his empty glass down on the floor before settling back into place. “And it goes without saying, but it means a lot that you were willing to share that with me, so, y’know, thank you for… well, for doing it. It must’ve taken a lot.” With the added alcohol gradually settling into his system, Rhys was less tentative to reach over to tuck Roland’s hair behind his ear with his free hand to get a better look at him, taking another drag from his cigarette as he took in every tiny detail. “If you ever wanna talk about him again, just know that I don’t mind, okay? Like, I won’t be offended or jealous or anything stupid like that. He was your whole world, so I get it. As much as I can, I get it. If you’d rather not, I’ll respect that too. Just want you to know that it’s always an option.” At least full closure had been given surrounding the exact reasoning behind Roland’s disappearing act from Rhys’ daily routine – that alone had inspired further hope in rebuilding something enduring between the two of them. 

It was an intense relief to hear that, as Roland had hoped, Rhys' presence meant that he was willing to put it behind them. Roland just wanted things to go back to the way they had been. This penance and being apart from Rhys had been driving him a little mad so it was nice to know it had come to an end. "Merci." The gratitude and relief was plain in his voice. The caveat was hardly surprising and he nodded in agreement. "I promise, cheri. I'll never do anything like that to you again." They couldn't quite put it to bed, not without the full explanation that Roland had been dreading but had decided Rhys deserved though he would definitely need a drink for that. All thoughts of it flew from his head for at least a moment as Rhys kissed him and he leaned into it, though it was really much too brief. It was tempting to skip over it and just dive back into bed as he desperately wanted to do but this was...important. The last hurdle, so to speak, or at least Roland thought so.

"Oh did I?" Rhys had mentioned that Mateo had heard the song so it wasn't terribly surprising. "It smells like you've had quite a bit already. But of course." He teased a little and kissed Rhys' forehead then reluctantly pulled away to fix drinks. "Before we never speak of it again...I owe you a full explanation for my actions." He might as well get this over with as soon as he could. "I alluded to it before but you deserve to know why I panicked like I did. Have a seat and I'll tell you." He kept his voice lighter, for the time being. Rhys wasn't particularly picky when it came to alcohol and Roland knew him well enough so he fixed him a drink he knew he'd like. He poured himself a stiff glass of blood whiskey and downed it quickly then poured another. He needed the support for what he was about to unearth though he suspected he could've drank the whole bottle and it wouldn't be enough.

Slightly fortified, he carried the drinks to Rhys and handed him his then settled on the couch beside him. Roland took a sip then stared down into his glass, stalling just a moment longer as he tried to prepare himself to unearth this. "I don't...discuss this, I try to avoid it, if possible, but you deserve to know. I think while it doesn't excuse my actions, it explains them and may help you understand." Roland took a deep breath, though he didn't need it, and slowly cracked open the door in his mind that usually remained firmly shut. He took another drink then forced himself to keep going. "My predecessor as Belgium's councilman was a vampire named Alixandre Vallier." Roland spoke his name tenderly, almost like a prayer. When was the last time he'd said his full name out loud? "He was my lover, my beloved, my...." Everything, he wanted to say but didn't and gestured somewhat helplessly instead as if words were inadequate to encompass all that Alix had meant to him. "...needless to say, he was very important, very special to me. I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone." The words were soft and the ache in his chest grew from the pang it usually was when someone brought Alix up to a deeper ache, like he was slowly tearing open a wound. Roland tried to keep the shake out of his voice as he kept going, not looking at Rhys or anything really as memories came back to him. "We were together for 93 years." He's been gone nearly that long now, a treacherous, cruel part of him seemed to whisper but he tried to push it aside. "It should have been eternity. I thought it would be. But..." Roland clenched his jaw, his grip on the glass in his hand tightening almost dangerously. "...He was murdered."

Roland could still remember their last moments together so clearly when neither of them had known, how domestic and mundane they'd been. Putting Alix's hat on his head, giving him that brief kiss, in hindsight it never seemed like enough. Roland drained the rest of his glass and wished the alcohol would work faster. "When I heard I was...lost. Furious, devastated, heartbroken, everything you can imagine. I exacted my vengeance but it didn't bring him back. Losing him like that, so suddenly, it nearly destroyed me. For decades, I was..." He shook his head, gestured in that way again like there weren't words for it even though Roland was normally so good with words. "It took a very long time to claw myself out of that place and I never thought I would fall in love again, why risk that? So when I realised how I felt about you..." He looked at Rhys, finally. "...It terrified me. What if I lost you like I lost him? How could I take such a risk? I didn't want to believe it so I withdrew, thinking that I could wait it out and realise it wasn't true. But it was." Roland smiled ever so slightly. "And I don't regret it, not in the least. But I needed to come to terms with it, to work through that fear and panic. It wasn't as though my feelings changed or went away and what point was there in being miserable away from you and loving you anyway? So, I came back and hoped I could convince you to take me back as you've so graciously done. I never wanted to hurt you, though I realise I did, and I'm truly sorry for it. I couldn't seem to stop that reaction and I supposed I needed that time to sort myself out." He looked down at the glass in his hand and toyed with it, letting out a shuddering breath and tried to ease Alix's ghost back behind the door and shut it again. "So. That's the reason for my behaviour. Now we can never speak of it again." His voice was quiet and he hoped that would be the end of it though maybe Rhys would have questions and he would have to...try to answer them as best he could.

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“Wouldn’t be here right now if I wasn’t already moving on from it all, Ro.” Despite the pointed look that accompanied his words, Rhys’ tone was gentle. They’d gone over it enough for one lifetime and there was no use in nurturing lingering hurt and frustration, not when they had a lengthy stretch of lost time to make up for. The desperation in Roland’s gaze had been impossible to miss from the moment it manifested and any hopes of maintaining any kind of wall against him crumbled in the blink of an eye. “So long as you promise never to fuck me around like that again, we’re all good. I’m happy to never speak of it again.” Lifting the hand that rested over Roland’s hand to cup his jaw tenderly, Rhys pulled him those few inches closer for a brief kiss, pulling back to scan his gaze over Roland now that he could properly appreciate him again. “You gonna offer me a drink or something? You did pull me away from a catch-up session with Mateo, after all. Go on, be a gentleman."

Roland was aware he wasn't Rhys' friend circle's favourite person right now but their opinions hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Rhys was the one who got to make this decision, whose affection and love Roland really wanted, and so long as he was happy with him Roland didn't much care what the others said. In terms of his own friends, Quin was vaguely mystified but seemingly accepting of the whole thing and Merek had been nothing but supportive. That was just as well but even if they'd also hated Rhys it wouldn't have kept Roland away from him, not at this point.

He didn't want Rhys to ever stop smiling. It pained him to think he'd been the cause of a lack of them and he didn't want it to happen again. Undoubtedly, they would argue and drive each other mad at times but in the long term, he vowed to himself to make Rhys as happy as he could while still being...himself. Roland would never abandon him again, anyway, that much he was sure of. Rhys seemed to accept his explanation and even confirmed that final sentiment. That was good to hear, almost better than he'd been expecting. The hand over his heart made him smile faintly, though he kept his eyes closed and just leaned into him, filling his senses with the smell and feel of him again. It had been far too long, after all. He chuckled lightly as Rhys expressed his faint annoyance. "I can imagine it's quite annoying." He opened his eyes and pulled back just slightly, to look at him again, though he still held him close. "That's all over with now, isn't it? Being annoyed with me? Can we finally put it all behind us and move forward?" Roland desperately hoped the answer was yes and no doubt his expression showed that.

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For a split second, Rhys wasn’t sure if he was allowed to enjoy any of their reunion. The amalgamation of complaints pertaining to his involvement with Roland from a number of those Rhys considered his nearest and dearest played on a loop in his mind and though a small part of him knew Mateo, Byron and Seth had all made valid points in one way or another, it didn’t take long for him to shove their collective concern to the back of his mind indefinitely. Or, at least, for as long as it took to get through the evening without feeling as if he was betraying the biggest and most vocal advocates for his mental and emotional betterment. 

As Roland drew closer, Rhys’ smile widened of its own volition and for once, he couldn’t bring himself to be too bothered by such an obvious display of emotion on his part. The lack of Roland’s company had bothered him more than he was willing to admit to himself; to have it back in some degree – at this point, he’d take whatever he could get – was the greatest gift Rhys could have ever asked for, all songs and lavish gifts aside. He nodded his agreement as Roland offered an explanation and though he still felt as if he wasn’t wholly deserving of such a monumental effort, he knew better than to argue about it now. That could (and knowing them, likely would) come later. The affection that followed was almost enough to knock the air from Rhys’ lungs entirely but he forced himself to remain at least somewhat put together, simply enjoying the proximity while it lasted. “Missed you too,” he murmured, his eyes fluttering shut as he lifted his hand from Roland’s wrist to rest against the vampire’s heart instead. They both knew the weight such a gesture carried and right now, it seemed the most fitting course of action. “Thought about you every day. Every night, too. And… pretty much every hour in between. D’you know how annoying it is to think of someone that much when you’re trying to be annoyed at them?”

All things considered, Roland was quite proud of the song. He could be even more proud of it now that he knew Rhys liked it. That had been the point, after all. He hadn't composed anything in some time but it seemed to have come back to him easily enough, though he stretched himself a little more in the other areas. Clearly, it had been well worth it.

Rhys didn't pull away when he touched him, in fact his reaction was quite the opposite and if Roland had still had a heartbeat it would've quickened at even that small gesture. Roland's perfectionism clearly amused Rhys, he could see it in the witch's eyes, but the vampire hardly minded. The near whisper made his smile widen and it was his turn to duck his head a little and glance away at the second comment, almost seeming abashed at the praise. He was delighted that Rhys enjoyed it so much and he couldn't hide it. Roland looked back at him immediately as soon as he felt the touch on his wrist. It drew him closer still, leaving little space between them as he wound his arm around Rhys' waist. His brow furrowed slightly at the question. "Of course I did. I needed to apologize, to make it up to you, and it seemed everything else wasn't quite enough. I hoped this might show you how I felt in a different way." He tightened his grip slightly and leaned his forehead against Rhys', eyes closed, the next words soft and wistful. "I've missed you so much..."

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If Rhys had had his way, no one would’ve heard it but him. It was an incredibly personal gesture on Roland’s part – a gift specifically for him as Roland had said himself – and selfishly, Rhys saw no reason to share it. Of course, fate had had other plans but that did little to cheapen the charm of the gift itself; the song itself was nothing short of a modern masterpiece as far as Rhys was concerned. He made a quiet noise of acknowledgement as Roland extended the invitation to share it with whomever he pleased and was seconds away from apologising at the chastisement – a wholly counterproductive move, he realised a moment later – when the familiarity of Roland’s touch registered past the haze of his inebriation and Rhys subconsciously leaned into it as he listened. 

He struggled to stifle the quiet laugh of disbelief that left him at the mention of the twentieth recording and bit his lip to silence himself. His amusement remained explicit in his eyes as he scanned his gaze over Roland’s features again to properly appreciate him now they finally had a real chance to admire one another, all previous admonishments and apprehension on Rhys’ part firmly placed aside for the evening. “It’s perfect, Ro,” Rhys’ voice was soft, barely above a whisper as he spoke, as if doing so would shatter the blanket of adoration that had seemed to bewitch them both simultaneously. “Genuinely. I’m not just saying it.” He tentatively reached up to grasp lightly at Roland’s wrist simply as an excuse to touch him and to ensure he didn’t withdraw his affection any time soon – not that it was likely; they’d been without one another for long enough that the only challenge would be trying to part from one another when the time inevitably came. “You didn’t have to go to those kinds of lengths for me, though. You know that, don’t you?”

Roland had missed just being around him, at hearing the way Rhys' heartbeat picked up when the witch looked at him, at just getting to drink in the sight of him. He did so now, unabashedly. Things had been improving between them but slowly and Roland craved so much more to the point that it was almost painful. That beautiful smile, for example, which Roland hadn't seen nearly enough of in the last little while. When was the last time, Valentine's Day when Rhys had come to thank him for the gift? They'd even briefly kissed then, though far too briefly for Roland's liking but at least it had been something, a small taste to keep him going.

His expression brightened even more when Rhys confirmed that he'd liked it and he was relieved and elated at the same time. It made for a heady mixture of emotions. Roland's expression only flickered momentarily as Rhys revealed that Mateo had also heard it and that it would likely become known to Byron as well. That was hardly surprising and while there was a certain vulnerability in that as long as Rhys enjoyed it it didn't matter what anyone else though. "It's yours now, cheri, my gift to you. That means you can play it for whoever you want." Roland naturally hoped that Rhys would keep it to himself but he meant the gentle words, regardless. The rambling was endearing if only because it was rather unlike how Rhys normally was. "Don't apologize." Roland chided, fondly, and then it became impossible to keep his hands to himself so he reached out and cupped Rhys' face gently, stepping closer. "It took some time, oui, but it was a labour of love. And yes, I did it all myself. My talents lie more strongly in playing and composing but I didn't want to involve anyone else when it came to lyrics and singing. I was a perfectionist about it and the video you received was nearly the twentieth I recorded." Perhaps Rhys wasn't the only one rambling today, though Roland was far more likely to launch into long speeches. All the while, he stroked his thumb lightly over Rhys' cheek and just stared at him, practically mesmerized.

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It felt as if it took Roland an eternity to come to the door. In all likeliness, the alcohol in his system and Mateo’s words of warning were making the waiting time seem far worse than it actually was but such a realisation did little to soothe Rhys’ rising agitation. The sight of Roland’s smile was almost too much to take in after denying himself the simple enjoyment of appreciating it for as long as he had and Rhys cast his gaze to the ground to give his heartbeat a chance to settle as he entered, anxiously toying with his phone within his hoodie pocket as Roland shut the door behind him. The witch took a deep breath as he worked up the mental strength to meet Roland’s gaze, the mere sight of him enough to coax a smile to Rhys’ face instantly. The instantaneous questioning gave Rhys no time to appreciate the sight before him and he huffed a laugh as he nodded, his smile remaining in place as the sound dissipated. 

“I did, yeah. Caught me a little off guard, but I liked it. ‘s good.” He forced his gaze elsewhere as he tried to work through the rush of emotion coursing through him. “I mean, I wasn’t the only one that heard it but that’s fine, right? I made Mateo swear that he wouldn’t say anything about it– Byron’s probably gonna find out by tonight, though– I’m rambling, sorry–” Rhys cut himself off with an embarrassed sigh and shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he tried to allow a little vulnerability to properly come to the forefront, his expression sheepish as he willed himself to meet Roland’s gaze again. “It was sweet of you, Ro. Really. Guess it took a while, huh? You did it all yourself?”

Roland hated waiting. He was not particularly patient most of the time, least of all when he was waiting for a response to something as important at this. He'd spent weeks composing, writing, singing, and practicing the song for Rhys and he'd had spent an hour or two making the perfect video before he finally sent it. It was difficult to wait for a response and not immediately just run to Rhys moments after he'd sent it just to get his reaction. That would likely seem too eager, however, and Rhys was still keeping him at bay but he hoped the song would pull them back together again. Still, Roland alternated between pacing, checking his phone obsessively (it had indeed been delivered) and plunking away softly at the piano to try and keep himself distracted. Was he...nervous, about the reaction? Perhaps a little. While he knew he was talented, he didn't sing very much or write lyrics, he was much stronger when it came to composing and playing. It was fair to say he wanted Rhys' approval given how much he'd poured into it.

Finally, he heard familiar footsteps approaching and allowed himself a small smile when the knock came on the door, forcing himself to walk over and open them instead of use his speed as he wanted to. Rhys was....rather more casually dressed than usual and smelled of wine but it was a delight to have him knocking at these doors again and Roland smiled. "I am, evidently. Come in." The doors were barely closed behind Rhys before Roland had to ask. "What did you think? Did you like it?" He stood in front of the witch, eager, hopeful, even a little nervous though he tried to tamp that down. It was nearly impossible not to touch Rhys but he just stayed in front of him for now, pleased that Rhys was here and had done as the song had bid him though it didn't necessarily mean all was well.

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It was probably wise not to mention the way his chest fluttered involuntarily as Mateo laid out the inevitable. Prior to Roland’s disappearing act, they’d been verging on inseparable. The vast majority of Rhys’ mornings had been spent waking up beside Roland. Even now, when certain emotions were still slightly raw, Rhys remained endeared to the vampire’s dedication to always being at his side as he woke. It was one of the things he’d found himself missing the most. When he was able to get a few hours of sleep these days, waking up to the cold silence of his own room was always a disappointing experience. “I’m just playing the field, Mateo. Let me enjoy it for a while. Things have been rough for the past few months. I deserve a little fun at least. Besides, watching him work for it will be entertaining. Doesn’t it bring you any joy to think of his efforts being shunned? I thought his disappointment might do something for you.”

Rhys knew what to expect when it came to asking for the thunderbird’s advice and yet he still found himself surprised by it when it was voiced. His expression shifted to one of instant disagreement and he paused to consider the effectiveness of Mateo’s suggestion before leaning across him to snatch his glass, downing the remaining wine as he carefully pushed himself to his feet, taking a moment to recentre himself and gently set the stolen glass on his desk. “And I will. Definitely will. After tonight, I’m keeping him at arm’s length.” Offering Mateo an unfortunately bright grin, Rhys turned to wander towards the door, only pausing once he was halfway out of the office, glancing over his shoulder at the thunderbird. “Oh– don’t worry about locking up or anything. Just make sure there’s a light left on when you go, yeah? You’re a star. Okay, love you, I’ll text you later, all that stuff–” and not a moment later, he made a beeline for Roland’s suite, tugging his phone from his pocket to listen to the piece uninterrupted, this time at a much lower volume for the sake of keeping his pride and dignity intact as he navigated the short distance. Once the suite was in sight, Rhys silenced and locked his phone, shoving it back into his pocket as he approached, taking a deep breath as he knocked gently against the doors. “Ro? You around?”

Mateo was too nice a friend to fake gagging as Rhys said Roland had 'a way about him' but it was a near thing. The wine made it seem like a much better idea. He nearly plugged his ears as Rhys went on and on about the vampire's apparent virtues and good qualities but instead just chugged more wine. Finally, when Rhys was finished, Mateo gave him a look. "Well you shouldn't be allowed to make your own decisions if they're dumbass ones like going back to him." He scoffed as Rhys kept going. "Yeah, and how long's that gonna last? You'll be back joined at the hip sooner rather than later, trust me. I know you. For months I had to listen to how gaga you were for him and you're already starting to talk like that again. You're hopeless." He shook his head, feeling like he'd already made all his very valid points but it still mostly felt like he was trying to get through to a brick wall.

"Saying I'm robbing you is an overstatement!" Mateo protested, laughingly, and somewhat feebly. They struggled but then the song played and it seemed like it was mostly over. Rhys looked as shocked as Mateo was, at least, and like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. The witch took his phone back, though, and Mateo leaned his head back against the desk again, sighing for what felt like the millionth time. He looked at Rhys again when he spoke. "Why would I want to mention it?" Obviously, Byron was an exception to this comment, because he would absolutely be telling the hellhound about this ridiculous grand gesture. At least Rhys was asking him how he should react, though Mateo doubted he'd follow the advice. "Ignore it. Or if you can't ignore it just be like 'nice thanks' and then forget about it. You said you're gonna keep him at arm's length, right? Here's your chance to prove it."