#so my ugliest gifs ever for your consideration

[chanstopher]

Bang Chan ✧ JJAM

[thatmooncake]

This ask is a free infodump prompt! Saw your tags on that one post and while approaching people also makes me feel like I'm a shaking wet Chihuahua, I love people being enthusiastic! So this is for anything you feel like talking about - favorite AU? Ideas you couldn't share before? Thoughts on the canon DCA? Pick something, anything! I got a lil chair and I'm patiently waiting <3

Hmmm, well I’ve kept you waiting long enough (sorry about that), so today I’ll ramble about one of my favourite things about the DCA - their relationship, and more specifically, how they “share�� with each other and how that works out for them!

I’m a sucker for any AU that explores the way Sun and Moon interact with each other, whether they’re in one body or not, whether they communicate directly or indirectly. And I’ve always been interested in exploring how long each of them has “out” at a given time, and how that affects them both.

Like, Sun is (in theory) supposed to be out at ALL TIMES in the daycare. ALL TIMES. No Moon, only Sun. The staff even put (flimsy) measures in place so that Moon would NEVER take over in that space. But from what we can tell, Sun and Moon were built to be a package deal, and with that taken into consideration, it’s very unlikely that this doesn’t put some amount of stress on Sun’s system at the best of times, what with him having NO time at all to go dormant outside of the night patrols. Even if he does have a little time to go dormant, he’s already seemingly under so much stress from the fear of what happens when Moon takes over that the forced transformations cannot be doing him any good at all.

Meanwhile, when he is actually active, Moon has some “freedoms” that Sun doesn’t seem to have. He can roam around the pizzaplex, for example. We never see Sun leave the daycare. From what we can tell in the game, only Moon can roam the pizzaplex because the daycare attendant only roams free when the lights go out at the end of every hour. Whether this has always been the case or whether it’s a new measure put in place by Freddy’s to replace some of the night staff with Moon is anyone’s guess really. But this freedom doesn’t really mean much in the grand scheme of things when it’s basically just been put in place so that Moon can be a puppet for the Afton virus. And throughout all of the social hours when he would have once been interacting with kids, Moon is now inactive. He’s only there to roam and get people to do the big sleepy. He’s lacking socialisation like CRAZY.

Between Sun being basically forced to be active throughout ALL of the hours when the lights are forcibly kept on, and Moon lacking ANY positive social interactions, this is really sad, because we see the other animatronics at least still able to roam the plex when it’s active and have “down time” in their rooms (not that this seems to work out so well for Monty to be fair), but all Sun gets is the ugliest mess of a space in the world to retreat to and all Moon knows how to do anymore is punish people who he thinks ought to be sleeping. So even beyond the virus there are just layers and layers of anxiety Sun has lived with for who knows how long, and there is so much bad socialisation that Moon must be so used to by now that he basically has no identity outside of correcting what he sees as problems (aka putting people to sleep), because the on/off cycle that Freddy’s has put in place for them won’t allow them to do anything else. It’s crazy!

Then in addition to these we get so many amazing fanon takes on how they both feel about this - is it something they actively put thought into? If they communicate with each other in any way, does knowing what the other one deals with stress them out even more as two halves of a whole? Whether they’re together or separate, do they ever wish they had what the other one had, or does knowing what the other one deals with make them feel grateful that they ended up how they did? Do they work together to combat the issues they’re now facing, or is a constant battle going on inside of them? So many interesting things to think about when it comes to these guys!

[alexissara]

My Experience With TCGs

Card games are one of my favorite mediums for games, I've always loved cards and collected all sorts as a kid, Digimon, Neopets, Pokemon, Yugioh and more. I've also always been designing card games, generally the rules were just something for me and my siblings to enjoy our big mix of cards or custom cards I made by cutting out art from magazines and instruction manuals for games. So now I am working on designing a game that is actually playable and fun for everyone, Soul Of The Hero. I've been working on this for years and It's changed formats a few times over that. However, with it's current design I do think it has the legs to finally do everything I want it to do. To get to this point I did a ton of card game research, I've looked at dead and alive card games, games I play all the time and games I'd never play competitively to really get to the heart of what makes them fun, special, and great.

Yugioh

Yu-gi-oh is a game I played competitively for years and have kept up with for most the time even after I quit playing competitively. There has been little blank spots but it's a game I am deeply familiar with. Which is why in studying yugioh, I found not a lot to learn from in a positive way, it was mostly a lot of what not to do. Yugioh has been improving as a game since they left behind anime tie ins and focused on making the competitive game it's own thing. However, the game is a bit of a mess, a fun mess but it doesn't really feel like something that I want to emulate.

Still that is an important part of the process of making something and I am sure years of playing Yu-gi-oh will somehow show in the final production of Soul Of The Hero. I love Yu-gi-oh, I just also think it's a mess and probably not worth diving into ATM.

Cardfight!! Vangaurd

This game is one that fascinates me always. It always felt like this might be the best designed card game around. Until the D series every card was a resource in such a perfect way that truly made Vanguard stand out from every other card game. There wasn't a lot of dead cards, there was less useful cards but thanks to shield values and boost every card can do something, every card is an important resource.

This is a game haunted by terrible management which really holds back it's potential to soar but when I am working on card games, I think about how this games so tightly designed. Having cards all have multiple uses means your players are never drawing a card and utterly dreading it, they might not prefer it, it might mean their going to lose, but especially in the early game every card can be used for something.

Digimon

This game has one of the most fascinating resource systems. You have a rather wide pool of resources you can use but the more you use the more your opponent gets for free. It's a genuine travesty that this game is utterly fucked for Color Blind players. artistically this game really is top shelf which is really impressive given Digimon's previous TCG outings were some of the ugliest games ever printed. The actual flow of play is also really great, it really captures Digimon as a series while making an engaging set of gameplay. It's a perfect use of Digimon for a game.

The biggest thing the Digimon TCG inspires me about is trying to bring out a unique identity through mechanics, to have mechanics that simply scream, this is my game, the simple act of using them is recreating the essence of it.

Pokémon

The Pokémon TCG is a strange and unique beast. I've played it a few times in my life and I've grow to really appreciate the game more as it's improved over time. The card games ability to draw massive amounts of cards, do big time disruptions and has totally unique mechanics. I love how it has a lot of mechanics each of which can give a bit more character to each creature. It's a card game that really makes use of every inch of space of it's design to give every card a unique essence.

Something I found enrapturing and I am taking into consideration is the Rapid Strike mechanic. It was just printed on the card art, like a little stamp and it becomes this key symbol and something that there is a lot of support built around. It's not something for so early in game design but it might be a better way of doing like Archetype titles then having every card be called "Darkest Warrior Knight" then name or whatever the fuck. I also really love how able you are to dive into your resources and think that is such a fun point of design.

Sentinels Of The Multiverse

I love playing co-op and this game is one I've sunk upwards of 300 hours on. This is a game I just a blast to play despite it many of problems. This is the game that got me thinking about two v two card games in a serious way and not as a tacked on extra mode.

It's team based play is also something I am looking to when I am looking at making a purely co-op mode for my game because I think it clearly does a lot really well in making fun challenges for a team to fight with creative decks.

Fire Emblem Cipher

This game really pushed me and inspired my design further. Fire Emblem Cipher's actual card design is just, gosh, breath taking in the way it communicates so much visually about characters very quickly and how those things about the character can then be brought back into the mechanics. A lot of games have lots of little flavor information about cards that sometimes get used as mechanics but this is so quickly visually communicated all while being colorblind accessible.

It's a shame this game never got a non Japanese release and that it died shortly after Three Houses release. I have not got a lot of play experience because of that but just reading translated cards and seeing the design is a major design inspiration.

Magic The Gathering

This is the classic TCG but it is also one I think is lacking to me. The act of playing down Mana, it simply does not jell with me. The methodical play of MTG is clearly a ton of people's thing but it is not mine. What I can appreciate is the modern exploration of aesthetics and themes they've been delving into. The mish mash of settings and styles makes the game instantly a bit more captivating.

I think Magic is another game where what I'm taking from it is mostly "what not to do". Like don't sell proxy packs for tons of money but also like just design stuff I don't really jell with. That is one of the best ways to learn afterall.

Wixoss

Sometimes something that looks bad can inspire you. I've not played this game but it just, really doesn't look like a game I'd enjoy, maybe I Would but until there is some kind of digital way to play I probably won't bother. I love girls and playing all girl decks but it seems maybe a bit too horny vibes with young characters to be a thing I wouldn't really wanna touch without some assurance about the game overall.

I have no idea how Piece cards work in Wixoss but what I can say is just the vibe of the piece cards inspired a whole new mechanic for me. Sometimes the vibes are strong enough.

Weiss Schwarz

I wish this game was more exciting but it is painfully boring for the concept of "a bunch of random ass licenses fighting against each other". The games far too limited in deck building with ugly ass screen shots and promotional arts used to make the cards. It simply is terrible only worsened by the like terrible clash of some of the IPs.

However, the concept of a bunch of clashing universe has always appealed to me from like the first time I played X-men vs Street Fighter on the playstation one and this card game reaffirmed it is possible to do it and get people to want to check it out.

Shadowverse

The app had fallen onto my phone several times but it wasn't until I played the game on my phone that I started to really understand Shadowverse. The game could be called anime Hearthstone but even if that was at it was it would be way better then that game cuz it's so ugly, I much prefer the art style of Shadowverse.

The gameplay however has a really exciting Evolve mechanic that stands out among all the card games. The ability to buff any card even if for some it is just a stat boost as a core mechanic is just super cool. I think it shows that there is so many dynamic ways to make cards variable resources.

Legends Of Runeterra

Who would have expected to fall in love with this game so hard. This might be the most interactive card game ever created. This game is strictly digital and it would be impossible to work into a physical game in any good way but that's great, it's using the medium it's in to it's fullest. Creating cards, adding keywords, the push and pull of the more you do the more your foe can do, it's a really really intensely fascinating card game.

I think the champion system is where I am really looking at the game for what I could pull from what I am doing. I think having conditions to unlock a stronger version of a card that a deck can centralize around is really neat. I don't know if that literally will work in what I am doing but I think I am at least looking at the heart.

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If you enjoyed my little card game thoughts, you can follow me here, I'll probably talk about card games more on here and it'll keep you tunned in for when I am releasing my own card game in the far future.

[writing-for-marvel]

As You Are

Ari Levinson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Ari comforts you when you’re insecure about having acne.

Warnings: mentions of acne/pimples/skin texture, reader having anxiety about their skin and alludes to having bad experiences with previous partners, implied sex

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: this is a purely self-indulgent fic. I have a lot of acne and it’s something I’m very insecure about. I thought I’d share this for anyone else who struggles with this too. Banners by @maysdigitalarts

Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Library

Clamping a hand over your mouth, you attempted to conceal a sob which bubbled its way up your throat. Looking at yourself closely in the bathroom mirror, you could see in detail all the bumps and ridges decorating your skin.

Ari lay asleep, covered in sheets just a wall away, as you squeezed your other hand around your throat, trying your best to prevent the sound of your blubbering from escaping the confines of your windpipe.

It was always around this time in your cycle that the acne worsened. No amount of expensive cleansers, changes in your skincare routine, nor alterations in your birth control could prevent the splotchy, inflamed blemishes from scattering your face.

Though most people had the decency to not overtly mention the obvious imperfections in your skin, you were however accustomed to the flicker of their eyes around your face and the look of disgust which overtook their features as they realised how much of your skin was covered.

You knew you couldn’t bear to witness Ari, the man you loved, looking at you like that. It would shatter your heart irreparably.

You had managed to keep the worst of it from him for the few months you had been dating. Between travel for work, and a few months where your acne was luckily not as bad, he had so far only had to put up with a mild case of it.

But now, as you dissected every flaw on your skin, the realisation hit you that he would now be seeing you at your ugliest.

This was the moment you had been dreading since you met Ari. The inevitable day he would find out how atrocious your skin truly was, and be so disgusted by you that he would walk out of your life forever.

Though Ari was unlike any other man you had ever dated, no one else could comprehend sticking around when they caught sight of your horrible skin, so why would he be any different?

Your continued half suppressed sobs roused Ari in the next room, stirring at the whimpers floating through the otherwise still and peaceful night. Ari had always been a light sleeper, and though he usually cursed his ability to be so easily woken, this was one time he was thankful for it.

He first registered that you were no longer beside him in bed, before he noticed the light peeking out from underneath the ensuite door, where the whimpers were originating from.

“Sunshine?” Ari’s unexpected voice was followed by a light tap on the bathroom door. He always provided the courtesy of knocking rather than barging in on your privacy. Leaping for the door and seizing onto the handle with a vice-like grip, you did your best to stop him from entering and seeing your tear stained, acne covered cheeks.

“I’m fine, baby. Go back to bed - I’ll be out in a minute.” You put all your strength into keeping your voice calm and level, but even through a wall, Ari knew you too well to believe the lie.

You knew Ari was much stronger than you, and if he so desired he could overpower your shaky hold on the door knob without exerting much effort at all. Yet, he was considerate enough to not force his way in on your vulnerable moment.

“Princess, you wouldn’t be locking me out of my own bathroom if everything was okay. Please let me in, I just wanna make sure you’re alright - you sound like you’re crying.” This only made your grip on the door handle tighten, but the distress in his tone at the prospect of you being hurt in any way fractured the walls you were constructing around yourself.

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” You confessed apprehensively and little did you know, your words cleaved Ari’s heart in two.

“Sweetheart, I promise you there isn’t a single aspect of yourself you could show me that would make me care about you any less.” The honestly ringing through his voice, combined with his concern almost made you believe his words without seeing the distress in his eyes.

Knowing this confrontation was now unavoidable, you took a deep, steadying breath, bracing yourself for the inescapable abhorrence which would consume his gaze when he observed your skin. You would give anything to go back in time and memorise the tenderness in Ari’s eyes last night as you sat across from him at dinner - glancing at you as if his future was right before him.

You sheepishly opened the door, the bathroom light putting your cystic acne on clear display for him. There was a slight moment where you could see his pupils' sight line dance around your face, prior to his worried gaze settling on your puffy eyes.

Before Ari even spoke a word, you were reduced to a sobbing mess again simply by the effort of being vulnerable in front of him. Hiding your face in his bare chest, his arms instinctively wrapped around you as you tried to control your weeping.

Ari’s large hands stroked up and down your back in soothing, fluid motions, as he whispered sweet praises and reassurances in your ear.

With the utmost patience, he gave you all the time in the world to collect yourself. He didn’t rush you, didn’t get irritated at how long you cried into his chest, he simply held you until you were ready to speak.

Once you pulled back from his chest, Ari wiped stray tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. The action itself was overly endearing, however, the contrast of the smooth skin of his hands against the uneven, inflamed lumps on your face only prompted more tears to slip past the corners of your eyes.

“Hey Princess, it's okay, I’m right here. Shhhhh, I’m right here sweet girl.” Ari whispered as you frantically swiped the continuous flow of tears from your cheeks.

Once you had composed yourself yet again, Ari kissed your forehead and asked “baby, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Can’t you see what’s wrong? It’s my fucking face!” You generically motioned to your features and you could feel more tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall again.

“There’s nothing wrong with this beautiful face.” Ari declared, quickly kissing your nose. “It’s the most perfect face I’ve ever laid eyes on.” If the way he was looking at you now, with utter fondness and warmth, was anything to go by, he truly meant the sentiment, yet the voice in the back of your mind could never believe it.

“Ari,” you replied with a warning tone of voice, “can you take this seriously? It’s my horrible acne.”

“I am being serious. You’re stunning - whether that’s all dolled up for an evening out, or in your pyjamas with no makeup on and puffy eyes at 3am. A little bit of acne won’t change that.” Ari affirmed, doubling down on his previous stance.

“It’s not just a little bit though.” You counteracted, but Ari simply chuckled. Not at you in a condescending way, more like in a disbelieving manner.

“Sweetheart, when I look at you, I see the girl of my dreams. The one I have waited my whole life to find. You are gorgeous, heavenly, ravishing, but you are also so much more than your looks. You’re intelligent, kind, compassionate, funny. Everything I’ve ever wanted, and I wake up everyday thankful you chose to spend your life with me.” That all too familiar sting of tears behind your eyes commenced again.

Ari’s lips pressed soft, unhurried kisses to every centimetre of your face, from your hairline to your jaw, not missing a single blemish, his facial hair tickling with every peck. You knew your face well enough to know that he repeatedly returned to the more affected areas, giving them extra love.

“You. Are. Beautiful.” He said between kisses, his final one landing on your lips.

“Ari…” You bashfully said his name as heat rose in the tips of your cheeks, eyes diverting to the ground.

“I mean it, my love. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Nothing, whether that be acne, blemishes, scars, wrinkles, stretch marks, cellulite - nothing will change my mind. You are perfect, just as you are.” The adoration and devotion clear in Ari’s eyes as he gazed at you, acne and all, was something you had never experienced before. Here was the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on, looking at you as if you were made of the most precious diamonds, when you knew of the revolting cystic acne currently covering your skin.

“That’s not true.” You denied, but Ari’s hands cupped your face and he tiled your head up so you could not avoid looking directly at him.

“Yes it is, and I will continue to remind you every day until you believe me.” He leaned down and pressed a luscious kiss to your lips, one that was easy to get lost in and which made you forget that you had been crying minutes earlier.

“Believe me yet?” He asked when he eventually pulled away. Shaking your head, he repeated the action, this time pulling you even closer to his warm, bare chest with his massive hands. This kiss lasted longer, your mind floating on a cloud when he drew back.

“What about now?”

“Nuh-uh.” He smirked, as he tightly grasped your waist, directing you out of the bathroom and towards the pile of sheets and pillows which was his bed. Laying you down gently, as if you were fragile glass and you would break from being dropped, Ari’s hands pushed up the hem of your shirt, sending a shiver down your spine.

“You know, I’m not going to stop until you can see just how beautiful you are.” He proclaimed against the skin of your neck, placing multiple wet kisses as his hands fiddled with the elastic of your pyjama shorts.

“I suspect I’m going to need a lot of convincing.”

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Everything taglist: @imagining-harrypotter @tripletstephaniescp @asgardwinter @demonpoxballad @nagygreta @libbymouse @mayasreadingnook @thecraziestcrayon @hallecarey1 @sea040561 @smallmercies33 @buckysbirdie @moongoddessmox @coolbeans32 @foreverindreamlandd @pitifulbaby @seitmai @emi11ie @princessphilly @daydreaming-lightly @440mxs-wife @brasspistol

[awesometheydontknowiamhere]

But I Love You (Covert Affairs Fic)

Auggie Anderson X Reader 

Summary: The reader has been in love with Auggie since she started working at Langley and is now ready to tell him how she feels. Fate has other plans for her.

Trigger Warning: Heartbreak, Unrequited love, blind character, overall angst

Falling in love with Auggie Anderson was the easiest thing you had ever done. He made the Agency more than a workplace for you. You loved your job, working and turning assets, but it was always good to hear his voice in your ear, providing steady support and witty sarcasm.

You were with the Agency for nearly six months and the back and forth with him during the day, letting loose with drinks after work at Alley’s Tavern and the occasional brunches at his place.

But it was time that you moved forward with him. The only problem was you had no idea how he felt. Auggie was nice to everybody, he made ridiculous jokes with anybody and he was the warmest soul you had ever come across.

Sadly, the only way you could ever found out how he truly felt was by telling him how you felt. Being considerably new at the agency, you didn’t have anyone who could help you come up with a plan or structure to go about this whole thing, so you decided to ram into this head first.

It had to work, right?

The day was finally here. It had been a light work week and hadn’t had to leave the city. You said bye to Joan and Annie, promising that you would come over to play with Annie’s nieces during the next free weekend. You walked over to Auggie’s desk and tried to read him.

“No stilettos today, you break my heart Y/N,” he said as you approached his desk.

“Just mixing it up, Auggie. I wouldn’t want you to be bored,” you said.

He stood up and turned towards you.

“You could never bore me, not in a thousand years,” he said.

You laughed softly, glad that you couldn’t see your face.

“So what are you doing this weekend?”

“Just the usual. What about you?” Auggie asked.

“Just the usual. Enjoy your weekend,” you said. You leaned forward and kissed his cheek, catching a whiff of his cologne. You smiled and stepped back, not wanting to linger.

You woke up with a purpose in the morning and by breakfast, you had already talked yourself out of it twice. By the time you locked the front door you promised yourself that no matter what, you would at least try.

No, you wouldn’t show up on his doorstep at 12 in the afternoon, professing your undying love or him. You would go up to his house, hang out for a bit and then ask him to dinner, a proper one.

You pulled up to his apartment and started climbing up the stairs.

 You softly padded up, coming to an abrupt halt at the sound of laughter. It seemed to come from Auggie’s floor. You creeped up against the wall, trying to get a better visual.

The scene in front of you unfolded in slow-motion, like a cheap horror movie.

Right in front of your eyes, Auggie was entwined with the infamous Liza Hearn. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and her hands were wrapped around him.

You turned away from the scene, it was too much for you, like looking directly at the Sun on a hot summer day.

It was suddenly a bit too hot, your clothes were stifling you. You took a deep breath and looked again, registering things that you had missed the first time. Auggie’s bare, muscular chest was flushed against her clothed chest. They were still near the door, so Liza must be on her way out. She moved from his lips to his ears and bit it, whispering something that made him laugh. He responded by placing his hand on her butt at that moment you decided that you had seen too much.

Your nausea wasn’t going to go away anytime soon but you had to leave, lest Liza took the stairs.

You didn’t remember the ride home or getting changed into the ugliest yet the most comfortable sweats you owned.

You did remember the crying afterwards, the long chest-pain inducing crying sessions, probably the worst you had had in your adult life.

You had been so stupid, thinking Auggie would be into you. He was blind, he wasn’t an idiot. He must have felt the heat between him and Liza. There was no point to any of it now. The only saving grace was that you had found out about it before you had told him how you felt about him, saving yourself from a disaster of epic proportions.

You knew you couldn’t be hung up on this forever, you had work the next day and you were bound to run into him or be involved in a mission with him.

Monday rolled around quicker than you had anticipated, the time flew when you were an emotional wreck. You wore a pair of new boots, the ones, Auggie had never heard before and switched out your regular perfume for some rarely used concoction which you never used because you hated its smell.

You showed up at work praying for an out of city/country mission, but Joan wanted you in the office, doing some ground work.

Just your luck.

A young intern was taking coffee orders, and for the first time in six months, you drank yours alone and didn’t take Auggie his. But coffee was the easy battle, avoiding him during lunch would be a whole different ballgame.

The day passed with the internal battle going on in your head. You were heartbroken, but you weren’t cruel. It would be absolutely hurtful to ditch Auggie during lunch, now that both of you had a routine of eating together and you helping him whenever need be. He didn’t need it, but you loved making Buddha bowls for him so that he could eat easier, or fed him the occasional bite when his fingers were buy reading a file.

You got up from the desk and walked towards his, you were just about to knock when you heard conversation from inside.

“Liza, of course I’ll have lunch with you. Pick me up in five minutes. Bye, love you.”

And that’s all that you needed to hear.

[canardroublard]

TMFU, Gaby’s fashion, and some feminist film analysis

Back when I slapped together a reblog post about the men’s fashion in The Man From UNCLE in between physio appointments, which somehow got like way more notes than I ever really expected or even wanted, I didn’t address the fashion of the lead female character, Gaby. It was outside the scope of the OP, and I didn’t feel like I had anything new or interesting to say about Gaby’s fashion, or lack thereof.

(My beta says those earrings are the ugliest thing ever. I disagree. It’s a wonder we’re still friends)

Anyways, we see only one brief scene of Gaby in her own street clothes, and a slightly longer sequence of her in her work clothes. The rest of the film, she is wearing clothes chosen for her by Illya. Saying “we just don’t have enough info” is a perfectly reasonable approach to this. So this was the other reason I had no intention of making this post.

But then people started getting interested. Someone reblogged commenting about Gaby’s fashion, and I discovered that I have very strong opinions about something I’d previously claimed was unknowable, and it made me wonder what was going on in my brain.

Then I talked to some other TMFU friends who all seemed interested in what I assumed was common knowledge/nothing unique. So, they may have been feigning interest out of politeness, but it activated the art history side of my brain, and here we are now!

The boring stuff but please read this

I am not attempting to tell anyone how to interpret this film. I am not even trying to change people’s minds or persuade them to my thinking. All I am doing is sharing my thought process. I wasn’t even going to do this for Gaby until people asked. To this end, please don’t attempt to argue with me about this. I don’t want to argue. I won’t respond to it. If you disagree, then please, just move along.

And I’m going to remind people that I love TMFU. I love this movie so much it hurts. Why am I putting this reminder here? Because I am about to apply some critical analysis to it, and in places this will be cynical, and it will not always look kindly on the film. If you just want to exist in a happy “I love TMFU!” bubble and not hear anything less than 100% positive about the film (which is a totally valid choice, I don’t fault anyone for that), then don’t read. But don’t yell at me for being mean or criticizing the film, because I warned you.

Tldr; or, if I were still being graded for this stuff here’s my thesis statement

When analysing Gaby’s fashion, there exist considerations which don’t apply to the male characters. Namely, she is a woman and the male gaze is a thing. So I am very, very wary about taking at  face value any expressions of traditional femininity in the choices made  for her outfits, hair, makeup, etc. Therefore, when considering her character, I find it much more useful and informative to give more weight to the aspects of her appearance which do not connote traditional femininity, rather than those that do.

For readers who have studied enough  media analysis to follow my thought based on that alone, there’s the thesis statement, y’all can go home (or at least skip to the end where I come to a conclusion). If you’re lost, then read on.

(mobile readers, the cut here might not work, and if so I apologize for what is going to be a very long post. Tumblr’s “keep reading” functionality is inconsistent at best, but I tried)

Context is for kings essential for analysing media in a meaningful way

(Or, some brief background. Stick with me here, we’ll get to the good stuff soon)

So, art doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Attempting to analyze any artwork (in this case a film) while disregarding the culture it was created in and the intentions of the creator is...not going to get you very far. Asking “what is art” is a question that quite frankly exhausts me at this point (looking at you, Duchamp) but the closest I’ve ever come to an answer is that the only thing that separates art from everything else is intent. And intention only exists within cultural context. So yes, intent and context don’t just matter peripherally, they are one of the biggest considerations one needs to make when analyzing works of art. The creator in this case being Guy Ritchie et al, the culture being British/American Popular Cinema in The Year of Somebody’s Lord Two-Thousand-And-Fifteen. 

Everyone views and creates (if applicable) art through their own distorted, murky, imperfect lens of personal experience. And one of the most persistent Things in western art is that cishet men create art based on their experience of Being A Dude. This is crucial, because this lens of cishet male perspective literally underpins almost all of western culture including popular culture. And thanks to feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey, we have a name for this.

The male gaze and you

I’m going to quote Wikipedia here, because honestly this intro sentence sums things up rather neatly (with one exception which I will address momentarily).

In feminist theory, the male gaze is the act of depicting women and the world, in the visual arts and literature, from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and represents women as sexual objects for the pleasure of the male viewer.

What does that all mean? That the Viewer and the Artist are both cishet men by default, and any women are Subjects of art. Women are viewed, never viewers. Men take action, women are subjected to actions. Furthermore, women are supposed to be pleasurable to view. By men. Since the Viewer is male by default.

But I would disagree that the pleasure is inherently based on women being sexual objects. That’s honestly a really damn limited read on the whole theory, and it’s one that Wikipedia itself contradicts later in the article. More broadly, cis men also derive other forms of pleasure from the presentation and viewing of female bodies, including aesthetic pleasure (the enjoyment of looking at beautiful things).

The theory of the male gaze is not without limits. As originally theorized, afaik it’s not particularly intersectional. It doesn’t really address queer perspectives or perspectives of POC. However, these issues are something I just can’t address here, unfortunately. And when looking at popular media, I still find the concept of the male gaze, imperfect as it may be, is a helpful means of analysis, so it’s worth having in your toolbox.

Circling back, the easiest way to sum up the male gaze, if you’re still not super clear on what it is, is with a demonstration.

Ever seen a shot like this in a movie?

And did you immediately roll your eyes? Feel gross? Congrats, you have just perceived and reacted to the male gaze.

Now we actually get back to TMFU

But the male gaze also shows up in many more subtle, insidious ways than fanservice-y boob shots. For this post, let’s focus on the following considerations, which might help everyone follow my thought process more clearly.

Gaby is a woman

She functions as the love interest of Illya in the script (I am not talking from a shipping perspective. What you ship does not matter for this discussion. I am talking about the narrative function of Gaby in the script as written. Put on your “cishet man” goggles for a moment)

Illya is a man who is attracted to women, specifically Gaby (again, I don’t care if your shipping conflicts with this. I am analyzing the film based on a literal reading of it as if I were a cishet man. Why? Because that’s who made the film. That’s who it’s “for”. I am all for queer readings of film--hell, I ship OT3, I myself have chosen a queer reading for how I interact with it, but I’m not critiquing people’s readings, I’m critiquing the film itself and to do that I have to critique its intentions and cultural context.)

Cishet men are traditionally only allowed to be attracted to women who are conventionally attractive. If they were to be attracted to anyone else it would destroy their fragile senses of self and their heads would explode or something. At least I assume that’s what must happen, based on how terrified they are of it.

Therefore, Gaby must be conventionally attractive, because it is literally required of her or otherwise the whole underpinning of western straight malehood crumbles and then where would we get such a pure, vast source of unadulterated toxic masculinity?

(Yes, this is a very cynical read on things. I’ve studied, like, three centuries worth of this bullshit. I’m tired. Let me be cynical.)

Or, to force myself to be less cynical, Gaby has to be pretty because...nope, this is still going to turn out just as cynical.

But what I will say in favour of this movie is that it gives Gaby and Victoria both a lot of agency and general awesomeness, which is quite unusual in this sort of big-budget action film, and it’s one of the big reasons I love it. I’m not saying that the entire film is sexist. On the contrary, there’s a ton of stuff to celebrate about how it portrays its female characters. But these aspects don’t change the cultural context, and we still have to consider the impacts of the male gaze.

Anyways, point being is that as filtered through the male gaze, Gaby is never given the option to, say, wear no makeup (or the appearance of such, as the guys are afforded, this being cinema where “no makeup” still means makeup) because that would look “ugly”.  Instead she needs to have a “baseline of pretty” which is way higher than reality because she is not a real human being with her own agency, she is a character created by a cis male writer/director team in a film directed by a cis man in a genre that caters to cishet men.

Gaby doesn’t exist in a vacuum. She exists battling centuries and centuries worth of sexist convention.

Now then, remembering all of that, let’s actually look at her. There are woefully few good pictures so I’m going to have to piece things together a little. Starting with the coveralls.

This is a great look, I love it. And I’m going to give Ritchie a lot of credit here because it would’ve been easy to go for a “Michelle Rodriguez in F&F sexy mechanic lady” look. In case I need to provide a visual:

(Repeat above gif about rolling my eyes)

Now, to be clear, I am not making any judgement about the way any real-life women dress. I’m sure there’s plenty of female mechanics who have their hair down and wear tank tops while working. That doesn’t bother me. I don’t care if real life mechanics choose to do their jobs in a string bikini. Or in cosplay of the bee from Bee Movie. I don’t care (and quite frankly it’s none of my business) because they are real people who can make their own decisions. But what I am talking about here is a fictional character who does not have her own agency. I am critiquing how male creators choose to dress their female characters.

So I personally choose to read much more into the unpretty  aspects of Gaby’s outfit, because these are not the “obvious” or “easy”   things. Obvious and easy are “of course she wears makeup” and “of course her hair looks good” and  “of course she doesn’t look like a swamp witch  who bathes in mud and spends her days cursing passing men”. Those things don’t challenge or disrupt the assumption that women must look attractive for male consumption.

Gaby’s introduction to us is with her in a pair of grease-stained, baggy coveralls, not wearing any obvious makeup (again, this is cinema, so she is wearing makeup. For cinema the goal posts around “wearing makeup” always need to be moved from where they’d be irl). There’s very little here that screams ‘pretty’. And that is fascinating to me.

I don’t know how deeply Ritchie thought this through when giving final approval to the costume, hair and makeup. But unpretty is not the default here. It’s a choice

And look at this. This is the stance and dress sense (and socks!) of a woman who does not give a damn about looking good for the male gaze, whether the in-movie gaze of Napoleon, or the implied gaze of the viewer and creator. It’s not ‘pretty’. And this is the only time in the film we see Gaby in her own everyday clothes, as she only escapes East Berlin with the literal clothes on her back.

So how do I think Gaby dresses? I think that for the most part she dresses....like this. Practical. Comfortable. With a few simple touches of things she likes/finds pretty, perhaps, but not with a specific interest in being pretty. She dresses for herself, not for others. And if that isn’t something to aspire to, I don’t know what is.