#so my friends will send me like columns of texts with no reply bcs i prefer to answer them in person to have smthin to chat abt

[jrueships]

sometimes i think about the ask i got about making a tier of players who are alpha beta or omega

[bonesandthebees]

OKAY sd anon with a complete reply for once! school has kicked my ass i had to code a distillation column and it had over 700 lines of code! terrible! awful! but it’s over now!! ty for the birthday wishes i enjoyed my tidepool day! hopefully your finals went well? got drunk w some friends and socal accent came out FULL force i sounded like julia fox. like the valley girl in me was so strong it was so funny

also yes!! we did another round of poems and one of mine was based off the murakami bingo in the nyt and she liked it v much. best part is i can actually trust her compliments bc she also has critiques! you know what i mean? like if they say everything’s perfect that is a lie and you trust nothing they say! but if they have criticism and compliments it makes you think it’s real

also soba stir fry n chili oil excellent me and my friend made an hmart trip and spent over 150$ and i’ve been making a lot of braised tofu! it was that week where it was pouring rain and we were just at hmart with our seven bags hiding from the rain while our lyft came it was great! i love hmart so much and now i have a bunch of enoki mushrooms n udon noodles but no idea what to put them in

also yeah roommate drama is. it’s happening. luckily it’s calmed down bc she goes to her cousin’s every weekend and like we’re all civil now but. damn ! she still hasn’t fully apologized! idk lot of things happening on the roommate front and while some of the new stuff might involve me, i have confirmation from multiple ppl that it’s not my fault, so i’m chilling

still hiding my phone at the gym! i have so many videos to catch up on i just haven’t had time to go w the project i had. was going to go yesterday but i went to the beach instead!!!! perfect beach weather but water so cold. so cold. manhattan beach my beloved it’s the closest i can get to an sd beach here. everyone else i know hates the heat rn but i am a fan? however people referring to it as a heat wave too much. hearing heat wave the phrase in public is jarring and also my friend i went to the beach with put music on while we were lying on the sand and heat waves started playing, so internally i have just been Very Something idk what it is but you get it right? just strange sense of what is happening right now mixed with did they actually say that or am i just too plugged in

also dude i said 70? before i left home my tank at costco was 100$. genuinely horrifying

but yeah i saw heat waves being nominated for awards and i was sitting there going ?? this song got so big that it could win awards. because of dnf.

also!! i went to go see maisie peters in concert and i’m going to see lorde soon looking forward to those!! i went to maisie by myself which was surprisingly fun but during the breaks between the opener and her, i had nobody to talk to, so i did a crossword (i am now addicted to doing crosswords) and texted my roommate to send me a photo of my code LMAO

also also!!!!! i got the wordle in one and it was the best moment of my life

YES HELLO AGAIN SD ANON

oh my god you are so brave for doing coding I literally switched my major to avoid taking a coding class (well that wasn't entirely the reason but it was definitely part of it). programming just. it's complete jargon to me. i can do basic html and THAT'S IT don't ask me to do anything else pls. and yes my finals went, uh, alright! did pretty good in most of them and then I FAILED A CLASS I GENUINELY LOVED so that, um, is a thing i'm dealing with now. i studied so hard for this final and I literally loved this class and actually like?? actually paid attention in the lectures?? I have no idea how the fuck I failed I'm so pissed but oh well. on the plus side I got an A- in a class I wasn't sure if I'd get an A in so :D and oh god the valley girl accent yeah me too, the second I get drunk it comes out full force it's so bad

oooo that's a really good thing to get both compliments and criticisms, it really helps you grow so so much

enoki mushrooms and udon... sd anon you're making me wanna go to h mart again it's been so long since i've shopped there... i've just been surviving off trader joe's the past few months. maybe try making udon stir fry with the mushrooms? could be interesting!

yikes yikes yikes on the roommate front. at least you know you're not in the wrong but aaaa that sounds so stressful to deal with, at least it's all civil. would be impossible to deal with if everyone was at each other's throats all the time

the weather has been so all over the place and tbh the heat was killing me two days ago ughhh like I'm so close to the ocean yet it was in the mid 90s the entire day i was losing my mind. which honestly makes me ashamed of myself I grew up in inland north county SD where it regularly got to the mid 100s in the summers how did I become such a pussy?

also last week I was getting takeout pho and while I was waiting in the restaurant for them to bring it out heat waves started playing over the speakers and i felt a small piece of me shrivel up and die inside. i'm thrilled glass animals is getting the attention they deserve but GOD i hate being burdened with the knowledge of dnf. dream please stop liking art of you and george making out we GET IT

your tank at COSTCO was $100??? ISN'T COSTCO SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHEAPEST GAS YOU CAN GET??? holy shit sd anon even my tank wasn't that high, last time I filled it it was $85 these gas prices are brutal

you are so brave for going to a concert alone I never wanna go to concerts alone but bc of that I never go to concerts rip. shoutout to you though, love doing the crosswords in between. if that were me I'd probably be writing fic on my phone (which is a thing I've done at frat parties before lmao). so glad you had fun tho!!!

CONGRATS ON THE WORDLE I DONT DO WORDLE BUT I KNOW THATS A GOOD THING HELL YEAH

[nikniknikin]

A Positivity thing!

Alright, sure! Warning, this got to be the length of a goddamn manifesto because I fucking love talking. (See #3 lmao). I also just took adderall so my thought are all nicely lining up in an order that is easy for me to follow and describe. So I'm putting it behind a cut for courtesy's sake. And to do that I had to take a pic and pate it in bc answering has limited text options and does not allow readmores apparently? Tumblr is a functional website.

1- I am naturally good with animals! I've been like that as far as I can remember and it''s something that I didn't really realize wasn't universal until quite a bit later. Of course it's partially a learned skill, especially since different animals have different ways of communicating and can interpret the same gesture as calming or aggressive based on species. But the bottom line is that birds, cats, horses, even reptiles and arthropods really warm up to me pretty quickly. Dogs are something of an acception I don't think I'm any better than your average person at interacting with dogs, but that is a lack of experience thing. I've worked in animal shelters and vets offices, but I've never actually owned a dog so I'm not as confident with them, and they can tell obviously. Anyway I love animals and they tend to like me back which is pretty great all around.

2- I'm pretty funny? Sometimes? Idk I am a bit self conscious about claiming that I'm funny without y'know, proving it, since being funny really is really up to the people you're entertaining to decide, but my track record of laughs per joke ratio is Decently High I like to think. I also remember when exactly I decided I wanted to be funny.

My family was driving to a family reunion in Nebraska, from Texas. Which means driving up that column of absolutely empty boring bullshit states in between where there is nothing but fields of corn and soybeans. Forever. As with any family stuck in an enclosed space together for hours and hours of extremely boring driving, we'd gotten irritable and had some kind of fight. Namely between myself and my dad, which was a commonly recurring problem when I was younger. So now we are sitting a tense and upset silence, and my dad decides to take a stab at lightening the mood by pretending nothing is wrong. (This is his go to move, and it is very frustrating tbh >_>.) So he makes a one handed gesture at all the Fucking Farmland around us and says in a grandiose voice "Look kids, this is where All your Food comes from!" As if we had not been staring at fields and fields of corn for hours, and also as if we did not understand what farming was.

I stare out at the corn abyss, contemplate this statement for a long moment. And then reply, "What about fish?" Everyone absolutely broke down laughing. Me and my baby autistic brain had meant that as half a sincere question, half a skeptical jibe, but nope. It broke the tension and immediately put everybody in a good mood. At this point in my young life, (I was probably 6? maybe 7?), I was pretty used to being the angry disruptive kid prone to tantrums and generally Making Situations Worse, so this was a....sudden departure from that norm. A departure I /liked/. Eventually we all calmed down and conveniently we passed a verly clearly man made "lake". It was a perfect rectangle, and had a weird nondescript building attached to it. Dad pointed and excitedly defended his claim.

"See, fish right there, I told you."

My response, after careful consideration, this time with the real intent of being Funny once again,

"I think that's a sewage treatment plant."

Cue laughter. Cue baby determination to Understand this Humor Stuff and git gud. As mentioned earlier, I like to think I've done a pretty good job all in all.

3- I'm hella verbose. I used to be really self conscious about this one too, as I was ///really bad/// at noticing when people wanted me to stop talking and/or were trying to say something themselves. This was not just a childhood problem too, it has continued well into college and I still struggle with it sometimes. Ironically this gave me a tendency to befriend shy and naturally quiet people. This would go very well for a period of time, but the combination of shyness and obliviousness meant that on the occasions where they DID have something to say I just steamrolled over them. This problem would Fester until the friend in question would get fed up and cut ties. To me this was unexpected, to them it had been a mounting and more obvious problem that they were trying to convey to me and I just did not realize it.  

I've gotten much better over the years, and now really enjoy how effectively I can say what I mean. This also has made me really persuasive, which I use to my advantage as a self appointed LBGT+ educator as often as possible lmao. Once again I have a quick story about how I realized this, but it's shorter I promise.

Seventh grade, US history. We had a somewhat final project thing that was making a list of the 10 most crucial moments of American Independence, and then defending these choices to the class. I picked a somewhat unconventional 10, prepared my speech, and then gave it, about halfway through the presentations. The time for the q and a had arrived. I looked out at the students, (most of whom hated me for generic junior high school reasons), and expected to get torn into.

There was absolute silence. No one raised a single question. The teacher, (who was one of my favorites in that whole school to be honest), smiled and said, "Nobody has any questions? Everybody agrees with [girl name redacted]? So everybody's list looks exactly like that, huh?"

Evan, one of the few people who was Mildly Friendly towards me thanks to us both being percussionists in concert band said,

"Well it would NOW, if I got to change it."

:)

4- Tough. I'm tough. I hesitate to say 'things don't bother me' because it's blatantly untrue given my fairly severe anger issues, but I don't get /insulted/ all that easily. I'm very much a 'who cares what other people think' kind of person. Not to say I disregard other's opinions, (although that definitely used to be the case oops), but I'm good at discerning like valuable critique from bullshit complaints. This is another trait I've had since time immemorial for me, and it's been pretty invaluable to me.

Being gay, trans, and overall weird in Texas in 2009 was not a picnic as it was, and I've seen how much much harder it could have been for me if I wasn't as resistant to mockery as I am. I like this about myself, and I like to think I /use/ it well. As often as I can I try and get myself in between bigotry/rudeness/ignorance and someone more vulnerable to being hurt by it. I can take the punches, get no bruises, and fire back with my previously established High Diplomacy Stat to really shut people down. This has been called by people other than me being 'brave' and 'courageous' but I always take a minor issue with that just because it doesn't feel like it has a /cost/ to me. It's not necessarily easy, but it's natural. It's not a matter of choosing to square up to something that intimidates me, but just using my natural immunity in a way that seems obvious.

5- And this one is sort of abstract in a way but, I've worked on myself. I've improved as a person. I'm still working to do so. I'm naturally very low empathy, morals confused and eluded me through much of my life. Compassion, respect, and plain old niceness do not come easy to me, but I've looked at myself and other people critically and made a commitment to trying to make people around me happier when I can. This is a trait I would accept being called brave for, but it's not one that ever gets that label. I admire people who this stuff comes to naturally, and I aspire to be someone who can help people who DO lack the innate understanding to learn the same way I have, (or whatever way works for them), how to understand why these concepts are important and worth pursuing.

WHEW okay sorry for the novel guys haha, but even if nobody gets all the way to the bottom of this it was really fun and uplifting to do. Thanks a ton for sending this ask my way, I'm very grateful.