#so much to decode though ughhh

[quietautoportrait]

Random thoughts I had while reading the Book of Bill [spoilers ahead]

Yeahhh, I’m not doing that.

First of all this book costed me $25 (twenty five) dollars, I am not writing anything on it.

Second, I am black!! So no! :D

Yup, this is creepy.

OH ? 😀

I am not turning that page again 😀

Wrong. I will never die as long as memories of me live on, so we’re even. You should have watched Coco, loser.

McGucket catching a stray, oh my god ?

You!!! Cannot trick me ! ! ! Compliments will get you nowhere! I am LOVED and CARED for !!!

The pages don’t have numbers, why would you do this to me ?

Silly Straws®, teehee. Serious Straws™, nuh huh.

Jokes on you, I live in Canada and I already have chronic depression. Sucl on taht looser.

Okayyyy, I guess I’ll try ONE demonic pact just to know how it goes.

Laws are made up!

(Please what’s the password)

The puns, good lord.

What is it with you and licking stuff ?

I don’t think you can advise anyone on fashion style really. Monopoly man looking ass triangle.

I don’t have it in me to decipher (haha) the secret messages today, please.

I wonder if the barcodes work.

Maybe he stole one of TS’s Grammies.

This book is hilarious

The book reading me :

Optimus prime most perfect being in the universe now canon.

I’ve never wanted to read the Great Gatsby.

Hi Stanford :D

Going from “trust no one” to “you have to trust me” is insane, near death experiences really do change a man.

Of course I have free will, I’m reading this book 🤨

Iron deficient people all hate Dennis.

So far I’ve learned nothing from this book, Bill literally scammed me wth ?

That’s not how you write creeticsm.

Bill polyamorous officially canon.

That is indeed a tall hat.

Cause of death : Devoured by hummingbirds.

Being “too annoying for hell” is crazy, yet fair.

Will somebody ever match my freak? </3

Scrimbles last wish was for me to see the next page, I simply obliged.

All I’m hearing is that there ARE places where other Bills WON weirdmageddon except YOU 🫵

Are you ashamed ? I would be ashamed. This is shameful.

They do have big heads tho, it’s true…</3

You’re so obsessed with the kids it’s getting weird, stay your creepy ass inside!!

Possessed Mabel is my new obsession.

Is that a pair of scissors??

Dripper Pines is not following up to his name; outfit’s whack af. Sad, disappointing.

Bill you are not that popular, please stop.

She dumped your ass, huh

I AM A REPULSIVE BEAST OF UNFATHOMABLE WRETCHEDNESS, GROTESQUE BEYOND MEASURE! I FEED ON YOUR DISGUST! I AM REPUGNANCE INCARNATE, AND SHAME CANNOT CLAIM ME.

He’s so real

Stanford aromantic officially canon.

Oh my lord, Dipper what did you hear baby :(

I love Soos so much please stop playing with me.

Oh no, Pacifica honey :(

You’re so obsessed with Dipper, please get a JOB.

I wonder what’s the name of the group chat.

I had to google “sascrotch”.

I love Dipper so much please hold on.

The search history…oh I would have kms.

#drankcoffeeheartfeelweirddying?

No, but does killing a ghost make a double-ghost tho?

I feel like a need a whole section for the search history, Dipper wtf

A hot glue scented candle :((

Big ass head

Why would there be a freaky Friday support group online Dipper…come on now..

Grow extra finger impress uncle :(((

I hated that, thanks for showing it to me.

Mabel chaotic lawful now confirmed.

“Fantasy” by Mariah Carey, she’s so real

Emphasis on “Rash” and “Out of character” cause some of y’all freaks decided to get super mad at a 12yo girl 🤨

Huh…McGucket’s mind definitely feels different to him. Good to know 🙂

We thank him everyday for his memory-erasing gun

Didn’t you say you’re not dead ?

“I looked up and saw the stars. And I was ready to be one” okay you ate that one little thing, I’ll give you that.

Bill…did you unexpectedly cause a genocide..?

That’s a lot of things that I will not unpack.

I am getting wayy too much information about his love life than I wish to.

Please enough.

Well, Time Baby didn’t destroy his dimension now, did he ? Your only similarity with him is that you’re the last one of your kind 🤨

That man had his first encounter with Bill on Feb 3rd 1901, yet the inventioneers’ fair news paper was out in Jan 22, 1901…?

I too have had enough of the French.

This is the blood of a killer Bella.

Bill is such a boyfailure (tri-failure?), he’s been trying to get on earth since the dinosaurs!! Just give up! Do something else!

How can a broken science experiment lead to so much drama. Please kids, don’t go to school.

That waitress was so lame, it was funny!

You set a what on fire ? 🧍‍♀️

You didn’t go no-contact, you killed everybody 💀

Boy, oh boy am I excited to read the fandom’s theory about this >:)

The getting along sweater ™

McGucket turning into the third Pines brother.

He already had trust issues Bill, did you really have to give him a slogan ?

I love them so much, if I ever catch teen Stanford it will be on sight.

“He may be a god, but I am a scientist.” Coldest bar in GF’s existence. Speak your truth bestie.

Oh ok, this is creepy 😀

Your hate of grammar mistakes doomed us all Stanford </3

Well, this is terrifying.

It’s so extremely sad how if any of the twin had died during that period, no one would have ever known about it…

It upsets me so hard how fast he jumped to the conclusion that Stanley broke his machine on purpose. Even then, I would simply not let my twin get thrown out the house with NOTHING to survive. Did he even graduate high school?

“Too cool for the FDA” is insane, someone had to beat him up, this is crazy.

You didn’t “abandon” your family. Your dad is a piece of poo and doesn’t deserve your time nor your support. He can go choke tbh. Also, Stanley’s definitely gonna make fun of you, he’s your brother dude 🤨

Is Ford a Taurus ? No reason for him to be that stubborn.

I admire his dedication to be a menace.

Ngl, that was a weird break up story.

Why is it always a handshake with you? Why can’t we make a pinky promise?

He misses Ford so bad.

If Stanley isn’t an irredeemable screwup then neither are you Stanford.

Oooh, being called a needy theater kid…I would have shot him not gonna lie.

He’s been talking it out this whole book Mabel, I don’t think he’s ready to move on.

Dipper is talking to all the Mabel haters reading right now btw, he told me all about it.

Are you really a con master if you got caught every single time ? :(

Oh now you’re obsessed with Stanley? Damn that’s crazy, you really need to talk to someone about it.

Ugh, now I feel bad for him. Deserved tho, seek therapy dude.

LMAOO???

The henchmaniacs didn’t call? They suck so hard, what the heck

I love these nerds so much.

[voltussi-budussy]

I went looking for Edwardo in the woods today… I didn’t find much… Ughhh but as I was walking I stepped in something mushy… It was shacaca… it had a werewolf smell to it though… SO OMGASH I THINK IM CLOSE TO FINDING EDWARD AND JACOB… UGHHHH IM SO EXCITED!!!! I’ll keep yall updated 😝😝🤗🤗😎😎✨✨🥰🥰

[chokefriends]

Pit-town Strays, ch.2

Kidlaw softness and redneck shenanigans in a northern mining town. Everything’s fucked but whatever.

Rated T, no big warnings. Ch 2: The boys hang out some more, they are stupid baby dorks and nothing happens, thanks for coming by.

Ch. 1 - [Ch. 2] - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5

Read on Ao3 too, I’m Ossicle

Bellamy arrived back from partying just as Law was on his way out the next morning.

“So can I have the fucking car then?” Law asked, not holding out much hope.

His bull-necked brother eyed him with wary hostility. “You’re a fucking gay,” he accused Law.

“I can also drive.”

“Shut up. I bet you're not actually, though. You're just tryna make people think you're special.”

Law snorted. “Bellamy, obviously I'm ‘a’ fucking gay.”

“No,” he denied it doggedly. “I'm your brother, I'd know already.”

“Dellinger, help us out here, buddy,” Law summoned their youngest brother, who was just then coming down the stairs with a pop-tart sandwich and his guppy jar. He was wearing a wetsuit, for some arcane reason.

“He's too young to hear about that stuff,” Bellamy warned off Law under his breath.

Law ignored this and addressed Dellinger. “Deli-man: Am I, in your estimation, fucking gay.”

“Uhhh, obviously you're fucking gay?” Dellinger rolled his eyes with all the snotty certainty of a thirteen-year-old boy.

“See?” Law raised his eyebrows at Bellamy.

“Pff. Every punk seventh-grader says that about literally everything,” Bellamy pointed out, fairly. “Last week he said gym shoes were gay.”

“Gym shoes are very gay,” Law confirmed.

“Not gay as Law’s gay self, though.” Dellinger met Law's fist bump with the guppy jar and went to claim the cozy recliner spot for his Shark Week marathon. Of their parents’ two biological sons, Law was definitely closer with this little blond weirdo.

Bellamy grouched, “Dellinger, turn that off, don't you got school?”

“Uhhh, it's summer?” the squeaky brat reminded him. “Law's only in school cuz he's a gay, gay nerd.”

Law covered his smile and went away up the stairs.

Bellamy's scowl deepened. He followed Law, accusing him, “You been keeping stuff from me. I’m your brother.”

“Why the fuck would I tell you shit. Thought you’d have figured it out already, anyway… I only been dating guys since I was like, fourteen.” Law rolled his eyes even more heavily than Dellinger had.

Bellamy stood there and glared for a full minute as Law tried to relace his sneakers with the remaining strand of snapped shoelace.

“...does Dad know?”

Law hesitated at the question, and looked over his shoulder reflexively, though he knew their father was gone on a business trip. He shrugged in response, confidence blown.

His ornery brother hissed suddenly, “This is fucked up. I'm not getting involved in any of this sick shit. Got that? Don't bring home any more Pit-town meth head tricks, I'll fucking kill em!”

“Where the fuck are you going? Gimme the keys,” Law complained.

“No, I gotta use the car today!” Bellamy stormed off.

---

Fucking pointless drama. Law shook it off and messaged Kidd with an ETA, then went to the highway to hitch a ride again. He'd forgotten all about the morning’s tense exchange by the time he'd made his way over and climbed the same bare rock outcropping as the day before. Kidd, the bike, and the Pit were all waiting below.

“The whole place is on high Goose Alert,” Kidd grinned. “Kevin is unavailable for comment.”

Law laughed and swung his leg over the back of the black-painted motorcycle. They roared through the village to Kidd's place in the far corner of the grid, past pursuing dogs and staring neighbors but no geese. Much better way to see the place, Law thought, dismounting in the driveway. Getting a little feel of Kidd's tight physique had been a bonus.

He followed Kidd up the step, where the little pink bike was once again lying in the way.

“Oh hey, you went and throat-punched the bike-thieves’ dad already?” Law joked.

“Oh, yeah, heh, stopped by his place last night. Guy tried to fucking sell it back to me, you believe that? Barely past check day and he's tryna scam people… Fucking drunk. Had to knock him out and give his kids a chicken bucket to show me where it was.” Kidd stepped over the bike and tried the door. Locked. He jiggled it and tried again.

Law frowned. “Okay? That's… good. Good job.”

“Yeah, chicken works. Nami! Open the fucking door! NAMI.”

A pouting little face was pressed against the window over to their left, watching them and not budging.

“Shoulda got chicken,” Law suggested.

Kidd growled in irritation. “God, it's always gotta be something. Every fucking time she figures out I'm going somewhere for the day… Nami, I gotta get to work! And look: Law's here!”

Nami's pout deepened.

“I can just get the door,” Law offered, reaching into his pocket for a card to jimmy it.

“Nah it's fine, I got it…” Kidd drove his boot into the door in an angry burst and it swung open. He stomped inside.

“Uh,” Law looked at the splintered bolt slot. No wonder there was no stop left.

“I'll fix it later. Nami: c’mere.” Kidd shouldered the duffel bag that was waiting on the hall floor, and then squatted down to call his sister over to him. “C'mon, gimme a kiss, I'll be back really soon.”

She kept her face stuck to the window, blowing clouds onto the glass and drawing shapes in them.

He sighed and went over to plant a kiss on the top of her head anyway, and she made an angry sound but kept ignoring him. “Don’t be like that. I'll be home before you go to sleep this time, okay? Babygirl?”

Her face stayed stuck to the glass.

“Nami.”

“Best not to draw it out, right?” Law suggested.

“... … …Yeah.” Kidd waited a moment longer, but Nami was set on being mad. He stood with a scoff.

“We’re good,” Law assured him, “And I'll text if there's something.”

“Kay, yeah. Bye.”

Kidd left abruptly.

Law frowned after him. Outside, the bike roared to life and then faded into a distant hum. Law went to close the open front door, bringing the bike inside as an afterthought. Nami was wiping away all her window-fog designs when he came back. She looked at him warily.

Law held out his hands. “Hey, witchygirl! I said I'd come back, right?”

She didn't reply. She walked around the far side of the room and then past him. In the kitchen, she took a box of Sugarbombs from the cupboard and then sat at the table, waiting.

“...Want cereal?” Law asked.

“Yah,” she huffed.

Law got her a bowl and blue plastic spoon and got her all set up. He sat down with a sigh as she dug in.

“Nami, can you say ‘thank you?’”

“Ya.” She kept chewing.

Law stifled a laugh at this. Law's father would have given her a real quick correction if she'd tried that in his presence. And Law probably shouldn't encourage her sass, but hey. He looked around and his eyes fell on his Stats assignment, forgotten there the previous night.

It was finished.

“Holy, what??” Law looked it all the way through, and then again. He studied the formulas, rubbing his temple. “How… do you even…? Ughhh.”

He looked up when Nami heaved a heavy little sigh of her own. She was watching him, imitating his concerned slouch and terse sounds.

“Hi,” she finally acknowledged him.

“Hi, Nami. We cool?”

“Ya,” she decided. “You can haves some cereal too.”

“No, thanks, not my favorite,” Law went back to decoding the paper.

“It is, it is not what witches can eat?” she wondered.

“Witches can eat what they want,” he told her distractedly.

A few moments later Law looked up to find her gone, and he had to run before she tried eating something bad. He found her in the bathroom, selecting cleaning supplies from the cupboard. He diverted her to coloring at the table, and spent the next hour organizing the bathroom and sorting the cleaning stuff into a high place.

The day went on much the same as before, Law alternating between coursework, cleaning and Nami management, while Nami went about her witchness. By the time it got dark, though, she was whining at the window and trying to break small things of Kidd's. Law took a guitar tuner away from her and she had a full-on meltdown. Law was starting to watch out the window too, wondering if he should text Kidd for an ETA… The guy had said he'd be back before dark this time, right? Law finally convinced Nami to lie down and watch Toy Story, but she would only stay put if he sat where she could see both him and the TV.

It was past 11pm again by the time Kidd came through the door. Nami got up and went to peek around the corner at him, but ran back to bed when he tried to get her to hug him.

“Girl, what the fuck,” Kidd grumbled.

“She's been waiting a while, I guess,” Law suggested.

“Yeah well. If I get offered a few extra hours at rate, I'm gonna take em.” The big redhead kicked off his boots and headed for the kitchen.

Law looked over at the little blanket lump, but it wasn't budging, so he followed Kidd.

“Didn’t get to the sushi place this time,” Kidd apologized.

“It’s cool, takeout every night gets expensive. I made this soup thing, there was leftover chicken in the fridge.” Law pointed to the pot on the stove and Kidd went to look.

“Oh sweet, like from scratch?”

“Yup.”

“Whoa, lookit that. Fancy brown stuff…” He made himself a bowl and sat back at the table.

“That’s what they call me,” Law joked to himself.

“Huh?” Kidd paused, spoon in hand.

“Oh I was just… talking to myself, uh… n-nevermind. Didn’t expect you to be listening.”

“Well I’m right here. Anyway, hey, I got these,” Kidd fished in his bag and threw Law a can. Hard lemonade.

“Hah, thanks…?” Law was cautiously grateful. He cracked it and took a sip—hmm, not bad. Not bready, anyway.

There was the quiet sound of bare feet from down the hall.

“There she is,” Kidd lifted his arm to find a sleepy Nami hugging his waist. “Yeah, hi. Good girl. Go the fuck to bed.”

He gave her a kiss and a coin, and she padded off again.

Law took a long drink from his can. “Soooo uh, I was gonna ask. You did that Stats sheet I left?”

“Um. Guess so…”

He was treated to one of Kidd's full face-and-neck blushes again. The unfortunate paleface ducked his head and concentrated on his bowl.

Law stretched and pretended to be fascinated by the ceiling light. “I was just gonna ask ya—”

“I was just bored or whatever,” Kidd told his soup.

“Yeah, but I don't know anybody else who just does math when they're bored,” Law wryly addressed the ceiling.

“Not trying to show you up or whatever. It's probably wrong. You can just erase it.”

Law snuck a glance over to see that the blush had safely passed. “Yeah but actually maybe you could show me what, um. When you… Like, which. How.”

“...Oh, yeah? Really? What part.”

“Most parts…” Law admitted.

Kidd laughed again, startlingly loud. Law jumped a little but laughed too.

“If you want,” Kidd grinned, pleased.

Law scraped his chair up next to Kidd's. They studied the offensive bit of paper for an hour, grabbing the pencil back and forth and talking overtop of each other. It didn't take long for Law to grasp the concept, but he let Kidd take him through a few more examples. They were getting louder and messier as the cans disappeared, and pretty soon the lesson was forgotten.

“But what if I take the p-value, and divide it by its own ass.” Law held two pencils like chopsticks and drew a little asterix, earning an ear-splitting guffaw from Kidd.

“Sshhh, sleeping baby!” he shushed Law in a whisper-shout, still laughing.

“You're the one screeching!”

“Not even!”

An irate Nami appeared in the doorway. “SHUT THA FUCK.”

They both looked over at her in alarm, then burst out laughing even harder. Nami's scowl deepened, and she came over to swat her brother as he held up his hands in defense.

“Holy shit Nami, okay okay, hahaaa…”

“Kidd! You come put me a bed!” Nami ordered.

“I will after, I have to take Law home first.” Kidd sat her on his lap and looked over at the oven clock. One in the morning.

“Oh shit…” Law checked his phone. No messages from his father, but one from Bellamy.

Dad's home, was all it said.

He ask where I am? Law texted back, and waited anxiously.

“Unless, uhh, you wanna crash?” Kidd mumbled to Law with a cough.

Law scrolled through his messages another couple times. “I don't really wanna get in a crash, no… I guess you've had a few drinks, eh.”

“Nono, I mean like, crash here.”

“Oh!” Law looked up from his texting. “Like sleep here. With you.”

“On the couch,” Kidd clarified, cheeks flaring up again.

“Well…” Law considered his phone.

“Or I can take you home on the bike. It's fine, I ride it around all blasted all the time, haha. But I only had a few this time.”

That was not super reassuring, Law reflected. He fiddled with the little bear dangle on his phone case. A strident bzz-bzz, and Bellamy's reply popped up:

No he just went to bed…

Law breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he could play it off like he'd come home late and gone back out again early, if his father asked.

“Yeah I'll stay,” he decided.

“Awesome!” Kidd gathered up Nami and made his way down the hall. He got a sheet out of the dryer and an extra blanket from a stack, then headed to the living room to make up the couch. Nami hung around his shoulders, over-tired and whining.

“I’m sharing with you tonight, Tinygirl,” he told her.

“You're not taking the big bed?” Law wondered.

“That's Dad's room.”

This seemed like all Kidd was gonna say on that topic, so Law let it go for now. Weird but whatever.

Kidd shucked off his outer layers and got into the little single bed on the floor, shoving aside all the furry little pillows. His feet hung off the end. Nami settled in under his arm with much squirming and fussing. Law laid himself out on the couch, still fully clothed in the stuffy room.

“You want some shorts to sleep in?” Kidd offered.

“Nah I'm good.”

“H’okay…” Kidd was probably thinking, weird but whatever.

“You working tomorrow?” Law asked.

“Yeah. But after that, it depends on when they need me.”

“Okay, I'll be around tomorrow, but Thursdays and Fridays I have class, so I can't come by til later.”

“We'll figure it out,” Kidd waved it off. “Worst case, I find another unlicensed daycare some yoga-pants MILF is running in her shed. Pit-town is good for those.”

Law snort-laughed into his pillow. “MILF-town! So where's the DILFs?”

“Well they sure as fuck ain't here,” Kidd muttered.

“What, no D's you'd like to F?” Law teased. A furry blue pillow flew at him.

“God no. No one wants to F these D's. The M's just do it for the B's, which stands for Baby Bonus.”

“Oooo… harsh.”

“True though,” Kidd chuckled darkly. “Not that I blame em. Baby bonus is about all the income to be had around here if you're non-union.”

“Huh…” Law was about to ask what Kidd had found, job-wise, but Nami interrupted to let them know she was asleep.

“I ASLEEP.”

“Okay,” Kidd whispered. “I guess me too.”

“Hey Kidd,” Law whispered. “You’re basically like Nami's dad, right?”

“...yeah. More than our actual dad is, anyway.”

“So,” Law struggled to keep his voice even. “You're one.”

“One what?”

“The one and only, the lone DILF of Pit-town.” Law stuffed his face into the pillow to muffle his giggling fit. There was no response and he looked over with a wicked grin to see that Kidd had pulled the blanket over his face. Probably blushing.

“You hiding?”

“Shut up… I'm asleep.”

Law chuckled quietly to himself and watched the odd pair on the floor. They were both out in a matter of minutes once they'd settled down. Kidd looked even bigger when he was trying to fit into a small space, with tiny Nami tucked between his side and arm. His protruding brow stayed creased, even while asleep, but the sarcasm had lifted from his lips. He looked worried.

Law settled down too, and scrolled aimlessly through his phone until it slipped out of his hand and he fell asleep without realizing.

[garnetmcdaniels-blog]

PatchworkPottery

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