#so much of her character is low esteem coupled with more loyalty than she should give to fewer people than she should be caring about

[cartoonfangirl1218]

So I just finished reading the entire Canterwood Crest series for the first time in like 7 years. So biggest thoughts from it are....

Heather Fox is mean girl turned frenemy turned friend done right! And of course, she easily becomes the most interesting one.

Alison should have gotten more content... No reason in particular, I just liked her. Also totally crackship her with Eric. I also crackship Eric with Brit. I just want Eric with someone.

I thought Eric and Sasha was a much much better couple than Sasha and Jacob. I mean Eric cared so much and he was a wonderful boyfriend and a good friend too. Literally, that line when Sasha realized Eric made her smile, Eric made her feel good...

Jacob was such an ass after the break up. Especially dating her friend right after but willing to drop that friend just so he could ask Sasha out. Oh, oh and being unnecessarily jealous of Eric. Dude, Sasha wasn't your girlfriend at the time, chill. Okay, okay he did redeem himself at the very end but I still like Eric so much better. Again, Eric deserves the best.

And I applaud Jessica Burkhart for including Cole, a gay character. I mean she never explicitly states it but the being bullied for being too feminine, liking fashion, naming his horse Valentino, you can draw the connection. Also the fact that she explicitly wrote, “Cole’s infectious energy always made me smile. We could talk about anything—horses, cute guys Cole was crushing on—and we always had fun” (Famous 42 if one wants to check for proof).. yeah. Its small but pretty big for 2013.

I liked Lauren as a protagonist more than Lauren. I appreciated Lauren for her maturity, her loyalty and her dedication to riding. (Though at times she was so mature it felt less like a 12 year old and more like a high schooler or even a college student, she was that eloquent and mature about her friendship fights and empathy for others feelings) Also she had a better arc with how she was getting over her fear of jumping and her championship past. Sasha had her immature moments that I just wanted to face palm so hard plus her inferiority complex of her riding.

Which brings me to how Lauren idolizes Sasha. I can understand why since they came from the same stable. But when Lauren says Sasha was a blue ribbon rider who won so many championships... it felt like they were talking about a different person. Maybe it’s because Sasha had such a low view of her riding that it colored my opinion but I was surprised to hear Lauren and ALL her friends hold her in such high esteem as such a great rider when that title should be given to Heather and Britt and Callie who constantly showed well and were extremely dedicated. But then again, Sasha’s lesson at the end of the book was realizing that she was chosen for YENT because her riding was as accomplished as her teammates so I guess she’s a good rider too. It’s still so jarring.

[livlepretre]

if you were rewriting the klaroline relationship for some reason, how would you do it and what would you change? I got to thinking and I feel like klaroline could've been such an incredible ship, if there just weren't so many weird decisions made in writing it.

I feel like I transcended when I read this, because, WOW do I have a lot to say on this topic. 

The thing about Klauroline is that it actually makes no sense whatsoever, and a lot of that is that the writing around it was super weird, like you said. But also that they were an unlikely couple to begin with... let’s look at why:

Klaus. We have absolutely no indication from his backstory that he had ever been seriously romantically involved with anyone, other than Tatia Petrova and, in a darker turn, Katerina Petrova. In fact, given his “love is a vampire’s greatest weakness” rant in 1492, we can understand him as a creature who scorns romantic love. We can probably extrapolate that this has to do with the emotional scarring from the fallout with Tatia, followed by him hardening his heart against Katerina so that he could eventually murder the mirror image of his original love. Interesting stuff. But that means that we are set up to believe that Klaus doesn’t fall in love. That he’s even specifically set against it. 

Meanwhile, we know why Caroline is great: she’s a creature of extraordinary contradictions. Loving and yet starved for love. Popular and yet incredibly insecure about her friendships. Neurotic while also aware that her neuroses push people away. An over-achiever who never feels good enough. Low, low self-esteem, that only starts to improve once she actually becomes a vampire and finds some autonomy in her life (I would say this starts when she tricks Katherine into the death trap in 2x07-- that spark of joy that she actually did it).

But none of this precludes the fact that Caroline is ultimately just a teenaged girl. And Klaus is just a horrible monster. There’s no reason for Klaus to ever look twice at her, when she’s one of thousands of young pretty vampires he’s met over his life, and nothing specifically special on the surface, and no reason for Caroline to get over the fact that he’s the monster who murdered Jenna, hunted and murdered Elena, attempted to murder Bonnie, and oh yes, also tried to use her and Tyler in that same sacrifice. Oh, and then murdered Tyler right in front of her, and continued to generally terrorize everyone she loves. 

And the thing is, none of this would have mattered, and all of this could have been dealt with with a few simple changes! 

First thing’s first: there needed to be an actual situation where the two of them were FORCED to see each other differently. 

In the show, Klaus suddenly and inexplicably notices Caroline when he arbitrarily decides to save her from Tyler’s werewolf bite (which was his fault??). Caroline is basically flattered enough that she puts aside the awful stuff Klaus had already done. This is a major disservice to both characters. It portrays Klaus as weirdly romantic and pathetic in a dimension he most definitely is not (he’s pathetic in a million other ways, but not in a soft mushy way-- he’s more, isn’t it so pathetic that he’s too much of a coward to love?) and, even worse, it expects us to accept that Caroline actually doesn’t care all that much about her loved ones, because a hot powerful guy can turn her head and she can basically abandon all ties of loyalty to her friends. Okay. 

So picture this instead: the two of them are thrown against their will into some sort of life or death situation where they can only depend upon each other for an extended period of time-- hours, days, however long it takes. This gives them an opportunity to overcome the problems they have with each other, and see each other in a totally new light. Klaus actually sees the best of Caroline as an individual-- her heart, her resourcefulness, her determination, her canniness-- all of the things that would separate her in his mind from every other random teenaged girl and set her out like a blazing star in his mind. Maybe she comes up with the plan that saves them. Maybe she’s the brave one between the two of them. Something. And meanwhile, Caroline actually gets to know the man behind the monster-- she sees his weaknesses, but because of her empathy, she understands them as very human weaknesses. She pities him... but she also relates to him. The heightened situation leads to heightened emotions. They don’t come out of this experience in love or even consciously attracted to each other... but they come out of it understanding each other, and being aware of each other in ways they never had been before. 

From there, the relationship could develop more organically. Caroline would feel guilty about siding with her friends over killing Klaus, because she knows him too well to feel good about having a hand in his death. Maybe she would even consider warning him. Begging him to just leave. (And of course he won’t, because he still wants to use Elena, and the fact that he’s doing that to one of her best friends only makes it harder for Caroline because suddenly she can no longer cast Klaus as her villain). 

Klaus would try to keep Caroline out of his various plots. It would actually make sense that they would have their dance in 3x14, but instead of it being Klaus outright romantically pursuing Caroline with lame horse girl drawings, it could be more like: they end up spending the evening together because they keep inevitably falling into each other’s company. Klaus is lonely. Caroline is sad after Tyler leaves, and mad at Klaus for being the reason he left, but also: he’s the person she somehow feels like she can talk to. 

And maybe things keep escalating. Slowly. Slowly. Drip. Drip. Drip. It’s not about an overt romance, it’s about this energy and tension slowly building between the two of them, so that by the end of season 3, when Klaus saves Caroline first and then goes to save Elena, we realize that he’s in love with Caroline. That he’s chosen her first. 

And that when Caroline says “I know you’re in love with me” in season 4, it’s a HUGE moment because by voicing it, she’s really admitting that she’s going to have to act, one way or the other. And when Klaus tells her “I will be your last love” it might actually come across as something honest, and yearning, and hopeful. 

Basically, I think that the romance should have been way slower and way throttled down. It made absolutely no sense for Klaus to fall head over heels for anyone, but especially for Caroline whom he didn’t seem to be able to pick out of a crowd until suddenly he was into her. It made no sense for Caroline to fall for Klaus at all, because it implied that she’s really shallow in ways we know she’s not. So. Let it be slow. Let it build from a moment of unexpected clarity between them. Seeing each other with new eyes. Let them fall together naturally. And for God’s sake, don’t draw horse pictures or lend her prom dresses! 

[sifeng]

Review: The Legend of Zhen Huan

Harem dramas (or gongdou dramas) are really extremely interesting, not just because the schemes and plots are smart and evil, but also because the ones planning are ladies. Typically, in big historical political dramas, such as Nirvana in Fire (琅琊榜) or the legendary Romance of the Three Kingdoms (三国演义), the big players are all males. In the former example, you have a few notable female roles, but in the latter, there are a lot of main characters, and only one is a woman. In harem dramas, the tables are reversed. The ladies are the ones doing the scheming, and they’re doing it while completely hiding inner feuds from the emperor. Out of all the harem dramas that have been made by China, the prize for “Best Harem Drama” typically goes to The Legend of Zhen Huan (甄嬛传). So what’s so good about Zhen Huan? And why should you watch it?

The main five ladies fighting for the emperor’s love (or are they really just fighting for power?) From left to right: Hua Fei (华妃), the Empress (皇后), Zhen Huan (甄嬛), Shen Meizhuang (沈眉庄), An Lingrong (安陵容)

Plot: 

Zhen Huan is a young woman who looks to have a normal life. However, all chances at a normal life are crushed when she is selected to become the emperor’s concubine. Now, she must learn the ways of the harem, which not only include etiquette, but also scheming and betrayal. 

Cast:

Sun Li/Betty Sun (孙俪) as Zhen Huan (甄嬛)

Chen Jianbin (陈建斌) as Yongzheng/Emperor (雍正/皇上)

Cai Shaofen/Ada Choi (蔡少芬) as Ulanara Yixiu/Empress (乌拉那拉·宜修/皇后)

Li Dongxue (李东学) as Prince Guo/Yun Li (果郡王/允礼)

Jiang Xin (蒋欣) as Consort Hua/Nian Shilan (华妃/年世兰)

Tao Xinran (陶昕然) as An Lingrong (安陵容)

Lan Xi (斓曦) as Shen Meizhuang (沈眉庄)

My Opinions:

Plot (My Rating - A):

I would say the best thing about the plot is the pacing. It doesn’t go extremely fast, to the point where you lose track of everything that is happening, but it does go at a relatively reasonable pace so the show never gets boring. 

This drama does an amazing job of showing the cruelty of the harem. Also, I kind of think the kind of scheming that goes on in harem dramas are even more scary than the big political schemes of the big historical dramas, because these ladies put on this image of being good sisters that support each other, when in reality they have thought up a million ideas on how to kill each other. 

Of course, being a harem drama, there’s not a whole lot of cute romance here, but there are quite a few couples (beyond the emperor and his concubines) that are kind of cute. Also, as it is a harem drama, focus on friendship and loyalty to friends is rarely mentioned. There’s really only two cases of friendship in the entire drama, everything else is much more like an “alliance”.

Characterization (My Rating - A+):

I would say the two best parts of this drama are characterization and acting. Every character in this drama has their flaws, but also traits that we should be admirable of and learn from. Let’s take An Lingrong for example. Her biggest flaw is that she has extremely low self esteem, which leads her to be paranoid and loose her ability to trust her friends. However, she is also extremely persistent. She knows singing is her talent, and so she uses it on a number of occasions to gain favor. When she looses her voice, she learns to ice skate, and is able to do it wonderfully, and again, she gains favor with the emperor. She also later learns to take her future into her own hands, instead of depending on her friends, or the Empress to protect her. 

Characters also grow throughout the series. Though they start out innocent, Zhen Huan, Shen Meizhuang and An Lingrong grow to become wise and mature. And as this show is extremely long, we get to see what events set off character growth. All slightly major characters undergo some kind of character development, and all of them have developed personalities that make you want to root for them sometimes, but sometimes you really just want to throw them in the Cold Palace.

No villain is left without a humanized side. No one is evil for the sake of being evil (which cough, Gao Guifei in Yanxi?), and even the villains have backstories that make you sympathize with their actions. At the end of the day, I can’t even really call them “villains” since, let’s be real, some of the “good guys” do things that are just as bad. Similarly, the very few heroes in our show have their negative traits as well. No one is perfect. Everyone is human. 

The most impressive thing is definitely the growth of Zhen Huan. She starts out weak and somewhat of a coward, however, by the end, she is the one that people fear. As the show narrates the story of Zhen Huan from a 16 year old girl to the powerful Empress Dowager, we can see how every event in her life changes her. Every scheme, death, betrayal, they all build Zhen Huan to be a strong, powerful, but cruel person. Some have criticized the show because it seems to send out the message that in order to get above your bullies, you have to become just as evil. I disagree. Two of the concubines in the palace, Jing Pin and Duan Fei are more low-key, rarely participating in schemes, and they survive until the very end, earning the third and second highest ranks possible in the harem respectively. You don’t need to scheme in this show if you develop good relationships with everyone, and have a low-key and simple existence. As long as you don’t push yourself Ito the race for the emperor’s favor, you’re sure to live. 

Acting (My Rating - A+):

My god. How did they literally manage to get ever single actor portray their characters perfectly? Not just the main leads, but literally everyone, made me truly believe their characterization. Of course I have to give props to Sun Li, Ada Choi and Jiang Xin for their portrayals of Zhen Huan, the Empress and Hua Fei. THEY WERE AMAZING. Even though the latter two are arguably villains, they played their parts so well that honestly, I felt bad when the Emperor didn’t believe them or ignored them. 

I also think Tao Xinran did really good as An Lingrong. In the beginning she did a great job of bringing out An Lingrong’s self-deprecating and unconfident personality, and I could see that even though An Lingrong ended up growing significantly in power, underneath the facade of confidence, she’s has low self esteem and confidence. 

What’s really amazing is that a lot of the supporting actors here have become stars themselves. Three of the supporting concubines, Qi Guiren, Chun Changzai and Ying Guiren are played by three rising stars Tang Yixin, Tan Songyun and Mao Xiaotong. 

Cinematography (My Rating - A-): The shots of the Forbidden City are beautiful, but seeing as this is a 2011 drama, the quality isn’t amazing.

Costumes (My Rating - A+): I mean just look at the pictures above. The costumes are STUNNING.

Overall Rating: A+ 

Recommend For: People looking for a drama full of schemes and mystery. People who are okay with a drama that doesn’t include a whole to of romance or friendship. People looking for a good harem drama. People who liked Yanxi or Ruyi should definitely watch this drama! 

[obeymematches]

Obey Me matchup please?

Hello, how are you? Thank you for taking your time to do this for me!~

About me: I’m a hetero Female, 5'3" (161 cm), long dark blonde hair, blue eyes, pale, thin build, and wear glasses cause I’m blind af. I have a tomboyish sort of dress style. I like hoodies/jackets, don’t like to wear skirts/dresses or high heels. I almost never wear makeup unlike most girls. I have skin allergies so makeup makes me itchy. My MBTI is INFP and my enneagram is 4w5. 

I’m a more quiet person, although I love memes and quoting things that make me laugh. I have a really immature sense of humor so sometimes simple potty humor is enough to get me going. It takes me a long time to fully trust someone. I have a lot of issues I don’t like to talk about, including the fact that I’m autistic (aspergers to be precise) as it’s something I really don’t like about myself. I’m extremely self conscious about my looks, I don’t think of myself as pretty or attractive. I hate it when people see me cry so if that happens I will hide and not come out till I’m ready. I have no confidence in myself, but I do have a willingness to learn. I can be sarcastic and will sometimes be a troll just for my own amusement. I consider myself more on the independent side so I’m not someone who needs constant attention. I like having my space and enjoying the silence when needed. I have a weakness for animals (especially cats, my cat is my baby) and Pokemon plush (hoarder). I’m into anime, manga, and video games. It’s pretty much what I’ve invested all of my time into. I’m really reclusive and only go outside to work or go grocery shopping, although it’s nice to get away from it all once in a while. I’m also a low energy person, so I enjoy a good siesta when I’m really tired. 

I don’t know if I would consider myself touch starved, but I it’s hard for me to be cuddly/intimate even with my family members, despite us being close. Not sure if it has to do with my autism or not, touch for me with other people is just kinda weird. That said, I’d like to be more intimate with those I’m close to, just have to get around the awkward feeling it gives me. Oddly enough, I touch/kiss/hug animals like my cat just fine. With animals, there is no awkward feeling. I’m the oldest of 3 children, and my sister wants to be hugged often and while I love her deeply, I wish she wouldn’t hold onto me for so long. My brother is more like me, we love each other, but prefer to express our bond by talking about things nobody else really understands. It confuses our parents and strangers, but that just makes it the more entertaining for us. 

What I want in a partner is someone who I can truly bond with. Like a twin flame/soulmate kind of thing. Someone who is not only my partner, but also my best friend. I want to be their one and only, their number one. And of course, I want to let my partner know that they’re my one and only too as well as my number one. I’m not the kind of person to cheat on my partner, and I would hope the same from them. I want us to be able to trust each other 100%, that we always have each others backs. I want us to be there for one another when one of us is going through a rough time. Being the introvert I am, I do not require constant attention from my partner. I would understand perfectly if my partner needed time to themselves or just wanted to hang with some friends. I like the idea of marrying my partner. I’m a low sex drive person so unless I’m sure it’s with the right person, I’d prefer sex after marriage. I’m not real big on the idea of children because I don’t think someone like me would be a good parent. However, I am open to changing my views on this. Looks to me aren’t as important as how we connect on a personal level. I do think physical attraction should be part of a relationship, but it should not be the main basis for said relationship. 

As for a favorite character, to be honest I don’t really have one. I think each character is enjoyable in their own way, including the undateables. I guess if I had to choose one of the characters, I’d pick Levi. As for the undatables, I’d have to pick Simeon. 

I hope this wasn’t too long. Thanks again for your time and I hope you have a good day. :)

------

Hiii!!!! 

Thank you for sending in a request!!!

I was pleasantly surprised when you mentioned that you like Levi the most, because he was exactly the one on my mind as I read your request. 

So I hope you like the result!! 

I match you with Leviathan! 

So your fashion style is something worthy to consider as that’s something that gets others attention and says a few things about you even if you talk to a stranger. I think Levi wouldn’t mind at all that you prefer to be comfy! Honestly, he feels the same about this and he would never try to pressure you into wearing something you don’t like. (I mean you can expect him to cosplay with you at times, but thats more fun if you want it too.) 

Having a sense of humour makes people more attractive. A sense of humour is usually each to their own, but I think Levi would get your jokes the most. 

Levi doesn’t trust easily either, I mean first he has to figure out whether or not you’re  normie, but even if you are not he still has to make sure that you are actually genuine. This probably comes from his low self-esteem. 

When you are with him, you have to deal with him talking down on himself a lot and hopefully you are patient enough to handle that. (but also don’t let him use that against you to manipulate you, he is a demon afterall)

In return he would also help you with your insecurities, like i totally see him saying stuff like “so if you think you are ugly then i am much worse than ugly”

He would learn a lot from you and about you also. Like he would never tell you he is not interested when you want to rant about anything. Like your experiences, interests, opinions, anything. He knows he has a tendency to rant so the least he can do is listen to you when you want to talk about something. 

The two of you could definitely troll social media as a bonding activity!!! 

He has similar views on going out and independance, so the two of you understand and respect boundaries really well, which means theres no conflicts about that!

Oh pls don’t siesta with Belphie ever, it would make Levi so envious and he might think you’re cheating. 

 I think Levi is not too affectionate either, like touching him turns him into a mess. Good luck trying to talk to him after that for like 3 hours. But I think after he trusts you a bit more and after he believes that you are actually trustworthy, not just a nasty human normie, he will try to be intimate with you more often. His libido is much less than Asmo’s or Lucifer’s, so I think he can restain himself well enough for you to be okay and for him to not cross your boundaries. (in canon he is a virgin if i know right so he can wait a couple more years if that makes you comfortable.)

 Levi would do his best to get along well with your siblings, though he is very socially anxious so pls be prepared to help him out in case he freezes. But I think after he gets used to them he would want to hang out more at your place - you don’t have as many siblings as he does so the place is more quiet, also your siblings are actually fun, unlike that loser Mammon. 

I also think being best friends with your actual partner pays off at the long run, and Levi is a very good candidate for that. (as we can see in his phantom devilgram story). He may be a shut it but that doesn’t mean his life is boring or he does nothing at all. In canon he has several creative hobbies, like drawing, sculpturing, cosplaying, but he also reads, plays games and watches anime. So there are many things to do!!! He would be honored of you indulged in his hobbies and he would do his best to show you the ropes! In return he would do the same in case you pick up a hobby he never had before. Just a fun bonding experience, thats all

Trust, loyalty and honesty are the main values he looks for and he has them in himself as well. Tho as I mentioned he will take his time with trusting you.

Hmmmmmmm idk about his take on marriage though. Like i’m certain theres the demon equivalent for that and I think his opinion depends on their traditions. (or like if it’s a wedding with traditions of both worlds, idk how that would go because he is a demon so idk youd have to talk about the religious parts a lot. also he will not be able to  handle the whole town being there because of the above mentioned anxiety) but like a private ceremony with just the two of you sounds good! (i mean he is just happy that one person somehow ended up in love with him, he wouldn’t really have any issues with commitment.) 

I think you’d also be able to balance out his tendencies of being irrational at times, like when he talk down too much on himself or when he impulse bought something for the 17th time this week. and it’s only tuesday. 

[commaless-a]

*. meta - relationship with death

from my archmage’s bane meta:

then she fucking dies – and oh god, that’s a whole can of worms to unpack – she’s dead, when she revives she isn’t in her halfling body – and her relationship with death is VERY complicated: she thinks she’s expendable, especially because she’s in a body she HATES – she’ll fling herself in front of all of her friends, but at the same time she doesn’t WANT to die for the sake of her family – i wouldn’t be surprised if she’s desensitized to it, and that’d explain a lot about her taking the blow for jester, running on lava, and what she said before the dreadnought. “i’ve already died once – if i die again, at least it’d be with friends” – it’s a weird balance between “i’m invincible” and “i’m expendable”.

so, hey, it is i, your little goblin girl’s biggest fan - and i want to ramble about nott’s relationship with death for a hot second... so let’s get RIGHT into this!

tldr: why she doesn’t really care about dying: 1. nott has bad self-esteem and prioritizes her friends 2. she wants to be important to the nein  3. she feels her body is expendable 4. she feels invincible 5. she’s desensitized to the notion of dying.

what does she feel about death?: 1. initially, she’s ABSOLUTELY terrified. 2. eventually - she’s sort of... indifferent to it?

as we all know, nott suffers from an extremely low self-esteem - she doesn’t like herself, not in the slightest - though the reasons why have changed, over time. when it’s started: she’s hating herself for being a goblin, for having died in the first place, for not being pretty, or smart, or brave, or anything - just nott - someone who, in her eyes, is an untalented, waste of space who won’t amount to anything. and she takes this to an extreme level - she sacrifices herself for her friends no matter how badly she’s hurt or how bad the situation’s in, and it’s exacerbated with how often she’s called to check for traps and pick locks. even if she’s good at that - she’s terrified of the consequences that may happen when she fails - and as an alchemist, she’s used to thinking up terrible, worst-case scenarios. she throws herself in front of her friends and puts herself in stressful and deadly situations, all for them - because she believes she’s not worth much - that her friends are so much better than her - and she puts herself on the lowest rung of the hierachy. this ties into her passionate loyalty for her friends - she’ll stick up for them, defend them and be on their side, no matter what - but at the same time, she will fling herself into danger when they are in the way of actual physical harm - or will be in the way of.

now, she hates herself - not for being a goblin, though of course that’s still part of the reason why - but it’s now because of much more heavy reasons: for being selfish, being conflicted - and having been normal, before - she now knows very well she’s more than just nott - she’s brave and good with a bow and good at picking locks - but there’s a seed already planted in her head that she was once just veth - that once she was a normal, humdrum halfling in a family she loved and a culture she couldn’t get invested in - and it haunts her very much - that once this is over, once they defeat tharizdun and the chained oblivion and the bad people who hurt caleb and change herself back and fix everything - that she’ll be ‘just veth’ again, that she’ll be all alone again, with nothing she loves and nothing she cared about. she wants to be useful. she wants to be something special to the nein - wants to help her friends achieve their goals and accomplish whatever they want to do - and this definitely ties in a lot to her hierarchy way of thinking.

so, what have we learnt, with the relation of her self-esteem to death?

1. she doesn’t like herself; she believes her friends are more important than her, and acts accordingly 2. she wants to be special and important to the nein - and what better way than to do what she does best, putting herself into danger to protect them?

wait, though - there is so much more! like i said before - nott is in a goblin body - a race that she hates ( for a very good reason, of course ) - and i would be lying if i said that did not feed into her low self esteem. after all, this is coming from “they made me everything i thought i was - not pretty, not smart [...] just nott.” - and, again - with such hatred for her physical appearance, such hatred for her current identity - she believes that her feelings about getting into danger are perfectly justified: she’s not in the right body, so she doesn’t have to take care of it - she can do whatever she wants with it, her body’s expendable - and therefore it doesn’t matter what she does. this is a very unhealthy train of thought - this definitely lends into why she takes to drinking so easily as a coping mechanism - and that way of thinking definitely influences how daredevilish she is. it’s not a matter of being brave - sometimes, it’s just a matter of being reckless. of course, take note that i say her body - because she of course, doesn’t WANT to die - especially when in relation to her family, in the beginning.

with the matter of this current life being so much more exciting/dangerous that her odl life - she’s swinging into two extremes: fear and desensitization - of course, she’s fucking terrified - she’s the d&d equivalent of a rural village mother who’s been traumatized and tossed into a world where she suddenly finds herself with the need to fight to survive - but fear isn’t good - we know her relationship with fear: she doesn’t think it’s useful for her to do what she has to do with relation to her friends - that it stops her from doing things that need to be done: from fighting monsters, picking locks, checking for traps, infiltrating places they shouldn’t be in, etc, etc - so, instead, she swings onto the COMPLETE other side of that spectrum - she completely numbs herself to it. death scares her - adventuring scares her - but because of the, ironically, fear of fear, she pushes it down and makes herself numb to it - and coupled with her very, very normal morals - she often is up for violence - is vicious and ferocious and cruel when she fights. she’s hardly affected by other monsters dying - by humans dying - because they’re bad, and that’s just how adventuring is - sometimes you kill people that get in the way - and by extension, when it comes to her death - when it comes to others dying -

it’s upsetting to say that she’s grown numb to it, too - and it definitely doesn’t help, with the fact that the group has revivify and the very trivial way they treat death ( it’s okay, we’ll revive him later, it’s okay, i have a diamond ) - death feels impermanent to her. this can feed into the other reason - she feels invincible, and is very desensitized to death, at least, at current time. throughout the early parts of the campaign - nott is very quick to FREAK and run to stabilize/heal whoever who’s unconscious - and molly’s death carried such a heavy impact on her - but now, with the clerics having revivify, with the people being stronger - the only time she’s really freaked out is when caduceus dies - and the main reason for that was because she was the one who caused his death - not the monsters - but the fact that she had killed an ally - a friend.

and of course, she never gets to talk about that, because they sort of lost track of that - and so she buries all of that down and jokes about it - further solidifying that desensitized way of looking at death.

how does she feel about death, though?

death, to her - feels like everything and nothing at once. the impact of the hurt - the pain, the burning - it sends her into a flashback of the senses of her FIRST death of drowning ( which is of course the main reason why i’ve been comparing death to drowning a lot in a meta sense ) - but death is... nothing, like - literally nothing. no thought, no feeling - nothing.

and it’s weird.

of course, at first - she is absolutely fearful of death - which is fine, as she should - she’s a normal person who’s been tossed into the adventurer life. its terrifying - and how could it not? the sheer notion that something is so powerful that it can rip your life out from under you, that it could take away all of your life from you and throw it away, turn your life upside down - it’s happened once to her, and really, she doesn’t know what would happen if it happens again. downright fearful - especially with water: have you seen her scared of rain and water - when caleb goes into the bath and she’s so timid and sad when she says “i just got used to you and now you’re going to change, too”?  it hurts to die - and when the prospect of others dying - of her dying, is brought up, she is fucking TERRIFIED.

being terrified of change and desiring control over her life - over her own narrative - is very, very integral to her character. but what about now? with the experiences she has - with the things she’s seen... how is she with death, now? 

she’s gotten used to it - mainly because of how it’s treated around her - people revive dead people when they fall down - the sheer amount of times people have fallen but are perfectly fine in the end, she’s gotten used to it, unfortunately - with how often she’s encountered death in this career, compounded with the fact she’s died before - she’s beginning to think that death is... sort of - not a big deal, anymore.

death’s something tragically comfortable to her, now. at least death is constant - death doesn’t change, unlike how turbulent her life is. it’s uncomfortable, painful, stuffy, and she hates dying, still - but it’s in a weird way, dependable. she dies again - and though she dies in shock and in trepidation - she, eventually, embraces it - and it came to the point that she almost didn’t come back to life - that she was accepting it, that she refused to come back.

...but, of course - the two times she’s died, she was forcibly returned to life - which sort of just, adds a whole new layer onto ‘dependable’. how would she feel when she isn’t returned to life? probably panicked. i feel everything would come rushing back - like “oh. oh. i’m. i’m actually dead. oh no. oh no oh no oh no -”

so! there we have it!

[semper-draca]

Day 15: (Canon) Choices & Day 16: Consequences

For the 30 day swtor oc challenge. Putting both today and yesterday’s posts in the same thing because I once again forgot yesterday (in my defense, I was hella sick)

Choices: First off, a brief disclaimer. As Iustitia canon differs a lot from game canon, and even though when I think about Gimrizh I tend to think of Iustitia canon Gimrizh, this is all about game canon. So, yeah. If you’re reading Iustitia, this is not canon for that. 

In game, Gimrizh tends to make mostly light side choices, especially by the end of the game. At the start, she tends to be a bit more grey, but is solidly light at the end. One of the hardest choices she makes is letting Tremel live, as this is the first real (and only, until after Quesh) act she makes against Baras. It’s sort of her first and then only betray of him until he tries to kill her. Funnily enough, I never write this scene in Iustitia, only the aftermath of it. It’s hard for her, because she owes Tremel but also knows that she’s endangering herself if Baras finds out. At the time she decides to save his life, she also doesn’t really know what Baras is capable of. If she did, she would have killed Tremel. The only dark side choice she makes in the second two halves of the game is killing Baras - and that’s not hard for her. At that point, she does it almost out of spite.

To no one’s surprise, the other most difficult choice she makes is forgiving Quinn. In hindsight, she can’t not forgive him (not in that his actions are easily forgiven, but in that her character is too loyal to him not to once the whole picture is apparent). But again, she’s so (let’s also add an ‘unhealthily’ in here) loyal to so few people (Quinn being probably the person she holds in highest esteem) that it really destroys a lot of her trust in just about everyone. (Again, I do view Iustitia canon as actual canon for her character, and as I haven’t written the Quinncident yet, not going to go into too much)

Consequences: Biggest impact is Quinncident, see above. Second biggest though, is a tie. Being named Emperor’s Wrath is a big issue for her, as it’s a mix of all the things she really doesn’t like; being forced to go after Baras who she views as almost unbeatable, having insane amounts of power over other people’s lives and within the Empire, having no idea what the Emperor really wants with her or what’s coming next (at least she knew Baras’ goals). The other problem for her is (and this is Iustitia canon sorry it’s just a real big problem for her) the Maelstrom Prison Incident. Basically everything about that arc, from being forced to attack Celebris (Barsen’thor) who she is terrified of, from getting beaten so badly that she’s stabbed in the heart, to being captured, to being given a trial and sentenced to death, to finally fuckin realizing she’s in love with Quinn - the whole thing really makes her open her eyes to both who she is and what her limits are. Until that point she’s a survivalist, with the secondary goal of keeping those she cares about safe. During this arc, she flips those goals and comes to the realization that she would (and is willing to) die for them without hesitation. Like I said, unhealthily loyal.

[zenxenophilia]

What Your Stand Says About You (or) How to Make a Well Balanced JoJo OC

Stands are a bit of a tricky concept, aren’t they?  We know that they are essentially an extension, or an embodiment of the user’s innermost self, but we never really get an in depth explanation for why certain people have certain powered stands.  This can make creating a well balanced oc difficult, especially if you’re struggling with coming up with stand abilities that haven’t already appeared in canon.  Well, worry not!  With the help of this handy little stat guide/analysis (courtesy of @fugoh and myself), you can not only create a well rounded stand, but also use it to better analyze a stand user in canon.  (Note these are all just speculations.  It could very well be that a stand’s powers are the result of Araki throwing darts at a board for all we know.)

 Step 1: Powers

This is where that whole “extension of one’s inner self” comes into play.  A stand’s powers may directly, or indirectly reflect the inner desires, or emotions of the user (with the exception of independent stands, which we’ll cover later).  When coming up with a stand’s abilities, it’s important to understand what your character’s core beliefs are.  What are their goals?  What drives them to do what they do?  If you peeled back all the layers, what would lie at their center?  Once you understand your character’s true aim, creating a stand ability is easy.

Take Josuke in part 4 for example.  Sure, he might occasionally try to swindle his friends out of their hard earned cash, but at the end of the day he’s probably one of the most loyal characters in the entire series.  Even if he won’t outwardly say it (because that’s not cool and all), Josuke would gladly take a bullet (or bomb) for his loved ones any day.  He has a strong desire to protect those around him, and to keep his community safe from those who would do it harm.  And what are his stand’s abilities?  That’s right, Crazy Diamond’s healing powers are an extention of Josuke’s need to keep everyone safe, even at the cost of his own health if need be.

Now let’s take a look at the other true bro in part 4, Okuyasu.  While his loyalty is just as strong as Josuke’s, it’s limited to a select group of people rather than people in general.  One of his major character points is that he thinks he’s not as smart as everyone else, which causes him to suffer from very low self esteem.  The Hand has the ability to “scrape” away space, which can be seen as Okuyasu’s way of tackling difficult concepts.  Science homework making his brain hurt?  Why study, when you can just wipe the thing out of existence?  

Sometimes a stand’s powers will reflect a hidden aspect of the user’s personality, rather than a core belief.  Jotaro for instance is a man of few words.  He’s not good at expressing himself, and thinks that people should just sort of get how he’s feeling without him having to say it.  Star Platinum is basically an embodiment of Jotaro’s pent up emotions.  SP yells/screams/emotes so that Jotaro doesn’t have to.  Koichi’s Echoes is another example of this.  Koichi’s a sweet guy, but he’s not always taken seriously because of it.  Like Jotaro, Koichi sometimes has trouble expressing himself when it comes to saying “no” to someone.  Echoes’ ability to project words/sounds coupled with Act 3’s hilarious personality, is basically Koichi’s way of speaking up and getting his frustrations out.

Not all powers need to have a hidden meaning however.  Take everyone’s favorite gun-toting cowboy, Hol Horse.  Now there’s a guy who is literally so upfront and open about his own thoughts and desires, that the physical embodiment of his very soul is literally just a better version of something he’s already good at.  Bless you, Hol Horse.  You are too good!  XD

 Step 2: Stats

Balancing out a stand’s stats can be difficult.  Unless you’re Gary Stu Jotaro “btw I can stop time now” Kujo, chances are you’ll want to create a stand with more well rounded abilities.  I find that the key to this is to understand the user themselves. Let’s break it down one by one.

Power: The embodiment of the user’s mental strength/endurance.  This one is pretty straight forward.  The higher your mental strength, the more power a stand will have.

Stamina:  Reflects a stand user’s perseverance or dedication.  Does your character always follow through on commitments and relationships?  Or do they have a tendency to bail when the going gets tough?  The higher the stamina, the more likely your character is to be solid and dependable.

Precision:  Based on the user’s ability to focus.  Sort of similar to stamina, but it differs in how it affects the user.  Is your character the type to sit down and finish a project in one go, or do they get distracted easily and/or move on to the next thing?  The better your character’s concentration, the higher a stand’s precision will be.

Range:  The ability to plan ahead.  If your stand has a high range, your user’s probably the kind of person who’s always thinking twelve steps ahead of their opponent.  A user with a shorter range stand may be the type of person who acts impulsively or on instinct.

Speed:  How good is your character at adapting to new situations or ideas?  Do they embrace change and are always thinking on their feet? Or do they rely on their own morals, traditions, or understandings and tend not to sway in their decisions?  The higher the speed of a stand, the more likely it is for a user to be willing to accept things as they come.

Potential: This is based off a users learning ability, and how well they process new information (as opposed to speed which is how one reacts to new events/ideas.)  Basically it’s like the old saying goes “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.  A younger stand user might still have much to learn about the world, and therefore their stand will grow with them.  A more experienced stand user might already know themselves (and about life) pretty well.  Their stands will already be at full potential.

Different Kinds of Stands

Most of the stands we’ve seen have been either somewhat humanoid looking beings, or inanimate objects controlled by the user.  Occasionally though, we’re shown a stand that doesn’t quite fit the usual line-up. These stands are usually either harmful to the user in some way, or represent something negative about the user themselves.

Fractured vs. Whole

Users with fractured/multiple part stands, (i.e. Bad Company and Harvest) are shown to be more unstable than those with whole or complete stands.  It’s stated in Purple Haze Feedback that fractured stands are an indication that there is something fundamentally missing from the the user’s life (like Keicho and his struggle to keep his family together or Shigechi’s lack of/desire for friends). Note, this does not seem to apply to users that don’t consider themselves to be missing something. Rohan, for instance, barely has a friend in the world but he doesn’t necessarily see that as a problem.

Stands That Are a Part of the User

Users with stands that are actually a part of them and do not manifest as a separate entity, are usually show to be violent, or vindictive, or unstable in some way. They can also be the result of the user having a warped view of reality.  Yukako in part 4 is a textbook example of this.  Even when Koichi tries to hit her with Echoes saying “I hate you”, Yukako is not affected because her perception is literally so skewed, that she refuses to see the truth.  Her stand, Love Delux, is a part of her because she is wrapped up in her own little world so to speak, and is shown to have a particularly low empathy (unless Koichi kun is involved somehow).

Independent Stands

These are probably the worst kind of stands you can get suck with.  Uncontrollable and even downright harmful at times, like Superfly’s power to trap anyone inside including the user.  Users with these kinds of stands likely possess a lack of control in one or more aspects of their lives.  They might be the kid who gets bullied a lot at school, or a disgruntled employee whose boss demands they work on weekends.  Not all people in these situations will develop independent stands however; in fact it is usually very rare.  A person might feel frustrated or trapped somehow, yet still possess a fighting spirit indicative of a traditional stand.  Independent stands are most likely formed from a lack of control, coupled with a weak spirit, or a lack of mental endurance on the part of the user.

 And there you have it!  A comprehensive guide to underSTANDing that six point stat wheel.  XD  I hope this analysis was helpful to you in some way. Whether you’re creating an oc from scratch, or merely looking for a way to analyze the already established characters, it certainly helps to break things down one aspect at a time.