#so much fun!!!! really glad as i didnt want to have like a sad mourning day because of like intended plans with ex on this day

[liefdesleven]

had a super nice date today she was so lovely and SO good at communication it was such a relief......so tired of having to be the one to do the emotionally heavy communication but totally dont have that with her & it felt super easy.....also good kisser

[eds-gryff]

Dust (Peter Parker x Reader)

Takes place right after IW. I'm sorry that it's soooo long but I wanted to post it all at once. @jordsie know it's not HP related but still tagging.

You weren't on the trip to MoMA because you had mono, courtesy of kissing Peter. Kidding, you just have really bad period cramps. Though you did kiss Peter (and enjoy it) a lot. A LOT. Especially when he uses his webs- um. Nothing.

You were holed up in your room, groaning and cursing God for this uninvited and unwanted monthly subscription to Satan's waterfall. Frankly, when you were younger the only reason you were even 1% glad about this was because you thought it was a certainty of  becoming a mom. But well, now you knew the truth- it's because God hated women from the beginning. 

The cramps really were horrible. 

You had just managed to get up, tie your (H/C) hair sloppily and stumble for for some medicine. Just make this pain go away! 

You were horrified beyond anything you imagined when you saw your father disintegrating in front of your very eyes. 

"Dad?" You say, terrified and hold your hand out to touch him but you only feel sand. 

"(Y/N)-" My knight in shining armour, the best and earliest protector gasped out before he disintegrated completely into dust.

Cramps? What's that? 

What had happened? What, who had killed my father? Who has the audacity to do this?

"Dad-a-Da-" You choke out before you fall on the floor, weeping for your father and hoping that the same fate hadn't befallen your mother and brother or Peter. 

Why had you been left, you wanted to know. If it was sins, I should go. If it was anyone ANYTHING, it should've been you. You. You. No one else. You were the worthless one, he was the best person. 

Thinking you'd just died, you got up, you had to check on your mom and your younger sibling. 

"Mo-mom-" you choked out as soon as you heard her crying voice. She wasn't dust. 

"You're okay, you're okay, I'm okay, (Y/sibling/N)'s fine but half my students are just-" 

"Dust." You say in a blank horrified silence. What the FUCK was going on? 

"Is your father-" She managed to ask before I lost it completely and broke down crying. 

~time skip ~ 

Despite the disintegration business, your mom couldn't come home because she was a teacher and had to look after her kids there. 

You were numb, you couldn't bring yourself to care. 

You managed to get  some of...of your father, you nearly had a seizure as you thought that and carefully put it into the fanciest dish you saw and covered it. 

You called Peter. No answer. You died again.

Somehow, still alive, you managed to call Ned. 

"(Y/N)?" His voice was nothing special but it was the most beautiful sound just then- a sound of hope. 

"Ned-" you croaked in relief. "-who?" 

His voice took on a true depressed and cry-ey tone. "MJ, Harry, Sally, Jason, G-" 

"Stop!" I yelled out. "I just saw my father, my first love, turn into dust in front of my eyes, I can't ... Can't think of them like that too. But .....Peter?" You ask resolutely when all you wanted to do was crawl into your bed and never wake up again. Or you know, die. 

"I don't know." You heard his honest voice and half your would shrivelled away and the other glowed. "There were these donut shaped spaceships outside...he asked me to cause a distraction and leapt out." 

"There's a chance he's fine." Your optimistic heart says out loud but the realist in you thinks, 'But he could be dead.' 

It isn't until 2 days later, when your already broken spirit, because of your father, God, everytim you closed your eyes you could see him fading and his vulnerable voice, saying my name, oh god, was totally scattered to the wind, just like the dust which had made up your soulmate, Peter Benjamin Parker's body. 

****

You hadn't laughed in weeks. Or even smiled.

Your father's last words were your name, pleading, to save him, you would've, you would've given your soul but you couldn't and it was your fault he became dust.

So of course, it was only right (wrong) that Peter's last words were just as heart breaking and wrenching.

"I don't wanna go, Mr. Stark, save me, please, I don't wanna go." As if this wasn't enough to, oh gosh, the thought itself sent you crying, but his actually last words were,"I'm sorry." 

Because he thought he disappointed Mr. Stark. Because he thought he'd disappointed Aunt May. 

Because he thought he'd disappointed you and Ned and MJ and his true friends. Because he thought he'd disappointed the world.

Because he thought he'd disappointed his parents. Because he thought he'd disappointed his late Uncle Ben. 

"Peter, you idiot!" You scream into your pillow and want some to be there for you and then realise how exceptionally sad it was the person you wanted to comfort you was the same person because of why you had to be comforted and who couldn't do it.

Day, you slept, you cried, you screamed, you broke stuff. Night, you sat on the fire escape and thought and were as silent as possible. Your mother needed the sleep and you were so selfish you couldn't comfort her, she'd lost her past and present, but you'd lost your past, present and future. She'd lost her husband and soulmate, and I'd lost my boyfriend, my soulmate and my father. 'I can't believe I'm comparing.'

You'd think about how you once asked your father when you were 8 what a virgin was and he'd choked and panicked and said it was a girl who hadn't been touched by a man but you sensed something was wrong, so you didn't say that then you weren't a virgin either. 

That's true now. 

You'd think about how Peter had revealed his identity to you, right there, right after you'd kissed each other senseless for the first time.

'I want to kiss him again.' You think.

You thought about begging your father for an Avengers t shirt a couple of years back and he'd ordered something online and you'd given him a hell of a time for buying what he wanted but not what I wanted and then he opened it to show me the tee I'd wanted all along. 

He was the greatest. He wasn't perfect but he was to you. 

You thought about when Peter had been so wounded from a fight, he refused to tell you who the opponent was but he was so hurt and there was so much blood and thank god for the Internet or he would have died. 

It was because of him you had seriously considered a career in nursing for a while before deciding on writing or journalism.

You thought about watching movies and making fun of them with your father.

You thought of reading and geeking out with Peter. 

You thought of talking about cars and walking around fancy car dealerships with your father, to stare at the cars. Lamborghini Aventador was your favourite. You thought how extremely similar you were, yet how different yet how much of a father-daughter.

You thought of having sex with Peter. You thought about his lips, his hair, his eyes, his kiss, his touch. 

You thought of them and you mourned.

Then as dawn broke, you'd slip back in and lay in your bed and let a nightmare plagued sleep overcome you. 

Until one day, Tony Stark randomly showed up at your escape as you were brooding and told you that people were to start returning soon and could you wake your mother and brother and see if they wanted to see your father. 

You fell off the fire escape.

Iron Man saved your life.

You didn't care, you were going to see Peter and your father again.

You were flying with the man with the suit made of gold titanium alloy and you asked, "How did you...?"

He must've glared at you. 

"Confidential. But we defeated Thanos and got EVERYONE, killed before and after the snap." 

He dropped you off in AFRICA??? Your other family had been dropped off by other Iron Men suits here too. 

"Oh crap, I forgot his aunt. Stay in school, kid and don't tell her that I forgot. I'm off to get her now." He cursed, warned and jetted off. 

You held your mother's hand, for the first time voluntarily in years and your beautiful brother held her other hand and you made up your mind to to spend more time with him. You saw a blonde woman wearing a super suit but you didn't know her. You spotter Captain America hugging a long haired man. You saw a carrot haired woman wearing scarlet, Scarlet Witch kissing a robot...or was it the Android, Vision? Whatever and whoever it was, you were happy for everyone who'd got back their lost loves back.

"Daddy!" Your brother suddenly screamed and ran, forgetting bout you, and no one reprimanded him for it because you were too busy hugging and crying and feeling remorseful at your father's appearance.

"It was my fault, I couldn't save you." You whispered as you hugged your father.

"If this was death, it wasn't too bad. I just felt like I was flying. And we were in some orange place....and what did you say? Your fault? You sound as stupid as Deep Blue Sea's directors." At which point you both laughed and cried. 

Someone tapped your shoulder and you were so annoyed because HOW DARE ANYONE INTERRUPT YOUR DADDY DAUGHTER TIME.

Till you turned around and the whole world stopped.

It was Peter. Wearing some more advanced suit instead of the other tech one but you didnt notice that till much later. 

"Your period is over, then?" He asked pleasantly as if he hadn't been dead for God knows how long.

Tears still streaming down your face, you tossed your hair, narrowed your eyes and punched him in the nose, taking no notice of your family's muttered surprise about 'Was he Spider-Man?' and your brother's shouts of 'SPIDEY!'

He barely faltered. 

"What the hell was that for? Because I didn't bring the notes from the trip? I couldn't, I was in space. Or is it the fact that I smell like I've been dead or like I'd been stuck in a gooey candy world? Maybe because I have been. Dead, I mean, not in the candy world but the sou-" 

And then you kissed him so hard and passionately that his words turned into nothingness and he kissed just as hard and furiously, because you'd both missed each other so much and you ignore your father's coughs, you could see him at home later and besides you'd already celebrated his homecoming. 

So you backed Peter into a tree. And kissed him until the tree spoke. "I aM gRoOt." 

"Maybe I'll ask T'Challa, the King here for one, you talking shrub." Peter said annoyed at the tree, which had eyes and frankly, it looked adorable. Even if it was almost as tall as Peter.

"Um." You interjected.

"Oh, uh, (Y/N),  this herb here is Groot, he's a member of the Guardians of the Galaxy who are exactly what they sound as, and Groot, this is my girlfriend."

"I am Groot?" It sounded like a question but you weren't sure.

"No you CANNOT DATE HER, SHE's my GIRLFRIEND!" Peter screams in frustration and he pushes Groot towards a talking raccoon who's taking to a green woman and a woman with antennae. Okay.

"You'll ask who for what?" You decide to ask what seemed to be the most normal thing to ask.

"Black Panther, the King. For a room. Which the bamboo tree suggested." 

"Groot wasn't wrong." You nudged him. "We need to catch up. Verbally and physically." You run your fingers through his wavy hair.

He looked like he was about to web away to the King. Then he stopped and asked, "Before I do that, where's May? Tony told me he'd bring her."

You laughed.

[dearmyblank]

dear justin,

   i have quite a lot to say honestly. im also pretty sure you will never read this, which is fine by me. i wish i could pour out all my feelings to you like i used to, but all that is gone. I threw the relationship away, and i regret it more than anything. You truly loved me and i reciprocated those feelings back. but at some point we just, stopped talking. I was busy with graduation and you were busy with school as well. part of me was afraid to text you for some reason. i guess i thought i was annoying you somehow. It started on valentine’s day. so many useless things i remember. To be honest, i was a complete wreck over thanksgiving break. last year that was the time we really got to know each other. remembering that made me go into a complete breakdown. crying and  shaking…. yknow the usual. the weird thing is that i mourned our “loss” so late. Right after we broke up, i was lying in bed crying. Not sobbing. The next day i woke up. Then the following week, i went to school. No one knew. I acted normal as i always did. Shit, my parents didnt even know i was dating in the first place. I was busy. Graduation and finals had me by the neck. I never broke down because i literally couldnt. Too many things were at stake. I had too many responsibilities that i could not just ignore. So, i got through it. Then, during the summer, i went to dc. it was fun i must admit. It was a good distraction from what was in the back of my mind. Then they passed by, June….July…August….September. September. September 30th. Our birthday. How great, my ex has the same birthday, i couldnt forget even if i wanted to. Feelings began to bubble, only a little. But i was able to hold them down, new have interests kept me occupied. October was fine. It was a fun month and honestly i feel absolutely wonderful around my friends. We’ve really connected this year. Then, the thanksgiving break comes up. I absolutely lost it for whatever reason. I remember last year’s break very clearly. That’s probably why. I’m okay now. But of course im writing this letter for a reason. I miss you immensely. I wish we could have met at least once. I was never able to hold you in my arms or kiss you or do any of the things i was dying to do because i loved with every part of my being. I’ve had a few faint dreams of you, one of them being yesterday. I dont know if they mean anything but i love you still. We confessed to each other on christmas, i will cry this christmas night to myself, where nobody will see. i wonder if you feel the same? i presume my emotional self is the only one still sad, still upset, still broken, still wet with tears down my face. im sure you’ve moved on. You had lots of friends. You even had a girl you liked im sure. while those thoughts absolutely destroy me, i am happy for you. I am happy that you were able to do something that i will probably never be able to do. you were my first love. I know i wasnt yours, so you were able to move on easily, right? if not, the  am also glad. Im glad im not the only one. i still have your number, it has collected dust over these long months. i probably never call or text you. Fear is my greatest. You understand of course, we were like twins weren’t we. We were the same age, same birthday, we had so many things in common, we were practically the same person. Maybe that’s why it didnt work out. I guess we were like magnets. 2019 is approaching. what are your plans? i dont have any yet. You know im still on twitter? i changed my @ of course. But if your memory is good you can find me easily, im not locked. emily and i are still mutuals. I wonder if she realizes im the same person? i dont know what happened to rylee, her account is silent so im not gonna bother dming her. I thought about asking emily, but that’s probably a dead end. Plus, i dont want to bother her with my old problems. Remember how you confessed to emily and got rejected? Rylee told me. Sorry, it was supposed to be a secret but not like that applies now. plus youre not even fucking reading this. Hello to the random person reading my life story. Dont feel bad, there’s millions with the same feelings as me right now. back to justin. im shaking i type this all out. Did you know my muscles tense up and shake uncontrollably when im nervous or excited? it’s quite the feeling. i often got like this when i was talking with you. Everytime my phone would buzz i would get so excited. i also apologize for all the times i fell asleep on you. Justin, you were such a bright light in my life. Please live your life. Live healthy and happy. I hope your mom is doing well. Your dad as well. and the cats. i dont really know what else to say. I dont want this letter to end either. it’s almost like a last chance. if you’ve been contemplating contacting me, do it. Even if you just came back to spit in my face and tell me how much i hurt you, i’d be happy. If you hate me, its okay, i still love you.i still love yakuza btw. also whenever i see akagi or anything related to mahjong i think of you. the thought of you is very bittersweet. Yet i still eat it over and over again. i go by jayden now. i also think im nonbinary now. i remember when i was thinking of changing my name from “ j ” to “jaden” you were so supportive. i didnt deserve you. oh well, it all in the past. if you dont want to contact me thats fine by me. but if you want to, please go ahead. Please find me. Im desperate, i know. but i miss you. “I love you,” that was the last thing we said to each other. you remember right?

                     With love, j.