#so much ?? ho ly fu ck

[dadbodsarehot]

(1/3) it's a quiet, chilly autumn day. the window is open ever so slightly, letting in the crisp air that accompanies the wind which blows orange leaves from the trees just outside. it's noon, but you can't bring yourself to rise from your bed. on one side of you, john lays peacefully, chest against your back, with his face nuzzled into your hair, large hand on your hip to keep you close even in his sleep. he breathes easily, the slightest sound of a snore emanating from his mouth.

(2/3) on your other side, witsch is bunched in an awkward but comfortable ball, one leg draped over you while her face cuddles warmly into your chest. her breaths are in time with your heartbeat. you almost want to get up - get some food ready. but if you stir too much, john grumbles into your ear, voice hoarse with sleep, "where d'you think you're goin'...?"

(3/3) this in turn causes witsch to whine, arm now tightly around you, "five more minutes...!" you let out a little huff, easing back into your lovers' embraces. how can you possibly deny them? a little longer in between their body heat and affection won't kill you.

----------

w ha t the fuck ..... you pulled this fantasy right outta my goddamn head anon!!!! how the FUCK did you do that!! im literally screaming like.... this is so perfect i genuinely thought about not answering it so it would always be in my askbox ?? im ?? hhhffffffff mmmyyy little heart cant take how much i WANT THIS..... THE ACTUAL DREAM !!!! im gonna crytype !! the two loves of my life..... d rea my si gh 

[rosaxui]

[smokeybrand]

Right Out of a Comic Book

I’ve been putting off making something about Shang-Chi because i have mixed feelings about the fact that the character is getting a film. Who the f*ck knows anything about Shang-Chi? Who the f*ck cares? Dude is a Seventies Marvel character; A decade where the House of Ideas consistently had bad ones. A great many of the characters created then, are little more than exploitative Hollywood knockoffs. Luke Cage is just Shaft. Power Fist is a cash in on the Kung-Fu boom. She-Hulk was a trademark stake. Blade is another Blaxploitation caricature but with a Hammer films twist. Ms. Marvel, now Captain Marvel, was a gender swap to cash in on the Feminism wave crashing the Patriarchy at the time. It is in this climate that Shang-Chi was created as a a direct facsimile to Bruce Lee. It was like someone watched Enter the Dragon and thought the character of Lee was cool, so they just did that.

I give Seventies Marvel a lot of sh*t because a lot of their ideas feel awkwardly forced. The entire decade wasn’t trash. We did get characters like Wolverine, Valkyrie, and Black Cat. Hell, Seventies Marvel even dropped Magik and you know how much i love her! But that���s kind of the caveat; While everything else around Marvel was pretty mediocre, the X-Men found their second wind and began delivering not only classic characters, but classic story lines. That’s maybe something to get into in a different essay. I just wanted to be fair in my criticism of Marvel at that time because we’re about to get into why i find Shang-Chi such a frustrating character. Dude is a token, just like A LOT of now beloved characters from that Seventies Frosh roster. Marvel, at the time, as well the intention as it may have been, was leaning heavy into diversity and just botching the sh*t with aplomb. If you go back and read those books, they’re terrible. Luke Cage was trash and he was immediately relegated to a partnered book with Danny Rand, mostly because his book was trash, too. Shang-Chi, after his initial push, was immediately relegated to supporting background character and there he stayed, for decades, filling up panels. It wasn’t until current times, during another flood of performative wokeness from major corporations and the rise of the Asian voice in Hollywood, did Marvel decided to brush of their one, Asian, property, to cash in. That bugs me.

I like Shang-Chi. A lot of his modern stories are really good. That current run started last year is pretty good reading with gorgeous art but that, so far, is really his only standout series. Because of his Seventies Marvel nature, Shang-Chi doesn’t have a lot of starring narratives to fill. His jobber nature doesn’t lend itself to the screen. Dude is basically Damian Wayne without the Batman stuff and that’s fine. It's a compelling origin story which lends itself to the current John Wick hype. The problem is, that’s as much of the actual character it looks like we’re gong to get in this movie. Fin Fang Foom is an Iron Man villain and so is The Mandarin. It seems a bit disingenuous to cram these two characters into the first narrative built around your Asian character. You’re telling me Shang-Chi doesn’t have his own rogues, his own stories to tel? You have to Frankenstein a pastiche of whatever vaguely Asian tropes you have lying around, in order to give this character some agency in his own film? Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I'm saying, thus my conflicted nature. Shang-Chi is, at best, C-list in Marvel’s pantheon. No one knows anything about this character other than he is one of the best hand-to-hand combatants in the 616. He doesn’t have any powers. He isn’t some billionaire. He doesn’t even have government steroid enhancements. Dude just punches hard. That's it. Hw do you build a hit around that without being absolutely derivative?

I want this Shang-Chi flick to be good but it doesn’t have that vibe about it. It feels like it’s going to be one of those awkward entries like Captain Marvel, another Seventies Marvel creation. The choices Feige made to give this character a bit of meat for the theatrical treatment are a bit problematic for me but i understand why they were made. You can’t make an Iron Fist movie in this social climate. That sh*t would be eviscerated, just like it was on Netflix. Everyone hated that show on principal. How man more “White Savior Narratives” does Hollywood need to make? Shang-Chi was the right choice, even if it wasn’t the strongest option. Plus, considering the character is kind of a bank slate, i guess there is fertile ground for original story telling. The announcement and trailer drop was met with a resounding thud among most MCU fans but the Twatter check marks loved it. Diversity over drama seems to be their motto so this majority Asian cast was exactly what they wanted. I absolutely believe in diversity on film, everyone should be able to see themselves onscreen, but this feels bad. It feels corporate. It feels like pandering. That said, i got Asian friends with kids who are beyond hype to see this movie. They get to see a hero who looks like them onscreen, just like the girls who packed that Captain Marvel screening i went to on opening day. Just like we all did when Black Panther dropped, making it one of the most successful films in history.

Shang-Chi is a very important film in the context of the shifting cultural zeitgeist. We’ve come so far from Asian representation just being the martial arts master and geisha concubine. These characters are no longer ham-fisted into the role of sidekick like Kato or f*cking Short Round. Cray Rich Asians dropped and did dumb number at the box office while The Farewell got Awkwafina a Golden Globe. F*cking Parasite won four Oscars, all of which is absolutely deserved. We live in an era where a Korean language film won best picture at the notoriously racist Academy Awards and, while i don’t put much stock in that sh*t, the industry does, and doors have opened for more people who look like Bong Joon-ho. I want Shang-Chi to be good. I want my Asian brothers and sisters to have their Black Panther event. I want them to have their Sam Wilson, Captain America, moment. I want that for them because they deserve it, just like everyone else. Judging from the trailer and the synopsis I've heard online, I just don’t know if this movie can deliver that same level of energy. It feels a lot like like someone watched Enter the Dragon and thought it was cool, so they just did that.

[problematicc-favs]

how you met/how you started dating; zoe x reader headcannons

Someone requested a Zoe fic, I did this instead for now because I didn’t know exactly what the fic would be. This gave me some muse for a Zoe/Reader relationship though, so I’m open to making a fic if someone requests. 

also requests are still open as of right now!

OKA Y, I HOPE THESE ARE GOOD.. LETTUCE GO;

-you and Zoe met when you accidentally stumbled into a jazz band rehearsal

-you had been having a really shit day and just needed to be alone for awhile, so you opened the door to what you expected to be an empty room

-but hahaha no just your luck, there were plenty of people in the room, all talking about some music shit you didn’t understand

-you kinda just stood there, mortified and holding back tears because nothing was going your way and you felt like absolute shit

-and Zoe was the first one to speak up

-and she just so kindly is like

‘do you wanna sit down?’

-and you nod silently

-Zoe gets the hint that something’s wrong so she walks over to you and leads you to a chair in the corner of the room

-while you’re walking she asks you if you wanna talk about it

-and you do but you don’t wanna interrupt whatever’s going on so you shake your head no and sit down

-you watch everyone rehearse and you like ca n n o t keep your eyes off of Zoe

-she looks beautiful and like the face she makes when she’s focusing is adorable

- and you start daydreaming because this nice pretty girl didn’t even make fun of you for running into the room on the verge of tears like an idiot

-and at some point she catches you staring and she gives you a little wave and a smile

-and you smile back a little bit

-you two ended up talking about your problems after school 

-it’s the beginning of a great friendship

- you can trust each other with a n y t h i ng

-your parents are being massive dicks?

you rant to her about it

-connor keeps finishing the fucking milk?

she rants about it to you

-you two have sleepovers all the time 

-her parents love you and your parents love her

- you realized you loved her after a few months of being friends

-you were in a really bad headspace so she just cuddled you and played with your hair and told you how much she cared about you

-and you felt s o  s a f e and s o  l o v e d

-you two fell asleep cuddled up on your couch and you woke up before her

-and you didn’t wanna wake her so you just stayed in her arms

-and you realized

fuck. you loved your best friend

- you didn’t say anything for awhile, you just kinda kept it a secret

-but then one night you two are just holding hands and sitting in a little hammock in her backyard

- and it’s silent besides the noise of crickets

-and you decide ‘fuck it’

- it goes a little something like 

- ‘zoe?’

‘hm?’

‘I think i’m in love with you’

-she looks at you and just

a teeny peck on the lips

- ho ly fuc k zoe murphy kissed you h ol y fu ck

-you turn beet red like oh my god you’re blushing like a mad man

- ‘I think I love you too’

‘Oh thank god. I thought you just kissed me to tell me you hated me.’

-her parents think you two are adorable

-connor kinda gives you the side eye but you two eventually end up getting along

-it’s just a really fucking cute relationship

[yoshi-ori]

watching antibug

(i'm pretty sure i did animan...i hope i did animan...ehh, i'll worry about it later)

chloe: look at these expensive ass guicci shoes, they're pathetic, i need louis vuitton heels ugh

*something shatters in the distance*

chloe: if someone is stealing my marc jacobs handbags i s2g i'll cut them

*invisible thing steals her shoes*

chloe: I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE GUICCI PLEASE COME BAK

*in class*

chloe: *bout to fall asleep*

marinette: damn boo you ain't lookin too good

marinette: i mean you look terrible everyday so it's not a big difference but still

*invisible thing yanks on chloe's weave*

chloe: WHAT THE LIVING FUC-

ms. mendeleiev: y'all better shut your punk ass up b4 i give you a detention

chloe: BUT I'M BEING STALKED BY SOME INVISIBLE THING, LIKE A UNICORN WITHOUT THE HORN

ms. mendeleiev: you mean a horse

chloe: *starts to get chased and shit by the invisible thing*

adrien: >:(

marinette: >:(

chloe: *flees the classroom with the invisible thang chasing after her*

marinette: *says loud enough for like at least alya, if not adrien and nino as well, to hear* tikki we gots to do somethin

adrien: CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM

marinette: LOL ME TOO

rest of the class: off they go to hook up again gdi

*in the girls bathroom*

tikki: someone's mad at chloe

marinette: aren't we all

*the screen splits in two to have both adriflower and dweebnette in frame*

adrienette at da same frickin time: TIME TO TRANSFORM

*bum bum bum cat boy and lb appear at the hotel*

chloe: HOLY FUK IT'S LADYBUG HEY THERE FRIEND I'M TOTALLY GAY FOR YOU BUT I'D NEVER ADMIT IT

ladybug: if u don't get your filthy hands off me right this instant i will mess you the fuq up

ladybug: have you pissed of anyone lately...i mean you piss of pretty much everyone so you must have really fucked up this time...i mean is there anyone in particular or

chloe: lol no everybody loves me

ladybug: u sure about that you dirtbag-i mean what about that girl sabrina

chloe: lol she's a stupid lil hoe she'd never be mad at me

ladybug: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS A STUPID LIL HO-i mean you're gonna need to stay here with all the doors and stuff locked okay

chloe: of course ladybug! love ya lots

ladybug: jesus christ *storms away, dragging her bae with her*

chat noir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: that lil ho is hiding something i can feel it

*in the lobby with mustache butler babe*

mustache butler babe: lemme tell u guys some juicy gossip about chlo chlo real quick

ladybug: i'm all ears

mustache butler babe: *begins flashback* so this bitch likes to dress up as you right and then her squad member dresses like cat boy right

*in el flashback chloe and sabrina show up in the hotel lobby as lb and chat*

master fu: who the (fu)ck are you guys, y'all aint my otp

*sabrina embarrasses chloe in front of news reporters yadda yadda yadda and then chloe shuns sabrina and all that jazz*

ladybug: thank u mustache butler babe you helped us alot

*mustache butler babe leaves and chat noir grabs a flower for his lady*

chat noir: here you go bae ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: thanx but no thanx

chat noir: (ㄒoㄒ)

invisible thang: HEY THERE U LIL SHIT MIND IF I GRAB YOUR MIRACULOUs

chat noir: girl u better don't

*some cool fighting and here enters chloe who just makes matters worse and then more intense fighting*

ladybug: *shoves chloe into elevator* listen here u little piece of doggy doo, you need to stop and gtfo

chloe: BUT THE AKUMA IS IN HER PIN

ladybug: jesus *elevator closes and chloe goes away*

ladybug: *breaks sabrina's bag open* wait what

*more fighting*

ladybug: *breaks the pin* ohhhhh

*lb and chat save the day and what not*

ladybug: pound it!

chat noir: why didn't you take chloe's advice

ladybug: DID YOU JUST REJECT ME WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE

ladybug: ahem, i mean chloe's a lying little bitch who can't be trusted

chloe: *who was awkardly stalking them through video cameras* EXCUSE ME

hawkmoth: mmmm yes fresh meat

*akuma akuma*

ladybug: welp time to go home after another gr8 defeat, i sure am glad cause i'm bout to detransform

antibug: hah bitch you thought

ladybug: are u serious right now

chat noir: I GOT YOU BOO

ladybug: thanks bae

*ladybug runs off to detransform*

marinette: tikki you have to recharge i gotta help my bae

tikki: don't worry about chat, he'll be fine

*aaaaaand 0.2 seconds later chat noir is tied up on his own pole gdi*

marinette:

marinette:

marinette: *sighs*

antibug: chat noir you should team up with me instead

chat noir: never! ladybug means too much to me, she's smart and funny and pretty and talented and brave and together we're an amazing team

marinette: chat you sap

tikki: bro you gotta save your bae

marinette: but how????

tikki: you're ladybug with or without the suit

marinette: okay that was really sweet why is everyone being sweet today

marinette: I GOT AN IDEA

*marinette distracts antibug and goes to save chat*

chat noir: ladybug? is that you

marinette: BITCH YOU GUESSED IT

chat noir: O.O

marinette: you was right

*mari runs off*

marinette: holy cheese i can't believe that worked

tikki: YEAH BUDDY AND NOW I'M CHARGED AND GOOD TO GO

marinette: awwwwww yissssss

*ladybug appears again*

chat noir: hey bae ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

chat noir: the akuma is def in her earrings

ladybug: good eye *dings his lil bell*

chat noir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

*cool ass fighting*

ladybug: LUCKY CHARM *gets a smol bag of marbles*

antibug: ANTI CHARM *gets a FUCKING BLADE OF DEATH LIKE HOLY CRAP CALM YOUR TITS HAWKMOTH*

*more fighting and chat takes the giant ass blade away from antibug*

antibug: hah ur nothing without your cat boy

ladybug: chat noir and i are a team

*ladybug and chat exchange a smile b4 ladybug's miraculous ruins the moment*

*sweet babies save the day*

ladybug: hey chloe sorry about earlier

chloe: it's okay, and since you apologized, i guess i'll stay your most devoted fan after all

chat noir: i don't mean to burst your bubble hun, but i'm definitely her #1 fan

ladybug: thanks for your help chat

chat noir: no problem, we're a team aren't we?

ladybug: *runs by chat in slow motion and they make eye contact*

ladybug: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

chat noir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

chat noir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ladybug: *yoyos the fuck outta there*

*in class the next day*

chloe: *walks in*

alya @mari: look it's antibug

sabrina: *walks in*

alya @mari: AND vanisher? lol all we need is ladybug and chat noir

marinette: little do you know

adrien: little do you know

*sabrina and chlo chlo make up and are besties forevsies again*

marinette: i think they'll always be besties forevsies

alya: just like us lol

adrien: just like me and my lady ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)