#so me saying i dont wanna talk about it is a huge indicator that its not very good...at all...

[sk3l3t0n444]

i left my room to piss and get a drink and im am shaking like im being hunted for sport wtf

[awrkive]

[TEASER] THE LOVE PROGNOSIS (m) — JJK.

for as long as you can remember, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.

the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. the kind of girl who thought her high school jock boyfriend would make good on his promise of keeping contact until college. that girl who thought the guy she met at 19 at some sleazy frat party wanted more than just sex. the girl who thought that her boyfriend at 21 would finally be The One after he introduced her to his parents on New Year’s Eve. you’re the kind of girl who thought that it was smart to get a boyfriend in her first year of med school and get proposed to in fourth year.

but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.

PAIRING jungkook x female reader // mingyu x female reader

GENRE r18+ (fluff, angst, smut) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

WORD COUNT 1.2k words for this teaser but the fic currently is at 22k words (heavily unedited). the final estimate is around 30-35k 🤓

WARNINGS/MISC medical!au, roommates!au, surgeon!jk, surgeon!reader (they are both 4th year residents and are co-workers), corporate lawyer!mingyu, oc and jk are bffs since med school but their love language is fighting each other <3, jk and mingyu are bffs during undergrad, jk sluts it out quite often😞, hopeless romantic!oc, weddings and engagement themes, the angst is a bit extreme (medium level tbh) on this one, it’s the… yearning? one sided-love?, the surgeons gang: jk, oc, nayeon, doyeon, taehyung <3, multiple sex scenes (will specify once the fic comes out), i personally have only acquired a degree on Bingewatching Grey’s Anatomy so my medical knowledge is.. you see.. greys anatomy 💔 BUT! i did a lot of research for this pls dont crucify me. the full list of warnings will be indicated when the full fic comes out 🙏🏼 anyways warnings particularly for this teaser: drunk oc, implied alcohol consumption, germaphobe jk lol

NOTES hello awrkive nation!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanted to do something for jk’s birthday this september and this is what i came up with 😭 i am so soooo so incredibly excited to announce this fic to you guys 😵‍💫 ive been working on this on and off since the last week of july and its currently at 20k words so its coming along really well 🫂 its gonna be a HUGEE HUGEEE fic since its estimated to be around 30k words which will be a first for me hehe <3 pls look forward to it and REPLY TO THE COMMENT SECTION IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAGLIST (pls do not send an ask for taglist request 🫶🏼) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!!!!! I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS <33333

[ TLP MOODBOARD ]

READ FULL FIC HERE ❗

“Hey, swing me.”

You tell Jungkook, situating yourself more comfortably on the wooden platform attached to the chains.

“A dollar per minute.” He says, standing up from his own seat and placing himself behind you.

“I thought you hate capitalism? What is this?”

“This is forced labor.” Jungkook says with a groan that you think is a feigned exasperation, since you begin to feel movement right after it.

“You broke my hairdryer the other day. Consider this your compensation.” You look up at him to give him a smarmy smile.

Fom where you’re seated, you realize just how… big his presence is. It’s not the looming, ominous type, though – it’s quite the opposite. When Jungkook surrounds you, you find a bit of comfort in it. A huge one if you want to be honest to yourself.

“And I already bought you a new one. We’re even.” Jungkook squints his eyes at you.

You laugh.

“You’re gonna borrow and break it again.”

He visibly winces. “Touché.”

Jungkook swings you while you talk about your day, just like usual. He asks you about your laparoscopy that kept you from having lunch with the rest of your friends at the hospital earlier that day, about your new scrub cap, and you gossip a little about the new lab tech having a crush on the scrub nurse you both know.

For all his complaints earlier, Jungkook seemingly doesn’t seem to mind having swung you for the past ten minutes now. He’s relaxed and gentle with his movements, and his voice is quaint and soft as he talks to you.

But then you start to feel bad for him so you tell him to stop, standing up from the swing.

“Okay, your turn.”

Jungkook gives you a big grin.

“Nice.”

You chuckle at his enthusiasm when he sits on the swing chair this time around. But when you attempt a push, he barely moves, prompting him to laugh.

“What weak ass push was that?” He says incredulously, looking at you.

You jut your bottom lip out. “You’re heavy and I’m drunk.”

The second time you push him is more forceful but then Jungkook voices out a complaint after the third, fourth, and every single time you do it. You roll your eyes at his tantrums, but then suddenly, you think of a much better idea.

You push him off the swing with all your remaining strength even though your body feels like jelly from all the alcohol you consumed an hour ago.

“What the fuck, __?”

You burst out in boisterous laughter at Jungkook’s state, his hands and knees planted on the ground. He then sits on it, clapping his palms together to get rid of some dust that gathered on his skin.

Without thinking too much about it, you make quick steps over to his direction and situate yourself beside him.

Jungkook looks at you, confused, but you only give him a grin.

“Let’s lie on the ground.”

“What? No!” Jungkook immediately opposes it. As you expected.

You scrunch your face. “Oh! Look at me! I’m Jeon Jungkook and I’m a germaphobe and I’m afraid of dirt!” You say, intentionally making your voice a pitch higher.

Jungkook deadpans. “Pathogens can kill your cells’ metabolic machinery, so, yeah? I’m afraid of dirt.”

You roll your eyes at him and while he goes off about how they can also cause a toxic massive immune reaction, you push his chest forcefully which catches him off guard, prompting him to lay on the ground. Before he can say anything, you take his arm out to spread beside you and you use it to rest your head on.

Jungkook stops his rambling after that.

“See, shut up.” You say, backhanding him slightly on the chest. You fix your gaze at the skies. “The sky is beautiful tonight. Worry about your pathogens next time.”

Jungkook chuckles, and you feel the vibration of his body as he does so, being so close to him. As you peer up to look at him, you see him folding his other arm to lie his head on it.

You smile, going back to looking at the sky.

“This is like in The Notebook.” Jungkook says after a beat of silence.

“Right?” You grin. “And with the pathogens, too.” You tease.

Jungkook laughs, pinching your arm in his reach. “God, shut up about your pathogens.”

You chuckle at the irony.

“That’s me,” you point upwards, referring to a big twinkling light in the sky. Then, you move your finger towards the star beside it. “And then that’s you, ‘cause I’m a bigger star than you.”

You feel Jungkook look at you from his position. “You are so drunk.”

That causes you to giggle, clutching your stomach because you can’t stop laughing at pretty much everything tonight.

“I feel like I'm not anymore. My head just feels like it’s floating but no, definitely not drunk.”

“Whatever you say.” Jungkook says, chest vibrating from laughing at you.

“Hm. Race you to sleep, Jungkook.” You snuggle on his armpit. As you do, you smell a waft of your water lily springs body wash from Bath and Body Works. “Can you stop using my body wash?”

“What?” You can hear Jungkook say, but as he calls your name and more, his voice starts fading. “__? Hey, don’t sleep on me.”

You hum, eyes still closed.

“__, hey!” Jungkook grazes your arms. You can feel your head moving as Jungkook starts to sit, guiding your back to sit upright. He calls you again, gently tapping your cheek to wake you up.

The truth is, you’re really sleepy, but not so much that you can’t hear him anymore or move on your own.

Jungkook gives up trying to wake you up, though, convinced by your acting. Soon, he goes over in front of you, reaching for your arms and placing them around his neck.

“Just put your legs around me, yeah?” He whispers against your hair once you’re glued against his back.

You hum, intending it to sound like a mumble so Jungkook thinks you don’t actually understand.

Jungkook fixes your legs around him, standing up, bouncing a little to get you nice and snug in his back. You smile at the prospect of a piggyback ride.

“I know you’re awake, silly,” He says suddenly, his voice painted with amusement.

You stifle your laughter against his neck, breaking your supposed to be convincing act.

“Race you to the car, Kook.” you whisper into his ear.

Jungkook scoffs, but he doesn’t say anything more until you reach his car. He wears your seatbelt for you, though, and tells you to drink more water from his tumbler.

You fall asleep easily mid-drive.

In the morning, you wake up with a banging headache, your eyes catching the sight of a post-it note on your desk with one tab of Advil.

morning/afternoon stinky i made porridge before i left for my shift just heat it up again when you wake up

ps: your medical bill from my personal care will be discussed later when i get back home. no friends discount allowed

— your angelic friend, kookie

You chuckle at the (annoyingly elaborate) sketch of an angry bunny on the side.

© 𝐀𝐖𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐕𝐄 2024. all rights reserved. copying, editing, reposting and translating any of my works are not allowed.

[late-night-secrets]

!! tw: smut -> 18+!! (reader discretion advised) !!

**********

The Fish ♡

[Video]

The Fish ♡

Dont open in public

Or do but dont say i didnt warn u ;P

The video’s display picture is nothing but a black screen with nothing to indicate what the file might contain.

The Fish ♡

Miss u my love <3

[Video play]

It automatically opens in full-screen mode and, like its display picture, shows nothing but a black screen at first. Then, the camera moves and Rafayel appears. It seems like he’s recording with his phone, holding it sideways and having the front camera switched on, just like those vloggers and influencers on social media often do. With this angle only his head and neck are visible. He is in a poorly lit room, only illuminated by a soft, blue hue from some artificial light source.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets with a smile as soft as his voice. “How are you doing? I know, our last phone call was yesterday but that’s not nearly enough to stop me from missing you. And you keep telling me you miss me, too, so here I am.” He moves the phone away a few inches, so his shoulders and a proudly outstretched arm become visible. They are bare.

The phone moves closer to his face again and he brushes through a few strands of his hair that appear dark in the dimmed room. “So, erm, actually… Hm, how do I put this?” Even with the poor lightning, his ears take on a clearly darker shade and his gaze suddenly moves away from the camera. “You know what we talked about last night? Yeah, erm… I thought about it and decided on preparing something for you…” Not only his ears but also his cheeks turn red as he blushes.

Rafayel is silent for a few heartbeats, just clears his throat once. Then, he moves around and places the phone somewhere. After inching back, it becomes obvious that he’s in his bedroom and he has put the phone on his nightstand near the pillow. The blanket is neatly folded and pressed against the wall so there is quite some space on the mattress. Rafayel himself takes a seat on the bed, facing the camera cross-legged.

He is wearing nothing but a pair of grey boxer briefs that do little to no good of hiding of whatsoever.

There is still this beautiful blush on his face but at least he is looking directly at the phone camera again. “Well, you know I haven’t done anything like this before, so this can turn out as a huge failure, but I wanna give it a shot and I think you might like it. Plus…” Suddenly he turns shy again and scratches his head. “… I had a dream about you last night. About us, to be precise.”

His gaze shifts to some random spot on the mattress and then to the source of the artificial light; it has to be something that is placed behind the camera. It seems to give him courage to continue because suddenly his eyes relax, and his voice comes out steady although a little hoarse. “We were at the beach, just taking a walk, and the sun was setting. Everything was so… orange.”

He looks at the camera again. “Thinking of it now, it was a bit too much; the color, I mean, too loud… But, shit, it looked so good on your skin.” One of the corners of his mouth lifts into a half-smirk. “You wore such a tiny bikini, something I would never let you wear in public. But it looked so hot on you. Fuck, and that color… I swear, your skin was golden!”

He leans on his left arm, angling his head to the unknown source of light while his eyes flicker over something that is not visible to the phone camera. His right hand finds its way to his crotch, the movement apparently spontaneous. “I remember… One moment I was admiring you, and the next–” Suddenly, his eyes shoot back to the camera, his smirk growing cockier. “–I was inside you.”

In this moment, his palm presses down, with intention, and his breath hitches for a second. “You… were riding me, right there, at the shore. And you looked so, so pretty…!” He keeps rubbing himself through his briefs, and his eyes flutter shut for a short moment before he looks at the camera again. “But, I swear, sweetheart, no dream could keep up with the real You. Shit, I miss you.”

His eyes close once more, and he slowly throws his head back at the sensation of his moving hand. Something stirs beneath the fabric, gradually growing into something long and hard. Rafayel is silent for a few minutes. At some point he lifts his head again to look at the source of the artificial light. It seems to captivate him, with his eyes barely blinking and making small jumps from one point to another. Sometimes the hues shift, fading from white to blue, indicating some kind of change.

Gracefully, he changes his position. To get more comfortable, he slides the left hand he has leant on until now further towards his pillow, his upper body following. The movement is so fluid and controlled and seductive, it’s hard to believe he’s been embarrassed just a few minutes before. He ends up lying down on his side, his left hand propped up to support his head. For better access for his other, much busier hand, he has his right leg put up as well. Like this, nearly Rafayel’s whole body is stretched out. Given the camera angle, his head and upper body are a bit closer than the rest, yet it does not spoil the view; how this man keeps such a fit body for someone who hates to exercise remains a mystery.

“I’m looking at the pictures you sent me, by the way,” he suddenly says, his voice almost startling after the minutes of silence. “The ones that should help me out when I miss you.” His eyes flick to the camera, and he winks. “I created a slideshow that’s playing on the TV right now. Wait, let me show you…”

He lifts himself off his left hand to stretch it towards the camera. It gets comically huge as it taps on the screen. Rafayel’s gaze, dark and lust-filled just now, drifts slightly to the side as he appears to look at his phone screen in concentration. “Huh? Is there no button to switch to the back camera while recording?” It looks like he swipes across the screen and suddenly flinches. “Oh, shit! I didn’t stop it, did I?” One more tap on the screen and his face lights up in relief. “No, it’s still recording. Good. But I guess I can’t show you right now, sweetheart. Sorry.”

He falls back to his previous position on the mattress. “I love those pictures but they, too, are not even close… Ah, what should I do?” He runs his hand across his face in frustration before using it as support again.

From this point on, it doesn’t take long until his slender fingers slide underneath his waistband. He hisses. His hand isn’t visible anymore, but the up-and-down movement of his right arm leaves little left to imagine. The first moan escapes his lips, so soft and quiet and easy to miss if one doesn’t pay attention. Briefly, he stops to slide the boxers completely off. And then, he’s fully bare.

God, the way he looks…! His firm chest, his toned abs, the prominent V-line. The kissable freckles all over his smooth skin. His pale hand wrapped around his cock, pumping rhythmically, muscles flexing. The way his rib cage flows into the dip of his waist and then up to his hip bone; the artificial light casting deep shadows that sharpen all those features. And his face…! Eyes half-lidded and dark, mouth slightly ajar with soft sounds leaving every now and then. A blush across his ears and cheeks that gradually creeps down his neck towards his chest. Rafayel is handsome and beautiful at the same time; divine even. That gorgeous, gorgeous man…!

His hazy gaze seems to be set on the pictures as he pleasures himself with tugs and twists that elicit more of those delicious sounds. He settles for a lazy pace that occasionally speeds up for a few seconds. Sometimes, he pauses, watches as his cock jumps against his lower abdomen when letting go. As he slowly, almost provokingly, strokes up and down with one of his long fingers his eyes shift to the camera again with that tantalizing smirk of his.

When he wraps his hand around his tip and begins to make circling motions, it looks like something inside him snaps; he throws his head back, throat exposed, and openly moans into the room. He keeps going, torments that sensitive part of his body although his leg starts twitching and his upper body shaking. Rafayel’s head collapses onto the pillow as his supporting arm gives out, face pressed into the cover and moans muffled. His now free hand grabs the soft cushion tightly, making his knuckles turn white.

“Shit, baby…!” he curses into the pillow. He turns his head to the phone, so a few strands of his hair fall into his face while others are pushed back, exposing a part of his forehead. His mouth is free again, his groans and sighs clear. And his half-lidded eyes, one barely visible at that angle, zero in on the camera. “Fuck, I need you…!”

He’s pumping his cock again, so sensitive now that he can’t stop squirming at the touch of his own hand. Shadows dance across the curves of his body as it moves with gracefulness; the body of a man who knows elegance like a second nature, knows it despite his state of desperation and need. “Oh, please come back soon! This is not even close…!”

A whiny voice oh so contrary to that sinful face. Ears and cheeks blushing red, half-lidded eyes dark with lust and the smirk so, so smug. He looks drunk. He looks irresistible. He knows exactly what he’s doing. “Are you touching yourself to me? I hope you do… Shit, I need you to!” His hand is still now, his hips are not. They are bucking into his fist again and again and again; fast and purposeful. The grip on his pillow seems to grow stronger. “Hah– We should make a video together when you come back, don’t you think? A recording of us, making love. That’ll be so, hah– hot, won’t it? I bet it’ll be.”

His pace is quickening, his groans turn louder. “Oh, please, please…!” Despite his needy demeanor his gaze is so… demanding. With eyes emitting an aquatic hue that doesn’t have anything to do with the screen showing the photos; eyes that haven’t blinked in a good while. He’s mumbling sweet nothings, sensual and senseless, “Do you like this? Me, making a fool out of myself just for you? Oh– Do you want me to be your personal cam boy?”

He keeps going like this, changing between breathless babbling to chants of endearment to sinful moans. And then, suddenly, his mouth falls wide open, and his eyes squeeze shut. The muscles of his abdomen flex as he keeps his hips pressed against his fist. Just when his cock starts twitching, white spurts of cum leave his tip and make a mess on his stomach. Still riding out his orgasm, he slowly strokes himself into sensitivity, making him pant. “Oh, my love…!” he purrs and looks at the camera again. After finishing, he puts his index finger on his slick tip and experimentally slides it along its slit. The action produces one of the most beautiful whimpers this man has made, and his whole body shudders.

Not long until he lets go of his softening cock. His curious fingers wander upwards instead, admiring the messy abdomen and the heaving chest. Then, he rolls flat on his back, still catching his breath and one arm across his eyes. It takes him a good minute or two to recover enough to catch some tissues for cleaning up.

Only when he picks up the phone again at last, does his face come into focus again. He’s still blushing a deep red, his eyes giving away that clear thoughts have returned to his mind. “So…” he starts awkwardly. His voice is still a little hoarse, a little out of breath. “There’s that. I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did.” He goes silent again, apparently thinking deeply. The next second he covers his face with his free hand. “Oh my, the things I’ve said…! That’s post-nut-clarity for you…”

He aggressively rubs across his face and runs his fingers through his hair as if to get rid of the embarrassment. “Still, I… actually would like us to record… stuff. Well… Let me know if you’d be down to talk about it once you’ve returned.” His eyes suddenly drift away in shyness. “And if you don’t, let me know, too, please. It’s all… very new to me.” He scratches his neck and ends up covering his mouth in thought.

All of a sudden, he snaps out of his trance of overthinking and smiles brightly. “Anyways, I miss you dearly, my love. I do hope you liked it because I had fun. Love you, sweetheart.” He blows a kiss to the phone. Then, his finger moves close to the screen, probably towards the recording button. Briefly, his eyes shift the camera to directly look at it at the end. “See you soon, my love. Bye-bye!”

And just like that, the video ends. The last frame shows Rafayel with his flushed face, soft smile and eyes full of endearment. Partly covered by the triangle-shaped play-button to rewatch the recording.

**********

masterlist

[beekeeperspicnic]

Same anon. I also just wanna start off by saying that i know nothing about game design, i also am very very new to this blog/game and i dont want to sound overly critical or make you think that these are huge problems that need fixing, its mostly just small things i noticed that felt a little odd but otherwise didnt take away from the experience too much. You also definitely don't have to "fix" anything if these are intentional design choices. Im not familiar with these types of games at all so i might just experience mild culture shock about it. You also don't have to respond to this and you can feel free to delete this ask if you wish to for whatever reason <333

So, I think you've mentioned this already but it felt a bit odd that it was silent when there was dialogue. (I think) you mentioned you didn't want or couldn't have actual voice acting but i think any sound that indicates speech could work! Like little beepings or tappings? Perhaps that can be turned on or off in potential settings? Otherwise, i really liked the sound designs in the game!

Im 99% sure it is an intentional design choice because its a retro/retro inspired game but sometimes it felt like foregrounds and backgrounds melted together because there are only colour blocks and never/rarely any clear lines. Might also be because im colourblind but it made it a bit hard for me to distinguish where everything was, especially the fossil in the cottage living room. Definitely not a big problem, i did get there in the end, after all, but perhaps something to at least be aware of? :3

Lastly, the options menu in the dialogue looks a little out of place to me. I think it might be the black background? This might also be an intentional design choice, it just looked a little clunky to me (again, as someone not used to retro games! So it might just be a me thing!). Perhaps different/more fitting colours or outlined text with no background could potentially work?

Again, very sorry for the huge ask and if anything of this sounds.... /Bad/. I definitely don't mean for it to sound that way and i totally understand if all of this is something you dont want or cant change. After all, while i enjoyed the demo im def not your core audience as someone who hasn't grown up with/played games like these <3333

Thanks for the feedback!

Alas I can't afford to have this game speech acted (I would like to but the costs would be phenomenal), and personally I just don't "get" having beeping or clicking noises or wah wah sounds when characters are talking, especially since the rest of the sound design is naturalistic. I just find that a really weird idea? You're not the first person to mention it though, so.... idk. Perhaps I'll try it sometime just to see if I can warm up to it.

There's not a great deal I can do about the art style at this stage - I've already spent the last year completing most of the artwork. If it helps the trilobite isn't in the main game! It's just a demo thing. If there is a particular colour combo that didn't work for you I'd be interested to know.

I can change the black background at least! I was just going for something high contrast, but I could try deep green or something.

Idk if I want my core audience to be people who play retro games - in fact I am pretty worried that point and click adventure gamers won't really be into it! So I appreciate the perspective.

[star-sim]

hiihii, 🦊 anon back here !! Im gon be info dumping u the shii cuz u said u were invested, but if u dont want to readall of it I completely understand cuz like I wrote a whole ass shii 😭😭

--------

okay so like there's thay copycat, let's call her P !! technically, she's been a friend since last year, but I didnt really consider her as one cuz she mostly talked with my other two friends from our closest friend group n like nobody else. (we're a group of five without her) She sorta randomly appeared, but I ofc didnt mind cuz its always nice to meet new ppl n make new friends yk ??

(extra thingy for this year => one friend changed schools to another city, another doesnt hang out with us anymore but does online, n then there's another who isnt in the same classes so we only see each other during breaks. so its just me n another friend, (let's call her F) she's has been my closest friend since years ago so far !!

Okayokay now on to the real shii; since the new school year, P asked the school if she could be in the same class as me and F (because we're always together). so practically, P is also my classmate now. BUT !! I've noticed she favours F more than me, which doesnt bother me much bc we all have preferences at some point 🤷‍♀️ HOWEVER its getting a bit uncomfy because she's slowly been like starting to copy me and seems to be trying to exclude me to get closer to F ever since school started

Im insecure about friendships, so I get jealous when I see F paying more attention to P than to me (at least Im self aware 😞) oh, abt the copying part, I have a list to explain omllll !! for instance, I have an online school timetable with a specific colour palette (we have our own from our school's app but I'd like to use my own [another one] cuz then its a widget) she saw it and asked about the app n then the next week, she did the same thing with the exact same colors for each subject ?? Its not a big deal, but its abs noticeable.. like I get it u wanna use the same app cuz Ik how handy it is but using the same colours is starting to become extra .. then theres the school stationary, especially the pencil case and highlighters. I have a clear see-through pencil case and pastel highlighters (so coquette) n after two months or somewhere around that, she got the same ones. AGAIN, not a huge deal, but then she started comparing highlighters and saying she should have bought the same ones as me (?? Girl tf) Its frustrating because she's indirectly indicating that she wants to be or have the same shii as me 😭 n I dont like that. Ik some ppl do but I jst dont

Another example is my headphones. I have specific ones (JBL I lub em sm), n in December or smth, she also got the same ones but in pink (I have black ones) Its not about the headphones themselves tho, but the fact that she claimed we have the same ones when they're CLEARLY different. It's a fcking pattern, even with little things like a pocket mirror that she suddenly wants after seeing mine ?? 😭 "oh, I want to have one too now n use it like u" *proceeds to buy n never use it anyways* 💀

oh oh, then theres the issue of her comparing grades (no like wtaf) my average is at least 70%, which Im abs content with, but I wish I had more motivation to study m improve 😞 ahe studies n has an average of 74%, which is great for her ofc !! but she constantly YAPS abt having higher grades n being smarter, not realizing the difference between being book-smart n actually intelligent like girl theres a diff between the 2 yk 😭😭

P is actually fcking starting to get on my nerves, especially after half a year of this bs .. the friend who changed schools was like the mother of the group, n I miss her a lot (she's coming back next year tho, yippie !!) P seems to be trying to exclude me from the friend group n from my bestie F :( I havent told anyone else cuz like Im afraid theyll jst think Im overreacting, but I did confide in T ( the transfer student friend, lets call her that !!), n shes on my side (duh ofc cuz she also noticed from last year how she only sticked to F) but I dont want to tell F herself cuz I dont think she'll believe me. I used to feel happy and comfy being myself before P joined in, but now I feel like Im constantly being criticized n copied :// Its even worse bc she made fun of my cat's name !! (Like, I told her my cat's name cuz at one point we were talking abt cats n I told her I had gotten a new one that summer. atm she was doing that gossip whisper thingy to somebody else n when I told her that she had to be honest and confess she was making fun of my cat's name she went like "ohhhh, for a cat name !! I thought a human name" n then fake smiles omfl ..)

------

ANYWAYSSSS, TAKE CARE 😽 love ur fics Istg I dont think I'd survive here w/out ur writings Im not joking 😭 ur fics r like one of the only ones that I'd even WANT to read no matter the 10k+ wc (thats a lot for me n I prefer short ones, but ur longer ffs r like TOP TIER MWAH)

-🦊

oh girl ur stronger than me bc P would make me yell....

u and F are like for-lifers.... the friends that you keep when things change are the ones that you need to CHERISH FR

i think ur like 100% valid for the friendship jealousy, i get SO jealous too ur like real for that. like looking at these individual examples it doesn't come off that P is trying to copy you.... but when you look at it ALTOGETHER as ONE BIG MASSIVE PICTURE.... yikessss

i cant stand P sorry... like the excluding thing is making me seethe

AND THE CATS NAME THING WOULD BE MY FINAL STRAW GIRLLL STAY IN UR OWN LANE

i don't think ur overreacting, ur like 100% valid for this one

i am SO on your side

imo i think it's important to talk to F about this... and if she does not react well then drop her!!! if your best friend cannot take your feelings into consideration then that's not good!!

i'm glad that you like me fics btw!! it means a lot <3333

thanks for stopping by 🦊 anon!!! mwah mwah love you (and lmk if i need to air raid P)

[luhloydsworld]

Now i dont know if anyone here reads this anymore but im making the post anyways. If you dont know the Fence comic series you can keep scrolling (or not)

I wanna rant about how INCREDIBLE of a friend Nicholas is to Seiji. Seijis had a friend before, as we've all known, we'vw gotten more and more hints as to seiji giving someone a chance close to him before, even as to why he was so relucatant to let it happen again.

but this time nicholas managed to sneak his way into seijis heart and oh is it so different than last time. seiji liked how jesse pushed him, but he only pushed him physically. emotionally, mentally, jesse kind of did the opposite to seiji, and he was a very isolated individual because of it.

nicholas is different. in volume five we got the verbal comfirmation of the way nicholas as a character contrasts jesses role in seijis life; he strives to push seiji physically with his fencing, the two of them at the top as well, but nicholas has also pushed seiji to a better version of himself outside of fencing.

with jesse, it was only fencing. thats what they were. seijis feeling extended outside of fencing, he wanted it to be the two of them in more than just the fencing world, a world jesse couldnt single himself away from at all. seiji eventually did this too.

fencing is equally nicholas' whole world, but he sees seiji as apart of his whole world, not just inside fencing. nicholas manages to get seiji outside of his comfort zone completely, and feel comfortable in situations seiji wouldnt have let himself in originally.

my first example just so i look like i know what im saying, is when theyre training together. in the end of Vol. 4, seiji goes to nicholas. this already indicates a change in how seiji views nicholas.

then you get THIS SCENE in Vol. 5. seiji kept himself reserved for so long but now he lets his guard down with nicholas. maybe he doesnt think its professional to be so chatty or maybe seiji isnt used to being able to geek out on fencing talk, but by the seems of it seijis a huge nerd. in only over an hour you see seiji completely comfortable with nicholas in dicussion, something before this you dont see from seiji at all.

my other example right now (i could talk abt this for hours) is THIS RIGHT HERE.

its made a point originally that seiji likes to spend his time alone, including meals. this shifts in Vol. 5 when we see seiji eating with nicholas, bobby and dante after he spent all morning training with seiji.

its not just the fact that seiji ate with nicholas, its been established well enough thus far that nicholas is someone seijis comfortable with and is comfortable friends with. he's seen content with but also interested in the other people joining them, even engaging in what bobby was going to say after he got nervous.

later on we're given a scene where seiji is happily eating in the group during camp, which is what really stood out to me.

seiji has grown a lot since being friends with nicholas, maybe not in his fencing (yet) but hes become comfortable with people, and maybe its just when nicholas is there, theres nothing to say for sure as of right now but its important growth.

even in the bathroom scene when seiji has his breakdown and nicholas went in, he was completeply unwilling to "show weakness" and just belittled nicholas.

now when nicholas goes to comfort him, after something that bothered seiji more than anything up to this point, we seen him engage in playful banter, enjoying nicholas' company over being alone and acting as his earlier self would likely have called childish.

this growth means so much to me and i cannot stop thinking about it. anyways.

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[sailorhyunjinz]

What do you mean you're not telling is more?? You can't say that and then not tell us more 😭 what does that mean? What signatures did you analyse and how the hell does one analyse signatures? Anyway, good for ji, he should be confident because he's perfect

- horny! jisung is valid

im a nerd when it comes to like stuff that can analyze a person or a situation i.e tarot cards, astrology, numerology AND MY FAVORITE; graphology.

IM NOT GONNA LIKE point too much stuff out cause its probably gonna annoy the shit out of some and i dont wan by inbox exploding with angry people soooo,,, BUT the ones that kinda,,, raise concerns with me is chans, seungmins and hyunjins. AND JEONGINS IS V V FASCINATING IM TRYING TO PUZZLE TOGETHER WHAT IT CAN MEAN but lemme show you

this is chans signature and also i wanna talk about the text written at the bottom on the second picture SINCE ITS SO FASCINATING AAAA I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS YALL ok the signature in itself in these two examples are written straight which is great, in some ive seen inclining and reclining slants which shows that he changes mood in a healthy manner. the two first letters are big which speaks for him wanting to show a very strong side and confident side when met with new people or just media in general, he wants people to see him as confident and he wants to be respected but you see how the text suddenly gets illegible after the two first letters and they shrink in size? its a facade. deep down he's insecure, he carries them deep down and he hides them very well also HUUUGE insecurity loop in the letter "h". the line is what concerns me the most, the line that goes over his signature. you see how its going forward and then backwards and then forwards again? he's stuck in the past. he often thinks back on his childhood or previous experiences, overthinking them and he just finds comfort being in the past. OH AND the text at the bottom says "i'll eat well, very delicious" and you see how theres space between the words and its a normal distance, maybe leaning towards a bigger one but still considered "normal" which means that he has a healthy distance to people WHICH GREAT but when he writes "stray kids" theres no space. he cares so much about the rest of the group and he wants to keep them close, this small detail shows how much he cares AND I JUST FOUND IT VERY COOL OK MOVING ON

this is hyunjins signature! its illegible pretty much or maybe i cant read like i see an "h" but yeah his signature is big which indicates that he's not afraid to take place in whatever setting it might be but the illegible signature or legit any siganture that you cant see WHATEVER THE FUCK ITS SUPPOSE TO SAY shows that he's secretive and likes the game of having people guessing about who he is and what he's gonna do next. like looking at his siganture i just see a huge "h" which also shows me that he's scared to show his full potential. if you have a signature that only states your first name can mean that maybe you arent so close to your family but in this case he just diminishes himself to one single letter which is once again an insecurity trait and i would more say that this is like an insecurity to show potential yk? he's comfortable with who he is rn and such but maybe a bit hesitant to try something new in fear of criticism. he's a very friendly person tho v v friendly but maybe a bit secretive~ once again the line is very concerning since this one, in comparison to chans is going downwards signaling pessimism that can maybe keep him back sometimes but AH PROTECC HIM <33

this is seungmins signature and OH ALSO disclaimer here!! im sure that this isnt their like "official" signatures, this their autographs aka when they live up to their career and maybe not their signature when it comes to official documents yk since we tend to change them depending on the situation but yeah- this one is legible to some degree,,, the very high i-dot is ahshash mf has confidence. like ive said earlier the line over the signature throws me off but from what i have seen sometimes the line goes above his signature which is like a V V HIGH CONFIDENCE like almost a bit too much so im not as concerned for seungmin as i am for chan and hyunjin since their lines always happen and its always over the entire signature yk?

THIS SIGNATURE IS SO INTERESTING TO ME since i havent seen anyone that has this type of signature. he always draws the fox which signals playfulness but the rest is just a line which,,, like its not even "J" or anything, it looks like a flipped "s" which is a huge sign that he craves anonymity? sure he is an idol and its a job that doesnt allow that ALMOST LIKE DAMN but if we were to remove the fox and just look at the line we wouldnt know that it was written by jeongin? which like hyunjin, v secretive almost wants to be unknown? he doesnt want his idol life to mix with this personal life at all cause i doubt that this is his "official" signature. very straightforward, "im here cause im here bitches" type of attitude judging by the size and the lack of tilt

ok i said i wasnt gonna give out too much and i did but SHUUUUSH DONT-

and i dont wan people attacking me rn like if yall dont believe in graphology thats fine, move right along but i like it and WELL IF YOU DONT THEN DONT AIGHT OK <333

[twink-frank]

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself  but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 3

A/N - Just a small update, im sorry if its bad but it was written after 2hrs sleep! 😂💕💕

It was finally Friday! I had finished my shift at the coffee shop and collected Mason from preschool. He was telling me all about his day happily chatting away as i drove us home, It was only a ten minute drive from the preschool so we were soon parking up out front.

"So what do you want for dinner tonight bud?" I asked as we walked from the car to the front door.

"Pizza!!"

"Pizza? Really?"

"Pleaseeee mom?"

"Fine!" I chuckled shaking my head at how happy he looked, the boy loved his pizza, and how could i say no to that face!

"Hey neighbours!"

I rolled my eyes and internally cursed at the voice of my next door neighbour Brian. The guy honestly creeped me out, Hannah was convinced he had a thing for me, the thought alone made my stomach turn!

"Hey Brian" i gave him tight lipped smile to be polite but carried on toward the house, i just wanted to get me and Mason inside.

"How are my favourite neighbours?"

"We're fine, thank you"

"So um...Y/N, a few of us are getting together tomorrow for a BBQ.... you and Mason should come"

"Sorry Brian, we have plans with some friends tomorrow" i lied, there was no way in hell i'd accept an invitation from him.

"Oh ok, no problem. Maybe some other time...?"

"I gotta get inside and sort out dinner, Mason's hungry. Have a nice time at your BBQ" i said quickly as i unlocked the door getting Mason inside first, i rushed in behind him huffing out a sigh of relief that i was away from Brian.

Mason was sitting down on the sofa watching a show about space and eating some fruit while i cleaned up a little in the living room and kitchen, i was running late this morning so didn't have time to do it until now. I had decided i'd order the pizza around 5pm being as Mason tended to stay up later on a Friday night. Just as i was finishing up in the kitchen my cell started ringing, i already knew it would be Hannah she called around this time most days.

"Hey"

"Hey, so im thinking we need to go out"

"Okayyyy random" i chuckled wiping down the counter and tossing the dishcloth on the side "why?"

"Because we both need to find a man!

Y/N we deserve some fun!"

"Things with Damien didnt work out i take it?"

"No, his a jackass! Come on please? Next week?? My mom already said she'd watch the boys"

"I don't know Han, you know i don't really date....i definitely don't hook up"

"But maybe you'll meet someone nice who you can get to know and eventually it could lead to something.... you dont have to hook up with anyone. We just need a girls night out, a night where we're just Y/N and Hannah and not mom"

"Can i think about it?"

"Sure! As long as your answer is YES!"

She said loudly making us both laugh.

"Fine! I'll go out if it makes you happy"

"Oh my god we're gonna have so much fun!!"

"I don't know about that! The last time we went out drinking together we were in a bar fight because you made out with some girls boyfriend!"

"Haha good times! How was i to know he had a girlfriend?"

"Your trouble Han" i shook my head thinking back at how wild she was before becoming a mom. We soon said our goodbyes and i went to join Mason on the sofa while i ordered our pizza.

Just as i was about to lock my phone once i was done i noticed the little notification on my messages indicating that i had a new message.

Unknown: Hey Y/N, its Chris.

Can we talk?

Y/N: About what??

Chris: I was hoping maybe we could talk in person....

Y/N: I don't think thats a good idea Chris.

Chris: oh.... well this is kinda awkward.... im outside

Are you fucking kidding me?!!

I said loudly in my head as i got up and went over to the window. There he was sitting in his car parked behind mine on the drive looking down at the phone in his hands, probably waiting for my reply.

"Mace? Im just going out to the car bud i wont be long okay?"

"Uh huh" he replied without even looking away from the TV.

As soon as i opened the front door Chris's car door opened and he got out quickly giving me a nervous smile.

"Thank you for coming to talk to me"

"What are you doing here Chris?" I asked as i looked through the front window making sure i could keep an eye on Mason.

"I wanted to apologise, for how i treated you, how i ended what we had.... i know i was a huge asshole. I just want you to know that im nothing like that guy anymore...."

"Thats great Chris, really. Because that guy was a careless, selfish son of a bitch"

"I know" he nodded sadly "i wish i could go back and make better choices. Take back the things i said to you.... Y/N the biggest regret of my life is that i lost you. You were my best friend.... my wife...." he shook his head "i didn't know what i had until you were gone"

"You couldn't have missed me that much" i scoffed "its taken you almost 6 years to come see me, i haven't heard from you once in all that time"

"I was ashamed of myself"

"Ok" i nodded "well thanks for coming by to clear that up but i have to go..."

"Scott told me" Chris called from behind me as i headed back inside "about Mason" he added, i froze on the spot feeling my heart start to race at hearing those words.

"He what??!" I spun around to face him with wide eyes, i was internally cursing Scott to hell!

He told Chris about Mason???

"He told me he came to see you, found out you have a son...."

"what is it with you two just showing up at my house unannounced and uninvited??"

"I knew if i asked to come see you you'd say no"

"You're right i would. It doesn't change anything just because you know about Mason"

"I know i just...." he shook his head as he searched for the right thing to say.

"You don't need to feel guilty, like you have to be here now you know, we've managed fine without you for this long"

"What?.... what do you mean by that?"

He asked taking a few steps towards me, it was at that moment i realised he didn't know Mason was his son.... shit!

"Y/N.... is Mason my son??" Chris asked as his chest heaved from how heavy he was suddenly breathing as he processed this new information.

"I thought... you... you said Scott told you all about Mason...."

As if on cue the front door opened and Mason appeared holding my ringing cell phone. I heard a gasp escape Chris's mouth as he looked down at Mason, at the little boy who was a spitting image of him.

"Mom your phone keeps ringing" he said holding my cell phone out to me.

"Thank you baby" i quickly looked to see it was my mom calling and sent it to voicemail, i'd call her later.

"You wanna come inside? I guess we need to talk" i said looking back at Chris who was stood with tears in his eyes, he nodded quickly not taking his eyes off of Mason and followed us inside.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @katiew1973 @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax (if your name is crossed out it wouldnt let me tag you 😞).

[scandeniall]

bad days are better with you

Pairing: sakusa x reader 

summary/warnings: you make his nights and life better/manga spoilers thats it/oh and as per usual w/ me youre in your 20s if that matters to you

wc: 800

The tv consumes the living room when Sakusa finishes his shower. He’d come home after a long day, hardly offering a hello as he rushed towards the shower. As he stood in the hallway he eyed you carefully. The over sized sweatshirt, paired with shorts and then fuzzy socks confusing him. Were you cold or not? Your occasional laughs brought the tiniest smile to his face as he felt the pull towards you. 

The way you offered a soft smile as he slotted his way in between your legs to rest his head on your chest made his heart swell. “Rough day Yoomi?” Your knowing tone caused another exhausted sigh to escape his lips, as he slipped his hands up the sweatshirt to rest on your sides. Rough was an understatement. From the way Bokuto and Hinata were way too loud, to how Atsumu was extra annoying, to the bucket of dirty mop water accidentally being knocked over in the locker room. Even worse was how he’d accidentally dropped his clean post practice shirt on the floor and into the water causing him to have to wear his earlier shirt back home. The only thing he wanted at this point was your and your love.

“Wanna talk about it?” You'd paused your show as you brought your hands to his scalp, noticing his hair had still been slightly damp. “What are you watching,” The way he changed the subject answered your question, and he felt himself thankful to be with someone who knew him enough to drop the subject.”Teen Wolf,” you hummed mindlessly playing with the dark strands. 

The two of you stay like that for a while. Your hands in his hair, his gently grazing up and down your sides. The only sounds from either of you are the occasional bits of commentary you offer. After the second episode you begin to shift uncomfortably. “Stop moving.” The words come out muffled from your shirt and you could only groan. “My legs are cramping up.” Sakusa reluctantly moves, eyeing you boredly. 

“Don’t look at me like that, I needed to stretch.” Pausing the show, you stand before making your way to the kitchen. Sakusa watches you carefully as you wash your hands before reaching into the freezer to pull something out, placing it on the counter. He only moves when you motion him to join you, two spoons being waved around. “Since you don’t want to talk about it, let's eat. Its my special feel better ice cream and I'm letting you have some.” Your tease comes as you slide the treat near him.

“Straight out the container? That's disgusting.” You only shrug at his scowl before dipping your own spoon in. “Well normally I’m the only one eating it.” You slide the container even closer to him. “You're still spreading germs.” Despite his scowl, he begrudgingly takes the other spoon, eying the ice cream. “Besides, do you really care about my germs.” The way your tongue licks at the ice cream covered spoon almost has him cracking a smile at the insinuation. 

“Yes. They’re still germs.” The laugh that comes out your mouth has him sprouting his first smile of the day. He only shrugs as you playfully call him a jerk. He looks at the way your eyes light in joy as you continue eating, and he finds himself dipping into the ice cream as well. “It’s good right?” He only offers a quick nod, as you make a joke about now having to buy enough for both of your bad days. 

“Oh yeah. while I was at work today, I looked up some more venues and-”

“Shouldn’t you be working while at work.” Sakusa takes your spoon from you before opting to put the ice cream up. He doesn’t want you to get full off of that instead of an actual meal. “Yeah whatever, anyways. Yoomi its so pretty, I think I want to go take a look at it whenever you have a free weekend.” The words cause Sakusa eyes to trail to the piece of jewelry occupying your ring finger. That's right, he is supposed to be planning a wedding. The thought causes a warm feeling to consume him. To have a million more nights like this, despite your unsanitary habits sounds like heaven. Hopefully they’re under better circumstances, and not his soured moods. He came home, hoping to feel better and like always you delivered. 

“Hey (Y/N).” Your eyes narrow as the way he cuts you off had been a huge indicator that he hadn’t heard a single word you said. Hands settle up your hoodie yet again to rest on your bare waist as you look up at Sakusa. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

a/n: yeah i did the first 3 paragraphs weeks ago and at the time had every intention on turning this to ma makeout session but coming back to it 2 weeks later i lost that motivation. But in general i’m feeling really unmotivated and dont really like this so i might remove it. But yeah i’ve personally decided that sakusa has a secondary love language pf physical touch (only in private dont get your hopes up) because i can :) he gets extra soft when hes feeling like shit because i say so. 

[tendoki]

hug prompt 5 with tendouuuu

┏━━━━━━•❅•°•❈•°•❅•━━━━━━┓

angy tendou kinda makes me 😳 ngl. this has a lot of build up? I left the ending VAGUE because it just seemed right yanno? this was fun and cute to write though :)

┗━━━━━━•❅•°•❈•°•❅•━━━━━━┛

Tendou . S - Snapmaps

-> genre: comfort

-> prompt: angry hug (not at eachother)

-> warnings: swearing, reader is lowkey horny for tendou, again I wrote this at 5am and projected my thirst onto y/n so my bad lollll, bad grammar maybe?? dunno

not sponsored by snapchat <3

He was pissed off.

Like, super pissed off. You could see it in the way his shoulders were tensed and how his leg bounced under the desk, the furrow of his brows and dark lines under his eyes screamed 'i am three minutes away from committing a murder'. His breathing seemed to be heavier too; and you guessed you wouldnt get much of a chance to talk to him once class was over if the way his eyes seemed to flicker to the clock every few seconds was any indication.

You werent anyone particularly close to Tendou Satori, though you'd consider the two of you friends if asked. In truth, you never thought you would get this far with him, the guy seemed to disregard anything that his teammates werent already fond of; you were lucky, in a sense, that as Goshiki's tutor you were deemed worthy of his attention.

Of course, occasionally your mind would slip, sliding down a dangerous path of 'what if?'s and 'why not?'s. Tendou was attractive, in that weird way, where your friends sorta make fun of you for liking him, before they turn and take a second look themselves. He intrigued you, the way he was so observant as to even bag a friendship with the ever elusive Ushijima kun.

You supposed that's why you bothered to chase him after class ended.

You had lost him pretty quickly though, thinking about it, you seriously wondered how in the hell you could lose a six foot, two inch, scarlet haired loudmouth like Tendou, as if slipping into a crowd and being invisible was something he was used to (something else to add onto the 'Mysteries of T.S' list you had compiled).

After escaping the crowd and seeing no sign of him outside, you relented, recognising that this was a losing battle. With a huff, you pulled out your phone to check his snap maps; he'd always turn them on once he got into school, claiming that it was to make sure if he skipped practice then Semi could track him down and beat his ass with no hassle.

Ramen shop

For the better, you were starving anyway. immediately picking up the pace, you took the 10 minute walk it would take to get there.

how did he manage to go so fast? damn him and his stupid long legs

You arrived, and the place looked empty, probably because of the sign on the door, stating that it was closed for the day. Looking down at your phone again, you confirmed that this was the right address, seeing your own bitmoji stood near Tendou's.

Then the door opened, Tendou, in all of his sweaty, (guess he mustve ran) brilliance, looked you up and down, an action you're ashamed to admit caused a jolt in your stomach. He looked suprised to see you here, but seeing your phone lit up with the familiar interface of Snapchat maps, he smirked.

"What brings you here?"

He sounded amused, though you could still hear his aggravation in how throaty his voice was, you werent used to hearing him speak so roughly, and part of you wondered what it would take to hear that kind of tone from him more.

"You uh seemed pissed off earlier, in class? and I wanted to check up on you. Why... are you in an empty, closed ramen shop?"

"Family owned joint, 's empty 'cause we're closed, and its closed 'cause it's empty"

"Doesn't closing it because its empty make for bad business practice? you're not even giving people a chance to enter, Tendou"

He jolted at this, you were usually so formal and appropriate with him, that hearing you challenge his logic so openly and speak without honorifics was unexpected; his shoulders sagged a little, tension easing from his body as a bemused smile made it's way across his face.

"Huh, guess you're right. Well, since ya here how 'bout coming in and taste testing some of our food before we open to the public again, for safety", the last line was spoken differently, as if he was daring you to say yes, like agreeing on a totally-not-date with Tendou Satori would be the worst mistake of your life.

So, naturally, you bit right back.

"You askin' me on a date now, Satori?", using him first name was dangerous, but you figured he'd get the message that you were trying to be playful, while giving him the ultimate choice of what would happen next.

Once again he was taken aback, before another sag of his shoulders and spread of a smile took over his body; he wasted no time in gently grabbing you by the elbow and ushering you inside.

The interior was gorgeously decorated, the tables scrubbed clean and the whole place smelt like heaven, Tendou sat you down on the nearest chair and rushed off to the back, promising to make you a ramen anyone would consider to be 'better than sex'

It was an hour later you still sat in the shop, laughing with Tendou about whatever tiktok trend he had roped his team into this week, you had texted your parents to let them know you were with a friend, not keen on making them worry and get the entirety of the Miyagi police force interrupting your totally-is-a-date.

Things were quiet for a moment, as you sat and drank some pop Tendou had offered you. You took the silence as an opportunity to appreciate the view; Tendou Satori, in the golden light of a 6pm sun, with his hair down in sweatpants and a graphic tee designed off of one of his favourite anime. You had been nervous when he excused himself to change and 'let his hair relax', but now thanked every and any god in existence for giving you the chance to see him looking so dearly delectable.

Your thought process was disrupted, however, when your eye candy spoke;

"Thanks. For coming, I mean. I've had a pretty shitty day and it means a lot to be sat here joking around with you"

He smiled at you, an intimate one, not mocking or sardonic in anyway, you, of course, locked this moment into your mind, committing the gentle red of his bitten and chapped lips, sloping so carefully, to memory.

Then you registered his words, your brows pinching together in concern, as you reached across and grabbed his hand.

"You wanna talk about it? I'm here to listen and I dont have anywhere to be for the time being"

He looked shocked for a moment, scanning your face to maybe check if this was some cruel joke, like he was going to start telling you and you'd laugh and walk away. After a few moments had passed of him studying your expression, he turned, heaving a sigh and standing up to go to the back, presumably preparing another two bowls of ramen.

He returned not long after, placing the bowls on your table, he began pacing, annoyance rushing back to him as he recalled what had him wound up so tightly earlier.

"... and now he's back in town! God, whatever, I just hope his stupid ass doesnt end up in the same classes as me, I dont wanna see that prick's face again", he had been bullied as a child it seemed, a detail that explained most of the contents in your list of Tendou mysteries, the bully was back in town, and your companion had ran into him when he had left school grounds for a moment; it seemed the boy's attitude had not changed, he had recognised Tendou and began layering on the taunts once more.

He was mad again, you could see it in how his shoulders tensed and his mouth now curled into an ugly sneer while venting.

You sighed before standing up, he needed some comfort, and the worst that could happen is that he pushes you away. You could always just excuse it by saying you have an affectionate family or friend group, and that it's just nature by now to give someone a hug when they're upset. Though there was every reason to think that he wouldnt fall for that, and you could make him uncomfortable. After such a huge leap in your progress with him, taking such a big risk is hardly smart or sensible-

fuck it.

But before you could move, his arms instead encased you. His body shook with brimming rage as he burrowed his head into the crook of your neck, bending awkwardly to properly reach. Hesitantly, you reached your arms up, one hand going to rub circles across his back and the other pulling and playing with the red locks of hair by the nape of his neck. The two of you stayed like that for a while, you leaning on the table once your legs got too wobbly to be trusted. Every so often you'd press a kiss to his shoulder, letting him know that you were accepting his affection wholeheartedly, not just reciprocating out of pity.

Despite the hug lasting longer than any other hugs you had given to friends and family, it still felt like it was too soon as Tendou began to pull away, standing back to his full height, though, his arms remained around you.

"Thanks, I needed that"

"yeah, uh, no problem, Tendou kun"

[kainetestament]

WandaVision Theory

Good Day Everyone, my 1st post for the year 2021.

I was unable to post anything back then (because Tumblr is not letting me post images), and now I am posting for possible theories for WandaVision, and this is as of Episode 7. Please be reminded that this post contains spoilers, so if you don’t wanna read them, you have been warned and you can go back. Also,  I’m gonna skipped on some references as those has been tackled by others already (such has Malcolm in the Middle, Kick-ass, etc), I will focus only on Marvel related franchise, character behaviors and sentence phrasing interpretations.

For those who hasn’t seen it yet, we can simplify that WandaVision is a Online Drama / Sitcom style series by Disney and Marvel Studios that stars both Wanda Maximoff and the Vision. Wanda and the Vision are trapped in the world of sitcom and is being broadcasted to S.W.O.R.D temporary base. So far, Episode 1 takes back in 1950′s sitcom, episode 2 is 1960′s, Episode 3 is 1970′s, Episode 4 is current reality, Episode 5 is 1980′s and Episode 6 is 1990′s, and now its the current era (based on the console game the kids are playing which looks like a Wii).

But before we jump to that, lets talk about first the "WandaVision Plot Leaked" which was first published in 4chan and someone reposted it on reddit (I dont have the name so I'm sorry).  Of course when I first read it, I was also skeptical about it, but at the same time, lets give it the benifit of the doubt and lets see which one will come true and which one is not.

I just numbered and bolded them for easier read, and added ❀ for my side comments about the "plot leak". Also, I'll refer to X-Men Pietro as PETER (because that's how he's called in that world), and ATJ as Pietro.

1. Wanda is a SWORD agent after Endgame which you might already know includes Darcy, Jimmy Woo and Monica Rambeau.

❀ No conclusive information yet, though not impossible because we saw in Episode 5 Wanda stormed into S.W.O.R.D HQ, looking angry and took Vision's body. Hayward said in his comment that its a highly sensitive material and Vision's body location considered a top secret. It's impossible to get this information unless she has an access to it or at least someone she knows has.

2. Woo was recruited from FBI to SWORD to keep check on superpowered beings after Sokovia Accords lost influence.

❀Agent Woo is indeed working in partnership with S.W.O.R.D as of the moment, but he is still wearing his "FBI" vest, indicating he’s still with FBI and is just working alongside with SWORD because he was with Monica and witnessed her disappeared.

3. Wanda was sent to investigate as a SWORD agent..but she was also a part of the team to keep check on her.

4. Wanda as of now is placed in a real illusion. The sitcom world she sees is real with real people of the town – but one can't see so from the outside.

❀ This is true, this is the current event going on in the series.

5. Wanda came in contact with Mysterio who allowed her to gain Vision back and live a peaceful life – based on sitcoms she used to watch as a kid.

❀Mysterio, a lot of people commenting ill about him (for this post – and was thinking it could probably be a typo for Mephisto), but if we look at the timeline, Spiderman Far From Home is set 8months after the blip reversal, WandaVision however, is 3weeks to a month after the blip was reversed. In Episode 4, Hayward mentioned "It's been 3 weeks, and you're first to report" to Monica, and if we go back, the huge TV screens (just after the Marvel Intro) in SWORD's HQ lounge captions the news with "Globe Celebrations Continues" "The Blip Brings Back Loved Ones" indicating the blip just reversed.

6. Mephisto will stay close to the couple and keep watch over them (he is in the rabbit currently). His plan is to obtain Wanda's kids in the hopes they'll be powerful sorcerers he can control. He deems Wanda too dangerous to control in the long run.

❀Agness is INDEED keeping a rabbit and has been seen in Episode 2 and current Episode 7. But whether that is Mephisto or not is not yet conclusive.

7. Sword is trying to maintain contact with Wanda who is lost in her subconscious. Whenever she realizes it, she rejects it.

❀This happened in Episode 4 when Agent Woo and Darcy tried to contact Wanda from the outside the HEX using the radio.

8. The entire show isn't gonna be a sitcom as marketed. We'll see Wanda fighting Sword near the end until Woo manage to make her realize that she's lying to herself.

❀Still inconclusive if Agent Woo will really do that but she already confronted the SWORD in Episode 5, Hayward is indeed planning the attack.

9. The couple will face numerous villains in the final episodes – the ones who were manipulating them...!

10. Kathryn Hahn's Agnes is Agatha Harkness. She was a witch who was given away by her son (I'm not sure if her son will appear onscreen or not) and was burnt alive.

❀It is finally revealed in Episode 7 that Agness is indeed Agatha Harkness, but we will probably find out if she was sold off by his son in the next upcoming episode.

11. She too made a deal with Mephisto who allowed her to live. She befriended Wanda for her children but will become an actual friend to her.

12. However by the end she will be possessed by Nightmare who'd take advantage of Wanda's powers to break open the Multiversal seal – which will of course carry forward to DS2.

13. Dottie will be revealed to be Clea.

14. Grim Reaper will act as Ralph – Agatha's "husband" who Vision would go against in the climax.

15. Sword has a special device which was implanted on Wanda before she was sent. Essentially the events going on are being translated by her subconscious as a sitcom which can be seen by Sword agents (like Darcy) who are confused about what's happening with Wanda.

❀Still inconclusive but not impossible considering Darcy is the WandaVision sitcom.

16. Monica managed to enter Wanda's town while she was asleep in a helicopter. Sword will again try to break in. ❀Half wrong, half right - Monica sent a drone helicopter inside the HEX and Wanda first felt its presence as shown in Episode 2 (after the Marvel intro) when Wanda was still asleep (she heard noises), and in Episode 4, Monica came close to the HEX after her drone disappeared and got sucked inside of the HEX.

17. Monica would try to help Wanda realize the truth after getting her conscious back, but Wanda will get pissed off when she says her Vision isn't real and will throw her away from the town (to the outside world) using her powers.

❀Half wrong, half right - Monica is indeed making Wanda realize the truth and this occurred on Episode 7. In Episode 3, Wanda did sent Monica out of the HEX calling her an outsider when she commented that Pietro was killed by Ultron, not because Vision is dead.

18. Quicksilver will return! And I know it sounds stupid, but Evan Peters is playing him. Aaron will appear in a couple of episodes.

❀Indeed, Peter (Even Peters) of X-Men Universe showed up at the end of Episode 5 and is present the whole Episode 6, and Pietro (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) did appear in flashbacks (so far).

19. Wanda slowly starts remembering a few people of the outside world (including her brother). She is trying to figure out if she had a sibling herself, finding it weird why she wouldn't remember him.

❀Inconclusive - so far, it is projected that Wanda is in a state of denial. Though other than Vision, not a single one of the Avengers are mentioned here by her.

20. Meanwhile her subconscious starts to associate powers of the heroes she has known to random civilians of town.

21. She has twins Billy and Tommy who also have powers. One of them has superspeed and she remembers her brother (but not fully).

❀True - Wanda now have twins and Tommy is shown to have super speed, as shown in Episode 6 and Billy having telepathy, clairvoyance and telekinesis, similar to her mom’s power

22. There's one more. Vision will feel a bit weird none of the kids look like him. So they'd create a daughter based off Vision (Viv).

23. Quicksilver returns played by Aaron. However the presence of a real dead dude starts breaking the illusion. ❀Yet to happen but, makes one wonder how he'll get back to life.

24. Grim Reaper (Ralph) will be revealed and he befriends Quicksilver. He'll get him written out of the show and Quicksilver gets recast to Evan Peters.

25. The only one who finds it off is Viv. She is confused why Quicksilver doesn't look the former one. She tries to make others realize that. But they think she hates her uncle.

26. There will be a rerun of all the sitcom episodes. Wanda will break out from her illusion midway in the show to her actual living room in her subconscious.

❀I'm not sure of the rerun as its yet to happen, and I'm not sure if this break out of her illusion is the one that happened on current Episode 7 where Wanda fixed the couch and the TV.

27. Vision here is nothing but a puppet. At this point Wanda realizes the entire illusion but she gets heartbroken realizing her children weren't real.

❀It is already implied that Vision is indeed a puppet. Wanda realizing everything is an illusion is yet to happen.

28. She flips the channels to find her children again and decides to enter the sitcom-y world once again.

29. Darcy will end up there too and she will reveal Vision the entire truth (having watched all the sitcom episodes and analyzed what causes the changes).

❀Exactly as shown in Episode 7.

30. Wanda will be unwilling to leave her world even after her fight against the Sword stops.

31. Mephisto will take control of Quicksilver's body. Agatha will turn on him.

32. Wanda will try to send Quickie back to his universe in the end with Agatha's help but Nightmare will use it as an opportunity to seize control of Agatha.

33. The Nightmare part will only be revealed to the audience (not Wanda herself). Story carries over.

34. There are flashbacks of Wanda's life. A lot of which are seen by Darcy who tries to understand the extent of her trauma.

35. Yes Aaron will appear in flashbacks. Wanda will be shown a lot of these in the final episodes where she'd also find how the Mind Stone just unlocked her innate powers.

❀He did

36. Evan Peters will tell how in his universe Mutants are pretty common (just a tease).

❀ If this is true, then its only Peter will be the only mutant to appear in the series.

37. The ads in the show are all related to her trauma. There will be ads about Pietro's death, Lagos explosion and even a vacuum cleaner based on Thanos.

❀ The Ads - somehow true, related to her trauma. The first commercial with the oven possibly be a reference to Age of Ultron where commented Pietro and Wanda commented that when they were 10y.o, a bomb shell fell into their house but did not detonate, they were staring at it for 2 days because they were trapped and waiting for help while thinking every shift on bricks will set if off. Episode 2 has the Strucker watch referencing also to Age of Ultron where Strucker experimented on them using Loki’s scepter. Episode 3 is about escaping reality with the Hydra Soap (with the shape of the Tesseract), Episode 5 with Lagos Paper Towel representing her messed in Captain America Civil War when she tried to save Cap, Episode 6 with the animation of Yo-Magic with a Shark talking using a caption "If you're hungry, eat Yo-Magic", and lastly Episode 7 with Nexus medicine that promotes killing when you are depressed.

38. The couple in each of the ads is her parents who are acting as stand-ins for events based off her trauma.

❀Yes, that is the speculation.

39. Vision will help Wanda accept the reality and move on. He gives her his farewell and fights Grim Reaper, hoping to destroy the dome after sacrificing his life.

40. Wanda saves Vision in a scene which mirrors Age of Ultron. He will return back to real world along with their children, Agatha, Quickie and rest of the town/Sword.

41. Wanda is happy Vision is alive and sings a song to him, but it turns out he is effectively rebooted after the fight. Unable to bring his memories back, Sword leaves with Vision.

42. Her children are also hidden by Nightmare-Agatha. Wanda gets torn and tries to move on, unaware to her Nightmare is opening up the Multiverse for unknown reasons.

I will end this first here as the post is getting longer, and will continue with the part 2 and will discuss it further.

[imagineredwood]

Any tips on starting an account with writing imagines and stories? I’ve been toying with the idea of starting one for a while but don’t know where to start.

The first tip is to just go for it. It might seem scary, I felt the same when I first started. To be fair, I had a little bit of experience before I started this blog because I used to write fan fiction for another blog years ago so I had the concept down, but there were three of us and we used to share everything. People would send requests and pick which writer they wanted so there was work for everyone. Running a writing account by yourself can take some work. But if you’re like me and can be somewhat of a control freak, its great. So just go for it. People will come. I started mine without knowing anyone on this platform and I didn’t say anything about starting my own page so I didn’t come with any followers of mine from the previous writing page. I just did it.

Finalize the blog/look before you draw attention to the blog. What I mean by that is make sure that things are neat and easy to navigate. You dont want to make a post asking for requests when everything is still under construction and people can’t even find where the ask button is, you know? So have everything done, find a legable easy on the eyes theme, preferable one with maybe a drop down menu for easier navigation. Once you’re happy with the look, then announce/debut/whatever. Having something solid for your readers to come to helps make things feel more welcoming.

Don’t worry about followers. You may get a huge influx without any of your work posted, you may post several pieces and not have a soul. It happens. My first post was just a rundown of what the blog was, who I wrote for, what I accepted and that was pretty much it. I didn’t get followers until I posted my first story. Within 24 hours I had like 30 followers and I had made 100 by day three I believe. As a writer, or any content creator really, we view followers as being indicative of if we’re good enough or not and that isnt the case. Plenty of people may not have an account, maybe they’re shy, maybe they dont want to be known as someone who reads fan fiction. There are plenty of reasons why someone may not follow. They can read every story you ever post and never follow or interact, and that can make you doubt yourself. DON’T. You’re following through on something that makes you happy. That’s the prize. Is it awesome when you can see something objective to show that people like what youre doing? Absolutely. But dont judge your worth on it and don’t let it discourage you just because someone else has throundands of followers and you only have a handful.

Block pornbots when they follow. It can clog up notes when they keep replying about finding sexy singles in the area under your story. It’s annoying and irritating and takes up space. As soon as they follow, block. Now just be careful that you’re not blocking an actual reader that just happens to post porn. Look at the blog and make sure that its a bot before you give em the ole block.

Practice writing small pieces for various characters before you launch. Just to get a feel for them. It can sometimes be offputting if a writer will only write for one character. Now of course, you do whatever the hell you wanna do, its your blog. If you only want to write for one character then do that. Plenty of people will love a blog thats dedicated only to their favorite character, but expanding the characters that you write for offers more opportunity. It will help you grow as a blog and also as a writer.

Interact with any readers/followers that you do get. Make yourself seem approachable. You dont want to seem like this offputting writer who thinks they’re above the masses. Talk about yourself, interact with them, ask about them, make yourself seem human. Sometimes people can forget that we’re also a person behind her so reminding them and making yourself relatable goes a long way.

Make a writing notebook. Some people hate them and think they’re a waste of time, I think theyre great. They help you gather your thoughts and get something started, especially when you don’t know where to start, or how. Brainstorm, do diagrams, make lists whatever helps you. It doesn’t have to be fancy, mine is a simple spiral notebook. I think having the notebook helps you organize your thoughts and you can also plan for the future.

I hope this helped babe 💕 Feel free to ask any other questions that you have and I’ll help as I can. Good luck and always be your biggest fan

🌸

[skips-is-asleep]

Steph Talks For Way Too Long About Sollux’s Harry Potter House

I havent been able to stop thinking  or talking about this topic for like 60+ hours

first wanna say that it’s really hard to interpret how people are sorted because JK Rowling is apparently shitty at writing. So people seem to have wildly different opinions on why people are in the houses they’re in because they view the houses and their qualifications differently.

I’ve also never read a harry potter book and havent watched a movie for like 5+ years maybe so i had to talk to like 3-4 people who went though huge harry potter phases and we talked for over 3 hours cumulatively for me to make up my mind.

I think it’s really important to say that because Sollux isn’t really a main character, there’s a lot we have to make guesses on. Hussie didn’t make a big sheet full of Sollux’s Dreams and Ambitions, Morals and Beliefs, so we have to  fill in a lot of blanks on what we think those are based on a few things. Who he talks to, and associates himself with and what he does

The point being we don’t have a lot to work with.

It’s also pretty important to say that Sollux puts on a LOT of fronts and facades. He’s only truly mean and cruel to people he doesn’t like or care about Plus Karkat. He plays Fake Mean a lot, and if you dig even a centimeter under it, we see time and time again that he’s just pretending and does actually give many shits.

Sollux is also really passive in most things that he does. He doesn’t really question anyone’s authority or make a point to fight something out very often. The only time we ever see him resort to action to solve his problems are when dealing with Eridan. And even then, the first time we ever see them talk, it’s Eridan walking up to him and Feferi privately having a conversation and Sollux telling his gf to “make him go away.” And then after Eridan doesn’t go away, we see him resort to fighting. His PQ arc also has him antagonize Eridan and then drop a building on him, so like, yeah. Usually, when presented with conflict, Sollux either removes himself from the situation quickly, or if he’s unable to do so, makes it extremely clear that he doesn’t want to engage. In most cases, Sollux is by himself, sitting alone and not making attempts to talk to anyone else. It’s totally possible that he’s more social at other times and we only see him when he’s at his worst, but we dont see that so we can’t really speculate much on it. Point being, he’s very passive and self contained/oriented.

What i really want to put emphasis on is the people he associates with. His main friends we see him talk to willingly or at least show fondness for are Aradia, Feferi, Kanaya, Terezi, and Karkat. Three of these are considered main characters, or are at least given character arcs to some extent. These are the good guys. The guys who at least try to do good, and show compassion, and care about others. The characters we see him either avoid quietly, avoid loudly or vocally hate and commit violence against are the rest of the characters. Namely Vriska, Gamzee and Eridan. (im kinda gonna gloss over Vriska because his distaste/hatred/unpleasantness towards her  doesn’t have to be a moral statement on his part. It’s pretty easy to assume that anyone with his past to her would have a similar if not identical stand point) These are characters that actively do bad things, they murder and harm others at worst and are gross nasty incels at best. And even the best case in that scenario is still blabberingly racist and, treats sollux and the people he cares about like shit. Sollux doesn’t associate with people that the comic have established are villains, or at least do things that are pretty unambiguously wrong or evil.

In Sollux’s pesterquest, Kanaya tells MSPA reader than when The Thing with Aradia first happened, Sollux refused contact with Kanaya because she didn’t cut off Vriska. He was upset at her for being associated with someone who traumatized him. This is very telling of sollux’s personality and his relationship with his friends, and it’s a side we don’t see of Sollux any other time in the comic or in his PQ arc. It’s only when she tells him that she doesn’t cut Vriska off due to romantic feelings for her does Sollux change his mind. He doesn’t bring up Vriska, Aradia, his grief or his trauma at any point while at his visit with her that we see. He doesn’t appear mad or reluctant to be there, he makes jokes, smiles, and reminisces memories with her fondly, even almost sleeps over at her place for the day. It’s like he’s completely forgotten about being upset at her at all, or is at least choosing not to bring it up out of respect for her.

Again, it’s unclear how much time has passed. But when you start his arc, the reason youre talking to him is because he’s been reclusive out of grief. He hasn’t been talking to people lately and his friends are worried about him. So clearly enough time has passed for him to be okay with seeing Kanaya, as that’s his sole purpose for leaving his hive that day at all, but not enough time for him to be fully recovered.

This moment in his arc showcases his loyalty that he has for Kanaya, and possibly his other friends. He seemed quick to forgive her, or at least bury whatever resentment he may have been harboring. One may say that his cold shoulder to Kanaya would be indicative of a lack of a loyalty trait at all, that if he were loyal to her, he wouldn’t be ready to possible end his relationship with her over this. But i kind of view it as a sort of bluff? Like Kanaya essentially told him that his trauma did not at all change the way she feels about her, Kanaya still has a crush on Vriska after hearing about what she did to one of her good friends. To some, this may have been a slap to the face, an entire dismissal of his trauma in it’s entirety. But instead, he sees it as a valid reason for not cutting her off, he shrugs it off. I feel like if he were serious about not wanting to be friends with Kanaya while she was talking to someone who hurt him greatly, her crush wouldn’t have been an excuse.

I also wanna touch on his loyalty to Aradia very quickly because you dont need me to  tell you that he cares about her. Once again for like the third time, we have to make guesses on how much time has passed between events. From the time Aradia dies on Alternia, becomes a ghost with an entirely new personality, a robot with another personality, and then finally her alive Godtier self, Sollux’s feelings for her are very consistent. He seems to not really care for the ghost or robot versions of her, he even sits a chair away from her during Openbound on the meteor, and doesn’t talk to her much, is very cold towards her, and even tells her that she’s incapable of feeling when she tries to tell him goodbye when she explodes (it’s also worth noting he cries after this, which i think is the first and only time we see him do this). When Aradia comes back to the meteor, alive and herself again, Sollux immediately leaves the rest of his friends to go hang out with her. Even with Karkat begging him to stay, he just peaces out, without even really thinking about it. We have to assume that if it’s not written in the dialogue, it isn’t being said. So he doesn’t discuss wanting to leave with Aradia or with anyone else. He just decides he’s leaving, and then does. And he stays by her side for almost the rest of the time we see him. He ditches later for other reasons, but don’t worry, they’re back together by the time Collide is happening.

Point being, for the most part, he sticks by his friends unless they’re doing something he disagrees with morally. If he’s not down for what’s happening, he’s not down for sticking around. He even seems to be better friends with Nepeta now that this version of her isn’t really hanging out with Equius that much, someone Sollux would no doubt not get along with for many reasons.

Some of my friends pointed out that him sticking by his morals so strongly is something a Slytherin would do, coupled with the fact that he’s kind of a dick or something idk that much about Slytherins. But I think Huffliepuff is very much about comradery. We can tell a lot about Sollux based on who he surrounds himself with and what he does and doesn’t participate in. He doesn’t participate in trolling humans, he doesn’t participate in helping Vriska do something he doesn’t feel good about doing, he doesn’t participate in any of the relationship melodrama happening around him. But he helps his friends. He helps Kanaya open the viewfinder to see and talk to Rose, he helps Kanaya do little errands in his PQ route, he helps Terezi find out who Dave is, and he sacrifices himself to save the remainder of his group (which btw only contains the people I’ve previously stated he associates with minus feferi not that that means anything i just thought it was kind of fun to point out). I mean, he got better but its the thought that counts.

Someone could make a point that “If Sollux is so loyal, why didn’t he mourn Feferi even a little bit when he found out she was dead?” And yeah, that’s a good point to bring up, and i don’t really have anything to say about it other than….maybe he knew by this point that death doesn’t really mean anything? Maybe his euphoria of finally being lifting of the voices was happening at the same time? And also that he predicted he’d go blind like a million pages ago and now he can finally stop worrying about it? Is he happy that he’s talking to Terezi and right now that’s more important? It’s hard to tell. Sollux doesn’t really explain himself apart from “missing being her matesprite” when in Erisolsprite form talking  to Fefetasprite form. It’s hard to tell what their relationship was at the time, or what his feelings truly were immediately afterward. I kinda think it was the foremost of those explanations, he probably knew that she’d come back as a ghost, or something?

Anyway, those are all the reasons i can think of at the moment for why I think Sollux would be Hufflepuff. A lot of his personality revolves around his friends, who he considers friends and who he doesn’t consider friends. Send me asks, message me, and do that shit if you wanna talk more, but i probably won’t have a whole lot to say lmao. Or ill just restate a lot of what i said here.

Props for getting this far. For the record, if Sollux for some reason was unable to be in Hufflepuff, I’d probably put him 50/50 Ravenclaw or Slytherin. I really don’t think he’s a Gryfindor because as I understand it, that house is very much about being courageous, and standing up for yourself and i went off for way to long about how he’s a little weenie man who does nothing mostly.

[vidoxi]

just finished mystic messenger and i just wanna write down my thoughts. major spoiler warning + i-might-talk-shit-about-your-fav warning. if you want to discuss with me any of the points i bring up here, go for it.

Jaehee “No Homo” Kang

so when i first heard that her route was just a friendship route i was hella disappointed and thought that sounded like a total bullshit cop out, but after playing it i feel a little differently. i think it makes sense for jaehee’s character and narrative that she would value a friend over a relationship at that point in her life, but also its pretty clearly said that she does have romantic feelings for you but she needs time to process them, which is especially understandable since you can infer that before she met you she thought she was straight and also she’s catholic. her after ending was the perfect time for her to confess or for there to be the implication that you two are in a relationship, but instead it’s the only after ending where we DONT get to see interaction between you and your partner, which is a bullshit cop out. i do like that in the christmas DLC things got a little more romantic but i’m still wanting more. jaehee and the fans deserve what the male characters get, a CG of a kiss on the lips and a confession of romantic love. i hope that if more DLC gets released, cheritz will push the envelope a little a lot more. but i have heard that korea is still really conservative and for all i know making it more explicit could be illegal so i might be being unnecessarily harsh there lol;;

about her actual route though... it was good. nothing really exciting happened. it was definitely the chillest route i thought, but it was really sweet and she’s absolutely adorable and it warmed me to her a lot. her bad ending 1 (the one where you end up with zen) is so depressing, fucking hell. it feels like you betray her. it’s so ugly. ;_; i never want to do that ending and i’m glad there isnt a unique CG to tempt me into it either. her bad ending 2 (where you push her to work so hard that she ends up in the hospital) is pretty terrible too. after ending was hella cute though, i love the thought of mc and jaehee having their little coffee shop together and jaehee getting to actually work on something she’s interested in and being with her “best friend” all the time. oh and yoosung becoming jumin’s new assistant was interesting and i need me some fics, u feel?

something i also feel a little robbed about is that jaehee never blew up at jumin. she drags yoosung like theres no tomorrow and you just know she could say some venomous shit about jumin so i was hoping there’d be a big confrontation between them where she gets a dramatic The Reason You Suck-type speech but there wasnt really a moment like that.

however, seeing jumin all bitter about it at the end was a little gratifying (sorry jumin)

i love their emojis and you cant stop me from using them

also on this route where 707 has yoosung hunting for the LOLOL expansion pack (how is this boy so naive? im worried) and he finds a buried picture of rika’s dog sally instead, i at first thought that he had dug up sally’s corpse and i was like “wtf the fuck seven”

also wtf @ v saying he has terminal cancer. this is presumably a lie, right? before reading the secret endings i thought he was going to commit suicide but now im thinking that (seriously if you havent played the whole game you need to stop reading this rn) maybe he knew that rika was going to dispose of him soon and he didnt want jumin to investigate his disappearance? iirc yoosung’s good ending is the only one that he’s present in, so is it meant to be assumed that he’s killed off camera in every route possibly?

everyone else under the cut

Zen

the worst tbh. i dont like saying it but there it is. possibly this depends on who you are as a person but to me it didnt really feel like MC and zen had much chemistry except during that scene where youre on his roof together. most of your interactions are just you praising him and fellating his already huge ego. and jaehee was exceptionally annoying with all her “muh zens reputation” shit and feeling like i was taking zen from her was really awkward and unpleasant because it does seem like she has repressed feelings for him. fuck and the whole story with echo girl was super predictable and generic and feels like something i’ve seen 100 times before and probably have. my overall feeling about this route can be summed up by this emoji.

i feel like it could have been improved by either removing the echo girl stuff or at least putting an interesting spin on it. i think they should have made zens’ childhood abuse and family problems and maybe his past as a gang member as well an actual conflict instead of it just being a thing of happenstance. it’s an interesting backstory that as far as i can recall didnt end up having an impact on the current day situation. it would have been interesting if he had some sort of emotional issue you had to help him through like jumin, like secret crippling insecurities due to his family telling him for years that he’s ugly and inadequate, and thats why he tries so hard to be perfect so that people will give him the love his parents didnt. also his elementary school teacher was implied to be a pedophile(??? i dont remember what was actually said in the conversation i just remember the pedo-vibes) so they could have made him a CSA survivor but maybe thats too dark even for mysme lol.

also his bad ending 1 confuses me. the first time i saw it it felt really rapey but rewatching it now, MC does seem to consent but its after being cold and refuting his advances so it seems really weird. MC seemed genuinely disinterested, but i guess she was just playing games, testing him to see what he’d do? since theyre in a relationship a year later. and his bad ending 3 (the one where youre both kidnapped by saeran) is pretty bizarre lol.

so yeah this is the weakest route imo. maybe its different for people who are zen fangirls but i personally felt like i was being super fake the whole route, which was especially jarring coming off of yoosung’s route where the dialogue choices felt very organic to me. also his responses to mean things arent even interesting lol so thats frustrating too. and this route felt weirdly short. all the others felt like 11 days but this one felt more like 5? and when i missed chats on this route i just let it go most of the time instead of spending hourglasses. i wasnt feeling it, mr krabs. by far the best part of his route for me was the relationship development between zen and jumin.

now that ive spent 4 paragraphs just complaining you probably think that i dont like zen but actually i think he’s is a fantastic supporting character and i do like him a lot. that picture of him sneezing was my phone wallpaper for quite a while lol.

Jumin

me at the beginning: i fucking hate jumin han. fuck him. fuck his cat. i hate this type of asshole love interest.

me after zens route: i guess he has some hidden depths... i’m curious...

me after jumins route: *loves jumin han so much i cant breathe*

this guy... this cat man...... where to start? i’ve had a while to think about this route and i’m still not totally sure how i feel. “i feel complicated” is a term i’m going to start using because its just too handy for situations like this.

i guess i dont like that to get the good end you had to be passive and compliant and act like you were walking on eggshells. your relationship with him is undeniably a little scary and abusive. i think jumin needs more in his life than just you. but mysme is an otome game so of course youre the one that “fixes” him but thinking about it more realistically its worrying and jumin should be in therapy cuz the dude undeniably has some issues.

winning his heart by being understanding and with gradual, slow-growing trust was pretty touching. something i really appreciate was him opening up and his true self actually being hard to accept sometimes, instead of whats expected which is “oh youre secretly a perfect, beautiful soul”.

i do really wish they would have opened him up further though. there isnt ever a point where he completely loses control of his emotions. not to be gross but i’d do anything to see him crying, honestly.

i hope people are joking when they say that his bad end (you know the one i mean) is a good end. just because its hot doesnt mean that its good lol. its actually really tragic and shows the deterioration of his mental state and how he’s just accepted that he’s a fucked up/defective person.

“I was worried that the loneliness inside me would pile up and explode some day.” FUCK. dont do this to me jumin. ;_; this line is heart breaking.

something thats kind of interesting and worth noting maybe is that even though the other rfa members arent privy to the VNMs and you can give them little indication that he’s acting so worryingly theyre all still alarmed and concerned and thinks that jumin is going to hold you hostage/abuse you, which makes me wonder if youre meant to infer from that that theyve noticed red flags in his personality that he’s potentially kinda crazy.

and man, zen is always complaining about how jumin seems to have no emotions, but jumin finally opens up about his feelings and zen calls you laughing hysterically about how pathetic he is for being emotional. i was kinda hurt on jumin’s behalf during that call lol. he is so supportive to zen on zen’s route. just... shut the fuck up you albino freak. dont make me whip out yoosung’s “hyung, what’s wrong with you?” emoji. i wont hesitate, bitch.

there. you asked for it. feel those judging purple oblongs pierce your soul.

man, just reading the dialogue options that treat him like a psycho make me cringe. usually i’m tempted by mean dialogue options but not this time. i want to protect jumin han. ;_; i want to untangle his threads. i dont want him to feel like a mutant ever again. i want to love and accept him. i am now the president of the jumin han protection squad. jumin han did nothing wrong. shameless jumin apologist. that’s me. no but seriously he did a lot wrong and is pretty morally grey but thats one of the reasons that i love him. if you love jumin for pure reasons (that arent just “daddy~”) then youre automatically my friend and i love and appreciate you.

just to love on him for a minute: he is so damn funny, for real. he’s such a sass master, its great. him being terrible with technology is funny. his social awkwardness is funny. his shitty jokes are funny because theyre not funny. he should be the poster child for gap moe cuz goddamn. he’s such a ham. an absolute goofball dressed as a billionaire CEO, and i dont think he even knows it.

also every time elizabeth meows i fucking lol. its literally just a woman saying “meow”. every time jumin says “elizabeth is just a cat, she’s not human” i’m like “ARE YOU SURE?”

Yoosung

this is the first route i got and i assumed that i had already peaked at the beginning and no one was ever going to top yoosung for me, and that assumption was correct. i love this boy. do you hear me? i love him. “perfect” has seven letters in it. “yoosung” has seven letters in it. coincidence? i dont think so. i have feeeeeeelings over this character. he is so darling. i just adore him. i’ve opened the app many times just to look at his album. his voice is like a choir of angels. i have so many screenshots of conversations with him on my phone. he is so selfless and caring and adorable and kinky and pure and i want him to be real so i can marry him irl.

i’m not even sure how to give a critique on his route because i feel so emotionally close to the situation lol. i was very, very invested. ah. gosh. this boy. his good ending is absolutely beautiful. you know youre playing a weird otome game when the good ending has your boyfriend tortured and disfigured. he really earned his happy ending, not quite as much as seven but its up there.

i really love how for better or worse, this boy is like putty in your hands to be molded and what you say to him effects him so deeply in a way that doesnt quite get as extreme as with the other characters. obviously your words majorly influence the other characters but i feel never to the extent where theyre hanging on to every little thing youre saying like yoosung does. which makes sense because he’s young and impressionable and doesnt know what to do with himself and he says he wants to be controlled lol.

MAN, speaking of that, i love his bad ending 3 so much. it’s so twisted that he’s technically getting what he wants in a lot of ways. he’s a masochist that loves the idea of being kept as a pet and controlled, and he gets all that and more with saeran. that ending is so fucking hot, slkdfljsf. i might write a fic. i have a couple ideas.

oh shit, using that seven gif just reminded me. there’s a chat thats on the first few days of common route that ive always participated in before, but when you dont participate in it and yoosung has time to ramble, it gets really kinky. he says “i wonder what it would feel like to be locked up? just a bit.... curious lolol” which i think is what he says when youre in the chat too BUT THEN HE STARTS GETTING OFF ON THE IDEA OF SEVEN BEING LOCKED UP TOO. “Imagine the super smart Seven all flustered. and not knowing what to do.” AND I’M JUST LIKE BOIIII;;; HOW YOU GONNA JUST TALK ABOUT THAT IN FRONT OF ZEN AND JAEHEE LIKE ITS NOTHING? if he would take the obvious hints that seven hits on him he’d probably be willing to roleplay that scenario. 707 strikes me as a fetish friendly person lolol.

ummm... well, to get back back on track, ahem.... him confusing you with rika was creepy and interesting and they didnt take it far enough. even on the yandere bad ending he’s still fully aware that you arent rika. it seemed like it was building towards him having some kind of psychosis where if you feed into his desire for you to be rika he’ll really think youre rika but that doesnt happen so theres no real pay off, and he doesnt have time to do anything yandere-y to you before the bomb goes off so i found that ending to be pretty disappointing and unsatisfying. it felt like someone waving a delicious cake in front of my face but only giving me a crumb of it in the end, do you know what i mean? aaa. maybe i can find a fic that runs with the ideas set up here. when youre desperate, turn to fanfiction lol.

speaking of disappointments, i’m not over the last line of his good ending being “youre not rika, are you?” like... at this point we’re past this arent we omg stoppp. this line is a blight on my happiness. fuck rika and fuck whoever thought that was a good last line.

i noticed that yoosung is the only rfa member including v and rika that doesnt have childhood trauma. his trauma all happened recently. i think that lends to him being the most fragile and child-like character. the other rfa members are so strong because their pasts molded them that way, but yoosung has no such constitution and rika’s death is undoubtedly the worst thing thats ever happened to him.

something thats been on my mind concerning bad ending 3: does rika know that saeran is torturing yoosung? saeran must know that yoosung is his savior’s cousin because he’s hacked the chat and presumably has read messages where yoosung mentions being her cousin, correct? therefor wouldnt that make him hesitant to harm him? i think rika must have consented to yoosung being tortured then. maybe his ultimate fate at the end of bad end 3 is that he’ll be brainwashed and become part of mint eye.

man he’s such a bad judge of character lol. he hero worships rika, loves echo girl, thinks that jumin isnt potentially dangerous, and even you can fall into this category if you choose to play it that way. the one person he really dislikes is v, and v has nothing but the rfa’s best interests at heart lol.

something i love about him is how quick he is to call everyone out on their shit. like, his finger is always on the “whats wrong with you? :>” emoji, just waiting for someone to say something he doesnt approve of lolol. he’s so empathetic and naive but he still has such a strong sense of right and wrong and isnt afraid of standing up to his older friends and i think thats great.

ahh. this boy. he might be ranked #2 on LOLOL but he’s ranked #1 in my heart.

707

before playing his route i thought seven was an obnoxious tryhard and that jumin was way funnier, and after playing his route i still think that he’s an obnoxious tryhard and that jumin is way funnier.

HOWEVER.

however. i can definitely see why he’s the most popular character. that hot and cold drama, i-cant-be-with-you-because-it’d-put-you-in-danger, dark childhood backstory, sad clown type shit is a recipe for a lot of fans to be in love with you. he personally doesnt make my kokoro go doki doki like i kind of expected because of the fan response but i do really like him as a character.

he’s similar to zen in the beginning in that you have to constantly stroke his ego and i was like uuuuggghhghghghghg nooooo. “god seven” kill me lol. at least that only lasts for the first few days though.

i liked his bad end 2 where youre really sexually forward with him and he keeps snubbing you until you just snap and push him down lol. (“why arent you pushing me away?” “...i dont know. the floor is comfy.”) seeing him finally just give in and be hedonistic and decide to run away with you was nice. god i want fanfics based on like every bad end, theyre just so interesting

the chat where he tells yoosung that their friendship doesnt matter was paaaainful. also that part on day 10 when youre leaving mint eye and he says horrible shit to v. what was it, “if this is what youre really like i can see why rika blinded you”? like... goddamn, dude. i would never want seven mad at me lol.

one of the moments on this route that got me the most was in the flashback when saeran is being brainwashed and is speaking of or thinking about seven and says something like “please come back. we dont even have to be happy. just as long as we’re together i can endure anything” and then he’s crying about how he misses him and.... augh... *clutches at chest like the heart attack guy meme* i want to give saeran 52 hugs and a box of cupcakes and a puppy. i want to adopt him even though he’s older than me and be his mom. saeran.... saeran...... ;_;

THE ZEN AND YOOSUNG DRUNK PHONE CALL AT THE END OF DAY 10 IS THE BEST FUCKING PHONE CALL IN THE GAME. i called yoosung again after they hang up and he answers and its so great too. i need fanfiction R I G H T N O W about that night. nsfw or sfw, i just need more drunk yoosung antics and zen trying to handle him. oh and if you also call seven at this time he picks up and its really sweet and i think it should have been an incoming call so more people would hear it. the fact that the first time he tells you he loves you is in an optional phone call kinda sucks.

oh fuck his fucking after ending. at first where mc and saeyoung are in bed and talking about going to rescue saeran i was like “GDI CHERTIZ” thinking they were going to leave it open ended, and then in the chat where saeran joins in i fucking s c re a med i was so happy and relieved omfg. seeing the rfa being so inclusive and nice to him warmed my fucking heart. and when they asked him if he has the same taste as saeyoung and he says “ive never been interested in women” and zen is like “oh? where is jumin lololol” i fucking died. i can see now why ive been seeing yoosung/saeran shipping stuff and its romantic and not the abusive stuff based off of yoosung’s bad end 3 like i was expecting. but of course it turns out to be a fucking dream and ruins everything. the second that creepy music box music started playing i was like “fuck you cheritz”.

707′s voice actor in the free talk part is great. saying all these cheesy romantic lines makes him want to “rub sandpaper all over my skin” lmao. and he hopes that it becomes a series with new titles like “Strange Messenger and Thankful Messenger”? fuck yes mate, fuck yes.

does seven not actually open a toy store? :c i kind of want this to be an actual thing. its a good fit for him. maybe the fact that he dreamt about it means that it’s something he’d been thinking about.

oh and BI THE WAY, SEVEN IS BISEXUAL. this makes me so happy. bi visibility is so important to me and the fact that he’s the face of the game, the fan favorite, the canon route, etc, is so delicious. thank you cheritz.

on the subject of the secret endings.... man. i knew it was going to be crazy but i still wasnt prepared. these were a trip and a half and genuinely had me feeling shook up emotionally. if there’s ever a time in my life when i’m too happy i’ll just think about v. definitely the most tragic character in the story. he’s not an angel and he’s pretty much culpable for his own suffering but he did not deserve that.

something of note is that jumin was in love with rika but after learning what she did to v, he has such a grudge against her that he wants her arrested even when she’s completely lost her mind and he even thinks about chasing her down to alaska. he loves v so, so much, augh. it hurts. i’m in pain.

it’s pretty fucked up that jumin (and yoosung and zen and the rest of the world) are still being lied to about v’s “suicide”. jumin spent a lot of money and went to a lot of trouble to get help for saeran, who is his best friend’s murderer and he just doesnt know it.

the fact that yoosung in particular never knows the truth about the cult and drugs and brainwashing and everything is a good thing though. just seeing his hero come back from the dead and be reduced to someone so mentally ill that she cant communicate and needs 24/7 care would be extremely distressing and i imagine would worsen his depression. knowing the truth would be too much i think.

i think this game fucked up v and rika’s VA’s too because both of their free talks quickly derail into too-serious territory. v is like “i once hurt my wife so badly and the guilt was unbearable” and rika is like “im going to die some day and i have no idea when...” and im sitting there like “i need a fucking hug, oh my god”

it’s amazing how quickly the secret endings shot saeran up to being one of my favorite characters. he’s so good. ;_;

okay but what was mint eye’s plan? i know they wanted to end the world’s suffering but like, how exactly? through brainwashing + drugs? rika could clearly see that saeran was miserable though, couldnt she? also some of the things saeran said made me feel like they were going to do some sort of ritual group suicide or something. maybe thats how everyone is going to be happy. and the doctor says that saeran was on peyote, shrooms, AND meth? god damn, what a cocktail lmao rika doesnt fuck around.

i love rika. she’s thoroughly disturbing and a sickening person and i can see why she’s so hated now in the fandom but even she is deserving of sympathy (abused adopted child with severe mental illness) and also has good qualities (high emotional and social intelligence, genuinely sweet, and extremely empathetic). one of my favorite villains from anything in recent memory. she’s terrifying and i absolutely love her.

we never learn her real name, which i thought was intriguing. i get the feeling that she’s meant to be mysterious and unknowable, even with all her power stripped from her as it is at the end.

im so happy that the game ended on a hopeful note, with saeran seeming like he's starting to recover and he's either grown out his hair or dyed it back. he still has literal mint eyes though, which makes me wonder if theyre not contacts like i was thinking and are actually some permanent body mod he had done. he got a tattoo of the mint eye logo, so i wouldnt be surprised if that was the case.

stray thoughts (this part is super disjointed and im just saying things as i think of them)

with the exception of 707 (if you count the secret endings as being part of his route), sometimes i get the feeling of these characters being like big fish in a small pond. mysme is already head and shoulders above what i thought a mobile game could ever be, but that doesnt change that i still feel hungry for something more. i want to see this cast in more situations, under different circumstances. they all feel like fleshed out characters full of potential that are just waiting for something more and bigger to do, like maybe something thats not restricted by being a mobile otome game. but maybe thats one for the fic writers, i dont know. maybe cheritz could work them into another project somehow since mysme got so popular.

i love that the characters have actual flaws. all of them have unattractive qualities that really make them seem human. and all of their relationships with each other are entertaining too. they are all multi-faceted and interesting and i really do adore this cast.

so 707 is the canon route but i hate the thought of any of them being canon because that means the others arent canon. all of them needed you. i want a harem route. give me all of them at the same time.

i feel a spiritual connection with vanderwood. he just constantly looks so done. his gender confused the hell out of me at first. i thought maybe he was a trans woman at first because of the hair and name but then he responds to seven referring to him as a woman with things like “i’m going to taze you”, so i was like “okay, he’s just a dude with a girls name and haircut for some reason” but then seven tripped me up again with the fact that even when the scene is really serious and seven isnt in a joking around mood, he still refers to him with female pronouns. but i guess this could be explained as this is just what seven’s used to. @aouba brought up a really good headcanon that i believe actually is canon because it makes too much sense which is that “mary vanderwood” is just the identity that he’s assuming at the moment, like saeyoung being “707″. its even noted by one of the other RFA members (yoosung?) that the name is weird and sounds fake.

i’m never more thankful to be a pale girl with long brown hair and bangs than when i’m playing this game lol

also i love this game because it feeds into my pathological need to help people without me actually having to do anything lolol

is it just me or do the full portraits of the characters look weird? like when you look at them on the wiki and you can see their legs. i cant tell if it looks bizarre because you just never see their legs in the game or if their legs are drawn weird or both lol.

i love the character designs. 707 in particular is very nicely put together and distinctive. and i love how angelic rika looks. that one taylor swift song thats like “darling i’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” is totally her theme song.

... okay now that im listening to that song it really does fit rika a lot.

oh and Take Me To Church is def v’s song for rika.

the two guests i was unable to get throughout all the routes is @god and @star. star’s is just so counter-intuitive and god’s seemed like such a crapshoot that with two chances for both i made the same mistake on their first email both times lol.

it surprises me that religion is mentioned so frequently and openly. maybe its not as big of a deal in korea or something? i’m thinking thats the case since two of the VAs mention their religion in their free talk (i forget who but one said they were an atheist and another said they were christian). it just seems like an oddly serious and potentially alienating topic to bring up in a dating sim. also jumin and yoosung are so inconsistent with what they believe. jumin says that he’s christian on one route and then firmly says that there’s no god on another. yoosung says he doesnt believe in god multiple times and that he has no interest in having any religion but he also talks about praying and refers to rika as being “up there” and watching over the rfa. i think zen is actually the only character that doesnt ever say where he aligns.

was anyone else suspecting that rika was the one that blinded the dog, sally? i’m glad that turned out to not be the case.

i love the voice acting so much. i think quality of voice acting is sometimes harder to discern when its not a language you speak, but the quality of the voice acting here shines even to my english-only ears. yoosung’s voice is straight up one of my favorite sounds, 707 has an impressive range and is overall just always entertaining to listen to, i love the way zen’s VA delivers his lines when zen is surprised and his howls lol (which were apparently ad-libbed by his VA), jaehee’s voice sounds so sweet and lovely, and jumin is so very... jumin-y and nice and relaxing to listen to.

zen and the twins were so fucking cute in the flashbacks i want to scream. i know we get to see yoosung as a teenager but im not satisfied and i want to see jumin and jaehee as little children so bad too, augh.

rika and yoosung are the only two characters that get the creepy ass yandere eyes where their eyes get all dull and flat when theyre being crazy.

i never cried but i got pretty close on yoosung’s good end and during the secret endings. i still feel shook from the secret endings lol.

why are there still bad end relationship endings for 707 and zen and jumin that no one has found? its almost february of 2017. its surprising considering the games popularity and how long its been out. is datamining not a thing with mobile games? or does the fandom not have anyone who knows how to datamine, or what?

ships im particularly interested in: jumin/v, jumin/zen, jumin/yoosung, yoosung/seven, yoosung/jaehee, yoosung/zen, yoosung/saeran, seven/saeran because i have no shame, mc/everyone, like literally just every ship tbh because i love every character hnnng

i had no idea that buying the christmas DLC gets you another free talk with the VAs. yoosung’s VA is so cute. “please get your flu shots if you havent already”.

not sure what to do now. i definitely want to replay yoosung. and i want to hunt for all the CGs and phone calls too, but i dont want to spend $20 on the calling cards lol. would buying them even be a better deal than just spending the same money on hourglasses? $26 gets you 1000 hourglasses which is more than you’d ever need, right? it seems like the better deal, unless youre not using a phone call guide for some reason and want to try to just discover them all on your own.

i’m super excited for more DLC. i definitely think there will be more because when you open the DLC folder, the christmas DLC is shoved off to the left, making room for at least one more. also just the nature of it being a DLC folder and not a direct button to the christmas DLC.

... i guess thats all i have to say lol;;; bless cheritz. this game is fantastic and has consumed my life and ruined my sleep for the past almost three months and i had so much fun and i hope they get even more ambitious with their future projects.