#so maybe i procrastinated on this for 11 months

[madeline-kahn]

BEST DANCING PER YEAR (as voted by my followers) ↳ 2003: Down With Love

Anne Fletcher - choreographer

[airenyah]

How BAD BUDDY SERIES | EP.11 [4/4] Tricked the Fandom

Those who were there watching Bad Buddy live will remember the chaos that ensued after episode 11 (my beloved) and with it the episode 12 preview (derogatory) dropped. Watching a happy and hopeful episode, ending in a lovely montage with an even lovelier song, being told things such as "we became two people who can’t be just friends" or "I want you to know that this world can’t change someone like me either", only to be punched in the gut by "Pat and I broke up" in the very next moment. Those of you who were there will remember how – after the fandom had finally picked up its shattered pieces – there was a scramble to figure out what the hell was happening exactly, how the hell we even got to this point.

And you will also remember the fandom deciding on a specific scene being The Breakup Scene. But how can that be? How can a breakup scene even exist when we know (in retrospective) that they never actually broke up? Did the fandom just collectively hallucinate a scene that wasn't there?

Well, no. Of course not. I think the reason why it worked, the reason why this scene managed to trick the fandom into believing that this was actually the breakup talk was because for one terrifying moment Pran himself thinks it's a breakup talk. However, the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview that it completely missed one key factor from that scene which Pran did realize: it's not in fact a breakup, but the exact opposite of it.

So let's get into it, let's take a closer look at Bad Buddy Ep. 11 [4/4] (01:58 - 05:15) and Pran's emotional rollercoaster during this specific scene:

The scene starts out with Pat sitting on the bench, lost in thought. His exact thought process here is for the viewer to decide, but whatever he is reflecting on has to do with him finally accepting the inevitability of having to back home. And considering his upcoming monologue, he's probably also thinking about his love for Pran and Pran's love for him.

His thinking gets interrupted when Pran walks into the scene, dangling the shirts into Pat's face. They have an interaction about the shirts, Pat puts one on while Pran can't keep his hands off of him, they exchange some words and Pran doesn't really notice Pat's pensive mood, when suddenly –

Pat grabs Pran's hand. Pran was not expecting that, and he looks up at Pat in surprise, asking a silent What is it, what's going on? And I think it's only here that Pran really notices the weird mood Pat is in.

Pat says "thank you" and although Pran looks concerned about Pat's sudden mood change, Pat's words also make Pran smile, though he's still very confused, having absolutely no context for Pat's emotional state and thus having no idea where this is suddenly coming from. "Thank you for what?" Pran asks, still with that searching look in his eyes that asks What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Is everything alright?

Pat replies "For trying to make a silly guy like me happy". And Pran's smile falls just a little bit as he realizes that this? really isn't just Pat being his usual sappy self, this right here is a Serious™ conversation indeed:

Finally, Pran too has arrived in serious mode completely. He now shifts his attention fully to Pat, listening intently to Pat's words, staying focused on Pat the entire time.

Pat says "I know that sooner or later we will need to go back." This gets a very subtle smile out of Pran (you can see how the corner of his mouth on the right side of the screen goes up just a tiniest bit):

Pran reacts to those words, because this has been their conflict throughout the entire episode so far: Pran being realistic, having accepted from the start that they would have to return at some point while Pat was so desperately trying to stay in that pretense that they could just make a new life somewhere else and not turn back, refusing to acknowledge that in the long run this just wouldn't work out. But now Pat is finally acknowledging this, letting Pran know that he understands and that they're on the same page about this. "I know too well",* Pat says and Pran looks like he's about to cry from adoration for Pat pls he's so in love takes that acknowledgement in, still with a hint of a smile on his face.

*(Side note: I seem to hear ทำไม​กูจะไม่รู้ว่ะ (tammai-goo-jà-mâi-róo-wâ) and I think the more literal translation of this sentence would actually be something like "Why wouldn't I know?". Though I'd have to ask a Thai native to confirm as I don't trust my own Thai skills yet. Anyway, I just thought the rhetorical question was interesting in regard to Pran reacting to Pat's statement, bc the rhetorical question addresses Pran more directly compared to the declarative sentence from the subtitles. His reaction is kind of like a reply to that rhetorical question.)

But that hint of a smile is wiped right off Pran's face when Pat continues with "But I just want to stay as long as we can."

And this the moment where the thought hits Pran for the first time that Pat's speech might actually lead to a breakup. He is confused (why would they need to break up over this?) and there is now fear and worry in his eyes. He looks a little scared, his mouth twitches a little, accompanied by the tiniest headshake and there are many questions written all over his face: What are you talking about?? Where is this going?? No, it can't be... Are you implying what I think you're implying?? I don't follow...

And Pat just keeps going: "Be with you for at least one more day."

One more day. That very much does sound like a breakup, doesn't it? Especially if you're already half expecting one. This line confirms Pran's fear of Pat actually being in the process of ending their relationship, leaving Pran on the verge of tears.

But Pran is a fighter and he's not giving in that easily. He sniffs away his rising tears and says "What are you talking about? Get dressed. The bar is opening soon."

What are you saying? We're not breaking up. We're staying here, we'll work at the bar and we'll be together. It'll be fine, don't worry.

Now it's Pran's turn to deflect. To indulge in that fantasy of being able to just run away together into the sunset where everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Because Pran would much rather face the hardships that they might run into if they actually stayed at the beach together than go back home to live a life without Pat. I can be anywhere as long as I have you.

If this is Pat letting him go, Pran really doesn't want to hear it:

Unfortunately, the scene cuts to Pat really quickly, but I just need you all to appreciate Pran's pouty puppy eyes at the end there, because they're the saddest thing I've ever seen:

I won't let you do this, his eyes say. Please don't do this to me, his eyes say. Please tell me you're not really doing this, his eyes say, tell me you're coming to work at Uncle Yod's bar with me. We're staying here, together, you hear me?

Except then Pat surprises Pran yet again. And here comes the part that the fandom completely overlooked in the light of the ep 12 preview:

Because then Pat says "Nobody works on their honeymoon."

And it's absolutely hilarious how Pran's brain immediately gets stuck in "error 404 not found" mode. You can literally see the loading circle going round and round in his brain as he tries to comprehend what Pat has just said:

Honeymoon?? Why are you suddenly talking about something that's related to weddings? Weren't we breaking up a second ago? What in the world is going on?

"You never leave me. You fight alongside me. That makes me feel very happy." Pat says and that's when Pran realizes. This conversation was never about a breakup. This is a conversation about commitment. It's an acknowledgment of Pran's love for Pat and the commitment he's shown over the course of their relationship. And it's a promise that Pat appreciates it, has appreciated it in the past and will appreciate it in the future. Pat has more or less just said his wedding vows to Pran.

And that's when Pran can no longer hold back his tears. Partly due to the relief that he won't lose Pat and partly because he's so moved by Pat's speech, by Pat's love.

And then Pat tells Pran that he's finally ready to go home: "I will let Uncle Yod know that we quit. Wait for me here."

And with that Pat brings closure to the conflict of this episode. They are finally going back home, they are finally going to face their parents. But in this scene right here Pat and Pran made it clear to each other that they'll be doing so with full commitment to one other – they will be doing so together, and that's a promise. They really did just essentially get married on their little beach getaway. They got more or less engaged on the staircase in ep 10 and now in ep 11 they are following up on that engagement. This trip really was their little honeymoon. And this calls for a celebration:

"It’s our last night on this honeymoon. I will not just stay in and be lonely. If we aren’t going to work, then let’s get drunk."

You see, for an entire week the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview (derogatory) and the prospect of a looming breakup that unlike Pran it completely missed the part where Pat points out that they're on a honeymoon. And who goes on a honeymoon? People who just got married.

BONUS:

Can we just appreciate Pran's face when Pat says he'll tell Uncle Yod about quitting:

You fucker really had me thinking we were breaking up for a hot moment there when the whole time this was actually a wedding. I was worried and scared for notHING, can you believe this man

[sometimesanalice]

Sun Stroke

Summary: It’s been a few months since you’ve broken up with your boyfriend and moved to San Diego. And when Rooster and his teammates introduce you to Dogfight football, you know you’ll never be the same again. Hard pressed and out of sorts, you take matters into your own hands.

Pairing: Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw/Female Reader

Length: 8k

Warnings: smut, mentions of masturbation, an ode to the jorts.

(author's note: this is a prequel to the 'Like I Can' series, however it can be read on it's own!)

Bradley Bradshaw was a dead man.

The hangover you’d woken up with was 100% his fault for pressing that final Blue Moon into your hand last night at the Hard Deck.

It had been a couple years since the last time the two of you had seen each other in person and even longer since you’d both lived in the same city, but he knew you. And he without a doubt knew better than to order you another drink when you were already fighting back the giggles.

But what were you going to do, not drink a free beer paid for by your longtime best friend? Not to mention the way he’d teasingly called you a lightweight in a way that sounded a little too much like a dare.

You’d only moved to San Diego a little over a month and a half ago, and maybe if you were going to own up to the role you played in earning this headache, you probably should have known better than to try and keep up with the group of aviators. But since he’d been the one to drive and you were having a good time, you’d thrown caution into the wind and cheers-ed his glass with your own with a grin.

Bad choices shouldn’t taste so good.

It was a citrus-kissed mistake you were paying for now with your head pounding as you rushed around your apartment in a frenzy trying to throw your things together to get out the door to meet everyone at the beach. It’s a feat that would have been so much more manageable if you hadn’t been surrounded by a sea of cardboard boxes, all in various stages of unpacked disarray. It’s an inconvenient maze made by your own procrastination.

Those pain relievers you’d popped not too long ago couldn’t kick in quick enough.

You were running late. You hate being late.

And the way your phone keeps pinging is stressing you out even further. You know it’s Bradley and you’ve been ignoring it in favor of trying to get your act together. It goes off again, barely a minute since the last text had come through, but this time you pause your rummaging to check it.

🔴 Rooster, 11:10 AM: where are you??

🔴 Rooster, 11:17 AM: on a scale from 1-10 how bad is your hangover?

🔴 Rooster, 11:22 AM: tick tock, kid.

🔴 Rooster, 11:23 AM: bring me a coffee?

You roll your eyes at the nerve of that last one. He was going to have to beg Jimmy to make him a tar-like pot from the Hard Deck’s ancient coffee maker if he wanted any. If you were suffering through a hangover, he could suffer through being undercaffeinated.

It didn’t help that you were feeling more high strung than usual. Your vibrator had died before you could finish last night and you’d meant to buffer in time for a quick orgasm this morning, but then you’d slept through your alarm.

You hadn’t had sex since you’d broken up with your ex almost three months ago. While you were doing just fine on your own, you were getting tired of the feel of your own hands and fingers.

When your boss had mentioned the promotion that he wanted to put you forward for, you were elated until he mentioned it would involve relocating to the West Coast office. You’d been on the fence, it was the next step towards your dream job, but you were content with your life in Boston. That night when you had casually mentioned the possibility of it to your boyfriend at the time, it seemed clear to you that it would be an either-or situation.

Either you’d stay in Boston with him or you’d move to San Diego on your own.

Not wanting to rock the boat, you didn’t mention it again. Even though you were still weighing the choice in your mind. It wasn’t until a phone call with Bradley, that you’d finally settled on the right choice for you. After breaking it off with your ex, the two of you had essentially lived like roommates until you’d left without a look back.

At the time, you thought it had been a brilliant idea to use some of your less worn clothes as packing protection for your things. But now as you desperately dig through your third box labeled Bedroom looking for the sporty black and white one piece with the zipper that you know you have but can’t seem to find, you’re starting to think you might be the biggest idiot on the West Coast.

The only beach appropriate thing you’d been able to find in your frantic searching was the bright red scalloped bikini you’d bought a few years ago for a bachelorette party in Tulum wrapped around a set of pretty glass candle holders. And while it made your boobs look great, it was much sexier and revealing than what you were going for to meet up with the Daggers on their home turf.

When your phone dings yet again, you finally admit defeat and give up on your search. In a huff, you put on the bikini, giving the bow behind your neck a good tug before pulling up your denim shorts with a couple jumps, trying to speed things along.

Earlier, you’d found the sticky note that said “FRIDGE!!!” underlined a few times by a heavy hand on top of the beach bag you vaguely remember packing for yourself the night before. The soft cooler bag covered with cheerful palm leaves had been haphazardly shoved onto the top shelf and was now sitting by the front door with the rest of your things, including the low sitting pink and white striped beach chair that Bradley had given to you as a ‘Welcome to San Diego’ gift.

You take one more passing glance around your apartment you look for any stray item that might have been missed- not that you’d be able to spot anything anyways through the cardboard battleground that is your apartment- and then you’re shoving your feet into your sandals and flying out the door in a flurry.

Pulling into the private lot of the Hard Deck, you park in the open spot next to your best friend’s blue Bronco. The bar wouldn’t be open until later, but Penny had given the group of aviators’ carte blanche parking perks. It was something you were especially thankful for as you slung the heavy bags over your shoulder.

The warm coastal breeze and briny salt air were clearing the cobwebs from your head.

Even though the feel of it drifting over your bare skin reminded you of just how exposed you were in just your skimpy bikini top and frayed denim shorts, you’d only realized when you were halfway to the beach that you’d forgotten to put a shirt on in your haste to get out the door. But you were sure you’d packed an oversized linen shirt to cover up with if the sun got to be too hot.

As you pass by the well maintained, but sun-bleached patio, you see Penny sitting at one of the picnic tables with her laptop. She waves when she sees you and you raise the iced latte you’d stopped for up to her in greeting, as much as you can without having the beach chair slip off your shoulder.

Further down the beach, you see the group of energetic aviators. Nat looked a bit like an orchestral conductor the way she is directing the finishing touches on the set up. You weren’t too late, just fashionably so, but you were already planning to buy them all a round of drinks later anyways. Even though it’s just a casual hang out, you still want to make a good impression with Bradley’s friends.

It was been one of the things you’d been most worried about moving here. Rooster had opened the door for you to get to know his friends, but you didn’t want to be just an extension of your best friend in the way it felt like you had been in high school. You really liked these people and wanted to make your own friendships with them too.

You’re more than regretting the choice to try and bring everything in one go, with the way the sand is shifting under your feet and how your beach bag and chair keep bumping against each other with every step you take. And just as you’re contemplating ditching them for the moment to circle back for after you get rid of the cooler bag that’s weighing you down, you see Fritz nudge Bradley, pulling his attention away from his phone and pointing in your direction.

The wide grin that appears on his face is immediate and you feel the corners of your own mouth pulling up. California looked good on him. He seemed happier and lighter here, more like the boy you knew from back home. The one he’d been before he lost his mom and the man who’d helped raise him. You hope that one day it’ll look just as good on you. He gives the other man a quick pat on the back before he’s setting off towards you in an easy jog.

“Hey, where’s mine, kid?” Bradley asks, nodding to your drink with its ice cubes now more than half melted before effortlessly taking the heavy bag from you.

You’re so grateful for his help- now that you can feel your arm again- that you almost forget that you’re supposed to be annoyed at him.

“You know what you did, Br-adshaw,” you retort, catching on his name and hoping he could feel your attempt at a glare from behind your dark sunglasses.

It was a change you were still getting used to. You’ve known him since you were eight, he’s always been Bradley to you. But you’d caught on very quickly that everyone else here only ever seemed to call him ‘Rooster’ or ‘Bradshaw’. And he’d grinned so widely the first time you’d called him by his callsign that it seemed like a confirmation to the question you’d been too apprehensive to ask.

The man didn’t even have the courtesy to look guilty, the all too knowing smirk on his face confirmed everything you already knew, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Mhmm, sure,” you say, flatly pressing your lips together in an unamused line. You’re tempted to flip him off now that you have a free hand, but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

He tugs his sunglasses down his nose with a finger to look at you from over the top of them, more serious now, “But you had fun, right?”

And it’s too hard to keep up with the façade of being mad at him when he is looking at you so earnestly. When you were younger you had a higher tolerance against those big brown eyes, his ‘cow eyes’ as Carole had called them. Now that you lived here maybe you’d have a fighting chance against them again, but you felt yourself giving into them.

You were still getting use to the fact that you got to be around him all the time again, and sometimes it felt like you were relearning him as an adult. Your friendship with him felt just as familiar as it always had, but you could admit it was also different now.

“A little too much,” you say with a light laugh at your own expense, “But yes, I had fun, Rooster. I really like your friends.”

He smiles, pleased. “Ok, good.”

Bradley slings an arm over your shoulder and the two of you start walking towards the rest of the group. You hold your drink up for him to take a sip as a sign of truce.

He grimaces at the taste, “Why does it taste like I just licked some of that potpourri shit my Grandma Rose used to keep in her house?”

“Maybe because it’s a lavender latte,” you say, taking a smug sip of your own now that the two of you were even. The coffee shop you’d stopped at has become your favorite in the area. It was a little thing, but you liked having a go-to spot when so much still felt so new to you.

“You’ve only been here a few weeks and they’ve already got you drinking the California Kool-Aid? Coffee should taste like coffee, not a damn flower,” he gripes.

“You sound like you’re seventy. Next, you’ll be yelling at kids to get off your grass,” you tease, nudging his ribs with your elbow. “And I’ll have you know I liked these before I moved here. It was just an extra selling point getting one this morning because I know you aren’t going to drink it all when my back is turned.”

He barks a laugh, “Now that I know there were ulterior motives involved, I might just have to help you finish it.”

You stop and push your sunglasses onto the top of your head, giving him a firm look, “You’re still on friendship probation, tread carefully where my coffee is involved.”

Bradley playfully reaches out for your coffee, “You don’t scare me, kid.”  You attempt to push him away, but he doesn’t budge an inch.

The two of you had basically reached the rest of the group. The gentle crash of the waves was mingling with the sounds of Fleetwood Mac playing from a speaker and the bursts of easy laughter of his friends. Jake is a few feet from the two of you at the edge of the set up as he works to cover himself with sunscreen, the mist sparkling on the fine hairs on his forearms before he rubs it in. 

“You might have those curls figured out now, but I bet my mom still has photos of you with that terrible middle part from when you were thirteen. Don’t mess with me, Bradshaw.”

His head snaps towards you, “Your potpourri coffee is safe, I promise.” You can’t help but laugh at the panic in his voice and the way he warily eyes Jake, clearly not wanting the other man to get his hands on any potential blackmail material.

The sound of a low, exaggerated whistle pulls your attention over to Hangman. “Lookin’ good, kid,” Jake drawls, a pair of dimples punctuating his lazy grin on either cheek, “Red is definitely your color.” His pecs and abs are gleaming in the sun. He’s not your usual type, but it’s working for you more than it should.

God, you really needed to get laid. Or at least get a more reliable vibrator.

“Nah, I’m not having any of that,” Bradley warns, pointing a finger at him, “You cut that shit out right now, Seresin.”

Jake puts his hands up in surrender, but that sharp smile gets even wider, “Just givin’ the lady a compliment, Rooster, don’t get your feathers in a ruffle.” He sends you a wink and you think you hear Bradley grumble something under his breath.

The blonde with all his pretty boy looks was absolutely a shark when it came to finding ways to get under Rooster’s skin. You’d heard your best friend complain about him for years. And even after learning about their truce, you hadn’t been too sure about meeting him in person. But ultimately his easy charm had won you over pretty quickly. You could admit that now you had a lot of fun teaming up with Jake and riling Bradley up.

“Thank you, Jacob,” you sing, tugging on Rooster’s arm towards the spot that had been left open for you in between his things and what you recognized as Natasha’s oversized beach towel.

You gingerly balance your coffee on the arm of his deep green beach chair before dropping the rest of your things into the sand and take in the carefully curated beach arrangement.

Fritz and Harvard are off to the side casually tossing a frisbee back and forth between them. Callie and Nat were facing off against Coyote and Payback in a game of cornhole laughing as they shit talk. Yale looks like he is napping, but you spot the AirPods in his ears, probably trying to listen to the audiobook he’d recommend to you last night in peace. Next to him is Fanboy, who looks pretty engrossed in the comic book he’s reading. And Bob was making his way back up the beach towards the group from where he’d been down by the water.

“I’m going to go offload that and say ‘hi’ to people,” you tell Rooster. Taking the heavy cooler bag back from him, you set off towards the designated grazing area in the middle of the ocean-facing semicircle Nat had corralled people into, greeting his friends as you pass by.

You were more than a little curious about tipsy you had packed for the day. Unzipping the bag, the first thing you spot is the last thing you ever would have expected to find for a day at the beach.

“What the fuck?” you mutter to yourself, hesitating for a moment, unsure whether or not to add it to the rest of the things in the cooler.

“Are those pickles?” You turn to see Mickey standing behind you.

You hold the jar up for his inspection, “I can’t tell you what I was thinking by bringing them. Do you think I should put them in?”

He surprises you when he whoops and takes the jar from you, holding it above his head like a championship belt, “Yo, Payback! Look! The kid brought pickles!”

“Which kind?” Reuben calls back, taking a pause from the game with a beanbag still clutched in his hand.

“Claussen! The whole kind!”

“Oh, hell yeah!” he hoots, sending you a thumbs up. “Grab me one too, Fanboy.”

Mickey twists open the lid with a satisfying pop and fishes one out. “These are the best, thanks!” he says before excitedly hustling off towards Reuben to share, the cornhole game now on an indefinite pause.

You hadn’t been too sure what tipsy you had been thinking, but apparently the beach pickles were destined to be a hit. Either that or you weren’t the only one trying to shake off the tail end of a hangover this morning.

Bob swings by to grab a soda, but stops to help you unload the rest of the things from your bag. As the two of you work together, he tells you about the crab he’d found near the patio of the Hard Deck that he’d just released back into the ocean. 

Both of the large coolers were pretty packed, so no one would be going hungry or thirsty today. You make a note to shop around for one of your own and maybe a beach umbrella since no one else seems to have one. You were more of a sand, sea, shade type of girl.

Once everything is all put away, you grab a couple bottles of water and make your way back to your friend. You catch him taking another curious sip of your coffee, this time he nods like the taste might be growing on him. You let it slide because you see that while you’ve been away he’s set up your chair for you.

“Are you feeling peckish, Rooster?” you ask, plopping the water in his cup holder, eyeing the pilfered bag of trail mix he must have pulled out of your tote bag in his hands.

“What?” Bradley shrugs, unapologetically. You roll your eyes at him affectionately as he helps himself to another handful. “God, I’ve missed this. Japan has so much good food, but one of the perks of being back stateside after a year and a half is all the snacks. I’ve been going to Trader Joe’s like twice a week since I’ve been back.”

You still didn’t know anything about the mission that had brought him back to Top Gun. That phone call you’d had with him the night before he’d shipped off had played in your mind on repeat until he’d texted you that he was back safely in San Diego. The only thing you had been able to glean is that not everything went according to plan, based on his newest additions to his collection of scars. They were the first thing you’d noticed when he’d picked you up at the airport. Still shiny, pink, and fresh.

“Well, with that Hawaiian shirt collection of yours, you’d certainly fit in.”

He chuckles at that as he takes a moment to sort through the collection of various nuts and fruit and chocolate bits, he plucks out the raisins and drops them back in the bag. You bite back a smile because some things never change. He’s always pulled out the raisins, usually to replace them with more chocolate chips. Back when you were teens, his infamous ‘Bradshaw Mix’ was basically a 3-1 ratio of chocolate chips to anything else.

“Wait a second. Hold up, ‘peckish’?” His hand pauses halfway to his mouth, “Was that a joke at the expense of my callsign, kid?”

You point at yourself like who me? blinking innocently at him, “I would never.” Then grabbing a few of the nuts from his open hand you pop them into your mouth, shooting him a sunny grin.

Now that everything was all situated you felt like you could finally relax. You were like this when you traveled too, never at ease until you were through security with your bag stowed above your head. That tightness in your chest only releases after you’re buckled into your seat with all your in-flight necessities tucked away in the seat pocket in front of you.

Maybe that’s why it took you so long to notice the shirt that he was wearing. Well, mostly wearing. The sleeves had been cut off with an overenthusiastic hand and neared nip slip territory with the amount of Rooster’s golden skin that was on display.

“The Hooters shirt, really? Of all the things you could have held onto from your glory days, you chose that? How gauche.” You slide your sunglasses back on your face with your pinky exaggeratedly pointed up to the sky for dramatic flair.

He clutches his chest, “She’s got that fancy degree and been living in a big city and now she thinks she’s too good for Hooters? My, my how times have changed.” Bradley whips his tank off and tosses at you the same way he had done hundreds of times when the two of you were growing up.  Except the overpowering smell of teen spirit and axe body spray was replaced with a subtle, rich woodsy smell.

Rooster laughs when you succumb to the urge and throw him your middle finger. 

“Your motley crew of teenaged horndogs only went there because you all had a crush on Danielle Batula’s older sister,” you shoot back, folding up his shirt and putting it on top of your things.

“Hey now, we also went for the Lots-a-Tots. I’ve always been a feminist, kid, if a woman feels empowered wearing those spandex shorts then I’m going to support her,” he says with a wink, “Far be it from me to tell a woman what to wear.” You reach up to flick his nose and he bats at your hand, grinning even wider.

“And what’s the excuse for the reason you’re wearing jorts at the beach?”

Not that any man should be able to pull them off, but he wore them well. You were pretty sure he could pull off most anything with the body he’d worked for over the years, but the fact of the matter was that denim had no place mixing with sand.

“These are my beach jeans,” he says like it’s the most logical thing in the world, as he strikes a pose with his hip cocked out.

“I can see that, Rooster. But why?”

“It’s because they get him laid,” Javy cuts in with a booming laugh, slapping Bradley on the back as he passes by on his way towards the coolers, “Isn’t that right, Bradshaw? How many numbers did you score the last time we all did this? Like five?”

He runs his against the back of his neck, looking more sheepish than you’ve ever known him to be, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn’t need to hear about all that.”

“Oh.” It sounds just as stupid coming out of your mouth as you feel, not entirely sure how to respond or what to do with yourself.

Objectively speaking, you know your best friend is attractive. Tall, broad, and tan. You’d seen him get hit on more than a few times at the Hard Deck in the short time you’ve been here. But Rooster’s sex life wasn’t something you really wanted to hear about- or think about- especially when yours is nonexistent at the moment. 

However, it was one thing to generally know Bradley had no problem finding someone to take home and a different thing to hear just how easy it was for him. 

But you couldn’t say it surprised you though. During your first night out with everyone, you’d overheard a girl in the bathroom talking to her friend about him in more detail than you ever wanted to know, right down to confirming there had been more to the story he’d told you about how he’d earned his callsign.

You pointedly ignore the turn in conversation in favor of digging through your woven beach bag. You hadn’t had the time to apply sunscreen with all your rushing around to get here, and knowing Rooster he most likely hadn’t put any on either. His shoulders aren’t pink yet, but they undoubtedly will be by the end of the day. Even with the SPF 65 you’d purchased with him in mind.

Grabbing the bottle, you smoothly lob it to him, “Here, put that on. ‘Lobster’ isn’t nearly as cool of a callsign, Rooster.” You have to turn away from the chaotically haphazard way he rubs it all over his face. 

Leaving him to his own devices, you pull out a battered paperback book and toss it into your chair, only slightly mortified to see that tipsy you had been in a grocery store bodice ripper mood. If only you had noticed it earlier, you would have swapped it out for something less incriminating.

How you’d taken the time to unpack your books, and not all your clothes was beyond you.

You’re about to step around to the front of your pink and white striped chair when you feel a firm tug on the belt loop of your shorts, making you stop to turn back towards your best friend.

“Woah, get back here. We can’t have you frying, kid.” He squeezes some sunscreen into his hand, “Turn around and I’ll get your back for you.”

“Oh, absolutely not,” you say, adamantly shaking your head, “I trust you with a lot of things, but I am not trusting you to put the SPF on me. You haven’t even rubbed it all the way in on your face yet.” You thumb at the smear of white on his cheek to further emphasize the point.

“Hey, these hands handle a multimillion-dollar fighter jet, I’m more than capable of covering your back with sunscreen,” Rooster huffs, “Now, c’mere.”

Natasha laughs beside you as you dart out of his reach and around your chair to stand by her instead. She must have just walked up, because the last time you’d seen her she had been over on the other side of the group talking to Callie. But you had every confidence she would back you up with this since her friendship with Bradley was one that spanned years, and she’s undoubtedly seen him fried to a crisp before too.

“She makes a good point,” she says with a smirk, pinning him with a sharp raise of her eyebrow, “The last time I asked one of you guys, I ended up with the worst tan lines.”

The look of betrayal on his face is comical, “And here I thought we were friends.”

“I’ve decided to upgrade,” she says pointing to you. You beam in victory towards him and he just shakes his head at you before looking down at the large blob so sunscreen in the center of his large palm like he doesn’t know what to do with it.

You take Natasha up on her offer to help you cover the spots you can’t reach. All the while, you can hear him grumbling to himself as he works on rubbing in the dollop that had been meant for you over his shoulders and chest. After she’s done with your back, you shimmy out of your shorts and work on getting your arms and legs covered.

As Nat pulls up her thick, shiny hair onto the top of her head- the reason she must have come over here in the first place- and reminds Rooster about the plan to play ‘Dogfight’ football a little later before setting off again. You’d heard of flag football, but that name was new for you. You’d seen enough football with your ex and you were suddenly very grateful you’d brought a book to keep yourself occupied, even if it was a bodice ripper. 

You double check your set up, ready to hunker down, when you feel Rooster’s eyes trained on you, “What?”

“Just looking for evidence of this tattoo you allegedly have,” he says, doubtfully, “Considering that I only found out about last night. Since when do we keep secrets?”

“I told you it’s not for the viewing public, so it’s none of your business. Now, stop hovering and go play with your friends. You’re annoying me,” you say without heat, shooing him away.

“Are you bossing me around, kid?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yep,” you say breezily, getting comfortable in your chair and opening your book, “You’d think you’d be used to it by now.”

“You’d think,” Rooster agrees with a laugh. He squeezes your shoulder before strutting off to go join where Coyote, Harvard, and Fanboy are already tossing a football back and forth not too far away.

Now that you’re on your own, you lose yourself in the words printed on the cheap paper of your smutty bargain book. You’re too engrossed in the tension and build-up of the story you’re reading to pay attention to anything else. And you’re reminded why this particular book has never made it into a donation box when you do your spring cleaning, it’s got the best combination of all your favorite tropes. By the fourth chapter you’re completely immersed in the story, and all the chatter happening around you becomes white noise.

The only signal of time passing is marked by the melted ice in your empty coffee cup, by the crinkle of swiftly turning of pages, and by the sun as it rises higher and higher in the sky.

What minimal marine layer there had been when you’d first arrived is long gone. You’re probably due for another layer of sunscreen by now, but you can���t be bothered when you’re in the middle of possibly one of the hottest sex scenes you’ve ever read.

It’s so well written, so incredibly vivid that you can almost feel greedy hands and wandering mouths along every inch of you. The blood thrumming in your ears has drowned out the sound of crashing waves. You’re so hyperaware of your body. It’s as if you can feel every individual grain of sand on your skin. Tucked between your fingers, on your shin, in the nook of your ankle bone. The high heat of the day has your hair sticking to the back of your neck and sweat collecting in the hollow of your collarbone. You’re too keenly aware of the prickling sensation on your shoulders and the tops of your thighs.

You thought living vicariously through the main character might help take the edge off. Instead, all it’s done is given fresh life to the ruined orgasm from the night before, like an echo of need reverberating throughout your whole body. A reminder of how untouched you’ve been over the last few months. You can’t help the way you’re shifting in your chair, trying to relieve the way your clit is throbbing in time with your heartbeat. The moment your cunt clenches around nothing, you close your book with a sharp snap. Not even bothering to mark the page you left off at.

You feel fidgety and keyed up. 

Needing something to do, you grab your tote looking for the lightweight linen coverup you assumed was packed. But digging around all you can find is Rooster’s Hooters shirt from earlier.

You’re more than a little irritated at yourself for not double-checking you had everything before you left for the day, and because your tipsy self had clearly fucked you over. You don’t know anyone else as well as you know Bradley to rummage through their things to look for some other form of sun protection, so with a huff you pull it on over your head. The cotton is soft and warm to the touch. You’re grateful for the way it covers your shoulders, but you’re already mentally preparing yourself for how smug he’ll be when he sees you in it, especially after all the shit you gave him earlier.

Still needing to keep yourself occupied from wanting to crawl out of your skin, you crack open the water bottle you’d grabbed earlier and swallow down a few large gulps. You’d heard when Natasha had rallied the group for their game, but you hadn’t taken a moment to find out what ‘Dogfight’ Football actually was.

You’re not even the slightest bit prepared for what you see playing out in front of you down by the water. You’d figured watching some of their football game would help your act together, but now you feel even more spun out of control than before at the sight of so much skin.

Fuck.

The sun is bouncing off of their hard, athletic bodies. Under the shiny sheen of sunscreen and sweat, their muscles look bigger and the divots and ridges more pronounced. You knew these were some of the best and brightest the Navy had to offer, but seeing them in action was something else entirely. The power of their legs was impressive as they ran and spun around their opponents. The precision of their aim as they threw the football to a teammate. Every single one of them was in peak shape. Those weren’t vanity muscles, those were earned and honed by hard work.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from any of it.

The lithe line of Natasha’s toned thighs. The full, defined pecs on Jake’s massive chest. The way Bob’s large hands easily wrapped around most of the curved football he’d just caught. The skin over the wide expanse of Javy’s back was pulled taut, his muscles flexing as he twists and bends. The way Mickey was breathing hard made his chiseled abs stand out even more than they already did.

It was a lot. Especially for someone who couldn’t remember the last time they’d been good and truly fucked.

And then there was Rooster.

There had been a few moments since moving here where you’d been struck by this version of him. It was almost like your brain couldn’t connect the tall, broad man in front of you racing across the beach with the long-limbed, gangly boy you’d known with the red and black braces. Or the one in the teal shirt who’d scooped ice cream for his first job. Or the one who’d helped you pass Algebra 2 when the math teacher cared more about coaching the basketball team than he did trying to make sure his students understood the material.

Seeing him now, like this? This version of him was new to you.

Rooster’s chest and face were flushed pink, those curls of his are an absolute riot. The sweat he’d worked up made it look like his golden skin was gleaming in the bright afternoon sun, even with the patches of gritty sand that were sticking to him. Power and control radiated off every inch of him, the embodiment of physical strength and agility. Every movement he made was purposeful and precise, like he knew exactly what he was capable of.

You knew he was built, but the casual perfection of his body still takes you by surprise.

The broadness of his shoulders, the definition of his biceps and arms, the jutting v-shaped muscle that ran diagonally from his hipbones towards the trail of fine hair below his belly button. The long tendon that ran along the side of his neck was on full display as he throws his head back to laugh at something one of his teammates says. It was impossible to miss the unapologetic confidence in his swagger or the way those ridiculous jorts were clinging to his thick thighs. They were absolutely soaked through, the light wash darkened by the Pacific, and the denim was molded to him in a way that left nothing to the imagination. 

When did Bradley get an ass like that?

The startling intrusive thought about your best friend has you shooting up from your chair in a flash, your book tumbling off your lap and into the warm sand.

Jesus Christ, you needed to get a grip.

Shade. You needed shade and to get out of the heat. And you definitely needed to get away from the overwhelming display of sunkissed sweaty skin and peak physical prowess playing out before you.

And then you’re off like a shot towards the Hard Deck.

The burst of cool air you’re hit with as soon as you’re pushing through the patio door that Penny left unlocked for the group is more than welcomed against your overheated skin, even as it makes goosebumps erupt along your body.

You sigh in relief once you flip the lock to the worn wooden door of the bathroom closed. Leaning against the cool surface that’s littered with faded stickers from all around the world, you squeeze your eyes shut, willing your racing heartbeat to slow down. You’re breathing hard like you’ve run a marathon, your lungs uncooperative to the point where you don’t feel like you can take a full breath. You’ve never felt this antsy before, it’s like there’s a live wire under your skin.

In the mirror, you catch a glimpse of yourself. You’re more than a little windblown, but it’s the wild gleam in your eyes that surprises you the most, it’s a look on yourself that you’ve never seen before. Your thighs rub together as you shift your weight on your feet and it makes the pulsing of your clit impossible to ignore.

You weren’t. You shouldn’t.

But you have no idea how you’re going to make it through the rest of the afternoon and evening if you didn’t with how on edge you are.

Bringing your hand up to your chest, you press it there and let your thumb soothingly skim the side of your neck, trying to use whatever techniques you’d learned in those overpriced yoga classes you’d started taking before you’d left Boston to calm yourself down. But your fluttery pulse won’t be pacified.

Every part of you feels hypersensitive, you can feel every thread of Rooster’s shirt against your too tight skin. The desire to be touched is overwhelming. Your breasts feel heavy and you’re all too aware of your peaked nipples against the cups of your swimsuit. You’re craving hands other than your own.

It’s been so long since someone else has made you come. Even longer since you’ve had a back-arching, toe-curling, steal-your-breath kind of orgasm. You want to be pressed into the door, you want a firm, solid body fitted against yours. You want to be kissed and touched and fucked.

You keep telling yourself that you aren’t going to, even as your hand trails down the soft cotton between the valley of your breasts and over your stomach down even further. Your fingers sneak easily beneath the top of your bikini bottoms since you’d left without pulling your denim shorts back on. There are no thoughts left in your head, only the ringing in your ears. You need, you need.

There’s a small whimper that escapes you at the first touch of your fingertips against your slippery clit. The sensation has your hips jerking forward on their own, seeing out more. You’re so wet already.

There’s no finesse or slow build up. No gentle teasing or trying to draw this out. Your fingers are making quick, tight circles on that pulsing part of you. In the quiet of the bathroom, the rhythmic slick sounds you’re creating feel almost too loud.

You already know it’s not going to take you long to get there, but you still can’t help but let your mind wander. You think of big hands with thick fingers, ones that are calloused and rougher than your own touching you in just the way you like. The thought of a thick thigh pressed in between your own, on you could rock and grind against, has you rolling your hips harder against your fingertips. You can almost feel the ghosting of hot lips, a wet mouth, and a teasing tongue along your neck. All you want is a raspy voice in your ear whispering filthy words and murmuring pretty praise.

Couldn’t even wait until you got home. C’mon then, dirty girl, show me how you touch yourself when you’re alone and no one’s watching.

Go on, give that needy clit the attention it deserves. Spread your thighs open further- yes, just like that- I want to see how wet you are for me.

Jesus, look how hard you’re working for it. You’re going to make yourself come, and then I’m going to fuck you so hard that everyone will know what we did in here. They’ll all know how desperate you were for this cock.

A soft whine makes its way out of you, and with your free hand you pull up the collar of the shirt you’re wearing over your mouth to try and muffle your sounds as you tremble all over.

You’re hit with the scent of clean laundry and the warm, woodsy scent of expensive cologne. It’s rich and cozy, it reminds you of the trees that grow everywhere in your hometown. And underneath that, there’s a smell that you’d know anywhere, one you’ve always been familiar with. It smells like Br--

You come open-mouthed with stars blooming behind your eyelids, the force of it hitting you so hard that your knees nearly give out beneath you. The hand that had been covering your mouth slaps against the door for support. Your hips writhe against your fingertips as you chase those last shimmery moments of your release.

In your post-orgasm satisfaction, you feel like you can finally breathe again, now that all your antsy, unsettled energy has been freed from your body.

When you can feel your legs again, you go wash your hands once and then again for good measure. Like somehow it’ll erase the last few minutes from the Hard Deck’s history books, even though you’re sure it’s seen much worse. You chance a peek at yourself in the mirror, you look more relaxed than you did when you’d arrived.

Unlocking the door, you leave the sanctuary of the quiet bathroom. The only thing on your mind is the glass of ice water that’s calling your name. You’re about to round the corner out of the hallway when you collide into someone’s chest. A firm, sweaty, shirtless chest.

“Oh hey, there you are,” Rooster says, his big hand steadying you at the waist. “You ok? You look overheated, kid.”

Your face heats up immediately. You’re too flustered by what just occurred barely five minutes ago to look him in the eye. You feel embarrassment trying to bubble its way to the surface, but you push it back down in the name of self-care. Plus, you could always blame it on sunstroke if you had to, not that you were ever planning on telling anyone about it.

“Probably just dehydrated,” you ramble, trying to sound unaffected. Your eyes are trained on a spot just under his ear. “But you’re one to talk. You’re fried, Rooster.” With a finger you press lightly on his bright pink shoulder. His hisses and knocks your hand away.

“Nah, I’m just working on my base tan.” You don’t see as much as you feel the moment he notices what you’re wearing. Smugness rolling off of him in waves, “Not too good for Hooters now, are you?”

“Shut up,” you mumble.

“C’mon, let’s get you some water.” Tucking you under his arm as he steers you back towards the bar. “So what did you think of Dogfight football? Did you catch any of it or did your highbrow literary choice have your full, undivided attention?”

Your mind starts to whirl, unable to think of a reply. Thankfully you’re spared giving him an answer as the rest of the clamorous team spills in through the open patio door. The commotion is a godsend, because it’s almost like he forgot he even asked the question in the first place in the all the activity. The real answer will forever be a secret between you and the Hard Deck.

The late afternoon melts into evening like hand-churned ice cream, smooth and silky.

Eventually, the beach set up is packed away into trunks of cars as the party moves inside the bar. You end up back in your denim shorts, the Hooters shirt is the crowning glory to your ensemble for the rest of the night. You don’t even feel guilty getting people to call Rooster ‘Flamingo’ after the third time someone asks you about being out of uniform regulation. But he isn’t faring much better in the too-tight shirt he was borrowing, since it turns out that out of everyone in the group only Bob had been the one with enough common sense to pack a spare one.

As predicted, the pink hue of Rooster’s skin deepens with every passing hour until he’s bribing you into leaving early with the promise of burgers and milkshakes in exchange for putting on aloe for him back at his place.

He’s sprawled face down on his couch in a pair of loose sweatpants with his eyes closed, contentedly humming as you work on applying a second coat of the cool, soothing gel to his hot-to-the-touch skin. One of the movies the two of you use to watch all the time plays on in the background, the crumpled wrappers and empty cups of your dinner sitting out still on his coffee table. Every time you come here you can’t help but seek out any little touches that look like him, but much like yours, his condo seems to be a work in progress.

“It’s nice having you around, kid,” Rooster says with a sigh. “I’ve missed you.”

“You don’t have to butter me up, Bradshaw, I’ll put one more layer on for you before I leave,” you tease, as your hand follows the freckles along his back.

He squeezes your knee, “No, seriously. I don’t know if I’ve said it yet, but I’m really happy you’re here.” And you know that if you were to look in his brown eyes, you’d see nothing but fondness reflected in them.

You give him a soft smile, “I’m happy I’m here too.”

It’s late by the time you get back to your place.

It seems pointless with the cardboard boxes still scattered around your apartment, but you still go through the motion of putting all your things away. Like wiping out your cooler bag and throwing your clothes in the washing machine, including the well-worn Hooters shirt. You’ve already decided to spend the rest of your weekend trying to unpack your things, you’re ready to make your space feel more like your home.

It’s a slow sinking feeling that settles over you as you wash the sand and sea salt from your skin in the shower. Your day has been so filled with chatter and laughter, that it feels uncomfortably quiet. It was different from the peaceful quiet you’d had at Rooster’s place, this was the empty kind of quiet. 

You turn the tv on in your room and crawl into bed, savoring the way the cool cotton of your sheets feels against your legs. Checking your phone, you see that Nat has sent you some pictures that she must have taken during the day. Scrolling through them you like the windblown, carefree girl you see in them.

For as good as the day you’ve had, you can’t quite shake off how lonely you’re feeling now. You can’t help but think about how nice it would be to come home and have someone here to laugh and relax with. Someone just to be with.

You pull your lower lip in between your teeth as you click into the app store feature on your phone. Taking a few moments to skim the options, you download the dating app with the highest rating and best reviews, deciding that it can’t hurt to try.

Not everyone got to have a fresh start in a new city, and you wanted to make the most of it. A new city with new places to go and new people to meet.

And you are ready to embrace every bit of it with open arms and a hopeful heart.

California was going to look good on you.

Bradley Bradshaw, you liked that lavender latte and you're not fooling any of us!

Many thanks to @gretagerwigsmuse and @callsignspark for being the best babes to swoon over pretty pilots with!

If you want to see what happens next for these two, click here!

You can read more of my stories here!

taglist:

@gretagerwigsmuse @sehnsuchts-trunken @notroosterbradshaw @tongue-like-a-razor @laracrofted @bradshawsbitch @starryeyedstories @top-hhun-main @startrekfangirl2233 @callsign-viper @teacupsandtopgun @shanimallina87 @angelbabyange @oneelleandaneye @mizzzpink @cornishkat @alana4610 @20th-centu-fairy-girl @pono-pura-vida @donttouchmycarrots @eg-dr3amer3 @whaledots-blog @a-beaverhausen @hangmanscoming @mandolin22 @theweekndhistorybook @lilpeekabooze @high-bi-imgonnacry @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ruewrote @spiderman-stilinski @jayniebop @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @imaginecrushes @keyrani @chicomonks @artemissunn @mayempress @eddiemunsonreader

[greasegotahold]

Lots of debate on the timeline of events in the outsiders and ages fitting into that, but according to Hinton Pony was born July 22, and he'd been 14 for about a month (line in the movie) when the main events kick off. That would put the murder during late August, which is exactly when that schoolyear would be starting. They only hide out for 5 days, which would put them at early September when they end up back home.

The rumble, Johnny's death, Dally's death, and Pony's concussion fainting happens the night after they get home.

Ponyboy comes to after 3 days, then ends up on bedrest for another week, where he displays delusional thought.

The Juvenile Court hearing presumably occurs shortly after that bedrest, as Pony is still not considered fit to testify on the murder, placing it squarely into the month of September.

It's not super clear how long the depressive episode lasts for Pony, but it's long enough that he is failing his classes and Syme is offering to bring him up to a C. Recalling my high school days, overall grades for fall semester were usually evident by like mid October, so I would give Pony 2-3 weeks, maybe a full month before Syme reaches out.

However, we also know Pony was procrastinating on his assignment, it's part of Darry's nagging iirc, so that + the theme being a final project for the semester, it was probably due mid-late November/maaaayyybe early December.

This is where ages come in bc some of the ages we have from the TV Show Bible don't align with the story's events happening in August.

However.

We know that we are reading Ponyboy's theme. It ends cyclical to the beginning, and there's also evident effort on Ponyboy's end to avoid writing profanity into his recollection. He's 14, been to Hell and back, and also procrastinated on his essay. That is to say, I'd believe it if the argument was made that for some of the surviving characters, he just mentioned how old they were at the time of writing.

Side note, too, that the musical does corroborate the main events happening in late August imo, as it explicitly ties the Curtis Parents' deaths to Darry's birthday; Darry was born January 5, and they died 8 months before the story took place; 8 months from January is obviously September, technically. However. Looking at the calendar year for 1967 (the musical is bumped up 2 years), Darry's birthday fell on the first Thursday of January. If Pony's birthday is July 22nd and it's been a month (not confirmed in the musical to have been a month, but confirmed that he would be 15 next July), the Friday Night Drive-In encounter would have been August 25 (literally the first week of school), 7 months and 3 weeks after the crash; technically not 8 months, but extremely close. If we want to push it closer and move the events a week later, then the drive in would have happened September 1.

In conclusion, my proposed book timeline, cross-referenced with calendars and given school start dates:

Tuesday, January 5, 1965—Darry's Birthday, potentially also the death of Curtis Parents

Thursday, July 22, 1965—Ponyboy's 14th birthday

Thursday, August 26, 1965—Pony gets jumped

Friday, August 27, 1965—Pony goes to the drive-in, Johnny kills Bob (technically this happens in the wee hours of Saturday, but the jumping that led to it was a consequence of the drive in so I'm lumping them)

Saturday, August 28-Wednesday, September 1, 1965— (technically the actual time of Bob's murder) + Windrixville hideout + fire + Hospital reunion

Thursday, September 2, 1965—Rumble + Johnny's death + Dally's Death + Pony's concussion

Friday, September 3-Sunday, September 5, 1965—Pony in feverish delirium

Monday, September 6-Sunday, September 12, 1965—Pony on Bedrest

Monday, September 13, 1965—Juvenile Court

Tuesday, September 14, 1965-Depressive fugue begins

Monday, October 11 or 18, 1965—Mr Syme alerts Ponyboy of his failing grade+presents semester's final project in the form of a personal theme.

Mid November, 1965—theme is written

[floweypilled]

ive never talked about it here and im procrastinating going to sleep even though i want to so here are my asriel age headcanons.

When chara falls, they’re 12 and Asriel is 11. Chara turns 13 a little before they died, and Asriel is still 11 then. (Chara stayed in the underground for maybe 3/4 of a year.. In my brain that makes sense)

Flowey IS ageless, but i can’t imagine him maturing past like 14 mentally through all his resets. (also, my hc for how long he’d been resetting ranges from a number of months close to a year or at most like a year and a haaaaaaaaaaaalf?????? Keeping in mind that he like. Had to do that in real time not videogame time eheh) He’s always gonna be a bit immature because of what he’d gone through but postpacifist he’d be ablet o grow up a bit...

[pigeondujour]

12/11/24

It's always a good start to the day when your morning alarm goes off for ~2 hours while you fade in and out of consciousness just enough to keep pressing snooze, finally waking up one minute before your first class starts. And by that I mean today did not get off to a good start--I suppose it's not off to a good end either, considering the fact I'm writing this at 5 am.

Today was the last day of classes, and I only had two, since I had already finished up French class. I had therapy after class, and it was really nice. I hadn't seen my therapist in maybe a month? It was actually a really productive session, though. After that, I interviewed a friend for my journalism project, came back home, made dinner (it took FOREVER!), and sat down to finish up some projects. As is usual now, I just couldn't get started on my work. I hate it! I ended up starting working around 10:40, and turned in a half-finished copy of the project before midnight. After several hours of procrastination I finished up the project and submitted the completed project as a new attempt.

I can't help but feel like a loser for struggling academically this semester, but my therapist says I should work on unlearning the power structures I grew up with. That means I can't look down on myself for academic floundering anymore. Oof, I'm so tired right now, I'll be lucky to get up at a decent time tomorrow. I might have to bribe myself with coffee or something, who knows.

[anonzentimes]

LONG ASS ASK INKOMING ZEN so its super cold in brazil today so typing is a little hard and there might be weird typos fkshdkjd but

when i was like 14 i had online friends that were also 14 and were into danganronpa but all they talked abt was the flaws of the series and how much they hated the more problematic aspects of it, it was a constant wave of gender discourse and sexuality discourse and nagito is a bad portrayal of mental illnesses and miu iruma is too sexual and this character is bad cause of xyz and that character is bad because of this and that and honestly whatever the fuck else you can argue about this series about, whenever i mentioned that danganronpa seemed fun and id like to get into it my friends would tell me that its not worth it, that the series is fucking horrid that i should run the other way and be glad i never entered the hellhole that is being a danganronpa fan

so thanks to this and like constant fucking weird shit coming out of the hell hole that is the fucking dr fandom on Twitter for like, four whole years I straight up didn't touch the series. a series that I was so fully aware that I would love btw, because i was always into gorey art and i found the art of dr so pretty and the characters had such intresting designs and the pink blood was so cool and i love the killing game genre and the mystery solving aspect, of danganronpa seemed so cool, i did not go near this series with a fucking 10-ft Pole

until literally maybe some months ago at 18 years old a streamer I like said on stream something like "oh yeah danganronpa is fucking awesome im so glad i played it" and I was like fuck it, this guy has high standards, if he likes it it cant be that bad. and so I downloaded trigger happy havoc and i was so pleasantly surprised by it, sure case 2 is a case that exists but like other than that i immediately fell in love with this franchise, i loved almost everything about the game, then i started sdr2 and nagito took over every single part of my brain within 0.2 seconds of gameplay AND DR2 IS SO PEAK JUST IN GENERAL udg was super fucking fun i love touko and komarus relationship and the warriors of hope so much, dr3 was awsome even if i didnt really care for future arc despair hope and 2.5 were awasome the end of drv3 hit me like a truck and it genuenly took me a couple hours to understand that my beloved class 77b wasnt just retconned out of existence and currently im trying to kill executive dysfunction and procrastination and read dr0 and again want to replay dr2 cause my hyperfixated ass would rather play the game when she should be alseep to know what happens next than play it when she isn't too tired to understand whats happening lmao

and after i was done with the series i sat down and thought about how i let 14 year olds on the internet who im not even friends with anymore keep me away from something that now i hold so dear and close to my heart, and i wonder how many people who would love danganronpa will never give the series a chance because not only does the wider interner find it cringe but the fandom constantly tell potential new fans to stay away and act like its the worst midea ever written, the way some people are unable to enjoy what they love without guilt is so sad because not only does it affect them but also others

and this is super personal but i wonder how danganronpa would have impacted me if i got into it back when i found out about it at 14, how much different having danganronpa to hang on to would have made my life when i was burning out at school because i was trying to survive neurodivergency hell with undiagnosed autism and possible adhd

dangabronpa is awsome i love it so so much

YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG OH MY GOD. I HEARD ABOUT DANGANRONPA WHEN I WAS 11 I'M PRETTY SURE AHHHH HAHA!!! Overall I think this raises a good lesson that we should trust our guts and from our own opinions on media. Look into things you're curious about, learn if it's worth it yourself, and come to your own conclusions! I feel bad for those who never get to understand Nagito Komaeda, let alone know he exists. This franchise has some negatives but the positives outweigh the issues entirely to me and I wish people gave it more of a chance. dangabronpa is awsome INDEED lmfao.

[ctcomix]

DYNAMO HEROES HERO WATCH ISSUE #1

22/11/24 - Prologue & Chapter 1 Retrospective

Hello! My name is Andrew and I’m the creator of a webcomic called Dynamo Heroes! Recently the first chapter of the comic ‘The Medallion’ finished uploading onto Webtoon and Tumblr, and I wanted to take a moment to look back on the past few months. I’ll also be showcasing my favourite comments and dropping random lore and doodles cos why not. Mostly I’m gonna dump a load of thoughts I’ve had lately!

Random Thoughts

WHAT THE HECK - 30 subs in three months on webtoon??? Won’t lie, I thought that I’d get little to none during the first arc, or at least the first few chapters. Maybe my dreams of getting 50 subs by next summer will actually happen?? My overall goal is 100 subs altogether so!!!! It’s happening!!!

Oh, I wanted to clear up some things about the comic’s structure cos i’ve planned out a good chunk of the story. This first ‘arc’ is about 10 chapters long, and most of the comic’s arcs are about 10-20 chapters long with the longest written so far being Arc 8 with 19 chapters. As of this newsletter, I’m in the middle of writing Arc 9, and the last chapter I finished writing was chapter 131 pfff

This is prose written btw - not like comic script which is a format I’ve looked into before, but prose writing is just easier for me to adapt into comic since I can really go into the character’s headspace and do appropriate expressions and body language.

Also! I found this old photo of working on the chapter back in 2022, feat. Sushi

CHAPTER ONE THOUGHTS

The Medallion (and Prologue) is done and out there, and I have a lot of regrets… I mean, I’m kidding - I’m just a bit shook by the artwork quality. In case you missed on that one random post I did on Tumblr at like page 22 or so, a majority of these pages were created over a year or two ago - especially the prologue which i worked on in 2021… when I decided I had a large enough backlog (about 150 pages) I had gotten SO much better at art and creating comics, so I decided to redraw the Prologue, which the original looked SO bad compared.

Original Prologue:

New Prologue:

Yeah, I'm glad a redrew it lol. I also redrew the first scene of chapter one (pages 17 to 21), and wanted to redo a few more pages, but my partner convinced me not to so I can actually upload the dang thing… This comic has been in production for at least three years after all. If I just redrew all the pages again, it would NEVER see the light of day. Truthfully, I was procrastinating. I was scared of posting.

Alas, here we are. Sam has the medallion and Chester (Puppet) is being difficult about the whole thing. There’s not really much more I can say, the story hasn’t really got going yet. I can say though, that you can probably tell I was so obsessed with Chester while writing this arc lol. Also Circe. I love Circe.

Comments

Of course, I have to shoutout the first ever comment Dynamo Heroes received:

‘Request: please give Sam prehensile hair powers please?@@’

Thank you, Nable#. Your comment was truly a gift. Unfortunately, Sam will not be getting prehensile hair powers, but that sounds like a cool concept! I’ll definitely consider it for a future character!!

Next up I want to shoutout and thank brotheboss for being such a BRO and leaving a comment on almost every page so far - I’m always looking forward to hearing your thoughts, even if it’s just ‘uh oh.’ (that being said, if you’re reading this brotheboss, please don’t feel pressured to comment! Comment and read if and when you wanna :)) I think my favourite brotheboss comment in this first chapter was:

‘puppets ponytail goes crazy ngl’

This comment gave me a crazy big smile. It DOES go crazy doesn’t it? Thank you!

Finally, I'd like to thank Dr Everlasting for the shoutout to a TV show i’d never heard of called ‘The Greatest American Hero’ - I’m definitely gonna check it out, looks super charming!

Thoughts of the Future

I’m going to try keeping this whole newsletter short, obvs i haven't been able to stop yapping so far, so I’ll fill this section with sections I want to add to the newsletter once the comic perhaps has more of a following. I’m sure whoever’s reading this rn isn’t that invested in myself and this comic to keep reading past the first couple sentences, so if you’ve made it this far thank you! Or you’re my partner, to which I say hi honey : P

A section I’d like to add maybe is a script to screen type comparison - where I compare a section of the original prose to one of the pages and explore my thought process with changes and creation and such. I’m not so sure about adding this one, we’ll see.

Another section I’d love to do someday is popularity polls - y’know like in shonen jump? This comic is going to get SO many characters and I’d love love looove to see who’s peoples favourites from arc to arc, or like favourite moments/scenes etc. I think it’d be super fun! I think I’d like to hold a popularity poll when we get to 100 subs!! Let's make it happen!!

CONCLUSION

Ummmm,, that’s it! For now! I’m gonna be writing another one of these at the end of chapter 2 so hope to see you there! Thanks!!! To end off here's some random out of context teases of chapter 2:

Thanks again! Have a good day! TODAY'S STATS:

Views: 2179 Subs: 34 Likes: 226

[shitouttabuck]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @thewolvesof1998 thank u bud i’m procrastinating packing and this was fun

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

seven!

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

129,484 which is a fake number to me

3. what fandoms do you write for?

nothing has made me as insane in my life as network television procedural drama 911 on abc, so

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you can start a family who will always show you love

let the world have its way with you

my hearts over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance

like a dog with a bird at your door

i like the summer rain (i like the sounds you make)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try very hard to because they make me so happy and it’s unbelievably kind of people to take the time to leave them!!! However i sometimes leave it too long and then worry it’s weird to reply after like. a month. which as a fic reader i wouldn’t give a shit about so idk what my problem is!!!! i will reply i will just maybe take a hot sec to do it

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t have any i’m a happily ever after or bust kinda guy in my own head if nowhere else…… angstiest is probably the sound of love astounds me if only because it ends post-feelings realisation but still pre-relationship

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

they’re all so happy omg. i will say with great personal bias it’s my heart’s over-pumping but also i have. a sequel in the works….

8. do you get hate on fics?

no people have been very very very lovely but also sjjsjsjs i’ve not been here super long. the funniest comment i’ve gotten was on my first fic where someone was like i liked this but it is jarringly inaccurate as mcdonald’s in california doesn’t have a veggie burger option 😭 i cried laughing im so sorry to u americans. pls petition your local mcdonald’s to stock the mcplant it slaps

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

have written two e-rated fics….. it’s very fun but i don’t think i’m very good so i’d like to practice actually (maybe some sexy prompts after i finish the bed-sharing ones?) just the regular kind for now like i love buck and eddie desperately and am myself into a million things but i don’t know how kinky they would actually get in my own head. so just a little gross with it for now i guess

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no that would be SICK. @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove is podficcing bucket list fic which is so very cool of her!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no omg i don’t know how y’all do it i’m bad at group projects but also this sounds soooooo fun. if also deeply stressful

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

if that’s synonymous with most likely to get you institutionalised, uh. gestures around us. otherwise mulder/scully and i am just now right as i’m typing this realising i’ve never ever in my life actually read x files fic what the fuck. also steve/bucky but i haven’t read fic since 2017 probably

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

listen i have not written a word for x files au past that one snip i shared forever ago. i want to soooo bad i’ve talked about it to some of you very rabidly but. it does not want to be written and if it did it would have to be so fucking long which is very daunting to me. not saying i’ve put her in the ground yet but. we might need some necromancing

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m pretty good at writing in character? mostly? sometimes i struggle with buck just because i think we’re very similar and i project a little and then have to go back and fix it lmao but for the most part i think i’m good at that! and i have a lot of fun writing dialogue

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

plot!!!!!! and pacing!!!!!!!!!!! also my inability to write non-linearly omg if i get stuck i just get Stuck i can’t jump ahead

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

oooh i love it and would love to include more than the teeniest bits i have but i’m so conscious about it sounding natural and not stiff to people whose language it actually is (shout out and a million kisses to @eddiebabygirldiaz for fixing the spanish in i love you like a dog!!!!!)

19. first fandom you wrote for?

911 babey!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

my heart’s over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance !!! not just because it was the first fic i posted after joining tumblr fandom but. idk it is so so so special to me like it makes me so happy and when i think about it i’m like. hey u wrote that. good for u my dude. and also maybe i just associate it with meeting a bunch of you whjsjssjsj

tagging @callaplums @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @rewritetheending @try-set-me-on-fire @onward--upward @anxieteandbiscuits @devirnis @athenagranted if anyone wants to do this i’m nosy soz if you already have !!!!

[haumeazzz]

Yap session cuz I totally never do that😱😱😱 (I needa work on the tati drawing)

I love these dolls so much why are they so expensive1!1!1!1

They're called Precious Moments' Make Every Step Count Figurines if anyone's wondering!

Most of the ones ive found are at least 50-60 doll hairs 😖😢

UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e e😭 💧🥺😭Uueuuue.💧ue 😭🥺ee e🥺🥺😭eUEE 💧🥺💧EEE 💧💧😭–😭EE H💧🥺😭E EUU💧🥺😭UUEHH🥺😭EUEH

I also just did a bunch of updates 2 my pinned post ugh 😓 n I'm shaking plus my throat n mouth r dry I think i needa sleep

Ok ok I gotta calm down on the yapping...

Or... ((Tw 4 mention of sh/ed n relapse it's very small tho)

Took a break from twt bc shedtwt was getting on my tl 2 much and it was not helping my healing journey from my ED or SH but I'm already starting 2 feel better! 1!1!1

I also just realized I'm the youngest of my friends _(._.)_ (the 3-4 I have)

I'm gonna go listen 2 the land is inhospitable and so are we on repeat

DID U GO AND MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP? WELL WHEN YA BREAK THEM THEY BREAK YA RIGHT BACKK

Oh Mitski the woman and musician u are

Idk maybe I can go and see if theres any place like a second hand store app /site I can get them cheaper,,,, I think I might have like 20 dollars tho so that prolly still wouldn't be enough

My momma says her step mom had these when she was growing up. I mean they were first made in 1978 which was a few years b4 my momma was born, my grandma was in here later teen years I think?? Her and my mom do have a 20 year age difference ╮(·o·)╭ while my grandma got a 19 year age difference with my uncle

I js took a sip of my soda and it didn't taste good :(

I can't believe 2024 is over in less than 20 days like damn what a blink this year was... But on a high note I got about only a bit more than 5 months of school left till summer break and a week till winter break!! 2 bad it's only 2 weeks long 😞

Also also look look it's me >Π<

And this I me too!1!1 (·'╻'·)

Oooohhh but I just thought of Tati as precious moments figures they'd look sossosos cute1!!11!!1!1!1

I think I might update my pinned again

I also needa work on school work ughhh I hate myself 4 procrastinating cuz now I have like a bagillion of missing assignments (。·́︿·̀。)

NOTHING IN THE WORLD BELONGS 2 ME BUT MY LOVE MINE ALL MINE ♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡

Yeah. I've gotten 7 songs into an 11 song album from when I typed I was gonna start listening to the album....

Ok ok bye bye I gotta stop letting these rants get so out of hand

[sunfloo-wers]

3, 11, 14, and 24 for the art ask game!!! Also, sorry that this is late! How have you been?

Hi! Thank you so much for asking, also no need to apologize! (I heard you’re not doing the best and just wanted to say before I forget that I hope it gets better)

I noticed this at the perfect time too! Thank you for feeding my procrastinating! Hehehe

3. your favorite piece(s)?

I’ve got to say that it’s this one 2 page semi-comic piece ( I have no idea what to call it, I was debating on layouts and decided to just do both and stitched, literally, them together, so it’s the same characters but different points in time if that makes sense) that I made sometime last spring for an art competition thing, I’ve not shared it here or anything but I might eventually cause it was at least somewhat inspired by zelda stuff! It had rules about reference pictures being ones you took yourself so it was a fun thing outside my comfort zone (I am an avid reference user) (I also definitely rushed it cause I didn’t know it was happening until like a month before an decided to make something knew instead of an existing piece sooooo (I literally did nothing but paint in my free time, I swear I started hallucinating watercolor texture when I closed my eyes))

For stuff that is certainly connected to tumblr stuff, I may be biased cause it’s recent but the piece that I’ve been working on these past few weeks is turning out to be a favorite and I can’t wait to share it! :D

11. do you listen to anything while drawing?

YES. YES 100% It’s normally music but I sometimes also will put on random shows just to be hearing people talk!

14. whats your favorite thing about drawing?

Hmmmmm, I’m quite fond of just doing things with my hands, and if I get to make something at least somewhat visually appealing then that’s a massive plus! I’m not sure if that’s a proper answer but yeah

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

Oh gosh memory is not working for me right now, so I don’t have anything solid but I think I’ve had people say that I do movement good so maybe that? I genuinely forget sorryyyyy

I’m doing okay, life been a bit much and has kinda been avalanche-ing on me as of recently but I’m alive so that’s a plus (that sounds really bad, I promise I am actually okay), how about you?

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas career advice anon again

so a few days i slowly started bringing up the fact that i didn't really like the stem subjects with my mom and she just went "Do humanities study history and geography in 11 and 12 or maybe you can even study *my second language*" in like a dismissive type of joking way bc somehow it's turned into a running joke in my family about how i constantly get better marks in non stem subjects and how i should just go study them instead (derogatorily) and yeah i had plans to do stem and had those plans for a majority of my life but my parents treat humanities as just history and geography and therefore pretty useless. like i get that in our country, you're more likely to be better off if you take stem and probably even in the world in general but law is still pretty respectable and even if it wasn't law, but something else that was non stem, it shouldn't have been like such a big deal. i mean i could probably do well if i genuinely tried but i don't even like the stem subjects anymore so it's pointless. i just need to make it through next year and i can completely turn my back on it. i want to tell my parents by the end of 9th grade so they have some time to readjust their views by the time our subject selection for 11th grade happens. except judging by their reactions, i don't know how they'll take it. i don't think it'll be easy but i have to give them that time, especially if i need to convince them. also our school operates through a system of four electives besides our compulsory language classes from 11th grade and legal studies happens to be in the same bracket as physics so i'm keeping my fingers crossed about being able to take legal studies instead of physics.

i told my parents today. they have been going on about how i'm so unmotivated to study physics (they didn't know so yeah) and if my career goals had changed i should just tell them, so i did to get them off my back. they were understandably shocked bc who wouldn't be when they found out that their daughter had changed her mind about her career in two weeks after wanting to do something for practically her entire life. my mom wants (very badly) for me to continue with science after 10th grade and prepare for the law entrance exam on the side but my dad says he's fine with me leaving science for law of i'm absolutely sure about taking it bc science is very intensive in our country after 10th grade so it doesn't make sense for me to take it, not do well, and fuck up all my future prospects. my mom thinks i'm getting scared of science bc they're concerned about me not doing well recently and see, i'm kinda scared bc i'm concerned but that's not the only reason. my dad also wants me to go to a trial and see what the system in our country is like just in case i don't get to go abroad and have to work here before i make my decision, which is fair, considering that my country sucks in most aspects. however, my mom. that's a different matter altogether bc she says that she doesn't care if i want to do something other than science but she's of the very strong opinion that i should still continue with science until i graduate high school. she's like, "but you understand physics and you're smart your grades are just low because you don't practice." like, i don't practice because i find it boring and procrastinate because of that. my dad agreed with her because he's been teaching me physics for a month now after my practically failed midterm. i get that they're concerned about what could happen if i didn't like legal studies after i took it bc i can't retake science if i leave it once right? one of my friends left it and now she hates the subject she took instead of it. both she and my parents are concerned because what if that happens to me too, but see, even if i don't like it, i'd still be good at it because it plays to my strengths. that's the difference between legal studies and physics. and i made the rookie mistake of bringing up what one of my friends who's friends with a lot of seniors said about science being intensive. my parents said that i should think it over carefully and that this discussion is being tabled for when the decision has to be made, something which i want to avoid because then i won't have a lot of time to convince them. also, a legit conversation i had with my mom today:

mom: i always thought you were smart but now i'm rethinking it

me: why because i want to leave science?

mom: no because you're being too influenced by your friends (all my friends plan on leaving science or have already left it)

me: no i'm leaving science because i want to, not because of anything they said

mom: *my friend* said that science is intensive in 11 and 12 and you're basing your decision off that

me: she's friends with seniors and it honestly is

mom: yeah but millions of people take it every year and give the *engineering entrance exam*

me (in my native language): will you continue this until i take science or what

then she got mad and left. see, i'm just genuinely done with physics and without it, i can't take any of the stem field entrance exams. i always liked law, but since i wanted to go abroad and move around, i was concerned about retaking the bar every time, but now that i'm older and have actually researched it, i think it would suit me well. i get that my parents want me to keep my options open for the future and focus on the GCSE equivalents that i have next year, but i'm getting very frustrated especially because they keep saying that i understand physics well so they don't see why i want to drop it, especially my mom, and while i know that they only want what they think is the best for me, i'd genuinely appreciate it if they respected my decision and stopped asking me to reconsider it carefully. this was one of the major reasons as to why i didn't want to tell them, because while they've not explicitly said that they're against me dropping science, but they've made it very clear that i should continue to take it and how legal studies won't be easier either but like, my life, my choice except they don't seem to get it and they're getting on my nerves rn.

i'm sorry ik it's like way too long but i kinda just needed to rant

Hi!

You're always welcome to rant <3

It sounds like your dad is being a bit more reasonable than your mom? I would try to talk with him more, to be honest. Continue sharing your feelings and see if he can kind of come over to your side. Having an adult ally is always nice. Also, I think it's a great idea to see some real trials and stuff if you can! I know your dad might be wanting you to do it to 'be sure' but from an experience perspective, that's a really cool thing to talk about in future interviews.

I'm proud of you for sticking to your decision and doing what YOU want. Remember, even if you change your mind later, do it for YOU. Its your life, not anyone else's.

[unma]

hello im here to learn about the gideon naming reason

also yeah, machines are the coolest and I love them dearly 🤝

Okay so this is a rather simple one but one that gets a little laugh outta me when I think about it. Alright. Remember this guy?

Him. Yeah. Gilbert. The absolute monster that he is. We all hate him. Some of us hate hate him. I hate hate hate him, especially because Pholia and Echidna did not deserve the shit he put them through.

yeah.

I've mentioned it occasionally, but I am absolutely awful at remembering faces and names. I remember people more often by what they wear, their hair color and how they act and so on, and the same applies to characters. But this means that I will go "Oh, them," give an entire rant about why I want a character dead, and then proceed to not remember their name properly.

And because of that, I once called him Gideon. Specifically when @ashmonarch and I were discussing his Proud quest.

Ever since I made this mistake I have swapped between Gideon and Gilbert for him in my head, entirely by accident and also because I can't be bothered to actually remember his name properly. My hatred for him means I will never actually remember his name proper, and even if I do, I will swap out of spite just cause.

Anyway, my current laptop has been a pain in the ass ever since I got it (like, I literally spent an hour troubleshooting its audio the moment I got it) and is just... worse than my previous one in every way. No touch gestures, two charging ports and both are acting up, it also came with Win 11 which I despise (I never updated my older laptop) and seemingly runs worse than my previous laptop that had half the RAM. No, seriously. 16 gigs of RAM and I can't even play HI3 at a manageable framerate (and I played terraria for years at, like, 10fps, so I have low standards for that) if it even runs at all. Did I mention this thing has no touch gestures? That's so dumb. How am I supposed to use a laptop like that. Also, the function and control keys are swapped. Also, some of the keys have stopped working for no discernible reason, and I might have considered taking this thing to a repair shop or something, if I didn't just want it replaced in general. Oh yeah, no touch gestures. Did I mention that? Not only does that mean I can't use the touchpad as well as I did on my old laptop, the fucking right click button came off at some point and now I have to deal with awkwardly pressing the little circle button inside i. Which, again, wouldn't be a problem with the right click. Also the case is screwed in weirdly for some reason so I couldn't take off the back without fear of damaging it for a good while. Also this thing has bricked on me twice in the last couple of months. For literally no reason. Like it bricked a couple days ago because I tried to restart it. Literally fine 5 minutes ago and then that happens. Okay. Also the function keys are weird (I don't care about this one, it's fine actually, and useful in some places).

I think that large block of text of complaints says enough. I've been procrastinating getting it replaced, but only because I'm a tad busy atm. But in the meantime, having to deal with this hunk of junk means I've grown quite a dislike for it, especially because being a computer science major means I need a reliable computer. Also having it brick on me randomly when I want to write is not ideal.

I hadn't named laptops before, but then I saw someone I follow do the same and thought, huh, that's neat. So I bestowed upon this laptop the name that comes up when I think of things I hate. Gideon. I mean Gilbert. Well, maybe if Gilbert wasn't such an asshole he'd get his name actually properly used, but I hate him so it's Gideon.

And that's the story behind how I named this laptop Gideon.

Extra Gideon hate from when I was liveposting to discord about that arc (and a bit more from after) under the cut:

In general, my opinion on Gilbert comes down to this:

[memberment]

WHAT THE FUCK‼️

Good morning everyone archive is back up I just woke up instead of getting ready to go to bed and I'm actually tweaking because I just remembered smoothies exist and I want one.

Anyways. Updates here today.

(7:54) the fact that I'm awake this early and it's because I like just woke up and am not just going to bed has me bugged. I feel like I need to take a nap to reset myself. But A Girl is at 10.2k so. We have that at least??? Will it get finished today???

I seriously hope so bc I've been literally dragging this out so long

(9:38) .... guys what if I dropped one of my current rotation ideas to make something Dovakien centric. Like based on all the tiny bits we do have from canon. Because..... I may or may not be thinking about it.

It's 11:57. I have yet to take a nap. And I'm honestly kinda sad over this rn (I am allergic to happiness and apparently it really shows when creek is involved, chat wtf is wrong with me)

(6:07) guys I took a nap and have now settled on I'm finishing A Girl and then I very well may go back to finishing Genesis BC I WANNA WORK ON REVELATIONS SO BAD. ^The above is Karma. So now I'm just thinking about Trin in general and how it hurts my soul LMAOOO

(9:46) While I'm on here procrastinating, I just wanna note that I think it's kinda funny that Revelations will have almost a 'monster of the week' format. Like I fucking adore monster of the week stuff so actually having something like that and making it my own (despite the fact that it's in a four chapter rotation so it is month and not week), is both very funny and makes me very happy.

(1:23) I'm sorry imagine rejecting someone your their and your own peace of mind only for them to come find you the next morning and throw a stack of papers on the table in front of you and claim that they reject your rejection. LIKE PLS I FUCKING LOVE THE WAY I WRITE BEBE SHES SO FUNNY

(2:40) after getting completely distracted I am in the home stretch of finishing this. Then I'm jumping back on Trin for a bit. Maybe. Idk I'm afraid to write the end LMAOOOOO

(3:27) AT 15.2K WORDS, A GIRL IS DONEEE. IT'S TINY. I DON'T CARE. IT'S KINDA CUTE. IDK IF I HATE IT. WHO KNOWS. IT'S DONE THOUGH.

YeAH IT'S Exactly one hour later and I'm back on Genesis. Can someone make the decision for me if I actually want to write Cartman into this or not.... Because part of me really wants to fucking do it. Like probably not in part one. Most likely not in part one. But I am debating on properly giving him a role.

(4:55)Guys I literally have five chapters left and now is when I decide oh hey you know what????

Maybe I should just erm... Tinker with Wendy's character a little bit. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN TINKER WITH HER CHARACTER A LITTLE BIT BRUH WHO DO I THINK I AM????

Okay wait it's 4:59 I actually already accidentally put Wendy almost exactly where I want to be so everything is fine now. I can live with this.

(6:56) and just like that I'm playing around with the New Beginnings Rewrite.....

[pearlsofthec]

’Tis the season to be jolly! But it doesn’t really stop there for many of us. If you study in the southern hemisphere, you knpw that December doesn’t mean solely fairy lights, hot cocoa and ice skating dates, it also means spending hours in your local cafe trying to make an Americano last six hours (honestly, why study in a silent library surrounded by stressed out students when you could be sitting in a warm coffee shop, stimulated by the barista’s never-ending jazz playlist and the flux of people coming and going?) and dodging questions such as “How are your preparations for the session going?”, or my favourite “Have you started reading the syllabus yet?”.

Honestly, depending on how you take things in life, December can be as fun as it can be depressing. I’m a Libra, and throughout my whole life I’ve learned that a bit of compromise goes a long way, and this is the month where I can really put my theories to the test. that’s why my first essential of the month is…

1. Advent Calendar

It might sound silly, but having a Christmas Advent not only is an excuse to treat yourself every day, as it also is a form of keeping track of your control over yourself. Sure, watching influencers open a christmas advent a day can be fun, the sadistic pleasure in finding out that the person who payed over €500 for a Chanel calendar is only getting a bunch of stickers and products which are barely worth being displayed in a duty free store is hard to beat, but stick with me on this one!

It’s easy to purposely forget to study, drink one too many festive cocktails, and let all the holiday discounts be a reason for you to splurge on things you wouldn’t otherwise have bought just as it’s easy to eat all the 24 chocolate truffles in one go… But not doing it is just as easy, and, I guess, a good reminder that balance is the best treat on the long run.

I genuinely HATE mini products, so I won’t be reccomending any beauty advents, sorry. I know it may feel too late to get your own, but it’s NEVER too late.

1. Venchi Prestige Calendar

2. Marchesi Calendario Dell’Avvento

3. Cailler 200g Calendar

4. Bonne Maman Jam Advent Calendar

5. Vosges haut chocolaterie Calendar

6. Torroneria Cioccolateria D. Barbero

7. Antico Caffè Novecento

8. Any of the Lindt ones… classics for a reason

2. Movie Marathon

Maybe it’s the cold, maybe it’s the desire to procrastinate, BUT my will to watch movies skyrockets during this time of the year. There is a ridiculous amount of awful films sets in this time of the year, but if you look you can find some amazing classics that are just UNSKIPPABLE. From the jolly to the perverse, here’s my official Twelve Films of Christmas

1. Eloise at Christmastime

2. The apartment

3. Holiday

4. Eyes wide Shut

5. The shop around the corner

6. White Christmas

7. Black Christmas

8. Meet me in St. Louis

9. Fanny & alexander

10. The Thin Man

11. Metropolitan

12. Spencer

3. Go all out

Whether you want to go out or simply go all out even when you’re staying in is up to you, BUT a crucial thing to my is ending the year with a BANG. Now, I’m not exactly a clubber, but I’m a big enjoyer of fun wherever and whenever, and I can’t go more than a day without having fun with my friends this time of the year. This means random aperitivo nights after leaving six hour lectures, day trips to random cities, and lotsa dinner parties. I know I’ve probably exausted everyojne with lists, but I’m gonna write yet another one, hopefully short this time, of a few activities sprinkle through your weeks, hopefully to inspire some strenght and to end the year on a sweet note.

1. Moodboard night: With the New Year right around the corner, it’s crucial to set your goals straight… and what better way than doing it with friends? Look, I personally don’t think someone should set their vision board on stone, you don’t need to stick to the things you decided to do on a random night for the rest of the year, I personally end up taking a month to write down things to help me understand my own goals and objectives, both personal and professional/ academic… But it’s so nice to talk about all of your prospectives with your friends and loved ones, wonder about the potential that the new year can bring does no harm. If you really feel like this type of thing is too personal, then I’d say you could organize an “Unrealistic Wishlist” board day, when owning a Himalaya Hermes Kelly is a totally achiavable thing! Granted, I’m a tad materialistic, but I just adore learning more about my friends through their materialistic goals, with the right outlook it can be really revealing. Plus, I’m a huge fan of arts and crafts, and I’ll take any excuse I have to do it.

2. Charcuterie dinner: One of my biggest no-nos is showing up empty handed to any dinner, maybe it’s a Brazilian thing, but I’ve never done it and don’t plan on ever doing it. With a charcuterie dinner, I have an excuse to do it! I love charcuterie dinners more than anything in the world, cheese, wine, fruits and salami… no better combination. Not to mention that it’s practically like a live personality quiz for you and your friends, as nothing is more telling of a person’s character than their cheese preference.

3. Christmas shopping afternoon: Preferably to be done with a guy to use as your own bag carrier. Whenever I need to go somewhere or do something, I like to call other people up just in case, and although I love some peace of mind to think clearly when I need to buy presents for myself, when my consumerism is altruistic I love to have someone around to give me second opinions and spare my shoulders of all the extra weight!

4. Homemade decoration and dinner: I currently don’t have an apartment of my own to decorate, but other people’s serve me just as well. One of my favorite activities has been going to my friends’ homes to arrange garlands, make dried orange slices decor and even help to carefully distribute tinsel on the christmas tree. What is a chore to some is fun to others, with the right playlist and conversation specially. Afterwards it’s crucial to have a dinner party as a treat, no decoration shall be wasted!

To Discover

I feel like my consumerism is reaching an all time high right now, and I feel like I might as well share some of my current favourite discoveries with you guys. There’s nothing better than giving (and getting!) gifts from one of a kind stores, and so, I’ve made a little list of places that are definitely worth checking out:

1. Nesines: It’s a brand from barcelona that sells just the coolest shirts. I’ve just gotten one from them and I’m obsessed with the fit, the colors and the model. The quality is amaxzing, and I love that fact that their products have amazing compositions, no polyester around here! If you want a top that can elevate any pair of jeans, look nowhere else!

2. Maria de la Orden: I have to give credit where it’s due… this brand wasn’t on my radar before my mom showed it to me . Colorful velvet can definitely brighten up even the dullest winter days, especially when it’s presented in such unique shapes. Honestly their jackets are to die for, as are their headbands.

3. The obedient Daughter: came across this brand thanks to a kind destiny and now I’m absolutely OBSESSED with their curation of books and clothing. A gorgeous presentation of products that are unique but timeless… I simply NEED their Diana skirt.

4. MC2 Saint Barth: Okay not really a discovery, but THE place we should all be looking at for a perfect tongue in cheek aprés ski sweater. Ngl, I’m giving each of my siblings a sweater this christmas, and although I KNOW it might be an overdone gift, it’s a classic for a reason. And I myself know my sister would never not appreciate the opportunity to walk around Cervinia with a hot pink sweater that says “FAVOLOSA”

5. Bella Freud: Again, not a discovery, but worth a mention just because this was the month when I truly explored the brand’s full potential. Everyone knows their gorgeous sweaters with the best quotes (Godard IS GOD!), but I’m currently obsessed with their candles, ceramics and overall home accessories. Can someone please give me their Cunty mug? Please?)

To be worn

Sunglasses: I’m a guilty “occhiali da nebbia” wearer, much to my friends’ dismay. Though some may think it can be a bit bizzarre to wear sunglasses out on days when the sun doesn’t seem to get any high, I don’t have any shame in looking (or at least feeling) cool no matter the weather … My current go tos are the Dior Palladium (if you get it to wear in Venice it’s even better, that way, if anyone asks, you can say you’re paying your respects for Andre Palladio’s influential architecture)

Fur trimmed everything: Okay maybe i’ve been watching one too many episodes of friends, and letting the 90s influence a bit too much over my style, but recently I’ve been obsessed with fur trimmed coats. Long or short, black or camel, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t bite when everyone was going crazy over that green trench back in 2020, but now it’s different! A classic cut with a bit of fun fur will never go out of style in my eyes.

Barretes: Okay I think barretes are not an addition to my blog, I’ve probably been proudly posting about being a proud barrette wearer since 2020, but now I’ve actually been converted, and went from being a strictly tortoiseshell hair accessories wearer to a the brighter the better one. The one thing to blame is none other than the city of Copenhagen, where I discovered Maanesten and Pico, and FEASTED.

Herbag: Taking to “To Be” oof this section a bit too literally, and even a bit too hopefully. Not only do I absolutely love the fact that it reminds me a bit of the Kelly, I also love its overall practicality, everyone I know that has it rages on and on about its endless perks. While the fact that its body is made out of canvas rather than the famous traditional Hermes leather might be a turn off to some but to me it’s just perfect, principally because I’ve been planning on getting it to use it as a school bag and I’ve had the misfortune to have once tried to carry a leather bag around all day just to practically destroy it in one day.

Scarves and Pashminas: Winter is the season when I really can’t seem to escape all black outfits, but wearing a beautifully textured pashmina ALWAYS is a game changer for me. I feel like every city in the world has a Tibet store packed with the most varied options of material, print and density, I know Milan has an incredible one (although the Paris Tibet Forever on Le Marais will always take the cake).

[buffintruder]

@allpurposepanda sent me this ask game and since I have writing to procrastinate, I figured I'd just go through and answer all the questions I felt like answering

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I think the most interesting thing I did was write a fic where I tried not to use any figurative language at all in the narration or dialogue from other pov characters. It wasn't as hard as I was expecting (actually, it was harder to determine what counted as figurative and what counted as a word simply having multiple meanings, one more concrete than the other) and I think it turned out pretty okay. I'd do it again if I wrote from this pov again or someone similar, but I don't think I'd seek it out

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

About 18 if I counted correctly! 7 have been posted, 1 is in the process of posting, and 10 are unposted. 9 are brand new while 9 are continuations of wips from previous years

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

I'm not sure. I guess I've been thinking about the relation between a writer and the audience and feedback and community support a lot (I went from a bigger fandom to a smaller fandom, and the decrease in comments and people to talk to about my fics hit my motivation harder than I was expecting)

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

I'm not sure, but I think I wrote the most fic for Donbrothers or Kamen Rider

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

8 fandoms: Kamen Rider Blade (6), Kamen Rider W (1), Kamen Rider Drive (1), Changerion (1), Donbrothers (3), Ace Attorney (4), the Watchmaker of Filigree Street (2), and Les Miserables (1)

6. What ship(s) captured your heart?

Nothing new from last year, but Hajime/Kenzaki from Blade and Sonoi/Momoi from Donbrothers

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

Also nothing new, but Haruka from Donbrothers and Wakana from Kamen Rider W

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

Donbrothers is new because I was waiting for the show to finish airing before I started writing anything for it. Changerion I only watched this year, so that's also new

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

I am obsessed with my Blade soul nemesis au and my Ace Attorney Trickster au, and I don't have any fics that like particularly hit close to home for me or anything. However, I do think the winner would have to be Truer than Truth because idk. It was difficult and it feels like one of the best things I've written (definitely the best shorter fic I've written) and just had a lot of thought go into it

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Definitely my soul nemesis au. Tbh I have enjoyed working on it so much I started posting it probably like a good 6 months later than I could have so I could work on it more, and it's also taking me forever to upload the chapters despite the fic being finished because I want to keep working on it (that and it has 0 comments, so I feel like no one is too invested other than the people I know personally, so I can take my time with it and get distracted from it)

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

To Turn the World Upside Down is maybe the best long fic I've written, and finishing it felt like the end of the journey. However, I'm pretty sure I wrote the ending in 2022 (I just finished the editing in 2023), so I'll also put in Truer than Truth for the reasons answered in the next question

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

Definitely Truer than Truth. I mentioned I wrote a fic without figurative language, and this was the first fic in the series where I tried to write a fic with a ton of figurative language. Coming up with symbolism related to classic Japanese Buddhist literature that isn't too heavy handed is hard! Coming up prose with metaphors and pretty descriptions that doesn't sound unbearably flowery is hard! Also mapping out the character of progression of Sonoi, someone who both knows a lot about humans and also doesn't, in a way that makes sense and doesn't make him more ignorant than he is in canon is hard!

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

Trust Fall. I wrote probably about half of it in one day and finished writing+editing it in probably around 2 weeks which is insanely fast for me. It just sort of came out of me, idk man

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Technically Meetings is the longest fic (90k words), but that was originally meant to be a trilogy that I wrote most of years ago and just polished and posted this year, so I'm counting To Turn the World Upside Down (73k words) instead because it's finished and I like it more.

Shortest is Trust Fall (4k words)

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

This is hard because I do like a lot of the fics I wrote and posted in 2023. However, I've talked a lot (and will continue to talk) about my top 3 fics in this ask game, but one fic that will not be mentioned outside of this that I think is good is Across the River of Stars.

It's an outsider pov Cowherd and Weaver au where I think I did a good job with a sort of melancholic atmosphere

16. What were you go-to writing songs?

I don't listen to music a lot while writing, but when I do it's probably the How To Train Your Dragon soundtrack (movies 1-3), the Witcher 3 soundtrack, or the Black Sails soundtrack

17. What were your go-to writing snacks?

I don't think I have one. I don't particularly snack while writing, and if I do, I'll just eat whatever

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

Afterwards. I needed something short and simple and to the point to contrast the long and more poetic "truer than truth are those beautiful lies", but I still think it's a bit meh and doesn't really do much for the fic

19. Share your favorite opening line

Here is a truth: Momoi Tarou is like the sky, impossibly vast and unreachable; and Sonoi is like the sea, forever gazing up, reflecting that same blue.

This wasn't initially the beginning line (I switched around a lot of stuffin this fic), and the whole "here is a truth, here is a lie" bit was a totally unexpected unplanned bit that just happened when I started writing it. However, I'm pleased with how it turned out, and also the particular way in which I took a line from the show (Sonoi saying "we are like the sky and the sea") and expanding a bit on it and how the two of them individually relate to that

20. Share your favorite ending line

Okay technically it's 2 lines from Trust Fall, but it's still my favorite:

(All too soon, when the end does come, Kenzaki looks at Hajime and smiles like a blade to the heart and says, “See, I said that you could trust me to keep this hope of yours alive.” And Hajime does not have the time to tell him that no one has ever lied to him so cruelly before.)

It's good because of the misunderstanding. Kenzaki is sacrificing himself so Hajime can keep living, but of course that also really sucks on Hajime's end. I just think seeing something from the pov of the person/people left behind when someone sacrifices themselves is so juicy. Also Kenzaki's symbol is a blade while Hajime's is a heart, so the smile is from Blade to Heart but also metaphorically like being stabbed hahaha (i think i'm so clever when i do symbolism 101)

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

This is hard. Definitely, my favorite piece of dialogue comes from To Turn the World Upside Down because tbh I think that fic has some of the best written dialogue in anything I've ever written, but I'm not sure I could pick out something among it. I just went with the last scene because I am genuinely proud, like I don't normally like writing endings and it's especially hard in a long fic with a lot of build up, but I think I did well on this one. Also it's probably one of the parts I worked most on in 2023 (rather than 2022)

“I think you should do it, daddy,” Trucy says. Surprised, Phoenix looks up to see his daughter staring at him, her face set firmly. Of all the people who would encourage him to retake the exam, he hadn’t thought it would be her. She has never known him as a lawyer. “What? Why?” “You never stopped being a lawyer,” she says, as if it’s that simple. “Sure, officially, they took that away from you. But deep down, you’ve always been one.” “What?” Phoenix scoffs, something small and hopeful curling into a cold and defensive ball deep in his chest. “Prove it.” Trucy raises her eyebrows at him. “Prove it? Do I need physical evidence for it so that it may be accepted in the court of Phoenix Wright, or is pointing out your contradiction enough?” Phoenix flushes. “Okay, okay, point taken.” “She’s right,” Miles says quietly. “It’s your life to live, but please—at least consider it.” From the moment you asked, there was no question of the answer, Phoenix thinks. I became a lawyer for you once, I would do it a second time, as many times as you needed me to. “Are you sure about it?” Phoenix asks. “I mean, you know what it was like the first time I was a lawyer. You know the kind of shit that follows me. I was a lawyer for just two and a half years the first time, and look at the kind of mess I left behind me.” Miles smiles at him, so fond it hurts. “You say that as if that’s not exactly what I want. I want you back in the courthouse, Trickster and all. It all needs a good shaking up, don’t you think?” It was never meant to be about the suffering, the Trickster had said about their chaos. There already is suffering stuck in between each clean-cut brick of the legal system, trapped in the very foundation and everything that has grown on top of it. Maybe it’s time to knock things around and see what shakes loose, to see what can be built anew from the rubble. “Alright,” Phoenix says, and the way Miles and Trucy’s eyes light up already makes it all worth it. “I’ll do it. Let’s go turn turn the legal world upside down.”

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Tbh I could probably also post a bit from the Trickster au, but just to switch it up here's a sneak peak from my soul nemesis au. I was so excited to write this scene that it's the only one I skipped ahead to write. This scene (earlier parts of it, not what's here) is also the reason why I chose the mechanics for soul nemeses that I did, like I've been hyping up this scene almost since I first had the idea for the fic, and it's still one of my favorites

“Did...” Gou started. “Did he love you too?” Kenzaki thought about the way Hajime kissed back, the way his whole face softened as he smiled at Kenzaki, the way he looked like his heart was shattering when Kenzaki had last seen him, the way he had written don't go in his letter. “I think—maybe. But it doesn’t matter. I had to leave, so he could live out his life.” For the whole time that Kenzaki had known him, Gou had been all bright smiles and wild hand gestures. Even as the conversation took a turn for the more serious, his face had been an open book, but now his face turned still and unreadable. “It’s not worth it.” “What?” demanded Kenzaki. “I’ve been there,” Gou said, and now he looked angry. “Someone sacrificed himself for me, so I could live my life. And I will never forgive him for that, because if I had the choice, I would choose him over me every time. I may not have met Masaki myself, but I'm sure that he would rather have you in his life no matter what hardships. You can still go back—” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kenzaki snapped, anger curling defensively around him. He knew that. He knew he was hurting Hajime, that it had destroyed him to be left behind. It had destroyed Kenzaki to leave. But he had chosen to defy fate, and this was their punishment. “It’s impossible.” "What's impossible? You're both still alive, aren't you?" "He might as well be dead, for all the difference it makes to me,” Kenzaki snapped. Maybe if Hajime had been dead it would hurt less. “There is no other choice.” Gou stared back at him, his expression set stubbornly on his face. He was so young, Kenzaki thought all of a sudden. Kenzaki had been like that too over a decade ago when he was around Gou’s age, so stubbornly set on how things should be, as if he could bend the universe into shape through sheer force of will. Kenzaki sighed, and let the anger drain from him. He would have had those same thoughts, and it wasn’t like Gou had any idea of the impossible circumstances that kept him and Hajime apart. “It's too late now. I would go back, if I could. And he would track me down across the world, if he could." “Right,” Gou said, and Kenzaki wondered if he felt the same envy towards him. Gou hadn’t specified what sacrifice had been made for him, but the implication was clear. At least Hajime was still alive. At least he was out there somewhere that Kenzaki could return to, technically. Gou couldn't know that the potential only made the separation ache more, he couldn't know that the impossible situation that trapped them went far beyond ordinary human concerns. “I’m sorry for your loss,” Kenzaki said, as much of an acquiescence as he could make. “Thanks,” Gou said, his mouth twisting. “I... don’t know if he’s gone for good though. That’s actually why I’m here. Trying to do some research to bring him back.” “Are there good medical facilities here?” Kenzaki asked, confused. Maybe Gou's person was in a coma or something? Gou shrugged. “Not particularly. I’m here more for the tech stuff.” “I hope it succeeds,” Kenzaki said, not entirely sure what to say. “Thank you,” Gou said, sounding tired. “And I hope you find someway around whatever’s keeping you two apart.” It was impossible, but Kenzaki smiled and nodded anyway. “If I ever run into him, do you want me to pass on a message?” Gou asked. What could Kenzaki say that Hajime did not already know, and that would not hurt him more to hear? “Just that I am well,” Kenzaki said at last. “And that I like his book. And... I still miss him.” Gou nodded. “I’m going to get my friend back,” he said, with all the confidence and naivety of a twenty year old. “So you better not give up on yours, alright?” “I never will,” Kenzaki said. And Gou smiled because he did not yet know that it was the hope that destroyed you.

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

There are definitely many of these, but I'd have to go through my fics again to figure it out and that would take a while so I'm skipping this

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

I mentioned earlier that there's a bit in Truer than Truth where between each scene it goes like "Here is a truth: [...] Here is a lie: [...]", or in the other order (lie first then truth) that is vaguely related to the themes of that scene, and I absolutely was not expecting.

It ended up changing the story quite a bit. I was originally going to have the story alternate povs, but something like this could only work from Sonoi's pov, and I wasn't sure how to juggle things around to make it work. Because I also wanted to have it alternate between whether it starts with a truth or a lie, I had to add two scenes in order to make the pattern work when I realized that some of the truths and lies would work better flipped around. And I think the story is better off with those added scenes to fill in something that would have been a jump otherwise

Also, it just generally affected the tone, since I had to think about the themes of the scene to write those bits, and they're very heavy in symbolism and metaphor that I could reuse throughout the fic

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

Mostly google docs and occasionally a notebook and pen. I have occasionally written a bit on my notes app of my phone if i couldn't get to google docs for whatever reason, but i don't think i did this year

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

The writing spree during which I wrote the first half of Trust Fall. I was feeling a bit shitty and purposeless at the time, but I had an idea brewing in the back of my head for awhile, and the stars aligned so the idea solidified and I wrote like 2k words in one day. I remember feeling afterwards that I really love writing sometimes and maybe if I go too long without doing it, it makes me worse

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Not really? Maybe tell all my friends about it

28. How did you recharge between fics?

I don't think this question applies to my writing style tbh. I don't have "in between fics" (i am always working on a fic) and I switch between them a lot, so I don't really get worn out by them. I recharge between writing sessions I suppose?? I'm not actually sure how I'm supposed to answer this question

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

I do try to thank the people involved in me writing a fic in any way at the beginning of each fic, but in a general sense, I would thank all the friends and acquaintances who encouraged me to write whenever I was like "maybe this is stupid" and all the people who listened to me go "wait I have the coolest idea for a fic, let me tell you about it" and all the people who helped answer my questions from everything between 'does this sound like semi-realistic attraction or is it just weird' to 'what are traffic-related superhero/supervillain names.' And particularly to @magpiedragon who bears the brunt of all of this

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I still have that one Kamen Rider Blade post canon idea that crosses over with Star Trek ds9. Also some Kamen Rider Agito ideas I want to get to at some point, but who knows if I ever will