#so maybe he did ? maybe he didnt? i dont knowww

[exile-arc]

it's meant to be the happy time of year - c!tommy + if we make it through december (phoebe bridgers cover)

❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️

[sonknuxadow]

desperately hoping that all the dialogue in sxs gens has subtitles because i cant understand half of what black doom is saying in the footage thats come out so far

[wooltoesocks]

things i want to get answers to in the remaining episodes of four leaf: a very comprehensive list that must be missing some things i just cant remember at the moment (also soilers for up until ep 139):

just in general evrything about the bells, and more especiall like how is lina giving lupe her bells (because that is 100% gonna happen i think) gonna affect them, for example if they'll get lina's bell as like their own, and if that bell being kinda broken is gonna be any problem

will that be a permanent change, is lupe gonna give the bell back to lina after they deal with the wolf

what's gonna happen to cricket if they really do deal with the wolf? or how will tehy come to some wsolution that doesnt harm anyone

CARLA!!! is she gonna be okay? that wound looks very nasty. i hope they'll be able to cure it somehow, and if not, then chopchop there goes a leg :/

talking about carla, is she gonna give er bells to someone like she mentioned in 138? that is only in case she wont be able to continue, but it loks very bad rn, so my question is, is it gonnna be mercy? or in general, who is it gonna be?

also about the bells, i really wanna know how many bells each witch has!! it''s just something i think would be interesting to analyse. (i looked through all the episodes where a witch has their bells out buut i still now only know for certain the number of bels like 7 witches have (before 137 and emma giving up her bells): Erica 1, Emma 2, Socks 2 (most likely, unless she got mor after the prison break, that's when she at least shows only 2), Alishba 3, Linda 3 (both of whose bells were shown during the prison break), Carla 20, Lina 21.

also also (i use that word so much), the names of the witches! we now know there are 17 witches in the red hoods (+lupe +lina so maybe 19 but oh well) and of those 17 we know the names of 12 (episode 133)

what i wanna know too is like which bell belongs to which witch? we've seen some, for example in the flashback of when they first appeared, and also in the festival of roses we see some, but like i wnna knowww (ye sit's very trivial but that's what makes it fun i think)

the mom. what happened with her in the 8 months that have passed since lupe was last in their original world? did she just continue on like normal, or did she actually regret some of the things she's done? will lupe go see her again?

the inevitable. the thing i've been waiting for for like 2 years. the KISS! alvar mentioned the witch loking very mad and the also saying he's the kinda guy to ask twice before a first kiss and what i think will happen is that he is gonna ask. like he's just the kinda guy. but the thing lupe (most likely) will be "mad" about is just that al didnt tell about it (even tho he was gonna tell you lupe, you just didnt want him to). or they arent mad, but just like very confused/fristrated and Al just interpreted it wrong? i dont know. we'll see (hopefully tomorrow in 140 but at the evry least in 141?? like i dont think it will take so long that it would be 142? (i am delusional). also looking at the future chapter thumbnails (not a fast pass reader), it looks like someone is using some kind of reddish/pinkish magic / teleporting right next to him)

okay this isnt a theory or anything, i just know lupe's dad is gonna be so smug learning about lupe and al's relationship when they do get into one like judging from ep 116 and the "crush" i jut know

okay wow this is a long post but i need to get these out of my head and scream into the void and wait if it screams back

back to the bells, they'r gonna give everyone their own one back right? if they deal wit hthe wolf, there shouldnt be any need to hoard all the power, and i dont think it would be very fair to let 72 people just go on about life without really even knowing what's going no just because you wanna levitate. i know it's probably more complicated than that but yeah

also (fuck, this word again) what's gonna happen to the witchs' craving of gloom? is it gonna go away if there is no wolf (okay this is assuming that it's dealt with and they wont come to a peaceful comclusion but if that happens i just really hope cricket will be okay)

are other witches gonna wanna get rid of their bells and become human like emma?

i would like some more information about the different worlds, although i think it's unlikely tha will come up in the chapters themselves, but maybe as some bonus content somewhere?

okay so i already wrote about like if Lina's bell being broken is gonna have any effect on lupe, but will it affect Lina herself? i would assume not, but you never know

just in general, i cant wait to see how everything comes to a conclusion and how the ending is gonna be (even tho i would love for it to go on for longer). are we gonnna see another time skip?

man i just remembered there are alaso civilians in Garua at the moment too like the redhoods are gonna get the to safety right? maybe that will also help a little with the public's fear of the witches, the news that hey maybe they're not bad through and through (even tho that was never the case but most people still thought that so)

fuck this is long how many words even is this... 1005???? man that's like 2/3 of the essays we had to write in high school. yea it's easier to just put stuff from your mind into bullet points but this has taken me like maybe 45 minutes where as those essays took at least 5 hours. i bet i could make one from one of my interests in like 2 hours and i would be much better than any of those monstrocities i wrote

anyway back on track

actually those are the main ones i remember now, maybe i'll update this once more come to mind, but for now this is enough for today

pictured above is me falling for this series

wait one more thing: is it stated anywhere how much the bells weigh? i would assume they're more like incorporeal so they wouldn't hve any mass, and i fell like should know this i've read this series 5 or 6 times. but if they do infact hve mass, do the witches have to actively levitate them or are they jsut funky like that

[katwritesshit]

important(?) life update

so for a little backstory...

i volunteer at the concession stand for my local soccer league with 2 other people, henceforth known as 🐺 and 🤢. 🐺 and i are really close friends since grade 3, we met 🤢 this year because hes one of our new friends ex boyfriends. we volunteer at the concession stand from 630 to 830 pm every thursday, for the last 4 weeks. i will admit to not exactly paying the most attention to how much we have float, which is supposed to be $150. the last 2 thursdays, its been closer to $115. cool? cool.

so last thursday, it was only me and 🐺 working the stand. i showed up a half hour early, and decided to open up early. i wanna say maybe 10? minutes after i opened up, so still early, 🤢 showed up and went to sit on the bleachers maybe 10 meters away from the stand. cool, its still early, whatev.

anyways, 630 comes and my bestie boo 🐺 gets there and we wait for 🤢 to come join us. but he doesnt? so we're like "okay maybe he didnt notice" but then 700 comes and goes and we're like "hes literally on his phone no way he doesn't know what time it is" but we also dont want him to join us so we leave it and at 730 he gets off his phone, hops on his bike and leaves.

bro what?

(i kinda assumed he had permission from our supervisor to skip so i, stupidly, did not text her which looking back may be my downfall)

so anyways, 🐺 and i do our stuff for the next 2 hours. i will admit we got a little silly with it and maybe said some cancellable stuff but nothing jail worthy. we close up and again theres on like $120 in the box.

so in a moment of sheer stupidity that may land me in jail, i did not text my supervisor and instead told 🐺 to give me a random number between 10-20 for me to mark as what we earned.

🐺 locks up, her mom gives me a ride, yippee we both go home and live laugh love.

BUT THEN

at 640 tonight, my supervisor calls me. she normally texts so thats a lil weird, but i figure she just wants to confirm my absence on thursday (i have plans w family) so i pick up.

she tells me "kat, all the money from the concession stand lock box was stolen."

UM. WHAT THE SIGMA?????? NOT COOL!!!!

she makes me tell her exactly what happened the last thursday i was there and i tell her, i admit to being a little dumbass and not counting, blah blah blah. the whole time im looking at my mom like 😦.

so anyways i tell her no i didnt do it and shes like "okay 😊 well ill call 🤢 and 🐺 and see what they have to say" and i hang up.

i IMMEDIATELY text 🐺

"hey wanst 🤢 acting weird thursday"

and shes like "yeah haha he may be the imposter"

and i send her the text ny supervisor sent me saying shes filing a police report and cehcking the security footage

and shes like SHITTT BRO IT WAS TOTES HIM

and im like I KNOWWW

and anyways i tried googling it but idk how long ill go to jail/juvie/whatev if im convicted of stealing approximately $150 soooooo yeah. moral of the story dont fool arohnd on the job and alway snitch on your sus coworkers.

[my-lunaberg]

Yeah just to clarify, Im qatching the no way home vod now I'll probably make this a seperate post for the sake of keeping shit more organized

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Oh they are in prison my hearst beating so fast rn

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Oh dear god technical difficulties

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Bruh did they drag them to jail with fishing rods thats fucked

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Oughhhh the fucking armor thing aaaaaaaaaaaa

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Okay the real question is, does Dream want Tommy to die or does he still wanna keep him alive n shit

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I knowww wI definitely need another break but its already noon and I just gotta power through this shit man

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NOOOOOO ERYNS ARMOUR.........

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"You broke in and killed me in my owm house" idk why but thats so funny to me. dreams house, The Prison

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Dream smp got me rockin back and forth dude

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Bro did Tommy keep DreamXDs bell from the cell really

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Okay Tommys keeping his weapons, some pearls and his totems thats good

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Ah nvm

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NO WAIT THE DISCS ARE IN THE ENDERCHEST

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NOOOOO

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Oh this is so painful to watch man i feel like im gonna die

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Oughhhhh the discs.. ...... even aftrr all this time

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At this rate its gonna take me like 10 hours to watch this hour long stream man

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Okay he kept cat and mellohi

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OHHHHHH WHAZ THE FUCK WHAT THE FUKC

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Bro look att them just watch. sickos

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Oh yeah baey its monologuin time

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What if its just the snake monologue. like word for word

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Maybe thats just me but "I dont have anything to say to you" from Tommy followed by a long ass pause and then "I have a lot to say to you" from Drea has the same kinda vibes as "I dont think about you at all" from Wilburs fanfic

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"I hadnt bothered you for months!! I just left you with lifelong trauma!!"

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"Bro, I was too busy trying to ruin the lives of these other guys to even try gaslighting you again!!"

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Im trying to discern if Dream actually believes the bullshit hes saying or if this is another manipulation attempt rn this is so fascinating

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Oh boy philosophical discussion about death time

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Ok nvm i think

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Cmon white boi tell me about the meaning of life

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Dream is basically like "oh why does this stupid shit matter so much to you when theres immortality and life after death" and its like okay, but why would you wanna live forever if you cant even enjoy yourself though. Like, what are you doing this for if not so you can go hang out with your friends in peace and have fun forever

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Bro Dreams actually the kinda guy who goes "well, why shouldnt i be god" without a hint of irony

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Dream is about to actually lose it man

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Why are they all talking about death as though they have absolutely no idea what happens after you die permanently? Like, both Wilbur and Ghostbur talked about what limbo was like to anyone who listened and Dream was literally JUST dead. Like yeah, it was only for a few minutes but if the conversion is 1 day on the smp = 1 month in limbo then he mustve spent atleast a few hours if not days there right

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What are Punz' opinions about all this does he want his boytoy to be god. is he familiar with the god that looks exactly like his boytoy

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"while you were recovering from the lifelong trauma i gave you I was studying the meaning of life"

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I spent the entire day yesterday just watching musical bootlegs on youtube and all i can think of rn is that part in Twisted where Aladdin is like "im gonna break the chain! youll see!! Im gonna live forever!!!"

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Imagine pouring your fucking heart out about what you think ks the meaning of life to two teens that you kidnapped and one of them just goes "what kinda life is that" i would start crying

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"We want a life without mystery" where is your fucking whimsy bro

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You know, if Sam wasnt basically responsible for Dream being tortured and Dream didnt break him down as revenge, the two of them and Punz couldve been a real death defying power trio. And then i guess Tommy, Tubbo n Philza would be the death defyer-defying power trio

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what do you MEAN not contribute anything by just walking around on the dream smp??? HOW is the Dream SMP connected to any other place??? HOW IS IT CONNECTED TO FUCKING UTAH

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"We need to be alive together to find out what life is" youre never gonna know if you dont die though. Especially because like, theres no such thing as heaven in this world, its life and then you die and then its hell for eternity so you gotta make life heaven but the only way to truly appreviate and comprehend that the life youve made is heaven is to think about it in hell, if Im making sense here

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I would love to watch these guys try to have this discussion with Philza that would be soooo interesting

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HE CALLED HIM A BUG AGAINNNNNN

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the victim complex is strong in this one

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Ohhhhhh the bois are fightinggggggggg

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Hey, is Dream gonna address that fact that the actual capital g god of this world looks exactly like him any time soon. because that seems relevant

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Oh my god this kind of dehumanization of the people around him is so painfully relatable it hurts im in pain

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Bro how is he bringing up Ranboo right after bringing up Foolish but not yknow, DREAMXD

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Okay Im gonna b real with yall, Ive been having a pretty good time with this vod and this finale so far but now hes bringing up mind control and the stuff with Ranboo and Im not a fun uh uh absolutely not

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Alright so, they revealed that the revival book can do mind control as well, ive read spoilers about this and i was desperatrly hoping that I just misunderstood but sighhhhhhhh, no.

This is so fucking stupid man. The revival book was a really good concept because of how simple yet effective it is and how scary it would be for someone like Dream to have it, it doesnt need any more powers or whatever. Obviously the stuff with Ranboo being controlled by Dream to some extend has been planned for a really long time, and it does make sense, but they shouldve gone about it way differently. My fix is simple: bring DreamXD into this.

Like, right now it doesnt seem like Dream and DreamXD are connected in any meaningful way when Dream couldve been like, idk a worshipper of DreamXD who eventually earned his favor, or just a human that DreamXD thought was interesting and wanted to help occasionally so he'll keep entertaining him. Maybe he gets the revival book and immediately tries to test it out and then DreamXD appears and hes basically like "okay, i wont kill anyone for you or destroy anything or get too involved in all your petty mortal squabbles, but if you call for me I'll help you out bc Im so nice XD dont rely too much on me tho or else I'll kill you XD" and Dream is like "k i'll keep that in mind" and then when Ranboo shows up he calls for him like "okay, can you make me like, a mindlink to the new guy so I can control him" and XD is like "okay, sure, I wont help you anymore though" and Dream agrees and thats that. Maybe DreamXD is even like "Im still rooting for you though XD" and then Dream could bring up the fact that god is on his side during this unhinged monologue

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Okay, when hes saying 'other dimension' is he talking about limbo or is it like, the real world that has the Utah that Wilbur went to and everything

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Ohhhhhhh hes talking about the End uh yeah, no way man DreamXD is gonna put a stop to your foolishness so quickly if you try to go there

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HE WAS IN LIMBO BEFORE???

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Okay, the fact that both of them have been to limbo really takes a certain edge away from their motivations though

Like, if they hadnt known what death was like and just feared it because it was the End of Everything that wouldve been so interesting and then Dream died and came back to tell Punz about it and how its nothing but suffering that wouldve made it feel a lot more human if that makes sense because sure, i just spent a bunch of time poetically philosophically whinging but at the end of the day I wouldnt wanna die just to spent eternity in a hell made specifically for me yknow

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I slept 8 hours today so Im perfectly well rested as Im writing this but honestly, at this point I'd rather be sleep deprived and delirious itd make this go by way faster and make it more fun too

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Oh my god please tell me its not gonna get meta

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They were in the End?!??!? Bro are they gonna bring up DreamXD anytime soon

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Im serious how are they not gonna bring up DreamXD cc!Dream knows the lore around him because he PLAYED HIM

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Okay so I guess theyre just gonna sacrifice people to make up for them reviving each other over and over? Idk man this is barely comprehensible I feel like i might as well be delirious the only differenfe is im not having nearly as much fun rn

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what do you MEAN "whatever god is" YOU SAW HIM WITH YOUR OWN TWO EYES. HE GAVE YOU A BELL

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I realize that Dream is like, a villain and also clearly mentally ill so Im not expecting his plan or his worldview to make any actual sense but this just seems pointless. Like, if you revive too many people or if you revive yourselves too many times it could bring about the end of the world, presumably bc ya boi XD needs souls to eat. So you need to kill people to balance shit out but if you kill people, its gonna paint a massive target on your back and people will want to force you to revive people. So, you really cant revive people then right

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Oh good god what now

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Not the guy who was in limbo for maybe a day trying to lecture the guy who qas in limbo for like three months 💀💀💀

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If it wasnt for the fact that these guys just hit me with like three massive disappointments all in a row I'd say something like "oh i forgot about this but yeah, I am kinda curious as to why Tommy never came back as a ghost, like even Schlatt was there for a day atleast" but my spirit has been crushed and so all im hoping for is that the explaination isnt too stupid

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"We know the responsibility that comes with the revival book! Thats why we kept reviving people even after we knew it was slowly destroying the world!!" Its giving oil companies talking abt climate change yknow what i mean

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"The worlds fucked up, we fucked up" BRO. STOP FUCKING REVIVING PEOPLE IT CANT BE THAT HARD

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Okay, the stuff about limbo changing based on the circumstances of your death is pretty interesting hopefully they wont fuck it up

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Ohhhhh I think I can see where this is going one of these guys is gonna have to die for their buddy isnt he

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Okay, im at 27:51 in the vod Ive been at this for atleast two hours Im gonna go take a walk again

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Alrighty then time to watch these bozos torment these boys

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Bro the dehumanization right off the bat man

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Ah so this is that Drunz Sandwich Date ive heard so much about

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"You can warn the others about their inevitable doom that is... inevitable" he has such a way with words man

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Something something the definition of insanity

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Okay but Dream cant be all high and mighty about Tommy and Tubbo doing the same shit over and over because he literally does the exact same thing

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Aarhghggh pain and suffering

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cc!Tommy just left thats hilarious

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Noooooooo Tubbos still in rp mode this is so funny man

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Theyre both about to die with the lergy 😭

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OHHHHHHH HE STILL HAS THE DISCS HE CAN USE THOSE HOLY SHIT FUCKING SET UP AND PAYOFF BABEYYYYY

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ARGRHFHRGFGFREFSHUPEGUSGHI ONE DISC GONE 8NENDISCS GONE

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Okay now what. both of the discs are gone now and they didnt hit the pressure plate. I dont think that was planned.

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Oh I cant believe this this is so awkward man

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NO HE FAILED AGAIN BRUHHHHH

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Oh man

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Okay theyre just carrying on time to jump through the hole

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TUBBOS DEAD???

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okay i dont think that was planned either lmao why did they think this was a good idea to do on stream

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HES BLOWING SHIT UP????

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👁👁 project dreamcatcher??

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Right now the thing is, ive read spoilers so i roughly know how all of this is gonna end, I just dont know how we're getting from this exact point to that ending yknow what i mean

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Theyre gonna nuke them arent they

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NUKE HIM NUKE HIM NUKE HIM NUKE HIM NUKE HIM

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This is so upsetting man

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TUBBO WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE THE NUKE??? i mean, atleast they remembered that plotpoint

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YEAHHHHHHH SEND THOSE BASTARDS TO HELL BABEYYYYYYY

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Ohhhhh Tommys gonna use himself as bait

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The only way to destroy gods is to nuke them

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THEY DONT HAVE A SCHEDULE, THEYRE GODS

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Dude, the Dream SMP as a post post apocalyptic world though

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Lets fucking nuke that sonofabitch!!

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NUKE TIMEEEEEEEEE

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the bench,,......

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Okay so theyre gonna kill Dream and Punz and then everyone will be free from them and the revival book but like, what about their ghosts though. I mean, those presumably wont be able to revive anyone but they could still like, harass everyone n shit

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Okay but why would no one believe them about Punz being evil now, doesnt he have a reputation for doing whatever for a paycheck and Dream is like, one of the richest guys on the server

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Oughhhh watching Tommy tell Tubbo to tell everyone their stories is so painful when you know its all gonna become lost history at some point

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Theres no music..........

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Okay Im not gonna watch this again from Tubbos pov

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[99ves]

dawn, i’m smoking out the window fr. this chapter was by far my favorite like i just- god, my jaw was dropping every two minutes. ykw, i’m not even gonna give a run down, we getting straight into this shit.

"who shot him?" “rindou."

RINNY RIN AGHSJ I KNOW THATS RIGHT!! OH DAWN IM LIKE I FRSFHI HE SO UGHHBJI YES!! JUST JES

Another beat of silence and then it dawned on you. Of course. Of course, you were pregnant. The exhaustion, the soreness, missing Ran, the mood swings, your recklessness-it all became painfully clear.

when i tell you my jaw dropped. thats why mc was always tired and shit…ARE YOU SERIOUS?! i’m usually good with foreshadowing but wow, this one took me by surprise

“I want to be the person you lean on. I’m by your side, Y/N.” Like a dam holding back your true emotions, you shook your head and dashed the unceasing tears down your cheeks with the back of your hand. “Ran, trust me—I’m fine.”

"Why won't you let me in?" A bitter swallow. "It's hard, Ran-" You were lying to him again.

the way i relate to mc is so scary? just having to carry that burden of always keeping things in because no one ever listened in the first place; having no place of solace, or someone you can lean on. so when people do care your first reaction is to push them away like, aha im fine wym? furthermore, it really is hard letting people in and expressing how you really feel. SORRY IM GETTING TOO PERSONAL AGH i know that in this case, these things mainly apply to mc and how she carries herself around ran, but wow dawn, you really know how to evoke such raw emotion with just a few words.

Little did he know how much of an idiot he truly was; he was the reason for your distrust. He was the reason for your reluctance to drape the burden you wore like a second skin across his chest. This was why you completely shut him out after your father’s death—you didn’t even know if he would be around in the first place for you to put the weight on him.

WOWWWWW, the switching of sensitive topics + her distrust towards him makes so much more sense now. i didnt even stop to think and wonder, what if it’s ran who’s the problem?

He played with your fingers, tracing the new scars that littered your once soft hands. Hands that have claimed lives. A pang of pain spasmed in his heart; it was because of him that you had lost your innocence. “So, I guess we were parents.”

smoking out the window right now, its not even funny

“Rindou got arrested.”

i know we’re supposed to have like a brother/sister relationship with rindou but AGHUJIOKLO RINNY THE PO-PO GOT YOU?! the pout that formed on my lips

Mikey smoothed the front of his suit, Takeomi’s voice echoing in his head. You’re the fearsome Bonten leader, Mikey—you gotta dress like one.

ASSFHHIOKMIKEYY?! YOU GO SANO

Ran’s gun was warm against your skin when you passed the double doors into Bonten HQ.

Despite your promise to your lover to not have any secrets between the both of you and how he had passionately advocated for his organization’s innocence, you couldn’t forget what Hanma had said.

oh god, when you posted a snippet of this i was like huhh wjat is goin on?! so when i read this exact part I WAS YELLING LIKE A MF

The tears were dripping into your parted mouth, your chest heaving. Your hand spasmed, the gun slipping from your numb fingers, clattering onto the ground. Mikey caught you before you could buckle forward, pressing you close to his broad chest.

i was literally in tears, dawn. GO BACK & READ THIS SCENE BUT PLAY FAITH BY THE WEEKND LIKE THE END OF THE SONG, TEARSS

“Thank you for finally telling me the truth when no one else would.”

okay you’re probably like rei what the fuck, but listen…i dont trust this, nope. i dont knowww, trust issues?? IDK!! i don’t even have trust issues LMADO it’s just that line is hmmm. maybe you have something up your sleeve, maybe not, so i will just sit back and ponder

Sanzu’s churlish nature was back and he leveled a glare at Bonten’s advisor. “It was either that or handle my laundry for a whole month… and I’m not that big of a lowlife to make a sick woman do hard labor.”

SANZU SHUT UP LMFAGHJ

Grieving The Child I Never Knew: A Devotional For Comfort In The Loss Of Your Unborn Or Newly Born Child.

..

Your tall and infuriatingly smug boyfriend pressed his face into the back of your neck, inhaling the light scent you wore. “Can’t wait to see you kicking ass, baby. You’re gonna make me pop a boner in the middle of Kisaki’s club.”

AGGHJIJJ RANNN I NEVER DO THIS BUT 🥺🥺🥺🥺

“This is for my father.” Another stab, and before his men could react—before they could even blow your head off, there was a loud explosion outside the bar.

eeeee i’m so giddy right now, i know that’s right!!!

His grin was wide against your lips and you swore you heard Rindou pretend to gag. Sanzu’s wolf whistle egged you on to shove your tongue deeper down his mouth. Neither of you paid the other eight people in the room any mind.

IDKDMAKFOORE SOMAHDIFOW WWYWHAHH DAWNNN YEAHAHAHAHFFGHUJ OMG OMG OMG IM FAN GIRLING RN

“If you even think of fucking my brother behind my car, I swear to God I will shove my gun up your ass, Y/N.”

“I’d probably like that, Rin.”

SHE JUST LIKE FR, SHE JUST LIKE MEEEEEE

DAWNNN ( ˊᯅˋ ｡) I LOVE YOU AND YOUR MIND SMMM??! i wish i could say more but i lowkey want to wait until this mini-series is over just to conclude all my thoughts in one spot. im literally saving shit in my notes every chapter so TRUST! anyways, great job as always! i hope you’re getting enough rest and aren’t pushing yourself too much, you deserve the best x

pretenses [track 3]

summary. yearning for revenge after the untimely death of your father, you come to discover an underground organization called Bonten and how it’s executive may have all the answers you need. the catch? you were the first ever girl that broke his heart.

pairing. bonten!ran haitani x prostitute f!reader

chapter warnings. aftermath of a miscarriage, angst, guns, blood, graphic depictions of violence, language, smoking, (f) oral receiving, mentions of an*l play, takeomi being so done with everyone

a/n. whew this is almost at a 10k wc ajsjsjs reblogs, comments and feedback are always appreciated ♡

◃◃ previous track ▹▹ final track

                             pretty little lies • zach paradis

⠀⠀                              0:00 ─〇───── 1:42

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀          ⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

“don’t want you to fight alone, I am by your side, I won’t go, you gave me love, now I need your trust…“

excerpt. Your grip on the gun wavered and you didn’t care for the other men who had their weapons pointed at you again. The tension was palpable in the room; one tiny misstep was all it took for the bloodshed to begin. Approaching the indomitable Bonten leader, you pressed the barrel to his temple, leaning forward so that you were close enough to feel his breath stirring the loose strands of your hair.

“Whatever fucked up game you’re playing with me—it’s over, Mikey.”

Keep reading

[yutadori]

hi hello! yessss i’m so glad yuki has kakeru TT their bickering is so funny and those SOFT yuki smiles like my heart just ahhhh!! & kyo and tohru are soso soft like w/ them realizing their feelings and the play!! omg i love them! yes kono oto tomare i liked a lot!! and it looks cute but don’t be fooled bc it’s a sport anime in disguise and it’ll come for your heart :’)) ahhh yes shirayukihime!! i watched it a few months back and i love it!!

i want to read the manga but haven’t gotten around to finding where to read it yet :( oooh i haven’t heard of those manga but they look cool from what i’ve seen you post! i always love to see you talk abt shows and everything~ your waves are so nice ^^ and yes!! i DID get to go to the bbt place finally! and it was so goood but now i wanna go again soon haha i have the things to make it at home but i cannot figure out how to get the ice right w/out watering it down??sdfshj

but ooh have you tried making anything else recently? summer’s almost over idk how that happened? i did get to go to the beach a few times! and the one i go to it’s cool bc there’s only ever like four?? other cars there and at low tide you can go suuuper far out bc sandbars!! but i’m ready for cooler weather now :)) i hope you’re doing ok w/ everything going on?!! it’s crazy hearing abt the west coast rn.. pls stay safe + take care!! 💖💖💖 - xkit anon

AAAA HELLO ANON LOVE!!!!! i missed you a lot omg thank you for being patient with my replies like always!!! <3 

omggg yessss please they’re such a funny pair i love them SO MUCH!!! dynamics like theirs are my fave omg and i feel like they are so good for each other )): kakeru bringing out yuki’s more genuine personality with his chaoticness is my fave LOL and omg i KNOW yuki’s soft genuine smiles are like . wow . this is the happiness you deserve, im so happy for you omg T___T  omg kyoru YEAH!!! omg at first i didnt really get the hype with them but as we slowly progressed through the series i was like oh okay i get it now they’re really soft T__T omg when kyo realized that he loves tohru.... goodbye that was a lot gfdgdfgdf

omg wait i think i’ve heard of kono oto tomare!! 0: ohhh wait i bookmarked it some time ago... hm i think i may try picking it up soon! unsure if right now is a good time because for some reason, i havent been able to get into anything new like i’ve picked up and dropped around 5 shows in the past two weeks or so, its really annoying T___T also thank you for the sad warning gsgfdgf f how do sports anime always end up being SAD PLEASE )))):

ooohh i have a few manga sites that i use! i’d say the one i like the most is mangadex! there arent any/many ads even on mobile and it’s v neat and easy to navigate! i think there’s also mangareader/net and manganelo! i hope they work well for you if you decide to use them !!

omg thank you im glad you dont mind seeing those posts !! T___T i miss rambling about shows and stuff.. i havent been able to get into anything new which has been :// i think the only thing i’m really into right now is jujutsu kaisen?? but idk i think the coffee i had the other day awakened somethnig in me and i’ve just been thinking and talking about my ocs for the past few days gfsgdfgfdgf 

oooohhh yay im so happy you got to go to the bbt place!!! ^__^ and omg making bbt at home that sounds so exciting yesss (~: awww i get what you mean i think my friend had the same problem )): i never really used ice and usually just left it in the fridge so maybe you could try that if the ice ratio doesn’t work out?? 0: 

aaa actually i havent cooked anything in a while, ive just been eating take out that my brother brings home or eating what my mom cooks whenever shes home gfdgfdg BUT omg actually i was watching some cooking videos the other week and i got some ingredients to make onigiri, since they seem relatively easy to make!! :3 im not sure when ill be making those but im really excited for it hehe ^__^ how about you?? :3

aaaa i knowww omg i was so sad about summer ending, i cant believe it was over so fast like that )): i really miss it, esp since it’s sooooo cold nowwwww T___T and with daylight savings, it starts to get dark at like... four pm which is SO SAD ))): i know it can get pretty cold on the east coast so i hope you’ve been able to stay warm recently!! <3 oh and im glad you were able to go one last time before summer ended and that there werent many people !! <3

and thank youuuu so much for thinking about me awww im T___T omg it was so WILD like . fires in california are normal esp in summer (unfortunately...) because of how HOT and dry it gets here but it was even worse this year because i believe it was worsened by a gender reveal party which was -___- esp bc as far as what i know, the people who started it were california residents and it’s like.. if you live here you know.... that california is susceptible to fires esp in the summer so it was ://// but it was wild because where i live we’ve never really been too affected by the fires??? like if you drove and looked at some mountains from farrrr away or something you could sometimes see the fires depending (help does this make sense gfdgf) but ??? this time i actually ?? smelled ashes from the inside of my house..... with our windows open.... and at first i thought it was just me but my brother said when he went out he’d seen ashes and i was just like ?!?! because i don’t think it’s been that bad before in our area (at least not for a Long Time) but yeah anyway gfdsgfdg thankfully??? the effects of the fire in our area didnt last for too long !! and we got our first rain last week !!! gfdgfdgfd

but yesss thank you for checking in i really appreciate your kind words love!! <3 how have you been doing yourself and what have you been up to?? i hope you’ve been doing well and staying warm!! <3 take care and stay safe!!! 💖💖💖

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 56 - 62

This has been a hard one. So you know how Ramadan is the month you fast and al and your supposed to strengthen your spirituality and all. Well Ramadan went well Alhamdulillah but it is more like all these things happened to me this one week more compared to during Ramadan. 

So I started walking on the treadmill. I planned on 2 hours a day but ended up doing one hour everyday. Well when i decided on 2hrs it was what i ‘preferred’. 1hr, duh, is the ‘minimum’ and more than 2 hours is highly appreciable but im still proud i could at least do the bare minimum this week yay! well proud is exaggeration tbh, im just not panicking and depressed  because I maintained the bare minimum but im not like ‘happy’ or impressed cause I dont see any progress. But then again, the way i define ‘progress’ is kind of too high standard as always so yeah I am kind of harsh on myself ‘as always’ again so maybe I am kinda doing okay i guess. well but bottom line, im not really ‘impressed’. 

Aha ok so theres that. then um oh! me catching cold after coming from Makkah, Well in the beginning i was sooooo tired for a day or two like i couldnt function at all. But then yeah all the classic symptoms started to arise. coughing, sneezing, throat irritation, blocked nose, runny nose, greenish sputum, difficulty breathing. Oh God, you name it! so I have been on medication for a week now and I have to continue for another 1 week. And its just not going away yet. like its there, constant! except for just last night when my throat wasnt itching much and luckily i could sleep like a babyyyyyyyyy for a change after a week. Oh so this whole week I used to go to bed around 12 to 1 or at 2 latest! Now whether I could fall asleep is a different story. Well most of the nights I did try to fall asleep like till fajr and i could like sleep for an hour or 2 max and then I would just wake up from coughing so much. and then Id just lie down till fajr and then get up and pray and then go to bed. 2 of the mornings I worked out after fajr and then took a shower and then slept around 7 in the morning. 

during the day, well i wake up always keeping in mind that I should not miss zuhr so lol that mean i kinda wake up usually around 2pm or even later sometimes. Since im talking about the entire week, this is like what i did majority of the days. Some days i woke up earlier though. but maybe thats like a day or 2 out of 7.  So its so hot during the day, like you dont even need to ‘move’ and youll already be sweating! I totally hate it and I have never been that tired of any weather ugh. Like I totally love winter now. not cause idk its fun or something but like i hate summer so muchhhhhhh that yeah i can basically go like i love winter 

Ok so the week kinda started with me being kind of tired mentally. parents were in the middle of a huge argument so yeah the whole atmosphere in the house was kinda blue and then I started eating so less and then starting with the treadmill and all and well it was just a bit tough to move from a phase to another. I wasnt having negative vibes and all but i just wished for more from life. I mean sometimes it is kind of too much to take. I get all the stuff about life not supposed to be perfect and how it is just temporary and how we should not get attached to worldly things. Yes all of that is cool and i get it but then when you are actually experiencing those ‘downs’ in life, youre obviously not going to be ‘okay’ with it and ofcourse youll wish things were better or youd just feel mentally drained out - despite knowing the entire “concept” of life - 

So yeah thats the phase I was in for a few days and then after a lot of thinking how I suddenly got out of the phase was when I was thinking about how every single person is subjected to life is a completely different way. Like you can never compare. You might think your life is horrible and so much shit has happened to you and everything and maybe someone else who never had to face anything similiar to the ‘shit’ you went through. Well maybe they had to experience something else. Something you are too blessed to even be aware of. What I am trying to say is how sometimes we wish for things is life and other people have it, that what you want. Or maybe they dont have what you want, but then in general it seems like there life seems ‘happier’ than yours. Well I dont really think it is true anymore. I kind of think everyone goes through almost an equal share of good and bad. and how do we define what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’? Well we just cant tbh. Because what might seem good to me and I would wish for could be something someone has and feels cursed with. I mean its all about perceptions. So someone maybe suffering in their own way but you are not just seeing it. Basically the point is, 

We should always be thankful, be patient and keep breathing. We should be aware of how our life is not going to be a compilation of scenes you get to watch in movies or be picture perfect. And we also need to protect ourselves from getting attached to anything or anyone so much! We need to be okay with letting go of things or people if we ever have to! And we also need to know that every single person out there ~ Everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect. Yes, of course I cant really disagree to how some people might seem to have better lives but then again, all the hardships you go through, you are being tested and you are being rewarded for them so at the end of the day it all balances off. 

So I was kind of really bored with life in general and also my days were boring too. Well theyre still pretty much boring but like i was also bored of life. Then I started thinking of certain people who are having more boring lives than mine, and who dont even have the blessings I am gifted with. And everything started to just get more acceptable. And then I started thinking of my brother. I mean its so cool he is going to move to Canada in like less than 2 months inshaAllah and all. I am really happy for him and wish nothing but the best of the best for him and all but but but.. I mean just think of it. At first I was thinking of my some of the people Ik who arent really in a pretty place maybe because of financial reasons. Then there were people that came to my mind who arent in a pretty place because of just family reasons. And then ones who are just simply having to work a bit harder and so theyre not at a pretty place. Some who are away from friends, family because of life. So yeah. then I started thinking of my brother. I mean he is going to move soon and he will be living in a dorm and I mean he will be in Canada in one of the top 5 universities in the country and he has a scholarship. MashAllah that all sounds so great. Something Id want too but but but. then i started thinking of life in general. I mean he will be living on his own. He doesnt have to cook though, he has subscribed to a meal plan so he doesnt have to worry about preparing his food. but like living alone in his dorm room. I mean coming home every day to his room. Well cool thing though he wont be sharing a room with anyone and he will have his own toilet and stuff but then again, i mean he will be alone. Im not saying that an alternate scenario could be one where hed come home to his family and woah everyone would be partying and laughing and smiling and all. I mean even when he is at home right now he is like always in front of his computer busy with his own stuff and all but like idk Id still prefer coming home and having some other humans who are family. Atleast once in a while you know. or maybe its just me. but then still, i mean uni and studies are stressful enough, id just want to see people i love around! And yeah that is one of the main reasons why I didnt finally decide to study abroad right after high school! 

So yeah then I started realizing that there are so many ways I already am blessed. Even on every one of my ‘boring’ days, there are blessings i am encountering which many people arent getting even on their normal days. Yeah that kind of cheered me up! 

So this week, more like this month or like the entire 2 months will be about my bro lol. I mean theres a lot of shopping to do. like clothes, toilet stuff, laundry stuff, bed, pillow, shoe, laptop, tootpaste, mug, spoon and what not. literally everything. I mean its actually fun. Like you go to a shop and literally anything you touch, is something in the shopping list for him!! i mean normally somethings are like just too basic, youd never in years touch them in a shop cause like you have it, its there!!! but for him, have to get everything since he will start from scratch! 

Ok so now about myself! Well like i said, the week started pretty rough because of the whole change in phase. parents fighting, me not eating much considering how food is one of the means by which i look for comfort, and then life just being boring in general and then how getting on the treadmill is such a pain in the ass in the first place and not to mention the extremely hot temperature these days and then you dont really see any difference. I mean duh. DUHHHHH howd i even be thinking to see any difference? I mean i KNOWWW its too soon for any difference but like all these staying patient emotionally, mentally about so many different aspects in life..It all can get pretty heavy sometimes!!!! Oh and then its like i really really really love myself. Like a LOT LOT. now like i said, once you already love someone, I mean, well, to fall in love ofcourse the person needs to have good qualities most of the time but then like once you already love someone, you love them despite their imperfections. Well, thats how you love ‘another person’. but when you love yourself. Forget qualities!!! you love yourself regardless lol! Where I am getting with this is!!! I mean right now, i really am not AT ALL happy with my body, like not. at . ALL. Infact I have never been this unhappy about my body ever in my life. And also I kind of feel really dumb. Like wow, Alhamdulillah whatever I did in my exams and all, i am thankful for that but like as a person in general. I really dont feel smart enough plus I literally dont remember anything i studied. like i actually wonder how tf did are they just not there in my head anymore. Like i definitely did study them or else i wouldnt pass my exams so now where the hellllll did all that go awaaayyyyy whatttttttttt

yeah so 4th year basically you need to know your shit. like you actually need to know what they taught you in the last 3 years. like youre actually be walking with doctors and interacting with them one on one. its not going to be like the last 3 years where like it doesnt really matter whether you are alive or dead, asleep or awake. like you just make sure you have your name signed. so theres the attendance part covered. and you make sure you finish every lecture and to do that you have time till before you enter the “exam code” on your laptop and start the exam!!!! You see, now! you actually need to know shit, you actually need to go see patients with the doctors and even without the doctors, you need to go to patients, and take history from them which TADAAA will be in arabic. oh wow!! So yeah if you dont know arabic you need a friend/ translator! yeah and then you need to tell your history to your doctor in english thank god lol :p but like yeah, and you ll be in small groups of 6 - 10 with a doctor and like he might bring up a disease he wants to discuss and SURE af it wont be something they found out about 2 minutes ago. ofcourse it will be something we are expected to have covered in the last 3 years or uni and you cant just go like. OH I never heard about it!!!! Idk what it is!!! Ok lol i guess im freaking out now. 

Anyways so what i was saying. yeah so not happy with my body, plus i think im really dumb and then its just TOO DAMN HOT i cant do anything, I CANT EVEN MOVE. so yeah its pretty disturbing! Also not to mention how not eating much is so hard Ughh! 

Ok so i have been typing for over an hour now. I kind of think I covered everything I wanted to blog about for the whole week but like Im not sure and I dont want to read all what i wrote right now cause its already so boring cause its like always in my head anywaysssss and yeah thats one nice thing about blogging. Ahh. like once i hit the ‘post’ button and then woah!!! all these thoughts just turn into feather in my head!!!!! hahaahh!! 

But i still do read what i write again everytime, prolly at the end of the day to make sure nothing is ‘misunderstood or sounds completely opposite of what I actually wanted to say and all. blablaaa. So yeah if somethings mssing, ill fill it up

okay enough blabbering. Tataa!!!!!! :) 

[lhassinu]

For the fandom meme, could i ask for either kekkai sensen or kill la kill (or, if you haven't gotten this ask already, fma/fmab?)

aaa thank you!! ill do Kekkai Sensen and FMA because although i still love KLK i cant remember any of their names so it is just embarrassing.... 

fmaB (i still havent finished fma03 sHAME ON ME i know i knowww)

The first character I first fell in love with: well i love them all so much now i honestly cant rememeber who was my First Fav?............it was Greed wasnt it of course it was because years ago i saw a gifset of his death on my dash and i was in my No-More-Weeb-Shit phase (lmao how long did that last..not) so i just went to my friend to explain that i have feels about this dying piece of bacon and who the heck is he so i dont have to watch the show.. and like year later i ended up watchin said show anyway and to no one’s surprise Greed fuckin wrecked me.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: so many!!! Paninya, Ed, Maria Ross, Lan Fan, all the chimeras (okay my furry ass should have probably expected those...) but yea obviously the unexpected love par excellence was Envy. .  . i was fine until that piece of shit drama queen lizard stepped on that fuckin snow mine and got blasted off and i just wheezed and then suddenly feels and i just fell in love with every tantrum n move they did and started focusin on their issues and just. welp. 

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Roy sorry everyone... :// and not just because of the lizard barbeque but that sure didnt helpThe character I love that everyone else hates: every minor character is at least somehow popular so im not complaining but lets say chimera squads again? Darrius and Heinkel of course but Devil’s nest ones especially deserved better ;A;The character I used to love but don’t any longer: hmmmmmm maybe Roy’s team? like i still love them and they are great but since they are usually associated with Roy in every fanart im just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  The character I would totally smooch: Lan Fan The character I’d want to be like: tough choice! i honestly dont know? they are all very good but.. oh i know! Lily!! aka Madame Bradley!!!! she is wonderfulThe character I’d slap: obviously my top list priority is to join the Kicked Envy’s Ass club A pairing that I love: i owe my life to Greedling tbh its all my fav tropes in one... plus obviously all the femslash, mainly Lan Fan/Paninya but Panini/Winry is also good?? And Winry/Sheska.. and Lan Fan/

A pairing that I despise: i dont care much about RoyEd but i dont really have anythin i would Despise.. oh and LinFan mostly because i have such strong otps with both of them and i love their dynamics are friends aaaand Kekkai Sensen!The first character I first fell in love with: i have a flippin Type for my fav characters so of fuckin course it was Zed :’D i even started watchin it for him tbh? i saw an undertale/kekkai sensen crossover fanart with undyne being hyped there is a fish guy and i was like 👀 fish guy 👀 huh. Although who doesnt love Leo tbh five seconds in and i was sold :’) 

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: hmmmm Femt i think? he seemed kinda cliche at first but now well he is still cliche but also hilarious and i Appreciate. also i guess Black and White? like at first i was kinda meh about them but once i rewatched and also thanks to all of the greelin’s posts i really really appreciate them both?  

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: hmmmmm im quite fond of them all? like i dont really care that much about Klaus but thats not really that i dislike him its just there are others i love more? The character I love that everyone else hates: there is definitely not enough love for Dog&Hummer they are both so Good (tho it makes me kinda mad cuz aGAIN IM FUCKIN PREDICTIBLE so of course they just introduced a two body sharing characters and i was like. yes. my fav.´)   The character I used to love but don’t any longer: i still love them all maybe im a bit colder about KK? i was just really hyped about her and now im not as much? but same as with Klaus, i like her but just not as much as others...   The character I would totally smooch: idkkkkk i guess i would give a lil peck to all of the libra members? for the good work~ and Vivian! The character I’d want to be like: Leo is just Good and Pure and hardworking and selfless and-..... The character I’d slap: Zapp obviously, i love him he is great but deserves good good asskickin to chill a bit.. also his master tbh ...A pairing that I love: i dont actually have many ships in BBB but i really like that headcanon Leo was completely and utterly smitten by both Mackbeth siblings? hm so i guess Leo and Will is a good? 

A pairing that I despise: idk what kind of ships are there even? guess im not into the Leo/Klaus one? shrug

[ilygsd]

ok so the question is if im gonna open nyself up to him and tell him i had like 25262 anxiety attacks these 2 last days or if i should just ignore it and pretend that im super cool and all is fine and what r u talking abt??? i wasnt freaked out at all? i was just chilling all day lmaooo

he will see through me wont he..... but if i dont tell him then maybe he thinks im getting better at u know holding stuff in i mean HE DOESNT CARE ANYWAYS IM OBVIOUSLY DOING IT FOR HIM

i am the list pathetic human being in this world. anyone wants to know for how long ive known this guy? HAHAHAHAHA BITCH IVE GROWN EMOTIOKALLY DEPENDANT ON GUYS I HAVENT EVEN MET that was wilde and i would rather not talk abt that fuck brain stfu sont bring up him

anYwAySs i feel better cus he replied

im just gonna pray i wont get emo and anxious when i get to him

i hate that he thinks everything i do is manipulative. he says he doesnt think i do it on purpose...... does that mean i actually AM manipulative? NO ITS JUST HOW IM FEELING I CANT STAND BEING AVABDONED AND OFC ILL DO ANYTHING I CAN ILL BEG ON MY KNEES OR SET THEM ON FIRE IF I HAVE TO i-is t-that..... m-m-manipulat-tive....

god i cant believe he basically said he cant be with me unless i learn to love myself BUTTT it has to be ”on my conditions” do that means i cant love myself to make him stay it means i’ll have to ACTUALLY try and love myself LMAOOO

and ghat will absolutely not happen and this ugly masternind will see through my lies (hes a bit too paranoid tho like he thinks im lying even when i tell the truth ugh) even if i pretend to love myself i mean i cant have these vreakdowns if i love myself right and i will most certainly have these breakdowns and then i absolutely CAN NOT LET HIM KNOWWW BUT I HAVE ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL SO HE WILL KNOW ABYWAYS

oh god he will leave me anyways

but you know what..... thats cool bc we’re gonna stop dating soon anyways

im obviously too unstable he thinks im too immature

also him and his weird ass goals, he even told me he wants to bleach his teeth bc ”im gonna be a poltician, all piliricsn has white shiny teeth” his teeth are already white?? wth

i hate when he does that it creeps the fuck out of me like when he showed up in a nice suit and im like oooh nice feeling fancy today ;)))) and hes like ”no im just making myself comfortable if im gonna be a serious and respect politicsn/psychologist i have to dress like one”

when he threatened to murder me TWICEEEE but then goes like ”i wouldnt actually murder you, that would ruin my future career” OH THANKS SO MUCH YOU EDGY BITCH

so yeah sooner or later he will dump me. also his expectations of sex...... also he literally dont seem to bond at all wheb having sex its like in and out and then maybe some cuddle if he’ nice

ok in exaggerating sex is actually nice with him at least last time but maybe im just thinkin that visnum attracted to him. its like the other way around for us. i told him LOVE is whats behind my sex. i said ofc sexual attraction too but i could probably find some ugly dude attractive if i LOVED them. not gj my ex though ghats sad bc i certainly do love them.... ugh anyways he was low key offended he was like ”if u think in ugly but just love me i’ll cut you” I WAS IFFENDED LIKE EXCUSE ME YOURE THE ONE WHO SEES OUR RELATIONSHIP AS A FUCKING WHORE CONTRACT and hes likes ”yeah”

and thats where i lost my shit :———)

BUT ITS COOL I NEED TO VE ALONE ABD IBDEPENDANT ANYWAYS JUST DONT GO BACK TO YOUR EX THAT WOULD BE SO SHOTTY OF ME I NEED TO SUFFER ALONE ABD GET THINGS DONE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ALSO NEED TO PRACTICE ABD HES SO GOOD AT PRACTICING REALTIONSHUPS IWTH BC HE DOEST CARE OR GET HURT LMAO only angry and i guess thats his way of ”getting hurt” ugh

i dont need him. hes still a dumb fkn centrist, making racist jokes right in front of my face sometimes he REALLY MADE AN ADOPTION-NO-ONE-LOVED-YOU JOKE IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE WHEN I OPENED UP AVOUT MY ADOPTION THE VERY ISSUE AND REASON I AM LIKE THIS

i actually cant believe he did ghat, i didnt even realise he did until he apologized and made sure ”it was just a stupid joke” and even then i didnt register it. idk he’s dumb as shit its so fkn weird how much i let him hurt my feelings bc if it was someone else i’d fuxk them in the asshole but im just here letting him fuck me over bc i blame it on is aspd bug actually its just an excuse bc..... bc...... bc..... i dont want him to leave OH FUCK IT REALLY IS LIKE THAT RIGHT I REALLY AL STUCK ON HIM GREAT

whatever you do dont fkn devalue him. omg omg u dont eant it to end like with your ex bff who made u depressed and suicidal and now u will live the rest of your life in INTENSE SHAMEEEE bc of how u treated her and reacted to her leaving you DONT ACT LIKE THAT WHEN HE LEAVES YOU DINT

i probably wont. i wouldnt dare to. i thought i could manipulate my ex bff by scaring and threatening her but i couldnt abd i KNOW i wont ve able to with him. i’ll probably just fall into self-hatered self pity and despair abd maybe secretely stalk his social media but i wouldnt dare to do anything

ugagahIbwlsbslsksvdjsnsksbs my bRaINnNn