#so many things that look fun require more people and the few people i know are either too far away or too busy or both

[hyenasfnafaus]

discovering Gartic Phone from watching youtube, thinking it looks fun, but also knowing no one you know will play it with you, and you're too perpetually terrified to play with people you don't know.

If anyone's played Gartic Phone, I'd love to hear about any fun you had with it! :3

[helplesslypurple77]

Day 14 -Shower Sex-Hisoka/Reader

Notes:  k so suspend your disbelief that Hisoka would ever need a roommate, that man is probably rich as hell, but this is my universe and I can do anything I want.

.....

Maybe your decision to get a roommate was a mistake. It had seemed like such a bright idea a few weeks ago, when you had put the last minute listing online. Because you could have a nice, large apartment in a central location and halve the price. And maybe you could make a nice friend out of it. You were even safe, requiring an online form as well as an in person interview. You weren't too worried though, you considered yourself pretty formidable when it came to ability. 

But it was not going as well as you would have liked. You have received plenty of submissions, sure. But each one had something glaringly wrong with it. You shuffle through the forms you had printed out, sighing as each one passes through your vision. These are the better ones, you threw out the worse ones already. Now, only three remain.

The first one is a woman, who after a delightful interview where the two of you got along really well, she had informed you that she had four cats and three dogs, and a cow. And she would expect them to live with her. So she was obviously tossed. The second one had been a rather mousy looking man who had some clear stalker tendencies, and had asked you to compromise on rent. You had told him maybe, and shooed him away. 

The last option was the one you were most hopeful about. It was another man, who was set to arrive any minute now. His answers on the form were promising, of course, but also very general. That was why you had set up the in person interview. To probe people and get their general vibes. 

The doorbell rings, shaking you out of your thoughts. You jump up, straightening your dress and fixing your hair, before moving to the door. This is the last one. You send up a little prayer, begging that this one will be the perfect candidate, and open the door.

The man standing on the other side of the door with his hand on his hip is very hot. It's the first thing you notice, followed very quickly by the odd way he dresses. But have met many a weird dresser in your day so you try not to judge. 

“Are you Mr Morrow?” You question, smiling up at him. He's very tall, looming over you a bit in your own doorway.

“Yes, I was informed you were in desperate need of a roommate,” The man says, offering a hand out in front of him. “You have such a lovely nen, dear.”

You take it, wincing slightly as he shakes it. He's a dramatic one. And probably a pro hunter, given the fact that he noticed your nen. And pointed it out at all. But that doesn't mean anything, not yet at least.  

“I am. Come on in.” You say, yanking your hand out of his tight, cold grip and opening the door wide. The man breezes past you, sauntering into your house with no hint of hesitancy or fear. He shows only blind confidence, accompanied by a smirk tossed over his shoulder. He must be very strong. Or just stupid. You don't know which is better. You sigh, leading him towards the living room where you have your little interview area set up. 

“Alright Mr Morrow, could you tell me why you want a roommate?” You ask, sitting down on the couch of the cozy little living room. He sits down opposite you, in one of the cushy armchairs and crosses one leg over the other. 

“Hisoka is fine,” he says, brushing a hair through his red hair, pushing it back farther. “And it seemed fun!”

You raise an eyebrow. So he's an odd one. 

“Not for a financial need or…” You say, trying to prompt him into a more in depth answer. His smiles, yellow eyes flickering between your face and the rest of the apartment, probably taking it in. It's a nice apartment, and in a central part of Yorknew city. That's partly why you were so desperate for it. 

“Oh no, of course not. I could pay for this entire place if I felt like it.” He laughs lightly, and you chuckle. Probably a bad sign, you muse as he continues. “It's just that the address of my other residence got out and I had the most annoying visitors at all hours of the day.”

You raise your eyebrow high, so high you assume it's going to disappear into your hairline at any moment, and tap your pen. Hisoka shakes his head, pouting slightly and you kick yourself as it occurs to you once again how attractive he really is. 

“It was so inconvenient, I'm sure you know darling. So I had to move.” Hisoka says with a frown, head tilting to the side. “But I soon discovered that I had been put on a no buy list. Like a no fly list? You understand?”

He leans forward, like he's telling some great secret, and you nod with a sigh. This one is a complicated one. No matter how attractive you find his arms as they flex, or his thin waist in that odd outfit he wears, you need to remain rational and not rush such an important decision because you thought this guy was hot as fuck. Hisoka smiles, somehow not disturbing the strange symbols painted on his cheeks. 

“So I figured getting a roomie was the solution to both problems!” He says with a smile, pointing his finger in the air as if he's come up with the solution to a great puzzling problem. “No weak people will figure out my address, as your name will be on the lease. And paying you the rent mitigates the no buy list issue.”

“I see, how interesting.” You say, trying not to sound too amused. He sure is a weird one, alright. “Do you have any pets?”

“Oh no, animals don't like me.” He laughs, passing his hand through his hair again. “I couldn't tell you why, will that be an issue?”

“Oh, no.” You say, a beat of worry ticking at the back of your brain. “I don't have any pets, they make a lot of mess.”

It should probably be a bad sign that animals don't like him, but honestly all you care about is the fact that he doesn't have a pet, not any flags as red as his hair that answer might raise. 

“And you wouldn't object to sharing a bathroom?” You question. The apartment is nice, but it's a two bedroom one bath. You didn't know why, an odd design choice on the part of the former owners. Hisoka chuckles.

“Oh, not at all~” He says silkily, recrossing his legs with a flourish. “I can coexist just fine with someone as lovely as you. I hear that taking showers together conserves water~”

He shoots you a wink, a smirk flashing across his face. You laugh, trying to ignore what he's laying down on the table. It's better not to think of anything like that, lest it urge you closer and closer to just giving up and taking him on as a roommate.

“How environmentally conscious,” You say, appropriately neutral as you continue. “And may I ask what you do for work?”

“Ah work. That's a little complicated, I'm afraid.” Hisoka says, tilting his head to the side with a bit of a frown. “I suppose officially, I would classify as a blacklist hunter.”

Ah, of course. You can't really say you're surprised, but perhaps it's a bad sign for your mental health that his answer doesn't actually put you off as much as it should.

“I see,” you say, noting that down on your little notebook. Hisoka tilts his head, eyes flickering curiously.

“You don't seem at all alarmed.” He questions, yellow eyes staring directly at your face. Not dancing around your face and body, not at the wall behind you. He must be very interested in your reaction.

“It's really none of my business, as long as you don't mess with the apartment,” You explain, running a hand through your hair. “And besides, I'm a hunter as well, and you don't seem to mean any harm to me. Right now anyway.”

Hisoka blinks, letting the silence stretch on for a moment, filling the air of the cozy living room. He seems a bit surprised by your answer, for reasons you can't understand. Maybe he was surprised by your total lack of fear? Or maybe your casual attitude. It was only natural, both your parents were hunters and most of your clientele were as well. You supposed you were a bit dead to what was normal and unusual. You did make specialty weapons for people all over the world. Some of your best clientele were the infamous Zoldyck family. You were kind of used to weirdos dressed in odd costumes who wanted strange things. The only thing you might need to worry about from Hisoka was how attractive you found him. 

Hisoka chuckles. 

“How interesting~” he purrs, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. “What a strikingly brave person you are, doll.”

“I guess,” You say, shrugging off the pet name he’s already assigned you with a sigh. “Are there any questions you have for me? It's better to settle these things before you move in.”

“Ah, so you’ll have me then?” Hisoka asks, all smiles. You nod, shuffling your papers with a sigh. It seems he really is the best option. 

“Questions, hmm.” Hisoka says, tapping his chin. You wait patiently as he considers, a bit worried. Finally, he speaks. “I have an odd friend. You don't mind him showing up out of nowhere do you?”

You sigh. You've been doing a lot of sighing lately. 

“No, not really. Tell him my bedroom is off limits though.” You say, standing to your feet. You've known your share of weirdos, and as long as this one stays out of your private spaces you're fine. Hisoka smiles, rising smoothly to his feet with a slightly unhinged smile. He held out his hand, yet again. You eye it warily.

“So, we have a deal?” He asks, angling his hand upwards slightly, palm pointing into the ceiling. His nails are a bit long, you notice absentmindedly.

You reach out, taking his hand to shake. 

“Yes, for now.” You say, “But we still need to sign the papers.”

“Yes, of course.” Hisoka supplies, mouth curving into a smile as he grips your hand, bringing it up to his cold lips. You push down a flush, biting your lips as he presses a long kiss to the back of your hand. His yellow eyes flick up, meeting your own and pinning you to the spot. Finally, after what feels like an age, he stands up, gently releasing your hand from his chilly grip. It falls to your side, and you clear your throat.

“Would you like a tour?” You ask, proud of how clear your vocal cords remain. Hisoka chuckles, crossing his arms casually.

“Sure.” He laughs.

You fear for your future self. You’ve certainly found an odd roommate. 

⚀⚀⚀

Hisoka, despite the faults and red flags that constantly run in your vision, isn't actually that terrible of a roomate. He's quite clean, and not very noisy. He does cook at all, but you don't mind cooking for two and leaving leftovers for him as he comes and goes. In return, he cleans the kitchen for you, and often the rest of the house as well. The two of you end up not seeing each other as much as you would like, only meating for meals and the occasional free afternoon of dancing around each other. It's nice, honestly. You can ignore his other faults, like the makeup skin and hair products that are mixing with your own, and the incessant flirting. He flirts so much you assume it's just how he is. Because no matter how much you wanna fuck him, you doubt its returned. Because that's the other problem. You really wanna fuck him, and it can be reliably traced to a combination of a few things. 

One, because of your new roomie, you cant bring men home to fuck anymore. 

Two, He's just insanely attractive and touchy, a hand on your waist here, a brush of your neck there, and you're losing your mind.

And three, the walls are too thin for you to masturbate comfortably. You can only masturbate in the shower now. But that in itself is a problem. You try not to shower for too long because of the water bill and so you can only get yourself off way less than you need.

But it isn't really a big deal, you promise yourself. You don't find yourself spending long bouts of time with Hisoka anyway, so your obvious desire for him isn't on display. You can only hope you can hide it for as long as the two of your remaining roomies. 

⚀⚀⚀

You survey the counters of your bathroom, the white of the countertop slowly being swallowed by skincare. Your own skincare addiction was a beast, but with Hisoka living with you the problem had only worsened. The shelves were covered in various masks and serums, the cabinets taken up by painkillers and mysterious under the counter drugs. The shelves to the side of the counter are laden in your makeup, with a small space devoted to the few products Hisoka used to draw his star and teardrop. 

You shove a couple things aside to grab your hair brush. The mirror is clean, your reflection clear in the glass, a few little sticky notes stuck to one end. You eye them, your messy handwriting noting down the things you were running low on. It was better if you left them in the mirror. You looked at it every morning and night after all when you did your skincare. 

You sigh, running a brush over your scalp in relief. The shower isn't running yet, but you're excited for the opportunity to wash your hair, and of course, to masturbate. Your body is thrumming with pent up energy as you eye yourself in the mirror. Hisoka had been especially annoying this week. It seemed he had nothing to do, so every morning when you left for work you encountered him in the living room, and he was there when you returned. 

Sometimes he was on the couch, watching reality tv in a tank top and sweats, and sometimes he was clearly just coming from the gym with sweat gathering on his arms and face. Each time he was desperately tempting, and much too flirty for your sanity. Be it a wink and a flirty comment, or a brush of your waist and a breath on your neck. He was driving you crazy. 

You sigh, shedding the towel you had been wrapped in and fold it neatly, placing it on the small shelf next to the entrance of the shower. You dig your feet ingo the bathmat, running a hand through your hair with a sigh. And then you see it.

A spider. A nasty, giant spider the size of your palm, sitting directly in the shower. In the path of your feet.

You scream shrilly, jumping backwards dramatically as you run to get as far away from the spider as possible. You hate spiders, more than anything in the world. You scream again, your shrill voice echoing off the bathroom walls.

“Hisoka!” You shriek, hugging your naked waist in fear as the spider moves a few inches closer. “Come here!”

The door slams open, Hisoka moving with a sense of urgency. His face betrays no emotion besides amusement as he takes you in, shivering and naked, glaring at the spider on the shower floor.

“Can I help you doll?” he purrs, moving closer to you across the bathroom floor. You don't even notice, too busy with your worst enemy, the giant spider watching you from the shower. The shower in the bathroom is only covered with a slight wall of glass, leaving about a space wide enough for someone to pass through comfortably into the shower cubby. It's also enough space for the spider to escape and hunt you down relentlessly. 

“Don't you see it?” You hiss, body trembling in the chilly bathroom air. You shiver, holding your arms around your waist. You seem to have forgotten your nakedness. 

Hisoka chuckles, folding his hands across his chest as his yellow eyes scan your body, pausing on all the parts of interest. He licks his lips, moving towards you across the floor. You don't notice, too busy keeping an eye on the spider. 

“Look,” you whisper. “The spider. In the shower.”

“Ah,” Hisoka says, a slight laugh contained in his voice. “Afraid of spiders, are you?”

You roll your eyes, not happy with his sarcasm.

The spider jumps, moving out of the shower cubby and towards you on the floor. You shriek, jumping backwards and into Hisoka’s arms, clinging to his muscled body as you scream.

“Ugh, it's coming this way!” You yell, hiding your face in Hisoka’s chest as your legs clench around his waist. “Just kill it!”

Hisoka laughs, the sound rattling in his chest as you cling close to him. He has his phone in his pocket, poking against your thighs. It's odd, because you don't remember this pair of sweatpants he's wearing having pockets. The spider sits heavy on your mind though, and you grip his muscled shoulders close with a whimper.

“As you wish.” Hisoka laughs, gripping your thighs and holding your body close to him. Faintly, you inhale his scent, a mix of flowers and musk and the unmistakable faint scent of blood. It turns you on as fear runs through your blood. You hid your head in his chest.

“Is it dead?” You whisper, gripping him tightly. Your heart is beating fast against your chest, begging to escape and run away from the stupid spider. 

“Yes, doll.” Hisoka purrs, other hand coming up to stroke your hair gently, an attempt to calm you down. “Your knight in shining armor has rescued you from the great threat lurking in the depths of the shower.”

You roll your eyes. He's making fun of you.

“Did you throw it away?” You question, not loosening your death grip on his shoulders. 

“Yes, I'm delighted to report it’s out of your sight.” Hisoka says, a chuckle in his voice. You pull your head away from his chest cautiously, pearing backwards and scouring the bathroom floor for any remnants of the spider. The floor is empty, only occupied with the fluffy bath mat. You sigh in relief, your chest heavy distractingly against the black tank top Hisoka wears. 

Then you realize exactly where you are. You're clinging to Hisoka like a tree, completely naked and clutching at his body. You shriek again, almost as loud as you did when you saw that damn spider and fly away from him like you've touched fire. Hisoka chuckles.

“Aw, come back.” he coos, running a hand through his hair. “You were so cute, all helpless and scared.”

You frown and bite back a groan at the same time, covering your tits and pussy with your hands as best you can.

“Get out!” You shriek, fighting back the arousal that leaks in as you take him in. 

“How rude!” Hisoka chuckles, pulling his tank top over his head. “No thank you?”

You yank your eyes away from his pale chest, as your pussy twitches with arousal. He toys with the hem of his sweatpants. As he tugs them lower, and you take in the v line pointing lower and lower, you realize he's not wearing boxers. You yank your eyes away, but it's too late. He's seen your wandering eyes. 

“The water bill is getting too high.” You say out of nowhere, body tingling with arousal. 

HIsoka tilts his head, biting back a smirk.

“Is that so?” He smirks, voice lilting seductively. “You know, I've been told showering together conserves water.”

You bite back a smile. A callback to your very first conversation. You let your hands drop, as you move towards the shower. All pretense is gone, just two people who really wanna fuck each others brians out. You giggle.

“What a clever plan.” You say, stepping into the shower and turning on the water with a sigh. Hisoka crowds behind you, smirking like the cat that got the cream. You suppose that's an accurate description for what's happening right now. 

⚀⚀⚀

“How long have you known,” You whimper, boobs and face pressed against the glass divider. Hisoka chuckles, tick chock drilling your insides as you moan loudly. The steam of the shower floats through the air, obscuring his face slightly. His hair is down, dripping with water and plastered to his face, but he doesn't seem to care. You brace your hands against the glass as he grips his hips, hitting the spot inside you that has you seeing stars.

“Since your eyes first scanned my body,” Hisoka grunts, hands gripping you so tight you’ll bruise. “You aren't exactly subtle, doll.”

“Ah, how embarrassing.” you murmur, hair falling wet and heavy down your back, tangling in your mouth. 

“Don't be too upset about it,” Hisoka murmurs, pressing his back against you as he drills deeper into you. “Your lustful glances were very mutual. You're simply a bit romantically oblivious.”

You whimper, hands scrabbling at the slick glass. The bathroom is filled with steam, the sound of the shower muffling your moans and the slapping of wet skin. You hope your neighbors can't hear you. 

“Am i?” You whimper, head falling back as his steady thrusts bring you closer and closer to completion. “I thought you were just like that.”

“I am,” Hisoka mutters, sinking his teeth into your neck. You clench down on him, body tensing as pleasure and pain erupt from the bite mark, tangling and twisting into a heady cocktail of arousal. 

“Ah, god.” You moan, nipples rubbing against the glass. “We should have done this sooner.”

Hisoka’s clawed hand reaches down, abandoning your bruised hips to rub circles into your clit. Stars burst behind your eyes, the bubbles and steam of the ballroom only adding to the floaty, dream like atmosphere. Hisoka chuckles, body hard and powerful against your own soft, curvy one. 

“I think we'll be doing this a lot from now on.” He half chuckles, half groans, body pressing against yours, pressing you to the glass.

Your lips part as you cum, screaming his name into the abyss of hot steam and powerful muscles. And as the orgasms overwhelm your body, you smile to yourself against the glass.

It seems getting a roommate was shaping up to be the best decision you’d ever made. 

.....

Endnotes: my sister is terrified of spiders. I channeled her fear for the spider bit. I don't like spiders very much, but she's genuinely terrified lol.

Also, guess who finished this before one in the morning, instead of at like three. Im hella proud of myself for that <3

[evilminji]

God, I am... so obsessed? (SI-OC thoughts)

PIDM/SVSSS/Xanxia let me gooooo .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

Back on my bullshit, with another Treasures Maker™. But like... make um TANK. Go ALL in. No being coy about it. No holding back. Balls to the wall, batshit insane Treasure Maker.

A real "w-why would you..." Sort of creator. Tentacle with a knife sort of "....wanted to see what would happen." Kind of gal. No one is safe and EVERYONE is nervous. Put the crafting supplies DOWN, shimei! Back AWAY from the crafting rooms! You KNOW you have to be supervised in there!

No one wants another... Incident™! (WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THE INCIDENT™!!!)

Cause like?

They? Had a brother. That brother? Was gross. We love um, but teenagers, man. Violence and boobs. 2 Edgy 4 U media. That sort of shit. It was his bread and butter for like... Puberty.

Not! To say he was a bad kid! God, no! But he WAS basicly soaking in sweat, hormones, and teenage "oh god I'm so horny I couldd die but also AaaaaaAAAAAAA-!!!!" Brain fuckery. Not fun. She survived it, does NOT recommend, but still retains the Sisterly right to ROAST his deeply shit reading tastes (lightly).

After all? Who amongst us? Has not read terrible, terrible Smut based power fantasies? People in glass houses and all that.

.....she DOES wish she, you know, stuck it out. Read that trashfire COMPLETELY. Not just the spark notes, wiki, and that hilarious rant compilation of the Honorable Cucumber Bro (A Legend, we stan. God, what a psycho(affectionate)). But like... not her genre, man. She's an otome nerd. Her Meta knowledge aint worth SHIT.

But! Trying to relate to her brother? Listening to him excitedly talk about the latest chapters and current arcs? DID leave her with SOME knowledge. Enough knowledge.

Specifically?

This world is SHIT to women.

Like? A legit horror reality. Everyone has somehow? Still got that bullshit, purity culture, your honor is stored in your virginal, mint condition, breeding stock hoo-haa. While being surrounded by more natural aphrodisiacs then any Hentai universe could excuse! Like? EXCUSE ME!?

You can't SPIT, without hitting three Fuck Or Die plants and the aphrodisiac poisoning monster that LIVES IN UM!

But we, the WOMAN, would be a whore, should we be struck by the damn near inevitable? Airplane... you sexist HACK! (*Qinghau... feels like he's in danger*)(He swears he DIDNT MEAN IT! He just didn't think of the implications! About A LOT OF SHIT!)

Not to MENTION?

The fucking (quite literally) BODY HORROR fuckboi Protagonist! With his MONSTER DICK! Like? Look... she is a GROWN ASS WOMAN, okay? She KNOWS how sex works! Apparently, she is one of the privileged few in this universe who DOES. And while her little brother and that hack author may buy into the troupe "all women want huuuuuge, big, improbable, monster dicks"?

Ha ha! GOD, No. They do NOT. That is PURELY a male thing! It's a masculinity thing. Some power fantasy, male envy, "look how manly I am" bullshit. WOMEN? Have ORGANS. And while there ARE outliers (gods bless, we salute you. Go for greatness, you mad, mad queens.) MOST of us? Like bits that FIT.

You know... WITHOUT the Protagonist's so called "blood Gu". (Thanks! That's a HORRIFYING THOUGHT! Both on the "what do MEAN he, a non medically trained fuckboi, LITERALLY REARRANGED THEIR INSIDES?" lvl AND on the "WHAT DO YOU MEAN PARASITES IN THE BLOOD‽‽‽" lvl.)

So SI-OC? Rightfully? Wants Mr "All Women Are Belong To Me" NO WHERE near her. The fact that he's a demon? Irrelevant. The fact that he's an unrepentant MONSTER of a man? With a body horror dick? VERY relevant.

BEGONE XANXIA SATAN.

Leave her and her orifices the FUCK ALONE. You psychotic, sect murdering, realities destroying, selfish, narcissistic Fuckboi!

Not that she remembers much of the "cool motive, still murder" Phase of his life. Nor does she care, with how many people he fucks over. She wants to get far, FAR away from that mess. And more SPECIFICALLY? She wants to SURVIVE that mess. Which requires power.

She doesn't HAVE power.

But? She DOES have some Meta knowledge... and a shit ton of patience.

Cause after all, what is better then a protection talisman sewn onto a robe? Ten Thousand Protection Talismans sewn onto a robe, which is only ONE of a SET. And that? She can do.

To hell with pretty embroidery. Flowers and bamboo. Birds in flight. No, with Qi enhanced sight, and steady hands? The finest needle and the strongest, thinnest, thread? Script so tight and small it light grains of rice. Over and over and OVER. Each of her layers, holding thousands upon thousands of words. So small it's near impossible to read.

Which, of course, is to say nothing of the ribbons. Such long HAIR, after all! Only a FOOL wouldn't make USE of that space. Portioning out her head into hundreds of tiny braids, talisman written ribbons woven all the way down.

Every bit and piece of her clothing, a masterwork of steady repetition and patience. A fortress, built brick by brick. Not inconquerable. But strong enough, that even the heavens would strain.

Of course... only so long... as she's WEARING such armor.

Everyone must sleep eventually. Must bathe. You can not wear only one thing FOREVER. And that IS the difference between the strength you create and the strength you simply possess. One of them? Is always with you.

And like? Imagine it.

Big Sister. The penultimate Immovable Object facing off against Bingme's Unstoppable Force. Her DECADES of quite preparation unfurling like the waking of a slumbering GOD. All those traitors to the Sect. Women who BETRAYED their own. Betrayed their bothers and sisters, the CHILDREN they were supposed to guide and teach. For DICK. Having their attacks against her turned back against them.

Lethally.

As the remaining Peak Lords fight, a literal beacon of power. Of Safety. Sweeping through and grabbing survivors. Tossing them into a hidden realm she's literally wearing around her neck. Small but stable, her graduates work in progress. It's sparse in there. More bare earth and barely planted medical plants then anything. A few fruit trees.

But? It's beyond the reach of these invaders. And unless Luo Binghe kills her? Gets past her every defense and prys the anchor from her cold dead hands? Then they are safe. For now.

The sect may be lost. At least in terms of buildings, land. But it's PEOPLE? The important part? Not so long as she lives. The selfish dramas of demons and men are none of her concern. She has students, children, and the injured to protect.

And obviously, this makes her a target. She's shining like a God damn mini sun. It's not subtle. But the sect is burning, there's demons everywhere, she kinda expected that. At least she gets to kill a few of those traitorous "wives" on her way out.

(They betrayed their sisters. Their students. Their FRIENDS! This was their FUCKING HOME!! If they thought the Sect unforgivable? They should have LEFT. Not attacked as children fled for their lives. Cultivators are meant to kill monsters, not BECOME them.)

She takes them, her copies of as much of the libraries as she could manage on her own (it's not enough. Forgive her. She had to prioritize.) and heads for the border of the map. As fast as Cultivation can travel.

Did the Realms truely merge? Or did this portion collapse together? If they fly far enough, will they find the edge? And should it ALL have collapsed... he's not explored it yet. They have time to rebuild. Heal. Train and grow stronger..

All is not lost. Not yet.

Besides...

Who's to say that Fuckboi is the only Protagonist in this world? The only child of the Heavens? Maybe there are other gods. Maybe... maybe those gods are pissed. At the presumption. The arrogance. Maybe... just maybe, those gods will help. Who can say? It's never been done.

But is that not the duty of a righteous cultivator? To do what is right? To fight against monsters? What greater monster is there then this? The child not embraced by the village, will come to burn it down. But Luo Binghe? He has decided to burn the WORLD to ashes. And such madness must be stopped.

It doesn't matter how it began. They're gonna end it.

Together.

@mayfay @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj @leftnotright

[queenthiax]

Thia's (possibly helpful) Introductory Guide to the YuuriVerse

Hiya! So with so much going on with the YuuriVoice channel and all of the new series and such, I wanted to give a shot at creating a my own version of a where to start guide for the YuuriVerse! @yuurivoice double checked to make sure I wasn't horrifically wrong about anything so I hope this helps someone! Continue below for the guide in post but you can also read the actual google doc here (it's better formatted I promise). -- Introduction Have you come across the joy and wonder that is the YuuriVoice YouTube channel? Are you confused and overwhelmed at where to start in the mass of audios? Are you absolutely baffled at what information you have to know before starting any specific series? Well I’m here to help! (maybe) But what are my qualifications? (hell if I know). But hi, I’m Thia. I am a part of Team YuuriVoice officially titled as Script Daddy but also I do a lot of things like organize discord community things, moderate, keep the rest of the team sane, and sometimes I come up with ideas. But also, I’m a fan of the channel and have been for years. The goal of this guide is to be a starting point for people new to the channel who are trying to find the best places to start and what order to watch things based on the series and characters! All recommendations here are going to be based off of the YOUTUBE CHANNEL ONLY!!! ‘But Thia!’ they exclaim! ‘YV has so much content on patreon and he shares so much information during streams and on social media!!’ And to that? I say, so what? This is an Introductory guide for a reason! And in the greater scheme of things the media outside of YouTube does not have any effect on someone’s understanding of the YuuriVerse! Why you may ask? 1) All SFW content on the Patreon are mostly the same pieces of content as are on YouTube - with a few exclusives that are limited to fun, comfort, non-canonical things. The only major difference you will find between the two platforms is the NSFW content. And while YV is always cooking with that good smut… he’s never hiding any important lore information between anyone’s cheeks. 2) Now anyone who has spent any time in the community will know, Yuuri is a top tier yapper and likes to tell on himself and spoil tiny things here and there. It makes sense, he has so many things he’s hiding from the community that sometimes you have to let out a bit to stay sane and to keep the people interested! Once again, none of this information is required when it comes to your actual introduction to a series or your understanding of it. Especially since many of the tidbits are parts of things that will eventually be explained in full! The goal of this guide is to make sure people can have a list of the required information to be able to fully understand the lore! So recap. Introductory guide. YouTube Only. Will give you everything you need to get started. Okay? Let’s go.

Helpful Links and Stuff

If you somehow have stumbled upon this outside of the official YuuriVoice channels and accounts (okay but for real how) below are the list of the most important links you need: YouTube: Where the magic happens. Patreon: Even if you don’t pay for extra audios, following the Patreon will keep you updated when YV posts free content! The Merch Store: Shameless plug but come on there are so many goodies. The YuuriVoice Wiki: Shiny wiki! Full of information! Getting updated as we go! If you are curious about anything try here! There are series summaries, character summaries/references, listener summaries, and more to come! I reference this a lot in this doc!

Series

Have you stumbled upon YuuriVoice through your mutuals talking about a mystical series called BitterSweet? Have you seen the fanart of a smart looking red head and someone uttered the name Shattered? Have you been following Yuuri himself as he talks about something called Echoes of Evalas but can’t figure out what in the world that is? Well let’s start off by breaking down the current running Audio Series on the YuuriVoice channel!

Recommended Listening Order

Currently there doesn’t exist an official timeline or recommended listening order, so this is my (hi it’s Thia) personal suggestion of listening order.

BitterSweet (ongoing): The start of it all, the first official YV series and by far the best starting point of all of the series. Features our pastel punk Alphonse and southern hunk Seth as they face their past and learn everything love has to offer.

Shattered (ongoing): Begins around the time of BitterSweet Chapter 3 and follows CEO/Crime Boss Auron as he tries to balance both sides of his life.

Lost & Found (ongoing): Begins after the events of BitterSweet Chapter 3 and follows our favorite criminal turned pizza rat Charlie as he tries to settle into his life after his role in BitterSweet.

Okay… that’s the easy part of this recommendation. Now let’s talk about the possibly most confusing part of YV content as it currently stands: Echoes of Evalas. EoE is the newest and most ambitious narrative project that is a part of the YuuriVerse as it is something that will have ties to all current YV series. That being said…. There isn’t much officially released for it yet. (as of writing… In March 2025, I’ll try to be good and update this) Almost all information that exists currently has been done through teasers/character reveals on stream or YV answering questions on his social media. Though what we do know is that EoE will be initially released in two parts:

Evalas Origins: One shot or short series audios that serve the purpose of world building and setting the scene in which EoE will take place in. Features various characters.

Echoes of Evalas: Long form fantasy based storyline featuring various characters. Notably: Finn, Thomas, and more!

Currently, my recommendation is that you can watch all of these as they come out without having to necessarily listen to anything else in particular, but having listened to the other series will give you some insights to how EoE affects the wider YuuriVerse than you would get without having listened to anything else! Okay. Now that that’s done… let’s talk about each of these. --

BitterSweet: Playlist, Wiki Entry

Featured Characters: Alphonse/Seth Listener: SugarBoo - small town aspiring baker Wiki Introduction: BitterSweet is the story of the shattered relationship between two men with a troubled past and how love manifests in places you'd least expect it. The listener plays the role of Boo, Alphonse's partner, who has helped him grow and learn to trust after falling in love in a small town. The shadow of the city he left behind looms large when his past comes knocking in the form of Seth, Al's criminal cohort...and ex lover!? -

BitterSweet is by far the easiest of the YuuriVoice series to get started listening to, especially now that the director’s cut has been released! BitterSweet, as of writing, consists of four chapters - Chapter 4 ongoing - and the director’s cut includes the first three chapters in a beautiful single video with some remastered art and upgraded quality! The linked playlist includes all the videos you need, including a prologue compilation that paints the story of what the Listener and Alphonse’s relationship looks like at the start of Chapter 1. There are also some bonus audios of the trio in the playlist as well that may not be necessarily canon but still keep the same dynamic between Al, Seth, and SugarBoo.

And I know there is always the question about the trio and polyamory, please see the official statement from the wiki in regards to this: 

During the course of BitterSweet, Alphonse and Boo share their unconditional love with Seth, hoping to nurture the parts of him that have weathered away with time and trauma. This love is explicitly undefined, so that listeners can interpret the relationship dynamic as best suits them, as the trio represents no one specific type of love, but rather the healing of unconditional love. For some that may be best experienced romantically, and others may prefer it to be platonically, or even familially.

The beauty of it is that there is no incorrect interpretation, and every possibility is equally valid. This medium of self insert audio content allows for a collaborative fantasy between creator and listener, and is a strength unto itself. --

Shattered: Playlist, Wiki Entry

Featured Characters: Auron Listener: Rook - new hire in the legal department of Auron’s company Wiki Introduction: Shattered is the story of Auron's perilous tightrope walk between his double life of being the CEO of a billion dollar entertainment company and the head of an organized crime syndicate, all while discovering long buried truths about himself thanks to an equally risky office romance with the rookie in his legal department! As the very threads that weave the fabric of the world he's known begin to fray, he desperately tries to hold on to what he cherishes most. -

As said earlier in this doc, Shattered begins in a hand-wavy time around BitterSweet Chapter 3. Nothing in the existing audios explicitly ties the listener to BitterSweet, but it is good to know that during part of these audios the events of BitterSweet are taking place and are affecting Auron as a character. The effect of BitterSweet and such may have an even larger role to play as Shattered continues. Though technically you could listen to these without having listened to BitterSweet (but I personally don’t recommend it).

The attached playlist includes all of the existing audios in the Shattered series. There are two distinct chapters: Chapter 1 - A Family Affair (previously unnamed), and Chapter 2 - Escape. These two chapters were originally released as their own separate but linked series however have now retroactively been joined together under the series known as Shattered. All future chapters will be known to be a part of the series from the moment they are released.

Only other important thing to note is the small appearance of Auron’s brother, Faust. Faust is a full YuuriVoice OC of his own right, however the majority of his existing audios are smaller series and one shots. His role to play in the larger narrative of the YuuriVerse has yet to be seen. --

Lost & Found: Playlist, Wiki Entry

Featured Characters: Charlie Listener: Casper - Charlie’s childhood crush Wiki Introduction: Lost & Found is the story of Charlie, a recently reformed criminal who now slings pies at Sweet Pete's Pizzeria. When he runs into his childhood crush and skateboarding bestie Casper, he decides to make the most of this new lease on life he's been granted! This friends to lovers tale is a spin-off of the narrative series BitterSweet, but can be enjoyed on its own!

-

Lost & Found takes place a few months after the events of Chapter 3 of BitterSweet. Due to this, I believe it is crucial to understanding Charlie as a character to have listened to BitterSweet. Charlie is a prominent recurring character in BitterSweet Chapter 3 and the events of Lost & Found would not have happened without the lessons Charlie had to learn throughout those events. As well as the ties to BitterSweet and Shattered will continue as the story goes on.

The attached playlist includes the entirety of the series with no extras. Charlie is easy like that.

-- Echoes of Evalas - Upcoming

Featured Existing Characters (exact level of involvement tbd): Finn(eas), Auron, Faust, Ulrick Featured Announced Characters: Thomas, Edwin, Vale, Emrys Listener: Various, most currently unknown. Evalas Origins (ongoing): Playlist - Introductory series of audios to introduce the listener to the world of Evalas and to start setting the scene for the full series. Features various one shots/short series of characters including the werewolf Ulrick and Thomas the Blacksmith. -

Now there has been A LOT of talk about Evalas. Enough that I know many people joining the YuuriVoice community very often get the impression that there is a lot more content out there than there actually is. Why is this? Evalas was originally something that started to come to fruition and be teased while BitterSweet Chapter 3 was coming out, as there are events during that chapter that are directly connected to the story of Echoes of Evalas. However as time went on it became clear that EoE needed so much more time and work to truly reach its potential without being rushed. 

For reference… the first whispers of Echoes of Evalas content was released with the YuuriVoice Community Zine ‘A Dance with Dreams’ in October of 2022. If you’re interested in what that content was, it was released in audio form as a BitterSweet interlude as well and you can listen to it here. This was written by YuuriVoice to be a teaser of things to come…. Eventually. 

All of that to say, Echoes of Evalas has been an undertaking years in the making. Due to the nature of the internet however, you can’t just bring something up once and then never talk about it and expect anyone to care about it years later. So it’s been teased and talked about vaguely on streams and in tumblr asks and the like for a long time now. 

HOWEVER. None of that matters in terms of what you need to know to listen to the series. All the information anyone has is all based on teases and crumbs that YV gives us. In the end, it’s all fan theories. 

The only required listening to understand anything at all in regards to EoE is Evalas Origins (linked above). This is the official starting point to Echoes of Evalas and the only content out there that is undeniably canon. 

Note: It would not be a miss to go ahead and get acquainted with the YuuriVoice character Finn (playlist link will be in his character section). He is a major player in the story of Evalas, but be aware that all of his current audios are one shots or their own individual series that have no CURRENT tie into the story of Evalas. This recommendation is only so that you can get a feel for Finn as a character in general. Also yes, there are some audios in Finn’s playlist labeled Echoes of Evalas - those are remnants of what Evalas used to be back in 2022… not what it is now, do not assume them to be canon whatsoever.

The same can be said for Faust, though he has much less content.  --

Characters

Now there are A LOT of YuuriBoys, and luckily the vast majority of them have one-shots and small series that are independent of the larger narrative series so you can’t get more of your favorites! I’m not going to go into extensive detail about all of them since it’s ultimately better for you to get to know them as you go through the series, but I will provide playlist/wiki links as well as some small quick summaries and information if you want to see what boys you may want to listen to next! This list only includes the current cast of characters and not any specific to Echoes of Evalas since that content is upcoming and we don’t really know anything about them yet! --

Alphonse: The Pastel Punk

Character Playlist: Alphonse All Audios Listener: Boo (aka Sugar) Series: BitterSweet AUs: Maid, Ghost Hunting, Boy Toy, DILF, we turned him into a plushie Tropes: Bad boy gone soft, tragic past, found family, horny bastard Wiki Bio: A pastel fever dream with a tender heart and a sweet tooth. He's fond of mischief and smooth talking, be it for the sake of a good time or to protect his newfound peace.

Alphonse is the man, the myth, the legend, the original OC boy on the YuuriVoice channel. He’s your edgy boyfriend type that is also sometimes too sweet to handle. Outside of BitterSweet his audios range from sweet comfort to absolute filth… he’s versatile like that.

Seth: The Southern Hunk

Character Playlist: Seth All Audios Listener: Sugar (aka Boo) Series: BitterSweet AUs: Cowboy/Country, Cryptid Hunter, DILF, Camping, Werewolf Tropes: Bad boy gone soft, tragic past, found family, country boy Wiki Bio: His tough exterior and defiant attitude is betrayed by the ache in his eyes. He hopes to stop running from his past so that he might set his sights on the future.

Seth is Southern charm personified. First coming off with his hard exterior as a certified asshole, he softens up like butter for the listener. Sometimes a crybaby, but we like a man who is in touch with his feelings.

Auron: The Boss

Character Playlist: Auron All Audios Listener: Rook Series: Shattered, BitterSweet, Lost & Found, Echoes of Evalas AUs: Vampire, Writer Tropes: Dominant boss, organized crime, workplace romance, lost childhood Wiki Bio: Aspirations of power were never part of the plan, yet there are times when Fate calls out. Those who answer either fall prey to its cruelty, or rise to the challenge. All other calls are forwarded to Trish.

Are you someone who enjoys reading Mafia romances? This is the character for you. CEO romance and mob boss romance all wrapped into one. Auron scratches that itch for the cold aloof type that melts for his listener only. Also… Auron’s stuff has Trish… everyone likes Trish.

Charlie: The Pizza Rat

Character Playlist: Charlie All Audios Listener: Casper Series: Lost & Found, BitterSweet AUs: Yandere, Stoner Tropes: Childhood friends to lovers, criminal past, beautiful idiot, comedic romance Wiki Bio: A habitual screwup trying to find his way through the big city after turning over a new leaf. He's a bit dumb, a bit pretty, and works at the local pizza joint.

Charlie, our dear pizza rat, is a mess. Sometimes we wonder how he managed to survive in the crime world as long as he did. But also… he’s a rat so I guess that’s why. He’s full of awkward charm and we love him for it.

Finn: The Soft Florist

Character Playlist: Finn All Audios Listener: Sunflower/Orchid Series: Echoes of Evalas (at least… a version of him), Talk Floral to Me AUs: Garden Variety, Bunny, Yandere Tropes: Soft boy, strangers to lovers, wholesome with a dash of spice, witchy vibes Wiki Bio: An earthly fellow with a soul rooted in nature and life. Timid at times, he shines brightest with his heart in full bloom. Studious and scholarly, he doesn't quite seem to be able to read others as well as he does literature.

Oh Finn… our sweet baby boy with so many secrets. How many lives have you lived? A florist? A bunny? A yandere? A mage? And somehow they’re all…. Real? *Do note that the Echoes of Evalas videos in his playlist are OLD and do not reflect current EoE direction. **Once you get started with Finn I highly recommend reading his wiki entry to get some understanding on how his various AUs tie into the Echoes of Evalas universe!

Faust: The Astral Streamer

Character Playlist: Faust All Audios Listener: Star Series: Echoes of Evalas (eventually), Shattered AUs: Cat Boy, Tsundere Tropes: Tsundere twink, friends to lovers, hates everyone but you, star crossed lovers Wiki Bio: A defiantly bold young man who craves attention and adoration. Whatever ache he's trying to soothe remains to be seen even by himself, but he certainly does not lack in confidence.

Oh while an astral twink is not everyone’s cup of tea… he sure is loved around here. Faust is one of the most iconic characters on the YuuriVoice channel with the least content! But his time is coming! 

Lucien: The Big Red Demon

Character Playlist: Lucien All Audios Listener: Angel Series: None Tropes: Big red demon, fish out of water, deal with a devil, and they were roommates Wiki Bio: A demon prince who has developed a knack for running away and embracing the finer things in life on the surface, like reality television and microwave dinners. What it says on the tin. He’s a demon, he’s big, and he’s red. Lucien has no connection to any other series so he’s the perfect big himbo character to cuddle up to for some comfort and laughs! And maybe a little heated….

Jack: The Boy Next Door

Character Playlist: Jack All Audios Listener: Not named! (it’s not buddy I swear to….) Series: None Tropes: Boy next door, vanilla fluff, basically anything you need him to be in a "I'm into it if you are!" kind of way (but also in a he's just here to fulfill the needs of the script way) Wiki Bio: A ray of sunshine, a golden retriever, a childhood friend, the cute guy on campus...you name it, and this jack-of-all-trades is your man!

Jack is truly your sweet boy next door. An original boy from way back in the channel’s life that got a fresh coat of paint nice enough we let him out of the walls! He has no ties to any major series and is just here to give us some lovely fluff!

Conclusion

Whew! We did it! We’re at the end! 

I hope this guide helps at least some people out in the beginning of their YuuriVerse journey! If you did use this guide or just checked it out please let me know at my socials below (or on discord if you’re in the YV discord)! Especially if you have questions or comments!! Okay love y’all. ♥️ Thia’s other socials: bluesky

[krazyyyyyy]

Forever Longing Solivan Brugmansia /Reader

Synopsis: A small glimpse into Sol's elementary life, where he abruptly meets the single most important person in his life...You

Warnings: Mentions of violence

Words: 2553

Notes: Don't know how many more of these I'll write, but I'm hoping to get around three more done if not a few more.

Hope you enjoy this short story <3

Children’s happy laughter echoed loudly throughout the playground, as they began to spill out of the school building; marking the beginning of their cherished recess time. Kids ran freely playing around with friends, swinging giddily on the swing sets, and continuously going up and down the slide.

Well, all the kids but one…

A young, small, and quiet Solivan stood far away from the other kids, staring at the ground at his feet, avoiding any eye contact with anybody within the area. He knew he didn’t fit in with the others, given his introverted nature, he was considered an outcast amongst his classmates. People tended to overlook him, barely acknowledging his presence even when they were standing right next to him.

He was used to it, though…. He had his drawing supplies and stuffed animals, the only things that really made him feel anything close to happiness. The stuffed animals would never judge him, and, they’d always be around to listen to him when he needed it, an idiosyncratic concept to him growing up in a loveless household.

A soft tap on his shoulder causes him to lift his amber gaze from the ground and into the familiar brown orbs of his teacher, Mrs. Baker. A woman with a skinny frame and curly auburn hair that just slightly exceeded her shoulders. It took everything within him not to scoff at her arrival. She was keen on pushing him towards being more sociable with the other kids, a goal that would always fail in his favor. So why couldn’t she just leave him alone?

 She crouched down to his height and spoke to him in her usual soft and steady voice, “Solivan, Why don’t you play with the others today? It seems they're playing a little game of freeze tag, doesn’t that sound like fun?” 

Solivan spared a short glance toward where the kids were running wildly at each other, while some others stayed frozen in place, showing signs of annoyance at being frozen; he retracted his gaze back to the ground shaking his head, mumbling a small “No”

Mrs. Baker smiled understandingly at the timid young boy before her, “I know it might seem scary, but give it a chance, you might like it more than you think.” She attempted one last time to try to convince the boy to open up, even if it was just a little.

The boy remained silent, having lost interest in the conversation completely and hoping that his teacher would simply give up and leave him alone for the rest of the recess period.

Thankfully, it seemed fate was on his side, as he heard his teacher sigh next to him before standing up and walking away to a different part of the playground to supervise a group of rather exuberant children. Leaving him alone at last.

The little raven-haired boy sat on the ground, back pressed against the steel fence that separated the playground from the busy streets that lay not far behind. Settling down, Sol pulled out a small sketchpad from his back pocket; a notebook that was filled page to page in his numerous doodles, which he usually did during class time to pass the time.

Pulling out a pencil, Sol began to doodle, head buried in the notebook; heavily embarked on the mini sketches that required his utmost attention. After a while, he finally cranes his head back to admire his work; his sketch was that of a small horse with a small sketched figure of him seated cheerfully on its back.

He beamed at the drawing, proud of his work. While marveling at the sketch, the notepad is quickly ripped from his grasp. Startled and confused, Sol snaps his head up to look at the culprits. Standing above him, were three kids, obviously much older than he was, possibly four grades above him.

Sol was quick to spring up to his feet to try to get the notebook back, but to no avail, as the blond boy who held the item towered over him. He held the sketchbook high above his head, so even if the little boy tried to jump for it, it would prove pointless in the end

“Give it back!” Sol shouted at the kids as he continued to try to reach for what he considered to be one of his only sources of comfort. All three of the boys laughed at him, “Aww, is the little weirdo gonna cry.” a boy with red hair teased, pointing at him.

“You drew yourself riding a horse? What are you, some kind of girl?” The blond boy jokingly flipped through the pages of the book, briefly observing its contents.

“Stop it!” When Sol tried to reach for his sketchbook once again, the blond boy laughed, before tossing the book over to another boy; then that boy proceeded to also flip through the book and laugh before also tossing it to the next boy. Sol found himself playing in this miserable game of monkey in the middle; a game where he could only watch as his book flew through the air above him, out of reach, with no hopes of ever reaching it.

Eventually, Sol got the courage to defend himself from these bullies, and with all the strength he could muster with his tiny form, he tried to shove the bully who had the sketchbook in his possession. But, the shove proved unhelpful, as the bully didn’t even move an inch.

Sol could barely catch his breath before he was harshly shoved to the ground. A sharp pain pulsed through his body as his back was met with the hard ground; Sol opened his eyes to notice that his sketchbook had fallen next to his body, the bully had more than likely dropped it in outrage at Sol’s sudden rebuke. Sol swiftly snatched the book off the ground and held it close to his chest, shielding it from the bullies.

Sol lay on the ground in a fetal position, with his back facing his bullies, arms still tightly wrapped around his sketchbook. There was a sudden sharp pain on his side as a bully directed a fierce kick toward the young boy; another boy directed a kick, of similar intensity, toward his other side, leaving the little boy only to whimper in pain.

The group of bullies continued to relentlessly kick the defenseless boy, not showing any hint of mercy toward him. Tears ran down Sol’s cheeks as he could only endure the endless kicks that the bullies threw at him. He closed his eyes and hoped the boys would soon grow bored with this and walk away, or maybe a teacher would notice this assault and interfere.

It felt like an eternity that the kicking would continue, he almost thought it would never end…

Until a loud voice rang out and suddenly the kick stopped.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” Sol heard the unknown voice shout at the group of boys. He peeked from his position to glance at where the shouting came from; upon opening his eyes, he was met with his saviors back facing him as they spread their arms out wide to shield him away from the sight of the bullies.

“Get outta the way Pipsqueak! Or you're gonna be next!” He heard one of the bullies shout at the person before him. Sol noticed the stranger's visible shakiness as they stayed rooted in their spot in front of him; they were just as scared of these bullies as he was, yet they still chose to throw themselves in the middle just to protect him. He felt a surge of admiration for the stranger; this had been the first and only time someone stood up for him… his heart couldn’t help but skip a beat.

“No! I-I won't l-let you!” The stranger's words came out shuddered and breathy as if they were holding back tears. Luckily, their voice had been loud enough to possibly draw the attention of others nearby.

The twisted grins on the bullies' faces faded at the realization, and they looked around the area to see if anyone had caught the drift of what was happening.

“Shit!”  Was the last thing Sol heard from them, followed by the frantic pattering of feet in the grass as the bullies quickly fled the scene. Leaving behind two frightened kids as a result. 

Sol, who was still lying on the ground, breathed heavily, the fear coursing through his veins still running wild. He flinched when a blurry object suddenly came into his vision. As his vision slowly cleared, he noticed that the object was the outstretched hand of his savior; they looked down at him with a concerned expression, tears still lingering in the corner of their eyes.

Hesitantly, Sol took the hand, which helped pull him to his feet. He stumbled a bit but managed to regain his balance with a bit of effort and help from the person next to him.

“Are you okay?” The stranger asked him, their voice a bit hoarse from all the yelling yet still holding a subtle gentleness to it. Sol looked at them for a second, before shyly shifting his gaze off somewhere else and slightly nodding his head.

They smiled, their gaze landing on the item that Sol continued to hold tightly to his chest. “What’s that?” They pointed out the sketchbook, which, unknowingly to them, had caused the whole ruckus that just happened moments ago.

“... It’s my sketchbook,” Sol murmured under his breath, keeping his gaze away from the person in front of him. He never did well talking to people, never mind kids his age, this person wouldn’t be any different.

Their eyes lit up as he spoke, “You draw?! I wanna see it! Can I see pretty, please?!”

 Sol was taken aback by their sudden interest in his sketchbook, his eyes were blown wide at them; he had never shown anyone his work before, nor had anyone ever asked to see it… this person was achieving a lot of firsts for him. He supposed he could show them, considering they had just saved him from a harsh beating.

“Umm… Okay.” Sol pulled the sketchbook from where it rested on his chest to hold it out between him and the stranger. He slowly navigated through the pages, properly allowing the person next to him to take in each piece of art. They were a bundle of excitement, commenting excitedly on almost every single little doodle in the book; it brought a small smile to Sol’s face, knowing that someone enjoyed his drawings just as much as he did.

“These are so good! You're so talented! Do you think maybe you can draw me something?” Sol felt his cheeks flush with an odd, unfamiliar warmth. They wanted him to draw something for them. Him? Out of all the people they could have asked? They wanted him to draw for them…

He fidgeted with the pages of the notebook in his hands, keeping his eyes glued to the ground, nervously. “Sure–”

“Wait! Before I forget, my name is Y/N!” They cheerfully cut him off, “What’s yours?” They talked a million words per second, which was a bit overwhelming, but Sol still found himself intrigued by them.

“My name is Solivan…” He spoke quietly, but loud enough for their newfound acquaintance to hear. “Solivan?” They tested his name out, “Well, Solivan from this day forward you are now my friend!” Sol stared at them dumbfounded. He never had a friend before, but didn’t think it would ever be this simple, yet here he was.

He didn’t get a chance to respond to their declaration when they continued to speak, “I’m thinking maybe a butterfly–No wait! A gecko… no…” They continued to list through a variety of animals, as Sol would stand and watch them in awe. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt some sort of connection to his new friend, it wasn’t unwelcome, but it was still strange.

“Oh, I got it! How about a dove? Mom says those are her favorite!” 

Sol raises an eyebrow at them.“Like the bird? Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” They cheer.

Sol only nods his head in response, but a smile remains on his face at their jubilation. He sees the opportunity to speak after your moment of triumph and takes it, “I-um… thank you… for helping me. Not many would’ve done the same.”

They shake their head at him with a smile,“ Don’t mention it. You needed help…so I helped!”, the sincerity in their tone set Sol at ease. He wondered if had truly been missing out. If other kids acted just like Y/N, then maybe talking to others wouldn’t be so bad.

A mature voice suddenly rang out through the playground, catching everyone's attention, “Kids, recess is over! Start lining up with your class!”

“Aww man!” The child next to Sol groans, “Just when we were having fun, too!”. If their definition of fun was getting nearly trampled by a couple of older students, then Sol supposes he had the time of his life… Not really, though, but meeting Y/N was a nice surprise.

Children from all around the playground started to depart, moving to their designated class lines. Y/N started to make their way toward their line before they stopped to turn around to look at Sol one more time. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Solivan! Can’t wait to see the drawing!” And with that, the energetic second-grader gave him one last wave before running over to their class.

Sol gave them a little wave in return, watching as their figure got further and further away. It wasn’t long before he himself started making his way toward his own class, to continue the rest of his day. Of course, his attention wasn’t drawn toward that of his classwork, but rather that of the little dove drawing he spent the rest of the day drawing for that special someone he met.

~

Sol paid no mind as his art teacher rambled on and on about the importance of elements in art; his focus mainly on the small, worn-out sketch pad that lay open on his desk. He lazily drew his fingers along the delicate pencil marks of his old drawing from way back then.

Out of the drawings he had created during his entire childhood, that little dove that he drew for you in the second grade always held a special place in his heart. He remembers how bright your face lit up when he showed it to you the very next day; you insisted that he kept it in his sketchbook, under the circumstance that you get to view it anytime you want–which you would do on the daily.

He shifted his gaze from the paper to where you sat near the front of the classroom, trying your best not to fall asleep during the lecture. His heart ached for you to look at him the way you did when you were kids, now it was like he was a total stranger to you; another student who simply attended the same art class as you.

But with time, you’d eventually grow aware of his existence, you’d have too.

After all, you were his soulmate, just as he was yours.

[violet-moonstone]

once more defending my love, book!elphaba thropp

reading reviews of wicked and im seeing people say they hate book elphaba because she's "unlikable"

so many people love the feel good vibes of the musical while not seeing that they sound exactly like people who would have shunned elphaba at shiz for not being pleasant enough and making them feel unsettled instead of putting them at ease

I'm saying this because I find that people are often much more charitable towards fictional characters than real people -- and people IRL who have Elphaba's severe, unwavering personality and unwillingness to conform often face the same social stigma she did, no green skin required. Like yes, Elphaba was an outcast because she had green skin, but I don't think the green skin is the point of the novel. I think her being green is a visual manifestation of being so at odds with what you're "supposed" to be that people demonize you for it. Book Elphaba is queer and hinted to be intersex. I read her as neurodivergent, so this all tracks to me, and considering that other forms of oppression and stigmatization are very important themes in the narrative, I think the green-ness simply emphasizes to the other ways in which she's marginalized.

Trying not to go into the Wicked rant that I tend to do every few months but I feel it coming on

I'm all here for critiques of the novel, because it certainly has flaws, and I understand why people don't enjoy it -- but there is something funny to me about people wanting a narrative about looking beneath the surface to find true value but hating the version of that story that requires the most compassion to appreciate. Like the musical is fun and well-made but it does not require any effort to like musical Elphaba because she's conventionally attractive woman who's feisty and kinda quirky...oh and she's also green. And her being green matters more to the other characters than to us. We don't care that she's green (because we already know it would be wrong to judge her based on that) and the musical gives us no other reasons to judge her, so we don't really have to process any complex emotions.

(Sidenote, I think if book Elphaba were still green but more conventionally attractive, bubbly, and less political, she would not have been as much of an outcast -- at least not in her later adolescence. Her green-ness could have been a novelty or spectacle that she used to her advantage if she made up for it by being more palatable in other ways. Of course, she would never do this, because that's simply not Elphaba. She could never twist herself to be anything other than who she is, even out of social self-preservation.)

Book Elphaba is so much more prickly and unpleasant --and hell, so was I at the height of my social ineptitude and feeling like there was something so so wrong with me (because why for the love of God couldn't I just fit in and act the way the cool kids my age did).

Her unpleasantness and seriousness and insistence on talking about important things that make people uncomfortable are her green-ness imo. Those are the things that affect how we as the reader experience her, and we must experience her strangeness as well.

And while I understand that if the moral of the story is essentially "don't judge a book by its cover" then yes, you can tell a thematically sound story about a girl who is actually pretty cool but just happens to be green and talk about how she's ostracized simply because she looks different. That's a perfectly fine story -- but I think it can go much further -- because it's not only wrong to marginalize people who look different, it's also wrong to marginalize those who are internally different. Difference is persecuted whether its visual or behavioural.

Even if Elphaba weren't green, there are inherent aspects of who she is that prevent her from conforming to the ideal, both in her world and ours. And I think valuing her with all of those things in mind is a lot more rewarding than simply liking her despite the fact that she's green.

Anyway I love Elphaba Thropp and I don't think her being more palatable would have made the story better — it simply would have made it more popular, and I think on that at least, fans of both the book and musical should be able to agree is not an inherently better thing.

...

OK one last point, I saw someone saw they prefer the musical because it has more "girl power" meanwhile the book feels "obviously written by a man" and I just...dear god what a surface level take

Yes Gregory Maguire is a man (oh, the horror!), but he wrote the women in Wicked as people, without hand wringing about if they're likeable or pleasant enough. They are flawed and raw and not just there to make the audience feel warm and fuzzy. He writes about sexuality without making women feel like sexual objects -- I suspect because he also writes about the sexuality of his male characters (the women aren't just in the story to turn us on) and he himself is gay, so there may be less male-gaze going on than with a lot of men who write fantasy. Yes, characters are described in sexual ways, but this happens regardless of gender.

[haikyu-mp4]

Hiya! Can i pls request Right Now with Ushijima? Thank you ❤❤

Now playing... Right Now

word count; 866 – gn!reader, for my 1D x Haikyu event

Ushijima wasn’t sure what made him so restless. Maybe it was because every task he did after coming back from work was halved. He made dinner for one, evening tea for one, and watched whatever he wanted on TV without any input from you. Everything he should be doing with you, he did by himself.

Playing in the Polish league was amazing volleyball-wise. The players were good and generally taller, presenting him and his team with new challenges and advantages. Training and playing was fun. He was also able to catch a few trips to visit Tendo, which he hadn’t been able to do as often before. Now he wasn’t that far away! But nothing could make up for the fact that you were now as far away from him as Tendo used to be. Unfortunately, your job requires you to stay in Japan.

Every night he felt it. Longed for the light snore he had come to associate with home. He felt it every time he was at his new apartment, and even more whenever something particularly new happened, something he would have to get used to or figure out. That’s when he needed his other half.

And right now, as he lay in bed after a long day of struggling with the language barrier and trying a new dish that didn’t quite work out, he wished you were there with him.

Rolling over and accepting that sleep wouldn’t greet him yet, he picked up his phone. He blinked a couple of times to get used to the brightness from the screen, switching the setting so it was more bearable before finally looking at the latest message notification. If he felt any drowsiness before, it was whisked away when he saw it was a message from you.

Call me when you wake up, my love. I have exciting news!

Wakatoshi checked the time back home in Japan before calling you immediately. It rang four times before he finally heard your voice. “Toshi! I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

“I couldn’t sleep. What is the exciting news, dearest?”

You giggled on the other end of the line, and the sound quality switched, so he assumed you had put him on speaker while multitasking. He smiled at the ceiling as he listened, closing his eyes and imagining himself there with you. “You know that company I sent you an article about? The one that’s completely home-office based,” you asked him, and he could sense an impatient excitement in your voice.

He hummed in confirmation. “I do. They seem to manage it very well so far, from what I read. It’s interesting, but I’m wondering how much they save on an office if they’re paying for part of the home-office expenses like they said they do.”

“I agree, but that does mean they get to pick and choose the best workers from all over the world!” you said, wiggling your eyebrows as if hinting at something, only to realise he couldn’t even see you.

“There must be a very large number of applications, I’m sure. I can not understand how they have the capacity to go through all of them,” he answered, seeming to get engaged in the topic, which was one of the traits you loved most about Wakatoshi. He always paid attention to the things you brought up.

“I suppose, but there might not be that many if you consider that people are not sure if it’s a reliable workplace yet,” you suggested. The discussion almost made you forget what you needed to tell him, but luckily he was there to get you back on track.

“You are very right. But are the exciting news related to this company? I did not know you were so invested in their growth.”

“Well, I certainly am now. They want me to work for them!” you squealed, and he could just imagine how you would dance around the kitchen.

His lips parted, and he stared into the nothingness of the dark roof as he registered what you said, and then slowly also realised what it might mean. “Congratulations. I did not know you applied.”

“I know, it felt like such a hopeless attempt that I didn’t want to talk about it. But I got through to the last interview and they really liked me,” you told him. Your happiness practically radiated through the phone.

“Of course they did, and they’re lucky to have you,” he said, and you were thrilled on the other end of the line when you heard his soft chuckle, undeniable proof of his joy. “Does this mean…” He dipped his tongue between his lips to wet them as a smile stretched out. “You could move here with me?”

Your steps echoed in the kitchen as you stomped your feet in excitement. “Yes! We can look at that tomorrow if you’d like. I miss you so much, Toshi.”

And Ushijima squeezed the duvet in the hand that wasn’t holding his phone as this immense relief overtook him.

Right now, he wishes you were there with him.

And soon, you will be.

“I miss you too, so much. I can’t wait to have you with me again.”

masterlist

[funishment-time]

Seems like you have finished so i just need to say this:

DR0 is so fucking good.

Just, at EVERYTHING its trying to do, it hits it. And thats something that cannot be said about most of the other media in this franchise (not saying one is better over the other btw, thats a separate thing)

Like, it does its job of being THH's prequel. It goes into more depth with Kyoko and her father's relationship, it gives more insight into the destroyed classroom and what happened, it explains the massive plothole(?) of how exactly Junko was able to steal class 78's memories, it gives a better look at how exactly Junko was able to take over HPA. It gives so much context and answers to things the first game didn’t have the time to properly explore.

It does its job of setting up for SDR2's twist (as you are supposed to read it BEFORE the second game btw (it also released in 2011, a little under a year before SDR2)). It sets up the HPA is corrupt, that the staff dont care about its talentless students. It gives us the info that Kamukura and Junko are working together, and thats WHY the founder's portrait is in the funhouse. It also preps us for the twist, and why it feels so out of left-field in the game if you didn’t have the context of DR0 before. (I could make the argument that thats why both hajime and izuru share design elements with yasuke, because of the whole him pretending to be izuru thang but thats mostly speculation on my part lol)

But, most importantly, it gives us more depth into JUNKO. Something we lost in order for the first game's twist to happen. Ryoko is such a fun character, my lil goober, and such an interesting aspect to Junko that people either do not know about or think is solely Yasuke's creation (it is not, thats very clear in the novel). To think, that the girl that burnt the world down, was deep down a silly lil redhead with a weird crush on her childhood bestfriend is literally the best way Kodaka could’ve took her character. Its so funny but so fucking tragic, to fall in love with this protagonist and realize she was doomed from the start.

anyway sorry for the ramble, i love Ryoko and Yasuke and their story so much

NO RAMBLE AWAY THANK YOU FOR SHARING. i loved DR0 and honestly i may reread it again very soon because i miss Ryoko and want to spend more Quality Time with her.

i have so many thoughts about DR0 so here's a few scattered ones as i slowly wake up this morning:

DR2 has SO MANY MORE DR0 references than i realized

i would have taken an adaptation of this over DR3 tbh. like hands down

i feel bad for everyone involved in this event. even Kamishiro. yes, really

i also, personally, see Ryoko as not at all separate from Junko. to me she is representative of Junko's soul and past, and when she fades away it's not so much Ryoko disappearing as a person but Junko symbolically chucking away anything that gets in the way of her worldview. she is not Yasuke's creation i agree

(i headcanon, as i've said, that Ryoko is basically how Junko was as a kid, just a little less bratty. i also tend to think that Ryoko Otonashi is Junko's real name or close to it)

(and i did tear up when Ryoko "crumbles." i like to think that Ryoko and Junko, for a moment, both existed at once there. both were sad she had to go.)

Ryoko being so sweet and bubbly and not wanting to actually kill anyone causing her trouble is such a HUGE. HUGE. HUGE. signpost to Danganronpa's themes.

and Junko musing that she may lose, i like to think, comes from the fact that she knows she's wrong somewhere. deep down, even Junko...who is shown to be self-hating...is just a little goober who loves Home Alone and thinks she can below up Kyoko Kirigiri with her mind.

Ryoko being weirded out by Makoto??? forget the intense foreshadowing in that scene. Ryoko picking up on his energy??? he's pure without the use of neuro-tech???? incredible

the chapter where Junko is kicking the shit out of Matsuda's corpse should be required reading for all DR fans. it humanizes her so much. my headcanon that she is constantly in the throes of this wild psychic pleasure-pain and is like, spiritually suffering, seems to be more or less supported here

the last chapter where Junko and Mukuro are talking also provides a TON of subtle clues as to their relationship. it totally comes off like Junko STILL being so bitter that big sis Muki ran off to the military and left her all alone for a few years ha

so there's my ramble in return !! what a fantastic yarn. so tragic. so good

[everydayyoulovemeless]

Day 1: Welcome Home ↠ Charon

➼ Word Count » 1.5k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ Genre » Slice of Life, Platonic/Romantic

"Hey, Charon?" You called from the top floor in the Megaton house the two of you had somehow managed to snag. "Can you remind me to pay Moira for decorating the next time we visit her?"

His tired and monotone eyes trailed their way over to where you had begun to come down the stairs, "Sure." He croaked, moving to pocket a handful of caps.

Inevitably, when you went to see the shop owner, you'd forget to actually bring the caps you owed. You always did. Something about how growing up in a vault never required you to keep any kind of currency on you at all times, and it was a force of habit for you to forget. But it wouldn't matter because he would already have them on his person. An easy enough task for him to complete and a part of him found counting the aluminum fun in its own right.

You zigzagged around the house, grabbing at anything you might need before you left. You rummaged through drawers and snatched things off shelves until you finally felt ready enough to complete some of your errands around the town.

"Do you wanna come? It shouldn't take too long. I just need to visit a few people." You smoothed your hands down your shirt, peering up at the rugged man before you as you spoke.

You smiled when you saw him give you a small nod. You quickly holstered your gun to the side of your belt, and then the two of you were off, Dogmeat panting at your heels.

There were many times in the vault when you'd wonder about how the outside world looked compared to the steel of 101, but as you walked out into the blindly bright sun, you found yourself wishing to go back to those simpler days of artificial light.

You brought your hand up over your eyes, desperate to fend off the blaring rays that shot straight into your retinas. You felt yourself adjusting to the sudden change as you squinted your eyes at the environment around you.

"Hey, kid!" Jericho's painfully familiar voice rang out as he noticed you step out, "Keep your problems out of Megaton. We've already had a few Enclave members come askin' about you, and I don't like lying for you."

You let out an amused breath, "You? Not wanting to lie? Be serious, J."

You intended the words playfully, but you doubted he picked up on that. He never did. Everything had to be a fight with him.

"I am being serious." He sneered, clearly annoyed by your joking attitude, "Next time, I'm telling them to torch your house."

You saw Charon's lip twitch ever so slightly at the sound of his threat, but he never got the chance to say what he wanted to say as Jericho adjusted his gun to be in his hands, and left down toward the entrance of the city.

The only bad thing about your home that still rings true is your one neighbor. Not only is he one of the most overtly friendly people you've ever met, but his house is a dump.

Every time you pass it, there's garbage littering the outskirts of the building. You'd complain if you weren't so afraid of him shooting you for it. Honestly, he couldn't make it look any worse if he tried.

Charon didn't seem to like him either. The one time you asked him about it you were met with a dry chuckle and a subtle roll of his eyes.

"He's... probably not being serious." You chuckled nervously, trying to lighten the ghoul's mood. He didn't answer you, though, keeping his gaze locked onto the former raider.

----------

You had envisioned how your life would look a few times back in the vault, but never had you imagined that you'd be living with a ghoul in a dirty old house, directly outside 101. It almost felt taboo, especially knowing that everyone you grew up around only lived a few feet away.

An odd feeling, but an even odder way of life. You supposed it was for the best. Even though you were 100x more at risk of dying, you found yourself much happier than you would've ever imagined yourself being had you stayed.

And happy you were as you lounged on your couch with the ghoul. Your feet in his lap, not because you put them there, but because he moved them on top of him when he sat down.

You peeked over the top of your magazine at him in curiosity. He'd been getting more and more comfortable ever since he agreed to move in with you. Sure, a part of it was his job, but there had to be something else, right? Maybe he was finally allowing himself to be more relaxed?

"What?" He grunted, looking up from where he was tinkering with his gun to stare at you.

"Nothing, nothing." You waved dismissively, going back to reading Grognak on the couch.

----------

"Have you ever gone sightseeing downtown?" You asked from where you stood in the kitchen.

"No." He answered, "There's nothing to see."

You hummed in thought for a moment, before speaking, "We should go some time. I bet we could find something worth looking at."

He only grunted, coming over from the couch to sit at the dinky dinner table that sat cramped in the corner of your impossibly small kitchen.

One of the biggest things you missed from the vault was that the kitchens actually worked. You didn't even want to think about how long it took you just to catch a flame on the stove.

"It's dangerous downtown," Charon muttered, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair.

"Since when has that ever been an issue for you?" You teased, stirring the mutfruit you had sprinkled in your pan around. "Maybe when we start heading back to the Citadel we can explore a few extra places."

You didn't know what it was, but you found the city to be one of the prettiest places in all of the Capital Wasteland. If nothing else, then how populated it must've been before the war.

So many people in one place must've been exciting to see and you only wished you could've been around to see it before it went away.

Your head turned at the flurry of quick knocks on the door. You turned the dial down to a lower setting and wiped your hands, as you followed Charon toward the front to answer it.

"Oh, uh, hey there." Gob rasped when he found himself face to face with the bodyguard.

"Gob!" You greeted, pushing past the massive ghoul to hug the other, "How are you? It's been so long since you've last visited!"

"Heh, yeah," He chuckled awkwardly, "Well, I'll probably have a lot more time on my hands now."

"Really?" You asked, "Why's that?"

"You didn't hear? Moriarity was found dead last night. Security's searching for the culprit right now, but I don't think they're trying too hard."

You feigned shock at the news, turning to stare into Charon's blank expression with slight mischief.

"I wonder who could've done that." You wondered out loud, knowing full well what you and you're roommate had been planning for a week prior. "So, you own the saloon now?"

"That's what I've been told." He replied, scratching the back of his head, "Well, I'll leave you alone now. Just wanted to try out this new freedom thing."

You hummed thoughtfully, grinning widely at the bartender who stood before you.

"Why don't you come inside for a little bit? We can celebrate!" You cheered, already pulling him inside your home before he could answer. You poured three drinks for all of you as you spoke, "I've almost finished making mutfruit omelets if you want one."

"Ah, no thanks, this drink is more than enough," Gob answered, sitting hunched over on the couch.

----------

"Ah, hello!" Moira greeted excitedly, pulling you quickly into a tight embrace before pushing you back, hands still firmly planted on your shoulders as she spoke, "Did your gun break again? I've been thinking about it a lot and may have found a more reliable and permanent solution to the problem! All that's left is to test it!"

"Aw, thanks! But no, I'm here to finally pay you what I owe." You said, patting yourself down for caps, although, you paled when you didn't feel any. You felt yourself freeze in place as you tried to think up an excuse as to how you forgot to bring the amount needed. Charon's rough hand on your shoulder broke you out of that, however, as he dropped them into her open hand.

"Thank you!" She beamed, "I was about to start charging interest! So, you're lucky you brought it now!"

"Y-yeah, well, you know how I t-try to stay uh... reliable." You stuttered. You weren't even sure what you were saying. All you knew was that you were so incredibly relieved that you didn't have to make a fool of yourself.

You shot a grateful glance back at the ghoul, his emotionless gaze feeling more and more reassuring every time you met them, and you felt that they'd only continue to comfort you the longer you were around him.

[coca-lastic]

Takami Keigo: 5 Red flags vs 5 Green flags

Characters: Takami Keigo (Hawks).

Mi first lenguage is not English btw

Part 2 with Bakugo?

First of all, a relationship with Keigo can go very well or very badly. His life requires a very specific type of person, although he is not one to judge people and prefers to be optimistic when it comes to anything, it must be admitted that a person who is a little more "egoistic" could not stand the schedules, the dangers and harms that come with the hero's work.

In any case, if you are a person who, although you have flaws that might seem out of place with the style of life that has been imposed on Keigo, but you are still a person who is willing to do better, fight and resist for the relationship, believe me that the he will put the same as you and more.

Probably at the beginning there will be many problems, Keigo is not a man used to his life not being just for him, and perhaps you are not used to living with someone like him, but part of a relationship is learning, step by step and with a lot of time, love can change things if you use it well.

Of course, like any person, he has his good things and bad things.

🟥 Red Flags:

• At first he's a very independent and close person: Being independent can be a very good thing and a good sign, but when it comes to Keigo, it is not the same. His independence is too big to be considered a good thing, he has grown up and lived his entire life believing that he is the one against the world and only he has the right to know what is going through his mind, so it wouldn't be the kind of boyfriend who is asking your approval or telling you about his day. But he knows that that is not right, so I firmly believe that he would correct it to the point of telling you his problems.

• He's sarcastic: Come on guys, you could see this coming from the second this hero appeared on the screen and started making the most annoyed faces a face can make. It's not like he does it in a bad way often, but when arguments start he would get on your nerves with his sarcastic comments, probably minimizing the problems or making you look wrong, even stupid in the worst cases.

• You are the priority, but if people need him, he will leave: This is a very extensive topic and contains many reasons. You are the most important thing in his life, if you leave he would be totally devastated and depressed than anyone else could be, but he simply cannot reject the call, if his phone vibrates and they tell him that they need him he will already be acting the hero suit. It's not that he wants to leave you, it's that he can't stay, it's that he has been educated to always leave.

• He is jealous: Normally it is not something that bothers you, it can even be something that the two of you later make fun of in private, but there are some times that if he seems to be intense about it, he is not attracted to the idea of you leave, that you change him or that you abandon him, so although he always tries to keep himself in line, there are few cases in which he goes too far, when he marks someone as his rival he will forever be "the disgusting guy who wants with you", and he could say offensive things about him, start fights so that you stay away from him and even demonstrate his jealousy without any type of shame.

• "Is not that deep": I don't know why, but I'm very sure that Keigo would say this MANY times, like you may have told him that it's something that bothers you, or something that hurt you, or you're just telling him a story, and he responds with the damn "is not that deep." Partly it's because like I said before he won't tell you something just because it happened to him, so he doesn't understand why you're open about it.

OKAY BUT, he has hes beautiful Green Flags and all that, SO let's goOoOooOOoOOOoo

🟩 Green Flags

• He drives you to achieve and fulfill your own goals: He would be a man who not only asks, he also offers, he would never ask you to support him in his goal of a better and more relaxed world for those who are heroes without first supporting you in any goal that you have worn. You need money? He can give it to you, do you need to improve yourself? Ok, here he is to support you, do you just feel tired of trying? Well he will give you a reason to do it again.

• "Let's see each other even if it's just for 5 minutes?": He leads a busy life but he takes you into account in every second of it, it's true that it's hard for him to tell you about it, it's hard for him to open up, but he loves seeing you, even if he doesn't express it correctly, he loves to be there for you even though he may not tell you that he thinks about it, he loves to give you time even if it means more fatigue for his body.

• Stop having attitudes that make you feel bad: Did you read all the previous red flags? WELL HAWKS TROLL YOU BECAUSE HE CHANGE WHAT YOU ASK HIM TO DO, GIRL!!!! He would make an effort because he doesn't take it lightly, it is difficult and takes a lot of time, but he keeps trying.

• "I saw this and I remembered you": I repeat, Keigo takes you into account every second, even if at first he can't express it correctly. But he is a bird, he will bring you any stuffed animal, bracelet, candy, necklace, clothing or toy that he finds in a store and has a detail as beautiful as you.

• Hella touchy: Bro, if you don't consider this a good thing I'm really sorry but what the hell are you doing reading something about Takami Keigo, Get the fuck out of here! He will never have one hand far from you in moments of rest and time as a couple. A simple hand on your thigh while the two of you are eating or while he is finishing work papers, a few light cuddles on your hair while he is falling asleep, a hand on your cheek before kissing you, a hand on your waist to hug you, and if i keep going, I don't finish the list.

[moonlume]

This was mostly for Instagram as I've always felt much more comfortable on Tumblr, whether I'm on or off-topic, but I figured it's good to post it here too just as an update on what's been going on with me! I'm slowly getting back on track with things, I'll do more varied posting here too now I think :')

Plain text version under the read more:

Hi! Long time no see! Apologies for the sudden radio silence. I needed a long overdue break from social media. The truth is that I've been struggling with severe burnout for the last couple of years now. Between failed projects, changes in social media, and health issues, I've sadly developed a really negative and unhealthy outlook towards myself and my work, and I got really stuck in that mindset for a long time. Recently I heard a quote that was very fitting for what's been going on with me: "Don't start cleaning until you understand the mess." That is what I've been trying to do! I've been thinking and overthinking how I want to move forward with Moonlume, trying to understand those negative feelings and where they come from, and maybe, just maybe, I've found a path that I'm comfortable with. I'd like to delve into some of these topics with you, so read on if you're curious! Changes are coming!

SOCIAL MEDIA

I've been "in a relationship" with social media since I was about 15. I used to love it. I'm 30 now, and I've been trying to understand what made me so negative about it nowadays; not the parts I can't control, (algorithms, scams, AI, ads...) but my own presence and interaction with it. In hindsight, I should have realised what the main problem was sooner... When I was younger, the blogs I remember having a fun time running used to mostly be about what other people have made, and the things I enjoyed. I've been a small biz girlie since I was 16 (I used to run @FrozenCrafts before this! :D) but I've never liked being in a position where I only share my own work and nothing else. It's too much spotlight for me, too much pressure, especially with social media requiring consistency nowadays. I've always been an anxious, introverted person, and I now realise that this spotlight has been eating away at me. (Which is odd to say as someone who runs a small biz, I know.) I started getting even more anxious when, due to multiple reasons (more on that later) my output of new art really dropped off. Even though I've been working on Moonlume this whole time in the quiet background, I had very few new things to show for it. I couldn't help but compare myself to artists I really respect and look up to, who make new things every month, every week, and yes of course comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disaster, but... we all do it to some extent.

(And I definitely went overboard. At my lowest, I voiced some really awful things about both myself and my work...) Over time, the anxiety and frustration with myself got so bad that I couldn't stomach doing anything creative for a while, and eventually, I stopped all social media activity entirely. People say that burnout catches up to you and what do you know - the people are right... So... What's the solution here? Again, in hindsight, this should have dawned on me sooner. I've put myself in a cage just because "well that's how I've seen other people do it". And I'm sure many people will agree with the idea that a shop/smallbiz/brand account should just be about the brand! I totally get it! But I've realised that's not for me. From this day forward, I'd like to work towards making the Moonlume social media spaces be about everything cute, colourful and fun. I'd like to create an environment where it's not just about "Moonlume the art and products", but a place for everything that has inspired me, a place where I can share my favourite video games and artists with you, a place that isn't just a spotlight for me, but a spotlight for everything and everyone that made me fall in love with the cute and colourful aesthetics of this world. And I'd like to try and just have fun with social media again! It's been so long since I've been genuinely excited about making posts, yet here I am thinking "ohh I should take cute colourful layout pictures of my old 3DS and ask people if they're still using theirs!!". It is so relieving to feel excited again. Even typing this out feels like a rock being lifted from my heart.

And don't worry - the heart and soul of Moonlume is not going away. The colour explosion you see on my profile? That won't be changing! That is the vibe I'm going to keep here. Just with more variety, and less pressure on myself :)

HEALTH ISSUES

I mentioned that there are multiple reasons why I've become incredibly slow at releasing new designs. One of those is that I'm genuinely swamped with work all the time - running Moonlume is 95% emails, admin, customer service, etc. (I've been stuck in a "too much work for one person, not enough work + income for two people" stage for a long time now and I'm still trying to figure that one out.) I may not have much new creative work to show for it, but I DO have quite a few announcements to make soon! Opportunities for art I've already made kept coming up, so I've been prioritising those. The main reason, however... My joints. Ohh, my fail joints... For the last 3-4 years my wrist has been declining, or at least I thought it's just my wrist - it may be all my joints. Getting any answers from doctors as a "totally healthy" 30 year old has been frustrating - I still don't know what's wrong, scans have been booked and then lost, "oh just do stretches", "just wear a brace", "just need to rest". I listened to their generic advice at first, but considering that my hand was in pain almost all day yesterday, without me doing anything, I don't think rest is gonna save me here :/ All I can do is continue bugging them until they give me some answers. Until then... I have to work around my joints screaming at me. All this hit me really hard, because over the last couple of years, I've been trying to accept that I will no longer be able to draw the way I used to. Which sucks. I learned to do something I'm happy with and now I can't do it anymore. The work I used to make is just too detailed for me to tackle now - every set of designs would take about 4-5 days of intense drawing, and, apparently, I've also been holding the pen wrong since childhood which put extra strain on my wrist?? I've tried to unlearn this and couldn't... Holding a pen any other way is alien to me lol. But yep, that checks out - sometimes even writing grocery lists gets painful towards the end of the list, which takes like 5min. Or, sometimes, lifting a mug "wrong" sends lightning through my whole hand. So... How can I move forward with this? I doubt my joints are going to get any better, but I still want to continue running Moonlume. Besides using old designs for new products (not very exciting, I know, but people want them and that has helped so much - we are saving up for a family and I'm thankful for any income I can get!), creatively, I think I'd like to start calling myself less of an illustrator, and more of a product/stationery designer? A mouse doesn't strain my hand as much, depending on the day anyway, and I've been able to release at least something new with simple shapes recently - like my “You can never have too many stickers” sticker book! I'm really glad it's been well received, I've just gotten a second batch of these books in, it made me hopeful that there could still be a future for me in the world of stationery if I just change things up. Yes, I will forever be sad that I can no longer tackle the dreamy, detailed designs anymore. I had a lot of sketches and ideas ready to go, I had goals and skills I wanted to reach for... But I've been grieving this for way too long now and I want to learn to let go and move on.

FINAL THOUGHTS

So... Yeah. Everything I've just said, that cocktail of emotions and problems, it was really affecting my mental health over the last few years. I've been stuck in an endless cycle of disappointment in myself. The shame over not doing enough, not making new things fast enough, or as interesting/meaningful as other people, on top of struggling to let go of past failures and getting frustrated with joint problems... all that made me develop some really messy feelings towards both myself and my work. There were points where I was fantasising about burning it all down just to have a fresh start. It was bad :( BUT! With a clearer head and armed with perspective from people I love, I can say this: I AM proud of what I've made so far! I no longer look at my work and loathe it like I did for a while. Looking back, damn, that was a super unhealthy perspective and I'm glad I can recognise it now. And even though, thanks to my fail joints, I'm no longer able to make things the way I used to... I'm learning to accept this and I'm looking forward to the future. I'm excited to talk more about things I love, excited to make the Moonlume social media space be more varied and give it a breath of fresh air! Posting about my work/products all the time also left very little room for discussion and chatting with you guys, and I miss the feeling of community, so I'm excited to make this a livelier space! That doesn't mean that the art part of Moonlume is going anywhere - it's still my beloved little shop, and I'll still be making things for (hopefully!!) many years to come, just at a slower, much more comfortable and sustainable pace. ♥

Thank you so much for reading this and hearing me out. The support I've received from everyone here over the last 8 years has been genuinely invaluable - my head spins daily from the thought that my little creations have had the chance to travel the whole world thanks to you... It's truly magical. I hope that with this new chapter I can reconnect with the community once more, and move on to a brighter future! Love you all! ♥

Maple

[daenerysstormreborn]

Time to ramble. I’m thinking about the way Arya and Sansa fans seem to get into this debate about who was more lonely and neglected in Winterfell. Which is kind of funny because then the arguments get totally reversed when debating other aspects of the characters. But anyway. The general arguments seem to be:

1. Arya was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because of her connection to Jon and the fact that she doesn’t look like her true born siblings. The more direct evidence comes from the way Sansa and Jeyne teased her, the harshness of Septa Mordane, and Catelyn’s exasperation. It can be inferred that Arya feels a sense of insecurity wrt to her family ties as she wonders if her own mother would want her back after everything that happened. It can be assumed that she was a bit of an outcast based on her disinterest in the things expected of her as a girl, and we see the way many characters look down upon non-conforming women and girls in-universe. Sansa, on the other hand, receives praise from her mother and the septa and has two named close friends in Winterfell. She happily conforms to what is expected of her as a highborn girl and we can assume she would fit in in Winterfell.

2. Sansa was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because she is the only one to lose her direwolf, which is the family symbol. The more direct evidence comes from contrast with Arya, whom Sansa observes can “make friends with anybody,” seemingly in contrast to herself. Ned agreed to kill Lady despite knowing she was innocent and indulged Arya’s interest in swordplay whilst being unenthusiastic about indulging Sansa’s interest in tourneys. Arya is demonstrated to be beloved by Ned’s men in a way we do not observe with Sansa. We can assume that Sansa didn’t feel like she belonged because of her interest in sothron culture, something none of her siblings share. Arya, on the other hand, is extroverted, makes friends easily, is northern in appearance, and has no interest in sothron culture, so we can assume she fit in in Winterfell.

I actually don’t think a lot of the points in the two arguments is mutually exclusive. We also have to remember POV bias. Arya doesn’t reflect on Any friends her age she had at Winterfell (I am not including Mycah because I am under the impression they became friends on the way to King’s Landing), but Arya is not one to reflect and reminisce. Sansa notices that Arya can make friends with anyone, but she doesn’t experience Arya’s inner world. What does Sansa mean by making friends? Does she see Arya having fun and being at ease talking to anyone and feel envy, since she herself feels like is performing, always minding her manners, when she’s socializing with most people? Could it be that Arya is friendly but struggles to find long term close friends like Jeyne and Beth, attributing this disparity to Sansa’s “ladylike” interests? Could it be that being teased by Sansa and her friends and scolded by Catelyn and Mordane has made Arya assume that other girls wouldn’t be interested in close friendship with her, causing her to be friendly but keep a certain distance? (**please note I am not trying to make a case for nlog Arya. I think keeping a distance because you assume you’ll be rejected is different and does not require that she looks down upon other girls, because there is no evidence for that here**)

I don’t have a good conclusion I just think it’s interesting that this is something that gets debated because the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We can’t know because we get very few flashbacks and the story picks up when their normal lives in Winterfell end. I can’t speak to George’s intentions but if we pretend they’re real people I’d speculate that both would have felt misplaced within Winterfell at times, envying certain traits about the other

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 100

One hundred fuckin’ days. God. Actually happened. 

I spent 3/4ths of the year drawing more Junkan art than I think anyone else on the internet ever has. Which might be presumptuous of me, maybe i’m just looking in the wrong places y’know? I’m a solid second place bare minimum.

And like, that’s still pretty funny right? This whole event is something I’m gonna cherish forever, the memories, the art itself, the friends I made because of it. But like, c’mon. I drew 100 fucking pieces, learned new skills like digital painting, animation, all that shit, for a ship that I used to hate, and a ship that for the longest time I thought was gonna get me fuckin banished to the deepest depths of the internet just for drawing a poor sketch of them kissing. This ship has become more deeply entwined into who I am as a person that it’s passed up Tokomaru, the ship that literally made me realize I’m a woman.

It’s gotta be at least a little funny, right?

Ah but enough of that, I can talk more on that subject a bit later. For now I reckon I should focus on our art piece for today! Wouldn’t you agree?

Yeah it’s the Wedding. I’d say even before Day 60 I decided the final pic of the Project would be The Wedding, even before I decided to draw a comic of the proposal. Because like, c’mon, it’s basic but how the fuck else was I supposed to end of the project? With something that ISN’T a wedding????

And very shocking to hear after this entire project has gone by, but I did in fact scale back this pic massively. You wanna know what the original idea was?? 22 images, each one depicting different parts of the wedding and afterparty, including the kiss at the end. And the kiss at the end? I was gonna feature every character from the 3 main classes + Ruruka, Seiko, and Yasuke. Fucking why??? Because Excess is all I know people ITS ALL I KNOW.

However I had decided that I wanted this project finished and ready before October, because I wanted to do the Vampire Fic to coincide with Day 30. And again, say it with me here, “Jem was severely burnt out on the project!” 

So it went from 22 images, to “However many I can get done in time + the big group shot” and then that became “Just the big group shot,” and then finally, i cracked and just drew The Kiss. 

Speaking of which before I divulge some more info about the original plan, i’ll get all the fun things about the actual art I did go through with.

As you can tell I shaded this differently from anything in the project. I normally have two different ways of shading art, I don’t think these are the proper words but I call them Soft Shading and Hard Shading. If you need immediate examples, Day 95 was Soft Shaded, and Day 94 was Hard Shaded. Generally speaking I prefer to do Hard Shading, as I think it works better with the rest of my style, and also just looks better in general. Soft Shading is what I do for pics with like, a very specific tone and energy to them that I can’t really put to words. It’s also significantly easier to do compared to Hard Shading. 

A few months back for a commission of Kaede and Marceline from Adventure Time hanging out (yes this is relevant) I was trying to capture a very specific aesthetic that I’m obsessed with called Frutiger Aero. This mostly was in the background, however when lighting the pic I needed a very specific aesthetic that I didn’t know how to capture with just one of my shading styles. So . . . I fuckin did both. And in my opinion (which is crazy because this requires I compliment myself) it looked fuckin great. That said it was significantly harder.

I think I’ve done it only one other time after this, but I don’t remember what the pic was if it exists at all. But obviously as you can see, I decided that to really commemorate the occasion I’d go all out and do both shading styles again. It was very worth it, but fun fact! Doing this style on Roses is a fucking pain in the ass and if I ever have to do it again I will fucking SCREAM!

Anyway, the pic was definitely a lot harder to work on because of that stylistic choice, but the end result makes up for it by a massive margin. 

Hope ya’ll like the dresses because they were the hardest part of this! Fun fact, Val (She’s back!) did a chapter for her legendary Year of Love and Despair fic where the gals are in wedding dresses. And the designs she came up with are amazing! I still really wanna draw em when I get a chance! However! I woulda felt bad if I just yoinked em for this, so I had to do everything in my power to come up with completely different designs. And given that I am a perfectionist, that was significantly more difficult than it probably shoulda been. But I did it! I really like how Mikan’s dress turned out specifically, I thought giving her a fit that covered up more skin than a normal wedding dress would be fitting for her. Also I really like drawing Mikan’s hair in a bun, I never had a chance to say that so I’mma say that now. 

Wow fuck I just realized there’s probably a lot of random details or thought processes I have on this ship that I just never got an opportunity to talk about, either because I had a different topic to cover on previous posts, or I just forgot, or I just didn’t have a good segway! Crazy right? 

Also yes! Shading Junko’s hair was heavenly~

Okay i’ve run out of words on the art. Time to tell you about everything I cut! Now I’m sad to say but no, I didn’t actually cut 22 planned images. I never got far enough to actually figure out each individual pic. Only a small handful, which I almost speedily sketched out for this post, but I don’t have it in me, especially on my current schedule. So i’ll just do my best to describe what I had in mind!

First piece would have been Mukuro being on Security for the Wedding, because of course. She would have also enlisted the help of Mondo and his entire gang, because that combination in this context sounds funny. Don’t worry though they were well behaved.

Ruruka was gonna handle the Wedding Cake, with Teruteru on the rest of the food. Either Ruruka or Mukuro would have been giving him a death glare during the process of course.

Behind the scenes Mikan would be getting prepped for the Wedding. And by prepped I mean Seiko, Ibuki, and Sayaka would be trying very hard to keep Mikan from crying as a result of how happy and overwhelmed she is (Ruining her makeup). Seiko trying to blow air into her eyes to keep them dry while Sayaka and Ibuki desperately try to find an outlet to plug in a hairdryer in because that would be significantly more efficient.

On the reverse, Junko would be doing all of the work on prepping herself for the wedding, with Ruruka, Yasuke and Tsumugi standing in the background, questioning why they’re even there. Junko would yell at them that they’re morale support in this instance. 

Warriors of Hope would of course be there being scamps of course, Kotoko would be the Flower Girl because I play favorites. Toko and Komaru would probably be there trying to keep them in line.

I didn’t have anything in mind with the afterparty but I more than likely would have drawn the drunkest Junko I possibly could. Maybe even Mikan too!

For the Bouquet Throwing I was gonna have Syo jumping at it like a feral animal, and thinking about it now I’d probably also have Tenko jumping for it with killing intent in her eyes.  

And I think that’s it for ideas I had prior to cutting them. Which means it’s time for me to get sappy about the fact that the project is finally ending! Fuck! Usually when I write these I try to have a decent idea ahead of time of what I’m gonna fucking say, this time however I’m just gonna talk, and i’m gonna keep talking until I’m either struck down by nature or I run out of things to say. Sorry! 

This is going to get silly, sappy, and maybe even a little venty, jump in at your own risk. 

If you told me at the beginning of 2024 that I was going to draw 100 days worth of Junkan related art, including a gif and a music video, 2 comics, and also get back into writing to make gay fanfic, I’d be so god damn confused. Because what the fuck right? And that’s not even counting everything I drew AFTER I fuckin finished! Like hold on a minute i’m gonna count up how many times i’ve drawn these two, including the individual comic pages from the three i’ve made.

204.

Fucking, I. I didn’t even know we passed 200 by this point. 

And that’s not counting the sketches I’ve drawn on paper in my sketchbook. It’s also not counting unfinished pics. It ain’t counting the art I might draw WHILE writing this! It’s not counting the stuff I probably forgot about while searching my files cause I suck at naming the aforementioned files!

AND I’M STILL NOT BURNED OUT EITHER?

I got burned out on the project sure but the moment I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted I fucking IMMEDIATELY drew a Junkan pic for Halloween. And then I kept going, and then I didn’t fucking stop, and I don’t think I CAN stop! I don’t even WANT to stop but you’d think by now I’d be like “Well I don’t have any ideas right now-” NO I HAVE TOO FUCKING MANY IDEAS! I KEEP FUCKING THINKING OF MORE IDEAS, AND THEN I COME UP WITH AN AU AND THAT COULD HAVE LIKE 10,000 MORE IDEAS. JUNKAN IS A MENTAL HYDRA YOU DRAW ONE PIC 2 MORE POP UP IN ITS PLACE!

I can draw these pieces in like a few hours if not shorter, because I don’t have to fucking sketch them properly anymore. I feel like I shouldn’t be able to do that! This ship has done unspeakable things to both my mind and body! And i’ve said it before but i’m not trying to complain here, as you’ll see when I start talking about this ship like it saved me from falling into the grand canyon. But it’s just, so, absurd???

Danganronpa is only like my third favorite piece of media behind Bo-bobo and Fairy Tail and yet I’ve drawn more art of JUST THIS SHIP than I have of just general art of those series! That’s not even counting all the other ship art I’ve done! Like Tokomaru! Remember Tokomaru? The ship that is responsible for me being a woman and being able to find the happiness of being my true self? I think i’ve drawn that and Syomaru a combined like, 20 times across my entire life as a DR fan. ALL OF THIS JUNKAN ART SAY FOR LIKE, 5 OF THEM WERE IN ONE YEAR. 

And bare minimum for 2025, assuming I don’t make ANYTHING ELSE OF THEM (Which I will. You know I will.) I’m gonna draw 21 pics for Junkan Week, because you know I’m gonna just draw EVERY prompt from all three lists. And then 30 more for the Month of Junkan (Will try to have that prompt list up soon btw!). So that’s 51 I’m going to do. That’s over half of what I realistically was supposed to do bare minimum for this project. That’s so fucking much, and I’m gonna do it, because I love this ship, and also it sounds REALLY funny if I did that. 

I think genuinely the only other ships I could fucking do this for are like, Toko/Syomaru or Flarelu. Maybe Togachako if I did a reread of MHA to get me back in the spirit for that series. And even then i’m not sure I physically have it in me to go that distance even for those ships. I certainly want to draw a lot of them, especially Flarelu because that’s a ship so rare that it makes Soft Junkan (before I fucking flooded the tag on tumblr) look like a bustling city.

Speaking of tags, I still think about sometimes how like, the Junkan Tag maybe got like, a post like, a few times every month. The normal amount for a ship of this general Rarity. And now it’s like, for so many pages, just half of it is me. Because I was asked to bring something to eat to the function for the buffet table and I fucking crashed a Food Truck through the wall. I feel bad about it sometimes, sometimes. I’m imagining the scenario in my head where someone who likes Junkan but didn’t check the tag super often because it wasn’t like, a super commonly updated one, and then pressing it for the first time in a year and being like “What the fuck happened here?” You know what still shocks me? Not once have I gotten hate for any of this. I was so fucking scared for like half of this projects creation that I was going to get bombarded with people angry at me for shipping this, and NOTHING. I’m not complaining I’m just confused. I have to at least have had a few people block me right? It’s just so eerily quiet. And it’d be one thing if it’s just a thing of like “Why would people who hate Junkan check the Junkan tag” because yeah, that makes sense. But also I’ve been putting at least one Junkan pic in both characters tags every day for 3 fucking months, there had to be at least one Mikan super fan who is eternally fed up with my antics. Like, awesome that I didn’t get harassed over a ship, that actually gives me a little hope that nature is healing, just. Crazy right???

So like. Fuck.

I guess I’ll get to the sappy shit now?? I think I ran out of things to be confused about in terms of what I did this year because of this ship. So I guess I’ll just start talking about how much it means to me, both the ship, and this project. 

(trigger warning, mentions of abuse, nothing super graphic in my opinion but could be mildly uncomfortable. Either skim ahead or stop here)

2024 kinda, fuckin sucked for me to be honest?? I have like 2 good things I can speak for it in terms of major positive points (Obviously I had other good experiences but if I just said “Oh I read a I Love Amy and it was one of the greatest things ever” it lacks the same impact). Not counting getting this project to like, work, obviously.

I finished the 5 chapters of my webcomic that I wanted prepped so I could actually make a website and start posting (ignore how I didn’t make the fuckin website yet). And I started dating my darling Yves and Rivette. Who I cherish deeply. I made other friends this year, a lot of them in part cause of this ship. And I went through a lot of emotional change. 

But to get that change it required I unpack a lot. And by a lot, I mean one bag that was filled to the brim. Gonna try real hard not to like, talk about this in excessive detail or turn this post into some woe is me bullshit, but I feel like I should at least make mention of it.

At the beginning of the year, I asked Yves (who I wasn’t dating yet) about my previous romantic relationship. And she confirmed to me that, based on everything I had told her about it overtime, that yes, it was abusive.

During 2021-2022 I was in a relationship with a girl I won’t name here, you wouldn’t know her of course, it was a completely different community. It started out as friends, I got a crush, jumped at it because I was still inexperienced with feelings, and it didn’t work out. And that’s the simple way of putting it, and that’s how I viewed it till Yves opened my eyes.

From the getgo it wasn’t healthy. She was manipulative, constantly had outbursts towards me, and yanked me around emotionally constantly. I would later find out that she had a previous history of just, generally being an awful person. Even after we broke up we still stuck around each other, mostly because I felt guilty for breaking up with her, and was also just generally terrified of her. The abuse was all mental of course, it was long distance so she couldn’t hurt me physically at all. 

I of course, didn’t process any of that as me being abused, I even viewed myself as being at fault for a lot of it. The experience was so bad that I identified as Aromantic because just convinced I wasn’t able to feel proper romantic feelings for someone. It wasn’t till much later when I got another crush that I realized that I’m Panromantic, and me being Aro (and very briefly Aegoromantic) was basically just a coping mechanism to write off my trauma. I still feel guilty about that since it feels like I devalued the importance of people who do identify on the Aro spectrum, but that isn’t relevant here.

Point is, a lot of bad shit happened to me because of that woman, and even after a year and a half of us not talking because we both mutually decided it would be better for us to not stay in contact, she still found ways to worm her way back into my life. One conversation we had just by chance, to catch up, that’s all it took and I was thinking of her again. I never talked to her after that, and I have her blocked now, but I didn’t need to for shit to hit the fan.

So I asked Yves that question, she answered, and I now suddenly had to deal with the fact that I was abused, and that I was traumatized as a result. And like, I never really viewed myself as a traumatized person up till that point, I viewed myself as someone who wasn’t very smart but tried her best to do good by people who didn’t have too much baggage beyond some sucky school memories.

When I had to unpack what happened that kind of spiraled into severe Self Confidence Issues and even more Self Hate. I struggled to accept even the slightest compliment if it wasn’t directed at my art. The reason I even quit weed is because I used it almost exclusively to suppress all of the negative emotions I felt. 

I’m in a somewhat better place now, I’m trying to give myself more breaks from artwork, rather than overworking myself constantly just to feel something (and being fully open, I realized near the end of december that I pretty much used Overworking as a form of self harm). I’m gonna really try this year to like, actually let people be nice to me, and in turn try to be nicer to myself. And I have goals to work towards for this year. But I wouldn’t have gotten to this point without two things. One, my girlfriend Yves, who even before we started dating helped me through multiple breakdowns and has helped/allowed me to grow into a (I hope) better, healthier person. And even after I got over most of my feelings related to my Ex, has continued to help me cope with my self hatred. I cherish every moment we share and wouldn’t trade her for anything.

And the other thing, which I know will sound silly right after I talked about my girlfriend, is well. Junkan.

Let me say this, I didn’t get into Junkan to cope with my abuse. I have toyed with the notion in my head before and the idea of it pisses me off to a quite frankly irrational degree. I was into Junkan before I realized my issues. If you want my coping mechanism it’s Alex from Minecraft and no I’m not explaining that right now.

That said, it, like all the yuri ships I like, was a source of comfort for me. Originally I read stuff like Tokomaru fics just to help me reduce stress, back when I dealt with really severe anger issues due to the online spaces I occupied. And to this day reading a nice, fluff fic can calm me down a bit. But now they can serve a much deeper sense of comfort, away from all the bullshit, and obviously, gave me a way to distract/calm myself from the storm of negative emotions and memories that filled the brain.

I see myself in Mikan more than I’d like to personally admit, obviously not to the extreme, but in aspects. So it’s just, nice to see a better timeline for her with Junko, ones where she gets to be happy and maybe even heal as well. It just so happens that I also think there’s a lot of genuinely good potential for the ship from either a canon or non-canon perspective, and Junko’s just a really enjoyable character. 

Working on this project helped too. It gave me a way to dive deeper into my love for this ship, and gave me a sense of purpose and validation that helped me work through the rough. Whether it was the really bad mental health days, or just a shit streak of commission work that tore away at me because my job even if I love drawing can be a real drag at times, and i’m unfortunately a workaholic (Trying to work on it though).

I think i’ve said it before but even something simple as Val showing her excitement over the art pieces I was prepping could genuinely brighten my day even while I was at my lowest.

And then when I really started pursuing this as a project, rather than just a secret stash to satiate myself and one other person minimum, I realized I could do something good here. For the people like me who loved this ship but might have been too nervous about expressing it, the people who were just really craving it, and the people who had already made all of the fics and art that sent me into this spiral of obsessive passion in the first place! A gift to all of them, to make ya’ll happy. 

In hindsight, may not like, the healthiest mindset for setting off this whole project. But hey it all kinda circled around into eventually helping my mental health recover. So like, win?

And i’ve already spoken on how Day 60 allowed me to feel a lot more emotionally free as an artist even if I still have my struggle days. I’ve gotten better just in general as an artist as I improve more at stuff like expressions, posing, linework, etc. And I’ve even managed to make friends with some of the people I used to look up to as idols and can finally just view em as normal people now. (Even if I might still be a bit excessive in my praise, I swear I’m normal about ya’ll besties I just don’t have like, a middleground for showing my appreciation and affection for my friends. It’s maxed out unless I’m tired as shit) 

I find myself comedically terrified of how this ship has affected me over the course of 2024, and how it will likely continue to affect me through 2025 even as I try to move onto other projects not related to Junkan. I wanna show off my love for Fairy Tail on my main blog, and I really think that with a full years time and the first five chapters done I really can get my comic off the ground and focus on that for the foreseeable future.

But hey, 2025 at least we got two whole Junkan Events. And with Junkan Week I’d like to keep that going for as long as I can, unless someone else takes the reins way down the line. So this ol’ blog’ll keep going for a good while I imagine, even if it’s a lot smaller. Maybe I’ll find other ways to keep this place active, I’ve considered just making it a one stop shop for all things Junkan though I don’t think I’m really suited to manage that. Maybe someone’ll read this and try there hand at it down the line, maybe someone’ll do their own 100 Days of Junkan! 

Oh hey did I ever tell ya’ll I was gonna make a comedic video just making a guideline for how one could make their own 100 Days Project. It was gonna be like, pretty obvious points just framed in a very exaggerated and comedic tone. 

Alright anything else I should cover? Fun facts? Deep personal anecdotes? Sappy stuff?

Lemme check my files, maybe i got another dumb joke image- 

. . . 

Oh . . . Well there’s somethin.

Alright, don’t get to excited ya’ll, but just for a bit of fun, how about one last day in the project. I know 101 days doesn’t roll of the tongue as well, but I think this is vaguely interesting enough to make up for that! Tune in tomorrow. Same time, same place. 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[notforpenance]

can I get a sneak peak of “a can of sprite” 👀

of course! a can of sprite has had a few different names over the time i've had it so i'm not sure if it will change if i decide to post it. it's pretty underdeveloped right now (given i haven't posted it or talked about furthering it) was inspired by a lestappen fan art i saw fun fact although i'm not sure who the artist is so i can't find it for you all

i was torn between putting the can of sprite part in but genuinely that part makes no sense without context LOL

it's a carcar biological bdsm au

heres a sneak peak:

Carlos’s hand rests dutifully on the far side of Oscar’s face, gently cupping his chin, wrist brushing his ear. The opposite side of Oscar’s head barely touches Carlos’s thigh, leaning forward a bit to let some of the weight fall into Carlos’s hand. Oscar is on a pillow on the floor, weight resting on his shins and heels, hands in his lap, back straight, next to Carlos’s standing form. His eyes are glassy, his mind foggy, and Carlos’s thumb moves back and forth lightly over his cheekbone in reassurance. 

See, in the moment, it is hard to conceptualize time before and after. Oscar smells of champagne, sweat, and victory. Carlos is looking at the wall of his driver's room, part zoned out, part examining how the paint blankets the walls, and part soaking up Oscar’s presence. Oscar isn’t thinking about anything. He’s floating. Far in the background of his mind sits the lingering knowledge that Carlos is there to ensure his safety.

Oscar is always perfect when he is not trying. His posture is brilliant, his body is relaxed, and his demeanor is composed and spacy—he is the picture of a perfect sub. When Oscar is trying, like when he is in a particularly difficult mood and attempting to convince Carlos that he isn’t worth the trouble, Oscar tries very hard to be imperfect. 

Whether Oscar wants to sink to his knees with relative ease or make him work for it a little first, Carlos never much minds. Both satisfy most of his needs, and fulfill his time requirements. The one case in which he'd needed a little more than Oscar was ready to give, he’d turned to another sub which was clearly outlined in their contract. 

Oscar doesn’t like to look at Carlos. Usually, he doesn’t even want to kneel close enough to the man to be touched by him. Oscar likes to keep a room's space between them, to speak but not touch, to look only from afar. It is in the contract, though, that he can be closer, that Carlos can rest a hand or two on his body if he consents, which only happens when he feels himself slipping under. But he never looks at Carlos in these moments, not when they are this close. Instead, they are positioned side by side. Carlos needs to be faceless in these instances because Oscar does not like relying on people, especially not Carlos.

By now, Carlos knows a lot about how Oscar works. They meet every other day for an hour to adhere to the FIA's rules, and then occasionally, when Oscar feels like he needs a little extra Carlos is there. Oscar has gotten comfortable asking for it when he needs, Carlos prides himself on that. Right after races is the most frequent time, a few too many hugs, words of praise, or pats on the back are enough to send Oscar over the edge because of his complicated history. 

Carlos gently runs his fingers through Oscar’s hair, smoothing it down from where his helmet had aggravated it. Then he touches Oscar’s back for a brief moment and feels the tenseness that indicates to him that Oscar is nearly done. He doesn’t put a time limit on extra sessions because they only happen when Oscar needs them, like after races, so he likes to let Oscar take the time he needs, no more or less.  He returns his hand to sit on the opposite side of Oscar’s face, keeping him steady. 

“You were very good tonight,” Carlos murmurs. He wants to attach something to the end of it, but pet names, like most other things, are a hard limit, and outright saying ‘Oscar’ feels a little too formal for right now.  

Oscar’s list in the contract looks very different from Carlos’s. Carlos has nearly everything on the table except those he cannot stomach. In contrast, Oscar’s list has only one item not in the limits section that Carlos had to carefully suggest when his first draft came back blank. Kneeling. Alongside it, Oscar has two soft limits: the light physical touch and the words of praise. After that, everything else is non-negotiable.

Oscar kneels, for an hour every other day under Carlos’s supervision to fulfill the FIA-mandated requirements, with Carlos’s secondary and private goal of stopping Oscar from dropping after every race.

Oscar makes a sound that is halfway between a sigh and a whimper. He shifts slightly, leaning further into Carlos’s leg. Carlos wants to praise him again, but he does not. He only gets away with it every now and again, and he already knows that he hasn’t this time.  

Oscar shifts a little bit more, and then, like a switch has been flipped, he stands and shoves the pillow he was kneeling on into Carlos’s hands. 

“Fuck off,” Oscar mutters, and the door to the room slams shut behind him. Carlos stands there momentarily, lets out a huff of a laugh, and then moves about his evening.

[onskepa]

Hey long time no speak, I had an idea for your Stxeli series maybe one with her and Tsu’tey?

Maybe Mo’at and Neytiri left the clan for the day having something to do with tsahik business so Eytukan took her for the day but something came up that needed his attention so next thing you know Tsu’tey stuck watching her and he has no idea what to do .

And this is just a side note maybe he finds she likes trying to catch the persons tail until she did but she’s teething so she bit him ?

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Hi! OMGAH THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!! I KNOW JUST HOW TO MAKE THIS!! HOPE YOU ENJOY~!!!

Stxeli series

--------------

Stxeli: Lack of instructions

It was another wonderful day. The sun rose and the community began to wake up. Mo’at and neytiri woke up extra early as they had to leave for visit a nearby clan. Eytukan glady looked forward to another father daughter day with his sweet baby girl, stxeli. He had a few duties to attend to but none that had to have him away from his child. 

That is until something really did require his utmost attention. And it wasn't something he could take stxeli along for. No, it was risky and with what happened last time, eytukan wasn't so keen on taking his chances. But that left him troubled. Who else can take care of his baby while he is out doing his tasks? Many would gladly volunteer yes but he needs someone he can truly trust. So that only points to one person. 

“ME?!” 

“Yes you tsu’tey”

Tsu’tey, a young na’vi warrior. Training to be the next olo’eyktan. A promising leader for the future that the people can rely on. Respectful and earning his respect as he goes through his early stages of iknimaya. 

Is stuck babysitting a human baby girl. 

And not just any baby girl, no, the daughter of Eytukan and Mo’at. Their little ‘gift’ as they praise so much. Even neytiri seems to be under the child's spell or some sort. As this baby was human, so clearly she stands out. And it bothers tsu’tey a lot. Humans robbed everything from his people. What more can this little thing steal? His heart?

Little wide eyes stare up at the young amber eyes. No words, just stare in slow blinks. Tsu’tey sat in front of stxeli as his tail behind him slowly sways. He carefully observes her, but the little human does nothing. For the moment. Stxeli her name was, odd blubby pink thing she is. Soft and warm to touch and very ticklish. 

Eytukan has given young tsu’tey the task to watch over his daughter as he is currently busy with a problem that cant be cast aside. While tsu’tey was left in confusion and baffled that his olo’eyktan would give him, a young warrior in training, a silly task. Though it was so sudden and not given to the young boy on what to do, tsu’tey so far thinks it is easy. 

Stxeli on the other hand observes the new face. He looks at odds in her eyes. The new face isn't like her mama or dada, or her big sister. Stxeli wonders if he is just as fun playing games as her family does. 

“This looks easy…I think” tsu’tey looks down at stxeli who was hanging awkwardly on the sling he was using to carry her. The poor little limbs were all over the place, her left arm hanging while the other was being held up and her legs, one folded and the other stretched out. This was not a comfortable position for stxeli, none. 

So stxeli releases her cries, making it known she does not like being held like that. 

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” 

Tsu’tey was worried now, this was first! How does he calm her down? 

“Ssshhhh! Its ok, ummm…!! Ok ok here” tsu’tey was rambling as he was quick to remove her from the sling. But her cries didn't stop, stxeli’s little cheeks becoming red and her cries louder. This was not as easy as tsu’tey would have thought. 

To be fair, Eytukan really didn't give much instructions or information on how to take care of his daughter. Just placed the baby on tsu’teys arms and told him to take care of her while he is away. And left. True tsu’tey has some experience with young babies, his little brother Arvok. Cute baby he is, but Arvok is a na’vi baby, stxeli is a human baby so not everything can be the same. 

“Ssshhhh, don't cry” tsu’tey bounces stxeli in his arms, trying to calm her down. Yet she still cries. How do they do it? Maybe she is hungry? He looks around the home to look for anything. He remembers the tsahik feeding stxeli smashed fruit before. Maybe some food will calm her down. Moving a few things around Tsu'tey found some fruits. He quickly peels one and was quick to feed it to stxeli. “Eat and shush” he says as though stxeli will understand what he is saying. 

Thankfully the baby did calm down. And like a hungry little beast, stxeli tries to shove a big piece in her mouth. Grabbing the fruit tightly with her little hands, doing her best to take big mites. This certainly made tsu’tey chuckle a bit. But quickly shook his head. No, he shouldn't be amused by the human. Tsu’tey mentally scolds himself, humans are parasitic. They all are. 

Though, as he watches stxeli eat, he notices something odd about her. 

“You are taking rather big bites…” tsu’tey comments, one thing he knows babies in general is that they should not eat big pieces, feeling a bit worried the little one might choke. So he gently pulls away the fruit, but this makes stxeli whine, making grabby gestures of wanting more. 

“Hold on, just a moment little one” he whispers, carefully putting his finger in her mouth to examine something. Tsu’tey has his suspicions, and surprise surprise, he was correct. . 

“Just as I thought…” 

Stxeli was teething.

Now teething is normal, every baby goes through it. Not surprising that stxeli is no different. Though she may lack the fangs, baby teeth are not something to be taken lightly. Tsu’tey knows it first hand. Few years back with arvok was a baby himself, tsu’tey was often the victim of his brother's teething. Being bitten by tiny teeth is not as funny as he thought first hand. Arvok loved to bite tsu’tey’s tail, it hurts more than biting the ear. 

So Tsu'tey thought of something that might help. 

Soon after stxeli’s fruity lunch, tsu’tey was quick to take her out into the village for some social time while he searched for materials to create a little soft toy. He did this with Arvok during his teething phase, perhaps it will work the same with the little human. According to his mother, a baby should have something soft for them to safely chew on. 

So as tsu’tey was looking through some of the materials the locals were offering, stxeli was happily chewing away the little basket she was being carried in. Wasn't soft but not so hard either. Stxeli had the desire to just bite things, and it is fun!

Yet as stxeli bites down on her little cage, her eyes are locked on every na’vi tail. Mama said something about tails but little stxeli couldn't remember. Doesn't matter, all that matters is her need to bite down on those tails. They look so tempting for some reason. Will they be squishy like her fruit, or hard like the tart neytiri eats? Who knows. 

“Aabaaaa!!” 

Stxeli calls out for the young boy that was carrying her. Demanding his attention. 

“Not now,” tsu’tey replies. As dumb as it may seem but tsu’tey understands the baby language well, so he knows what stxeli wants. And that is to be put down. No way is that happening. She is just in her teething phase, no way will the ‘disappear in one second’ phase will start. 

“AAAHHHH!!” stxeli shouts more. 

“I said not now-OW!!” Tsu'tey hisses in pain as he feels a strong pull of his braids. Hearing the annoying laughter of stxeli, he turns to the child smiling widely like his pain was amusing to her. 

“Cruel thing you are” he sneers at her. But stxeli doesnt care. His eyes are finally on her. Tsu’tey grabbed the materials he needed and headed back to stxeli’s home. Clearly she has enough social exposure for the day. 

“No stop, stxeli stop…!!” tsu’tey feels really lost and annoyed at the same time. The second he places the baby down, was the second she decided to crawl all around him. Like some obstacle course that stxeli had to dominate/ which in a way stxeli was trying to try, new person, new mission. 

Though stxeli isnt familiar with boundaries, so when she climbed to the top of tsu’tey’s head, she pulled his ear rather roughly. 

“Owowowow! STOP!” he hissed at stxeli angrily, his patience dropping by the second. Lifting her up, air jail style, he glares down at her. 

Stxeli on the other hand was scared. The boy made a scary angry face. She didn't want to be near him anymore, so she wobbled her lips, tears threatening to fall once again.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” 

She cries out. Again. 

Crap. 

Eytukan had finished his duties and was excited to go home. He knows that mo’at and neytiri would arrive the following morning, so he has some time with stxeli before he will have to fight with his mate and daughter again. Yet as he gets closer, he hears a loud familiar cry. 

Stxeli was crying loudly. 

Quickly he runs closer to his home, opening the flaps he sees stxeli crying, her face red and tears falling non stop. Not far from her was tsu’tey who looked just as ready to cry himself. 

Stxeli sees her papa and quickly crawls towards him, seeking safety and comfort. And eytukan was quick to pick her up. 

“Ssshhh there there ma’ite, I'm here. I'm here” he soothes. Stxeli places her head on his chest hearing his voice vibrate in his chest while clinging onto him for dear life. Slowly her cries stopped, and was quick to pass out from exhaustion. 

“Why did you leave me with her?” tsu’tey asks angrily. Eytukan looked at the young boy with regret. “I'm sorry tsu’tey, where I had to go was urgent, the only person I could think of to take care of her was you. I'm sorry I made you go through all that” eytukan apologizes. For Tsu'tey, a simple apology didn't seem enough. 

“You left me alone with a little human, gave me no clear instructions on how to care for her, practically left me to figure it out. She pulled my hair, constantly wanting attention, always hungry, always screaming, crying, throwing tantrums, biting! Oh and before I forget, she is teething!” Tsu'tey listed all that happened in short words to get his point across. 

“She is a little demon! Everytime I experience something painful she laughs at me! She laughs at others' pain! My mother is right, all stxeli is a par-”

“Tsu’tey that's enough” Eytukan warns. His voice booming with authority and demand. 

And the little boy shut his mouth up. His whole body froze, staring at the olo’eyktan with shock and fear. 

“I know I was in the wrong to leave you without anything to go by, but tsu’tey, never, and I mean NEVER speak ill of my daughter. Stxeli isn't a demon. Don't let your mothers words blind you to what reality truly is' ' Eytukan speaks, his voice strong yet gentle. 

Tsu’tey lowers down his gaze, his ears and tail lowering down too. 

Eytukan sighs and gestures to the boy to come closer. To which the boy does. 

“Tell me, what was arvok like when he was a baby?” Eytukan asks. 

Tsu’tey takes a moment to remember, “my brother was a bit loud, he would laugh at any sound, enjoyed having me attention. He used to eat moss for some reason, and loved playing with anything that moved. Oh, and loved to be showered in love and would pout if nobody was paying attention to him. And was always hungry” he listed. Remembering how his baby brother was like brought a warm smile to his face. 

“And why did arvok do those certain things?” Eytukan asks. Tsu’tey shrugs, “Im not sure, but he was a baby who-ooooohh…”

Tsu’tey understood now. 

“You are catching on, good. Stxeli does things that even I don't understand, but it somehow makes sense to her. Humor is different for everyone, and it changes. Stxeli likes to see others in pain perhaps by the expressions we make. Perhaps she finds them funny. Babies are unpredictable and it is always a surprise to see what they do next. Yes, she cries and can last a long time screaming, but remember. She is still a baby who is learning in her own way. So try not to be so upset with her. Maybe in the future, you can teach her a thing or two”. 

Tsu’tey lets his words settle in his mind. Echoing and embedding. 

A couple of hours later, after a needed nap that both stxeli and tsu’tey needed, they had their little dinner. Tsu’tey was enjoying his food as he and eytukan watch stxeli crawl around and try to bite whatever she finds interesting. 

“I have seen your little project tsu’tey, are you making a soft toy for her?” Eytukan asks, his eyes never leaving stxeli’s. Tsu’tey looks down a bit, “yes, it is not finished but, I figured it would do her good to chew on something soft and not anything that could harm her” he says. 

Eytukan hums in approval. He looks down at the pot to serve himself more food. 

“Tomorrow, if you are not so busy-OW!!!” tsu’tey was interrupted with a sharp pain was felt on his tail. Quickly he turns around and suddenly sees stxeli biting down on his tail. Her little eyes staring up at him like she is innocent of a crime that she is so clearly commiting. 

“Stop it-OW!!” 

Stxeli laughs at his pain. Again. 

Eytukan chuckles, goes over to his daughter to carefully pull her away from the child’s tail. Tsu’tey rubbed the pain away from his tail, “how can her teeth be so small but hurt so much?” he groans. Though not as annoyed as before. 

Eytukan puts stxeli back down to let her crawl again, “similar to smaller predators that have razor sharp teeth. Soon she will have full jaws of teeth. I should add more solids to her diet” he says. 

Tsu’tey nods, “if you plan on-OOOOOOWWW!!” 

Again tsu’tey turns and sees stxeli once again biting down on his tail. But this time, stxeli is locked in. Refusing to let go. 

“OWOWOWOOWWOWOOOOOOOOOOOW!!” Tsu'tey cries out in pain, trying to pull the baby away. Eytukan gently tries to pull stxeli away again, but stxeli was dead set. She will bite the tail if its the last thing she does! 

“Stxeli times to let go now” 

“OOOOOOOOOOW!! SHE IS DIGGING!! STXELI IS-OOOOW!!” 

Tsu’tey plans to finish that toy before he loses his tail to a biting little baby.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this one! I like how it turned out, lemme know what you guys think! Until next time! See ya!

---------------------

Taglist: @galactict3a , @tulipatheticee , @moonchildxoxx , @victoria2054 , @alastorhazbin , @vivangothic , @spookymomfriendtm , @thehoneymushroomhealer , @kat-the-kit , @thepotatoislost , @hoodiepandaninja16 , @sugurupookie , @ceylon-morphe286

[literaryxbones]

Dressing Up Goth Rant

This is a rant post; I have no intention of starting drama. This is not a callout post, nor am I talking about any other goth content creators on here. The topic I'm going to be discussing isn't just related to tumblr's alt community, though the object isn't just confined to one platform. It's a recent trend I've noticed on the internet as a whole.

TW: Eating Disorders (ED), Body Dysmorphia, Talk of Beauty Standards

Within the past few years, I've seen a surge in goth content being created. This is a wonderful thing! We have so many talented, helpful, and audacious people in our community.

For many of us, fashion is ingrained in our identity and self-expression. By upcycling, purchasing ethically produced garments, and dressing against the grain (trendsetting eurocentric beauty standards) we communicate our values and who we are to the world.

Not to mention, goth clothes and style is pretty frickin' cool! There's many different ways a person can wear gothic fashion.

So, where's the issue?...

In a lot of the goth media I've seen recently, creators are fully dressed up. They don white foundation, false eyelashes, maybe contacts, black or red lipstick, teased/product-styled hair, necklaces, multiple layers, and some striking shoes.

To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing in this manner. I also appreciate the skills required to pull off beautiful looks like this.

The important distinction to make is the reason why people dress that way. It could be self-expression, displaying one's values, dressing up for an event/club, or for fun! On the other hand, a couple people I follow (I'm keeping their names anonymous, they're not doing anything wrong and I don't think this should be controversial.) have admitted that they dress up and do makeup just to film a video or post a picture online.

I speak from experience when I say that I have felt pressured to dress up for the irl alt content I used to make. It's not that I didn't embody or resonate with these icons. I very much did, but there were times I only wanted to dress like this for pictures. When I wasn't going out, I dressed up in my room, posted, and then took my outfit and makeup off, for I wasn't going anywhere.

Let me tell you, you don't have to commit to the full-body, trad goth aesthetic if you don't truly feel like it. Exploring fashion, especially in alternative spaces, should be fun and something you genuinely strive for. Counterculture styles are not intended to be for looking good, fitting in, or proving your belonging in a subculture, for that's not what defines association.

It's okay to not look perfect or entirely goth. In fact, you don't have to appear gothic to find acceptance in this community. A lot of us don't dress in such advanced outfits everyday. We have to eat, sleep, and work too. When there's nothing going on, people often resort to a simple band tee or comfortable clothes. Gothiness does not have to be outwardly expressed at all. This doesn't make us any less or more goth.

It's also not uncommon here for people to struggle with depression, executive functioning, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders, which impacts a person's motivation to go all out. With or without these conditions, showing one's face, body, or fashion may cause discomfort.

Showing understanding, compassion, and acceptance towards your fellow community members remains paramount. Know, acknowledge, and recognize perfectionism's influence. Take a break from the internet and reach out to local goth scenes (if applicable). Realize that not everybody can fit conventional expectations. Support each other, please.

-Original Content Written by SORDID

-Inspired by a post from Zoe @hauntedveil

{Link: my opinion (that no one asked for) on this newer style of relatively extreme trad goth makeup popularized over the last 2... – @hauntedveil on Tumblr}