#so many people in the community get caught up in superficial drama

[wtylas]

man i saw the kit connor news coming based on the way people online treated him but it still hurts to see it unfold

[ericmun]

210314 Shinhwa’s Eric and Dongwan’s Instagram Updates

Just a quick note as what might transpire this. There have been posts from fans pressuring about the lack of Shinhwa activities and Eric got the flak usual. One post in particular on the day before (Saturday night) that tagged all the members that probably why this happened, why he feels he’s been treated unfairly, as well as explaining why he had to go on SNS.

The clash between Eric and Dongwan is nothing new. It is mostly personality differences and ways of doing things. We are posting this because everyone has the right to understand what’s going on with a full and accurate translation (as accurate as possible) of how things went. Thanks so much 6crystalis for these long translation.

Eric’s 1st post:

I was keeping track quietly, but the problem is that the gap between internal affairs compared to external perception is too big, and so, there is constant conflict between the two. I thought if just leave it, it would slowly disappear by itself. Instead, the difference became so big, these was nowhere left to take a stand. I always thought that when it came to problems, the right thing to do was to dig it up by its roots and untangle it bit by bit; you shouldn't try to cover it up and pretend nothing happened. But in the end, I chose to listen to the opinions of different people and left it alone. One guy who always put group activities before all other work. Another guy who puts certain emphasis on solo activities, but during this period is emphasizing on Shinhwa activities. Although, it caused problems for group communication and schedules, but to fans, he is an intimate and gentle guy. Two people with different thought processes, so I've decided I need to go find and understand each person's differences. But everyone is too one-sided on who they are listening to, to the point that only support the one saying nice words to them, and cursing the condition of the person who is quietly working hard for the group. Isn't that too much? If the problem only stopped at supporting VS not supporting, it doesn't matter, but is it really necessary to go to the extremes of praising one side to high heavens and making personal attacks on the other? Right now, it's not 50/50, it's more than 90% of the people who think the latter's style is correct. Then that means everything I had been doing during that period is wrong. Just let me switch places with the later then, it's easy. But, can you put on some restraint, the group of people on DC? Aren't you tired? Stop gathering in groups in places I'm absent and discussing things that aren't set? If you want to talk about those things, then say it when you come join the group meeting. Didn't I already ask you guys (the members) 3 weeks ago about setting the schedule? If you actually want to resolve this, then let's talk. I have no way of contacting you, so I'll tag you, and I will also let Andy know. You'll invite me to tomorrow's live right? I'll be there.

Note: Eric tagged Dongwan for this post as seen in the photo

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis

Eric’s 2nd post:

Because I was afraid of causing conflict, I thought just leaving it would make it disappear, so I chose to say pretty words filled with hope that were false to make people happy and just leave everything. I think that’s just making me doenjang (superficial/full of BS)

Text on the chat:

ERIC: What time is the live tomorrow, Andy? ANDY: The time is not set yet, hyung. We'll set it after meeting with Dongwanie hyung tomorrow. ERIC: Can you tell him to invite me for tomorrow liveㅎㅎ ANDY: Okay ERIC: ㅋㅋㅋ ANDY: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ ERIC: I'm curious what he'll say ㅎㅎ No matter what he says, just forward it to me. I'll also adjust as needed. If it's really too convenient, then I'll think of a way to adjust it. ANDY: eung eung (yes yes)

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis

Dongwan’s post:

I am Kim Dongwan.

First of all, I feel very sorry for all the Shinhwa Changjo who got shocked.

Tomorrow, I will meet the members and have a good talk. Because it is internal affairs, we should discuss it among ourselves first.

The previous announcement about holding a live with Andy will go ahead as planned.

The conception of Shinhwa albums and concerts require the investment of a lot of manpower. This isn't completed by members on their own, or can be completed by just any member. To members, Shinhwa activities are very important and something they really look forward to. So, I have always taken into account the opinions of all six members, and after adjustments, produce a conclusion that is satisfying to all members.

Before getting this conclusion, other than the members' opinions, communication with the production team is also very important. It requires the polishing of time and opportunity.

Apart from the problem about contacting me... If we could've had a little bit of communication with the production team beginning last year, if we could've communicated so that they could feel at ease, then Shinhwa and Shinhwa Changjo wouldn't have had to encounter a situation like this... This is a point that I feel a bit regretful about.

We work hard together to be the Shinhwa that will paint a beautiful painting for Shinhwa Changjo.

Thank you, everyone.

Source: danedkim Translation: 6rystalis

Eric’s 3rd post:

Starting from 3pm, I had been asking Dongwannie and constantly checking with Andy for updates, but there was no answer at all about whether he was going to accept or reject my request to be there. Said it was because the production team couldn't contact me, so that's why they couldn't go forward with their work. Then let me tell you about my position. It started around "Sniper" activities? Around 2015-2021, he hasn't been in our group chat for 6 years; and after being blocked, I never got his new phone number. During the time I announced my marriage, because of "whether I let the members know I was getting married", I was being attacked. There was that brother that came out and loudly said, "Eric definitely has his own reasons~ Please understand~" Kept getting cursed or something. From the blank period in the military to album production in the years that followed, schedules and venues were booked one year in advance by me. I wouldn't know how to keep in contact with the production team? In those 6 years, I'm always telling everyone we should hold a meeting. Every time, the schedule is adjusted weeks in advance so that we can have this hard-earned chance to meet up. Even like that, we weren't able to see each other. There are too many times where there was no other way because of deadlines to just hold a meeting with 5 people.

Last year was the same. Again, I told the members that we should meet, everyone should open up some time in your schedule. And then the date was set, but on the day, we were stood up. The kind-hearted members were finally able to meet up after so much, but weren't even able to take a picture for proof before we separated. I was also really tired, so I suggested if it's hard to find time in your schedule, then let's use group chat to to figure things out, it'll be more convenient. I'm also really busy with work. Each time I have to adjust my schedule so we can meet, but if it gets cancelled on the day, I'll also feel really tired. Even so, he still refused to use group chat to discuss things. I'm also human. I thought, "We're in pandemic conditions and I still have dramas to film. If it continues like this, just leave it, stop pretending to be close." And so, at the end of last year, I stopped joining the group chat. But the root of the problem is here. In the 6 years that I have been doing all this, where I was constantly cursed, after I left group chat for a mere 3 months? Under the circumstances where I was absent, you had a meeting in a chat, in the way where you are comforting others and telling them to air out their raincoats? At that point, I couldn't hold it anymore. A few days ago, a Shinchang chat was established in Clubhouse. Like it was an official channel, you talked about things that members have never discussed or confirmed. There was even content that we haven't even heard of before. Yesterday, you said, "It wasn't you. It was because there are a few members who don't want to hold Shinhwa activities that these activities weren't confirmed in the end" ?

I'm not playing that despicable SNS where you can say things without leaving any evidence, talking about things that don't exist or politics where people criticize you. But to be different from being like that despicable SNS. I chose to leave a record of what I'm saying to be criticized. I guess it can be considered me saying what's on my mind. 6 years and 3 months. I'm too angry, so I suggested in the past that for 3 months, everyone should calm down on their own and think about what our things mean to us. If suggesting these 3 months is wrong, then I admit it, I apologize. But, in the post, it brought up the production team. I really want to ask, am I really the one affecting Shinhwa's schedule? Up until now, I've asked another members about this situation, yet I'm still unable to get a solid answer about whether you're accepting my arrival. Instead, you confirmed on Instagram that it's Eric and the production team's miscommunication that things couldn't be confirmed? I'm preparing to take a rest right now. I'm going to treat it as you rejecting to invite me to join you tomorrow. If members discuss things in the future and really want to make our dongsaeng, who's caught in the middle, uncomfortable, then just continue to do so. The person I wanted you to invite was me, so why are you replying to the fans? It would be great if I also had the ability to omit the main point and say words that sound nice to the ears. But, I'm also human. I apologize to everyone for having to listen to such tiring story.

Dongwan’s reply: I had a phone call with Andy around 6pm. I said that the 3 of us should meet and talk together. Perhaps he hasn’t told you yet.  I’m coming to Seoul tomorrow. We’ll talk face to face.

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis 

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Eric also did 2 more posts about the hate posts from Shinhwa DC Gall. We might translate it later if translator has time.

[onionjulius]

Sean Illing: The issue here is something you call “political hobbyism,” an approach to politics that has become dominant. Explain what that is.

Eitan Hersh: Political hobbyist is a catchall term for the person who spends a lot of time consuming news or signing online petitions or engaging online with people about this or that issue. They mistake this for actual politics, but it’s not because it doesn’t contribute to power-building.

Sean Illing: Why not?

Eitan Hersh: When you’re a hobbyist, you’re learning the wrong information and practicing the wrong skills. You are typically learning about big national news items, and oftentimes it’s just drama. So a hobbyist might learn all the details of the Mueller report and feel that’s important to know and will spend hours and hours on it.

But then if you asked him how he could get involved on some issues of importance in his local community or in his state, or where the pressure points are in his community to influence government, he has no idea. He’s just caught up in the national news cycle and he’s not actually improving anything.

The hobbyist is also learning the wrong political skills. Online politics is all about provocation and signaling outrage. But changing people’s minds, turning your vote into many votes, requires empathy and face-to-face engagement. Not only are you not doing this online or when watching cable news, you’re learning exactly the wrong skill set.

Sean Illing: Why are white, college-educated liberals most likely to engage in political hobbyism?

Eitan Hersh: There are a few reasons. College-educated white people are likely to be in a social setting where they feel it’s a civic duty to participate in politics and to stay informed. They might find learning political facts to be intellectually gratifying. At the same time, the status quo for white, college-educated Americans is pretty good. They have good jobs. They aren’t being conscripted into military service like past generations.

So as much as they might lament polarization or despise this or that politician, they aren’t willing to roll up their sleeves and build political power. It’s only if you don’t need more power than you already have that you could possibly conceive of politics as an at-home leisure activity.

No one is spending more time learning facts and consuming news than college-educated white men. But research on real engagement — volunteering for groups and campaigns — shows it’s overwhelmingly women and disproportionately blacks and Latinos who are doing the real work of politics. Comfort with the status quo among college-educated whites, especially men, seems like the most likely explanation.

As to why this is more of a liberal problem than a conservative one, right now the white college-educated population is much more Democratic than Republican. Of course, there’s plenty of hobbyism on both sides, but right now this group tends to lean Democratic.

…

Sean Illing: What do political hobbyists get out of this kind of superficial engagement with politics? Emotional satisfaction? Is it about signaling who we are to other people?

Eitan Hersh: It’s a shortcut to engagement. You get to feel connected to a sense of community and a sense of mission without doing any heavy lifting, which is partly why online engagement is emotion-driven. If you feel angry at something from your couch, you feel somehow connected to it, even if you haven’t done anything.

Sean Illing: You’re preaching boots-on-the-ground activism and face-to-face interaction, especially with people on the other side. What do you say to people who are cynical about the possibilities of persuasion, who feel like the chasm is so deep that it’s no longer possible to engage with political opponents?

Eitan Hersh: I guess I would say that they’re wrong. Most of the people you engage with in real life are not at all like the caricatures in your head or online. Most of the people you’ll encounter in your neighborhood or in a community group aren’t raving Alex Jones followers. In reality, most people simply aren’t that invested and don’t have deeply held positions, and they’re open to persuasion if you’re open to being kind to them.

…

Sean Illing: The right seems to understand power better than the left, or perhaps there’s something about the nature of conservatism that lends itself to the sort of politics you’re advocating.

Eitan Hersh: I think you’re onto something there. A bottom-up approach to political change that focuses on the local stuff or the local institutions, like churches or gun clubs, is just more common on the right. We used to think more about grassroots organizing focused on unions, for example, but unions have collapsed while churches have gotten disproportionately Republican.

Again, some of the key demographics of the left, like college-educated white people, don’t attend any religious services at the same rate of people on the right, and so there’s less community engagement. And some of the paramount issues for the left, like race or climate change, feel like non-local problems, and that itself is a deterrent.

…

Sean Illing: What’s your advice for people who want to get involved and help build political power?

Eitan Hersh: I think they get started by building a cell of friends to do it with them locally, and they should be thinking about how they can dedicate at least one night a week to this, or a certain number of hours. The mindset is not “How can I influence the next election?” The mindset has to be “I’m entitled to my own vote, but how many more can I influence?”

I profile lots of people in the book who are taking this kind of approach and accomplishing amazing things. They’re showing that if you can get 100 or 200 or 1,000 people to share your values and to cast a ballot or show up to an advocacy meeting, you really can make a huge difference.

[filmmakerdreamst]

‘Boy Meets World’ Re-watch (as an Adult)

‘Girl Meets World’ doesn’t count as a sequel. Not because of the writing/tonal choices but because in the original show - despite continuity issues - the characters felt like real people e.g. the way they spoke/acted/dressed was the way people behaved in the 90s where as in the spin off, they were Disney characters e.g. hyper versions of themselves especially Cory and Eric. And the transition between both shows didn’t come naturally. It’s not an objectivity badly written show but it was pretty much a re-do of the old show with the same storylines/tropes without continuing the story. (I say the same thing about ‘The Incredibles’. vs ‘Incredibles 2’.) Also there were too many cooks in the kitchen pushing one way or another. You could see Micheal Jacobs style, all the aspects were there, but he was also creating a ‘DISNEY’ show at the same time. I don’t know about you but the one message I took from the original show was ‘finding out that life cannot be packenged into a lovely little present ’ which kind of contradicts everything that the new show is. If anything GMW is an AU universe (and it really felt like that, rewatching it right after BMW e.g. it felt flipped) almost like Disney’s version of ‘what happened next?’ The primal difference between both shows is BMW is portraying what is real and GMW is based on what is real.

Going off my point, I will however be always thankful that it exists because I probably wouldn’t of found out about ‘Boy Meets World’ otherwise. Although saying that, I never thought that the original show needed a continuation of any kind (a lot of things make sense about the spin off if you acknowledge that Disney requested it - I think it would of been much better off on its original platform) ‘Boy Meets World’ was very much a product of its time i.e. when tv shows were still relevetivley new and had no rules - like there is stuff in there that not even adult shows today have. Plus there was something about it that felt very personal (such as the characters and setting) as if the creator based it on his own childhood growing up and I think that was part of its charm and why it had such a big effect on pop culture - I’m not so sure you can repeat that.

BMW is big on meta I’ll tell you that. I love how it’s so aware of itself. The amount of depth that it has never ceases to amaze me. It’s whole universe is so dense and huge. Every quote/storyline is so unique it sticks in your brain forever. (I swear the humour got more and more deranged every season). The show was also incredibly queer and progressive.  It didn’t give a crap about sexuality. Much more than I remember. Proof to never use ‘but it was made in the 90s’ excuse.        

I loved how the show kept reinventing itself every season as Cory grew up so you really felt you were growing up with him and all the characters. The Character Development on this show was so natural/authentic. Every single character got a chance to shine. No one changed their look in one episode and no one had an intervention every time someone had an identity crisis (GMW) My favourite development was Shawn Hunter. He went from a cool kid to a ladies man to a poetic soul. It was so satisfying to watch.

I realised that Cory Matthews is actually my favourite character (before it was Eric or Shawn) I already have a special soft spot for ‘annoying’ characters because they tend to be the most memorable/real. For example, Karma Ashcroft from ‘Faking it’ was my babe while everyone was hating on her. I really related to his anxiety/self hatred about being average and I loved that he constantly made mistakes. It was very refreshing. He’s also incredibly queer-coded. I found that alot of his mannerisms make sense if you see him with extreme compulsory heterosexuality (because identity’s such as bisexual or gay couldn’t exist normally in the 90s) There are moments in the show where he literally mimics his best friend’s behaviour around girls e.g. when the class pretty much gets brainwashed by the sex ed video in ‘Boy Meets Girl’ Shawn gets asked out by a girl, making Cory jealous - which pushes him to ask out Topanga.

It’s funny how a few years of life experience can change perspectives completely because when I was sixteen (aka the same age as Cory and Topanga) watching BMW for the first time, I was mad at Amy for ‘not understanding that they were in love’ (in ‘A Walk to Pittsburg’) but now that I’m older I’m actually agreeing with her. Yeah, what do they know about love? Because all season long they were acting quite superficially.

Cory and Topanga became somewhat of a toxic couple in seasons 5 -7. Reminded me of my parents relationship because my mum gave up her chosen university to be closer to my dad and they aren’t together any more. Topanga’s love for Cory was very conditional and Cory cheated on her multiple times/openly begged for sex  (Again like my parents) And you should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you say “You make me think not so very much of myself” There are arguably much more signs of emotional abuse than love in their relationship especially from Topanga’s side. Plus their story was altered so many times to give it more basis (they retconned Shawn and Cory’s friendship to do this) I could write an essay on how Kevin and Winnie’s love story on ‘The Wonder Years’ is much more believable because it actually addresses how toxic it was and they grow apart in the end. If GMW was a realistic continuation, they would be divorced with a little girl - leave them in the 90s where they belong.

Alan and Amy were couple goals! Cory and Topanga wish that they could have what they have. Literally the definition of ‘a healthy relationship on tv that keeps thriving and over coming obstacles without big drama’. Best TV parents ever.

I loved the Matthews family; how they all had individual arcs and developments of their own. One of my favourite arcs was in season 5, when Eric and Cory were both jealous of what they ‘didn’t have’ with their dad, so Alan made an effort to give them both that they needed. Honestly, I had never seen so much healthy communication on TV before. Alan is the best father around. His whole personal arc of giving up managing a supermarket because he wasn’t passsionate about it anymore and buying a mountain store was so inspired. I found it funny that the family had more of a relationship with Shawn than Topanga.

Shawn Hunter never caught a break. It got a bit tiring. He was never allowed to be happy for five minutes. Every time he laughed or smiled, 5 years were added onto my lifespan. Why didn’t Johnathan Turner adopt him? I loved their dynamic. Why did he let him go back to his abusive father who just dumped him anyway?

Jack and Shawn’s complicated dynamic was possibly the most unique/interesting arc of the entire show and no one talks about it. I don’t care what y’all say - despite them being very different, Jack was the only one who fully took care of Shawn without second thoughts (Turner and the Matthews family had doubts)

I liked Shawn and Angela. I thought they were much better suited than Cory and Topanga. I honestly wouldn’t of minded if they ended up together even though I always had a feeling they wouldn’t. (Like I’m glad she went with her dad in the end) And considering how important they were as a interracial couple in the 90s, GMW handled that very poorly.

Shawn and Cory should of ended up together. And before you come at me with ‘it’s important to have m/m friendships without toxic masculinity’ (which is an important arguement to have) - yeah no shit there’s an entire Industry based around that/pitting women against each other. While it is important to have those friendships between men that are close and even intimate (take Chandler and Joey, Schmidt and Nick, Isak and Jonas and Jake and Charles for example) there was also another layer to their relationship which the narrative played off sometimes as them “going out” or “in love”.  I actually recently found out that a writer - who came into the show in season 3 - confirmed that she wrote gay undertones into their relationship on purpose ‘In my opinion as a writer, they thought they were “straight”, they both didn’t realise or understand their feelings for eachother’ but couldn’t deliever because the producers wanted to keep the show “kid friendly”. Kind of like Xena and Gabby. I know people prefer Jack & Eric (I love them as well) but everything got ruined for me as soon as they introduced the ‘love triangle’ and I always tend to prefer emotional tension over sexual. They were just so unconditional with each other/ their friendship was so good and healthy and now I’m so bitter that it never happened.

I never understood why Shawn and Cory had to stop being best friends after he got married. He’s not Topanga’s property. I always hated how Topanga tried to interrupt/interfere with their dynamic — although now I realise it was because the two of them purposely left her out. Looking back at it, If it really was just a intimate friendship then why would she get so easily jealous if she didn’t sense there was something else deeper going on? You should never marry someone who puts you second.

I didn’t like Topanga when she was with Cory (or vice versa) Especially after they got married. She was a great character on her own. Feminist before her time. Hermione Granger before her time. I always felt she deserved a lot better than him in a way e.g. if someone I considered a friend speard a rumour around high school that we slept together - I would never speak to that person again. SHE SHOULD OF GONE TO YALE GOD DAMN IT. And as someone pointed out the other day, if the roles were reversed some of the stuff she does or says to Cory would be considered domestic violence. ‘She’s always blaming Cory on shit that isn't even his fault or makes him feel bad or shuts down his emotions and turns it around so he's comforting her instead.’ There was even a moment in GMW (not that I consider that show a continuation) where she locks him out the house for a few days after he insulted her chicken, and his son Auggie had to bring him spaghetti. If Cory was a woman, that would not be played off as a joke - that would be considered abuse. They were however a better couple in GMW ironically.

Angela Moore is now one of my favourite characters on BMW. She was beautiful. Her friendship with Rachel (and Topanga) was the best. And I frickin’ loved her and Cory’s friendship development - when they could of easily not played into that. I hate that she got villiaized in GMW.

My favourite seasons are 4, 5 & 1. My least favourites are 3 & 2 & 7. And even then the show was still pretty darn good.

The back and fourth clash between Turner and Mr Feeny in season 2 was very entertaining.

Mr Feeny and Eric are my favourite relationship on ‘Boy Meets World’. I love how Eric was the only person that Feeny directly told that he loved him. Also, why didn’t Eric become the new Mr Feeny? He showed more traits of becoming a teacher in the show than Cory did.

Eric and Tommy was probably the most heartbreaking plot line in season 6. (That season was an emotional train wreck) I cried for a fourth time. The world doesn’t deserve him.

I loved the development of Shawn and Topanga’s friendship. Even though there was a silent competition over Cory, they eventually became good friends. I found out that the song ‘She will be loved’ was inspired by them which is awesome but it’s also proof that people ship for less if it’s an m/f dynamic - just sayin’. I however see a more convincing potiental romance with the two of them than Cory and Topanga sometimes.

On Cory and Topanga again - they weren’t a bad couple overall. I liked them in s1 - 3. They had some great moments. But upon my rewatch (getting out of that 90s idealised headspace) I found them to be too similar at times - chafing as another person put it - to the point where they cancel each other out. A lot of people pointed out that Riley and Maya paralleled them and I was thinking “That’s not nesserily a good thing.”

‘Dream. Try. Do good.’ is on my mantelpiece.

[dreamsofthescreen]

The Debate On Life in La Grand Bellezza (The Great Beauty) - Analysis and Review

“Traveling is very useful: it makes your imagination work. Everything else is just disappointment and trouble. Our journey is entirely imaginary, which is its strength.”

Toni Servillo in ‘La Grande Bellezza’

Nominated for the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival, Paolo Sorrentino’s ‘La Grande Bellezza’ (The Great Beauty) can be seen as a stroke of real cinematic magic. Though blunt and simple it’s premise may appear, the Italian art-drama film mostly flourishes in it’s ability to communicate a profoundly deep and educational message on humanity today. And however much of a visual spectacle that it is, it is the change in one man’s lifestyle from decadently hedonistic to lavishly inspiring sweeps us off our feet, the romance of Rome following close behind. Direction by Sorrentino and cinematography by Luca Bigazzi, this work is seeped in richness and pure emotion, leaving many critics weak at the knees. Sprinkled with history and following a poetic undertone, the opening scene quotes Celine, stating “Traveling is very useful: it makes your imagination work. Everything else is just disappointment and trouble. Our journey is entirely imaginary, which is its strength.”

Set amongst the grandeur of the eternal city, Rome, we follow Jep Gambardella - a 65 year old acclaimed former writer and socialite who lives and breathes the superficial high life. It isn’t until after his lavishly outrageous 65th birthday party that he looks past the nightclubs to look inwards and find true meaning or ‘the great beauty’. Amongst all the frivolous glory that sex, drugs and rock & roll seem to provide, Jep is searching for truth. No doubt a shockingly stunning film that can be compared to the likes of European classics, Federico Fellini or Jean-Luc Godard, Bigazzi’s cinematography tends to focus on architectural pieces, bodies and classical art, thus following the culture of Rome closely. Appearing as though audiences follow the camera themselves, some of Jep’s closest friends are seen through freely moving shots, sometimes frantically following the beat of the pulsing club music. Flowing with history, operatic passion and grand emotion, some claim that it is the visual spectacle that creates the meaning of the film, rather than the meaning itself being striking. Yet, it is the mix of visuals, plot and the great characterisation of Jep as a person, as well as his change that creates the grand interest. From technicolour rooftop nightclubs to the silent streets of the eternal city, we get differing perspectives on modern Rome, and how it blends in with it’s ancient history. Sorrentino summed up the location in all it’s grandeur by stating ‘Rome has a beauty so large that one could die from looking at it for too long’. And Sorrentino seems to even portray Jep as the human embodiment of Rome, as he lives through the city’s highs and lows. I will say that, however much Jep seeks to find ‘the great beauty’, he is still surrounded by luxurious interiors and grand Roman palaces, not exactly aligning with his growing ideals and change in attitude. As if to make a point of his attempted normality and stripping of decadence, he still walks among it many times. Yet these environments do turn into something simple like a local coffee shop or a siesta in his apartment, thus showing his change.

Often compared to Fellini’s ‘La Dolce Vita’ because of it’s similar plot, Sorrentino’s film certainly seems inspired by that, but is not just a carbon copy of it. It does stand strongly on it’s own. ‘La Grande Bellezza’ seems to be a deeper character study of Jep. There is analysis in the plot, and there is the contrast between life and death, as well as the grandeur of simplicity & nostalgia. Where Jep fits in as a real socialite, mingling with other members of high Roman society, he is the standalone character who really looks within himself, rather than only around. And the film captures a generation caught up in facades, who do refuse to look inward. Struck by the death of a lover from the past, where Jep was once running around in fame and nightlife, he is motivated to look back on simplicity, rather than the excessive. This simplicity comes in appreciating the natural beauty and culture of Rome, swapping a strip club for a quiet afternoon in a historic vineyard or museum, reminiscing on his childhood. As someone asks Jep “what is it that you love the most?”, he responds with, “the smell of old people’s houses”, commenting on something so simplistic, but still beautiful in it’s age and nostalgia. This nostalgia beckons Jep following the death of Elisa, his first and only love. However romantic this may seem, it is more so philosophical in it’s approach. Searching for more meaning, having now reached 65, he however does at times seem more pessimistic as he looks into himself, stating ‘what’s wrong with feeling nostalgic? It’s the only distraction left for those who’ve no faith in the future’. Us as an audience can view this as either something quite pretentious and negative, or interpret it as a step towards appreciating what he once had, and can work towards.  

And the film itself is at times quite pretentious, but it is floating around in philosophy, and still for sure packs a punch. The philosophy is in the ever-changing time and focus on nostalgia. In a scene where Jep ends up in a plastic surgeons office, he is surrounded by old hopefuls who long for their past & get it through pricey facelifts. A scene focusing on nostalgia, the surgeon asks the woman, ‘want to go back 30 years, to when it always rained in late August?’ The bell rings, calling customers again and again, this showing the repetitive and lifeless nature of these creatures desperate for the past, with no regard for their own happiness, but have decided to instead conform. Jep often has these moments of recognising and looking past this fakery, once the curtain of his lavish lifestyle drops. In terms of Jep’s change, there is the contrast between life and death, and having reached the age of 65, some cynicism is there, but it is all a grand reflection upon his own changing desires. The change from being the king of high society to settling down as he goes through life could be seen as just an exaggerated view on what happens as we grow older, but 'La Grande Bellezza’ strategically claims it to be more than that. Set in the eternal city, Jep sees the ephemeral nature of most things. Where there is celebration of life in parties, there is also tragic death, having those festivities seem pointless. He states, ‘this is how it always ends. With death. But first there was life.’ Pointing in the direction of existentialism, this is a fairly simple statement in the blunt writing of Sorrentino, but sums up Jep’s perspective quite successfully. Where death happens every day, the eternal city that is Rome continues to go on, it being a playground for those in it during their time.

Like exchanging a stack of cash for a chocolate gelato, the debate about what is most beautiful in life is subjective, but mostly easy to answer. This being love, family, cherished moments and happiness. Sorrentino’s film creates such a contrast between two great beauty’s, focusing on the lightheartedness and meaninglessness of life as something so grand, as opposed to the glamorous and superficial. This fairly simple point is communicated with wonderful execution, gripping audiences onto every moment and person that Jep encounters. The writing style and expression of the film itself is quite blunt, yet I so appreciated this & found that it only kept it more realistic. Seemingly straightforward in it’s approach, this bluntness did mean that emotions don’t flow as freely you’d expect and are not visibly fluctuating or dramatised.

Something important to note is that Sorrentino’s film is not only a comment on one mans story, but of course society today. He may have been trying to paint a picture of the differing perspectives of modern Italians, a take on modernity that anyone abroad can relate to and understand. Though to say that Italians are either loudly materialistic or quietly philosophical is an exaggerated view of the two extremes, rather than a summation of all Italian culture. Sorrentino too so cleverly comments on the history of Rome in a beautiful way, as he shows the change in and disregard for Rome’s epic culture. For someone like Jep who writes about the light and life that Rome offers, he hadn’t written a single thing in 40 years, pleading ignorance to these cultural writings, as he got caught up in the generic party scene. Rome seems to be the perfect place and most definitely not just a pretty setting, but a backdrop to represent the need for Jep to find himself again.

As modernity and the party scene greatly contrasts the beautiful history of Rome, Jep, though the ‘king of the highlife’, finds himself and ‘the great beauty’ whilst focusing on the historical beauty of the city. This could be as though to say that he went back to what was always there, after decades of relishing in the fakery of high society. This is a point familiar to many, that money or fame cannot buy happiness or love, and that the novelty of it does wear away for good reason. And this is a popular debate, as we as an audience can comment on what we find most beautiful, challenging us to question our place in the world & whether or not we should rely so much on ephemeral materialism. Following his revelation of change within himself following his birthday, he states that ‘the most important thing I discovered a few days after turning 65 is that I can’t waste any more time doing things I don’t want to do.’ Whilst he sits down to drinks with members of Italian aristocracy and engages in meaningless affairs over the years, none of that was what he wanted to do.

Jep’s mission to find the ‘great beauty’ stems from not only the shock of the death of his only love, but the fact that he has an unfulfilled career goal. He had wanted to make a film about ‘happiness & how difficult it is facing the passing of time’. To which, whilst at another seating with Italy’s cream of society, friend Gustave Flaubert comments, ‘the finest works are those that contain the least matter; the closer expression comes to thought’. Again, Jep is searching for meaning and passion, but this focus on nothing is greatly existential.

And the film itself is a bit pretentious at times, as much as critics do drool over it, as it could be noted as a European wonder, as it’s expression is quite different to any classic British or American feature. Sorrentino seems to attempt to make a big point about the fragility and fleeting nature of life, yet it is hard to ravel. Maybe tedious, it does still make an excellent point and, marking what makes a terrific film, it does still have us audiences in deep thought. Is the poetic and philosophical nature of Sorrentino’s writing provoking, or just confusing? As Jep is surrounded by hopeful authors, brooding thoughts tossed around in an attempt to create some depth. Yet these statements that seek to inspire can be deemed as only artsy and somewhat overblown. Though it is absolutely not without it’s great moments of reflection. As Jep visits a friends’ wedding, he tries to engage in a meaningful conversation with a priest, who instead fobs him off as he becomes distracted with the gossip and scene around him. This is a moment that is impactful, as it presents the grand change in society and even how established figures, such as a priest, have become caught up in the popular bustle of daily life, rather than their deep-seated faith or thoughtful meaning.

Sorrentino’s master work that is ‘La Grande Bellezza’ (The Great Beauty), is critically acclaimed for good reason, as within it’s gorgeous colour, life and grand visual spectacle, there is still a beautifully resonant message. A film or piece of art’s interest can be defined by it’s discussion, as Sorrentino does successfully get this ball rolling. The film so successfully does capture a society who refused to collectively look inward, to which audiences are vastly inspired in all it’s philosophical questioning. Though it can be deemed as a grandiose piece of work, it is still nothing short of exceptional, and does deserve the majority of the praise it has received over the years. As travel is an aspect in life that educates and changes us, Sorrentino’s ‘La Grand Bellezza’ is like a walk through Rome that has the potential to immeasurably shape us, making it one for the books.

Stars Out Of Five: 3.5/5

visit at: dreamsofthescreen.com

[onisiondrama]

RealStream’s Onision Interview Summary Part 1

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

RS asks James how he’s doing. James says he’s ok, but then says no he’s not ok ever since Hansen knocked on his door. He says right before he showed up he said, “you know, I think things are going to be ok.” He says now when he says things are going to be ok, it knocks his confidence.

(He didn’t talk earlier because Kai threatened to leave him story)

(He encouraged Tobuscus to defend himself story)

James said when Skye and her sister spoke about him, it was so brief that it seemed superficial.

(I dumbed everyone and that’s why they’re upset.) RS asks if a lot of the drama is because it was all so public. James says he didn’t go public about Shiloh until she posted a blog saying things that aren’t true. He made a video explaining everything. He said people agreed that they knew Shiloh was like that the whole time. [This isn’t true. He was the one that went public first with a lot of things that went down during his relationship with Shiloh.]

James says on the divorce papers, Skye said he was the reason for her depression. He says that’s crazy because the first time he broke up with her was because she was depressed. [??? How does that disprove what she said? All you proved was that she was depressed during your relationship.]  He asks why she would want to be with him so bad if he made her depressed? [He has said many times he invited her to his boot camp graduation and proposed to her because he wanted military benefits. He was the one that asked her back.]

RS asks if James regrets making things public. James says he regrets being with all of them. He says he used to be wholesome and glad he went through these things, but now he wishes he was never with them.

(Skye wanted his money story, he left her for Shiloh story, he called the cops on Shiloh story) RS says he got a DM from Shiloh saying she was going to slit her wrists on camera because that’s what he wants. (They talk about Shiloh’s ex boyfriend’s video)

RS says he thinks these people are fake victims. James agrees and asks what are they victims of?

James says he was never called a groomer until Sarah and that was very confusing for him. [This is not true. People definitely accused James of grooming Kai back in the day. Here is James joking about it with Kai in a video.] James says as an adult Sarah said she was not groomed by him. [This was before they dated.]

The talk about Beck. RS says it was shitty that she went on Chris Hansen to talk about James because they were just friends. James says he flew her out and they made the shaving cream video in his yard. He says TallVideos said he was cheating on Kai by powerbombing Beck. James asks how that was cheating and says that points out the outrage of the internet. [I’m just gunna throw this image up for reference. Powerbomb to the right. I think it was more the fact that his face was in her crotch when she was just wearing a bathing suit, not the powerbomb itself.]

He said Beck was rejected by Kai. He says she was 25 at the time and wrote a love song for Kai. Kai said he was not attracted to her. He says Beck clogged up their toilet in their main floor bathroom and stunk up the whole place. He asks how would that get her points with Kai? RS points out people call her “PoopBeck” because of that.

RS says people think James powerbombing Beck was somehow him victimizing her. James asks if he’s serious. RS says yes, that’s what they were trying to portray on Hansen. [This isn’t true. Beck never tried to portray herself as a victim. When she spoke about it she was saying it was inappropriate because he was married, but never said or even implied she was victimized.] James says that’s ridiculous and asks if professional wrestling is a bunch of victims. RS says they make it seem like anyone James touches is a victim.

(They talk about Hansen’s personal and professional scandals.) James says now Hansen is trying to ruin people’s lives based on rumors. RS says Hansen and Repzion came to the anti-onision community to grift. James says Hansen was getting a few hundred to 3,000 views a video and it blew up when he started talking about James so Hansen deleted his old videos. [This isn’t true either. Hansen’s old videos were on a channel that was disabled / deleted for copyright infringement. His current channel was created October 2019 and the oldest video currently on there his Blaire White interview from October 16, 2019.]

RS says people were promised donations and they never got them. He says they were supposed to donate to charities, but that didn’t happen and he blamed it on Vincent. RS says he doesn’t believe that. He says Vincent technically owns the channel. He says people donate money and never question where it went. He says Hansen never set up funds for these people or tried to help them. 

(Shiloh tattoo story) RS says she got $1,500 to black out a tattoo, but estimates it cost $300. James says it costs $50. He says tattoos are really cheap, especially if it’s a little black box. [She didn’t get a box? She got a cougar and roses.]

James says Sarah had Venmo so they didn’t need Hansen’s donations. RS says they all promote their OnlyFans.

RS says he wanted to make this video a year later so people can look back and see what happened. They say people made money off of nothing. James says he made money off the situation too at the time with the fake meltdown videos. He says those videos weren’t lies, they were a prank on the community. He says he was making $2,500 a month on Patreon and lost it so it was compensation.

He says he spend tens of thousands on Billie and gave her a position responding to his emails. He paid her $3,000 a month. He wanted to help her survive so she didn’t have to work at the gas station she used to work at. He paid her medical bills. (He didn’t dox Billie on purpose story) He says he accidentally doxed himself the other day.

James says people dox him and nothing happens. RS says it’s disgusting people think they’re doing good when they dox people. James says you can’t trust heroes. He says he used to think he was a hero back in the day. He says he was upset people were body shaming his OnlyFans pictures, but then he looked back and he used to body shame lots of people in his videos. He says it’s not fun anymore when you become the butt of the joke.

RS asks if James is making the same on OnlyFans as Patreon or more? James says no comment. James says for a lot of people you have your initial success on OnlyFans, then things dwindle down hard. He says it’s because they are excited and then they move on.

James says he likes doing Youtube and he’s excited about the future of his channels. He says he’s not making any money there, but it’s not about making money. He’s just having a good time and wants to make people happy.

James says people are ashamed of their own bodies and wouldn’t want to do OF, but he doesn’t understand why you would be ashamed to show your body to other adults. He says he doesn’t see a downside and you already do that in private. RS asks if he enjoys OF. James says he enjoys Onision more than OnisionPrime. [Onision is his dom account and Prime is his sub / butt account.] He says Prime is not as much his vibe.

[anirondaughter]

          ༼  BIRTH CHART  ༽

SUN — LEO

There's an unmistakably regal air to Solar Leos. These are dignified--even noble--folk. Leos have a reputation for being conceited, but think again. Leos do feel important, but this generally takes the form of wanting to change the world in some way--to make the world a better place. They are generally motivated by affection for people, and often have big dreams and plans to make people happy.

Generally, Leos are hard-working. After all, they are attracted to the good things in life, and they know they have to work to get them. It is sometimes difficult to imagine Leos as go-getters if you happen to catch them in one of their languid moods. These people can sleep in, laze around, and luxuriate for long periods of time. However, when they do get to work, they do it with intensity and determination. In this way, they are not unlike their symbol, the lion. The worst thing you can do to a Leo is accuse them of bad intentions. Displaying behavior that makes them think you don't appreciate them runs a close second. These happy, jovial people become mighty hurt when others don't see them for their noble intentions.

She is masterful, she likes authority, she aspires toward an ideal. She likes to give advice. She is honest, frank, loyal, open, and sincere. Possible issues: pride, vanity, arrogance, presumption and disdain for others..

MOON — LEO

This is a rather creative position of the Moon. At the very least, Moon in Leo people want to create and entertain. They can be rather lazy at times, and a little bossy too. Generally, though, they have a deep need to treat others fairly and justly. Lunar Leos require lots and lots of love and care in order to function well in the world. When they feel slighted, these people can be dramatic in their emotional displays. When their pride has been hurt, they are given to big scenes and sulking. This rarely happens in public, however. Lunar Leos are far too concerned about their image to make splashy scenes outside the comfort of their own homes. In public, they prefer to take things in dignified ways. At home, however, they're given to big displays of emotional drama. These scenes generally don't last too long, however. Lunar Leos are often personally popular folk who are valued for their integrity and strong sense of justice. Generally, it is easy to reason with a Lunar Lion. Appealing to their well-developed sense of fairness usually works well.

She is brave, knowing how to take risks and possessing the courage of her convictions, honest, imposing, and sharp. She has a great sense of, and respect for, justice. Organizational sense. Selectivity with friends but is not overly influenced by them. Taste for splendor. Potential issues: changing and numerous affections. Emotionally demanding and proud. Brooding when attention is not forthcoming.

RISING — LEO

Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others' attention. Sometimes it's because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it's due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others. Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal "backdrop"--they consider what the people they're with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes! They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn't go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character.

The tendency to overestimate things, and themselves, is generally present. This is due to a natural enthusiasm and optimism about any new undertaking. Sometimes, they are walking commercials. In fact, Leo rising people make excellent promoters. Leo rising people are generally demonstrative, and given to grand gestures. Drama comes naturally to these natives. In fact, some are so caught up in fiction, they're a little blind to fact. They have an unusual need to be admired. Leo Ascendants often have a strong physical constitution. They pay special attention to their personal appearance and mannerisms. Usually, they choose clothing and hairstyles that are youthful. Their manner is authoritarian and strong. Very full emotional life. 

MERCURY — LEO

She wants to know the bottom line, and can be good at scoping out a situation and finding answers to problems. In fact, she is a problem-solver, and will spend a lot of time helping others solve problems if need be. Very friendly and usually positive, she can be charming in a warm way. Enthusiastic speaker, speaks with authority and sincerity. Great sense of organization. Playful. Likes to take risks in jest and for amusement. Might sometimes come across too strongly or offend sensitive folk with a somewhat authoritative tone.

VENUS — LIBRA

Venus in Libra people will impress you with their kindness, evenhandedness, and willingness to make your relationship work. They have a polished manner in love, which sometimes makes them appear insincere or superficial. They are gentle lovers who hate to be offended. They are threatened by bad manners and direct or abrasive expression of feelings. They not only prefer to choose the middle road, they seek the middle ground in their relationships. You can expect to be treated fairly, and you may be turned on by Venus in Libra's willingness to concede and adjust their lives to fully accommodate you. Venus in Libra natives have idealized images of their relationships, even to the point where the relationship becomes bigger than life, taking on a life of its own. They can become quietly resentful if they feel they are being taken advantage of -- and they make it easy for more aggressive types to bully them around.

Pleasing Venus in Libra involves treating them kindly and fairly. They love to share everything with you, so let them. Foreplay for them can be mental -- they love to communicate with you about the relationship. Sharing turns them on, and tactless or uncouth behavior is a turn-off. Although they seem to put up with a lot, be fair with them. Over time, imbalance in their relationship is sure to make them unhappy, and when it comes to this, they may try to even the score in subtle, roundabout ways. Don't let it come to that, and you will be rewarded with a lover who puts themselves in your shoes and treats you exactly how they would like to be treated.

MARS — AQUARIUS

It can be a little difficult to understand exactly what makes a Mars in Aquarius native tick. And that's absolutely fine with them--they enjoy surprising people. The tried-and-true methods of getting things done are far too boring for those born with Mars in this unique and original sign. Mars in Aquarius natives often have a rather original view of the world as well. These natives are generally quite proud of their independence. They are not easily pushed around with Mars in this fixed sign. Because Aquarius is progressive and open-minded when it comes to the world at large, it can be surprising that on a personal level, Mars in Aquarius natives can be quite obstinate. If they feel boxed in, they are quite likely to rebel. If you've discovered a pattern to their ways, they'll make sure they aren't so predictable the next time around. Being seen as "normal" simply won't do!

With Mars, the planet of energy and drive, in an Air sign, these individuals get off on mental and intellectual pursuits. Aquarius is a somewhat scattered sign, even though it's persevering in the long haul. If there's a method to their madness, it isn't always easy to see. Projects are taken on with a shotgun-style approach with this position of Mars. Mars in Air signs are generally quite clever at getting what they want; in Aquarius, they are particularly adept at getting their way. While this is not an overtly aggressive position of Mars (Aquarius has a manner that is far too detached to come across too forcefully), it is very willful. Combine willfulness with the cleverness of an Air sign, and you have a person who is quite creative about getting what they want--which generally is getting their way! Unlike with Mars in Aries or Leo natives, for example, you won't always know you're being dominated by a Mars in Aquarius native!

done using cafe astrology

[neetu-uplifts]

Learning from Death

July hit my family like a storm. We experienced some highs and some major lows. We lost my Aunt in early July. She had been sick for a while, in and out of the hospital, but we were hopeful that she would recover. God however had other plans. Shortly after, my 105-year old Grandmother broke her pelvic bone and was hospitalized. Emotions were high as everyone prayed for her recovery - she is such a fighter (and thankfully returned home just yesterday). A few weeks later, we came together in strength and good spirits to celebrate a close family wedding. The wedding was the uplift our family needed but it didn’t last long. 10 days after the wedding, we lost my cousin. His death was completely unexpected and it shook us all to the core. He was young and had so much life to live. He was such a jolly, loving, hard working, honest and joy-filled member of our family. He had such a pure heart. It’s still so hard to believe that he’s actually gone. Nobody saw it coming. Hours before he left us, he was visiting with family members and chatting with neighbours - just being his lively, welcoming self. We are in a state of shock and dismay. His death came so suddenly, like waking up to an earthquake. It feels as though we are living in a mental blur, still trying to piece together what happened. 

Throughout this emotionally difficult time, I’ve been reflecting on life and death, perhaps as part of my own personal grieving process. I keep asking myself what I can learn from the tragic losses my family has recently faced. The thing is that death is guaranteed to become a reality for every single one of us. No one is protected from death - neither young nor old. We are powerless against it. Yet, we tend to forget this truth, as we get caught up in the many “distractions” of life, spending our living days without that ticking clock in mind. I’m not saying we should live every waking moment in constant fear and anticipation of death. It’s not about fear of death but rather, acceptance. If we deeply accept and internalize that our time will come and we have no control over when that day will be, perhaps that will ignite and awaken us to use the time we’ve been given towards the absolute best possibilities. As I reflect on the many thoughts and emotions running through me over the past several weeks, I think about the raw learnings that I have. I hope you too will sincerely contemplate what these learnings mean for you and how you’re approaching your life. No one has it all figured out. We are all works in progress, taking it one day at a time. But the more we keep this stuff top of mind, the better our chances are of living life fully, without regrets. 

We all have an expiry date

Just like a carton of milk, we all have an expiry date. Life is so short and temporary - this means 2 things:

1) Stop sweating the small stuff. Let things go. Don’t find reasons to complain about things that in the grand scheme don’t matter. Adopt a big picture mindset. When you find yourself getting upset about someone or something, try to pause, zoom out and ask yourself if this issue that is bothering you right now will even matter in a year, a month or a week from now. Chances are it won’t. Awareness of the ego mind (the thing that’s constantly on and causing all that noise in your head) and disidentifying from it will help with this. How? Because the things we stress about always stem from a place of ego. Ego being anything that isn’t your true self (you are an infinite soul - not a body/human). So anything that comes from a place of identification with or attachment to your body, the story of YOU or any material form = ego. When you find yourself getting upset ask who is upset - you (infinite soul) or that sensitive ego that constantly feels the need to protect/defend itself? Just smile, breathe, pause, surrender, laugh, accept, look for the silver lining - LET IT GO. Easier said than done, I know. But we need to keep working on this. Conquering the mind is the true purpose of life. But why should we care? Because the most tragic way to live (and then die) is lost in the confines of your ego-driven mind (negativity, drama, scarcity mindset, lost in materialism/attachments/superficial things, etc). If you operate from a place of higher consciousness (big picture mindset) with a perspective of oneness, abundance and connectedness with everyone around you, you align with the Universe, experiencing a state of bliss/joy/nirvana. In other words, the most beautiful life possible - peace of mind, inner contentment and joy - is within reach if you want it.

2) How you spend your time is super important. We all have an expiry date so that means our time is very limited and precious. Do you want to spend that time operating from a place of fear or a place of love? Something changes in us from childhood to adulthood. We put up our guards, parts of us harden into clay, we adopt the belief of “other-ness” and we all become extremely “busy”. How do we return to that child-like quality of being open, curious and loving towards one another? Think of a small child smiling at you with the most loving gaze. You used to be that child. What happened? Be kinder than is necessary. See the ONE in everyone. Bring love and positivity into every interaction, whether with a loved one or a complete stranger. How differently would you show up if every person you interact with today was going to die tomorrow? Seems morbid to think this way but it could be a reality, for them or for you. Don’t hold back on telling people you love them. Express it. Replace your ego with honesty. Much better to be overflowing with love and expression than pained with the regret of restrained and bottled emotions. Push thru the uncomfortableness. Think about the people in your life who you cannot imagine living without. Make an intentional decision to prioritize spending more quality time with them, especially your parents, siblings and grandparents. Everyone is too busy, pick up the phone, plan that potluck, take your Mom out for a nice meal or to see a movie, get the friends or fam together for a weekend getaway. Don’t wait for them to call or text you - take the initiative. Love only attracts love. Reach out and start a chain reaction. Just do it. You will not regret it. Again, you do not have infinite time. None of us do. At some point, time will be up.

Cherish your family

Growing up in a big, tight-knit, loving family has been one of my greatest joys in life. When I’m surrounded by my large and lively family, I feel like I’m home. This past month, I realized the power and strength of family to an extent I had not before experienced. The tragic losses we faced have reinforced our greatest blessing - each other. We are incredibly lucky to have a family that is so close and connected. Everyone has come together in such a loving way to give each other strength in these difficult times. Every obligation and priority was dropped to gather on a daily basis to spread love, run errands, make meals, grieve and reminisce, cry and laugh and instill faith and strength. We made sure that my cousin’s house was full of family, love and community - and we will continue to do that. I love that our idea of a low-key family dinner is 70 people (no joke) showing up to make a meal and eat together. My heart is so full just thinking about how much I love my family and how they have given me so many reasons to love deeper and to feel deeply loved throughout the past month. Perhaps that’s also why the loss of my Aunt and cousin has been so difficult for us because family truly is everything for us. Family is precious and you realize just how precious when you lose a family member. And family doesn’t have to be based on blood lines. Family is anyone who feels like home for you. Look out for one another. If you know someone is struggling, check in on them and remind them they are not alone. Hug and kiss your loved ones. Tell them you love them.  Even if that’s not something you grew up doing, start doing it. Even if it’s awkward or “corny” or not “macho” just do it. No harm was ever created through more love and affection.

Remember who you really are

Beyond the flesh, the body, the hair and the story of you, exists a content, infinite and powerful energy - your soul. That is who you are. We forget this once we adopt a body and personality, among other attachments and identifications. This is a core spiritual belief of mine but witnessing the lifeless body of my cousin made it all come home for me. As I stared through heavy tears at his body, and touched his ice cold forehead, I realized it looked like him but the thing that made him HIM, the thing that gave him life, and enabled him to see, talk, hear, touch, walk, love and laugh - that thing was gone - it had left the body. That “thing” is the soul - the infinite, energetic life force that “turns on the lights” inside our flesh and bone-filled bodies. The love and attachment we have with a loved one’s personality and character and all their quirks and “isms” are all powered by the soul, not the body. It’s interesting how once someone dies, everyone begins to refer to them as “the body” rather than by name. Because the name/personality/identity is gone. The body dies but the soul never dies. And yet, ironically, while we’re alive, we’re so attached to and identified and obsessed with the body - both ours and others. Looking at a dead body makes you realize how misguided we are. It’s the soul we should be connecting with. That’s the truth of who we are, not the body. So, when someone dies, where does the soul go? It just flows from one body/form (vehicle) to another or becomes liberated in the omnipresent source of all life. Knowing this gives me some internal peace. May my Aunt and my cousin’s souls rest in love, light and peace.

Respect and take care of your body. Enjoy it. It’s the only one you have for the duration of your human journey. But don’t just get lost in the toning and adornment of the body. Go deeper. Look inside yourself and connect with that energy that allows you to actually be alive, literally makes you alive. I strongly recommend reading A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle and Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer. These books have helped me connect more deeply with my soul. And it’s a commitment to stay connected because the world has many outward-driven distractions. Staying aware of the truth of ourselves will help us build a stronger and more loving relationship with ourselves and with others. And perhaps most importantly, it will give us a broader perspective on life and death, enabling us to develop acceptance (rather than fear) of our inevitable (unknown) expiry date.

In sum…..

Love deeper

Be kinder than is necessary

Live more fully - embrace adventure and spontaneity 

Stop taking everything so seriously - stop taking yourself so seriously 

Tell them you love them - push thru the hesitation

Intentionally make more time for family and friends 

Open your heart to seeing the best in others - drop the judgment

See the ONE in everyone

Work hard with passion, enthusiasm and gratitude 

Know your truth, connect with your soul - it will set you free

<3

Knee2

[yehet-me-up]

Monsta X Soulmates (Astrology)

So Juno is basically this little asteroid that can reveal what you’re looking for in a soulmate. Venus shows what you’re attracted to and what you’re seeking out of a relationship, but Juno shows your ultimate goals for a life partner; a deeper, ‘forever’ kind of love. It’s more about the traits that the Juno sign represents vs. necessarily being attracted to that sign specifically. 

‘Juno, known as the Goddess of marriage, traditionally symbolized the idealized life partner. She represents the values and attitudes, which reveal themselves in the institution of marriage. In the signs, Juno represents how we deal with our intimacy needs, what we look for in a mate, and qualities we present in a partnership.’ (source)

These gorgeous gifs/edits are all by @hsoeoks​ 💖

Shownu/Sohn Hyunwoo - Taurus Juno

Oooh, I love this. My boy Shownu wants someone grounded, patient, and sensual. Taurus is an earth sign, and he’s also got a Capricorn moon (which rules his desires and emotions), so he’s craving security and loyalty. Earth energy is very fixed - it’s stubborn, practical, realistic, and most of all, it lasts. 

He’s not out there chasing a fling or a hook up, when he commits it’s going to be for life. Especially since he also has a Taurus mars (how he comes across in relationships). No drama queens, gossip hoes, or superficial baes for him - he’d be over that in under a minute. He’s not messing around, he wants to find his person and then be with them forever. SUCH a papa bear, oh my lord, he’s going to be the dad that teaches his kids how to play all the sports, builds them a treehouse, cheers them on at every single school event.

Taurus is one of the two signs ruled by Venus, so they are incredibly sensual, as in - the five senses. He’s looking for a partner who wants to build a comfortable home with him; Taurus energy LOVES being at home, surrounded by pleasant things. He’ll want to cook with you like, 24/7, every single meal (and yeah, sex in the kitchen is going to be a THING 👌). They also love to set the scene, so music, candles, artwork, etc. - they’re all about #theaesthetic.

Taurus is a fixed sign, and they can be kind of... possessive about what’s ‘theirs.’ So get ready for anyone who gets to close to you to get the death glare from your hubby. He’ll walk over and throw a seemingly casual arm around your waist, just so they know exactly who you ‘belong’ to. But with his Gemini sun he’s not going to be a dick about it; it’s just ‘hi, this is my wife. I’m her husband. Any questions? No, kthxbye.’ 

As an earth sign, Taurus energy is very easygoing on the surface, they are definitely one of the big ‘Hufflepuff’ signs of the Zodiac. They just want their loved ones safe, happy, and comfortable. But if you push them, or if you threaten someone they love, that’s when the steel underneath comes out. They are complete immovable objects when challenged, and he’ll love it if you defend him or stand up to him in an argument. He wants someone he can’t win over too easy, he wants to earn you every single day.

Wonho/Shin Hoseok - Cancer Juno

OF COURSE HE HAS A CANCER JUNO. Have you seen him with kids?! Good lord, I hope he finds this energy in his soulmate - someone nurturing and sweet and loving and compassionate and sensitive that just wants to take care of him and love him forever (and OBVS wants kids) 😭 Like Shownu, his Juno shows that he’s not looking for something casual, Cancer energy is fiercely committed and when he’s ready to settle down he wants it to be with someone he can build a life with.

Out of all of them I see him caring the least about appearances, age, any of that in his partner. Hear me out - Pisces is the sign of universal love, acceptance, and transcendance. And he’s just so LOVING and sweet, I think it would be more about the emotional connection than anything physical. Plus, Cancer rules the umm, chest area 🙈, so I could easily see him being with someone on the curvier side. 

Cancer is all about home and family, so he’s looking to fill his life with people he can love up on who will return that love fully. Cancer and Pisces (his sun sign) are both very sentimental and emotional, so he’s going to have an incredibly strong connection to the family he creates. Long lasting happiness for him is going to be about the people in his life, rather than money or fame. He and his partner are totally going to be the ‘mom friends’ of the group.

Cancer is ruled by the moon, so he’ll be very attracted to someone who is feminine, sweet, dreamy, warm, and emotionally intelligent. Someone who can pick up on what is Pisces sun isn’t saying out loud. Ugh, this is such a cute pairing, I can’t even. Him and his partner are both going to be the type to communicate through touch and actions instead of words. Little hugs and caresses here and there, knowing looks at each other while their out in public, expressing their love in a subtle way. 

He’s also got an Aries Venus, so he’s looking for someone who is unwavering in her loyalty and passion for him. Within the relationship there would be lots of excitement and trying things together for the first time. And Cancer energy can be kind of err... moody and dramatic, which is going to keep that Aries energy from getting bored. 

Minhyuk/Lee Minhyuk - Libra Juno

My whole entire heart - I love that his Scorpio intensity is craving a Libra energy for his life partner. Libra is all about balance and equality and Scorpios can tend to go off the deep end (in terms of getting obsessed with things, being moody, etc) so he’s looking for someone to even him out, to keep him focused. Libra is an air sign and it’s all about the intellect: sharing ideas, learning, talking, etc. which would also help balance out his emotional watery nature.

Libra is the other sign ruled by Venus and it is all about aesthetics and romance. He wants someone who is going to care about her appearance, not in terms of like, height/weight, but in terms of STYLE. He’s looking for someone put together, social, curious, with an air of sophistication. He’ll want to go out on the town, get drinks, have a fancy dinner, and make a night of it any time you go out. 

As an air energy, Libra is incredibly adaptable - Libra is the peacemaker of the Zodiac, the harmonizer, the hostess. So he wants someone that can fit into any situation with him and thrive. Also, Libra is incredibly picky, and will run at the first sign of inequality in a relationship, so he might date around a while before he finds that right person. Probably won’t have a lot of kids, I can see him and his partner just having one special kid that they dote on.

I could easily see him being with someone older. I don’t see him necessarily wanting to be the more immature one in a relationship, but Scorpio is the sign of transformation - and that makes them go through rapid change and causes them to reinvent themselves many times in their lives (so he’ll needs a lot of emotional support). So I think he needs a partner that can roll with his changes, someone who’s going to be able to weather those emotional storms and not get caught up in them.

Libra is a very visual energy, so I can see him being with someone who is creative and artistic. And with his Gemini moon he absolutely needs someone that can match him intellectually. Who will sit for hours and discuss ideas or theories with him. Lots of playful, fun energy here to balance out his Scorpio energy. He and his partner are going to be the group’s favorite dinner party guests, they’ll keep everyone entertained.

Kihyun/Yoo Kihyun - Libra Juno

Oh goodness, I love this. He’s a Sagittarius - hilarious, social, craves adventure + travel, and it warms my cold, dead heart that he wants a Libra energy in his partner. Someone who’s going to be creative and loving and classy AF with him. While Minhyuk needed someone to balance out his intensity, I think Kihyun needs someone who’s going to support him endlessly. Someone to reassure him that he’s talented and wonderful and deserving of all the good things in life. 

On the surface you’ll be that fun, exciting, social couple that’s doing some crazy thing every weekend. Going to Paris spur of the moment? Bowling on a Tuesday? Randomly at some new exclusive museum opening? That’s the two of you. But underneath he has an emotional Pisces moon and a Scorpio venus that craves a deep and compassionate kind of love. 

So beneath the #aesthetic couples goals that the two of you are, he needs to feel that deep, life changing kind of love. Scorpio energy can be kind of intense and possessive, so he’s going to be MUCH more needy behind the scenes than his Sag sun is going to make him seem. I don’t see him being with someone too much older than him, or drastically younger, but close to his age. A life partner that he can grow and explore with.

Can go either way with kids, I could see him and his partner being the ‘have it all’ kind of couple that just rolls with it. Effortlessly balancing business meetings, tours, play dates, family time, big dinner parties where everyone brings their kids, and vacations to far off places. The ultimate ‘cool parents’ that everyone wishes they had. Or I could see him and his partner pursuing their creative endeavors and choosing not to have kids. Libra is very flexible, so his partner could go either way.

Sagittarius is the sign of philosophy, higher education, and intellectual exploration, so he’s going to love it if you are similarly interested in trivia, learning, and ideas. Wants someone who takes an active interest in his life, who wants to hear about the day to day, wants to know all his stories. Is 1000% going to be that guy that steps away from the group to call his partner just so they can catch up, wherever he is in the world.

Hyungwon/Chae Hyungwon - Libra Juno

Oh my presh Capricorn AF baby. He needs someone committed to him, like - someone who takes themselves and their relationship seriously, and someone who’s ambitious and hardworking. Capricorn rules our careers and public lives, and I think a Libra-like partner would appeal to his desire to appear composed and ‘together’ in public. 

We all know Chae Hyungwon, the most gorgeous man in the world, deserves someone equally as beautiful. And with a Libra juno I think he’s going to find that in his partner. But I don’t mean ‘beautiful’ here in terms of looks necessarily, but someone who’s very presence is attractive. The kind of person who speaks beautifully, who has a gorgeous smile, who’s aura is that of a goddess (Libra + Taurus are represented by Aphrodite). The kind of woman his hardworking Cap self won’t be able to take his eyes off of because of how magnetic she is.

Like I just see his partner being this stunner that wears these floaty dresses and who accessorizes like a boss. But Libra energy is also incredibly whip smart and intelligent, so his soulmate won’t just be arm candy - she’ll be a match for him on many levels. Libra and Cap both want to create things, so expect to be #housegoals, #dategoals, #careergoals, and any other kind of goals you can think of. 

With all of his Capricorn energy I think you might have to be the one to approach him, either because he’s more reserved or because he’s so focused on his work that he forgets to look up. I honestly can’t tell if he’s going to want kids. Capricorn is always called the ‘daddy’ sign, but I could see him going either way, depending on what his partner wanted. 

This is going to be a very mature love, I don’t see him or his partner being overly emotional about things. No epic fights, no tearful declarations of love. Just very practical, straightforward, ‘we’re in this’ kind of love. Like, Libra is incredibly romantic, but I see him being so adorably chill about it. Once he’s got you and you’ve got him, that’s it - you can dust your hands off and rest assured that you’ve got a partner for life. Libra is the sign of partnerships, and that’s truly what he wants - a co-pilot in life. 

Jooheon/Lee Jooheon - Scorpio Juno

Holy cow, this is a doozy! He’s got a Scorpio venus AND a Scorpio juno, so he’s looking for someone intense, private, magnetic, emotional, and deep. He’s craving a transcendent kind of love, a relationship that feels like it’s absolutely everything to him. A partner who will inspire him to conquer the entire world, to completely remake himself in the fire between them. 

Scorpio energy can be jealous and possessive, so it won’t always be smooth sailing, which might be taxing for his peace-loving, harmonious Libra sun and moon. Talk about a turbulent relationship! He’s looking for a partner that can match his emotional intensity, but all of his Libra energy wants things to be comfortable and smooth. I can see him wanting kids and having a family, but it might be after a lot of tension or drama. Like you might get pregnant accidentally, but then you both decide to just go for it and end up making this tiny, tight-knit family.

I could see him finding his soulmate as the result of something dramatic AF. Like, you meet because your partners both cheated on you, or because you bonded during some disaster. He wants mystery, he wants drama, he wants intimacy like he’s never had before. The kind of person he can share his secrets with at three in the morning. Trust is HUGE for him and if you betray him, it’s all over. 

Holy crap, he needs to feel wanted. Will get off on you ‘belonging’ to him and vice versa. Another big Scorpio word is POWERFUL, and as Scorpio rules ‘sex and death,’ he’s not looking for anything casual. 10/10 will be so intense during sex that you’ll cry from how deep your connection is and from all the heightened emotions. Wants you to accept and love everything about him, wants you to help him transform into the man he’s capable of becoming.

His partner is going to be an absolute badass. No soft, sweet energy for him. Someone strong, dedicated, and emotionally intuitive. Red lipstick, motorcycle boots, devil may care attitude. No one he can win over easily; he’s looking for a challenge. Wants someone confident enough to seduce the heck out of him. If you’re bored/disinterested with your life, he’s got no time for it. 

I.M/Im Changkyun - Aquarius Juno

Hi, I love this. He’s an Aquarius who wants to be with an Aquarius energy, basically he wants someone who’s like him - independent, quirky, free-spirited, open minded. Aquarius rules the 11th house of friendship, so he’s probably going to have the ultimate friends to lovers story omg. And with his Pisces Venus he’s looking for someone compassionate, loving, and ethereal. 

His partner is going to be a total sweetheart. Aquarius is a humanitarian, it wants to save the world + Pisces is a healing sign that wants to love the whole world. Someone who values their friendships above all else, who’s happy when their loved ones are happy. Neither of these are ‘selfish’ placements, so I see him having this adorable, giving and generous kind of love. 

Aquarius craves freedom in relationships and his lover is going to want the same. So you might have a long distance relationship, or both be busy with work a lot. But with that air sign Aquarius energy he’s looking for, that’s very straightforward and honest and open, you’ll have no problem communicating with each other and connecting wherever you both are in the world. 

Air signs tend to be a bit more flightly/exploratory when it comes to love, so he might not settle down for a while. Along with that friendship concept - I could easily see his partner developing out a friends-with-benefits type of situation. Will definitely be open to having kids and would create a community feel, lots of aunts/uncles/godparents - ‘it takes a village’ kind of father/parent.

Lots of youthful energy and excitement in this partnership. Nothing too heavy or serious or intense. Aquarius is ruled by rebellious, eccentric Uranus, so I could see him having a relationship that pushes some bounds; maybe dating someone from another country or having another non-traditional type of relationship. 

[jugandbettsdetectiveagency]

Some of my thoughts on episode four:

(disclaimer: this is not supposed to be eloquent or cohesive or whatever, I just kept seeing posts that ground my gears and I had to just write something out)

I wish Kevin’s reconciliation statement hadn’t come just before Betty told him all about the letter. I’m not saying she didn’t have a right to be shook and spaced out but it meant she ignored Kevin and we were kinda back where we started. Not a character thing, just a scene organisation thing.

Hiram and Hermione are up to some super shady shit and I am living for all these cryptic conversations between the two of them. I feel like they are marionettists pulling the strings of the whole town - north side, south side, you name it, they don’t discriminate. I feel like a lot of the hinting was to them playing a part forcing a town-wide self-destruct, caused by this civil war. Encouraging Archie’s vigilante group, wanting Alice to speak out about taking about south side resources, throwing it back to wanting to take out Fred... I don’t know what the extent of their involvement in specific events, or what their endgame is, yet but I’m so excited to see.

I friggin knew Veronica didn’t throw that gun. She’s just as much into the power trip high as Archie is - we can see that when she stands up to her parents. I think seeing the fight made her realise Archie’s motivations in a less superficial way than she did with kitting out the whole of RH in some cheap-ass looking t-shirts, but the actual feeling of firing the gun caused her to take a step back and be like whoa ok, this is real. And there was a sense of this throughout for Archie too - pre-episode he’d already tried to delete the video. He’s a bit caught up in wanted to seek justice (it’s not justice, it never was, it’s plain revenge that he’s trying to shove into some haphazard disguise) and being in way over his head. I found it funny that I couldn’t work out whether he was proud or embarrassed during his slow mo hallway march to his remixed red circle tune. Were the kids in awe or just plain mocking him? I think that sums up Archie’s character pretty well. It’s not football or music, but it’s the same set up with different choices.  

Ahh, Bughead. My sweet, sweet Bughead. Yes, Juggie was a bit of a twat. But I can see his motivations (not excusing his actions, just as an aside). He seemed so shifty about the code cracking when literally all he had to say was yeah Toni and I are already talking about this. Did he know that Betty was the one who gave the letter to the register at this point? At least, he didn’t know it was personally addressed to her yet. He didn’t know how involved she already was with wanting to crack it. His frankly bloody annoying need to ‘protect and save’ Betty reared its ugly head again and it just made him seem like a bit of a shitty boyfriend. We all have those days though, who are we kidding? This whole self-deprecating, ‘you only hurt the ones you love’ spiel was cute as a character introduction, but dude, get your act together! Also I find it ironic that his whole speech to Betty during that first s1 argument of theirs was about not fitting in to the respective, societal roles of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, at least on his part. It’s a little bit insulting that he’s basically squishing Betty - head strong, brave, stubborn, ‘nancy drew meets girl with the dragon tattoo’ Betty Cooper - into the mold of sweet little girlfriend that can’t handle it. ‘She’s into the darker things’, he said about Toni. Pfft, that was a lame justification even for you, Jug. BUT he’s a kid trying to balance the weight of two worlds on his shoulders, and I also wanna cut him some slack. I love this boy dearly and his distress is my distress. ALSO, it’s not really OOC, idk why I keep seeing this. This is what Jughead does, do you not remember him not telling anyone he was homeless. He carries all the burden. Plus, a couple of months ago this dude had never been a boyfriend, practically told Archie and Betty that the concept of that label was foreign/didn’t sit well with him. He’s navigating a pretty big learning curve and while he was doing well it won’t be smooth sailing, that’s just unrealistic. All in all, I was fine with the way Bughead played out this episode. “I’ve been gone two days” I mean I’m crying, come on, Betty.

Side notes: I want like a billion code cracking party episodes. That shit is my jam. Maybe with a bit less hostility next time, just a thought. Definitely the same amount of Kevin though (although perhaps not used as a counter to Jughead bringing Toni next time please).

This episode definitely tried to show the strain on the difficulties of communication because of the distance between them now (but I think Alice just revealed how they will once again be reunited - thanks, girl. Your classism was real telling there). While it was frustrating and annoying it was also expected and we saw how they came back together ever time. It’s gonna take more than that to break these two. I mean they literally woke up snuggling. I think at this point most of it is just pure frustrations at their situation and the need of an adjustment period. I think too many people built up too many expectations about the milestones that are supposedly coming in their relationship and keep placing them on every episode, only to be like well this episode sucked when they don’t happen. Frankly, I think we were so thrilled with the ep.13 that we never really stopped to think that it might be a little bit OOC for these two. It was a big leap from where we’d seen them at in the rest of the season, and while it was by no means unreasonable that that’s where they ended up after a mutual confession of love, and I’m not saying that I didn’t flippin’ love that scene (cus y’all know I DID) I don’t think we can expect a pick up this soon in the season, especially with this new wave of life or death drama. 

Speaking of adjustments, let’s talk about Toni. Toni seemed to straight up want to cause drama this episode. She was literally whacked in as drama-starter extraordinaire, with nothing spared to develop her character - girl was shortchanged. But what that also means is that we literally have no clue as to what her motivations are yet and, contrary to some rather hasty beliefs, I don’t think those motivations are just to get into Jughead’s pants - give a girl some credit. For one, she got some of that classic Bughead communication that we all know, love, and miss going again. She forced some issues out into the open and while it was by no means enough it was a start. She’s got her own reasons for doing whatever it is that she’s doing - this much we’ve been told - but until we know what they are, I’m holding all judgement. I mean, yeah I don’t like her right now, but she’s not blacklisted just yet. 

That brings me to the tone. THE TONE OF THIS EPISODE. I loved the direction they seemed to be taking in the first episode of the season and, for me at least, it is just getting better and better. We all joked that the only teaser we kept getting is that s2 would be darker, but boy was that the truth. The end of this episode and from the looks of it the majority of the next one is literally paying homage to one of the most used tropes in horror cinema - the phone call. And I love it. I freaking love it. Yeah, we would love it to be sunshine and rainbows all the time for our fave couple(s) but honey, if that’s what you’re legitimately looking for then this is not the show for you. Boy, it isn’t. The angst is getting ramped up, the horror is getting ramped up, the not quite supernatural in terms of there being no supernatural elements but it still feels that way tone is getting ramped up - the fog machine is working overtime! I love it all, and I just can’t wait to watch more pieces of the story and the secrets unravel as the season continues. 

[thegoing-gayhoax-blog]

Bisexuality Doesn’t Exist, Apparently! (Second Draft)

As an out and proud lesbian revisiting my conflicting past, I can assure you that the only confusion I experienced was the dissonance between my feelings and societal pressures and influences. The only phase I had was when I pretended to be straight for fourteen years. I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve kissed boys, minimally explored their bodies. It did nothing for me, but, my experience with girls and women were something else entirely. I felt the sparks. I felt the fireworks. The butterflies. And in hindsight, reflecting on my own quirky characteristics in my youth, it makes sense that I’ve always been a lesbian. This option was never presented to me - neither in my own home, in the media, in school. I was never exposed to this alternate reality, and it’s because it’s such a taboo topic. Still. That was why in 2014, when I caught wind of this new show titled “Faking It,” I was ecstatic. I was thrilled to have mainstream lesbian or women who love women portrayals. I was excited to see a romantic storyline unfolding between two female characters. I was happy to think that this show would support the community, dismantle the stereotypes, and present what real, queer love really looked like. The reality of this show was anything but.

This show encompassed a lot and managed to turn around their horrendous beginning, but it was well into the season. Essentially, the two main characters, Karma and Amy, were faking being lesbians to gain popularity. Karma hoped to gain a boyfriend with some sort of reverse psychology about making herself more desirable if he perceived her as a lesbian. Amy, on the other hand, really was questioning her sexuality and had developed deep feelings for Karma - and finally had an outlet to give her affection and expand on their platonic relationship. Easily problematic setup. The show went on to shroud the rest of the community, with a gay male lead, a transgender character, an intersex character, a homophobic mother that eventually accepted her daughter - the whole shebang. What I have qualms about is the premise of the show. It glorified the myth that one can “go gay” with the title itself: Faking It. This myth survives because of how they manipulate ethos. Different characters offer inaccurate opinions on identities they don’t experience. Their ethos rests on stereotypical, self-defined representations of being a lesbian and excludes the genuine experience of being a lesbian.

Shane

           “Liam thinks I'm a lesbian.” This simple line captures the entire essence of the show, which was the driving force behind all of the drama and antics throughout the series. Ethos is a strong influence here between these two characters. Liam’s heightened credibility comes from Karma, the main character, liking him. Her crush on him makes Karma believe his influence is worth sacrificing herself and her best friend, Amy, by pretending to be lesbians. This assumption is then substantiated at a public gathering, where Shane catches wind of Liam’s inference. The rumor then gains ground fairly quickly, and it travels all the way to the orchestrator of homecoming. Along with Shane, they both try to accommodate this supposed closeted lesbian couple by saying “We accept everyone.” This pathos is playing up to the crowd and the girls. The appearance of an open and accepting environment enables and coaxes someone to come out, like they're trying to get them to. This is an appeal to fear, in a sense, because they don't want them to be plagued with the fear of adversity. She embraces their rumored predicament with this statement and her pathos is impeccable.

           To rally support from their assumption of Karma and Amy, Shane takes it upon himself to stand on a table as he makes his obnoxious announcement. This demands attention. People listen to him. The scene takes place in his house, and as a “popular,” he has easy access to most of the relevant student body. Speaking so clearly and profoundly, he has no shame and sees no problem in outing these two girls – regardless of the truth. Outing someone is troublesome in any sense, but it can be traumatic if it is not well received. Shane’s intentions were somewhat pure, but his execution is extremely flawed because he made the announcement to the entire student body, in retrospect, because that was how quickly the news traveled.

Shane is an openly gay character. If he suspects that Karma and Amy are lesbians, as a gay man, people are likely to believe him. Hence the gaydar: Gay people can typically spot another gay person from a mile away. His ethos comes from being gay, himself. His sexual orientation, along with his utmost confidence about Karma and Amy’s closeted lesbian situation solidified the notion that the rumor must have been true.

Liam

           Liam’s ethos is composed of three things: being a wealthy, attractive male, being an artist, and being Karma’s love interest. As a physically attractive male – white, dark hair and eyes, athletic build with washboard abs and firm muscles – he already gains credibility. If for nothing else, being cute tends to make his words more valid, his intelligence more superficial, his mistakes more forgivable.  As an artist (a sculptor), Karma attributes several qualities to him that make him sensitive and endearing rather than annoying and arrogant. As Karma’s love interest, he can virtually do no wrong. She’s so enamored by him and his aura that what she is met with at face value is exactly what she takes to heart and believes is true. Karma perfectly sums up his ethos with this line: “Liam's parents are rich, but he drives a beat-up biodiesel, which means he's socially aware. His best friends are a gay guy and a feminist, which means he's tolerant and accepting of strong women. And he's an artist, which means that deep down inside he's wounded.”

           “Typical male, determined to prove your virility - by turning a lesbian straight,” Ivy retorted and scathed Liam so fiercely. She correctly accused him of this and he fit the ethos because he is a straight male – executing typical behavior. The execution of this playing out on the show was Liam’s superficial attraction to Karma with the intention of having sex with a lesbian - fixing a lesbian. In short, he’d wanted to have sex with someone who was depriving him of it by preference. This was subconscious because he was attracted to them, both Karma and Amy, and he’d hoped for the possibilities of coitus. The prospect of a threesome also lingers in the mind of too many men, and this showed up in a later season. Lesbian relationships are not respected, because people often fetishize them. It’s hot. It’s kinky. It’s a fantasy. And though that can be true, it is a wholesome, valid relationship between two humans above all else. This has ties to the myth that one can “go gay” by implying that one can turn on and off their sexuality. A woman can be a lesbian one minute, and please a man the next. Liam’s perception of it was that Karma can be a lesbian all she wants, during the day, but at night, she’s going to be straight with him. He could make her straight, for an hour or two. The sexual anticipation of redemption, winning the prize of access to a lesbian’s core, invalidates the reason why someone identifies as a lesbian: the sole attraction to women. There is no place for a man, no penile satisfaction or gratification. However, Liam had already inserted himself into a concept he has no role in. It is not a negotiable, wishy-washy thing. It is not as flippant as they depicted it. 

Karma

           Karma’s character is a little more sullied than his, however. Her ethos comes from her bond and long-lasting friendship with Amy. Karma is manipulative and selfish by nature. Throughout the entire show, her ploys were for her own benefit. More often than not, she dragged Amy through the mud to make it happen, brutally reminding her of her loyalty by listing instances where she’d blackmailed Amy into supporting her. As for Amy, the ethos that heightened Karma’s appeal and gave her grounds to be taken advantage of so often were her romantic feelings for her. Amy harbored a secret love for Karma, doing anything for her because of it. The situation had perks initially, because she was attracted to Karma. Presenting herself as a lesbian provided her with an outlet to explore and simulate what a relationship with her would look like.

    “Everyone has a lesbian phase in college.”  Karma’s logos here is that this was expected and accepted behavior. Therefore, it should be fine to experiment and deviate a little for her own personal gain. And when she changed her mind later, it wouldn't be as reckless because it could be deemed her lesbian phase. Bringing Heinrichs into context, she’s using induction. However, this logos is a fallacy because it is a generalization. Generalizations usually are impeded by the slippery slope, but this is problematic because it is ignorant. The use of the word “phase” is off-putting because especially for lesbian or queer women, it questions and challenges the validity of it. It perpetuates the idea that sexuality is once again a choice - whereas the real and only choice is choosing to explore your sexuality. Dismissing something as a phase and writing it off as something in passing is damaging. It’s deterrent behavior with the expectation of the perpetrator coming to their senses, but that does not account for those who never deviate from their “lesbian phase.” Some women die in their lesbian phases. Gay men, too.  

“Amy, we were invited to the hottest party of the year,” makes the prospect of it sound pretty enticing. The Kairos assisted the choice. The timing encouraged them to go along with it. The happenstance of all of the perks simultaneously made the concept more attractive. The timing of it all prompted less thought and more spontaneity for the instant gratifications of it. It was an easy persuasion to conduct for Karma. Amy sought popularity as well, though she did have qualms about how they were attaining it.

“Straight guys love lesbians, just watch any porno,” is another kicker. Although severely flawed logos, she uses that as more inspiration to follow through with their plan. She will act the part of a lesbian in order to make him fall for her. It seems logical, but is not. At all. Considering Heinrichs, this is the commonplace. It’s a weak stance to take because it has shaky foundations – also because her susceptibility to believing this is skewed because she hopes that this “fact” will work in her favor. This was a constant motif in this show as well. Karma’s entire rationale began with grabbing Liam’s attention, and when she couldn’t impress him on her own, being a lesbian sprouted into her mind. Another misconception is that female homosexuality is in some way to please and entertain a man. It does away with all of the intrinsic factors of being with another woman - the obvious attraction, the possible connection and intimacy shared, the possibility of a love being present. Female bodies are sexualized from birth. It’s almost pedophilic, the expectation of a woman to resemble a baby’s or a child’s with the absence of hair, the smooth silkiness of the skin, and the elasticity and flexibility of the body. It does not come as a surprise that men are attracted to lesbians - it presents them with more than one woman to ogle. This ventures into the realm of pornography, where depictions of lesbian activity are only accepted if the women engaging in the activities are gender-normative - identifying as female as well as presenting themselves as women. The mentioning of pornography in the script goes to show that this is a widely known phenomenon. This is bothersome because beyond the invasion of privacy of another watching something so intimate transpiring between two individuals, it is still directed towards the male gaze. The lipstick, the stilettos, the bareness of their bodies - it is catered to men, even when it is about women. Karma ignorantly supported that with her statement.

Karma loaded up on her Aristotelian appeals when speaking to Amy, there. She used her own ethos by reminding her of her allegiance with “your oldest and dearest friend.” Then, she squared it by packing it with pathos by identifying herself as “the one who never told anyone that you got pubes in the second grade.” She’s persuading her by reminding her of her past altruistic endeavors in Amy’s favor, so that Amy can compromise something for hers. The hole in her plan is that she’d overlooked the required effort of the two, and they cannot be compared. Keeping a mundane secret is not tantamount to sacrificing and exploiting your sexuality for popularity. This contributes to the myth because Karma is under the false notion that presenting a sexuality one does not have is the equivalent of being a good friend. Because they are best friends, Amy should violate her feelings and morality for Karma’s benefit. Because they are best friends, Amy should pretend to be something that she’s uncomfortable with. Because they are best friends, they should fake a relationship so that Karma can swindle a boy into falling for her. But this is not a valid scenario because sexuality cannot be faked, no matter what coercion takes place.

“I guess that makes me the butch one.” That’s not necessarily true. The two are not mutually exclusive, although it is perceived that way. Two women can be femmes, and two women can be butch, and sometimes, they can mingle. It does shed light on the fact that Karma is the feminine one and is getting attention from Liam, and if Amy is the butch one, she has no one fawning over her. That’s a desensitized morality of gender roles. “Being gay finally made me interesting,” Karma said, and with such conviction. The way people receive the news that someone is gay strikes me as overcompensation. Straight girls want gay best friends to go shopping with, but squirm away when he doesn't fit that flamboyant stereotype. Straight boys want a lesbian around so she can be one of the guys, but grow confused when she retains her femininity. This open-armed acceptance stretched a little too far and a little too thin when assessed in different contexts. Girls don't want the gay boys that don't present themselves as flaming homosexuals, sassy and sexy in the way they walk and talk. They don't have room for the more introverted gays (and trust me, there are many outside of the stereotype). It doesn't fit their aesthetic. Simultaneously and funnily enough, they seek gay best friends, but scorn and shy away from lesbians anywhere near their proximity. Males want lesbian companionship, but only the hot ones with the long hair, petite and feminine figures, and those who generally present themselves as women. And if another type of lesbian, say, a butch one, comes around, suddenly they aren't as friendly or forthcoming. It has as much to do with appearance as it does attraction. The infamous “I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me” trope exists in the minds of too many. It is across the board in males, too - even ones that would testify against being homophobic. Too often in that specific population, they seek friends of the opposite sex, but are adverse to ones of the same sex. This is a widespread problem that needs to be addressed, yet shows like Faking It continue to support the clause by having scenes that represent this without explaining why it is not accurate. Sexuality is not defined by the wardrobe of a person. A girl cannot tie a plaid shirt around her waist, throw on some baggy pants, and deem herself a lesbian.

“And in this school, you have to stand out to fit in, and I’m so ordinary,” is an unfortunate quote that does have parallels to the lives of many. “Let’s be lesbians,” Amy hesitantly agreed, but becoming a lesbian is not and should not be an option for being different. Even writing becoming a lesbian made me cringe, because no one just wakes up one day, deciding to be marginalized. Deciding to be discriminated against. Deciding to disappoint their parents and make their counterparts suddenly uncomfortable. Deciding to have their rights questions – the value of their lives questioned. By contextualizing it, no one would choose such a thing. That is why venturing as far as identifying differently after an experiment is inherently damaging and demeaning to those who truly bear the burden of coming out.

My key pattern in my analysis is a resounding ethos appeal. Pertaining mostly to the show, the only excuse I can make for all of the fallacies are the desperation for Liam to like Karma, and his engorged importance because of it. The main Aristotelian appeal to be made in general with this hoax however is that of pathos. Pathos - getting emotional, getting people to resonate with your strong emotion - is key in understanding the disheartening nature behind going gay. People don’t understand the effect their words have without emotion being roused from it. Unless they are homophobes trying to upset someone with a claim that ignorant, they don’t understand the impact of their words.

“Going gay” carries much more weight than those who say it so flippantly intend. Being gay is a journey, and it is not always as easy as kissing a person of the same sex and enjoying your new, gay lifestyle. If one doesn’t deal with the anxieties and uncertainties of coming out (or the fear of being outed), the fear of the possible adversity they might face (berating, bullying, abuse, threats, homelessness), or the insecurities they’re plagued with from developing feelings towards a person society condemns, they haven’t gone gay. It isn’t something that occurs overnight. “Going gay” is a complete change of lifestyle, and if one cannot accept and face the strife that accompanies it, they’d better keep that ignorant and false revelation to themselves.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

5 Disturbing Ways Narcissists Use Social Media To Terrorize Their Victims

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5 Disturbing Ways Narcissists Use Social Media To Terrorize Their Victims

God & Man

Social media has been blamed for breeding narcissists, but the fact of the matter is, narcissists have always existed. Social media has just given them an extra tool to terrorize people. Here are five ways malignant narcissists – those without empathy and with an excessive sense of entitlement – use social media to exploit, manipulate and destroy their victims:

1. To triangulate.

Social media is a veritable playground for malignant narcissists. It gives them easy access to multiple victims and the ability to manufacture love triangles in covert, insidious ways. In order to understand how and exactly why narcissists use these platforms for such petty power plays, it’s essential that we remember that they tend to be insatiable in their attention-seeking and their desire to create harems of people who adore them. They will, of course, deny that they are doing this – and it’s easy to convince anyone who is suspicious of their behavior that such a focus on their online behavior is “crazy.”

For example, observe what a self-confessed gaslighter told BBC news when asked about the role his gaslighting played in covering his tracks on social media:

“Paula was extremely intelligent, but I was aware that I was leaving traces of infidelity in the digital world, on social media,” says Greg. He said he made jokes over a period of time pointing to her ‘obsession’ with social media, making her feel that she was suspicious in an unhealthy, even ‘crazy’ way. “I deliberately used demeaning language to make her lose confidence in her reading of the situation, of my infidelity. She was ‘paranoid’, she was ‘crazy’, she was ‘full of drama’. I’d say this all as jokes. But they would build over time, and she then started to believe.”

– Megha Mohan, Cheating and manipulation: Confessions of a gaslighter

Now, it’s certainly possible for someone lower on the spectrum of toxicity to aggravate their partners with their lack of discretion and loyalty without meaning to; sometimes garden-variety jerks or cheaters are not even fully cognizant they could be caught. However, true, full-fledged narcissists create love triangles deliberately in order to provoke their significant others. They enjoy seeing their reactions to their despicable behavior. They trespass the boundaries of their relationships frequently and with malice, with the intention of skirting accountability and with callous disregard for the feelings of their victims.

Narcissistic partners can flirt with numerous people by sending them messages on Facebook, inappropriately commenting on their photos with sexual or obscene messages for all to see, ‘following’ a number of shady accounts, as well as posting photos of themselves with exes, crushes, and people with whom they’re having affairs, all under the guise of them being ‘friends.’ Should their victims ever call them out on their strange behavior, the narcissist will then gaslight the victim into thinking he or she is going crazy.

2. To infiltrate.

Imagine that narcissists are like trained spies in the figurative Trojan horses that are social media accounts. They want to know anything and everything about you, so that they can later use your wounds against you. Having access to your social media accounts can give them an easy way to find out more about your likes, interests, hobbies, and desires. Remember, it’s possible for even a complete stranger to find out your life story should they do the due diligence of looking through your photos, your tagged posts, even your ‘About Me’ section. These investigative digs are crucial for the narcissist’s love-bombing stage, where they are first pursuing you with ardent fervor and need to unearth your vulnerabilities to do so.

It is also valuable for the devaluation stage, as it allows them to assess whether you’d be a viable target for their pity ploys and mind games. Solution? Don’t give them much access in the first place. Be selective about who you allow into your online spaces and make your privacy a top priority. It’s a good rule to have regarding anyone, regardless of whether or not they’re toxic, because it allows intimacy to unfold naturally at its own pace. By doing this, you communicate an important boundary to those around you: trust has to be built organically and cannot be earned blindly.

“Manipulative love bombers don’t just walk up and say: ‘We belong together.’ They have to give you evidence that it’s true. That’s why they target the vulnerable. Masquerading as ‘good listeners,’ the bomber gathers intel on your likes, dislikes, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. Before you know it, they’re saying you have so much in common, therefore you must be soul mates.”- Dale Archer, M.D., Why Love-Bombing In A Relationship Is So Devious

3. To stalk and harass you.

We all know that narcissistic ex-partners don’t leave us alone, even after the ending of a relationship. Even if you block them, they can make fake social media accounts to ‘check up’ on your whereabouts. They can create anonymous e-mails to send you daily or monthly taunts. They can even troll you on your work-related platforms if you have a public presence. This is all a way to make you feel unsafe. It’s a way to cast micro-assaults on your agency online. To feel as if someone is always “watching,” and monopolizing your existence, whether in real life or online, can be terrifyingly brutal. It creates a sense of violation that is unfortunately rarely prosecuted in realm of the law.

It’s important to protect your privacy; ensure that no information you would want the narcissist to know is available for public view. Block any and all accounts associated with your narcissistic abuser, including those of your mutual friends (who can also be asked to spy on you by the narcissist). Document all incidents of cyberbullying and trolling. Research the cyberbullying laws in your state. Ask for the support of people you trust to intervene on your behalf, if necessary and appropriate to the situation (for example, hire a moderator for your online platforms if you have a pesky narcissist that keeps coming back). The only way out from the scrutiny of their watchful eye is through diligent self-protection.

4. To self-aggrandize.

Impression management is vital to a narcissist. Researchers Gnambs and Appel (2017) confirmed in a recent study that grandiose narcissists (those with an inherent belief in their own superiority) are more likely to be found glorifying themselves on social media as opposed to more vulnerable narcissists with lower self-esteem.

“The meta-analysis of the 57 studies did in fact confirm the scientists’ assumptions. Grandiose narcissists are encountered more frequently in social networks than vulnerable narcissists. Moreover, a link has been found between the number of friends a person has and how many photos they upload and the prevalence of traits associated with narcissism.” – University of Würzburg, Narcissism and Social Networking

This comes, of course, to no surprise to those of us who have encountered grandiose narcissists online. Building a persona from scratch takes a great deal of work, but narcissists enjoy the fruits of their labor when they are able to use social media to disguise their true nature under a charitable mask and to build fan clubs that enable their toxic behavior.

Yet for a malignant narcissist, this behavior goes beyond self-absorbed selfies; it ventures onto a complete lack of self-awareness and empathy for others. Not everyone with numerous photos and thousands of friends will meet the criteria for full-fledged narcissism nor should these be the sole indicators of narcissism. Rather, it’s the level of grandiosity, contempt and entitlement that reveals who is on the narcissistic spectrum. Remember that a malignant narcissist uses social media not just as a hunting ground but as a platform for which to practice his or her grandiosity and assumed superiority. Engaging in lengthy monologues from their pulpit, their proposed morals bear little to no resemblance to their actual motives.

Grandiose narcissists exist to extol themselves while bullying others. They are the instigators of manipulative arguments on forums, the ones who carry out multiple counts of character assassination in place of a valid perspective. They include the seemingly philanthropic activists and leaders who try to attack the competition rather than focusing on the value of their own message. They are the vain, superficial models and somatic bodybuilders who create an audience mainly to cater to their presence.

They can come in many different shapes and sizes, but what they all share is an excessive sense of entitlement with little to no regard for the rights or needs of others. When the self-aggrandizing narcissist speaks, he or she demands you listen. They demand that they be accommodated to your spaces; they feel entitled to your time and your resources. They can fly into narcissistic rage if they don’t get the attention or the results they desire.

5. To bully and taunt.

Research reveals that online trolls possess the Dark Tetrad traits of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. In other words, online narcissists take sadistic pleasure in provoking others. So it’s no wonder that many narcissists in cyberspace are the types who hand out death and rape threats as easily as they would party invites. Misogynistic trolls are an example of how malignant narcissism manifests in digital spaces; they are cruel, they are callous and they are violent in their threats and insults.

“Trolls will lie, exaggerate, and offend to get a response. What kind of person would do this? Some Canadian researchers decided to find out. They conducted two online studies with over 1,200 people, giving personality tests to each subject along with a survey about their Internet commenting behavior. They were looking for evidence that linked trolling with the “Dark Tetrad” of personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and sadism. They found that Dark Tetrad scores were highest among people who said trolling was their favorite Internet activity.” – Dr. Jennifer Golbeck, Internet Trolls Are Narcissists, Psychopaths and Sadists

Whether they’re harassing former exes or bullying complete strangers, empathy-deficient individuals are dangerous to the psyche of their victims. Online or offline, malignant narcissists leave a trail of ‘bodies’ wherever they go, leaving society and their future victims to pick up the pieces.

[thegoing-gayhoax-blog]

Rhetorical Analysis: Bisexuality Doesn’t Exist, Apparently!

As an out and proud lesbian revisiting my conflicting past, I can assure you that the only confusion I experienced was the dissonance between my feelings and societal pressures and influences. The only phase I had was when I pretended to be straight for fourteen years. I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve kissed boys, minimally explored their bodies. It did nothing for me, but my experience with girls and women were something else entirely. I felt the sparks. I felt the fireworks. The butterflies. And in hindsight, reflecting on my own quirky characteristics in my youth, it makes sense that I’ve always been a lesbian. This option was never presented to me - neither in my own home, in the media, in school. I was never exposed to this alternate reality, and it’s because it’s such a taboo topic. Still. That was why in 2014, when I caught wind of this new show titled “Faking It,” I was ecstatic. I was thrilled to have mainstream lesbian or women who love women portrayals. I was excited to see a romantic storyline unfolding between two female characters. I was happy to think that this show would support the community, dismantle the stereotypes, and present what real, queer love really looked like. The reality of this show was anything but.

This show encompassed a lot and managed to turn around their horrendous beginning, but it was well into the season. Essentially, the two main characters, Karma and Amy, were faking being lesbians to gain popularity. Karma hoped to gain a boyfriend with some sort of reverse psychology about making herself more desirable if he perceived her as a lesbian. Amy, on the other hand, really was questioning her sexuality and had developed deep feelings for Karma - and finally had an outlet to give her affection and expand on their platonic relationship. Easily problematic setup. The show went on to shroud the rest of the community, with a gay male lead, a transgender character, an intersex character, a homophobic mother that eventually accepted her daughter - the whole shebang. What I have qualms about is the premise of the show. It glorified the myth that one can “go gay” with the title itself: Faking It. This myth survives because of how they manipulate ethos. Different characters offer inaccurate opinions on identities they don’t experience. Their ethos rests on stereotypical, self-defined representations of being a lesbian and excludes the genuine experience of being a lesbian.

Shane

Shane’s ethos is comprised of his sexual orientation, his friendship with Liam, and his place in the social hierarchy of the school – being popular. Shane is a flamboyant, gay character that is best friends with Liam. Together, they are amongst the most popular at the school.

“Liam thinks I'm a lesbian.” This simple line captures the entire essence of the show, which was the driving force behind all of the drama and antics throughout the series. Ethos is a strong influence here between these two characters. Liam’s heightened credibility comes from Karma, the main character, liking him. Her crush on him makes Karma believe his influence is worth sacrificing herself and her best friend, Amy, by pretending to be lesbians. This assumption is then substantiated at a public gathering, where Shane catches wind of Liam’s inference. The rumor then gains ground fairly quickly, and it travels all the way to the orchestrator of homecoming. Along with Shane, they both try to accommodate this supposed closeted lesbian couple by saying “We accept everyone.” This pathos is playing up to the crowd and the girls. The appearance of an open and accepting environment enables and coaxes someone to come out, like they're trying to get them to. This is an appeal to fear, in a sense, because they don't want them to be plagued with the fear of adversity. She embraces their rumored predicament with this statement and her pathos is impeccable.

           To rally support from their assumption of Karma and Amy, Shane takes it upon himself to stand on a table as he makes his obnoxious announcement. This demands attention. People listen to him. The scene takes place in his house, and as a “popular,” he has easy access to most of the relevant student body. Speaking so clearly and profoundly, he has no shame and sees no problem in outing these two girls – regardless of the truth. Outing someone is troublesome in any sense, but it can be traumatic if it is not well received. Shane’s intentions were somewhat pure, but his execution is extremely flawed because he made the announcement to the entire student body, in retrospect, because that was how quickly the news traveled. Regarding Heinrichs, Shane tied together virtue and decorum to sway his environment to create a supportive sphere for Karma and Amy. Saying that Hester High needed a same-sex couple to win the homecoming court, and having everyone in the room second the notion was his virtue.

Shane is an openly gay character. If he suspects that Karma and Amy are lesbians, as a gay man, people are likely to believe him. Hence the gaydar: Gay people can typically spot another gay person from a mile away. His ethos comes from being gay, himself. His sexual orientation, along with his utmost confidence about Karma and Amy’s closeted lesbian situation solidified the notion that the rumor must have been true.

Liam

           Liam’s ethos is composed of three things: being a wealthy, attractive male, being an artist, and being Karma’s love interest. As a physically attractive male – white, dark hair and eyes, athletic build with washboard abs and firm muscles – he already gains credibility. If for nothing else, being cute tends to make his words more valid, his intelligence more superficial, his mistakes more forgivable.  As an artist (a sculptor), Karma attributes several qualities to him that make him sensitive and endearing rather than annoying and arrogant. As Karma’s love interest, he can virtually do no wrong. She’s so enamored by him and his aura that what she is met with at face value is exactly what she takes to heart and believes is true. Karma perfectly sums up his ethos with this line: “Liam's parents are rich, but he drives a beat-up biodiesel, which means he's socially aware. His best friends are a gay guy and a feminist, which means he's tolerant and accepting of strong women. And he's an artist, which means that deep down inside he's wounded.” This also works as his flawed craft. Due to Karma’s inferred characteristics of Liam, his craft is engorged. Later in the season, she came to him with her emotional strife, expecting him to be as sensitive as she’d assumed, and he could not play the part. When discussing politics, she found that he was not as socially aware as she’d pegged him, either. When confronted with his take on Karma and Amy’s faked relationship, he exposed some misogynistic biases and proved that he was not as tolerant of strong women. She’d attributed false craft.

           “Typical male, determined to prove your virility - by turning a lesbian straight,” Ivy retorted and scathed Liam so fiercely. She correctly accused him of this and he fit the ethos because he is a straight male – portraying typical behavior. The execution of this playing out on the show was Liam’s superficial attraction to Karma with the intention of having sex with a lesbian - fixing a lesbian. In short, he’d wanted to have sex with someone who was depriving him of it by preference. This was subconscious because he was attracted to them, both Karma and Amy, and he’d hoped for the possibilities of coitus. The prospect of a threesome also lingers in the mind of too many men, and this showed up in a later season. Lesbian relationships are not respected, because people often fetishize them. It’s hot. It’s kinky. It’s a fantasy. And though that can be true, it is a wholesome, valid relationship between two humans above all else. This has ties to the myth that one can “go gay” by implying that one can turn on and off their sexuality. A woman can be a lesbian one minute, and please a man the next. Liam’s perception of it was that Karma can be a lesbian all she wants, during the day, but at night, she’s going to be straight with him. He could make her straight, for an hour or two. The sexual anticipation of redemption, winning the prize of access to a lesbian’s core, invalidates the reason why someone identifies as a lesbian: the sole attraction to women. There is no place for a man, no penile satisfaction or gratification. However, Liam had already inserted himself into a concept he has no role in. It is not a negotiable, wishy-washy thing. It is not as flippant as they depicted it.

 Karma

           Karma’s character is a little more sullied than his, however. Her ethos comes from her bond and long-lasting friendship with Amy. Karma is manipulative and selfish by nature. Throughout the entire show, her ploys were for her own benefit. More often than not, she dragged Amy through the mud to make it happen, brutally reminding her of her loyalty by listing instances where she’d blackmailed Amy into supporting her. As for Amy, the ethos that heightened Karma’s appeal and gave her grounds to be taken advantage of so often were her romantic feelings for her. Amy harbored a secret love for Karma, doing anything for her because of it. The situation had perks initially, because she was attracted to Karma. Presenting herself as a lesbian provided her with an outlet to explore and simulate what a relationship with her would look like.

    “Everyone has a lesbian phase in college.”  Karma’s logos here is that this was expected and accepted behavior. Therefore, it should be fine to experiment and deviate a little for her own personal gain. And when she changed her mind later, it wouldn't be as reckless because it could be deemed her lesbian phase. The “lesbian phase” is essentially “going gay” with different terminology, and it carries much more weight than those who say it so flippantly intend. Being a lesbian is a journey, and it is not always as easy as kissing a person of the same sex and enjoying your new, gay lifestyle. If one doesn’t deal with the anxieties and uncertainties of coming out (or the fear of being outed), the fear of the possible adversity they might face (berating, bullying, abuse, threats, homelessness), or the insecurities they’re plagued with from developing feelings towards a person society condemns, they haven’t “gone” gay. It is not something that occurs overnight. Although “going gay” is not something that typically happens at all, coming out with a new revelation as strong as that tends to warp one’s credibility, later.

Bringing Heinrichs into context, she’s using induction. However, this logos is a fallacy because it is a generalization. Generalizations usually are impeded by the slippery slope, but this is problematic because it is ignorant. The use of the word “phase” is off-putting because especially for lesbian or queer women, it questions and challenges the validity of it. She used ignorance as proof. It perpetuates the idea that sexuality is once again a choice - whereas the real and only choice is choosing to explore your sexuality. Dismissing something as a phase and writing it off as something in passing is damaging. It’s deterrent behavior with the expectation of the perpetrator coming to their senses, but that does not account for those who never deviate from their “lesbian phase.” Some women die in their lesbian phases. Gay men, too.  

“Amy, we were invited to the hottest party of the year,” makes the prospect of it sound pretty enticing. The Kairos assisted the choice. The timing encouraged them to go along with it. The happenstance of all of the perks simultaneously made the concept more attractive. The timing of it all prompted less thought and more spontaneity for the instant gratifications of it. It was an easy persuasion to conduct for Karma. Amy sought popularity as well, though she did have qualms about how they were attaining it.

“Straight guys love lesbians, just watch any porno,” is another kicker. Although severely flawed logos, she uses that as more inspiration to follow through with their plan. She will act the part of a lesbian in order to make him fall for her. It seems logical, but is not. At all. Considering Heinrichs, this is the commonplace. It’s a weak stance to take because it has shaky foundations – also because her susceptibility to believing this is skewed because she hopes that this “fact” will work in her favor. This was a constant motif in this show as well. Karma’s entire rationale began with grabbing Liam’s attention, and when she couldn’t impress him on her own, being a lesbian sprouted into her mind. Another misconception is that female homosexuality is in some way to please and entertain a man. It does away with all of the intrinsic factors of being with another woman - the obvious attraction, the possible connection and intimacy shared, the possibility of a love being present. Female bodies are sexualized from birth. It’s almost pedophilic, the expectation of a woman to resemble a baby’s or a child’s with the absence of hair, the smooth silkiness of the skin, and the elasticity and flexibility of the body. It does not come as a surprise that men are attracted to lesbians - it presents them with more than one woman to ogle. This ventures into the realm of pornography, where depictions of lesbian activity are only accepted if the women engaging in the activities are gender-normative - identifying as female as well as presenting themselves as women. The mentioning of pornography in the script goes to show that this is a widely known phenomenon. This is bothersome because beyond the invasion of privacy of another watching something so intimate transpiring between two individuals, it is still directed towards the male gaze. The lipstick, the stilettos, the bareness of their bodies - it is catered to men, even when it is about women. Karma ignorantly supported that with her statement.

Karma loaded up on her Aristotelian appeals when speaking to Amy, there. She used her own ethos by reminding her of her allegiance with “your oldest and dearest friend.” Then, she squared it by packing it with pathos by identifying herself as “the one who never told anyone that you got pubes in the second grade.” She’s persuading her by reminding her of her past altruistic endeavors in Amy’s favor, so that Amy can compromise something for hers. The hole in her plan is that she’d overlooked the required effort of the two, and they cannot be compared. Keeping a mundane secret is not tantamount to sacrificing and exploiting your sexuality for popularity. This contributes to the myth because Karma is under the false notion that presenting a sexuality one does not have is the equivalent of being a good friend. Because they are best friends, Amy should violate her feelings and morality for Karma’s benefit. Because they are best friends, Amy should pretend to be something that she’s uncomfortable with. Because they are best friends, they should fake a relationship so that Karma can swindle a boy into falling for her. But this is not a valid scenario because sexuality cannot be faked, no matter what coercion takes place.

“I guess that makes me the butch one.” That’s not necessarily true. The two are not mutually exclusive, although it is perceived that way. Two women can be femmes, and two women can be butch, and sometimes, they can mingle. It does shed light on the fact that Karma is the feminine one and is getting attention from Liam, and if Amy is the butch one, she has no one fawning over her. That’s a desensitized morality of gender roles. “Being gay finally made me interesting,” Karma said, and with such conviction. The way people receive the news that someone is gay strikes me as overcompensation. Straight girls want gay best friends to go shopping with, but squirm away when he doesn't fit that flamboyant stereotype. Straight boys want a lesbian around so she can be one of the guys, but grow confused when she retains her femininity. This open-armed acceptance stretched a little too far and a little too thin when assessed in different contexts. Girls don't want the gay boys that don't present themselves as flaming homosexuals, sassy and sexy in the way they walk and talk. They don't have room for the more introverted gays (and trust me, there are many outside of the stereotype). It doesn't fit their aesthetic. Simultaneously and funnily enough, they seek gay best friends, but scorn and shy away from lesbians anywhere near their proximity. Males want lesbian companionship, but only the hot ones with the long hair, petite and feminine figures, and those who generally present themselves as women. And if another type of lesbian, say, a butch one, comes around, suddenly they aren't as friendly or forthcoming. It has as much to do with appearance as it does attraction. The infamous “I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me” trope exists in the minds of too many. It is across the board in males, too - even ones that would testify against being homophobic. Too often in that specific population, they seek friends of the opposite sex, but are adverse to ones of the same sex. This is a widespread problem that needs to be addressed, yet shows like Faking It continue to support the clause by having scenes that represent this without explaining why it is not accurate. Sexuality is not defined by the wardrobe of a person. A girl cannot tie a plaid shirt around her waist, throw on some baggy pants, and deem herself a lesbian.

“And in this school, you have to stand out to fit in, and I’m so ordinary,” is an unfortunate quote that does have parallels to the lives of many. “Let’s be lesbians,” Amy hesitantly agreed, but becoming a lesbian is not and should not be an option for being different. Even writing becoming a lesbian made me cringe, because no one just wakes up one day, deciding to be marginalized. Deciding to be discriminated against. Deciding to disappoint their parents and make their counterparts suddenly uncomfortable. Deciding to have their rights questioned – the value of their lives questioned. By contextualizing it, no one would choose such a thing. That is why venturing as far as identifying differently after an experiment is inherently damaging and demeaning to those who truly bear the burden of coming out.

Faking It and shows that fall victim to improper portrayals of the LGBT community walk a thin line. Diversity is necessary, but it needs to happen seamlessly. There should not be a token gay character, but a spectrum of different sexualities represented. Those representations should come without stereotypes. Those representations should come without disparaging homosexual lifestyles. I commend MTV for venturing to make this show, but I condemn them for presenting it so ignorantly.