neetu-uplifts

[neetu-uplifts]

Fuck you racism

Dignity is a fundamental human right. At the most basic level, every person deserves to be seen and respected, to feel safe and to feel that they belong to the collective human race. Racism destroys all that. Racism divides through fear and hate. And it does so on the basis of something we didn’t choose - our skin colour. It tells people of one race (usually those with darker skin) that they are less than. Racism has existed for centuries and continues to proliferate social, economic and political structures. Colonialism, slavery, apartheid, residential schools, police brutality, food deserts, black ghettos, racial pay inequities, affirmative action, black incarceration, voter suppression, frisking, xenophobia, islamophobia.....the proof points in history and from the present day go on. And the only way that it has remained is by being systematized. Racism is systemic because it was born in and remains grounded in a dominant ethnocentric system whereby the superior, preferred or default lens is white. Everything is referenced, compared or judged against the “normal” superior white race, culture and way of life. Any deviation from the default white lens is seen as less valuable, questionable or as a threat - be it an accent, a different physical appearance and cultural dress, a different faith, different food, a different area code or a different approach to family i.e. living in an extended family. 

The scariest thing about racism though is when it’s implicit. People of colour don’t even know when racism suddenly enters their lives. They don’t see it coming. One day a racial slur, physical abuse or other act of discrimination occurs in your life, usually in childhood and your brain registers the message “I’m different” and “I am not safe”. You never thought there was anything wrong with you. As a carefree and curious child, you might not have grown up realizing that the world would treat you differently just because of the colour of your skin. You naively believed you’ll have equal access and that meritocracy is a real thing (fake news). The first time you experience racism it’s an assault to the soul. We cannot understand or ever fully appreciate that which we have never personally witnessed or experienced. If you were born into the dominant white race, you may not even realize that systemic racism is operating because you never had to explain yourself, your way of life or had first-hand discrimination for the colour of our skin. Why? Because even though it’s 2020 and Canada is a diverse country in head count, white is still the dominant and privileged race. White privilege is an outcome of a racist society. Not all white people are racist and privilege does not mean your life was/is easy but it is certainly easier in certain respects than those who experience racism.

For almost their entire lives, people of colour have had to defend, explain, hide or submit to acts of outright discrimination just because their skin is not white. As a Punjabi Sikh woman born and raised in Canada, I remember being bullied and beaten up, chased on my way home by white boys shouting “paki” and worrying about the teachers judging my parents’ accent as we went to parent-teacher meetings. I learned to be careful, to try to fit in, hiding my Indian food at recess and not walking into a mall wearing a Punjabi suit. I witnessed complete strangers harassing my family with racial slurs and attempts to break our windows in the middle of the night. And I remember thinking “why are they doing this to us?” The fear and shock in my parent’s eyes traumatized me. As an adult, I discovered that my incredibly hard working father with a Masters degree from Punjab’s best University couldn’t get an entry level manual labour job when he first came to Canada because of his turban and it was only when he cut his hair that he was given employment. Now as a grown adult woman, I have felt the distress and micro aggressions that come with being “one of one” (the only person of colour) on a team and the unspoken pressure to work extra hard to prove my capability and worthiness. Why? Because the trauma of racism imprints a deeper scar of imposter syndrome on your mind where you have to work to undo the narrative that you are different and perhaps you’re not really that great, that perhaps you’re just the token brown person who was chosen to balance things out and that perhaps everyone here is questioning your worth and the value that you bring to the table. The residue of growing up and living within a racist system also makes you stronger. You get to a point where you must find your voice and use it to speak out against injustices. I learned this as a child in elementary where my parents didn’t know what to do with me coming home with good grades but also school suspensions because I chose to fight back. The fight against racism gets draining. Perhaps most draining is having to prove, justify or validate your lived experience to white people who are so blissfully ignorant to their privilege. People of colour need not endure further trauma to prove their trauma. It crushes the soul. 

I love my skin. I am proud to be brown. I’m incredibly proud of my Sikh Punjabi roots and now I thank my parents everyday for ensuring that I fluently spoke my Mother tongue before I spoke a word of English (at the age of 6). I also realize that mostly every successful person of colour that I have ever known who immigrated to Canada made it by being an entrepreneur because the racist system would never let them rise. Even the best place to work in Canada has yet to see more people of colour and especially those with “accents” rise to the top. I don’t want it to be but racism is something I and almost every other person of colour has learned to live with - and we must continue to fight it. To my non-white friends, keep fighting the good fight. It’s on us to change the world for the next generation. We cannot normalize injustice as culture and pass it onto our children. And to my white friends, lean in. Start reading books from anti-racist people of colour, park your resistance/ego about white privilege, let yourself feel uncomfortable - listen, learn, seek out the truth and use your privilege to drive systemic change. It’s great that you may not “see colour” or think of the world in racialized ways but saying that is a cop-out. It only further undermines the experiences of racialized people who have been subjugated to a world that is racist and a world where systemically and unfortunately, colour does matter. To those who much is given (in this case privilege), much is expected. Unhinge from your privileged opinion. Listen, learn and be an ally to those who have been dealt the harsh blows of racism.The fringe needs the core to drive change from the inside out. Together, we can restore humanity to a state of oneness - the ultimate law of the Universe.

[neetu-uplifts]

“A riot is the language of the unheard.”

— Martin Luther King, Jr.

[neetu-uplifts]

Coming home

We got lost in the external false world of things and stories. The egoic mind trapped us in its neurosis and its false understanding of “us” and “them”. We must return to our truth, to our soul. One of my favourite quotes from Ram Dass is “we are all just walking each other home”.  Every person we meet and every experience we have is an opportunity to silence the ego, awaken our consciousness and evolve closer to our truest and highest self. To come home is to know that we are ALL pieces of the ONE. 

RIP Ram Dass <3

[neetu-uplifts]

So good. So true.

[neetu-uplifts]

World peace begins within

The most effective way for us to contribute to a better world is to work really damn hard on being the best, the kindest, most authentic and most loving version of ourselves. By loving ourselves deeply, we will be at peace and ease with ourselves, enabling us to bring ease and peace to the people and spaces around us. To create world peace, we need to create peace within ourselves. If we are constantly judging ourselves, feeling a sense of lack, in need of validation to feel good enough or as if we have something to prove to the world, we will always show up empty, judgy and insecure to the world. Is that the energy we want to pass along? We need to be mindful of the “self” we are listening to all day everyday (that voice in our head); the one we are literally committed to more than we are anyone else - the permanent roommate. What is that voice in your head saying about you, about life and about others? Is it miserable and negative or fairly kind and grateful? We need to be mindful of this self we live with every moment of our existence AND we need to be mindful of this “self” we offer to the world each day - at work, at home, in traffic, at the grocery store (when we’re hangry and the plastic produce bags just aren’t opening properly and you’re miserable licking your fingers to make it happen). How are you showing up as a leader, a parent, a significant other, a daughter, a sibling and as a friend? How are you showing up for the wins and successes of others? And most importantly, how are you showing up when someone in your life is really hard to love? Our relationships with others are always a mirror of our relationship with ourself. If there’s no abundance within, we can only offer the world rations at best.

It’s on us to be accountable to discovering and cultivating the best within us. And it’s the most important job we have. It’s also the hardest job we have because it means we have to look inside and face stuff we have (perhaps) been avoiding for a long time. But until you do this, you’ll always look outside yourself for that thing that’s missing. It’s like looking for your keys when they’re in your hand and you might even have a feeling they’re in your hand but you choose to keep looking elsewhere. We have to accept and own the fact that we complete ourselves. We make ourselves happy. Nothing outside of you (no matter how sexy or adorable or profitable) will sustain your long term, authentic happiness. Happiness has always been and will forever be an inside job. And just to be clear, when I say happiness I don’t mean 24/7 Richard Simmons-style self hugs and unicorns and rainbows. Happiness is not always about positive emotions. It’s much deeper than that. Happiness is the relentless acceptance, understanding and love of oneself, even when we feel lost, miserable or crazy. Instead of getting judgmental what if we got curious about those inner demons? We are constant works in progress. We are growing and evolving beings but what doesn’t change is that voice inside saying “I love you, we will get through this, I gotch you”. It means we never give up on ourselves or betray ourselves. We have be our own before we can be anyone else’s. We must be so in love and intimately connected to ourselves before we can truly share that with anyone else. Ultimately friends, we can only meet others as deeply as we’ve met ourselves. 

[neetu-uplifts]

[neetu-uplifts]

Learning from Death

July hit my family like a storm. We experienced some highs and some major lows. We lost my Aunt in early July. She had been sick for a while, in and out of the hospital, but we were hopeful that she would recover. God however had other plans. Shortly after, my 105-year old Grandmother broke her pelvic bone and was hospitalized. Emotions were high as everyone prayed for her recovery - she is such a fighter (and thankfully returned home just yesterday). A few weeks later, we came together in strength and good spirits to celebrate a close family wedding. The wedding was the uplift our family needed but it didn’t last long. 10 days after the wedding, we lost my cousin. His death was completely unexpected and it shook us all to the core. He was young and had so much life to live. He was such a jolly, loving, hard working, honest and joy-filled member of our family. He had such a pure heart. It’s still so hard to believe that he’s actually gone. Nobody saw it coming. Hours before he left us, he was visiting with family members and chatting with neighbours - just being his lively, welcoming self. We are in a state of shock and dismay. His death came so suddenly, like waking up to an earthquake. It feels as though we are living in a mental blur, still trying to piece together what happened. 

Throughout this emotionally difficult time, I’ve been reflecting on life and death, perhaps as part of my own personal grieving process. I keep asking myself what I can learn from the tragic losses my family has recently faced. The thing is that death is guaranteed to become a reality for every single one of us. No one is protected from death - neither young nor old. We are powerless against it. Yet, we tend to forget this truth, as we get caught up in the many “distractions” of life, spending our living days without that ticking clock in mind. I’m not saying we should live every waking moment in constant fear and anticipation of death. It’s not about fear of death but rather, acceptance. If we deeply accept and internalize that our time will come and we have no control over when that day will be, perhaps that will ignite and awaken us to use the time we’ve been given towards the absolute best possibilities. As I reflect on the many thoughts and emotions running through me over the past several weeks, I think about the raw learnings that I have. I hope you too will sincerely contemplate what these learnings mean for you and how you’re approaching your life. No one has it all figured out. We are all works in progress, taking it one day at a time. But the more we keep this stuff top of mind, the better our chances are of living life fully, without regrets. 

We all have an expiry date

Just like a carton of milk, we all have an expiry date. Life is so short and temporary - this means 2 things:

1) Stop sweating the small stuff. Let things go. Don’t find reasons to complain about things that in the grand scheme don’t matter. Adopt a big picture mindset. When you find yourself getting upset about someone or something, try to pause, zoom out and ask yourself if this issue that is bothering you right now will even matter in a year, a month or a week from now. Chances are it won’t. Awareness of the ego mind (the thing that’s constantly on and causing all that noise in your head) and disidentifying from it will help with this. How? Because the things we stress about always stem from a place of ego. Ego being anything that isn’t your true self (you are an infinite soul - not a body/human). So anything that comes from a place of identification with or attachment to your body, the story of YOU or any material form = ego. When you find yourself getting upset ask who is upset - you (infinite soul) or that sensitive ego that constantly feels the need to protect/defend itself? Just smile, breathe, pause, surrender, laugh, accept, look for the silver lining - LET IT GO. Easier said than done, I know. But we need to keep working on this. Conquering the mind is the true purpose of life. But why should we care? Because the most tragic way to live (and then die) is lost in the confines of your ego-driven mind (negativity, drama, scarcity mindset, lost in materialism/attachments/superficial things, etc). If you operate from a place of higher consciousness (big picture mindset) with a perspective of oneness, abundance and connectedness with everyone around you, you align with the Universe, experiencing a state of bliss/joy/nirvana. In other words, the most beautiful life possible - peace of mind, inner contentment and joy - is within reach if you want it.

2) How you spend your time is super important. We all have an expiry date so that means our time is very limited and precious. Do you want to spend that time operating from a place of fear or a place of love? Something changes in us from childhood to adulthood. We put up our guards, parts of us harden into clay, we adopt the belief of “other-ness” and we all become extremely “busy”. How do we return to that child-like quality of being open, curious and loving towards one another? Think of a small child smiling at you with the most loving gaze. You used to be that child. What happened? Be kinder than is necessary. See the ONE in everyone. Bring love and positivity into every interaction, whether with a loved one or a complete stranger. How differently would you show up if every person you interact with today was going to die tomorrow? Seems morbid to think this way but it could be a reality, for them or for you. Don’t hold back on telling people you love them. Express it. Replace your ego with honesty. Much better to be overflowing with love and expression than pained with the regret of restrained and bottled emotions. Push thru the uncomfortableness. Think about the people in your life who you cannot imagine living without. Make an intentional decision to prioritize spending more quality time with them, especially your parents, siblings and grandparents. Everyone is too busy, pick up the phone, plan that potluck, take your Mom out for a nice meal or to see a movie, get the friends or fam together for a weekend getaway. Don’t wait for them to call or text you - take the initiative. Love only attracts love. Reach out and start a chain reaction. Just do it. You will not regret it. Again, you do not have infinite time. None of us do. At some point, time will be up.

Cherish your family

Growing up in a big, tight-knit, loving family has been one of my greatest joys in life. When I’m surrounded by my large and lively family, I feel like I’m home. This past month, I realized the power and strength of family to an extent I had not before experienced. The tragic losses we faced have reinforced our greatest blessing - each other. We are incredibly lucky to have a family that is so close and connected. Everyone has come together in such a loving way to give each other strength in these difficult times. Every obligation and priority was dropped to gather on a daily basis to spread love, run errands, make meals, grieve and reminisce, cry and laugh and instill faith and strength. We made sure that my cousin’s house was full of family, love and community - and we will continue to do that. I love that our idea of a low-key family dinner is 70 people (no joke) showing up to make a meal and eat together. My heart is so full just thinking about how much I love my family and how they have given me so many reasons to love deeper and to feel deeply loved throughout the past month. Perhaps that’s also why the loss of my Aunt and cousin has been so difficult for us because family truly is everything for us. Family is precious and you realize just how precious when you lose a family member. And family doesn’t have to be based on blood lines. Family is anyone who feels like home for you. Look out for one another. If you know someone is struggling, check in on them and remind them they are not alone. Hug and kiss your loved ones. Tell them you love them.  Even if that’s not something you grew up doing, start doing it. Even if it’s awkward or “corny” or not “macho” just do it. No harm was ever created through more love and affection.

Remember who you really are

Beyond the flesh, the body, the hair and the story of you, exists a content, infinite and powerful energy - your soul. That is who you are. We forget this once we adopt a body and personality, among other attachments and identifications. This is a core spiritual belief of mine but witnessing the lifeless body of my cousin made it all come home for me. As I stared through heavy tears at his body, and touched his ice cold forehead, I realized it looked like him but the thing that made him HIM, the thing that gave him life, and enabled him to see, talk, hear, touch, walk, love and laugh - that thing was gone - it had left the body. That “thing” is the soul - the infinite, energetic life force that “turns on the lights” inside our flesh and bone-filled bodies. The love and attachment we have with a loved one’s personality and character and all their quirks and “isms” are all powered by the soul, not the body. It’s interesting how once someone dies, everyone begins to refer to them as “the body” rather than by name. Because the name/personality/identity is gone. The body dies but the soul never dies. And yet, ironically, while we’re alive, we’re so attached to and identified and obsessed with the body - both ours and others. Looking at a dead body makes you realize how misguided we are. It’s the soul we should be connecting with. That’s the truth of who we are, not the body. So, when someone dies, where does the soul go? It just flows from one body/form (vehicle) to another or becomes liberated in the omnipresent source of all life. Knowing this gives me some internal peace. May my Aunt and my cousin’s souls rest in love, light and peace.

Respect and take care of your body. Enjoy it. It’s the only one you have for the duration of your human journey. But don’t just get lost in the toning and adornment of the body. Go deeper. Look inside yourself and connect with that energy that allows you to actually be alive, literally makes you alive. I strongly recommend reading A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle and Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer. These books have helped me connect more deeply with my soul. And it’s a commitment to stay connected because the world has many outward-driven distractions. Staying aware of the truth of ourselves will help us build a stronger and more loving relationship with ourselves and with others. And perhaps most importantly, it will give us a broader perspective on life and death, enabling us to develop acceptance (rather than fear) of our inevitable (unknown) expiry date.

In sum…..

Love deeper

Be kinder than is necessary

Live more fully - embrace adventure and spontaneity 

Stop taking everything so seriously - stop taking yourself so seriously 

Tell them you love them - push thru the hesitation

Intentionally make more time for family and friends 

Open your heart to seeing the best in others - drop the judgment

See the ONE in everyone

Work hard with passion, enthusiasm and gratitude 

Know your truth, connect with your soul - it will set you free

<3

Knee2

[neetu-uplifts]

Trust yo self

Trust. It’s a big word with significant meaning in our lives. Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. Dr Brene Brown is amazing - if you haven’t read any of her research on shame, vulnerability and courage, you must check it out. She’s a pioneer in the study of vulnerability. She has a way of translating her research, on crucial aspects of our emotions, so that it is relatable to anyone. She recently spoke about trust - how it’s built and how we can define it and measure it. Here are 3 key takeaways from her podcast:

Trust: BIG but built in small moments

Dr Brown shares research that trust is not necessarily built through grand gestures. Trust is actually built in very small moments. For example, someone might say “I trust my co-worker because she checked in on how my sick Grandmother is doing.” Or if you were traveling with family and didn’t have seats on the plane next to each other but someone recognized that and voluntarily offered to switch seats so you could sit with your loved ones, you immediately feel like you can trust that person.  At the heart of it, everyday, in very small but meaningful ways, we have the chance to build trust with people we barely know, and even those closest to us, by showing up to check-in on things that matter to them. Dr Brown’s research also found that we trust people who ask us for help when they need it. We are all so good at giving help but not so good at saying we need help and asking for it. As I think about this deeply, I can see why we trust those who reach out to us for help. Their ask for help demonstrates that they are being vulnerable with us and that they trust us enough to open up and share that they’re struggling. They are less concerned with maintaining an external image of “happy and perfect” and more concerned with being genuine and real about where they are at. There is nothing that connects two people more than a mutual sharing of vulnerability. We cannot help but trust those who show us their wounds, and thereby trust us with their wounds. Sometimes we may get a feeling that someone is not okay. In that moment, we have the opportunity to build trust by leaning in and asking how they are doing. In the same vein, we also have the opportunity to betray, Dr Brown explains, by diverting our attention and not saying anything. Dr Brown states “choosing not to connect is a betrayal” and it weakens the relationship by detracting trust.

HOW do we articulate trust?

Trust is such a big word. What is trust and how do we define it? Dr. Brown developed a helpful acronym (BRAVING) to break down the anatomy of trust. She says “when we trust we are braving connection with someone”.

B - boundaries - I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and you uphold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them. For example, if someone you know does not like to drink and this is a boundary they’ve set - it’s part of their values and lifestyle to avoid alcohol - but suddenly you see them going out partying and indulging in several drinks, you feel as though you cannot trust that person because they cannot honour their own boundaries.

R - reliability - I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and you demonstrate this to me repeatedly (not once). We trust people who are consistent. They walk the talk and do this repeatedly, not just here and there. We begin to trust that their words mean something to them and they can be trusted to follow through on their word. Many of the components of trust are interconnected. For example, if you don’t set your boundaries clearly and you end up taking on too much work and now you can’t keep your commitments because you’re unable to get it all done, you’re not reliable. You cannot be trusted to deliver on your commitments. It’s the same in our personal lives.

A - accountability - I can only trust if when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends and when I make a mistake, I’m allowed to own it, apologize and make amends. No accountability = no trust. Accountability is HUGE, huge. We can only trust people who protect our hearts. No one is perfect and inevitably, we will screw up. But when we do, the effort and the sincerity with which we own up to our mistakes and work hard to fix things determines if trust is shattered or strengthened. When someone hurts from causing us hurt and their actions demonstrate this because they are apologizing and taking clear steps to resolve things, we can trust them. There is nothing that tears down trust more than someone who needs to be reminded of their mistake and yet still fails to take accountability for it. I’m sure we have all experienced that before. The beauty of this acronym is that it enables us to clearly articulate what burned inside us when that happened. We lost trust because there was no accountability.

V - vault - I can only trust you if what I share with you, you will hold in confidence. The other side of the vault though is: I cannot trust you if you don’t hold in confidence what others have shared with you - now my trust for you is completely diminished. It’s about me seeing that you acknowledge, respect and uphold confidentiality for anyone you have a relationship with. Dr Brown raises a powerful point: The tricky thing about the vault is that “sometimes we share something that is not ours to share as a way to “hotwire” a connection with a friend”. Closeness is built on talking about someone else - this is so petty and yet so many do this. Sometimes, unintentionally. This is a really weak and superficial relationship because there isn’t much that holds it together outside of the gossip. We cannot trust someone who spreads others’ dirty laundry to us because immediately we become aware of how quickly they can do the same to us. The message here is: don’t gossip. Period.

I - integrity - I cannot trust you if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same. Integrity, as Dr. Brown defines it, means: 1) doing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; 2) choosing courage over comfort; and 3) practicing your values, not just professing your values. When someone goes the extra mile (long game not short game), takes the uncomfortable and unpopular stance among of sea of “group thinkers” and lives by the values they preach, we cannot help but trust them.

N - non-judgment - In Dr. Brown’s words, “I can fall apart, be in struggle, ask for help, without being judged by you” and vice versa. This is hard because we’re better at helping others but not asking for help for ourselves. Truth however is that trust cannot be built if we just provide help. If we don’t ask for help, real trust cannot be built there. When we show vulnerability, ask for help and give people the opportunity to reciprocate by helping us, that builds a more trusting relationship with them. If you are always the one going to a friend in times of need but that friend never opens up to you and never gives you the chance to return the favour, you start to question how deep your connection with that person really is. People turn to us if they feel psychologically safe with us. If they don’t open up to us, we question whether they really trust us or not.

G - generosity - “You can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check-in with me.” If I screw up, say something or do something that isn’t right, you’ll assume the most generous assumption about why I did that (give me the benefit of the doubt) and then bring it up/address it with me. This is so critical. When we love and trust someone and they (inevitably) screw up or don’t show-up for us in a way that we might have expected them to, we are at a critical crossroads. We can harden into clay and immediately lose faith in them, withdraw from the relationship or act passive aggressive with them. Or, we can remind ourselves (even in a state of hurt) of all the examples of how this person loves us and why we trust them. Doing so, allows us to make a generous assumption about why they forgot or why things got missed and then we need to address it with them to protect the relationship. It’s a very mature conversation though - “XYZ was really important to me but I know how busy you’ve been with work lately. I just wanted you to know this came up in my mind and it did hurt me but I know you’ve got my back.” There is no defensive stance. Immediately, the other person is given the opportunity to redeem, explain and rebuild (be accountable). Often, they are not even conscious of the hurt caused so by checking in with them about it, you give them chance to learn and become aware for next time.

I love Dr Brown’s BRAVING acronym because it makes it easy for us to talk about trust by breaking it down into meaningful, tangible characteristics. It’s provided a language around trust. Telling someone we trust or don’t trust them is too vague. Now we can say “I can’t trust you because you’re not accountable” or “I can trust you because you confide in me about the things that deeply matter to you and you ask for help when you need it and I know I can do the same with you”.

Self-trust is a prerequisite to trusting others

Dr Brown quoted a beautiful line from Maya Angelou about self love and self trust: “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves but say I love you”. Maya Angelou said this in the context of an African proverb that goes: “Be weary of the naked man offering you a shirt. How you treat yourself and show-up for yourself is a key indicator of how sincerely you show-up for others, in matters of love, respect and trust. We cannot give to others what we cannot give to ourselves and we cannot expect people to give us something that we do not give to ourselves. This is incredibly powerful and true. We cannot love ourselves unless we trust and respect ourselves. And we cannot cannot cannot love anyone until we love ourselves. In this way, self-trust is and will always be a prerequisite to trusting others. #selfhug

[neetu-uplifts]

Goosebumps

When we find ourselves unhappy in repeated patterns of thought and behaviour or in the same story with different characters - we need to ask ourselves what teaching the Universe is trying to convey to us. Instead of getting down about “why does this keep happening to me?” we need to get curious about “what is this trying to teach me?” As Pema says, nothing goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. So, instead of ignoring, undermining, escaping or antagonizing it, face it head on. Lean into it. Learn from it. Get brutally honest with yourself. Make the necessary shifts - internally and/or externally and then let it go. And this time, it won’t come back for round 10.

[neetu-uplifts]

Self-love manifesto

I protect my heart because I know it is precious

I hug myself tight (short girl, long arms)

I create my own happiness

I am free-spirited, curious, open and kind

My head (ego) always bows down to my heart

I like the sound of my voice and I’m not afraid to use it

My energy feeds my soul and the souls of my lovelies

I appreciate my sexy curves

Squats = self-respect

Soreness = growth

I sprint past my asthma

Water over vino any day

I am unapologetically sensitive - it means I can feel and I care

I am stronger than I realize

I am fierce, deep, creative

I set healthy boundaries and say no without overthinking it

I bet on myself, everyday

My first love is me

I nourish my body

I meditate my mind

I cherish my soul

I am forever safe in the embrace of the One #universehasmyback

I love hanging out with me, myself and I

Don’t mess with my best friend - my intuition

I trust myself

I am always in competition with the me of yesterday

Throw me into any situation and I will rise up

Don’t let my cute smile, small frame and cozy hugs fool you - if need be, I will check you

I slow down, rest and honour what my body, mind and soul need in this moment

I do what’s best for me, even if I don’t have the popular vote

I use kind words and give reassuring self-pep talks when I’m anxious, scared or nervous

I am crushing on my 30s

More BEING, even while doing

I am gentle with my ego (that crazy!)

I am so warm from being surrounded by so much love, I could cry just thinking about it

I choose Faith > Fear, always

I laugh at myself and with myself often

Dance parties for 1 at a red light are a hobby

Dancing like I’m on electric circus in the kitchen is part of meal prep

I saw that first grey strand (yes, it has arrived), accepted it and let it be

I wink at myself in the mirror like a fool

I accept and love all that I am, as I am - the quirks, the flaws, the imperfections, all of it

I practice a daily attitude of gratitude

I am humbled by how much I don’t know and excited to keep learning and growing

I am forever a work-in-progress and I like that

I take DEEP breaths

I drink lots of peppermint tea and eat lots of dark chocolate

I wouldn’t want to be on this wild and adventurous journey with anyone else but you, Knee2

I complete me

I belong to me <3

The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one. We can’t truly love anyone else until we love ourselves. If we don’t make time to develop and cherish our relationship with ourselves, we cannot make headspace or heartspace for anyone or anything else. What does self-love mean or look like for you?

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You are what you are seeking.

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Mooj man dropping the mic

“Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not.”

Mooji

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Stop editing your story

Seeing Michelle Obama speak live last night was special. I haven’t had a fan-girl moment this big in a while. Everyone was mesmerized by her story, her realness and her grace. Here are some powerful takeaways from Michelle on “Becoming” that really resonated with me:

1) How men show-up in a young girl’s life sets the bar for the way she’ll interact with men in the future, including what she will and will not accept. I couldn’t agree with that more. My incredible Dad and my brothers, and all my loving guy cousins, showed me through their actions how a man should love, respect and support a woman. That’s why settling is not an option for me. I appreciated how Michelle’s brother loved and protected her but not in a “princess-y you need to be cared for” way but rather in a deeply respectful and empowering way. Her Dad gave her space to grow and never dimmed her feisty-ness. As she said “my parents saw me use my voice and they allowed that fire inside me to stay lit”.

2) Sisterhood is sacred. Michelle spoke about her posse of girlfriends who play a critical role in her life - even one that Barack doesn’t play. According to Michelle: “I LOVE my husband, he’s my best friend but you know when I’m really going through something I need my girlfriends”. I feel blessed to have inspiring, loving and strong women in my life. They are my sisters from other misters. When I’m with them, I can just be all shades of Neetu, I can open up deep to them and know that I’m safe. They are the mirrors who help me see when my eyes are fogged up. Their wins are my wins. Their pain is my pain. Life gets busy but we can’t lose that connection. Make time for the women (or men if you’re a guy) in your life. 

3) When asked why she went as deep as she did in her book, sharing details about infertility and a time when she resented Barack and the marital counselling that her and Barack received, Michelle said it was important for her to talk about the struggles and failures she has experienced in her life. She feels passionately about us discussing failures openly. It’s the best way to show that failure is real, it’s gonna happen to everyone but just because it happens doesn’t mean you give up or that you’ve lost in life. This is particularly important to demonstrate to children. If they don’t ever see failure and understand resilience they have no hope when they fall on their face, which they definitely will. She was talking about growth mindset. I’m inspired to talk more openly about my own personal failures. As Michelle said, “stop editing your story”. Let’s stop only posting filtered pictures when we’re having a good hair day and eyebrows and outfits are on point. Share the raw, unvarnished truth of your story. Embrace imperfection. By doing so, we create a safe space for others to do the same.

4) Writing Becoming is how Michelle owned her story. She allowed us all to see the woman outside of just FLOTUS. Her story touched so many different people, irrespective of age, race, nationality or socioeconomic status. That’s the power of storytelling. It connects people on a deeper level. Michelle encourages us all to authentically tell our story so people can see you for who you are, understand you better and see themselves in you and your story. The risk of not doing so means we’ll always be defined by other people and their biases and expectations. Life is too short to live small. 

How America went from The Obamas to current state is incomprehensible. Sometimes though we have to hit rock bottom before things get really good. Michelle Obama is an exceptional example that hope, goodness and humanity still exists and that we can be the change we want to see in the world. 

[neetu-uplifts]

Oneness

Man, I love this word. It runs deep for me. When I hear or think “oneness”, something inside my mind releases and my heart warms. I feel connected to everyone around me, even if just for a few seconds. My ego and the dualism that it creates (me-them, me-her, me-him, us-them) weakens just by saying “oneness”. It’s such a powerful word. It speaks to the ultimate truth about life and all living beings. We are all connected at the core. We all emanate from the same source - the life force that runs through our bodies and keeps us breathing, walking and talking. Our false egoic identities create divisions among us. We’ve slapped labels on ourselves and on each other, creating conflict, separation and hate, when truthfully, underneath all that, we are one.

Ego: Public Enemy #1

Eckhart Tolle drops the mic when he reminds us that “You are consciousness appearing as a person for a little while”. Read it again, slowly. You are consciousness appearing as a person for a little while. And so is every other living being around you. We are all consciousness in different bodies (costumes) for a short while. We are souls having a human experience. Ultimately, there is no difference between you and me. But we think we’re different from each other because of our ego (false identity). It’s interesting to think about this in the context of someone who we intentionally want to distinguish as very different from us. For example, when I think about a Republican Trump supporter who makes racist and/or sexist comments, I need to separate myself from that. The stories around what that person is and how they think create an image that I could never associate myself with. But I need to remind myself that we are all suffering from the same mental phenomenon of being stuck in our false identities (Liberal, Conservative, Jewish, Sikh, Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Black, White, Brown, etc) and we operate from those respective vantage points. Underneath all that, the essence of our truest selves is the same. At the core, (soul level) there is no difference between me and that Trump supporter. We are both pieces of the same infinite light. When I think about it that way, I don’t hate on or judge the Trump supporter as a living being. I lose interest in thinking about them as a Trump supporter. The labels fade away. I can and will absolutely call out garbage behaviour, condemn social ills and stand against unjust ideologies. But I don’t have to attack the individual; it’s about attacking the twisted ideologies, which stem from the pathology of their ego. We’re all suffering from our ego - just in different ways or to different extents.

Sadly, maintaining a oneness mindset 24/7 is incredibly difficult as the ego is incredibly powerful. We have spent decades being conditioned by the ego, building and believing our false identities and the labels and stories that come with them, as well as the labels and stories about others (I’m Neetu and this is my story and these are the things that define me and my life….blah blah blah….those Republicans over there are so whack….). The more we watch our minds and practice awareness the more conscious we will become and the weaker our egoic selves will become. The ego is false (it’s not you) but it basically controls you because you’re so identified with and attached to it and the thoughts and emotions it creates. It’s like we’re asleep and consciousness is the cold bucket of ice water that will wake us up. Once we stop identifying with our stories and our thoughts and feelings, which are created by your ego, we become way less judgmental. We see no value in defining ourselves or others. We define others in reference to ourselves (i.e. that person is younger, smarter, fitter, more accomplished, calmer than me, etc). Remember, ego is anything we’re identified with. As we navigate this human journey we’re on, it’s helpful to have a name, some material possessions like clothes, a home or a cell phone, and loved ones who we recognize as our family members, etc. Let’s enjoy these aspects of this human experience. It’s when we get lost in these things and derive our sense of self from all of the labels, possessions, achievements, suffering, attachments and addictions that we’re stuck. The goal is to be like the lotus flower, in the water but not consumed by it. You’re in this world (human form) but not of this world (you realize who you really are is the deeper soul). Once we give up attachment to defining ourselves, we won’t have a reference point against which to define, compare, assess or stack others. We will just see consciousness everywhere - within and around us. There is no false identity to protect, validate or defend. Thoughts and emotions emanate from the ego; they are not the truth of who you are. Who you are is a permanent state of being or “is-ness”. Neutral, non-reactive, at peace, connected to everything. Getting there however requires us breaking out of our deep egoic slumber. And that, my friends, is not easy to do. But it’s ultimately the point of this human life and the best thing we can do for ourselves and for each other.

Mantra: Give-up Defining Yourself

Sometimes throughout the day I’ll repeat a mantra to myself. When I’m lucky and get brief glimpses of awareness, I’ll catch or notice my ego operating e.g. “that was such a great idea, people probably think I’m pretty cool” or “damn, just killed that last set of squats, so strong, look at that guy, he’s looking at me shocked that I’m lifting this much, yeaah boyyyy” or “why doesn’t she or he make an effort to keep in touch with me?” Ego is present both when we think we’re the shit (high on our story) AND when we feel like shit (low on our story). Any attachment to story = ego. In these moments, I’ll literally say to myself: “give up defining yourself, Neetu”. It’s like slamming the breaks on the ego. I experience an immediate and intense state of presence. I hard stop on the egoic story of Neetu and step outside of the chatter and content of my mind, even if just for a few minutes. I don’t feel bad about the egoic thoughts because I know those thoughts aren’t me. I laugh at my ego and how pathetic it is. This (at least for me) is one of the most powerful and effective little tricks to spotlighting my ego and disidentifying from it (and doing that weakens it), even if just for 30 seconds or two minutes. Try it out! Even just mindfully watching your thoughts the way you would watch a toddler who’s roaming around the house can be very effective. The more we practice awareness the more we weaken our ego. The ego is a tricky bastard though - it will show-up in the subtlest of ways. Ego can develop if we think we’re suddenly “conscious” and “enlightened”, ridding ourselves of our ego, unlike all the other ‘peasants’ out there. Watch for that too. It’s another form of self-definition and story-making and dualism in the mind. The ego is so slithery dude.

Replace Labels with Love

I grew up in a Sikh family. I respect Sikhism but I am not a religious person. I am definitely a spiritual person. What’s the difference? I see religion as man-made. To me, religion is the outcome of centuries of “interpretations” slapped onto the ONE truth, which was shared by several different enlightened prophets - Jesus, Guru Nanak, Ibrahim, Buddha, to name a few. This truth in its purest form was meant to unite people through their oneness, not divide them. But the layers of interpretation and “tweaking” over hundreds of years have resulted in religion being a source of grave divide and hate among humanity. Spirituality on the other hand, honours that single source of truth; the truth of God, who exists in every living being. This was the core message that all of the prophets of every religion were trying to communicate. If you read the Bhagavad Gita, Old Testament or the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, and you break down what they’re all saying, at the deepest level, they are pointing to the one same truth. Their message just got distorted along the way through the dogma of organized religion. Spirituality helps us discover the truth of ourselves. It connects and unites us. It is all about oneness. A beautiful excerpt from Eckhart Tolle reinforces this: “It’s not what you believe (religion) that matters. It’s your state of consciousness that matters.” Don’t ask me what my religion is, look instead at how strong my ego is. Look at how much compassion and kindness I practice. My state of consciousness will tell you where I am on my inward journey home. Home being your soul, a state of oneness and bliss. Also, I recognize that following a particular religion doesn’t automatically mean you are lost or that you “hate” people from other religions. Religion can definitely be a valuable path to community and inner peace. My concern with religion is when it becomes the basis or narrative for hate and separation. Whether that’s the belief that “my religion is the only path to God and liberation” or “people of that religion are all extremists”. If we all just let each be wherever we are, with whatever we see as the helpful path to peace then religion is fine.

Insanity of the Ego

Eckhart Tolle talks about the pathological nature of ego, which causes suffering of various degrees to the self and others. He goes on to talk about the ego having a “fear and distrust of other people, [and a] tendency to emphasize the “otherness” of others by focusing on their perceived faults and [it] makes those faults into their identity”.  I think about this in the context of the senseless and tragic mass shooting at two mosques in New Zealand earlier this week that left 50 innocent people dead. Look at the damage being done through mental labels. Children were among those 50. It’s unimaginably sickening. Tolle explains: “any mental labeling we attach to others desensitizes us to the humanity or the truth of who that person is”. White supremacy, Islamophobia and terrorism - they are all the disgusting outcomes of severely unconscious, insanely pathological egos governed by extreme “otherness”. I love the statement below from Hasan Minhaj in response to the New Zealand shootings - he’s pointing to Oneness.

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to attend a powerful talk by Pardeep Singh Kaleka and Arno Michaelis. During the 2012 Sikh Temple shootings in Oak Creek, Wisconsin, a white supremacist entered the temple and fatally shot 6 people. The Sikh temple leader, Satwant Singh Kaleka, was among the victims and also Pardeep’s Father. The shooter was a member of one of America’s largest white supremacist groups, which Arno (who had since left that life) had founded. I found the conversation between Arno and Pardeep so riveting because it’s a striking example of how two men, who could hate each other, came together to conquer hate through love. They founded Serve2Unite, an award-winning, international peace building and educational initiative that works with youth to break stereotypes and overcome hate and violence through art and social good projects. They also wrote a book called The Gift of Our Wounds. Their friendship and brotherhood, which was visibly genuine, shows us all what’s possible through kindness and compassion. As Pardeep said on Tuesday night when asked where he found the strength to befriend Arno: “pain will do 1 of 3 things: it’ll transform you for the better, consume you or you’ll transfer it to others”. I’m so moved by both Pardeep and Arno’s intentional decision to transform themselves into better, more loving beings, despite the pain and suffering that initiated the connection between them. 

In a recent Headspace meditation I did, they key takeaway was “The extraordinary-ness (soul) in our ordinary-ness (human form) is what connects us all”. We are no different in our extraordinary-ness, which is the best and truest part of us. We all belong to one another and it’s when we forget this that we suffer. I see the future generations as holding more promise in this regard. Last weekend, my 7-year old nephew was making a birthday card for his friend’s birthday party, which he was attending later that day. My Mom, out of curiosity, asked if his friend was “Indian, White, Asian or Black”. My nephew thought for a few seconds and as I watched his facial expression I could see that he was struggling to answer the question (and this kid is really smart). Finally he responded to his Grandmother: “Ummm, I don’t know”. I realized in that moment that he doesn’t see colour. And my hope is that neither do any of the people in his generation. May love protect them from the social ills of racism, religious divisions and discrimination.

#soulgoals

Look at people who you consider fundamentally different from you and realize that they are you and you are them. You are one. It’s hard to realize or feel that because our short-sighted egoic mind doesn’t allow us to see past the labels we’ve created and attached. When we break free from the labels we’ve attached to ourselves and to others, we see, think and feel from a place of deep love. How different would the world be if we operated from that mindset? Oneness is about love and connectedness - a connection that’s not dependent on selfish outcomes. It’s like I forget who I am (false self/ego) and so I forget who you are (labels created by ego) and I just see ONE (truth/consciousness). Or as Mooji says: “I know who you are because I know who I am”. That’s the dream state. That’s liberation for the soul.

[neetu-uplifts]

People of Courage (not colour)

Friends, if you like podcasts that sharpen your critical thinking skills, deepen your empathy and broaden your worldview, I highly recommend you check out The Colour Gap, a podcast by two friends of mine, Shahzia Noorally and Susy Ko. These hard working, humble and incredibly talented women open up the conversation about the lived experience and unique challenges that women of colour have. I’m inspired by so much of what they shared in their first two episodes that I felt compelled to write about it. A few key insights that really resonated for me are:

“Women of colour naturally navigate the world a little bit differently and we just need to recognize that” 

This line really stood out to me because I find it concerning that women in general but especially women of colour are often labeled “aggressive”, “bossy”, “sassy” or as having a “chip on their shoulder”. I think people need to realize that it’s not about being aggressive. It’s a sign of strength and boldness, which were survival mechanisms based on the challenges we’ve faced.  In Grade 4, I was bullied and beat up every day for almost 2 months by a Grade 6 Caucasian girl who I didn’t even know and who I had never spoken a word to; she was doing this just because I was “brown”. I walked home from elementary school keeping my head down or walking a little extra fast as kids would yell “Paki” at me. They didn’t know a thing about me, my family or my roots. Why did they hate me just for how I looked? I recall a teacher in high school once announcing to the entire class “Oh yeah, Neetu, I received a call from your Mom, she’s the one with very broken English, right?” I was so upset and embarrassed. My Mom was more educated (among many other incredible things) than my teacher but just because she spoke imperfect English he was devaluing her as a person. 

My Dad, a highly educated and incredibly hard working man with a Masters Degree in Economics from one of Punjab’s most highly coveted universities, left his Management career in banking in Delhi and came to Canada with my Mom to give his children a better life. The price he paid for that was extreme racism and assimilation. No one would give him a job because of his turban and some potential employers were explicit about that. The turban was a symbolic sign of my Dad’s culture and Sikh faith. It was part of his identity. He wasn't quick to lose hope, getting on the bus at 4am everyday, traveling around the city to meet different factory owners in search of work. Somebody he felt, would see past the turban, and recognize his potential. The day he finally made the heartbreaking decision to cut his hair and lose his turban, he was hired for a factory job where if he spent more than 2 minutes on a bathroom break, his pay was cut. Not everyone in the factory was treated like that. My Mom returned to work 2 weeks after giving birth to me. Her c-section stitches hadn’t even healed. She had no choice because she wasn’t a permanent employee at the hotel where she worked in housekeeping, and so they gave her 2 weeks off but anything beyond that would mean losing her job. Financially, my parents were struggling, living in Falconridge in Northeast Calgary with 3 young children. So, they made these tough sacrifices in an extremely racist and discriminatory environment. The sacrifices my parents made are not lost on me. They have shaped me as a person, alongside the challenges I also endured just for the colour of my skin. 

My point in sharing all this is NOT to be victimized. If you know me, you know that’s not how I operate. I have an amazing life today and I’m incredibly grateful for every aspect of it. I’m sharing this to help those of you trying to deepen your understanding of what it was like growing up as a person of colour in Calgary. Just imagine how different you would be as a person if this is how you and your family were treated throughout your life. It would impact the way you feel, think and behave. If you were mistreated just for how you looked as a child, that sociological conditioning leaves a residue. Not the kind of residue that makes you bitter but rather, makes you want to be better.  So much so that you become obsessed with working extra hard to always prove yourself and negate the biases that tried to bring you down. So yes, women (or people) of colour do navigate the world a little differently. But there’s a real reason for it. As Shahzia perfectly states in the podcast episode entitled “Crazy”, if you never had to experience inequality or discrimination just for the colour of your skin then by default you are “privileged” compared to those who did. Recognizing that privilege is key to then taking action in your role at work and in your broader community to do what you can to check the biases that still negatively impact people of colour. Be an ally and leverage your position of power and privilege to rise up those who have been disadvantaged in a way that you never were. View the bold, assertive and outspoken behaviour of people of colour, not as a ungrateful “chip on their shoulder”, but rather as the outcome of navigating a life of racism and having to work extra hard to prove their worth.

“You can’t be what you can’t see”

This is powerful when we think about why racially similar role models in senior leadership matter. As a person of colour, who has endured racism, discrimination and a unique set of life challenges that the Caucasian majority has not, you realize on a deeper level that you are different. You are a “visible minority”. You've spent your life being reminded of that. So, subconsciously or consciously, you know that the chances of someone that looks like you reaching a senior leadership position in a corporation are few and far between - because so few have done it. That’s disheartening to say the least. Shahzia and Susy share this interesting insight in the podcast: “Visible minorities have to work extra hard to prove themselves. Others [Caucasian majority] will be promoted based on potential whereas visible minorities have to have an actual track record.” What impact is created for the Caucasian majority of not seeing many people of colour in leadership positions as you’ve grown up? If for people of colour the truth is “you can’t be what you can’t see”. I wonder if for the Caucasian majority, it’s “you can’t believe what you can’t see”. Meaning, even the most well-intentioned leader is used to falling back on their default criteria or consideration set because that’s what they’ve always seen and been around and it’s what they know.  If you aren’t used to seeing many people of colour as leaders or as senior role models, how does that impact the unconscious biases you develop for people of colour? I feel grateful for the organization I work for on many fronts.  I know leaders who are genuinely invested in growing me and other people of colour as leaders - and for all the right, well deserved reasons (it always has to be the best person for the job). But, as a province, we have a lot of work to do in elevating people of colour and pushing through the unconscious biases that create barriers, which hold them back from being represented in senior leadership positions. And we all know that diversity of thought can only enrich us as a community. It’s a huge leap forward, not backward - for ALL of us.

The Colour Gap: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-colour-gap/id1455051938?mt=2

[neetu-uplifts]

Crazy good @Nike 

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Crazy

Mental health is something that is a part of each of our lives. We can have good mental health some days and not so good mental health other days. And sometimes, we can go a long time not quite feeling like ourselves. When this happens physically, for example if someone gets a cold or a cough that just won’t go away, we aren’t afraid to talk about it, to sleep in and rest, to see a doctor or to visit a pharmacy. We seek out remedies from family and friends, even our social media communities. We do so much through tender love and care to heal our bodies when they aren’t healthy. Just like we have a body, we also have a mind. We don’t think twice to look after, “own” or discuss our physical (body) health, but often struggle to do the same with our mental (mind) health. The fear that perhaps something is wrong with us or that people will label us as “crazy”, weak or weird, and maybe distance themselves from us, keeps us from opening up about mental health. Even worse, the self-belief that “something is wrong with me and that maybe I’m going crazy and now my life as I know it is going to fall apart forever”, holds us back from truly looking after our mental health. How is it that our bodies are unquestionably allowed to be injured or sick throughout our lives but not our minds. Think about how much we think, process, absorb, use, read, react and do with our minds. There’s a serious amount of pressure and stress on our minds. A broken leg or stomach bug rushes us to the doctor. We spend hours each month in physiotherapy and massage therapy to treat muscles and get adjusted by chiropractors. How is it fair to expect the mind to just always “auto-regulate”, heal and look after itself without any real support? That is crazy.

The lack of awareness and the thick smog of stigma surrounding mental health are making us sick. One of the biggest corrections we need to make is the distinction between mental health and mental illness. Too often, people associate “mental illness” with a straight jacket and “craziness”. Many of us have chronic physical illnesses - such as asthma, diabetes, obesity or arthritis - that we will live with for the rest of our human lives. But just because you have asthma doesn’t mean you can’t live a healthy, full and happy life. Asthmatic doesn’t become the core defining trait of you as a person. It’s just something you have to treat and manage and it doesn’t impact how you or someone else sees you. You don’t become your diagnosis. The crazy thing is that we don’t treat mental illness the same way. Just because someone has bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety or an eating disorder doesn’t make them “crazy”. It shouldn’t take over their life or their identity. Yes, it will require appropriate medical attention and social support, just as diabetes would, but the individual isn’t the disease. With mental health, we judge so hard based on the label attached to an injury or illness. I don’t look at my Mom and say “you are diabetes” or myself and say “you are asthma”. So, I should also never let someone’s mental illness or state of mental health (whether they are dealing with a mental illness or not) be the primary lens through which I see them. But, we as a society DO THAT. And we are so damn harsh about it. If someone for instance has pneumonia and it prevents them from attending a wedding, it would be completely absurd for someone else to say “I can’t believe she’s not coming to the wedding, she’s so rude and bizarre - I think she’s just looking for attention” and then socially isolate that individual. Sadly, we often act like this when someone is suffering from a mental illness or needs support for their mental health. We hear it from the mouths of young and old, educated and illiterate, white collar and blue collar, immigrant and Canadian born. Things like: “Honestly, she’s so weird, she doesn’t talk to anyone or ever make plans to hang out with anyone - I swear she’s like bipolar or something.” And unlike the person with pneumonia who has a “hall pass” and can openly share what’s happening for them physically, the person struggling through a mental illness can’t. They’re judged even before they have the chance to talk about it. 

Just as physical unwellness can sometimes show its symptoms most strongly through the body e.g. broken arm, or tense muscles, mental unwellness may at times show its symptoms most strongly through behaviour, mood or emotional signs. But health is health, regardless of how it’s channeled. You would never get upset and walk away from someone who had blood gushing out of their arm. They would be screaming and you would wonder why but the minute you saw their arm you would rush to their side and get them help.  So, if someone is acting in a way that doesn’t seem quite right or “normal” for them, and maybe there’s no obvious physical marker explaining why they’re behaving this way, instead of us judging that person and withdrawing from them, how might we lean in and support them? Mental health is health. Period.

The other thing we need to remember is that mental, physical and emotional health are all connected. If you’re sick with the flu and you can’t breathe properly, make it to the gym, go to work or see your friends, your mental and emotional health will definitely be affected. Similarly, if you are working through an eating disorder or are feeling depressed, your body will be impacted. And just because someone is not diagnosed with a mental illness does not mean they necessarily have good mental health. You can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder and be in great mental health compared to someone who is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder and isn’t looking after their mental wellbeing. Similarly, you can have washboard abs, train for a triathlon, sleep 8 hours everyday and eat super clean, but if you neglect your mind, you’ll still have poor mental health and therefore not be healthy and happy. Health is holistic and deeply interconnected.

So, where do we go from here? First, let’s rewire the way we’ve been socialized to negatively perceive mental health and act unfairly and insensitively towards it - both in ourselves and in others. Next, let’s check-in with ourselves regularly and be honest with how our mental health is. On days where you feel your mental health isn’t at its best, do something about it - nourish your body, your soul and your mind. Talk to a loved one and if you’re really feeling bold, share it on social media to punch the taboo and hopefully help someone else who might be having a tough day as well. Exercise, sleep, nutrition and social support are vital to good holistic health. And just like when a physical illness gets aggressive and we need to call in the pros, do the same with mental health. Find and keep a therapist who you “click with”, trust and feel psychologically safe opening up to. And don’t for a second, feel ashamed about it. Feel proud of yourself for taking such good care of your health and for loving yourself so much. Keep punching the taboo in the face. And again, if you feel bold enough, share your story with friends, coworkers, family or possibly the world (social media) - because you don’t know who else is silently suffering and you might just be the impetus for them to get help and get healthy. Mad love peeps <3