#so long as they are peacefully snoozing draped across my bed or with their little heads on my shoulders and chest then i know i am ok

[functionally-immortal]

the demons that follow you across the threshold of sleep

TW/CW: stalking, graphic depiction of fictional physical assault and violence.

It was spring. Early enough that it was still cold but late enough there was no snow. The afternoon sunlight held no warmth.

I was standing in the doorway to an aging, abandoned house. The windows were so coated in grime, you couldn't see the details of the forest outside. Dried leaves crunched under my boots as I walked further inside. I paused briefly as a twig snapped loudly in the dense quiet here.

The walls were papered over - newspaper clippings and typewritten letters plastered from ceiling to floor like wallpaper. Everything was in shades of yellowed beige, even the light. The letters all had the same format. The date, followed by a blank space, then a few sentences - some cryptic, others poetic - more blank space, then "Ina". They were all signed "Ina". There were no replies among the hundreds of letters. As I moved through the room I could see that the correspondence started sometime in the mid 80s and ended in the early 90s. Just shy of a decade. The newspapers seemed to range from the same time. Headlines about a mysterious stalker, never caught, never brought to justice. A woman, terrorized for nearly a decade. And then ... an obituary.

Ink faded and paper peeling. As though it had been touched a thousand times.

The house held it's breath, then. The silence that anticipates violence. I know the sound. Or rather, the lack of sound. How many times did I hold my breath the same way as a child?

A soft noise ghosted across my ears. The whisper of cloth on dry wood. I turned then, vision going blurry as someone collided bodily with me. A shriek, wild and maddening, filled the room.

An old woman. Her body bent and head white with the passing of years. She had pushed me to the ground. Her gnarled hands pulled at my winter coat. It ripped open and I heard the faint sound of a plastic button pinging against a metal lamp shade. She hurriedly pushed my shirt up, up to my shoulders, exposing my chest. My body heaved, heart hammering, as I tried to dislodge her. The old woman stuffed the fingers of one hand in my mouth, while the other hand scrabbled against the place where my rib cage ended. She dug her fingers into my skin there, desperately curling them, trying to break through my flesh, to dig her way under my ribcage. I knew then that she needed to take my heart. She would force her blunt and twisted fingers through my skin and muscle, she would break and snap my ribs, and she would tear my heart out through vicious force of will alone.

I wasn't her first victim, was I? Ina. She had killed the object of her obsession, taken the other woman's heart physically when she could not capture it emotionally. Ina. A stalker, a killer. Ina.

I bit down. Hard. Still she dug at my ribs. I bit again, grinding my teeth, until I felt something pop. My efforts were rewarded with blood blooming across my teeth and tongue. I screamed. Screamed through my own fear and around her fingers that tasted of metal and filth. Blood and spittle flying from my mouth as a ground my teeth through her flesh, stopped only by the bones of her fingers. Still she dug. I could barely breathe from the agony of her assault. Surely she had drawn blood by now. It wouldn't be long before I felt her hands squirming, wriggling, slithering, through my chest towards my heart. I was going to die here, like this. I screamed again, weaker. I couldn't breathe.

I bit down. I was vaguely aware of my hands seeking out her face, my fingers searching for her eyes. If I died, I'd take her fingers and eyes with me, and leave her blind and bleeding out.

There was a crunch that I felt reverberate through my teeth. A sound I never heard, a bouncing and clicking in my skull. The woman bellowed, no longer from mindless rage, but from acute pain. She let me go. She scrambled backward, clutching her hand. Something fell, she reached, tried to catch it, missed. A sickening plop as it landed.

A finger.

Bone splintered and flesh ragged from the blunt force of my teeth. I spit out her blood, ribs aching as I hauled in breath after breath. As quickly as she had appeared, she disappeared, moving with unnatural speed, backwards, through the only doorway, her limbs bent at inhuman angles.

I needed to get out of here. I tried to stand. My knees gave out halfway up, and the floor rushed to me.

I awoke then, in my own bed, arms and legs deadened with exhaustion, heart rabbiting in my chest. The sour stench of sweat. The bitter taste of fear.

My eyes cast about the room, looking to see if anything had followed me to the waking world.

My blood chilled as I realized the pain in my ribcage remained.

My demons may not have followed me past the threshold of sleep, but the pain they inflict upon me certainly does.

[fallen029]

Life and Love

"Do you love me?"

Laxus blinked. Then he frowned. Finally, slowly, he went back to shaving, standing there in front of the sink, staring into the mirror. Behind him, he could see Mirajane where she still was, relaxing in his bathtub, bubbles covering up anything that might have been of interest to him.

"What brought that on?" he grumbled, just a bit, not glancing back at her. From the reflection of her, he could see that she wasn't looking at him either.

"I dunno. I just… We've never talked about it before."

"Why do we need to?" Dunking his razor in the water filled sink then, he said, "What difference does it make?"

"I was just asking." Mirajane reached a bubbly hand out of the water just to grab the glass of wine resting on the edge of the tub, just where Laxus had set it when he brought it for her. "Never mind."

"I mean," he went on, because she'd brought it up and now he wasn't going to be bale to let it go. "If I said no, would you get up and walk out? Huh?"

"Not, like, immediately, no. I would need to get dressed, you know."

Ignoring that, he only said, "I mean, it's a stupid thing to ask, Mirajane."

That one got her. Glaring over at his back, she sniffled, just a bit, but the dumbed down routine didn't work when her bangs were down and wet and she didn't look all ditzy and innocuous.

"You don't have to be mean. I did say never mind, you know."

Laxus shook his head. "It's stupid."

"Whatever, Laxus." She took another long sip from her glass before saying, "I need more wine."

"Give me a minute, huh? I'm doin' somethin'."

"You said this was my night," she pointed out. "And that I could decide what we did. I don't remember requesting that you shave. I kinda liked your stubble."

Giving some pause to that, Laxus still wouldn't glance back at her. "It ain't your face, woman. It's mine. And when I said that you could pick our activities for the evening, I didn't expect you to choose that I serve on you."

"Pamper me."

"I'm not seeing a difference."

"And I'm not seeing your cute little butt getting into this tub with me."

"I told you, I hate baths."

"Then why did you move into an apartment with such a nice bathtub?"

He shrugged. "It wasn't the main selling point."

"Then what was?"

Again, he paused, before going for broke and saying, "The landlady was hot."

"Oh, gross. Laxus-"

"Chill." He glanced over his shoulder finally. "She's gone now."

"Yes, because the reason I said gross was because I was worried."

"Thanks for reiterating, but honestly, babe, she's gone now."

"That's not what I-"

"Now shut it." He went back to his own reflection. "I said I'd do whatever you wanted; never said nothin' about havin' conversations with you."

"What if that's what I want?"

He blinked. Then he sighed. Finally, he said, "You're tricky."

"Mmmm."

But it bothered Laxus for the rest of the night, the whole love thing. It honestly had never entered his mind to say that to Mirajane and, up until that point, he'd assumed it had been just as absent in hers. During their, by that point, year and a half long romance, things like that just didn't seem to matter.

Mira seemed over it though, as after their bath (and yes, against his will, he was forced to join her), she only ordered him to make her dinner though, honestly, it turned more into her teaching him how to cook and, well, that was torture for him, but the woman seemed to enjoy it and that was the point of the whole thing, anyhow.

It was the whole point of most the time they spent together.

And even though she played like she was enjoying ordering him around, he could still see through Mirajane. One of her favorite things in their relationship (and he figured every other one she had) was taking care of him. She liked buying clothes for him, making most of his meals, packing him these cute (her words) little lunches for him when he went out training, and the woman down right adored when he let her cut his hair.

Honestly, sometimes he felt like Mira just wanted a son.

It was while she was mewling over how he'd perfectly cooked that chicken (though, honestly, it'd probably still have been raw if he was cooking it alone) that Laxus brought the subject back to what he'd been obsessing over.

"You know, Mira," he cut off her long description of how he got the consistency of the mashed potatoes (that he hadn't even peeled; all her) just right, "it's not that I don't love you."

The woman blinked. "Uh, what?"

"What you were saying before." Laxus took a stab at the chicken on his plate before glancing across the table at her. "About… And it's not that I don't love you, Mirajane."

"I don't think that was the question, but-"

"It's just that I… You're… It's not something that matters." He glanced up at her. "At all. So you shouldn't ask about it. That's stupid. I mean, you're not stupid, if that's what you thought I meant, before, because it's not, but this isn't… We're just what we are, Mira. So drop it."

"Considering you're the one that brought it back up," she pointed out, "I really don't think-"

"Just drop it."

Mira raised her eyebrows before making a face down at her own plate. "Okay. Whatever."

Then it wasn't just Laxus stressing over the whole thing. He'd officially made it all so awkward for Mirajane as well.

After a then silent dinner, Laxus tried to goad Mirajane into tell him what she wanted to do next, but she only claimed she wanted to get the dishes done and then to go to bed.

Given the way she said that word, bed, Laxus wasn't expecting much when they got to that point. And, considering it was Mirajane's night, he couldn't complain much when she asked him to rub her shoulders and then fell asleep halfway through it.

She'd had a busy day up at the hall, anyhow.

Laxus couldn't sleep though. His day hadn't been nearly as stressful. He'd mostly just trained and sat around, waiting for their big date night. When he'd proposed the concept of Mirajane choosing just what they'd do, he'd had these fantastical visions in which rather than deciding they do cutesy things together, that Mirajane might would choose erotic and downright nasty things for them to do.

And yeah, maybe he was a tad horny back when he first decided they would do a Mira chooses everything day, but who could blame him for hoping? You can hit it out of the park if you don't swing the bat.

As he laid awake then though with Mirajane peacefully snoozing beside him, Laxus didn't really care that his plans had fallen through. Rather, he was still torn up about the whole love thing.

Where did Mirajane get off? Huh? It was bad enough when she forced him into staying committed to only her (err, well, at least suggested exclusivity and he sorta went along with it so he didn't lose her) and then started just leaving her things in his apartment without asking (again, that was partially his doing due mainly to the fact that she'd leave his apartment early in the morning, to go get ready for work, and well, then he wouldn't get breakfast and that wasn't cool, so if, he suggested, she just left some clothes over at his place, that would solve that) and now she was infiltrating his brain with thoughts of love and...and…

Arg!

He needed to go running.

"Mira? You sleep?"

Yep. The guild had been unbearable, apparently, as she didn't even wake as he slipped out of the bed and then, after getting dressed, the apartment. It was only about a quarter past eleven in the evening, which, for Laxus, wasn't too late. Mirajane either, usually, given when she didn't take the late shift off to tease and torment her dragon, she'd still be up at the hall, closing it down for the night.

She was working too much, he figured. She did that a lot. Sunup to sundown went to those mongrels up at the hall and that just wasn't right. She should be at home, waiting for him to finish training and taking jobs, just to serve him. Service him.

Or go on jobs with him. Was that too clingy? For him to want that? More clingy than wanting her to just wait around to serve him food and take care of him? Because he felt like it was more clingy to want her with him always so that he could sit back and watch her beat up bandits and crooks, because that was just a major turn on.

He still, of course, wanted her to come back home with him and make him meals and do his laundry and he definitely wanted her to drape herself over him at his beck and call.

But...at the same time, he wanted his space. Lots of space. From Mirajane. And her questions of love and their relationship.

Although...he also wanted Mirajane very close. Close enough so that he could keep an eye on her, eat her cooking, fuck her whenever he wanted, but also far enough away that they didn't have to talk constantly about things he didn't care about.

Like love.

What was wrong with her?

Laxus' jog took about an hour and a half. When he arrived back home, Mira still wasn't up, but that was for the best. He was feeling all sweaty and, too lazy to shower, just stripped down in the bathroom and scrubbed down with washcloth. It was only when he lost just a bit of his funk that he went to fall back into bed with the demon, finally, at least some what, worn down.

Still though, as he laid there, sleep just didn't come. It was while he was lying there, counting backwards from a hundred (for, oh, the hundredth time), that Mira's eyes slowly opened and she moaned, just a bit,

"I thought I felt eyes," she whispered as he just laid right where he was, watching her with heavy eyelids. "Mmmm. You watch me when I sleep, dragon?'

Instead of answering that, Laxus only said, "I like you, Mirajane. A lot."

"Mmmm."

"But," he was quick to add, "I don't get why I have to continually say that. I-"

Groaning then, Mirajane sounded a bit more awake as she asked, "Are you still on that? It was just a question, Laxus. I said never mind, like, hours ago. So-"

"I just don't get what spurred it on to begin with." He rolled onto his back. "At all. What did I do, Mirajane? Huh? That made you… What horrible thing did I do that- Hey! Stop it! We're having a conversation."

"If you'd rather," Mira yawned as she stilled her hands where they were, gently tugging his boxers down, "have this conversation than what I'm about to do, then I think that we might have a bigger problem on her hands."

He was still peeved at her, but slowly relaxed. "Well, I didn't say I'd rather have this conversation."

"Mmmm." Mira went back to getting his boxers off. "Didn't think so."

That kept his quiet. For a bit.

Honestly, back in the bathroom before, Mira had more or less been hoping to goad him into confessing his love of her. She didn't want to have long, boring conversations, however, about how love was irrelevant and therefore not worth bringing up.

But as they were lying there afterward, with Laxus snuggled up to Mirajane's back, arms wrapped around her, the man seemed to decide, once more, that he wasn't done with the conversation just yet.

"I just," he told her as Mira held down a groan and skewed her eyes shut, praying for sleep, "don't want you weighing our relationship on a damn word."

"I'm not. I-"

"Then why did you ask it?"

"Laxus, who cares? I-"

"I can't..." He let out a long breath then, against Mira's ear. She only reached down then, to gently ghost one of her hands over the one that he had resting over her stomach. "I haven't ever...told a woman that. Other than...you know, my mother."

And that sat between them, there, in the silence of his bedroom, before slowly, Mira sniffled.

Then he frowned.

"Don't-"

"Oh, Laxus! I'm so sorry!"

"Stop crying. You're getting on my nerves."

"This is so sad! I should have never-"

"Shut up." He released her then and rolled onto his other side, giving her his back then. "You're annoying me."

"Dragon." Eyes still full of tears, Mirajane rolled too, so that it could be her to cuddle up to his back then. "Come here. Awe. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ever asked that. I… I love you. That's just why I wanted you to tell me that you loved me. So that I could say that without having to worry about sounding stupid. I-"

"You don't sound stupid," he grumbled. "Just annoying. So-"

"We'll never talk about that sort of thing again." And the back of his neck got a kiss. "I promise. I shouldn't have asked you that. I just… It's been a long time, Lax, since we first got together and I just wanted some, you know, confirmation. I'm sorry."

"If I tell you that it's alright, would you knock it off?"

"I feel bad."

Laxus took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. Then, he said, "You shouldn't. This is my hangup. Not yours. And I… There's never been a woman in my life the way that you are, Mirajane. At all. And that… I… I do love you. I guess. I don't… You're take really good care of me. And I like sitting around and talking to you. And there's no one else that I would ever bring wine in the tub to-"

"Well, it's only courteous."

"I don't…get why I have to say it. When it doesn't matter what you say. Ivan told my mother all the time that he… But he didn't. And I've never told Gramps that I… But I do. So why do I have to say it to you? To make it real?"

Mira sat up then and Laxus, slowly, rolled back onto his back to stare up at her. With his eyes on her, she said, "It doesn't. We never have to mention it again. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." He wiggled his toes then, looking up at the ceiling. "You didn't do anything. And I didn't do anything. And now it's over. I do so many things for you because you're important to me. The most important thing to me. And you love me. You can say it. I'm not going to get mad at you or think that you're too clingy or whatever. We're just… We're just the way that we are. And I like it."

Still staring down at him, Mirajane asked, "Did you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Your...mother."

Raising one hand then, Laxus watched as Mirajane interlaced her fingers with his before glancing at her. "No. Not tonight."

"'kay." She shook free of his fingers before moving to lie back down as well. "That's fine."

Again, silence. Then, softly, Laxus said, "She used to sing to me. Too. Like how you do."

"Mmmm."

"Not as well, of course. But she would. And she couldn't play guitar, so she didn't do that, but it's the same basic thing."

"Mmmhmm."

"And she'd cook for me. All the time. But she wouldn't make me cakes, like you do, but I think that's because she didn't want me to eat too many sweets because, you know, I was always sick back then and would stay inside all day and could hardly do anything. She mostly made me soups."

"Hmm."

"I like that one soup you make. With the noodles? And beef? That's good."

"Yeah."

Laxus shut his eyes then. "I really loved her."

"I know." He got a kiss tot he cheek before Mirajane settled against his side. "It's okay."

"I think she'd like you."

That made Mira smile, against his side, before whispering, "Yeah?"

Nodding, he said, "Probably wouldn't like you practically living here."

"Your mother was religious?"

"No." More toe wiggling. "But probably would yell at me to just marry you. She used to get mad, you know, 'cause her and Ivan weren't… And they used to fight and she'd tell him that if he really loved her, that they would get married."

"Why wouldn't they?"

"I dunno. I was just a kid, you know."

Nuzzling against his side, she said, "I know."

"I remember, right before she...before… They were going to do it. Ivan made a whole big deal about it. He made a big deal about most things. About how he was going to marry her and they were going to have this really nice wedding and then… She died. Before."

"I'm sorry."

Laxus opened his eyes before saying, "I just figure it's something mother's say anyways."

"What is?"

"That you should just get married. Isn't it? I feel like it is."

"I bet my mother wouldn't want me to marry you."

That got his goat. "What?" Rolling onto his side so that they could face one another, Laxus frowned. "Why? What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, dragon. You just-"

"What," he repeated, "is wrong with me?"

"I dunno." Mira was grinning then. "I think you're a bit abrasive at times."

"Abr- I have never hit you! Outside of when we're training, but-"

"Abrasive isn't the same thing as abusive. It just means that..." Mira thought. "You're a bit rough around the edges."

"Well, of course I am. I'm a dragon."

"You are." His chin got a gently scratch from her before she said, "But your life style isn't very stable."

"W-What? How am I not stable?"

"You're gone all the time, Lax."

"So?"

"And then there's the fact that your job isn't that great."

"I'm an S-Class mage, woman! What more could your mother want?"

"Uh, try a job that's actually sustainable. And not risky."

"How is-"

"I mean, Lax, think about it; you're constantly gone on S-Class jobs, doing dangerous things. You could end up dead or forever wounded in some way-"

"In what way?"

"Well, I don't know, Laxus. What if you, like, hit your head? And got brain damage? Or if you were fighting someone and they landed a really powerful blow to your spine? And you were forever paralyzed."

Scoff. "I couldn't… This is unfair! All jobs have risks!"

"My mother would probably want you to live in our village with us," Mirajane went on. "And work the land. With Papa."

"W-What? No. I couldn't-"

"You'd have to, I'm sure."

"No." He crossed his arms. "I refuse."

"Well, then I probably couldn't marry you-"

"This is absurd. You can't force me to become a farmer. I don't know the first thing about agriculture."

"You could make it storm when we needed rain though." Mira shrugged a bit. "That would be an asset."

"And I'm a city boy," he was quick to add. "Not a village dweller."

"Dweller?"

"I need bars and stores and...and… It just wouldn't work."

"Hmmm. Then I guess it's a good thing my mother's dead."

That time, the silence was deafening. Laxus just stared and Mira put a hand to her mouth, as she hadn't meant to say that, and definitely not in the way that it had come out. Laxus only blinked, watching as her eyes grew, before gently reaching out to pat her cheek.

"It's okay." Leaning his head forwards, he rested his lips against hers before whispering, "It was just a joke. You didn't mean it."

"I know." She let out a slow breath, dropping her hand. "I've just never said anything like that before. I-"

"Hey, it's alright." Laxus grinned then, pulling back a bit to stare at her. "So you're a disrespectful daughter? I'll love ya through it."

That forced a smile then, even though Mira still seemed rather stricken by what she said. Laxus only nuzzled his forehead against her once more before falling onto his back to, finally, go to sleep.

He felt dog-tired then for some reason. Maybe because his job for the day (keep Mirajane happy and himself from going crazy) was complete.

Or running on fumes had finally done him in.

"I think," Mira whispered as she took fell to her back, staring up at the ceiling, "that maybe my mother would have liked you. Or at least all the things that you do for me."

Grinning, Laxus said, "Yeah. How could she not like that? I'm a very attentive-"

"Now my father though-"

"Another night, Mira." Laxus pulled the blankets up around himself before shutting his eyes. "Please. No more."

"'kay." And she giggled and he grinned and that time, he was almost drifting off when she whispered, "Dragon?"

"Hmmm?"

"This is gonna sound weird but… We took a bath."

"I," he mumbled tiredly, "'member."

"Then why do you stink so much?"

He had to force his eyes from flinging open. So the washcloth hadn't done the trick. Huh.

"Just go to sleep, woman." He let out a soft breath. "And enjoy the next few hours. Because at sunrise, it's definitely Laxus Day."

"Ooh."

"You won't be saying that when you find out what I'm going to command you into doing."

"Considering I have a pretty good idea," Mira said through a yawn, "you better just worry about me not sneaking out before sunrise."

"Better not. Else I'd have to hunt you down."

Mira tried to gasp, but it just came out as an even louder yawn. "What would your mother say?"

Grinning, Laxus only whispered, "That I should have locked you down a long time ago."