#so like- extra context for this is that this is based on how my gf(alrine) always drinks coffee to

[beboojay]

💚☕ Getting energized

(failed)

Extra context in hashtags hehe

[love-triangles-au]

Most def an #extreme geometry question

But I remember a few hcs being popular in the GF fandom including sensitive sides/edges, tentacles, and magic teleport hole?

How does it work in your AU?

Bfhaha a seasoned triangle-lover, are you, anon? Alright, sure, just for you. Time for an anatomy lesson!

So, in order of what you mentioned: yes, yes and maybe, but we have our own spin on them! Well, for Bill, at least. Bill and Venuz aren't of the same species, so they're pretty different. (Note that everything Bill has applies to all Flatlanders*, so, like, Kryptos has the same things going on) * Once again they're not exactly Flatlanders but it's the name we go with (until the Book of Bill comes out, hopefully >:Dc)

Sensitive sides are more just sensitive vertices in our headcanon (edges are still good! Just more pleasant than exciting), and he's gotta be in the mood. Think, like, poking someone's neck vs. kissing someone's neck; same area, but the way you touch it and the intent/context matters! But, the more they're stimulated the more they'll swell, making them kinda smooth out to be less pointy and more squishy. Then they're REAL sensitive

I always liked this headcanon a lot because it feels very alien. Like, yeah, that's probably the exact kinda weird thing a sentient shape would have going on, why not :P I kinda flip-flop over whether or not Venuz also has this because on one hand I like them being similar anatomically, especially in terms of, well, geometry-related stuff, but I also feel like it's so highly-specific that it wouldn't really be a believable coincidence. I dunno, you can decide!

As for the other two, it'd probably be best to just totally lay out how Bill's parts function. I'm still hesitant to post any outright explicit stuff on here (if that's something you guys really wanna see then let me know and I might reconsider) but I'll do my best to describe what he's got going on down there in the meantime

So, Flatlanders are natural hermaphrodites, and they use the same hole on their bottom plane (or angle if tilted like Kryptos) to store both sets; a cloaca or genital slit, basically. This opening is very discreet, essentially invisible under most circumstances, but, as with corners, swells and puffs up a bit when excited. Whether it's situated horizontally along the base like an envelope or vertically like a human's is up to you

The first half near the entrance is just a typical vaginal canal, nothing much to see there, but, deeper down (anchored around what I guess would be the cervix?) are about five prehensile "tentacles" (sometimes I call them "intercloacal flagellum" just to be cute about it). Which set of parts are in use determine their function. They serve to either stimulate their partner to speed up the mating process if being penetrated, or anchor onto their partner and hold them steady if penetrating. I imagine the cervix would probably be able to move up and down to make room in the vagina or extend the tentacles.

However, there's one tentacle different from the rest, and that one IS erogenous. It's thicker, longer, and has an arrowhead tip, but it's just as prehensile. I think this is probably juuust abstract enough to not be pornographic

Oh, and ejaculate is black; just for that extra bit of weird!

The reason I say "maybe" in regards to the "magic hole" is because, like, if we're being realistic, none of this could physically fit in Bill's body (neither could his eyeball). Just one of those kinda things you gotta be willing to suspend your disbelief on xDc Admittedly I don't know the required math to get exactly how dimensions work, but I sometimes wonder if part of his body extends into the forth dimension or something and that's where his organs really are. Or maybe you can only take the "god" out of the "chaos god," not the "chaos". Who knows?

As for Venuz, he's less interesting, probably because unlike Bill he's still from the same neighbourhood as Earth. Just has a genital slit between his legs (situated on the front plane instead of the bottom) that houses a more humanoid penis, though it lacks foreskin and a scrotum so it's pretty minimalist, just a shaft with a head.

HOWEVER, Venuz also has god-powers, so he can have whatever he wants! In fact, he sometimes likes to mimic what his partners are used to, both to make them more comfortable as well as to shake things up for himself, so he'll sometimes give himself some tentacles and have a tangle with his boyfriend. Lots of versatility there!

Hope that sated your curiosity, anon! I have made a visual guide (the images here are excerpts and is written in-character which is why the notes are all "!!" y'know 'cause Bill is always "!!") but once again I'm tentative about putting anything outright pornographic on here; would have to know that that's something quite a few people want to see before considering it Also never sure whether to main-tag these or not...will stick with "not" for now :P

~ Mod Emily 🦇

[silver-wield]

hmm in the premise that SE is definitely set out to be killing a non existent ship in the trilogy (preferably in part 2 already), I just don't understand how anyone can think the story would go astray from it's array of chekhov's guns. Tbh, when I first watched AC, as a kid, in my mind I just assumed tifa was his gf and z and a were like his comrades who died. The part where he called him "mother" did help tons for me to think of it this way. It was only after 15 years? That I discovered there was even a debate? So I spoiled myself and by the principles of storytelling, FF7 seems to have the trope of quite literally any amnesia tropy kdrama plot I've ever seen that also exist in jp media. Aka, anything that happened during his amnesia phase does not count after finding out who he is, because he was most party manipulated to not remember things by the narrative and its character. Mind you, this is just me spoiling myself for a small context of a game i haven't played yet and only have superficial understanding of the characters. Also, the part in lifestream really sells it lol, he gets himself back? Because he was false before? It's so weird why this is even confusing.

So, I had a conversation with my bro about this and he's a debater, I told everything about the "LTD" and it's a long talk but he says, it's a non-debate. Since cloti is sourced explicitly in the game and sources, answering cloud's feelings as the main question.. the ltd asks "what does he feel for a?" But the thing is, it can also be asked "what does he feel for z?" Easily can be romantic IF we base thier "logic" of ca on zack + cloud. Canon wise both are stated as friends to him. But romantic? For both, it LITERALLY doesn't exist. It's not as to make it vague per say, but that the writers, story, and characters have no idea that it's even needed to be answered. Aka it is by default platonic. Not vague, it's platonic as stated by canon sources as it's the only one that exists. The LTD is a cult like idea that continued to persist in the fandom of FF7. But never in the mind of it's creator. This is their mistake. They find this as an activity of the fandom, but reality is, it undermines their work greatly. Destroying all the characters, and story they've made and for what? Cheap pity fan service? That's lazy. This isn't a charm of the game, but a mistake of its delivery. I mean as evident as how many pitied tifa in AC. Essentially it's like 1+1=2 (canon) but someone says it's 3. In short it's BS, but a lot are biting on "maybe it is 3" and ignoring all the proof for the sake of negating. Hence a non-debate because canon has already won and will always win.

Now, I saw a zerith point out how they're so happy they're even getting anything. Tbh I found this strange, a good story would utilize the successful built up if zack and they are thank god. But why do I see this as a random person? And they don't? I feel there's trauma in this fandom, and I hate that for all of you and a story that has intense potential. Which leads me to a "funny" thought. It seems for so long, cas have been going on about their way to misinform everyone, thus encouraging incels, dudebros, bandwagoners alike. This does not seem to sit well with devs, I sure hope so. I feel like the fact that they've been this toxic, is the reason why SE is extra mean to them and is even planning to finally give them an answer to the "what does c feel for a?" After all these time? A question that was never important to begin with because it's already platonic by default but copers want more. It is because of this desire, most likely "he doesn't feel romantically inclinde, even if you as a player did, he does not, never will, never did" would be the answer. SE could have let them have their merry way, but they've been pos. So they made the compilation, imperfect, but there's Zack, now Zerith is coming around and with closure, Cloti is being emphasized. They added stuff for cloti and more important, reduced what was "theirs". Had cloud's mocap actor emphasize cloti and downplay ca. We even had a trailer quite literally exposing to the whole world how disgusting the idea of ca is, and if you liked it? Lol get help , your morals are astray. There's so much much more, and for some reason if this is successful, if SE actually gives a shit for art and not cheap money? Then lmao, cas made all of this happen just because they can't stop fcking things up. The existence of a problem, that needs to be fixed. Because of that, ZA will be pushed on their faces, and they will definitely not like CT more with all the sexual built up in part 1. I'm obviously joking to " thank them", of course, the devs who lost their patience are to be thanked as they've been inspired to take responsibility for their shortcomings as well. But yeah, if everyone understood OG on the get go? And AC didn't get much shit? Nobody pitied tifa? doubt we would be even getting this much content for cloti, maybe cloud, and quite especially tifa.

It's a strange journey, but I hope I'm right about them having integrity. I sure hope so. I hope they don't leave room for pity, I hope they are ruthless with it. I don't think I ship anyone but I am a sucker for a masterpiece, and I very much want this to be one.

None of the devs have ever thought about that ship, and even when asked point blank Nojima was all "idk" and had to come up with something on the spot but even that was negative because he stated Aerith cares more about the planet than she would Cloud

Which is obvious from how she has zero respect for him

[syncogon]

sad only 480p version this time, and delayed. oh well, temptation too strong, and clips on the weibo looked promising, so let’s go

mjy sighhh i guess he’s just dumb not malicious but man

“the truth isn’t important” glasses shing. oh wow that hair swish tho that was like unnecessarily well animated hahaha

iiiii just want jhx to tell off yy!! i think that’d be great, what a faceslap! also wtf is this thing? iron supplements?? a spray? icy-hot? 铁打损伤喷雾?? god i spent like five minutes trying to mouse-trace those characters and i still don’t know if this is supposed to be significant or if it’s just significant that jhx caught yy doing shady shit 

anyway given music / context it seems jhx is annoyed at what yy is doing? so yay friggin finally. “our classes aren’t at nanhua” nice 

“xu-da” vs “xu-ge” hmm. anyway jhx don’t fall for the lies. jhx is like sx, annoying and chuuni but probably isn’t as obnoxiously awful as he first appears... probably.... maybe. 

goddd sucks that the full version of this op is kinda weird, because i LOVE this op so much like holy crap. jiyi bei yingfu huanxing.... 

man now im like stressed about the yf at the airport scene. trailer showed an airport. what’s gonna happennn

this exchange about dd feels so weird like it sounds like ctg is trying to explain they’re not in any pre-relationship or smth but maggie is like “i don’t mind” in a way that makes it sound like she wouldn’t mind if they’re together? what??? but whatever

ok i really enjoy this cr/yf dynamic. like i feel like it’s a bit ooc and yf as portrayed here is maybe too far on the acquiescence but also it’s really funny and sparks joy for me so i’ll buy it. i’m happy to see like established relationship stuff i think bc i generally don’t in the stuff i watch. speaking of which i’m super glad that they didn’t make the awful dumb move of trying to insert like Another wack love triangle drama dynamic thing in this like the fans want yecong and tianmai!!

wowwww it’s so nice how supportive cr is being tho like i love to see it!

handholding!! soft!! nice inversion of the earlier part where cr is bandaging his fingers. but like -

WHY DOES SHE HAVE MARKS/CALLUSES ON HER THUMB AND NOT HER PINKY??? like ok i have not played ukelele but i sure have my own share of stringed instrument finger calluses and you don’t?? press on the string with your thumb???

still, they’re trying, it’s a cute detail, i appreciate it. i liked that one wwgk review i watched yesterday that pointed out s1 was like a coming of age story disguised as a music story, whereas s2 is like a real music story.... 

wait this is incredibly cute wtf. oh my god. 

YF SIGHED/FACEPALMED AT THAT? COME ON!! WTF THAT’S SO RUDE? THAT WAS ACTUALLY LIKE PRETTY GOOD?? AND SHE DID THIS JUST FOR YOU? like maybe not performance ready but bro she’s learned for two days!! also holy shit the strumming animation is really good for smth like this im impressed! that reminds me of the like actually legit violin animation they showed in the trailer yo im so ready 

like i totally understand the frustration (damn, maggie’s face... 3 free performances? really?) but also i feel SO BAD FOR CR HERE this is so awkward oh my godddd at least ctg like tries to apologize to her (and cr’s reaction to this whole thing is also v solid, good for her) but still like damn 

aww ahh man im glad maggie still like! supports encourages cr here! that’s also char dev being able to like get past her own complicated emotions at least for this sort of gesture 

awwww i also like seeing maggie’s coping, the happiness philosophy i always thought that was super interesting. she’s a great char! and i think running is good

animators animate a girl running normally challenge

oh nice you have to walk a bit after sprinting, good

the train track scenes are so pretty wahhh 

does... does the track just end there? what

the ~significance~ of maggie now sharing this piece of her that used to be a yf thing, with ctg 

also excellent bgm - oh omg it’s og soul link remix!!! 

“i don’t want you to go” 

MY GOD HE’S FINALLY MAKING A REAL MOVE. and one based in real friendship. GOD FUCKING FINALLY CTG AAAAAA she’s cryyying man this exchange is also pretty cute ngl 

i can’t believe they figured this out a full 4 episodes before the finale 

this is so pretty here wahhhhhh i wanna ss the whole thing in 1080p 

awhhhhhh

they never released pink twilight shanghai!! i want this ver!!! 

aww yayyy open still cheering her on - YF BE NICE TO YOUR GF COME ON

haha this is like reverse of cr tutoring him - WAIT YEAH YF YOU WERE A SHITTY ASS STUDENT COMPARED TO HER BE EXTRA NICE 

also remixed dream i dig it! sounds like new lyrics? 

julliard hahahaha

dong dong goddess

HAHAHA did dd just steal ctg’s fries

ctg: expressing some deep thoughts

me: just watching dd

“forever confident, forever happy” 

wait sooooooo are they a thing now or what did that count as a confession

“and qing’er is finally here” WHAT’S THE TEAAAAA WE STILL DON’T REALLY KNOW

“im a guitarist this is fine” YOU GO DD I LOVE YOU 

BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE 

omg oyzq. you’d think they were trying to extort a confession from him. what the hell is this instrument he said what is a xiao 箫. A WOODEN FLUTE? YOOO THAT’S COOL my god PLEASE let us get some kickass trad/modern fusion music im so ready 

“i trust ouyang” ahhh double char surnames are cool

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

“because i’m about to have surgery on my knee” REALLY? REALLY? IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU’RE GOING TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS? FOLKS I AM LOSING MY SHIT I HAVEN’T LAUGHED OUT LOUD LIKE THIS IN SO LONG

ok this is interesting tho he’s not a dick for the hell of it it’s out of desperation or smth. but like half a year, oh no, what a horror. (i’m fresh out of hb feels ok you shaddap // tho i can also imagine the knife, like in lotus bloom, where they didn’t think szp’s injury was permanent). tho i do also like the “then we’ll be seniors we won’t have time to perform” but also that’s just a reminder that all of these ppl are like frigging 16 year olds and i still cannot take this seriously

i like “i didn’t expect, that i couldn’t give you the confidence to win”. god im so glad this confrontation is happening. man this feels like a wrap up already are they really spending all 3 last episodes on the competition? what’s the story gonna be? 

feel like he’d be less ugly with hairstyle that looked more consistently like this. anyway sucks that both of them are so ugly otherwise there’s some nice sun/moon (+stars?) imagery you can get going here

GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT 

pretty! i wanna save this hq

it’s this bgm!!! godd i just want this track so bad

an empty beach?? in china near shanghai??? 

anyway ahhh it’s the iconic beach shot! i like how the promo ver cuts out dd lmfao

wow nine episodes in and cookie finally gets a character moment??? cookieeeeeeee i missed you

ok i can’t ship them he calls her shifu but also THIS IS SUCH A CUTE FRIENDSHIP calling every day 10 minutes?? wow!! i love dongdong and i love cookie. also this hits different in covid times “no one says that we can’t be friends because of distance” 

oh i guess they are pushing this as a ship. meh.

wahhhhh. need this hq then i have more propic material. 

HE HAS COVID 

ah lang is VIBING oh to be the ah lang of my own life. parasurfing. walking into poles. 

wow this is so modern! the red bag thing! wow i do love this show flexing the modern-ness 

this is the mercedes benz arena im SURE of it ahhhh holy crap this crowd. oh to be in a crowd without mask

IT’S THIS DUDE AGAIN like the trailer spoiled this but if i found out this right here right now i would’ve lost my shit my god hahhaah

im like torn about how i feel about cr’s dress like idk if it fits her well even if it’s pretty

:<

oh im scared i hope this doesn’t become embarrassing 

:0

OMG THEY INCLUDED PENCIL SKETCH OF THAT S1 SCENE. HAHAHA. char growth yayyyyy

ok anyway im happy!! spent like an hour watching this or something lmao but good times!! much better than last ep HAHA yayyy im so glad we’re finally at the comp and lots of these little things have been tied up now im ready for new song drops!!!

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 2: 1x17 The Squire of Gothos

Not one of the strongest S1 episodes but not bad either.

Why is Spock not nostalgic for the desert? It’s where he’s from.

I love, and it never gets old, how Kirk always grows so Fond whenever Spock and Bones banter. “Ah, yes, my two favorite people in the world, Interacting.”

Spock showing off his eye makeup with a dramatic eyeroll.

Uhura’s voice is so beautiful.

OH NO SULU? WHERE’D YOU GO?

THE CAPTAIN? DISAPPEARED?

Love how Spock yells “emergency!” Like, yeah, I’d say it is!

The rarely heard Spock narration. “Captain James Kirk”--do none of his boyfriends know his middle name?

Lol at Trelaine trying out his calligraphy.

Spock’s not up for this nonsense. “If that’s the Captain or Sulu they’ve lost their gosh darned minds.”

Spock in The Chair.

Spock and Scotty can’t be spared for the landing party but McCoy can lol. He’s only the CMO nbd if he just dies in a totally unbreathable wasteland.

Spock is looking thoughtful and clearly upset.

Oh no, no cell service! Again! Have you guys tried switching networks?

Love this weird ass set.

Salt monster! What! Look Bones it’s your gf.

“Display pair” lol.

Is that...Liberace?

“Did you like my whimsical way of getting you here?”

This episode is both way funnier and way more interesting knowing who Trelaine really is. Like the concept of an alien child watching past Earth, thinking its present Earth, and becoming obsessed with in the exact way children do, is so good?

“Our missions are peaceful, not for conquest.”

“One of the few predator species that preys on itself.”

Omg at the French and German. A little disappointed he didn’t break out the Japanese and/or call Sulu a samurai.

Not very smart of DeSalle to approach stealthily from behind when Trelaine is looking into a mirror like duh he can see you? In that huge-ass mirror?

It actually is kind of nuts, and doesn’t make the most sense, that phasers make things disappear.

No! Salt monster!!

I love Kirk in suspicious mode. He can be fun and relaxed and have a sense of humor but the SECOND something threatens or appears to threaten his crew he’s on high alert, very serious and focused and not up for nonsense of ANY sort.

Absolutely hilarious that Spock was the First Officer a moment before and now he’s the Science Officer.

“If the Captain’s alive, that’s where he’d have to be. And uh those other people too, whatever.”

Sulu asking the important questions here. (I wrote this down and already have no idea what it was referring to.)

“It doesn’t even show that he exists at all.” Well either their instruments just don’t know how to pick up on the life force of this new kind of alien or they’re confused because he’s essentially just energy, non-corporeal.

Kirk thinking so deeply about all this is also hilarious in context. “He’s not all knowing. He makes mistakes.” Uh you think? He’s 8 years old.

I feel like this whole ep is just a burn on humans who are obsessed with war and romanticize the whole concept of war-mongering. (ETA based on the amazon trivia I am right about this.)

“Our companions.” Such a sweet way of referring to the crew.

WOMEN! Hydration game: drink whenever someone finds women surprising.

“Those are crucial operating personnel.”

“The party’s over, thanks to Mr. Spock.”

Trelaine is not a “life being” obviously.

Who’s this bitch in the Captain’s Chair? Shouldn’t it be Scotty?

Random Yeoman trying to flirt.

“Don’t you display your weapons?” Oh man you should see Spock’s room! You’d love it!

Are Vulcans predatory? LOL. Love Spock’s answer (”Not generally but there have been exceptions”) but like honestly I think, historically, the answer is yes?

Sulu is hilarious. He’s like the opposite of Kirk--when faced with danger, he goes into “might as well laugh through the awkwardness” mode and I appreciate that. A really underrated Sulu trait that the reboot movies completely failed to acknowledge. (Which is extra nuts considering John Cho is very funny!)

Trelaine obviously discerns that McCoy is the most likely to want to drink.

Well at least Trelaine’s not racist....

Never mind.

Spock is so Tired of this already. This little bit, the Trelaine and Spock exchange and Spock’s definition of fascinating, is the best part of the episode. Also I 100% believe this disinterested attitude is the exact one Spock took with Sarek throughout his adolescence. “Is that what you’re doing? Challenging me?” / “Uh, yeah.”

Whereas Jim is just loving this. This is the only fun he’s had all episode. He’s been so annoyed the whole time because Trelaine is annoying but then Spock starts speaking and he breaks out the heart eyes.

McCoy looks so into the food and the booze. Except actually it’s tasteless, never mind again.

“Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected.” I mean definitely the best quote of the ep!

Trelaine’s not into the miniskirt look.

Kirk, whispering: Explain.

Kirk and Spock figuring things out together <3<3<3

Look at that crocodile head over the mantle.

ALSO love when Kirk breaks into acting mode. I stan one dramatic nerd.

Trelaine: a Hamilton fan. Don’t tell him about the musical.

Kirk doesn’t like that gun pointed in his face.

Some good quotes from the Captain’s log: “The creature Trelaine.” “Everything depends on my one chance with the ancient dueling pistol.”

This actor does a good job of being a petulant man child.

He knows Kirk loves Spock the most! Always love when aliens discern that immediately.

The sound effects when Kirk destroys the computer are so wacky.

“Space fleet command.” Still?

Lol at Princess Yeoman. See, Kirk thinks they’re out of danger, and his humor immediately returns.

Oh no, not Gothos again! I love their subtle “hey, we’re turning now” movements.

Judge Trelaine is hilarious but Kirk does not have the sense of humor to appreciate this. “You’re charged with the high crime of being annoying to me.” “Anything you say has already been used against you.” His knowledge of the judicial system is impeccable!

“Vent your anger on me alone!” He is so good!! He is the hero we deserve!

“Captain’s log, Spock here again.”

“Why, Captain, you’re still angry!” I do kind of like this thing about Trelaine not really being able to feel emotions, or at least not for very long, like that’s one of the things he’s seeking in his play.

“Everything’s too easy for you. Check your privilege Trelaine.”

Lol at the noose just moving in the air toward him.

Trelaine has obviously read The Most Dangerous Game.

Kirk is looking extra handsome here.

“You’ve been beaten.” / “But I’m not defeated.” You tell him!

It’s sooooo obvious that Trelaine is a child.

I like that when his parents are speaking to him, they shoot him in a way that makes him look very small. Kirk is finally finding this funny now. “Time to come in now.” “But I’m not done studying my predators!” “Or you’ll not be permitted to make any more planets.”

“Beam me up, Mr. Spock. Beam me up into your loving arms.”

Alien classification: a small, naughty boy.

The concept of the last banter between K and S is cute but really distractingly anachronistic. Like why does Kirk think Spock’s childhood took place in, idk, the 1800s? However, I appreciate both Kirk’s flirty face and Spock’s super confused face. (Which, I must say, ZQ could imitate really well.)

So overall.. I like the general hook of this episode--the alien child who appears as a humanoid adult, is obsessed with humans, acting as a commentary on human obsession with war--but I don’t think it needed to be 50 minutes. The story could easily have been told in half the time. Like everything after Kirk shoots the mirror, other than the final reveal, reads like fluff, to make the ep fit the time slot.

Thus I would say it’s decent, a B episode, with a strong concept and some good moments, but not as iconic as most of the other eps this season.

Next up, Captain Gorn co-starring in Arena!

[werevulvi]

Is it difficult to navigate the laboral field with the type of "ambimorphic" appearance and fluid alternative style that you have? I feel like androgyny is still unsettling for a lot of people unfortunately

I'm not sure what you mean by "laboral field" and googling it made me none the wiser, but it sounds to me like you mean the work field or being out and about in society in general. As I don't have a job, never had, and won't be any time soon (due to disability) let's go with the latter.

The social spaces irl that I frequent in are: going shopping in my village, visiting my therapist in the city, sometimes going to LGBT events in the city, various doctor appointments, going swimming at a local pool, visiting my family in a nearby village, and I've once visited my gf in her country for some 4-5 weeks. And that's about it. So I live a very isolated life, compared to most people, because 90% of the time I'm just at home online, as I struggle with connecting with people irl without getting way too much sensory overload.

So, although I'm mostly an involuntary hermit, I do run into people who stop me to confront me about my gender, on occasion, in the kinda situations I just listed above. I hope that'll do for reference. But also I'm aware that my inability to have a job (or study) is what gives me so much freedom to look however I want, as long as I'm just reasonably covered up. Like I have much more freedom to say “fuck society” and dance to the beat of my own drum, which many people don’t. So I may not even be able to give you the answer you're looking for, but I'll give you the only answer that I can, based on my experiences.

Yes, sometimes people confront me about how ambiguous I look in my gender/sex, even though 99,9% of people (including the ones who confront me) assume I'm a feminine male. In general I'm fine with that, but people can be really tactless which is a bit off-putting, even if I notice they have good intent. I try to see them eye to eye even if they're tactless, to try to explain "why I am like this" to show I'm just a person deep down and being gnc/sexually ambiguous doesn't mean I'm a freak or unrelatable as a person.

In my personal experience, people seem to think that male androgyny is more unsettling than female androgyny, as I've been viewed as both (pre- and post-transition.) Some assume it's a fetish, or me trying to signal to other men that I'm gay. Like any straight men I'm talking to get super fucking tense, as if my femininity is somehow a threat to their sexuality, even when I'm very clearly not flirting. Actually gay men openly flirting in broad daylight is so fucking rare and totally harmless even when it happens, so the insecure (homophobic) straights have literally nothing to worry about. Oh, how fragile straight men's masculinity is... pathetic.

Anyhow, as most random people who confront me fail to believe that I'm actually bio female, I usually let them believe I'm a male crossdresser just because that's easier. Like I think why people struggle to understand how I can be female is because there's too many different steps involved. Like, step 1: born female, step 2: take hormones to "look like a man," step 3: dress "like a woman." (I mean just imagine my frustration when I dumb my “gender” down to that simple equation but people still don’t get it!)

So even my obviously wide hips get viewed as "oh that man is wearing some weird ass-padding or something" which is really strange to me, but okay... Also because most people believe in the stereotypes that trans men are just masc women who wanna be men (and don't look male, nor do they dress fem.) And if I'd additionally drag in the nonbinary aspect... well, let's just say I'm expecting that to go over people's heads by a whole ass mile. Thus, I try to keep it simple.

So, I only go that extra mile to explain what I really am (the bio female part, at least) when it's in a medical setting, for dating, when someone new is starting to become a friend, or any other instances where it simply feels important either because of who they are and/or the context I'm in. So I'm more "stealth" (i.e. passing as a gnc man) than I would ideally like to be, but it's not a big deal to me. Because I'd rather pass as male and try to achieve ambiguity with femininity, than pass as female and try to achieve ambiguity with masculinity. And because I have bigger issues to be concerned with in life, than what sex or gender people think I am.

Like trying to accommodate super curious people who take my truth for a lie, I'm so done with. Thus, I've concluded that if they're gonna be like that, they don't deserve my truth. Most people just stare at me though, and don’t confront me in any manner. I’ve been stared at for being different my whole life, so I’m pretty used to that. Most often I don’t even notice it, unless it’s very blatant staring. Then I’m just like... “dude, did you forget your manners in the car?”

[mwritesink]

For the meme: Flayn, and Ferdinand.

Alrighty!

so Flayn. 

On the one hand, she’s one of the more surface level characters out there, with a lot of her supports feeling like they’re joke supports: War cries with Raphael, log and fruit chopping with Felix. But then there are the one where they claw gently away at that surface: Cethlean investigations with Linhardt, Ferdinand confessing that the only time he full body hugs people is when he’s rescuing them from something. 

I wish she got a time skip glow up, becuase her sausage curls really needed it. I don’t mind the big bow and the gothic lolita style for her mainly becuase she’s the only female character who’s design leans on lolita fashion. the down side of it is that, especially for western audiences, it infantilizes her a lot, on top of how her age is hidden, even if it’s implied that she’s masquerading as a sixteen year old. (add to it that lolita fashion comes with a different set of contexts here/in the US than in Japan and, yeah.)

Another wish is that she had a bit more personal agency? I’ve been considering an AU where Flayn sticks with the black eagles in Crimson Flower (and I’ve hinted about it to you a little), and a lot of it I figure would be wrestling with Edelgard’s bias against “Children of the Goddess” and giving her a much needed other side that Edelgard lacks via Flayn, as well as having some more events where Edelgard and Hubert act against the Agarthans more overtly in an effort to protect Flayn from them. Flayn is in the perfect position to speak to Edelgard without Edelgard talking past her and not listening becuase they’ve been students together, and, well, Flayn has “lies” on her list of dislikes, and her life now is a lie, and the church is based in part on lies. Lies that have protected her and her father and her aunt, but lies all the same. 

and Ferdie!!

Ferdie was the unexpected love for me. I swear, the blurb that was given to him in the advertising leading up to the game does such a disservice to him. And then the nature of the mechanics does too, just a little. for example, the reasoning behind his constant rivalry with Edelgard is only explain in his supports with Hubert. and that can be said to be a problem across the game for multiple characters, that there are all these interesting and meaningful little tidbits about the characters that are hidden in support conversations that you will only have access to 1/4 of the time. another example of that is Hanneman, but more on him in a different as.

I have a pretty big headcanon that Ferdinand has ADHD, and thankfully my GF has been using that in part with her Ferdie centered fanfics which I have the great honor to beta read, and ... it just fits him. The way he reacts in the B support with Edelgard and too keenly feeling like losing the duel was a rejection, and it takes an extra scene for her to explain that beating him with one blow like that was her trying to show that she respected Ferdinand’s abilities. There’s his hyper-fixations with armor, horses, tea, and nobility. His whole B support with Dorothea and going in a round about way to gathering everything to bake something via hard work, as if she didn’t mean a different thing entirely. Ultimately it’s a headcanon built on fellow feeling, and going “yes I’m like that too, he could be like me”. I have a couple other ADHD headcanon students in other houses too (Annette, mainly. ginger adhd aliens)

[actual-bill-potts]

On the Companions, and How to Define Them

In my psychology class last year, we learned about an experiment that examined individualistic vs. collectivistic cultures, and I think it works as an apt analogy for how Davies and Moffat approach companions.

This experiment compared American and Japanese students. It asked them to describe themselves, first objectively and then how they saw themselves around different people. The Japanese students were puzzled by the first task, while Americans had a harder time with the second, the implication being that those from societies that prize individuality see themselves separate from the people around them, while those from cultures that value working together and harmony will view themselves in relation to the people around them. To reiterate: this is exactly what is happening in Moffat and Davies Who.

I rewatched “The Beast Below” recently, and was struck by the sheer awkwardness involved in a lot of Eleven and Amy’s interactions. He’s a little cruel, she’s a little standoffish, and they don’t seem to have that lovely click Donna and Ten, for example, had from the beginning. But that is purposeful on Moffat’s part; where Davies makes the companions old friends from the beginning, Moffat builds relationships from the ground up.

Look at, for example, Rose. No matter where in her run we see her, we know immediately who she is. She’s gutsy, she’s working-class, she has an obnoxious mother, she was in gymnastics as a kid, her favorite color is pink, she’s kind, she acts fast in a crisis, she doesn’t like school, she works at a department school, she has lots of friends, and she’s unsatisfied with her life. I can reel those off, twelve years after it first aired, with very little trouble, because that’s who Rose is. She changes and she grows, she stops being unsatisfied with life, but we as the audience know pretty well how she’ll react to any given scenario. You may like her, you may not, but you know her.

The same is true for Martha and Donna. Martha is a doctor, smart, ambitious, selfless, perfectionistic, patient, practical, middle-class. Donna is a temp, adores her grandfather, insecure, loud, bossy, enraged by injustice, protective of children, blunt, short-tempered.

But then we get to Amy. She’s a kissogram, she’s an orphan, and she has a boyfriend. Other than that? Amy is brave, except when confronted by Weeping Angels—then she devolves into an incapable mess. She is terrible at relationships—then she talks down a suicidal man. She’s hot-tempered and fiery, until the Doctor scolds her, upon which she shows admirable restraint and says…nothing. “Misogyny!” shout the haters. “Eye candy! Sexy Lamp!”

But what the haters don’t see is that Moffat’s companions, while nebulous when looked at without context, come into sharp relief against the backdrop of their relationships. They are completely different with different people because Moffat Who is very collectivistic; where Davies creates memorable characters within five minutes and makes us fall in love with them immediately, Moffat introduces us to relationships, defining the people we meet by how they interact with others. "We’re the Thin Fat Gay Married Anglican Marines. Why would we need names as well?” the Fat One says in “A Good Man Goes to War.” Indeed.

To take a representative example, in series 5 (Moffat's first series), only "Time of Angels" and "The Beast Below" don't have a big plot point surrounding a relationship. The rest do: Amy/Rory, Eleven/River, Amy's crush on the Doctor, Craig/Sophie, Amy/Vincent, Amy and Bracewell, Guido and Isabella, and the Mack family. By contrast, in series 1, Davies' first, only "Father's Day," "Boom Town," and "The Empty Child"/"The Doctor Dances" involve relationships that aren't Nine/Rose—and TEC/TDD were written by Moffat. In addition, every Moffat companion to date has had a serious romantic relationship that lasts at least one season and is treated as an important part of their arc. In the Davies era, on the other hand, only Rose has one that lasts for more than two episodes. Martha suddenly starts dating Tom and equally suddenly marries Mickey, and Donna is engaged to an arachnophile and then marries a computer simulation. Neither has much screen time dedicated to romance.

Looking at Amy again, this relationship theme holds true. Amy has a set of basic traits that are displayed differently to different people. For instance, she is recklessly brave in the presence of others—particularly, in the presence of Eleven and Rory. She lost her entire family for a season and then lost her child, so when she’s isolated it takes all that bravery for her to keep from breaking. Amy Pond can waltz right into vampire school, sass a bunch of Daleks, and shoot a tranquilizer gun at a bunch of dinosaurs. But lock her away from the Doctor and Rory, or put one of them in danger, and she loses the ability to cope. Hence her sobbing during “Day of the Moon,” her instant capitulation to the Angels once Rory’s gone, the shaken response to the Dream Lord: Amelia Pond cannot take being alone. Who is Amelia Pond? That question becomes a lot easier when you frame it as: who is Amelia Pond with her friends? Who is she when alone?

This system works well for other traits too. Amy is flirty, except with her husband. With him she is serious. This is because her sexuality is her defense mechanism against those who ridicule her mind: she will be noticed for something. Call her crazy and she’ll be sexy to make up for it. Rory always takes her seriously and she does him the courtesy of doing likewise. With the Doctor, it’s not until mid-series 6 that she is truly done being afraid that he’ll abandon her, upon which she stops flirting with him as well. Thus the sudden drop in innuendo and general sexiness in the last half of her run: it’s not because she’s married, it’s because she interacts with Rory more.

The system holds true with Clara as well. Part of the problem with her introduction in series 7 was that time jumped too fast. Moffat’s characters depend on relationships, but we didn’t see enough of Clara’s relationship with the Doctor to be able to truly define her. Where Amy and the Doctor grew slowly more comfortable with each other and we saw some inconsistencies disappear while others grew stronger, with Clara we didn’t see enough of the beginning awkwardness to know what is “normal” for Clara and what is her being bros/romantic/sexually ambiguous partner-for-life with somebody. That changed in series 8 because Danny Pink made an appearance.

See, with Danny, Clara takes the lead in the relationship. She asks him out, she leaves when he annoys her, she comes back confidently, she flirts and flirts again when he fails to pick it up the first time. With the Doctor, on the other hand, she’s physically brave but a total coward when it comes to actually discussing anything important. Inconsistency? No. It’s just the same trait expressed differently around different people. Clara lies to Danny—about what she’s doing. She lies to the Doctor—about who she’s with. Again, same basic characteristic, different relationship. This is where having that extra connection for Clara is extremely helpful in ascertaining her true nature: when all we see is the Clara around the Doctor, we can’t be sure if that’s the Clara in her natural habitat. Once we see her with somebody else, we realize—or have our suspicions confirmed—that Clara, more than most, wants control over people’s perceptions of her and changes her behavior based on that.

We see this same sort of thing with Bill. Moffat improved on Clara’s introduction by a) letting us see the evolution of the Doctor and Bill’s relationship over a few months, and b) giving her another relationship right away. Bill is a dynamic character but again there are inconsistencies: Bill is sharp and asks questions nobody else would think to ask, except when her crush tells her to look into a scary puddle. Where was the skepticism then? The answer: she’s skeptical with her professor, but naive with her gf. I’ll expect to see more of that as Bill’s arc continues: she’ll be an idiot around romantic interests, sharp as a tack around the Doctor, and we’ll get to know her better as the Doctor and Nardole do.

Moffat and Davies aren’t any better or worse than each other; they merely define their characters using different parameters. Davies sees his characters as individuals, consistent both externally and internally. Moffat defines his characters by those around them, consistent with internal logic but varying depending on external circumstances. All the companions are beautiful, dynamic people with fascinating and complex relationships, and we as a fandom should recognize the fundamental difference between Moffat and Davies and acknowledge that their differences do not mean that one or the other is lesser.

[ierohero]

4, 14, 15, 20, 23, 30 (sorry if that's a lot lol )

4. what’s your opinion on the difference between friendship love and romantic love?

there really isn’t much of a difference for me tbh. i mean i’ve never been in love before but when i think about it, the things i’d want out of a romantic relationship are mostly things me and my friends already do for each other like, physical closeness, (hugs all the time, cuddling, head on shoulder resting) emotional understanding and communication, (They understand when I get weird moods and can’t hang out, we talk to each other about our problems and support each other) complete comfort in each others presence (we can just hang out in total silence and its still perfectly comfortable, when i find my friends at lunch all the school stress drains away and i can relax),,, like to me romantic love is just friendship love + sexual attraction and what with my depression and shit there isn’t much of that there for me so i don’t think about it so much,,, when i feel lonely and think to myself “i wish i had a bf/gf” its usually because I’m just craving physical closeness, like I just want to curl up on them and be held,,, like friendship but Extra Potent (and before anyone tries to tell me I’m ace please consider that I have depression, one of the symptoms of which is loss of libido, and its natural to not be thinking about sex a lot jeez)

14. do you listen to music in albums, playlists, or shuffle your entire library?

im a stickler for listening to music in albums, its really disorienting to me when I hear songs out of the context of the whole album, i actually enjoy it less if i hear a song on its own. Like, i think this is how it works in my brain: when i listen to a song on its own, any given moment during that time is simply part of the experience of that song. But when I listen to an album, any given moment during that time is part of the experience of the entire album. so listening to a song on its own just holds everything thats inside itself and nothing more, but listening to a song in the context of an album holds everything thats inside of the entire album, and thus is a richer experience for me. 

15. do you think how well you know someone is based on how many details you know about their life or how how much time you’ve spent with them?

how well i personally know people is definitely based on time I’ve spent with them because personal details about peoples lives slip right through my shitty memory like a sieve.

20. do you think cute and hot are different things or are they related?

to me they’re very much the same thing,,, like they’re just different types of attractive y’know? theres pretty, cute, hot, soft, angular, stunning, adorable, open, quiet, funny,,,,, they’re all just different things that draw me in in different ways and i don’t place any more value on one than the other.

23: what do you typically do on Friday nights?

go straight the fuck home and burrow into my Depression Cave for some quality internet time lmao

30: are content, not concerning your life generally, but where you are in this exact moment?

i feel achy and tired and my chest is still full of a weird anxiety, so perhaps not

send me asks!