#so jacob knows he's on the very verge of losing the only family he has left and that evie likely doesnt even see him as a brother anymore

[thebleedingeffect]

Thinking about Arno again and just how rarely he smiles or laughs once the plot of the game begins and it just makes me want to lay down and cry. He's still very much his sassy, attitude filled self, but there's a definite somberness that he carries with him at all times that seems to stop him from letting himself feel any sort of happiness or joy. In the game, besides the intro part, the only times he ever smiles is when he's with Elise, but afterward? After she dies? There's an even heavier veil of sorrow around him that's just so incredibly heartbreaking because he's so guilt and grief ridden :(((

It just makes me look at Arno like... I wanna help my guy... I wanna make him feel better .... can you please smile and laugh again please please please please-

[somedayonbroadway]

Have you ever done oe thought about a Bandstand AU? Because I'm now obsessed.

Okay, so I was obsessed with Bandstand for a good six months after they performed at the Tonys. Kid you not, it was the only thing I listened to. For six months straight. And it still hasn’t gotten old.

Quick rant:

Corey Cott deserves a Tony.

Laura Osnes deserves a Tony.

The show deserved to at least be nominated for best musical, if not win the whole thing.

Dear Evan Hansen is great.

But it is nothing compared to Bandstand.

(Also, DEH won best orchestrations against Great Comet… like… what? Did the judges even see that show? DEH had like… a violin, a piano and a couple guitars. It hardly had orchestrations. Great Comet is a ****ing masterpiece of complex, insane music.)

End rant.

Anyways.

Bandstand AU

Characters

Jack Kelly — Donny Novitski (Piano)

Katherine Plumber — Julia Trojan (Singer)

David Jacobs — Wayne Wright (trombone)

Spot Conlon — Davy Zlatic (bass)

Racetrack Higgins — Jimmy Campbell (saxophone)

Crutchie Morris — Johny Simpson (drums)

Albert DaSilva — Nick Radel (trumpet)

Joseph Pulitzer — June Adams

Medda Larkin — Oliver

Bryan Denton — Jo

Specs — Michael “Rubber” Trojan

Okay, so…

Newly back home, Jack Kelly is having difficulty adjusting to life after the war. After losing his best friend from friendly fire, he’s guilt ridden. The minute Jack gets home, he’s bombarded with propaganda that everything would go back to the way it was before. He doesn’t believe that as he is now jobless, is struggling for money, is struggling hard with insomnia and PTSD.

As a composer, vocalist, accordion player and pianist, Jack begins to go to old clubs he used to perform at, only to find he’d been easily replaced. Finding an old friend, Medda, for whom he’d worked with before, he manages to secure gigs at weddings, getting slim money, just enough to eat and pay rent.

After a few weeks, he finds himself slowly losing it. He hears stories of soldiers’ funerals. Those guys came back fine a while ago.

They needed a way to make it stop.

Jack is on the verge of a breakdown. He can’t go a night without a drink. He can’t stop thinking about the war. About Specs.

He can’t get it out of his head.

He’s a genius and he knows it. He’s been musically inclined his whole life. He started playing when he was seven and he started composing when he was nine. And here he is, fifteen years later, still playing weddings. No one’s giving him a job. No one seems to care that he’s struggling or needs to play because if he can’t play, there’s nothing left for him.

But he hears about a contest on the radio. A contest for a swing band to compete in a contest as a tribute to the troops just back from the war.

In a moment of clarity, Jack decides that he’s going to put together a band made up of his fellow vets to shoot for fame and fortune, to show the vets that made it home that there’s hope for them.

So he takes a name that he remembers his best friend mentioned at one time, and he goes out to find a man about to play a gig at a club named Antonio Higgins who Specs had used to call Racer. Racer is a sax player, now studying to be a lawyer. While Race does try to send him away, he realizes that he might need this as much as Jack did and once he finds out that Specs is dead, he can’t say no. He’s doing this for Specs.

Race leads him to find more musicians who served. Spot, David, Crutchie and Albert.

Race doesn’t trust anyone.

Spot is an alcoholic, cracking jokes to get through the day as best he can.

David is OCD. He has clear schedules and plans out every minute of his day.

Albert is a control freak. He’s constantly irritated and just wants everything to be done the right way and for things to work out.

Crutchie lost a leg in the war as well as receiving brain damage in an accident that sent his vehicle flipping three times while he was in the war

Not all of them get along at first. But, for the sack of all of the vets that are losing hope in a post war world where there’s no place for them, they keep it together.

They get through their first gig together. All is well for about two minutes as Race tells Jack he’s glad he decided to play with him and Spot jokes around with Crutchie after Crutchie tells the guys about his meds and how they slow him down, asking him how much slower he can get without being put in reverse. Crutchie is very slow and goofy most of the time, unable to truly remember the events that occurred overseas, but he is a monster on drums. He doesn’t mind the jokes, in fact, he takes a liking to Spot.

It’s after this that Jack tells Albert he needs to come down off the ceiling while playing his solo, claiming that it’s selfish and out of line. Albert argues with him, sparking a bit of tension between the rest of the group. Albert then announced he has a chance to play with Dwight Anson Orchestra. Davey explains that Jack needs to work around his schedule. Albert says that they need to get paid.

Jack shoots back that the gigs they get are where and when they are going to play and he promises to try and give more of an advance in the future.

Once the others leave, Spot with Crutchie, trying to joke with him as he’s taken a liking to the youngest kid of the group, Race approaches Jack and tries to gently explain to him that he needs to learn how to talk to people if he’s gonna be a band leader. This sparks a small argument, almost leading to Race giving up and leaving, only resulting in Jack admitting that he has to do this for Specs.

He explains that Specs’s death was friendly fire and that he’d promised Specs should anything happen to him, he’d check in on his wife. Race advises Jack not to tell Specs’s wife how he died and tells him not to go to trial unless he was prepared to lose. Then he leaves, promising to see Jack for their next gig on Sunday.

So Jack goes to talk to Specs’s wife.

Katherine Plumber.

He knocks on the door before chickening out and turning to leave.

But he’s not quite fast enough.

Katherine laughs at him, accusing him of being too old for ding dong ditch. Jack laughs and shyly walks back, introducing himself as Spencer’s friend. Katherine’s smile fades and she asks him more questions, resulting in Jack telling her he has some pictures that might be of interest to her. Katherine invites him over for dinner.

Explaining to her father the situation, Joseph Pulitzer (yes, he’s very nice in this one. Deal with it.) he agrees to the dinner, telling Katherine that they won’t be great hosts. He tells Katherine to be careful and not to pry, that if Jack wants to tell her more information about Specs, he would.

So Katherine tries to respect the boundaries.

Katherine explains to her father that she feels selfish because sometimes she wishes she could be the same person she was before and that she doesn’t want to be defined as a Gold Star Wife. She used to have a life and she used to be somebody.

She pulls herself together when the knock on the door comes.

Joe welcomes Jack inside and Jack thanks him for his kindness while Katherine jokes that he works hard at being nice and explains that her mother is away visiting her grandparents.

While getting to know each other a little, Jack learns that Katherine can sing but she only sings a church and jokes that if he wanted to hear her sing, he’d have to go to a service. Katherine learns that Jack lost his parents when he was very young and has fended for himself ever since.

Eventually, they get around to looking at the pictures Jack brought. He tries to make the memories light.

But Katherine can’t help but ask if Jack was there when he’d died.

Jack tells her yes.

And Katherine can’t take it. So she excuses herself before dinner has even begun, leaving Jack and Joe to have dinner alone.

That Sunday, Jack finds himself at church, watching Katherine sing beautifully in front of an entire gathering of people.

He catches her afterwards, asking why she didn’t tell him that she got to perform the big finale. He then asks her if she’d like to see him and his band play that night, eventually convincing her that it might be fun.

Joe encourages her to go, telling her that she hasn’t been out since her husband had died. So she goes.

After watching their set, Katherine is surprised to be invited up onstage to sing a standard. She’s incredibly nervous, forgetting the bridge of the song but finishing strong with some encouragement from Jack. She meets the boys. She takes a liking to all of them, telling Davey that his family should be proud, joking along with Spot, immediately wanting to protect Crutchie, much like Spot does.

Jack tells them that he wants to win for the guys who got nothing.

Katherine asks him if he means Specs. And he tries to take it back but she runs off, upset. And Racer tells the guys that she has every right to be a part of this band as she lost her husband in the war. The guys tell Jack that he should try to get Katherine to sing with them.

So he goes to her work the next day. She tries to send him away, claiming she doesn’t need to be saved. Jack counters. “What if I do?” And then he sings her First Steps First before inviting her to rehearsal that night walking away. Katherine tells him on his way out that she’ll be there, on the condition that Jack tells her more about Specs.

At rehearsal, things are a little tense. Katherine quickly finds that Race tries his best to stay out of confrontation, David is constantly questioning Jack’s harmonies and chord progressions, Spot is always drunk, Crutchie is often confused, and Albert is hard to rely on. Katherine loosens up the tension as much as she can, learning the music and getting to know all the boys. She loves talking to Crutchie. She constantly takes Spot’s drinks from his hands and offers him coffee and water. She tries to get Race to open up and Davey to loosen up, while also somehow getting on Albert’s good side.

She finds that once they’re all playing together, things seem a little easier, like they all get along and work well together.

They play at a club in town called Medda’s, playing a song Jack hopes to be a winning song called “You Deserve It”. It’s snappy and catchy and all the boys really enjoy it. After this, Medda asks the band to play the next night and Jack and Kath celebrate with drinks.

Jack then asks Katherine if she’d be willing to take on a stage name, Kathy Pulitzer, saying it had a better ring to it than Katherine Plumber. Katherine doesn’t like this and leaves, unable to handle the idea of losing another part of Specs.

Jack follows her, apologizing after Katherine breaks, crying about how she’ll never see her husband’s body or get to say goodbye.

Jack promises to give her answers if she comes back to the band. So they go tell the guys they have another gig.

The next night, after escorting a very drunk Spot home, Jack expresses his worries that Spot will be wasted on the night of the competition to which Albert replies he has bigger problems and reveals he’d been rehearsing with Dwight Anson and thinks they might have a better song. He leaves, telling Jack he’d be playing with the band that had the better song.

Jack walks Katherine home, angry and scared and exhausted knowing he can’t sleep. He tells Katherine that if it were Specs, he’d be saying how they’d be winning this thing, on their way to New York in some Pullman cars, living the dream.

Katherine shows Jack a poem she’d written that makes Jack feel better. After promising — mostly — not to tease, Jack asks Katherine if he can look through more of her poems. Reluctantly, Katherine agrees.

The next day, Jack returns Katherine’s book with a new song, word for word lyrics to one of Katherine’s poems. He explains that this is the song they need to win. Katherine is hesitant but agrees to sing it.

Going to the contest, the band wins easily, hitting the judges hard with a song with a true story and one that many were too scared to tell.

Ecstatic, the band has a moment of victory before reality sets in.

They’re told that no one is paying for them to get to New York. They’re responsible for travel and getting there doesn’t guarantee them a spot on the broadcast. Jack and Race try to argue, telling them that they have to help them get there because everyone just heard them win, to which one of the producers replies that hardly anyone was listening.

And if no one saw it, it never happened.

(That moment gets me every ****ing time. The lights go out and a spotlight hits every single one of the boys. It hurts so bad.)

Their arguments get nowhere. And they’re left with this crippling news.

Jack falls to the ground in mental and emotional agony. The guys are arguing and getting worked up but Katherine is holding onto Jack, trying to make sure he’s alright.

Jack finally stands and tells them that they’re going to that contest. They have to make it there anyway they can and they’ll take every gig they can get because they have a right to respect.

And all the guys agree.

They’re done fighting for their country. It’s time to fight for themselves.

They take every gig offered to them, writing new songs and winning the hearts of their hometown (Cleveland). They even write a song about their hometown. Everyone adores it.

Jack and Katherine are closer than ever, Jack telling Katherine all the stories about Specs he can remember. He tells her one of his favorite memories of Specs which was when they were playing with some other cats in the army. Specs was playing the drums so fast, telling everyone to go faster and faster until finally he looked at Jack and just told him to sing. And Jack did. It was less of a song than a battle call.

When they write their new song, they begin to perform it everywhere they can as their town loves the song that’s all about them. While they do this, a certain club owner overheard the band talking about making enough money to get to New York. And Miss Medda hatches a scheme.

She asks the band to play more often for more pay and gets the rest of the town in on the game. Jack doesn’t realize what she’s doing.

Davey admits to Albert that his wife kicked him out. Albert offers up his home, igniting the first selfless act any of the others had ever seen from him.

Katherine tried to get Spot to give up the bottle. He refuses.

Spot starts massaging Crutchie’s back every now and then to help him relax and make him feel better after his injury.

In the midst of all of this, Katherine explains to Jack that she has to quit her job in order to make sure she could be at the contest. She says she’d be taking all the overtime and lipsticks as she could before then. She tells Jack how she lied about her mother being away to visit family and how she walked out on her and her father years ago.

And she says she wants to know what happens to Specs.

Unable to keep dodging the question, Jack breaks. He loses it, telling her that she couldn't understand. He’s crying as he recounts every detail in his brain, telling her how it happened, how it was his fault that his best friend was dead.

And Katherine runs away from him, horrified at what she’d just heard.

She doesn’t show up to the gig the next night.

Jack confides in Race who tells him that he’s letting this girl slip away from him. Jack tries to joke about Race not chasing after any pretty girls even though he has plenty of girls lining up to get a kiss from him after shows. Race says that he thought a smart guy like Jack would’ve had him figured out already.

Race lost his partner in the war.

Suddenly, things make a lot more sense.

Katherine stays home with her father, sobbing, explaining that it was Jack’s fault her husband was dead. But Pulitzer tells her that there aren’t reasons for what happens. Everything just happens. He tells her the only thing that matters is what she does next.

Katherine writes a poem and shows it to Jack the next day, apologizing even though Jack says she has nothing to apologize for. She says the same thing goes to him. She explains that she doesn’t know and cannot understand what happened in the frontlines. And this poem was for Jack and the boys.

Jack sets it to music knowing this song is too real and genuine to be played for an audience. So they change the lyrics.

This is the song Katherine would have sung if Specs had come home.

After performing this song for the first at Medda’s, Jack stands up to tell the audience that they won’t make it to New York, getting emotional and telling them that he was no hero and that the wrong guy made it home from the war. Medda stops him and explains to him he doesn’t need NBC when he has Cleveland. She hands him seven tickets to the Cleveland Limited. Pullman Cars. First class.

Jack literally breaks into tears and hugs Medda as tightly as he possibly can.

The band’s going to New York.

Jack gears up the guys for a successful contest while being awestruck and exploring New York City. Jack walks Katherine back to her room after a night exploring. They stop themselves from going into her room together after they both admit there’s more than just friendship between them.

They part ways that night, promising to see each other in the morning.

The next day, they go through preliminaries and are told they’ll be on the broadcast. Jack and Katherine sign the contract and the whole band celebrates until the next night when no one can seem to find Racer.

When Race arrives, two minutes before they’re on, he explains that Jack and Katherine signed away the rights to their own song and would be no more than walk ons if they won.

This just about breaks Jack.

Spot suggests leaving. The rest of the guys agree.

But Jack asks Katherine if she remembers all the original lyrics to Welcome Home, the poem she’d written for her boys.

She says yes.

And they know what they have to do for the soldiers out there to know they’re not alone.

They get on stage and they blow it up.

Crutchie starts the drums. Jack tells him to go faster. Faster. Faster.

Then he looks at Katherine. And he tells her to sing.

Charlie made it home.

Most of him at least .

Had three operations,

But the pain has not decreased .

Al learned to survive.

Means you never trust .

Once you see the worst in man,

Then how do you adjust?

Sean, he cracks a joke.

Claims to be alright .

Drinks a fifth of vodka

In his kitchen every night

And I stand here trying

Like mother Mary

With my private burden

Of grief to carry  

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love  

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home  

David’s never free.

Schedules out his day.

Filling every minute

Just to keep the ghosts away .

He could never get

Back the life he had .

Faced with raising kids

Who did not recognize their dad .

Tony made it back to town

Four months ago

Lives to tell the things

No one could bear to know

Keeps his guard up now

A lot goes undiscussed

Focuses on fighting

What he finds unjust  

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love  

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home  

Jack, he does his best,

Trying to pretend

What he doesn't talk about

Won't matter in the end

Jack, he made it home

But thinks it wasn't fair

How he made it out

But left his buddy there

Jack, he doesn't sleep

Because the nightmares come

Jack looks for an answer,

Jack, he looks for absolution,

And I'd give up anything

If I could give him some

And I stand here helpless

My arms extended

Knowing full well, darling,

Your war's not ended

Welcome home

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home

It’s the most honest performance these men have ever given.

Months later, Jack and the band walk out of a movie theatre, joking about how good Dwight Anson Orchestra looked while Sinatra sang their song.

And some girls run up to them, asking for an autograph.

Jack gives them one, telling them to bring their father who served backstage at their next concert.

And then they leave.

They have a gig to get to.

What do you guys think? Wanna see any specific scenes?

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

[robbiekaysfavoritelostgirl]

The Hybrid: Part Six

Find all the parts HERE

Pairing: Jacob Black x Cullen

           Edward Cullen x Jessica Cullen

            Edward Cullen x Bella Swan

Plot: You are the last witch of your kind, you were turned after you vampire father decided to get back at your mother. In a effort to throurt him your grandmother transferred the magic of the entire coven over to you, so that when you woke a vampire you would have access to your magic but had the speed, heightened senses and immortality . After a century you meet Carlisle and agree to join his family. Everyone thought that you and Edward were going to end up married until he met Bella. You were left heartbroken until you meet a certain wolf.

Fandom: Twilight

A/n: So this is what inspired my story “The Hybrid” so I had to do it. Also the pairing only refers to the certain part. The pairings crossed out are the ones that will come in another part. The majority of this series will take place during Eclipse. Please note that everything in italics is a flashback.

Important! I have made some changes to parts three and two, they are minor but important. So you do not have to re read them, unless you want too, I will briefly explain. After some thinking I decided that the twins are going to be equally as powerful. Which means that Jessica is also a shape shifter and Nik can us magic just as well as his sister. Demetri will also be playing a key role but I go into more detail in this imagine. You will also get to see just how powerful the twins are.

     “Again!” Claire squealed, clapping her tiny hands together in childhood glee as I turned the multi coloured stars that were raining around us into snowflakes. From the kitchen Sam sighed, rolling his eyes at the sight of the perfectly formed snowflakes that were covering his living room carpet but said nothing. Even Sam fell victim to Claire’s smile and endless giggles. I was so caught up in the young girl, that I didn’t notice when a young boy and girl, who were clearly related, enter the small home. I only noticed that they were there when I felt a sudden powerful blast of magic coming from behind me. Instinctively I passed a confused Claire to Quil before jumping up and turning around, trying to pinpoint the source of the magic. Almost at once I noticed Nik, who was staring with wide eyes at the girl who was still in the doorway. 

    “Uh Leah?” The boy, who I am assuming was Seth since he and Leah were the only members of the pack I had yet to meet, asked the young girl, poking the girl in the shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

   “If I am right, I believe she has imprinted on my brother.” The moment I said it, I knew it was true. The powerful burst of magic I had felt only seconds before, was warm and glowing, the kind I felt twice times before. One when mama met Papa, who was her true love. Then again when the bond between Niklaus and I strengthened due to the magic. It was the feeling of two souls coming together, the feeling of a soul bond coming together. Now that I was aware of it, I began to worry. I hadn’t felt the bond that linked Jake and I form, which suddenly scared me. Was this all wrong, was it just a mistake and I wasn’t actually Jake’s imprint. 

  “Jake, Y/n is worrying about something.” Nik sighed, not once breaking his eye contact with Leah. “Like she is on the verge of a full blown breakdown.”

   “Y/n, honey what’s wrong?” Jake whispered as he crossed the room towards me, pulling me tight against him the moment he reached me. 

  “The bond. Jake I didn’t feel the bond. This, all of this could be a mistake. I could..”

   “Honey calm down. It’s okay. Think about it darling, Leah and Nik are both shapeshifters, before all this happened Nik was just like us and that magnified right? So what happened is that you felt the magic of two shifters imprinting. You were a witch before you were turned. I’m not nor have I ever been soo.”

   “Sooo I may not have felt the bond because we are two different types of Supernatural creatures?” 

   “Exactly baby girl. It’s okay.” He answered, kissing my forehead softly. “It doesn’t mean a thing baby. It doesn’t mean it’s a mistake, just that you didn’t feel it because it’s a different type of magic.” I sighed, leaning against his chest in relief. Just the idea that I could one day lose what Jake and I have was enough to make me hysterical. 

   “Also, your a witch. You don’t create a bond between two souls by looking at someone, but when you open your soul to them physically. Remember it wasn’t until papa first kissed mama that they discovered the truth?” Nik explained, surprising me by reaching my side. “Your sudden distress broke me from my daze. Leave it to you to be the only thing that matters more than my imprint.”

    “So what your saying is to prove this to her, I have to kiss her?” Jake asked, smiling widely when I pulled back enough to look up at him. 

   “Yes.. I mean no.. I mean..”

   “He means why don’t you two go somewhere to be alone for a bit while I get to know my imprint huh?” Leah asked, winking at me as she came to a stop beside Nik.

   “No! I mean yes I want to know you, but no to them going off on their own!” Nik protested, his cries of protest only growing louder as Jake and I hurried from Sam’s house. A quick glance behind me assured me that it was Leah, who was holding him back by the arm, that kept Nik from rushing out after us. 

    “Your brother needs to relax.” Jake chuckled as he opened the passenger door of the rabbit for me. 

   “Yeah but the chances of that happening are slim.” I chuckled, smiling as I slipped into the rabbit. I could hear Jake laughing as he quickly ran to the drivers side door, slipping in beside me with a smile wide enough that seemed to stop my heart. In the short amount of time that I had known Jake, that smile had became the most important thing in the world. 

    “So to the beach?” Jake offered, smiling brilliantly at me when I nodded eagerly. 

   “So wanna hear something that my brother doesn’t know about me?” I asked, giggling when Jake instantly nodded. 

    “That my sweetest love is an understatement. Tell me.”

    “Well it’s why I fell in love with wolves. It was before we moved to Salem. We use to live in this cabin in the middle of the woods, it was right on the bank of this little creek. It was the most breathtaking sight. Anyway I use to sit there at night, just watching as the animals came to drink from the creek. One night my parents and grandmother were fighting. I can’t remember what it was about but I can remember how badly the screams upset me. So I did what I usually did. I slipped outside and sat by the creek. I didn’t move until the screaming stopped. It was then that I noticed him. He was this patchy ratty little man that I had never seen before.’ 

   ‘He was watching me and that’s when I realized that I was wearing only the shift that I wore to bed. Before I could do anything though this man attacked me, he threw me to the ground with his hand wrapped tightly around my neck and tried to rip my shift up. Before he could start doing anything though, this large black wolf jumped out of the woods besides me and attacked him. My parents found me then and had me wrapped in a blanket between them, when I noticed that the wolf didn’t break the skin. There was no blood, still my father was about to shot him when my grandmother came running out and told him to stop, that this wolf was my spirit animal and that he had came to protect me. The wolf never left, he stayed with me until he died a few months before we had to run out of Salem.”

    “Why did you never tell Nik this?” Jake asked, though I noticed that his knuckles were white from where they were gripping the steering wheel. 

   “Are you kidding me? If Nik knew he would go berserk!” I laughed, imaging all to clearly just how well my brother would take to this news, even after all this time. “He would rip me a new one, not to mention the never ending lecture I would get about going out in the middle night by myself.”

   “Yeah well, he has a point.” Before I could answer him my phone went off, the sharp ringing ran through the rabbit. I knew at once that it was Emmett, I had been expecting this call ever since he left the house with Rose. 

   “Hello Emmett.” I sang into the phone, giggling at his overly cheerful greeting. 

   “Hello my little hybrid princess, Rose and I are here to take you and Niklaus home.”

   “We aren’t going home Em, at least not right now. Nik’s imprinted on a member of Jake’s pack, you remember Leah? Anyway, while he is getting to know Leah, Jake and I are off to the beach.”

    “Alone? As in no one else is going with you?” Emmett demanded, growling when I began to laugh. I can picture all to easily how he looked right now, panicked at the very idea of my being alone with a boy he still deemed as dangerous. Despite the assurance that he would not hurt me, Emmett and the rest of the family didn’t like me spending time alone with someone who could turn into a wolf when angry. 

   “Yes Emmett.” I sighed, rolling my eyes playfully at Jake. “I have too many over protective brothers.” I sighed, earning a laugh from Jake and a growl from Emmett. 

   “Why is Nik... ROSE GIVE ME BACK THE PHONE!” 

     “Hey sweetie, you and Jake have fun, remember if he starts shaking back away or cast a spell to protective yourself. I’ll deal with Emmett and the others on one condition.” Rose said softly, ignoring Emmett’s cries of disbelief. 

    “Is it that I promise to come home?”

   “Yes. We love you both, even if you can turn us into small animals and want you home. Whatever is coming, whatever danger you think your in, we can keep you safe along with the wolves.”

    “I promise to come Rose. I’ll even drag Nik back. Also we think we know how to keep Demetri away, I’ll explain everything when we get home.” I had to promise I would give her the rundown as soon as I get home, as well as give her a brief explanation of what I meant, before she hung up the phone. Not until I could hear Emmett explaining everything to Jasper one Rose’s phone. I knew that the moment I reached the boarder I would come face to face with my entire vampire family. 

    “I swear they are all over protective weirdos.” I sighed, rolling my eyes at the man beside me. 

   “Get use to honey because you just gained a whole new pack of over protective weirdos, literally.” Jake laughed, reaching his free arm across so it could drape across my shoulders. I rolled my eyes but let my head fall back against his arm, enjoying the warmth and comfort that came with it.

  “Just my luck.” I sighed, shaking my head at the very idea. “You people do realize that Nik and I are the most powerful beings in the world right? Like combine the speed and strength of the vampire, the shapeshifting and the ability to wield magic there aren’t a whole lot of people that can stand up against me and live.”

    “Yeah not that it matters. We will still protect you regardless. You have that cute, innocent little vibe to you.”

   “Wonderful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Unsurprisingly Jake and I were the only ones at the beach. Not knowing what else to do, we began to walk along the shore, Jake was eager to show me the little tide pools, which I had to admit were amazing. While I have always been deadly afraid of the ocean, the fact that we have no idea what is down there terrifies me and if it is half as creepy as what's above the water than it can stay there for all I care, but found pleasure in them anyway. When I said so, he beamed proudly at me, clearly thrilled that I was having a good time. 

   “So.” I sighed as I sat down on a old tangled tree, turned so I could still face Jake. “What now?”

    “Well, I was thinking we should probably ease that fear you have, you know the one where I misunderstood the imprint.” He said softly, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. I grinned up at him and stood up from my spot, moving so that I was standing directly in front of him. 

    “I think that would be a good idea.” I hummed, smiling as he pulled me so I was standing between his legs. He moved hand to cup my cheek, the other staying on the small of back. Before he could do anything else, I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. At once everything around us vanished. All that mattered was him. The way he felt pressed against me, his woodsy scent wrapping all around me. The way his hand felt on the small of my back, flat against the exposed skin. As his tongue slipped between my lips, I felt it. The surge of magic that linked us together. I could feel our souls tangling together, fitting together like a puzzle piece. 

    “Wow.” I breathed as I pulled away for air, keeping my forehead pressed against his. 

   “Did it work?” He muttered, leaning in quickly to press his lips against mine again. When he pulled back I nodded, smiling widely at him. “Your eyes changed colour. I know I should probably be freaked out but honestly I like it. They are a crystal ice blue, which may just have became my new favorite colour.” 

   “It worked then. My new colour is the colour our souls make when linked. It’s sign to other witches and supernatural creatures that I have found my soulmate.” 

   “Good, though I think we should keep trying, just in case.”

   “I agree, though one thing first. I love you Jacob Black.”

  “Not nearly as much as I love you.” He muttered, grinning widely at me before pulling me in for another searing kiss. 

[nerdishfeels]

Victory at a cost

| Dedicated to @magic-in-every-book |

It's been a while since I played the mass effect trilogy, so it was nice to revisit the characters, especially my favourite OTP!

Hope you like it 😊

---------------------------------------------

It was unusually quiet at the Purgatory Bar. 

A place known for its never-ending purple, pink and blue neon lights, buzzing conversations amongst species and that one asari conquering the dance floor, was now monochrome and resembled the atmosphere of that found in funerals.

The ground floor was packed with all kinds of species: Turians, Asari, Quarians, Salarians, Humans…

They all stood still like soldiers, surrounding the Normandy Crew. 

The floor was shrouded in near darkness, save for a single spotlight on a woman’s body, lying motionless on the table before them. 

The woman slept peacefully, unaware of the solemn, downcast faces that surrounded her. 

Her once shattered armour was replaced with a new, glossy black. The insignia, “N7″, shone brightly on her chest. Her helmet sat beside her head, along with a framed photo of herself in military attire. 

Garrus sat alone at the island bar, his back facing the crowd, a glass of hard liquor in his hand.

Joker, who stood at the head of the table, cleared his throat. 

“Thank you all for coming. We are gathered her today to celebrate the loss of a legend. The bringer of Peace and Prosperity to our galaxy. Our Commander Shepard.”

Joker cleared his throat again and pulled his cap down over his eyes. 

“Commander Shepard started off as a soldier, who earned her rank honourably. A sworn duty to the Citadel, became a life-long purpose to unite and prevent the extinction of all species.”

“The Normandy always felt like home, not just because I was its pilot, but because Shepard brought us altogether. She made us a family.”

“They say that a Captain dies with their ship. Even without her presence, we felt the Normandy die without her.”

“It will never…” Joker trailed off. He made an indistinguishable sound. 

EDI patted his shoulder. 

“…be the same without her,”  she finished. 

Joker nodded with appreciation. 

“Shepard put everyone before herself till the very end,” Liara chipped in. 

“She gave me a chance to live,” Grunt added. 

“Hell, she had the balls to cure the Genophage,” Wrex said with a laugh. 

“Commander Shepard accomplished what my people could not; Defeating the Reapers. The souls of my fellow Protheans can finally rest in peace,” Javik said. 

“She knew how much my name and reputation meant to me. It is because of her that I wear my name proudly. Tali’ Zorah Vas Normandy,” Tali praised. 

“Shepard had every right to turn us away. But for the greater good, she put aside her differences and brought us on board. And I'm thankful that she did,” Miranda added. Jacob nodded beside her.

“She was a great leader and a close friend,” Kaiden said. 

Joker regained his composure and spoke,

“The Legend of Commander Shepard will never be forgotten. It will be translated into ballads and sang by the worst, drunken voices imaginable-”

“And if Joker is done polishing Shepard’s ass, maybe she’d like to raise a toast and get this party started!” Jack smirked.

On cue, Shepard opened her eyes. She sat up with a wide grin. 

“Way to rain on my parade, Jack.” Shepard laughed.

A chorus of laughter followed. 

Garrus spun around, a smirk on his face. 

“I totally thought I was going to blow my speech,” Joker blurted, his words slurred by his laugh. 

“I told you I would have made a great actor in those space operas.”

EDI stared at Joker. 

“So, you were not on the verge of tears?” She questioned. 

Guilt coloured Joker’s cheeks. 

“I mean, I was, when I got into it, but…”

EDI turned away from Joker. 

Wrex laughed, smacking Joker on the shoulder. 

Shepard stood up on the table. She noticed Avina watching them from the balcony of the top floor. She pointed at her wrist. 

Shepard ignored her. 

Garrus walked over to Shepard and handed her a drink. Shepard’s eyes skimmed the crowd.

“Thank you for your warm words at my retirement party. Before I let you disappear and have fun, I wanted to commemorate the service of my friend, Captain Anderson. He was no stranger to pain, but that didn’t stop him from completing his duty. He may not have been the best drinking partner, but he was certainly the best captain to have by my side. He will be dearly missed.”

“To Anderson!” Shepard cheered, raising her glass. 

“To Anderson!” The crowd cheered before gulping down their drinks. 

-----------------------------------------------

Having stripped out of her armour, Shepard returned to the bar, to find it in full swing. 

The techno-music was on full blast and the dance floor was now swarming with dancing bodies. 

Shepard grinned, as she saw Joker and EDI dancing awkwardly, whilst not too far away, Jack was throwing moves that attracted a lot of attention.

The rest of the crew were scattered elsewhere; Wrex and Grunt sandwiched in-between four eager ladies on one of the couches, Samara and Javik engaged in a conversation on the top floor and Cortez and Kaiden arm-wrestling, whilst others placed their bets (more were placed on Cortez).

Distracted, Shepard missed Garrus walking towards her. 

Garrus let out a long whistle. 

“Va Va Voom,” he teased. 

Shepard glanced down at her outfit. 

The thin straps intertwined into an X-shape, leaving her shoulders and sculpted arms bare. The black, velvet dress moulded over her curves, stopping mid-thigh to expose her legs.

“You know you already get first class seats to this,”  Shepard teased back, signalling her body. 

“And yet, I want to do a standing ovation, whenever I see you,” Garrus flirted. 

He held her hand and guided her to the seat beside his, far away from the blaring music.

“You always have so much to say, but you didn’t join in with the others?”

“What I wanted to say, was for your ears only,” Garrus said. 

Shepard blushed. 

He turned to the bartender and ordered them drinks. 

“So, how does it feel to retire early?” Garrus asked.

“Like losing an arm, but I’ll live. You?”

Garrus shrugged. 

“I didn’t expect to feel so light. I love my job, but I guess it was time to settle.”

The bartender placed two sturdy glasses in front of them. 

Shepard took a swig of hers. 

“Do you remember what I told you before we fought the Reapers?” Garrus suddenly asked. 

Shepard smiled. “Of course.”

“You told me that I would never be alone…You know when you were… when we didn’t find any sign of you, it was a dark time for me. It felt like my whole world was consumed by a terrifying black hole.” Garrus spoke carefully, as though keeping the emotion out of his voice. 

Shepard placed her hand on his. 

“I remember wishing I had gone to Heaven before you did. At least you wouldn’t have been alone.”

Garrus finished his drink down in one gulp. 

Shepard held both his hands on her lap, making him swivel to face her. 

“You know, when I had to make that choice, I thought of the future you dreamed for us. I could see it so perfectly in my head. Both of us relaxing on a warm, tropical planet, you showing off your lithe arms and legs in your palm tree-styled shirt and shorts-"

Garrus laughed. 

“Even if I didn’t live to see that day, I knew I would shape our heaven that way. But it turns out there were no vacancies for us.”

Shepard scooted forward, tracing her hand on his scar. 

“I meant it when I said there was no Shepard without Vakarian. I’ve never believed in fate, but you were my calling. Biology can’t manufacture what we have. Pure and unfiltered love.”

Garrus grinned. 

“I thought saving the galaxy would be the most fulfilling, but waking up in the morning and seeing you by my side, is far more rewarding.”

Shepard leaned in, bringing her lips to his. 

As they kissed, Garrus held Shepard’s hand and slipped something onto her finger. 

He gently pulled apart and kissed her hand. 

“By the power invested in me, I now pronounce us as Turian husband and Human wife.”

Shepard held back a gasp. She gazed at the engraved band on her ring finger.

The band was thin and ebony black. On top, stood a small, glistening diamond, in the center of an infinity symbol.

“Garrus… it’s beautiful,” Shepard whispered. 

“The boys and I went searching for a ring before the battle of the Reapers. After getting Javik’s unpopular opinions on the origins of the rings, I decided I wanted one made from scratch. The band was made from a part of our armours combined. I wanted this ring to signify that our love is eternal and unlike any other.”

Shepard shook her head in amazement. 

“Garrus… I don’t know what to say…”

Garrus pressed his forehead against hers and planted her hand on his chest. 

“Just say yes. I don’t think my heart can take any more agony.”

Shepard smiled widely. 

“Did you even need to ask?” 

Shepard cupped his cheek in her hand and kissed him. 

Garrus wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. 

“Let’s make some new memories tonight. How about a little tango to celebrate?” Garrus whispered on her lips. 

Shepard instinctively retreated.

“Oh no…” She protested. 

But Garrus had already dragged her onto the dance floor before she could finish her sentence. 

As they swayed, their smiles resembled those on everyone’s faces. The happiness in the Purgatory bar was contagious, creating a rippling effect into the wide galaxy.

For now, a legend has hung up their helmet and suit.

Until next time, when a new hero rises. 

Enjoyed this fic? Why not buy me a coffee? :)

[benscursedkid]

What about 27,28,29,30,31,46,63 and 71 for Rebekah and Jacob?

of course!! thanks for asking, bubs, and i hope you enjoy! 💞✨

27. What is their biggest strength? 

Rebekah- her biggest strength as a character would probably have to be her determination. not to be confused with stubbornness, she’s not a particularly stubborn individual, it’s more like the second she sets her mind to something she cares about and matters to her, she’ll make damn sure she achieves it, whatever it may be. it ranges from idle tasks to making sure she studies for a certain amount of time, doesn’t forget to put away her journals, reminds her friends of this and that to, say, finding her missing brother and making her family whole again. it would definitely take something huge and extremely impactful to deter her from her quest.

Jacob- i would say that his biggest character strength is also one of his biggest character flaws. his ability and willingness to adapt to others has proven in the past to be very useful in his pursuit of the vaults– it makes it easier to trust him and believe the things he tells you. it’s also something that made him fairly well liked among his peers. he was whoever he needed to be, whoever you wanted him to be. unfortunately, this also made him a bit of an enigma, hard to place and understand. his few friends and close family members are really the only ones who truly knew him, and he was grateful for them, but because of his dicey charisma, he often times found himself more lonely than not.

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Rebekah- i think it’s fairly safe to say she’s aware of the quality in herself, but if asked, i doubt she would assume that it’s necessarily her biggest strength. she’s more likely to guess something like creativity or kindness. and while these are definitely defining character traits that should be valued, as an individual, they’re not quite as useful as her determination.

Jacob- likewise, he probably wouldn’t assume it’s his biggest character strength, but he is much more aware of the quality and does place it higher up on a list of valued traits of his. probably only behind his intelligence and creativity in his mind.

29. How would they describe their own personality?

Rebekah- so, i wouldn’t go as far to say she’s particularly self-deprecating, but she definitely doesn’t give herself enough credit. she doesn’t really think of herself or her personality as anything truly special, so, if asked, she’d likely say something along the lines of “average” or “background”. however, it’s actually something that doesn’t really bother her. she’s okay with it and, to tell you the truth, she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle the life of someone so significant. she’s perfectly fine to sticking to her quiet corners and forgotten hallways.

Jacob- varies depending on when you ask him. if you were to ask him before attending Hogwarts, he’d probably say something a bit happier and encouraging, though still quite modest. after starting school, he probably wouldn’t even know where to begin defining himself. in years 1-4, he’d be more prone to saying “intelligent”, “creative”, and “friendly”. years 5-6 though? he’d have no idea. it’s around that time that he loses himself, so your guess, really, is as good as his. finally, after being let out of the portrait curse five years later, he’d definitely say something darker, more like, “no good”, “absent”, and, “more trouble than he’s worth”.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

Rebekah & Jacob- for both, it depends heavily on the level of fright. if it’s a silly little jump scare played by a friend or a harmless spook around Halloween, they’re more likely to let it go and even have a laugh at themselves. but if it’s something more threatening, possibly on the verge of life-or-death, their first isnstict is definitely to fight or defend; protect. whether it be themselves or someone else who may be with them at the time, it doesn’t really matter.

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Rebekah- i love this question for Rebekah in particular because her levels of selfish/selflessness are very muddled. in general, she’s not a very selfish person. when it comes to friends and people she cares about, she’s more likely to put their needs before her own. as i stated earlier, she’s big on making sure the people around her are comfortable. so, more often than not, she tends to be rather selfless with them. however, though the occurrence itself is very rare, when Rebekah gets particularly attached to a person, because of what happened with Jacob and her parents, she gets absolutely terrified of losing them. she’ll do just about anything to make sure it doesn’t happen, even if her methods aren’t very conventional. however, if the person is around to tell her what they want, she’s more inclinded to listen and take their words into account. in Jacob’s case, for example, he wasn’t there to tell her what he wanted or why he disappeared, so she automatically assumed he was stuck and wanted to come home... because that’s what she wanted. when Penny asked her what she would do if, perhaps, he didn’t want to be found, she didn’t believe it and couldn’t accept it because “why wouldn’t he wand to come home? of course he does!” she didn’t stop to consider what she’d do if he didn’t because she wanted him back so much, she couldn’t stand the thought. she just blantantly refused to think about it at all, despite the possibility that he truly felt that way. luckily for her, that wasn’t the case, but anyone who’s caught up knows that he’s not the best at showing it.

Jacob- also not especially selfish. in fact, i’d even go as far to say that, looking at the big picture, he’s probably a bit more selfless than Rebekah. this comes as a bit of a surprise for a lot of people who are familiar with the both of them as Rebekah is particularly known for being kind and caring and altogether one who puts others first. while Jacob is likewise understanding and good, the only time he’s ever truly put his needs above all else is after he began to lose himself in the vaults. but during this time he wasn’t really himself, the vaults and R having corrupted and changed him, poisoned his mind and tried to mold it to their own benefit. so, taking this into account, he’s shockingly the less selfish sibling. and one person who he will always put first, even if it means distancing himself and allowing her to hate him, is Rebekah. but what he doesn’t seem to understand is that what he thinks is best for her isn’t the same as what might actually be best for her. but i suppose they’re both guilty in the regard.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

Rebekah- she can express her emotions well enough. she’s very gentle and kind-hearted and she feels that expressing emotions is very important in relationships of all kinds. it’s not hard for her to tell someone what she thinks or how she feels�� unless it’s a romantic confession, those take a while –and she’s pretty good at it. as for hiding emotions? it’s a bit harder considering she’s kind of an open book. i mean, she doesn’t even lie about pursuing the vaults. everybody knows. she really only lies to the staff when she’s doing something she specifically isn’t supposed to. but, because of this, she has learned to get better at lying and dissuading a conversation when she doesn’t want to talk about something. so over the years, she has gotten better at hiding things.

Jacob- he is equally as good at expressing his emotions as he is hiding them... which is fairly good. he’s a bit less private than his sister in a general sense. he’s not particularly quiet, nor is he very shy like she is. he’s more outgoing and talkative than she is for the most part. he doesn’t mind explaining himself and doesn’t find it difficult to express and regulate his emotions. however, it’s also relatively easy for him to hide his emotions. don’t play poker with him. unless you’re particularly close with him, it’s extremely hard to know what he’s thinking whenever he does go quiet. but, thankfully, the small few people who are close with him and do understand him know this and are patient with him. this, in turn, relaxes him and makes him more comfortable around them. he’ll tell them if he thinks it’s something they either ought to know or would like to know.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

posted here! ✨

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

Rebekah- very good with children. like with most people, she’s good at knowing just what the child needs. if it’s a quieter child, she can be quiet and comforting. if the child is more lively and energetic, she can do that, too. children like her company and kindness. having children was always something she wanted eventually. that hasn’t really changed much. like a lovesick teenager, she would occasionally imagine what having a family with Ben might be like, but she understands that’s way down a line they haven’t even crossed yet and also depends heavily on his feelings towards the matter. as of sixth year, everything is messy and bleak so it’s not really something she thinks much about anymore. though, her and Ben do end up having three children after the second war. two sons and a daughter. the oldest being their son Eddie, their second son as the youngest, Noah, leaving their daughter Sienna stuck being the middle child.

Jacob- also amazing with kids. he’s a bit more active and lighter than Rebekah. where she’s shy and gentle and rather quiet, he is very sociable, outgoing, and just generally playful. children love his enthusiasm and playing with him is always fun. he’s a bit on the taller side at 6’2, so they also like climbing all over him. but if he’s with a child who’s more timid or quiet, it has never failed him to read them a story or break out the art supplies and let them loose on the paper. as for having children, he always thought it was a nice idea. he loved being a big brother growing up and helping Rebekah learn things and keep her company. he was rather good at it, too. unfortunately though, as of where things are right now, he’s no longer so sure. it’s not so much that he doesn’t want them anymore more than it is he doesn’t necessarily think it’s the best idea. after all that’s happened and the things he’s done, he’s scared to mess up and not be the father they need or the kind that they deserve. i’m personally still on the fence on whether that’s in the cards for him down the line. the only person he could really see himself doing that with in the past was Stelina... but he’s definitely not going to seek her out after what he’s put her through.

[gravityfallsweirdgirl]

DOCTOR MIDNIGHT-episode 2- doctor midnight begins

I spend the last few days in the woods, thinking about my mistake. The Image of my late beloved Diana death, still haunts me, if that wasn't bad enough, my consequences cost me my only son's life. I stared quietly into the fire, but the sounds of DiMaggio's laughter echoed in my head over and over, until something snapped inside me.

John: one day DiMaggio, one day I will find you and when I do I'm gonna make you pay.

After my accident, I quit my job at the bank, and spend my days Planning my revenge on DiMaggio. Later on I started gaining muscle, I then trained myself for the day I find DiMaggio, soon after I joined the police academy, I then worked my way Up to detective, I soon found myself in New Jersey. My name is John hunter and I am DOCTOR MIDNIGHT

But before I could join the Police academy, I took self-defense classes, such As Boxing, martial arts, and gymnastics. I then later adopted an identity which wasn't that hard all I needed was a Blue midnight Trench coat and fedora, black dress shoes, leather gloves, sapphire dress shirt, black vest and tie combo, And Oxford blue chino pants. And to be sure DiMaggio won't recognize me I put a mask over my eyes. If DiMaggio knew I was still alive, he would probably would have me killed. At day I'm a detective protecting New Jersey, by Night I'm a vigilante looking for him. Every night I look for clues that might lead me to DiMaggio, I see men that cause trouble and threaten them by asking for DiMaggio, no luck. Consum by revenge, and driven to justice for my family, I was starting to go crazy, I began to reach the point of no return.

During my time in New Jersey I made a friend, Harvey Osborn a hard working detective like me who's trying to make the world safe for his family, he has a wife Charlotte and two kids a son and daughter Jacob and Sammy. Makes me miss mines. If only I could turn back time And stop DiMaggio.

The next day

Harvey: so Johnny boy are you ready for tonight (elbowed me in the chest)

John: ready for what

Harvey:(rolling his eyes annoying at me) you know you're victory party, you're three years of service of defending New Jersey

John:(sigh) ohhh that well I hate to break it to you but I'm gonna have to postpone the celebration party [getting off the elevator he follows]

Harvey: but john this is you're One night off your always out at night doing work and that's not healthy, you need to take a break, get your mind off work, relax for once in a while, have fun I mean what's so important that you can't attend your party.

John: well someone needs to watch over New Jersey

Harvey: well what about that new guy the blue baron

John:( stopping in his track, he turns) doctor midnight

Harvey: yeah that's him (putting his arm around John)

John: I don't know The city needs me

Harvey: awww come on John what will it take to convince you to come

John:(sigh) if I come will stop asking me

Harvey gets on his knees

Harvey: yessssssssssssssss

John: okay okay just get up before somebody see you, {he held his hand out for Harvey} Besides what About your family

Harvey: John it's a families are welcome victory party (he points up at the sign)

John: alright I guess I'll see you at the party Harvey but I have to go do an errand first So I'll see you there bye Harvey (waves him goodbye)

Harvey: alright but if you're not there by the time the party starts you're taking me bowling Next weekend See ya Johnny

6:30 pm it's only a few minutes before the party I was doing my patrol around the city for anything unusual, and by unusual I mean DiMaggio I'm dressed by my alter ego dr. Midnight, I didn't plan on being a superhero but someone reported me as the vigilante of New Jersey, when I find them I'm gonna thank them. Every superhero hero needs a vehicle like the Batman, I drive in a1950s Corvette which is something you never see now these days, it's something Diana Always loved, And every hero needs gadgets I have two gun holsters on my left and right leg, one carries a gun the other a tranquillizer gun, I always carry a pocket knife in my back pocket for emergencies, I also carry a leather whip and a grappling hook on the the side of my belt and inside my vest Are Smoke repellents in case in need to get them out of danger, like say trapped with a tiger but that's a story for another Day. I check every square inch of the city but no sight of DiMaggio, all my Hard work and investigation lead me to DiMaggio's home. Every clue leading to him, ends up In a dead end, I was being to be on the verge on giving up. I took a break on my investigation for one night, I manage to make it on time.

Harvey: Johnny you made it,(he hugs me and wraps his arm around me making me walk around) I was worried that you never made it

John: and missed the hard work you put in this party nah its what friends are for

I soon forgot what my purpose was for until

Harvey: John I want you to meet detective Jones (he grabs me and whisperer in my ear) he's very old

We shook hands

Harvey: well I'll let you too get settled in byeeeee

John: so tell me about yourself how'd you become a detective

Jones: well it started many years ago when I was doing a report on a troubled teen named

ANTONIO DIMAGGIO

That name made my heart stopped

John: you know DiMaggio

Jones: yes I heard he robbed a bank by poisoning the guards ( I grab my notebook and took notes)

John: what else do you know

Jones: he's known around this city ask anyone

My search for DiMaggio soon to start, I started to talked to people about his whereabouts

Cathy: he once murdered a whole neighborhood for not letting him sell his candy to the kids (whispering) and the candy he Sell had Ecstasy in it.

Jodie: I heard he has his own club where deep in his basement he kills anyone who stitches on him, threaten him, owes him money or break a promise, heck if you were a cop he'd feed you to his white tigers.

Jackson: I heard that he has a secret hideout, he's on the run for a family he killed ( those two words KILLED, FAMILY, brought a flashback in my head) no one's ever found him.

John: until today

I got everything I need to know, but based on his history records, he was not a very good man I walked out of my own party.

Harvey: John Where you going (shoot, I was so busy, working on finding DiMaggio, I forgot about Harvey)

John: sorry Harvey but somethings come up, I'm need Somewhere

Harvey:(grabbing my shoulder to stop me) now just a minute you said you were coming to the party

John: yes I did but you didn't saying anything about how long I need to stay (smiling at him)

I walked out, to Go finish what I started

Harvey: alright But I warned you WE'RE GOING BOWLING NEXT WEEKEND

I quickly changed from normal to hero Drove in my convertible and gathered all the information and clues I got from everyone DiMaggio has his own club, men selling illegal products like candy ecstasy, dangerous weapons, and bootleg movies. And once a week he goes to orphanages, retirement homes and steal money from the poor, his days of crime are numbered, but first things first I need to find one of his men, I find his goons, I find DiMaggio. 12:00 it started to become midnight, I beginning to give up on my search when I noticed some creep hitting on a teenage girl she runs away thankfully, and then I noticed him handing people vape pens I got a closer look and then I saw it, it was the same man that shot my son, I soon become furious, I got out of my car and made my way to him

Doctor midnight: HEY(I screamed)

He heard, took a closer look at me and started to walk away, I followed him, then he started running, he tried to lose me. He threw  two trash cans at me I jumped, he knocked down a fruit stand, I did a handspring jump, he went to a alley, which was pretty stupid of him, he climbed over a fence, unfortunately for him, he didn't know I had a grappling hook I aimed it at a billboard swung over the fence and crashed on him, he pushed me off and ran as fast as his feet could carry him, he thought he had lost me, but he did count on me walking in the alley, leading me to him.

Doctor midnight:boo

Klaus: ahhh

I grabbed him by the shirt and push him against the wall it was time to get even

Doctor midnight: talk

Klaus: please... don't hurt me

Doctor midnight: I want answers WHERES DIMAGGIO

Klaus: I don't know what your talking about

Doctor midnight: look you either talk or I'll make you( I clutch my fist on his shirt harder)

When I wasn't looking he grabbed a bottle and slammed it on my head I let him Go.

John: ahh

collapsed on the ground I rubbed my head and saw him running. I called out for my cars and followed him. I followed him until 12:49 when I see him going inside a building called joy time factory.

Doctor midnight: but why would he lead me here this toy factory has been closed since the 70s, was this where DiMaggio hideout was.

I went inside, I lost him, I see an elevator I got inside and hit the 12th button, I got up higher and higher until I heard music when the elevator stop. I saw what a club look like lots of lights, loud Hip-hop music, people dancing in inappropriate ways, girls on the left drinking and On the right Smoking. I'm hoping DiMaggio would be here, I walked inside to find him, I see people on the left And right side doing what's illegal in New Jersey, a girl in a orange dress come to me and puts her arms around me.

Angie: hey handsome you wanna party

I pull her arms off

Doctor midnight: sorry but I'm looking for Antonio DiMaggio

Angie: DiMaggio (places hands on hips) his in his office

She pointed up where I saw three more men walking upstairs, I followed not wanting to spotted I used my grabbing hook swung myself on top of the air vent and ran until it brought me to DiMaggio, I was Close to him finally after three years of planning, and investing all my hard work was final going to pay off.

Samuel: are you, I say are you sure you want to do this DiMaggio,

yakuza: this plan of yours could be dangerous

Les beaux: not to mention that hero this town has, could be on to us

DiMaggio: who the blue baron, I ain't afraid of him

Alligator: I thought his name was doctor midnight

DiMaggio: whatever he's not that smart, and you want to know why

All: WHY

DiMaggio: because he has not once found me, nor have I met him, he's no better than the useless cops of New Jersey, he has not caught me yet, he's no better Then the pathetic, good for nothing, loser, accountant JOHN you know it's men like him and make me sick

I angrily hold my urges against him

DiMaggio: you know what I did to him,................. I killed his family ha haha haha haha ha

His laugh finally pushed me

Doctor midnight: DIMAGGIO

He turned his head, I jumped and hit his face with my foot, I shot the three mafias with my  tranquilizer gun, each fall asleep, I turned to face him, he adjusts his jaw And stands to where I'm standing

DiMaggio: well, well, well if it isn't the blue baron

Doctor midnight: its Doctor midnight

DiMaggio: (looks at the exit door then him) I must say, I admire your work

Doctor midnight: thank you (tipping his head)

DiMaggio: it's too bad you'll never make it out alive

Giving me a sinister smile, I see men coming from my left, right, back and front they all circled me.

DiMaggio:(walks towards the exit) make sure he's taking care of (he winks)

To be continued...

[peacefulapostlearchive]

anonymous asked :  Do you think you're better than your 'family' because you beg for peace? Do you think you're worthy because you throw down your sword and turn your head to the massacre your brothers curse our world with?

the question causes his brows to furrow in confusion  . in and of itself ,  it seems a bit contradictory  .  how could they feel he thinks of himself better but then comment on the massacre caused by his brothers  ??  even now the apostle is still fairly conflicted  .  oh he loves his family so deeply it hurts sometimes ,  but he doesn’t believe they are lost causes  .  doesn’t believe that anyone is inherently evil  . 

what others fail to realize is that paul doesn’t have a very high opinion of himself , he came here because he had nothing left to lose and on the verge of taking himself out of the equation all together  . what has him here right this moment was an act of compassion from his brother , joseph  .  joseph SAVED him .  paul doesn’t condone what they’ve done nor does he find some excuse to downgrade their actions  .  yet he’s not sure he’s much better  ,  he may want peace but he knows that comes with a price  .  but he owes his family his LIFE , just not at the expense of others 

“ I would have had a sword to begin with in order to throw it down  .  i don’t turn my head . i’ve desperately tried to find solutions with no success , but people forgot i am but one man .  there is only so much i can do when NO ONE will listen to reason  .  not my family . not the resistance . the situations are unorthodox and nothing is as simple as reporting them at this point .  perhaps that doesn’t make me WORTHY . maybe it makes me worse than they are , but they are my family and all i’ve got  .  i won’t stop trying to help . “ 

there are those that would see him as weak because of his search for peace , jacob probably included in that  .  joseph might find solace in the apostle’s love for all living things  .  and john would simply continue to be confused by that same fact  .  faith seems to share some of his same ideals , although misconstrued in some of the edges  .

“ i’m not hiding my head in the sand .  i’m at a loss of what to actually do about any of it  .  its a losing battle on either side and there is no victory for anyone here .  not me . not my family . not anyone else .  its going to end bloody because no one else wants to put down their swords  .  “ 

[calibratemehard]

Calibrate Me Hard (a working title)

After Horizon, Shepard is having a hard time dealing with her failures. Miranda asks Garrus to talk to her since he’s the only person Shepard trusts on the Normandy. 

“I need you to speak to the Commander.”

Garrus looked up from the ship’s gun and found Miranda at his door, looking uncharacteristically ruffled. It was odd enough that she was here talking to him when she hadn’t had much to do with him since he’d joined Shepard to stop the Collectors, but he had never once seen her look worried as she was now.

“Why?” Garrus asked.

Miranda shook her head. “She won’t talk to anyone and she’s about to punch a hole in the cargo wall.” Miranda looked up and met his eyes. “She won’t speak to me at all.”

Garrus looked away, back at the gun. “She has a right to be pissed at you.”

“I’m not defending what that rogue sec of Cerberus did on Akuze, she knows that,” Miranda replied, exasperated. “But what happened on Horizon obviously bothered her and she won’t speak to me because she’s still mad at anything Cerberus.”

“And since I’m not Cerberus, you want me to talk to her?”

“Well, she trusts you,” Miranda replied with a shrug. “She said as much when you were unconscious from your wounds.”

Garrus nodded. He knew Shepard trusted him, just as he was sure he trusted her, but he wasn’t sure if he could talk her down. While he had known her longest out of the new Normandy’s crew, Shepard had always been closed off from everyone, even the original crew. While she did seem different since Cerberus revived her, Garrus still wasn’t sure if she’d listen to him.

With a sigh, Garrus stood up. “I’ll try.”

“She’s in the cargo bay,” Miranda said as he passed. “And good luck.”

Garrus left the main battery and took the elevator to the ship’s lowest level. The cargo bay was usually empty save for mornings when the marines and crew would clear out the area and condition. Now it was empty save for Shepard striking a punching bag.

Miranda hadn’t mentioned how long Shepard had been down there, but the Commander was slick with sweat and panting. She wore a sleeveless shirt and black leggings with the N7 logo on them.  Every time she struck the bag it flew back and swung wildly only to be attacked again. A biotic field flickered around her, multiplying the force of her strikes.

Just as he walked up to her, the chain on the bag snapped and the punching bag went flying. The glowing scars on Shepard’s face and arms flared as she threw off her gloves and panted, “Fuck.”

“Never seen a human do that,” Garrus remarked as he took a seat on a box and crossed his arms.  

She glanced over her shoulder at him, her seafoam eyes stormy. “Well I’m not exactly purely human anymore,” Shepard muttered as she sat down across from him.

She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, as she ran her hands through her sweat soaked hair. Garrus glanced at her through his visor and saw that her biometrics were all over the place. According to the readings, she was on the verge of an anxiety attack. Perhaps Miranda hadn’t been mistaken in sending someone.

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Garrus ventured.

She didn’t look at him, but her eyes narrowed. “Who says I’m bothered?”

Garrus shrugged. “Miranda. And after what happened on Horizon and the things Ashley said …” Garrus trailed off, hoping she’d fill in the gap.

Shepard shook her head. “Ashley was right to be suspicious of my involvement with Cerberus.”

“If you say so,” Garrus said.

Shepard didn’t reply and Garrus didn’t push. If she had something to say, she’d say it. She’d done the same for him when they had spoken after she’d recruited him on Omega. He’d still been recovering from his injury, but she’d given him space and time until he could talk about what Sidonis had done to him.

She leaned back and put her hands in her lap. Her eyes were distant, unmoving. The rest of her was as still as water, as still as when she’d listen to her old human music before missions and drown out the rest of the world. In all his time working with humans with C-Sec, he’d always thought of humans as fidgety, but Shepard proved that they’d become the dominant species on their planet for a reason. The stillness she exhibited before a fight was predatory and dangerous.

Almost a minute passed before Shepard spoke so quietly Garrus almost didn’t hear her. “It was … difficult seeing Horizon empty like that.” She paused. “It reminded me of Mindoir.”

Garrus nodded. Before he met Shepard he had heard rumors of her trials on Mindoir, but the Commander had never spoken of it before save for an incident on the Citadel two years ago when she had talked down a girl who had been enslaved during the attack. Shepard had handled the situation like a professional and the girl had submitted to taking a sedative, but the things the girl had described had been horrific. Garrus had seen some awful things while in the Turian military and during his time as a C-Sec officer, but to lose one’s entire family in such a horrific way was beyond his comprehension.

He thought of his own mother. Her health had been failing for years and now every credit Garrus could spare went to research into his mother’s disease. The last time he had visited, she’d had trouble recognizing him. It had hurt so badly he hadn’t mustered up the willpower to see her again.

“That’s understandable,” Garrus commented after his moment of reflection.

Shepard gave a dismissive sniff and crossed her arms. “Yeah, well, you’d think ten years of therapy would have stomped this out, but I suppose there are some things you can never fix.”

“So it’s bad memories? Shepard, every soldier has their share of those, it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” Garrus said.

“I’m not ashamed,” Shepard countered. “I just hate feeling powerless, you know?”

“Yeah, I do,” Garrus replied. His mother, Sidonis, his squad - he felt helpless when it came to them.

He looked at her again. She was resting her head in her hand, her expression troubled. It was clear she already knew how she felt, talking about it wouldn’t help. After a moment Garrus thought a distraction might suffice better for the situation.

“You know, I never understood how you humans dealt with stress.”

Shepard looked up, confused. “What do you mean?”

Garrus shrugged. “Like before we went into Ilos, I kept wondering, ‘Is this it? Are these humans just going to stand around and worry about the battle? How do they ease the tension?’”

“We all have our ways of coping.”

“Yeah, I know you listen to that western music, but it’s not like that for Turians. Our military has more operational discipline than the Alliance, but less personal restrictions,” Garrus explained. “Before a high risk mission, the commanders let us blow off steam with some violence. We have battle simulators, exercise rooms, and even a place for full-contact sparring.”

A smile of disbelief spread across Shepard’s face. “Full-contact sparring? Before a mission? What if someone got hurt?”

“It’s supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it’s a good way to settle grudges amicably.”

“Ah, I sense a story,” Shepard said, leaning back with a small knowing smile.

“Actually yeah,” Garrus replied. “I remember right before one mission, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other’s throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.”

“I assume you took her down gently?” Shepard asked with a lifted brow.

“Actually, she and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship,” Garrus countered. “I had reach, but she had flexibility.” He thought back to the match and winced a bit. “It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room.”

“I’m sure,” Shepard said. “You never had a tiebreaker?”

“Well, ah, we ended up holding one in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility,” Garrus replied too quickly. When he saw Shepard’s look of amusement he shook his head. “More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”

Shepard huffed a laugh. “So the point of this story is that I could blow off some steam by beating the shit out of someone or having a hook-up?”

Garrus paused. After a moment he replied, “Pretty much.”

Shepard shook her head in amusement. “I don’t think I can take your advice, Vakarian. I’d probably kill someone with my biotics right now and we’re in the middle of a FTL jump. No way I could reach someone for a quick booty call.”

“There are human men on the Normandy,” Garrus countered.

She lowered her brows and gave him a look of skepticism. “No eligible human men.”

“Jacob seems to like you,” Garrus remarked.

Thinly veiled nausea crossed her face. “Not my type.”

“Really? What’s wrong with him?” Garrus asked, curious.

“Nothing, just not my type,” she replied as she crossed her arms.

“And what’s your type?” When she furrowed her brows at him, annoyed, Garrus added, “I don’t know much about human courtship. You two get along, so why’s he not your type?”

Shepard shook her head. For a moment she said nothing, and then with a shrug she said, “He’s just not. I may not have dated in-” she paused to think “-an embarrassingly long time, but I just know.”

Garrus’s mandibles twitched from not asking just how long it had been since she’d dated, but she probably had a good reason for it and they were already prying too much into one another's personal lives. It occurred to him that he had never had such a long conversation with Shepard before and he said as much.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly the friendliest person when you first met me,” Shepard conceded. “I was dealing with a lot of bad memories and talking to people was hard. Still is, sometimes.” She blinked and looked up at him. “You can relate more than most: you lost your team on Omega and I lost my entire unit on Akuze. Coming back from those kind of failures is difficult.”

Garrus nodded, understanding. His failures still haunted him even though he tried not to let it show. But he’d always thought that Shepard’s hard exterior was just her way of soldiering, not from trauma.

“You seem different than you were back then,” Garrus remarked. “You’re more open, less stoic.”

Shepard breathed a laugh. “Dying puts things in perspective.” Her eyes took on a glazed look as though she were somewhere else. “I had so much regret when I died.”

Silence filled the space between them and stretched out. After a minute Garrus quietly asked, “What did you regret?”

She blinked, breaking away from wherever she had been. She looked right at him as she responded, “That I hadn’t been living for six years and that fate had molded me into a cruel person without passion. I regretted that after everything I’d been through that I was dying just as I was starting to feel like a person again because of our adventures on the Normandy.

“I’ve been given a second chance to do things right,” Shepard continued. She stood up and walked over to the punching bag. With the help of her biotics she lifted it and put it back to its stand with the broken chain. “And this time I won’t take the time I have for granted.”

“Sounds like a good goal,” Garrus remarked.

She smiled at him, a real smile. Garrus didn’t think he’d ever seen her smiling without a shadow of some memory haunting her. It made her eyes bright.

“Well I guess I’ll have to thank Miranda for sending you,” Shepard jokingly complained. “Good job, Vakarian. You got Horizon off my mind for a while.”

Garrus stood up and shook her hand. “What are friends for?”

She pointed a finger at him. “Just don’t go around telling people that I like heart-to-hearts. I’d like to keep my reputation as a relentless hardass in tact.”

“Understood,” Garrus laughed.

[letterstochristopher]

Letters to Chris. June 8. Two months later.

Hey Buddy,

Once again, I'm here at the Starbucks down the street. Where I wrote my second ever letter to you. At the time, I couldn't believe it had been six days since you'd been alive. That was so hard to wrap my mind around....It feels like yesterday, but it that two months ago. Somehow 61 days have passed. In that letter, I talked to you about how time refuses to pass when you need it to. But obviously...pass it does. Because here we are...61 days later. I can't understand how time keeps passing? I don't want it to...Each day that passes is another day away from you. What is it going to feel like when you’ve been gone for years? I can’t bear to think about that. And for some reason, you've felt so far away lately. Where are you? I'm so scared I'll never feel your presence again. There are days where I think everything will be okay. Where I think just knowing you are still very much alive, albeit in a different way than I am, will be enough. I go about my day. I’m productive. I laugh often. Then there are times where all of this is just too much, and I don't know how to breathe. Those are the moments I feel on the verge of a panic attack. The walls close in, my chest constricts so I can't take a deep breath. It's like my body completely just rejects the reality of you being gone. Seriously, Chris, where are you? And how does the world keep spinning with you not here? How does the sun continue to rise? How do other people feel happy, laugh, make plans? I see all these people going about their days like nothing has changed. Can’t they feel your absence?? I feel like your death should have disrupted the entire world. I'm sure everyone who loses someone they love feels the same way. But yet...life goes on. For others. Not for me. Or Nikea. Or Mom or Dad. Not yet. I hear it's supposed to again some day. Rumor has it. But I don't want it to. I'm so afraid of letting go. 

I've never been more scared of anything.

It's weird...now you're like this mystical being...someone who had at one time lived that has gone to a place I can't follow. Who now knows things I could never imagine. Who I'll never see or touch again. Or hear laugh. Or get a text from. You've taken on this almost ethereal quality. I don't know how else to describe it. 

I've been going through and re-editing professional photographs I took of you. The ones from when we visited you in the hospital for Carter's birth, his newborn pictures, your wedding reception.  It is so weird seeing them. Looking at you in iPhone pictures is one thing...but from my beloved Canon 5D Mark iii, it is quite another. You look so alive. Like I could reach through the computer screen and touch you. The pictures from the hospital are adorable. You were so exhausted, but so in love with your new son. Then the newborn shoot we did a short while later...Remember that day? When everyone came over to see Carter, BBQ, smoke cigars, and hang out like the Rudloffs do best. Grandma and Grandpa, Grandpa Ward, David, Stacie, Derrick, Travis, Grayson, Austen, Hannah and Sayre, Sue and Tim were all there. It's hard to describe how I feel when I see these photos. I can't say "happy" or "peaceful," but a weird hybrid where they there but completely overshadowed by a million other emotions. Devastation. Nausea. Exhaustion. Disbelief that you’re gone. Anger. Fear. Gratitude that I have these photos.

I posted a pic of you and Uncle Tim on Sue’s wall. In this picture, Tim is sitting at our patio table, with you in the background smiling. Hannah commented on it, her words perfectly describing what I feel every day:

“Isn't it crazy that 2 people in this pic aren't here anymore? I mean it's just so crazy. They're right there! I can picture what they looked like right after the pic was taken. I can see them talking, breathing, enjoying family time. But now they're gone. It doesn't seem real.”

It doesn’t. You’re right there. Both of you. Happy. Enjoying life. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that you are in those pictures which I feel were taken yesterday but not here. How?? God, life is cruel.

I posted a couple  of my favorites (remember the ones in our backyard where you were wearing your ACUs? You're holding Carter and looking down on him, your cap pulled deep over your eyes, and another where you're kissing him) on a photography community page I am a part of, called Mastin. Kirk Mastin, who created this forum, made a group of actions which help photographers edit photos in a way that make them look like they were taken by a film camera. On this particular page, people share photos and ask for ideas, editing tips, etc. I was honestly terrified to share these pictures. For one, there are thousands of super talented photographers on here. But also I wanted to share why these photographs are so precious to me. I'll never withhold how you died. None of us will. Because we are never, ever going to be ashamed of you. Ever. But I am so protective of you, and am always waiting for someone to say something ignorant. And then I'd have to kick their ass. But I shared how my brother had commit suicide April 8, and how I had never really been a fan of my work on this particular shoot just because it was an earlier one and I was super hard on myself, yet after reediting using Mastin, I was completely in love with the photos. I ended the post saying, "How handsome was he in his uniform?!" 

The response I received was overwhelming.

In the first hour, I had over 200 likes and about a dozen comments. Two days later there are over 550 likes and 62 comments, including 11 others who lost loved ones to suicide. I had hoped to reach at least one person who was going through what we are...but I was in no way expecting the outpouring of love I ended up getting. I cried because I had no idea so many on this website were themselves suicide survivors. I had asked what their loved ones names were...Scotty Phelps, Nicholas Hill, James Jacob, Caitlyn Rose Bailey. Beautiful souls who you are joined with on the other side. My heart feels as full as it has in two months, in a way, because so many people out there care. Perfect strangers who hurt for us and know what we feel. Now, 552 other people know who you were. They read about you, saw your pictures, cried for you. They know you lived. And I cannot physically put into words how that makes me feel. You may have only been here 25 years, buddy, but you've made your mark.

By the way, I’m sorry I chastised you for not thanking me when I gave you all the photos I edited. I know you were so exhausted from a new baby and work...I should never have gotten after you. I’ve freely admitted that I can be an asshole. But still, I’m sorry.

I taught yoga tonight for the first time in five months. My old boss asked if I could sub, and I wanted so badly to say no. But I felt this push...from Clay, who really thought it would be good for me, but also from you. It was so solid. I knew I had to say yes. And from the moment I accepted, there was never a question of what my "theme" would be (I love theming my classes. I’m a nerd-I know). I would talk about the resilience of the human spirit, how we learn so much about ourselves and our ability to survive during times of absolute heartbreak. I was completely honest, sharing how I didn't want to teach at first. Because 1) it had been so long since I taught (five months...has it really been that long??), and 2) it’s the two month anniversary of your suicide. Our last full conversation took place after I had left a class there, too...Remember, when you were stressing out about finding an apartment and I told you how we were moving into our friend’s basement while we job searched? That conversation is still so fresh in my mind. Like it took place yesterday. You talked about how you couldn’t see the light, how you had started smoking to deal with your stress, saying you knew I would tell Mom and that you didn’t need a lecture (Hey punk-I never said anything. I didn’t “tell” on you ever. And when did I ever lecture you??! Hmph).

Anyways. In class I shared four main things I have learned in the past two months through grieving. Firstly, the human being is capable of enduring the most horrific of tragedies. Things we never think we’d be able to survive. If someone told me I’d lose my brother and my uncle Tim, I’d want to quit life right then. I would have said there was NO WAY I’d live through losing both of you. But obviously, we are all still here. Me. Mom. Nikea and Bethany. Dad. Katrina. Hannah, Sue and Sayre are still here after losing Tim. I don't always know how I am. I say this a lot, but it does surprise me at times. It feels like I should have died from heartache by now. It just proves my point. We are resilient. We are so much stronger than we think could ever think possible. 

Secondly, I believe we learn more about ourselves during times of grief than any other periods in our life. I've learned how fiercely I love. I never realized...I knew that I loved my family more than anything. Obviously. But I had no idea how deeply that love went. To my very core. I've learned how much I've taken these people I love for granted. Look at you-I always thought I had tomorrow to call. I’ve also learned how strong I am. This kinda goes back to my first point, but I’m blown away by my resilience (I’m totally patting myself on the back right now). I mean seriously. This is it. Bad shit will continue to happen because that’s life. But I know I’ll get through because I’m getting through this. Not unscathed. Forever changed. But still, I’m surviving. I’m a survivor.

Third, I've learned how much people can surprise you. I’ve had so people reach out, cry with me, share their own stories of loss, donate large sums of money. I mean, the photography post I told you about is a perfect example. It times of hardship, people want to be there for you. And we should let them. I think mental illness is a subject very near and dear to many hearts. From what I have seen, so many either struggle with it or have a loved one who does. So they desperately want to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. They want to help me make a difference. And this gives me hope. Everyone I've talked to has been so eager to have a discussion about a topic that up to very recently has been considered taboo. Which leads me to four: regardless of what we are going through, there are people out there who know exactly how we feel. The first few weeks, I felt like I was the only one who had lost someone I love to suicide. I knew I wasn't, but I had no idea how many were out there, desperately wanting to talk about their loved one. That's why I asked the names of those I listed above...I know how desperately I want to tell people your name, talk about you, share your story, even with those I don’t know. And I want to know about their loved ones. You all need to be remembered, even by those of us who don't know you but are still bound to you because we, too, have lost a sibling, parent, cousin, friend, spouse, to suicide.

Random thought, but I had a random memory pop in my head the other day. Remember when I used Endust on our wood floors that one time when my chore was to dry mop? When I was done, Mom told me I needed to actually mop because the Endust made the floors so slick everyone was falling. Right after she said that, you walked through the front door and slid. It was so funny, and even though I felt bad I couldn’t stop laughing. 

I love those random memories.

By the way, I need to thank you. I think you've been helping my photography business take off again. Since you passed, I've booked a wedding, two family sessions and a yoga festival. Out of the blue. I really believe that's you. One particularly rough day I heard you say, "I got you, Sis." I heard it. As clear as day. And I know you do. You still feel so far away right now, but I know that's not forever. I just need to keep holding on, like I've been doing. Keep breathing when my chest constricts and the walls close in, keep getting out of bed in the morning, keep loving...I know these are all things you want. Please be patient with me. I'm doing my best right now. But I miss you.

Love you, Buddy.

[rkalzainwritersstory-blog]

REVENGE: PART 4(B)

And there stood before you, the only person you thought you’d never see again. The person who you disregarded and resented now. He, who left you hurt and helpless; standing proud and strong in front of you while you struggle to breathe through your own hand.

The earlier week,

After you finally thought that you could control your pill intake, you find yourself slipping more pills daily as you struggle with the inner voice of your mind and the loud music of your feverishly in love-heart. The constant attempts of explanation made by milos had your heart steering for him again. Not that you ever stopped loving him. The anger in your heart slowly subsided as you reminded yourself of the milos you truly loved before all of this happened. The milos, you kissed that morning for the first time, the milos that was so worried about you that day when you came back late. That milos, is what your heart has always craved. His prominent presence in your life this week reminded you of why you had loved him once but couldn’t explain why you’re falling for him again and again every single day. Even though he ruined your life and took away dignity and pride, you couldn’t help but feel safer when he was around. Ironic isn’t it? The person who stole your innocence, your god and your virginity, still manages to make you feel safe and secure under his presence. You might have secretly forgiven but you definitely hadn’t forgotten and you weren’t going to make him realize it. Realize that you were, despite everything he did, ready to start over. On the outside, you wanted nothing more than to destroy his life and take away his dignity but on the inside, you were ready to kill whoever neared him.

As you wake up on Saturday, you take a shower and pick up a random shirt from the dryer. You realized it was his black shirt but you didn’t bother returning it. You slip it on along with your green shorts and head to the living room where George and milos were sitting. You saw Milos’s eyes brighten up upon seeing you in his shirt but you were determined to fill those beautiful eyes of his with stinging tears.

“Good morning, George I took your shirt from the dryer, I’ll wash it for you and return it back tonight.” You said, loud and clear for the other to hear. Did he really think that you were going to let him in this fast? He didn’t say a word and neither did milos. He only smiled at you warmly and signaled to the coffee pot behind you as to tell you that he made fresh coffee.  

Towards all of them, the old ‘Bibi’ had yet to come back. You were as icy as a Popsicle when it came to dealing with them or talking to them or even just staring at them. The more you wanted to act like a bitch to them, the more you remembered that the week is almost over and that they will be returning to their loft soon. And your heart ached at the idea of them filling your apartment with sunshine, only to leave it and go back. You didn’t want them to go; you wanted to wake up every day to the sound of their fumbling around the house. You wanted to go back to what you guys were before. To talk to George all night just like the old days; there were a lot of things you wanted to ask him about: where is Sara? And how is Yousef? Did Jacob end up getting that promotion? And most importantly, what did milos do when he came back home that particular Sunday morning? George was so gay sometimes and you giggled at the idea as you poured the coffee into a plain white mug because that asshole took your favorite coral pink piggy mug. Your thoughts were completely pushed aside upon hearing the question George threw into your direction.

“Where is that pretty boyfriend of yours?” George has definitely changed since you left your last apartment. Every time he says something, it is as if he’s bashing you with a baseball bat.

“He is not my boyfriend” you said calmly avoiding any eye contact. Although your head was dropped to stare at the coffee mug in front of you (you were pretending to stir although you didn’t add anything). You could still feel both their eyes glaring at you. “He had a business trip. In fact, he returned yesterday and he is coming for lunch today” you stated proudly.

“I swear to god, I don’t know what standards you keep when you make friends with such people” George said annoyingly as he diverted his gaze to the sun light peering through the balcony.

You starred at him for a while, shooting daggers at the back of his skull. “The same standards I kept when I made friends with you” your comment brought the two heads shockingly glaring at you. You felt horrible about your reply because deep down, you knew that George was the best thing that ever happened to you ever since you stepped a foot into this country. You felt your chest tighten, completely ignoring the eyes that were still planted on you, you took your mug and sat shamelessly on the couch that none of the two were sitting on.

The day progressed normally until lunch time when Nabil came through the door without knocking. You rushed and hugged him tightly; part because you missed him really bad and part because from the corner of your eye, you saw milos staring.

You plated the lunch and soon everyone was present and hungrily eating. You felt proud, like you were a mother watching her children happily eat. You loved to cook but couldn’t help that sometimes you just suck at it. It was like spin, a win or lose kind of thing. Sometimes, you would cook the chicken and it would taste amazing and sometimes, you would cook the same chicken and it would taste horrible. You couldn’t help but smile weirdly at them while they ate. At the exact moment and before you sat down to eat. You heard a knock on the door.

In that small second where you were still standing, you realized that in the three years you lived here, all the people you knew were currently having lunch in your kitchen. Who could it be? You happily turn towards the door and opened it, ready to invite whoever it was, to a plate full of Bibi’s homemade chicken. But instead, you were greeted by a sight you wished you wouldn’t see. Three prominent figures stood there eyeing you up and down, eager and intruding. You couldn’t help but clasp a hand over your mouth as you eyed one particular person out of the three. A few minutes passed and there stood before you, the only person you thought you’d never see again. The person who you disregarded and resented now. He, who left you hurt and helpless; standing proud and strong in front of you while you struggle to breathe through your own hand.

He came and pulled you right into his arms and as you touch his chest, you couldn’t help but feel your heart blast into a million pieces. It hurts suddenly. The ache, too strong and demanding, unwilling to leave. You lift your left hand to palm over your heart while your body was still pressed against the loose skin of your own father. The same father that didn’t call to check on his little girl for three years now, the same father that pushed unspoken responsibilities onto his own twenty year old and the same father that received your money monthly but never bothered to ask where they were from. Yes, that father. You slowly pull back, eyes pooling with tears that gave up on being concealed; painting your pale cheeks and mixing with dried ones.

You said no words; you watched them as they entered into your apartment and sat comfortably like it was theirs. Like this wasn’t the apartment you had to beg for or this wasn’t the couch that you had to work different jobs to get. He stared at your living room and beside him, sat your mother and eldest brother.

“How are you dear?” he asked, ‘that shameless bastard’ you thought to yourself.

“How did you know my address?” you asked almost immediately.

“Is this the way you speak to your parents after all this time? What do you mean how? I have your full name and I am your father, I could get your address easily.”  He raised his voice like he still had the authority to do so.

At this moment, all those who were eating, were now standing shoulder to shoulder behind the kitchen counter. None other than Nabil and Rama could understand the language that you and your father were speaking. Nabil slowly came around, introduced himself and sat down on the couch while you still stood there.

“Aren’t you going to sit down? Aren’t you happy to see us?” your father questioned calmly but you were on the verge of crying again. “Dear, we came to take you back with us, I solved the money issue. We are debt free now” he was too enthusiastic and you felt your heart burst into flames at what he said.

“Oh, so you don’t need my money anymore? Should I sell everything I have here and say goodbye to my friends and go back with you?” you questioned sarcastically and you felt your father’s eyes darken with anger at your disrespect.

“Yes!” he screamed and you felt everyone in the room jolt at how loud he was.” I am your father, did you forget that?”

“Yes, I did, I forgot what it means to have a father” you wear scream-crying now. You voice loud but not so loud, crying but not so much and you were motioning and finger-pointing at them but not too fast.” I forgot I had a father when I had to beg people so they could make me live in their house because you sent me here with no money and I forgot I had a father, when I had to work eight hours a day for very less pay and still I sent three-fourth of it to you. Do you know when I forgot about my father? I forgot about him when I got played with and molested, and had no one to protect me and take back my pride!” you were sobbing at this point.” Also when I visited my own family and I got kicked out! “ you voice dropped a little and finally said “ I forgot about you the day I felt my back breaking, my back bending so low with no one here to raise it.”

His face was blank. He didn’t say a word, silently starring at you with heavy lids. “Do you want me to continue dad?” you asked sarcastically.

“listen, come home with me and I’ll make everything better, I promise” he said with his eyes plastered onto yours.” Come on dear, we will talk about this at home, your real home”

“This is my real home!” you said sternly.

“No, it’s not! You like living here, alone, like a stranger!” he raised his voice again.

You panicked a little, not knowing what to say. You looked at Nabil, wishing that he would say something; anything. You then looked at the others; at Rama, who was currently translating the conversation between you and your father to milos and the others.

“Huh?” he challenged.

“I am not living here by myself” you paused.” I am living with my husband” you blabbered before biting your tongue. You father stood almost immediately upon what he had heard.

“Husband? You got married? How could you do such a thing without the agreement of your own father? What are you thinking?!” he screamed. Literally everyone’s eyes were shooting daggers at you, especially milos. “I don’t care, I will get you divorced! What happened to you?! What did this place turn you into?!”

“I can’t leave; I want to be with him.”

Both your father and brother, turned to Nabil and from the look in their eyes. It’s like they were going to eat him up alive. “It’s not him. He is not my husband” you said. Paused for a while before pointing a finger at milos and saying” he is!”

Your parents stood there, eyeing him up and down. Now let’s be honest, milos was nothing like how men looked in your own country. He had fair skin that would beautifully light up in the dark and black long eyes that would kill a lion just by staring at him. Even his form was slimmer that the men in your own country.

“Is this what you have become? When did you sink to such a level? He can’t even understand what am saying!” he roared. Looking directly at milos, who was currently being fed with translated information from Rama. His eyes were wide open however, his lips remained shut. “I am not going to let you ruin your life! You are getting a divorce and coming back home with me” he screamed as he reached to grab your wrist. At the exact moment, Nabil shot up and pushed your father back, not roughly but enough to break his grasp. It was at that moment, that hell broke loose. You brother immediately caught onto Nabil and before he could lay a hand on him, Nabil managed to push him back down. Your father calmed your brother down while you stood there silently with your chest facing Nabil that was currently standing behind you, heaving. Before you could say anything, he asked you, voice low, almost inaudible “do you remember my promise Bibi?” he asked and replied to himself only a second later.” I promised to protect you and I will always do that even if it was your own father!”  He looked forward and changed positions, so he was now in front of you. Like a guard. You felt proud. At the moment, all you could feel was pride. Who were you to think that you had no one to protect you?

“Listen dear” your father tried being as calm and collected as possible.” you don’t need this man in your life. Come back with us. He doesn’t care about you, I am sure. You think he cares about you? If he did, he would be the one protecting you and not Nabil! Isn’t it?“ You felt each word he said, burn a hole into your skin. He was right wasn’t he? No! He wasn’t.

You challenged yourself. You weren’t going to give up. You came this far and you weren’t going to go back. You weren’t going to give up on any of them.

“Answer me?” he paused and then reached calmly for your hand again. He was observing Nabil as he did so. “You don’t need any of them. We miss you dear.”

You looked into his eyes. He looked sincere. He looked hurt and needy. Short memories crossed your mind, reminding you of your childhood with your father. He was your hero. You felt your heart soften for him. You looked at him and then at the others several times. His eyes, they were familiar. And just as you stare at his sincere, hurt and tear filled eyes; you remembered why they were so familiar. Weren’t they the same eyes milos approached you with that night? That night when he said ‘I love you’. His eyes were also sincere weren’t they?

You withdrew your hand from his. “I can’t do that.” Your voice was so low.

He sighed. “Why not?! Tell me why not?!”

You looked at him and then at milos and then at him again. “Dad, I am pregnant”

“Pregnant?!” three people voiced in unison; your father, Nabil and Rama.

From the look on Milos’s face, you could tell that he understood what you said. And, from his constant pulling at Rama’s shoulder, you could tell, he wanted to make sure. Your father on the other hand, looked like he was going to kill you. Nabil, face shocked.

“liar!” your father shouted.” You’re just saying that to stay here! You think we’re stupid?”

“I am not!”

“Don’t lie to me!” he shouted again.

You rushed into your room and came out a minute later, with a printed paper in your hand. You handed it to your father. You stared at the floor, not daring to look into any of your friend’s eyes.

“You have been pregnant for eleven weeks now” he said, his voice so much calmer that you thought it would be. He placed the paper on the table slowly. Looked at you again and you could swear that this look will forever be printed in your memory. Utter disappointment and defeat.  He looked at you the way a man looks at a dead animal; Disgust and pity. You watched him silently as he slowly stood up to exit your apartment. But before he left, he inched closer to you and pecked your forehead while mumbling “take care”. For some reason, this word hurt you more than it should have. This was it. They gave up on you and now you were on your own. He left and you stayed where you were; unable to turn around and look at your father.

You lift your stare from the ground, eyes filled with tear, regret and fear as they landed on Milos’s. You couldn’t look at him.

“Are you really pregnant Bibi?” Nabil asked, eyeing the test results.

Did your hatred for milos turn you into a lying monster? Where you punishing milos for something horrible he had done; only secretly, you have done something worse?

You stare back at milos; unable to remove your gaze. Scared of what’s to come next…

[nicknchris09]

Once In A Lifetime Chapter 39 A Big Day

Seth's POV

Summer was ending and Cindy's wedding was coming soon.  Lissa was unbearable as she was moody as hell.  I kept reminding myself it was just the hormones.  So, when she yelled at me, I took it.  Sometimes she got out of hand and I couldn't help but to yell back.  I always apologized afterwards cause she end up crying.  I hated to see her like that.  She would always cry worse and tell me how she was sorry as well.  That she couldn't control it, she was just hormonal.  I understood.  I still loved her.  I was trying to make the best of the situation as this was the first time I had been around a pregnant woman.  Hell, my sister being pregnant, I avoided her like the plague as I seen her blow up a few times.  But I couldn't avoid Lissa.  We also found out we got the house we put an offer on.  We got moved in quickly and settled.  The house was much bigger then Lissa's.  I had already sold my house as I mostly stayed with Lissa anyways.  Now we were working on Lissa's house to be sold.  Everything was a little much.  But I knew the end result would make up for it all.  We even had the 20 week appointment.  They asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, which prior to the appointment, we talked about.  Lissa wanted to know.  But I wanted to wait.  I like the element of surprise.  She wasn't happy about it but she agreed.  Even though Lissa and I were on shaky ground, I still was happy.  I knew this was temporary.  So, I kept an upbeat mood about it.  I had also finished my movie so I was home more.  I was happy to be with my family.  I came home to find Lissa was wearing her bridesmaid dress as the wedding was only weeks away.  Cindy was there too to see how it fit since they had to get a different size since Lissa belly grew with her pregnancy.  I was stunned on how beautiful she looked.  She saw me and looked unhappy.  I asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm fat, Seth.  I'm going to be a whale at her wedding."  She looked to be on the verge of tears.

Cindy quickly said, "Lissa, you are pregnant.  You look beautiful."

I smiled and jumped in, "Cindy is right.  You are gorgeous."  I moved over to her as my words or Cindy's didn't seem to help.  I put my arms around her.  "You're absolutely radiant, love."

I saw her give a small smile.  I succeed in making her feel better.  Then Cindy noticed the time.  "Shit.  I gotta go.  I have a meeting with the wedding planner.  Just a few lose ends to cover."  

She walked over to us and gave Lissa a hug as well as myself.  "You look beautiful, sweetie.  I can't wait till you are up there with me.  I am so happy you are my maid of honor."  She told Lissa.

Lissa smiled.  "Me too.  I just wish I wasn’t pregnant for the wedding."

"Oh, hush.  Just another member of our family will be there."  She said sweetly as she touched Lissa's swollen belly.  "It's almost perfect actually."

I smiled as I noticed Lissa smiling.  "Thanks, Cindy."

Cindy gave her a small kiss on the cheek and let go of her belly.  "Okay, chick, I will see you later."

We said goodbye to her as she moved out.  Then Lissa moved over to the mirror and looked at herself through the mirror.  She frowned as she looked at herself in the dress.  I moved over and wrapped my arms around her.  "Baby, you may not see it, but I really do think you look beautiful."

She leaned against me and said, "I'm so glad we are getting married after this baby is born.  I cannot be big during our wedding."

I then said, "About that, I have been wanting to talk to you about us getting married.  I really don't want to wait till the baby is born to get married."

She turned to me, almost stunned.  "No way!  I am not going to be a fat, prego woman at our wedding!" She was almost yelling at me.

"Well, I was thinking, why don't we just go to the courthouse and get married."  I said.

"What?"  She seemed more stunned.  "Why?"

"Well, I know how you feel about having a big wedding."  She has said a few times she didn't want a big wedding.  "So, really its for me as I do.  But I really thought about it.  I don't care about that as long as I get to marry you.  I just don't want to wait till the baby is born to get married."

She smiled as she was happy that I wanted it this way.  She embraced me, happily.  I hugged her back.  She pulled back and asked, "So, when?"

"I want to do this as soon as we can, actually.  Maybe this week if we can.  We can get the marriage license and get married the next day at the courthouse."  I said, happily.

"Okay.  Let's do it then."  She smiled and leaned in as she took my lips.  Then she pulled back and then said, "Wait.  I kinda don't want to steal the limelight from Cindy.  It's her turn."

"This is why I think we should do it before she gets married.  And try to keep it quiet.  I know that will be difficult with our statues but it is worth a shot.  If we did it after, it would for sure take it from her.  Plus, I don't think Cindy would care."  I told her.

"Well, I'm going to talk to her first about it.  Just to make sure.  I really don't want to steal her thunder."  She told me.

I smiled and nodded.  "Okay, love, just let me know."

She left the room and I went to find the boys as it was quiet.  I knew by now that could be trouble.  I found KJ was in his room playing video games.  He stopped long enough to say hi and then went back to it.  I walked into Jacob's room to find Josh and Jacob playing together nicely.  I just smiled but didn't bother them.  It was rare when they got along so I wasn't going to get in the way.  I walked back to the living room and sat down as I looked at my phone.  Lissa then walked back out as she out of the dress and into her regular clothes.  She honestly looked great for six months pregnant.  I honestly couldn't believe she was already six months along.  She said to me as she walked in, "So, talk to Cindy and she is actually overjoyed about it.  She said she is more then okay about it but she demands to be a witness as I will not have a maid of honor.  I told her that should be okay."

"I am perfectly okay with it."  I said with a smile.

"Okay, great."  She smiled back.  She sat down and asked, "So, when do you want to get the ball rolling."

"How about we get the license tomorrow and we get married the next day."  I said to her.

She bit her lower lip and smiled.  "I would actually love that."

I moved my arms around her and held her.  I then asked, "So, when do you want to tell the boys?"

"Oh, shit.  I forgot about that.  I mean, they seem to be happy about us getting engaged.  I am sure they will be happy about us actually getting married."  She said.  I think more to herself as I knew she feared they might get upset.

I only held her tightly as to comfort her fears.  "I'm sure they will be."

She looked up at me and smiled.  "So, I'll get to be Mrs. MacFarlane."

"You are taking my name?"  I asked, a little surprised.  Usually in this business, women didn't take their significant other’s name or hyphenate it.  So, I was a little surprised she would.

"Of course."  She smiled at me.  "It would be a little weird that I still have my ex husband's last name after we are married.  I only kept it after my divorce cause well, that is what I was known as in the biz and I didn’t wanted my kids to be confused with me having a different last name.  But now since I am going to marry you, I plan on taking your name, Seth."

I smiled as I was more happy to hear this.  I was prepared for her to keep her name but she wasn't and honestly meant the world to me.  I only moved in and kissed her deeply.  I pulled back as I said, "I honestly can't wait for the next couple days to fly by so I can make you officially mine."

She leaned against me and said, softly, "I can't wait either."

I held her as everything seemed to be falling into place in our lives.  It wasn't perfect but I didn't want anything else.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Melissa's POV

The next couple days flew by, we were at the courthouse and I was actually nervous.  Seth on the other hand, seemed calm and collected but happy.  He were waiting for us to be called back.  His dad and sister were there as my boys as well as Cindy and Lucas.  I wanted to invite my other friends but it wasn't a very big room.  But they agreed to join us for dinner afterwards as we would celebrate.  I sat in the chair waiting as my knee bounced.  My youngest walked up to me and climbed in my lap.  He then asked, "After you and Seth are married, will he be my new daddy?"

I noticed Seth turned to us as did the rest of the group as they heard his questioned.  I looked at them as I felt put on the spot.  Even by my now five year old.  I then smiled at him and said, "Well, he will be your step dad."  I told him.

"Good."  He smiled.

Seth smiled at me and walked over to me.  He grabbed Josh out of my lap and held him.  "You know I love you and your brothers, right?"  He nodded.  "Well, me and your mommy getting married just will officially make us a family.  So this is a good thing, buddy."

He smiled at Seth and hugged him.  Seth hugged him back.  I saw the rest of the adults smiling at the pair and I couldn't help but smile as well.  My nervousness suddenly vanished.  I was definitely ready to marry this man.  They finally called our names.  We all moved to the room.  It was a small room and the county clerk quickly got into it as Seth held my hands and looked at me.  We quickly said our I dos and exchanged rings.  It was short and sweet and honestly, I was glad it was.  Before I knew it, he was telling Seth to kiss his bride.  Seth smiled and kissed me, deeply.  Everyone clapped.  We left the courthouse now as Mr. and Mrs. MacFarlane.  Seth was really happy.  So was I.  The smile wouldn't leave my face.  We were outside of the courthouse as we took pictures.  A few of Seth and I alone then of us with the kids.  I looked at the pictures afterwards.  I saw one of me looking at Seth just so in love as Seth smiled at the camera.  I really loved that photo of us.  Seth looked over my shoulder as I looked at them and said as that photo popped up, "I really like that one."

I looked up at him and smiled.  "Me too."

He looked down at me and asked, "So, what do you want to do now, Mrs. MacFarlane?"

I smiled at that.  I then said, "Well, I am ready to eat.  Your child is hungry."

He chuckled.  "Alright, love.  Let's go to dinner."

We all left and meet at the restaurant.  Our other friends were there.  We walked in and the rest of the group clapped and cheered for us.  I slightly blushed as I sat down.  Seth sat next me and the boys sat close to us.  Everyone else seated with us as well.  Then Mike said, jokingly, "Seth, I think you really did it now.  Now you are stuck with her for life.  You poor soul."

Seth moved his arm around me and said to him, "I think she is the one stuck with me."

I rolled my eyes and laughed.  "Well, I think I did that the moment I got pregnant.  So, I decided why the hell not get married."

"Oh, so only marrying me cause I knocked you up."  He cracked back.

"I know how to trap them."  I joked.

He laughed, then kissed me.  He then said, softly into my lips, "I don't mind you trapping me."

I smiled at him.  The waitress came over and we ordered our food.  When she walked away, Cindy leaned in and said, "You know this means our wedding days are in the same month."

I didn't realize it before and actually got giddy about it.  "That is best friend goals, right there."

Cindy chuckled.  "You are not lying about that."

I looked around as our family was there celebrating us getting married.  I was happy to have such a wonderful family.  And my family only grew as now Ron and Rachael were now my family.  I couldn't be happier.  Seth looked over and smiled.  "You good, baby?"

"More then good."  I smiled back.  "I'm really happy."

He moved in as he smiled and kissed me again.  I leaned against him after we broke the kiss.  Now I was his for the rest of his life.  I was truly happy about that.

Previous Chapter / Masterlist / Next Chapter

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #47

“and our scars remind us that the past is real.”

which dinosaur is your favorite? spinosaurous! have you ever been fishing? i live in north carolina. guess, lol. have you ever broken the law? if yes, what did you do? yeah, like illegal downloading and drinking underage. what is your favorite candy to receive in your trick-or-treat bag? reese's! would you ever play with a ouija board? no. idk if i believe in ouija boards, but i do enough to not fuck with them. what is your favorite foreign cuisine? italian, i guess. have you ever wondered if deep down you’re evil? i have. considering there's one person whom i'd kill if i didn't have the guilt factor, i've wondered it. i know without a doubt i'd beat the shit out of her if i saw her, and that should say enough about me. ugh. i just lose all self-control when i merely THINK about her. who do you still need closure from? jason how did you find out what sex was? how did you think it worked before? i actually learned in the 5th grade from sex ed. before that, i had no theories, i didn't know it was a thing. when did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? did you speak to them? do you think you’ll see them again? i saw this SUPER cute guy on christianmingle, but i didn't talk to him (you can't talk to people on there 'less you have a subscription, which i don't have yet). who knows if i ever will. what exactly did you eat for your last meal? have you any idea what you’ll be eating your next meal? i had honey nut cheerios. my next meal will be at 12:00, but because we have no bread, i'll probably just like have a cookie. we barely have anything right now. have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? no. pet food, i did have a guinea pig treat once lol. if you found out that your ex was having a child with someone else, how would you feel about that? fucking NO find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with k. who are these people, and how did you meet them? kelly: met in art class in high school. she is now a mother to a daughter named jasey. katherine: we met via youtube, i think? she just lost her dad. :( katelynn: jacob's ex. very sweet lady. kathleen: high school friend. she moved away after school. kenesa: my hair stylist. if you wear glasses, are they dirty right now? eh, kinda. are you good at wrapping presents? nope. do you put your hair up when you cook? i don't really cook, but i never have in the cases where i have. do you prefer mountain dew or sprite? mountain dew. i don't like sprite. funny how it was my fave soda as a kid. what is your favorite unisex name? hm, not sure. have you ever deleted anyone from your facebook friends list? if so, why? yes, either because we don't talk, i have no interest in keeping up with you anymore, or you've done something to piss me off. time for a random question about the person you love/like. what’s his/her favorite food? probably pizza, but i'm not sure, actually. do you regret any of your past relationships? no. what is your best friend’s middle name? colleen. she goes by her middle name. have you ever liked someone that your friends didn’t like, or considered to be unattractive? if your friends have an opinion on someone you like, or are in a relationship with, do you take that into account? juan didn't like jason because jason once dated rachel, whom juan liked. i'm pretty sure one of my friends called jason weird-looking before, too?? and no, i don't care what my friends think of those i like much, honestly. it's my business, no theirs. do you plan on having children in the future? i think so, yeah. at the same time though, i'm VERY scared of having another life to watch after besides my own. i can barely take care of myself, for heaven's sake. i don't want a child if i can't appropriately take care of them. do you believe that the world will actually end? it's biblical, yes. if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? dragon!! what is your favorite animal and why? meerkats!! they're the second-most social animal in the world and would give their lives for their families. do you find yourself on youtube a lot? i always have it open. are you satisfied with your gender? yep. do you know any strippers? not to my knowledge. would it intimidate you if your crush was smarter than you? maybe a slight bit, maybe. who’s the biggest whore you know? rachel what do you want to get for your first tattoo? if you already have tattoos, what was your first one? my first tattoo was a butterfly with a semi-colon body. it represents the butterfly and semicolon projects. ever had a feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? yep. i "knew" jason was going to break up with me like less than a week before he did. when was the last time you cried? last night. when was the last time you walked more than five miles? how come you did it? holy shit dude, i couldn't tell ya. what was the last flavor of ice-cream you had? french vanilla have you ever gone to any ridiculous extremes to lose (or gain) weight? i haven't, but i'm like five seconds from starving myself to lose weight. have you ever witnessed a birth? only by animals. do you think age matters in relationships? yes. as a general rule, an adult should not be with a minor. i personally draw the line for adults around a 10-year age difference. you should just... be in similar stages of your life, y'know? do you ever actually drink milk alone? yeah, milk is my go-to drink. have you ever been in your kitchen naked? no. the kitchen is at the other end of the house, and i'm very uncomfortable naked. do you like the smell of coconuts? eh... i'm neutral. can you play pool? yeah. we used to have one of those leveled gaming things where you could change the top of the thing to create a different game, ex. air hockey to pool. do you think that christians (and other religions) can believe in evolution? i mean... i guess?? but as a christian, it wouldn't make much sense. do you wear socks to sleep?   hell no, that's just uncomfortable. have you ever kissed just a friend?  no, and i wouldn't do that, because i wouldn't lead someone on like that?? would you rather own a snake or a rabbit? snake ugh i want one so badly!!!! what does your town's name begin with? n are you a seafood fan? not generally do you like pickles?  hell yeah! do you have a class ring?  no... i wanted one, tho. we just didn't have the money. do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? gold. i can't wear silver, i'm allergic. have you ever shaved your arms? nope. what about your stomach? i shave the dark hairs were you a nancy drew reader when you were younger? nah. would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? of course i would. sex is just such a minute part of relationships. what's the last piercing you got?   hmmm.  i think my anti-tragus. have you seen your best friends naked?   just about.  she is totally not self-conscious about doing whatever in public; i mean consider it.  the woman's had surgery on her breast, had a surgery for endometriosis, she's married, her sister like barges in on her when she takes a shower.  i WISH i was like that.  there was one time she needed me to zipper clothes for her, so we were in the dressing room together.  i have so much respect for her. what's the last wedding you've been to?   i was the fat bridesmaid for ashley and nick. do you wear colored contacts?   i wish. one word to describe the last person you kissed?   perfect. are you counting down for anything?   my birthday!! does your hair have layers?  yeah.  ugh they gotta be trimmed. does anyone call you babe or baby?  on the VERY rare occasion juan and i talk, he calls me that sometimes. do you have or want your bellybutton pierced?   i WANT it pierced, but only after i lose weight.  i don't think plus-sized people look good with it pierced, honestly. how skilled are you at photoshop?  not at all.
 how well can you handle vulgar things (i.e. gore, disturbing images, etc)?
   general gore, no problem.  that's an aesthetic of mine.  disturbing images, like, say, a bone jutting out of someone's arm, fuck that. what part of your body would you like to change?   number one thing?  i want my stomach to be smaller. has anyone ever tried to ruin your relationship?  yeah, rachel.  too bad i ruined it myself, bitch. fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing?   ugh.  jason. ever sang to the person you liked?   no.  after three and half years, i was too shy to sing in front of him, except for ONCE at church. are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?   yes.  "stairway to heaven," "all or nothing," "easy to love you," and i'm on the verge with "have faith in me."  i have a hard time listening to ANY bvb or motionless in white, but i do anyway. do you believe that there's good in everybody?   nope. do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school?   ummm i don't think so. what if you/the last person you were seeing found out you/they were pregnant tomorrow?   i'd be impossible because it's been over a year since i've seen him? if you knew you couldn't get caught, would you rob a bank?   no.  couldn't live with the guilt. if you could discover one medical cure, what would it be for?   alzheimer's have you ever dated someone in the military?  no, and i honestly don't think i would unless i just so happened to really like him.  i could NOT live happily and contentedly knowing my boyfriend/spouse was always on the verge of being killed. what are you listening to?   "scars" by papa roach.  lol i'm having an emo streak. do you like to go out in the rain?   NO.  i hate being wet. do you think you'll ACTUALLY live a happy life with somebody?   lmao no.  this is why i cried last night. how many people have the ability to hurt you emotionally?   literally everybody. have you ever kissed someone who smokes?  nope, and i never will. do you have any brothers?  a half-brother. who did you go to the movies with last?  colleen and chelsea (: would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?   no, because i don't fancy prison. have you changed this year?   i'm more of a calloused bitch. have you ever been in a real moshpit?   nope.  i know it's a big part of metal culture, but i don't think i ever will.  i just... i'd get so scared being pushed and stuff. taco bell or olive garden?  og.  no competition. has your best friend ever seen you naked?   no.  way too shy to let that happen. how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?  late 20s have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating?  no. would you prefer a baby boy or girl?  a beautiful little girl named alessandra quinn. are looks in a boy/girl important?   you know what, i don't entirely know anymore.  so if you read my last survey, you know i joined christian mingle a few days back.  well, thinking about it, i didn't really look into people's pages that weren't at least what i call "neutrally attractive," which is like, not really attractive, but not unattractive.  maybe i was wrong to say all these years that they don't matter.  but then again, if i befriended an unattractive guy irl and developed feelings for him, i wouldn't deny them, so i wouldn't say they're very important. you go home with a hickey, what does your mother say?   i'm 20, she can't really say much, but i'm sure she'd be a bit concerned.  i'm not in a relationship, so to randomly have a hickey?  yeah, she wouldn't like it. do your parents know EVERYTHING about you?  mom thinks she does, but sorry to inform her that she doesn't. would you consider painting your bedroom purple?  hm.  dark purple, i suppose. do your parents approve of the music you listen to?  most of it.  some of the heavier stuff or things that sing about highly negative things, notably arch enemy and otep, mom doesn't like, but of course lets me listen to it. do you keep in touch with your cousins?   no. have you ever had a best friend that moved away?  she wasn't really a BEST friend, but she meant a lot to me. do you wish you had an older, protective brother?  i guess not.  after all, when i imagine said figure, i can't imagine he'd let jason have slept with me.  i'd'a pitched a fit. name some things you would never tolerate in a relationship?   any kind of abuse.  any illicit drug use.  smoking.  obsessive drinking.  i know there's more, but i'm not gonna dwell on this question forever 'til i remember. is it easy for you to accept loss?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- what's in your underwear drawer?  underwear, bras, bathing suit, fingerless gloves kiss with eyes open or closed?  who on earth kisses with their eyes open?  freaky.

[secondsightcinema]

Alistair Sim: the “full-bodied” Scrooge

“An ant is what it is, and a grasshopper is what it is, and Christmas is a humbug.” —E. Scrooge

“

As so often happens when I choose a movie to write about, a movie I dearly love, I pass through a period of thinking there’s not really that much to say about it. That’s especially true with a story so often adapted and so universally beloved.

But of course as soon as I begin digging into the movie, its source material, and taking screen shots from the movie—can’t tell you how much I learn about a film during this stage—it invariably turns out there’s way too much to say and way too little time. I’m past my deadline already. That’s why this piece only goes through Scrooge’s first outing, with the Spirit of Christmas Past—I could happily spend another four hours doing screen shots, but this will hopefully whet your appetite for the greatness of this movie, if you don’t already know it, and get you ready for a re-viewing if you do.

So this will be not a finished essay but notes on an absolutely fabulous version of one of the most adapted stories in the English language. Also on my Christmas Carol watchlist: the George C. Scott version, which is regarded almost as highly as this 1951 version, and The Muppets’ Christmas Carol, which I have not yet seen. I’m taking for granted that you know the basic story and character names, at least the major ones (Scrooge, Marley, Bob Cratchit, Tiny Tim).

Christmastime looms large in Scrooge’s life. He was forged in the loneliness of his childhood at school, where he was left to fend for himself during the holidays. It was Christmas when his beloved sister, Fanny, rescued him from family exile and took him home, as she says in the movie, never to be lonely as long as she lives. It is Christmas Eve when Scrooge’s business partner and only friend Jacob Marley dies, and it is Christmas Eve seven years after that night when Dickens’ story takes place.

After a typical Christmas Eve, which for Mr. Scrooge means declining to make any donation to buy meat and drink for the poor (“I wish to be left alone,” he tells them) as well as telling a borrower who can’t make his payment to hie himself to debtor’s prison. “If they would rather die [than go to debtors’ prison], they’d better do it and decrease the surplus population,” and what seems to be a ritual of sneering at his clerk, Bob Cratchit, for his excitement about celebrating Christmas with his family, Scrooge has his customary solitary dinner. He shoos some tattered children carolers, singing in the snow, and walks to his house, the one he inherited from his late partner and friend, Jacob Marley. In the novella, Dickens says it is pitch dark, but that Scrooge knows every stone. But he is confronted by something he cannot account for: Marley’s face, lit by a dreadful light, appears on the door knocker…

…followed shortly thereafter by Marley’s ghost. Marley’s afterlife is going very badly indeed, and it will never get better. Marley wishes to spare Scrooge his everlasting torment, so he intervenes to get Scrooge something he really doesn’t deserve—a chance to reform before it’s too late.

The film makes excellent use of sound in this section. Marley’s shrieks are blood-curdling, and his movements are accompanied by a sort of sloshing sound, as well as the very loud clanking of his horribly heavy chain, the one he crafted in life, day by day, “of my own free will,” as he says.

Just before he leaves, Marley calls Scrooge to the window and shows him spectral, writhing figures, those who want to help other but “have lost the power, forever.” The figures remind me of a Breughel painting. He also tells Scrooge to expect, courtesy of his own intervention, visits from three spirits, and makes clear that Scrooge had better avail himself of this opportunity to avoid Marley’s fate.

“I wish to be left alone,” Scrooge told the men who visited his office on this day, soliciting for charity.

But does he, really? He is in a kind of living death, his days and nights carved in routines and silence. His beloved sister is dead, his partner is dead, he has rejected his nephew, and has lost the love of his fiancée, which seems to remove the last impediment to his fully indulging his worst impulses.

On this particular Christmas, after years of an unvarying routine, in which Scrooge not only treats other people as an offense to him personally, he shows himself no more generosity or mercy than he does others. We see him at dinner, asking for more bread. The waiter clearly knows him, so he tells Scrooge the bread will cost a halfpenny more. Scrooge says, “..no more bread.” He starves everybody, but he barely indulges himself. The harsh world he perceives, in which he has become an instrument of that harshness, offers him no escape.

Scrooge and the Spirit of Christmas Past at Scrooge’s old school…

…they see Scrooge’s beloved sister, Nanny, who has come to bring Scrooge home for Christmas, at last reconciled with the father who blames Scrooge for his mother’s dying after giving birth to him.

She reassures him that everyone loves him very much, and promises him he will never be lonely again, as long as she lives.

Scrooge spent his early years in exile from his family, at school, unretrieved during holidays. A terrible, lonely childhood. He weeps when his sister Fanny comes to bring him home, his father finally having forgiven him for supposedly having caused his wife’s death (in childbirth). Scrooge retreats into this posture, finding an identity in his hardness, his borderline criminality (when he and Marley buy out the embezzler), his righteous, unending anger and feeling that he is the one being shortchanged, the one being cheated. He thinks it’s about money, a realm where he can be master. But it’s a hedge against the terror of loneliness, a kind of mastery of it. He mocks Cratchit’s closeness with his family, his excitement at celebrating Christmas with them. It rings so hollow.

After the school visit, the Spirit takes Scrooge to an office Christmas party thrown by his first boss, Mr.Fezziwig, a gentle soul who refused to harden himself to the increasing ruthlessness of the changing world. We see Scrooge dancing with joy, and we see old Scrooge smile for the first time. The Spirit asks why Scrooge gives Fezziwig so much credit for throwing a party that must have cost what, “three or four pounds,” and Scrooge, before passing his thought through his hate filter, says something like “But look how much joy he brought, it would be worth a fortune…” before trailing off, lowering his head in shame, and saying he would like to have a word with his clerk, Cratchit.

Earlier that evening, Scrooge had looked scornfully at Cratchit, who has just wished him a Merry Christmas: “A Merry Christmas, sir, and you a clerk with 15 shillings a week and a wife and a family. talking about Merry Christmas”—he sneers. “I’ll retire to Bedlam.”

  “Perhaps the machines aren’t such a good thing for mankind after all,” Scrooge to the guy trying to buy out Fezziwig. This is the first scene where we see Scrooge tempted. The film frames many shots in doors and windows, people looking out at hard truths, or Tiny Tim looking in the toy store window at the Christmas display, or Scrooge’s fiancée Alice looking out at the world she now faces without Scrooge, who has changed in his affections, shifting them from Alice to making money at any cost.

Sister Fanny is dying in childbirth, just as Scrooge’s mother did when she bore him.

Fanny’s deathbed: she whispers a demand that Scrooge promise he will care for her son (not sure why, where’s her husband?), so similar to Oliver Twist. (Q: Does this happen in the book? I don’t think so. But if it’s an addition to this adaptation, it’s an excellent one. It makes Scrooge’s antipathy for his nephew and the power of their final reconciliation much stronger.)

Then Alice breaks off their engagement. She is still the very pure, two-dimensional character she was in their first scene together. She is poor and kind, and Scrooge is becoming rich and has no time for kindness.

Alice, breaking off their engagement: May you be happy in the life you have chosen. Scrooge, defiantly, angrily: I shall be.

Just after this, we see Scrooge reporting for work at his new job with the future embezzler. Scrooge seems to be hanging his head, he is ashamed to have abandoned Fezziwig. Proximity to the Fanny death scene creates a relationship—Scrooge changes, moves toward self-seeking and away from connection, because of losing Fanny and hating his nephew for causing Fanny’s death. He is introduced to Marley, who will cause his incipient corruption to flower.

The Spirit’s next stop after Fanny’s death and Alice’s breaking off their engagement: Scrooge’s new job, where he meets his future partner in business and corruption, and possible intercessor—it is Marley who has won Scrooge this last chance to avoid Marley’s tortured fate.

Marley: The world is on the verge of new and great changes, Mr. Scrooge. Some of them, of necessity, will be violent. Do you agree? Scrooge: I think the world is becoming a very hard and cruel place, Mr. Marley. One must steel oneself to survive it and not be crushed under. Marley: I think we have many things in common, Mr. Scrooge. Scrooge: I hope so, Mr Marley.

  Bob Cratchit, to Mrs Dilber, who has come to fetch Scrooge because Marley is dying. “He’ll come at seven.” Mrs Dilber: “I’ll try to get Mr Marley to hold out till then, I’m sure. Much obliged…and a Merry Christmas, if it ain’t out of keeping with the situation.”

Scrooge climbs Marley’s stairs, to Marley’s deathbed. At the top: the undertaker, played by the marvelous Ernest Thesiger, best known for his appearances in two James Whale films, The Old Dark House (1932) and as Dr. Frankenstein’s fellow mad scientist Dr. Pretorius in The Bride of Frankenstein (1935).

Ernest Thesiger as the undertaker

Scrooge: You don’t believe in letting the grass grow under your feet, do you? Undertaker/Thesiger: “Ours is a highly competitive profession, sir.”

“We’ve been wrong.” “…Wrong? Well, nobody can be right all the time. Nobody’s perfect. We’ve been no worse than the next man…or better, when it comes to that. You mustn’t reproach yourself, Jacob.” “We were wrong. Save yourself.” “Save myself…save myself from what?”

Marley expires having failed to make Scrooge see the peril he is in.

Mrs. Dilber turns to the undertaker: “Just like you said.” Undertaker: “I always know”.—funniest moment in the movie, reliably from Thesiger.

Spirit: Jacob Marley worked at your side for 18 years. He was the only friend you ever had. And what did you feel when you signed the register at his burial and took his money, his house, and his few mean sticks of furniture? Did you feel a little pity for him? Look at your face, Ebenezer, the face of a wretched, grasping, scraping, covetous old sinner.” “No…no…”

The clock tolls, Scrooge wakes up, the next Spirit is coming…

This was written for the Happy Holidays Blogathon, hosted by the good people at Pure Entertainment Preservation Society. 

from Second Sight Cinema | https://ift.tt/342TnSL via https://ift.tt/2XrDBz8

[pruittwrites]

Color Blind

The following is a lesson I shared at Point Of Mercy this week. Our Pastor was ministering in Bristol, and I was asked to speak.

2 Timothy 2:15 (ESV)

15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.

Introduction

I was setting at a red light this week, and The Lord put a thought in my head. What if suddenly, someone took from you the knowledge of what the color green meant? How would that affect you?

You wouldn’t know to pull out at a green light for one thing. People would start hitting their car horns and making noise. More than that, let’s suppose you were a florist. Green’s pretty important, or the absence of it is. A brown leaf is a sign of problems, but if you were color blind you wouldn’t know it.

What if it was a red you suddenly didn’t know or couldn’t see? A lot of lives would be lost because no one would stop at the traffic light. Did you know that in the military, three jobs you can’t do are a fighter pilot, a Navy Seal, or a Marine Bomb tech if you’re color blind?

Suddenly it seems a lot more important than just what color socks you put on doesn’t it? Today I would like to contrast color blindness with something else. Something that too many take for granted.

It’s what our Pastor has been strategically encouraging us to address in our own lives. That is our relationship to The Word Of God, and the knowledge of it. Today, I would like to share four reasons to love, and know The Word Of God, as illustrated in the life of the Apostle Paul.

In the verse I read today, the Apostle Paul is addressing a young Pastor named Timothy, Pastor of the Ephesus Church. He’s talking about something as vital to a Christian as color is to either an artist or a soldier. It’s about his relationship with The Word Of God.

Paul was absolutely convinced of both the importance, and the merit of knowing The Word. It wasn’t just about believing it, it was about knowing it backwards and forwards, and why we should.

Paul, at this stage of his journey, is an old soldier, skilled in spiritual warfare, nearing the last leg of his fight. He’s telling Timothy, not only to do his best to present ourselves to God as a worker who doesn’t have to be ashamed, but how to do so.

According to Paul, we do this through the knowledge of God’s Word. Notice, we’re not talking about someone who’s a new Christian. Or someone who had just met The Lord.

We are talking about a man who was now the Pastor of Ephesus. It’s important to know there’s no record of a rebuttal from Timothy. He never questioned, argued, or disagreed with Paul’s counsel here.

Why, because if anyone knew the value of knowing The Word, it was Timothy. He knew Paul was right, but not only because he knew The Scriptures, but because he knew Paul.

The Apostle Paul was his mentor. He saw Paul in the prison house, and in his sufferings. He also saw what Paul leaned on in those times. In the third verse of the first chapter of this book Paul says I serve The God my ancestors served.

In other words, Paul didn’t only know The God of Abraham, he knew about Abraham. He knew about Isaac. More over, he knew what had happened in their lives and how it applied to his.

Paul knew that Abraham looked for a city, who’s builder and maker is God. Paul wrote that, but before he wrote it, he read about it. All through the books that Paul wrote, he references the Old Testament.

He talks about everyone from Moses to Jepthah. When Paul meets the Jews in Rome, in the book of Acts, the place where he wrote this letter to Timothy he looks at them. He tells them, for The Hope Of Israel, I am wearing this chain.

Paul didn’t only say I trust in Jesus. Or I remember a story about the cross. He knew why there had to be a cross. He knew that every step Jesus took was a fulfillment of a prophecy, even the steps to the whipping post.

1. Sustains Us In Our Journey

Knowing that Jesus’ sufferings were part of the plan, helped to 1 Sustain Paul in his journey. It kept him through his sufferings. Knowing The Word Of God may not always explain the trial you are facing, but it will explain the purpose of it.

Paul knew that every thing he ever faced, would result in The Glory Of God, and his testimony. It wasn’t easy to endure the prison house, but he remembered that in the book of Psalms it tells us Joseph’s feet were hurt by the chains he wore in Egypt.

You won’t find that in Genesis, but you find it in Psalms. Why? Because it was something that was handed down in the conversations of the generations of the family of God. The Lord won’t spell out every situation in Scripture, He could, but He chooses to do something better.

Instead, He places jewels, apples of gold Solomon said, in pitchers of silver. In other words, He hides things in this blessed black book that He wants you and I to seek out. Treasures are made to be mined, not grown.

If we’re not careful, we’ll be waiting for the answer to grow out of us, when we are supposed to dig out those things which will cause us to grow. Jesus said in the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer I have overcome the world.

You’re going to have problems. Things are going to go wrong. Hardships happen, but every book of this Bible, every chapter, every line, has something to help us, if we will seek it out.

We talk a lot of Paul writing, but before, during, and after his writing, he was reading. Even in this very book that we read the verse, he tells Timothy. The books I left at Troas, bring them, but especially the parchments.

Most commentators believe he was talking about The Old Testament. If Paul, who was getting ready to die, wanted to read His Bible one more time. How much more should we? No wonder Timothy didn’t get mad when Paul said, I know you’re a Preacher, but you need to read The Word, and so do I, and so do we.

I mentioned color at the start, relating to painting. Did you know that a set of watercolor paint is actually made up of two things? One is the actual color, and the other is the binder. Traditionally, it’s gum Arabic, a resin of a tree.

That tree is the acacia tree, in the same family of tree that was part of the Ark Of The Covenant, and the Tabernacle. The binder is what holds the color together in order to apply it to the canvas. God’s Word is what will hold us together when everything goes south, and make our lives a testimony.

I love Pentecost, but it’s not the shout that will sustain you when you’ve lost your job, and you feel like you’re on the verge of losing everything you own. It’s knowing Scriptures like the one where David said, “I’ve been young, and now I’m old, yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, or his seed begging bread.”

It’s Scriptures that remind you that Jacob, when he was trying to do right, got cheated ten times. He was robbed of a son, lied on, lost two wives, and wanted to die. All of this was after he turned his life around. Or knowing Jesus said that people would leave Him because they would get offended that persecution came because of The Word’s sake.

The reason our Pastor is spending the time encouraging us to know The Word, is because he’s seen firsthand what this life holds, and he’s felt The Hand that holds you when nothing else will. It will sustain you.

2 It Will Instruct Us

2 It will also instruct you. Life is a journey. God’s Word is called both a Light to our path, and a lamp to our feet. One speaks to a roadmap, the other where to go. God not only orders your steps, He steps ahead to clear the way.

We don’t need to know everything. That’s one of the problems with our generation. Everyone’s demanding to know why this and why that. I don’t need to know why everything happens, I just need to know what to do today.

When Paul writes this verse, he isn’t talking about standing before God in the last day. He’s talking about the everyday that Timothy was called to. To please God, you have to study, and according to Paul, it’s a consistent daily time of devotion.

So many times in my life, I’ve read a verse and went to work, and that day’s reading, or that week’s reading, or that Message that I heard that week, helped me know what to do when I faced the unexpected.

Did you know people read Shakespeare in other languages? The man was an English poet who never went to Japan, and yet people listen to it in Japanese. People debate an actor’s words more in the 21st century, than they do The God that invented the time that century exists in, much less the poet who’s been dead for generations.

Yet, we have a Savior, who lives, breathes, and reigns. How much more should we learn about Him, about His Word, and about His plan for our life? Do you want to know the Mind and Will Of God for your life? Read His Word, Hear Him Speak, know where to go.

3 It Is Our Weapon

3 This Word isn’t only our compass, it’s our weapon. The Apostle Paul calls it The Sword Of The Spirit. This book of books, this volume that’s made up of 66 smaller books, isn’t just a good moral code. It’s not only a collection of stories. It is the unadulterated, inspired Word Of God.

It’s what Jesus used when He was tempted. It’s what Moses was given on tablets on the mountain for Israel to hold to. It’s what David trusted in when he was running for his life. He said The Lord taught my fingers to war, and my hands to fight.

Paul tells Timothy that the Scripture brings wisdom and salvation through faith in Jesus. He also in 2 Corinthians tells us that knowing The Word will teach us about the weapons of the enemy.

It is in The Word we both learn the arsenal of the attacker, and how to stand against it. Instead of studying what’s wrong, study what is right. Right will teach you enough to know not only what to refuse, but how to defeat it. It will teach you how to fulfill your calling in this life. We’re not all called to be a, b, or c, but we are all called to be Saints according to the Scriptures.

4 It Will Carry Us To Our Destination

4 It will carry you to your destination. Paul said that The Lord who called him stood by him, and strengthened him, and delivered him from the lion’s mouth. Paul said The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into His Heavenly kingdom.

Notice Paul didn’t say he wouldn’t die, as a matter of fact, he said I’m going to be poured out like a drink offering. What he said is, I’m going to be brought safely home. Whatever we face, whoever we face, no matter what the report of the doctor, or the result of it, we will see Jesus.

This isn’t only about Heaven, it’s about the next level of your life. You have a calling, and a mission. You have something to do, and places to journey. Don’t try to do it without studying the guidebook. Find out why Abraham believed it. Why David loved it. An why Paul trusted in it all the way to the chopping block, and then to Glory.

One day, it will be about Heaven. When you see Him, let it be a face that you’ve first seen here in this book. Not only a few verses on Sunday, not a glimpse of color here and there, but a full picture. They say that what made the paintings of Venus so brilliant, was their use of color.

They knew how to use red, they knew how to use green. Paul, at one time in his life, couldn’t discern the green, or the life, that Jesus offered, or the red Blood which washed away our sins. A Light got his attention, but it was The Word that changed him.

The sad thing is, they say that color blindness can be caused by coming into contact with things that alter you. Such as shaken baby syndrome, or coming in contact with certain vapors. Macular degeneration can cause color blindness. Stay in tune with God’s Word.

Don’t let this life shake you. Don’t let the circumstances rob you of your sensitivity to God’s plan for your life. Circumstances, would take away your ability to discern what is truly beautiful in this life, if you let it. Don’t let the cares of this world, or the busyness of it, rob you of that which will bring so much color to your spiritual walk.

Let God’s Word sustain you in your journey. Let it instruct you in your daily life. Let it be your well practiced weapon in battle. Let it be your compass, companion, and welcoming Host to where He wants to take you.

from Color Blind

[yahoo-the-dagger-blog]

Northwestern, The Play, the history behind it, and the night the rock split in two

Nate Taphorn’s 90-foot pass to Dererk Pardon, and Pardon’s subsequent layup, is the greatest play in Northwestern basketball history. (AP)

EVANSTON, Ill. — On the night that it happened, after The Play, after the chaos, after the purple crush, after the dog pile at center court, and after the realization that Northwestern — his Northwestern — had surely clinched a spot in its first ever NCAA tournament, tears wanted to flow, but Chris Collins wouldn’t let them.

Thirty minutes earlier, he had watched the greatest play in Northwestern basketball history, and had no idea what to do. “I kind of felt like I was Jimmy V back in ’83,” he said. But as his mind finally drifted, back to the long nights in his office before he ever coached a game here, back to the struggles and the triumphs of the past four years, and back to all the emotions that accompanied them, his voice trailed off into a high-pitched whimper. He eked out a few words: “It’s been a great journey so far.” Those were all he could muster.

The story of Wednesday night in Evanston, the story of The Play, the story of the moment that will end 78 years of agony and misery can be told in a lot of ways. The best way to tell it is through tears. And a stare. And a silly little motto that only means anything to the two dozen or so people that had to believe in it.

***

On a brisk Thursday morning in October 2014, Chris Collins was getting weary. It was year two for him in Evanston, and after hours of talking at Big Ten media day, sighs began to precede his responses.

Then suddenly he leaned forward. His eyes got wider. “Look,” he said, and I did, right into those eyes. He stared back into my mine. “In all of our minds, we’re going to get it done. There is no ‘if.’ We’re going to get it done.”

“It” didn’t need subtext. It didn’t need an explanation. But it, for so many, was difficult to envision. Collins was convinced he could make history. Others didn’t necessarily doubt him, but after a 14-19 first season, history seemed a long way off.

Collins, though, believed.

“Now, when that’s going to happen, I’m not going to say it’s this year, or next year,” he said. “We’re making steps. But we’re going to get there.”

***

Tears. A lot of them. On a cold January night in Ann Arbor two years ago, they came, and neither Collins nor Bryant McIntosh could fight them off. McIntosh fell into the arms of family members, devastated. An hour earlier, the freshman point guard caught the ball on the left wing, a maize and blue sea parted, and McIntosh had the freedom of Crisler Center to send Northwestern’s game against heavily favored Michigan to overtime.

He drove.

He missed.

He cried.

So did Collins. “My guys keep getting their hearts ripped out,” he lamented, choking on the sobs.

Northwestern, in 2015, couldn’t stop losing close games. It lost 10 in a row. Doubts surfaced.

But as his eyes welled at Michigan that night, just as they would well 26 months later after a game against those same Wolverines, Collins maintained perspective. “To have Vic Law, Scottie Lindsey and Bryant McIntosh in these environments right now as true freshmen, that’s invaluable,” he said. “We’re going to look back on this when they’re juniors and seniors, and we’re winning big, and we’re going to talk about games like this as being part of our process.”

***

“When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow, it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”

That’s the motto. Pound the rock. It’s actually a quote, attributed to a Danish-American social reformer and journalist who died in 1914 named Jacob Riis. It’s plastered on a wall inside Welsh-Ryan Arena that players walk by every day.

To many, especially cynics, it’s a cute mantra-turned-branding slogan. To Collins, his coaching staff and his players, it’s so much more.

During that 10-game losing streak in 2015, it meant more to the program than ever before. It meant a lot after a five-game losing streak last year. It meant a lot after a third-straight postseasonless year. The harder it got to keep taking swings at the rock, the more relevant and necessary the motto became.

It was relevant and necessary as recently as this past week, when Northwestern, who two weeks earlier had seemed to be on the precipice of history, suffered its fifth loss in seven games in heartbreaking fashion at Indiana and slipped dangerously close to the bubble.

And it was as relevant as ever Wednesday evening.

***

Tears. Again. This time Northwestern assistant coach Brian James was on the verge of them.

James has been coaching basketball for nearly 40 years, early in his career at Glenbrook North High School, where he tutored a teenage Chris Collins, then as an assistant for five different NBA teams, most recently the Philadelphia 76ers. With Doug Collins, Chris’ father, on the way out in Philly in 2013, James joined Chris, his former player, at Northwestern.

Four years later, and moments before his 127th game on Northwestern’s sideline, tears started to fill James’ eyes, and a thought filled his head.

“Tonight, we’re not going to pound the rock. We’re going to break the rock.”

***

Brian James draws up The Play. (Photo via Northwestern Athletics/Studio N)

Two hours later, James had a clipboard in his hands, 1.7 seconds to work with, and a chance at redemption.

Four days earlier, he had been kicking himself. Northwestern had the ball in a similar situation, down one, on the baseline 94 feet from its basket with two seconds on the clock at Assembly Hall. James had three or four plays in his back pocket for this very situation. He chose one. It was ultimately unsuccessful, and immediately he second-guessed himself: “If God ever gives me another chance to rectify that…” he thought, as the idea of the loss to Indiana keeping Northwestern out of the NCAA tournament gnawed at his mind.

Four days later, four days after he had chosen wrong, James’ prayer was answered. A second opportunity arose. He put marker to board, and drew up the play he knew he should’ve gone to in Bloomington.

But, ironically, if it had been his choice, he wouldn’t have had the clipboard at all. With Northwestern and Michigan tied, and with so little time remaining, James didn’t want to risk a turnover. Collins and assistant coach Armon Gates overruled him.

“My instincts,” Collins explained, “said, No, we gotta go for it.”

So James, an out-of-bounds play specialist, grabbed the board and went to work. He figured Michigan would double-team McIntosh, so he told Dererk Pardon to set cross screens for McIntosh and Lindsey, then to leak toward the rim. He told Nathan Taphorn that he absolutely could not airmail the baseball pass, for if it went out of bounds untouched, Michigan would get the ball back where the pass came from.

“We draw a lot of plays up for McIntosh,” James said. “And I just had a funny inkling that they would go small, they’d put the big guy on the ball, like Thomas Bryant was at Indiana last weekend, and so I had my fingers crossed, and hoped Taphorn would throw it high enough.”

“We didn’t even have a name,” Collins said of the play. “Never even practiced it.” Pardon confirmed: “We have never practiced that.”

But wait. They’re wrong.

***

Three hundred and fifty-six days ago, there were tears. From Collins. From outgoing seniors Alex Olah and Tre Demps. From plenty of Wildcats whose seasons had just ended with a first round Big Ten tournament loss to — you guessed it — Michigan.

Three hundred and fifty-six days ago, there was also the first attempt at The Play. Or at least a similar attempt.

Northwestern trailed the Wolverines by two with 3.3 seconds remaining. Taphorn shuffled left across the baseline, came back to his right, and heaved a full-court pass in the direction of Demps. Michigan’s Zak Irvin got a hand on it. Northwestern’s season was over. The Play, in its first incarnation, hadn’t worked.

***

The reason Pardon never remembered practicing it is that the second time James drew it up, Pardon wasn’t on the end of the pass. Gavin Skelly was, and he won an intersquad scrimmage at the buzzer.

Pardon was the obvious choice this time around. He was a football player growing up, the best receiver on his seventh-grade team, according to his father, until his height led him off the gridiron and to the court. But coming out of the timeout, with most players having no previous knowledge of James’ scheme, the implementation was somewhat shoddy.

Then Northwestern got a break: Michigan saw the Wildcats’ set, and called timeout.

“We got another timeout to explain what we really wanted to do,” Collins said.

Rather than going to a different play to counteract Michigan’s adjustments, Collins told James to stick to the initial plot.

“We re-drew the play, and kind of had a set feeling on that one,” Taphorn said. “We all knew what we were going for.”

So the five players trotted back out to the court, back to their same spots. Pardon got behind the defense. Taphorn let fly. And Chris Collins became overwhelmed by fear. He thought Taphorn had done the one thing he absolutely could not do. He thought he had sailed it.

Oh, no, not tonight, Collins said to himself.

It wasn’t the first time Taphorn had had the ball in his hands in this situation, and it wouldn’t have been the first time he made a critical mistake. On Nov. 21 in Brooklyn, with Northwestern leading Notre Dame by one and 20 seconds to play, Taphorn had thrown away an inbounds pass and gifted the game to the Fighting Irish.

“That goes through my mind just about every day,” he said. “That will always resonate with me.”

But Wednesday, he delivered a new memory to override the old.

Perfect pass from @NU_nate32.#BTNStandout finish from @dererk5.

Monster win by @NUMensBball: https://t.co/oTN8CG8VIl

— Big Ten Network (@BigTenNetwork) March 2, 2017

“When I saw the ball out of Nate’s hands, I thought it was long, I thought it was going out of bounds at first,” Pardon said. “But as I caught it, I’m like — The rim is right there!” He smiled.

And then he ran, aimlessly, until he was corralled by Lindsey. Law and Taphorn dragged him to the ground. Students streamed onto the court in glee, turning the far-side bleachers into what looked like a human landslide, and turning the court into a sea of purple.

Later, while players poured an entire water cooler over Collins’ head in the locker room, some students lingered, trying to grasp the moment, reluctant to let it slip away. A few probably understood the gravity of it. Many probably didn’t. Many weren’t aware of the tears, weren’t aware of the days, weeks, months and years of pounding.

Many probably couldn’t fully comprehend what had just happened.

“It” had happened. The rock had split in two.