#so it's still pride month

[horizontwinflames]

HAPPY PRIDE, EVERYONE!!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[kairennart]

*bi lights your king*

for @aeonthedimensionalgirl <3<3

[marty-mc]

"..to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"

I am on my third rewatch of Dead Boy Detectives and I have no intention of stopping sooo have some sketches (the rest is @marty.artdump). Watch this series and let's hope Netflix will renew it for a second season 👻

[nixnuevo]

idk when I'll have time to finish this as more than just a sketch but I wanted to hop on the klapollo TV pin art train

[sourkreem]

happy pride month from our silliest goofy goober pretty boy bicon tim robin drake

dont like how it turned out but need to move on to other things

so have an unfinished ref sheet of timmers

[delicourse]

lesbian pride moment 😳🌸

[laz-kay]

Wendy Pleakey, they could never make me hate you💅🚀🏳️‍🌈

[plutonicbees]

does anybody need an evil sidekick (asking for a friend)

[pokimoko]

If you’re doing pride animals still do you think you could make a pan tiger maybe? If not that’s ok ofc :)

I can absolutely do that for you, my friend. Here you are!

[lost-in-bonerland]

hell yeah jigsaw

[bonemeal12]

Happy Pride Month!! Happy Summer!! I hope everyone gets a chance to relax and hang out with some loved ones!

[idyllcy]

thinking of... Secret Dating!Ada Wong

secret dating!Ada who sends you the first message on her burner phone each time she gets a new one

secret dating!Ada who cracks the slightest hint of a smile when she catches you wandering downtown with the keychain dangling from your bag

secret dating!Ada who has your number memorized like a heartbeat

secret dating!Ada who sends you photos of the view from her flights, tapping back quietly when you tell her to take care of herself

secret dating!Ada who blows her salary on both you and herself

secret dating!Ada who stops by your apartment in an all-black trenchcoat, new red bottoms on with the newest designer jewelry because you had sent her a low-quality screenshot of the piece

secret dating!Ada who gets paid back in full with your smothering affection, your eyes glistening as you smile up at her bashfully

"That's it... ah..." Ada tilts her head back, eyes glued to the mess of your hair as you sit between her legs, gem glistening on your finger as you hold one of her thighs out, nose-deep in the slick of her body.

Your nose brushes her clit just so gently, earning the quietest of moans from her, and you take it as an encouragement to keep going, your thumb moving to circle her bundle of nerves as she throws her head back in pleasure.

"You're doing great, sweetheart."

"Mm." You hum, craning your neck further as you speed up, head spinning from her praise, fingers curling as you dig your nails into the plush of her thigh.

Anything to smother her in equal affection.

[alecz-obssesionz]

🏳️‍🌈HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🏳️‍⚧️ HK NATION‼️🗣

June is almost over, but I managed to pull something after not drawing my dear bugs for the longest time <3

[+ READ MORE FOR THE PROCESS]

[themissingmango]

🏳️‍🌈Happy Pride!!🏳️‍🌈 | x x

[raccoon-of-the-creek]

prid emonth….