#so it's hard to tell exactly where the focus is sometimes and you just gotta wing it and hope for the best

[saikkunen]

Anyway I started replaying Control

[chemblrish]

Hey Lena, any tips for how to make friends in uni as a nerdy but introverted/socially anxious girlie? 🥺 thank youu

Hi!

I need you to know I saw this ask and immediately thought, "Did I just get a message from my past self?" 😅 Nerdy and introverted? Check. Used to have very bad social anxiety? Check. I was in therapy though and it was immensely helpful! I'm still a little shy but doing incomparably better, so I can tell you what I've learnt and hopefully some of it can help you too :)

Excuse the language, but first of all, you need to give yourself a fucking break. Shy people, we tend to fixate on ourselves: our looks, our posture, on whether what we just said was weird, and so, all our flaws (both real and imaginary) appear magnified tenfold - but only to us. Because truth is, nobody else is judging you half as harshly as you're judging yourself. Nobody is analyzing all your jokes or the way you walk. If you trip or say something awkward, it genuinely doesn't matter. It happens to everybody sometimes, it's okay. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're shy, maybe you're easily overwhelmed, maybe you have very little experience making friends - but none of these make you inherently weird. So give yourself a break. You're sincerely doing a lot better than you think, I promise.

Small talk is actually not a bad thing, no matter what some edgelords may try to tell you. I used to spark up a lot of conversations early on in uni by bringing up things like the last test (because most of the time I'd get a mildly pained sigh in response and then we'd bond over how hard it was and how the professor was crazy lol) or the upcoming lab class ("Any interesting exercises in your schedule?") or how my commute to uni that day wrecked me and hey are you a commuter? Oh, you live in a dorm, how do you like it? And many other things of this sort, because if you think about it, uni is a neverending source of conversation topics when you're a student talking to another student.

You know how shy people are advised to just ask questions because everybody loves talking about themselves? That's not a bad advice. The trick is to be genuinely curious about other people. Don't ask just to say something, ask to hear what that other person has to say. This is helpful for two reasons: it takes the focus away from you (which is exactly where shy people shouldn't keep it) by directing it at the other person, and it actually helps to keep the conversation going, because it allows you to find either another thing that might interest you about that person or something to share about yourself.

Maybe it's obvious, but don't hide yourself. I know it's a lot easier to just curl up in a corner with your phone, but you gotta put yourself out there. Hang out with the rest of your course mates outside the lecture hall as you're all waiting for the professor. Take your time packing up afterwards instead of dashing straight for the exit. Don't look for that secluded spot where you can hide safely with a book (even though your introvert instinct tells you to do just that), be where the other students hang out.

Sometimes you have to keep choosing someone. Storytime with a moral: I took a liking to one of my current friends very early in the first semester. She seemed like exactly the kind of person I wanted to stick with in uni. I'd always come up to her and talk to her first but she hardly ever did the same. For some time I'd think, "Welp, clearly she doesn't dislike me, but she doesn't seem to like me much either." Now I can't even remember when that changed, but in an honest conversation we had maybe last month (so after almost two years of knowing each other!!), she told me she often struggles with figuring out whether someone likes her and wants her around or not, so she usually just stays away. You aren't the only introvert out there. Maybe the person you're trying to befriend is also a little anxious and needs a bit more time and effort from you. Don't give up too easily!

Not all people are your people and that's okay. You'll find that trying to talk to someone continuously feels like a chore no matter your good intentions. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or with them. Everybody can't click with everybody and that's fine!

And lastly: "different friends for different things" is a liberating philosophy. Maybe there's this one person in this one class that you always sit with and get along with well, but it doesn't seem like either of you wants to take it any further than that. Cool! That's your buddy X from Y class. Not everyone has to be your bestie who knows all your secrets and shares all your interests. Be open to the concept of casual friends, so that you don't miss out on the more meaningful relationships by chasing someone who's just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.

Good luck my fellow introvert. Remember getting better at making friends is a process but also a skill that can be practiced and polished. You got this, I'm rooting for you!

[chvoswxtch]

Imagine Frank getting head from reader with a tongue piercing 🥰

nonnie...let’s discuss below the cut.

if you're under 18, look away.

this may be more information than you ever wanted to know about me, but as someone who has been…entertained, if you will, by someone with a tongue piercing-I feel like i'm qualified to speak on this. that being said...

frank castle & a partner with a tongue piercing

frank has never been with anyone that’s had a tongue piercing. I am like almost 100% certain of that. I think it’s something that would definitely intrigue him if he had a partner that had one

the first time he kisses you, like really kisses you with it, I think it would take some getting used to (it’s a different sensation) but eventually his mind would begin to wander because tongue piercings are sexy and you’re sexy so.

"feels like you got a bullet in your mouth. kinda tastes like it too. it ain't bad, though." "I...don't even wanna know why you know what that feels or tastes like, frank."

he’s such a gentleman sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t ask for head, unless he’s in a mood™️ (you feel me) like he’s just happy to fucking be there and get to touch you and if you’re gracious enough to offer your mouth to him, he’s not gonna say no

but he really fucking wants you to because he wants to know what it feels like with your piercing like he’s so curious about it and he finds himself getting hard when you talk because he can't stop looking at your tongue and he just keeps thinking about how good it would feel if you sucked him off with it

and since you can read him like a fucking book you know exactly what he wants but won’t ask for, but that doesn’t stop you from teasing the fuck out of him to make him extra sensitive because that’s where the real fun begins

you’d turn this giant mountain of a man into a puddle: lips trailing over every inch of his neck, hands slipping underneath his shirt to lightly trail your fingertips along his warm skin, fiddling with the buckle of his belt, ghosting your mouth over his earlobe asking so sweetly if he would let you try something when you both already know he would never deny you, especially not with you on his lap running your tongue over that spot at the juncture of his neck that makes him feral

“course, sweetheart. whatever you want, know you don’t gotta ask.”

and poor frankie is trying so hard to be patient and contain himself, moving his hips slightly upwards as you rocked yours on his lap slowly, soft grunts and noises getting caught in the back of his throat as his jeans get impossibly tighter

the second you sink between his knees onto the floor, frank’s jaw nearly falls along with you and his chest starts to rise and fall quickly because he knows exactly what’s coming and he can’t hide the excitement and hunger in his eyes

you don’t even bother teasing him anymore since he’s been so sweet and patient, you just get right to work freeing his massive cock from his jeans, keeping eye contact as you open your mouth to show him your tongue, watching the way his adam’s apple bobs when he swallows thickly seeing the metal gleam in the dim light

and he nearly comes right there the first time he feels the metal ball glide along the sensitive slit of his tip because fuck he thought it would feel good-but it’s even better than he could’ve imagined

there’s a coolness to the metal despite the warmth from your mouth, and the light pressure of it gliding along the veins on his length as you take him further into your mouth drives him fucking crazy

he likes it the most when you focus on the head of his cock, enjoying the way the metal feels slipping along the most sensitive part of him, and his knuckles are solid white from gripping onto the edge of the couch so hard because he wants to come so badly because it feels so fucking good but he also doesn’t think he could handle it if you stopped

he’s never felt anything like it before and he can’t even speak to tell you how good it feels. his entire jaw is slack as he watches you in awe, doing his best not to buck his hips into your face, but then you look up at him through your lashes and smirk around his goddamn cock and he loses it

because he knows you figured him out. because you know him so fucking well. you always know what he wants, even if he never hints at it, and it’s one of the things he loves most about you

he’s never come as hard as does when he suddenly finishes in your mouth, and he’s so blissed out, he doesn’t even feel embarrassed about how fast he came as the sound of your cute giggles fills his ears entirely

he just grins when you tell him he should speak up if he wants something

“where’s the fun in that? I like your little surprises.”

[whumpy-wyrms]

The Last Lab Rat CYOA #10

TLLR AU masterlist | TLLR masterlist

content: second person pov (whumpee), lab whump, captivity, test subject whumpee, scientist carewhumper

You chose: Ask questions. Find out everything you can about what this means for you.

— 

“I bet you have a lot of questions,” he says after a while of you two just staring at each other. You nod frantically.

“Y-yeah,” you say, “I do.”

“I suppose it’s only right to let you ask them. Fine. What else do you wanna know?”

Your mind floods with endless questions you have for him, almost too much to process. You start with what seems most important. “H-how long are you planning to keep me here?”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “A while? I mean, I don’t ever plan on letting you go. In theory, we’d be here for the rest of our lives. This is your home now, there’s no getting out of it.”

Home? He can’t actually expect you to accept this that easily. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

“Like I said, I needed a new test subject. Experimenting on myself for… so long… got to be too dangerous.” He sighs. “And I needed a change of pace. Company will do me well I think.”

You bring your knees to your chest, noticing your ankle bringing you less pain than before, despite the sudden movement. “D-dangerous? What are you gonna do to me?”

His eyes light up, those green eyes glowing brighter for a fraction of a second, and he looks giddy with excitement. “I have a lot of plans, and a lot of experiments I've been itching to perform that I couldn’t do on myself. Most of them will consist of testing the limits of the human body and how far I can change it before becoming completely inhuman. I also wanna focus on the key to immortality, but I'm not too worried about that right now. Gotta get you used to what your life’s gonna be like here first, before making it never ending, right?”

“As for the actual experiments?” he continues. “I think it’ll be much more fun if I keep them a surprise.” He smiles a cheeky grin. “But don’t worry, you’ll find out soon.”

He wants to experiment on you, to change you. There’s no way that’ll be completely painless. You’re scared to find out, but you need to ask; “How much will it hurt?”

“…I’ll try my best to make it painless, but that won’t always be possible. It’s science, y’know? Sometimes the pain is necessary to get the results we want. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. You won’t be in any real danger.”

You have a hard time believing that. Experiments? Pain? Mysterious vials of fluid already flowing through your system? It sure sounds like you’re in danger here. He hasn’t exactly been very subtle. You shouldn’t believe a word of comfort he says. “Are you gonna kill me?”

“No!” All the excitement leaves his eyes and he frowns, a horrified look crossing his face from just the idea alone. He shakes his head. “Never. I’ll never let you die, I promise. You’ll be safe here.”

“But you kidnapped me, you drugged me, you hurt me. I don’t feel safe.”

“I did what I had to do. I’m sorry if that scared you, but you’re here now. So everything is going to be alright.”

“But I didn’t wanna come with you, and you took me anyway. You broke into my home.”

“I gave you the chance to come willingly but you didn’t, so I had to take matters into my own hands. You’d already seen me; I couldn’t let you get away and tell people. And I didn’t exactly break in, you always leave your back door unlocked anyway.”

“You… you knew where I lived the whole time?”

“Yeah, I mean, wasn’t it obvious?” He laughs. “I mean, I wasn’t just gonna take some random person off the street to be my new test subject. I needed to know if you were the right fit, and I had to learn more about you so I could get ready for your arrival.”

Curse your noise canceling headphones keeping you oblivious from your surroundings. He’d followed you home more times than just that night. You knew you recognized him!

“How long?”

“Few weeks?”

“Damn.”

“I just needed to be prepared. It was a precautionary measure. I haven’t had an actual test subject in five years, I needed to make sure I was making the right choice.”

“And did you?”

He shrugs. “I hope so?”

You can’t stop yourself from getting more and more anxious about this all. He always seems to be one step ahead. You take deep breaths and try to swallow your nerves. “Why me?”

“Because… I dunno. I just needed someone. You’re healthy, you’re not stronger than me, you’re perfect for experimentation. And you just seemed… lonely.”

“…People will come looking for me.”

His expression warps to one of pity, and his voice softens. “Aw, no they won’t. I have ways to make sure nobody notices you’re gone or comes looking for you. And we’re far, far away, buddy. Nobody will find us out here.”

That can’t be true. You don’t want to believe it. “Where are we?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?”

“We don’t want you getting any ideas about escaping, now do we?”

“Is anyone else here?”

“Nope, just me.”

“Who are you working for?”

“Myself?”

“Does anyone else know about this place?”

“…Nope.”

You decide to use a different approach. “Are you really just planning to keep me trapped down here? You can’t just keep me from the outside! I’m a human, not some lab rat, I need sunlight!”

“Well, you are my test subject now so this place is where you belong. I know this room isn’t much, but it’s better than what the alternative would be. But maybe… I’ll take you on walks outside, if you behave. That’d be a good reward! I want you to be comfortable here. And if there’s anything you need, I’ll find a way to get it for you.”

“What about all my things? My home? What’s gonna happen to all that?”

“Those are not yours anymore. You don’t need to think about that. This is your home now. Your old life is behind you.”

A shiver runs down your spine. You can no longer hide the panic in your voice. “You’re really not letting me go?”

“No. Like I said, you’re my test subject now. Everything will be so much easier for the both of us if you just accept that.”

“And if I don’t?”

He frowns. “…Then neither of us will have a good time.”

You look to the floor. He’s really serious about this, about all of this. The lab out there wasn’t just for show, it’s an actual mad science lab filled with dangerous things that could be used to hurt and change you. You have no idea what he’s planning on doing to you and how you’ll end up in the end— or if there will even be an end.

“Hey,” he says softly. You look at him. “You’ll be okay. You’ll probably come to like it here eventually. It won’t be that bad.” After you don't say anything, he asks, “Do you have any more questions?”

“…Are you responsible for all this that’s… going on?”

He blinks, looking genuinely confused. “What’s… going on?”

“You know.”

“No I don’t.”

“You must!”

“If it’s not related to me then… I don’t.” His eyebrows scrunch up and he leans in closer, a worried look plastered all over his face. “Hey, buddy, are you okay?”

You blink. This conversation is going nowhere. He seems to have told you everything he was going to. You know more about what your life will be like here, what he wants with you, what it means to be his test subject. Horrifying relentless experiments done to you with you having no say in the matter, a complete lack of freedom and autonomy. A lab rat to a mad scientist. It has a nice ring to it, but is this really the life you want?

next

— 

hehehehehe

taglist: @creppersfunpalooza @whumpsday @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @inkwell-and-dagger @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@vidawhump @bottlecapreader @whumpinthepot @lumpywhump @paperprinxe

@indigoisaspookyghost2 @lumpofsand @whump-till-ya-jump @inhurtandincomfort @echo-of-umbra

@sariadragon

let me know if you want to be removed or added to the taglist!

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 17

i’m so tired of missing you.

stop giving me reasons to walk out.

sometimes the most persuasive argument is saying nothing at all.

you act so cold, it’s really hard to know you have any feelings.

this is who you’ve become. you can’t wash it off. it’s in you.

i feel like i lost someone i was with my whole life.

everyone’s kind of an asshole at 18.

fine. do whatever the fuck you want.

i am at the end of my rope. please.

everything that used to make sense doesn’t anymore.

this isn’t gonna be the last time you get exactly what you want and realize it isn’t what you wanted.

all you talk about is leaving this place.

sometimes i get angry, and i’m sorry.

“maybe” to me is the same thing as “no.”

i’m not okay, am i?

how about i just sit here with you until you’re ready. okay?

that’s why they call it a rock and a hard place. not a rock and a soft, comfy pillow.

you don’t get to judge me. i’m doing the best i can.

what happens next, that’s on me.

broken people don’t survive here.

it’s not your fault. you wanna feel like shit, fine. but feel like shit because your life is fucked. 

you wanna talk about what can and can’t be real? that’s the part you wanna focus on?

i haven’t heard good gossip in hours, and i need a good hit real bad.

not everything can be on your time.

if you wanna date people, we gotta stop hanging out with each other. it’s just math.

respectfully, i’ll die trying.

you help me, i help you. that’s the way it goes. 

i’m gonna put this as delicately as possible. how stupid are you?

all we can do right now is wait.

i saw something that wasn’t there. that’s not the first time that’s happened.

in this fucking ugly world, that kind of love does not exist.

i’m still your friend, i’m totally your friend, but you can be a little cruel.

that woman will eat you alive.

between you and me, i have seen some really crazy shit lately. 

you had so much respect for me that i started to learn how to respect myself.

i’m not someone who falls for fucked up, unavailable people.

when i’m mad, i don’t listen well.

welcome to your worst nightmare.

i don’t know what to do, and that really freaks me out.

you have no idea how lonely it is out here.

it wasn’t my choice to be this way.

i’m torn between my best future and my best life.

i feel like i’m hanging on by a thread here.

i wasn’t always like this, you know.

people wanna know if you’re a hero or an accomplice.

you should be mad at you.

i don’t like people going through my stuff.

you don’t have to defend yourself to me or anyone else who really knows you.

there is a fine line between savagery and consequence.

i’m the most clear-minded i’ve been in a long time, trust me.

there are no mistakes, just choices, and you chose what matters to you.

i think you mistook me for one of your little tricks.

i know how hard you work to keep yourself at a distance from everyone on the planet, but it’s not working for you anymore.

guess what, we were never safe.

what part of this is okay?

you just say what you want, not what anyone else wants, then you do that.

do you feel this? most people don’t have this. this is rare.

you’re not living your life. and if you don’t take any risks, you might as well be dead.

i’m not gonna end up sad and alone and full of regret.

let’s be known and gay together.

i pretended everything was fine. i think that just made everything worse.

you won’t be alone, but you’ll still get lonely.

i’ll tell you what i’d like to do next, i’d like to fucking murder somebody. you, maybe.

i’m turning into somebody i can’t stand.

i’m not gonna lie, you drive me crazy sometimes, but we’re in this together. you’re not alone.

i need help, don’t i? i’m really fucked up.

i don’t feel like i have anything left to give.

there are always going to be monsters in the world. it doesn't matter where you are. but i promised myself i would never let them scare the life out of me.

you’d be surprised how quickly all this becomes normal.

if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you’re doomed to repeat them, right?

life always seems to have other plans.

my anger’s like carbon monoxide. it’s odorless, tasteless, colorless, and completely toxic, but only to me. i don’t take my anger out on anyone other than myself.

[chloessleepystories]

Sisters part 9

Sisters … Sisters …

There were never such devoted sisters …

Time seemed to slow, and Chloe had a moment of feeling like she was stuck in one of her video games, the ones where you had to make choices and they all had consequences and sometimes none of the options looked any good. Kenzie had fled the room, having regained a sliver of her cognitive abilities at exactly the wrong time, possibly because of Chloe’s new programming and more likely because of the shock of seeing her mother and aunt in a passionate, nude 69. Mom and Aunt Lydia had transferred their worship of each other to devotion to Chloe, pulling at her clothes and begging to serve her. And Chloe’s father was at the door outside, demanding to be let in.

And the music, full of hypnotic subliminals, was still pouring from the speakers, as it had been for a couple hours without Chloe consciously realizing it. The music was making it really hard to think straight … but it didn’t even occur to her to turn it off …

Chloe shook her head. “Mom, can you – Mom, focus. Let go of me.” She grasped her mother’s forearms in both hands, looking into her glazed eyes. “Ugh, why are you naked?”

Her mother just giggled, then looked skyward as she drunkenly tried to formulate an answer.

“Never mind. Just – listen, I gotta deal with Kenzie, OK? I’ll be right back. You – Lydia, stop touching me there – no, don’t pout – Mom, you and Aunt Lydia *stay here*, don’t leave the living room. Stall Dad, I still gotta figure out what to tell him.” Her mother nodded, her grin a little sloppy as she lovingly studied her daughter’s face.

“You’re so pretty …”

Chloe sighed. Her mother’s face was shiny and smelled like pussy. “And leave Aunt Lydia alone for a minute. OK? No more sexy stuff with each other until I get back.”

Helen looked like a sullen teenager for a moment – a dumb, horny, sullen teenager.

“Promise?” said Chloe.

“I promise,” Helen sulkily replied, but then trembled, her eyes rolling back. Happy chemicals coursed through her, replacing her dopey smile. “Oh fuck it’s so good to do what you tell me …”

Chloe exhaled. “Hoo boy. Uh, good girl. I’ll be right back. Kenzie!!”

Whatever Chloe wants … Chloe gets

As soon as she was gone, Lydia moved in to pinch Helen’s nipple. Helen gently moved her hand away and, as she opened her mouth, another knock came from the front door.

“We gotta do something about Dave!” Helen hissed to her sister.

“Is that who that is?” Lydia ran to the picture window and looked out, not trying to cover herself. “It is!! It’s your ex! And … Ooh, he grew a beard!” She cocked her head, running her tongue over her lips. “You know, that’s working on him …”

“Hi Dave!!!” Helen trilled, through the door. “The kids will be with you in a minute!! They’re just getting themselves together!”

“Sorry I wasn’t here earlier,” he called. “Some … stuff came up.”

Normally, Helen would have been pissed at his cavalier attitude about when he showed up to spend time with their children, but today she couldn’t access negative emotions, it seemed like … or be cross at any man for any reason. “No big deal! It’s been a weird day around here!!” She giggled, looking at her sister’s curvy, luscious form. “Some stuff came up for me too!”

He knocked again, a solid pound-pound-pound. “Can you let me in?”

Lydia bounced over to her, taking her sister’s hands in hers. “What do we do?”

“Helen! Let me in!!”

A shudder ran through Helen’s body, and her nipples stiffened.

“Weellll … the best way to stall him is to let him in. Right? Then we’re obeying both Chloe and Dave. And … and if I have to leave *you* alone … what a great time for us both to pay attention to *him*!”

Lydia gave a breathy little squeal. “That’s so hot that you figured that out!!” She kissed her passionately, her arms going around Helen’s still-slender waist, and Helen went along with it for a moment before pushing her gently away.

“Nuh-nuh-nuh …” she gasped …

Meanwhile, Dave was getting real tired of standing on the porch. He was just reaching into the pocket of his jeans to grab his phone and text the girls when he heard the door lock click.

“About time,” he muttered. Aloud, he said, “Is everything Ohhhh …”

His nearly-ex-wife stood in the doorway, gloriously, shamelessly nude in the afternoon sunlight. She had never been more breathtakingly beautiful. She seemed to glow. A flush colored her chest and her cheeks, and her wide smile and lidded eyes sent a shock straight to his libido.

“Come in,” she breathed. “Please.”

She took his hand and he stepped slowly over the threshold, in a daze. There was some kind of music playing, but he barely registered the tune.

He stopped dead at the sight of his hot sister-in-law reclining on the couch, also, spectacularly, perfectly nude. Behind him, he was aware of Helen closing and locking the front door.

Lydia rose gracefully and glided to him, her eyes seductive, as Helen reached around him from behind and began unbuttoning his shirt. He could feel her warm bare breasts pressing into his back. Lydia’s hands touched the fur on his chest as she looked up at him, then slowly, never breaking eye contact, began to kneel.

“Ohhh … Fuck me,” he whispered in disbelief as she took hold of his zipper, already massaging his hardening cock through his jeans.

Helen’s breath was hot on his ear. “I’m choosing to take that as a command,” she murmured …

[adultswim2021]

Squidbillies #50: "Not Without My Cash Cow!" | July 20, 2009 - 12:15AM | S04E10

Sometimes I think maybe I’m too hard on Squidbillies. When I point out that the show rarely makes me laugh it’s a true statement, but I don’t know if that makes me an effective arbiter of the show’s quality. I probably didn’t laugh out loud too much at the last Aqua Teen season, but I probably made less of a point to tell you this because I’m fonder of that show and those characters. If I’m being honest, the quality of these two shows this television season was probably fairly negligible. I would even go as far as to say that this was the best season of Squidbillies that I’ve seen, and I’m more fond of the show than I was last go round. 

In the conclusion of this two-parter: Durwood has taken Rusty from Early’s home. Early has seller's remorse, and is also promptly caught in a lie trying to disguise Lil as Rusty in order to keep his government child support checks from drying up. So, Early feigns that Rusty has been suspiciously kidnapped, causing Amber Alerts in the area. A media circus ensues which Early milks for all it’s worth.

Meanwhile, Durwood’s family home life isn’t all it’s cut out to be. His wife is addicted to wine and muscle relaxers. Durwood is revealed to be jobless, and we cut to him at a gay bar while pretending to go to work. His wife shares this fact with Rusty, also telling him that Durwood doesn’t know that she knows. It doesn’t stop with this overshare; she seduces Rusty, who gleefully fucks her. When Durwood comes home, she claims Rusty raped her. That’s when they simply stuff him into a sack and throw him back into Early’s yard.

I’ve been trained to be lightly wary of these types of take-downs of suburban/middle-class America, and this one doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel. But it works well enough to pass the time for an eleven minute Adult Swim cartoon. It’s sorta fun to have one of your guys be a squid that’s walking upright in shoes, you know?? That dude straight-up unfurls and I gotta tell you, I was glad to see it. Not saying I loved this episode too much, but I liked it. Squidbillies: reasonably funny.

EPHEMERA CORNER: 

San Diego Comic-Con (July 23-25, 2009) 

Here’s the post where I basically just list all the Adult Swim related-stuff that happened at or around comic-con in 2009. I recall going to this comic-con, but I don’t think I have a good enough of a memory to definitively say what I did and where. If I remember anything, I’ll write a thing. Also, I’ll link to videos if there are any. Also, this is apropos somewhat; I realized that I’m pretty sure I’ve failed to highlight other panels at different comic-cons, but the idea of cataloging all of them to any extent just seems exhausting. Collectors of Adult Swim ephemera should do due diligence and find all the other con shit themselves. I mostly just highlight San Diego because I’ve actually gone to that one myself a few times. Thanks. 

SDCC Panel: Robot Chicken w/ Titan Maximum (July 23, 2009 - 3:00PM) SDCC Panel: The Mighty Boosh (July 24, 2009 - 4:45PM)

I can’t imagine going to the Robot Chicken panel. I don’t think I went to the Mighty Boosh panel.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Performance (July 24, 2009 - 7:00PM)

I think I went to the Tim & Eric show with Kon, who is famous for being my friend and sometimes writing into the blog. I recall having gone to a Tim & Eric show at an all-ages venue in San Francisco maybe a few months before this. The kids were actually pretty great, but the 21+ crowd were dickheads, who vaguely treated everyone and everything like it was just a big freak show. I remember watching some girl dance during all the songs and stealing focus. I despised her.

Mighty Boosh Bash (July 24, 2009 - 11:00PM)

I remember going to this, it was basically a short stage show with the Boosh Boys and it ended with a DJ set. I mingled for like 15 minutes and then left.

Tim and Eric Awesome-Con 2009 (July 25, 2009 - 12:00PM)

This happens in a park outside the convention center. I don’t remember what happened at which Awesome-Con. Could this be the Awesome-Con where I asked to take a picture with James Quall and he just made a noise that sounded like a big sigh and I took it as a yes while he stared off into the distance. It was a dark moment, man. 

SDCC Panel: Series Development and the Venture Bros. (July 25, 2009 - 6:00PM)

I think I sat through this, and I think this might’ve been the panel where I sat next to a really beautiful girl who was dressed like Lady Au Pair. Maybe. I don’t know, I probably said that about the last Venture Bros. panel. I might be hazy on the details, but I basically remember every hot girl who ever touched or almost touched me. 

Robot Chicken Fan Event (July 25, 2009 - 8:00PM)

In your dreams, dickbag

[forcebook]

[if you find it creepy that I comment on your mental health notes like a creeper, please say so]

Hey MJ. I read your notes about making zero progress and going backwards. I don’t want to offer platitudes or condescend to you because i don’t know what your life is like and what you’re dealing with, but i wanted you to know that from this internet stranger’s perspective, you are brave and strong. Because i look at your blog, and i see someone who is kind and compassionate, who loves passionately and unapologetically, someone who is still hopeful. And to me, that takes courage, that takes emotional strength and resilience, to still see beauty in the darkness, to put yourself out there where others can see, to deliberately choose love and kindness over and over again.

Yours is the only blog i visit regularly because you are witty and talented and unhinged in the best kind of way, yes, but above all because your blog is a safe place for me. Last week i had to put down my 14-year-old cat. It was one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do. I had a panic attack at work and had to take the rest of the day off. I got home and opened Tumblr and looked at your Dating Sim gif sets. And it just settled something deep inside me. I’m still a mess, but when i need a smile or to escape for a little while, your blog is my go-to. Think of the prettiest pink sky, the softest soft hug, that is what your blog is to me. And all you ever had to do is be your—talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique—self. 💖

[you said that you sometimes find motivation in fannish things but not so much in other things. someone i respect very much once said that to be a fan of / be obsessed with something, that is living with love. those who know love and those who don’t have very different qualities of life. i think it’s such a lovely way to describe hyperfixation: we are living with love]

i do not find it creepy, friend!! this is a public blog and i enjoy when people interact with my posts/tags. promise, it’s all fine! 🥰🥰🥰

hi! first of all, my DEEPEST condolences to you. i know how pets can be super important to us, my dog is already old and sometimes i try to prepare myself because i know sooner or later he’ll have to leave me. but i don’t think one can truly be ready for something like that. so i completely understand your struggle and even though it’s so incredibly hard, you’re dealing with it as best as you can and you’re sooo strong for that!! most days i don’t think i live on without my dog. god knows how exactly i’m going to do that akdkskdkks but we gotta live one day at a time and make the most of them. it’s all we really have!

so i’m sending you lots of hugs and positive energy!!

when you mentioned visiting my blog regularly and feeling a little better after seeing my our dating sim gifset, i legit started crying 😭😭😭 (granted, i cried a lot today but this is the first happy tears. so thank you!)

i mean, i do like sharing about my struggles sometimes because i don’t want people to think i’m just preaching toxic positivity and that i never go through tough times when that’s simply not true. i hit rock bottom every day but happiness is made of lil moments and i get to have many of those throughout the day as well, most of them here making and sharing things i love with my mutuals.

it’s just my choice to focus on the good moments instead of the bad ones and i want to be defined by my choices, not my struggles.

but i didn’t really expect to bring that kind of comfort to someone else and it really moves me that i can help you in any way, even if just for one second. losing a loved one is sooooooo hard, i’m happy that i can keep you company and that this can be a safe place for you, even if i didn’t know that. so thank you for telling me about it!!

we are living with love 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 that is so beautiful and so true!!!

and you know what? i can live without being loved but i simply cannot live without loving things and people but i wouldn’t have it any other way!!! while being loved is one of the most wonderful things ever, i get to have little pieces of everything that i love in me as well and that’s enough 🥰

thank you so much for reaching out!! for writing such lovely words, they really touched a very deeeeeeeeep part of my heart and i feel floored by your kindness.

takes a brave, strong and compassionate person to know what bravery, strength and compassion look like. so everything you see in me reflects exactly the type of person you are!! we’re all mirrors of our thoughts and actions!!!

i’m sure your cat had a lovely life and was very lucky to be loved by you!!!!!!!!!!

take care of yourself, angel!!!! love you ❤️💙

[hidingcoyote]

my tail lashes to and fro beside me as i sit curled up on the couch. i can hear mikey in the kitchen, clashing dishes together. donny's welder zapping loudly at his work station. the tv in front of me is on, flashing lights, the audio loud and obtrusive. papa sits beside me, chattering occasionally to me about the ridiculous soap opera on screen.

i grit my teeth until my jaw aches. my claws dig into my forearm, clenched. my nerves dance beneath my itching skin, a bundle of energy tight and coiled in my chest like a snake about to strike.

i am going to kill someone, i think, unbidden, and bite down on my tongue harder.

be calm. be normal. don't bother anyone. get over it. get over it. get over it--

"yo, squirt." raph's voice jolts me into focus. i look over my shoulder as he leans against the back of the couch, cocking his head at me.

it makes me want to bite his face off. i stamp that urge down viciously.

he jabs his thumb over his shoulder. "punchin' bag?"

i hesitate. he knows. i glance over to splinter, who simply nods at me encouragingly. he apparently knew, too.

"sure," i reply, squashing down my shame at being so easily readable. i'm mostly just eager to finally get this horrible energy out of my system.

i follow raph to his room, where a spare punching bag resides. i'm grateful for it--a quieter, more secluded location is exactly what i need.

"y'know you can just use this whenever, right?" he says as we walk. "y'don't need permission to beat the shell outta somethin' sometimes. 'specially not mine."

if i were in a more talkative mood, i'd still struggle to find a response to that. it's difficult to convey the absurdities of my own brain; the fact that getting up and doing anything makes it feel like there are a thousand eyes on me, the fact that i feel ashamed to express my more "overdramatic" emotions.

before i can find a suitable reply, raph continues, chuckling, "master splinter was tryin' to get ya to use your words, or just leave, on your own terms, i think. but i thought you were 'bout to maim him before i stepped in."

"...sorry."

"nothin' to apologize for, kid. believe me, i get it." he shrugs. his nonchalance, for some reason, is a soothing balm to my itchy nerves. "sometimes ya just gotta punch shit."

we step into his room, and i immediately beeline for the punching bag in the corner. he stands back a bit, giving me room, crossing his arms over his chest as i get into position.

"dare ya to hit it so hard it hits the wall."

a feral grin spreads across my maw. accepting his challenge with a growl, i throw my first punch. the slam of knuckle against thick, solid fabric sends sparks up my arm and to my brain. my tail whips wildly.

i throw another. the bag swings back a little, but not by much. i bare my teeth.

another. it swings a little more.

another.

another.

i do ten more swings before i have to pause. already, my knuckles and arms are starting to ache. my breath comes fast and hard, body shaking from exertion.

i feel fucking amazing.

the bag hasn't moved much, but i didn't really expect it to. i doubt raph really expected it either. i haven't developed the muscles for it quite yet, after all.

but i'm nothing if not competitive.

and as i stand there panting, and raph approaches me with a glass of water i gratefully drink from, i realize i'm exhausted but not snappy. my head feels clear.

my brother seems to see it on my face, because he snorts and gives my shoulder a gentle punch. "see? what'd i tell ya? bottlin' that stuff up ain't good for you."

i roll my eyes and head bump his chin, causing him to jolt. "i know, i know."

"do ya, though?" he pulls me back to look me in the eye. "take it from me, kiddo. if your brain's tellin' ya to punch shit, you gotta punch shit. constructively, though, or whatever leo'd say. i hate seein' you torture yourself for no good reason."

the scolding is light, but it still stings, even if i can tell he's genuinely concerned. "you're starting to sound like leo, raph."

"ew. don't say that." his beak wrinkles with distaste. i laugh, and it's obvious he's fighting a grin of his own. "well, whatever. y'know what i mean."

"i do." i bonk him on the shoulder with my forehead, warmth in my chest. "thanks, raphie. i'll try to be better about this... kinda thing."

"good." he knocks his knuckles on my skull twice and then pats me on the back. "ya wanna stay in here, or head back out? i could yell at mike to keep it down for ya."

the bone-tired exhaustion is starting to seep in, and nothing sounds less appealing than facing the racket. i lean into my older brother, mumbling into his shoulder, "stay here?"

"stay here it is, then."

[sayitalianolearns]

Diary entry 517

정말 덥다 오늘은… 진짜 습하고. 여름처럼이다 마침내 ㅎㅎ 사실 여름을 안 좋아하다 하지만 평소보다 좀 더 추웠다 그리고 날씨가 정말 안좋다. 여기에 우리는 논밭 가운데 살아서 여름이 참 무덥고 습하다. 한국도 마���가지인 것 같다. 내일은 꼭 더 추운 날씨를 그리울 것이다 ㅎㅎ

best wishes/sentence of the day

hello angel tell me where are you? still, so very thankful for all the good beautiful kind helpful people i get to get in touch with. may y'all stay safe, blessed and happy forever.

what i learnt

sometimes i think that no matter how much i give or do, no matter how much i try and let myself be seen, i will never be able to have someone that will choose to stay with me. idk if it's still the fact that i look so well put together and independent or that i'm just too much to bear with here and there but... people always seem to leave or grow tired of me (i grow tired of some of them too, gotta be honest). maybe it's just an idea i have. a need i still have to learn how to meet and ask for: i don't want to be taken for granted anymore. i want people making efforts for me and reaching out for me even when it's hard to. and i understand we're on different path and healing time-frames but... i'm really trying to do this for others so i'd like to receive the same effort back. maybe i only need to ask somewhere else.

btw it's okay to "disturb" others at times. it's okay to be annoying. it's okay to be a bother here and there. it's okay.

(special thanks to Carmelina for being such a sweetheart)

card of the day (for everyone too)

sense of belonging- know that there are people who deeply care about you. you may not be aware of it as they do it in silence, but let their small actions and few words speak louder for you. heal in nature, stay more balanced don't let fears cage or cloud you. focus on what's beautiful around, and nothing else. find your own place and balance within and in your environment. (exactly as needed, ty)

song of the day

(it's army day so it must be bts... 아미 생일 축하한다~)

[wellgreathereiam]

Address myself emotionally first. For me, that means looking for shame in myself. I tend to meet my expectations and if I'm ashamed of myself and my progress on a task, I will have low expectations for myself. Which I will meet. And the cycle would continue.

To get out of that I have to ask myself to admit to myself what is hard, what specifically is stopping me. Usually its something that other people don't struggle with and when others have noticed that and I've genuinely opened up about those struggles, they've responded with shaming me for having a hard time. I got a negative internal voice from that experience. I don't want to hear that voice, and, at times, that stops me from confronting what I am struggling with. So first I got to admit to myself what is hard about a task without shame. Take my own side, thank myself for doing the work.

Am I having trouble getting started? Activation is an issue for ADHDers. Okay I need to mise en place my materials and workspace before I start and have transition time between tasks, and damn it if it works, pick a treat to eat or drink once I've gotten started. Gotta clean up afterwards too, so I don't have to start from scratch next time I get started on this.

Am I hitting a wall after I get started? Sustained focus is an issue for ADHDers. Okay I need to junebug where I pair the task I'm having trouble with, with a task I can get done. I'll work for 2 minutes on what I'm struggling with and then break to the other task for 5 minutes and then take a real break for 5 minutes and repeat. My lengths of time don't have to be your lengths of time.

Am I just having a bad time? Reward system broke that's ADHD for you. Okay I need to lean into the gratitude to myself for working on this. I need to check if I'm taking good care of myself overall too. Am I sleeping, eating, getting out of the house, is where I live clean etc. There are people working the most mundane, thankless jobs, who legitimately love their life. They hate their job, and have a great time anyways, some shit really fucking sucks and they know what exactly to expect, have stopped trying to change what sucks, and chosen to do it anyways with acceptance. You've probably met these people before. I met a guy with pun after pun, dancing around, and poking fun at people at the state emissions testing station. His job fucking sucks. He's outside in the cold and hot, on his feet. It's extremely loud. The equipment doesn't work on the first try. Everyone bringing their car is has been waiting way longer than they want to be and they don't want to be there in the first place and he's there all day. He has to give people bad news when their car fails. And he's having a great time. Sometimes I got to choose my battles. Somethings aren't worth going through, but the things that are, I own that shit bc I chose it. Nobody can force me to do it. I'll do it over and over again until I can revel in how incredibly good I am at it, make it look easy, and tell anyone who asks how much it sucks.

so ADHD and Autistic folks

how do you force yourself to focus on stuff for long periods of time? Like.

What do i do I genuinely can't do anything like this atm

[midnight-vixn]

Ok I know I already sent smth in but I'm so needy and I can't stop thinking about kneeling in front of Lucifer whole he's sitting down, opening my mouth with his thumb to press down on my tongue and tell me to hump his leg and try to get off on it if I'm so desperate. Just drooling, moaning and blushing so hard from embarrassment and trying so hard to get pleasure from rutting against his leg, hands on his knee if he allows me and if I do a good enough job at entertaining him, he throws me on his bed or office desk depending on where we are and fucks me until I can't think anymore-

Lucifer making you beg— I gotta lay down for a minute😵‍💫 this was in my drafts for so long because I just loved looking at it but I’ll stop being greedy. Thank you Oji for feeding me good food😘

gn!reader x Lucifer

The first born always seems to be busy and you do your best to wait patiently so he can focus, but sometimes you just can’t wait. Today is one of those days.

You’re the only person allowed in his office while he does paper work, a privilege you don’t take for granted and which you’re incredibly grateful for on days that you feel like this. You sit yourself between his legs and run a hand up the back of his calf, looking up at him with an innocent smile even though your intentions are anything but.

Lucifer knows exactly what you want but being the sadist he is, he loves to make you work for it. He’ll reach down to caress your cheek and smirk as you press your face into his hand, he runs his thumb across your bottom lip while he speaks. “What’s wrong my love? Do you need my help with something?”

You whine as you nuzzle into his hand more, wiggling in your spot between his thick thighs. He only chuckles in response, forcing your mouth open with his thumb and pressing on your tongue as you let out a needy moan. “Then show me how bad you want it.”

Never one to disobey an order from him, you do as you’re told and start to rut against his leg, whimpering at the slight friction you receive. You look down in embarrassed but Lucifer grabs your face and forces you to look back up, a wicked grin on his face as he looks down on you.

“Keep your eyes on me darling, you know the rules.” You quicken your pace, desperately trying to fuck yourself on his leg like the slut he wants you to be, moaning and whining his name as you feel your body heat up. Part of you feels ashamed for acting like this but the other part is feeding off of how aroused the demon above you is, a nice sized bulge in his pants and his eyes half lidded as he watches you continue to hump his leg, his hand resting on your cheek and his thumb running across your lips occasionally.

Your cheeks burn from both arousal and embarrassment but the heat between your legs burns hotter, you slip and hand down between your thighs to play with yourself causing Lucifer to scoff at you.

“Is my leg not good enough for anymore?” His tone condescending but the flush on his cheeks tells a different story. You shake your head in disagreement, mind fuzzy from how incredibly horny you are but you manage to form words finally. “Need…more, need you…in me” you moan out.

Lucifer is more than ready to assist you, picking you up and pressing you face down against his desk, all but ripping your bottoms off to look at how soaked your underwear are. He teases you for being so turned on before you slides those off as well, he teases your leaking sex before rubbing his swollen tip against your hole. Whispering in your ear how he’ll make sure you’re completely satisfied before he lets you leave.

The next two hours are spent with you moaning and crying out Lucifer’s name, the massive wood desk creaking beneath you with each harsh thrust he gives, his own grunts and moans echoing off the walls of the office. His hand finds its way to his pact mark on your body, he traces the pattern and growls in your ear. “You’re mine, you know that? You better not go to the others for help like this understand?”

You can only moan in response as you do your best to shake your head yes but his pace is relentless and makes your whole body bounce, your eyes roll back as his tip grazes your sweet spot over and over, drool covering the papers under your face, you’ve had at least three orgasms by now but Lucifer shows no signs of stopping soon. You love your private time in his office.

[arctrooper69]

Stayin' Alive

You may be tough, but sometimes you still need someone to save you.

A/N: I think I may have given up on the whole Whumptober thing. I'm still gonna use some of the prompts but yeah, there's no way I can catch up and do all of them when they're supposed to be done. This was prompt #6: "I've got a pulse!"

Warnings: Heavy mentions of death and blood. Medical talk.

--------------------------------------------------

"I'm glad you're doing okay over there." Kix said softly. You smiled and even in the blue glow of the hologram, Kix could tell you were blushing. He loved that he could always make you blush with even the smallest sentiment. It was endearing.

"I miss you too."

"Any word on when you're coming back?" He asked, knowing that technically he wasn't supposed to know exactly where you were.

"I think we're about finished here," you replied quietly and glanced over your shoulder. "Someone's coming so I gotta go, but I think we should be back pretty soon - in the next couple of days I'd imagine."

Kix nodded, "Good. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Be safe!"

You chuckled, "I always am. Love you too."

The holocall cut off and Kix was left in the dimly lit medbay supply room. It wasn't actually a room - more like a small closet that was closed off by a curtain. As Chief Medical Officer of the 501st, he had to make due with whatever he could find and fashion into some semblance of a medbay. They'd already been on this force-forsaken planet for a month longer than anticipated and supplies were running low. The 501st and 212th battalions would need some kind of relief soon if this campaign went on any longer. Kix stepped outside to get some air before he began his shift. The grey, cloudy skies had given in to a night sky that was starless and dark. It was raining - as usual - turning the already muddy ground into a thick soupy sludge. Even when it wasn't raining, the air was hot and damp. No matter how many times he tried to air himself out, Kix felt like he'd never be fully dry again.

He walked into the medbay and grabbed a cup of caf.

"Sir!" He was greeted by one of his medics with a salute. The trooper's shiny white plastoid was already streaked and spotted with mud.

"At ease soldier, what's the situation here?"

"Not much going on right now, sir. It's pretty quiet."

Kix winced at that word.

"Well now you've done it." Jax, one of his more senior medics retorted with a roll of his eyes. "You've doomed us all."

Kix chuckled at their banter, but silently hoped to all hells that tonight wouldn't be too crazy. He was excited to see you and he knew that if it was too busy, he wouldn't get the chance.

As if the Force itself was mocking him, the coms suddenly blared to life.

"Rex to base we've got casualties incoming. Sending report now." The datapad chimed.

"Copy that, Captain. Report received."

Kix froze, he felt his chest tighten, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. You had been with the Captain. You had been at the center of whatever just happened.

Focus Kix. You can't afford to freeze up now - that's a shiny move.

But his hands still shook. Images flashed through his mind. You covered in blood, screaming in pain. You blown to pieces. You never coming back to him.

"Sir, I have the report, sir!" the shiny medic called out, pulling Kix out of his downward spiral.

"What do we have, trooper?"

"Mass casualty, sir. Multiple blasts from unknown ordinances. We've got multiple burn vics incoming, as well as a lot of blunt force trauma. 15 minute ETA."

Kix nodded. Osik. He swallowed, chest still feeling like he'd swallowed a rancor. Please be ok. Please be alive. Please - to whatever gods, Force, Maker, or anything...please let her be okay.

"I want cots ready, surgical droids on standby, crash cart prepped. Now! Go!"

His medical team hurried away to carry out the orders. Kix rushed to the supply room, gathering anything they'd need. He'd be prepared for anything. Another body pushed back the curtain enough to slide into the room behind him.

"You ok, vod?" Jax put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He was one of the few people who knew about your secret relationship with his CMO. "Hey, I'm sure she'll be ok. She's smart. One of our best."

Kix nodded but didn't say anything. They both knew that didn't mean anything. War could claim even the strongest and smartest of them all; no one was immune. He appreciated his vod's encouragement anyway, convincing himself that any moment you were going to run into the medbay beside the men you'd dragged from the firefight and get to work doing what you did best.

Time seemed to freeze in the few moments of heavy silence before he heard the first of the gunships approaching and the casualties began pouring in.

No time to think. Time to do.

Kix didn't know how much time had passed as he ran from trooper to trooper, his hands doing the job they were made to do.

Jax met his eyes from across the room. Still no word.

"Kix!"

The medbay doors abruptly swung open, blowing rain into the room. Tup burst into the room out of breath and covered head to toe in mud. One arm was slung around Jesse's waist, supporting most of his weight. The other was guiding a hover gurney. He hurriedly set Jesse in a chair. Jax and another medic rushed to the gurney. Tup sat down heavily next to Jesse after giving a report to Jax. He looked up at Kix.

"Kix I'm so sorry."

Kix's heart stopped. That wasn't you. That couldn't be you. You were supposed to be carrying a gurney, not lying on one. He felt numb.

"What...what happened?" he asked, approaching the two, kneeling down in front of Jesse to get a better look at him. Cuts. Bruises. Dislocated knee. Nothing a bacta tank couldn't heal.

Jesse shook his head. "I'm not sure. One minute we're heading back to camp and the next we're being fired at. I think I got knocked out or something cuz next thing I know, y/n was dragging me to cover."

Kix made a note to run a neurological scan on him due to the supposed head trauma.

"Blood pressure dropping fast!" someone shouted.

"Find that bleeder and tie it off!" Something in his brain snapped. Kix sprang up as if he'd been electrocuted, pulled fully from his head, acting purely on instinct fueled by terror.

"What've we got, sergeant?"

The young medic kneeling on the gurney looked up at him. "[ __ ] year old female. Unconscious. Crush injuries to right leg. Multiple abdominal lacerations. BP 80/50 and dropping."

"Keep putting pressure on those lacs. Give me the scanner. With a BP that low, there's internal bleeding somewhere that we need to find fast." Kix barked out orders quickly and efficiently like he'd done so many times before. You must have been caught in the blast and thrown, he thought. He kept his hands held fast on your wounds trying desperately to keep working so that his thoughts wouldn't have time to spiral. He'd be no use to you if he panicked.

"I'm losing her! Get that crash cart over here now!" Kix yelled. Right now he had to be Kix the Combat Medic, not Kix the worried boyfriend. But it was so hard. "Keep at it, solider. We can't lose her!" I can't lose her.

"I lost her pulse, starting compressions."

Kix knocked aside the shiny medic and jumped up onto the gurney, kneeling beside you.

"One. Two. Three. Four..." Kix pumped at your chest, allowing himself to fall into the all to familiar rhythm of his compressions. You were pale. Too pale. "Come on baby. Come on cyar'ika. Y/n come back to me!" His compressions became erratic, like his breathing. "Come on!" He yelled with anger and grief. You weren't even supposed to be out there tonight. I was.

If I'd never agreed to switch, she'd be alive, she'd be fine.

It's all my fault.

My fault.

My fault.

Kix couldn't breathe. He couldn't see through the tears blurring his vision.

Jax placed a hand on Kix's shoulder. "Vod, take a break. Let me handle this. You go see to Jesse."

"No!" Kix violently shrugged him off. "No, I need to save her. I have to fix this! She needs me!"

"Kix, listen to me!" Tup grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling his hands from your chest as Jax took over. "Breathe, Kix. It's gonna be ok. It's gonna be okay, vod."

"It's not okay! She's dying!"

Kix's legs gave out, allowing Tup to guide him into the chair beside Jesse who put a comforting hand on his knee. "She's strong, vod. You saved her life."

Kix knew Jax was right to take over. He was too close. Seeing you like that - it was too much. He'd froze and if it wasn't for Jax's quick thinking he might have lost you. He almost lost you. He still might.

"I've got a pulse!" Jax yelled. Kix jumped to his feet, running over despite Tup and Jesse's attempts to keep him away. Relief flooded though him, watching your vitals slowly stabilize.

It wasn't until much later, sitting beside your bed, that Kix broke down and cried.

You were going to be okay.

You woke slowly, flitting in and out of consciousness before finally coming to. The first thing you discovered upon taking a deep breath was the pain. Your chest hurt. Badly. IV lines snaked up both of your arms. You felt stiff and sore. It was only then that you noticed a figure sitting beside you. Kix was slumped over, head resting on the side of your bed. His hand rested on yours. You squeezed it. Kix shot up immediately. He looked terrible, as if he'd spent the last week in the medbay picking up extra shifts just to be near you.

"Hey," you whispered. Your throat felt raw.

"Hey yourself." Kix smiled. A tear escaped the corner of his eye.

"You're crying!" You wondered how close to death you'd really come for Kix to look the way he did. Kix didn't cry. You'd never seen him cry. You reached up to brush his tears away.

"I almost lost you, y/n. You....you died!"

"I...died!?" You shivered, thanking the force or whatever else was out there that Kix wouldn't be alone.

Kix nodded, "Don't....don't ever do that again!"

You grinned weakly. "Wasn't planning on it, cyare."

--------------------------------------------------

@zoeykallus @ttzamara @nahoney22 @merkitty49 @viva-la-whump @agenteliix

If you want to be on my taglist, feel free to send me a message! Also, asks are open! Reblogging is very much encouraged and it makes me do a happy dance every time any of my writing gets reblogged 😂❤️

[againstacecilia]

First Hunt

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Rating: M, series and blog are E so minors DNI

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, reader's first bounty (they grow up so fast), brief hand-to-hand combat.

A/N: Alrighty folks, we're really getting into it now. New arc, maybe something brewing between our main characters??? Who knows. 🥰 Big round of applause to @creatively-analytical for beta-reading and letting me yell and scream about Shiny Metal Man. 💖 Asks are always open!!

You rise before the sun and get ready to leave, your chest still churning with random emotions from the events from the night before but you do your best to shove it all down. As promised, you wake your parents before you leave and say a simple goodbye; everything you needed to tell them had already been said. 

The walk back to the Razor Crest is crisp in the pre-dawn air. The ramp to the back is open by the time you reach the ship so you head in, determined to act completely normal when you faced Mando. Heading straight for your cot, you drop your jacket and call out, “Mando? You here?”

“Up here,” he calls from the cockpit. It was the last place you wanted to see him but you headed up the ladder anyway. 

“Morning!” you greet him cheerily, placing your bag on the seat across from yours.

“Morning,” he responds, swiveling his chair to look at you. “Looks like the conversation went well.”

“You were right, talking to them was the right move. They were incredibly supportive and told me how proud of me they are, which was exactly what I needed to hear.”

“I’m glad.”

Busying yourself with your bag, you ask, “So, did you get everything taken care of you needed to?”

Spinning the chair back, he responds, “Yeah, Tonis gave me a couple of low-level bounties that we can go after together as a trial period for you. If we can snag these guys, I’ll know you’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” you ask, curiosity pulling your gaze to the back of his chair.

“Ready to be on your own.”

The answer gives you another jolt of emotion. You try not to think about it but rather focus on the future in front of you. “Oh. Okay, sounds good. Where are we going first?” 

“Pasaana. It’s pretty close so we’ll get there in later today.”

You settle into your chair, eyes fixed somewhere beyond the viewport and into the sky above you. “I’m ready.”

Mando punches in the coordinates and the Crest starts to rise. As you take off, you watch your town grow smaller and smaller. You feel this chapter of your life coming to a close and, as the atmosphere of Randon changes to the calm of space, you look away from your old life and forward toward what will be. 

- - - - - - - -

“So tell me something about yourself, Mando.” A few hours after you left Randon, you find yourself thoroughly bored. And curious about your travel companion. Unfortunately, Mando didn’t seem to match your curiosity. He ignores the question, busying himself with the controls.

“Oh come on,” you nudge the back of his chair with your foot. “If we’re going to be traveling together for a while I gotta know a little more about you than ‘always wears his helmet’ and ‘sometimes gives good advice’.”

Mando sighs and stands. He shifts to the other co-pilot chair and faces you, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees. “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know about you. I’m having a hard time figuring you out.”

“Figuring me out?” His head tilts to the side. “Why do you want to figure me out?”

“Because I want to be your friend.” It was a simple admission, something incredibly human. 

He’s silent for long enough that you begin to worry you said the wrong thing. Just as you’re about to apologize and take back your statement, he begins to speak.

“I was adopted by the Mandalorians when I was a child. Both my parents had been killed and I had nowhere to go so they rescued me. I trained for a few years and, once I got my helmet, I fully became Mandalorian.”

You knew a little bit of this already, but the tone of his voice began to shift as he continues.

“I did bounty hunting for a while as a way to bring in money, for myself and for my covert on Nevarro. One day, I took a bounty for an ex-empire guy and had to go get someone for him. That’s how I found Grogu.”

“Your foundling?”

Mando nods before continuing, words tumbling from his hidden lips, “Exactly. Long story short, I brought Grogu back but it didn’t feel right… So I rescued him and spent some time running from a lot of people who were trying to take him. Including Moff Gideon.” The name doesn’t ring a bell, and he notes the look of confusion on your face. 

“Moff Gideon is a warlord seeking the restoration of the Empire. Grogu was a part of that plan, but I’m not sure how.”

“Is he safe now?” 

Another nod. “Yes. He’s back with his kind.”

You smile, “Good. What happened after all that?”

“Not much, I’ve tried to lay low…” His sentence trails off as he pulls at a thread on his gloves. 

“You miss him,” you say, more of a statement than a question. 

“I do.”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think there was emotion in those two little words. Mando, up until now, seemed a paragon of distance and strength. Listening him talk about Grogu, though, was showing you a softer side. 

“Thank you, Mando,” you reach across and squeeze his hand before sitting back. “And… I’m sorry. For the things I said before we got to Randon. I was saying things without thinking.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You were dealing with a lot.”

“Even so, it was harsh and unfair to you.”

He inclines his head in acceptance just as the proximity alert goes off, signaling the drop out of hyperdrive. As the stars settle back into place you get your first view of Pasaana. The desert planet loomed ahead of you, slightly larger than your home planet. From first glance, you were reminded of Jakku; swirls of tan and brown took most of the surface. But, as you drop into the atmosphere, large buttes of granite and sandstone become clear. Mando lands the Razor Crest in the shadow of one of those buttes and powers the ship down. 

“Alright, time to give you a run down on who we’re after first. His name is Shoan Harik, a low level bail jumper. He isn’t very violent, just skipped out after posting bail for running spice. First offence. We honestly might be able to walk up to him and put him in cuffs, but we should go over what you learned over the last few weeks just to be safe.”

You nod, heading to the cargo bay. Stepping into the fresher, you change into leather leggings, supple, grippy boots, and a light, long-sleeve shirt with a tan base layer tank top underneath. Using a leather strap, you tie your hair away from your face and take a look in the mirror. 

The person looking back at you is you… Almost. Even just a couple weeks of training has given you a glow; or maybe that was from whatever inner changes were happening. Your eyes are clear and determined. It was like looking through a filter, but definitely not in a bad way. 

You open the fresher door and step out to see Mando at the gun cabinet, grabbing your blaster. “Is this okay for hunting bad guys?” You gesture to the outfit.

“Well it isn’t always ‘bad guys’,” he starts, turning to look at you. As soon as the visor meets your eyes, he stops talking. 

“Everything okay?” You begin to feel self-conscious, reaching up to adjust your shirt. “I thought the boots would be good for any running we had to do and the shirt would be light but also keep me from getting a sunburn…”

“It’s, uh, great,” he clears his throat, shaking himself a little bit. “Smart thinking.”

“Thanks.” A little smile plays on your lips as you grab your thigh holster and begin strapping it on. Mando comes over and hands you your blaster; you slide it into it’s place and savor the comfortable weight. 

Mando finishes putting all his weapons in their places and locks the cabinet back up. He walks straight out of the cargo hold down the already open ramp and into the shadowed sand. You follow and adjust your bag as the ramp closes back up. 

“This is a good spot to run through your exercises before we head to the coordinates Tonis gave me.” 

Nodding, you remove your bag and begin stretching. It comes naturally to you now and, after they’re done, you move into punches. Then the few kicks Mando had a chance to teach you. He stands in front of you, slightly adjusting and correcting as needed, and you work up a sweat for another 10 or so minutes before he stops you. 

“Alright, now your blaster.”

Your hand finds the grip with ease and the blaster slips from its holster. Mando instructs you to aim at certain rocks and bushes and you oblige. Most of your shots hit and a feeling of pride swells in your chest. 

“You’re doing well,” Mando’s praise filling your chest even more, “but you still have a lot to learn. I’ll show you more after we find Shoan.”

“Then let’s go.” Determination again comes to the forefront and you slip your bag back over your shoulders. Mando takes the lead, heading away from the Crest and into the deserts of Pasaana.

- - - - - - - -

The sun is as uncomfortable as it was on Jakku, but the wind helps keep you cool as you and Mando walk toward a canyon. It towers over you, ledges and outcroppings dot the inner walls. Your eyes scour the nooks and crannies for clues or signs of life but, so far, the only things you see are gorpions and other desert bugs scurrying along the shadows and cracks. You repress a shiver every time one tries to head your way, but they always seem to change course and duck a different direction. 

Suddenly, a shot rings out and the blast kicks sand up about two feet to your left. Both you and Mando whip around, blasters pointed in the direction the shot came.

“You should go back to your ship, Mandalorian! And I won’t be joining you,” a voice echos off the canyon walls. 

“Show yourself Shoan!” Mando yells back, helmet searching. You assume there’s some sort of computer in there, helping him track the voice.

“Fat chance!” Shoan responds, “There’s no way you’re taking me!”

“Keep him talking,” Mando whispers to you, “If he keeps yelling I’ll be able to find him faster.”

You nod, choosing words quickly, “Shoan, we’re not here to hurt you.”

“Yeah, right! I know what Mandalorians do!”

“And what’s that?”

“They’re hunters!” An edge of fear creeps into the target’s voice, “He’s going to tell me that he’s just here to bring me in and then an ‘accident’ will happen and I’ll be sent back home in a casket!”

“I’m not sure where you learned about Mandalorians, but he really isn’t here to hurt you,” you look at Mando, confusion on your face. He doesn’t look back on you, focused on finding where Shoan is hiding.

Shoan scoffs, the sound carrying over the wind. “Sure. Whatever you say, girl.”

“I’m serious, just come talk to us and you’ll be safe.”

“And if I don’t?”

You don’t have an answer for him. “Have you found him yet?”

“Almost, just a minute more…”

“Shoan, listen to me. You have a chance here, a chance to make things right. Come with us and accept responsibility for what happened and start over.”

“I’m starting over here, if I go with you I won’t get that chance I’ll just go back to prison.” The emotion is still thick in his voice. 

“I know how scary it is to face your shortcomings and not know what the future looks like. I’m starting over, too, and I’m terrified. But you can either look at your life and keep going down a path you don’t like, or you can completely start over and build from a foundation of honesty and truth to who you want to be.” At this, Mando does look at you, and you look back at him. “Sometimes, it just takes someone believing in you for that change to begin.”

Mando nods at you and then jerks his head in what you assume to be Shoan’s direction. You nod back. 

“You don’t know me. You don’t know what my life was like. I can’t go back.” Shoan says. You and Mando creep in his direction. 

“You don’t have to go back to your old life, but you do have to take responsibility for what you did in that life. Once you’re done with that, you’ll have your entire new life ahead of you.” 

As you slowly move forward, you catch movement out of the corner of your eye. Blindingly fast, a person comes streaking out of a small cave toward Mando.

Without thinking, you spin in his direction and grab for his arm. Using his momentum you pull his hand behind his back, spinning him to face you. His fist comes toward your face and the world slows; you bring your wrist up inside his fist and sweep it away, just like Mando did that first day of training. Your other hand balls up and your fist makes impact on his stomach, knocking the wind out of him and pushing him back. As he’s stumbling, Mando swings around and kicks the back of his knees and he falls to the ground. In the 15 seconds this interaction has taken, Shoan went from rushing Mando to handcuffed on the ground. 

You’re panting next to Mando as he hauls Shoan to standing. “Nice work.”

“Thanks,” you reply, eyes on the bounty. “You okay, Shoan?”

“Why do you care?” he coughs, spitting sand out of his mouth, “You caught me. Can we go now?”

“We’re going,” Mando rumbles, tugging him along as you all head back to the Razor Crest. 

It’s hard not to skip as you walk, the pride in your work capturing Shoan making you feel lighter than air. Mando stomps on, almost dragging Shoan behind him. 

“We could slow down a little, Mando,” you comment, seeing the sweat drip from Shoan’s forehead. “We got him, he’s not going anywhere, let’s not kill him on the way back.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he does slow down. Shoan looks up at you curiously. “You know, you’re not what I expected out of a bounty hunter.”

“I’m not-” you start saying, but Mando interrupts you.

“Stop talking, we’re almost there.”

You give Shoan an “I don’t know” shrug and the three of you keep going in silence. 

The sun is nearly set by the time you make it to the Crest. Mando uses the buttons on his cuffs (“They’re called vambraces.”) to open the ramp and towes Shoan into the ship. You turn to admire the sunset when, suddenly, a loud hissing sound hits your ears. 

“Mando?” you call, running up the ramp into the darkness of the hold. Smoke fills the room and you hear a small whimper, which is suddenly cut off by another hiss.

“Mando!” your heart is racing, wishing you could see through the smoke. It begins to dissipate and your eyes adjust to a strange sight. 

Mando is standing in front of some sort of machine and, behind him, a metal plate hangs from a frame. Inside the plate…

“What did you do to Shoan?” you exclaim, rushing to the machine. Before you get a chance to make it there, Mando grabs your shoulders.

“Don’t touch it,” he pulls you away and spins you around, “I froze him in carbonite, he’s a flight risk.”

“I told him he was going to be safe, Mando, did you kill him?”

“No, it’s just carbon-freezing, he’ll be fine!”

You begin to calm but look over your shoulder at Shoan. His face is terrified, frozen in the whimper you heard on your way in. “He looks so scared…”

“He’ll be okay,” Mando releases you. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. I should’ve known you wouldn’t know what this was.”

You know the comment shouldn’t sting- of course you wouldn’t know what “carbon-freezing” was- but it still felt like just another thing he’d have to teach you about. Another in a long list of your gaps in knowledge. You give yourself a mental shake and step away from him. 

“Okay. Let’s just get him back to Tonis so he can get un-carbon-frozen.”

“We still have to find the other guy first. We’ll go back to Randon once we have both bounties.”

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you walk past Mando to your cot. “Fine, then let’s get going.”

Mando follows behind you, closing the ramp and heading to the ladder. He stops and you feel his gaze on your back. 

“Hey, look at me,” he says, voice soft but serious. You straighten up and look at him. 

“Yeah?”

“You did well today,” his helmet stays fixed on you. “I didn’t even see him coming and you had him incapacitated before I even reacted.” 

“Not totally, he would’ve gotten the upper hand on me.”

“Don’t minimize your accomplishments. You helped me take him down safely and quickly. You did good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Mando.” He gives you a small nod before ascending to the cockpit. 

You don’t join him, opting instead to settle into your cot. Sitting criss-cross, you pull a book out of your bag and begin to read. Or, rather, try to read. Your eyes skim the words but you don’t really take any meaning from them as your mind starts to wander. 

The day’s events play back through your mind, jumping from moment to moment. The thrill of tussling with Shoan, the sunset on Pasaana, the memory of your face in the mirror, the pause in Mando’s words when you walked out of the fresher… They wind and blur faster and faster. You don’t even notice the whir of the engines as Mando pilots the Razor Crest out of the desert and back into space.

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[kimnjss]

[ part seven of a new series called: ‘clips with context’ - feel free to request your own! ]

>>

BACKSEAT BUSINESS

jungkook picked you from the crowd with one thing in mind. and he can’t wait to get started, no matter who’s around. // explicit. requested. 1.8k words

warnings: cursing, dirty talk, fingering, slight exhibitionism, taehyung knows exactly what he’s doing, mentions of oral (m. receiving), a smidge of angst at the end... jungkook is spoiled and entitled.

+ this is the first thing i’ve written in like a month, so if it’s trash go easy on me... i need to get used to writing again lmao

“kook's always gotta find a girl,” yoongi says with a roll of his eyes, words falling on deaf ears as the other six guys chat loudly about who's going in what car. plucked from the crowd toward the end of the show, you had no idea that the singer had spotted you. just assumed the extra time he was spending near your section was pure coincidence. imagine your shock when security was escorting you backstage.

he barely spoke when you were presented to him, just gave you a once over before waving off the man that had brought you. he's dropping his arm around your shoulders and leading you to the couch in the middle of the room. you're tucked into his side the entire time they stand around talking. he's not listening and you're too starstruck to chime in. although, you wouldn't have much to say on the topic.

they were deciding car sharing arrangements from the sound of it. the seven gorgeous men you had watched dance and sing their hearts out on stage, stood right in front of you, paying you no mind.

jungkook sits lazily spread out on the couch as if they're not discussing him not even ten feet away. the tips of his fingers have started drawing light patterns against your naked shoulder, causing goosebumps to lift. his words come as a whisper against your ear: “you look so good in your little dress...” middle finger tracing the hem of it for emphasis. “i can't wait to take you home with me,”

 he notices the flush that rises on your cheeks at the end of his words., a smirk playing on his lips as he leans down. his lips are soft, warm against the clammy skin of your neck. at first, he lands light kisses on your skin – testing the waters... then all of a sudden his tongue is pushing out, rolling over a very specific spot before he's sucking that bit of skin past his teeth. you're letting out a gasp in surprise, hand shooting down to clutch his thigh as your eyes widen.

the sound pulls taehyung's attention. it's the first time he's looked at you and yes, he's just as intimidating up close. not a hint of what he's thinking is behind his stare and it has a thump of anxiety growing in your chest. you're just about to start full-on squirming when the corners of his lips lift into a small smile. “i'll ride with them, then. i don't mind.” he says with a shrug and as if that had been the dilemma all along, they're packing up to leave.

all jungkook had done, up til now, was kiss your neck a bit... honestly, you've done a lot more than simple necking – but by the time you're settling the backseat of the tinted window car, you're basically panting. he makes a show of waving off his fans, shouting promises of returning for another show.

as a fan, you're giddy to know that sometime soon they'd be coming back to perform again. as the girl seated beside him, waiting to be felt up – you were quickly growing annoyed... and impatient with his drawn out goodbye. he must sense that the moment he's rolling his window back up because he doesn't waste any time with crowding you.

one large hand laid flat on the center of your stomach while the other pushes your hair on the way, making room for the wet kisses he drags across your skin. it's hard to keep quiet with the way his skilled mouth works. love bites placed so deliberately there's no way you're able to fight the soft hums that fall from your lips. even with the full knowledge that kim taehyung is sat right next to you. like right next to you, his thigh pressed against yours as he manspreads... you could smell his cologne for crying out loud!

taehyung's sole focus is his phone, paying no mind to the way his bandmate pulls your legs apart or the way he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. as if it's far from the first time something like this has happened. and that's when it's clicking in your mind. this isn't the first time this has happened. it's routine, he didn't spot you in the crowd and have this unbearable need to be close to you.

he wasn't going to fall in love with you either. he simply wanted you and he was jeon jungkook, he got what he wanted. and as odd as it was, something about that turned you on even more. he wanted you. out of the ninety thousand people he could've chosen from, he chose you. for the night of course, but you were willing to take what you could get.

you're so lost in the fantasies and scenarios you're whipping up in your head, you don't even register the way he's pulled your legs apart. not until you're feeling the nudge of his fingers against your heat through the fabric of your panties. “make those pretty sounds for me,”

he's pushing your panties to the side, just enough for his fingers to reach through and brush against your exposed slit. the moan you let out isn't even all that loud, yet it catches the attention of the man seated beside you. tae tries to be subtle with the way he watches, holding his phone up as if that's where his focus is. it's obvious that's not the case and something about him watching you has a rush of excitement pooling between your legs.

jungkook chuckles fingers making their way to your now dripping hole. he doesn't say much else, eyes on you as he slowly pushes a finger through. and then another. he's moving at an agonizingly slow pace, enjoying the way you squirm beneath him desperate for more. “you're squeezing me so tight... can't wait to fuck you open.” lips pressed to your ear as he speaks, pulling a desperate whine from your lips.

“jungkook, please...” legs spreading wider for him as your hips grind down into his palm. he's grinning, eyes flickering to the man next to you before he's picking up the pace of his fingers. fucking into you at such a rapid pace, you're not even able to contain the squeal that falls from your lips.

his thumb lifts to meet your clit, circling roughly against it with each thrust of his fingers. he can tell you're close to falling apart, from the way you grip his shirt and the untimed twitch of your hips. “think you can handle one more, baby?” mouth lazily tugging on your earlobe as he speaks.

and you're nodding frantically, spreading your legs wider for him paying no mind to the way your knee knocks against taehyung's thigh. “such a good girl. can't wait to feel you cum all over my dick. you want that too, huh?” three fingers pushed into the knuckle while his thumb slowly rolls your clit underneath it.

he's making you feel so good, you'd agree to anything at this point. which is why you're agreeing to his words instantly, begging him not to wait that long, to make you cum now. and he takes you up on that, pulling his fingers back before quickly pushing forward. the snap of his wrist has enough force behind it to make your hips hit against the seats.

urging you to cum with each push of his fingers, reaching deep enough to just barely brush up against that rough patch of skin inside of you. he doesn't let up on the circle on your clit, adding more pleasure and it's only a few moments until you feel yourself unraveling completely.

your orgasm washes over you entirely, head lulling back while you let out a gasped scream. legs shaking and fingers wrinkling the fabric of his shirt. chanting jumbled syllables that are meant to be his name, judging from the laugh he lets out you're not even slightly close to making sense.

jungkook only pulls his fingers down once you've calmed down completely, lifting the wet digits to show off how your juices glisten in the dim light. and then he's pushing them into his mouth, sucking your taste from them while humming softly. you're watching him, not being able to pull your attention from the way his tongue moves.

you barely register the way he leans down to press his lips to yours, not until the taste of you fills your own mouth. but, just as you're about to kiss him back, he's pulling away. dark eyes drinking you in before he's leaning back against the seats, hands moving toward the buttons of his jeans.

“get down and suck me off,” you're shooting him with a wide gaze, eyes shifting over to where taehyung sits, fake watching the same tiktok on his phone for the tenth time. jungkook follows your gaze, laughs softly before he's dropping his stare back onto you, forehead resting on your temple. “he's not even looking,”

the boner straining against his jeans says otherwise. sensing your hesitance, jungkook tries a different approach, lower lip pushing out to form a pout. the same pout you have saved on your phone over a thousand times. “but, i worked so hard today... don't i deserve a reward?” he's looking up at you through his lashes. “i'll fuck you so perfect when we get to the hotel,” heat pools between your legs at his words.

you make a mental note to end the weeks-long debate with your friends on who's the most spoiled out of the group. it's jungkook, hands down. the youngest in the biggest group in the world, of course, it was him. he expected the entire world to get down on their knees with a simple pout of his lips... which is exactly why you're lowering yourself onto the surprisingly soft car carpet.

--

he does, in fact, as he put it 'fuck you so perfect when you get to the hotel'. from the moment you're closing the door to well after two in the morning, he's inside you. tossing you around, holding you down... fucking you open until your body shakes with overstimulation. and then some more after that. 

he calls you baby, but you're sure it doesn't mean anything. just that he never bothered to get your name. even in the early hours of the morning when you're being woken up by his security guard, ready to escort you out. he tosses his phone in your direction, half awake and telling you to put your number in. you know he won't call as you type out the digits, but you're still giddy that he asked.

eyes still closed as you leave, not even bothering to muster a proper goodbye. and while for you, this night will be a story you tell the grandkids... you know it'll end up being just another blur in his wild rockstar life.

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[scandinavian-girl]

The Shooting Range

A/N: This can be read as a part of my Hotchner’s daughter mini series but can also be read individually.

Summary: Reader and Derek is at the shooting range to train reader’s skills. Derek has a plan to make her focus.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader (Hotchner’s daughter)

Word Count: 824

Warnings: guns, teasing about a partner, mentions of kissing, nicknames (plum cake & pretty boy).

Today you and Derek were at the shooting range. Derek wanted you to get better at target shooting from a distance. You weren’t bad, you were actually pretty good at shooting, but during the last couple of cases you weren’t able to hit the target.

It frustrated you and every member of the team could feel your frustration.

Normally your behavior was calm and collected, but it has changed to frustration and anger. Not towards anyone but you were just frustrated with yourself.

“Ear protection?” Derek asked.

“Mhm.” You hummed and showed him the ear protection.

“Safety glasses?”

“Yup.” You showed him your safety glasses.

“And the most important question, are you ready?” Derek asked with a slight grin on his face.

“As per usual, I was born ready.” You smiled back at him.

You grabbed your 9mm Glock gen 5 gun and went over to your desired lane. You prepared your gun with ammunition and made sure it felt right in your hands.

Derek made your targets ready and took out a smaller notepad to write down how you were doing.

Your first round of shooting went bad. Only hit the target 3 times out of 15 possible shots.

You scoffed at your score. “How did I even become an agent if I can’t hit the target?”

“You just gotta focus. There’s always a point when an agent can’t hit their target.” Derek explained to you in a calm voice.

“I know but, as a new agent, I should be able to hit the target with at least 90% of my possible shots.” You scoffed and loaded your gun again.

Derek had been making a plan, alongside with Penelope, for what he could do to get your head to focus. I was to mention yours and Spencer’s relationship.

“Plum Cake?” Derek said to get your attention.

“Mhm.” You answered back as you got your target ready.

Derek gave you the nickname Plum Cake back when you caught an Unsub who had just gotten into a psychotic break and you had put up a hard exterior to protect your own sanity.

The only 3 people who could break it down were your dad, Penelope and Spencer. Sometimes Derek as well.

“I’ve heard that you and pretty boy have been on a couple of dates.” Derek started as you pointed your gun towards your target at the end of the lane.

“I don't know where you’ve heard those rumors, but me and pretty boy have not been on dates.” You lied and shot directly at the middle of the target hitting exactly where the heart should be.

“You know Garcia, she has her suspicions and she might have seen you two in the local coffee shop last week.” He explained further with a smirk on his face.

“We just went to grab a coffee to talk about this job.” You lied further but you did shoot a good headshot that would kill instantly.

“She also saw you two exchange some kisses as well.” Derek teased.

It was all true. You sometimes hate being friends with profilers. They knew everything.

“And what if we did?” You asked and shot two times in a row. Both times hitting the head making them the perfect headshot.

“Pretty boy has a phobia for germs and I know that he wouldn’t just kiss anyone…” he paused and let you shoot two more shots. Perfect shots to the heart. “I think you and Pretty Boy are dating.” Derek smirked.

You lowered your gun and looked around trying to figure out what to respond with. He had you wrapped around his little finger.

“And I have my answer.” He chuckled.

“Just don’t tell my father. Or anyone else for that matter.” You said and pointed your gun at the target again.

“Well pretty much everyone, except for your father, knows it. So I wouldn’t be too concerned to get official when he isn’t around.” Derek said and looked towards the target to see where you would hit.

“I hate profilers.” You scoffed and shot the target and hit the goals with precision.

You had hit your, now damaged target, with chest and headshots that would result in instant death if it was a real person. You felt proud of your accomplishment.

“15 out of 15 possible. I’m proud of you Plum Cake.” Derek smiled at you and wrote it down on his notepad.

“Thank you. I tend to focus more when my mind is set to protect my partner. Or my lover as you would call him.” You smiled softly and looked at Derek.

“Then that should be your motivation to stay focused when you’re shooting, cause one missed shot can lead to the unsub running away.” he explained.

You nodded at his words. The thought of protecting Spencer while being out in the field, really warmed your heart. It also made you feel more powerful to protect your partner from evil.

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