#so it's complete trial and error im fighting for my life out there

[cherubchoirs]

wwoah thank you, that way on how you draw the head/s is very useful, if it is okay to ask, how do you do the bodies as well? if this makes sense ^^; hopefully its not too annoying with me asking this stuff !!

not annoying at all! i'm so happy that first process post helped and i hope this one can too :]

ok!! here's an overview of the steps (once again with good posture v1, since that's probably more applicable to most ppl lol):

step 1: blocking out the body in three parts: chest, abdomen, and pelvis. these are based a much more human-like shape, as its body without its back attachment looks a lot like a regular torso in construction imo + again, i tend to go for organic rather than mechanical shapes

step 2: the chest!! i first draw in its chest plate based on pectoral muscles, then make them a bit blockier. its collar is much like a collar bone (innovative i kno.....) and then i use the cut off line i established in the base sketch to know how big to make the two plates beneath its chest. i'm,,,,sorry that's not explained very well ;o;

step 3: the abdomen!! this is pretty simple and follows the base sketch almost exactly, with a tummy panel that includes articulation points and is slightly open to reveal a couple threads of blood tubing just beneath the chest.

step 4: the pelvis! the pelvis is 100% modeled pretty directly from a human pelvis with only a couple notable differences: the front extends much further up in the middle and it has mounts that connect to the hydraulics we're about to sketch in. again this really lends a more organic feel to it!

step 5: the extras! here the hydraulic blood ports are added in - first i draw the rod from the side of its chest to the mount on its pelvis, then i draw in the little blood tank. its "backpack" is added here too, which is the mount for its wings and its blood reservoir.

step 6: an additional step to try to show how its limbs attach. the arms are tough for me every time tbh, mostly bc i'm not good at rotating an octagon in my head lol, but those shoulders do overlap a bit with the top chest plate. its legs are wide set and again attach similarly as they might on the pelvis.

i,,,,hope that helped a little!! i'm really not the best explainer and honestly i'm still learning myself how to draw the vs consistently! so don't give up! they're definitely complicated in shape, esp if you're new to drawing or have only drawn human characters, so just keep trying and you'll improve!!

[thedragonqueen1998]

Oooh, when Leap changed Desmonds genes she warned him that not only would he no longer be human by genetic standards, but that they would no longer be seperatable. If Leap is removed Desmond could die and if he didnt he might have to bond with someone like any other symbiote. "Desmond, you are dying and this will save you, but you deserve to make the choice yourself. Do you wanna become one with me? This is irreversable and though i would love sharing the rest of my existence with you, i will not assume the same from you. So i ask again: Do you wanna become one with me Desmond?"

Desmond thought of it. Leap probably thought of the moments he wished he could have "alone" time or how he bemoaned that he lost his chance at a normal life now that they were bonded, but truth be told: there was nothing to think about. Desmond had been soul crushingly alone for so many years. He could never make true friends or have a partner he could share everything with due to his upbringing and fear of Abstergo, however illogical he thought he was before his father proved to be right about everything. Him needing "alone" time and complete privacy wasnt that much trouble to aquire as proven through trial and error. Leap could just delve into her own mind or his memories and completely block out everything he's experiencing and he didn't mind sharing his memories of such moments as she already had all his very emberrassing memories if his previous sessions and hook-ups. Not being able to separate at all could be a downside, but he liked Leap and the promise of never having to be alone ever again just sealed the deal for him. So he opened his mouth and uttered the word he knew he would never regret:

"Yes"

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Oh, yes, cut the power! And we could have the cliche horror scene were you hear screaming and crunching. The goons start firing and in the flashes of light they just see a mouth full teeth coming at them. I don't remember Lucy being with Desmond in that fight so when she sees Desmond comes running up to the truck she, Shaun and Rebecca has been packing she doesnt think anything weird about it.

Even if Lucy had seen Leap, she wouldn't tell the templars as if they knew about Leap, they wouldn't hesitate to recapture Desmond, damn Project Siren. Desmond might have to use the Animus to figure out this "end of the world" business, but he could use it just as well with the templars as the assassins. With the proper "motivation" of course and they got the perfect "victim" already.

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Aww, that sounds adorable! After Desmond got over the shock of "giving birth" to Clay, he would be overjoyed that they saved him. He would then gush over how adorable Clay is("Your just a tiny blob! Just look at your little baby tendrils and your baby teeth, it's just too cute!" "Dammit Desmond, stop calling me cute!") and would always make sure he was safe and secured before doing anything dangerous(Thank you enhanced vision and brain, processing faster had its benefits!).

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Indeed, Minerva could just hope that everything went well. But hearing that Desmond was happy with the thrown together plan she devised using the symbiote and that the original plan couldn't have been better, it made her happy. She knew that 74,000 years seperated them and yet, she felt proud of Desmond. Like a mother would be of a child. Desmond might not be hers biological, but after setting everything up, of watching his entire life, of every ups and downs, she couldn't help but bond with him, however one sided the connection is. As she feels the earth shake and the temprature rise, she feels happy and proud. As the solar flare hits with all ots fury and everything crumbles around her, she whispers her last words to no one:

"Goodbye... my son"

.

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Same! Im horrible at reaching out and staying in contact. Think this is the most consistent contact ive had with anyone online in ages. XD

.

Ooohh, i like that idea @spiderrogue!

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Oh, when Desmond and Leap escaped the morgue they rushed to the Temple hoping to find Clay and panicked when they couldnt find him. Since they had been found, they worried Abstergo had Clay, leading to them breaking into templar hideouts searching for him. They leave no trace and no witnesses(they knock out innocents without being seen and eat anyone who is red. There is no official confirmed death count, just dissapearences in the hundreds and blood splatter), wich has the templars in a frenzy, because who is doing this!? Even the assassins aren't this good!

The assassins of course gets wind of this and is just as confused, though Gavin suspects it's another symbiote as the data of no bodies and blood splatter matches the data Bill sent about Desmond and his symbiote. Could Desmond have survived the Temple afterall? From Bills account, he watched Desmond get shot point blank in the head and not even stopping in his assault during the Abstergo break in. What's to say he couldn't survive this too? But why hasn't he contacted them? He knows at least one of the emergency numbers they use. Is he avoiding them? He did run away before and now he has better means to stay hidden, so it's not out of the realm of possibilities. Of Desmond is indeed alive and choosing to run away again, Gavin wont lie and say he's not dissapointed. But being an assassin is a choice. If he changed his mind about joining them, it is his coice to make and Gavin will respect that.

"Good luck Desmond, wherever you are."

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I honestly can't really think of anything to add to the whole "Clay and Shaun bonded" thing, but i like it. Wonder if Shaun would feel bad for fearing Desmond, now that he too has a symbiote and has to eat people too(or consume a worrying amount of chocolate, wich begs the question: how the hell would he get that much chocolate from!?). Would he try to meet up with Rebecca and Galina, hoping they haven't reported hus "death" yet and would keep Clay secret? What would Desmond say when he realises Clay is bonded to Shaun?

"Clay, seriously? You bonded with Shaun of all people!?"

"Shut up, it was an emergency, okay! And don't go all "mom mode" on me here! Im a killing machine for fucks sake!"

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Can't really comment on that last bit, dont really know Elijah that well and i have next to no comic book lore knowledge. Though Clay learning Desmond has a son would ve kinda funny.

"Wait, Desmond's your dad? Uh, guess your my brother then. Wonder if i'd be the older or younger one?"

"Wait, what do you mean your my brother!?"

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So sorry i took a while to respond, been having a really awful time in AC 3 these last 2 days and it just killed my mood, so i couldnt really think on this AU. But i always look forward to this post being updated with new ideas. 💜

So i got a AC x Venom/Marvel crossover idea that ive been toying around with recently that i wanted to share:

So the reason that Symbiotes dont work so well with bonding is mostly the whole "We need to eat brains to live" thing clashes with most superhero morals, but Assassin's kill all the time so that could be a match made in heaven?

So, we could do this 2 ways: 1) is that desmond gets a symbiote when he and Lucy break out of Abstergo. Desmond stepped in some weird white and red goo, but with Lucy running ahead he couldnt really spare a thought to it. So, when he gets shoved in the trunk he gets to bond with the symbiote. Its a misfit just like him, completely alone in a world where you cant tell anyone who you truly are for fear of being discovered/abandoned/abused. So why not be misfits together? Desmond gets major flak for being such a chocolate addict, but hes losing hus mind over here so he gets his chocolate. He doesnt tell anyone about his friend until the templars show up and he and symbiote goes on an all you can eat buffe to everyones horror.

Or 2) where Desmond's body is recovered by Abstergo and during a containment breach a symbiote gets to his body and revives it(Isu bullshit FTW!) and goes on a rampage before dissapearing. Until Erudito gets a call on the emergency line from someone claiming to be Desmond.

Thoughts & Notes:

I imagine the symbiote to kinda look like Carnage & Anti-Venom, mainly being white with red details: his fingers are blood red that fade into black the closer to the hand you get until the black bleeds to the white in the middle of the fore-arms(the legs are the same). Instead of the spider symbol on the chest and back, he has the AC logo.

In option 1, idk what name would fit the symbiote, but in nr.2 id defo say they would name themselves Revenge for what Abstergo did to them.

Desmond would at first have issues eating people, but the symbiote does need it to live and if they stick to Templars and bad guys hes happy, so eh. Just make it a quick and clean kill, its the assassin way.

Idk how the others would really react really, but Bill would defintly go "This we can use, you are the perfect Assassin now", much to Desmonds frustration. Does Bill even see him as his son anymore?

Im all out of ideas now, what do you think? ^^

The origin of the Symbiote can be:

If we’re sticking to keep this as a Marvel/Venom/Spider-Man crossover, the Symbiote keeps its Marvel origin

If we’re keeping this contained into AC world, we can morph the Symbiote into a failed Isu experiment. In this route, the Symbiote could have been a failed plan to create an armor that can withstand the Solar Flare. It gained sentient due to some sort of Solar Flare-induced mechanical failure in its containment or lab and it spent centuries being alone until Abstergo got it.

Regardless of which route we choose, the idea would be: In Abstergo’s hands, it was studied and experimented on without realizing it was sentient which meant Abstergo was hurting it without realizing it.

This way the symbiote would have a reason to hate Abstergo and the Templar Order.

Or, you know, he could just like Desmond and be like “I like you so I’ll eat them.” kind of deal.

Another way that can be a combination of Way 1 & 2, Desmond got the symbiote when he returned to Rome to rescue Bill.

During the chase and ‘fight’ scene between Desmond and Cross, Cross could have accidentally shot the symbiote’s container and Desmond stepped on it in his mad dash to take down Cross as soon as possible.

The symbiote only started talking to him once he’s back in the Grand Temple and he believes it’s a more severe version of the Bleeding Effect first.

Actually…

Regardless of which Way we go for, Desmond wouldn’t immediately believe that he has a symbiote. He would cling to Lucy’s words that he’s hallucinating thanks to the Bleeding Effect and he would think the symbiote is more or less his mind trying to keep him sane by creating a weird sorta-not-sorta-shapeless being that seemed to be a mirror image of himself: completely alone in a world where he cannot tell anyone who he truly was for fear of being discovered, abandoned and/or abused.

The first time the symbiote would make itself known to everyone would be either from a battle with Abstergo (for Way 1 &2) or to actually protect Desmond from the device’s recoil because, while it cannot take the full brunt of the Solar Flare, the device’s recoil? Yeah, could totally do that.

Other Unorganized Notes:

I’m kinda imagining the Assassin insignia to start out more like ink blots with small veins stretched outward and the more Desmond and the symbiote ‘connect’, the more the Assassin insignia becomes clearer until the ink blots disappear but it’s an Assassin insignia that has small vein-shaped lines stretching outward.

I kinda like the idea that the symbiote’s name would be connected to either having an Assassin as its host or eagles in general. On the top of my head: Revenge (like you explained), Soar (which gives us a chance to make a lame joke of someone mishearing it as “Sore”), Flight, Leap, Hidden… or, you know, we can go for “Assassin” because no one can think of a better name or even “Bleed” because sometimes the symbiote suit looks like it’s bleeding and as a reference to the wrong idea they have that this might have been some kind of genetic mutation caused by the Bleeding Effect.

Shaun and Rebecca would freak out (Lucy too if we’re setting this in a timeline where the symbiote’s connection to Desmond made him stop before he stabbed Lucy) but they’d try to understand. Shaun would definitely be more on the side of poking it to see what it does because his self-preservation flipflop a lot while Rebecca is more worried about its effect on Desmond’s overall health in general.

Bill would definitely go “we can use this” the first time he heard of it then ask if Desmond’s alright later but, by then, the damage has been done. Even if Bill is genuine in his concern, Desmond don’t fucking care anymore.

The symbiote is the easiest way to stop Desmond’s Bleeding Episodes although it also likes to talk to his Bleeds. Altaïr finds it fascinating. Ezio is wary of it. Ratonhnhaké:ton just talks to it normally although there’s a hint of cautiousness in his tone.

It would be funny if the symbiote starts Bleeding Desmond’s ancestors once they reached a certain ‘connection level’ but instead of its personality being overwritten by the Bleed, it’s like the symbiote creates another ‘head’ to house the Bleed instead. This turns out to be the best way to keep Desmond from Bleeding but they can’t control who Bleeds, him or the symbiote… not yet anyway.

[crimenightarchive]

“...but i’m afraid something very unfortunate has happened...” bruce wayne is instantly awake, every sense fully alert... and the room is once again filled with the presence of batman...

:[

[unlimitedtrees]

This Freak i regret making in my video game

it is time for me to talk about one of the things i regret making: This Freak

this creature is a secret hidden boss i made for my game 'UNITRES Dreams' 2 years ago and i ended up having Way Too Much to say about them .. read more If You Dare !!!

let me start at the beginning. when i first started working on 'UNITRES Dreams' (which at the time was called 'UNITRES - BRAND NEW WORLD EDITION', one of the big inspirations for me gameplay wise was deltarune. i wanted to try doing something crazy and try to sort of combine the bullet hell like fights in deltarune with a platformer. however there was one big problem: i have never really designed boss fights before

prior to unitres, the only game i made with completely new boss fights was my old fangame 'unlimited trees' sonic 1', and all the bosses in that game were gimmicky but also really badly planned and programmed. aside from some failed attempts in my very first unreleased games, that was all the experience i had with designing boss fights.

having no experience designing bosses and also being a really bad programmer in construct 2, i wanted to try and practice making a boss, and i figured itd be a good idea to try to remake a boss from deltarune, both to experiment with how bosses would work in the game and also as a little tribute to deltarune.

the boss fight i chose to remake was the hidden Jevil fight in deltarune chapter 1, but instead of Just making jevil i wanted to make my own little twist, making a sort of alternate version of the character if it existed in the universe of my game. i made my own character design, named it 'Joker' based off jevil's name in the code of deltarune and wanted it to have its own unique personality n stuff (more on that in a bit..)

when making the actual fight itself, i wanted to try to replicate most of the attacks from the original game, making them work in the context of a 2d platformer. there were a few moves that i felt wouldnt work though, so i had to make a few completely unique attacks. for the first few days i worked on the fight, i struggled badly with figuring out how to get certain things to work (mainly the rotating hearts and the move with the 4 scythes), but i honestly liked how the first few moves in the fight came out... theyre pretty fun to go against and are actually Possible to Avoid.

And then there is the carousel. you see, i am Not a good programmer. i have Never done pseudo 3d stuff in my Life. but i Really wanted the carousel attack from the jevil fight as it was one of the most interesting things from that fight and i felt it could really work in the context of a platformer. However , my implementation of this move was Horrible.

in order to get the 3d carousel effect to work, i hadto look up a tutorial which had an example project that i could use as a base. there was one major problem with this: the carousel effect was a Lot more different from the one in deltarune and i had No Idea what the code fully meant. not only did the sprites not stretch to give the illiusion of them turning around the carousel, but the carousel rotated in the y axis aswell, rather than just horizontally like the one in deltarune, if that makes any sense.

so, i had to spend multiple days of trial and error to gut the example carousel to work how i wanted it to, along with figuring out how to get the sprites to stretch along the rotation. not only that, but i had to edit a ton of stuff just to make it work in unitres' project file, as the original example project file was in a higher resolution and the code wasnt made for unitres' smaller screen size.

eventually though, i was able to get it to work, and im pretty happy with how it looked and how i managed to get it actually working. i still had even More issues with getting collision to work with it (and theres even still a problem in the final game with the player's shield still activating with the further away objects.. which is a Problem which i never figured out), But i managed to pull through and was pretty proud with myself at the end.

There Was One Major Problem , However: it was near the end of like, feburary. i planned on releasing the entire game in may.

that was Very dumb of me in hindsight. i couldve just not put the pressure of a really close release date on myself. but i wanted the game to come out on my birthday in 2019. the game's story literaly involves the date May 9th. i had spent multiple days on one boss fight that wasnt even Complete at that point, when i still had to make the Entire Rest Of The Game in less than 3 months.

And So. the boss was put on hold for the time being. i worked on the rest of the game (and ended up rushing a Ton of things) just to get the game Playable by the end of april. i planned on spending the last days of april going back to the boss fight and finishing it up... but i ended up running out of time to work on the game and had to work on Everything on the very last couple of days.

So. how did the boss finally come out? well. first off, i planned on the boss having completely original music and voice lines like the original jevil boss. i was considering on having the song be a remix of the world revolving from deltarune but including the main leitmotif from unitres as a cute little thing. However, the entire game's soundtrack wasnt done yet, and the joker fight was Very low priority in the ost. so, on the Very Day of the game's release, i had to scramble as i had to implement the new tracks sent by one of the composers the very morning of the game's release, making sure everything worked and could actually be released. so, the fight reused music and sounds from deltarune as a placeholder.

but that's not even getting into the fight itself. a lot of the moves were really rushed, most of them just being a spam of bullets with no thought on how youd actually Dodge them. prior to when the game became 'UNITRES Dreams', the controls and movement were A LOT slower and simpler, so you couldnt quickly avoid attacks.. and the shielding mechanic was a lot simpler and had no parry mechanic for the ??? and ?????? characters, meaning your only choice was to play as Trees if you wanted to survive. lastly, the 'final chaos' move was Very rushed and barely tested. everything in the fight is pretty janky and none of the moves had any sort of choreographing.

after the release of 'UNITRES - BRAND NEW WORLD Edition', it got Barely any attention. i was really disappointed in it and as a whole it was janky and didnt pull off all the things envisioned. So, i began working on a new update for the game, which ended up renaming the game to 'UNITRES Dreams'.

throughout the new update's development, the entire gameplay changed. the movement and mechanics were more complex and Fast, a ton of artwork and levels got redone, and some bosses got updated to be Less broken than before. but the joker fight kind of went neglected. i never was able to get any composer to work on the track for the fight. i didnt really bother messing with the fight's code as it is a Mess. even after UNITRES Dreams released, almost Nobody knew the fight even existed (as the only way to access it was either thru the level select or thru collecting 3 hidden keys in a specific level).

that leads us to today. the boss fight is still in the itch.io version, but i removed it in the newgrounds release as i think newgrounds doesnt allow you to use music from games that you didnt make. ive tried avoiding talking about the boss's existence as im still kind of worried about the fact that i basicaly just copied an entire character from deltarune and put it in my game.. but also considering toby fox is the guy who made the earthbound halloween hack i do not think he is the type to sue some random person's free indie game on newgrounds.

i kind of regret putting this boss in my game. i couldve put the time into making the initial release a lot better.. i also feel bad about not making the boss fight as good as it couldve been... i still think the idea of a platformer bullet hell is really interesting and could be done, but i dont think it is something im really capable of right now.

i think that is all i have to say about this boss fight. i hope you found it interesting. if you are willing to try it.. good luck. it is Possible to beat but it is not very Fun. and also i think it soft locks. i dont remember. if i get sued by toby fox for making this boss... that would be kind of crazy i think. i hope hes heard of 'pepsi in sonic 1'

oh and also. play unitres dreams . ehehehehehe

oh and Also Also... if you wish, you can watch a video of the freak here

[lorebird]

I was just eating dinner and staring at the wall and I was like 'doesn't Lore have some crazy cool ocs??🤔🤔🤔' so I checked and was like 'omg Eva and AJ!!!'

May I get an info dump because I realise I know nothing about them? :]

AGAIN IM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER I also wanted to draw something for this ask but have been Busy w other projects :,,,,,) I hope you know this ask has been a source of serotonin for like 2 weeks btw I get so excited thinking abt it THANK U SM

SO!! Those 2 are my Splatoon agent ocs -- Eva's 8, Aj's 3! I have some kinda out-there world building that ties into their story so. Bear with me SJFKSFMS

Aj was recruited as an agent at 17 and worked tirelessly to get his work done. They don't exactly. Enjoy it? She knows he's harming Octarian society, but the alternative is seeing Inkopolis invaded, so he feels pressured to keep going. They're pretty damn good at what they do -- she only ever took one injury, an incident where a sniper clipped their tentacle.

Cut to Eva! Back then, she was a bioengineer in the kettles named Niyana. She helped build the army -- Octarian soldiers were made with cloning tech and steroids, the latter of which was also used to buff octoling soldiers (which gives them green sclera). When Aj's tentacle was shot off, it was brought to her bioengineering team to make inkling clones for the war effort. There was a lot of trial and error, mostly error, and most attempts didn't survive long/suffered in a quickly degrading body. It wasn't long after the project started that Octavio was captured by the agents, and his replacement really cracked down on groups responsible for the creation + training of the army, which is why things were so rushed and clumsy. It was nearly 2 years into the endeavor that the 8th clone came out stable! Success, finally! Uuuuuntil that one's body started failing as well. There was an incident where they lashed out and attacked Eva, leaving her with her scar, before they finally succumbed to the physical degredation. While the steroids did accelerate growth, these clones were just kids as all this was happening. The attack snapped Eva out of her brainwashing and made her morally aware of just what they were doing. When the 9th clone remained stable and started training with hypnoshades, a very traumatic experience for the little guy, she took him and escaped octaria.

NOW BACK TO AJ. They were on patrol one day when they saw Eva in the canyon and went to investigate. They ended up falling into the metro, where they were succinctly given Juice That Makes You Forget by kamabo co. They wake up, receive their numbers -- 10008 and 10009 -- and start trying to escape the metro. Aj (9) is Way Better at combat than Eva (8), who's hardly touched a weapon, and carries the two of them through the trials. Eva is,,, conflicted about this 9 guy? She gets flashes of memories from looking at him that feel decidedly Unpleasant, but they haven't done anything to warrant her not trusting him. Their trustworthiness is soon proven tenfold when sanitized soldiers begin attacking the two of them outside of trials -- kamabo co doesn't want any stragglers, which Eva certainly is, and she's no longer safe at any point.

Idk exactly how the escape goes, but we do still end up with the sanitized agent 3 fight. Eva takes down the NILS and the day is saved!!! Wahoo!!!!

Aj has a uh. Rough Time recovering from all that. She does manage to recover almost all her memory, but being sanitized really fucked him up mentally. He completely quits agent work. Eva, meanwhile, remembers basically nothing about her past life (she ends up choosing a new name, that being Eva!). They've got a lot to work through, but things are Okay now, right...? Cue the entrance of Mini Aj

That's right baby!!!! Clone #9!!!! Marie found him wandering the canyon on his own, speaking in Octarian and incredibly dehydrated. Eva had hidden him when she saw Aj in the canyon the day they fell in the metro, and obviously she didn't exactly come back to get him. The kid was real sick, and Aj ended up taking him in after a big argument with Callie and Marie.

Things smooth out for the two of them from there. There's a ton to get adjusted to, but now they both have the room to process everything they've been through and focus on healing. The clone, now with the name Oliver, begins adjusting to his new life and gets on surprisingly well!!

There's some other characters that tie into their whole debacle, my agent 4 and his rival as well as ahato, BUT my internet connection is very spotty rn and I've already talked so much so I'm just posting this when I get the chance JDJFKDL again!! Thank you so much!!!

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 62 of 83 : World of Sea

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SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 62 of 83

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2020

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users   of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information   remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical   compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

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Mord knocked on the cabin door.  The guard opened it at once.

The degree to which he was still trusted by the crew was shown by their choice of guard.  It was Bron, the cabin-boy.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Bron, would you please ask Alor, Acting Captain Kotance, a representative of the Master’s Council and  Cron to come here?”

Bron was aware that such a group meant something important.  He went at once to Alor’s cabin just down the passage.  He spoke with her through the door, staying in the hallway so that he could watch the Captain’s cabin door.  Mord only waited, as expected.

Alor went to get the witnesses that Mord had asked for, and Bron came back to his guard post by the door.  The group assembled quickly, coming one at a time to the Captain’s cabin.

Last to arrive was Alor, who came in the company of Master Juris.

The others waited in nervous silence until Alor began the meeting.  As Purser, she was the ship’s legal officer for most things and all official documents except the log were her province.  

She began, “Mord, we have assembled as you have requested.  What do you contemplate doing that needs witness from all sections of the crew?”

Mord drew a deep breath and knit his brows before replying,  “I have to do the hardest duty of my life.  I have looked at all of the charges in the documents that you have provided me and reflected on how best to deal with them.  They are all true.  I cannot in conscious good faith waste the time of the Longin or the Council trying to fight this.”

Concerned, Master Juris asked, “Will you mount no defense?  These are serious charges.  You could lose much, perhaps even your life.”

“I can only say in my defense that I plead mitigating circumstance.  I believe that I went onto dry land when Kurin was so viciously poisoned.  I have regarded her as a daughter and responded to her poisoning with a parent’s rage instead of a Captain’s thought and consideration.”

Kotance thoughtfully ran a hand through his red hair before speaking, “As Acting Captain, I must inquire into your state of mind.  You say that you ran hard aground.  What do you think has put you safely afloat now?  In short, are you refusing to fight as a way to get yourself punished for the killings?  Do you have safe water under your keel?”

“I believe that I do, Captain.  I do not want to be punished but I must take the responsibility for what I have done.  I did not even realize that I had done anything seriously wrong until after I saw the charges in writing and had the time to reflect on them.  I believe that I am now past that lapse of sanity.  I will accept the decision of the Council.  Until then, I will serve the Longin in whatever capacity I am allowed.”

Chapter 23: Questions

Kurin braced herself.  She had interviewed many of the Grandalor’s company.  What she had found had bothered her a great deal because it showed a dark side to the fleet that she loved.  Many of the crew had done bad things and had deserved their punishments.  Nearly as many more had been the victims of crimes by high officers on their ships or were inconvenient to keep for one or another reason.  They had been disposed of.

The Oath of Adoption, where they repudiated their old ship names and took Grandalor in their places was a thing that had been planned without Barad or Tanlin’s knowledge.  Originally, only about half the ship’s crew had planned to participate.

When it became obvious that the Captain who had helped them in their need was himself in trouble, they had pulled together behind him unanimously.  He had not let them down and they would stand with him. The Oath had been a way to show both him and the Council how they felt.  Their loyalty was ferocious.

A lifetime of habit made the very idea of accepting what Barad might tell her as questionable at best.  Tanlin had put it succinctly.  “Oi understand t’at i’ Barad told ye t’at t’e sky wa’ blue t’at ye wad probably look up t’ check.  Twad be best t’ interview ‘im last o’ t’e crew but before Morgu an’ Silor.  T’en ye’ll ‘ave somet’in’ t’ use for judgin’ w’at ‘e tells ye.”

Kurin had taken that advice.  She drew a deep breath and knocked on the Captain’s cabin door.  Tanlin opened it at once.  Barad was seated at a small table in the middle of the cabin.

“Do ye wont m’ t’ stay or go?” asked the Captain.

“I would appreciate it if you stayed but all of my other interviews have been solo.  I had better do this alone,” Kurin answered.

“T’at’s good,” said Tanlin, stepping through the door.  “T’is way shows nae favoritism.”

As the door slid shut behind her Barad smiled wanly and waved her an invitation to sit across from him.  “I won’t bite.  It cost us dear to get you here to help us.  I can’t see how you can save me. I am grateful that you will try to get my wife and crew off.”

Kurin replied thoughtfully, “I may not ever like you, Barad, but you deserve the best justice that can be.  I have learned things that I wish that I had never heard or read.  I can check almost everything from the fleet archives when we Gather for the trial.  I am sure that what I have learned will be backed up.”

The usually self-assured Kurin looked at Barad in dismay and said, “It has me confused.  I love my fleet.  They have done some terrible things.  My own ship is involved.  Are they good people or bad?  What about you?”  The dismay was real enough but the questions were calculated to obtain a candid reaction from Barad.

Barad’s reply shook her to the keel.  He considered thoughtfully before answering.  “They’re people, Kurin, with both good and bad.  Some few in influential places have abused their positions but most try to steer an honest course.

“Me?” he shrugged.  “I’ve been worse than most but not as bad as painted by some.  I’ve tried to pick up their mistakes and keep the innocent or merely foolish from swimming to your foster father.”

“You mean like Lenai or Darkistry?”

“Good examples.  One of each.  Darkistry was raped and framed.  Lenai simply got pregnant before she could get legally married.  The birth slot that she would have to have taken belonged to a friend who was married and had waited three Gatherings for the Lottery to give her a chance at a child.

Lenai had a good heart.  At the small Fall gathering, she went to look for a ship that would take her.  While she was looking, her ‘friends’ put her goods on the raft, after pilfering the best of them, and left a note barring her from returning to the Darok.  I took her and never regretted it.  She was the best sail-lofter and rigging surveyor in the fleet so far as I am concerned.

“Little Arnat alone would have been worth taking her in.  My wife was long dead, so I gave her my birth slot.”  He smiled softly.

Kurin could not help asking, “Why did you take in Silor the way that you did?”

“For five Gatherings, he was my eyes and ears aboard the Longin, though he would never tell Ship’s Business until the fiasco this last Gathering.  When his delusions about you led him to be cast off your ship, I could not help him openly because he was to be a key person in the plot to poison you.

“We picked him up in secret.  After he had done his part, I would have given him some education in Arrakan writing and figuring and sold him as an indenture to their fleet, where he would have probably become a good officer in time.”

The blunt revelation left Kurin feeling ill, needing to hide.  She pulled herself together and asked, “Who all knew of the plan to kill me?”

“At first, only myself, Mister Morgu, and one other that Mister Morgu picked.  I later learned that he was Merk, Master Selked’s apprentice, who was needed to make the poisoned kit.”

“What do you mean, ‘at first’?”

“I was troubled by something about the plot but couldn’t put a finger on it.  It nagged at me.  I know that doesn’t sound like much but very little that I’ve ever done bothers me.  I pay attention when something does.

“Shortly after picking up Silor, I took both Tanlin and Master Selked into my confidence.  They showed me the fatal errors in my reasoning.  

“Tanlin reminded me that by Arrakan custom and Law I would be forsworn if I went ahead.  You and Captain Mord were both at our wedding feast. That meant that our enmity was forever over, or I would lose her as wife.  Though it broke both of our hearts, she would have left me. How do I tell you that she is more important to me than even my ship?”

The question was rhetorical but Kurin interrupted to answer anyway.  She said quietly, “You don’t have to.  You stepped down as Captain to save her.  That’s proof enough for me.”

Barad gave her a surprised look.  I knew the she’d be intelligent.  I had not really expected wisdom.  

He went on,  “Master Selked pointed out that though I had always treated my old grudge as if it were the Longin that I hated, it was really only Mord that I had any complaint of, and that over twenty Gatherings gone.  In fact, the very thing that I held against him was the one time that I had completely bested him.  Hardly a reason for hate.

“One thing that I pride myself on is that I can change course immediately when I believe I am wrong.  We had that one Ord spine unaccounted, and it worried me because none of us knew where it was.  I logged and announced Standing General Orders that any use of Ord was mutiny.  I further ordered that if any part of the Ord were to be found still aboard, it should be destroyed.”

Kurin paused to consider what to ask next, thoroughly disturbed by all that she was hearing.  “That explains the timing of those orders.  I found them in the log and they’ve been mentioned in my other interviews.  

“You have also filled in the one hole in what Tanlin told me.  She tried to protect you.  She told me the truth but left you out of the plot to poison me.  Now that you have told me the rest of the truth, I like her even better and trust you more as well.

“Several people have mentioned Purser Morgu’s activities during the Gathering.  What can you tell me?”

TO BE CONTINUED

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[rkyoona]

                              ✧ Modern Major-General ✧

1:05 - 2:05, 3:16 - 3:42

Outfit

Mentioned: @moonbokrk​, @rkyuna​, @rkumji​

Im Yoona had tried to forget how much she had completely screwed up her audition. There was nothing she could do now anyway. It was finished and done, and she had to move on. Yoona did and continued about her life as normal.

Until now.

Yoona was in class when she received the email from the mga staff. She was lost for words. She was shocked and confused. She was sure she had screwed up, but apparently not. She had obviously done enough to make it to the top 100 and she was happy.

Once she could move again, Yoona quietly packed up her belongings and left the classroom, trying not to disturb everyone. She had to go home and prepare. She was already behind in preparation as she never expected to make it this far. Looks like she had to work hard.

Yoona had messaged everyone she knew telling them that she made it through. She was certain that her cousin had made it in. Her stepsister, she was sure, had also made it in. She wondered if any of the girls she had met during the audition day had succeeded. Her roommate also auditioned and Yoona wondered if she made it as well. She would have to ask them later.

The actress still had some time until the callbacks and she would focus all her time and energy in practicing and preparing. She had to work out what she was going to do and how she was going to perform. Would she sing, or would she do something completely different? It seemed like Yoona would have to do some trial and errors before she could decide.

It had taken some time but Yoona had finally decided on what to perform and how to perform it. You can never go wrong with what you know, and what Im Yoona knows best is musical theatre and singing, and that is what Yoona was going to do.

The day finally arrived and Yoona was freaking the fuck out. She was already stressing, and the day had barely started. She had woken up early so she could choose the right outfit and do her makeup perfectly. She had to look her best as well as sound her best. It had taken some time, but Yoona was finally ready.

Arriving at the filming location, Yoona froze outside. The actress couldn’t believe it. This was happening. This was real.

Her cousin Moonbok had to practically force her inside the building as she couldn’t move. The realisation had hit her, and her nerves were locking her body in place. If it wasn’t for her cousin she would probably still be there at the end of the day. It took some deep breaths before Yoona could finally move her body and walk alongside her cousin. They waited in line, signed in, and then found their seats. the stage looked amazing and the seats were crowded. Yoona held her cousin’s hand in support. She usually suffered from nerves before a performance, but this was next level. This was her dream.

The introductions began and Yoona squeezed Moonbok’s hand harder, practically breaking it. She was both excited and nervous. When the CEOs were introduced, Yoona’s eyes widened in surprise and excitement. Now they were going to be judged by the big five? Is it too late to run away? She let out some deep breaths as she listened to the CEOs and the performances. It was all surreal and something she had never expected to experience. If only she could make it through.

She enjoyed being the audience and watching the other performers. They were so talented, and she felt uneasy. She looked around to see if she could spot anyone she knew. Her eyes fell on her stepsister and her roommate, as well as some faces she remembers from the auditions. She waved and grinned at the girl from the group she had met on audition day. She was happy that at least some made it through. There were new faces that she was intrigued by and she made a note to talk to them later.

When her name was finally called, Yoona stood and straightened out her outfit. She smiled at her cousin before she made her way to the stage. She was too busy focused on not being nervous that she misjudged the steps and somehow managed to trip up them. She quickly stood and ignored how red her face was. She let out an embarrassed chuckle and made her way to the centre of the stage. She wanted to cover her face out of embarrassment.

She bowed politely and smiled brightly. ❝ My name is Im Yoona. I’m 25. I come from Gyeongju. I’m a student and a musical theatre actress. It’s an honour to be here. ❞ Yoona took a deep breath as she began.

I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

This song was fast and hard to sing. It had taken her some time to perfect, but she had finally done it. It was a fun and fast song and took a lot of breath control. She sang as best she could and moved about the stage happily.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin

The last two lines were slower and were key in building up to the high point. She had taken parts from the full song and changed them slightly. She smiled as she sang and allowed herself to fill the role. She took a big breath. The hardest part was to come.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-- In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never rode a horse. For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

This was the fastest part of the song and the one that is easy to mess. She hoped that even though it wasn’t the most vocally challenging she could do, it was still enough to impress. The sheer speed of the song, she hoped, was enough. Her confidence and stage presence increased as she neared the end of the song. She ended on a high and grinned at everyone. She bowed once again and rushed back to her cousin, practically sliding into her chair. Now, she could focus on enjoying what was left of the performances.

[timeshuffles]

EVEN MORE thoughts on elsa’s magic

( first post here, second post here )

i’ve touched on this before but: elsa’s magic is alive, and existed before she did and will continue to exist independent of her after she is gone. how she ended up with it is largely a matter of coincidental timing with her having been born at just the right time for the magic to... “adopt” her is the best way to phrase it, i think. it’s its Own Thing but it has also made itself intrinsically part of her and that connection cannot be broken, ever, by any means, until she dies. ( see here for the fancy ~mythological~ version of that. )

as for WHY it did this, by itself the magic... it’s alive, but it’s also essentially just a disconnected Id—it’s wild and unrestrained, but lacking the force of will and executive processes required to meet its impulses in a satisfactory way. by itself, it can’t do much beyond storming endlessly in the void—unrestrained and free but also unnoticed, uncared for, and completely alone. “adopting” a human in the way that it adopted elsa means sacrificing a little freedom in exchange for a... host? with willpower and imagination and feelings that can shape the magic into something far greater. 

so.

what this means for elsa is that the magic is content to subordinate itself to her will, if and only if she lets it out and Does Things with it. in this sense she doesn’t and will never have absolute control over it, because Not Using It simply is not an option. assuming favorable weather (ambient temperatures below ~5°C), she can hold it in completely for about two days without issue; after that, it gets restless. and no matter how hard she tries to suppress it, it will eventually tear free. ( see: the coronation. )

( if it’s warmer than about 5° she pretty much has to let it out at least enough to ice over her skin and chill the air around her, or else she’ll overheat because her resting body temp is roughly freezing. why? because she spent twelve years of her life trying to suppress the magic and it changed her, gradually, over the course of those twelve years, until arriving at a point where her body is so cold that she needs her magic to thermoregulate effectively. )

ideally, the magic wants to be doing Big, Impressive, Difficult things, and it wants to do them in such a way that it is Noticed and Admired or Feared. and it cares about elsa and wants her to cherish it in return. all the stuff that happens during let it go? bringing a snowman to life, the gravity-defying bridge, the raising of a giant ice palace balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff? or the teaser for frozen 2 that’s just 50% Elsa Fights The Sea? that’s the sort of thing the magic really wants to be doing, all the time. and if elsa doesn’t oblige in giving it that sort of thing to do often enough it just kinda defaults to iM bOrEd LeT’s fReEzE aReNDeLLe —

so after the coronation disaster is resolved and all the fallout of that is dealt with elsa’s biggest challenge vis a vis her magic is really finding the right balance between the times when, for political or safety reasons, she really needs to hold it in, and the sort of casual/mundane everyday use required to prevent it from fighting her, and the bigger, grander exercises it needs to be happy.

( the other big challenge for her is learning to wrangle her emotions in a healthy way, because her magic is highly reactive to her feelings. but that’s less about controlling the magic itself than about just Being A Healthy Person. ) 

& an assortment of other, less organized thoughts too: 

she talks to it. a lot when she’s alone, and occasionally muttering at it under her breath if it really acts up when she’s in public. likewise she uses a lot of gestures / physical movement to conduct her magic. both are things that she doesn’t, strictly speaking, need to do, but it makes it easier for her to communicate to her magic precisely what she wants. 

for skin-to-skin contact with other people she needs to freeze her skin first. basically just. covering any skin that will be touched by the other person in a thin, protective coating of ice. 

this ice doesn’t melt, and being magical ice it is supple and moves with her skin, and it feels... weird. to her. if you’ve ever had glue dry on your skin it’s basically like that. so it’s something she avoids doing unless it’s necessary. 

because of that, & because having a normal person touch her actual bare skin will legitimately burn her (see thoughts post #1 re: normal people are three times her body temperature), elsa is extremely particular about people not touching her without permission. 

and if she’s going to be in a situation where she’s touching people a lot, she’ll be in long sleeves and gloves for it. just easier that way.

she pretty much always has frost creeping over her skin, and often goes around in her own little spiral of cold breezes and sometimes snow. on especially warm days her clothes will frost over as well. only exceptions are 1) if the ambient temperature is below freezing, or 2) if for diplomatic reasons she really needs to avoid any visual reminders of I Could Bury Your Entire Country In Snow With A Snap Of My Fingers for a while.

the frost is different from the ice coating discussed above in that it’s pretty much just normal ice (ie: will melt on contact with, say, a warm hand), and it isn’t a solid barrier — it’s basically just her version of sweating. 

natural storms make her magic really antsy, and the bigger they are the more pronounced this will be. storms during the winter and storms that take place at night during new moons have an especially powerful influence. this in turn makes elsa... sort of cranky, and can really wear her out if it turns into a battle of the magic wanting to go outside and play with (read: intensify) the storm vs elsa Not Doing That. 

eventually she starts dealing with storms by excusing herself at the first opportunity and slipping off to the mountains where the magic can do its thing without hurting anybody

she can create gales strong and fast enough to carry her around. she does this by accident during the coronation disaster — it’s how she gets to the summit of the north mountain in a single night, her magic basically just picks her up and throws her there — but it takes a ton of trial and error and practice afterwards before she’s able to do it in an intentional, controlled way

( she’s very insistent that this is Not Flying. it’s totally flying. )

this is also something that her magic does To her if she fights it while it’s agitated, kinda just... tossing her around the room. big winter storms can get her magic to that point if she refuses to at least walk around outside, and it happened a lot during her teen years bc of how forcefully she was suppressing her magic by then.

after Numerous attempts to figure out the correct configuration of clothing and tack required to ride a horse without being uncomfortably hot at best or getting burned at worst, she just gives up and makes herself an ice horse. his name is røkkr. 

[delicioustrashlove]

Its crazy to look back on my life and the person I’ve blossomed into today. How far I came the battles and the struggles. Im a completely different person . I don't even recognize the person I used to be. iv made so many changes and had to learn so many lessons . This is the most discipline I’ve ever endured my self in . And I'm so grateful for the girl I am to day . Im proud and confident and making wise choices and solving my problems well and surrounding my self with love and positivity. These last 3 years really tested me and my strength and I wanted to give up every single day . When I say hard I mean suicidal hard , when I say struggles I mean finding the will to get out of bed , battles of self love and self care , coming out of a relationship that was abusive in every-way and surviving all the battles….. I had to force my self to change when I in-fact didn't want to .

i was content living my life of danger and chaos and toxicity . I had to go to council and therapy and sit there and face the chaos in me . Admit all my faults and take responsibly for all my wrong doings . And it was hard. I was diagnosed with depression and manic anxiety disorder and ptsd all at once. I had a med change 4 times. I went from never eating to binge eating then to developing a bulimia problem …. Hating my self to finding love in me . It's been a hell of a journey . And im honestly thankful. Because im ok and im more then okay . im amazing and I am loved and im great and wonderful and inspiring and courages and strong and im a leader . And most important im stronger then ever . This journey has taught me more then I can ever put into words . Talking about it as first is hard but its easy now because I see how far I have come . And ill never put my self back in that place, where im harmed and treating my self wrong . Change is so hard and I don't` think I ever would have done it if I wasn’t shown some tough love… by my god. I in my heart believe he knew I was on a terrible path and it wasn’t the path he had for me . It wasn’t who I was supposed to do and I was waisting my talents and magic , so he had to stop me and as stubborn as I am I had to learn the hard way. But god sends his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. And I know now he will never leave me empty handed and he wont ever do me wrong or harm . As long as I trust in him and live my life through him and continue to strive and try and get up and get ready and push my self to be great he will reward me. Trial and error is a part of life. And the harder the things are you should take that as motivation to work harder!!!!! Dont give up when things get harder , fight harder and push your self more when its hard!! Theres a reward waiting for you, and that’s a better you.

Life has been calling me for a long time now and I keep ignoring its calls. I finally answered and I'm ready. life is calling baby answer it !!! I know there is big things in store for me. Its crazy how self love and self talk can really impact you and everything I learned form all the councilors and therapist I had the pleasure to learn from I mean god bless them and they are right. Every-single thing they said has impacted my life. I avoided going to that class and I avoided change at all cost I didnt want to I was comfortable in my hell hole of a mind and ways. And once I actually went it still took forever for me to commit to that class . I skipped class, I made excuses , I got unsuccessfully discharged once and had to reenroll and it was ridiculous that I fought so hard to have my way , all I knew was my way . So its the only thing that made sense . I had to realize I need to change and that I wanted to for me. I had to want it . So I sucked it up and said to my self cant get around this one , I jus cant ;.i can only get through it . So I opened my heart and my mind to change . And thats when beauty happened I felt my self making different choices I felt my self talking different and approaching situations different .

To see where I came form I know now it was all meant to happen in that order in that way .

Im not going to be perfect im gong to mess up and screw up sometimes but my goal is to just be better every step of the way then I was yesterday or five minutes ago. Im smart but I have so much More to learn and improve on and I just cant wait . Seeing me now today in the mirror the girl I am now , nothing will stop me form anything in this world unless it was me. Ive overcome so much and theres no reason I cant handle anything . Bring it on world im so freaking ready to accomplish my life and to get it started finally .

for the record there is not one thing i would change . everything i went through shaped me in to who i am and was ultimately meant to be . mistakes are just opportunities to be better and until its served its purpose it will still keep coming around . its up to you to open your eyes . you got to ask you self " am i living my life to its full potential or am i just comfortable ? the pursuit of happiness is reached when you live for you and put you first and go sore across the sun like an eagle . we are all so magical an have so much in us . we just get distracted by money and bills and responsibilities . our government has robbed us all of our true purpose in life , the joy the beauty.... signing of this post tonight guys . will be back soon <3

#

[food-for-angels-void]

response to: responses of organorum

i have been deliberating over most of the questions that arose during my presentation/consult. i have spoken to many people about it but still seem to be in the same place. 

how do i get the audience to react without using something derivative and reductive like a sign... also how do i protect myself/how much do i reveal and conceal within my practice and why..why am i so particular with the colours/objects/materials i use.. how can i figure that out? will i just want to say something to further create this image i desire of myself? when will i know it is a satisfactory answer? i feel like im only coming up with excuses as to why i am like this and why i want these things? 

with the colours/beige core questions my initial response was because i view them as sacred. i see the associations with lighter colours like white and gold as being more connected to god and purity. particularly the sect of spirituality my father participates in, ceremonies are held wearing all white in a room full of white and beige and earth tones. i also think i see femininity as being associated with lighter, gentler colours like warm peaches and pastel pinks because of ? media that i consume ? i see models being gentle and frilly and sparkly and i want that, i want to feel how they feel. but they all feel awful too. its just an act! these colours i love and devote myself to appear sweet and innocent on the outside and then as you peel them back they are more sinister, darker than one initially thought. i think this also applies to why i collect rubbish and objects of a certain aesthetic. from afar it is clinical, polished, possibly pleasant/cute and then on further inspection they are decrepit, dirty, used, stained, broken. there is certain duality at play that is i think a reflection of myself, the battle between darkness and light within. i battle the trauma and negative patterns/habits that brew within me, my light fights hard! but it also gives in, it gives in just before i go to bed and it lets my mind wander into the darkest caverns of my psyche. i feel as if i may present on the outside being a squeaky, plush doll-like object, and then as i begin to become vulnerable the filth and the fear becomes apparent. upon closer inspection it is battered and bruised but it is no less sacred than it was before. 

i think i choose to reveal certain aspects in a very on the low way in order to protect myself. i try to not overtly state anything definite, preferring to allude to trauma as a whole. by doing so i can have a safety net. by presenting trauma as a universal theme rather than something specific i allow the viewer to make their own assumptions and have free rein over what they choose to relate to. i conceal the specifics now because i am not ready for being so transparent and ridiculously vulnerable as my journey in self acceptance and strength is still happening and in early stages. i need to express this because i dont know how the hell i could express this in any other way. my diary is not sufficient experience anymore. i need to become more comfortable with being vulnerable as i believe it is such a core experience of life. my ego despises it, my ego wants to tear it to shreds and put it in a bucket of mouldy water. 

i am still not completely sure what i should do with the whole being able to get an audience to freely interact with my pieces that are fabric and appear less inviting<?> i think this will be something i must trial and error in real life, i am thinking of proposing a new tapestry for the exhibition task so hopefully i can experiment with that. i really do feel the need to have some writing next to the piece as i cant help it !!!!!! just wanna write weird cryptic shit!!!!! but i have the idea to at the end have the prompt to touch the tapestry. i think i would write something more poetic and narrative-like as the main piece of writing though! possibly it informs the work, extends the unspoken narrative i seem to inject into everything i make. giving the audience the chance to feel as if they can really connect and feel something from this work, even if its just the materials i present to them, thats one step closer to connection with divinity (in my eyes). 

[edgarpuffbones]

silentlionsroar‌:

“Ruin it?” He signed with wide eyes. “I can’t believe you would accuse me of such a thing. A horrible thing. I think these are bringing your sad burrito to life.” He signed as he narrowed his eyes playfully. Des had always naturally been expressive. Yet, after losing his voice it was even more so. He frowned with mock offense before shaking his head and returning the burrito to his friend. "Right. I'm sure I could make some healthy not to healthy things.” he signed laughing. Des wasn't one to judge especially not his friends, often he wondered if not for his upbringing would he be as healthy as he is? Seeing how his mum and dad were he made the decision to be. Otherwise, there would have been nights he and his mom would not have eaten.

Before Des took charge, there were meal less nights. It was overwhelming to cook for him and his mum. It took a couple of times for the child to adjust to the stove. The first few times we're tempermental. There was no one to help with the instructions, There were many trials and errors. Now that he was an adult, Desmond came to love cooking. One might think, given how he was made to learn he wouldn't like it. "ill bring you something tomorrow.” he signed smiling. ”im not going to reveal what it is.” he signed with a smirk. Desmond knew of course his friend could easily go out and get food himself, but what were friends for? If Edgar was anything like him, sometimes he was just too tired to put things together. “I think my family would rip coffee from my hands if they could.” he signed. ”Sometimes I was.” his hands paused and worry a dramatic mock eye roll he started to sign again. " I was supposedly a hyper child. I bet you were particularly rambunctious.” Finally reaching the cafe he turned to his friend rapidly pointing out all the different flavors. "How am I supposed to choose.” his hands spelled out.

”I'm not sure okay is okay. It's alright I get it.” he signed with a reassuring look. There wasn't going to be rest. How could there be? ”none of you must be.” he signed, referring to the other aurors. "You know what I would like to do some day?” He signed. The line was moving fairly slowly in the cafe but he could already smell the brew. A smile lit up his face. “I would like to see America.” Excitement bubbled inside him thinking about the possibilities. “Gideon has friends there as well. I’ve heard it’s brilliant” he signed rapidly. Occasionally he still tried to make sure he wasn’t going to fast for people. “I wouldn’t have to worry about doing a horrible imitation of the accent.” He signed shrugging. Smiling he nodded. “I’m glad you did join me.” He signed nudging him. “It made some nights a lot less lonely. Especially, after everything.” His hands seemed to slow until stopping completely. It had been hard then to reach out to his friends. It still was occasionally. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his friends, he did completely. However, at home there was no one to talk too. Naturally, he got in the habit of burrying things. It was quite the hard habit to break. Desmond was endlessly grateful for his friend. What a brilliant friend he was. Through any hardship he knew he could always go to Edgar. There was always his friends at the end of a trying day. “Oh just wait you will see.” He signed narrowing his eyes playfully.

@edgarpuffbones

Originally posted by izzy-bightwoo

“We may have to agree to disagree on this one, mate. Or else risk getting into a friendship-ending fight,” he teased. He liked how relaxed and playful he could be with Desmond, how he could forget about the burdens of the war with a silly argument over the worthiness of vegetables. (Which were, of course, completely unworthy.) “If you were to bring me something healthy-- as long as it isn’t too healthy-- I would eat it,” Edgar conceded. “But, I don’t know... at least add some ranch dressing or something to it.”

He knew Desmond was a good cook and he admired his skills. He admired even more his loyalty and consistent friendship, which he had shown Edgar ever since their very early days at Hogwarts. Edgar tried to be an equally loyal friend back, even if he was a downright horrible cook. “A surprise, huh? Good thing I love surprises.” He grinned. “Are you telling me you’re not still hyperactive and annoying?” he teased, although his friend’s energy was one of the reasons they got along so well.

Desmond didn’t quite believe him on how he was doing, and Edgar knew that. He was fine with that. He would bluff it until he made it, or die trying. Getting real about things didn’t seem to help very often, and Edgar tried not to do things that were unhelpful. Still, he appreciated that Desmond cared enough to ask, and cared even more to leave him alone about it when he clearly didn’t want to talk. “America?” He raised an eyebrow, grateful for the change in subject away from his horrendous sleep habits. “I guess I’ve never really thought about it... But it’d be neat to visit. I think I’d rather visit South America, though.” He grinned just thinking about it. “Go adventuring, fight through some jungles, see a few snakes. That’ll get your heart racing.”

[thoughtswithcoffee]

Persona 5 Royal - Thoughts with Coffee

So this is going to by my first Review-ish thing where i will give my opinions on this game however Im the best at transferring my true thoughts onto paper so if anyone see’s and reads all this i would love the feedback and to help me with my basic English because I lack common grammar and punctuation skills  

I will try to make this as spoiler free as possible and i will make a post shortly after this one with spoilers in it however i will leave it with no tags so another person cannot stumble upon without getting spoiled. 

In this post i will be talking about my general feelings and the background of some scenarios that i expierenced whilst i was playing and my opinions on those whilst trying to remain spoiler free  

The game opens with a cinematic of all the characters that you will eventually met throughout the course of the game however the game semi-expects you to already know the cast of Persona 5 already. The thing is that Persona 5 royal is a retelling of the original Persona 5 with quality of life features and more gameplay time to for a newcomer to join in to. However this does not mean that newcomers to the series cannot jump into this game, they very much can and will fully understand the full story and plot, ALSO just because the game includes 5 in the name doesnt mean that you need to play the other 4 games in the series to understand this one. This game follows the final fantasy syndrome of which different numbers in front of the final fantasy means different world and different story but share some of the key aspects such as magic and names of abilities etc. 

so the game begins with this fancy cutscene of the protag flipping about and doing super dope tricks trying to escape from the a security team?? the reason why this is a question mark is because when the protag encounters them they changed into this large creatures and they try to attack you. the protag uses some kind of power that remains nameless for the introduction however this is where the games new features take form in which the protags starts to use a grappling hook to move about the facility trying to remain sneaky and undetected and then the music (which is considered the best thing i have ever listened to from a video game soundtrack) cuts off and the enemy surrounds you. you start to hear voices coming from your allies saying that the have noticed some weird energy that is closing onto you and BOOM the new character appears performing an elegant dance whilst killing half of the enemies that protag was being surrounded by and another battle begins with new music that was included into this version truly showing that this is only the beginning of the new content . you quickly defeat them and you escape them and quickly get captured and integrated by the police. a prosecutor named Sae Nijima has demanded you to tell the full story behind several cases that all relate to the phantom thieves because the protag is the leader of this criminals and is going to be put on trial etc. this is the stage of the game where you get to name the protag and goes from the very beginning of the story to retell how the protag unlocked his powers and who the hell was the other folks that were talking to him and how he got there. 

this is a very strong introduction to the story and to the whole game keeps up this trend of giving you information early on and then holding that over your head whilst you try and figure out in your head how everything goes down for example Sae says that the first target was a gym teacher who had admitted to his crimes and was the starting point of the phantom thieves, what the game does was showing the player who that character was and what he did but it leaves out how and why did these characters choose to go after that person and how were they able to make this person to admit to their crimes. 

The game truly begins when you take control of the protag who i will call MC from now on saying that he needs to find the place he was staying at because he was moved to Tokyo because of a crime he commited in the past and this is apart of his probation that he has to complete and attend school etc. 

the MC meets up with his care giver aka coffee dad called Sojiro Sakura and makes it very clear from the get go he does not care about you or the MC at all aslong as he stays out of trouble he can do what he wants. he also give MC a cute wee notebook that allows the player to finally safe the game.  all of this happens within the first i would say 15 minutes so im going to speed it up. 

MC starts to walk to school but starts raining and he goes for shelter he sees a cute girls and tries to slide into those DMS until some dude totally cockblocks you but offers to give you and the girl a ride to school. MC declines but the girl accepts and then they drive off. this is when you met the MC’s best friend Ryuji Sakamoto who firsts gives you small details on who those folks were aka the girl and the guy that pick her up. Those characters are called Ann Takamaki and a teacher called Kamoshida. according to Ryuji that kamoshida is an asshole and he totes deserved to get shot or something and that Ann is totally hooking up with him on the DL. this is when they start making thier way too the school but get transported to A big ass castle where the school is meant to be. this is the beginning of the second part of persona 5. the first being that of a ordinaray school kid hanging out with friends and then the second being going to this other world and killing monsters and fighting demons.  they walk in get captured and try to escape only to find Kamoshida with underwear and cape on talking shit and trys to excute the boys. The MC is having non of it and goes berserk by hearing a voice inside of his head telling him to “break the chains of rebellion” and he awakens to his power of the persona called Arsene. 

I will then leave the story details there because beyond this point this gets into spoilers however this is only the introduction of the game. eventually you met up with all the characters and save the world however 2 new characters that werent in the original being one called Kasumi yoshisawa and other being a counciler that all of the cast gets to have one and one convos with. To then unlock the new content you need to hang out with these folks until in game till a certain major key event in the story happens then after you make a couple of choices they new content for the story unlocks. 

However new gameplay options appear such as better menus changing the battle combat a tiny but effective bit, a new area for the MC to explore and to gain benefits from for the second side of the game. and new areas to bring friends to and a new place called the theives den. 

This is just my basic look outline of what the game brings to the table but in my own personal opinion i believe that this game brings alot to the table and however is done so well and brings this series into the mainstream media this has also increase fans expectations of previous and future games of the series and i now believe where this can become a problem. the orginal persona 5 was rushed although they had planned orginally releasing the game in 2014 it didnt land in our hands till 2017 and was still felt like the game could of landed with some polish with come characters not getting enought screentime or some elements of the game could be abused for High exp and money etc. however this version was then only a year later to be in the works and was set to be released for Japanese audiences for decemeber 2019 and for the rest of us sometime in 2020. this to me was a clear way of them saying he is the directors cut of the OG game however the only reason it was cut was because we wanted a second version of the game to be out there and i truly believe that although yes was a selfish marketing decision was a smart one because they know it works when the enhanced version of persona 4 called persona 4 golden came out it was the selling point of the console it came out on and for then the second console it came out on and was the only reason most gamers point that console to begin with creating alot of profit for the persona team. however i do believe that the changes to the game play not the story are incredible and im surprised that they made a game with interesting battle features to begin with feel even more polished. i just wish they spent more time on the story aspect of it all. 

this is not to say that the story is bad infact i believe its one of the strongest stories that a persona game has developed so far its just with some aspects they fail at explaning things in full detail or they is some things that are completely overlooked and then forgotten about until the end where the player goes back and wonders when are they gonna answer that question.  

My only other complaint about this whole game is that they have locked the new game added on story behind certain tasks that got to be completed and if a newcomer doesnt complete that they would need to either reload an early enough safe to hopefully met the requirements in time or to replay the game and to trial and error until they unlocked the new content that the bought the game for.

and that my thoughts with me coffee 

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Baskets (S02E05) Fight @fxnetworks Airdate: February 16, 2017 Ratings: 0.463 Million / 0.19 18-49 Demo Share Score: 9.75/10

**********SPOILERS BELOW**********

I just summed up exactly how I felt immediately after watching this episode of ‘Baskets’ on the comment section of AV Club’s Vikram Murthi’s 'Fight’ review (who pretty much nails this episode btw). I wrote, “I love that 'Baskets’ puts me in this emotional cyclone of indecision… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… So mostly I just well up and look confused.” That was my immediate thought, as soon as the end credits roll. I might need to medicate myself for this one, because I’m about to let you in to a dark time in my life… It’s funny that I’ve never really felt like I had anything in common with Dale, but in Chip’s search for himself in the start of S2 it really put me into reflection mode, looking back at a time in my life when I just threw myself recklessly into any experience I felt would give me something I didn’t already have. I was already smart, educated, but I needed real life experience and I needed to run off to find myself. It’s a painful memory, but it’s bittersweet too. I was just so lonely, so angry, and so confused.

Now Chip has returned from his emotional journey and he’s in an almost catatonic, hangover like state. He’s never been emotionally mature, and may never earn that title, but he’s a little closer than he was before. We must give him that. This comes at a time when Dale has lost everything. Dale sees that growth in Chip and even though Chip & Dale are far from the stars 'the other twins’ are… Dale is trying to gain a sense of himself back, he’s trying to let out all this emotion he’s been repressing and the slightest thing is going to set him off, one way or another… Because really he’s isn’t facing the issues, he’s just vibrating as much tension and chaos from his inner soul as much as he can… Even getting a tramp stamp tattoo of Florence & The Machine’s 'The Dog Days Are Over’, which he calls 'Florence Machine’ btw.

Back in 2011, I had a friend who was like a little sister to me. She was my little raver protege as I was still trying to hold on to my DJ & Event Production career. 2010 and 2011 were awful years for the state of Florida and directly effected the entire Southeast Region, the East Coast, and most of the US. Governor Rick Scott was pocketing money as he invited Pharmaceutical Companies to make Oxycodone and other Opiates by the loads. 2007 and up there was a 'doc shop’ on every corner and if you were in a car accident or anything, they’d send you to a bit of physical therapy and then pain management where they’d over-prescribe pretty much anything. I was in a few car accidents and messed up my back pretty bad, it’s still messed up today, several discs moved around pressing on places they shouldn’t be pressing and I was lonely here… And I allowed myself to be prescribed an ungodly amount of Oxy’s and a variety of meds. After several years of battling it out, I decided to wean and go clean, completely. I’m not going to lie to you, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I was a terror. and my demons were swirling around me… But I did get clean, a few mishaps, but I beat it. As corny as it sounds, just like Dale I’d put on 'Florence & The Machine’, 'Matt & Kim’, & other uplifting Indie Music that got the endorphins and chemicals my brain no longer knew how to make going and just go bananas.

Then that girl, my little protege, gave up her Ultra Music Festival Ticket that year, because she knew i needed it… Because she knew I needed the fucking soulful, shamanistic cleansing, all night power play of DANCE AND SWEAT AND SPIRITUAL HEALING, a $400 ticket… A week later she sent me a strange text… And then the next day her 'boyfriend’ called me and told me that she had passed, overdosed on a combination of Oxy, Xanax, Heroin, and Cocaine… And the fact she was diabetic didn’t help. He was so fucked up, he was laying right next to her and didn’t notice her convulsing and violently twitching, vomiting forwards until she choked on her own vomit. So when he woke up, there she was, purple and covered in vomit… Gone.

This was a reason to keep going I told myself. I couldn’t just throw away the progress so I wouldn’t have to feel this. It was a strange funeral because it was my first Jewish funeral. Because of her tattoos and bohemian lifestyle, she was unable to rest with her family. She was a baby, 19, but after the funeral I went back to the building where she died and met other people who she positively effected in her life. It was beautiful… Through this terrible tragedy came stories of life and love and hope. My mother called and I went into the high rise patio overlooking downtown Miami… We were so high up I could see all of Miami in its vast, sprawling, confusing, hodgepodge of a mega metropolis. I wanted to tell my mother that through this death I found light… But she had news for me right there, it couldn’t wait… I had to come to her home… Her sister, my aunt, who was also very much my sister… Something I cover in depth in my reviews of NBC’s 'This Is Us’ (particularly episode 'The Trip’), she had taken her own life with similar drugs that had just claimed my lil’ Miami sis, my little 'Fanch Queen’…. And now I had to immediately leave Miami to go face another loss across the nation. This time the light would fade for me. I would self-destruct in a manner like never before. But that story is for another day.

I share this, because as I watch 'Baskets’, we see Chip & Dale, who are twins, played by the same man, Zack Galifianakis, going through very different stages in their life, but meet each other at this weird transitional time in their life as if they are one, or the two halves that make one… Somehow never ever feeling complete. I have been in both of these transitional phases and dealt with them similarly. We see Chip & Dale fight each other and absolutely destroy Christine’s house while she’s out at Costco dealing with a frozen card issue because of the flag that was put on it from bailing Chip out of jail out of town. Sure, it’s hilarious and absurd, but I see a man wrestling with himself… Not two men going at it. Dale picks up portraits of his self as a child and smashes it shaming himself for failing. Chip & Dale will never be their adopted brothers, big International DJ stars… At their best, they find happiness in their sadness, content in a simple life of trial & error, and really they don’t need the glitz and glamour of international stardom, tho it would be nice. It would always be nice.

The house is destroyed, everything broken, including the toilet which had overflowed sewage all throughout the first floor and Christine’s prize cat, Ronald Reagan, escapes in the chaos. This sort of snaps them back into reality and they end up rolling through the neighborhood shouting, 'Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan!’ repeatedly. Chip asks Dale why they didn’t talk about Dad, which was quickly answered by Dale that it was a giant waste of time. Chip is ready to push on emotionally and tackle these issues and Dale just keeps screaming 'Ronald Reagan’ out of the window of the car. Eventually their search leads them to a small bridge of train tracks, one with great significance. This is the bridge that their father killed himself on. As things calm down and the realization of where they are sets in, Chip asks Dale if he ever comes there. Dale denies it. Then Chip asks if he believe what Christine had told them, that their father 'just fell off the bridge as he was admiring the river’s beauty’. Chip admits that he believed it for a time, in which Dale responds 'Well then you’re dumber than you look’.

This is the moment that brings its all home. Chip tells Dale that it’s ok to be angry, which at first he vehemently denies. “I’m not angry, Im just full of beans, so many goddamn beans.” Dale proceeded to repeatedly bang his head on the horn of the modest four door sedan and just emotionally breaks down, crying real tears. 'Emotionally Mature’ Chip has just helped his brother make a breakthrough. He IS angry, Dale admits that while Chip is going around the country spreading 'emotional diarrhea’ everywhere, that he’s at home doing business… As he’s felt like since Chip is the free spirit that he’s had to be the responsible one. Even more important, Dale admits he was worried about Chip while he was train spotting. At that very moment Ronald Reagan runs across the train tracks on the bridge, 'Ronald Reagan almost did what Daddy did’, Dale barks. Chip opens up a can of tennis balls which Reagan associates with canned tuna, or cat food and comes running to them like magic…. I keep remarking and reciting on lines, but this episode was just full of gems… “You’ve been a naughty boy, Ronald Reagan… Just like the guy he’s named after.” Perfect. Some amazing cinematography is caught in this moment, highlighting the emotional harmony that hasn’t been present for god knows how long, maybe never. Yeah, this was all absurdly funny, but it’s 'Basket’s signature move to also be absurdly human… Freakishly real to life in the most unconventional of ways.

They return home… As does Christine after a day of shopping and incredible luncheon with Martha… One where Christine and Martha trade compliments and in the most bizarre and captivating manner ever… These two are low-key, lo-fi stars. Christine is greeted with her two sons who have finally found the same page on each other’s book, but at the expense of her home, which is trashed and full of sewage. She looks around, drops her bags, and the credits roll. Holy shit, 'Baskets’ has done it again, pushed the envelope even further. Like I said when I started this incredibly long winded review…. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I’m definitely emotionally exhausted. Christine, life has given you some lemons, can you keep making lemonade?