#so it wouldn’t surprise me if today opened up the four days long crying sesh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neutron-stars-collision · 4 months

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I’ve officially entered the pre-birthday phase when I feel so disillusioned with everything that I strongly wish the actual birthday never happens.

There’s just nothing to look forward to, only the dawning realisation that I’ll be miserable and will be strongly reminded of how little I matter to everyone else.

Which makes me mourn the past even more bc I know that once, when I was a kid and everything was fine, I used to look forward to that date. I used to anticipate it. But that’s over now and it hurts

#idk I guess it’s just that time of the year when I remind myself of how bad things actually are #of how there’s no hope for anything and no friends to spend time with #and of how growing older means I’m running out of time that I’ll never get back #while still being stuck and unable to do anything with my life #I think this is when all this loneliness and inexperience hurts the most #bc I know that I’ll never get a proper happy ending or a love story or just anything remotely satisfying #personal bs #so it wouldn’t surprise me if today opened up the four days long crying sesh #that will culminate with me wishing I was never born in the first place #bc I think that’s the bday conclusion I reach annually #just that desire to disappear bc there’s nothing worth living happening anymore

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