#so it mostly just looks pink if you put it next to anything thats actually purple

[mindofharry]

Anything

pyscho!harry is my absolute fav. obviously he comes with warnings so if this triggers you please do not read. kidnapping and m!rder mentioned. please send in your thoughts!

Harry liked to watch her. 

At first, it was for simple pleasure. He enjoyed going to see his favourite girl after a gruelling day of work. It did not consume him. Not until now. Not until he saw Y/N, his perfect, beautiful, Y/N with another man. Of course, Harry had to do something about this. 

And that is why a man is on his basement floor, choking on his own blood.  

“Do you get hard thinking about her?” Harry asked manically, kicking the man who lay on the floor. He didn’t wait for a response, moving towards a little desk in the corner of the room. Harry smiled wiggling his fingers at his toys. A gun would be too quick, too messy. A knife is exactly right. He picked up the butcher knife, humming to himself softly. The poor guy was still on the floor in a mixture of blood and vomit. This sight is the only thing that could get him hard, other than Y/N.  

“This is going to be incredibly fun. Not for you, but definitely for me,” 

Y/N had been stood up. For the fourth time. She wonders if there was something wrong with her. Four times cannot be a coincidence like her friends keep telling her. The men seemed desperate for even a second of her attention and then when given it – radio silence. She just didn't understand. She would get excited, finally having a guy to tell her mother about. And then after three days, that dream guy disappears.  

Lana, Y/N’s roommate, and best friend of three years sits in front of her, “You just haven’t found the one that's right for you. “Everything happens for a reason,” she said trying her best to comfort her best friend.  

Y/N rolled her eyes. 

“I’ve got work. I’ll see you later,” she said, kissing her friend on the cheek and walking away. Y/N had worked at the diner on main street since she was a teenager. Thats where she met most of her admirers. Mostly the elderly locals and the odd few college students cramming for their next exam. Y/N used to be like those students too. Until she dropped out and thought working full time at the diner was better than a law degree.  

Y/N quickly pulled her leggings down, along with her pink panties. She walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out her work uniform, which was a white dress, apron, and knee-high sock. She pulled her hair into a ponytail, not giving much thought to it or the make-up that adorned her dresser. Quickly, she put her comfortable sneakers on, grabbed her phone and jacket and made a beeline for the apartment door. 

“Working the night shift, so don’t wait up,” Y/N yelled, she heard a quick mumble from Lana and then grabbed the keys on the table beside the door. She always forgot them. The last time she did a night shift, she wobbled home and had to sleep in the hallway as Lana was fast asleep and couldn't hear the calls or bangs from her roommate. 

Harry’s day started like it usually did. 

He got up. Showered. Got changed and had food. Brushed his teeth and checked on his cats. 

And then he butchered someone. Cut them up piece by piece and then throw them in the river. It was a normal morning for him. 

He felt hard at the thought. 

His alarm on his watch beeped and he sighed happily, it was time to see his girl. Although Y/N didn’t know him and had never actually spoken to him, he knew she loved him the way he loved her. There was no other choice and Y/N is a good girl. She would grow to love him one way or another. Harry looked at himself in the mirror, straightening his tie. Today is the day he would introduce himself, claim her if you will. Every time he saw her, he wanted to ravish her and today would be that day.  

While Y/N was serving customers, harry was rechecking the rope in the car. When Y/N started to clean the counters, Harry tripled checked the security cameras. Finally, when Y/N was closing the diner, early in the morning, Harry was behind her.  

Instead of flowers behind his back, he held a cloth full of dangerous chemicals. 

Y/N spotted him, startled dropping the keys. 

“I am so sorry, we just closed,” she apologised bending down to pick up her keys at the same time as this mysterious man. She gazed up at him, being met with green eyes, pale skin, and hot breath. She thought he was beautiful. Tortured, but beautiful. 

“It’s ok,” Harry murmured, his ring covered fingers grazed her own sending a shock through her system. Y/N swallowed heavily, not sure if her stomach was producing anxiety or arousal.  

“I feel like I know you,” Y/N hummed, finally picking up the keys and straightening herself up, the man did the same. 

“Maybe we’ve met in another life,” He smiled, for some reason, Y/N blushed. That would have never worked with any other man. To be honest, she would have made a run for it the minute she saw him if he was not this man.  

She put it down to the little male validation she got. 

“Maybe,” Y/N replied after a few beats of tensioned silence.  

Harry’s heart was beating wildly, not because of the possibility of getting caught but because of this woman. She smiled at him. Blushed at his words. 

Oh, he was going to keep her, there was no doubt about it. 

“Anyways, I have to get going, I’ll see you around?” Y/N asked, hope invading her voice.  

“You’ll be seeing me,” Harry said, grabbing her arms, holding her tight as she squirmed. He placed the cloth to her lips and within seconds her body lay still. 

“Mine,” 

[reorientation]

zyn anon. again. lol

straight boy keeps joking that he got me addicted to his cock and he's pretty much right. i keep hooking up with him. its kind of cute, honestly. the first few times we hooked up he would apologize most of the time if he misgendered me, but now he doesn't. if anything he doubled down. i heard him bragging to his friends during a game about how he took a girls virginity in exchange for zyns, and "now shes over all the time". i don't think he knew i was awake either. i think he really likes that hes my first and only lol he's wo possessive about it

honestly i still get a little dysphoric over the whole thing but im getting more comfortable with the idea of legit becoming an actual girl for him. im doing more things to feminize myself around him and also in my day to day life. everything short of stopping T since thats kinda being used as primary birth control lol. which I know isnt foolproof. he wears condoms sometimes but pulls out the rest mostly.

but omg so maybe the third or forth time we had sex he finished in me after i begged him to (i wasn't thinking straight lmao) and fuuuckk it was so intense for the both of us. feeling him grind all the way in me as he came was incredible. he basically pinned me under him as he came, it was like he wanted to get as deep as he could. it did freak me out after though so now we're more careful but he wants me to go on birth control. he said hes gonna stop pulling out eventually, and birth control would be cheaper than daily plan B, and cheaper than a baby. im looking into getting an iud lmao. might even stop t after that. pregnancy scares me and i dont necessarily want to carry his baby after only fucking him for three weeks but god the idea is still really hot. he joked about baby trapping me yesterday and i had to pretend like it didn't make me soaked. its not even just a horny thought I get over after i cum anymore, becoming a girl for him is becoming more and more appealing

(Previously)

God, you're fucking cute, Anon. You don't necessarily want to have your nicotine "dealer's" baby after fucking him for a few weeks? A girl who wasn't made to be a breeding whore would put it in stronger terms - or at least not beg him for his cum in her unprotected pussy.

Still, as incredibly lame as your boyfriend's little drug empire is, I do have to commend him a little: he seems to know how to handle a girl like you. Just telling you that he's going to stop wearing a condom or pulling out, and letting you quiver and drip with the knowledge of what that would mean if you aren't careful, is both a good move and very funny. If you aren't going to get yourself knocked up, try out a hormonal IUD - I think it'd be good for you to get a little extra dose of female hormones, as you switch over to a new form of testosterone injections.

It's also really cute that you "still get a little dysphoric about the whole thing", because this is one of the clearest cases I've seen of a girl being desperate to be "persuaded" to "give up" her boy disguise. Come on, little lady. You showed him your pussy to be allowed to blow him for a discount, you spread your legs for the first time for him, and now a few weeks later you're only still on T because you can't stop yourself from taking his cum. You couldn't be throwing yourself at femininity much harder without putting on a pink floofy dress and batting your eyelashes at him.

Well, maybe that's up next. It's been a strong start, but you've still got room to grow. (And if you don't get that IUD quickly, you'll be growing sooner rather than later.)

[gifti3]

hii im posting this old fic for asmo, it was for his bday but i put it off cause i wanted to keep editing it and before you know it its been over year of it just sitting untouched 〒▽〒 so i decided to just post it without a reading over it again its pretty light hearted and silly, its an AU where Asmo is literally a queen and reader is one of those passing merchants (probably) reader is gn here and yep thats it!

----

----

Queen Asmodeus's Birthday

This was the first time you'd actually be present during Asmodeus's birthday. You heard about previous ones in passing during your travels, but now you'd get to experience all the hoopla in person.

You observe yourself in the mirror and smooth the front of your outfit down. It wasn't something you would usually wear on a day to day basis, but today….what the Queen says goes. Like any other day really, but now wasn’t the time to be contrarian. If any day needed to go smoothly, today was that day. So after one more look, you exit your room.

Making your way down the hallway you dodge several servants handling last minute preparations. You head downstairs and weave your way through mingling guests.

When you enter the grand banquet hall--not to be mistaken with the regular one--you whistle to yourself. It always looked nice but today it was at exorbitant levels of presentation. The long tables, the walls and even the ceiling seemed to be covered in the Queen's favorite shades and flowers. Everything was so flowery and pink.

Your eyes fall on the “Esteemed Guests” table and you make your way towards it.

"Hey guys." You greet the group of brothers. You nod at a few faces you weren’t quite familiar with, but they must be important to the Queen if they were at this table.

Before the brothers can say anything you interject. "No need to comment on the outfit. I know," you smile.

Several of them shut their mouths.

You take a seat at the head of the table, Asmodeus's spot. His chair was quite literally the center of attention. In the middle of the room it sat, the most immaculate and eye-catching. It was almost gaudy to be honest. And from here, you'd be able to see him from anywhere in the room.

“So…when does this start?” you ask.

“Hopefully he comes out within the hour,” Satan answers.

You’d think he was exaggerating if he wasn’t currently reading. In all this noise, you weren't sure how.

Lucifer sat back with his eyes closed, probably thinking of work, while Mammon and Levi talked (or maybe they were bickering) about something. Beelzebub frowned while rubbing at his stomach and Belphegor’s head was laid on the table.

Even though they seemed indifferent about being here, you knew they wanted to keep their brother happy. And anyways if they missed today they wouldn’t hear the end of it until his next birthday.

By the time his Majesty is formally introduced to the hall, an hour must have passed and Beel looks visibly famished. He gently nudges Belphie awake though. 

“Ah, the star finally appears,” Solomon says. You had met the sorcerer for the first time today but he seemed decent from the conversation you had. Mostly everyone at the table seemed a bit perturbed by his presence though.

Anyone standing around moves quickly to sit down so as not to be chewed out by other guests for blocking the view.

All attention turns to decorative stairs at the front of the room as the Queen appears. Slowly rose petals magically start falling from the ceiling. Everyone watches as Queen Asmodeus gracefully makes his way down, his (very expensive) skirts following down behind him. 

Mammon sits back crossing his arms and says under his breath. “He does this every year…” 

You wonder if anyone outside his brothers would ever grow tired of it though. You swear you could see tears glistening in some of these guests' eyes.

You manage to catch Asmo’s eye and he winks at you.

The whispers amongst the guests go silent once Asmodeus begins talking to his closest family, friends and allies.

"Thank you for gathering here to celebrate this special day--my birthday. Seeing everyone's lovely faces smiling for me makes me so happy!"

You hear a couple of dreamlike sighs among the crowd.

"I’m excited for the fun to start so please everyone enjoy the food. The festivities will start right after.”

There’s cheers and Beel’s face brightens as servants file in with various dishes.

Asmo makes his way towards his seat waving and talking to people along the way.

"How'd you like my entrance MC? Wasn’t it perfectly befitting for someone like me," Asmo asks by the time he finally makes it to the table.

Most of his brothers look exasperated but you grin. “It was very Asmodeus-like. You look really amazing by the way. Your dress is very beautiful.”

He smiles at the compliment. “Not as beautiful as me though, right?”

“Heh, of course.”

Satisfied with your answer, Asmo rests a hand on your shoulder.

"Thank you all for coming. I hope you all brought presents ❤️"

Lucifer smiles, already prepared with his gift, "Happy Birthday Asmodeus."

“I didn’t skimp out this year so you better be grateful,” Mammon says.

All the brothers take their turns passing their presents for Asmo to open and gush over. And these were no simple gifts. These were items the average person could only dream of having but apparently this was nothing too hard for these brothers to acquire.

You watch Asmo brandish the beautiful sword Santa had given to him. You had never seen anything like it before. Where did he even find that? Maybe you should inquire with him about it later.

During the rest of the dinner, you see a shift in Asmo’s demeanor from fairly pleased to absolutely bored. Finally, he stands and clinks his glass with a fork to get the room's attention.

He takes a drink and raises his glass high. "Let's get this party started!"

-------

It had been 3 hours so far. The beginning of what would definitely be a way too long party.

You hadn't seen the Queen since dinner as he was mingling with the endless party guests.

How many people could one person remember off the top of their head?

Escaping the noise would be impossible even if you wanted to. You could hear Queen Asmo's subjects singing, dancing and lighting fireworks through your room window when you made a quick stop for the restroom.

You take a bite of your kebab, waving at someone you don’t remember the name of. Galavanting from room to room to keep yourself entertained in this overstimulation fest.

Maybe you'd go back to the 'bathing room'. It was always interesting there.

Suddenly, you find yourself wrapped in a warm embrace and surrounded by the scent of fruit and alcohol. 

“Darling I haven’t seen you in so long.” Asmo says dragging out the end of the statement.

“It’s only been a few hours though.”

“Might as well been years.” 

You roll your eyes but pat his arm soothingly. “But you’re enjoying yourself right?”

He hums. “Everyone is here for me, adorning me with gifts and praise. I’d say it’s within the top 3 best birthdays!”

“...Isn’t a good chunk of your usual days filled with that though?”

He rests his head on you. “It’s different though.”

Before you can ask more, several people approach you two to talk to the Queen. Asmodeus hooks his arms with yours before you can walk off though.

----

“Asmo, please let me go. Keeping up appearances for this long is killing me.”

“But I don't want you to disappear again!” He nuzzles into your arm and you let out a sigh.

“Can we at least take a break?”

“Are you trying to get special private time with the Queen?” Asmo gives you that stupid innocent smile that was rarely innocent.

“Er, I mean it would be nice…” You hadn’t been able to spend much time with him these last couple days since he was so busy.

“Okay since you’re one of my favorite guests I’ll give you special attention. But you owe me!”

And with that Asmo drags you away to his room.

As soon as you’re behind closed doors you flop on his soft bed. Even with the sounds of a party as background noise, you’d be able to rest your eyes.

“Wait, did you invite me here just to sleep?” You feel the bed dip beside you.

You mumble incoherently before turning your head to look at Asmo’s pouting face. You couldn’t help smiling at his expression though. 

How did he do it? You probably looked very disheveled right now but there sat your Queen completely perfect as always even though he’d been all over the castle today.

“Hmm, has my beauty stunned you~?” Asmo’s lithe fingers trace a pattern on your cheek.

“Maybe…” you sigh and get up from the bed. “That reminds me. You said I owed you and I haven’t given you your birthday present yet.”

You beacon him towards his dressing table and retrieve the small box. You planned to give it to him this morning but he wasn’t here. So you left in his room hoping he would find it on his vanity before the day ended but inwardly scolded yourself for the choice when he eyed you at the dinner being the only one closest to him who hadn’t given him anything.

“Happy Birthday!” You hold out the gift to him with a small smile.

Asmo’s eyes widened a bit. Was he actually surprised? His expression turns pleased as he takes and carefully opens it.

“It’s beautiful…” He carefully pulls out the silver necklace and holds it up. It was adorned with several small jewels but the main star was a deep red painite that sat in the middle.

“And it’s very unique.” The merchant in you was screaming for giving away something this rare for free. But making sure Asmo was pleased with his present was much more worth it. 

You help him put it on and watch as he admires himself in the mirror.

“So you like it right?”

“Of course I love it!” Asmo stands, grabs your hand and leans in to press a kiss to your lips. “I might have to show you how much I love it. You always know what to get me…” 

You lean in hoping for another kiss but Asmo places a finger on your chin to stop you.

“After the party. I want to take my time with you….” He gives you a quick squeeze and leads you out of the room before you can complain.

----

The next day when you wake up in Asmo’s arms to the sound of people being unusually loud through his window. That couldn’t be what you think it was.

You stare blearily at the ceiling. "When does everyone stop partying exactly?”

Asmo yawns and cuddles into you. “Hmm, usually in several days.”

“...How are you sleeping through this?”

[rosie-kairi]

Hey sad au anon here, I have come once again bearing sad ideas but this time it's about Ventus and Roxas may or may not have been inspired by some of your recent asks. And I am not a writer so if anyone wants to take this and write something please do so I may lurk and read the fic. Enjoy the sad times.

So to start off Roxas is suddenly born, he joins the organization and starts doing missions. He befriends Axel and they have ice cream life is routine yadda yadda everything is the same as usual. But Roxas can't help but wonder where he came from, all the other members were Somebodies once but he's "different" they tell him he's a kid named Sora but that can't be right he's Roxas he doesn't even look like Sora!

Then he starts getting weird dreams, it's not super clear but he mostly finds himself in two places one seems like a bright quaint little town and the second some sort of castle and there's people that he doesn't recognize. The first place has 4 kids he doesn't recognize and the second has 2 older people and an older man he also doesn't recognize. But everytime Roxas wakes up and tries to write down the details of said dream he suddenly can't recall any details frustrating him. This goes on for some time until finally something happens.

While dreaming Roxas finds his dream self walking about but he can't see where exactly he is it's just dark when he passes by a mirror and upon looking in it he wakes up but this time he remembers. Roxas saw his own reflection but it was different, he was smaller, his hair was shorter and he looked younger. Roxas realizes these aren't random dreams they're memories! They must be his when he was a Somebody, childhood is what it's called right? He's so excited he runs to Axel to excitedly tell him the news. Only to be crushed when Axel doesn't share his enthusiasm and casts doubt on the memories being his.

The other members aren't much better they all say must be Sora's memories and you just put yourself in his place. But Roxas knows it's not true and refuses to believe it.

His memories start to become much clearer he can now make out specific details of the random people in his past. There's a boy with silver hair and a red scarf, a girl with long black hair, a boy with a hat and fancy coat, and a boy with pink hair? It doesn't take long for Roxas to realize that last boy is Marluxia and he even sees Larexene show up. Did he know them in the past? Why haven't they said anything? Unless they both also forgot their shared past but still it can't be a coincidence that Roxas ends up here with these two.

More memories come to him now during the day and he sees there's a young man with brown hair and a young woman in blue, the old man is oddly comforting in a way Roxas isn't used to. But then he sees a young Axel and Saix? And are those the other members? Now Roxas is really confused, how can they all share a past but not remember each other?

While Roxas is happy to regain some memories he's noticed they're rather, sparse and there's a lot of gaps and when he tries to fill them in he experiences horrible pain. Roxas tries to remember his parents and childhood home, thats something normal kids have right? But when he tries his chest hurts and he's fighting back tears and has to stop. So he tries to remember more of his early childhood but has to stop when his head starts hurting too much. So Roxas tries to remember the time he was the age in the mirror and he immediately has to stop, he falls to the ground his head feels like it's about to split open his chest is on fire he can hardly catch his breath. Roxas has dubbed these blank spaces that cause physical pain the bad memories. So the only clear memories Roxas can start with is being in a weird desert and meeting these 4 kids. His time with them is happy from what he can remember but then they suddenly just stop. The next memories he can actually reflect on are of him closer to his current age a teen which he calls the good memories and those memories are also far and few. And whenever someone tries to talk to him Roxas can't quite make out the words and if someone says his name he can't hear them at all.

It bothers Roxas that he has so few memories of his old friends but when he tries to remember anything to fill the gaps he collapses and feels agonizing pain. What does it say that most of Roxas' childhood is blank bad memories and his good memories are scattered with big gaps and include different groups of people? Wanting some answers Roxas tries to ask subtle questions to the other members like hey Marluxoa plant any good flowers? Larexene ever though of wearing blue? Axel think you could pull off short hair? But no one knows what he asking and brush him off.

Getting frustrated Roxas decides to seek out answers he wants to know what his life was like as a Somebody and what happened to lead him here. He meets Namine she tells him they share a connection and can help Roxas get the answers he seeks. When she tries to look through the memories Roxas clutches his head and wails in pain so that won't work. Namine has to put Roxas in a temporary sleep to look through the memories but not interact or change them. When Roxas wakes up Namine warns him that he's not going to like what she found. Undaunted Roxas insists that he deserves to know.

So Namine goes on to explain that the memories Roxas is experiencing are not his own but they're not Sora's either. Roxas is naturally confused and argues that can't be right I saw myself as a little kid Nobody's don't age that has to be him! Namine agrees with Roxas but tells him again that they're not his or Sora's memories but a third person the boy he saw in his dream. Namine then explains how she and Roxas came to be, Sora was shielding two hearts in his own Kairi and the other boy. In order to wake her up Sora willingly gave up his heart freeing Kairi's but since she can't become a heartless Namine was born using Sora's body man is that weird and Roxas was born when Sora's heart left his body alongside the third heart. It was that heart that ended up in Roxas. It's why he has these memories, it's why he has feelings, it's why he can use the keyblade both Sora and the boy were keyblade wielders, and that's why he looks like the other boy. Kairi's light restored Sora and his heart like 10 minutes after he sacrificed himself which is why Roxas is a separate entity as a Nobody instead of resembling his Somebody. The third heart had no where to go so it ended up in Roxas.

Basically everything Roxas thought he knew about himself was a lie, his life, his existence, even his own face are all borrowed from someone else. And the reason he couldn't see too many memories? Namine thinks that it's the hearts defense mechanism, those memories are too traumatic and painful to bear so it sends physical pain to stop it.

Roxas was confused then felt dread and now it's full on anger. If what Namine said is true then was everything a lie? Why is he even in the organization? Is it because he looks like the kid? Is that why Axel is friends with him? He really wants the other boy and Roxas is a substitute? When the other members look at him do they see him or the other boy? Does that mean he's both their Nobody? What's so special about the kid or Sora why does everyone seem to want them?

Diz shows up not long after and tells Roxas he needs to go back to Sora and give and allow the other boys heart to find refuge with Sora again but this just makes Roxas more angry he asserts his identity as his own, that he's his own person but is stalled when Diz says everything he feels is from a heart that isn't his but borrowed and badly damaged at that. Roxas then goes from resenting the boy to feeling bad, if it's true and that wasn't his life then the other kid had a really hard life. Most of his memories are the bad memories where he felt afraid and alone why is that? How did he get so hurt entire years of his life are wiped clean? Why does he have so many connections to the organization members?

Diz doesn't know much other than the boy is in danger and only Sora can truly protect him. The right thing to do would be for Roxas to give up his individuality but his will to live on is too strong to fight. What should he do? Is it really fair for Roxas to be the one to give up everything? He likes his life, he likes having ice cream with his best friend, he even likes the routine missions. But is it really fair to make Sora and the other boy remain incomplete? Holding onto their memories and heart like this? If the organization wants them both they could be in danger.

What should Roxas do? Well he doesn't get the chance to decide since Riku and Ansem drop him in fake Twilight Town but just to twist the knife Ansem includes some memories from Ven's heart just to really pain the picture for Roxas that anything he experienced or felt was fake and all lies. As if his identity issues weren't bad enough where does the original person start and the copy end?

TL;DR what if Roxas thought he was Ventus and was excited to regain insight into his old life only to have his dreams shatter by being told he's not a real person but a copy not once but twice to two different boys. And the boy whose life he thought he lived apparently had a painful harsh life and now he has this moral dilemma of does he give Sora and the kid their life back or does he keep the autonamy he's fought so hard for?

I don't have much to add to this other than AUGHGAGGAGA (sobbing and crying) but good job anon you've done it again. Constantly raising the bar for yourself <- in pain

[asingularcanadian]

You reblogged an ask thing so I’m obligated to ask!

8. Do you have a reoccurring dream?

I know I've probably mentioned it a few times but I dunno if I've ever fully explained the series of dreams I've catalogued mentall under the title "The Terminal"

They started I think just before I was hired at CRA and then kicked into really high gear while I was working there. The dream doesn't reoccur exactly but the terminal being there makes it slot into that category for me.

So it started with a dream where I visit this international food terminal in the downtown of a city which looks like an overgrown version of Toronto. Now this first dream was great, I love going to international food stores, it was mostly me talking to the vendors and trying different fun produce and picking up a few nice things to try at home, joking with people, having a great time in general, really lovely.

The second dream is when things started to get kinda weird. I'm putting the rest under the cut cause this is gonna be long. If you choose to read it all, i dunno, good luck, I'm sorry, both?

Just for sake of ease I'm going to provide a map with the locations labeled

So that small black rectangle in the bottom right quadrant is the Terminal

Kawaii store and Expensive grocery: the pink K is the Kawaii store and Expensive grocery

Concert Crescent: to the right of the kawaii

Crowded Market: the purple jagged funnel above is the concert crescent

School of Disappointment: the oval to the left of the market and tot he right of Jimmy's, a university

Jimmy's: the black square with the J to the bottom left of the school of disappointment

CDS: the closed/derelict stores, though they were open in one dream they were boarded up during the rest of them

Brothel: the blue b to the left of the CDS

Slums: a seemingly endless inwards spiral of wooden shantytown esque housing units that get less well kept the further in you go, to the left of the brothel

The Twisted Railway: a tangle of traditional looking railways, to the left of the slums

Bay of Blood: underneath the slums

The Water: to the right of the bay of blood, where the flood starts

The Hungry Mausoleum: the square at the top with the crosses

So after the first dream, the second one started a few streets north of the terminal. It was cold, like November cold thats somehow really dry despite usually being very rainy. I was going back to the terminal to pick something up, I can't remember what exactly. The closer I got the emptier the streets got until I was standing in the square where the terminal was but it was all boarded up, the windows were plastered over with newspaper so you could make out much inside. When I tried to look through the window on the main door I could see the main hall of the place it was barren and covered in dust. Nothing in there was disturbed, the stalls were where they were but they were empty, the lights weren't on, and you could see the dust floating through the little streams of light that managed through the newspaper. I tried to look through a few of the windows but as mentioned it didn't quite work.

When I turned away from the building to the south of it I only then noticed that the water was rising through the city. It was carrying bits of debris and floating pieces of furniture and trash as floods tend to do. I couldn't do anything but stand there as the water reached up my calves and up to my knees wherein I woke up. The water was frigid.

The Next dream I had with the terminal was the start of not being able to touch it/it becoming a presence in feeling rather than something I actually got to see. Basically the rest of these dreams/nightmares will have some element of me trying to get back to the terminal.

It took part in two stages one where I was searching for the terminal but couldn't reach it, I turned down the same streets I did in the first two dreams but when I would turn a corner that would inevitably lead me into the little open area where the terminal was, another row of tall grey buildings would crop up to block me from getting there. I remember trying to go south to come up on it from another street but again was blocked by more buildings. It got late out and I ended up going a bit farther east where I found the Kawaii shop and the expensive grocer.

I don't know if the type of store has a name but there's a few shops in the real life Toronto that basically just function to sell cutesy Japanese stuff like stationary, plushies, gudetama stuff, sometimes games and what have you and the one in the dream was liek that. I didn't do much in there but go in and look around. Just to the right of it was the expensive grocer. I went int here and looked around, it didn't have prices on the shelf so i endeavored to get some flavoured coffee beans (i dont drink a lot of coffee but when I do it's flavoured) but when I got to the cash register the half a cup of unground coffee beans I wanted to get was around 650 dollars so I ended up leaving them at the cash and leaving.

Now the next dream I had I tried to get back to the terminal, same things happened, but then I tried to find the kawaii shop and the grocer and they were both closed.

Next dream after that was the concert crescent. We have this market up by my hometown it's like a big outdoor flea market that happens in the summer it's very garage saley-y, dusty, but sometimes you get booths of people doing really cools stuff like the video game vendor who does retro games, there was a dude who used to sell band t shirts. It was like that but in a crowded dirt street with live music and stuff. I thought I might be able to cut through the back of one of the buildings to get to the street with the terminal on it. On the way through the back of one of the shops, one of the workers offered me a joint, so it was actually one of the nicer dreams in this set.

Next dream after that was the first time I went into the crowded market, I would walk by it in other ones but i think after my first experience there I didn't wanna go back. I remember going into these thinking that I was going to ask if anyone would know about the terminal. The market is a night market specifically which is kinda funny cause those don't really exist in Toronto. So I went int he evening when the sky was that bruis-y mauve just after the sun has set and its still got that daytime warmth. The street was lined with little food stalls, occasional craft stalls, and polls with those little light bulbs you might see at a summer bbq party. The farther I went into the market the smaller it got, there were more people, they got louder, the body heat was enormous. I realized it was actively closing in around me. I woke up when I was crushed to death.

Next was the two dreams about the closed and derelict shops. The first time I was there the shops were actually open, I had gone out that way because I knew I needed to go grocery shopping and probably wouldn't be able to go to the terminal given the past experiences. My younger sister was in this dream and the most memorable part of it was ducking into a discount cosmetic shops. They had my favorite shade and brand of liquid lipstick. The grocery shop we ended up going to was an Italian grocer with a bakery attached, I remember the bread being particularly good. In the back of the bakery i remember seeing one of the employees, a stout round man with white t shirt and apron, jeans, having a dart while kneading.

After that dream the next time I went to the shops every single one of them was closed except the Italian grocer who had closed the bakery. The produce in the store was really bad and there was fruit flies everywhere.

After that was Jimmy's which I'm going to link separately because it was rather long

Then we have the bay of blood. I thought if I went far enough around and down and back up i might be able to sneak up on the terminal, what a mistake that was. To get far enough that I could get to the beach I had to go through this desolate beach. There was a rustic and rotting wood log staircase down onto the sand which was a sickly orange. The sky was a shifting and warping a too vibrant indigo and green that hurt to look at. There were pillars on the beach anywhere from 6-12 feet tall of sand like drip castles interspersed on the ground with large bones. There was a loud, mid tenor-y mechanical buzzing like if you took the peak sounds out of a saw that got louder the farther you went onto the beach. I call this the bay of blood because wherever you stepped in the dense wet sand a small spring of blood would pool around your foot. I walked through the beach for a few minutes before I rounded a corner and was confronted with a half rotting bird of some variety. I turned around and left after that.

After that was the hungry mausoleum. You know those beautiful and grotesque above ground graveyards in Louisianna that they build because the ground is far too swampy to dig down in some places? It was one of those. The crypts and tombs were Victorian in style made of various colours of marble and concrete in some places which water had stained making it look like they were crying. It was incredibly crowded with students, all dressed in black academic but not convocation robes who strolled distinctly inside the white marble pathways. There were a few animals here and there that also shared the path. I walked with one of the students, a young very pale man with dark curly hair who strode with an air of undue confidence. I was asking him about the terminal and what might make the area behave the way it does. He explained to me something odd that was happening in the fabric of reality in this area that caused things to move and disappear in ways that the university was looking into. As we walked and talked I noticed a rather large mouse hurriedly scooch around people's feet down the path ahead of us. In what I can only imagine was a burst of mouse frustration it tried leaping onto the grass to be able to walk more freely. As it did, a hole the size of it opened up briefly, swallowing the poor creature and closing up, leaving a wee maybe 3 cm tall little grass coloured cross behind. As if noticing the ground around us for the first time, I realized the grassy areas were littered with all sorts of these little crosses and coffins in various shapes and sizes which had previously blended in as grass and rocks.

The next dream was the slums. For someone with incredible natural sense of direction I had somehow managed to get lost trying to find my way to the closest area nearest to the terminal. If I had to guess I would say the city was actively trying to lead me farther away.As I tried to get out of the slums they just got worse. They were walled with big brick walls who's mortar was chipped and missing in some places letter in sharp rays of light from the outside. The further into it I got the taller and more unstable the buildings were, some even swayed in the breeze. The streets were entirely dirt and mud held together with trash. People occasionally lay slumped against buildings in places either sleeping or dead in the warm dim daytime giving it an overwhelmingly wet smell of minerals and decay. The light was largely overshadowed by the buildings by the time i reached the center, it was just hot, moist, smelly, and loud wit the sounds of domestic arguments, children crying, people bawdily laughing, and the general electrical hum of shoddy wiring.

Next dream after that was the twisted railway. Like most city's Toronto has a pretty great skyline and an incredible presence of tall buildings. I remember being kinda scared when I first started living there in my undergrad because everything felt so enormous given im from a smaller town a couple hours north. It also has a decent train system that runs to the surrounding suburbs and cities. Where I was was on the western outskirts of the city where train lines were meant to run to the central station in the downtown of the city. but all the tracks were almost tangled amongst each other. Similar to how grape vines grow and grasp and twirl in little corkscrews then flatten out again these train tracks followed a similar path. I decided I had to follow only one specific line otherwise I would become hopelessly lost so that's exactly what I did. Picked a rail and went with it. I could feel the presence of the terminal calling to me, trying to bring me back but also almost laughing at me. What the track did is eventually double back on itself and lead me farther out of the city and onto an open green field before ending abruptly.

Second last dream was the school of disappointment. This was the university that I mentioned back int he hungry mausoleum. I was a student there and the dream opened with me as part of the school marching band. Now, as musical as I am, I am a vocalist, not an instrumentalist, and this was entirely evident in the dream. I had my little marching outfit on and a flute (never have I once played a flute in my life.) We were meant to be doing formations like you see in american highschool football games and what have you but I had not been to any of the practices it seems so I did horribly. The whole thing was being filmed and it was in front of an incredible stadium full of people who booed me specifically. After we were done with the miserable performance I changed back into my regular clothes. It was seemingly the last day of the semester and we were required to pick up any projects that may still be with professors for grading. I walked up a kind of stair step like corridor until hitting one of the corners where I encountered an old wooden desk made of dark driftwood. On it was a painting, a few small pots that looked like deep red, purple, burgundy, and blue watercolours. The painting itself was strange but relatively simple, swirls of the varying shades of red and purple were brushed frenetically, fading from the brighter more vivid reds on the left side to the darker purply colours on the right side interspersed with lighter and darker shades of the same colours. IF we think of the painting being cut into quarters, towards the left top of the top right quadrant was a space about 3 inches by 2 inches that had been left relatively untouched. As I was looking at it another student came up to me, a small young man with incredibly greasy black shoulder length hair plastered to his head. He didn't give me his name but he had mentioned about it being sad that I never finished the painting, even though I never remember even starting it. We didn't chat long, his countenance was uncomfortable, like that chilling feeling you get when watching a documentary about a serial killer or something and they recount to you the details of a crime they committed in the same tone that one might take to describe an ordinary trip to the store. He ended the interaction with "Well, you better take it with you, someone needs to take care of it." It wasn't until after he had been gone a few minutes and I had been looking at the painting for a while longer that I noticed that the canvas had in fact been made out of skin that still seemed alive. I reached out to touch it and it shifted nervously under my fingers. I figured right then and there that i should try and at least finish it by painting in that one bit of the canvas that had been left untouched. There were cotton balls and crumples of newspapers with the paint which gave me some direction of the method. As I painted in the spot the canvas shuddered and shook, like it was in pain. When I was done I noticed on the right side of it in the bottom right of the bottom right quadrant was a small picture of the terminal.

The last most memorable dream that featured the presence of the terminal was actually making my way back to the terminal. I'll note that I had this one sometime after I was forced to quit the CRA due to my gallbladder issues in 2024. I was on a streetcar coming into the city on the same street that had the derelict shops and jimmy's. I was with a friend of mine at the time that I was really close with in university. We got off the streetcar briefly on the other side from the derelict shops, some of which were being renovated and had opening soon signs on them. We went into a small Chinese grocer to take a look around for fun ingredients. We only ended up getting a cookie each and leaving but I remember the distinct smell of the place, kinda musty in the same way that most markets will be if they have a live fish tank wall for fresh fish butchery with a hint of Chinese wind sausage. We got back on the streetcar and kept travel ling into the city where we passed by the brothel. It was a historically themed place i would say mid 19th century almost burlesque but not quite. There was a balcony where patrons and workers could sit out and have refreshments and talk and just generally have a decent time where the more lascivious activities were kept inside. we didn't go in but it was the first time in a long time I remember in these dreams having any semblance of joy. The last bit i remember was still being on the street car, my friend was napping on my arm as they often did IRL and I couldn't help but feel like I had made a breakthrough. Finally I was working my way back into the city, and I would soon be able to go back to the food terminal.

I haven't had a dream featuring it or it's presence since then.

I am sorry that this took me so long to answer but I needed time to find all the times I'd written down the dreams in my phone, read through them all and then transpose them for here.