#so it became a PART of him. but it doesnt negate that he WAS a hellhound in the first place

[chaifootsteps]

There is an "artist" in the hyspanic side of the art internet community that reminds me so much of Vivziepop:

Her name is "Angel de la verdad" (Angel of truh in spanish, wich is a very ironic name lol), and she is know for being a grown ass woman (she is almost 40) that acts childish and cant take criticism.

People started making fun of her because she would react badly to any kind of criticism; she would make big tantrums every time someone made a video criticising her work and would send her fans (all of them being literal children because she made videos about sonic, undertale and other things that were popular between them) to harrass and attack them, then negate that she did that. She would also claim that those who have any little negative opinion on her art were haters and would call them childish insults like "rats" and encourage her fans to do the same.

One day she got mad beef with a literal 14yo boy cuz he made a video saying that her Sonic fancomics were cringe, and that made her so mad, that she took down that video, made several video directs making fun of that child, made a drawing where she potrayed him as a crying child while she was scolding him, told lies about how he was harassing and stalking her when she was the one doing that, and even threaten to doxx him because she got his personal information.

She became a very hated figure, in every video she uploaded you would see she had like 40k views but only like 10 comments cause she would erase any "hate" comment calling her out, only keeping the ones made by her bootlickes that couldnt be over the age of 8.

I remember she even did a video "debunking" her acusations, and in the part of the doxxing she said "i never said i would leak personal information of that child! I just told him to behave, and to not give his information to strangers!" Thing that is obviously a lie. She also showed screenshot of personal conversations she had with him "proving" that he was harrassing her, but they were basically her insulting him and he responding with "lol ok".

The latest thing i knew about her is that she posted on twitter that she would sue some youtuber who made a video on her revealing all the things she did, she claimed that the video was "defaming" her and that she already got a lawer. That was about a year ago and nothing happened, so i guess it was all a lie lol.

Viziepop reminds me a bit of her, in the sense that she is also over the age of 30 and still cant take criticism in a mature way. Maybe she doesnt openly insult her "haters", but she inderectly encourages her fans to be horrible people to those who dont like her work.

I was thinking, if Vivzie didnt have a reputation to take care of, she would be similar to the lady i talked about, maybe not to the point of doxxing a child, but in the sense that she would post on her social media the links of videos where she gets criticised and telling her fans to attack them, then acting all inocent with "those mean haters were attacking me 🥺 i was just defending myself..."

But she cant do that, right now she is know as "the saviour of indie animation", as a goddess of pure positivity that inspires others and will get her work shown on TV, that behaviour would ruin her reputation in a second.

So now i can imagine her sitting in front of the computer, looking for people who criticise her work. She would get the idea of making a post so her fans attack them, but then she glances at the poster on her wall, wich says "reminder: you have a reputation on the internet, DONT fuck it up". So she just growls angrily, and limits herself to like comments of her bootlickers defending her.

(Also, little fun fact about Angel de la verdad: she has a sister who is EXACTLY like her, a mediocre internet artists who acts childish and throws tantrums in the sight of criticism. Many people used to belive they were the same person with different users, but they have different voices and pictures together so we know they arent, the world is a crazy place).

Thank you for this story, Anon, and also for this peek into Vivzie's Christmas future.

(Hopefully.)

[ineffablyendless]

Enough "Rose Walker has Hob as her Uni Professior" crackfics. Time for "Professor Gadling is ADAM YOUNG'S Uni history professor" fics.

(....)

Professor Gadlen is an immortal.

Adam Knew, the way he Knew some things sometimes, and it adds humourous context to what Adam imagines is his day job. A History Professor? Really?

"I don't think it's cheating." Pepper had said, during their first twice a month phonecalls. Its a great deal more frequent than Brian and Wensley does, nowadays, and he doesn't mind, not really. The Them had grew, as all children do.

Its been 10 years since the Nopacolypse, and while Brian and Wensley had grown to disregard what Adam was (which he of course appreciates) Pepper had not. It used to tick him off. Now he appreciates it too. She puts him in his place, keeps his feet on the ground. He doesn't know where he'd be without her.

(He does. It doesn't bear thinking)

"I never said it was cheating." Adam spoke into mic of his earbuds, hands free to throw the ball for Dog. Theyve decided to spend some time out on the quad today, and 5 people so far had come to pet him. Adam knows he enjoys the attention. "I said it was cliché."

"It is a little cliché." Pepper admits, and Adam laughs. He can hear her smiling. "Does he know? That you-,"

"No." Adam shrugs. "I mean, not yet."

The smile had dropped. "Adam-,"

"I'm not going to do anything!"

"That doesn't sound like the tone of voice of someone who wasn't planning to do anything."

"I'm curious!" Adam says, a bit defensively, and he hears the crackle of her sigh over the line. "Humans, you know it, Peps, youre the one between us with a head for science, Wensley's hopeless. They shouldn't be around so long, should they? What if he needs help?"

A pause, contemplating. Adam's glad she's giving it thought, makes him feel like this isn't one of his, you know, I-Know-Better Stints he gets into. "How long do you think he's been around?"

600 years, Adam thought, but didnt say. Precisely 633. "Longer than you'd think."

"Aziraphale and Crowley long?"

"Not that long." Adam assures, can't helping the smile that the reminder brings forth. He hadn't visited those old hats for a while. "Long enough."

"Did he seem unhappy to you?"

He didn't, Adam thought. He had come to accompany Violet, a friend he's made through their Introductory to 14th century Neopolitics class, to Professor Gadlen's office to ask some questions about the quiz carry marks for midterms, and while there is some modicum of stress, it is the normal, human background buzz. Professor Robert H. Gadlen, as far as he can tell, seems perfectly content, just the way he is. One of the most.

If it wasn't for Knowing, Adam wouldn't have suspected anything off about him at all.

He hadn't said anything into the line, but it seems he didnt need to.

"Then leave it." Pepper declares, her voice crisp with finality.

"But-,"

"Leave it, Adam, you don't know what he is and what he's been through, you don't get to make the call. You know this."

Adam scrunches his nose as Dog returns the ball to him, tail wagging in delight. "I-," he says, and halts himself. Pepper was right, of course she was right, and no messing about, that's what he said, 10 years ago, he'd promised.

"Yeah," Adam relents. "Ok."

"Thank you. I'm only helping you look out for yourself, Adam."

"I know," Adam sighs. "Thank you."

"Don't sound so glum, we're heading over to see you in a week, and we'll have a pint in that old Pub Brian spotted about last time that he wanted to try. The Pegasus, or something."

"The White Horse?"

"Same thing." It really isn't, but Adam doesn't corrrect her. "Anyway, keep safe over there, don't do anything stupid. And give Aziraphale a call, won't you? He's been worried lately over something or the other, something about dreams."

"I will."

"And you'll tell me if you've reconsidered what me and Brian asked? About leaving the town, seeing the sights? Because I know some people, and it'll do you good, you know. Seeing new things. It's not forever, Adam, and Tadfield's going to be right there when you come back."

Adam doesn't tell her she couldn't know that, not when he couldn't either. Doesn't tell her their sleepy little town had been so drenched as home to him, arms slack open for the Before and After of the NoPocalypse, the him of Before and the him of After, that him leaving and severing it, finally, might mean the town might lose the root and half of itself within the year, collapse like an old building with it's pillars stolen out.

He doesn't tell her that it's a part of him, the cracked tar roads and humped houses and ancient ice cream parlor, the ominous edges of Hogsback Woods and the old LifeGuard seat over the chalk pit he still comes to see every other evening, hearing it whisper the things he should have done, the well paved path of what He Still Could Be. How it looms and stretches and groans to make it seem like it was bigger than it truly was, a throne of dirt and earth and decay.

He'd left that behind now, that isn't him anymore, because he said so, didn't he?

He just remembers.

He doesn't tell him that he feels Tadfield like a limb, it's unchanging storybook perfect English weather, and that even departing to stay at Goldsmith's a campus not half an hour away, feels like leaving 10 fingers behind. He feels the phantom of it, he aches for it, feels incomplete of himself without it.

He doesn't tell Pepper any of this. It wouldn't change things, and there was nothing she could do. There wasn't anything Crowley and Aziraphale could do, the only two people with any semblance of understanding how it might feel like. Adam feels like a ghost, posessing his own skin, and he sees the world tilted 0.5 degrees to the left leaving the door open a crack to the secrets of the universe, a room unlit. Everyday, for 10 years, had been a fight to ignore it.

He loves Humanity. He does, he does, he promises. Its part of him too, the love, the agonizing, unpleasant devotion. He was meant to be King. And he loves being human, knows in his heart of hearts its simply the best thing he could possibly be.

But being content, fighting against the maddening glimpse of that unlit room?

He didn't know that was possible.

"C'mon Dog," he beckons, once he and Pepper had made their customary dance of goodbyes, tucking the old damp tennis ball into the pocket of his coat as the hound twirls leaps around his legs, cheerful and impatient and eager to please. "We have to take an early night. Morning classes tommorow."

It is Professor Gadlen's class, and Adam refuses to be late. He cannot wait to poke and prod for more pieces of him. He's promised Pepper there would be no intervention as to what he was, not unless he was harmed, and while Adam has no intention of breaking this oath, he had made no promises against snooping.

After all, he's just curious.

[sanstropfremir]

excited to see what you have to say about todays episode cause like the other person said, the stunts from the atz/skz/btob also looked lowkey awkward to watch lmao. i feel like the dance part cant really be judged against each other just based on how different they were. also the ikon/sf9/tbz rap performance was much more khiphop inspired while skz/atz/btob were basically "kpop group's rapline does a unit stage" if you know what i mean lmao. im curious to see if you're going to talk about the judges and how some of them were picked solely to have exposure👀 or if there might be a reasoning behind all of them (the dance girl i understand but like... okay)

also, i have to ask if you watched rtk and if you'd feel comfortable sharing who you think should've won/if the boyz deserved it? as a deobi i know its not that big of a deal but i was lowkey proud and stunned by them during rtk and while i think they're doing good on kingdom too, their performances became way too overwhelming/doesn't leave an impression after for my little brain 🙃 i love them tho. also not that you care but i wish they would represent more their full dance line, because juyeon is doing amazing but it can be mentally and physically tiring to be the ONE guy who does all the dance and center parts, like do it as a trio or smt dont push it all on him while there are ten others on the team

i hope you enjoyed my (very) long review and my apparently literally opposite opinions from everyone else! that’s a lie they’re not opposite, i'm just looking at very different things. thank you for also clocking that the performance stages were two different styles! i'm fairly certain the rankings arent out yet for that stage at least, so i'm not envious of the judges having to decide between two performances that are pretty much on opposite ends of the spectrum. also i did make a mistake in my review, i just watched the first half of the episode and they do in fact call it the dance stage, so that’s on me. my point still stands though, group dancing is still dancing.

as far as the judges go........why are we upset about them.....? honestly they all seem fine to me. i mean, i can understand people being pressed about s*ju because they make people mad by just existing, apparently, but that doesnt negate the fact that they have nearly two decades of experience in the industry. if they arent going to have changmin do any judging than they might as well get some other sm vets, since yanno, they did kinda establish the industry (sm, not s*ju. although s*ju is the first kpop group i ever remember hearing way back in like, 2008. in canada. before having a personal device with internet access. sooooooo). and i mean, we all have opinions on the separation of art and artist and everyone can draw their own boundaries of who they choose to consume the work of, and that’s valid. i have lots of those lines too. but you can’t deny the sheer amount of experience, and shindong is a director and music video producer, so he ain’t stupid. i dont see any problems with having a lineup of some idol veterans, a frankly incredible choreographer, and some producers. oh wait, are people mad about the rookies????? why are people mad about the rookies?????????????? huh????????????? have people forgotten that rookies spend literal YEARS training before they even debut??? they’re not incompetent, they’re members of the industry that have worked hard to be there and have valid opinions and abilities to recognize what they think is good?? also.......what’s wrong with doing something for exposure? how do you think groups get popular in the first place? fuck, the prize for kingdom is a variety/reality show! which is exposure! you know that’s how arts marketing works, right? if you want people to listen to your music, you have to advertise it to people. you need an audience. if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it sell thousands of albums? thousands of tickets? why are you invalidating artists on the basis of wanting more exposure? are you worried they’re not going to ‘judge fairly’??? you know none of these groups' reputations are going to be hurt by their placement in the show, right. these are all high level groups already, with established brand rep. THEY are doing this show for exposure too. is this what people are complaining about on twitter?? so every stan account promoting fancams and comeback dates under hit tweets has to delete them now because artists aren’t allowed to do anything for exposure anymore. ?????? am i too old??? what happened to make people think that exposure was bad???

i have only watched the stages from rtk, and not while the show was airing, so i dont really have any context for the show as a whole. do i think they deserved to win? i dont really think anyone ‘deserves’ to win a competition show, but they did produce a couple of phenomenal stages, so was i surprised? no. personally i would have picked pentagon because they had the best vocals and also they took a few more conceptual risks that paid off really well. their cover of follow is a fantastic remake and honestly we need more dramatic remakes like that, ones that really change up the sound. i made a couple of conclusions about tbz in my episode four review that are relevant here (they’re at the end of the tbz section). although tbz are good performers, the problem is theyre trying to showcase those skills by being heavily conceptual, but their creative team is ALL over the place and nothing is landing. I dont think they’re doing terrible in kingdom, they’re doing very well, but their creative team is not providing them with a stable conceptual base. i know i make designing sound relatively simple, but it's not at all. i'm just smart and very good at my job. there are a lot of mediocre designers out there, and tbz just do not have a good creative team for kingdom. and i do actually think it's a shame that they’re fronting juyeon so much, because one of their strengths IS their group work. they have a more of a contemporary flavour than most other groups at the moment and they can do some really sharp synchronization that should to be seen more. i wish they had actually done group work for the performance stage, because we’ve already seen juyeon do a solo stage, plus he has solos in all the stages. give him a break and let the others have a chance to do something at least.

[whisperwillowsoftly]

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I want a gay hug. Just an innocent shirtless hug with a boyfriend. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK FOR AAAAARGH

I'm just having a lonely moment, I should be somewhat over in a few days. I'm just very much a person of physical contact and touch and hoping without from certain people literally hurts. I have family that I love but it's not that kind in which fills that part of me. I was born with family and so those ties were near guaranteed to me. The grounds were already there for love to exist. The people that which I need right now are those to which I formed my own bonds. Helped to build the foundation in which we both worked on. We didn't start with love between us but we worked on it and we made that from what we have built together.

As of now I'm not in a relationship. In actuality I never have been. Never kissed, not even hugged someone in a manner greater that platonicacy. So I don't understand why I crave it. There has been one who came close, he was so much to me, I couldn't call it love but it was certainly romantic and more than the simple liking of someone.

He awoke something in me that hurts me now. My knowledge of the capacity in which i can care for another in a romantic way is overwhelming. So much so that when I can't satisfy this hunger for emotional connection it hurts.

I know some people see the progression of emotions of platonicacy, romanticism, and so forth to be linear, but I see them as different paths in which people walk in your life. I dont believe platonic relations lead to romantic ones. I just believe at some point we chose to show other people a different route in our lives. My platonical relations are beautiful and I have learnt to understand them on an incredible level and am still learning. But I don't believe they are meant to walk a different path, or 'develop' into romantic ones. As I could never and never wish to see them in such a light.

To me he was marking out a dirt path in which other will follow in my romantic relations. However as I have never actually explored this path in my life in completely new to the sensation these emotions bring me, and the overwhelmingly empowering hold they can have on you. I'm used to people leaving poisoned breadcrumbs in my path of friendships so the recovery isn't as slow as it first was. But this is my first poisoned trail in my path for a romantic partner/boyfriend. I know I will heal in time, but that doesnt negate the holes in the ground and spoiled soil in which he once stood.

I hope none follow your footsteps, but are able to steer clear of the wrong turns you took on your way through my life. I had imagined my future with you.

As I'm sure you're aware.

And I may never know why you did ehat you did.

And why you took the path you chose.

But I surely hope you don't regret what you did.

Because then my healing and the marks you left on my life won't have been for as much, as if you feel you made the wrong choice in someone else. Dear Connor, I don't know you and likely never will. I'm not sure he knows what he really wants. But don't let him hurt you. Wether he realises it or not her has a lot of healing before he's ready for what he thinks he's ready to have with you. Make sure he gets the therapy he needs, I say this sincerely and not out of rudeness. He's gone through a lot and hasn't learnt a single healthy mechanism to deal and work though his past. I gave him all I could, my advice, wisdom, experience, past, future and self sacrifice. In the end that was too much of me. Please don't make the same mistake. If you are to be his boyfriend in time. Make sure to not also become his therapist. Take it from me. Both can be too heavy. There are things he isn't ready to hear from a boyfriend. I never became one for him, a boyfriend that is. But the promise of a future with me was too much as in the years prior I was some form of unqualified therapist/ pulling from life experience advice giver and we were great friends.

And to Reece, I feel we have surpassed the time in which we are to be in one another's lives. I will cherish the years we were close as friends. And will heal from the last 6 months we had being more. Or at least you were to me. I won't hold you against that forever if that brings you any peace. It certainly does so for me.

I think that this is goodbye, old friend.

[thoughtsbecomehim-blog]

i dont feel like i have anybody i can talk to so this is all just going out into empty space for the sake of posterity

i feel like i am being torn apart. sorrow, self pity, anger. hopefulness. the usual shit associated with heartbreak i guess. ive for now and potentially forever lost the person i want. she intermittently wants nothing to do with me and it makes me feel like something less than dirt. we built our lives together, not without mistakes and hardship, for four years. in a number of very important ways i have failed to be what she needed or became it too late. you can’t make somebody want to be with you. i just know that i want her. my memory tells me that most things i do are for her, from the small fires to put out before they turn into big ones for her, from the big ones like moving across the country twice to be with her. i breathe this person. seeing her happy from something i’ve done for her is the best feeling in the world for me. the road to hell is paved with good intentions i suppose. 

seeing my roommates happy with each other is like a hammer to my heart as well. their happiness is gut-wrenching and makes my recently deteriorated spirit shrink more and more. they have been a large stressor on our relationship since shortly after we moved in with them. everything was fine, in fact very good at first. i was excited to come home to our house and despite the looming debt of a 4000 dollar bill to get my vehicle back having a place to call our own again negated that. they do not live the same way we do though, they do not respect our things the way they should be nor do they treat shared space with much if any mutual respect. 

i told a close friend about some of this over drinks and found out last night that he was doing something bad to another friend of mine. so the guy i was at least willing if not comfortable talking about the turmoil in my life about has lost a ton of respect from me. i dont think i can look at him the same way for a while. i can tell my mom anything but she just doesnt really get it and it’s hard to counsel somebody when they are explaining why and how their relationship between two mentally suspect/unwell people has failed. 

ive found some refuge in listening to more music but that doesn’t last. every time my brain isn’t occupied it’s agonizing over what is going to end up happening which is just so unbelievably unhealthy. it is hard to hide whats going on at work and i cant magically be in a work mood when i need to be so when people inevitably ask whats wrong i mostly just want to scream out loud and die. i’m not under the assumption that break ups should be easy but i don’t know how you can ever really be ready to deal with it. 

starting a new schedule at work is also not an appealing idea and when i have days off by myself i have no ability to fill the entire day with productivity. those activity gaps are equally agonizing and the time spent in them seems to last three times longer than in reality. i realize the onus is on me to fill those gaps but part of the issue is knowing one is coming and then the anxiety setting in makes it hard to accomplish anything. 

we are also dealing with a flea infestation that our roommates are under the impression we, but specifically me, am responsible for. it has solidified the financially unwise but necessary decision to leave after the lease is up in march, along with my now ex partner potentially back to florida for good. 

i just feel like a lot of things have stacked against me in a very short amount of time. My relationship deteriorated quickly after we went out with our roommates for one of their birthdays where we felt obligated to go, spend basically all of our money doing so instead getting groceries or whatever. we both had an extremely bad time and took it out on each other. weeks after that her coworker let loose that another coworker has falsely claimed that she and i had ‘fooled around’ which was both completely removed from reality and a vicious attempt to hurt my partner at the expense of my own life and privacy over a crush she has on a guy my partner occasionally hangs out with as friends. the seed of doubt planted, my partner broke up with me because she could not believe me saying it wasn’t true. among a mountain of other more important things, true, but that was the final catalyst. the following two days were filled with hard, crushing words that make me shrivel even remembering.

i know the ways i have failed her as a partner. i know the ways i have loved her and done the right things for her as well. the bad outweighs the good for her. that’s life. i hope we choose to begin anew. as the adults we are. i cannot imagine ever wanting to take care of another person the way i do with her, nor can i imagine being more willing and eager to do so. it is very, very challenging to not let my anxiety about this affect the space i need to give her. being around her literally dissolves my insecurities, this was the first year i have been without a shirt around people who arent extremely close friends or family in 11 years. her being good for my mental health isnt a reason to stay with me though. 

ive been thinking about getting a therapist. just somebody to talk to that i dont have to associate with on a regular basis. the first 15 years of my life were intermittently spent in therapists offices with questionable results. i dont know that i can cite any tangible benefit directly related but i know that i dont have any desire to do to somebody else what was done to me so maybe thats a win for therapy. i cant see myself getting seriously suicidal, outside of the momentary contemplation we all experience when things are very tough. but there are some self harm issues, body image issues and other various things that i dont believe i work out myself. there’s also the realization that sometimes stuff like that you just have to carry. it’s not going to leave no matter who you talk to or what pills they give you. whatever facet of my personally that makes me feel like talking about my feelings with my friends is just unloading unwanted baggage for them i truly resent. 

every bad feeling you can have about yourself is something i’ve experienced daily for the last two weeks. i want to both collapse and explode at the same time. i want to feel your hand in mine and your lips against mine. i know it’s not going to happen for a long time, if ever.