#so in a way he's looking out for sam by eliminating dean but also for himself bc long as dean is around sam'd be forced to the fore

[shadystranger]

Soulless!sam comes from the dead and the first favor he's doing to sam is kill dean and sam gets disorientedly worried about dean bc of it all.. that's peak

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S2E2

Lavender

Oh Jamie, going from reality TV, to talk show and looking like a muppet. Also, the bit with Phil and Holly has not aged well with ermmm... Recent discoveries behind the scenes. Not of Ted Lasso, of the talk show This Morning.

Man City doesn't want Jamie. But he still has support of fans, that's good. We do eventually find out why he left Man City.

Beard and Jane are not a good or healthy couple. They should not be together. Beard deserves better but the thinks that's what he deserves.

Nate micromanaging Will. He's just doing his job, and doing it well. Leave the poor guy alone.

Aww, Will has a girlfriend. Good for him.

Roy cares about his new team. Especially Kokoruda and Phoebe. Too bad he wants nothing to do with Richmond.

Keeley knows what she likes in a man and isn't afraid to express it. Go Keeley.

Ted riding the lawn mower, what a dork.

Ted is hurt about Dr Sharon staying for the season because he still doesn't trust her. Even though it's good for the team and later him. She does have a cool bike though.

Ted is confusing. He wants to be included about decisions for the team but wants Higgins to make his own mind up about things. It was Higgins's idea to bring Dr Sharon in and since he is director of football operations (what does that even mean)? He should get a say in what is best for the team. And Dr Sharon is what is best for them.

Nate is still too quick to complain about Will. I will say, personally I find lavender to be kind of horrible to smell.

No one wants Jamie. Because he shows no loyalty to anyone. And clubs and the public have seen that. They don't wasn't to sign him for something if he's just going to jump ship when he gets bored.

Ted bursting though doors is everything to me. I love that manic pixie dream boy. But yeah, don't barge into a therapist's office.

Sudeikis does actually play video games in real life, because they are fun. If something is taking over your life you should change your habits to prevent it from taking up most of your waking hours. This only applies to non-addictive things. You don't want to deprive yourself of enjoyment because that will make you miserable, but just adjust how you view that relationship you have with it. It's why some people struggle with dieting. Because they try to eliminate the things that are 'bad' for them, instead of accepting that they can be part of their diet but not a major part of it.

Ted is very disarming. He wants to know everything he can about a person straight away. But Dr Sharon sees through it.

Keeley mentioning Dubai Air, for the campaign that Sam will be a part of next episode.

Robert Plant and Jimmy Page. I have watched too much Supernatural to have gotten that joke before Ted did. Plant and Page were Sam and Dean's most used aliases. You are off your game here Ted, Dr Sharon really must have you rattled.

'What a fucking arsehole' is back again, because Dr Sharon doesn't eat sugar. I'm going to have to keep track of how many times it's said in the show.

As much as Rebecca might know what her problems are, she still show see a therapist because they would have knowledge and the capabilities to help her move on from her relationship with Rupert. She manages on her own well enough, but there are still things that might need addressing. And Ted, he works out that he needs help eventually. Friends aren't your therapists, they can only do so much to help. If you need help, see a professional, your friends are your support network to help keep you in the right path to getting to a healthier emotional state. You're not burdening people by sharing your problems, but they might not always be able to help you in the way you need, that's where professionals come in. Spoken as someone trying to get that help now.

[bending-sickle]

I'm very critical of Dean but I feel like Dean and Sam are the product of a show where the creators said "this show is about the boys" and that's not their fault

What that means is, that the writers gave themself the mindset that Sam and Dean are the only thing that matters on the show. Therefore their goals are the only things that matter. So the writers will intentionally write Sam and Dean as people who don't care about other people's problems. E.g season 6 Dean telling Cas to find a way to help with Sam's soul right after Cas said he was busy fighting a war

In universe I am critical of them as characters, because it's not always possible to tell what is their character and what is the plot. What is them and what is who the writers forced them to be because the show is about them

Brothers Dean and Sam follow in their father's footsteps and set out to eliminate monsters, demons and other supernatural entities that exist on Earth

VS Buffy

Buffy Summers tries to live a normal life in high school while embracing her responsibilities and destiny as a hunter of vampires and demons.

That plot summary gives the Buffy writers more room to prioritize other characters. The show is also about her being a high school student and part of being a high school student is your friendships and that means your friends also have to be developed and be important. Importance can be having their own arc, having the lead protagonist rescue them or the lead protagonist support their friends goals or just being an interesting villain or antagonist

Whereas in the Supernatural plot summary, it's about Sam and Dean fighting monsters. Therefore the mindset is that making the monsters more powerful, more interesting etc is important and Sam and Dean are important and until John dies he is important. But there is no room in that summary for a broad range of characters to be important

But I also happen to be critical of the writers putting themselves in a position where they forced the narrative to HAVE to be about Sam and Dean and that's not Sam and Dean's fault. No fictional character has full agency Like it would be 100% okay with me if the writers wrote that Cas brought Sam back with his soul so that season 6 could be about Crowley, Sam and Dean helping Cas with his civil war, with Dean and Crowley bickering over Purgatory because they no longer had to worry about Sam's soul plot. Had Supernatural been summarized as

Brothers Dean and Sam follow in their father's footsteps and set out to eliminate monsters, demons and other supernatural entities that exist on Earth as well as find friends and found family on the way

Just like the Buffy plot summary it allows more flexibility for other characters to have priority. Why does Cas have priority? Well because the show is about their friends as well, it says so in the made up plot summary

Being a main character means you get most of the priority rather than all of the priority

But with every character, including Crowley btw, I do have to look at the characters from an in universe pov that they are independent and can act of their free will. That they have agency. Suspension of disbelief that the character is fictional and almost believing they are real makes all the feelings for or because of that character possible. Part of that suspension of disbelief is not seeing them as fictional characters where they don't have true free will and they do or say whatever the plot needs

An example of whatever the plot needs is Dean selling his soul for Sam in 2x21 or 2x22 and then being okay with Sam dying from demon blood withdrawal in 4x21. Obviously that's a huge contradiction. Dean would give his soul for Sam, there is no way Dean would be okay with Sam just dying of "drug" withdrawal. But they wanted an emotional moment in the show and so they made Dean OOC for that brief moment

While I see them as people, while I watch the show, because it would be hard to have feelings about characters if you viewed them as being automatons programmed by the writers when I don't watch the show I have criticism of their characters but also criticism of the way the writers used them, that I feel like goes against who they are

I hope that wasn't too offensive because I know you love Dean 💙

okay that was a lot and probably could have been its own post but

"I hope that wasn't too offensive because I know you love Dean 💙" - criticizing a show's writing is not - and should not - be personally offensive to anyone, regardless of how they feel about a character? either way, i found nothing offensive about this so... we're good.

(like...i can love a character and at the same time go "i want to beat the shit out of you for those actions" and also "nobody lay a hair on him". i mean, the kid's complicated, and i can handle that.)

"What that means is, that the writers gave themself the mindset that Sam and Dean are the only thing that matters on the show. Therefore their goals are the only things that matter. So the writers will intentionally write Sam and Dean as people who don't care about other people's problems." - okay i disagree with these statements separately and also with the proposed "if A therefore B therefore C" logic progression.

sam and dean being the central characters of the show doesn't mean they're "the only thing that matters". there are narrative themes a show might consider central, regardless of characters. like the whole "road-tripping through america" aspect, or "monsters as metaphors" or the exploration of "what does it mean to be a monster". those types of things matter a lot and are often central to how a show is written, not just "these are our only two characters and everything else is cannon fodder".

"therefore their goals are the only things that matter" - in that case, "saving people, hunting things" is one such goal and covers...just about everything that isn't their own personal agenda. but again, just because they're The Main Character and everything is from their point of view doesn't mean they are the only compass on the table by which a story can be written. it's incredibly reductive to say that the only stories supernatural can have are those where the winchesters' personal goals are the only ones that exist.

"So the writers will intentionally write Sam and Dean as people who don't care about other people's problems." - even if the show were of the mindset "we only write about the winchsters" and "we only care about what the winchesters care about" that doesn't necessarily lead to writing the characters themselves as being self-centered or selfish or self-serving, just going "well, fuck everyone else, this is about me". that's...that doesn't follow, and it's terrible character design logic too. especially after years of them being all "i must sacrifice everything - my life, my hopes, my dreams - for every and any stranger who is in need of saving, because that's my code."

"it's not always possible to tell what is their character and what is the plot. What is them and what is who the writers forced them to be because the show is about them" - it's one and the same? the writers aren't forcing them, they're writing them. if a character is shoe-horned into acting a certain way, it might be bad writing, but it's still - in terms of "this is a work of fiction, and this is how it's being played out" - that character. like... if the show is a certain genre, and has a certain theme, and that's what is being written, and the characters are being used to highlight those themes...you can't then go and say "well but the characters are being forced by the narrative, that's not really them". i just. i don't understand this distinction you're bring up. if the character is written a certain way, and you're trying to understand that character as a theoretical person (rather than a tool in the narrative), you have to bring in everything the narrative has given you.

about the supernatural vs buffy summaries, to be honest, i'm not really seeing much of a difference between the two that would justify the distinction you are presenting. like... the "normal life in high school" simply gives the setting. it's as if the supernatural summary had started with "the winchesters travel through america" before going on with "following in their father's footsteps". the whole point of them traveling through america was to showcase the average joe, the little guy, all the people they saved. (like with angel: the series, the pilot is basically "look! we offer you one (1) character" and the summary could be "a vampire tries to find redemption" but in the end you have a solid set of at least five characters, all with their own goals and problems and it's not all just about the brooding vampire and what he cares about.)

"Importance can be having their own arc, having the lead protagonist rescue them or the lead protagonist support their friends goals or just being an interesting villain or antagonist" - supernatural also did this with recurring characters, but it kept killing them off or making them disappear for episodes on end instead of making a cohesive ensemble show. it's still amazing to me how after 15 years, supernatural never managed to accrue a solid ensemble. hell, the last episode with just the two mains and a long-time recurring guest.

"Whereas in the Supernatural plot summary, it's about Sam and Dean fighting monsters. Therefore the mindset is that making the monsters more powerful, more interesting etc is important [...]" - except this isn't WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) and even they have storylines and lore and backstories. supernatural isn't just "two men beat the shit out of monsters". there's themes, there's arcs, there's character growth and development. it's not about the monsters.

"and until John dies he is important" - i would argue the themes of an absent father, of legacy, of generational trauma, of the divide he caused between the brothers and their views on hunting, or whatever else john symbolized is leagues more important than the character himself.

"But there is no room in that summary for a broad range of characters to be important" - but a summary is not a straight-jacket and even "man turns into beetle; is not terribly upset" can still lead to other characters existing in a story and a whole mess of themes being explored beyond "what is a beetle?"

"But I also happen to be critical of the writers putting themselves in a position where they forced the narrative to HAVE to be about Sam and Dean and that's not Sam and Dean's fault." - i don't get where you're going with this. writers plan out a story arc, with an A plot (the main storyline) and a number of B plots (stuff that happens in the background, or smaller problems), and every character has a progression planned out. there is a lot that can be done there, even with the narrative being about sam and dean.

"Well because the show is about their friends as well, it says so in the made up plot summary" - in that case, the unofficial-but-said-so-many-times-it-basically-is motto of supernatural ("saving people, hunting things") gives more than enough elbow room for the concept of "oh hey, they got friends, and they care about them".

"Part of that suspension of disbelief is not seeing them as fictional characters where they don't have true free will and they do or say whatever the plot needs" - true, but then you can't use "but the writers" or "but the summary" arguments to argue for character choices or flaws. these are two different conversations.

"But they wanted an emotional moment in the show and so they made Dean OOC for that brief moment" - but if we're doing the suspension of disbelief, then it's not out of character and instead it's a complex character. and like i said earlier, about how you can't go "[it's] not really them" about a character whenever they make choices (regardless of whether it was forced by the narrative or not): a character can be a hypocrite, and it doesn't have to be "oh, he's OOC because the writers wanted him to do that".

"I have criticism of their characters but also criticism of the way the writers used them, that I feel like goes against who they are" - i mean, i get this, sort of. (for instance, crowley in the latter seasons had me going "you are smarter than this" and on the one hand, yes, it was written that way because the writers needed plot point A to get to point B, but in terms of "let's ignore the strings the writers are pulling" character analysis, i just also go "you are being an idiot" and not "this is OOC". because, sometimes characters are idiots. or hypocrites.)

in conclusion: i don't really know where you were going with your ask, and i don't think i knew where i was going with my reply, either. (like, was this in response to something specifically or...?)

honestly, i'm more confused now that i've answered it than when i read it. idek if i made sense half the time. sorry?

[cosmicoceanfic]

When a hole opens up in the wall of the Bunker, Sam is in sweatpants and a tee shirt advertising Brandi Carlile.

Sam hasn’t actually listened to much Brandi Carlile. But Claire loves Brandi Carlile, and had bought him the tee shirt, and wearing it seemed to make those tight little lines Claire’s been wearing around her eyes since they lost Cas loosen slightly, so he’s been wearing it even when she’s not around. He wants to be able to tell her that he’s been using it and tell her the truth.

The point is, when the hole opens up in the wall of the Bunker, Sam is not exactly in hunting gear, but fortunately there’s a stray knife sitting on the table of the war room, so he grabs it and wheels on the hole in time to see two figures step out of it, the hole closing. He readies his knife before freezing.

Cas stands there, blinking as his eyes adjust to the soft golden lights of the Bunker. Next to him, Crowley is lightly dusting off his black suit, which as near as Sam can tell is immaculate as ever.

“Cas?” Sam splutters. “Ca- Crowley?”

“Typical,” Crowley says, sizing Sam up. “The only thing to get a Winchester out of a flannel is the supposed death of God.”

“God’s not dead,” Sam says, bewildered, at the same time Cas says “where’s Jack?”

“Jack’s.” Sam tries to regain his equilibrium. This might not be Cas, but it is very on brand for the first question Cas asks to be about Jack. “Jack’s fine, Cas. He’s, uh. He’s God now, I guess.”

“He’s-“ Cas’ brow creases. “Jack is God?”

“…yeah.”

“And Dean?”

“Dean’s… you know. As close to fine as he gets when you die. He’s taking a lot of showers. But he’s drinking less.” Sam blinks. “Why are you- why are you here, and why is Crowley here?”

“Have a little care for your tone, Moose,” Crowley says, giving Sam a slightly miffed look. “Your pretty little pet wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.”

Sam stares at Crowley before remembering he’s not the Winchester brother who develops a complex at Cas being called his pretty little anything and turning to Cas. “Why is Crowley here?”

“Crowley…” Cas pulls a face. “Had discovered a way to maintain a certain… independence within the Empty and-“

“I was using it to nobly and charitably remind Castiel that he had existed once and was not a pile of angel goo,” Crowley interrupts.

“And was swinging by to bother me,” Cas corrects sourly. “Until we had decided-“

“Until he begged me to help him find his way back to his precious elder Winchester-“

“Until we had decided,” Cas says, louder this time. “That perhaps we would be best served by seeking a way out of the Empty together.”

Sam considers. He and Dean had upped the wards on the Bunker to eliminate any denizens of the Empty. So it’s pretty impossible that they’re something the Empty has conjured up for them.

“Are you…” He eyes up Crowley. Demons are not supposed to be in here. “Human now?”

“Outside of devastatingly handsome and infinitely smarter than either you or the squirrel,” Crowley answers. “I haven’t the foggiest on what I am.”

“Hm.”

Cas is, slightly, rocking on the balls of his heels. “Sam.”.

“…yes?”

“Where is your brother?”

“In his room.”

Cas immediately is on the move, descending deeper into the Bunker and walking straight past Sam, which is about par for the course. Sam turns to Crowley.

“And how,” Crowley asks, clearly a little reluctantly. “Is my mother?”

“Um. Dead.” Crowley’s face twitches. “But, um. Also the Queen of Hell. So. You know. Okay.”

“Typical.”

Sam comes to one of those grudging little decisions he makes that he thinks qualifies him for sainthood. “…come on.”

Crowley blinks, looking for once a little thrown off. “Come on where?”

“I think, uh. I think when Dean and Cas reunite this time it’s gonna be… loud.”

“Ah,” Crowley says, thoughtful and a little grim. “Coital, you mean.”

Sam is profoundly grateful that he went with the least possible disgusting choice of word he could have there. “Yeah. So I am-“ he heaves a big breath. “Telling you that if you give me a second to get my shoes on, we can get in the car and go to a bar and meet your mother there and not have to deal with that.”

Crowley tilts his head, considering.

“My mother’s really more of a wine bar person,” he says eventually.

“She puts up with regular bars for my sake,” Sam answers.

Crowley squints. “And how would you know?”

Sam is spared answering that by the sound, distantly, of one person forcefully slamming another against the wall.

Crowley’s face twitches again. “Lead the way, Gigantor.”

“Yup.”

Sam grabs the keys from the little dish they keep for em on the war room table, reaching for his phone as he heads for his sneakers, ignoring Crowley mumbling “I died for him, too, you know, but noooooo-“ like a brave little soldier.

So because Crowley died in Apocalypse World does that mean he's in that version of the Empty or is there only one Empty because it's older than God like Death was.

[drawingangel666]

Fake Prostitute- Chapter 2: John x Reader

Supernatural Bingo Challenge Masterlist

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Winchester Brothers Masterlist

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Fake Prostitute Masterlist

Summary: Y/n is a person that hates the supernatural creatures that use and kill prostitutes, so she goes around the country faking to be one to lure out and eliminate all those type of creatures. Who would have expected her to be attacked by a witch that was dating the shapeshifter she was after. That curse, was a sexual curse. She will have to find out how to break that curse with the help of her hunter friends, the Winchesters.

AU: (not really an AU but still) Where the Winchesters are hunters, but they aren’t as important as in the series (John doesn’t die, Sam and Dean are not vessels, etc…)

Pairing: John x Fem!reader

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, nipple sucking, oral sex (female receiving) vaginal sex, protected sex (be safe), daddy kink (John), dom! John, sub! reader, sex talk, jealous Dean, cursing, jealous John, dark sexual fantasies, sexual curse.

3rd Person POV.

After Y/N and Sam got dressed and laid down together again, Y/n snuggling into his side, John and Dean came back. 

They came with some information printed from the library. Apparently, Y/n’s sex curse was planned to fulfill your most private fantasies. 

It was used as a torture, the longest the victim tried to avoid it, the hornier they would get. They got the plan to, with her consent, fulfill those fantasies as much as they could. They all knew that the others also liked her. She was perfect in the eyes of all the males. And even if John and Dean felt jealous for the time that Sam had just had they knew that they could have it too.

Sam, John, and Dean talked about this while Y/n was still sleeping. Sam, all blushed, explained to his brother and father that in fact, Y/n was out of herself when she had done it with him. And as she was so calm at the moment, it meant that doing it with Sam was one of Y/n’s dark secret fantasies. 

John licked his lips, thinking of Y/n’s dark fantasies. Dean’s features were darkened. 

´´Bro, I wanted to get with her since we met her those years ago`` Dean whined at his brother. ´´I’ve been trying all the time, and you come when she is cursed and fuck her first``. Sam rolled his eyes. 

After that, the brothers continued to fight, while John looked at Y/n up and down, before shaking her gently to wake her up.

Y/n got up, feeling the three males towering over her. They felt their pants tighten up on their crotches. She also felt a wetting sensation on her panties. 

Sam and Dean where still shooting glares at each other, one jealous and the other one with a victory smirk on his face. Both brothers went outside to not disturb the girl. 

´´Hey, Sweetheart``John’s raspy voice got Y/n out of her thoughts. He licked his lips looking at her, scratching his salt n’ pepper beard.

 Y/n’s aching core getting stronger each second that passed. John smiled at her, seeing her nasty thoughts painted all over her face. This damn curse could be worth it after all.

 ´´ Look, Baby girl`` John said, towing over her ´´The curse you have is a sexual curse, and the only way of surviving is fulfilling your darkest and most secret fantasies. You already did some with Sammy, now you need to tell me everything. I know it might be shocking and embarrassing, but tell me, baby`` 

He finished. Y/n looked between terrified and also extremely horny. Her lustful look making John swallow hard. No woman had intimidated John Winchester sexually before, but there is always a first time, right?

´´Well, I’ve got to tell you, don’t I?`` Y/n said in a playful tone.

´´No playing games baby girl, Daddy doesn’t want to show you manners`` John said, cupping one side of her face. She felt oddly turned on by John’s use of the word Daddy. 

She then proceeded to lick his hand, sucking at his thumb, taking the male by surprise. She was being really playful in that magical state of mind. 

John started feeling a tingly sensation go down his spine, was she causing this effect on him? Was it part of the curse or was he so turned on that he could do anything?

Later on, she sat really close to him, mumbling into his ear that one of her fantasies was having him. 

´I want to feel you inside of me` she said, nibbling at his earbud. ´And I know you want me too` she then proceeded to pass her hand over the growing bulge in his pants, sending a shiver down the eldest Winchester’s spine. 

´Sweetheart, you couldn’t handle me even if you tried` John said, smiling at her with a smirk on his face. He was getting into her game.

´Oh, I am a big girl` she said, getting into his lap, grinding with his huge erection. ´Maybe you are  the one that wouldn’t handle me, Daddy` she almost moaned into his ear, using the nickname she knew that was his thing. 

John growled low on his throat, his hands finding their way to hold and squeeze Y/n’s butt. 

The girl giggled at the act, smiling sheepishly at him. 

John couldn’t resist any longer Y/n’s teasing, he attacked her lips hungrily. She kissed back almost instantly, letting the man take control. Or maybe, just let him feel he had control over the situation. 

´Oh, fuck sweetheart` John grunted. He started trailing kisses down Y/n neck. With one shift move he took off her baggy shirt, exposing her breasts. Her nipples already hardening from Y/n’s arousal.

John felt the almost hurting sensation at his crotch, if it was kept inside for longer, he would cream his pants. I wasn’t something he wanted to do. 

Y/n softly pinched one of her nipples, making it roll around in her fingers. John was almost loosing his mind. 

He went fast for the other one, sucking at the bud and making Y/n shiver with the sudden action. 

His hands were pressing her butt while he sucked and toyed her nipple. 

In between soft breaths, Y/n pushed John slightly away to have enough space to pull down her baggy pants. Showing him she wasn’t wearing any panties. 

John groaned with pleasure, feeling his cock leak with precum. He downed himself at her pussy. Seeing the wetness and feeling hornier with each second that passed. 

Without second thought he roared ´Oh, so wet for Daddy` before burying himself in her wet folds. Licking, sucking and kissing every inch.

She was pretty sensitive, and all the movement got her going. The only thing that sounded on the motel room were Y/n’s soft moans and the dirty wet sounds John was creating in her pussy. 

She started feeling heat coming up from her pussy to her stomach, she was close. Her hands tugging at John’s hair while little twitches filled her legs. Her toes curled and she let out a pleasure cry cross-eyed. 

The orgasm waves filled every inch of her body, giving shivers here and there. John was cleaning her up before rising. He took a condom out of his pants. 

Fast enough he took off his pants and boxers, showing Y/n with pride his huge cock. It was glistened with precum all over it, twitching and looking like it was about to explode. 

John easily rolled the condom on, capturing his gigantic staff in it, and alined with Y/n’s entrance. ´Oh, God` Y/n moaned. 

´Call me Daddy` John grunted into her ear, filling her up with his dick. He entered in just one movement. 

Y/n’s eyes rolled back for a moment, the sudden move with her over sensitive pussy made her see the starts. 

He started railing her without warning. ´Daddy, ohhh Daddy` Y/n screamed in between moans and hot breaths. Her tits going up and down with every thrust. John grabbed one, nursing it while he moved. 

´How much did you want this?` John asked, his voice husky. ´Say it, tell me, How much did you want my cock to fill you up?` He plastered a kiss into her parted lips, exploring her mouth with his tongue. Letting her moan against his tongue. 

She was a moaning mess before she could say anything ´Ohhh Daddy, I wanted you to fill me up for soooo long.` she said, stoping mid-sentence to exhale a shaky breath. 

Letting out a few more moans that grew louder with each thrust, she came, hard enough to spill her juices all the way up to John’s lower abs. 

He smirked, giving in to pleasure and releasing into the condom. After that he passed his fingers over his lowers abs and licked them, smiling at Y/n. 

When he looked at her she had already passed out. She fell asleep right away. 

´Woah, this curse must be powerful` John laughed. He clothed himself and Y/n. Then he laid himself down and pulled her to his chest. Before drifting off.

--------------------------------------------

Fake Prostitute Taglist:

@capswife​​

[heller-castiel]

wasn’t mary already pretty selfish? like the angels take is a good one but imo she came back and just ✌️ ditched her kids and did whatever she wanted no matter the effects it had. I’m just curious on what your take on that stuff is— par for the course for what she went through or not enough?

ok so i have such complex feelings about mary.

like, if we’re being realistic, she died. her four year old is older than her. her baby is a grown man. they grew up seeking revenge for her death as hunters, something she never wanted them to be. and while, from sam and dean’s perspective, yeah her walking out is selfish, but from hers, how do you look at your children that are adults now?

and also yes, she goes behind their backs to work with the bmol, bc she thinks “if they can eliminate all monsters then my kids won’t have to be hunters and we can all retire” and it’s. it’s both selfish bc she won’t see it from their perspective but she’s still trying to make the world better for her kids?

also imo mary is the kind of person who had kids bc she wanted to he unconditionally loved more than anything else, so yes, that is selfish

i guess my stance is that. narratively mary really only exists as a mother. heaven only cares about her enough to make sure she gives birth to her sons. once she’s dead john uses her image to justify neglecting his kids and raising them to be killers. sam and dean never knew her as she was just as the perfect madonna that john remembered her being and none of that was HER.

so i guess by selfish i mean that. she should have gotten to say “what about me?” more. bc from her perspective even as she’s being selfish post resurrection she still does a lot of shit for her kids in her mind. the most selfish she gets is when she walks out on them, i think justifiably from her stance, and when she tells dean that she is not just a mother. i think she should have been more able to have her own autonomy bc narratively she doesn’t, and she is criticized when she tries to establish it - and while a lot of that makes sense from sam and deans pov, i think we empathize with dean and his role as sam’s parent and trying to be both his own person and also sam’s protector way more, even as dean does way worse to sam (namely gadreel)

i think she should have been able to be mad that she only existed for her sons and that once they were born she was discarded. that people mourned her bc her sons needed her, and her husband needed her, but not because she was a person who deserved to have a life. she should have gotten mad at how completely fridged she was

[goldenraeofsun]

God himself could not sink this ship

"I don't understand that reference," Cas says for the umpteenth time, and that is it.

"Fine," Dean growls as Sam stares at the both of them in alarm. He scrapes back his chair from the library table. "Movie night. Now."

"Now?" Cas asks, rising to his feet anyway.

"Yeah, so chop chop."

Pausing just outside the doorway into the hall, Dean spins on his heel, pointing his finger square in Cas's face. "This is all for you, got it? Don't mention it to anyone, or I'll kill you."

"Mention what?" Cas asks, exasperated.

"Nobody will find your body."

"Dean."

"Titanic," Dean mutters. "We're gonna watch goddamn Titanic so you know what I meant by the French girl thing."

"Titanic?" Sam calls from behind them, perking up.

"You're not invited, bitch."

"Hey!"

"Sam's not coming?" Cas asks as Dean takes off for his room, heedless of Sam's approaching gargantuan footsteps.

"Sam has an unhealthy thing for Celine Dion. Trust me, the smart thing is to eliminate all contact."

"She's a legitimate artist, Dean," Sam protests as he catches up. "She has five Grammys."

"That's four more than Led Zeppelin," Cas says like he didn't just betray everything Dean has ever loved.

Dean nearly trips over his own feet, glaring at the two of them. Sam, Dean can understand. They're brothers - Dean once stole Sam's prom date right from under his nose on prom night. Pulling their punches isn't really their thing.

But Cas - Dean thought he was done with the Top Ten Anime betrayals.

Dean forces out, "This is what I get - this is what I get for trying to help my best friend-"

Cas scowls.

Sam rolls his eyes. "You're just doing this so Cas will catch on when you compliment him instead of saying something nice like a normal boyfriend."

Slightly mollified, Cas adds, "You also threatened to murder me. I don't see how this is a favor."

"I don't watch Titanic for just anybody," Dean says shortly.

"Yeah, yeah, he won't watch it with me," Sam says amiably as he follows both of them into Dean's room.

"Why not?" Cas asks.

Dean presses the power button on his laptop a little too forcefully. "One, it's long as fuck. Three hours is too much sinking boat."

Cas's brow furrows. "But The Return of the King-"

"And B," Dean cuts him off loudly, "it's a chick flick." He nudges Cas's side pointedly. "C'mon, man, you know Hobbits always get a pass."

"Like Swayze?" Cas asks, resigned, as Sam sighs loudly.

"Exactly like Swayze."

"It's not a chick flick, Dean," Sam protests as he motions for Dean to get up from his desk so he can take his seat.

"It totally is." Dean sits down on his bed, automatically raising his arm so Cas can wedge himself in close. Dean learned the hard way if he doesn't make room, Cas will just cram himself against Dean's side anyway, leaving no room for Jesus. Or enough blood flow.

"It clearly appeals to all genders if it is one of the biggest box office successes of all time," Sam says, exasperated. He folds his arms across the back of Dean's desk chair, waiting for Dean to cue the movie.

"Men can like chick flicks too, Sammy," Dean says without looking up. He searches for the pirating website with one hand, hunt and pecking the keys.

"Just not you, right?" Sam asks, skepticism dripping off every word.

"Damn right."

"I think he's lying," Cas says in a low but carrying voice over Dean's head.

"Dean loves chick flicks."

"I hate you both."

Cas waits until the opening shot pans over the ocean to ask, "I know this about a famous maritime disaster, but there is a happy ending, correct? That is the most common trope of chick flicks, from what I understand."

Both Sam and Dean share a look.

"Watch the movie," Dean says gruffly.

Three hours later, Sam's crying silently as Cas watches, horrified, as Jack disappears beneath the Atlantic.

Dean smiles to himself. He'll never have to sit through Titanic ever again.

[zepskies]

This certainly was action-packed!! 😅

You were meant to have a bad feeling when Marv gave her the file to give to Nick lol. Red flag #1, amirite?

Nick really should learn to shut his door properly if he's going to have that kind of conversation.

Ha! You're right, but as we all know, Nick ain't all that smart sometimes.

Ooo... she's found out who Azazel is. John is going to be very interested in that bit of information.

Oh yeah, John was all over that info. You'll see more of him in the next chapter!

Uh-oh, they know someone overheard them. Urgh, Nasty Nick is waiting for her in her office. How did he know it was her who overheard them? Can't wait to see him come unstuck!

Nick and Alastair heard someone by the door. Nick was smart enough (or Alastair pointed out to him) the new file left on his assistant's desk. It would've been process of elimination in his sales team until he worked out that it was her.

Poor Dean, what he must be feeling hearing there's a fire at his girls workplace.

Ikr? 😭 This is a nightmare for him for sure.

Yes, Gordon!! I think Dean is going to need Benny, Gordon, and Jack.

💯💪

I was so on edge while she was trying to find a way out. I had visions of her running into Nick, so I was so relieved when she bumped into Andréa. Although that relief didn't last long. She's trapped! Thank goodness Dean is in the building looking for her.

I'm so glad these scenes were gripping! It can be challenging to create tension in action scenes like this. ❤️

Oh, thank goodness! He's there!! I also like the little call back to the first time she saw Dean in his firefighter gear.

EXACTLY! You 100% got where I was going there. 😘

I know I've said this before, but this really gave me the same feeling I get when I watch these kinds of scenes in Chicago Fire. Dean going off to find her made me think of that scene in Chicago Fire where Matt Casey was looking for his girl in her clinic when that was set on fire.

Omg thank you, those are the kinds of scenes I was drawing from! Poor Halley, that scene/episode was devastating, especially when he "found" her at the clinic. 😢😢

The scenes in the hospital... please tell me they are both going to be ok?! They both seem to be in a really bad way.

Don't worry. It looks bad, but they'll both ultimately be okay. There will be a lot of hurt/comfort and feels in the next chapter. ❤️‍🩹

Poor Sam, having to see his brother in that state and being worried about both of them whilst staying strong for them both (so in character for him).

I love that about him (that he stays strong and supportive in these situations), and thank you for saying that he's in character there! I love injecting Sam into these moments. He'd really do anything to help his brother.

Urgh Nick (He's like a cockroach - just keeps coming back).

Quite literally. 😭🪳🪳

But as for the ending...

Smoke Eater - Part 16

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.   

🔥Series Masterlist

Song Inspo: “Run to You” by the Pentatonix

Word Count: 6,200 Tags/Warnings: Physical altercation, perilous situations, fire hazards, injuries, angst, Nick and Azazel being evil psychos. 

Part 16: “Break Down the Gates”

The holiday couldn’t last forever. Eventually, you had to go back to work.

Dean didn’t like it, and neither did you. Hell, even Sam had tried to find an opening in the district attorney’s office for you. Unfortunately, all of the positions you were remotely qualified for were filled.

And as your bills had to get paid, it meant you had to take Betsy all the way up to the 22nd floor of the Savage & Co. building on a Monday morning.

Dean was already calling you.

You couldn’t answer until you got off the elevator and away from its shitty reception, but you let out a sigh before you called him back.

“Hey,” you greeted.

“Hey, sweetheart. How you doin’?” Dean asked.

“I’m good. I just got to my office,” you replied. I was also fine 20 minutes ago on the road.

You had to be patient though. You knew he was worried about you, now for more than one good reason.

“Good. Got your taser all charged up?”

“Yep, it’s in my purse,” you said. You closed the door to your office and locked it. “Which is going in my desk. You’re at the station?”

“Yeah, having my coffee right now.”

“Okay, tell the guys I said hi.”

“Will do,” said Dean. “You need anything, just call me. If you can’t get ahold of me, call Cas, or Sam, or even my dad.”

“I promise I will,” you replied. “I have to get to work here, but I hope you have a good day. And be safe.”

“That I will,” he promised in turn. “You too, baby.”

You smiled.

Once you hung up with Dean and got settled at your desk, you started by powering through your work emails. All too soon, however, there was a knock at your door. You fought against the tremor of unease that ran up your spine.

“Who is it?” you asked.

“It’s Marv,” replied your coworker, through the door. “Since when do you lock yourself in your office?”

You let out a breath and smiled. You got up and went to let him in. “I’ve found that people are less likely to interrupt me when they can’t get in.”

When the door opened, Marv gave you a look of begrudging acceptance.

“I hear ya,” he said. The man was a hermit himself, so if anyone was going to understand your self-barricading, it was Marv.

He handed you a hard-copy manilla envelope containing his monthly report, because he also had a disdain for email. 

“Why don’t you give this to Nick yourself?” you asked with a frown.

Marv held up placating hands. “Because he’s an ass, and I can only deal with so much idiocy in my life.”

“Then give it to Josh! He’s the new Senior Manager,” you pointed out.

“Josh kisses Nick’s ass. Therefore, he’s become an even bigger idiot,” Marv replied. “I’m telling you, my constitution just can’t bear it.”

You rolled your eyes and took the folder from him. “All right, get outta here. I’ll deal with this.”

“Thank you,” he said, inclining his head. He soon left to return to his hole of an office. You’d only been in there once. It had been stacked to high heaven with books and loose papers. You didn’t know how the man functioned, but you assumed it was equal parts caffeine and Prozac.

So you took the report, and you went up to the 30th floor for the first time in months.

You went down the hall to Josh’s office first, but you could hear from the other side of the closed door that he was locked in a meeting with one of the more difficult clients.

You could come back later, or just drop the folder off with Nick’s assistant.

You went back down the hall and found that Nick’s office door was cracked open, but you weren’t about to go in, even just to deliver a simple report. You didn’t want to speak to him, let alone enter his office.

His assistant was out on a break, it seemed, so you couldn’t just give it to her. You contemplated leaving it on her desk with a note. But that’s when you heard the voices coming from within the office.

“As you know, my father’s back in town,” you heard Nick say. You inched closer to the door and cautiously peeked through the three inches of space in the doorway. There was another man inside, slightly taller than Nick, but leaner. He was dressed casually, in jeans and a plaid shirt. His long arms were crossed as he listened.

You could tell by the way he stood, however, that this wasn’t an associate from one of their accounts. He didn’t look like a businessman or a lawyer. The way he stood was sharper, more calculated even in his laxness.

Your brain caught up with the conversation as Nick continued to speak.

“We’re working together on this,” he said. “Keep an eye on the cop. Wait for an opportunity.”

“Together, huh? Azazel has his orders. You trying to take his place?” the other man replied. His voice was thin and nasal. You saw his profile, however. His eyes were dangerous.

Your gaze widened at the implications of his words though. Azazel?!

“Dad agrees with me. The guy’s not getting the hint, so we’ll need to remind him who really makes the rules,” Nick said.

You blinked in shock. Holy shit…Nick’s father is Azazel.

You clasped a hand over your mouth before the gasp could escape. A sharp breath still echoed through the hall. The men’s heads began to turn, but you did as well—away from the door and booking it down the hall as quietly and quickly as you could.

Your heart pounded while you searched for a way out of the hallway, out of plain sight. You found the nearest bathroom and went into the women’s. It seemed empty, at least.

There you rushed into one of the stalls and locked it. You realized that you had your phone in your pocket, and you took it out with trembling hands. Your thumb hovered over Dean’s name as panicked breaths escaped you.

But the more you thought about what you’d heard, and Nick’s ominous threat about a cop, you found yourself scrolling lower in your contacts. You called John Winchester.

It rang a few times, and all the while you made silent, fervent prayers. Pick up, damn it! You could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

“Winchester,” he answered.

“John, it’s me,” you whispered. “Azazel’s here. Or, he’s not here, here, but I know who he is. Well, I mean kind of—”

“Okay, wait. Slow down,” he said. “What about Azazel? You know who he is?”

“He’s Nick’s father,” you hissed. Trying to contain yourself and speak quietly was not easy. “I met him once at a company networking event, like a month after I got hired. Daniel Savage. He built Savage & Co. from the ground up. But he handed off the reigns to Nick years ago.”

It seemed to take John a moment to compute on that one, but he eventually replied.

“You’re at the office now?” John asked.

“Uh, yeah!” you replied testily. “I’m hiding out in a bathroom stall.”

“Okay, take it slow, all right?” he said. “You’re gonna go back to your office, calm. Like you didn’t just hear what you heard. You’re gonna take an early lunch, and you’re gonna come straight to the precinct for me. We’ll make sure you’re safe.”

You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Okay. I need to call Dean,” you said.

“I’ll fill him in. Just focus on getting out of there,” John said.

You agreed, but you still felt shaky when you ended the call. No one had entered the bathroom, and it had been a few minutes already, so you chanced stepping out of the stall and into the hallway. That too was empty.

You sucked in another steadying breath. This time you went down the stairs to get back to your office. It felt unusually warm in the stairwell. Hot enough that you actually started to sweat on the way down to the 22nd floor.

Damn, did the AC break or something?

You made it back to your office, though when you opened the door, you were unable to be relieved. Nick sat in your chair at your desk. He gave you a smile.

“Good morning,” he said.

“You’re not supposed to be in here. Get out,” you snapped. You had no patience for another tête-à-tête with him today; especially after what you just saw.

And it hit you then. You were a witness.

You eyed Nick more warily. He had one of his gold golf clubs in his hand, and he leaned on it as he stood. He set up a putter’s stance next to your desk and hit a golf ball with a gentle swing. The ball rolled into your flat shoe.

“I want to go over that report you brought upstairs,” he said.

You shook your head and went cautiously over to your desk. Your purse was inside (you were kicking yourself for not taking it with you upstairs). Nick was too close to your desk for comfort, until he moved to retrieve his golf ball. It allowed you to move farther into the room.

“Anything you want to discuss can be done via email. Right now, I’m meeting a friend for lunch,” you lied. Your gaze was off the man for maybe a few seconds while you grabbed your purse from inside the desk. Another realization hit you in that moment.

How did he know it was me who brought the report?

By the time you looked up, Nick was shutting the door to your office. He tilted his head at you with a darker edge to his smile.

“You saw something you weren’t supposed to. Didn’t you, sweetheart?” he said.

You steeled yourself with a breath. You felt inside your purse, and your hand wrapped around your taser. You pulled it out and switched it on, pointing it towards him.

“Step away from the door or I’ll fry your ass,” you threatened. It lost its effect somewhat, with the way your hand was shaking, but it was a threat, nonetheless.

Nick raised his brows at you. He still had his golf club in hand. His movements were slow as he stepped away from the door, and closer towards you.

“Sure you know how to work that thing?” he teased with a shrug of his shoulders. “If I were you, I’d take a breath. Relax a bit. Come sit on my knee.”

That last bit was teasing, despite the way he eyed you, even now with a shade of desire. The kind that claimed and stole in its taking. It made you want to spit in his face.

“You’re a bastard,” you replied. “Turns out, the bastard apple doesn’t fall far from the bastard tree.”

“Watch it,” Nick warned. You saw the dangerous edge in his blue eyes. “That’s my dad you’re talking about.”

He swung the club at your head.

You managed to duck, yelping as it crashed into a lamp instead. You tried to run for the door, but that was when Nick grabbed you by the hair and nearly yanked the hairclip right out.

A short scream escaped your lips as you grabbed for his wrist. He shoved you hard into the wall, where you lost your footing and fell. Your head cracked against the accent table that once held the lamp, and your vision blurred on the way down. Glass crackled under your arm and bit into your cheek.

A strong hand grabbed you and hefted you up. You felt a trickle of wetness rolling down the side of your face as you stared up into his. It must’ve been blood, but all you could focus on was the satisfaction in Nick’s eyes. Finally, they seemed to say.

But then he paused. Confusion was written across his face.

“Do you smell smoke?” he asked. You both saw it climbing under the door of your office.

It was a distraction that broke you out of your frozen fear.

On pure instinct, you jabbed at Nick’s ribs with your taser. His hands fell away from you and he went down like an elephant, jolting and writhing on the ground. You gasped for breath above him while you realized what you’d just done. You tilted your head down at him.

No, you weren’t done.

You grabbed his golf club with your free hand. When he tried to reach for your ankle, you jammed the heavy club into his hand until he shouted in pain. For every moment of frustration, anxiety, and fear this man had caused you, you gave it back to him with one heavy swing of that club into his stomach. (And maybe one more for good measure.) 

He doubled over, groaning, coughing a bit of blood. You tossed the golf club and grabbed your purse with a shaking hand. You left him where he laid.

As soon as you open the door, however, you were pushed back by the cloud of incoming smoke. You coughed and squinted against it, but your eyes widened again when you realized what was happening.

The building was on fire.

For some reason the alarms weren’t going off, but it was clear to see what was in front of you. Smoke was clogging the halls. People were rushing out of their offices for the stairwell. You couldn’t help glancing back at Nick; he was slowly pulling himself to his feet.

Part of you knew he might not make it if you left him, but when he looked up at you, with pure hatred, your fear overrode any mercy that might’ve made you turn around.

So you fled for the stairwell behind the small crowd. There were flames making their way down along with the smoke. That was all right, because you all were running in the opposite direction.

You had to blink a drop of blood out of your eyes, and you raised a shaky hand to a cut above your brow, which was also tender to the touch. You were bleeding, clearly, but you couldn’t think about that right now. You were just trying your best not to get pushed or trampled while you hastened down several floors.

The signs pointed to Floor 10 when you felt a buzzing in your pocket. It was your phone, you realized. You were about to fish it out of your pocket, but you were forced to stop short on the stairs, along with everyone else. 

The flames were coming from the floor below as well, blocking your exit.

Once again, Dean frowned while checking his phone. You still hadn’t answered his text from an hour ago. Benny came to sit beside him on the couch in the firehouse common room.

“What’s got you spacin’ out?” Benny asked, noting his friend’s mood.

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted. “But I’ve got a bad feeling, Benny.”

Benny’s brows furrowed. “Why, what’s wrong?”

Before Dean could answer, his phone rang in his hand. He perked up to answer it, until he realized it was his dad calling. He accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear.

“Hey, what’s up?” Dean greeted.

“Thanks to your girl, we know who Azazel is,” John said. “Daniel Savage. Nick is his son.”

Dean’s heart dropped into his stomach; his shock was followed swiftly by worry.

“What? How’d she find that out?”

“She called me this morning. I told her to come straight to the precinct, but she’s not here yet. That was an hour ago,” John said gravely.

Dean’s eyes widened.

And then the alarm sounded overhead. Over the intercom the dispatcher reported a working fire at a commercial building. The address was the same as your work building: Savage & Co.

“Is that you?” John asked, once the intercom message was finished.

“Yeah,” Dean said. He was already up and out of the firehouse, getting his turnout gear on with the phone pressed to his ear. His heart was hammering in his chest, but his tone was rock steady.

“If she’s still in that building, I’m gonna find her.”

Firehouses 18 and 20 had already arrived by the time Firehouse 25 got to the scene of the Savage & Co. building. The flames were sky-high, consuming from the top and the bottom. Just by looking at it, Dean thought there had to have been at least two points of origin (where the fire was started). He doubted this was an accident.

“Okay, 25,” Chief Singer said to the entire Truck 79 and Rescue Squad crew. “House 20 got here first, so Chief Sanderson’s calling the shots. He requested our help in clearing the first five floors. Their crew is already on floors 30 through 20. House 18 has the middle.”

Dean went up to Bobby and spoke just loud enough for him to hear. He filled him in on what John had just told him about Azazel, and that you were most likely somewhere in the building.

“She’s in there, Chief. I have to find her,” Dean said.

Bobby saw the desperation in the younger man’s eyes, and he sympathized. “Have you tried calling her again?”

��She’s not answering,” Dean replied. “If he found out what she knows, he could be after her. That means she could be somewhere near the top.”

“Or she’s in the middle. Or she’s already out of the building,” Bobby reasoned. He quelled Dean’s protest with a raised hand. It then fell on the younger man’s shoulder. “I understand, son. But I’ve got a protocol to follow, and so do you, Lieutenant.”

Dean’s lips pressed together. He knew his rank and his responsibility, but you were in danger. You could already be hurt, or trapped, or…

Dean rounded up Truck 79 with swift, barking orders. After donning their helmets and masks, his and Benny’s team made their way inside. The first floor was wall to wall rolling flames. The heat was nearly overwhelming, like entering the gates of hell.

There was no moving safely through the first floor, so they had to move on to the closest stairwell and try to make it up to the second. Dean held Benny back for a moment.

“I’m going up! Stick with the guys,” Dean said. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the cacophony inside the stairwell.

Benny frowned. “What’re you doin’? You heard the Chief!”

Dean shook his head. He knew he was about to defy a direct order, but he couldn’t shake the gut feeling that you were still in the building somewhere.

“I’ve gotta find her,” he said.

“You think I don’t want to find Andréa?” Benny said. “She hasn’t answered my calls either. They could be anywhere, Dean!”

Dean clasped his friend’s shoulder. “You’re making my point, man.”

And he took off up the stairs before Benny could stop him.

“Damn it, Dean!” Benny shouted after him.

“Where’s he going?” Jack asked. He and Gordon were the only ones to hang back while the rest of their crew followed their orders and searched the second floor, not realizing that their Lieutenant was no longer with them.

“To go be an idiot,” Benny growled. But he wasted no more time. He followed Dean up the stairwell.

Gordon shared a quick look with Jack before he started his own climb up the stairs.

“You can follow protocol, or you can back up the Lieutenant,” Gordon called down.

In that moment, Jack made a decision. He followed Gordon and Benny.

You had to follow the rest of the crowd after you all couldn’t make it down the rest of the stairs safely. It landed you somewhere on the 10th floor, where the group scattered. Your head was aching, your heart pounded in your ears, and you didn’t know where to go.

You fled for the stairwell on the other side of the building, and in turning a corner, you smacked right into Andréa. You gasped when you caught hold of each other.

“Oh my God!” she cried, and she grabbed you into a hug. “Are you okay? Why’re you bleeding?”

“Catch up later,” you choked out. It was so hard to breathe; you were coughing every few moments.

She looked on you worriedly and let out a cough herself. “Come on.”

She pulled you along with her by the arm. You joined a smaller group that were heading for the opposite stairwell. Unfortunately, not all of you would make it there.

A piece of the weakened ceiling crumbled and fell in a fiery heap. Andréa had been just a couple steps in front of you, and it meant you saw it before she did. You pushed her forward so she would make it across. You were forced to stop short and protect your face from the embers.

You nearly tripped and fell back, but you used the wall to steady yourself. You looked up at the sound of Andréa calling your name. You found her terrified face. There was now a wall of fire separating you from her and the rest of the group.

“Keep going!” you coughed. “I’ll find another way.”

“No, I’m not leaving you!” she called back. She pushed away the man that tried to urge her on towards the stairwell.

“Go!” you shouted, even though it raked across your throat. You forced yourself to straighten up and turn away from her. The only chance you had was if there was a way around this hallway that still led to the stairs.

Oh shit, you gasped when you turned the corner. The fire was only getting worse. The building was being consumed, and you almost couldn’t see past a few feet in front of you with all the smoke. It stung in your eyes and clogged your throat.

You stumbled along until you found a room that you could escape into. It was another restroom. The fire hadn’t yet reached inside the women’s bathroom on this floor; maybe you could wait it out like you would a tornado.

Okay, clearly I’m fucking delirious, you thought. You huddled in a corner under the sink and tried and failed to take even breaths without coughing or panicking. You pulled out your phone with shaking hands and tried once again to call Dean. The reception was absolute shit in the entire building now.

It rang, and rang, and rang. Tears slipped down your cheeks.

But despite your dismayed thoughts, he actually answered.

“Hey! Baby, are you there?!”

Your mouth fell open in shock. You clutched at the phone. “Dean!”

You coughed, and you realized smoke was rising under the bathroom door now. The fire would spread here soon enough.

“Where are you? I’m here at your building!”

“Bathroom, 10th floor!” you managed to reply. “I couldn’t get out.”

“It’s okay. I’m coming right now,” he said. “Stay put for me.”

“Yeah,” you said, with a shaky breath. You couldn’t exactly leave. “Dean, don’t hang up.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “Where’s…r—oom?”

He was glitching in and out. You gripped the phone tighter in panic. “Dean?”

“Can…ear m…”

“Dean!” Your tears fell anew. You had another reason to struggle for breath as you tried to reach him.

You slid out from under the sink to try and get better reception, but it was no use. The call failed.

“Shit!” You nearly tossed your cell across the room out of sheer frustration.

The bathroom door bursting open startled a scream out of you. Was the fire coming in?

The move did allow more smoke to infiltrate the bathroom, but instead of the fire, you saw a firefighter in all his gear. This time, it did include the helmet.

“Fire Department!” he called out.

You would know that voice anywhere. And even through the mask, you recognized the man’s eyes when he went to you.

“Dean,” you sobbed. It was halted only by a series of lung-wracking coughs and wheezing. He quickly took his helmet and mask off so he could fit the mask over your soot-covered face.

“It’s okay, deep breaths. I gotcha, baby, just breathe,” Dean encouraged. His arm was around your waist, holding you close while the oxygen finally allowed you to take in slower breaths and relax against him.

“Okay, let’s get out of here, huh?” he said. He put his helmet back on.

You grabbed the front of his jacket. “Don’t you need the mask?”

You were still having trouble breathing, coughing on every other word. Dean shook his head.

“You need it more right now,” he said.

You realized that Benny was holding the bathroom door open.

“We gotta go!” he said.

“Benny, Andréa was here,” you said. His eyes widened behind his mask. “She got out, I think. She made it to the west stairwell.”

“Okay, yeah, because no one’s getting out the east wing,” Gordon said. You noted him standing just behind Benny, with Jack in tow.

“There’s a block,” you said, pointing just ahead where you saw the pile of debris. More parts of the ceiling had crumbled around it, making it a fiery minefield. There was no other way around it at this point—only through it.

Gordon and Jack went through first, followed by Benny. With their jackets and protective gear, they were able to jump through like a flaming hoop. And they would be able to help catch you and Dean from the other side.

“Okay, you ready?” Dean asked.

“If I say no?” you said, holding onto him tighter. His hand soothed over your hair. You’d lost your clip a long time ago (along with your purse), so your hair was probably wild and frizzy and covered in soot, along with the rest of you.

Dean grinned down at you. “Then I’d say, don’t you worry. I’m not gonna let you fall.”

Even now, through your fear, he could make you smile. You steeled yourself and took a breath. You could hear it so clearly with the mask on. That, and your own heartbeat.

He counted down to three, and on the last beat, Dean covered your head and shoulders and ran with you under the flame-covered ceiling. He managed to help you jump over the fiery debris on the ground. On both of your heavy landings, a wooden support beam fell.

There was a shout from Benny, but it was too late. All Dean could do was cover you. The beam broke over his back and knocked his helmet clean off. He took you with him when he fell.

Your scream rang out—half at the fall, but mostly for Dean. It was Benny who dragged you and Dean out first. Gordon and Jack took over hefting an unconscious Dean, while Benny hauled you up onto your feet and led you to the west stairwell.

You passed out just as you felt fresh air hit the mask.

You woke to bright, fluorescent lighting that made you wince. An oxygen mask covered your mouth and nose and was strapped around your head. You made a sound of discomfort and tried to take it off, but a hand stilled yours.

“Don’t.”

Eileen’s concerned face came into view. You were confused, though happy to see her.

“You’re in the hospital,” she said. When you tried to speak, she held up a finger to you. Wait, said her eyes.

She took out her phone from her jean pocket to text someone.

“Sam is coming,” she told you, before she drew closer to sooth a hand up and down your arm. You felt tears in your eyes at just that small comfort.

They fell in earnest when Sam entered your hospital room. His eyes held the concern of a friend and a brother as he approached on your other side.

“Hey, how do you feel?” he asked, laying a hand on your shoulder.

You wheezed a breath and rasped, “Water.”

Sam nodded and grabbed you a plastic cup filled with cold water. It felt like literal heaven once the mask was off and you were able to drink. He helped you while Eileen held the mask away from your face.

After you’d had all you could drink, he took the cup and Eileen placed the mask back over your face.

“Where’s Dean?” you asked, after clearing your throat. You still sounded like a chain smoker, and your head was pounding. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” Sam said, with a sigh. But when he didn’t offer anything more, you raised expectant brows at him.

“What else?” you said. Your tone told him not to skimp on any more details.

Sam’s gaze met yours. “The beam burned through his jacket, on his back. It hit his head. They…had to perform a minor surgery to relieve the pressure in his brain, but he’s stable in recovery now.”

He was quick to add on that last bit when you began to crumble. Eileen encouraged you to breathe through your tears. The oxygen could only do half the battle if you didn’t breathe properly.

“I want to see him,” you said.

Sam frowned and held up a placating hand. “I don’t think that’s—”

You ignored him and tried to sit up. With or without his approval, you were getting out of this bed.

“Okay, you’re not listening,” Sam sighed, though he immediately went to help you. He shot Eileen an imploring look over your head.

She got the hint and helped you on her side. Together they helped you stand while you removed the mask, then the heart monitor and other wires taped to your torso.

The Emergency Department team had left your pants on, thank goodness, but they’d clipped through your blouse and bra. So the paper gown was mostly to cover your top half like a light blue poncho. It was a bit airy in the back, but Eileen held it closed for you. Right now, you didn’t care much about your modesty. You were also walking around the hospital barefooted.

At least Dean was on the same floor. It was just a long walk down the hall.

“Can you call Benny and ask how Andréa’s doing?” you asked, coughing a bit.

Sam eyed you in thinly veiled concern, but he agreed. The last he’d heard from Benny was that Andréa had been cleared by the paramedics with minor smoke inhalation. You were clearly worse.

Sam held you upright when you finally saw Dean. He had to guide you into a chair beside Dean’s bed, where he slept on his side. On his back was a large stretch of white gauze across his upper back, from nearly shoulder to side at an angle.

“The doctor said they’re only second-degree burns. It looks worse than it is,” Sam said quietly.

Eileen rubbed your back in the hopes that you’d stop crying.

You could only focus on the gauze, the smaller nicks and burns around Dean’s face, the bandage and thick gauze near his temple where they’d apparently had to drill into his skull. He also wore an oxygen mask, because if all that wasn’t enough, you were sure “smoke inhalation” was on the list, thanks to the way he’d given you his SCBA mask.

Gently, very gently, you took his hand. Your thumb swept over the back of it, over each knuckle.

“Did they say when he’d wake up?” you asked. You rubbed at your aching stomach. Does smoke inhalation cause nausea too?

Your chest was also tight. You’d head back to your room sooner or later and get the oxygen mask back on.

Before Sam could reply, you heard a groan below. You looked down at Dean with wide-eyed hope. It took a moment, but his eyes slid open. They were unfocused and dark, until they found your face.

You smiled tearfully. “Hey, baby.”

Your free hand caressed his cheek. His eyes briefly closed at your touch. When he realized you were holding his hand, he squeezed a bit. That was enough for you.

Just then, however, you had to let go of his hand. Whatever was left in your stomach from this morning seemed to be revolting. You turned your head quick to throw up onto the hospital floor.

Both Sam and Eileen called your name when you slid out of your chair and onto the floor. You blinked tears out of your eyes…or actually, it was black spots encroaching on your vision.

Sam pushed the chair out of his way to get to you. He gathered you into his arms and shouted for a doctor while Eileen went for the emergency button on Dean’s hospital bed.

The last thing you saw was Dean’s worried face out of the corner of your eye, before the blackness took you.

Dean could barely speak behind his oxygen mask, but Sam saw his worry as the nurses carried you away in a stretcher with Eileen following close behind. Sam crouched in front of his brother and clasped his hand.

“She’ll be okay, I promise. I’m gonna look out for both of you,” Sam said. “Right now, you need to sleep.”

Dean’s brows furrowed. In that small gesture, Sam also saw his stubbornness. He almost smiled. You and Dean were a match made.

“Just rest, Dean. I’m going now to check on her, but not until you close your eyes,” Sam said. It took another stubborn minute, but Dean eventually relaxed as well as he was able. His eyes closed as he fell back under the pull of medication and painkillers.

“How’s he doing?” came the voice of their father in the doorway. Sam’s expression morphed from gentle to austere. His head turned towards his father.

“How does he look like he’s doing?” Sam asked. “He had a burning ceiling fall on him. He has the mother of all concussions, and he just saw his girlfriend collapse.”

John was quiet, in contrast to his youngest son’s ire. He stepped into the room and watched his eldest. Sam saw the man’s age in the lines around his eyes, in his slow gait when he raised a gentle hand to comb through Dean’s greasy hair, mindful of his injuries.

“This shouldn’t have fucking happened,” said John. His voice was tired and gruff. Sam knew what the weight of guilt looked like, but what he didn’t yet see was regret. If John hadn’t kept digging, digging, Azazel wouldn’t have taken it this far.

Okay, Sam didn’t yet have proof that Azazel burned down the Savage & Co. building…but he didn’t believe in coincidences.

“No,” Sam said. “It shouldn’t have.”

“What the fuck was that?!” Nick shouted.

He was still dusted with soot and sporting some cracked ribs from the day’s activities. He’d stumbled into his father’s house, taken a bottle of bourbon from the man’s shelf and started drinking straight from the crystal glass.

Daniel eyed him coolly from the balcony, smoking a cigar. “Whatever do you mean, son?”

Nick was furious. He stomped over, not caring how expensive liquor was splashing on him.

“Why’d you burn the whole damn building?” he demanded to know. “I could’ve died!”

“Alistair got you out, didn’t he?” Daniel pointed towards his son with the hand that held his cigar. “See, unlike you, I think ahead.”

“I’m serious,” Nick hissed. “Our company is still important—”

“My company,” Daniel interjected, “is not that building. However, the building itself was a liability.”

Nick’s brows knit together in confusion and anger. “What the hell’re you talking about?”

Daniel took a long drag of his cigar, puffing in Nick’s face. The latter coughed. As if he hadn’t had enough smoke in his lungs today.

“Don’t you see?” Daniel asked, with a sigh that also said he wondered how he could’ve produced such a moron. “It puts distance between you and ‘Azazel’ if you’re also a victim of his threats. It destroys any physical evidence of me having been there, along with any files you would’ve eventually had to turn over to the police and the FBI.”

Nick let that idea sink into his brain. He realized that it did make sense…but he deflated as something else occurred to him.

“Uh…see, that would’ve worked, but, we have a problem,” Nick scratched his head. “Someone knows who you really are.”

By the time Nick finished explaining about you, and what you’d overheard, Daniel’s sharp gaze managed to strike fear into Nick’s heart.

Yet to his surprise, the other man’s temper didn’t blow. Daniel kept it all inside as he continued to smoke. Cigars tended to pacify him better than cigarettes.

His lips twitched at a humorless smile. “Well, that is a problem.”

“But she probably died in the fire, so we’re good,” Nick shrugged.

“No, I doubt she did,” Daniel sighed. “You’re not that lucky.”

He rolled his shoulders. Then he grabbed Nick’s arm and twisted, until his was crying out and pinned to the nearest wall. Daniel threatened to put out his cigar in the soft underbelly of the arm he held.

Nick looked up at his father with wide, pleading eyes.

“Like everything else, that girl is a problem I’m going to fix,” Daniel said. “Along with the whole Winchester brood.” 

AN: 🫣 Don't hate me lol. It gets better for them, I promise. But we have a few more chapters left to go and a few more twists in store!

Next Time:

The first time Dean was awake for longer than a few minutes, he asked about you.

Sam wasn’t surprised. He was frankly relieved that he had an answer for his brother.

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

sam winchester’s deaths, ranked

8. killed (and then resurrected) by billie in 12.09 in order to escape... an underground prison...? i don’t know.

anyway, this is ranked last because it’s neither emotional nor funny and season 12 is a black hole 

7. struck by lightning in 4.08. fairly inconsequential as it’s reversed a few minutes later and it didn’t really strike me (hah) that he’d actually died there until several years later, but his smoking boots were very funny

6. oooh now we’re getting to the good stuff. he was stabbed to death by anna in 5.13 when he time-travelled to meet his young parents. there are so many gems from that episode, from his awestruck expression when he sees mary and how it makes her uncomfortable (mary the myth, one that he’s never been able to see himself a part of all his life, unlike his father and brother), to sam and dean’s quiet and pragmatic appraisal of the prospect of never being born at all, to one of the many, many times the show has sam sit down and forgive his father. but man. when anna drives that stake into his chest with all her strength, and he falls to the ground, choking and gurgling on his blood, not breaking eye contact with dean till his very last breath? wah re wah!

5. dying of old age one last time (we hope) at the end of 15.20. against all fucking odds, crafting a life and family for himself after having navigated a mountain of grief and a lifetime of conditioning, he gets to pass away in peace, of old age, holding his son’s hand. the only reason this isn’t ranked higher is because of sam’s hideous wallpaper choices.

4. walt and roy fucking eliminating him via shotgun blast to the chest in 5.16. what i love most about it is the suddenness: sam sitting on his bed, hands up, barely allowed to say a word in his defence before he’s full of buckshot. he’s dead before his head hits the pillow. short, shocking and so goddamn brutal.

 3. jumping into the cage to spend an eternity trapped with the devil in order to save the world in 5.22.

one of the greatest tragedies of supernatural is how the sheer magnitude of this sacrifice gets lost as the series wears on and lucifer is often reduced to a petulant teen. this was it. there was no hope of coming back; only endless suffering to look forward to. this sacrifice changed everything.

on the other hand i’m glad the show undermined this as it went on, especially now that we know how sam’s story definitively ends. this sacrifice was rooted in the need to atone, to embrace that there is something rotten and wrong inside of him and for him to do good despite that. what a load of nonsense. also, looking back, the way dean and especially bobby just sort of... accept that it’s ok for sam to do this? that little speech about sam “having a lot of good in him too” like that’s something remarkable and unexpected? fuck you.

ahem. anyway, it was beautiful and very jesus-imagery-y, so number 3 it is.

2. 13.21. fucking 13.21 man. it isn’t so much the death but the resurrection that’s so devastating: getting your throat torn out by vampires has nothing on discovering that it was lucifer that resurrected you and the shame of owing your life to your abuser and having him use you to manipulate the people you love--

the rage and fear on sam’s face as soon as he discovers this, the way it’s dredged up from the very core of his being--

i have never moved on emotionally from this moment and every time i think about it i’m half convinced that s14 and s15 is an elaborate mirage because i can’t think of a way spn could plausibly move on from this moment and tell the story that it wants to tell

1. sam’s very first death all the way back in 2.21.

not only was it unexpected and utterly devastating, but the way it was played: sam hobbling away from the ghost town as one of the last surviving azazel’s children, seeing dean, smiling in relief, both of them calling out to each other--just before jake stabs him straight through the spine, sam falling to his knees and dean managing to catch him just before he falls on his face. the way he wobbles bonelessly in dean’s hold even while dean is mumbling his own reassurances, brushing sam’s hair, holding his face in his hands. the way sam can’t focus on anything, his eyes flitting from side to side like he’s already just... not there in his body anymore before closing for good. the moment dean realises that sam’s gone, his sharp “SAM!” before he buries his face in his brother’s hair and rocks him back and forth....

exquisite. spn could and never would top that scene.

[dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you]

I saw in your tags that there’s some old destiel fic you like on ffn. Do you have any recs ? :)

omg I haven’t been on there in years! like last time I read anything on there was like in 2014 lmao xD

32 fics total - I just checked and all of them are still up...there’s like 30+ more that I bookmarked that isn’t on the list cuz I’m not sure if they’re destiel fics or not so I gotta re-read them

all the ones below are fics that I’ve recced before in the past

1. All Angels Need Their Wings - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 29,784 (2012)

Dean never thought that Castiel would ever return. And when he did, he came in a very unexpected way, a very horrifying way. SLASH Castiel/Dean. Wing-Kink. Takes place in season 7. AU.

2. Heart Trouble - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 74,320 (2011)

Dean's having a harder and harder time of denying what he feels for a certain blue-eyed friend of his. And it's making him a little ornery, and a lot confused.

3. It Hurts - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 29,963 (2013)

Inspired by the S9 Trailer Cas had watched the angels fall and with them, his self worth. Now human facing the challenges of navigating mortality he also tries to find a place for himself in this new world. It is a hope he has to find without the Winchesters, without Dean. So now he runs, from both Heaven, Hell and from Dean. 

4. Small Problem - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 13,310 (2011)

A cursed artifact has made Castiel miniature, it's amusing for the Winchesters at first until they realize he might stay that way forever. Slash Dean/Castiel Please R&R

5 My Broken Angel - RATING: M | LENGTH: 24,999 (2010)

When Castiel disappears from his vessel, Dean is concerned. But when Castiel reappears and seems to avoid him, Dean is heartbroken. Set mid-season 5. 

6. A Hand - RATING: M | LENGTH: 23,474 (2010)

Dean/Cas, multichapter, slight AU. Dean's busy trying to re-soulify his brother, but Cas needs help. Maybe it's time Dean gave it to him. Ch. 15: Dean glared indignantly. "I find the term 'lovebirds' to be offensive. We prefer to be called 'sex-falcons.'" 

7. Saving Grace - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 38,602 (2010)

With everything that was going wrong in Dean's life, it took him a while to realize that the person close to him that really needed the most help was Castiel. 

8. Candy - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 98,068 (2013)

The Fall from Heaven changed everything. The supernatural no longer hidden. Angels roaming the planet. Sam and Dean's immediate concerns were on a smaller scale. What do you do with the former King of Hell? Where is Castiel?... Destiel/Mute!Human!Cas/Angst!Dean

9. Dude, Dean Looks Like a Lady - RATING: M | LENGTH: 20,774 *gen/pre-slash* (2013)

Sam's good, Cas has been found, and demons everywhere seem to be on hiatus. Seems like things are looking up for Team Free Will that is until Dean wakes up with his very own vagina anyway. Warnings: Fem!Dean, Destiel, female masturbation and S8 spoilers.

10. Evil Intent, Trials of Love, & Finding My Angel - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 36,729, 70,453, & 59,941 *rape, graphic torture, violence* (2009)

Anna rapes Castiel and uses a method that torments him more than anything imaginable. WARNING: Rape and Castiel/Dean makes sense when you read it . If you don't like then don't read!

11. Cascade - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 44,626 (2013)

"And if you fall as Lucifer fell, you fall in flames!" An 8x23 coda. 

12. Count The Cracks, Hear The Shatters, Feel The Insanities - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 44,626 *gen/pre-slash* (2013)

They've walked miles on gravel roads that led to hell and back but the journey never quite ends. This is the story of Castiel and the Winchesters after the angels fell from heaven. Post Season 8. 

13. Damn Straight & Wait Wait Wait - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: about 21,000 (2010)

Humorous Cas/Dean, with multiple POVs. Slight AU. Fluffy. Ch. 5: Sam sat in the Impala in the motel parking lot, praying that three and a half hours at the library had been long enough.

14. Entertaining Angels - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 43,659 *gen/pre-slash* (2008)

A strange boy shows up at Dean and Sam’s motel room. Maybe he needs help, or maybe he’s there to help them—they can’t quite tell. Spoilers through 4.10. Not an OC. 

15. Happy Friggin’ Valentine’s Day - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 22,771 (2010)

SLASH. It all started with Dean's perfectly healthy hatred of frivilous holidays and a much-coveted sack of dust. Poor Castiel doesn't fully understand 'romance' to begin with, and this crash course is most unwelcome. 

16. I’m Just a Love Machine - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 29,200 (2011)

The Impala finally gets the chance to love Dean back. The problem is, Castiel seems to be in its way. 

17. It’s The Great Destiel Shipper, Sam Winchester - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 49,641 (2012)

What's Sam really doing all that time on the computer? Fangirling. Over Chuck's Supernatural books. Now Wincest might be a bit too much to deal with, but Destiel he might be able to get on board with... Especially after being around the two people involved for three days straight. 

18. Pain in the Head - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 78,771 *character death* (2011)

It started out slow. "Since when do angels have headaches?" "Since they become human." Established Dean/Cas. Sort of AU. PG-13. Complete. 

19. Sleep in Heavenly Peace - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 45,517 *christmas fic* (2013)

Dean wants to have a nice, peaceful Christmas for once, but it seems like the universe won't let him. Dean/Castiel. Post-8.08 (Hunteri Heroici) AU. First in "Holidays With the Winchesters are Always Fun." 

20. The Shattered One - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 94,021 *grace mpreg* (2012)

When it struck Castiel, it dropped him out of the sky. He set down the first place he could find. He stood in a field in Switzerland, swaying on his feet and staring down at his body, dazed by what it had just done.

21. This Cupid Isn’t Stupid - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 41,572 (2012)

Dean receives a shock when he wakes up to discover Castiel has returned. Why is the angel suddenly back? Why have his powers dimmed? And.. Why are he and Dean joined together by an invisible rope!

22. Wild Horses, Cas - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 23,505 (2013)

(S8 Spoilers (story is set in S9), Sickfic! Destiel, Minor Sabriel). When Cas comes down with a bad case of Pneumonia it leaves Dean feeling more protective over his friend than ever, but will it also lead to Dean's admittance of his feelings towards his friend? 

23. Wrong - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 51,384 (2010)

Angels are not supposed to drop out of the sky into motel rooms, broken and beaten. They're not supposed to bleed like that. It was all wrong. 

24. The Reluctant Contestant - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 50,502 (2012)

AU When Gabriel is hired as a new host for a dating show, Cas has no choice but to follow his brother along as part of the camera crew. Forced at the last minute to be a contestant, he is shocked when Dean Winchester continually refuses to eliminate him. 

25. The Ugly Duckling - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 81,676 (2012)

Castiel: a nerdy, skinny thing with a crush on the the most popular guy in class. Being unpopular isn't easy and it's worse when the homophobic school figures him out. A small struggle to be noticed by his crush is turned into a huge struggle for himself and his dignity. But bullying can get the better of anyone. Slash. Destiel rated M for later chapters. 

26. Nameless - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 77,882 (2013)

AU. Everyone has the name of their soulmate written on their wrist at birth. Well, everyone except Dean Winchester. Complete. 

27. Cufflinks - RATING: M | LENGTH: 61,845 (2012)

The world is full of creatures that prey on humans. It is up to 'Hunters' to fight against the dark. Lucky Hunters rely on the help of angels they have bound to their service. Sam and Dean may be good Hunters, but they have yet to capture an angel. One day, Sam finds an angel and seizes the opportunity to bind the angel to himself. Little did they know what they were getting into. 

28. Angel Training - RATING: M | LENGTH: 95,700, Angel Training 2: Save Us - RATING: M | LENGTH: 76,888, & Angel Training 3: Uprising - RATING: M | LENGTH: 89,512 (2011)

In a world where angels are common and the most privileged or skilled people are able to own one; the world's angelic hierarchy is about to change when Dean Winchester receives a wild and recently caught angel.

29. Chasing Your Shadow - RATING: M | LENGTH: 92,077 (2012)

The prophecy says that when Castiel turns twenty-three winters old, a stranger will come into his life and bring a lot of suffering. But do prophecies always come true? Demon Dean/human Castiel AU 

30. The Holiday - RATING: M | LENGTH: 32,088 (2011)

Castiel and Sam are unlucky in both life and love, so they swap houses for the holidays. Both find the experience highly...interesting. Dean/Castiel Sam/Gabriel

31. And In Your Arms I Shall Find Shelter- RATING: M | LENGTH: 33,824 (2012)

Dean Winchester is a long forgotten painter who suddenly receives an order for a painting from a rich man - Crowley. He is about to start painting when Castiel - his personal reaper visits him. The main question is: Will Castiel give Dean enough time to finish the painting? 

32. Jar of Hearts - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 127,192 (2013)

February being the supposed 'month of love' people seem to forget that it's also one of the coldest times of the year. Valentine's Day themed events in a cafe turned bar is how Dean managed the courage to speak to the locally famous singer and somehow score a date, a relationship, and a man he didn't deserve out of the deal. Destiel college/uniAU some Sabriel 

[italwayshadtobeyou]

I voted for "Clap Your Hands" again. "Like a Virgin" isn't bad, but it should be so much better, given that this is the first appearance of regular!Sam in half a season.

For starters, I keep wondering how they've taken care of sleeping Sam for 10 days. That's long enough for the body to require attachments for water, nourishment, and elimination. Did Sam really wake up in the panic room, undo all those attachments, wash his hair, and put on his street clothes, before he even called out for anyone who could explain the situation?

The ep really wastes a golden opportunity to develop Bobby's character. Remember how he still loves his late wife who got possessed by a demon that tried to kill him? How he came to the realization that he and Dean had "always been hard" on Sam, and that Sam was better than they'd given him credit for? And how he admitted that Dean was his favorite, anyway? Doesn't matter, Bobby's forgotten it.

The whole "it was Sam" thing shouldn't be an issue, given how used he is to people behaving badly while possessed, or infected with siren venom, or driven crazy by a demon spell. I would've rather seen him deal with knowing that he has a favorite while also knowing that Sam deserves a father figure just as much as Dean does.

While the concept of Eve has abundant potential, the way it's handled in this episode reeks of last-minute planning. (I have no idea if it was put together at the last minute; if not, then the writers were just off their game.) If Eve is the mother of all monsters, why can only a virgin be her vessel? Wouldn't it make more sense for her vessel to be a mother, or an expectant mother, or any female of reproductive age?

Then there are the dragons. Look, if you can't afford dragons, you can do basically any humanoid monster instead. However, if you are going to do dragons, you should really go all out, with claws and tails and wings (or, if you prefer the oldest dragon lore, serpentine bodies and pig-snouted faces). A guy who can overheat metal when he puts his hand on it? That's weak. The writers should've saved up the dragon concept for a time when they'd have the money to make it work.

Like I said, the episode isn't bad. I like the introduction of Eleanor Visyak, the "sword in a stone," the bit about stolen diaries, and Dean's soft/startled reaction to Sam's hug. Eve's first scene looks cool, as well. I know I'm being harsh, but I really feel like the writers could've done so much more with this one.

Supernatural Battle of the Episodes!!

Clap Your Hands gets another notch in its belt with another win! Let's see if it still has fight left!

Chuck! Bring out the next episode!

Chuck: Alright! Next up we have Like a Virgin - Sam wakes up 10 days after painfully getting his souk back, but stupid Bobby can "hardly look at him" 🙄 Sam is unhappy when he finds out some things he did while he was Soulless. And also dragons.

[autisticandroids]

hey so you know how you said a while back that cas doesnt really have a moc/demon dean or soulless Sam equivalent but if he did he would act the same bc hes horny and loves dean?? I agree and he would just do it WAY more unabashedly. my question is, in the version of spn where the writers are smarter AND more homophobic, how would they justify cas's actions? bc they cant use the cloak of humanity bc cas doesnt give a FUCK about humanity. so what would they do

okay the thing is that cas doesn't have a demon dean/soulless sam style arc because it wouldn't... do anything? the thing about cas is that he doesn't have inhibitions in the traditional sense. like he doesn't... feel the eyes of god or society watching him.

i had a long conversation with @pietacastiel the other day about whether cas has the capacity for "should" - and he really just... doesn't. there are two things that stand in for "should" for cas - one, "if i do this, [insert other person (usually dean but not always)] will like me," and two, "[insert person who i trust and obey] has told me to do this, and i will obey their command blindly because i am a good boy."

like, basically, number one is an essentially machiavellian calculation. he's trying to be someone that other people want around, so he makes himself useful to them or enjoyable to be around or likeable or what have you. it's entirely self-serving and probably wouldn't change if you took away his inhibitions or his empathy or his conscience or whatever.

number two is like... it's too intellectual to count as inhibitions, exactly - it's explicit rules that he has set down for himself, without internalizing. to give an example, cas knows that he's not supposed to watch porn in a room full of dudes, and he's not supposed to talk about it, but he will never understand WHY those things are true. he will just obey those commands.

in terms of other ethical behavior that cas demonstrates... the thing about cas is that he's just a nice person? he's highly empathetic, he likes to make other people happy, he likes to be friends, he's a sweetheart. he genuinely wants the best for people. he particularly wants the best for his nearest and dearest. this is what's going on when he heals babies, or decides that he's not gonna kill kelly, or sacrifices his life for dean. he is fundamentally doing what he wants. he wants dean to be alive more than he wants to not be dead, you know?

this is actually one of the things that makes cas so dangerous: empathy is fickle. if the only thing that's standing between you and murdering somebody is you liking that somebody and wanting to be their friend, you might murder them once they piss you off. or once something comes up that makes them being dead more valuable to you than you being their friend. and this is why cas is kind of a terrible person! this is why he's constantly doing war crimes. he doesn't really have a system of ethics.

now, here's the thing: cas does carry around a lot of guilt, but it's deeply ineffectual. it doesn't really change his behavior towards other people. it only really does two things: first of all, it convinces him that other people hate him and don't want him around. this intensifies his desperate need to be liked, and therefore his trying to be liked, but isn't the root of it. second of all, it makes him punish himself, stuff like trying to stay in purgatory.

now, if we did a demon dean/soulless sam situation on cas... what would that look like?

well, he would certainly lose all that guilt he's carrying around, but how would that affect his behavior? the main two effects, i think, would be to make him more confident and therefore bolder in terms of trying to be liked, and make him stop punishing himself/deciding that he deserves bad things.

the confidence boost might lead to him, say, throwing himself at dean a bit more than he does, but i don't think the change would be radical. i think it would just be kicked up a notch. but it's an issue of rational judgement more than inhibitions so i think he would stay basically the same. now, cas' judgement isn't the best, and in the context of relationships at least, if nowhere else, his guilt complex does semi-effectively combat his natural tendency towards total overconfidence, so it might have some serious effect, but i still argue it's rather a matter of degrees.

and him not punishing himself so much might lead to him doing things like getting more mad when dean treats him poorly, but not that much more, because fundamentally the reason cas doesn't get mad when dean treats him badly isn't because he thinks he deserves it - he does think that, but mostly he's just scared that if he gets mad or sets boundaries dean won't like him anymore. again, it's a matter of judgement. he's probably less scared that dean won't like him anymore if he sets boundaries because the elimination of the guilt complex makes him less convinced that everyone hates him, but the anxiety is still there - it's just less intense.

in terms of cas' other sources of ethics and inhibitions - wanting to be liked, obedience, empathy - these would be affected differently if he was like soulless sam and if he was like demon dean.

if cas lost his inhibitions the way soulless sam did... he wouldn't change that much, at least in terms of his personal relationships. he would lose his capacity for empathy, which means that he would be more likely to be a dick to randos on the street, or commit war crimes, but it wouldn't really change how he conducts his relationships, because the inhibitions he holds in relationships are intellectual, they're a matter of judgement anyhow. honestly i think he might still, for example, happily die for dean, if we're arguing that soullessness comes from a lack of empathy or conscience rather than a lack of all emotion, because his desire for dean to be alive is entirely selfish. he likes the world more with dean in it and that's that. so i think soulless cas would be more likely to be a dick behind the scenes - maybe pull some godstiel arc ass shit again - but it wouldn't necessarily change his treatment of those closest to him that much.

now, a demon dean style loss of inhibitions would look different, because demon dean's basic emotions weren't dampened - he was made more selfish and hedonistic and rebellious, and didn't care about other people. interestingly, demon dean didn't seem to lose his capacity for empathy - remember in black when he punched that guy who was abusive to that girl? he didn't do that because it was the right thing to do - he did it because it felt good, because he empathized with her situation and it gave him a rush to get her out of it. so a demonized cas' empathy is intact. but his "shoulds" - those are all out of whack. he's actively rebelling against them. obviously he would simply no longer obey the ones that are like, "follow this rule and you will never know why." but he would also stop trying to be liked. i think demon cas might in fact tell dean that he's been in love with him for years - while screaming an itemized list of every fucked up thing dean has ever done to cas in his face, and telling him to never speak to him again. hell, we've seen cas throw a temper tantrum like this before - "you're not my family, dean, i have no family" in the man who knew to much. demon cas would be like that except without it then causing him to have an immediate mental breakdown.

i would argue, however, that cas has had his own loss of inhibitions comparable to demon dean and soulless sam - crazy cas. it even follows the alliteration pattern, heh. this is because cas' inhibitions are far more in his brain than his heart, and to get rid of them you need to impair his judgement, not fuck with his feelings. like, his shoulds are entirely intellectual. i want to be liked, therefore i should do this, which will effectively cause other people to like me. i want to be a good boy for god/dean, therefore i will obey this rule they gave me. if you fuck with cas' judgement, you fuck with those inhibitions. so arguably crazy cas is cas' equivalent to demon dean and soulless sam.

anyway, to answer your question, i feel like soulless cas wouldn't necessarily need a cover, like, he might, oh, i don't know, covertly arrange more opportunities to be alone with dean or stuff like that, but he's not going to try and sleep with him because he still has most of his inhibitions in tact. demon cas they might have to admit is in love with dean and then kill, because i think demon cas would probably kiss dean and then punch him and leave. you know. and crazy cas we saw in canon.

[heyyy-hey-babyyy]

Take Care

Summary: While on a hunt in West Virginia, the trio literally run into a group of campers. While on the search for some help they run into a new unknown foe.

Pairing: Dean X reader, Sam x Reader,

WARNINGS: Canon-typical violence, horror movie scenes

Wrong Turn (2003) Fusion with Supernatural

2457 words.

Read part I here.

Notes: Please note that I changed the plot a bit, because some of it would not make sense if the main characters were Dean and Sam Winchester. Just saying.

Spoilers for Wrong Turn (2003) below.

Suddenly, a truck began to pull up, chains clinking and clanging loudly. You ran to the window and looked out, unsure of what was coming toward you, when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned around startled and Dean grabbed you roughly around the waist, diving under the nearby bed, taking you with him. You watched as Sam found Scott and Carly and quickly pulled them into another room, just in time for the doors to slam open, and heavy footsteps thud through the entryway.

Dean kept his hand lightly across your mouth to stop you from breathing too heavy as you both tucked yourself as far under the bed as you could. You held back a cough as the dirt from the floor flew up around you in the sudden shuffle of movement. Across from you, you made eye contact with Jessie, who was trembling slightly, but laying still under the other bed, palms pressed flat on the floor, chin in the dirt. From outside you heard the engine of the truck turn off and multiple doors slam closed, indicating that there were at least two people outside, but your hunter instinct told you that there were probably more. You felt Dean tense behind you, as the screen door creaked open, moaning in protest. The first set of feet shuffled into the cabin, the man muttering to itself lowly in words you couldn’t quite understand. The feet approached the bed you and Dean were hiding beneath, and a clang rang out when the man above threw something on top of the bed, making you jump slightly. Dean gripped your waist lightly, keeping you in place, as the man turned and walked further into the cabin. The door creaked loudly again when two more sets of feet emerged through the screen door, speaking much louder than the first man, but in a language you couldn’t understand. There were a few more clangs, when suddenly in a flash of red, one of the men dropped a body, the open and dead eyes staring directly into yours. You recognized the woman as the other friend of the others who was back at the vehicles, though she was almost unrecognizable with barbed wire wrapped tightly from her open mouth to behind her head, effectively wrenching her mouth all the way open. She looked as if she had been killed mid scream, and the thought made you wince, Dean placing his hand quietly over your mouth to hold in the noise. You felt tears spring to your eyes as you looked into the blank irises of the redhead, and you caught eyes with Jessie who was staring at the back of her dead friend’s head, tears slipping silently down her cheeks. 

Just as quickly as he walked away, the first man returned, pulling the woman from the dirt floor, lifting her up and placing her on the kitchen table. You couldn’t see what was happening anymore, but you heard the unmistakable sound of bone sawing, and the delighted grunting of the three men. Dean gripped you a bit tighter from behind and you shut your eyes, hoping that would also somehow close off your ability to hear the woman being cut apart mere feet away from you. A particularly loud crunch made your eyes shoot open, and you saw a stream of blood falling from the table to the floor, inching its way toward your hand. 

You weren’t able to see Dean, but you could tell from the way he was shifting around carefully that he was taking in the scene around him, looking for an escape or a way to attack these three people while getting the others out safely. You figured Sam was doing the same, wherever he was hidden with Scott and Carly. Sam might have also had the ability to turn Scott and Carly’s attention away from the horror scene out front, something neither you nor Dean had been able to do for Jessie, as you continued to stare at the woman across from you, with tears slipping from her face onto the dirt floor. 

The weird laughter and sawing went on for a while as you stayed hidden under the bed, before you felt the mattress skim the top of your head indicating that someone had laid down. You could tell from the way that the mattress across from you mirrored the same position that someone had laid on top of the bed above Jessie as well. When snoring erupted around you, Dean nudged you softly and you slowly scooted your way out from under the bed, careful to not jostle the mattress above you, or the man’s arm, that was resting on the floor. When you stood to full height, you caught a glimpse of the table and the carnage that had occurred minutes before, but tore your eyes away from the mutilated body, and looked around anxiously for Sam. The younger Winchester obviously had the same idea that Dean had when he heard the snoring, because he emerged with Scott and Carly in tow, from the back room. Scott had his hand lightly over Carly’s mouth as she tiptoed out of the room and saw her friend on the table. You tried to motion to Carly to look away, but Sam rushed toward you, checking you over quickly blocking your view of the others. He gripped you tightly by the shoulders and you grabbed his wrists, letting him know that you were okay, and he turned toward his brother, who was taking in the scene of the three sleeping men surrounding you all. 

Each man was asleep face up, so you could take in their features. They looked like no monster you had ever seen, but rather a mixture of human and monster, their faces distorted and bloated looking. As Scott, Carly, and Jessie backed up slowly toward the door, Dean pulled his gun from the waist band of his jeans, but Sam stopped him with his hand, giving his brother a warning look that silently reminded his brother of the company of the others. While Dean returned a look that said he’d give them the “talk” later. In any other situation, it would have been comical to see the brothers converse so eloquently without saying a single word. But you silently nodded at Dean, joining in the conversation, and siding with Sam with your eyes. Dean blew out a breath and headed toward the door, just as Scott was pulling it open. 

The hinge on the ancient screen door let out a high-pitched whine, and Dean shot his hand up instantly, grabbing hold of the coiled spring before it could finish its protests. You could tell by the pain written across Dean’s face that the spring was digging into his hand, and your thoughts were proven right when a line of blood snaked across his palm and down his wrist. Seeing Dean in pain made you and Sam spring into action, hurrying the others through the open door as fast as possible as Dean’s hand began to shake slightly, the spring clanging quietly. You pushed Sam through the door next to go after the others and reached up toward the spring to allow Dean to go next, but he slapped your hand away quietly with his other and gave you a look that could literally kill, so you rushed out the door toward the hill where the others were crouched behind a few trees with low hanging branches. 

You turned back around to see Dean rushing toward you, shooting his gun a few times behind him, most likely warning shots, at the men who were clearly following. 

“Go!” Dean shouted, climbing the hill as fast as he could, his long legs bringing him right on your heels. “Run!” 

When you reached the top, you turned around in time to see the men jumping into a yellow tow truck, heading toward the entrance of the compound. You didn’t have time to think too much about it, as Dean was gripping your hand tightly and pulling you to follow him as he ran after his brother and the others. You all continued to rush through the woods, Dean holding your hand tightly as he pulled you along. 

“Jesus! Did that really just happen?!” Jessie cried out behind you, her voice cracking at the last word, indicating that she was still crying. “Do you think Evan’s okay?” She asked in the same frightened tone. 

You glanced back at them when Carly fell to the ground shouting “I can’t! I can’t!” You pulled on Dean’s arm to drag him back toward the others, where Scott was consoling Carly as best as he could, urging her to get up. 

“You didn’t see what we saw!” Carly shouted back, out of breath both from running and from being terrified. 

“Carly! Look at me!” Scott yelled, gripping her face with both is hands. “We are gonna get out of this, I swear to you.” He finished speaking and looked back toward you, Dean, and Sam, you all watching on silently. “And we are never going into the words again.” The man added loudly for good measure. 

“Okay,” Dean started, glancing around quickly. “We gotta go. Come on!” He gripped your hand tightly in his again and took off running through the nearest open grove of trees, toward what looked to be a junk yard, cars shoved into an open field. It would have been innocuous enough if the cars hadn’t looked completely abandoned, clothing and camping gear tossed across the field. The green Jeep nearest you and the two Winchesters was smeared with blood and you glanced around anxiously, Sam doing the same. Dean, however, was looking murderous, his eyes indicating that he had the chance to eliminate some monsters from the Earth and he chose not to. You touched his shoulder lightly, and he pulled you wordlessly to his side, telling you that you were to stay attached to it from here on out. You didn’t argue. 

“What is this?” Carly whispered, pausing next to a tan Camry, doors flung open as if the people had been ripped out and never returned to close them. 

“Jesus.” Scott whispered in response, peering into the car nearest him. “All these people…” He trailed off, swiping a hand down his face, and turning to grab Carly in a hug from behind, comforting her. 

There was an abandoned doll lying face down in the grass that you couldn’t stop staring at, imaging the little girl dropping it as she fled away from these monsters with her family. 

Jessie, Carly, and Scott continued to voice their concerns for all of the people missing from their cars, but you could tell Dean and Sam were jumping into hunter mode, no longer in the mood to discuss what was happening, but rather to act and get everyone out of this situation. 

“Look for keys,” Dean ordered to his brother who nodded and started searching the green Jeep with the blood smeared hood. “Y/N” Dean continued crooking his finger, telling you that you were to follow him as he headed toward a blue Toyota across the field. You hurried to his side but didn’t get far before you heard the chug of the old tow truck, coming up the dirt path behind you, chains clanging as it bounced up the hill.

“Get down!” Dean commanded, pulling you with him behind the blue vehicle, the others rushing to your side, mirroring your stance. The truck came into view, but stopped about 100 yards away, all three men emerging from the cab. You could see now that two of the three men had weapons, one brandishing an axe, and what looked to be a shotgun, and the other holding a bow, a quiver of arrows slung across his back. Dean recognized the weapons at the same time that you did, and muttered a low curse, knowing the group was out gunned. 

 “What are you thinking, Dean?” Sam asked quietly from the back of the group, garnering his brother’s attention. Dean thought for a second before responding. 

“They left their truck running.” He began, continuing to stare forward at the men slinking toward you. “We have to take it.” Sam grunted in agreement, so Dean continued. “One of us needs to lead them in the wrong direction, and the rest of you head toward the truck.” 

You didn’t miss the word choice Dean utilized, and you reached for him, but he moved swiftly, rushing toward the men, and veering into the woods, with a quick “Over here!” once he got the men’s attention. You watched on in horror as the man with the bow loaded it and took aim, shooting toward Dean. The arrow was on target, and you saw Dean fall to the forest floor blocked by a few fallen trees. 

“No!” You screamed, pushing away from the car, only to have Sam pull you roughly by the arm back to safety. As he did, Scott moved from the hiding spot and ran in the opposite direction Dean had just run, an arrow just missing and flying over his shoulder. 

Carly whimpered loudly, but Jessie grabbed her in a tight hug, whispering “he’s okay” and trying to calm her down. All three men let out a hoot and holler before following quickly behind Scott into the wood. 

You glanced at Sam, before moving toward the running truck, only for it to start moving toward you. Sam pulled you down, as you both assumed there was another man, when you saw the unmistakable grin that only came from Dean Winchester behind the wheel of a vehicle. 

He pulled to a stop next to you four and motioned you all to get in quickly, before taking off to follow Scott and the monsters into the woods. 

As he drove you clung to Dean’s arm thankful that he was alive and uninjured. “Don’t ever do that to me again!” You whisper yelled. He rolled his eyes lightly at you but pulled you toward him and planted a kiss on your forehead, appeasing you for a moment. 

“Dean, stop here.” Sam stated suddenly, as you saw a flash of yellow rush toward you in the trees. Dean pushed the truck to a stop as Carly screamed for Scott out the open window. 

“Scott, let’s go!” You could see the man continue to haul toward the truck, when suddenly he slowed down, his arm reaching up to grab at something behind him. Scott staggered a few more steps forward, grabbing onto a tree branch as he moved. 

“Come on Scott!” Carly continued to urge. “What are you doing!?” As she yelled, you saw Scott begin to pitch forward, and almost as if on cue, fell to the ground, revealing the two large arrows sticking out from the back of his bright yellow shirt. 

Supernatural Tag List @lyarr24

Horror tag list (tagging people who asked/enjoyed my horror/SPN crossovers) @idksupernatural​ @vicmc624​

Dean tag list @akshi8278

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And you are not here... (Part I)

(13x01)

Hello beautiful people! We reached season 13!!! This was a very analyzed season, so, many of the things I will say won't be new. There wasn't much Destiel in the second half of the season, so, I hope we can have less volumes than season 12.

But, let's focus now in the angst, and when I speak about angst, I mean Mourning! Dean.

Priorities?

At the beginning of the episode we have Dean, down his knees by Castiel's dead body, he can't believe he just lost him, so, he is not thinking here, he can't thing in another fact more than Cas.

Sam feels he has not time for crying for his best friend, because he has to focus in saving the world: Lucifer's son had just born.

I always like to point the difference here: Why Sam can focus on the Mission right away and Dean can't? Is because the amount of the emotions and the meaning of this lost.

Don't forget they lost Mary too, but this is different.

Because Sam lost his mother, but because she didn't died, he keeps hopes in bringing her back. Because Jack is there, and he was the one opening the rift. He lost Cas, he saw him die, his best friend, but even so, he keeps going, he runs towards that cabin to find the Nephilim. Because just like Cas, even with the loses, he has to keep fighting, to try to save the world, Cas would do the same.

But for Dean Cas represents his Everything, his faith, his hopes, the love of his life. So the world just stopped there. And he can't think in anything else but the deep pain of loosing the man he loves.

Then the scene in the car is heartbreaking.

SAM: Hold on a second. Can we just talk about what happened back there?

DEAN: Sure. Which part? Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—(he pauses) Mom’s gone, and apparently, the Devil’s kid hit puberty in thirty seconds flat. Oh, and almost killed us.

This is Dean not wanting to say Cas is dead, this is Dean not being able to say Cas is dead. His worst nightmare became true.

SAM: Yeah, because you tried to shoot him.

DEAN: I tried to shoot the monster, Sam. It’s kind of what we do.

SAM: We don’t know what he is yet, Dean. And I had it under control.

DEAN: I’m sorry. Are you defending the Son of Satan?

SAM: I’m not defending anything. I’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened, I’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan.

DEAN: Yeah, kill him! Okay? That’s the plan. Look, right now all that matters is finding him, and ending him, before he hurts anybody else. And once we do that we’ll figure everything else out.

Again pointing at the difference between the two brothers. Sam is thinking strategically, but Dean wants to kill him, because he blames Jack of Castiel's death. Jack is a monster that deceived, used and killed Cas. So there's no doubt for Dean JACK IS A MONSTER AND HE MUST BE ELIMINATED. For Sam, Jack represents the hopes to get his mother back.

SAM: What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?

DEAN: You know he is.

And this is terrible, Because Dean is answering this to himself. 'You know he is.' Is the fact he has to assume. But he is avoiding to do it.

"Angels are real too."

So sad when the angels find Castiel on the table. The contemptible way one of them referred to Cas breaks my heart, because is so fresh now his dead in 15x18.

1ST ANGEL: Castiel. Always knew he’d meet a bad end.

2ND ANGEL: He deserved better.

1ST ANGEL: No, he really didn’t.

This is so accurate now, is like hearing Misha wanting his big sacrifice for love as Castiel, and all the fandom repeating HE DERÑSERVED BETTER, trying to show the point, and the C*W and broniles saying NO, HE REALLY DIDN'T. But well... Just a bitter thought... For this angel, particularly, is referring to Castiel's choices, his repeatedly chosing Dean Winchester over Heaven.

When they arrive to the Burger Shop, Dean decides to stay in the car and wait for Sam.

The drunken girl, which results to be an angel, comes out from the same shop, and the camera shows us Dean's bruises in his knuckles. So, we can infer something happened...

The dialogue between the angel and Dean is very interesting, because she create a whole scenario and character:

DRUNK WOMAN: Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant superbitch. She’d take things, and break things, and piss people off, and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt.

She will say after revealing who she really is, that Dean was Becky. And the way she speaks about this character is with the same contempt as the angel talking about Castiel. Because Dean is guilty of Castiel's fall and disobedience. He is the human that broke Castiel, and that's why Cas ended up dying.

Once in the police station, Dean tells all the truth to the sheriff, and when he speaks about angels... His face turns even more sad.

Gif credit @wanreina

Look how he drops his eyes and turns his face to the window. This is pure grief, pain, sadness. Because it was almost as if he was mentioning Castiel again. And it hurts too much.

We were witnesses of Dean's prayer to Chuck, mentioning he wanted Castiel back, pleading not just for him, but Mary and even Crowley. Desperate prelaying. And when he turned around, with this little hopes in being heated, and maybe finding everyone there, CAS, and then realizing they weren't, he exploded in anger, breaking the pirate on the door, and hurting his knuckles.

Still trying to make Cas to come back to him...

Goodbye Cas

When Dean was fighting against the drunken woman, now an angel, the dialogue between them is showing us again how Dean was still expecting to find a way to make Castiel come back to him.

MIRIAM: Because Bieber in there? He can do almost anything.

DEAN (hopeful): Anything?

MIRIAM: (Chuckles) Oh, sweetie. Almost anything. Castiel, he's dead.

Gif set credit @godshipsit 👇

Dean's grief all over his face while the little hope that had found it's way is slowly fading again, listening to these words. These words that Miriam says with pleasure.

This scene is showing us how Dean was only thinking about CAS, in how to bring him back, with desperation, he was longing for him so hard, even the angel perceived that emotion.

The other super sad scene was Dean preparing Cas' body for the funeral...

(the follow gifs are from @wanreina)

When he comes back to the cabin, he faces again the reality. Dean is down that sheet, dead. He stops just for a second, and swallows. Encouraging himself to keep walking towards him. Before doing that, he flicks his eyes away from the corpse.

Then he goes to his side, and sighs, and then breaths... The pain is all over him.

This is Dean realizing again Cas is gone. Look at the deep sadness in his face, while he is staring at him, maybe he is talking with him, asking Cas to come back to him. Then, he is swallowing again, hard, he looks away, because Castiel won't come back, Castiel is definitely dead, as the angel said. No one will bring him back, nobody is gonna help him to bring Cash back. The despair is huge. Yes he has to aknowledge that in his heart.

Okay I read somewhere that maybe Dean was praying here to Cas to come back again, then he sees Cas is still dead. But I really believe, Dean didn't stop praying to him, or to Chuck, because that was the only things he could do. What else? So maybe he was praying the whole time, putting his hopes in those so many times Chuck relived him, or Cas camber back to him. Trying to reach Cas somehow. But with each desperate prayer he was convincing himself Cas wouldn't come back, and this time he was dead, really dead. For ever. That's the pain in his heart. He was trying to wake him up, he was pleading for one last miracle, and not to burn his body in the pyre. So this was his last attempt to bring him back.

The last and hard scene was the funeral

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

"You say goodbye" Sammy's voice sound in the background and we see Dean's sad face. The pain and the grief. So different from Sam and Jack. And so different from another times when he had to burn his father, or friends. Nothing is gonna be norm from now. Because he lost Cas, the love of his life.

Visual Narrative: Just a little mention of Pirate Pete's Burger Shop. The place was in blue and red, (Cas and Dean), with references about the ship (Destiel), and jokes about the butt, and, according the Urban Dictionary, the Pirate Pete is a sexual joke too. So, we can maybe infer, base in how angels were mocking Dean and CAS relationship and how it ended in this episode, that place was related to it.

To Conclude:

This was just the beginning of Mourning!Dean, we will see him depressed and with no faith, no hopes. Ig gonna be alarming for Sam, and we will have one huge revelation in the episode in wich Billie will talk with Dean about his grief.

Hope you like the first meta from season 13, see you in the next ones!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, December 20th 2020, 6:03 PM

[loveinterestcastiel]

Castiel’s Shadow

Revisiting The Writer’s Journey today and losing my mind over the LAYERS within the internal+external relationship between Castiel and the Shadow (The Empty/The Cosmic Entity, etc) please pardon the unhinged rant ahead

I haven’t read this book in at least a year but these quotes were HITTING me to the point that I can’t believe the show references them as transparently as they do in the text of the show, genuinely just personifying the Shadow to be Cas’s own personal, final obstacle before he can reach his full potential/self actualization and it’s all Dean, how he feels for Dean and how Dean has changed him irrevocably but he still can’t begin to admit it to himself until the push of something beyond God threatening to take it away unless Cas acts like just LOOK

“Often it's the home of the suppressed monsters of our inner world. Shadows can be all the things we don't like about ourselves, all the dark secrets we can't admit, even to ourselves” [...] “Deep trauma or guilt can fester when exiled to the darkness of the unconscious, and emotions hidden or denied can turn into something monstrous that wants to destroy us”

“Shadows create conflict and bring out the best in a hero by putting [them] in a life-threatening situation” [...] “A Shadow may be a character or force external to the hero, or it may be a deeply repressed part of the hero”

“Some Shadows may even be redeemed and turned into positive forces” “The Shadow may also be unexplored potential, such as affection, creativity, or psychic ability, that goes unexpressed” [...] "The roads not taken," the possibilities of life that we eliminate by making choices at various stages, may collect in the Shadow, biding their time until brought into the light of consciousness” 

Sound familiar??? Wow, I can’t believe Supernatural didn’t introduce the main character until season 4, what a bold choice!!! I’m not even joking here and I’ve been a Dean!girl since fucking BIRTH but it’s Cas. It’s been him for so goddamn long!! CAS and his journey fit the Hero archetype to a T, straight up, the most out of all of TFW for the last eleven seasons and it melts my brain every time I even CONSIDER THE IMPLICATIONS OF HIS JOURNEY like holy SHIT to go from [I pulled you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.] [I serve Heaven, I don’t serve man, and I certainly don’t serve you] [“You’re some heartless sons of bitches” “Yes, we are. And?”] [What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion] somewhere along the way is changed to [You know, this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won't let any of you die. And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me. To everything] and [Ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean] and [I love you] [I LOVE YOU] and his LOVE means the Shadow has no power over him because it’s his HIS SHADOW and so he goes to Heaven and he’s whole and free and can LIVE 

[Well, Cas helped] 

I’m chewing GLASS

[pallasperilous]

So It Goes

So, forgive me this indulgence as somebody who does not ordinarily write meta; a friend asked me why I thought that the manner of Dean’s death in 15x20 is an incredibly lovely and mature writing choice. I think it is so, for reasons that also happen to explain why so many fans of the show fucking loathe it.

There is some Vonnegut at the end. Hang in for that. 

PART ONE: 

Chuck's story direction has always made sure that the boys, if they died, did so in a mega intense or glorious fashion (minus the *Mystery Spot* meddling by Gabriel, and those weren't meant to be permadeaths). Those deaths were awesome heroic television deaths that FED the story rather than ending it. Every time, the surviving brother would do some extremely stupid and destabilizing shit to bring the other back, often feeding an entire new cycle of death and retrieval. 

If he *didn't* (cf: Sam in the Cage, Dean in Purgatory), it caused a massive rift between them, which then fed *further* wild-ass decisions. The dudes were in the dictionary under 'codependency'. People knew that killing or capturing one of them meant the other wasn't far behind. 

Chuck's endgame for Sam and Dean was literally to *die fighting God.* How much more heroically wanky can you get?

But they beat him. They’re free. Jack takes over, and makes it clear that he isn’t going to be a God who meddles or directs; he’s not going to be their in-house writer. He’s just going to set things back where they belong, reform the systems that Chuck established out of ego or cruelty, and then integrate himself with the universe so that anything that happens to it…happens to him, too. He’s won’t be a character anymore. He’s a setting.

PART TWO: 

So, minus Chuck, with Jack’s goodbye and Castiel’s sacrifice…the boys get to experience plain old…real life. Tuesday! Drinking beer, kicking the laundry machine, filling out shitty job applications, enjoying the little consolations of food and pets and free time. (I think that messy room and dog-bonding and staring into the internet bespeaks a Dean who is really doing his goddamn best to not implode with grief as he has in the past, but to try to thrive in the face of deep grieving). 

When Sam expresses grief over losing Cas, Dean's response is basically: yeah, it sucks. But our job, that our loved ones sacrificed for us to have a shot at… is to stop trying to reverse all of our losses, and to learn to live with them, like normal people have to. That’s the price of the gift they’ve been given — accepting whatever real life deals them.

They can literally do anything they want; circumstances won’t herd them into Season 16. What’s the first thing Dean really does, after this little break? 

He hears “missing kids, dead parents” and he dives right back in. He opens his Dad’s goddamn notebook for the info. He’s immediately choosing to go right back to where they started, for the sake of helping other people. He books them to fight some of the very first basic bitch monsters he and Sam dealt with. That is unforced 100% Dean’s choice. 

(Sam has demonstrated an ability to not take on the responsibility of eliminating all monster-based misfortunes in the world and pursue a life beyond just hunting, so long as Dean has been off the map…but Dean’s one attempt to take a job and settle down with Lisa ended up being so obviously hollow that Castiel felt SO BAD he took time off from RUNNING HEAVEN to rescue Sam FOR DEAN.)

PART THREE: 

Remember Chuck's little fit earlier where Dean wound up getting his teeth drilled etc? That bad luck was being magnified by Chuck being pissed at them, but the brothers truly did find themselves facing ordinary people shit they had never really had to deal with. It drove the point home -- Sam and Dean had been exempt, this whole time, from the petty little ways that failure and misfortune work in the normal world. That extended to their hunting, too — they found out that there were people they could fail to save, despite their best effort. People who, according to the rules they’d been operating under, should have been savable. 

So we see this hunt — which is really rough and tumble. They’re still doing amazingly considering how outnumbered they are, but this was some of the most intentionally graceless fight choreography I remember seeing on the show. They seriously almost lose the fight, and Sam kills that last vamp pestering Dean with the kind of “whew!” last minute heroics we’ve come to expect from the show.

And Dean realizes: something has gone wrong. Something that no pulp TV action genre writer would ever, ever draft for a hero’s death. There was some scary rebar sticking out and Dean got shoved into it in the scuffle and it hath Fucked Him Up. It’s the kind of shit that happens on construction sites. It’s an accident. It’s a random misfortune. It has nothing to do with his heroism or skill or the cleverness or powerfulness of his opponents. It just happens.

Under show rules, here is what would happen next: Castiel would heal him. Jack would heal him. Sam would call an ambulance and Dean would be DOA and Sam would whip out his cellphone and call Rowena or a crossroads demon or Sister Jo or research a spell and we’d be off and rolling for Season 16.

But Dean says: Don’t do that.

Because that is what Chuck would write.

Dean realizes — this is exactly the world they have fought to exist in. A world that is randomly wonderful, randomly shitty. This happened because he chose to be here. Nobody made them pursue this hunt. Is he surprised that it happened so soon, that he ended up having so little time to give unscripted life a shot? Yes, to the point that he clearly thinks it’s honestly kinda funny. Cuz who’d write it like that? Nobody! He likes the part that he gets to die on a hunt, standing up, in his boots — that’s what he’s always seen for himself. Not in a bad way, not in a “killing machine” or a “daddy’s little soldier” way, but because it means he kept fighting for other people up to the last second. He’s upset that Sam is so upset — he’s more worried about calming Sam and reassuring him than he is about how cool his death is gonna look on IMDB, or how they can cheat circumstance to buy him more time. 

Instead of buying more time, at the expense of living like real people instead of TV characters…he decides to make the most of this one moment. He tells Sam how much he loves him. He tells Sam that Sam will be okay; he’s going to go live a whole life on whatever terms he and the universe can work out together, and the fact that Dean isn’t there is gonna be a painful but acceptable part of those terms. Dean says: don’t go running off trying to change this. Just spend this last little bit of time with me, while the universe does its thing. That’s what they do.

TL;DR — this death is fucking awesome because Chuck would absolutely fucking hate it. He wanted Sam and Dean to go down in a ball of fire together, fighting their coolest foe ever, CHUCK! 

Instead: Dean dies like a normal person, from an accident bred under circumstances that he chose for himself. Chuck loses half his prize, not to some other big bad, but to a damn piece of construction material on a mundane job.  And Dean gets to die in a way that unshackles Sam’s fate from his own. Like Castiel did for him, he gets to say: I love you. This is enough for me. Go live your life.

He finally gets to drop his kid back off at Stanford.

Chuck would be so pissed.

And we, the viewers of Supernatural...well, hell, we’re ultimately fans of Chuck’s writing, aren’t we? So of course something so unprecedented, so un-heroic or badass, so mundane and intimate and random...of course it shocks. Because that’s not the show we’ve been watching!! But isn’t that the point? The author is dead. We can put aside his tastes, and we can look at Dean’s death, and say the words of Dean’s actual favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut --  So it goes.