#so im not sure about the bluetooth thing

[borvooven]

I'm suffering, we haven't had internet service in two days and while I can easily live without it I only have ONE Decemberists CD and it's not even my favourite. If I can't listen to Picaresque soon I will explode

[thegoldensundreamer]

Love At Last

Onyankopon x black!reader

Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)

Word Count: 6.2k

He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.

Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.

He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."

I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?

The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.

I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.

When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.

"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.

It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.

•••

When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.

"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."

I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.

Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.

Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.

When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.

I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.

He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"

I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-

I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.

"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.

Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.

"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."

I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.

So that's why he's here.

Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?

He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.

Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.

"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."

I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.

"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.

Damn when did I get this shy?

Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.

"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".

I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.

I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.

"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.

It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.

I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.

I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.

"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"

I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.

"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.

Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.

"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."

"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."

He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.

I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.

Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.

"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.

Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.

"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.

With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.

"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.

"What the-"

Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.

As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.

He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.

As I began to speak we both got a notification.

ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.

"Fuck" I groaned.

"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.

"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."

"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."

"On what though? Blackboard is down."

"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."

"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"

"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"

I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.

"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.

He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.

As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.

"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"

"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.

But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?

The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.

Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.

Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.

"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."

His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.

I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.

"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.

"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.

Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.

"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"

He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"

He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.

"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."

He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.

Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.

I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"

I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.

"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.

I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.

I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.

It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.

He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."

He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.

Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.

In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.

He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."

With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.

He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.

Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.

His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.

After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.

Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.

"Shit I might as well take a shower"

To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.

Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.

This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.

"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.

Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.

"It's been a while since I seen this view"

I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.

I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.

I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.

"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.

"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.

"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.

"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.

With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.

"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.

"But-"

"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.

I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.

We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.

"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."

I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.

In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.

"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"

He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.

When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.

"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."

I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.

"You are not over that boy y/n"

"I think you're confused"

And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.

"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"

They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.

"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"

With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.

Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.

I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.

Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?

I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.

Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.

What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.

When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.

"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.

After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.

I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.

We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.

Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.

I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.

"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"

"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"

We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.

Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.

"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.

I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.

Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.

He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.

"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"

"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.

Shit, how did he react to that?

Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.

With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.

He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.

"Y/n ... what did you say?"

He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.

Part 2?

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Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.

[prettypinkporkchop]

IM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH HOW THE WOLVES WOULD ACT IF YOU ARE ALTERNATIVE!!! (me. I am ALTERNATIVE. Grunge. Pookie.)

Here's one with Embry

I know I'm alive

Summary: Hey alternative/goth/grunge/eno pookie! Edward and Bella are getting married. Embry wants to keep you out of the chaos. How does he do that?

Warning: language, smut, Deftones Coded

Song: Beauty School - Deftones

"I watch you taste it. I see your face. And I know I'm alive. You're shooting stars. From the barrel of your eyes."

Embry grabs your wrist, making you jump and take out your earpod. You drop your attempted knitted blanket. You're trying here, lol.

"Hm?" You look at him.

"Sorry to interrupt you, babe. Sam called. Bullshit meeting with the Cullens." He smiles and then sits beside you on the bed.

"Mm. Of course. Is it about the wedding?" You snort.

"Yup. Imagine marrying a dead man." Embry chuckles and grabs onto you, biting your shoulder softly.

You squeeze into his body. "If you were dead, I'd still be with you." You look over at his face.

"I'd be with you, too.." his face lifts into a smile. "Imprint." He winks.

You giggle and shake your head. "Go to the meeting. I'll be here." You kiss his nose.

He scrunches his face and then stands up.

----

You finish cleaning the house when your phone dings. You check it.

Kim: GIRL! Apparently we are going to the wedding. I have no clue why. Time to go dress shopping I guess. Unless I wear my prom dress from senior year lol.

You: I don't wannnnaaaaaa. Lol plz help.

Kim: trust me. I know. What's that song you showed me? I wanna quote it. It's like uh.. "fuck that fuck that" corn?

You: LMFAO A FOR EFFORT. I LOVE YOU.

After a while, Embry opens the door and you stare at him with a blank face.

"I know. Come on, let's go get you a dress." He sighs.

You two go shopping and you end up getting this dress: (this what I pick but you can choose whatever)

"Do I look ugly in this?" You ask Embry as you two walk to Seth, who is standing near the cake. You adjust it a bit, pulling it down.

"Uh, uh. Shut up." He wraps an arm around you, his hand gripping your waist.

You guys make it to Seth, who's eyeing the cake.

"Hungry, kid?" Embry laughs.

"Yes, but the cake is so fancy. I'll feel bad eating it." Seth laughs.

Embry lets you go and looks towards the trees. "Jake is here." He says.

He walks toward him, leaving you next to Seth. Seth shrugs at you and then wraps his arm in yours.

"Want to find some chairs? I think it's about to start."

"Sure." You smile.

Before you two walk toward the chairs, you hear commotion in the woods. Seth keeps a hold of your arm and you quickly walk that way.

There stands Jacob and Bella. Sam is yelling at Jacob. Embry stands there with a sad face. He looks over at you and motions you to stand by him. You walk over to him and Jacob runs off.

"Sex with a vampire." He whispers in your ear.

This shocks you. How could they be so stupid? "I'm going to go find Kimmy.." You sigh.

"No, ma'am. Stay by me.after this, I'm on guard." He whispers.

----

You decide to leave the wedding with the girls. It's an awkward car ride. It's silent.

"How about we listen to something to lighten the mood." Emily says.

Kim who sits in the back beside you, turns her head to you and smiles. "Korn?" She asks.

"Let's get our anger out." Rachel in the passenger seat agrees.

"Come on, Kim. Let's try something different. Ever heard of Deftones?" You raise an eyebrow at her.

"I think Jared likes them." She says.

Emily connects your phone to Bluetooth, and you end up playing My Own Summer (Shove It). Emily is nodding her head to It. Rachel is tapping her hand on the console. Kim is dramatically head banging.

"All I understand is 'shut it shut it shut it', and that's how I feel!" She screams over the song.

You laugh and then turn your phone to her, showing her the title.

"Oh! I'll pretend it's shut it!" She laughs.

----

Embry finally makes it home. You're already comfortable in your pajamas and laying on the bed, knitting.

Pajamas: (what I envision)

Embry opens the bedroom door, and he has his hands behind his back. He's smiling mischievously.

"Uh oh, what you got?" You eye him.

"Open your hand."

You lift out both of your hands, cupping them. He leans forward and drops it.

Eyeliner!!!!

"I found it in the truck. I remember you've been looking for it." He smiles.

"Eek! Thank you, hottie!" You jump up on your knees and wrap your arms around his neck. You pull him down on top of you.

"Damn, tiger." He chuckles and kisses you.

You kiss him back softly and wrap your legs around him. Because of that, you feel him get hard. You decide to fuck with him and push yourself up against him. He growls in your mouth and grabs your sides roughly. His fingers dig deep and you know it'll bruise.

He pulls away and looks down at you. "Let's forget about everything." He whispers.

You quickly nod your head and pull him back down to kiss you. His hands reach up and pull your shirt up. You briefly pull back from his lips to take off your shirt. He reaches up and grabs your breasts, groping them roughly. You groan and move your hands down to unbutton his jeans. He lifts up, letting you do that, and throws his shirt off. You've got them unbuttoned, so he pulls them down. He lowers himself and pulls off your pants and panties.

He grabs your knees and pulls them apart. He wastes no time to lick up and down your folds. You become a moaning mess and grab onto his hair. He pushes two fingers inside of you and sucks your clit. Being his for a while now, he knows what to do to you. Once he knows that you're about to finish, he pulls away.

"UGH! Babe!" You cry out.

He responds by lining himself up to you and pushing inside.

----

You're at Emily's because everyone is trying to calm down after everything. Bella and Edward are on their honeymoon, and Jacob isn't having it. Poor guy isn't even there to hang out.

"Y/n! I need your help!" Emily calls from the bathroom.

You get up from the couch and walk in there. She's just standing there.

"Yes?"

"Can you tell me if the bathroom stinks?" She asks.

"Uh? What? It smells like.. lemons. Why did you need my help?" You say confused.

"Okay! Great! Let's go back out there."

She opens the door, and you follow her out of the bathroom and into the living room. Embry is standing up, and everyone else is sitting around. You see Rachel has her phone out recording.

"What's going on?" You ask.

Embry takes your hands and looks into your eyes. "I love you so much. I'm so happy to take care of you and have you. You are so gentle, funny, and sweet, and you're a sexy rocker." He chuckles.

Your heart pounds, and you realize what's going on. Before he even says anything else, you smile, and tears threaten to fall.

Embry smiles and takes your face in his hands. "I'm going to cry if you do." His eyes water just a tad.

He bends down on one knee and pulls out a coffin ring box. He opens the top and the prettiest ring is presented to you.

"Y/n, will you marry me?" He looks up st you, hopeful. He sniffles a bit.

"Yes." You say softly, and tears start to fall.

Everyone cheers and embry stands up, puts the ring on your finger, and then hugs you tightly.

"Oh my God, I love you." He breathes out in your neck.

"I love you, too, Embry." You rub his back.

----

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Embry laughs while the tattoo gun vibrates his chest.

You sit in the chair beside him, feeling the ink embedding in your skin.

"These are so cute. I'm jealous." The girl tattooing you says.

"My wife and I have matching tats, too. It's super fun and meaningful getting these." The guy doing Embry's says.

"I know! I'm so excited!" You squeak.

"Damn, dude. Your tattoo is... how is it healing? I'm confused." The tattoo artist asks Embry.

"I'm not sure. My other one did this, too." Embry plays it off.

"Well, at least you know it'll heal well." He smiles up at him.

You gasp in the mirror. "It's so fucking cute!" You giggle.

Embey stands next to you and observes his. "I feel badass." He snorts.

You lean up and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, baby."

----

"No! You're not going!" You scream at Embry who is trying not to cry.

"I have to! It's my duty!" He takes a step closer to you.

"No! Fuck this. You're staying here. I don't give a shit about a fucking demon baby, I don't care! You're going to die in that battle!" You scream and sob.

"Baby, I won't. I'm strong and I promise to come home-" , he reaches to grab you but you push him off.

He stands there in shock at what you did. He blinks a few times.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO FORGETTING?" You scream.

"I meant it. I didn't know this would happen."

"Embry Call. You're hurting me." You cry.

-----

You stare out blankly from the kitchen table. It's been days. You've barely functioned. You know Kim and Rachel are in the same boat. Emily has been keeping it inside, but you know she is just as afraid.

Your eyes finally move to the window, and you see it's dark out. You don't remember what time you sat down at the table. You haven't eaten.

A knock on the door startles you. It's just Emily. She's been checking on you, Kim, and Rachel. You stand up and open the door.

It's him.

He looks up from the ground, and his eyes pierce into yours. "I kept my word."

"Embry!" You scream and start crying. You jump onto him, and he holds you tightly. He kicks the door shut and brings you into the bedroom. He plops you down onto the bed and looks down at you.

"I see your face, and I know I'm alive." He quotes Deftones.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/7/2024

i have Got to read a book i enjoy this week or my brain will turn into something the consistency of dried tomato paste on a kitchen counter

also i have lost track of the timing and rhythm of the seasons so for the first time in a very long time there is no may starred war tuesdaypost

listening

Chapstick by COIN off my weekly recommended spotify playlist. i don’t think this song is particularly interesting or well-executed as a whole, but the lyrics

She’s a friend of mine, and an alibi

And the getaway car in overdrive, like

Hey sharpshooter, I like the way you’re moving

i think the use case for this song is a telecom company trying to get you to switch by promising some portable Bluetooth speakers for your summer parties and this is playing diagetically as we slip in and out of various summer parties, following one TV-hot woman in a sundress

-

reading

i am once again not sleeping well and have shoved a lot of mediocre books into my gaping maw. i have read a good fuckin chuck of the jason todd outlaws runs. i like jason todd/the red hood bc i feel a certain kinship with someone trained for an incredibly specific thing who are then thrown away the second they stop conforming. darth maul also but that’s a different post.

i have several bones to pick with writer scott lobdell. i know this was the early teens but can we chill with the misogyny for a singular page. why themes of addiction only when it is needed to fill a narrative lull? and why are you continually going to put jason in interesting situations where he might confront his trauma or grow despite his trauma and then. not have him confront his trauma or grow at all because of it??? i like snatches of the early issues of the run, when the outlaws are figuring out how to be a polycule team on the most beautiful deserted island and crashed spaceship you’ve ever seen. i liked the art in most issues and these had just enough fun flashes of character (about every other issue) to keep me reading. but im annoyed by it.

i finally finished Wilkie Collins’ The Moonstone, the first physical paper book i have finished in a long time. the flaw of being the first in the english detective fiction genre is that everyone who comes after has a lot of time to perfect it. i felt the actual perpetrator was a little beyond belief and the ending was fumbled. however it was very good at sustaining my interest for like 400 pages. not my picture bc i cannot be bothered to find my copy and bother a cat, but this is the penguin edition i own. i don’t actually know if i will keep it on my shelves but maybe it’s more of a trophy of me getting back into reading physical books?

Alexis Hall’s Mortal Follies also annoyed me. i do not think this author’s strong suit is in longer books. i have read previous books in two hours and change and while i found the ending here satisfying from a fairytale perspective, i did not enjoy the path we took to get there. i thought we were ending and wrapping things up at least three times, and the number of Things that happen in order to carry us on to the next Thing does not feel gleefully madcap but sort of frantically shambling. a very classic three-days time limit is introduced in the middle, it is met, and then we continue on for several months. also the author introduces the concept of shipping your friends with an equally made-up word as shipping through one of the more tiresome characters in the novel and this…cracking? chip? in the fourth wall? fucking annoyed me. it felt very out of tone with the rest of the book. surely there was a better way for this character to express that she wanted the two leads to be together

-

watching

Hammerhead (1968, dir. Miller). this is leaving tubi soon and sometimes the heart needs a silly little James Bond ripoff. had high hopes for this one bc it was rated R and the baddie was obsessed with collecting vintage erotica. i don’t really know why this is rated R. the erotica we see is almost all prints of Fine Art Nudes. there’s a lot of cleavage and undergarments and bikinis but not like. full frontal at any point. no man has their chest out except for an enterprising motorcyclist near the end.

anyway this is a deeply unserious film, as you may surmise. it’s not much fun, especially when it’s not very good at getting everyone to the next scene. Vince Edwards is kind of a cold fish, i do not know why every woman is throwing herself at him. Judy Geeson makes every scene she’s in better (there’s a very funny scene in a post office where they play both keepaway and the thimble game with an important package) but she cannot hold the whole dragging movie up by herself. god they made leading ladies fucking tiny back then. very throwable

-

playing

not fallow but i don’t have anything interesting to say about genshin this week. a friend started playing fnv after several months of subtle hints, i was only able to join his streams after twenty hours in and promptly let him know the inventory is sortable if you click at the top. how had he been going through his whole fucking inventory for twenty hours like that. a man singularly obsessed with both inventory management and min-maxing caps. he had like 8k caps by the time he got to Novac, taking the normal route. people sure can play games in different ways huh

-

making

put some dijon mustard and some broccoli in some macaroni and cheese. that's about it

[wisteriagoesvroom]

iiiii think u should write smth heart wrenching. smth awfully sad. like idk. landoscar are robbing toto wolffs massive mansion and one of them get SHOT. but no dying ofc. thats too sad. but a normal level of heart wrenching.

the water sprinkler goes off with a boom. “NAUR!!!!” oscar screams. his crime partner falls to the floor with a shriek, dark brown curls already plastered flat against his forehead.

gold jewellery and a big tube of top secret papers labelled “how to make mercedes great again” rolls, clicky clacky along the tiles.

lando's always been scared of water. he makes an utter scene, spluttering and spitting on the floor and probably waking half the mansion. oscar thinks he has about 6 minutes before susie herself shows up with a f1 academy car and her immaculate bob to run them over. oscar refuses to be written up in the australian tabloids as “f1 driver whose cause of death was getting run over by toto’s wife” so he motivates himself to keep going and finish the job.

oscar uses magical plot-assisted powers to retrieve the jewellery and the papers and uses plot-necessary bluetooth technology (a pin shaped like a papaya) to turn off the water sprinklers.

oscar ignores lando’s vocal protests and fireman-carries lando out of the mansion. “NOOOOO” oscar hears toto shout, howling in an austrian accent to the moon.

later oscar passes lando a big orange towel. osc radios zak and says “i did it. i got us some additional sponsorship money.” osc is not sure how he is going to find a shop that will let him sell the austrian jewels without asking questions. he is pretty sure this is beyond his pay grade but it's fine because he wants to do well for the team. meanwhile zak says “good job im gonna keep sitting at my laptop and doing ceo things now.” osc says “cool please don’t send me on a mission with this lando idiot again.”

lando sits at the steps of their safehouse looking like a drowned cat. lando is smiling despite the chaotic AF events. osc doesn’t like that he finds this endearing.

later, osc asks lando: “why did you pull on the alarm that is clearly marked ALARM. i literally can’t take you anywhere.”

and lando replies “cos i knew you would rescue me of course 🥰🥰”

———————————

(sorry i massacred your prompt and made it a shitpost, but the idea of them tag teaming to rob toto and kind of failing was just too funny to pass up.)

and the only other heartwrenching options that came up in my head for this were (i) lando’s DJ console breaks (ii) oscar is told that due to scheduling issues he cannot go back to australia for five years (iii) neither of them wins the WDC for the next 10 years but somehow mazepin returns to haas and they watch him do so due to an unprecedented level of f1 bribery, bad luck, or some other related insane turn of events. but never say never 'cus the FIA is involved and all.

[hughiecampbelle]

HIII I love your writing I just wanted to say 😭 also, if you have time, I’d love to participate in this shipping ask thing?

I’m a 23 year old mixed bi trans guy, I’m 5ft3 with glasses, short brown curly hair, a Taurus, an infp who unfortunately is too forgiving, submissive and passive (although I can hold a grudge like a mf), Im quiet usually but an ambivert when it comes to my friends, and told I’m weird, awkward and funny (it’s the autism, I also like making ppl laugh). I like writing and drawing, I always wanted to be an author or comic book artist, I like reading graphic novels best. My favorite season is spring, my favorite color is black, my favorite food are french fries, my favorite movie genres are action/horror/comedy/cult (I also love kids movies lol), Im a rat/cat guy but I love all animals. I have favorite hoodies and will wear them even if the weather doesn’t call for it. I love listening to music and I like all kinds but my favs are rock/pop, I love musicals too, I like going on walks and people watching. Haven’t gone to college yet, still thinking on a career. I have a small immediate family. My love language is food and physical affection.

I can be shipped with homelander, butcher, soldier boy, hughie or annie, I prefer homelander 👉👈

Hi my love! I ship you with: Soldier Boy!!!! He loves that you can hold a grudge despite being so sweet. There's something feisty and defiant in that act and it definitely caught his attention. He's definitely not expecting it and loves making jokes at their expense, especially if it's against Hughie who he swears is making up all types of things like Wifi and Bluetooth. He also loves your humor. Everyone else whose part of The Boys takes things waaay too seriously. They can't laugh or joke around, they definitely don't find him funny, but you do. He likes that. He enjoys when he can make you smile even in the worst situations. You love how entertaining he is. Ben has absolutely no shame whatsoever. He is unabashedly himself no matter the situation. He is crude and impulsive and stubborn and you adore it. He says what's on his mind which can be pretty startling given that he'll say just about anything about you and your relationship in front of your friends. It can get pretty raunchy, too. It's like he's putting on a one man show. There's never a dull moment with him. Your relationship is protective. Ben would do anything to protect you. As soon as he realizes he's caught feelings for you, it's over. He doesn't let you out of his sight and he definitely makes sure Homelander doesn't get anywhere near you. He hates when you bicker with Butcher, when you argue with anyone, immediately coming to your defense. He's an old fashioned guy: he likes seeing you in his clothes, especially in his sweatshirts. He allows a cat in his presence, but he draws the line at rats. For now. He adores your cat even though he was grumpy and adamant that you wouldn't have a pet for a few more years. Underneath the sexual jokes and all the drugs he smokes, he's actually a pretty okay boyfriend. Your first date isn't actually a date, more like you've been placed on babysitting duty while the rest of The Boys figure out what to do with him. You guys eat snacks and watch TV and talk. Ben doesn't admit that he likes you, but he gets pretty cozy pretty fast, so you sort of assume what this means. When Hughie calls and says your shift is over, you tell him you can stay a little longer, you don't mind. Hearing this brings a smile to Soldier Boys face. You two hang out and talk and get to know one another much better. Everyone assumes you must've suffered sitting there with him, but you had a great time. Relationship Headcanon: You introduce Ben to a lot of modern music. He definitely has strong opinions about each song, but he listens the whole way through before ranting about how much he hates it, how silly modern music, how you can barely understand what the singer is saying, etc. It's all the same stuff you've heard from old people about modern genres. Still, there are a few he likes and he's grateful you showed them to him.

Hope you like it my love!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜

SHIPS ARE CLOSED

[pukad0n]

(really fuckin long vent post about my mom’s healthcare)

i’m like at the end of my rope with this one call nurse/caseworker of my mom’s

she got shoved into our life around the time my mom ended up in the hospital due to her cellulitis infection making her blood pressure bottom out and making her kidney function tank.

after her infection cleared up, her kidney function started to go back up again. it’s still on the lower end, but not near Absolute Failure/Needing Dialysis.

this woman is blowing up her phone less than two days after she gets out of the hospital when we’re both still reeling from the entire situation, and when she doesn’t pick up (because She Is Resting because she got No Sleep in the multiple days she was in the hospital), she starts ringing MY phone, (this becomes a recurring thing with her. even for just normal check-ins.) and when I pick up I tell her my mom is asleep, and she just starts bombarding me with all of this information about dialysis and how she should get surgery done to get a dialysis port put in (when at this point her kidneys are already doing better)

starts telling me about how dialysis can be done at home! and i’m like “we can’t do that at home.” instead of just being like “ok, that’s fine, there’s dialysis clinics near you”, she goes “…well *why*?”

what the fuck do you mean “why”, how is that any of your business. we say we can’t, that should be the end of it. but on the spot i tell her “we don’t have the space for that kind of equipment” which is PART of the truth. the other part is i’m not fucking comfortable doing something like dialysis on my own mother multiple times a day from our house. and i’m sure she doesn’t want to do it on herself either. the way she was talking to me made it sound like dialysis was not a possibility for her but that it was Inevitable. (We’re over two months out since the hospital stay and her kidneys have been doing better since.)

so i already didn’t like her from the start, my moms still giving her the benefit of the doubt at this point.

THEN she decides she wants my mom to record her weight and blood pressure every day from home. okay. but then she’s like “we can set up an appointment to have someone come help you set it up :)” it’s literally a smartphone app. like. hi. did you forget i live with her. do you think im so incompetent that i dont know how to connect a bluetooth kitchen scale to an app. why do we need a stranger coming into our house for something like that.

THEN later on she starts trying to push my mom into getting a home care nurse. this is something she VEHEMENTLY does not want, and says no multiple times. i also corroborate this, that she does not want or need this type of care at this time, because she doesn’t live by herself.

apparently this morning my mom got a call from a home care facility telling her to call them back to set up an appointment with them. I’m fucking sorry?????

this is the last straw for me. this is a fucking egregious overstepping of boundaries and it’s honestly getting extremely creepy how adamant this woman is about getting random people into our house.

does she really think i’m so incompetent that i won’t get her help if i think something’s wrong with her? why is she treating my mother like some dementia-addled senior that can’t make her own decisions? it’s not like she’s denying the care while i want her to get it. i don’t want some stranger coming into our house either when she’s capable of going to an actual medical setting for any sort of care she needs.

i texted my mom telling her she should call the hospital or whoever’s in charge of this whole thing to tell them that we want a different caseworker. she said she wants to just talk to her at her appointment on thursday (which i’m SURE she’ll be at, she acts like my moms her only fucking patient with how far up her ass she is) and i’m just like. oh yay so i get to have to deal with all of this face to face where i very may well end up losing my temper. cool cool cool.

[lucatielsgirlfriend]

good morning. i mean afternoon <3

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

21. obsession from childhood?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

32. top five favorite vines?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

56. favorite tradition?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

66. favorite flower(s)?

72. worst subject?

82. pc or console?

88. your greatest wish?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

94. favorite season?

96. desktop background?

and i have to ask this one ^-^ 98. favorite historical era?

omg you love me and you want to know everythig about me ^-^

5. bottles is easiest, but a crisp glass soda feels so nice!

6. out of those the styles that i think look best on me are boho and sportswear :) i like goth but im not really in the culture

7. headphones. i found this really nice compact travel set so im not totally unaware when i wesr them out!

8. tricky. I do love movies, but tv shows are easier to digest for me so i watch those more

9. um. probably when water hits the hot ground. rain or otherwise. like waterguns. bbqs are also really nice :>

10. i was a fat kid so not many. i really enjoyed badminton and tennis and also rounders or baseball

15. i remember liking Kensuke's Kingdom for a book report but idk if holds up... I also enjoyed when we analysed poetry in our final year ^^

17. um i have three pairs of slip on sketchers so those. theyre easy and shoes r expensive :p

18. heavy summer rain 🤤 thunder or not

19. i roll around a lott in my sleep, so i wake up in all sorts of positions. its usually easiest to get to sleep on my side tho.

21. i was a pokemon kid. show, cards, games and merch. always on that damn ds

26. i kinda hate the heat, so chilling in front of a fan with a sippy drink and music is sooo good. i liked the beach when I last went though!

27. stupid-cold bonfire nights are realllly nice. my birthdays right around guy fawkes so lots of nice memories there. im also more active in winter because it gets darker faster and i dont sweat as much.

28. five... umm: 'Laughing Gas - The Fratellis'; 'Override (A) - Area 11'; 'Knees Deep - The Beths'; 'To Be Better - Miracle of Sound'; 'Moment of Forever - Willie Nelson'. ^-^;

32. umm idk i was never really on vine... literally none come to mind sorrry

46. naked for sure especially in summer. t-shirt and bottoms on the coldest nights. ^-^

56. tradition... not sure I have any anymore. when i was a teenager we used to go to the lake and follow a river and have a shitty bbq by the side with a bluetooth speaker. and everyone would jump in the water and I never would hehe

64. YouTube. I yearn for the old days of YouTube... I was just becoming sentient when youtube was coming around so i was on it a lot

66. tulips! esp orange ones :>

72. maths. numbers hard.

82. PC all the way from my shitty laptops to here. i love my compuper

88. umm many. to be a girl. to be able to be social without anxiety attacks. to be able to afford things. to not be scared of intimacy. for my pets and family and friends to live forever and always be happy. many many wishes.

92. lamps. i hate overheads especially white ones.

94. Autumn. idk I like the colours. and there's usually a lot more happening around then. halloween and birthdays and getting cooler.

96. usually a game still. or art from a steam trading card or smthn. right now it's a boss from Slay the Spire :)

98. I dont know a lot about history as I should. but I'm interested in gold rush/ westward expanse era stuff, what little I know of it. I should learn more history... Idk sometimes ot just doesnt go in, and I have fuck awful recall ^-^;

[toxycodone]

\o/!!!

also i promise you aren't missing out anything aside from like. fucked up lungs. ive grown up around smokers and im Very Sure that even after being around nicotine second hand smoke for a while, the vape second hand smoke is worse. and i doubt a filter will do much help if you're smoking it. also i remember from freshman year of highschool my gym teacher warned us about a story where her friend has an exploding faulty vape container or something {since she knew the kids wouldn't listen if she just said 'don't do it'}, so thats also another reason to not do it

that was 2019 but also like. it doesn't sound like the bestest fun idea ever y'know? also, personally, i think vaping is just. childish. idk how else to describe it, i only saw kids in my middle to highschool time doing it and no adults. kids wanting to be cool i guess. personal yuck

~ }i{

Oh ewwwww…bleh okay. No vaping 4 me. Like I know it isn’t good for you but I was like “is it that bad compared to everything else?” EHHHH I guess all bad things are bad. Booooo. Vapes themselves have become pretty cool tho like. Why do some of them have fuckin Bluetooth speakers…?? LMFAO

[sand-lily]

I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!

(like just now now)

they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying

(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)

im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,

so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me

i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,

so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)

the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),

and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)

ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that

i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)

i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight

ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch

they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit

anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM

and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)

here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not

anyways

cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily

(the pfp is a pic of my cat)

[paalove]

You’re taking prompts!! 🤩 would you write some AkkAyan? Maybe during university life dealing with Akk’s internalised homophobia and figuring out what his and Ayan’s level of comfort is in terms of being open about their relationship? Or something like that I don’t mind at all I love your writing!

oh wow, you prompted this in april - guessing i got caught up in essays and updates and, of course, The Vanquished Beast (dissertation) haha, sorry about the Months-Long-Wait. this will go up on ao3 sometime this evening, but im trying to post something else today as well, so it might be a little while! {edit: now up on ao3!}

anyway, this might be the only thing i ever write that actually goes with our skyy2's Bad And Incorrect Ideas re: akkayan's university plans. fhbdhbdh

....

It’s a nice bench, under a little roof, and Aye points that out as he drags Akk by the hand and adds, “That makes it perfect to sit with a laptop under.”

“Ohh,” Akk nods, smile wide and confident, “What would I use the laptop for, huh?”

Aye shrugs and turns back to him, looks at the sun on Akk’s face and thinks about how pretty he is, but doesn’t answer.

Akk answers himself, anyway, saying, “Probably for working on. I wouldn’t be video-calling anyone, right?”

He’s nearly laughing at his own joke, but it’s Aye’s joke too, so he’ll allow it – he wanders around the bench and back into Akk’s space again.

“That’d be redundant,” he agrees.

Catching his hand, Akk stands over him with light in his eyes and says, “How would it be redundant?”

Aye’s glad he asked.

With a hum, he twines their fingers together properly – Akk doesn’t always catch them right, trapping two of Aye’s together, because his hands are bigger and just that little bit clumsier, but Aye can always fix it – and as he’s watching their hands he explains, “Well, you’re always going to be wearing one Bluetooth headphone, and we’ll always be in each other’s ears. A video call at the same time would probably make a weird feedback loop.”

Akk snorts.

He doesn’t disagree.

This is how they’re handling it – or, well, he’s pretty sure they’re handling it? Aye isn’t having the best time, thinking forwards, and every couple of days he calls his mae, or Akk’s parents, or Akk, or sometimes Thua or the guys, and asks if he’s making a stupid choice, but the choice is made and Akk’s university wouldn’t take a registration this late anyway, so the choice is made.

But Akk doesn’t seem like he’s as freaked out as Aye, or even as freaked out as he was, and that’s because they’re handling it like this; the jokes about how they’re going to manage being attached at the hip from five thousand nine hundred and ten miles away-

Okay, Aye hasn’t told Akk he’s memorised the specific number.

And he’s so grateful for the difference between when their terms start, because it means he gets to bother Akk and make him learn the city with Aye, and they can kind of pretend they haven’t decided to make everything way harder than it needs to be. Like they always do.

Eventually, Akk says, “The time difference is six hours in the summer and seven in winter, we won’t always be awake at the same-“

“-You included daylight savings when you looked up the time difference?” Aye grins, delighted.

Akk’s busy sputtering and trying to deny it when-

“Hey, man!”

He drops Aye’s hand and turns.

This doesn’t alarm Aye at first – they aren’t actually physically glued together, no matter what Thua might say.

Or Mae.

Or pretty much anyone else they know.

But they aren’t and it’s not weird to drop the hand you were stroking to have an entirely separate conversation with… someone.

Who is this guy?

Akk is nodding a lot as they speak and calling him phi, but Aye doesn’t recognise him, and Akk’s classes haven’t actually started yet, so he isn’t quite sure where this guy could be from.

Again, not literally attached, but-

“And your friend…” the senior is suddenly turning to him, expression open. “You must be from a different faculty, right? You weren’t at the welcome meeting.”

“Oh, I don’t go here-“

“-This is Aye,” Akk agrees, taking his hand again – which would be good except for what happens next – and adding, “And I’m so sorry, he actually has to meet up with someone,” and before Aye really knows what’s happening he’s been pulled away and out of sight.

He’s still looking over his shoulder at where they just came from when Akk stops, so abruptly Aye crashes into him.

Akk tries to step back; not allowed, so Aye winds an arm around his waist as quick as he can.

Clearly there’s a very serious issue.

Obviously they need to be hugging for this.

When he looks up, Akk’s face is pained, and Aye can think of half a dozen things that could be the issue but he won’t press-

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what my fucking issue is, I shouldn’t have-“

“-It’s fine,” Aye says, but apparently he will press because Akk needs it. “What was that about?”

Because if Akk didn’t know, if he was confused, that would have been ‘I don’t know why I did that’ – if he’s talking about ‘my issues’, he’s in self-hating mode, so he must have some idea.

That thought process has Aye nearly reaching a conclusion, and his heart clenches because he doesn’t want Akk to hate himself over that, but it’s for Akk to say, not him.

Slowly, Akk closes his eyes.

Aye puts the other arm around him, because he might go into escape-mode at any moment. Not allowed.

“I started thinking about introducing you as my boyfriend,” he says to Aye’s shoulder, “And then he actually asked. And I just- it just felt like I was back at Suppalo.”

“Akk-“

“Sorry.”

“Akk,” Aye tries to interrupt, intervene, because Akk sounds like he thinks Aye’s mad at him, and yeah, sure, he thought Akk was past this stuff, but that doesn’t mean he could ever be mad at Akk for it.

But Akk doesn’t wait, repeating, “Sorry,” and awkwardly, slowly adding, “I don’t even want people to not know about you. I like people knowing you’re my boyfriend. It’s nice.”

Which is definitely a cue for Aye to hug him tighter and stare up at him with all the devotion he had learned to tone down in school settings – reluctantly, and only with frequent reminders from their friends, but he had learned. Emergency situations are different, though, and Akk’s sad.

That’s the most emergency a situation can be.

Akk meets his gaze and gets visibly caught in it, does that thing where he tries to close his eyes but can’t for long because he just wants to stare back.

“It is nice,” Aye agrees. Carefully unwinding one arm, he reaches up to stroke Akk’s head and says, “But it’s not something you owe me.”

Face filled with disagreement, Akk shakes his head and repeats, “I don’t know why I’m like this now.”

Aye doesn’t either, doesn’t know what to say to it all, but even though he’s not always as smart about this stuff as he used to pretend, there was someone in his life who really was, once. The answer comes to him from a memory.

He swallows against the feeling.

“Uncle Di told me, once, that problems come back around once you’re ready. So you can prove to yourself that you’re stronger than before.”

Akk hums, and Aye feels it in his chest too.

“What,” Akk starts, swallows, and continues, “What do you think that means for me? Now?”

Aye thinks…

Well, he’s pretty sure it’s for Akk to know, and to decide, and they can talk about it seriously and they can talk about it for a long time, but it’s been a couple of minutes since he’s seen Akk smile.

Ignoring all his thoughts, then, Aye says, “Hm… well, I think that because last time you ended up stealing a car about it, this time it has to be more. At least a bus… maybe you could steal a truck?”

“Aye,” Akk laughs, beautiful and embarrassed.

“Could you steal a truck?”

“Why would I steal a truck-“

[ritualvirtuality]

well. got my computer back... the guy who fixed it was definitely snooping in files on my desktop though including a selfie of me a couple of folders deep... these were in recents so they were opened with preview and not just quick look (i dont think its possible to actually view the quick look cache, probably for security reasons, and there is no history feature). so im unsure what else he could have looked at with quick look. i checked the logs and im pretty sure no usb storage device was mounted during that time so i doubt anything was copied off my computer, unless it was via bluetooth (airdrop) and idk how to check for that. i tried to follow some instructions using find to get inode accessed times but it seems like it just gave me created times which isn't helpful and i dont know enough about that to figure it out myself. he clearly wasnt being very careful given that he opened things with preview so i honestly doubt he did anything else weird but still

[effemimaniac]

genuinely really curious about your setup and the why of it. bc im guessing there is a cool and interesting why of it. god i hope this sounds sincere and not condescending bc i mean it for real but im also very stoned. you know how it goes. i like heaven laptop and wanna know more. if thats okay. pls. 👍

sure! basically it's a lot of me trying to work the best with what I've got and ending up with something that works pretty well actually but looks a bit odd (in a cool way I hope. like lain). it's evolved gradually. I'll put this under a cut because I am caffeinated and the explanation became rambly lol

^same image as before copied for illustration

I like big desks and having desk space to put things but my desk is not big at all, I also prefer my monitors higher up, and I like music and good audio. I don't like spending lots of money unnecessarily. so the solution that has emerged is this oddly tiered lovingly thrown together system. my monitor has little in the way of adjustability nor does it support VESA mounts, so having it set up on top of the speaker on top of the monitor stand gets it to a comfortable height for me. It's also conveniently a good position for the left speaker. the right speaker is at about the same height stacked on top of the subwoofer and my old desktop I don't really use anymore. I got a monitor arm with laptop holder attachment to allow me to set up my laptop to a matching height, it also frees up the desk space it would otherwise take up, and since I prefer to use an external keyboard + mouse anyway the angle of it doesn't matter to me. the plugging and unplugging is simplified by the USB-C hub I zip tied onto the bottom of the laptop holder but I still have More devices than it has ports.

connected to this is the monitor, keyboard, mouse, bluetooth keyboard+touchpad, and external HDD, respectively.

all of this results in having a lot of functionality while still having enough usable desk space on this small desk to not feel cramped.

as for audio, I have a nifty steinberg USB audio interface I scored on the cheap. I got this to do music stuff, I can plug my bass straight into it and it generally makes using ableton and the likes significantly smoother. it's also really great for switching between headphones and speakers, I just have to turn one up and turn the other down with the physical volume knobs. I have my headphones plugged into the headphone port of this, and the main output goes to a regular degular sony stereo amplifier below my TV which goes to the speakers on my desk and the floor standing speakers to each side of my TV. that's the secret power of this setup, I just have to turn on the TV, turn around the monitor and press a button on the amplifier to switch between the A and B speaker outputs to set it to Bed Mode.

^bed mode POV.

I keep the bluetooth keyboard + touchpad always plugged in, and the TV generally plugged in also so it's easy to smoothly transition to a reclined and relaxed PC using experience. The subwoofer is in a position that works well enough for either pair of speakers. I got all of these speakers and the amp as a set for $60 off of facebook marketplace, they're meant to be surround but there's no rules saying it can't just be two stereo in one. hope you enjoyed this bedroom tour of my weird computer setup 👍

[actualbird]

Hi there! I saw your post on using discord as a tracker for things and I want to say a couple of things.

I use it for ocs and it works somewhat well (I rarely update it, but at least I can remember about those ocs that I have not toyed with in a while), along with some other things. But for day to day tasks I'm not sure of how useful it can be? I can't keep track of things on a physical diary/calendar/whatever the word is for the thing in English and I don't know how a digital version of it might be better? I mean, I tried in the past via phone notes and after a while (a week tops) I just stopped? I suppose it's more of a me issue?

Another thing, as someone who uses a different pw for everything and has the list written on a sheet of paper, wouldn't it be dangerous to have them on discord? Idk leaks, havkers, that jazz, or is the risk so small that it's trascurable?

hi hi!! im glad that little lifehack post works well enough for your OC purposes!!

i'll be honest first though and say that that post DEFINITELY breached containment and i was not expecting it to get that big, i was wholly just talking to myself HAHA. that being said, it's usefulness really depends on if it works well for you and your own brain purposes!!

i also struggle with keeping diaries/journals, so i simply dont use my personal server for it. the only thing i use my personal server for really, is for sending files to myself across devices so i dont have to bother with bluetooth or cloud or stuff like that. and i use channels as categories of What type of thing im sending to myself. for reference, heres some of my channels in my personal server

so as u can see i rlly dont use it as a personal diary. at most, i use it as a to do list or a to read list for when im switching between my laptop and my phone

i hope that makes sense? kblskjfbsjdffds

now on the matter of passwords: NEVER USE DISCORD TO STORE YOUR PASSWORDS OR ANY SENSITIVE INFORMATION. im like you, i go old school pen and paper style, but yeah really, not on discord. the threat of hacks or leaks or other stuff is too high.

in summary:

i rlly didnt expect that post to go big so im unfamiliar with a lot of the issues that are cropping up for many many people

i find the personal server most useful for storing and sending NON-SENSITIVE INFORMATION, like fanfic ideas or my grocery shopping list or links to stuff i wanna read while im stuck in traffic

in general i dont trust any online-connected-to-the-internet method of storing passwords. pen and paper is the way to go, or if youre more tech savvy than i am, maybe you can look into dedicated password manager softwares.

i hope this can help!!

[primrosebitch]

So im still using my iphone 6s, which i got in early 2017, and why, you may ask, am i still using a 7 year old phone? I have 2 reasons for this, 1) i refuse to have a phone without a headphone jack, i will not suffer the indignity of it, and 2) i don't want to deal with learning a new operating system, because stupid apple doesn't sell phones with headphone jacks anymore i will need to get a phone that uses a different operating system

I have many reasons for wanting a headphone jack, i don't want to have to worry about charging my headphones, i have adhd i don't need to add more things to the list of things i need to do but won't remember, i like having the cord and its more convenient to just plug it in to use the headphones than to have to go into settings and bluetooth and all that, and sure in iphones without the jack you can plug it in to the charger part but what if i want to charge my phone and use my headphones at the same time, and like i know there are adapters out there that can make that possible but again i have adhd i will not be able to keep track of it.

So my next phone can't be an iphone, which tbh is good because apple is shit, but the issue with that is that any other phone i get will be using a different operating system, so i'll have to learn and get used to a new operating system, and i don't do well with change, so im going to use this old phone until it ceases to function

[flingza-roller]

Hey so I found your account today and I love your art!!!

I also love your Captain 3 Cosplay! I’ve wanted to Cosplay them, but I couldn’t think of any idea on how to make their hat or headphones, so I’m curious to know if you’d be able to explain how you made yours?

if you’re busy and can’t respond I understand I just thought I’d ask

OAAAAGH THANK YOU!! it always makes me so happy when people enjoy my cosplay, i had lotsa fun with it :D

im gonna go into detail with this so imma shove it under a read more

so honestly i kinda cheesed it with the hat and also did it in the most convoluted way- i already owned a hat with a similar shape, one of those sailor captain hats u can find anywhere. loved wearing that thing. but anyway i removed the bit of rope and the buttons it had, then went through the very long and painstaking task of gluing fabric onto the whole thing. this required a lotta measuring, a lotta trial and error, but i eventually got there! i pretty much just cut out the pieces and layed them over the hat in the right positions.

the gold bits on the sides are just half of one of those metal button things u can get from craft stores, and the gold strips + emblem are a metallic gold card. the emblem itself i made by tracing over the game model, transferring that trace onto paper, tracing the paper onto gold card, then cutting out each piece and gluing it to the black disk i made (somehow this took me like 4 hours, dont ask why). i then just glued the whole thing to the front of the hat!

now the headphones- i was actually really lazy with this, ive been desperately wanting to make proper LED headphones with the right cables at the back but... i never really get around to it, i dont know the first thing about electronics in cosplay 😔

SO! with the con rapidly approaching and me running out of ideas, i resort to something i know i can handle. i buy a cheap pair of bluetooth kmart headphones and get to work. so i found that spotlight stocked this very thick.... foam, card? im not sure what it is exactly, but i had to use a stanley knife to cut it. i measured and cut discs out to attach onto the sides of the headphones, then added a layer of yellow card on top.

the pointy part of the 'phones is a cut piece of that thick card glued onto a piece of foam (the floor mat kind) for stability, and then i just painted the glowing dots on the front of the card with acrylics. i had to wear the headphones with the handle going around the back of my hat so that they didnt fall off, and since i would be adjusting them a lot and knew the "ears" might look wonky i decided to attach a patch of velcro to the side of the headphones and the yellow disk so that i could easily change their positions if they got crooked.

so yeah! they may not look the best, and theres always things i can improve, but i did put a hell of a lotta hours and love into em. i hope some of this can help u! and if u can make ur cosplay, id love to see it !!