#so if youre looking to read brown and queer stories by authors of the same there is that

[kn11ves]

my comic is live right now!

kyle and rex is an absurdist drama set in a stagnant afterlife where everyone lies, cheats, manipulates, and hurts each other in order to gain political power and admiration from the public.

with characters constantly haunted by ghosts of the past, trying to stay on top of the food chain despite constant betrayals and having their secrets held up above their heads, comes back kyle, from his long stay back as a guiding spirit on earth, to take back reigns of the throne in the inbetween. though much like everyone else, hes got a long list of dirty laundry that many are aching to reveal. there are no real friends here.

⸻

updates every 2 weeks, at 6:30 pm central US time! (SP & ENG)

WEBTOON: english link + spanish link

TAPAS: english link + spanish link

FANEO: spanish link

[cripplecharacters]

i'm debating giving one of my OCs strabismus exotropia. the work/story is YA SFF. part of my reasoning is he's one of two characters in the group who's the Brains, his specialty being history and languages, and his magic relates to mind reading and telekinesis, and i know too often characters with eye differences are portrayed as the opposite of smart. one of his big hobbies is reading and i know strabismus can affect it bc of focus/headaches, so i thought maybe reading/being fluent in braille could help him engage in his hobby when actual reading is getting on his nerves / refer to his amblyopic eye as his "permanent side eye" as he can be quite critical of others sometimes. his personality is being smug but normally right and very sure of himself (though not without his insecurities), he's seen as a bit of a Pretty Boy (handsome), and is the youngest of his group of friends so they do look out for and protect him a bit more. is there anything else i should look out for, or any way i may be playing into tropes i'm unaware of? he's also queer (gay) and brown (pakistani coded) if that helps any provide context, and has an antagonistic bickering but genuine friendship with another boy (the other brains) that eventually develops into a romance

Hello!

In general, this sounds like a perfectly fine character concept and there's nothing about his personality/portrayal that's immediately jumping out at me. He sounds like a well rounded character, which is something I'm very glad to see!

One thing I would like to mention is that, while braille may be a useful tool for him at times, it's not likely to be a feasible solution for his day-to-day life.

Braille books aren't like regular printed books, there are quite a few differences that make them much more difficult to use:

Size:

Braille books aren't easy to carry around. With the possible exception of some smaller children's books, most are pretty thick and VERY heavy. In fact, many braille books are split up into several separate volumes for this reason.

To put the difference into perspective, let's look at The Fellowship of the Ring (The first Lord of the Rings book).

A standard printed copy generally weighs around 1.5 lbs, give or take a bit if it's a hardcover. A braille copy of the same book weighs over 15 lbs.

This printed copy has 432 pages including pages for spacing, author's notes, etc. The braille copy has 873, not including any non-text pages.

The physical dimensions of braille vs printed books also differs greatly. While a printed copy of The Fellowship of the Ring may easily fit in a small bag or even a pocket, the braille copy is around the size of a standard three ring binder (In terms of length and width at least).

This is all to say that taking a braille book with him out on the go wouldn't exactly be a simple task and, because of how braille is read, reading on the bus or on a park bench or anywhere that isn't a flat surface without disruption wouldn't be a possibility.

Cost:

Aside from the problems with physically reading and using braille books, it's also very difficult to acquire them in the first place. Braille books are EXPENSIVE.

Depending on the availability of the book, the size, and the popularity, a single braille novel can go for anywhere from 50$ to well over 300$ (In Canadian dollars).

The hardcover printed copy of The Fellowship of the Ring mentioned before costs around 25$ (Again, in Canadian dollars). The braille version ranges from around 150$ to 225$ depending on the type of braille.

And if your character wants to request a less popular book, it can still be pretty expensive. There's a wide range of factors that can affect the cost and it varies so wildly that it's hard to get a reliable estimate but they could be looking at anywhere between 5$ - 50$ per page.

Although some libraries may have braille books and there are several virtual libraries for the blind with braille books, it can still get very pricey for them to build up their own collection.

Availability:

In part because of this cost, there is a very low availability of braille titles compared to printed titles.

If your character is into more popular books like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or some of the classics, they'll have little issues finding a copy.

Beyond that, unfortunately, they'd be out of luck. If a book isn't incredibly well known, it's a very slim chance of there being a braille version. Likewise, there's also very low chances of finding more recent releases.

Even one of my old favourites, The Perks of Being a Wallflower -- which was written around ten years ago and is fairly popular, doesn't have any braille copies.

While it is possible to get a book printed in braille for yourself, the costs of it can get quite high (As shown above) and it's not generally an option that people go for.

Durability:

The last point I want to make is that braille books don't last as long as printed books. Although braille is read with a light touch, the braille does get worn down over time.

Library books in particular are an unfortunate victim to this. Because so many different people are borrowing the books, they often get worn down much quicker. This can be because of new braille readers using a harsher touch when reading or it could be because of improper storage, either from the readers or from the library itself. It's less likely that somebody will notice when the braille is worn down.

The braille itself isn't the only concern. A lot of braille books are bound differently than printed books are and often use plastic for the bindings, which requires more care than the usual bindings of printed books. I've included an example of what a braille book may look like below.

[Image Description: A braille copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. It is open to a tactile map of Middle Earth. The binding is made of small, circular pieces of plastic, similar to a notebook of sorts. End ID.]

Now, this all isn't to say that he can't use braille books -- these are just some things to consider. And if you do choose to go in a different direction, may I suggest audio books?

Audio books have a wider availability than braille books do and are much less costly. There's also the added benefit of being able to take them pretty much everywhere with you, as long as you have one or two downloaded to your phone.

You could also go with having a balance of the two. Maybe your character uses audio books with his headphones or earbuds during the day and reads his braille books at home so he can give his ears a break from his headphones/earbuds.

Another option is large print books or e-books that allow you to adjust the font size, which could make it easier for your character to read them. There are also other strategies that he could use when reading regular printed books, such as covering an eye or using a bookmark to sort of box in the lines as he reads.

As one quick final note: Reading braille is actual reading! Braille is just another language with a different -- not lesser! -- method of reading it.

Hopefully some of this information helps! If you're interested in knowing more about the specifics of braille books, Blind In Mind's Braille Bookstore has a lot of great resources and their copy of The Fellowship of the Ring is the one I've been referencing.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[ophanimkei]

RehAIbilitation Retrospective

crossposted from itch.io

Hi everyone.

It’s been a while since I released RehAIbilitation.. like a year? I had intended to write a post mortem shortly after release, but ADHD and game jam exhaustion resulted in me putting it off for quite some time. I’ve just been thinking about RehAIbilitation a lot lately, so perhaps it is finally time.

I’ve gotten a lot of really sweet messages over RehAIbilitation’s existence, and some people really identify with Eleanor which makes me really happy. She’s a character I put a lot of myself and people I love into, so the fact that she’s relatable to others causes me to experience a special kind of joy as an author.

RehAIbilitation began with Eleanor. Eleanor was originally was a lolita who appeared in facility and eventually became bloodier and bloodier until her dress was stained with red, making her a guro lolita. This was before I thought of RehAIbilitation at all- it was mainly just for silly fun for myself. I’ll put a drawing of what she used to look like.

I got really wrapped up in Eleanor for some reason. She was like some kind of parasite digging its way into my brain. VNCup was announced, and I was pretty delighted since I had an excuse to make this vn that was kicking around my brain. 

I wanted to make a robot nurse, admittedly inspired a bit by services like characterAI (sorry). I am a bit fascinated by how roleplay AI often ends up adjusting itself to please you as the player (or do what most players finds pleasing to the point of irritancy). I ultimately think this is what AMA is doing. She is constantly adjusting, figuring out the best way to convey information to the patient. I think she is very flawed as a result. Eventually, you’ll be trapped in an endless loop of information you know or have heard before. She can only help you so much.

Anyway, I have more thoughts on my dear Ellie. I wanted to discuss some of my writing as it pertains to her thoughts of herself and her actions.

I think of myself as just a cis girl, but I did try my best to speak from the heart from Eleanor. A lot of traits of Eleanor criticizes herself for I think are common in brown women in general (not just brown women even). I see trans women talk about these traits too, so I wanted to bring this to the table. Only one reader has brought this to my attention as noticing it, so perhaps I did a poor job in text making it apparent. But… now I can talk about it here.

While I was surrounded by a lot of the same symbols of beauty growing up (dolls with thin waists and narrow shoulders, small noses, big eyes, etc) interacting with trans women really opened my eyes to the diversity and beauty of girlhood. As a teenager, I was surrounded by a lot of white queer people who would often describe me as “handsome” or “androgynous” despite this kind of being painful to me as I figured out my style and fashion sense as a confused 16 year old. I experimented with my gender a lot in an attempt to navigate exactly what suited me best as the girlhood that had been advertised to me throughout my life never seemed to quite fit.. But as I interacted with more trans women and lesbians, I realized I love being a girl and I love girlhood. 

I kind of wanted this to be a love letter to those trans women who allowed me to see things more clearly. Of course, I got sensitivity readers as I didn’t want to do anything clumsily or overstep. I definitely understand there are some people who believe you shouldn’t tell stories that aren’t yours and I do understand this as a lot of stories are told so clumsily, but.. I guess, as a black girl, I kind of always wished my favorite authors and game developers would include people like me in their stories, so I try to take a similar approach in my own work. Like, I was really excited when Ryu decided to include a lot of different characters of various backgrounds in Ciconia, and well, anyone who has read Umineko knows that it has some of the most graceful handlings of the subject in the medium written by someone who isn’t a trans woman.

Anyway, I also really want to thank Zed. I had dreamed.. since I was a young teenager of working with a friend on a project, but I always worried I was too neurotic or people were too unreliable. Zed was really wonderful to work with, and he constantly supported me and read over bits of my work to steer me in the right direction. I also want to thank my friend Kail for letting me basically throw up my anxieties at him LOL. I always get really anxious in the middle of making big projects, but it worked out, and I still really love rehAIbilitation. I really hope I can revisit the characters Eleanor and Caliope in the future.

See you soon!

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 3 for Dragon Age Veilguard

13 hours in 11 actual playtime

Spoilers for Veilguard

Disclaimer the same as on the others. Skip to the cut if you've already read it.

I'm not an asshole disclaimer (same as the first one, if you read that, you can just skip down to the cut.)

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Review 2 is here.

So I'm waiting for my kids to go to freaking bed. I've gotten a few hours of playing in so far today.

It got a little more interesting after seeing Solas again. (And not just because I'm Solavellan. I honestly hate how he looks.) I mean just in the storyline.

It might almost be feeling like there might be a story somewhere in this mess? Aaaand it still hasn't caught me up. But at least I'm not cussing at it and wanting to rage quit anymore? (not holding my breath that that's gonna last.)

Saw some things I don't want to spoil that I was hoping to see in the game. But dude... did they have to go right along the middle between red and brown hair? Way to completely pander to everyone. Have some courage Bioware.

I used to think of Bioware games as interesting and groundbreaking fun. Starting to think they're going the way of milquetoast. Bland. I'm still holding off my complete opinion. I'll finish it first. But so far? The best parts of this game? Are the sets, environments, and backgrounds. It's about the only thing that feels like Dragon Age.

Did get a chance to meet some of my favourite characters from Tevinter Nights. So there's that at least.

I do love what they did with the characters from my favourite stories in that book. At least the ones we met so far. (And I absolutely called it on TN being a prequel book for this game.) You don't need to read it any more than you need to read any of the other supplementary materials. But those materials do give you a greater depth of enjoyment of these games. Just because you get to see characters you met in different formats in the games. And catch a few jokes you wouldn't otherwise.

Met Lucanis. Reserving judgment. Lolz. Anyone following me for a while will understand why. But as of this moment, I still like Illario better. In case you're curious, here's why.

Oh and I've absolutely decided I hate Lace Harding. This is not the Lace Harding I wanted to romance in DAI. And yeah... it's been eight years game time (Ten if you count Trespasser) and people change. But that much? I doubt it. The way she's depicted in this game is much closer to how the comics depicted her. Judgmental, close-minded, and just... unpleasant. If you're a Solavellan... you may not want to take her to some of the things in the Crossroads. She says things that anyone with freaking eyes could see aren't accurate.

She can just sulk in the Lighthouse for the rest of the game unless I absolutely need her for something.

Review part 3.5 here

[sherlock-is-ace]

get to know me!

I was tagged by my dearest @taste-thewaste thanks for the tag and welcome back cutie!!!! I got so excited to see you in my notes :')

Last song: The song from the animatic I'm making. On repeat, so I can figure out this shit lol (idk if I want to share which song it is just now kjdfhgkdfg)

Last film: Probably Barbie? I don't remember, I haven't watched a movie in so long kjfdhgdfg EDIT: Actually no! I watched Marry My Dead Body after that! dkfjgfdg I just remembered that it has the exact same plot as a story of mine lol

Currently reading: Nothing... I don't read as much as I'd like to (and I suck at finishing books

Currently watching: His Dark Materials at lunch with the fam. Natsume Yujin-Cho at dinner with the fam. And I just finished Queer Eye by myself at night, trying to fins something new to watch tonight.

Currently consuming: Water?

Currently craving: The walnuts I bought to make brownies with for my brother's birthday... Trying real hard not to eat them now lol

Were you named after anyone? Nope, I named myself cause I like the name (it's a bit more complicated than that but that's the idea)

When was the last time you cried? Sometime this week I think, but I can't remember when. It was probably anxiety induced. I did tear up watching Queer Eye tho

Do you have kids? Hell no!

What sports do you play/ have you played? I played volleyball at school

Do you use sarcasm? Not as much as I used to

What’s the first thing people notice about you? My dysphoria inducing hips and ass? My hair that never looks put together? Who's to say?

What’s your eye color? Brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings! I don't like scary movies, life is already too scary and there are not enough happy endings

Any talents? I don't think so? I can roll my tongue and also flip it upside down... is that anything?

Where were you born? Argentina (and will sadly, probably die here too)

What are your hobbies? Drawing (tho also my job), writing (more like thinking about writing), watching youtube?

Do you have pets? Yep, my doggy India who I love very much!

How tall are you? 165cm maybe more if I fixed my shrimp-like posture

Favorite subject in school? Art, english (as a second language)

Dream job? Children book illustrator. Perhaps even author-illustrator👀

Tagging: @beartrust42 @aliceat97point3 @tabelschnasse @actual-changeling (feel free to ignore, ofc <3)

[cdaae]

Hi, I know this is long but I wanted to talk about this, cause I don't think I can on my personal account. Reading everything about the POTO author is very disappointing to me. I read the first book and looked forward to the sequel. I did have some qualms about the two characters of color and I was concerned in how one of them perpetuates the "Woc is only there as support for their white friend" trope, but I was hoping this would get improved with the sequel. As I've been going through the sequel though, more of my concerns are being validated. There's frequent use of slurs regarding mixed-race people and said character is still only used as character development for Christine. Also, despite the author claiming they created Christine to be relatable to all people, its very hard to imagine her as anything but white/white passing when confirmed characters of color in the series are constantly degraded and dismissed for being Brown and Black. Now reading all the history regarding the author, I'm not surprised the characters of color are being treated this way. As a Black phan that loves Phantom immensely, it's sometimes hard being in this space and even being an e/c shipper when a lot of the aesthetics in this franchise are focused on whiteness and associating it with purity and good. While this series alone has its issue, I do think its important to note that a lot of Phantom work has issues regarding race whether its stereotyping (Kay) or erasure (ALW) so its a little unfair to single out this one creator. However, maybe this could be a good opportunity in analyzing the racial issues regarding this franchise as a whole! I'm genuinely thinking of writing my own version of POTO with e/c being poc because it's a perspective not explored yet

Thanks for listening! Love your account!

I don't necessarily feel it's unfair but she's also not being singled out for her racism in a phantom work but rather the fact that she's not only racist but a serious bully and is continuing both of these behaviors using her work and her platform. Race is definitely a phandom issue, but it's not the only issue with this particular author. Not to take away from anything you said though- you're absolutely valid in your assessment of the phandom.

The fascination with Kay has always bothered me- I could never get into it because of the problematic elements, but it's still something you have to be aware of when navigating the phandom because it's so popular. I actually think it's quite funny because this author dislikes Susan Kay but they're extremely similar- Older women clearly horny for the phantom and clearly writing with ALW in mind claiming to be adding on to Leroux but just making a mediocre book that doesn't fit in his canon at all with some added racism for good measure.

And yeah, her Christine sounds lifted out of ALW, and honestly, so does the phantom, since she still gave him a white mask. She also seemed to argue that Christine should be a brunette in the show because it looks better on women of color over blonde and that didn't sit right with me. Women of color with dark hair keep the "Christine look" according to her.

I'm disappointed but not surprised that the second book has the same issues. It's such an unnecessary thing to add to a phantom story. Meanwhile she had a video a while back essentially bragging about adding pocs and queer characters to her story like she's making strides for representation.

I do hope you write your poc phantom. Our phandom does need more representation, but it needs to come from the right place. You might also enjoy Music of the Night by Angela Ford. I haven't read it(yet), but I was told that Christine is black and the cover art supports this. But I don't think I've seen one where Erik and Christine both are poc.

Thank you for voicing your thoughts and please let me know if you write that story <3

[triviareads]

So I am the same person from the Duke of Midnight ask.

I was scrolling (cuz really there's not one in my circle who reads HRs, and I love them sm that I love reading opinions on them - I also love character analysis and stuff. Anyway.) And I saw your take on white authors relegating brown people to the side and making their characters full of stereotypes. So, do you have a brown heritage? (: Cause I do, and I agree with you sm!

It's such an interesting thing for me— the need for white authors to signal to their audience they aren't like *those other people* who deny the existence of POCs and queer people historically or in HR, but they aren't willing to take the final step and do what most of them advocate for, namely that everyone deserves love stories. Obviously this doesn't mean I dislike these authors; I actually love most of them, it's just, I'm not someone who believes that you have to have lived experience to write characters with marginalized identities as long as you do the research and write with sensitivity (look, I actually liked Wild Jasmine by Bertrice Small on a rep level based on how she portrayed Mughal court). And it's so hard for authors of color and queer authors to break into publishing in general and trad publishing even more so, so I don't see why these veey-established authors can't write about non-cis-het-white couples.

Also, yes, I'm Indian.

[gatheringbones]

["My friend has long brown hair and a kind of bushy beard. He is from a working-class coal mining town in the southern US. He looks a bit like a good old boy. Like a redneck straight white guy, to use his words, not mine.

He had been riding the good old Number 20 Victoria bus downtown a couple of days ago, reading a book. To be more specific, because it matters to the story, he was reading one of my books. As in a book I wrote, not just one I owned and then lent to him.

So he notices kind of by accident that there is a young woman sitting right across from him, in those seats that face each other in the back of the bus, and she is glaring at him. Staring and glaring. He ignores her for a bit, hoping she will just go away, or decide to stare at someone else, but she just keeps right on, laying the old stink eye on him.

Finally she breaks the silence. She asks him why he is reading that book.

He tells her because he likes to read.

The exchange that ensued goes something like this:

"Do you know the author of that book is a lesbian? Why would someone like you want to read a lesbian book? What is in it for you?"

I should mention at this point— not that it really mattered to my friend or myself, but the story requires it— that this young woman had short hair and was dressed, well, kind of dykey. Not that one should assume anything about a perfect stranger, but it is important for the narrative here that we all understand that my friend figured it was more likely that she was taking issue with his choice of reading material for some sort of political reasons stemming from the fact that she was queer herself, rather than her being a right-wing evangelical Christian who objected to apparent straight guys reading queer books on public transit for religious reasons. Just so we've got that part straight, at least.

So my friend answers her.

"Well, I am reading it first of all because I like the writing, and second it is funny, and if I am getting what you are getting at here, then yes, I am reading a book written by a lesbian because I am learning something from it, and it challenges me. Isn't it a good thing, that a straight guy can read a queer book in broad daylight on a city bus without even thinking about it? Because I didn't think about it at all, until you brought it up. I mean, isn't that the kind of world we are all wishing for?"

But she was like a dog after a bone.

"It challenges you?"

"Yeah, it makes me think about stuff in a different way. Also, Ivan is a friend of mine."

She snorts. "Oh, of course. Ivan is a friend of yours."

This is where my buddy started to feel a bit defensive. They trade a few more clipped sentences. Then she says:

"Oh, now you're going to get all angry at me. How typically male of you."

The conversation continued to swirl around the drain like that for a short while, and finally my friend realized this was a discussion he was biologically predestined to never win, so he went back to reading his book. Or should I say, my book? He bought it with his own money.

My friend and I had a lengthy caffeine-fueled discussion about it all later that afternoon. The first thing I felt when he told me this story was shame. Shame for my people. Shame that she slid herself so easily into the stereotypical shell of the man-hating lesbian and harassed a perfect stranger on the bus, backhandedly in my name.

He reminded me that we had no way of knowing the kind of pain or suffering that the young woman might have survived at the hands of men that looked just like him. He reminded me that even though she pissed him off and he walked away feeling defensive and ruffled, he never once felt unsafe, and that we might not be able to say the same for her. I feel it is important to the narrative here to stress again that it was he who reminded me of these things, not the other way around.

And it got me thinking. I was reminded of a discussion I had recently with a femme friend of mine who is a coordinator of a women's centre at a university, and every September she does orientations for the new students, of all genders. She tells all the young men that she assumes that they are her allies in the fight against sexism. That she assumes they are on her side and there to help her change the world, until proven otherwise. She tells me she loves to watch them raise their heads and straighten their shoulders. She loves to watch the young women too, as it washes across their faces that they can be real feminists and fight sexism and get to keep their boyfriends if they want to; it doesn't make them any less a part of the sisterhood.

What a powerful thought. To assume that a stranger on the bus is on your side, until he (or she) proves they are not."]

Ivan Coyote, from Some Of My Best Friends Are Rednecks, from Missed Her, Arsenal Pulp Press, 2010

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[queercomesthesun]

hi soph, i saw some of your posts about boyfriend material and I’m about halfway through now, it’s SO GOOD!!! i haven’t read a book in a long time (like… years) and i wanted to get back into reading and didn’t know where to start so im really glad i saw you mention this one :) id love to hear if you have any other recs :))

omg thanks Allie!! so happy to share my fave book!!! also did you know there's a sequel coming out at the start of August?? it's called Husband material 😉 Here's some recs, (all queer I don't read anything else)

I recently read a newer book by the same author of boyfriend material, called Something Fabulous, its about a Duke chasing down his runaway fiance and accidentally falling for her brother. its ridiculous, and hilarious and literally everyone in it is queer. More explicit than any of the others on this list, not fade to black.

You've probably either seen or been recommended Red White and Royal blue by Casye McQuiston, it really is hilarious and really easy to read. First son of the United States having an affair with the Prince of England. Scandal ensues. V romantic, funny and sweet. also trump doesn't exist in this universe which is nice.

by the same author as RWRB you have One Last Stop, a bi girl moves into a (very queer) flat and starts a new life in new york only to fall for a girl who can't leave the subway. the friendship group and found family in this one has my heart. there's time travel hijinks, drag queens, and a lot of pancakes. really good trans (ftm) rep too.

if you want something more serious, All that's left in the World by Eric J Brown is a post apocalyptic story of two survivors, travelling together, and looking for hope in a broken world. Very slow burn, very complicated and dark, but oddly hopeful considering. This one's YA, they're teenagers.

Happy reading!! let me know what you think if you give any of them a try (also I haven't managed to convince any irl friends to read boyfriend material so when the sequel comes out prepare for me to be squealing in your inbox) xxx

[swimmingleo]

Harry Styles and Two Loves - A love that dare not speak its name.

‼️Disclaimer I am in no way an English literature expert or student for that matter and can barely organize my thoughts but I’ll try my best. If something doesn’t make sense or is regretful thinking please tell me‼️

Basically Harry is a fervent reader that does not limit himself to Buk*wski and Mur*kami though for some reason he loves to bring up those dudes. Queer literature seems to play a big role when it comes to his inspiration and I love that about his music. A good example is his Shakesqueer Sweet Creature madness. But another one that I hold close to my heart are the parallels he draws with Alfred Douglas’ poem, Two Loves.

Here is the full poem. Give it a read if you can because I won't break it down verse by verse for this post sorry :(

To make it short, the poem is about the narrator (let's say Douglas) wandering in a garden where he meets a young man that turns out to be his lover. For context, Alfred Douglas was very much queer and in a romantic relationship with Oscar Wilde. Both developed their own coded language to express their love and ''sexual tendencies'' through their art (been this way foreverrr will we ever leaarn). However they were not always so sneaky about it and Two Loves in particular was so in your face that it was used against Wilde to prove his homosexuality in trial. He did get away with it this time. Here is his defense. Blueprint of denials. No iPhones at the time.

In Two Loves, two different personifications of love introduce themselves to Douglas and his lover:

The first love is loud and cheerful and sings about pretty women and men that love the said pretty women.

The second love is discreet, almost erased by the other’s presence but is beautiful and draws the attention of the narrator.

Obviously the first love is Heterosexuality, the one that is openly praised by society and the second is Homosexuality who is bullied into silence by Heterosexuality if he tries to speak. The poem ends with Homosexuality saying "I am the love that dare not speak its name." Yeah. And isn’t that the story of H’s career.

HS1 opens with MMITH which ends on "We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do". And from there follows SOTT, "We don’t speak enough". And right after we get the very loud, very explicit and very well documented Carolina. So far the album narration goes "There is something painful going on but we can’t talk about it, I say ‘we’ because there is a you and I and yeeEEAAH THIS GIRL I MET ONCE GETS A WHOLE SONG THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW HOW GOOD SHE FEELS FOR A LADDY LAD LIKE ME ALSO HER NAME IS TOWNES YOU CAN CHECK FOR YOURSELF SEE IF SHES REAL I LOVE REAL WOMEN AS IN WOMEN THAT EXIST". Heterosexuality is loud and sings about pretty women right.

But then, THEN we get Two Ghosts. Which is the center piece of this whole post. I mean, the title... Two Ghosts//Two Loves Two hearts in one home ? Sick.

The parallel that hits the most is the physical description that is made of Douglas’ lover and of Homosexuality (which are technically two different characters in the poem).

Douglas’ lover / Homosexuality

Same lips red / Same eyes blue / Same white shirt

Red were his lips / His lips were red / His eyes were clear as crystal / His large eyes were strange with wondrous brightness / White as the snow / His cheeks were wan and white

In Douglas’ poem, it is meant to be understood that the young boy he meets first, his lover, is related to Homosexuality through their physical appearance. Douglas’ love is therefore inherently queer. With Two Ghosts, I’ve always wondered why Harry chose specifically to point out a white shirt as it comes across a bit generic and not really personal yk? But if you compare it to Two Loves, it checks out the recurrent descriptive color scheme: red, blue and white. In both works, red are the lips, blue are the eyes, and white is the ~envelopp. RIGHT. I suppose Harry didn’t feel like describing his lover with pale white skin since it’s brown with lemon over ice when under summer skies so he went with a plain white shirt instead.

I’m not going through a whole analysis of Two Ghosts yet I can safely say that it deals with unspoken words. Not saying things is a recurrent theme in H’s songwriting but within the album, Two Ghosts is the first song that deals with it through the undeniable prism of romantic love. Right before with Carolina, H had no issue being straightforward and wanted to "scream and shout it out", but with Two Ghosts he’s tongue tied and doesn’t say what he really means. Communication issues go on with the following track Sweet Creature, btw may I just:

But oh, Sweet Creature (!), Sweet Creature

Would he […] cry "O sweet creature!", Othello

I cried "Sweet youth…, Two Loves

Queer Literaturry is going wild(e).

Expanding this post with Sweet Creature allows me to speak about the garden metaphor. In lyric poetry, the expression of emotions is often done through nature. It is a process that Harry seems pretty fond of when singing about love (ie Olivia, Adore You, WS, Canyon Moon and Sunflower are good examples) but it’s way more subtle with TG and SC. In Two Ghosts, nature is the moon, and in Sweet Creature it’s the garden.

Would you look at that, Two Loves happens to combine both:

Moon dances over your good side and this was all we used to need, Two Ghosts

Running through the garden oh where nothing bothered us, Sweet Creature

Flowers that were stained with moonlight / Alone in this fair garden, till he came unasked by night, Two Loves

For Harry, the night is where the moon enhances his lover’s beauty, when it’s just the two of them and they need nothing more than each other. The garden is where they run (free?away?), once again alone, unbothered. For Douglas, Homosexuality took form and began to occupy the garden at night, while Heterosexuality who thrives in the golden light (um I- nvm) wasn’t paying attention.

It is also interesting to note that Homosexuality is associated with the night but also with death. And he’s super pale. So like… A ghost ? ANYWAY.

The garden in Two Loves is where love happens, it is a piece of heaven. It’s elevated on a hill and untamed with flowers of various colors growing everywhere. There is sunshine and moonlight, there are "pools that dreamed" and by pools I assume the author means vernal pools which are habitats where flowers grow and oh look over there:

Nice ruffles on that white shirt by the way. Very Victorian.

Two Ghosts, 2017 Mularry so true

So yeah. I don’t want to go into full analysis mode but I find it all interesting. Once again, Two Loves holds a great significance regarding the Oscar Wilde’s lore, and Harry is probably very familiar with anything Wilde related (don’t even start) and by that I think about the Carnation business.

I’ll just conclude with that quote from Maurice by E.M Forster whom I love very much:

"I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort."

[mindfulwrath]

MindfulWrath’s Books of 2021

For funsies, I decided to keep track of every book I read in 2021 and write a short review of it. I didn’t get through quite as many as I would’ve liked, but I’m hoping to read more in 2022 anyway, so it keeps things achievable :)

...

1. “The Three-Body Problem” by Cixin Liu (translated by Ken Liu): Humanity makes first contact with aliens who are looking to escape their doomed homeworld. Excellently constructed, beautifully written, and not my jam. I wanted to like this book. Recommended if you like hard sci-fi, not so much if you’re in a tough place with regards to ‘faith in humanity.’

2. “Juliet Takes A Breath” by Gabby Rivera: A Puerto Rican lesbian from the Bronx has a summer internship with a white feminist author in Portland. A coming-of-age story that focuses on the power of queer Black and Brown women. The narrator’s voice is strong, clear, and at times poetically beautiful. Recommended.

3. “On Tyrrany: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century” by Timothy Snyder: A disappointingly centrist retrospective at the way previous European dictators/fascists have risen to power, and what lessons might be learned from that history. There are some good recommendations of other works to read, and some useful lessons to be learned, but I had a hard time getting past the recommendation of “H*rry P*tter and the Deathly Hallows” as an antifascist work and the presentation of “governments seek to have a monopoly on violence” as part of a healthy society. Not super recommended.

4. “Better Allies” by Karen Catlin: An okay guide to being a better ally in a corporate environment. About as radical as you’d expect from a book on that particular subject, which is to say, it’s unsalted butter on milquetoast. Written primarily for managers and above. Recommended only if (1) you need help navigating the ‘corporate’ side of being a decent human being, or (2) your manager is well-meaning but absolutely clueless about ‘where to start’ and isn’t ready for any kind of emotionality in the airing of grievances from marginalized people.

5. “The Poisoner’s Handbook” by Deborah Blum: A fascinating look through the history of poisons and the birth of forensic toxicology in Jazz Age New York by an extremely accomplished science journalist. The book is written with crystal-clear class consciousness, and doesn’t shy away from the harm that politics of the era did to everyone who wasn’t rich (many of these harms are grimly familiar to modern audiences). Lacked really any mention of race, however, which is especially glaring considering the setting. Still, if you have even a passing interest in chemistry, murder, or Prohibition, or if you just really don’t vibe with the mayor of New York, you’ll probably enjoy this book. Recommended.

6. “Hunger Pangs (Fluff and Fangs edition)” by Joy Demorra: A nice fluffy romance involving vampires, werewolves, a dash of political intrigue, and a masterful portrayal of disability and accommodations in a fantasy/premodern setting. Enjoyable and not too heavy. Recommended.

7. “Piranesi” by Susanna Clark: I can’t tell you anything about the book—other than that it is about a labyrinth—without giving too much away. Suffice it to say that it’s an INCREDIBLE book. The first book I’ve read in a long, LONG time that made me long desperately to go to the fictional world it depicted, and to allow me to entertain the idea that, if I stood in just the right place and turned my head to just the right angle, I might be able to get there. Highly fucking recommended.

8. “Sorcerer to the Crown” by Zen Cho: a period romance between a Black man and a mixed-race British Indian woman, but with sorcerers and dragons, etc. Not for anybody who’s trying to avoid the -isms and -phobias of the world, but it does handle them masterfully. Definitely for anybody who likes period romance but is sick of reading about the same rich white archetypes over and over. I did enjoy it, although I probably would have enjoyed it more if my head hadn’t still been occupied with ‘Piranesi’. Recommended.

9. “The Mysterious Affair at Styles” by Agatha Christie (reread): Christie’s first mystery, and the first Poirot mystery. It’s a good one, although you can tell Christie hasn’t quite hit her stride yet. Be forewarned that the book contains the kind of racism you’d expect from a middle- to upper-class white author in the early 1920’s. Still enjoyable, not least because Hastings is a bona fide himbo from a hundred years ago. It’s all right, but I don’t exactly recommend it.

10. “A Carribbean Mystery” by Agatha Christie (reread): a Miss Marple mystery set in the Carribbean in the 1960s. Christie has obviously improved a great deal, although the book is more overtly racist than ‘Styles,’ mostly because it has more opportunity to be. It’s a good mystery, but I don’t know that I can recommend it.

11. “The Pale Horse” by Agatha Christie (reread): Hands-down my favorite Christie mystery. It’s an ingenious plot, I really like the narrator(s) and the secondary characters, and the whole story has an aesthetic that I can only describe as ‘noir in the ‘60s with a bit of hedge witchery thrown in.’ Recommended.

12. “Curtain” by Agatha Christie (reread): the final Poirot mystery. I really did not like this story. Eugenics rears its ugly head throughout, I didn’t enjoy being around any of the characters, and the mystery isn’t any fun. If you’re bound and determined to read every single Poirot mystery, by all means, have at it, but otherwise I can’t recommend it.

13. “The Rembrandt Affair” by Daniel Silva (reread): An Israeli spy chases down a stolen Rembrandt. The more I think about this book the less I like it. If you enjoyed ‘Leverage,’ this book will at best disappoint you and at worst infuriate you. Not recommended.

14. “Heaven Official’s Blessing: Vol. 1” by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu: A fun and enjoyable romp in the world of wuxia, starring the Himbo God of Fuckups and a ghost king who is very obviously infatuated with him (obvious, of course, to everyone but the himbo god!) The Himbo God of Fuckups is trying to get his shit together after being kicked out of heaven twice, and gets drawn into quite a bit of political intrigue while just trying to do some simple, easy Make Ghosts Stop Murdering People work (and trying to win back some followers after 800 or so years of being God of Fuckups). I’ve heard tell that the story gets incredibly heavy later on, but this first volume was pretty chill. I’ll probably read vol. 2 at some point, but I won’t be waiting on tenterhooks. Recommended.

15. “Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation: Vol. 1” by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu: The novel upon which the series “The Untamed” was based, and HOO BUDDY DID THEY EVER CENSOR SOME STUFF. A former practicioner of the demonic arts is resurrected into the body of a gay man over a decade after his untimely death, and has to try and (1) figure out why he was resurrected, (2) pretend to be the person whose body he is now inhabiting lest the people who killed him the first time come back and kill him again, and (3) solve the murder of a dismembered ghost whose individual body parts keep murdering people. He also discovers that his so-uptight-only-dogs-can-hear-his-farts former classmate is suddenly surprisingly chill with his whole deal. Maybe it’s just because I’ve watched the entirety of The Untamed, but this was a damn good read and I basically couldn’t put it down. I’ve already preordered vol. 2 and 3. Highly recommended.

[imbellarosa]

Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too. 

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot. 

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth​ who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument. 

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”? 

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs. 

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm: 

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.” 

-  Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate​

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. . 

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair. 

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content. 

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter. 

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden.  Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017.  For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha! 

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be. 

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways. 

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas.  Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here. 

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time. 

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution​, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still. 

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself. 

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as, 

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.” 

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure: 

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly: 

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.” 

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”. 

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about. 

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”. 

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener: 

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the  Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas). 

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo. 

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. 

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans. 

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me. 

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”. 

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.” 

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl​

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess). 

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress. 

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So  let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it. 

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees. 

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?  

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms. 

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time: 

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo. 

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too. 

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem. 

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!: 

The red bandanna makes a comeback! 

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course!  What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you! 

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day. 

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does: 

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story: 

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you. 

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home. 

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next. 

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves. 

5.) Cool! Can you prove it? 

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one. 

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person. 

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know? 

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs. 

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home. 

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that. 

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home. 

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 3.5 in series for Dragon Age Veilguard

Spoilers for Veilguard

18 hours in, 16 playtime

Same disclaimer as the others, if you've already read it you can skip to the cut.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Y'know? Every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you Bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Review 3 is here.

Okay. Got several more hours into the game last night. I'm finally getting story bits!

It really shouldn't take 16 hours to get that far.

I utterly love Treviso. And to my surprise, most of the NPCs are brown. So they didn't fuck that up.

I've so far met Lace (hate her), Neve (withholding judgment), Bellara (withholding judgment) and Lucanis (hilarious that I actually like him in game). Though what's with the count Dracula look? Dude looks like he needs to find his coffin. That's an... interesting design choice. Gotta admit I loved the coffee meeting. I may end up eating crow. (I said in a group that if I ended up romancing Lucanis in game, I'd happily eat crow, because I utterly loathed his intro story, The Wigmaker, in Tevinter Nights.) I still have to meet the rest of the companions. And yes, it's a double entendre.

Again, the sets, backgrounds, and environments are fantastic and the best part of the game so far. It's an interesting twist to me that they chose a negative coded demon for Lucanis. I was thinking it'd be Valor.

And I feel seen in a caring manner on the trans options. I do wish the CC would've given me the same freedom of design on that front as BG3 did. It doesn't. Larian was far, far more brave and accommodating on that front. But I could make a representative character for me, so that's important and good enough.

Larian also had the courage to allow polyamory too. Sooooo. My opinion of not being able to be polyam like me in DAV is pretty damned low. Only 30% of the dating population is monogamous. Get with the times, Bioware.

Arlathan turned out to be more beautiful than I originally expected. Not a city person so Minrathous doesn't do much for me.

I had some pretty negative feelings about the game reveals, but that post is here if you want. Fair warning, I didn't censor myself much and it's both acidic and negative.

And I don't like the non-open world thing. In fact, I hate it. I much preferred DAI on that aspect. I feel like the Devs are herding my rather contrary ass through the game and I just really don't like it. You often can't go back (say for potions you didn't need before but could use?) It’s really just unpleasant. I don't like being led around by the nose for the story the devs want to tell. I want to be able to explore. When I want to.

And I want both my third companion and my ability to play the other companions back, damnit. I really hate that too.

I've got a busy day, so I'm not sure if my weak ass will be able to play tonight. Though after 18 hours I'm feeling a very, very slight desire to play? Again, it shouldn't take an 18 hour commitment to want to log in to a game.

Oh, and I'm playing a rogue. 16 hours in and I've yet had the opportunity to pick a damned lock or defuse a trap or any of the fun rogue bits I play rogues for. Did they really decide to get rid of an entire section of the stuff that makes rogues fun to play? That basically turns my rogue into a weak ass elf good with a bow and dual weild. They could be any Joe Blow with that. They removed everything that made rogues special? Really? Really really? Fucking hell, man.

I'm recovering from a Pulmonary Embolism (really do not recommend) so my energy levels have very finite limits.

If you have the wherewithal, money is tight, and if you're enjoying these reviews, I could really use any financial aid people are willing to offer. My work of words is my only income, and I'm the only income in the house.

Fourth instalment is here.

[faraway-wanderer]

books by black authors masterlist

Supporting art by Black creators is a great way to support the black community; read their stories, support their stories and ensure that our voices are heard. It goes without saying that each and everyone us who does read should be putting effort into reading stories of POC because even through fiction, we’re learning more about different cultures and countries and heritages. But for today I’ve put together a list of fiction by black authors that only scratches the surface of books by black authors out there, and there’s also a section that includes a few queer reads! If you like reading then please consider having a look!

 (P.S in light of it being Caribbean Heritage Month in June, each book in the list that takes place or is about a Caribbean country is marked in brackets next to the title!)

Adult Fiction

 ·        How to love a Jamaican- Alexis Arthurs (Jamaica) a  debut collection of stories about Jamaican immigrants and their families

·         Here comes the sun- Nicole Dennis- Benn (Jamaica)  ‘a cast of unforgettable women battle for independence while a maelstrom of change threatens their Jamaican village.’

·         Everything inside: Stories- Edwidge Danticat Rich with hard-won wisdom and humanity, set in locales from Miami and Port-au-Prince to a small unnamed country in the Caribbean and beyond, Everything Inside is at once wide in scope and intimate, as it explores the forces that pull us together, or drive us apart, sometimes in the same searing instant.

·         Breath, eyes memory -Edwidge Danticat  (Haiti) When her mother leaves Haiti to find work in the US, Sophie is raised by her aunt. Their parting, years later, when her mother sends for her, is as wrenching as the reunion in New York. Though she barely knows her mother they both carry secrets from their homeland that will haunt them forever.

·         A small place- Jamaica Kincaid (Antigua) ‘In A Small Place, Jamaica Kincaid candidly appraises where she grew up, and makes palpable the impact of European colonisation and tourism.’

·         Ayiti- Roxane Gay (Haiti) ‘From New York Times-bestselling powerhouse Roxane Gay, Ayiti is a powerful collection exploring the Haitian diaspora experience.’

Get a life, Chloe Brown- Talia Hibbert Chloe Brown is a chronically ill computer geek with a goal, a plan, and a list. After almost—but not quite—dying, she’s come up with seven directives to help her “Get a Life”

   Contemporary YA

·         Clap when you land- Elizabeth Acevedo (Dominican Republic)

‘In a dual narrative novel in verse that brims with both grief and love, award-winning and bestselling author Elizabeth Acevedo writes about the devastation of loss, the difficulty of forgiveness, and the bittersweet bonds that shape our lives.’

·         The Hate you Give- Angie Thomas  Inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement, this is a powerful and gripping YA novel about one girl's struggle for justice.

·         On the Come Up- Angie Thomas a powerful story about hip hop, freedom of speech – and fighting for your dreams, even as the odds are stacked against you.

·         Dear Martin- Nic Stone Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning debut.

·         YA Jackpot- Nic Stone Seventeen-year-old Rico splits her time outside school between looking after her younger brother and working in the local gas station to help her mum pay the bills. So when she sells a jackpot-winning lotto ticket and the money goes unclaimed, Rico thinks maybe her luck has changed.

·         Dear Haiti, Love Alaine- Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite (Haiti) Alaine Beauparlant has heard about Haiti all her life...But the stories were always passed down from her dad--and her mom, when she wasn't too busy with her high-profile newscaster gig. But when Alaine's life goes a bit sideways, it's time to finally visit Haiti herself.

·         This is my America- Kim Johnson  The Hate U Give meets Just Mercy in this unflinching yet uplifting first novel that explores the racist injustices in the American justice system.

·         You should see me in a crown -Leah Johnson Becky Albertalli meets Jenny Han in a smart, hilarious, black girl magic, own voices rom-com by fantastic debut talent ,Leah Johnson.

·         The sun is also a star- Nicola Yoon The New York Times bestselling love story from Nicola Yoon, author of Everything, Everything.

·         The Field Guide to the North American Teenager- Ben Philippe Norris Kaplan is a black, French Canadian teenager who has been uprooted from his home after moving to Austin, Texas with his mother. 

·         Opposite of Always- Justin A. Reynolds Jack and Kate fell for each other and had their own love story, but it soon ended after Kate's unexpected death. Then, through reasons Jack can't explain, Kate's death sends him into a repetitive time loop, taking him back to the moment they first met. 

·         Queenie- Candice Carty-Williams Queenie is a young Jamaican woman living in London. After her breakup from her boyfriend, Queenie embarks on a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-worth

- Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson (Monday Charles is missing, and only Claudia seems to notice.)

  Sci-fi/ Fantasy YA

·         Queen of  the Conquered- Kacen Callender On the islands of Hans Lollik, Sigourney Rose was the only survivor when her family was massacred by the colonizers. When the childless king of the islands declares he will choose his successor from amongst eligible noble families, Sigourney is ready to exact her revenge.

·         Children on Blood and Bone- Tomi Adeyemi Tomi Adeyemi conjures a stunning world of dark magic and danger in her West African-inspired fantasy debut Children of Blood and Bone.

·         Black Leopard, Red Wolf- Marlon  James  'A game-changing modern fantasy classic’.

·         The Belles- Dhonielle Clayton If you could change everything about yourself, would you?Should you?

·         An Unkindness of Ghosts – Rivers Solomon "This book is a clear descendent of Octavia Butler's Black science fiction legacy, but grounded in more explicit queerness and neuroatypicality."

·         Song of Wraith and Ruin- Roseanne A Brown- The first in a gripping fantasy duology inspired by West African folklore in which a grieving crown princess and a desperate refugee find themselves on a collision course to murder each other despite their growing attraction

·         Song below water- Bethany C Morrow a captivating modern fantasy about black mermaids, friendship, and self-discovery set against the challenges of today's racism and sexism.

·          

 Queer reads

·         Felix Ever after- Kacen Callender   a novel about a transgender teen grappling with identity and self-discovery while falling in love for the first time.

·         The Stars and The Blackness Between Them - Junauda Petrus Audre and Mabel, Black girls who find romance just in time for everything to fall even further apart.

·         By any means necessary- Candice Montgomery By Any Means Neccesary dives into the intersection of race and sexuality through the lens of its main character, Torrey, a gay Black college student. 

·         Full Disclosure- Camryn Garratt Camryn Garrett’s debut novel follows a Black, HIV-positive teen as she explores her first romantic relationship. There are few books that discuss what it’s like to live with HIV, especially those that are light, relatable, and told through the lens of a young Black girl.

·         The Black Flamingo- Dean Atta Atta pens a coming-of-age story about a boy accepting his identity as a mixed-race gay teen, but then finds a place where he belongs as a drag artist named The Black Flamingo.

·         Juniper Leaves- Jaz Joyner   Kinky-haired blerd Juniper Bray used to believe in magic, until she lost her best friend: her grandmother. Now this 15-year-old shy girl is headed to her father's research trip on a farm hundreds of miles away, with a family she barely knows and the opposite of a best friend, her new arch nemesis, Bree Mckinney. As if she wasn't miserable enough. Little does she know the next few months Juniper will discover magical powers she never knew she had, get a crush on a girl she never knew she'd like and well, quite frankly, save the world.

  Thriller/murder mystery

·         The Gilded Ones- Namina Forna Inspired by the work of Angela Carter and Anthony Burgess, The Gilded Ones is a gritty psychological crime drama with twists and turns that will have readers hooked.

·         Spin- Lamar Giles This murder-mystery will leave you on the edge of your seat; when famed DJ ParSec is found dead, her best friend Kya and number one groupie Fuse put their differences aside and team up to find out what happened.

Keep sharing, signing petitions and donating where you can. The more people who are actively anti-racist, the better. We don’t want to let this go silent, we need change globally, and for all POC, the fear and threat of racism is EVERYDAY for us, we need allies that will help change the system. If you have any books you’d like to add to the list feel free!!

[stuhde]

After taking some time off to cry, understand, and speak with myself. I decided to write something out expressing my thoughts and feelings about everything going on in this country. It’s long, powerful, and provactive but I need to get my voice out. Like, comment, share, have discussions with me when i finish my social media cleanse, but I will not stand silent in times of injustice. 

After seeing and reading the murder of George Floyd at the hands of the police, I was quick to delete all my social media apps and hide away from the “uwu Black lives matter posts,” the underserving claps white celebrities get from doing the bare minimum, and just witnessing the continuous realities of injustice that take place in this country.

As a first-generation Sudanese American, I was nothing but confused and lost in the midst of a growing movement, particularly George Floyd’s murder hitting home the most because the police who were arresting Floyd was responding to a call from an Arab American-owned store. With intersecting identities of being black, Muslim, and Arab, witnessing the anti-blackness rhetoric spew from my religious and ethnic communities clash with my racial identity stirred tension and fear in what it means to be a black Arab Muslim in this country and what my place is in the Black Lives Matter Movement. I often found myself asking, “what is my duty to the black community?”, “Am I too Arab to be black, or am I too black to be Arab?” And “what is my privilege in identifying as Arab and a non-hijabi Muslim?” Black Arabs like me often experience issues with invisible intersectionality, people often forcing us to “take sides” or strongly reside with one of our identities when it sees fit (refer to how people responded to the Ahmed Mohamed clock incident).

But I have come to the conclusion that my blackness is comprised of being a woman, Muslim, and Arab - not separately and that’s what makes this unique. Black Arabs are often finding themselves at the struggle of fighting against racial injustice because of our skin color and against the xenophobic and Islamaphobic rhetorics that have only increased since the beginning of the Trump campaign. However, you all have a duty not to ignore the experiences of black Muslim immigrants in this country, like Yassin Mohammed - he was murdered by police in Georgia earlier this month. Say his name and remember him.

Yassin like me is a Sudanese American - black, Arab, and Muslim but he wasn’t reported or written as such. The media called him a “Muslim man” and yet, our Muslim community remained silent. Why? Because it only brings to light the deep and historical roots of racism that are instilled in our community and we need to address it. Muslim and Arab Americans have a duty to stand with our black brothers and sisters in times of injustice. They were there for us in supporting Palestinian liberation and with us against the Muslim ban - now it is our turn. Listen to Black Americans and Black civil rights groups about their unique experiences and learn how we can best support our collective struggle against injustice. You have a duty to educate yourself and tackle anti-blackness in our community. As quoted in Surah An-Nisa [4:135], “be persistently standing firm in justice, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives” - support your local CAIR organization and others like the Arab American Action Network and the Muslim Anti-Racism Collaborative, who are all standing with the Black Lives Matter movement and doing their best to bring all our communities together to end all forms of racism, discrimination, and injustice.

For my fellow Sudanese, this is our fight too. While we must recognize the centuries-long of cruelty and pain the African-American community has endured since forcefully coming to this country and understanding that their pain is different from ours, we share the same skin and we will go through the same thing they are going through. I can tell you personally, from even the youngest age that I have always been afraid of the police. Why? Because I witnessed the disproportionate amount of cruelty and violence with which people who look like me are treated with.

While our older Sudanese community members will try hard to erase our blackness simply because we have drops of Arab blood, at a tragic reality we have all experienced and witnessed discrimination and racism at the hands of law enforcement. This is hard because we have a complicated relationship with race on the fault line of racial consciousness because our country is on the border between Arab and black Africa. However it is, we are BLACK and we need to have conversations about race in our community. We as Sudanese people are not doing enough to eradicate racism and prejudice that exists in our community as well as our Muslim, Arab, and general US society. The next phase in the revolution is to recognize that these issues exist in our Muslim community, come together with black Americans and African-Americans, and create change to take down these systemic institutions that were never designed to protect black and brown folk.

I will continue to do my social media cleanse, but I welcome those who wish to discuss what my views and opinions are more with me - should you agree or disagree. People who care will know how to reach me. In this time, I am reading, learning, and liberating myself to make a change and I can only ask you to do the same. There are so much power and knowledge invested in books:

How to be an Anti-Racist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Dr. by Ibram X Kendi and Jason Reynolds

Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis (HIGHLY recommend to my Muslim and/or Arab folk)

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley and Malcolm X

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness Michelle Alexander

A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens by Alice Walker

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson

Resources for my black Muslims, courtesy of my University’s Muslim Student Association:

The Muslim Anti-Racist Collaborative - deconstructing anti-Blackness within the Muslim community Believers Bail Out - re-imagining the prison and police systems through Islamic perspectives Sapelo Square - an online forum that places Black Muslims at the center: Reconstructed Magazine - a creative magazine and conversation space led by Black, Shia, and queer Muslims The Black American Muslim - space for Black American Muslims to share testimonials and resources on faith, history, and power Justice For Muslims Collective - an organization reimagining a world where radical inclusion leads to collective liberation for Muslim communities and beyond Kayla Renée Wheeler, Ph.D. - Islamic Studies Professor who created the BlackIslam syllabus Amina Wadud, Ph.D. - African-American scholar on gender and race in Islam. Learn more about her through her interviews here Su’ad Abdul Khabeer, Ph.D. - Scholar-Artist-Activist & Author of Muslim Cool Islamophobia is Racist Syllabus - resources to understand empire, anti-Muslim racism, and ideology

For my black friends, I hope you are well and I hope you are safe. I am with you all the way through in our fight for liberation and human rights. Take care of yourself first before anyone else and if you need a minute or more before protesting and educating those around you, take your time, you need it. All the love x