#so if you want to try to excoriate me to my face thats the way to do it

[hereticallyeverafter]

I don't know if I'm phenomenonally ugly, or lucky, or both, but the whole Man Or Bear scenario is wild to me. I know I'm an outlier, and I'm not trying to discredit or belittle other peoples' experiences, so I believe my experience deserves equal respect too, but we'll see; spoiler alert: I'm not picking the bear lol.

My response depends on the phrasing of the question. Would you rather be in the forest knowing there's a bear in the vicinity, or a strange man? Man, hands down. Humans are stupid, not naturally territorial, fairly easy to shake off your trail versus a territorial, pissed off bear. Would you rather be pursued by a bear in the forest, or by a strange man? Still a man. Another human being is easier to kill. Or barter with. Bears are fast and will kill you dead. Also, how big is the woods?

Like, I get that the principle of the question is to demonstrate that the Monolith of Womankind™️ feel disempowered and predated upon by men, and if that is anyone's experience, I do truly sympathize and wish the best for your healing journey in whatever form that takes. I've just never felt *that* to that extent. I've experienced creepy men, my ex raped me, I've been followed, etc. Oddly enough, I've never gotten a random dick pic 🤔 but whatever. Idk.

And I'm pro-feminism, fuck the patriarchy, etc, but women actually aren't a monolith, and neither are men, and the viral popularity of this question- and the thinkpieces dragging men for being stumped or indignant- is only going to further entrench that binary, monolithic-thinking and build resentment, not just in men, but in feminists like me (ME, ME, glorious me! /jk) who are tired of having to explain that women don't /actually hate men. They just joke that they do. They act like they do, but that's a joke too. People- not just men, not just women- don't change because you didn't whip them hard enisn't.

But it really does feel like the man-bashing has started to blur the line from self-defense, irony, punching up, to just plain meanness and misandry- like, men are still people too. It feels like the reactive cultural shift has gone from "sigh not all men" to "fuck it, yes all men" in the same vein as ACAB meaning "yes all cops", but like, being a cop is a choice, being clocked as a man or being AMAB isnt.

I'm not saying either that men need to be babied. Complaints against creeps- REAL ones, not those fake "entrapment" main character syndrome gym videos- are all valid, sure. But this fake scenario does a bad job at presenting that, imo. Conversely, I do see the introspection on mens' parts, especially in regard to the "Loneliness Epidemic" as necessary even though it's been uncomfortable, and my sympathy does go out to men who genuinely are suffering or are just, like, frustrated, because that's valid too, and men's mental health is also important.

Also, can we just stop coming up with thought exercises that involve animals?! "Would you love me if I was a worm 🥺", "Bear or man?!" Animal-Planet-brain-having-ass 😒

[mugiwara--ya]

also like. fuck dermatillomania, seriously.

this was supposed to be a short post but fuck it lol this is HUGE 

when i had my first really bad breakout at like, 18 (from fucking contraceptivesl!!!!!! like before i did have a couple uh..idk if i would call em breakouts, but like you know, just regular teen acne, and my gyn was like “you have a bit of acne so these pills are gonna help ya!!” FUCK YOU I BARELY HAD ANYTHING) i remember waking up one day, rubbing my eyes, then touching my forehead. and i felt a TON of tiny bumps. i was like, the fuck? and i wiped my forehead with my bed sheets because i thought i had dirt or somethig on my face. and i touched again and they were still there. i immediately got up and looked at my big mirror, and i swear it was like half an hour straight of just looking at my forehead, with dozens of closed comedones, and it was.. it was terrible. people used to tell me how pretty my skin was, that my face was so soft and perfect, and asking me which products i used (i did have a skincare routine because i couldnt risk fucking up my face, i’ve always picked at every single imperfection so i had to make sure i had none to begin with)

so yeah i fucking panicked. my skin was my confidence. i barely used bb cream for dark circles or when i wanted to look extra nice, and that would be it. my appearance was (is) everything to me. 

and thats when derma fucked up my life (now that i think about it i DID almost die of an infected wound that i picked at when i was a toddler but ANYWAYS). im pretty sure that if i had just taken care of it as a normal fucking person, it would have just gone away, healed, the end. i even stopped taking those pills. but i picked at it. i picked and scratched and squeezed and put needles on those hideous fucking things because i just needed to get them out. i would spend HOURS every day picking at my skin. and it only made it worse. not only those didnt go away for a few months, not only did i cause terrible scarring, but i pretty much spread all that nasty shit all over my face. and yeah, my acne itself was never TERRIBLE, at the beginning most people couldnt even tell and with just a bit of makeup i was ready to go! but i just..kept picking at it. because i was terrified. i made scar after scar. painful acne would grow under those scars. and i would pick at it even if the previous one wasnt done healing. my mom would look at me and tell me how hideous i looked. “put on some makeup i dont want to go out with you looking like that”. i would go into work and they would tell me “the fuck did you do to your face now?!” 

it wasnt acne itself. it was all the scarring i made. you can cover up acne with foundation. but scabs? open wounds? it looks like shit. and i put on makeup anyways, and i literally wasnt able to go out without it, but i always knew everyone could see my scabs. patchy, ugly, painful looking scabs. i was ashamed of it. my confidence was gone. i felt uglier every day. i knew it was all my own fault. everyone kept telling me “just stop picking at it”.

but i got so desperate. so anxious. i used to have anxiety attacks when i tried to lie down and not pick at my face. i tried picking at ingrown hairs on my legs to distract me and it worked for a while, but as soon as i saw my reflection i was gone, like i couldnt control myself, i dissociated completely and when i was back on my body i looked at my face and just cried. i cried and cried because i fucking did it again. 

this lasted for about three-four years i think, and it got even worse when my actual acne got Very Bad between last year and this year, especially because i had run out of all the skincare products that actually worked and didnt have money for new ones so i tried to settle down for local products (that didnt work), i was stressed the fuck out because i had secretly dropped out of university, my hormones were crazy (endometriosis ayyy), and idk it was Bad. but then again. my acne was never REALLY terrible, like yeah it was worse, but never like cystic acne or like full face of it (i had on my forehead, nose, inner sides of my cheeks, around my mouth and chin, like mostly the center of my face) and i never had that many violent painful pimples at the same time (mostly because i would pick em out as soon as i could) but THE SCABS. My skin also got really oily and my pores were fucking huge, and even if thankfully my skin is pretty good at healing itself (i dont have deep scars, its mostly hyperpigmentation with little to no texture after it has fully healed) no matter how fast my scabs healed (a couple weeks usually) i always made myself new ones, like !! why !! 

now, a few months ago, i started taking contraception again. another brand, because i couldnt stand period pains anymore. and this time..it actually helped! my skin got a bit less oily, i started getting less pimples, and a bit after that, i finally bought new (korean) skincare. the only non-prescription skincare that has ever worked for me lol. etude house i owe you my life. i also stopped smoking cigs, and i’ve really been trying to eat healthier. trying. shut up

and i finally started getting better, slowly!! and i dont know, just having a routine helped a lot in regaining my confidence, taking care of my skin helped my anxiety, and i kept thinking “i spent a SHIT TON OF MONEY on these things, i’m not gonna ruin it by picking”. and yeah i still did it/do it every now and then, but WAY LESS than i used to, and now i strategically pick at stuff that can be easily covered up by hair, i never put my hands directly on my face (i wrap my fingers in cloth or something), and always clean my face afterwards, im a Conscious Picker™ now

and last week i finally decided to go see a dermatologist! (ABOUT TIME!!) and yeah she told me most of my skin problems are due to excoriating, and my actual acne can be treated easily, and gave me a bunch of prescription products to help get rid of it and control my oily ass face. and bitch!!!! just five days in and MY SKIN ALREADY LOOKS SO SO SO MUCH BETTER! (LIKE IGNORING THE FACT THAT I HAVE TWO HUGE SCABS NEAR MY MOUTH AND TWO MORE ON MY FOREHEAD AND A LOT OF HYPERPIGMENTATION)

and im just. i look at the mirror and i wanna cry. i wanna cry because im getting better. im scared of ruining it, but im just so motivated. this time im not letting my anxiety get in the middle of what i want. im insecure, i still struggle to believe im beautiful with or without acne or scars, but im worth the try, i deserve to take care of myself and do things that make me happy, and if im vain ! whatever! feeling my skin soft makes me happy! looking at the mirror and loving how i look makes me happy! keeping a routine, washing my face, putting on creams till i look like a glazed donut, it makes me happy!  going out without makeup and not caring makes me happy! putting on makeup and not caring if some scabs or hyperpigmentation still shows because i know its all getting better, it makes me happy! 

i am stronger than i thought and i am stronger than the anxiety derma gives me. i just needed to work out a way to go around it lol. also im tired as fuck and ive been writing about this for like two hours. no one is gonna read this but whatever lol i love myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCH I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GLOWING!!!

[hub-pub-bub]

Our love of libraries is well-documented. Did we mention we feel the same way about librarians? We’re working on a dating app to connect our two core user demographics: INTJs and librarians. It’s called Stackitect, and it’s coming in 2019! Copyright, copyright, copyright. (Copyright law works just like triple talaq, yes?)

We love going to the library in person. Entering a library feels like taking an Adderall. (Again, I assume. I’m lame.) My ass gets FOCUSED! It’s the perfect place to work, read, research, study, and learn. And whatever you’re doing, librarians can be incredibly helpful. They are friendly, knowledgable, and waging a quiet war to protect us from fascism.

But sometimes it’s tricky to physically get to your library. Maybe the parking situation is rough, or the hours overlap with your work schedule, or a trip requires a long series of bus rides. Maybe you find the librarians too distractingly sexy. I’m not here to judge.

Have no fear! In recent years, libraries have made incredible strides into the dense and unmappable jungle that is the internet. There’s a slew of new and constantly-improving apps that allow you to instantly rent and return free audiobooks and ebooks. Including graphic novels! And movies!

As you well know, the only thing we love more than librarians is free shit. Here are some of the top apps. Please go download them immediately.

Free audiobooks and ebooks offered through your local library

OverdriveFor Android, iOS, and Kindle

The most widely used free lending app is Overdrive. It’s the one I use. And it’s great, for a variety of reasons.

Both audiobooks and ebooks are available through Overdrive. I can add multiple library cards, and the system includes affiliate branches in my search results. If I reserve something with a waiting list, I get an email the moment it arrives—and I can set it to automatically check me out and begin downloading. All my books are collected together in a neat little visual shelf. Plus it gives me a lot of control; I can adjust everything from ebook font size and style to audiobook playback speed.

Returns are processed automatically, which is HUGE! This means that there’s no late fines or nagging reminders. (Bless libraries with fine limits because I am both a bookworm and a procrastinator.) Fines have long been viewed as a necessary “stick” to compel timely returns, but recent thinking has shifted. Fines can undercut a public library’s core mission. A $3 fine is nothing to middle class adults, but it can be an insurmountable barrier to a child of low-income parents. In some areas, the accumulation of tiny fines triggered the revocation of borrowing privileges for one in three patrons! They’re a source of inappropriate shame, and a petty reason to block access to learning.

Sorry, had to hit my SJW rant quota. Minimum one per article. Part of our Terms of Service agreement.

Overdrive’s selection depends on your library. For me, it’s fantastic, but I often have to wait a few days or weeks for an in-demand book. It lets you know how far down you are on the waiting list. Usually I’ll be first in line on a single copy, or seventh in line on two copies. There are exceptions, though… I ain’t getting the audiobook version of Fire and Fury until sometime around 2041. Tokyo’s gonna be Neo-Tokyo by then!

LibbyFor Android, iOS, and Kindle

Libby is from the same people who make Overdrive. Overdrive’s interface is fine but not great. It does the job. Libby ostensibly provides the exact same app, just with a cleaner, friendlier interface.

Personally, I don’t find it to be a meaningful improvement. And Libby lacks some of the functionality of Overdrive. For example, Overdrive syncs across multiple devices, while Libby only works with one. And it oversells its book recommendation tool; I look forward to seeing it improve in future years.

Hoopla & Freading

For Android, iOS, and Kindle

Hoopla and Freading are the #2 and #3 most widely-supported lending apps for public libraries. Unfortunately, both of the public libraries I frequent are Overdrive libraries, so I can’t try them out myself. That said, they should do the same job as Overdrive.

Looking at screenshots leads me to believe that Hoopla may have the best interface design. But I’ve also heard that it doesn’t have a waitlist feature, which seems like a deal-killer for people who want to read bestsellers. I’d love to hear from any users of these apps in the comments below!

Free audiobooks and ebooks, no library access necessary

Prime Reading from AmazonFor Android, iOS, and Kindle

I don’t own a Kindle, which is Amazon’s proprietary ereader. I kinda want one though, so if any sugar parents and/or Amazon representatives are reading, feel free to hook me up. Piggy has one, and as a publishing professional she guiltily admits that she adores this Amazon product. Stone the blasphemer.

Luckily, you don’t need a Kindle to access Amazon’s library. If you already have an Amazon Prime subscription, you have access to Prime Reading.

Unlike Overdrive or Libby, their library is fixed. And… it isn’t great. There’s a lot of pulpy genre stuff and self-published novels of questionable quality. I cannot recommend getting Amazon Prime just for the library. It isn’t worth it. But if you already have Prime for other, better reasons, definitely check it out!

Project GutenbergBrowser-based, but downloadable onto other devices

Project Gutenberg is a beautifully shoestring, low-tech offering. They produce free ebook versions of public domain classics. If you’re a high school/college student, an English language learner, or just love smelling salts as a plot contrivance, please check out their offerings! Everybody from Aesop to Shakespeare to Dickens is here.

… Just don’t read the Dickens. Charles Dickens is Alexandre Dumas with all the fucks wrung out. #hottake

You can download them and load them into Apple’s iBooks app. Yeah, that orange icon gathering dust on page seven of your apps!  Once there, they’re pretty easy to use, but loading them in can be a pain. Although Google told me that Apple told TechCrunch that he’s working on revamping that app right now. Those male dominated companies sure do love gossip!

I will say that the quality control isn’t great. I really appreciate good ebook design, and PG just doesn’t seem to have the funds to make that happen. So it’s hit or miss, but again, it’s totally free. And it’s the only one on this list (so far) that doesn’t require any kind of fancy device, library card, or attached subscription.

LibrivoxBrowser-based, but downloadable onto other devices

Librivox is essentially the audiobook version of Project Gutenberg. Users create their own recordings of public domain works and offer them for as free downloads to other users. You can download them onto devices, burn them onto CDs (if your car, like mine, ain’t hep to that MP3 jazz). They’ve recently done a site overhaul and it looks great. It’s easy to download the books you want to listen to, or volunteer to become a reader yourself. Some readers are much better than others, so like Project Gutenberg, it can be a bit of a crapshoot. But at least it’s a free crapshoot!

And please, do not get me started on the whole “audiobooks aren’t books” thing. Audiobooks fill an incredibly important role in making literature accessible. Do not come onto our blog trying to serve that snobby bowl of nonsense. Same goes for ebooks! I was once excoriated by a rude Old at an airport for burying my face in my phone. “If you have to talk to someone, just pick up the phone and call them” she muttered. Well, lady, not that it’s any of your business, but I was reading Thomas Hardy. And that guy lets everybody go to voicemail. Minjabiznas.

This list is incomplete! There are many other, smaller apps out there that my library doesn’t support (yet), so if you have experience with another, please tell us about them in the comments below!

PS: If you don’t know how the whole library thing works, thats okay. You can find your local library here. Visit their website for information on how to join. You usually have to go in-person once to get your card, and some require proof of residency (like a utility bill) or some kind of ID. But others are very relaxed, and allow you to sign up online, or start downloading today and agree to come in sometime within the next six months to formalize your account. You can do it!