#so if you wanna be mutuals ask in inbox / follow first and hope!! ( dont be upset if i reject it :( )

[lacunazai]

⌗ いいこ　いいこ　とってもいいこ .ᐟ

⌗ ずーっといいこでおねんねしてね .ᐟ

Zai ⋮ Osamu . . 20 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ . . Chuuya + Dazai's soulmate.

masterlist . 𖹭 . mutuals . 𖹭 . tagging . 𖹭 . kofi . 𖹭 . sideblogs

╰┈➤ new inbox ! ⸝⸝ your safe haven ⟢

© lacunazai 2023 - no reposts, plagiarism or theft of my works ⚘.

commission details <3

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Gonna be real under the cut

As someone who has been bullied all of my schooltime because I was too awkward, too fat, because my dad left us, because of how my hair looked, because I was wearing the same pants for two days in a row, because I had respect for my teachers, because i never had a boyfriend, because i didn't drink....

I am so glad the internet wasn't around back then.

If shit like what is happening currently in this fandom would have been happened to me twenty years ago?

I don't want to imagine what I would have done to make it stop.

Bullies have always been the same.

Mirroring their insecurites on someone who thinks won't fight back (or in this day and age can't because you can't censor the internet and reporting will only get you so far)

If you are one of the people "confessing" on that certain blog

You are nothing more than a bully.

If you have a problem with someone and don't want to use the block button for whatever reason, you get into the inbox of the person you feel is "mistreating you" and ask them why. You don't go around sending hateful messages hiding behind the anonymity this website provides under the impression that it's "confessing".

If you genuinely feel offended that not everyone (of the so called big blogs) talks to you, that you're not instantly are getting the notes on the fics you post, that you don't have enough followers, that you dont feel welcome in a fandom....

Things like this can take years.

And it takes work. It takes constant writing. It takes constant making gifs. Constant making art.

And yeah sometimes people chose to not reblog other fics/content? So what? Big deal. No one has to!

Like it is some kind of obligation once you hit your made up big blog follower number to reblog every single content from anyone. wtf?

Of course things mutuals post get reblogged more often, because they are on our dashboards.

Personally I used to find new writers/fics by going into the Pedro tag. The tag that is now swamped with hatefull "confessions" so I just don't go looking anymore. You think this will get you the exposure you want to?

Maybe it will, but not in the way you have been dreaming of.

And you bet your ass we are gonna reblog our shit as often as we want to. . And if I want to reblog my own fic twenty times because i am proud of it? Not your problem. The unfollow and block button is there for a reason. USE IT.

Because, newsflash, these are our own fucking blogs and we can do whatever we want with it

Like you.

Who choses to bully people for the fucked up reasons your little brains think are valid.

But bullying is never okay and I hope one day you realize and care that you actually hurt people. Sometimes to a point where you can't be sorry anymore cause they're gone.

I guess what I wanna say with this post is grow up.

And don't even get me started on how people over the age of 30 are creepy for still being in fandom.

You do know what a hobby is, right?

The majority of the content you love so much would be gone if we all would be gone. Maybe keep that in mind the next time you get into some inbox to call people out you never have bothered to get to know in the first place.

[ashiyn]

Hi! Hope it's all good, I wanted to ask you what software you use for your edits I've honestly no clue where to start but I've loads of little clips of yours saved :D

hiya!! im so sorry for the delayed answer, i swear tumblr doesnt give me notifs about my inbox im fuming. this is quite long so the answer and some editing tips are under the cut! please feel free to reach out if there's something that doesn't make sense or if you ever need any tips or help!

i personally use adobe after effect 2020 with some plugins! most people would probably use adobe premiere pro for compilations like the ones i do but im WAY WAY WAY more used to after effect due do making daily fancams/edits in the past (i do not recommend doing this btw- got burned out after doing it for about a year LMAO). so for example if you're interested in making edits like this or this i'd go for after effect but if you wanna make stuff like this or this, premiere pro is probably the way to go, even if i use AE for both 😭

adobe products are very expensive and you need quite the computer for it to run it without crashing all the time so if you dont have the resources or want to dedicate some time into researching turrenting + vpn and how to install it properly + the plugins on top of learning a pretty confusing (at first) program i'd recommend capcut! it's a free phone app and ive personally never used it, but ive had a lot of mutuals before use it and it looks great and pretty simple to use once you get the hang of it.

learning after affect is extremely frustrating i wont lie, but it's probably the best software if you want to do complicated stuff or simply just get smooth slow mo that you often use in edits! it's worth it in the end after you get the hang of it! there's a lot of youtube tutorials out there and i'd love to help with settings and keyframes if needed!

using AE can be a little bit of an overkill if you're only looking into trying editing to see if you think it's fun and worth the time it takes, so phone apps is honestly an amazing start to get into it. i just decided to go 120% out of nowhere due to getting a hyperfixiation on deciding to learn how to edit and doing it in a more "professional" way and potentially become an editor in the future -> which did not happen. or well. i did end up having a tiktok account with 45k followers when i posted a lot of my edits of shows that i liked but i was potentially thinking of becoming a yt editor or maybe work in media more. however im a burned out nurse student now LMAO

personal tips when it comes to editing;

i use while editing is to make a mindmap or simply just write down key elements you want in your edit to make it easier and prevents you from having to redo your edit (which is painful).

to make the edit "run more smoothly" make sure to fade the clip to be more dark at the end and start the next coming clip with a fade from dark to light. learning slow mo can be tricky in any app, but if possible i use the same thing with clips where it starts faster, is the slowest in the middle of the clip, and starts to get to normal speed at the end of the clip to make the transition over to another clip seem smoother and not like a raw cut.

this might be more of a editing style preference but i always add a slight zoom (either in or out depending on the transition) at every clip so that it's not as awkwardly still. i also always add a slight shake that you cant really see unless you focus on it for the same reason as the zoom. i found that even if the transitions are extremely simple or not even there at all, these small things make an edit look way more "professional" and less choppy.

next thing is "just" to learn what transitions you like after that and dont be afraid to mess with settings, even if you follow a tutorial. its all about finding your own editing style and what you like more!

i download youtube videos using loader.to but screen recording also works! i download mine to make the fps be correct to match when im slowing down a clip but that might be a bit overkill. youtube4kdownloader.com is a great website to cut clips from youtube videos to download too! just make sure to use adblockers when using the websites!

also: editing takes a lot of time and dont feel discouraged if it takes long to finish one! once you have more of an editing style it becomes more of a routine the more you edit!

these tips can be used on any editing app (with the slow mo being an exception in some apps) but then again, dont feel like you need any of it and just go ham on whatever ideas you have! id love to see any edit of yours :D

[akarii-memes]

Mutual Meme

1. the cool mutual how they ever decided to follow u and why they still do is a mystery to u. sometimes you post such incredible bullshit ur surprised they signed up for this. u get incredibly happy seein them on ur activity page. you cant believe it. bless this mutual

2. the drama mutual type A if theres ever discourse on ur dash or drama of any sort, this is the one u turn to. they have everything about everyone on their blog and if you ever wanna lurk this is who u go to. honestly, where would you be without them.

3. drama mutual type B if theres ever discourse on ur dash or drama of any sort, this might be the one behind it. they vague, they namedrop, they start drama and ur intimidated by them but u still stick around, probably because theyre also really cool. u just hope they wont vague u.

4. the pda mutual says “ i love you guys “a lot and a ray of absolute sunshine on ur dash? their posts are just uplifting and make this hellsite a lot more bearable. theyve probably sent u a really sweet message once too, and u could probably message them about anything. an angel.

5. the silent one they almost never make text posts, they never post selfies and only answer the occasional ask. just a constant stream of aesthetic. maybe u think theyre neat but ur too scared to actually IM them. regardless u hope they have a good day.

6. the kpop mutual ah, yes. that one you followed for god knows what and now they post only kpop. u dont even know what their url was before this or who they are. you probably dont even know about anything about kpop aside from those big selfies they post from twitter everyday.

7. the funnyman mutual u see their posts from time to time on ur dash and feel happy knowing ur mutuals makin it. makes a lot of sans jokes too. and piss and vore too maybe. closely tied with the cool mutual at times

8. the old mutual uv followed them for so long u dont even know what they first posted, but theyre here now and u feel like friends seeing how long its been. u reply to each others posts and occasionally send asks. might be the kpop mutual at times

9. The Flirting Mutual Are u dating this Mutual? Who know? You live 3000 miles apart but you call each other the most annoying pet names and occasionally drop into their inbox to leave sweet nothings as a Joke (??? But is it really a Joke???)

10. Same Neurodivergemce Mutual Both ur heads r both fucked in about the same way, creating an everlasting bond and sharing of coping mechanisms

11. Big Name Fan Mutual They got noticed by the official Tumblr for your favorite show but you knew them when they had 7 followers and a goat. Until they started getting hate for their Opinions you didn’t even realized they had 5K followers.

12. Discourse Mutual Integrates a healthy amount of political news and opinions into ur dash, u know how the rising popularity of quinoa is affecting the working poor in Uruguay because of them.

13. Mystery Mutual A specific kind of old mutual. They changed their icon and url, but you recognise their mode of typing and their tagging system. You can’t place why you know them or when you followed them or even why you still follow them, but they’re here and you feel compelled to leave them on your dash for old times sake.

14. Fan Wank mutual Hates the same parts of a show that u do. Sends you seven different links to the same post so that you can bitch about the tags on all of them. You would both fight someone to the death over your opinion of season 4

[garfieldsladybird]

i have a small question! i remember you being a writer whenever i first followed you and i was wondering on how you got into writing on tumblr? i write on wattpad a lot and i feel like it’d be nice to post small imagines on here and i just want a few tips or anything you have to spare, if that’s alright? thank you!

hiii !! thank you so much for coming to me and yes I was a writer and still am (just haven’t written anything in a while lol).

— before reading all of this, I would just wanna let you know that I don’t know if any of this really helped because I don’t know how to the answer your question. ik how too but idk.  thank you for coming to me! I hope some of this or something in this helped! If none of this helped, please ignore, but thank you and have a good day! :)

and also If you ever need help trying to learn the ways of Tumblr, please come ask me, I already have a few posts explaining how to do things on here too.

how did I get into writing on Tumblr?

well, I joined very spontaneously in early 2022 and I just read and reblogged a lot fic’s at first until May when I posted my first actual writing piece. Like first ever actual writing piece. I was on Wattpad from 2020 till the end of like 2021-early 2022, and writing on Wattpad is much different than writing on here. and I much preferably like Tumblr for writing because it gives you more font options, and I just personally like this app more.

how I got into actually posting that piece of writing though was because I hit 100 followers and I was very happy to hit that mile stone. I was very proud of myself in that moment. And so I wrote an idea. and I put it together, and I liked it. It made me laugh and so I posted it.

and honestly if you do feel like writing small imagines here, go for it!! do it! I believe in you!! (but of course, only do it if you want to.)

I suggest using tags, you can put the fandom in the tags, the character name, what genre it is;  ‘harry potter x reader fluff’ or ‘harry potter fluff’ it would be like that.

I honestly suggest making your Tumblr blog kind of look like something that’s ngl like mine, with a main post pinned with your links and having some aesthetic or something, just so people know you’re not a bot. but you can have like a small introduction at first if you don’t have anything made. but just make your blog, your blog. and you don’t have to have pictures or anything, you can just have a name (i suggest a fake name unless you’re comfortable giving your real name, just don’t give out details on where you live and all that yk.), you can have age too or if you’re a minor or not, though you dont have too, and pronouns too. again only have the stuff that you really wanna have on there. and also a masterlist would be very helpful in finding all of your works.

go find other Tumblr writers that write for the fandoms you into, make mutuals. And also just want to add please respect the blog users boundaries, the people’s boundaries, I just say that because like be aware of the 18 and 16 plus accounts if you are under those ages but yeah just in general be respectful.

The interactions you get on here are way better than Wattpad. I mean some are. with having the inbox, question thingy, you may get hate for the things you say and write and they literally can just say it and it will be anonymous too. it’s fucked up. But people do that, and please ignore them if you do get hate. but on the brighter side of the interactions on here, the mutuals I made here are really amazing! I have my following open if you want to go look through it.

Oh, and also, the system on here is very different. Notes, like/hearting the post will basically do nothing for it, you have to reblog a post for it to be shown in other places… basically. So you have to share it for it to pop up ig. I don’t know how to put it in words. But that’s how the algorithm works here. the community here is very nice though much better then wattpad in my opinion but then again, it all depends.

you should go with what your heart desires in writing. ofc go with what your heart desires.

(request writing??, heres this) if you have a request sitting in your inbox forever, but you moved on from that character though you still love the idea of writing that request someday, you can just keep it in your inbox and when you come back to that character, you can write it then. (maybe only do that if you know you will come back to that character, and if you really do love the request/idea). 

But if a request is draining you, you can just delete it. you don’t have to write requests. And you also don’t have to write every idea that comes to your head all at once. You can make a list and slowly get to all of them, one bit at a time. 

and if you lose motivation, that’s okay. you can definitely try pushing yourself through the writers block. (though it’s hard too sometimes and that’s understandable, it’s okay)

Don’t compare your writing to anyone else’s. Everyone’s writing is unique in their own way, and you’re doing it in your way with your own words. Everyone’s writing is going to be different and if anything learn from the writing that you read.

also, write for yourself.

okay peace ✌️ love ya 🫶🫶🫶 be safe :)

[ichorai]

i just wanna say thank you to every single one of you !! the mutuals i talk to, the ppl i see on my dashboard, the ppl who like my fics / posts, and the 3.7k that follow me omg :(( i love yall sm i rlly dont deserve you guys

2021 may not be the blessing that all of us want, but we can try to survive through it together !! pls pls pls stay safe and healthy and my messages + inbox are always open for anybody who wants to talk or just needs a friend ♡

tumblr crushes.  everybody listed below are all the blogs i’ve had massive crushes on (dkjdf im rlly exposing myself huh) bolded are the crushes that follow me back aka my moots !! whether we talk every day or not at all, i love all of u sm :3

# - e ; 

@127-mile​, @1oserjk​, @3riberri​, @4-sun, @429hj, @99yh, @9uk, @aasthrielle, @agustdiv1ne, @angeliicmin, @angelinanamoo, @annawritesnct, @army-author, @ashisparanoid, @asteriaguk, @atbzkingdom, @ateez-little-star, @ateez-svt, @ateezinmymind, @ateezsunrise, @ateezthings, @atiny-ahgase, @atiny-baby, @atinybitofau, @atinybrew, @atinyfeels, @atinykidult, @atzgiggle, @aurorhwa, @ayyysweetcreature, @baehyukng, @baekhvuns, @baekhyunl, @baekonbaek, @baekwell--tart, @bangtantaegi, @barsformars, @beyond-gethsemane, @binnies, @blueish-sun, @bluelotuss, @bluemiinn, @bluumin, @brathyuck, @burgerkang000, @btsbed, @bubyjong, @butterflyjoong, @by-moonflower, @byeoltoyuki, @c-sanshine, @call-me-bha, @canyounotkaia, @cappujinho, @cchaiart, @ceojongho, @ceruleanskies, @chanbinns, @changsun, @cherryatiny, @cherryhan1386, @cherryjk, @chimtaera, @chittsu, @choi-san, @choijongho, @choisans, @chryzu, @cinanamon, @cinnaminsvga, @closer-stars, @cometoceantrenches, @cosmoguk, @cozyjae, @cozyteez, @crustypeppermintcookie, @crvgio, @cuddlyunho, @curanonemu, @daybreakx, @dazzlingkai, @ddaenysus, @ddalgi-yong, @dear-hao, @dearncityy, @dearyongs, @dejvns, @diaryofateez, @dis-easy, @djxiao, @dreamiehrs, @dreamiesdotcom, @dreamingxuxi, @dreamtaehyung, @dylanxmin, @eggyukhei, @elcie-chxn, @emhpathy, @ephemeralkookie, @essenteez, @eternalbulletproof, @ethaeriyeol

f - j ; @faerieth, @fakeleaves, @fandomsonrequests, @feverishdreamdistrict, @fleurateez, @flirtyhyuck, @flowerboyyoonbin, @flowerkth, @flowerseok, @floweryjh, @flvtteringpetals, @foreveryouaremystar, @fortunexkookie, @fqiryaurora, @gaylligator, @gowonhatesyou, @grxceblqckthxrn, @gukssunshine, @guktro, @gukwluv, @gukyi, @gyukult, @haine13, @halahala, @halahalaatme, @hanatiny, @hanavbara, @haotheheckk, @heartyyjeno, @heavenlyhongjoong, @heeseungluvs, @heterotragedies, @hobidreams, @honeybeedaydreams, @honeytae, @hongcultz, @hongism, @hopejanaee, @hoseoksyn, @hoshees, @hquackity, @httpknjoon, @hunjins, @hwaberrykiwi, @hwaddict, @hwanami, @hwaseongsbabie, @hwastreasure, @hyuckles-chuckles, @hyucktapes, @illicit-roses, @imlikechaitea, @imoonstarstuff, @inclebtsmix, @inkigayeo, @interstellix, @jaehyuked, @jaehywn, @jaemericano, @jaeminslatte, @jaeminsorbit, @jamaisjoons, @jamaiswoo, @jamaisvujjk, @jayehope, @jcngkooks, @jcngyeol, @jenojam, @jensungf, @jeogiyall, @jeong-uwu, @jeongyunhoed, @jeonqqin, @jeonsdear, @jeonsweetpea, @jimindelune, @jimineos, @jimlvb, @jinmindeulle, @jinned, @jisungshotfirst, @jjeongukie, @jjoon, @joenns, @johnni, @jonghours, @joonghwas, @jooniescupcakes, @joonsgalore, @joonsinnerchild, @juliaseongjoong, @junghelioseok, @jungkookiebus, @jungkxook, @jungshookz, @junstruly, @justrose-things, @jwyfldr

k - o ; @k-n-e-o, @kayabred, @kim-taehyung, @kimchitae, @kimnjss, @kimtaehyunq, @kingjoong, @kireiwoo, @kitsutaes, @kittae, @knjspjm, @kodabodaa, @kookiesjoonies, @kookiestarlight, @kookmint, @kpophoneybunny, @kqtiny, @kyung-seokie, @kyuscafe, @lafaussejoie, @lavenderkoo, @leebutnot, @leeknowism, @lettersfromaphrodite, @lettersfrompersephonae, @lightgreybg, @lilacwoo, @lostcherryjk, @loveablejeekies, @lovedsweet, @lovely-ateez, @lovelygalaxy333-writes, @lovsoul, @lunarmingi, @luvsjoon, @lvrbun, @lybomb, @m24sail, @mapofbts, @markftmingi, @may-tree, @meiiyue, @melodiamore, @mhirais, @midnightseonghwa, @milkbts, @milkyoonoh, @minflix, @minghaon, @mingi-theestallion, @mingkiii, @mingtopiaa, @minihongjoong, @minsugams, @mintyguk, @minyoongail, @mismatchmark, @mistymark, @mjlkau, @mmmhs, @mmoondance, @monotape, @moonblssm, @moongaera, @moonguk, @moonlightzone, @moonlitmyg, @mountainhearts, @mountainsluna, @ms-starlight, @nakamoto, @namgination, @namkooks, @naryfial, @neo-shitty, @neocitybynight, @neptune-xuxi, @nevio, @nose-bandaid, @nvmguk, @oceanofaurora, @ofcyunho, @oksws, @omot7, @onceatinymoo, @orphicepiphany, @osakkun, @ot7always, @park-seonghwa

p - t ; @peachjaem00, @peaches-writes, @personasintro, @petitemingi, @phattestuwu, @philosopher-of-fandoms, @pinktea99, @pinkyyunho, @pjimns, @pjmsdior, @prdshobi, @punkill, @queereightiesheartthrob, @riajae, @rookiegukie, @rosy-wooyoung, @royaltypark, @saksukei, @san-hwa, @sanhwaflower, @sannieboy, @sanstar, @santastic, @seacottons, @seiiblue, @seokstrivia, @seonghwanotes, @seongwhy, @seongsangies, @seonqwha, @serendipityseulgi, @serendipityunho, @serenityswords-main, @seungyoune, @shangri-woo, @she, @shuhuas, @sichengsbimbo, @sillyseoks, @simphwa, @simpsiren, @sketchguk, @skymoonandstardust, @sleepingrenjun, @sleepyateez, @sleepyjhs, @sleepyyangyang, @smallfrye, @smileysuh, @smoochkooks, @snackhobi, @softjeon, @softyoongina, @solarmingi, @soleilees, @songteez, @spacejaems, @sparklingchan, @starlightjoong, @starryseung, @starsuh, @straypatchkids, @strayssara, @stressed-asian, @stutterfly, @sugarboyuto, @sugarjaee, @sugaxjpg, @sungchans, @sunkissedjk, @superhajimark, @taehyungsjuicybooty, @taeilmeyourw1sh, @taelepathysroom, @taemines, @taerseok, @taeyongleee, @talkbykhalid, @tbhchoi, @tearvantae, @teeniemoarmy, @tenaciousinferno, @tenseoyong, @teote, @thanxxskz​, @the-marionettes-locket​, @the-star-named-dowoon​, @the-wonandonly​, @thespadesinyourhearts​, @thorsdreams​, @timetoresurface​, @tiniesan​, @tinylaelia​, @toffee-hwa​, @treasure-hwa​, @treasurehobi​, @tsukuyomes​, @tvfff​, @twdeadfanfic​

u - z ; @uayv​, @userguk​, @utopianvoices​, @v-hope​, @vante-love​, @vanxbb​, @venusjinnie​, @viastro​, @wabisaba​, @waiyv​, @warmau​, @whimsical-ness​, @wincore​, @wintertae​, @wonglix​, @woojjongs​, @wooyunhwa​, @writearctic​, @wuuyoung​, @xherxx​, @xiaocity​, @xjoonchildx​, @xsandjenos​, @xuxi-rolls​, @yeochikin​, @yeoldontknow​, @yeoldotcom​, @yeosangscupid​, @yeostars​, @yeosvng​, @yessidzuiichi​, @yooaliceee​, @yoondoze​, @yoongicrumbs​, @yoongs-jeontae​, @yoonia​, @yoonohho​, @yunhoiseyecandy​, @yunhoway​, @yunhowhoitiss​, @yuniixoxo​

follower count + note ; 3.7k ???? why are yall following me omg kdjdkfjd thank you :(( the amount of love i hold for you guys is immeasurable !! a lot of yall tell me that you’re too scared to talk to me but pls do !! i dont bite i swear !! i love making friends here ! and im sorry for not replying to all of your asks :// sometimes i like to keep them private for my eyes but i swear i read every single one !! thank you again and have a great new year !

following count ; 1.3k lmaoo my dashboard is constantly flooded and sometimes it’s really hectic but fr thank you all for filling my tumblr with happiness and positivity with the occasional thirst trap for a kpop idol rip

2020 fics + upcoming in 2021 recapping all of the fics i wrote this year + lil comments / behind the scenes

- read to me ; kim namjoon ; may 23 - an accident ; johnny seo ; may 23 - chocolates ; jung jaehyun ; may 23 - flash drive ; lee donghyuck ; may 23 - rain ; jeon jungkook ; may 25 - flirts (but no kisses) ; park seonghwa ; may 29

i wrote all of the fics above as part of a short drabble game i made to get out of my writers block !! they weren’t my best works, but i got around 70 requests omg and i only wrote out the first six rip :(( i wanted to write more but i just needed a break for my mental health and couldn’t continue on so i’m sorry to those who requested and didn’t get a fic :(

- rivers over stones ; jeon jungkook ; sept. 12 this huge monster of a fic was what got me out of my writers’ block !! tbh i expected the fic to get like.... 20 notes but it ended up getting far past 3.5k omg thank you so much for all the praise for this fic, it took sooo long for this fic to get out too smh, i can’t believe it was still received so well !!! fyi i read every single review / reblog tags bcs i love reading what yall think :D 

- the day bled away ; park seonghwa ; oct. 16 i wrote this after catching up to the good doctor and i was just in the mood for angst and the idea of hwa being a doctor lol

- mr. sad piano man ; min yoongi ; oct. 29 more fluffy soft angst !! i love writing this genre, especially for yoongi and i’m happy this one was received well !!!

- birthday waffles ; min yoongi ; nov. 14 i was just so soft for yoongi and i wanted to write more for him !! so i made this soft / angsty fic that i’m not particularly proud of, but i’m still glad it’s out there bcs it was sitting in my draft doc for sooo long

- cellmates ; one ; two ; three ; jung wooyoung ; oct. 19 - dec. 23 this is my baby :(( my first long original series !! i’m sooooo excited for this fic to progress and i’m so happy you guys like it as well :3 i love making yall suffer lmaoo 

coming soon in 2021... - future parts of cellmates - king!taehyung x mage!reader (21k written / estimated 40k) - fire!seonghwa x ice!reader (5k written / estimated 20k) - lots and lots more !!!

check out m.list + wips for more info.

final note.

thank you all :(( i really don’t have any words to say left so pls just stay safe and have a happy new year !!! my inbox and messages are always open !

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST !

— first and foremost, happy new year’s eve everyone! 2020 hasn’t been the best year for most of us, but uh,, 2021 will be better (it better be, bc i’m so goddamn tired smh) anyways, here’s me being sappy

— to: my followers, my anons, and my mutuals (to my moots who aren’t tagged here, your letters are on a separate post)

LORD JESUS HOPEFULLY I DIDNT FORGET ANYONE BC IM GONNA CRY IF I DID HELP

💌 to all of my followers: whether you came from my old blog or if you’re a newcomer, thank you so much for being here. i appreciate all of you so so much, because your interactions & kindness help me keep on going when i don’t have the motivation to post. thanks for sticking with me even though i talk more than i write <//3 and i’m sorry if u had to see my various discourses on my prev. blog :,) i love u all!!

💌 to my anons who have decided to follow me on this blog as well:

— 🌠 anon: hi bby!! tysm for sliding into my inbox that day, and thank u for always checking up on me and talking to me even though i reply hours late huhu i’m sorry :,) your asks always make me smile because of how cute you are, lex sayang kamu mwah <33

— 🌚 anon: hi hottie >:) thanks for always making me laugh with your random life updates, pls keep em going i love it so much lmaoo. ilysm you’re so funny and have fun being the y/n all the writers write about (jkjk hehe) kith kith <3

— 🦦 anon: ihy bye JSBDHSJ IM JK pls take your iron pills when you need em and dont stay up too late smh. ilysm but you know that already, i appreciate u so so much, and airing all our dirty laundry for everyone to see was very fun, i gotta admit :,)

💌 to my mutuals, there’s a lil emoji next to your url which leads to a little note for you guys, please read it hehe <33 thank u issy for letting me steal your idea mwah 😖😖

first of all idk how so many of u cool ppl follow me smh i feel honored 😩‼️

in no particular order:

| @sunseteyes 🥂 | @tsukkis-crybaby 🍻 | @1iva 🍻 |@ichorizaki 🥂 | @introloves 🥃 | @sunakissses 🍻 | @h4nabi 🥂 | @cryoqi 🍸 | @mehreya 🍻 | @volexis 🍸 | @shittykawaa 🍸 | @kurooskult 🍸 | @al3x1ss 🍸 | @cutiekawa 🥂 | @atsumvs 🍸 | @miitsurii 🥃 |

| @s4ijoh 🥃 | @u-make-my-heart-tsumtsum 🍸 | @beabetriz 🥂 | @datecho 🥃 | @ush7jima 🍸 | @skateme2yokohama 🥃 |@seijohlogy 🍻 | @avis-writeshq 🍸 | @oikawasbliss 🥂 | @prettysetterbaby 🥃 | @kagsbitch 🍸 | @lexysclubhouse 🍸 | @1tooru 🍸 | @velvesagi 🥃 | @luvromis 🍻 | @a8mine 🍻 |

| @tetsurolls 🥃 | @wakatshi 🍻 | @cafemiya 🥃 | @kouffee-ink 🍸 | @cavalree 🍻 | @kuro0luvr 🍸 | @keisurin 🍸 | @zumisace 🍻 | @ahkaahshi 🍸 | @neoheros 🥃 | @shoyosun 🍸 | @heyhinata 🍻 | @tsumue 🥃 | @simpforsawamura 🥂 | @haikyunicorn 🥂|

> LEGEND:

🍸 — hi lovelies!! even though we don’t interact very often, please know that i appreciate u a lot! my inbox is open for you if you wanna talk, i’m here for you! i’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to interact as often as i’d like, but it’s a new year, hopefully 2021 can bring us closer together! <33

🥂 — my beautiful babies!! thank u so so much for being so sweet and friendly to me, ily all so so much and urghh you’ve been so incredibly kind to me. thanks for coming by my asks and please know that i appreciate u so so much. you’re such a genuine person and i wish you all the best. kisses u on the forehead

🍻 — hey hotties!! thank you for being so fun to talk to and for brightening up everyone’s day. please keep doing what you’re doing because even your existence alone gives me a lil serotonin boost, yall are amazing. stop being so sexy smh or else i’m gonna have to kiss u (with consent ofc)

🥃 — hi omg you’re so cool and i wanna interact with you more but your whole persona just screams hot person energy and i feel like a baby next to you :,) you guys are so sexy and i hope we can talk more in 2021 hehe <33 all the best for you guys!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!

love, lex

[huangfilms]

Mutual appreciation time! Tag some of your favourite mutuals and write them a message! 🌸🌸🌸

hi! this is going to be long because i love my mutuals with all of my fucking heart! and i want them to know! so ! i love you guys so much! and im so thankful that i met all of you! (also i’m taking a break from writing day nine to do this so day nine will be l a t e as fuck LMAO)

@norenmin-enthusiast : my baby love! my mother! i love you so much eve, my favorite part of the day is when you message me about anything and everything so please don’t ever feel like you’re annoying/bothering me! i love you so much please keep on talking to me forever! i hope we stay friends for a long time because i love love love you! you’re an amazing writer, and you’re an amazing person in general. i love you! keep being you!

@ggukxie : my twin! q, we met recently like a few weeks ago??? but it honestly feels like i’ve known you forever! i love you so much you make my go uwu like wow ! fat ass heart NUT! i love your writing style, you are so talented! you’re beautiful! you’re just amazing and you are the only: person i’ve met EVER on the internet who was born in my year! i’m yelling ! i love you q, and i hope you know that i am ALWAYS here for you! i love and appreciate you so so so much i hope we stay besties! twins! 

@renjunchokingnct : hey kelly, just wanted to say that i: love you i am thankful that we are friends you are: a true blessing and i hope you’re doing well and that you’re resting well and not overworking yourself! i care about you so much and! honestly you were one of the first nct blogs that i followed and you make me laugh when i talk to you! we don’t talk much but i just wanting to say that when we do, i’m happy and i’m just! i love you kelly! and so does renjun and mark! but i love you more b y e

@cokehei : zyla! we don’t talk a lot but i am grateful to know you! you are: a beautiful human being and you are such a Queen i cannot- i love you zyla! you make me uwu ! when i see you on my dash i get happy and excited! you make me happy zyla i hope you know that! also you’re really Cute! i hope we can interact/talk more! i love you!

@peachchenle : REI OMG i love you so so sosdjfh much ! i loove your aus! you hype me up so much i just feel a lot of love for you! we both are intellectuals cause we both LOVE the nct china line! your aus are wonderful and i hope ou know that i love you so so much and i hope you know that you are! a wonderful! human being! my baby ! i love you just as much as i love renjun! (and i love renjun a lot!)

@qteaxuxi : SEB !!!! youre so relatable with the fact that you love lumpia so much and i love that you tag me in renjun posts and i love you in general and i love thhat you tag ur yukhei posts with ‘my fav flirt’ ALSO YOURE REALLY GOOD LOOKING I LOVE THAT YOURE AN AMZING PERSON! I LOVE THAT YOURE ALWAYS ON UR DUMB SHIT BECAUSE! MOOD i love you so much ! i hope we talk more seb!

@yukuwu : HHWHEEHASHR i love you so much! youre such a mood because you always send me random renjun pics and i! appreciate it a lot because those random outbursts always make my day better i love you ALSO YOUR AU IS SO GOOD I LOVE IT ALTHOUGH I CANT HANDLE SAD THINGS AHHAHKLJA i love you so much!

@reunjun : pinky! we haven’t talked in a while but that’s okay! i love you! i honestly don’t remember how we became friends???? but anyway! thank you for reading what i write! i appreciate you so much and ! sis! youre so beautiful i love you you are a ! goddess! i stan a tru queen anyway i love you so much! 

@markseo : we met recently but! you make me so soft i love you so much! i loved your soft mark asks so like if u ever wanna b soft,,,, my inbox is the place to be HAHAHA ! but anyway! im excited for your new photographer!mark au i love you im excited and we can! get through! these ! bad anons! together! i love love love you! (also your writing blog url IS ADORABLE IM CRYING!)

@doyuwung : HI SWEEITE! you are: so relatable i love the fact that you message me randomly because of a vlive and i love that you love kun so much you’re honestly so so adorable and i just! love you! and appreciate you! so much! my small bub i love you youre adorable agjshdf !!!!! anyway! one last i love you! 

@poetichyuck : HEY MY SWEETS! i love you! we don’t talk much/interact but just know that i really appreciate you so much because you were also! one of my very first friends on here! and im super glad we met! im always here for you even though we barely talk! i love you so much ! 

ERGH I HAVE SO MANY MUTUALS THAT I LOVE AND APPRECIATE SO IF I DIDNT MENTION YOU JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU TOO! I LOVE ALL OF MY MUTUALS THESE ARE JUST THE ONES THAT I KIND OF INTERACT WITH MORE??? IDK ANYWAY I LOVE ALL OF MY MUTUALS PLS DONT THINK I DONT LOVE YOU IF I DIDNT TAG YOU! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL SOSOSOSOSO DMUCHSDJ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[homeosloven]

hey i have to do a paper on the lgbt subculture in slovenia and i was wondering if you could answer some questions? if u dont want to just delete this ask no worries

1) how do you pronounce lgbt (el dži bi ti ali l g b t or do you use a whole different word?)

2) do you go to pride parades or similar events? is there a place yall hang out like idk a gay bar or something

3) how many irl lgbt slovenians do you know? where did you find them/where did you find most of them?

4) can you tell me anything else abt lgbt slovenians that makes us different from american/? ones

ty

sorry anon, this has been collecting dust iny inbox for quite some time, hope it's not too late :/

1) I think 'el ge be te' is the most common pronunciation, but a lot (too much) people also use the engl*sh version

2) i have to sadly inform you that I've never been to any (well, ig pritličje) of our lgbt bars/events/hangout spots (not because i don't want to, but 99,5% of my friends are straight and i didn't yet have the opportunity to explore our queer locations). I'm sure i have some followers that will gladly share their first-hand insight tho, so if anyone wants to help anon please send an ask.

3) besides me and my boyfriend, just a handful of others, mostly tumblr mutuals, a highschool classmate and a couple of guys from tinder/grindr

4) i think that generally queer slovenians tend to be more leftist/less liberal than our american counterparts? like i feel that rainbow capitalism has still not intoxicated Slovenia (because the general population is too conservative to be a marketable segment). Again, if anyone would wanna contribute more, feel free to drop an ask.

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: doing my head in Carly: record time Carly: wanna swap seats Drew: funny Drew: sitting next to ro, remember, not ali Carly: shes alright Drew: don't think she's down Drew: soz babe Carly: ha Carly: k but shes not dtf you either Carly: poor baby Drew: fuck off Drew: how would you know Carly: your mood is a giveaway Carly: i kno when youre frustrated boy Drew: bet I won't be by the time this trip is over Carly: idc Carly: make that bet w your gf Drew: lies Drew: poor baby Drew: don't reckon she'd appreciate that Carly: ha Carly: why would i lie Drew: 'cos even if you do care, can't have what you want Carly: i can fuck you whenever i want Carly: rn if i wanted to Drew: weren't talking 'bout me Drew: but nah Carly: k Carly: now youre lying Drew: nope Carly: you didnt come into my inbox to cry about your gf Carly: or did you & your that lad now Carly: embarrassing Drew: don't be a bitch Drew: looking for some peace and quiet is that so much to ask Carly: from me yea Carly: you kno i dont do quiet Carly: not w you Drew: ha Drew: cute Carly: & true Carly: arent you bored Carly: dont you wanna have some fun this trip Drew: i told you i'm going to Drew: w ro Carly: yea Carly: get out my inbox then i gotta make my own Carly: plenty of lads on this coach Drew: and girls Carly: nah Carly: back to boys you kno Drew: shame Drew: good times Carly: yea but youre boring now Drew: fuck off Drew: nah i ain't Drew: ali is Carly: tell your missus Carly: ali can still party Drew: not with us Carly: yea Carly: if she wanted Carly: youre the one on a chain Drew: i do what i want Drew: whenever i want Carly: do something then Carly: be fun Drew: whaddya want me to do on this packed coach Carly: the bathroom is free Carly: but k youre too scared to start the party Drew: not scared Drew: just not a moron Carly: k Carly: ill ask someone else Drew: u do that Drew: know it won't be as good as me Carly: ha Carly: maybe used to be Carly: reckon youve lost your touch Carly: married life will do that like Drew: you reckon? Drew: you wish Carly: i kno Carly: its written on you Carly: bored & boring Carly: you couldnt turn me on now Drew: yea yea yea Drew: otherwise written all over your face, babe Carly: ha no Carly: check me out as much as you want you wont see that Drew: so up yourself Carly: cuz im not gonna waste my time w you k Carly: my das more fun than you rn Drew: know you're a traveller like Drew: but that's sick Carly: you cant even slag me off proper these days Carly: who are you Carly: sad Drew: 'cos I don't need another bird doing my head in Drew: all chat but you're the same as her, like Carly: fuck off Carly: nothing ive said i wouldnt follow through on Carly: youre the one thats being a pussy Drew: yeah? well you're a nag Drew: I don't wanna fuck you, get off my dick Carly: get out my inbox Carly: you came pouting to me Drew: 'scuse me for thinking you were different Carly: what do you want boy? Drew: forget it Carly: nah Carly: ask for it Drew: Already did Drew: just be a laugh, yeah, don't get on at me Carly: k Carly: whats in it for me tho? Carly: genuinely asking Drew: idk Drew: didn't promise there was Carly: least youve finally stopped lying Drew: ugh Drew: thought we were getting somewhere girl Carly: im only saying Carly: dont get in a mood Drew: i ain't Drew: who are u sharing a room with Carly: nobody Carly: the numbers are off Drew: lucky Carly: you should be more like me & people wouldnt wanna share w you Drew: always have caleb Drew: banging on and on about his girl Carly: no thanks Drew: didn't think so Drew: nightmare Carly: welcome to the other bed Carly: unless your gonna call me a nympho over it Drew: teachers won't be down but might take you up on that Carly: idc Carly: dont think they were down for me being on this trip Carly: but i paid my money Drew: yeah, that's all they care about Drew: though they were all out there with the behave or you'll get kicked threats Drew: standard Carly: yea Carly: try & send me back home my ma & da arent there Carly: be very irresponsible like Drew: they never are Drew: but they don't need to know that Carly: news to them i had a passport Drew: yeah, only last 5 years don't they? Drew: guess when you was 10 they couldn't always piss off without ya Carly: ha Carly: youre funny when youre not sulking Drew: shut up Drew: 'cos you're alright when you're not being a bitch Carly: ive not been a bitch to you since i was making you work for your 3way Drew: well that was hot so acceptable Carly: k so i can be a bitch if im hot yea Carly: ill remember that Drew: goes without saying Drew: fit girls can get away with anything Carly: so you do think im fit Drew: you know you are Carly: yea but idk what you think Drew: gotta keep you guessing, babe Carly: please Drew: please what? Carly: please do Carly: im bored Drew: same Carly: i can pass you my water bottle if you want Carly: all i could smuggle tho Drew: realtalk Drew: no one's smuggling over borders Drew: not worth the aggro Drew: you'll get stuff here no doubt, i'm losing a week's wages 😒 Carly: its a holiday Carly: itll be worth it Carly: especially if you arent all talk Carly: your gf be losing her v like Drew: i ain't but she is Drew: gonna be hard to get her to 🤐 but if anyone can Carly: in it for the challenge Carly: i get it now Drew: what's to get Drew: she's hot Carly: k Carly: but uptight Drew: better than loose Carly: nah Carly: dont tell me you dont want a girl whod let you do anything Drew: not if she's let every cunt do the same, nah Drew: besides, can train a girl like Ro Carly: she isnt stupid enough to blindly follow commands Carly: or you around Drew: 🤔 we'll see Drew: not that its stupid Drew: i'm not fun to be around? Carly: you were Carly: before you got a wife Drew: not asking for ya Drew: but see, you know what you're missing Carly: youre a good fuck ive never denied it Carly: fun when you want Drew: exactly Drew: its Ro's turn to find out Carly: so go chat her up Carly: you love foreplay Drew: don't reckon she wants her first time to be in the coach toilets Carly: ha Carly: didnt mean you had to do it now boy Drew: you know Drew: work fast Carly: yea Carly: thats romance Carly: dont keep a girl waiting Drew: I am capable Drew: if the situation calls Carly: dont waste that info on me Drew: never Carly: seat swap w me tho Carly: up the front is not a party Carly: you throw up once cuz your hanging & get stuck there for life Drew: 😂 Drew: diddums Drew: alright Drew: can chat up woodfield Drew: caleb will be buzzin' Carly: shes got a body under those new jeans Carly: a goer i reckon Drew: you would Drew: only boys my arse 😏 Carly: gotta do something Carly: bored enough to break a few rules Drew: i see u Drew: MY girlfriend, remember? Carly: what do you think you see Drew: just sayin', asking to move, then saying you're gonna lez off Drew: not that thick 😂 Carly: but obvious Carly: as fantasies go you could do better Drew: been there Drew: done that Carly: not w her Carly: shes no ali but thats mean Drew: again, doubt she'll want you there to help with the devirginizing Drew: try not to take it person Carly: i dont wanna be there Carly: the first time is always shit Drew: nah Drew: not with me Carly: ha Carly: youre not that good Drew: pshhh Drew: don't be bitter Carly: im not Carly: its facts Carly: shell be so nervous youll be lucky if you get more than the tip in Carly: probs shes a crier too Drew: shut up Carly: its not your bad Carly: just how it is Carly: itll get better Carly: maybe good Drew: well it's off-putting Drew: men don't need to know about that stuff Drew: keep it to yourselves Carly: k Carly: just trying to help you be more than all chat Drew: yeah right Drew: like you wanna help her Carly: why wouldnt i Carly: i said shes alright Drew: still, no need to be that charitable Drew: why d'you care? Carly: not offering to warm her up for you babe Carly: ive probs hung out w her more than you have Carly: why shouldnt i care Drew: 'cos she ain't your girlfriend Drew: between me and her, not the fucking committee Carly: unlike you i can care about people im not fucking Drew: 🙄 Drew: whatevs Carly: why do you care if i talk about her or not Carly: that i kno her Drew: 'cos i know what girls are like Drew: always talking Carly: me and her arent bffs Carly: i wouldnt be talking to you if we were Drew: i'd hope not Carly: so dont cry Carly: im not telling her anything Drew: stop acting like you give a shit then Carly: im not acting anything Carly: thats all you babe Drew: fuck off Carly: nowhere to go Carly: busy coach remember Carly: what do you get out of being w her? Carly: she doesnt put out & she does your head in Carly: why bother Carly: there are other virgins in town, i think Drew: idk Drew: she's nice Carly: that it Drew: nah Drew: she's good girlfriend material Drew: you can see, idk why you want me to sing her praises to you Drew: masochist, like 😂 Carly: im only asking Carly: why dont you wanna sing her praises to everyone Drew: i'm not that sorta bloke Drew: cringe Carly: yea Carly: its sweet tho Drew: if you say so Drew: just makes me feel 🤢 Carly: ha Carly: better get up the front boy Drew: deffo Drew: any escape from the caleb and ali show Carly: true Carly: ms woodfield will distract you Carly: shes looking thirsty might offer her a drink Drew: queue for that toilet getting longer by the minute Carly: yea Carly: as if caleb & ali arent in there Carly: slacking Carly: like i taught her nothing Drew: probs just jerk him off in the seats like Drew: not backrow coolkids but still pretty standard Carly: aw Carly: cute Drew: how is that cute Carly: theyre in love Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youd like it if your girl offered to do you Drew: no they ain't Drew: she was with you not that long ago Drew: be on to the next soon Carly: nah Carly: she loves him & its mutual Drew: things change Drew: we don't need to make a song and dance every time someone gets with someone else like Carly: who is Carly: its no big Carly: but its still happening Drew: i'd rather just ignore it 'til it goes away Drew: not like you up in my business 😜 Carly: im not up in any part of you Carly: relax Drew: mhmm Drew: lie harder Carly: nah Carly: i wanna be but im not Carly: facts Carly: id be lying if i said i didnt want you Drew: i know Drew: prove it though Carly: how Carly: what do you want me to do Drew: brave the queue 🤳 Carly: k Carly: [Sends pics and video also because she knows he can't watch it in front of the squad] Drew: tease Drew: swap seats with me so ms woodfield can watch too Carly: prick Carly: youre a bigger tease than me tho Drew: no way Drew: i got the evidence to prove it now Carly: if i was a tease id have given you nothing Carly: let you sweat it Carly: like you are to me Drew: you ain't asked for anything Carly: but you kno what i want Carly: give me something Drew: [Sends ab pic that was just his last Insta] Carly: come on Carly: dont be like that Drew: what? Carly: such an arsehole Carly: im not begging Drew: 😂✌

[thatshitswack]

Hey are you feeling okay lately? We've never talked but I'm here if you need someone to talk to :)

this is going to be all over the place, so i apologize ahead of time

IDK IF YOURE A MUTUAL OR NOT BUT YOU SENT THIS LIKE A DAY AFTER I UNFOLLOWED LIKE HALF MY BLOGS SO IF I USED TO FOLLOW YOU HMU, I TRY NOT TO UNFOLLOW MUTUALS BUT ITS HAPPENED BEFORE

ok so uhhh i know you sent this like a day or two ago and this is gonna be a long post cuz i dont feel like answering other stuff in my inbox and i have a couple other things to address 

to answer you first, no im not doing well, but its ok. if you want to talk about other things like hobbies, memes or if YOU have something that you wanna get off your chest then hmu no problem, but as for like my current state of mind… i know what my problems are and talking to someone isnt gonna help. I APPRECIATE IT THO, i dont wanna sound like some edgy asshole. 

also, if youre truly concerned or uncomfortable (EVEN IF WE’VE BEEN MUTUALS FOR YEARS, I’D UNDERSTAND, people change), please unfollow, ive said this before, especially if yorue a minor

ok having said that, sorry to the asks i havent answered in like a month, i just dont have the energy and i wont be answering them either

anyway, i hope anyone that this regards sees it, ty n peace

[ghostliied]

my url if you want ~

( ✦ ✦ — some positive thoughts ; kind of accepting ✦ ✦ ✦ )

Ah yes, Grey. You’re probably gonna have to sit down for this. Cause it’s probably gonna be a lot. Maybe. IDK

Can I just start by saying that while I thought that we have been mutuals for like… a short amount of time. That’s actually far from the truth okay. Like legit I completely did a brainfart, didn’t put two and two together and realise it but! I followed you wayyyy back when I was on Red lol. Anyway. That being said, my thoughts are pretty much the same as they were then. I did honestly like your muse and I kinda wanted to interact because honestly?? I enjoyed what I saw but also because at the time I had resurrected Aitwo at the time for the 3rd time. jshld Idk Mewtwo kinda gave me motivation to write and I’m not just saying that cause I wanted to interact with you but it was because what you wrote made me want to write. 

Keep in mind that not many people that I don’t talk to actually give me motivation to write. Usually what causes me to write are my partners or if I’m in a lot of turmoil and need to write. But whenever I saw you on the dash I kinda had a feeling of excitement and happiness kinda just come to me. and I genuinely couldn’t tell you the real reason why because I don’t 100% know why it happened, but it just happened. And that was that I wanted to write. Maybe it was because I read some HCs from you or maybe the fact that whatever HCs I did read I felt like I could kinda relate because they were good headcanons. 

As a writer, I love exploring and diving deep into HCs and whatnot. This goes for all of my characters. So when I find somebody who puts effort into their headcanons and bio, I get really, really excited to see them on the dash. Like you! I got really happy to see you on the dash.

And it’s still the same to this day tbh. I really do enjoy your presence on the dash. I wish I could come to your inbox more and just ask all the HC asks I can think of because honestly I love headcanons okay? And I love to hear your 2 cents on your own characters. Theres still a lot I dont know about your characters (probably cause I’ve just been gone 90% of the time) but that’s just a small detail that can be smoothed out. :3 

I know I’m probably being very redundant, but! honestly I don’t think I can tell you how much I genuinely want to talk to you about your muses okay? And that’s just your muses alone! I have yet to actually go into you as a person too! Which I will do now tbh.

The first time we actually talked was on my alex muse. I posted something about wanting to smut (but not actually being able to smut) and you pretty much went :eyes: No wait I looked at it my words were more on the lines of ‘I want to sin but…. HOW TO SIN.’ and then i went to message you and we talked about it. and I feel like the convo kinda didn’t go far. and I feel bad cause if you were asking/telling me that you would write sin with me, I totally don’t mind just that I’m bad at it. I can plot it, apparently I can plot it very well I have come to notice in these past few weeks. and they probably know who they are cause I’ve only plotted it thoroughly with this one person. :D 

but! I digress. I hope you know that I wasn’t trying to like push you away when I was saying I’m VERY bad and kinda uncomfortable with it.. I promise you that I still VERY MUCH would want to TRY it. and you saying such positive things to me about it made me really wanna try it more (hence why i went on to plot it was a friendo a while ago). and honestly I really REALLY wouldn’t mind if you wanted to plot something out with Alex. I’ve really been wanting to approach you again about it. I promise you that Alex is nothing like M, M and Alex are just escort buddies its just business between them. Maybe… lmao. No but really. I would like to try and genuinely get better. I haven’t written smut since… ugh forever and forever ago I REALLY didn’t know what I was getting myself into I had no support or anything. But really. I  REALLY do feel like you gave me enough courage and support there, even if it doesn’t feel like it, you really do motivate me Grey. and I don’t think I can thank you enough.

even if you don’t think you are, you REALLY do. and I need to stop being a baby and talk to you more about everything in general because I really am kind of afraid to take the step and talk to you more. It’s really keeping me from sending you so many HC asks and other stuff too. And I know that we all are busy and we all have our people that we talk to, that’s why I don’t really say anything because We AREN’T close. I really wish we were cause BOI can I just say that there’s a lot that I wanna talk about and I wanna be there for you too cause like I do admire you and value you as a person and as a writer. and as somebody who also struggles with wanting to be here, I just kind of want to make sure you’re alright. Because you do matter. 

thank you for always making my day. 

[flavorednarry]

who do you think the album is about then ? his ex secret girlfriend ? 😂

well…. tbh, i’ve never really spared much thought on “which mysterious girl” must’ve influenced those lyrics cuz, i kinda find them relatable to my own breakup.. so for me, it has always been like- hmm.. yeah.. i get it Niall.. thank you for sharing.. hope you get to move on asap cuz you deserve so much better than this.. love you. i guess i personally dont wanna give any importance to the ‘ex’.. what’s more important is the lessons you learn from your experience and how you turn them into your strengths..

but since you’ve followed up with this ask in my inbox, i pondered over it quiet a lot.. and here’s how it went *bear with me*:

to begin with, lets rewind back to when nolo was being concieved.. niall was 22, free from the hectic 1D schedule for the first time in 5 years.. aka the first time he got a real opportunity to reflect back upon his life since that xfactor audition kicked off..

try to place yourself in his shoes and think.. you’re most likely to relish in your achievements for the first few weeks.. then you come down from your high and the reality of a normal life routine hits you.. you try to cope with it for few weeks but get extremely bored.. so you plan a long getaway trip with your friends.. you get to look at the world from a different perspective.. you enjoy it.. maybe you spot honeymooners among fellow tourists.. and wonder.. these locations are indeed so scenic.. wish i too had someone to romance with :) but, YOU DON’T have anyone! oh the woes of being single! anyways.. so here you are having a personal moment, feeling inspired and so you pen down some lyrical notes in your leather-bound book..

you try to look back into your past and think about the time when you had an active lovelife.. NOW, if i think about the known bits of his love-life, only Holly and Celine come to my mind.. sure, there were others who were rumored to be his girlfriends at various points of his 1D (aka mostly teenage) life.. but, hear me out-

CELINE is certainly not the inspiration for Flicker cuz she arrived in June 2016 and Niall started writing songs in March 2016 viz. soon after he came home from his south-east-asia trip.. and according to Niall, he was in a good song-writing phase at that time.. he wrote This Town, Flicker, Too Much To Ask during this phase..

so, let’s think about these lyrics.. he says This Town is obviously inspired by his hometown Mullingar.. and the lyrics have a duality in a sense that you can relate them to the literal town itself or to your ex/first-love.. in Niall’s case, it could easily be Holly.. their relationship was out in the open, all over the internet when they were 16 and he had just hit enormous popularity on txf as a contestant.. if you look further, you’ll find Niall himself stating on television that they mutually broke-up because they didnt wanna endure the pain that came with the long-distance relationship on account of his success at txf..

CUT TO 2016! he’s gone through and lived his popstar life for six years and is now back home, being the same down-to-earth local irish lad but without Holly this time.. the reason they decided to break-up doesnt exist anymore.. and yet, he cant have her back cuz, she’s moved on.. and graciously! he is genuinely happy for her.. they are still in touch with each other through mutual school friends, he spots her every now an then whenever he’s in Mullingar or Dublin.. and why wont he? after all, they used to hangout in the same pubs with same friends back in the day.. and there are- what? 26 pubs within one mile radius in Mullingar? *gasp* you dont say!

so yeah.. imagine him longing for that selfless-innocent love-life.. its only natural for Niall to cookup an au where he can have the same Holly back as his gf..

My heart is hopingYou’ll walk right in tonightAnd tell me there are things that you regret‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yetThat’s all I’m askingIs it too much to ask?

He also said

Too Much To Ask

is actually what happened after

Flicker

When you lay there and you’re sleepingHear the patterns of your breathingAnd I tell you things you’ve never heard beforeAsking questions to the ceilingNever knowing what you’re thinkingI’m afraid that what we had is goneThen I think of the startAnd it echoes a sparkAnd I remember the magic electricityThen I look in my heartThere’s a light in the darkStill a flicker of hope that you first gave to meThat I wanna keepPlease don’t leavePlease don’t leave

.. so i guess this could be them thinking of breaking up and him secretly being selfish and hoping (back in 2009) for a future reunion (viz. present day 2016).. he couldnt say that out loud cuz they were so young and he probably thought he’d move on and find someone else so, better not to keep Holly hanging, right?

And now, coming to all those rumored girlfriends he’s had during 1D era.. i dont know about about all of them.. but, amy, ellie, barbara, melissa, selena are few of the names that floated around.. each of them latched on to him most likely due to his fame.. if any of them were indeed dating him seriously, none of them could probably keep up with his vivacious personality, his loyalty towards that anglo-irish friend circle, his constant on-the-road life, etc. that ultimately led to insufficient boyfriend time, which obviously none of them were okay with.. neither would you be if you were a teenager.. so none of those supposed 'girlfriends’ hold dear to niall’s ailing heart imo.. certainly not enough for him to write a break-up song about.. plus, he’s good friends with almost all of them even today (his instagram activity checks that out)..

BUT, maybe he reflected back upon these casual relationships too to look for inspiration when he hit that “bad-song-writing” phase he talks about.. maybe it was during this phase that he realised that he was looking back at his teenage love-life from an “adult” Niall Horan’s point-of-view.. maybe it was during this time that he sat along with other songwriters and bounced off ideas.. maybe it was during this phase that he decided to take a back-seat on the lyrics front and focus on writing melodies instead.. maybe it was during this time that they wrote songs like On the Loose and Mirrors. Maybe this was also the time he remembered watching House of Cards on netflix.. maybe that was when he probably flipped the title and wrote down Paper Houses in his notebook.. and then came across the note during these writing sessions and they wrote the song around it? maybe by now he was in “good” song-writing zone again and thus songs like The Tide and On My Own were born? I remember him saying they wrote On My Own in a frustrated drunken state.. there was a lot of shouting of lyrics in the studio.. they were letting out their frustration with their single-lives and lack of good inspiration i guess LOL..

Anyways, going back to speaking of “Niall Horan - the adult’s perspective”.. i guess this version of Niall was also curious to know whether Holly or any of his ex’s suffered heartbreak the way he did.. he probably wanted to include the girl’s point of view as well on his album, especially after all that venting out they did in previous songs, it’s only fair to hear out stuff about heartbreak from the other end, right? He’s a 21st century lover after all.. believes in equal opportunity.. understands that relationships and heartbreaks are a two way thing.. maybe this is when he really looked up to the talent that is Ruth Anne Cunningham.. cuz, i find it hard to believe that Niall or any man would conjure up lyrics that resonate so well with a girl’s point of view without having a female co-writer on board.. so here we are with beautifully written songs such as Seeing Blind, Fire Away, You and Me and Since We’re Alone ! Also, since we are on the topic of Niall being a gentleman, you cant ignore the lyrical play of words in Slow Hands -

“We should take this back to my place”That’s what she said right to my face

can you? Throughout the slow-hands-promo-tour he has been saying, they wanted to twist the song’s sexy vibe and have those words being said from a girl’s point-of-view..

To conclude, Niall has said in his interviews, there was certainly only one girl who he wrote songs about for his album and then there were other songs which are not derived from his personal life but are more inspired by people he is surrounded by in his day-to-day life.. some of them maybe about ex’s of his friends who share the same sentiment of breakup as he does.. we’ll probably never know their names and I personally dont think I need that bit of information.. what am i going to do about it? nothing.

If you read this thoroughly, thank you for your patience! :)