#so if it takes me looking dumb.. idrc as long as i can get out of here away from my parents

[akordiart]

i don't like being vulnerable / sharing personal stuff but things have been getting so bad with my parents lately so i've decided to ask for help..

please help me move out of my toxic parents' house

i'm constantly living in survival mode here and i can't seem to even relax or sleep properly. i recently got a diagnosis for anxiety & depression that i got referred to bc i was having heart/chest pains and the scans turned out fine (ie. my stress was manifesting physically and the dr referred me to a therapist for stress)

i wasn't diagnosed with it but i also relate a lot to ptsd symptoms, but it's not just post-traumatic, it's also current-traumatic lol since my parents are the reason why i suffer with it(extreme stress, nightmares, constantly on edge, concentration & memory issues, etc) everyday

i have no career in sight (i have 2 degrees and have had no luck in jobs with either of them and i can't even seem to get cashier/minimum wage jobs) and my art has been my only hope of earning money so i can move out of here ASAP. i really can't live with my parents any longer; i feel so trapped and i'm constantly stressed about doing things right/wrong or forgetting to do chores that will set off my parents and explode at me or threaten me and i just feel like a prey animal living in constant fear of my parents every single day.

it's been like this forever lol but recently it's just been getting worse which i didn't even imagine was possible and i just know i have to get out of here soon bc.. my mental health will get so much worse if i don't.

i also have commissions open and my print shop is here

thank you for reading all of this and for considering to help!

some of my art below the cut in case anyone is interested for commissions

[teddy06writes]

Pirate/Mermaid AU

requested by this anon: “Alright. Hear me out. Pirate Sapnap x Mermaid(fem) Reader. Finna Sapnap and the bois end up in a shipwreck and then reader tosses them all on shore and nurses them back to health type beat. Idrc, I just need that pirate AU. Please and thank you!”

{*Pulls out notebook of mermaid lore, with folk lore from everywhere around the world including tumblr, fresh vs salt water mermaids, shallow vs abyssal mermaids, mermaid sizes based on sightings, and legends, and lets it drop onto table* Boy oh boy have I been waiting for this}

{Like seriously tho} 

Pirate!Sapnap x fem!mermaid!reader

trigger warnings: swearing  mentions of drowning

premise: pirate sapnap and his crew wined up in a shipwreck, and naturally, since your passing by, you figure you might as well save them. As you help them recover, you can’t help but revel in the stories Sapnap tells of traveling around the high seas, well you’ve never been able to leave your cove. Eventually, when the time comes, there is a choice to make

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Days since you washed over the Reef 323:

You floated lazily alongside what was left of the wrecked ship as Sapnap moved about, trying to find more worth scavenging. 

“I thought you got everything out of there.” You said, twisting to lean your fore arms on the now sideways knee wall of the ship. 

“Well, we’ll need all of it if we want to make anything that can make it proper back to the smp.” He explained, dropping some of the less water logged planks onto the raft.

You nodded, still looking up at him quizzically, “Where will you go? After the smp of course.” 

Sapnap paused, sitting down on the edge of the boat, “Mm, probably back further south, it’s nice down there.” 

“Where's your favorite place out there?” You implored. 

“There's lots of cool places,” He chuckled, running a hand through his scraggly hair, “I suppose the land Karl rules over, he calls it party island. Its quite a good time.” 

“Sounds interesting.” You smiled, letting your chin rest on your arms.

“It’s one of the only places that doesn’t have a constant warrant out for our arrest, so that's good enough, even if the locals are- strange.” 

“Stranger than you?” You smirk. 

A grin crossed his face as he reached down to flick water your direction, “Stranger than merfolk.” 

“Hey!” You protested, raising your tail to splash water back at him. 

He laughed, “You wouldn’t dare!” 

“You underestimate me!” You brought your tail down on the surface of the water, splashing him.

Still laughing Sapnap went back to gathering what he could find out on what was left of the main deck, dropping it back down onto the raft before climbing on, “Lets go get Ranboo then.” 

You nodded, grabbing hold of part of the raft and beginning to swim across to the other half of the wreck, where the other boy had been doing scavenging of his own. 

“Ahoy there!” The younger mans voice rang out from the back side of the wreck, “I’ve found a way into the hold!” 

“Where?” Sapnap asked, eagerly climbing off the raft and onto the rocky reef the ship had been sunk on. 

“Round over here!” Ranboo finally appeared from the side of the wreck, “You have to swim a little, but there's a hole in the ship, I made it big enough to get through!” 

“How water logged is everything?” 

“Ehh, not too bad, we can probably get a decent amount of it.” Ranboo itched at the back of his head. 

Sapnap grinned, immediately scrambling across the rocks towards the other side of the ship, “Lets go then!” 

 You sighed as they both disappeared, pulling yourself up to sit on the raft,  long tail still half dipped in the water, glumly calling, “Good luck.” 

“Don’t sound so upset! I bet if you really wanted to you could get over here!” Sapnap’s voice came muffled from somewhere within the hold. 

You scoffed, “Yeah, and get myself so busted up on those rocks that I can’t keep you fools out of trouble.”

Ranboo’s head appeared again, as he heaved a chest up and onto the reef, “We don’t need to be kept out of trouble.” 

You cocked an eyebrow, “You two were the ones who got in a shipwreck.”

“Your the one who got stuck in this cove,” Sapnap pointed out, coming back into view with a chest of his own, “Fish in a bowl.” 

“Well at least I had an excuse for getting thrown over this damn wall.” You snapped. 

After that it was quiet as you climbed off the raft, carful not to knock anything to the water as they loaded up the chests, quickly going back for another round and stacking them on the raft. 

You sighed, holding the raft steady as they tried to find a way to get everything to balance, “At least one of you is going to have to swim. This isn’t gonna work.” 

Ranboo and Sapnap looked at each other for a moment before Sapnap nodded at the raft, and Ranboo climbed on, almost reluctantly, “You know if I swam too we could get more stuff on here.” 

“Too late,” You said, letting go of the raft and letting yourself sink back down into the water for a moment, quickly reemerging as Sapnap went to jump from the reef, “Be careful. I’m not dragging your dumb ass back to shore again.” 

He rolled his eyes, “You worry too much.” 

“No one said I was worried.” You scoffed. 

Off to the side Ranboo faked gaged, grabbing one of the planks to use as a makeshift oar and began to paddle away, “You guys are the worst!” 

You chuckled, quickly moving out of the way as Sapnap jumped down into the water yelling, “Race you to shore!” 

Rolling your eyes you began to swim, “There's literally no way for you to beat me!”

Sure enough you quickly pulled ahead, grabbing a hold of the raft to pull it with you, chuckling as Ranboo began to yell joking insults back toward Sapnap, then as you drew closer to the shore, Karl joining in, despite having no clue what was going on. 

As the water grew shallow Ranboo jumped off the raft, pulling it up to shore, Sapnap hurrying to help him upon reaching the same depth. 

Karl waved at you before grabbing the first of the chests, pulling it up onto the shore before beginning to rummage through its contents. 

Smiling you slowly began to drift back out away from the shore, pulling yourself up onto one of the few smooth rocks that littered the cove, sudenly tired from the trips back and forth, content for now to just relax in the sun. 

~~

Days since you washed over the reef: 325

Your dreams of the terrible storm that had landed you trapped within the cove were interrupted by a soft call of your name. 

“Hmm?” You rubbed at your eyes, sitting up to see that the sun had mostly set, and to see Sapnap standing at the end of the rickety pier that they had built during there first week stranded. 

“Hey.” He smiled. 

“Hey yourself.” You slipped off your rock, quickly swimming over to him. 

He sat down at the edge of the dock, offering a large piece of watermelon to you, “This is the last of the watermelons, Karl’s already started planting the seeds but hopefully we won’t be stuck here that long.” 

You frowned, “How you gonna get out of here?” 

“We’re gonna try to make a ship that’ll hold together long enough to get to Boomerville. We should be able to figure things out from there.” He explained, looking out to the open ocean. 

“Your gonna make a ship?” You looked up at him, confused, “How? There’s only four of you.”

Sapnap shrugged, “We can salvage parts of the ship, and we can cut the trees from the island. Bad thinks we could swing it.” 

You sighed, hauling yourself up onto the pier, Sapnap scooting to the side to make room, “You really think you can get out of here?” 

“Yeah,” The dock was quiet for a moment, the only sounds coming from the waves lapping at the shore before he offered, “You could come with us, if you wanted.”

You looked over at him, “How? I don’t even see how you could get a boat out of here, let alone me.” 

“Well, you know how yesterday everyone was gone?” He rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. 

Your brow furrowed, confused, “Yeah?” 

“We were kind of exploring the other side of the island. There's a gap in the reef, we should be able to get through.” 

You looked at him for a moment longer before looking down the coast of the island, you’d been trapped here for nearly a year and had never been able to find a way to the other side, “How am I meant to get to the other side of the island?” 

 “I’m sure we could figure out something,” Sapnap shrugged, almost chuckling, “I mean unless your lying and you’ve lived in this cove your whole life.” 

“Why would I lie about that?” You demanded. 

He held up his hands in defense, “Woah woah woah! I just figured the reef extends out away from the island, surely you’d gone around far enough to find the gap!”

You half wrapped your arms around your torso, “The reef isn’t in a perfect ring, it ellipses up to the shore, you should’ve seen that. Plus, There’s a wall where the rocks extend out to the coast south from here, none of the gaps are big enough for me to fit though.

“I may not be an abyssal mermaid but I’m not the same size as whoever made those. Fucking shallow water mermaids. Never take anyone else into consideration.” You huffed. 

“What?” He laughed. 

You couldn’t help but glare at him, “They’re inconsiderate! Just because they have less space to swim in doesn’t mean that the rest of us have the same sized tail!” 

Sapnap just kept laughing, so you moved to climbed back off the pier and into the water, starting to swim away, laughing even as you called, “You’re an asshole!” 

~~

Days since you washed over the sea wall: 334

Since the castaways had gotten the idea to make a ship they had only spent there days felling trees and working them into planks, as well as trying to salvage more boards from the wrecks.

You watched as they toiled, offering help where you could, though you still doubted there plans. 

Now you were perched back on the pier, quietly wrapping a bandage around Karl’s arm, “I told you all that those rocks are dangerous.” 

He shrugged, “We didn’t think they were that bad. Besides we’ve climbed over them like that before.” 

“If you could climb those easily without getting cut I’d be long gone from here.” You muttered bitterly. 

“We’ll find a way to get you out of here,” Karl smiled sympathetically, chuckling, “I doubt Sapnap would let us leave without you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, looking up at him. 

He giggled, glancing back up toward the wood where the shelter had been made weeks before, “Nothin.”

“mhhhm.” You hummed warily, tying off the bandage and  setting down your supplies before slipping back into the water, “Try not to get that wet.” 

He nodded absently, looking at the material before looking back at you, “I guess it was lucky that trunk was sealed. Hey, what did you do before we found those- to keep the cuts clean that is.” 

“Oh uh- kelp works, just about the same. That’s what I used on you guys after you landed here, and when I ended up here.” You explained. 

“You put sea weed on us instead of bandages??!” Bad yelled from up the shore, “That's not sanitary!” 

“It was kelp! Dude its like basic first aid! That’s all we had!” You retorted. 

“Ewww sea vegetables!” Ranboo yelled dramatically. 

“Dude shut up kelp is literally the most versatile thing! As long as you have kelp your set for life!” You argued, barley holding back giggles.

“But its weird!” Ranboo argued. 

You chuckled to yourself, turning and diving into the water, reemerging to swim closer to the beach, tossing a long piece of kelp to hit him in the face, “Kelp!” 

Everyone began to laugh as you retreated back into deeper water, swimming back and forth as Ranboo pealed the kelp from his face, “That was just plain rude!” 

Sometime later, after everyone had gone back to the shelter you found yourself slowly swimming back to the underwater cave that had been serving as your home since you’d ended up here.

You laid back on one of the rocks, stretching your tail and flexing your fins as you shuffled down to get comfortable, tugging a random drifting piece of hair out of your face you stared up at the ceiling.

Following the pattern of the rocks you sighed, what would happen when the ship was built, if ever? would they find a way for you to go with them? Or would they just leave you alone again?

Your thoughts slowly spiraled, going over the limited possibilities of what could happen, thinking of being alone again, when something knocked against the mouth of the cave. 

Slowly you rose, swimming the small distance to look out and see the bottom of the raft. 

A moment later you were swimming up and hauling yourself up onto the raft next to Sapnap, wringing water from your hair, “What’s up?”

“Stars are out.” He mumbled, gesturing up to the sky.

You nodded, leaning back to prop yourself back on your elbows, “Used to watch them, every night. From where ever I was staying that night. Now I don’t really see reason too.” 

“Why wouldn’t there be reason to?” He asked. 

“There always the same stars here. I used to be able to travel far enough to see different stars every night, but now there always the same.” You searched the heavens as you spoke.

He  glanced over at you, “We’ll see new stars once the ship is built.” 

You really think that building a ship will work?” 

“Maybe,” He murmured, “We’re trying to find a way to get you over there.”

“I don’t want to be alone again.” You mumbled, turning to look at him. 

Sapnap looked you in the eyes, “You won’t be, if I can help it.” 

“And if you can’t?” 

He opened his mouth, but made no reply, instead staying focused on the sky. 

You sighed, moving to slide back off the raft, “At least some stars remain.” 

Days Since You Washed Over The Sea Wall: 378

You swam back and fourth anxiously, today was it- today was the day that they made the attempt to sail from the cove. 

As far as you knew, the ship, which was apparently little more than a shoddy row boat, had been completed through much work, and today was the day they ventured out. 

Despite many weeks passing, no one had been able to come up with any plan to get you across the island, so now you were left in wait, hoping to see the boat come around the island, to try to find a new way to get you over the wall. 

Time seemed to pass slowly as you stared out over the sea wall, wondering if they had abandoned you completely. 

The sun had fully risen in the sky and yet they still weren’t appearing, your thoughts spiraling, coming to the conclusion that they truly had just left you. 

Taking a shaky breath you swam up to the sea wall, moving along it to what you made was where it held the least width, searching the wall almost desperately. 

A wave, almost larger than one you’d seen in a while rolled over the wall, pushing you back before re exosing the top of the wall, and with another deep breath you grabbed a section of the wall, ignoring the way it cut into your hand, and beginning the slow process of hauling yourself up. 

Just getting to perch on the wall found cuts on the palms of yours hands, and a scrape across your side, as well as a dull ache in your tail from where it slapped across the rocks. 

Still the shipwrecked pirates were no where to be seen. 

You continued to struggle across the rocks, slowly making your way to the ocean, dropping off the wall and into the water to feel a large pain across your back, still you ignored it, desperately starting to swim forward. 

The ocean was rougher than you excepted it to be, after all it had been over a year since you’d left the protection of your cage. 

You dived down, the stinging of pain from your cuts overtaking the feeling of freedom as you slowly resurfaced, only to be met with yet another huge wave. 

By the time the ‘ship’ had finally made it around the island, fighting against the rougher sea, you were no where in sight. 

“(y/n)!” Sapnap yelled, looking over the cove. 

“(y/n)!” Ranboo echoed. 

Bad struggled against the rudder, “Hurry up!” 

“(y/n)! Where are you? We’ve gotta go!” 

There yells were all in vain, not one of them reaching your ears, deep under the water, mostly unconscious in the cave that you’d barley managed to drag yourself into. 

~~ Days Since You Washed Over Sea Wall: 421

You sighed, carefully pulling yourself up onto the rickety old pier, rubbing gently at the scar that now crossed your torso, before laying back and staring up at the sky, trying to remember the way it had been to not be alone. 

The physicals wounds had healed, sure, but still the mind numbing loneliness was beginning to get to you yet again.

You stared up at the sky, wishing that at least the stars were there, but you were met only with the sun. 

“(y/n)!” 

You shot straight up as the familiar call echoed in your ear, “What the fuck?” 

“(y/n)!” The yell came again. 

“You mother fucker!” You shouted, dropping off of the pier and swimming as fast as you could out into the water. 

(y/n)!” Was repeated yet again as you all but crashed into Sapnaps arms.

“You fucking asshole!” You repeated, looking from the pirate to the ship that had laid anchor outside the reef, already starting to pull him toward the shore, “I thought you weren’t coming back! I went out there after you! Busted myself up!” 

He glanced over your various scars, both the older and the newer before hugging you again, not worrying as you continued to tread water, “I didn’t mean too.” 

“What the hell though? I Thought you left me.” You repeated.

“I told you not if I could help it.”