#so if i'm super happy and then angry and then depressed it's all the exact same

[townofcrosshollow]

AAAAAAND IT'S HEADACHE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

[heckthis-heckallofthis]

Fucking hell code black is so sad and makes my brain think a lot so here's some random thoughts about code black I have on the regular.

The fact that AA and his group (CB1) got bullied hard by the second body's blood cells, they're literally being discriminated against. And after DA and his group (CB2) saved them, it was all fine and good until DA started to resent AA for his never give up attitude. Nearly the exact same reason the original group of blood cells bullied him for. DA had to actually restrain himself from kicking his ass so he wouldn't repeat history and leave those guys outcast again, he's the one who stopped it in the first place.

AA remembering each of the fellow RBCs he's lost in the last chapter. AC and SS as their happy and outgoing personality, BD as the cool senior that he is, QJ for his kindness, DA for his serious demeanor and his amazing leadership. Literally makes me fucking cry every time I remember this image.

CaWtwt pointed this out before but the fact that SS got killed by cancer and DA got killed by the cancer treatment. Are you fucking kidding me. They're so. Me when I'm.

You don't understand how obsessed I am with the fact that they made DA angry at AA for so long. QJ was the one who unbeknownstly held the group together, and once he died, DA literally can't handle talking and working with someone who is so stubbornly optimistic without a slither of proof their body is gonna get better. The parallel between him believing in medicine so much that he doesn't even worry that the body is going through so many weird events (fasting, clearing out the overdose, medicating for depression and addiction) and AA being SO paranoid that something could kill them but doesn't want to die at all. Honestly AA hanging out w SS for a while during the depression arc probably made him even angrier. That's HIS RBC, not yours.

The irony of BD's death is NOT lost on me. Him saying "Don't go dying on me now!" At his juniors and him sacrificing himself to prevent the cancer from leaving the area of surgery. He didn't even plan to sacrifice himself, he had self preservation, it was just unfortunate he didn't manage to make it out in time. And then in the end, it didn't even work. Cancer still managed to spread, it was still for nothing.

Honestly I really love that scene where DA talks to J-1187 in the chemotherapy arc. He finally started believing for real the body is helping itself, he's not only telling her but he's also telling himself.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you for killing DA. He did not deserve death. Frankly it would've been super cool to see AA die and have him not exist in the last volume. Replace him with DA and it would've been perfect. (Definitely not biased) NC watching AA die before him was perfect, absolutely amazing. Leaving DA, a blood cell from the original body, to think about how AA was right all along, and he can't even apologise because he's dead now. Leaving NC to live on his own without his seniors from a body he was born in. DA should've been the one helping NC, he would cry and sob every fucking day in his home but he would have to keep living because his body proved him wrong.

Only thing I have against AA dead for real AU is that 1196 would be so so sad. She would be on a silent killing spree without anyone to stop her. She would be devastated. Her and DA could probably bond about losing their beloveds.

Honestly I'm kinda insane about how AC influenced AA so much, he helped him figure out that having breaks is essential for efficiency, and you can actively see the group taking regular breaks, if not short ones interrupted by things the body does. AA not exactly taking a break and just promising to only deliver gases while DA yells at him to stop slacking off. He's the entirely opposite of what AC is to AA. I love them. Aughgg they make me insane.

Something about RBC drama really gets me going. The girls are fighting!!!1!!!1!1!! And it's just DA and AA duking it out bar fight style.

Why dis 🩸 look so mad and it's just DA w SS, or alternatively AA and AC during the overworking arc w him.

[nastymeowmeow]

Gonna pretend to be normal today. It's like reverse Halloween, right? Look pretty on the outside, but a total fucking hurricane on the inside. I tried to delete the photos of her in my phone, but that felt shitty.

How do you just delete someone? What the fuck do I do with these photos? I don't want to look at her face. Every time I see photos of us together or random creep shots I took of her while she was in her happy place, I literally physically want to vomit.

Like a gut punch from god damn hell.

Thank Gary for Google Drive. I'm just gonna dump all of our photos into a file online and leave it there. Like burying a time capsule, but nobody can dig it up and steal your homemade porn before you go back to retrieve it one year later.

Yeah I know that's specific, but I speak from experience. You're welcome, whoever stole my porn. I hope you go to prison for possession of child pornography because I was definitely 16 when I made those.

I'm definitely going to delete all of the sexy and naughty things I did, though. Gross. I really hate it when I do naughty things and then I have to look back on them later. Like cool Sandy, you are one desperate slut for sending these to your girlfriend. Needed attention and validation that bad, huh?

I know that's mean to myself. I would never say or think that towards anyone else. In fact I love getting nudes and sexy videos. They're special. Not so much when they are from the past. Like awesome I love being treated the exact same way you treated your last fuckthing, but it's still hot. Just not as cool as getting your own personalized special nudes.

God I'm fucking salty today. It's just part of the mourning process I guess. My friend told me to treat the breakup like the grieving process you go through when someone dies. I guess technically my girlfriend did die. In a way. Weird.

I don't think I'm doing it right though.

It is supposed to go in this order: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

I definitely went for Denial first. I knew she wanted to break up weeks ago. I saw it in her eyes the night we went to Boise to play magic. Everything was off. My heart was already breaking a little bit, just by feeling the energy shift. Call it intuition, but I knew she was already there. Then I gave her space, even though I was scared. Even though I knew giving her space was going to help her break up with me. Every woman does this. When they want to break up. They ask for space. They wait for things to fester and they distance themselves. To soften the blow when they finally get the moxie to "rip the bandaid off." I tried to tell myself maybe she won't. Maybe she'll feel better, but I knew better. I've done this a hundred times with other people.

Then I went in for bargaining. Skipped anger and went straight to bargaining. Asking her if I could just be there. Telling her I'd rather put my needs completely to the side if that meant we could stay together and work through things eventually. Asking her if we could just focus on her and put our relationship on the back burner for as long as she needed.

She rejected that. Then I went straight into depression. Scroll down for a novel of sad girl garbage. Being emotional and emo is so embarrassing when you have to re-read what you were thinking. Like god, Sandy. Get over yourself. There are people being firebombed to death in their own homes just for existing and you're over here crying because you can't handle a little bit of Bipolar Disorder and a really clean breakup.

Now I'm just angry. Not at her. At myself. At life. I'm just angry that I'm stuck here on this stupid planet in this stupid body living my stupid life. I'm angry that my brain can't just stop being Bipolar. I'm angry that one day I want to die and the next day I feel immortal. I'm angry that I'm never going to feel normal. I'm fucking angry.

It would be super cool if I can just skip over to acceptance now. Here's a fucking selfie. To remind myself that yeah. I'm an angry fucking basket case. An absolute wreck of a woman, but at least I'm hot.

[dramaticskeleton]

Putting Thoughts To Paper Since I Am Alone For The First Time Since Moving In Together And I'm Staving Off The Depression and Anxiety

I never realized that I am such a creature of habit until now. I always thought I was a Go-With-The-Flow person, who said "It is what it is" and adapted. But the truth is, I am not. Not even remotely. When my routine gets messed up, if something happens to upset my normal rhythm of my normal day, I get very emotion - either very sad, very angry, or somewhere in between. The worst part is, I never know I have a routine with something until it gets upset! Me leaving work an hour or so late and other days leaving on time is NOT a mess up of my routine. My work routine is literally "I will be home late and pleasantly surprised if I am home on time." But the morning of work, getting ready with you, making breakfast (or attempting to), getting our clothes from ALLLLLL the way UPSTAIRS?!! Those are all part of my routine. Coming home with my plethora of stories to tell you is part of my routine. Even before we moved in together, calling you at the end of the day was part of my routine. And if any of that gets altered or ruined, I am not a happy panda.

I've developed a new routine with you where I call you when I'm leaving work, tell you when I'm getting home, then send you the exact time and picture of me and the house when I get home, exactly when I said I was going to. And then coming upstairs, saying bOYFraND! And asking if you saw the picture - which you normally don't because you are too busy either playing your video games or hiding around the corner, waiting to scare me. All of that is part of this new routine that I have come to love and enjoy, even in the short amount of time that it has developed. So coming home tonight, knowing I wouldn't get to do any of that was... so horribly depressing. I came home to an empty house. Kittens asking for food. Silence other than the water fountain and faucet in the bathroom. No tentative questioning of "Girlfrand?" with the knowledge that it is, in fact, me, but also with mild concern that somebody may have broken in and you have to make sure it's me before coming to see me and give me hugs (because it would be super embarrassing if you went to hug and kiss a stranger). Washing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, making dinner (made healthy ramen and salmon patties instead of getting chipotle and spending monies) was reminiscent of pre-moving-in days and I. Am. Displeased.

You.

You have become my routine. Your smile, your laughter. Your warm, tight hugs. The gentle but firm forehead kisses reminding me that you love me and adore me and are glad to see me home all in one swift motion.

I've started talking to you on video chat and I wanted to keep typing while talking, but I just love looking at your face and engaging with you that I couldn't. Just hung up and I already miss the sound of your voice. I'm sad and not really excited to go to bed, where I will be lying alone, without you around me. I know it's only for the night but I hate all of this :(

But I should also head to bed, or at least lie in the couch-bed and relax a little bit. Finishing the night with "Necrophiliac, murderous, seal raping otters." <3

[rjalker]

Don't unload your emotional trauma on strangers for literally not even getting paid enough to do their the job that they are doing, let alone being paid enough to act as your fucking therapist.

Your cashier is not your therapist. Do not fucking treat your cashier like they're a fuking therapist. I do not want to hear about all the horrible things that are happening in your life. I am literally just trying to be friendly. Do you see me telling all the customers to ask how I am doing today all the horrible things that have gone wrong for my day? No. Even when I am having an absolutely fucking horrible day and I'm pissed off and annoyed, I respond with I'm doing good how are you? Because we are strangers. We are literally only going to interact probably this once in our entire fucking lies. It literally just has to be polite and friendly. Me asking how your day is going does not mean you have to tell me every single horrible fucking thing that has gone wrong in your fucking life since you are 5 years old.

I don't fucking care if you are having the worst day in your life.

You respond with the exact same way that I would respond as your fucking cashier if you ask me how my day is going. Even if I have a splitting headache and I feel nauseous as shit and I am tired and I just want to go home and I'm miserable.

I say my day is going well. I'm doing good.

Call common courtesy. It's called manners. It's called being polite.

Do not overstep the bounds of social niceties by dumping all of your emotional shit on to me when I'm literally just trying to do my job.

You wouldn't be happy to have a cashier tell you about how their dog just died and they're super fucking depressed and all of this emotional sad miserable shit, now would you?

No. You wouldn't.

Don't do that to us.

Just be fucking polite and move the fuck on. And if you really need to fucking talk to somebody talk to one of your friends. Talk to a family member. Make a fucking blog and rant about it. Or hire a fucking therapist.

Don't pretend that "Hi, how are you today?" invites anything more than a response of "good, how are you?"

Unless the thing you want to share is positive happy and exciting, don't fucking share it. Unless the thing you want to say to us is something you would be happy to have a cashier say to you, don't fucking say it. If the only thing you can think of to say is negative and depressing and miserable don't fucking say it.

No one wants to have a cashier that is grumpy and depressed and miserable and angry.

So the very least you can fucking do is put on your fucking customer service face and be just be as polite as we are to you.

[bizarrewritings-blog]

3 Words - Stucky

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: It only took 3 words to turn Bucky's world around. Normally, almost nothing could caught him off guard, but in that moment, his jaw nearly hit the ground.

Word count: 2,733

Warning: Slightly implied smut

A/N: This plays partly before, partly after Infinity War but we're gonna imagine everything went well, they won the fight and everyone is alive and friends again. Basically, let's pretend life isn't as fucked up as it is rn. Also, in this Steve and Bucky didn't had contact during Bucky's stay in Wakanda.

For already a while, Bucky's constant state had been simply Confusion. Nothing new, some would say, but it was. At least to him.

He always loved Steve. More like a brother, a best friend, but he loved him. But something has changed since he got unfreezed in Wakanda, being met with T'challa and Shuri rather than his best friend. He felt disappointed almost.

The time he spend in his little cabin in Wakanda wasn't the best as well. Of course, he loved the kids and his goats. And the peace he was finally able to enjoy, apart from the farm work. But he wasn't happy. Steve wasn't there with him and he missed him more than anything. Bucky couldn't go to anyone when those nightmares came back and he couldn't talk to anyone about the fears that still lingered inside of him. He had to suppress all that.

When T'challa brought him his new arm, he knew the peace was over. But Steve was coming. He would be able to see him again. And after all this was over, he would be able to be with him again. He felt his heart swell whenever he thought of it, a small smile creeping it's way onto his face. He couldn't wait. So he did everything to not look like a greasy, depressed man. He took a much needed shower, put on his new arm and suit before making his way over to where Steve and the others would arrive.

When Bucky saw the jet landing he could almost feel his heart exploding with excitement, the smile on his face permanent as he shifted nervously. He watched from afar as T'challa led the group towards him. Then he spotted Steve for the first time in years, and he felt his throat get dry. His hair was slightly longer, styled back, and he had grown a pretty impressive beard, his old uniform worn out. He looked so amazing, Bucky felt himself starting to sweat. He never had that kind of reaction from just seeing someone, but he did now.

As the group neared he tried redeemed himself, taking a deep breath as to calm himself, even though his heart was racing harder than it ever did before. He could hear T'challas voice the closer they got. "You have my kings guard, the border tribe," They were so close, but still haven't seen Bucky. He slowly crept out of his hiding spot. "the Dora Milaje, and-" "A semi-stable 100 year old men" He grinned, instantly walking towards Steve. The Blond smiled brightly at him before pulling him in for a hug. It didn't last long, but it was enough time for Bucky to take in Steves sweet scent. He wished they could stay like this forever. He had missed him so damn much.

"How've you been, Buck?" Steve asked with a smile after pulling away. God that smile. "Ehh, not bad, for the end of the world." Bucky joked, a small grin on his face.

After that they all prepared for the war that was about to happen. Bucky clearly wasn't ready, he was tired of fighting. All he wanted to do was to stay somewhere safe with Steve, just the two of them, like it used to be back in the 40's. But he realized he wouldn't get his wish granted as a couple of spaceships brought a mass of giant, angry aliens to Wakanda.

The fight was hard and exhausting and left all everyone physically and mentally scared, but after what felt like eternity they finally won.

*2 month later*

Most of the Avengers came back to live on the Avengers compound, including Bucky, and it was the happiest he's been in years. He finally got to spend time with Steve again. He obviously didn't have him all to himself, but he would have to accept that.

By now, Bucky had realised that the feeling he got around Steve wasn't like friendship. He had changed, just like his view on Steve. Bucky could feel his heart pick up whenever the Blond smiled at him and when Steve fell asleep next to him after Bucky joined him after another nightmare, he could burst out in tears of happiness.

What held him back from saying anything is Steve's past. To Bucky, it appeared like he was straight. He never told him anything about any attraction towards men, and hell he watched him making out with Sharon a couple years back. On the other hand, Bucky hasn't told Steve about his sudden bisexuality as well. He himself wasn't even sure if he was bi. All he wanted was Steve. But he kept silent, pushing his feelings down in fear of rejection. At least until that day, which turned his whole point of view around.

It was one of those cozy evenings where they all would sit in the lounge, maybe watching a movie, joking around and just being happy about how peaceful it finally was. Bucky would take his standard place on one of the couches, next to Steve. Their arms would brush against each other from time to time, and even the small contact made Bucky shiver. He wouldn't even listen to the ongoing conversation, his mind focused on his phone in his hands and Steve's slight touches. But when the conversation shifted to that exact man, he lifted his gaze to listen. "Come on Steve, when was the last time you had fun, mh?" Natasha, who was sitting on Steves other side, grinned. "I don't have time for relationships. Someone's gotta save the world, y'know." Steve answered, shrugging. "But come on, maybe just a little fun from time to time, nothing serious. It would do you good, you're too tense all the time." Tony joined the conversation, grinning as well. Bucky tensed in his spot as Steve chuckled beside him. He didn't want to think about his best friend/crush sleeping with a random girl. "I hate to admit, but Stark is right." Natasha went on. "What about that barista in the coffee shop this morning? He totally gave you bedroom eyes." Buckys eyes widened. He?

The rest of the team seemed just as surprised. "But Steve isn't gay?" Sam spoke from his spot on the bean bag. Steve turned to him, brows furrowed. "You didn't know?" Buckys breath quickened. There was no way he was- "I'm actually bi." Buckys jaw slacked as he started at Steve in disbelief, just like everyone else. "What?" he heard himself say, a little too loud as now everyone turned to him. He felt himself blush, slowly closing his mouth again. "Why didn't you tell me." He was actually kind of hurt Steve didn't tell him. But then Steve softly smiled at him and he forgot basically everything. "I just didn't know why it would be relevant. I just told Natasha because she was with me when I once didn't turn down a guy who flirted with me." He shrugged. Bucky just sat there staring as his hands, not knowing how to react.

"I'm bi as well." He suddenly blurted, his mouth speaking faster than his mind could think. His cheeks turned a dark shade of red when he realized what he said, his mind spinning as he thought how weird that must have sounded. His gaze lifted to Steve who was just grinning at him. "So you wanna call me out for not telling you when you didn't tell me yourself?" Bucky chuckled nervously at the irony. "Great. Now we have two bi super soldiers." Rhodey joked. "Anyone else want to out themselves? Or are two enough for today?" The room went silent. "Noone? Good, these two are acting awkward enough." Rhodey continued, pointing at Bucky and Steve. Both men laughed slightly at that.

When Bucky was making himself a sandwich in the kitchen a little later, Steve entered as well. "Hey Buck." He smiled brightly, making Bucky smile as well. "I wanted to say I'm sorry i didn't tell you about - y'know." He continued, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Bucky nodded, understanding. "I'm sorry as well. I should've told you earlier." He said, taking a bite of his sandwich. Steve smiled at him again with this goddamn smile that made his heart jump. "No more secrets from now on, alright?" Steve suggested, making Bucky gulp down his bite, the phrase 'I love you' running through his head instantly, wanting to be spoken out aloud. But he kept quiet, told Steve "Of course." instead. Steve nodded at that, padding him on the shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Bucky left out a heavy sigh, his mind dizzy. God he wanted to tell him so badly. But just because Steve was into men didn't mean that he was into him as well. He wanted to slap himself for his feelings, he hasn't fallen for someone in so long and now it had to be Steve? He knew his brain was messed up, but not that messed up.

The following night, Bucky once again woke up in the middle of the night with his chest heaving, his forehead glistening with sweat. A relieved sigh left his lips as he realized where he was, his dream not being reality. He could punch himself that after all these years, he still had nightmares about his times as the Winter Soldier.

He slowly slid out of bed, making his way to Steve's room, as usual. But this time it was different. Since he now knew Steve was bi as well, the chances that he might feel the same as he did were now higher. He took a deep breath as he stood infront of Steves room before lifting his hand, softly knocking again the door. He listened closely to the sound of ruffling sheets inside before a grumpy "Yeah?" made him open the door. He felt a little bad as he stepped inside, seeing a tiredSteve rubbing his eyes. He clearly had woken him up. Still, he didn't miss the way his heart jumped at how adorable Steve looked. All sleepy and soft, shirtless with his blanket pulled up to his broad chest.

"I-I'm sorry if i woke you up. I can leave again." Bucky mumbled, nervously picking on a loose threat of his sweatpants. "Shut up and come here." Steve chuckled, making Bucky smile. He closed the door behind him, walking over to the empty side of Steves bed and getting under the covers. He layed on his back, about 2 feet away from Steve as he stared against the ceiling. "Wanna talk about it?" Steve asked, laying on his side as his head rested on his elbow, looking down at Bucky. Bucky could feel his heart racing. "It's almost the same I've been having the last couple weeks. Nothing new." Steve nodded before dropping down beside Bucky, now laying much closer to him. Bucky could feel the heat radiating off the Blonds body and it made him want to cuddle into his side.

"Hey Buck?" Steve ripped him out of his thoughts as he stared at the ceiling as well. "Yeah?" "How did you know you were bi?" Bucky swallowed thickly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Steve was looking at him again. He clearly couldn't concentrate under his intense gaze. "I-I don't really know. Why?" Steve lifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "I dunno. Just curious." Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion. "How did you know?" "I fell for a guy, duh." Steve answered amused. Bucky felt his face heat up. "Of course." He simply replied. A calming silence filled the room after that. Bucky could still feel the heat from Steves body while he listened to his steady breathing. This was normally the point where they would either cuddle or just fall asleep next to each other. Bucky wanted nothing more than to be as close as possible to Steve, so he went for option one.

"Steve?" He asked quietly, getting a "Mhm?" as a response. "Can we cuddle?" He hated how desperate he sounded, but he smiled lightly as Steve chuckled. "Of course." Bucky immediately turned to Steve wanting to scoot closer but Steve suddenly stopped him. "I probably should put something on before this." Buckys brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" "It's a warm night. Didn't expect company." Steve answered honestly, shrugging his shoulders. It took Bucky a moment to understand, his face turning red as soon as he got what Steve meant. "Y-You're naked?" He asked, making sure he understood him correctly. Steve chuckled, amused by how flustered Bucky was, before nodding. Bucky just stared at him in disbelief. He had been laying in a bed with his butt naked crush. Steve still faced him as well, his lips curling into a sly smirk. "You want me to put something on or not?" He asked, biting his lip. Bucky fought the ought to stare at his mouth. Instead he kept his eyes on Steves as his throat went dry, his whole body feeling on fire. He wanted to say no, wanted to feel every inch of Steves skin. But he would never be able to fall asleep when Steve would be just laying beside him, completely naked.

So he swallowed thickly before croaking out a "Yeah." Steve nodded, smiling before standing up. Buckys eyes went wide as he now had full vision of Steves butt as he walked to his wardrobe to put on a pair of boxers. Buckys breath got caught in his throat as he watched the other man bent down slowly. Then it hit him. Steve was putting on a show for him. Noone takes so long to put on one piece of clothing.

"You little shit." Bucky almost growled, making Steve bite his lip again. "What was that?" The Blond asked as he turned around to get back on the bed. "You're doing this shit on purpose." Steve drpped back down beside Bucky, tilting his head to one side innocently while he grinned. "And what if I'm doing it on purpose?" He leaned forward slowly, smiling as Buckys breathing became more erratic. "For what reason?" Bucky questioned, now shamelessly staring at Steves lips which were slowly inching closer. They were already so close, he could feel Steves breath against his face as he chuckled. "Because i like you, dumbass." Buckys eyes widened, flying back to Steves to see if he was lying. "Are you serious?" Steve chuckled again. "Of course. Now stop talking and kiss me." Bucky didn't need anything else as he leaned forward, crashing his lips against Steves. He groaned into the kiss as they lips moved together, the taste of Steve even sweeter than he imagined it.

Bucky moved his hands to Steves waist to pull him closer, while one of Steves hands made it's way into Buckys hair, tugging gently. Bucky moaned softly at that, Steve taking this opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. Both their tongues danced together perfectly as small noises of pleasure left Steves mouth. Buckys grip on Steves waist tightened as the only way to keep him grounded. He could feel his mind spinning, the warmth he felt in his belly spreading over his whole body. Of course he had kissed multiple people already, but this was a whole new level. With Steve it felt so good, just RIGHT. Like they were made for kissing each other and noone else.

After a couple minutes Steve pulled away, gasping for air while grinning at Bucky. "Shit, if i knew you could kiss like that i would've made out with you earlier." He chuckled, making Bucky smile. "We definitely should have done this earlier. We're both surprisingly good at it." Bucky agreed, earning a laugh from Steve. "Guess I'm going to take this as an 'I like you too'?" Steve questioned, his eyes meeting Buckys. Bucky slowly lifted his right hand to lay it on Steves cheek, slowly stroking the stubble as he smiled softly at him. "I like you too." He could see the way Steves eyes lit up, a wide grin on his lips. Both leaned in to kiss again, this time more slowly and lovingly than the last one as butterflies interrupted in both their stomachs. And as Bucky felt Steve smile into the kiss, he knew he was deeply in love with his best friend.

[girlfrandletters]

Putting Thoughts To Paper Since I Am Alone For The First Time Since Moving In Together And I'm Staving Off The Depression and Anxiety

I never realized that I am such a creature of habit until now. I always thought I was a Go-With-The-Flow person, who said "It is what it is" and adapted. But the truth is, I am not. Not even remotely. When my routine gets messed up, if something happens to upset my normal rhythm of my normal day, I get very emotion - either very sad, very angry, or somewhere in between. The worst part is, I never know I have a routine with something until it gets upset! Me leaving work an hour or so late and other days leaving on time is NOT a mess up of my routine. My work routine is literally "I will be home late and pleasantly surprised if I am home on time." But the morning of work, getting ready with you, making breakfast (or attempting to), getting our clothes from ALLLLLL the way UPSTAIRS?!! Those are all part of my routine. Coming home with my plethora of stories to tell you is part of my routine. Even before we moved in together, calling you at the end of the day was part of my routine. And if any of that gets altered or ruined, I am not a happy panda.

I've developed a new routine with you where I call you when I'm leaving work, tell you when I'm getting home, then send you the exact time and picture of me and the house when I get home, exactly when I said I was going to. And then coming upstairs, saying bOYFraND! And asking if you saw the picture - which you normally don't because you are too busy either playing your video games or hiding around the corner, waiting to scare me. All of that is part of this new routine that I have come to love and enjoy, even in the short amount of time that it has developed. So coming home tonight, knowing I wouldn't get to do any of that was... so horribly depressing. I came home to an empty house. Kittens asking for food. Silence other than the water fountain and faucet in the bathroom. No tentative questioning of "Girlfrand?" with the knowledge that it is, in fact, me, but also with mild concern that somebody may have broken in and you have to make sure it's me before coming to see me and give me hugs (because it would be super embarrassing if you went to hug and kiss a stranger). Washing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, making dinner (made healthy ramen and salmon patties instead of getting chipotle and spending monies) was reminiscent of pre-moving-in days and I. Am. Displeased.

You.

You have become my routine. Your smile, your laughter. Your warm, tight hugs. The gentle but firm forehead kisses reminding me that you love me and adore me and are glad to see me home all in one swift motion.

I've started talking to you on video chat and I wanted to keep typing while talking, but I just love looking at your face and engaging with you that I couldn't. Just hung up and I already miss the sound of your voice. I'm sad and not really excited to go to bed, where I will be lying alone, without you around me. I know it's only for the night but I hate all of this :(

But I should also head to bed, or at least lie in the couch-bed and relax a little bit. Finishing the night with "Necrophiliac, murderous, seal raping otters." <3

~Girlfrand

[queer-cartoons]

Yeah so RWBY good

(Lots of spoilery thoughts under the cut)

Soapbox time!!!

I'm very sad about Penny AGAIN like come on crwby you had such potential there. Considering Penny was literally a Pinocchio figure (right??? A real girl??? Obviously that was the parallel???) the whole point should have been to make her fully realised as a real girl with a shot at life, and not just a robot who 'stole' a power accidentally and then gave it back so the real heroes could swoop in. The potential they had to give Penny a great ending... I'm not like actively angry enough to consider it terrible and awful, and I did appreciate that they at least gave her a nice scene with Winter after a good amount of screentime and focus, but I still feel like the ending was somewhat poorly handled. Maybe my opinion will change when I think more on it.

Clover made some very shit decisions which are VERY cool to explore because those decisions were essentially what ruined him in the end as well as ruining what could have been between him and qrow (if the writers had realised how gay that entire dynamic was) and that's just super interesting

Please let Qrow be happy also please PLEASE let Oscar be happy too I love both these boys so much i would kill for them

Emerald is totally in love with Cinder even though now I wonder if the writers even know that lmao

Every character (or almost every character) is so WATCHABLE. Whatever side they're on they're usually complex and fantastically written and I feel STRONGLY about them all, which is great writing imo. And I can love most of them as characters too, except for Adam who was a cunt, and Mercury who is somewhat bland with no interesting motives. When Cordovin for example first walked on screen, I was instantly like "I love you." Then "lol I hate you." Then "I love hating you", then "STOP DON'T MAKE ME FEEL SORRY FOR YOU", then finally "Oh my god somehow I love you again." That kind of thing.

Oscar's one-sided crush on Ruby is... adorable tbh. Kind of sad I guess since... let's face it, if he's going to literally become Ozpin (or Ozpin him), that messes things up a fair bit, but it is hella interesting to see it as a representation of Oscar's own self, his Oscar-ness, which cannot survive the fusion of his and Ozpin's souls - the struggle with which is the main point of his arc right now, and I hope they do it justice.

Speaking of Ruby, what an underrated queen I adore her sm. Young protagonists who grow a lot and are the epitome of hope and light in the darkness by never losing their spark are my JAM. So are underdog characters who are kind and more intelligent than other characters perceive them (Jaune), and characters who start out bitchy but grow phenomenal amounts after they start questioning the values they were raised with and start thinking for themselves and grow to become beacons of warmth and justice (Weiss), and so are depressed clearly-bisexual characters who need a fucking hug for the love of god (Qrow.)

I'm actually really impressed with how they handled Renora in v8, having Nora shine outside of Ren, and decide she wanted to figure out who she is outside of the duo she's always been in? Peak development for a less developed character whom i love, and a great sign of crwby addressing that problem now that they finally have the space to do it.

I even love Ozpin now that he's less of a fucking enigma and more of a person with personality and nervous ticks and opinions on people and general feelings?? That one scene in v6 (where he gets backed into a corner re:the lamp and then screams when Ruby asks her question) will haunt me forever as the best scene in the series so far hands down. (The second best is the scene where Ruby warps behind Ironwood and yells her warning into her scroll to a banger violin soundtrack.)

IRONWOOOOOOODDDD. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU MY GUY. What a Greek tragedy of a man. I feel so sorry for him even as I'm yelling curse words at him, because SEEING the exact path to his downfall was such a banger way of writing him. You could write a thinkpiece about this man. What a motherfucker. I love him, somehow.

That last episode huh. Fun. Fun happy times.

Winterdemption, Emeraldemption, Whitleydemption,,, you get redeemed! YOU get redeemed! EVERYONE's getting redeemed!! To make up for Ironwood apparently

Maria Calavera deserves EVERYTHING.

I miss Roman Torchwick, just for the record, he was fantastic and fun and flairsome and deserved a better death. But I love Neo. I'd love to learn a bit more about her and why she wants revenge so badly for her old boss.

Seriously though? If Oscar and Qrow aren't given the happiness they deserve by the end of the series I will riot. I already had to watch Oscar get tortured and Qrow lose his fucking soulmate. Can't take much more of this.

Overall I started watching this series for literal actual homework (uni is wild y'all) and did NOT expect it to grow on me so much. Even when the animation was terrible and the plot somewhat poor - as expected of a season 1 i guess - it had a weirdly watchable quality, which I thought was maybe just me enjoying it ironically (i certainly LOVED the shitty animation making everything 10x funnier.) But now there's SO much happening, and I genuinely love all these characters so so much, and the animation has improved by leaps and bounds, and it feels like they've really found their footing, which is really nice to see because it absolutely shows in the content. It's also one of VERY FEW series that I've ever been able to truly binge, being the sort of person who can't usually watch more than 2-3 episodes of a show at a time without getting tired. Just overall a great great job. I'm going to have to rewatch it while waiting for season 9, probably.

If anyone knows what some good next steps are for me as a newbie in the fandom, feel free to suggest or direct me to stuff beyond the series proper! I'm super late to the party but I'm glad to be here!

........

Okay I'm caught up

Many thoughts but no words

[chibinekochan]

Hai!! How would the RFA+Saeran react to an MC who hurt her leg and had to talk with a splint (so she can't bend her knee) and a cane (bonus if she's super stubborn and adamant about being independent like she will not let you carry her stuff)? I have quadriceps tendonitis and I'm in a splint now and I walk with a cane and everybody looks at me like some abandoned puppy and carry my stuff and I'm just like thanks but NO THIS IS MY STUFF hahahaha

thatsounds painful I hope you get soon better – I only had a cast onceon my arm and that was really annoying

Spoilers-

Zen

Afterwhat happened to him with his injury and him being the exact same waywhen it came to you carrying stuff for him you would think he couldunderstand how it feels when someone does everything for you.

Buthe wants to be your knight in shining armor and when you are injuredits bad.

Zenwants to carry you everywhere.

Hedoes everything so you not have to get up.

Youreally not just want to sit around you hate that.

Itreally annoys you to be treated like that Zen should know that.

Soone day he tries to take something from you you told him alreadydozens of times no but he just doesn´t get it.

Sothis time you get mad at him you rip the think out of his hand andyou glare at him.

“NoZen this is my stuff.” You jut could not take it anymore so you arereally angry now.

Zenis quite surprised by your sudden outburst he just wanted to help youafter all.

Youangrily try to explain your point to him you just want to do ityourself you are not helpless you can do thinks yourself its not likeyou are unable to do it.

Zengets your point once you bring up how he felt when he was unable tomove while yes you gave him thinks if he needed you to  but more thenonce he said no and you always respected that.

Ofcourse Zen not wanted to burden you but still he understands that youare strong and you want to do as much as you can even in your currentstate.

Hefeels bad for overdoing it but he cant help it he just loves you somuch and when you are in pain it hurts him the most.

Youunderstand that and maybe you been a bit too harsh but Zenunderstands you he not wants to take thinks away from you he rathersupports you to do what you want.

So hejust does thinks for you that you let him do.

Hestill insists on opening every door for you but that is justsomething he uselessly would do too.

Sometimesyou have to remind him again to not look at you like he has painthough.

Yoosung

Helooks to you like abandoned puppy no doubt about it.

Hewants to help you and do everything for you but when ever you say younot want that its okay for him he will stop.

Yoosungwill feel bad still though he thinks you can´t count on him.

Whatis not true at all you just can do thinks yourself.

It ishard to him to watch you struggle with opening doors.

Whenyou carry stuff he is just worried that you will fall what if thatmakes your injury even worse.

Yoosungjust keeps imaging thinks like that

Hewants to take the possible threat away from you he not really thinkson how that feels to you.

Youhave to long conversation about this after you almost yell at himwhat makes Yoosung really sad.

Youexplain to him how you feel when he takes thinks of you you can stillhandle yourself just fine you not want that a injury like that takesyour Independence away.

Yoosungunderstands what you mean he feels the same way with his eyesometimes.

Heunderstands you but he asks you to not be reckless and let him atleast take heavy thinks.

Youpromise him to be careful and you compromise with him to let him takecare of you at least sometimes.

Evenwhen that still sometimes lead to Yoosung doing too much for you.

Jaehee

Sheis quite independent herself.

Jaeheestill worries about you a lot after she loves you a lot.

Stillif you tell her no she ever listens.

Jaeheehates it when someone look like you are unable to do thinks you areclearly able to handle yourself.

Shegets more involved in this then you are.

Actuallysomeone tells Jaehee she not worries about you at all since she letsyou carry your own bags.

Youreally get angry about that since this is exactly what you want theyshould not involve themselves in your business.

Youreally not like it when they bad mouthing Jaehee since she onlysupports you you step forward you glare at the random stranger andkiss Jaehee right in front of them.

Whatcauses them to shut up.

Youare glad that Jaehee is so understanding with you after all you bothare really independent people so its no issue for her to let you dowhat you can.

Shewill still tell you to rest and not overdue it.

Jumin

Hewould probably buy you a stint with diamonds on it if they wouldexist and if you let him.

Hehires the best people to treat you and you can barely stop him  fromhiring 5 people to treat you while you are injured.

Youhave to insist on him not hiring a nurse just for you.

Juminunderstands that you want to keep independent but why cant he just doeverything for you while you are barely able to walk ?

Hejust wants you to be better after all.

Youare quite stubborn to him.

Atleast you accept him bringing you to a knee specialist that basicallytells you the same that your doctor did just that he charges muchmore money.

Jumindoes exactly what the doctor tells him to do to help you.

Juminorders his gads to make sure there is nothing laying on the floor soyou not fall.

Hewould carry you if it was necessary but you really not want that atall.

Youcan still do most thinks even when some thinks are quite a pain.

Juminreally not lets you carry anything at all I think he useless doesn´teither but that really annoys you, you can do that just fine too.

Juminhad issues understanding your wish to life like uselessly as much asit goes.

Yesthinks take a bit longer and a few thinks require help but if youneed help you will ask most of the time.

Oneday you really can´t take it anymore Jumin ever takes your thinksaway from you so you get really angry.

Youtake it back from him and you say “I can carry my own stuff.”

Youstate this very seriously and it surprises Jumin.

Thistime you try to explain it better to him after all he would also hateit if someone would take thinks away from him.

Youtry to tell him how you feel when others do this for you when you cando them perfectly fine.

Juminsunderstands your point and he tries to hold himself back.

Whatis not ever easy for him he hates it when it seems like you struggle.

Hetries at  to let you do thinks on your own though.

707

Hewants to do everything for you when you are injured.

Ifyou say no he accepts that though.

Henot even really needs a reason he accepts that.

Ofcourse he is still worried about you he will open doors for you.

Hesometimes ask you to take the bags from you but if you say no itsfully okay for him.

Hewill feel like you nor really trust him though so you have to makesure to tell him your reasons.

Otherwisehe will get really depressed if you just decline his help.

Youask him a few times for help when you see that he is too down.

Ifanyone ever looks to you like you are lost puppy he will defend you.

Heknows you not want anyone to pity you and he understands that quitewell.

Hemakes you some silly gadgets to help you though like something thathelps you putting your socks and shoes on.

Saeran

Younot really need to help him to not help you.

Evenwhen he kind of does by just somehow ever being right in front of youwhen there is a door to open.

Whenyou got stairs to climb up he always makes sure no one is blockingyour path.

Hemore often asks you do do stuff for you but when you say no its okayfor him.

Saeranwishes you would rely on him a bit more but then again you are reallystrong and independent .

Headmires that about you.

Saeranrather not takes help from anyone either.

Butstill he wants to be their for you he is not happy when you not feelgood and what ever you need is ever their for you.

Whenthere is a person that tires to take your stuff from you Saran isuselessly the one that tells them to get lost.

Whensomeone calls Saeran rude for that you tell them off.

Youtell them to mind their own business no one has the right to talkdown to your boyfriend who you love a lot.

Saeranreally likes it when you defend him like that even when he can do itreally well on his own.

Take a look at my Masterlistmy requests are open so drop by !

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hey, I'm a [17M] and she's a [17F], this is going to be very long so please read it all I need help and I have no idea how to process this, so I seek reddit's help. Okay, so a few months ago myself and group of others went across the entire globe to go on a 'school' trip, we visited many countries and I made friends with this girl and friend group, myself and her grew close it was obvious we got along very well, I hadn't felt so good before, I was so confident, happy and just glowing (not trying to sound cocky just saying..) Although at the time we didn't know the other felt this way but we both liked each other. Anywho we got home after a month long trip and we were talking alot and then there was a party and it came out that she wanted to hook up, we didnt.. I thought it was all a joke and I didnt want to look weird or creepy but saying I wanted to without her saying anything to me personally. Eventually we started talking more and it came out that we like each other, we weren't 'chatting up' however we did know we had mutual feelings, all was going well until I had a 'gatho' (a small party of like 8-20 people) and she had a party on the same night, so I asked her if me and my mates at this gatho could come and to the party and have fun because she was one of the 'hosts'. She said yes so we all made our way there on the expectations that she would get us in there without any problems, once we arrived we werent allowed in, I got mad and just told her I couldnt trust her among other things, which I regret it wasnt her fault but at that moment I didn't want to hear it I was so set on the fact she said she'd let us in. Anyway that whole situation was fixed and things were going back to normal and once more we were in a good stance everything was looking good and there was a huge chance of dating.There was a party that next weekend, myself and her were both invited so naturally I was keen I was expecting it to be a great night, I'd hang out with her and then we'd probably hook up and maybe date. Boy was I wrong, I got drunk to the point where I can't even remember most of the night.. That night I was drunk so I couldn't comprehend and think about the stuff I was seeing and doing anyway, my mate and her best friend (they'd never get together its like hard to explain but they wouldnt), well he was even more drunk then I was and he couldnt even walk and he couldnt stop vomiting, so she was helping him and I got upset because I guess I got jealous because she was hanging out with this guy after we had hyped up how good the night was going to be between us and we'd have a great time. (i dont get jealous normally so this is really embarrassing, but im gonna blame the drinks) So I was jealous and I just assumed in my head that night she wanted him and not me, which was the dumbest thing I could of ever done omg.. So I was talking to other girls and apparently I called another chick pretty and asked if she was single, naturally this girl I was getting 'close' with was upset and didnt want anything with me and said she needed time, she called me untrustworthy and unloyal. (keeping in mind we weren't exactly chatting or dating, which is no excuse for what I did but I thought it may have been a little overreaction.) Anyway time goes on and we hang out a few days after it to talk about what happened, basically she said she needs time and I got scared and made another dumb decision (noticing the pattern eh?), I said "you need to decide whether you want me and go back to how things use to be or well nothing I guess.." she obviously said she just needs the time and that kinda fucked me over, naturally it was my own fault I shouldn't have done that.Believe it or not, we start talking again not how things use to be, they havent been how they use to be ever since but it gets interesting from here on, so her best friends and I are all friends and such. So I talk to them about the situation because they know her and what I should I do. So I talk to them and I cant really remember what they said the first time tbh.. So just remember that shes rejected me and I asked her to back to how things were and she basically said we should just be friends and such like that. So time passes, we're talking and being friends but its not the same it kinda seems different and lacking what it use to have.. Anyway we have a 'gatho' for someones 18th and myself and her are invited so her friends tell me I need to prove I can handle myself when I'm drunk and that I wont talk to other girls like that. So the night goes on and I'm talking to her (i assume I was annoying her a lil) but anyway there was another girl at this gatho that was willing to hook up with me and I resisted it and I guess that proved myself a little so thats good. Anyway time passes and were getting a little better but not really.. Anyway I started to get real big feelings that she was leading me on and stuff so I just asked her "do you want to be a thing with me or not" basically another fuck up lmaoooo. So she can't answer and is pretty distant after that and ya' know no surprise I can understand why, so another week or two pass and there's another gatho (it gets very interesting from here on..), so we're at this next gatho and we're getting REALLY close like were always with each other and talking laughing and having a great time, it was a great night like one of the best I've ever had. Myself and her end up staying the night there because she didn't want to drive cause it was late and she didn't trust her fatigue. So we slept in the same bed (not like that, literal sleeping) and shes lying on me, so we fall asleep and the next day we're still close and having a good time. So there was a legit vibe of well dating and stuff I guess again, like you know what I mean, anyway so another lil backstory just so this next part makes sense. Me and her set up her friend and my friend together and it full worked and there together-ish, so we call each other the best match makers in the world blah blah, so anyway the next morning comes and were talking on iMessage ALOT and its going well, then I was like "do you know who we should set up next?" and she said "Who?", my response was "Us x", she then sent a huge paragraph saying how at this gatho she had an amazing time and everytime she looked at me she was smiling and happy but she didnt answer the question, but I left it at that and we just talked about something else.That night, it was my Mums birthday and I had zero money to buy her anything but a card and my mother, the person who raised me didnt get a present like i felt so fucking bad and angry at myself for not saving anything, so I was pretty fucking depressed that night, and this girl I like has some secret thingo with another guy, however they don't at the same time, so I texted her about it asking about it/confronting her about it because I dunno I just felt like things that night couldnt get much worse, well they did, turns out nothing was happening between them (according to what she said). So once more I felt lead on and confused and completely out of it. So I did the unthinkable and asked again "Do you want a thing with me or not?" this time I received no response, 3 hrs later I realised how big of a fuck up I had been AGAIN! So I called her bestfriends because they're the best person to talk about it with, turns out she rang the other one at the exact same time about the exact same thing hahahah rip, anywho her bestmate told me that I should just be close friends with her again but if another gatho happens I should take the opportunity, even as much as it hurts me and so I was like ahh okay thanks I appreciate it. Anyway myself and the girl talk some more, its a lil weird and awkward but its okay atleast we're talking again.. So then another gatho happens and this time we're close again, to the point where we are kissing (finally..) and we did that quite a bit not to much but ya know, then when she droppped me home she made the move so that helped show me it wasn't just a one way kiss.. Then things were decent the day after and stuff, then four of us hung out, myself, her and the two we set up. Basically I set this hang out up so I could make another move and see if it wasnt just a one time thing, anyway she was a bit distant then when we got to the place I got a text with really bad news about the fam, so I went really quiet and just walked by myself and was REALLY distant cause I was processing what happened. I went home that night and she sent me a text saying "Why werent you acting like yourself?" I saw it and just wasnt in the mood and didnt want to say the wrong thing to her so I didnt respond and just fell asleep. I woke up the next morning with a huge paragraph saying how she doesnt think it would work between us and such.. (keep in mind this is 2 days after we were kissing and being super close at a gatho) Anyway so I tell her what I got told and such, she still just wanted to be friends, which I have no problem with i'm just confused af.. Anyway we haven't really spoken much since and that was like 5 days ago.So I'm trying to figure out what I should do, but it all kinda links up though, like her friends told me she doesnt know what she wants and that I should just be friends her until I get another gatho opportunity, but I dunno if I should just forget about her in that sense and just move on.. But I really like her and i dunno what the fuck to do aye lmaoo.TL;DR - i am dumb via /r/dating_advice