#so if i sound a bit quiet or worn please don't be too alarmed! I am just a bit mentally exhausted

[janebonbon]

Just a little warning that there will be an art stream tonight! I'm going to push it back to 8pm EST because I want to have time to unpack some delivered groceries!

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part VIII

Welcome back to part 8 of Fall For Me! A strange dream, reader goes to camp, and more sweet moments with the eepy Bois this chapter! Thank you so much for reading, if you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list please let me know!

WARNINGS: Brief mention on hunting practices NOT PROOFREAD

Part VII - Part IX

My Masterlist! ~ AO3 Link! ~ Tip Jar!

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When you woke up your head felt like it was in a fog, the edges of your vision slightly blurry as you looked around the room. Your bare feet dropped to the floor, you shivered as you stood from your bed, it was a lot colder in here than you remember it being. You paused at your doorway, something wasn't right. Despite the fact you had crossed the entire expanse of your bedroom there wasn't a single creaking floorboard or footstep to be heard. You look back at your bed only to find your body still laying there. “What the hell?” You mutter softly to yourself. You walk over to your still sleeping form, your shoulders rising and falling with every even breath as you lie motionless beneath the covers.

“Don't worry, you'll be able to re enter your body when we're done here.” You jumped at the sudden voice that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Its tone is both a whisper and a deafening howl, the sound high pitched and somehow also impossibly low.

“God?” You ask with a confused expression.

The voice laughs, “I guess you could say that.” The silence that surrounded you was deafening as the voice faded out, it was so quiet you could hear your blood rushing in your ears, no ambient sound existed in whatever plane you had been snatched into. “Trust in Vessel, he’ll show you the way.”

You shot up in bed with a sharp gasp, your lungs burning like you had been holding your breath. Your alarm was blaring on your night stand, 8 in the morning, you had an hour until you opened. You got out of bed, listening carefully for the sound of your footsteps against the floor to make sure you really had returned from wherever the hell you had gone in your dreams. “I'm going crazy, I'm actually losing my mind.” You argue with your reflection in the mirror. “Some mysterious voice coming from my subconscious about trusting Vessel, of course I trust him. But what the hell is the way he's supposed to be showing me?” You decided to drop it for now with an annoyed groan, flying through your morning routine and jogging downstairs just as 9 o'clock rolled around. The day flew by, the steady stream of customers helping to distract you from the weird dream you had. You were just about to lock the door when the all too familiar pickup truck pulled into the lot. You smiled, pushing the door open and leaning against it as you waited to see just who had stopped by to visit tonight. You were a bit surprised to see II jump out of the cab unaccompanied, usually when he was sent to make supply runs he always had one of the others in tow. He strides over to you, reaching out to pull you into an embrace the moment you were close enough.

“I have a question for you.” He states softly once he pulls back, his hands still resting comfortably on your waist.

“And what might that be?” You smile, subconsciously leaning into him.

“Would you be comfortable coming back to camp with me?” You paused the moment the question fell from his lips. “Vessel already knows I'm inviting you, he's the one that brought it up in fact.” II chuckles, knowing exactly where your mind had wandered.

“I would love to.” He waits patiently for you to lock up, his hand slipping into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze as the two of you chat idly on your way back to the truck. You slid across the worn leather bench seat, II hopping behind the wheel not long after. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, leaning in to press a clothed kiss to your cheek.

“Are you warm enough?” You nod, letting your head fall to rest against his shoulder as he starts driving. His thumb languidly trailed back and forth across your shoulder, every so often he would glance down at you to see if you were still awake. You wound down endless back roads, slowly pushing your way down paths that had long since been forgotten until the group had ventured this far out into the woods. II attempted to dodge raised roots and potholes without much success, the makeshift road being filled with craters that rattled the pair of you around in the cab. You were thankful when the dirt path finally smoothed out, the trees opening up to reveal a large clearing with four cabins evenly spaced out around the circle. You recognized minimal details of it from the pictures you had seen in the paper. The cabin opposite the entrance was surrounded by flower beds of various sizes and states of growth, some containing a painter's palette of wildflowers, others filled with various crops that seemed to be growing very successfully. “That's IV’s cabin.” II must've noticed your impressed stare. “I will warn you though, if you compliment him on his gardening it will make him really flustered, so do with that information what you will.” He chuckles.

“Do you all have different jobs?” You ask curiously, II nods his confirmation.

“IV is the main one in charge of produce. III’s a fairly decent hunter, that's where we get the majority of the meat we eat. I’m in charge of the finances.” He lists off everyone's role around the camp. “And Vessel… well he's our spiritual advisor for a lack of a better term.” He chuckles. He pulls the truck up alongside a cabin that was more set back from the rest, it's dark wood almost blending in with the treeline.  “He’s in the middle of something, I'll take you to IV.” He smiles at you. He motions for you to wait, jogging around the front of the truck to open your door for you. He bows his head slightly as he offers his hand, you can't help but laugh softly at his actions.

“What a gentleman.” You grin at him.

“For you, only the best.” He winks. Your hand slips into his, his skin cool against yours. His eyes stay locked on your form as you hop down from the truck, the moment your feet hit the ground he's tugging you into his side, wanting to keep you as close as possible. “I'd like to be able to spend some time alone with you later, if that's alright.” The corners of your mouth quirk up in a smile at the slight nervousness you picked up in his voice. You glance up at him, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth before pushing yourself up to place a kiss to his cheek.

“I'd love to.” You whisper in his ear with a coy smile. Your attention was stolen by IV calling your name from across the clearing. II places a hand against the small of your back, gently nudging you in his direction. You meet him in the middle, giggling as he flings his arms around you and spins you in a hug.

“I missed you.” His eyes crinkle as he smiles, you found your cheeks growing warmth at the genuine joy in his voice.

“You did?” You ask softly.

“Yeah.” Goosebumps rise on your skin as you feel him gently knead at the softness of your waist. His eyes nervously dart from yours, tracing over a pattern he had found in the grass as he sucks in a deep breath. “I, um, I didn't get to say everything I wanted to you the other day.” You waited patiently for him to continue, seeing how nervous he was about choosing exactly the right words was honestly endearing in your eyes. “Do you think we could sit down and talk?”

“Of course we can, wherever you like.” You smile softly at him. He hesitantly removed his hand from your waist, carefully taking your hand and studying your reaction to make sure he wasn't doing too much too quickly. He led you to his cabin, shutting the door behind him and watching you with delight as you looked around curiously at all the small knick knacks and trinkets he had littered around the small space. His heart races when his eyes meet yours, he would never get tired of seeing the way your whole face lit up when you smiled.

“I want you to know that I really like you.” He blurts out, unable to stop the confession from coming out. “I might not be as experienced as the others, and I might take things slowly, but that's just because I don't want to mess this up.” His bright blue eyes scan over your features as he waits for you to respond.

“IV, I'm not worried about moving too slow or too fast, or whether or not you're experienced. I think you're very sweet, handsome, fun,” every compliment was punctuated with you taking another step closer to him. “I like you too, I want to see where things go, and I'm very excited to see how we get there.” He breathes out a relieved chuckle.

“I just don't want you to think that I'm not as interested as the others.” His arms slide around your waist, your instinctually slipping over his shoulders as he pulls you into him. His fingers ghost over your cheek, you lean into his touch, allowing him to carefully cradle your face in his hand. “You're so beautiful, every moment I've gotten to spend with you has been nothing short of amazing.” Your cheeks grow warm as he continues his assault of compliments. He seemed relieved to have gotten that off his chest, the usual playful glimmer returning to his expression.

“Well, I look forward to spending more time with you.” His gaze dropped to your lips for a moment before he hesitantly pulled away. He clears his throat, his eyes trailing to the window.

“Did you get to see the garden at all?” He asks, a slight nervous tremor in his voice.

“A little, but I'd love to see it up close. You have a very impressive green thumb IV.” He taps the toe of his boot against the cabin floor.

“It's nothing special.” He rebuttals bashfully. “But, it's definitely a lot better than what we started out with.” He starts to head towards the door, your hand slipping effortlessly into his as you trailed after him. He brought you to the edge of the flowerbeds, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to keep you close to his side as he pointed to all the various different types of produce and flowers he was growing, slipping in small fun facts every so often.

“I don't know how you can say this isn't anything special IV, this is incredible. You've really done an amazing job.” He froze, swallowing thickly as he looked down at you.

“Thank you, love.” He says softly. A soft smile finds its way to your lips as you watch his eyes slowly trace over your features. “Can I take you on a date sometime?” You can't help but giggle at the question.

“I would love that.” You feel him squeeze your waist, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he returns your smile. You both jumped slightly as someone shouted from across the field. II had III in tow, the taller man dropping off his pack of hunting supplies before quickly making his way over to you. IV leans down, placing a kiss to the top of your head before stepping away. You smiled as III approached, your heart immediately pounding in your chest at the sight of the streaks of sweat that had broken down his black body paint. You were unable to stop your gaze from raking across his exposed torso. Your cheeks grew warm as your eyes snapped back up to meet his, immediately noticing the playful glimmer in his expression. You nearly stumbled backwards as III’s long strides quickly landed him right in front of you, a strong hand landing on your waist to steady you as he caught your chin between his fingers with the other. Your eyes dart to anywhere but his, trying your best to hide your flustered state.

“Don’t get all shy on me now.” He chuckles. “How are you beautiful?” You manage to squeak out a ‘good’ in response. III leans down, the fabric of his mask soft against your skin as he presses a kiss to your forehead. “Have you shown her around at all?” He asked IV, his hand still lingering on your waist as he pulled away.

“Just a bit of the garden.” IV responds.

“Think we should give her the grand tour?” II suggests.

“I don’t see why not.” IV immediately perks up at the idea. You reach out, taking hold of IV’s hand, giving him a coy smile as you cuddle up to his side.

“Well, lead the way boys.” II and III share an amused look over IV’s surprised expression. It takes him a moment before he finally relaxes, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before he brings your knuckles to his lips.

It had been less than a year since they had arrived in town and the progress they had already made at their camp was nothing short of incredible. IV had grown a whole storehouse of crops, all of which were expertly preserved in order to maintain the four of them easily throughout the winter and early spring. You learned that he was hoping to learn how to make preserves out of the vast amounts of berries in the area. III showed you some of his easier to navigate hunting trails, explaining that he only hunts as needed and how important to him it is to use the entire animal whenever possible. The four of you wandered down trails, each of them pointing out spots where they would like to go to read or play music. “We should plan a day to hike out to the lake.” IV suggests.

“Maybe next summer, it’s a little too cold for that now.” II responds. “I definitely think we should at some point though, I really think you’d like it there.” You smile as III places a kiss to the top of your head, his presence at your side immediately being replaced by II who wrapped his arm around your shoulders as you continued walking. You had noticed how the three of them almost seemed to be taking turns being next to you, the thought alone was enough to make butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“I was wondering where you all went.” Your heart immediately began to race at the sound of Vessel’s voice. You turn to find him leaning in the doorway of his cabin, “love, would it be alright if I stole you for a second?” He nods for you to follow him inside his cabin.You swallow thickly, feeling nervous despite the fact you knew you had to reason to worry. You’re snapped from your thoughts by II pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll go start dinner while you’re in there.” He gives you a gentle nudge in Vessel’s direction, prompting you forward. He towered over you from his position leaning in the doorway, offering you his hand once you were in reach and guiding you inside. The inside of his cabin was simple; a small wooden desk with a chair sat in front of the window, a perfectly made bed with black sheets sat against the opposite wall, the large piece of furniture the focal point of the room. Across the room from where you stood you noticed a bookshelf tucked into the corner, the shelves filled with journals, textbooks, and various decks of cards. You could feel Vessel studying you, he watched your body language carefully, trying to gauge exactly how you were feeling in this very moment.

You jumped as he suddenly shut the door, a soft chuckle escaping him at the sight. “There’s no need to be so tense, love.” He steps up to your side, trailing a finger along the edge of your jaw as he leans down close to your ear. “I’m not that scary, am I?” He purrs, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I’m just a little on edge today, I guess.” You laugh softly.

“And why’s that?” He keeps you close to him as he moves. Settling himself on the edge of his bed, his hands coming comfortably to rest on the curve of your waist as he holds you in front of him. You feel his fingers gently push into you, moving you closer to him without much effort. The front of your thighs presses against the edge of his plush mattress, Vessel’s long legs caging you in on either side. You still had to look up slightly to be face to face with him, knowing you had met his eyes behind the slits of his mask as your heart began to pound in your chest.

“I have a feeling you already know the answer to that.” Your voice trembled as you spoke.

“Smart girl,” he praises, “I see you’re putting the pieces together quickly.” He ponders over what to say for a moment, carefully selecting each word in his mind. “He spoke to you last night, didn’t he?”

“Vessel, what was that?” You answered his question with your own.

“That was Sleep.” He states simply. A bewildered expression formed on your face, Vessel continued speaking before you had a chance to ask any questions. “I for the life of me can’t figure out how to even begin telling you about Sleep.” He admits with a bashful chuckle. “I hate to keep you in the dark, but can I please ask you to wait just a little while longer?” The booming voice echoed in the back of your mind. ‘Trust in Vessel, he’ll show you the way.’ 

“I trust you.” Your voice comes out barely above a whisper.

“When the time is right I’ll tell you everything, you have my word.” He promises, his hand gently cupping your cheek, his thumb trailing slowly across your skin. The cool material of his mask comes to rest against your forehead. He just held you for a moment, both of you relaxing into the comfortable silence that surrounded you. “I shouldn’t keep you too long, the others will throw a fit.” He says quietly, both of you dissolving into soft laughter.

“Vessel,” he hums in response to you saying his name.

“What is it, love?”

“I really enjoyed our time together the other night.” He froze, seeming almost dumbfounded by the words that had left your mouth.

“You did?” His response comes out timidly, as if he was dancing around those two simple words, worried it was the wrong thing to say. “Maybe… Maybe we could do something like that again sometime then.”

“I’d like that.” You smile softly at him.

Your fingers remained linked with his as he led you across the clearing, the other three members of the group working quickly to make sure everything was set up by the time you reached the table. You were handed a plate of something you didn’t recognize, but it tasted good. Your night became a blur of stolen kisses on your cheeks and laughter that easily bubbled up from your chest. “I believe II had something planned for the two of you tonight.” Vessel suddenly chimes in. “I think we should probably give them some privacy, boys.” He suggests with a patient smile. They each say their respective goodbye’s; IV pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek, telling you he’ll see you soon before darting off to his cabin, III pulls you flush against him, lifting his mask just enough to capture your lips with his own. He mumbles a quiet ‘goodnight’ against your lips, his hand lingering on the curve of your waist as he pulls away. You turned to face Vessel, he held out his hand for you to take. “I’ll walk you.” It didn’t take you long to see that II had snuck off to set up a fire, a log pulled the perfect distance away from the flames to sit on. “It looks like you’re in for a nice evening.” You could feel his eyes studying you from behind his mask. “It’s a shame we have to part ways.”

“We still have a couple minutes.” Your eyes dart down to his lips momentarily.

“It almost sounds like you don’t want me to leave.” He responds with a lopsided grin.

“I don’t.” Vessel presses a knuckle below your chin, tilting your face up to allow him the chance to study your features closely.

“Trust me love, if I had it my way I already would have stolen you for myself.” He chuckles, his thumb swiping over your bottom lip. “We’ll have our time… I’ll make sure of it.” He whispers. He cradles your face gently in his hand, his eyes wandering over your features in silence for another moment before he speaks again. “II, make sure she gets home safely.” You hadn’t noticed until Vessel had startled him that II had wandered back in your direction. “Have a good night, beautiful.” A pair of warm lips press against your forehead, and just like before, as quickly as he was there he was gone. A sense of longing ached deep in your chest, one that was quickly pushed down as II’s hands came to rest on your waist. He gently turns you to face him, hand cupping your cheek as his lips ghost over yours. Your eyes flutter shut, your racing thoughts coming to a screeching halt as you let the kiss consume you.

“I’ve been waiting all day to do that.” II mumbles against your lips with a soft chuckle. Heavy, warm fabric is draped across your shoulders, your fingers instinctually reach up to rub along the edge of the thick denim jacket. “I wanted to make sure you were warm enough. It’s a nice night, but it still gets pretty cold out here.” You found yourself cuddled into his side, the campfire keeping you comfortable despite the chill in the air. II excitedly pointed out every constellation he recognized, filling your mind with tales of adventure, the bravest heroes, the most passionate of love stories. “Right there, that’s Andromeda. She’s famous for nearly being eaten by a sea monster because her mother tried to say she was more beautiful than the sea nymphs.” You can’t help but laugh slightly at the absurd story.

“Well, what do you think?” II gives you a curious glance. “Was she prettier than the sea nymphs?”

“She definitely wasn’t as pretty as you.” You stuttered out a shocked sound in response, your cheeks immediately growing warm. “You’re really bad at accepting compliments.” He points out bluntly, a hint of a smile in his tone.

“I’m just not really used to getting them I guess.” You admit with a bashful chuckle.

“You’re unfortunately going to have to get used to that then.” He glances down at you, his bright blue eyes meeting yours and freezing you in place. “You’re beautiful, I’m not about to let you forget that.”

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[thetransguard-archive]

I really have a hard time with ao3's interface, would you mind posting your fic on here so it's more accessible to me personally? I understand if you don't want to, have a lovely day!

of course, it’s not a problem! putting it under the cut because it’s kind of long 

tw: canon temporary character death (nicky’s shooting), mild temporary amnesia, graphic description of canon typical violence

all the little lives

Later, Joe chalks it up to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the same purpose that has carried him, exhausted and aching, up and up and up, through the sleek building to carry out Andy’s strategy. So it’s only when he offers the end of the rope to Nicky to tie around his arm, and the green eyes that stare back at him are blankly confused that he realises.

“São Pau-” but he doesn’t let Booker finish his sentence, doesn’t want Nicky stammering apologies for things beyond his control. So he cuts in, “I’ll make the entrance this time.” Loops the cord around his forearm a few times, tightens it. Swaps out his gun for Nicky’s. He has less ammunition in this one, but it’s bigger and louder and here his role is not to attack effectively, just to put them off balance, even for a moment. As he pulls away, Nicky’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. The tips of his fingers are still terribly cold.

Joe looks from Nicky’s solemn face to Booker’s. The guilt in him pours from his eyes, the slant of his mouth, the set of his shoulders. Pity and pain wage war inside Joe’s mind, but right now there are bigger things to take care of. They don’t need words, not after two centuries of brotherhood.

I’m trusting you, for this. For now. Keep him safe.

He waits three seconds after the fire door slams shut behind them to smash through the window.

--

In the elevator down, his eyes can’t stop drifting to Booker. He’s standing closest to the doors, gun gripped tight. Joe doesn’t want to bore holes in the back of his brother’s head, but he can't help himself. He can’t stop wondering. When? When? At what point did Booker decide that whatever family they had all built together, was never going to be enough? That night a decade or so ago, when he’d smashed the night’s wine bottle in a drunken rage and screamed at Andy and Nicky and him until Joe had cried? Or even before that, the last job in Russia in the seventies, when he refused to speak at all? When they’d laughed over Andy’s baklava? At what point had Booker decided that a chance of true, final death was worth the rest of them?

He feels the beginnings of tears in the backs of his eyes and before he can scrub at them to push them back, he feels a warm hand on the small of his back. Nicky. He refocuses on that small pressure, on the taste of blood in his mouth, the weight of his boots. He breathes, and does not cry. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in tears, but right now he needs to keep a steady head.

There’ll be time later.

The gunshots are faint but Nicky still jolts, pale eyes latching onto the ceiling. When the elevator doors open, he sprints, pushing past Booker. Joe’s not far behind, and they help Nile out of the car as her joints snap back into place, muscles reforming around shattered bone. Bonds made in blood, in pain. In love. Joe meets Nicky’s eyes through the dash mirror as they drive into something new.

--

They stop, after a while, because Andy’s still woozy from blood loss and the shock of actually feeling the physical pain through to its entirety. She and Joe swap, and after a brief argument in which Andy increasingly slurs her words in a way that’s alarming to all in the car, Nile takes her place in shotgun. Joe looks back after maybe half an hour and finds their fearless leader drooling a little on his beloved’s shoulder. Nicky’s drifted off a little too, days of almost constant pain catching up to him. They’re only human, after all. Some small selfish part of Joe wants to swap out and let himself nap too, but Nile’s new and has just taken a swan dive out of a skyscraper and doesn’t even know where to go, really, and Booker...

Logically, Joe knows that there’s no chance that Booker would drive them into another trap, another capture. This was his only plan, and he’s shed blood to make it right, however immediately. But this new sting of pain and horror is brand new and fresh in his chest, so he keeps driving, and ignores the way Booker’s eyes keep flicking to his in the mirror. Doesn’t acknowledge him the way Nicky has been doing, but for a different reason. Nicky retreats, when he’s angry- the problem shrinks in his mind, becomes somewhat invisible. His eyes slide over the issue like a river over a rock until it’s eventually worn away. His rage is deep and slow to dissipate. But for Joe? If he lets himself go, he knows exactly the type of venom he’s capable of spitting. And it’s as Andy said. Now just isn’t the time.

So, he drives.

--

Somehow between one blink and the next, they are at the safehouse. It’s almost dark now, the deepening sky wreathed in purples and blues in a way that makes him itch for his paints. If he had the energy for it. He feels worn down to the bone. Joe is just uncurling his aching fingers from the wheel, but Nile is already out of the car, stepping around to shake Andy awake. So young, for all of this already, and stronger than all of them. She’ll be the best of us. Most days he feels fine, is able to keep all of that time packed away, out of sight and out of mind. There’s always something new to see, to experience, to love. Today though, he just feels the weight of all the years.

(He’s so fucking tired.)

A gentle voice to his right, that odd mix of old Ligurian and Arabic that they’d invented, all on their own so many lifetimes ago. He’s smiling even before he knows why.

“Yusuf, love, let’s go. Let’s go.”

He lets himself lean on Nicky, just a little, as they slouch towards the door that Nile’s taken Andy through. She doesn’t try turning on the lights, but he does, and Nile jolts like she’s been shocked when they actually flick on. Booker closes the door behind them with a soft click. Still trying to blend away into the background. They stand there in the atrium for a moment, still covered in dust and smoke and blood. The house is large and it swallows the sounds of their ragged breaths.

“Some of our safehouses aren’t abandoned churches and caves.” Nicky’s voice has gone even softer with fatigue. “Hot water works, too. The rooms have ensuites.” He doesn’t say anything else before he begins leading Joe up the stairs.

Joe, as tired as he is, is pleased to know that Nicky at least remembers these little things. It means he’s healing well.

The bedroom door locks behind them and they strip off their clothes in a pile in the corner. They’ll have to burn it all tomorrow. Now, Joe goes hunting for where they’d kept their spares while Nicky finds the soap and starts the hot water running. When he returns, Nicky is already submerged to his neck. They’d allowed themselves to splurge in buying this place, and when Joe seats himself behind Nicky there’s plenty of room to move. Nevertheless, his heart leans back, damp head on his shoulder. They sit for a moment. Soak in the quiet of it all. They’ll have to rinse themselves off properly later, but for now they let the steam pool and swirl and fill the slightly dusty bathroom.

“How much?”

Sometimes, when one of them suffers a catastrophic head injury, it takes a while to remember it all. The last time had been Booker, and he’d been blown to bits by a mine and died three more times before they could piece enough of him back together for it to matter. They’d taken turns, him and Nicky and Andy, for the few days after, filling in all the gaps that Booker couldn’t recall at the time. The memories all came back eventually, but at least there was a warning. Some things just shouldn’t be remembered alone.

Between the two of them, it had been Joe the last time things were forgotten. He’d been dead and in the process of healing before the tank had rolled over his head, killing him again. He'd awoken to a hysterical Nicky, blood all over his face and hands. Trying to piece his pulverised skull back together. He hadn’t remembered what exactly had brought him to this place, but he’d tried to wipe away Nicky’s tears, first. Always, Nicky first. That kiss had tasted of blood. When it was either of them, they usually just told tales to each other. They’d been together for all of it, hadn’t they?

There is not a single piece of his soul that he hadn’t already bared.

“Just little... Little pieces. Tell me.” Nicky has switched to Arabic, rounding out the sounds in his throat. Joe can feel the rumble of his chest, knows without looking that Nicky’s eyes are closed. He grabs the soap, starts working on what he can reach. Nicky’s sifting back through a millennium of memory. He can help speed things along.

Nicky leans forwards and Joe leans with him, lathering soap down the length of his spine. He considers. He begins, his voice a bare whisper, barely sound. Pure thought passed from one half to another.

“You are Nicolo di Genova. You are Nicholas, and Nico, and Nicky to those who love you. You are loved, dearly. You are the other side of my beating heart. You are the son to parents who did not care for you and deserve no care in return. You are the friend and brother to Andromache of Scythia, and Sébastien le Livre, and… Nile Freeman. She’s new. She saved us. He betrayed us.

We have lived thousands of lives, side by side. I have killed you, and you have killed me. Our deaths are the same. Our lives align. When that final night comes, it shall come for us both. We have walked through war, and peace, through hatred and with love, always. We hurt those who harm. We protect those who cannot protect themselves. You are good with children, and small animals. You have practised kindness until it has become the bedrock on which you build your soul.

You dream, and you think harder than any of us, because out of us you are the one who knows the danger of action without reason. You are the philosopher to my poet. You make sense of my art. You sing, when you can, and it is always the most beautiful sound to my ears, comparable only to your voice, and the beat of your heart.

You speak only when you need to. Your patience is boundless. You inflicted great harm once, on me, on my people and on others. But you learn, and you have grown. You are forgiven. You are always learning, eager for knowledge. Your curiosity is the best part of you, in my opinion. Along with all the rest.

You have purpose. You are good. Always, I love you.”

Nicky’s hair has grown back in exactly the same way it had been before Keane shot him, but the skin is tender under his wet fingers. They turn around in the bathtub, splashing water out the sides, and he feels Nicky’s hands on his shoulders now, easing away the grime.

“And you?” Nicky’s voice is breathless, teasing. Somewhere, somehow in between getting into the water and now, the weight has lifted from Joe’s bones, has set aside that grief and guilt and anger and fear. It’s still there, but he’ll deal with it in the morning. The sun will rise, as it always has, and there will be time later to card through everything and pack it away. Now, however, is cooling water and gentle fingers and cheap hotel soap from decades gone by. Now is the quiet after the storm. The house is shaken, but still standing. Everyone he holds in his heart is still here.

“I am Yusuf, I am Joe. I am yours. And I will never let you go.”

[starscheme]

Only You

Chapter Sixteen: Hostage

Once the initial shock had worn off a bit, Steven was in the uncomfortable position of trying to hide Spinels face from Pearl and the others. He held the pink Gem close to his chest on the guise that he had missed her. Though it was true enough, he worried more about what would happen if Pearl saw the darkness in Spinels eyes or the black fog that colored her Gem.

"Steven, let's get Spinel home. We can examine her there," suggested Pearl, feeling quite relieved to have Spinel back. Even if she came back in such an odd state. She would have insisted on seeing Spinels Gem right away, but it wouldn't have been decent.

"O-or...couldn't Sodalite take a look at Spinel now?" Asked Steven in return, hoping that at the very least she might be able to return Spinels appearance to normal. He didn't want the others to think Spinel was defective, like when they said her Gem turned upside down.

"Now?" Repeated Lars and Pearl in unison.

"Don't you think that we should do this in a safer place?" Asked Pearl, becoming a tad suspicious of how Steven was holding Spinel now.

"Why would it be safer at home? If Sodalite feels like she's in trouble, I can heal her. Moms water worked on her Gem didn't it? So my healing will work this time. At least for Sodalite. If she and I work together, there shouldn't be a problem." Steven insisted, honestly surprised with how quiet Spinel was being through all this. Surely she was still confused.

"...Steven..." Pearl began, worried that he was hiding something from her. "...let me see check on her for a moment? Before we have Sodalite do anything..."

"Pearl...I don't want-"

The slender Gem knelt down and reached over to place her hands on Stevens shoulders. "...I know...that you two might see me as the bad guy right now, but do you really believe that I would let anything bad happen to Spinel?"

"...well...no." Admitted Steven quietly.

Pearls eyes glistened with tears, but she smiled all the same, "...Your mother...tasked me with looking after Spinel more than six thousand years ago. It was my job to teach her how to behave and to watch out for her. ...I may not have handled the change in your relationship well...but...you're not the only one that loves Spinel..."

Steven heard Spinel whimper a bit and he could feel her shoulders tremble slightly. Perhaps Spinel was feeling the same as him. Listening to Pearl, Steven couldn't help feeling guilty. They faced so much resistance to their relationship at first that it started to feel like everyone was against them. Just when did he stop trusting her and thinking he was the only one that wanted to help Spinel?

Without saying a word, Steven loosened his hold on Spinel, allowing her to pull away from him a bit. Sure enough, tears were slipping down her cheeks. "...sorry," Steven began, leaning in to kiss her forehead as he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. After becoming her boyfriend, Steven kept thinking it was his job to protect Spinel from anything that would make her sad, but he nearly made that mistake himself. Pearl was a very special existence to Spinel...and if he kept going on thinking they were in this alone, it could have really damaged that.

Finally, Spinel pulled back from Steven and turned to Pearl. Of course, the Slender Gem was rather shocked when she saw the darkness in Spinels eyes, but mostly it just worried her. "...oh Spinel..." Pearl sniffed, choking back a sob. "...don't worry, we'll find out what's going on. We can fix this..." insisted Pearl as she wrapped her arms around Spinel tight.

Lars and Sodalite watched quietly from the side while the others had their moment. However, when Lars started to feel a tight squeeze on his arm, he glanced down at Sodalite.

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly when he noticed the terrified look in her eyes. Perhaps it was because the others were feeling so much right now. Maybe it was too much for Sodalite being so close.

"...thank you, Pearl..." Spinel whispered as she returned her friends embrace.

Pearl smiled bashfully, "w-well...you grew on me," she joked with a sigh.

Sodalite began to shake now, holding onto Lars' arm with trembling hands. She heard him speak, but it was muffled under the sounds in her head. It was similar to when she had been broken. She could hear crying, screaming, angry shouting, and what's worse, she could feel it. That horrible pressure that threatened to crush her, it was all flooding back. "...St-Stop..." she whispered under her breath.

Lars didn't hear what she said, but it was clear that Sodalite was not well. Something was wrong. "Steven, I think all this emotion is getting to Sodalite. Until she's ready to see Spinel, I think we should take a walk."

Steven nodded his head, but before Lars could take a step forward, Sodalite lifted her head and cried out with a shaking voice, "get away from Spinel!"

Everyone was alarmed by her shouting, but as if on cue with her warning, Pearl was lifted into the air with outstretched arms and quickly whipped back to the ground like a rag doll. She barely had to respond before it happened and everyone else was frozen in place.

"...you know...I thought you would be nicer to me..." Spinel began, her voice cheerful, but the look in her eye was cold as she stood and turned to look at Sodalite. "I even kept you alive and showed you the way..."

Steven was in shock. Pearl was a bit unsteady, but she got to her feet and wiped the dust from her eyes to pull her spear from her Gem. Lars had been controlled and made to attack them before. Was it the same with Spinel?

Spinel twisted her waist to spin around and look at everyone's faces. "Oh no...everyone looks a little strange now. ...but you know...I really don't need the rest of you."

"Wh-what is going on, Spinel?!" Steven asked, completely lost for what to do next.

Spinels face lit up when Steven spoke, "it's okay, Steven. I only need you to love me. These other people are just in the way."

"Sodalite! Try to purify Spinel, NOW!" Pearl ordered urgently.

Sodalite flinched and though she tried to concentrate, the sounds in her head were making it difficult to do so. Not to mention the panic over the sudden turn of events. "I-I—"

Lars ripped his arm from Sodalite and placed himself in front of her, grabbing her shoulders to force her attention. "You're okay!" He exclaimed, knowing full well that when she panicked, it was hard to get through to her. "Don't look at the Gems, just look at me!"

With a sharp gasp, Sodalite felt like time stopped for a moment when Lars' voice cut through the agony in her head. She focused her terror filled eyes on him and the dark fog that was building up around the Gems became less frightening. Suddenly, she remembered what Steven asked her before. If there was something about Lars that calmed her. Only now, in the middle of the panic, she realized what it was. Just like when he first stumbled upon her in the dark. In that unending void she couldn't control, the darkness that engulfed every Gem who came close, he was the only one who seemed to shine despite it all.

Maybe he was afraid, maybe he was panicked in that moment, but she couldn't feel it. His light wasn't snuffed out by all the dark that surrounded her. His voice was able to reach her in that vast empty space. She knew now what made Lars special to her, what it was about him that calmed her, Lars was like her light.

The blue Gem started to smile as her panic eased, but it didn't last long. Before her eyes, Spinel had outstretched her arms and wrapped them around Lars, pulling him towards herself.

"LARS!" Sodalite screamed, reaching out for him in vain.

"Spinel! Stop this!" Steven pleaded as Pearl made it to his side. "Whatever is wrong with you, Sodalite can fix it!"

"You don't love me like this?!" The pink Gem screeched, her arms coiling around Lars like a snake, causing him to wince in pain the tighter her hold became.

"PLEASE," Sodalite screamed, still too scared to move. The dark fog was spreading fast and around Spinel it felt so dense that Sodalite was afraid to get near. Why was it so concentrated around Spinel? Why did it feel so familiar?

"I'm fine!" Lars shouted, "don't—-mmmph!"

Spinel coiled more of her arm around Lars, wrapping around his neck and his mouth to muzzle him. "Shut up," Spinel stated with a cold stare. "You were useless as a puppet and I don't like toys I can't play with anymore."

Steven was already at his wits end. The girl he loved had somehow become unhinged. She was hurting Lars. She hurt Pearl. How was he supposed to fix this? How was he supposed to help her? "Sp-spinel, you can't keep hurting people. This has to stop!"

Spinel stopped and glanced at Steven, her shoulders beginning to tremble. "Steven—-are you mad?"

"I know this isn't you, Spinel! Something was controlling Lars before," interjected Pearl, pointing her spear at the pink Gem. When Lars was being controlled, the only thing that really hurt him was a blast from her spear. Spinel was sturdier than Lars. It wouldn't hurt as much, but she still had to be careful. "Tell me who you are and what you want!"

"I just want Steven! You people keep getting in my way!" Spinel shouted.

"I-I'm right here! Just put Lars down and we'll talk," tried Steven, attempting to be as calm as possible. "If-if you're not Spinel...can't you...leave her? You can leave her and we can talk..."

"If I leave her you won't love me anymore!" Spinel shouted, clearly getting upset again as she tightened her grip on Lars, forcing a muffled gasp of pain.

"STOP IT!" Sodalite screamed, dropping to her knees as tears flooded her eyes.

"Spinel!" Steven shouted again, "let Lars go! You and I can leave. It will just be you and me, okay? No one else! That's what you want, isn't it?"

Spinel stopped, staring at Steven curiously, "...how do I know that you won't use that Gem once I let him go?" She asked, glancing at Sodalite.

"Steven, what are you doing?" Demanded Pearl in an urgent whisper.

"Sodalite," Steven began, keeping his eyes fixed on Spinel. "This is an order! Don't take any action right now!" He wasn't fond of giving orders, but he had to convince Spinel, or whatever was inside of her, that he wasn't double crossing her. The goal was to get Lars away from her. That's all he could do right now.

Sodalite could barely hear Steven, keeping her eyes fixed on Lars as he struggled to get free. "M-My Steven...I..."

Steven took a few cautious steps forward towards Spinel with an outstretched hand. If this thing inside of Spinel wanted him to love it, that's what he'd do. At least he could pretend, couldn't he? Anything to get it to calm down. "Just come here to me. ...we'll leave together. Just you and me."

"You'll leave with me right now? Only me?"

"Right now," answered Steven quickly, taking a few more steps towards Spinel.

"Steven, you can't-" Pearl made an attempt to reach for him, but a pink wall appeared to block her way. "Steven!"

Spinel smiled, but instead of taking his hand or agreeing to leave, a black tar seemed to seep from the hand she had covering Lars' mouth. It was absorbed into his skin and appeared as dark veins that ran up to his eyes. Before anyone could panic, Lars' eyes began to glow a pure hot white. Seemingly against his will, a power of his had been dragged up and forced out, forming a portal beside them.

"I'm done playing anyway," Spinel huffed before releasing Lars from her grasp and taking Stevens hand instead. Lars' eyes dimmed and his body went limp, Spinel didn't seem to care as she pulled Steven into the portal with her before it vanished and they were gone.

Pearl stood in stunned silence, staring at the air in front of them where the portal had closed, taking her two most important people with it.

While Pearl tried to process what just happened, Sodalite had scrambled to her feet and rushed over to Lars' side, getting back on her knees to loom over him. "L-Lars?! Lars?!" She called once again at a loss for how to treat humans.

"...he's still breathing. ...we'll treat him at the temple..." said Pearl quietly as she approached the two.

Sodalite looked up at Pearl, her tears dripping down onto Lars' chest. "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I couldn't—-she took My Steven because I—"

Pearls eyes were still fixed on where the portal had been. "...whatever that thing is...it's got Spinel and Steven now. We'll find them...drag it out and destroy it."

Sodalite was shocked over how composed Pearl was being, even though she could feel her anxiety and anger. By comparison, Sodalite felt quite useless. If she had done what Pearl ordered right away, Lars wouldn't be hurt like this and Steven would still be here. She couldn't let this happen again. "I-I think...I know what's...inside of Spinel now..."