#so if i dont reblog your stuff its because i wasnt here or because its in the queue :(

[note-boom]

IT'S ABOUT THE POWERLESSNESS OF A CHILD AND YET THE OVERARCHING POWER OF CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES.

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DO YOU HEAR ME THAT'S SO ORV!!!

See here. BSD is a story about how all of our characters were once children. How the scars and wounds and secrets of their past will always haunt them to the present. We see it with Chuuya, Yosano, Ranpo, even Odasaku briefly, Atsushi, Tachihara, Akutagawa, Kyouka and Kenji right now, even Kouyou just a little bit. They've all overcome it or they've allowed it to consume them. And yet that brief glimpse into a past where they were young and scarred shows us once again just how human they are...every criminal, ever person, was once a child wounded by or protected from the world and doesn't that count for something even if it doesn't excuse the atrocities they commit today?

[fishsouper]

sorry for posting so much about the neil gaiman thing im very opinionated but heres my general take on neil gaiman (TW FOR S/A AND SU1C1D3!!!!)

good omens fandom please read this. yall need it

i wanna start with: believe victims. it might not be as bad as it was claimed to be bc the reporter was an anti bdsm terf who considers all bdsm 🍇 (including the bdsm w neil), but there was still clearly manipulation, weaponized power imbalance, and dubious consent. even if it wasnt s/a, it was fucked up. neil did some fucked up things

while we dont know if he actually s/ad those women, neil gaiman is clearly flawed

ive seen time and time again that his fans (specifically the good omens fandom) can get so viciously defensive of him that they refuse to see any flaws he has

as someone who was ruthlessly attacked because of neil, i hesitate to give him the benefit of the doub

when i had just turned 13, id just gotten on tumblr. i was thrilled that good omens season 2 was coming out. i was even more thrilled to see neil gaiman on tumblr. so i sent him an ask where i asked if crowley and aziraphale would kiss. i get why that was annoying. he probably got those asks all the time. but i worded it respectfully, and i was genuinely unaware that he was annoyed by this question

he responded to my ask with a multi paragraph callout post talking about how sick of this question he was. harsh, but not necessarily nefarious

the response wasnt the problem. it was that i got so many hate comments and death threats and people telling me i didnt deserve joy and i was ruining neils life and so many fucking anon "kys" asks that i had to quit tumblr. i tried to apologize to neil, i sent him countless apology asks where i begged him to ask people to stop cyber bullying me, but he never responded. it took years before i was able to communicate to him all the hate id received. his response was a basic "sorry for the miscommunication" and that he wished there was a way to convey tone on the internet (someone said "there is! tonetags!!" and he responded with "i dont like those"). the SAME COMMUNITY who told me to kms was suddenly saying "oh neil your such a saint" (THE TERM SAINT WAS USED MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!) and "this poor ignorant child"

i was a kid and i was bullied off the internet and neil didnt respond to my pleas for forgiveness for almost 2 years. i was also in the most unstable time of my life. i was EXTREMELY suicidal. people telling me to kms deeply affected me

plus he reblogs a ton of "vote blue no matter who" stuff. i dont agree w that statement but i think its okay for people to say if they actively support palestine. but neil gaiman doesnt post about palestine ever other than reblogging posts that say "sure maybe the stuff in palestine is bad but if you dont support biden 100% democracy will crumble!!!" also im pretty sure he never apologized for some older zionist posts

ive seen a lot of stuff where people are saying "hey shhh its okay i see good omens fans getting sad bc of the stuff with neil but its ok!! youre still a good person even if you ignore this issue!!" and like. huh??? i dont think ignoring it makes you evil but its certainly fucked up to not be critical of the media you consume. pretending nothings going on is immature. you all sound like jk rowling fans smh

his general attitude towards fans makes me uncomfortable. ive seen people bare their souls in his asks (all of them start with something along the lines of "oh sir mister gaiman sir i am nothing but a disgusting peon compared to you you saved my life id die for you!!!") and he gives rude cold responses. i mean of course he gets annoyed and of course he gets spam but no one is forcing him to respond to asks. he doesnt seem to care very much??? this doesnt make him a bad person ofcourse but it does give me the ick

summary: even if he didnt s/a those women his fans need to grow up. he is not a pure perfect person. he might not be evil but he makes some extremely damaging choices. hes not a saint and never has been. at the end of the day, hes a rich cishet white man

[year2000electronics]

OK so asking this on anon BC I'm nervous Ahahahaha but I swear I remember someone asking like. Forever ago on your policies on people making like. NSFW stuff of your Y2KVR and HLVRV characters but I could NOT find the post if it exists and did not come to me in a dream so like. Was that. A real thing that happened?

OKAY. so it wasnt those two specifically or like maybe it was but i changed my tune? but my most recent update about NSFW stuff of my characters is that im fine with it as long as its diligently tagged, and i will not reblog anything of it on here because this blog is all-ages. (and i will probably not reblog it anywhere because i dont want to give people any of my alts lol) but like im fine with it existing. show me if you want, if youre shy thats fine, potato tomato

and that DOES extend to those aus ive decided because back in 2020 (i was there!) there was a whole big debacle over whether nsfw of the original video series was Allowed, and both sides were kinda playing telephone with a question asked on-stream off the cuff and stuff? and youd see one side arguing that "the crew is fine with it just dont send it to them" and another arguing that "no, them saying 'its gonna happen anyways' is NOT them saying yes" and a third entirely unrelated party going "WELL THEY SAID ITS ALL BANNED". at the time, i was a minor so i had no skin in the game, and there was also like 20 different arguments breaking out at any given time during that 2020 era. so you can understand that i dont have a fully concrete Canonical Answer on like. the ethics of that whole thing or whatever. because it was not something i was concerned with at the time. COLLECTIVELY there is an agreement though of "dont send anything to the crew or tag the crew in anything" and on that i agree

tldr yeah im fine with it, im a legal adult, dont worry about it

[the-s1lly-corner]

angst m, n, o for pomni and/or gangle pleasee:3

Angst alphabet w/ Pomni (M,N,O)

YEEEEEAAAH ANGST ALPHABET!! i need to do better with promoting my alphabet stuff maybe ill reblog the posts for them every week or so idk.... for those who see this post you can find my alphabet posts linked at the bottom of the grand masterlist post in my pinned! prompts: misery, nightmare, opened notes: reader is GN CWs: grief, mentions of self termination thoughts via letting one abstract on purpose though its not dwelled on for long

MISERY

you had abstracted, and thats as good as being dead in the circus

one day you were here and the next you were a monster... can you blame her for being at least a little in shock after youre sent away by caine?

if she ever manages to pull herself back together, its clear that shes going to be changed forever by your absence- and its going to take a while for her to pretend to be fine

if she doesnt, and if she lets herself spiral, shes just going to abstract too

she wouldnt be lying if she said that idea seemed desirable, though

she would if she wasnt so scared, though

sometimes she stops by your door to talk to you, even though she knows shes never going to get an answer in return

shes angry with the situation, this isnt fair- you and her didnt know what you were getting into when you put your headsets on

the idea that you have family out in the real world who will never see you again, and will never know what happened to you only fuels her rage

at least it gives her motivation to get out, even if the chances of her finding your family is low

NIGHTMARE

she somtimes gets nightmares every now and then, much like the one she has in episode 2

they dont happen every night, but when she does have them she doesnt seek you out... youre sleeping, and she doesnt want to bother you

unless the two of you are sleeping in the same bed, shes going to leave you alone

and even then, being in the same bed doesnt mean all that much

you can ask her to talk about her dream, but shes going to gently reassure you that shes fine and theres nothing to worry about

with enough time to let her dreams wear her down, though, shes eventually going to spill to you

she doesnt exactly want comfort, she knows its not going to help all that much

so, offering a distraction may be best... you two typically end up staying in bed and just making small talk

OPENED

she doesnt do it maliciously, she doesnt even do it to try to win the argument... it just comes out, before she can stop the words from coming out but just because she didnt really mean to, it doesnt make the fact she hurt you any less apparent

she doesnt double down, instead she tries to backtrack- whatever the two of you were arguing about doesnt even mean anything to her anymore, she wants to undo what was done right now

she gives you time to collect yourself when it becomes clear that you need time, she gives one last "sorry" before giving you space

shes beside herself and shes disgusted with herself for using your insecurities and secrets against you in the argument, the moment you show some sign of being ready to talk shes going to let you know how horrible she feels for hurting you

she makes it clear that she didnt mean to hurt you, and shes going to do anything to prove that shes being honest

its going to take some time for the tenseness and awkwardness to fade away, but pomni is dedicated to making things work... though, thats not her call here is it?

[rbtlvr]

nvm im Not done but this is less me being Salty And Vague and more just. my thoughts on spoilers in general so its fine thumbsup

comes back after writing the whole thing. oops this got Really Long. woe read more be upon ye

anyway. i saw someone in the tags of that post saying its abt choice, that you have the option to CHOOSE whether or not to be spoiled on something, and like! yeah! exactly! like personally there is not much that Genuinely Triggers me but if i mentioned to a friend that i was thinking about getting into a particular piece of media, and they knew that piece of media had smth in it that would really really upset me, i would want to know

but otherwise i want to experience it for myself and it feels really... rude? i guess? when people spoil stuff for others just because they can. like. not talking abt reblogging stuff for media ages after it came out untagged, or reblogging stuff just after a thing came out and tagging it as spoilers and then someone sees it because they didnt blacklist anything. im talking about walking up to someone and going 'oh. youre interested in this piece of media? well did you know that [massive spoiler]?' its just rude!

and like. i can still enjoy media if i know what happens. its not a case of 'ohhh well i guess you never reread books or replay games or whatever' liek? yeah? i do??? theres SO many things ive gone through again but i still prefer to go into it the first time blind!

like ghost trick is a REALLY good example, if i had gone in knowing [redacted spoiler] i still would have enjoyed the game. but it would have SO MUCH taken away from that First Time Experience where i got to figure it out for myself. where i got to go into the discord and say oh my god this sounds absolutely batshit but heres my theory and im gonna lose it if im right

and then getting to go in a few hours later and go HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT? HOLY SHTI? HOLY SHIT?

like. i said i wasnt gonna be vague but literally just one (1) thing i prommy. it feels so... idk. condescending maybe. for op of that post to act like people who dont want spoilers are dumber, or dont enjoy media in the 'right way', or dont analyze media ever, or dont enjoy going through media a second time, or only like stupid bad media for idiots, or or or etc

thats such a huge generalization and sure maybe some of it is true for some people! theres definitely people out there who only like watching a movie once and lose interest once they know what happens! but does that? make them dumb??? or lesser??? like???

and if anything. not being spoiled ENHANCES a second go through for me. like ghost trick example again. i havent played it a second time myself (i want to eventually, but im at college and for spoiler related reasons i can only play it when im at home for my own emotional health), but i have gone and watched other people play it because i love seeing other people get that first time experience too. and the amount of foreshadowing for that one spoiler is WILD. ITS EVERYWHERE. AND IT RULED TO GO BACK THROUGH IT A SECOND TIME AND SEE ALL OF THAT AND GO HOLY SHIT IT WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME

and for the isat spoiler i got spoiled going in for, i still got to do that, just the first time i played. i still got that 'holy shit its so obvious all the pieces are there' experience, but without the joy of getting to figure it out for myself.

i like figuring out shit for myself! i LOVE a good mystery, i love putting together puzzle pieces and seeing the picture come together, i love being proven right and hell i even love being proven wrong (though. not quite as much LMAO). and im good at it, i think! i genuinely do like that about myself, and i like getting to use that skill! a lot!

so like. i dont... understand people acting like someone not wanting to be spoiled is just not engaging with media fully. i think i am? like i said in my tags of the last post i make a sweeping gesture to the 7934058903 posts on my blog where i overanalyze LITERALLY every single line and moment loop has, ever, lmaofjdsklfjldks

taz balance is another REALLY big one i point to as a 'the first and the second go through are SO VERY different and its SO great to get to have both' like. again, the foreshadowing is woven in SO well, in many cases completely unintentionally (there are so many times when the players accidentally foreshadowed something and i KNOWWWWW griffin was sitting there trying so very very hard not to say anything or laugh. or times in the first few arcs when griffin foreshadowed something that hadnt even been planned out yet!)

and ive listened to the whole thing like. three times, i think? at least three times. and its LONG. AND I HAVE ADHD. SO THAT SHOULD SAY SOMETHING ALKFJDLKSJFLKD

like. idk. getting spoiled on a big twist wont ruin the experience if the piece of media is good, thats true. getting spoiled on that one thing in isat very much didnt ruin it for me! i loved the game so much even going in with that spoiler! but theres a difference between ruining the experience and lessening it. and it doesnt make anyone lesser or wrong or dumb to not want that. shrugs

[lucid-daydreaming-archive]

intro post whoopee!!!

hi guys im lucid :D you can also call me daylin i don’t really care but i may be like woah how do you know my name (i will forget about making this post 2 seconds after posting it) also I AM AN ADULT im 23 and i do not use pronouns just use my name pleaseeeeeee if you have a disability that makes words hard to process i understand if that’s difficult you can just use they/them instead

i am part of the zodiac system! however this is MY blog. alters may speak on here if they absolutely must but this blog is mine and belongs to me!

first off just getting this out there if youre proship, zoo, pedo, incest supporter, endo system supporter, any kind of discriminatory against protected minority groups, and anti-otherkin, shoo. dont want you here youre not welcome. bye bye my content isnt for you.

immmmm an infp-t 4w5 sanguine-melancholic existential-intrapersonal-visual learner seer of heart prospit dreamer true neutral rogue shifter airbender and dragon type trainer for all you personality label freaks

i like to DRAW!!!!! this is an art blog!!!! i will only post art here, all of my reblogs will be on @rigormortisorwhatever save for the posts my close friends make that i want to support here. sometimes i will post just text but thats only if i really need to let you guys known something or im answering a question

my commissions are OPEN!!!!!!!! dm me for commission info im too lazy and busy to make a sheet

if my requests are closed that means theyre closed dont ask me to draw shit please and thank you

im AUTISTIC i am on that mf spectrum been diagnosed since i was three. for me this means im not naturally fluent in social norms or what’s expected from an interaction or how to read others very well. i am also horribly inept at understanding boundaries so please if you are to set one with me give me an explanation as to why or else i freak out. i also have heavy special interests and find it really hard to turn the conversation away from something im fixating on or specially interested in. i also have extremeeeee sensory issues and a hard time being completely flexible when im comfortable in a routine so just be patient with me man adjustments are hard for me. my empathy is also extremely low and im a really really high masking person so if i come off as well versed or allistic just know that i either took a million years to format the right way to say things or i am entirely going off a predetermined script and will fumble if caught off guard. other important stuff ive got adhd bpd cptsd and major depressive disorder which all those combined makes me really flaky when it comes to responding or follow through. i may not reply to you for like 500 years or maybe i will be gods speediest most motivated soldier. just don’t expect me to be a readily available fully capable robot ok?? ok.

uuueeehhhmmm my special interests are pokemon, homestuck, geography, taxonomy, my ocs, ikea, and personality psychology. i guess i also am specially interested in dragons because i like and think about them more than all of the above and have to incorporate them into everything but its less of an ill infodump to you interest and more of an i want to be surrounded by this thing because it brings me extreme comfort because it feels like me.

i am otherkin im a dragon and i look like this:

i will also represent myself like this if im feeling it:

yes i know i am not actually a physical dragon and im not a spiritual kinner i kin for identity purposes and the fact that i feel some pretty intense crippling species dysphoria idk ive been like this since i was 5 i don’t really have memories of my life where i wasnt experiencing animalistic behaviors and instincts

my favorite music artists are s3rl twenty øne piløts nine inch nails muse onerepublic thefatrat glass animals ajr the living tombstone romanceplanet basshunter and italobrothers my favorite medias are the httyd movies pokemon homestuck rick and morty invader zim infinity train gravity falls rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead doctor who my little pony fim dont starve and the mcelroy brothers content

heres some more characters i represent myself as:

ok BYE

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey cas, so this just happened and im so pissed abt it.

So me and my brother both have tumblr right. When he first got it i was the one who helped him set it up bc i convinced him to get it. I asked to follow him and he was fine with it and i told him specifically not to follow me or look at my posts bc anything i put on tumblr i either tell him, show him, or dont want him to know. He didnt follow me bc hes a pretty good brother (if this somehow gets back to him, i didnt say that).

Anyway, today i was talking to him about my tumblr with my dad in the room, and he asked what my tumblr username was. I said i dont remember its just a keyboard smash (its not. But i put stuff on here about my sh and things like that. Plus i talk about me being gay and my dad thinks me talking about being gay at all is "making it my whole personality") he said he didnt like that i was "keeping secerts" like what?? So he was a bit annoyed and then my brother a little while later showed me something on HIS tumblr (an out of context comment that i knew the context of) under the table (it wasnt bad we were just doing something else with our family and he didnt want to draw attention to it) my dad got annoyed and asked to see it and then started looking through all of my btlrothers notes (this could genuinely have been a mistake. My brother was accessing the comments from all of his notes and my dad pressed back thinking it would take him to the post the comments were on) then my mom asks to see it and i offer to put it to the post but instead of wanting to see the post she goes to my brothers account. She started going through EVERYTHING his posts, his LIKES, his dash, his messages (he luckily didn't have any, but she tried) his following, and then she went through their accounts. She saw he reblogged the amtrack official and started going through that account. All while my brother was begging her to give him his phone back (not because he had anything secretive but because this was WEIRD) plus she kept laughing at certain things she thought were 'cute' like how his description is something funny about how times new roman is the best font. Then she went through his notes where i was a frequent liker and had commented on a few posts. I even reblogged one and said "hey this is my brother check him out he's funny" and i was terrified she would start doing the same with my account which is fucking terrifying to me bc of what i post and the she would ask to see everything else bc my posts are way more 'concerning' than my brothers.

It felt like such an invasion of privacy bc tumblr is literally anonymous, and that's part of the appeal for my brother and me.

Im worried to show her memes on my dash now. Im worried to show her things that excite me or a tumblr i was planning on making about my baking that i wouldve showed her the entire thing, but then she would probably get to my main account somehow. Idk it felt so weird and wrong, and she was laughing while me and my brother were very obviously upset by it.

I can definitely see why you were upset. THis is like a parent reading a diary, it's not okay at all. You deserve privacy, especially since you didn't do anything wrong! Like it's not like she found out you were doing something illegal and searched your phone for that reason. It's frustrating, because when parents do things like this it makes kids not trust them.

If you feel like you have the relationship with her to tell her it upset you, you should tell her that. But if not, then just know that I think you have a right to be upset. <3

[doll-pparts]

what courtney love means to me, and why shes so important to me:

courtney has always stood for the exact opposite of what she's supposed to.

im gonna be really fucking vulnerable in this post and talk about what courtney means to me, why shes such an important figure in my life, and why i just feel like she gets me. tws here: suicide, self-harm, abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault, mental abuse. brief mentions, nothing in depth.

i endured some fucked up shit as a kid, stuff i wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy. ive watched my mother try to kill herself. i got the shit beat out of me as a kid, i watched my mom get the shit beat out of her, i was sexually assaulted.

when i found hole, early this year, i had just got out of one of the worst relationships ever. i needed a change, and i needed it fast. i told myself i wasn't going to be walked all over anymore. i told myself i was done putting up a front of being nice and sweet, because deep down i knew i wasnt.

i discovered hole, i started deep diving on courtney because then the only reason i knew about her was because of kurt. and i fell in love.

i finally realized my potential. i started sticking my for myself more, when back then i only stood up for others. i started to realize that i liked being a bitch. i enjoyed making everyone else fucking uncomfortable because i was loud and i took up space and i stood up for myself and others.

courtney inspired me so much that i started writing songs again. at the time i hadnt written songs since i was a kid, like. a LITTLE kid. but i started writing again.

ive written two songs inspired by courtney or hole songs. one is inspired by softer, softest and its titled wood. its about my childhood, and its about childhood abuse. specifically being whipped with a paddle. a repeating line in it is "pee girl gets the wood" because every time my disability caused me to wet the bed, i would get paddled.

another is about courtney and how she inspired me, how i interpreted the song babydoll to be about girl that courtney couldnt stand because she put up a nice girl front, and how i was sick and fucking tired of being babydoll. i was fucking done with being babydoll. i used to be quiet, i used to just go along with everything everyone did. but not anymore. i am not going to be babydoll once again, i will forever be the violent bitch i am now.

one of the lines in it refrences the "i want every girl in the world to pick up a guitar and start screaming" quote, saying "courtney i listned to you/i picked up a guitar and now im screaming/i wish you could tell me where to go/i dont know where to go from here."

i relate to courtney on so many levels. she gets me. i almost lost one of my (now ex) boyfriends to suicide last year, i still wet the bed because of my disability, and i was the pee girl. i was the girl that smelled like piss every fucking day. i have an awful mother, my dad was never there.

courtney taught me how to be a fucking bitch and every day i become more and more thankful for her. courtney love taught me how to say no. courtney love is for the girls with violent moodswings. courtney love taught me how to love the dark parts of myself. courtney taught me how to hold my own hand, she taught me how to put on my best sunday dress and walk proudly through all my messes.

you can be a disaster and be beautiful. you will walk through flames with your head held high. you will live through this too, you have to. prove everyone wrong, not right. dont give up on yourself, be a fucking bitch.

reblog this with what courtney means to you PLEASE tell me in depth what she means to you i want to know.

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[simp4konig]

okay, a couple questions

1: favourite song?

2: favourite movie/show?

3: idk anything else you want me to know-

Okay 😋😋 saw this immediately but didnt have time in the morjning to respond ☹️ SORRY !!!!

1. I have more than one 🥵

I dont expect you to listen to all of these btw !! 😰😰Dont waste your time if you dont ijow tjem, 😭🙏 :

So yeah, basically I play all these songs^^^ on repeat 💀☠️☠️ Drift Phonk is SO good 💯💯😎even tjo its bass boosted cowbells with some. Percussion 🤓🤓☝️ i think its rlly good lol

Also have some rap/pop songs that are in Polish that im NOT gonna include here bc its not like youll understand a word of whay theure saying 😱😱😱

2. LOVEEEEE "Money Heist/La Casa de Papel " it's made me cry twice🥰💔💔om the fifth episode of the last season because my favourite character died😞

I watch True Crime documentaries and just documentaries abt the internet😇😇 My favs for each category respectively: "Don't F**k With Cats" + "The Most Hated Man on The Internet (i think its called anyeays lmaoo)

Also like watching classic films. Idk, i dont like tje stuff that comes out nowadays 🤕 so any blockbusters from the 80s–10s i LOVE 🤩🤩

3. Random information:

Natural blonde, with GRAY-blue eyes (because my eyesight is bad so the colour in my eyes has faded, 🥲 — so obv. I wear glasses😔its sad bc my eyes were ocrsn blue and now look metallic 🤖)

My handwriting is god-awfulm, like ILLEGIBLE😭😭😭 its sn insult to the paper honestly 💀💀you should see ky school books my notes are so messy ajd sll over the place i feel bad for the teachers that mark my exams/assessments😰

Currently reading the Harry Potter books (up to the fifth film, but i thought i should also read the books to compare😊), and im on the fourth novel — Its so THICK and im svared bc my good friend that's lendijg me these said that the next one is the longest 🤯 i might just kms 🙂🔫

I have a cat figurine collection 😱😱 I visit charity shops with my mum (mostly outvof obligation 😵), but we sometimes get lucky and founf ones out of porcelain, glass/crystal, carved in wood, etc 😽🐈🐈‍⬛😺

You know old ladies that wear flower patterns🌸🌺🌷 and middle-aged moms in their late 30s/40s tjay wear cheetsh /leopard print🐆🐆 ? Well im that but as a Gen z girl with an obsession with camo print LMAO,, I have a camo backpack, cargo camo print pants, camo leggings, camo tshirt, camo hat, even fuckijg csmo pencil case LMAO💀💀💀 I WOULD have had a camo phne case too but there wasnt the one i wanted for ky phone...💔💔So Idk i rock (horribly😵) an army fit so whem i CAN i go out in combat boots, cargoes+belt, black or darkgrey tshirt/turtleneck tucked into my cargos, fingerless gloves etc. 😙✌️✨✨✨

If you would like to leanr more, check out this post !!☺️✨✨(well reblog actuslly hahaha)

Tried to include new informwtion aboit myself here so i didjt repeat anytjing 😇, Hope i didnt bore you😰😰😰

[syrupspinner]

Hi Zigzag!!!! Would just like to ask since you're such a gamer, what's your favorite genre of games to play? (And have you played Citizen Sleeper? I just started playing it today because of a friend x3)

hello beloved mutual autisticnari! i adore citizen sleeper, i go into my thoughts about its writing and gameplay here (the last paragraph spoils some quests).

i have pretty diverse tastes when it comes to gaming. i can only think of a few genres that i dont care for, like beat em ups or puzzle games (ive reblog patricia taxxon's writing on the genre, this doesnt include 'riddle games'). still, here are a few i find myself playing the most often!

Roguelike the perfect combination of "i know exactly what to expect" and "different every time" to keep me engaged while making my autism tingle. if you spy on me with a crystal ball 9/10 times im gonna be doing a run while listening to video essay or pirating aqua teen hunger force on my other monitor

Metroidvania this together with roguelike figuratively makes about 95% of the indie market. the longest games take about 20 hours if youre taking your time, which is a pretty perfect length for a video game adventure. plus i just love the palpable growth your character goes through, its like if leveling up wasnt just numbers

Strategy RPG ive only recently started rekindling my love for the genre but oh what a love it is. i love moving little dudes around a map and slowly wiping everything out with teamwork and creative ability use and ooooough its good stuff. im not gonna show a steam screenshot cuz im kinda embarrassed by how few real srpg games i own on pc, so ill just show you this

(Detective) VNs i have 100%'d every zero escape game, every danganronpa game, and every somnium files game. i will purchase every Too Kyo game once i have an income big enough to justify a $20 purchase without giving me a looming sense of gnawing dread. hypnospace outlaw and paradise killer are some of my favorite games of all time, and the only thing keeping me from saying the same about the silver case games is that i refuse to play a suda51 game without paying the man and im a cheap bitch.

Rhythm/Music what do you expect me to say about this, i listen to a funny song and hit a funny button

Special Mention: Action this is one of those tags thats like 'roleplaying' or 'adventure', in that its so applicable its basically meaningless. but im talking about a specific kind of action where its brutal, fast-paced, violent, flashy and stylish. neon white, hotline miami, katana zero, furi, pizza tower, ultrakill, that kinda thing. if it at all makes you think "this was built to cater to speedrunners but people who speedrun this are fucking insane" then ill dig it

thank you for the ask! i loooooooove sharing my opinions and talking about games and showing off my gaming achievements and ehehehe gamer gamer gamer

[anthraxplus]

forgive me for writing so much about tumblr but i have a lot of thoughts

here's the thing about tumblr. i've found it interesting how we continue to call our profiles our "blogs" even though they function differently to the common idea of a blog (like livejournal). but in a way, calling our profiles our blogs makes sense. they're our place to post things we've made or repost content we like. it's more personal than twitter, which has an "information" or "discourse" lens applied to it. the focus on twitter has increasingly been to encourage sharing of information (i.e news or opinions). tumblr's focus has always (afaict) been to encourage sharing of our creations, kinda lumping blogging in there as "self expression" or something to that effect. technically speaking, artists should be more at home on tumblr than on twitter.

but people using their blog as ONLY a blog (no reblogs, just their thoughts or creations - like a livejournal) are in the minority on this site, right? make no mistake, i follow tons of artists who use their blog in a very focused way, but mostly we're all reblogging other people's posts, putting their art on our blogs and riffing in the tags on people's jokes. it is very much a site of Content, Things To Share. the fact that we can blog on here almost feels oddly secondary. but, ok. tumblr is a site for people to post their creations/content, and said content finds an audience through being discovered or reblogged.

so why is it so damn hard to find anything?

like, ok, obviously we can do that. type words into the search bar and you will definitely find posts. but dont you often wonder why the hell some posts showed up in your search and others didnt?

you're telling me filtering searches by top posts of all time isnt showing me the post that has this exact string of text (+- punctuation), but is showing me posts that... have those words in them, scattered, and sometimes not even that exact word ("piss" vs "pissing")?

what about when you try to search for a word or phrase that you KNOW is on a blog in some post, but searching for it brings up NOTHING? i just had to deal with this when searching someone's blog for a specific post i had just seen on my dash - i can only imagine tumblr told me no such post existed because it wasnt tagged with that word.

and all of this feels so obviously wrong, right? even without tags, we should be able to search for words or phrases in a more reliable way on both the site and our blogs. i dont think im alone in the thought that the search function is almost useless - even if it gives me what im looking for sometimes, it can be a struggle, and mostly it just doesnt feel worth it. this is how we can keep ourselves in insular circles and struggle to break out of them. it is literally easier to do this than it is to find new shit.

so, yknow, staff isnt wrong when they say this:

tumblr does need growth, but not necessarily by attracting new users (though, idk, i wouldn't mind that). tumblr needs internal growth. this site is stuck in the early 2010s in a way that is baffling to me, and it has continuously failed to adapt to its userbase's needs in a way that honestly doesnt make sense, and when they do change something, it just ends up causing more strife between staff and users.

so, for example: tumblr needs money to keep functioning, obviously. the common practice is to have ads on the site. but oops, the ads suck and everyone hates them. ok, allow users the option to pay to get rid of ads. but oops, a lot of people dont want to give money to the site that continuously breaks itself (among many other complaints). ok, meet users in the middle and allow them to pay to advertise their stuff - this should be, like, the perfect mix of everything, right? being able to advertise your content on the content site? but oops, this is only a good option because finding new content is so goddamn hard that random people shoving their posts onto your dash is the only remaining viable option. when you have to rely on pure chance/luck for your posts to even be found, even when you do everything in your power to increase their visibility, you're not gonna want to stay here.

i feel like addressing the search function should be the staff's top priority before they implement anything else. we need to be able to find content on the content site. i think thats pretty obvious. once it works the way it already should have, then they can worry about what comes after. i think people feel this animosity with staff because we're struggling to continue to use this site while they struggle to find ways to get money out of us. i think if people felt they could actually use tumblr in the way it intuitively feels like it should be used, that kind of animosity would be more rare*. but until we get that, any change to the site is going to feel wrong.

fwiw though, i'm glad to see staff say that the site basically doesn't work. like. goddamn. took them long enough. i just hope (probably baselessly) that their acknowledgement of this issue will lead to some fixes that benefit the foundational usage of the site.

*yes, there is animosity towards staff for other reasons - like, yknow, how innocuous selfies of trans women get flagged as "mature" (among other things) - but that's an issue of culture/enforcement and not necessarily the raw function of the site, so i feel like it's best suited for a different post

tl:dr PLEASE FIX THE FUCKING SEARCH FUNCTION, IT NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO BE THIS BAD AND I THINK ITS ISSUES HAVE BEEN A MAJOR REASON FOR TUMBLR'S STEADY DECLINE

[florenceisfalling]

if i spend money on tumblr products its not because i have some fucking moral imperative to tumblr its because 1.) im allowed to buy myself a little treat and encouraging intense scrupulosity over like four bucks is bananas 2.) i would like this site to not fucking die seeing as it is the home of my growth as an artist and individual over the past 4+ years

yes they are owned by a corporation but that corporation would love to trim off any excess that loses them money and currently this site is making very little money

i understand feeling upset that people are spending money on a little png on this website but consider for a fucking second that its not about the damn crabs or whatever

its a bunch of people who are scared they are going to lose their primary online platform - which, if you're going to pull up the stupid morality discourse, fun fact! a lot of disabled people who are bound to their homes or beds really need the social circle they have here - and are grasping at straws to try and help the platform stay in existence

i understand that some of you arent as online but gen fucking srs stop acting like everybody can just step away from the computer and be exactly perfectly fine and cool if this site implodes. think of every piece of artwork, writing, animation, etc. that exists here. this site has contributed more than most things to my relationship with the person im engaged to!!!!!!

and all of you who log on to complain about people giving money to tumblr literally wouldnt have anywhere else to 1. complain 2. post your shit 3. ask for donations if it wasnt for tumblr dot com so!!!

i hate how this site is run i hate the bias in moderation i hate all the dumb fucking updates i am furious constantly too!!! but what are the other options??? "make your own website" and promote it/share it where? "use mastodon" and convince every single friend i have here to do the same?? "why dont you try ____" well you see i have literally tens of thousands of posts&reblogs id have to move over/archive for that. "just go offline" thats not a feasible option for people!!!!!! for real!!!!

edit im not even saying buying stuff is going to make a difference . im saying stop fucking calling it bootlicking when someone wants to not lose a decade of media to a site crashing

[steviecrowdude]

This is something more personal to me, so people can reblog it but like, keep in mind that this is soemthing im being vulnerable about, but i really wish, that it wasnt expected of me as someone who is asexual, that i would be fine with being around sex.

Now do not get me wrong here, i am all about being allowed to express yourself and be open about your sex life and explore and be happy. I think that that is a wonderful thing. I dont think that stigmas around sex are a good thing.

That being said, i need people to understand and be fine with sex repulsed aces who do not want sex to be apart of their life.

Lets take me for example, i am perfectly fine hearing people express joy in finding someone attractive, or wearing kink stuff, or just like, being open about that, im fine being around that, but im also not in any way comfortable with like "bringing water bottles to an orgy" or whatever.

Im not comfortable around sex. It makes me anxious. When it comes into my personal bubble i feel like boundaries are being crossed.

That does not mean i think sex is bad, something to be ashamed of, something to hide, it just means i do not want to interact with it.

I just want, to see a balance, of aces who are able to express themselves and be interested in sex and kink, and of aces like me, who do not want to interact with sex at all.

I guess i just wanted to put this out there because im tired of feeling like im the worst for not wanting to read smut, or feeling like shit for being uncomfortable when comforts i connect to are made sexual.

I am open for people to talk about this though, maybe i have some underlying issues with sex that make me like this, but i genuinely dont think that people should be shamed or demonized for not wanting something in their life.

Edit: when i say all this, also keep in mind that its complex as well, when i say i dont like sex in my bubble, i dont mean that as an overall thing, like, an example i can think of where it didnt bother me as much was Castlevania, and that was because it drove the plot and i hadnt projected onto those characters. (This is also where i mean that its personal to me and may just be a me thing)

[chilope]

re: dogwhistles everywhere: ok, but also there is a wave of statements to the tune of "oh, you say [real aspect of the ongoing ethnic cleansing]? what bullshit lie, you are obviously only saying that bc you believe in [antisemitic dogwhistle]".

i dont. care? like. okay. im going to get on a box real quick and then not talk about this at all anymore.

israel is doing an ethnic cleansing. thats bad. israeli nationism is bad. us support for israel is bad. as us citizens, we have an obligation to oppose our governments support for israel. we have an obligation to call our representatives, to protest, to vote for politicians who will fight back. nothing that anyone says on tumblr about anything that is happening matters at all even a little bit. real time updates about the war crimes dont stop the war crimes from happening. long posts about israels right to exist dont stop the war crimes from happening either.

im frustrated both by the antisemitic dogwhistles and by the jews on this site who insist on making really long posts about how people are being mean to jews as a result of the war crimes. like, antisemitic tumblr posts arent in the same hemisphere as an ethnic cleansing, it feels gross and unnecessary to focus on it. but also, we live here!!

like. this isnt important. im gonna start with that. in the grand scheme of things its just not important. but the little circle of people who exist 1 or 2 degrees from me on tumblr is so chock fucking full of bald antisemitism its mind boggling to me. and it just sits there, all the time, completely unchallenged and unchecked. its normal, its fine, its good even. and then the conflict gets out of hand again and i sit here and watch a bunch of people that i like and respect hold hands with antisemites and talk about how bad israel is. and theyre right!! israel is bad!!

so on the one hand you have a bunch of people saying that the ethnic cleansing isnt happening, or is fine actually, or talking about it is antisemitic. and theyre wrong, and i want them to stop, and also nothing they say matters. but most importantly, i dont actually know them. i dont interact with anyone who says that stuff. i know theyre out there, ive seen screenshots of their posts. but they arent holding hands with anyone i care about.

on the other hand, you have a bunch of people who hate jews, who openly hate jews, who have hated jews for years, who have openly stated they dont want jews to exist, who keep sneaking antisemitic dogwhistles into anti-israeli posts. and theyre getting reblogged by people i like. and again, nothing they say matters. none of these posts impacts actual policy or public sentiment in literally any way. it just doesnt matter!

the only thing that gets impacted by any of this is the the willingness of the people i associate with to tolerate ethnic cleansing apologism (a thing that i have not seen happen) or antisemitism (a thing i have watched happen in real time over the last few years).

so one post slipped through. one. i reblogged *one* post about antisemitism.

like. i *get* that it doesnt fucking matter. some guy on tumblr making a post about how jews should be exterminated isnt on the same level of anything as an actual, literal genocide. it isnt even on the same level as anti-black hiring discrimination, or police violence, or homophobia. but man it sucks that a bunch of my friends are friends with that guy! wish that wasnt true! wish i didnt have to see his posts because people still think hes so cool and insightful!

but it doesnt matter, it really doesnt, and neither do the "actually you only oppose israel because youre antisemitic!" posts. its all just a bunch of powerless angry people yelling at each other to feel better. it doesnt accomplish anything. call your senator, donate to palestinian relief, start a fight with your uncle over thanksgiving.

and leave me alone. that too.

[sungjinhos]

if you truly understood what i said you would know that you are the exception. if you scroll through whatever fandom tags right now you would see sooooooo many x reader fics atop actual fandom content (graphics, updates, gifs, text posts, discussions, etc). as ive said, its intrusive thats why people are mad. if you say you tag differently then dont take their hate personally

i don't take it personally and i am truly not angry over this,

but the funny thing is - fanfiction has and i am afraid will always be a big part of fandom content, and how you try to create a division between fanfiction and actual fandom content is funny to me because even when i was 14/15 in mcfly fandom (lol) fanfiction was huge enough to have it own site in portuguese/brazilian only authors.

it may not be your cup of tea but it is one of its backbone

i do enjoy other types of contents and you might see me reblog a lot of stuff

but in here especially is always the whole gif/graphic/everything non writters going on about notes/tags when the truth is writers are just doing their own thing man

again in my post it was just funny to me bc op also writers +18 content so it wasnt even about tags/disclaimers/read mores - it was just a personal stab at reader inserts - and again everyone can have it own preferences, and build its own community just don't shit other people

like it would be funny if i - who prefers and lean more on the romantic comedy plot of things starts to shit people who write more kinky stuff, like we are doing in the end the same thing, why should it bothers me?

and again about the tagging system - you can always go to your fav blog and start doing a follow spree in their reblogs; is how i find ppl who i like gifs/graphics etc; it may be intrusive but again, it is part of the fandom experience and it will always will be because some people like writting and expressing themselves in that format